#the developing feelings for someone who is (or should have been at least) unattainable

[clown-eating-pig]

Do you guys ever have a headcanon that you believe in soooooooo much like so deeply and it’s absolutely real and true to you, but if asked why you would simply have to shrug and shuffle your feet a bit?

[ceilidho]

Do you have any advice on doing a character study for a character before writing them? Stuff like how they’d act/respond 👁👄👁

haha it's quite tricky, I won't lie! it's definitely one of the things I struggle with the most (writing really well-rounded and defined characters). Here are a couple things that I do, but keep in mind that I'm reeaaalllyyyy not an expert on this. I'm still learning so much about characterization every day.

If you're writing fanfiction, watch or read the source material as much as possible, until you can almost hear the way the character sounds in your head. Take time to understand things like their accent and how they speak (do they talk a lot or very little? do they use slang or enunciate everything? do they speak quickly or slowly?). Here, you just want to concentrate on the cadence of their speech / their speech patterns. If they speak plainly or use lots of proverbs or turns of phrases, that sort of thing. If you have that down, you've honestly done half the work. Even I often reread my work and go "fuck, all of these people SOUND the same even though they're saying different things".

This is harder if you're not writing fanfiction and have to create your own universe, but regardless of whether you're writing for an existing IP or your own 'verse, I think understanding your character's cultural and religious background is so crucial to developing them. It's a big part of the lens through which they see the world, whether consciously (if they're a very religious character for example, or raised in a specific country) or subconsciously (for example, I grew up catholic so I relate to the world through that lens, even though I'm not a religious person - it just heavily informed me in my childhood years). For this Bear story, I had to do a bit of research around Baptist theology because I knew Bear would be a religious character (whether or not he's struggling with that religion) and it would heavily inform how he sees the world around him. I listened to some sermons, talked to someone with a Baptist background, and also thought about how that background with tie into his desire to have a family).

Pick like 3-5 words that you think best describe your character and just write them down somewhere. I've never been very successful when I make huge character sheets for my characters or try to write a super detailed background for them, so I try to give myself a bit of grace and be brief about it. You can always expand on it going forward. Like for someone like Bear, I might pick: family-oriented, religious (Christian), gruff, and scrupulous. You can also do this in the reverse way and try to think of what they're not (same example with Bear, I might go: conniving, hedonistic, flighty, and optimistic LMAO). This is a nice way to put like, boundaries around your character.

In the framework of your story, try to pick a trajectory for your character, or a goal. At least have one, but you could have a couple. If they're directionless, that works too! But they should want something or aspire to be something. This counts even if they think that thing they want is beyond them or unattainable - it's still a want/goal pushing them forward. This can also be an unconscious goal by the way -> like a very hedonistic character that likes to party who's slowly getting worn down from that life and doesn't even realize they want to settle down, or vice versa! Someone who feels trapped in their mundane life but thinks that's what's expected of them. The character doesn't have to know they want this goal.

Fatal flaws. This is a big one. What is something that might get in the way of them achieving their goal or might influence how they get it? Easiest way to think of this is just looking at the 7 deadly sins (soooo corny, but it's a good place to start). Characters are never perfect, so give them a reason to struggle.

And honestly lastly? Trial and error, baby. Take your vaguely defined character and figure out what you want them to achieve (whether or not they get it is beside the point), and then work out how they might go about achieving that. If they'd run full throttle towards it because they think they deserve it or whether they'd fight it every step of the way because they either don't think they want it or don't think they deserve it.

I'm sorry if this is very messy!! It also totally depends on you as a writer. When I try to make "character background sheets", it gives me anxiety and I end up not following through with my writing versus when I try to keep it brief and just dive into the writing and slowly change things and edit as I write. But maybe a sheet works best for you!

[alissonbear-ker]

Virgson ABO Universe Part 5

This chapter is inspired by the omega Alisson-centric fic I'm sticking with you written by the gloriously talented @somethingchanged244. I love the dynamics between her Jurgen and Alisson. Please read it if you haven’t! The way she writes omega Alisson is perfection.

Ali has never harboured romantic feelings for any of his teammates before. Well, before Virgil that is. That is not to say he has never had a crush on someone on the team. Yes, our Ali might have a thing for his very alpha, very unattainable manager, Jurgen Klopp.

Just because Ali has a crush doesn’t mean he has done anything about it, or even intends to. His career is thriving and to throw it away because he thinks his alpha manager is hot is stupid. Ali is able to control himself, thank you very much. Besides, just imagining the mockery he (and Jurgen) will be subjected to if news of this ever gets out to the wrong ears is enough to put to bed any fantasies Ali has ever had about Jurgen.

It doesn’t stop Ali from indulging in extra long, extra tight hugs with the big German alpha though. He loves Jurgen’s scent. He once shyly requested for one of Jurgen’s jerseys under the guise of not wanting to wear his own goalie jersey for a celebratory party with the team, then conveniently forgot to return it. It’s in the back of his wardrobe. He doesn’t wear it or take it out because it would be really awkward and embarrassing to explain if anyone ever finds out.

Jurgen is very fond of Ali, perhaps a bit too fond. Jurgen is no fool and he is well aware of the consequences should he ever do anything about his feelings. The age difference and the power imbalance in their relationship effectively means he will always have to keep this to himself. Jurgen is old and he’s used to being alone. Ali is a young and beautiful omega who has plenty of opportunities to find a good alpha.

It is easy enough for Jurgen to tell himself that, because during his first few years at the club, Ali religiously takes his heat suppressants and scent blockers, and it is almost seems like the goalie is going to remain single and unmated for the rest of his life, or at least for his footballing career.

Then Virgil shows up for training one day smelling all kinds of besotted. The younger alpha is usually good at keeping his emotions from bleeding into his scent, but Jurgen is older and infinitely more experienced in the ways of alphas and omegas and their dynamics, and yep, there it is. The fruity punch of happiness with an occasional tinge of sour jealousy, all intermingled with Virgil’s own musky alpha scent.

It is also all too apparent who the omega who has caught Virgil’s eye is. His heart sinking, Jurgen watches as Virgil’s eyes follow Ali around the pitch, lingering as the omega leans forward to stretch out his hamstrings.

As a fellow alpha, Jurgen can acknowledge that Virgil is an extremely eligible alpha by any measure. If Virgil’s chosen omega had been anyone else, Jurgen would have said that the omega in question is a lucky omega indeed. But when it’s Ali? Jurgen isn’t too sure.

Perhaps it’s his bias talking, but Jurgen doesn’t trust that Virgil won’t break Ali’s heart. Ali has never been with an alpha as far as Jurgen knows. Is Virgil really going to treat Ali right? Is Virgil truly attracted to Ali for who the omega is, or is this some sort of strange attraction that developed by virtue of suddenly discovering that Ali is not a beta but an omega?

Here's a random snippet of alpha Jurgen and alpha Virgil getting possessive and growly over omega Alisson. Would have posted as a fanfic, but I can't end it right 🥲

Jurgen might be shorter than Virgil, but damn, the German alpha can be hell of an intimidating presence when he wants to be. Of all the obstacles Virgil had imagined that would keep him from getting closer to Alisson, this hadn’t been one he had expected.

“I don’t want a fling, boss. I want a life partner. I will treat Ali right, and make him the happiest omega in the world.” Virgil is a footballer, has never been good with words, but he really wished he had studied harder in school now, so he could properly put to words how he feels about Alisson.

“I’m an alpha myself,” Jurgen’s eyes, usually kind and gentle, are uncharacteristically hard right now. “I know you believe what you are saying right now. But if you were truly serious about Ali, surely you would have came to this realisation years ago, even when you thought he was a beta. Alphas and betas can mate. It’s very common.”

“I don’t think it’s fair of you to say that,” Virgil says. Jurgen’s accusations are not sitting well with him, and the alpha in him is rattled – and angry. He forces it down, reminding himself that if he ever wants to convince Jurgen that he is fit to be Alisson’s alpha, he has to keep his emotions in check and not lash out like a stereotypical brainless alpha with no self-control.

“And yet you know it is true.”

Losing his temper definitely isn’t a good move. But that doesn’t mean Virgil just has to sit back and take this from the other alpha. There is truth in what Jurgen is saying, Virgil knows, but there can only be one reason why Jurgen is so adamant about Virgil backing off on Alisson. Alphas are only ever this possessive with their own chosen omega.

“With all due respect, boss, if you had wanted Ali for yourself, you should have made a move years ago.”

Jurgen’s eyes narrow. “Excuse me?”

“You heard what I said,” Virgil replies. “Look, Jurgen. I respect you, but if you are going to be coming down on me for not recognising my feelings for Ali much earlier, at least give me credit for doing something about it the moment I realised. It doesn’t reflect much better on you for harbouring feelings for Ali all these years and never once acting on them.”

Jurgen raises himself to his full height, and he might not be raising his voice, but Virgil knows he is pissed. “I never acted on them because it would only hurt Ali if the public knows he is in a relationship with his manager. I did it to protect him.”

“Didn’t do Ali much good though, when he is entirely reliant on suppressants to control his heats without an alpha by his side, and some sick bastard decided to steal his suppressants before the biggest game of his life.”

That is a low blow coming from Virgil, and Jurgen has to admit, it hurts. He has always felt terrible watching Alisson subject himself to increasingly strong dosages of heat suppressants every year, knowing that he could do something about it if he really desired, but held back by the fear of what society would think and say.

Virgil looks at him knowingly. “I am right, aren’t I? You don’t dare to step up and do what’s right to protect Ali. Or maybe you can’t, because of your position, I’m not here to judge. But I can do what you couldn’t. If you can’t be Ali’s alpha, why can’t another alpha step in?”

Jurgen is silent. He can’t deny the truth of Virgil’s words, and he hadn’t expected the younger alpha had it in him. Perhaps he had underestimated Virgil after all.

[wayward-sword]

♡ teehee uwu

❇ life philosophy headcanons.

♡  — How would your muse define love? Do they believe in soulmates? Do they believe this definition of love is achievable?

Zech is uncertain how to define what "love" means to him. He rushed into it perhaps too early in his life with the first girl he ever experienced such feelings of "attachment" for, and all the pain and heartbreak he's suffered throughout his life has rendered him uncertain of any solid definition. In an ideal world, to him, it would mean being in the presence of someone that brings some form of comfort and joy to his life, someone who makes his life worth living, and most of all, someone and something he should protect at all costs because he wants to see that person or thing flourish and prosper. It certainly doesn't help matters much that he's the sort of guy to wear his heart on his sleeve and, as such, he tends to develop affections and attachments quickly, even if he isn't totally sure how to define said feelings from time to time. His feelings are always his own, though — meaning that nobody is particularly obligated to reciprocate them. Whatever the locus of his affections may be, the matters of his heart are his own and not for the subject to fret over. He will do what he feels he must in order to stay true to his own heart.

Zech does not, however, fancy the idea of soulmates. Too many times has he met individuals over the years where a relationship felt as though "it should be", and too many times have such perceptions failed him. If anything, it's lent his perspective towards the polar opposite direction: Zech inherently feels as though he's supposed to be alone, ultimately. Nobody's tended to stay in his life to a lasting degree, even without the "anomalous existence" factor, and he has proven incapable of stopping things from being torn from his grasp. Even with this being the case, however, he's developed in just such a way where he's acquired a sort of "desperation" when it comes to anything that he feels particularly attached to, such that he refuses to have anything "stolen" from him ever again, even if that means he has to sacrifice himself in the process. Better than facing that pain of loss one more time as far he's concerned.

Of course, one could easily argue that this is something of a self-fulfilling prophecy on his part. He views his ideal as "unattainable", and, as a result, what he ultimately expects may happen becomes entirely more achievable because he sets for himself disappointment as an expectation. At the very least, Zech has been trying to stray away from that in the extreme as of late. In fact, it would be more accurate to say that he's been trying not to think of the intricacies of such things at all. Just take what comes his way and embrace it as best as he can, for however long he can, even if he may be prone towards falling back into his old, self-deprecating mindsets.

[deadlynightshade-and-hyacinth]

I'm Gonna Crawl

Chapter 24

After we left the restaurant he took me back to the hotel, no blindfold this time. When we got into the suite, he sat me on the bed and handed me an envelope. “Open it.” He smiled widely, his cherub cheeks slightly pinker than normal, the color striking against his alabaster skin.

I lifted the flap and pulled out a piece of photo paper. “Oh, no.”

“Oh, yes.” He grinned, baring teeth. “It is now my most treasured possession.”

“You just took these photos last night…” I was baffled by how quick he had them developed.

“I had them developed today, before Bonzo decided to trap me at the dealership.” He made a face at the memory.

I looked down at the photograph in my hands, debating mentally whether or not it was actually me posing for the camera. It looked like me but somehow a different me. Perhaps it was the fact that I never liked my photograph taken, therefore it rarely happened or perhaps it was the fact that I felt anxious yet happy when the photo was taken, forced, yes, but I was happy to make him exuberant by obliging his request.

“Do you like it?” When I looked up from the photo of me half naked on the couch, his face was that of a six-year-old who wrapped a rock in Christmas paper for his mother, anxiously awaiting her reaction upon opening it.

I nodded my head, gazing back down at the photo. I felt as though I were on a completely different planet, confused by the fact that I felt so far from my own body, as though I were in some stranger’s or in a pod person type situation. I mentally laughed at the absurdity of my recent paranoia. Obviously, I wasn’t in some live version of Invaders of the Body Snatchers.

“These ones are yours.” Jimmy derailed my intensely insane train of thought. “I have another copy of them on their way to my home in Scotland.”

“Scotland? I thought you lived in England.” I put the photos on the end table and walked toward him.

“I have a home in London, but I think I will go back to Boleskine.” He dragged a hand through my hair and held the back of my head in his palm. “With you.” His smile was breathtaking.

“What about my job, Jimmy?” All of my obligations were starting to weigh on me. “My apartment?”

He pursed his lips and gestured for me to sit down on the edge of the bed. He sat beside me and held my hand. “Like I said, I want you to think about it, love. But as for answers to your very reasonable inquiries, I do have some solutions.”

“I’m not quitting my job.” I blurted out, knowing that was the solution he would come up with.

“Of course not, darling.” He gave me a sour face as though what I was thinking was audacious. “With touring, my home life back in Europe is short-lived. Although, I’ve a feeling we all may be taking a larger break than normal…” He was stuck somewhere in his head, thinking and calculating.

“Your point, Jimmy?”

He looked up at me as though I had woken him from a dream. “Right, sorry.” He gave a small smile. “You can come home with me, see all of Europe, we can do whatever you want, all day, every day, then when it’s time for us to tour you can go back to Boston and work for the remainder of the time, then of course come back home with me.” He smiled condescendingly.

“Jimmy, I don’t think my boss is going to go for that.”

“He may if I have a word with him.” The way his accent curled around the word ‘word’ almost knocked me over. I was suddenly amazed by how over the early days of this adventure, I didn’t completely cream myself over his accent alone.

Back to reality, I shook my head at him. “I doubt–”

“Think about it.” He looked at me eagerly. “I’ll pay for your apartment while you’re with me so it’s there when you need it. Please, just think about it.”

I nodded.

“Now for tonight, we think of only tonight. No future, no past, just now.” He stood up from the bed and padded toward the radio and flicked it on. He grabbed my hands and pulled off of the bed and into his arms. He held me as though we were going to waltz and swayed around the hotel room to Dancing in the Moonlight.

When the song was quieting to an end, he looked at me, stopped moving his feet and held my face in his hands. “Do you love me?” There was a vulnerable glint in his eyes.

I was once again stunned by how forward his question was. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out, shockingly to his amusement.

“You’re afraid.” He smiled but disappeared as fast as it had come. “Why are you afraid?”

I took a deep breath and wondered why I was so frightened at the thought of voicing my feelings. “Can I be completely blunt?”

He smiled again. “Of course.”

“Well, I will start by stating the obvious.” he nodded and gestured for me to continue. “You are a ‘rock star’, a very famous one at that…” His eyebrows furrowed quizzically. “You are a notorious whore, James.

The moment you grow even remotely bored of me, you’re going to find some other poor girl to fall in love with then I will be left heartbroken, wondering what’s wrong with me, all the while there is nothing wrong with me, I just fell for someone unattainable.” He opened his mouth to speak so I pulled a Jimmy and held up my hand to quiet him while I continued. “I am not afraid of heartbreak, it is a part of life and in its darkness grows spectacular beginnings, like this. But that’s all this is, a beginning. There is no middle, no end. It’s a dalliance, our dalliance.” I paused and gazed into his wide, soulful eyes. “If I admit my feelings, it will only be harder to walk away.”

He deliberated, taking everything in slowly. I could see the gears shifting behind his eyes, that calculating look he got when being mischievous, then it all clattered and I could see the shattered pieces all over his face and in his posture. A look only a man mercilessly beaten of all dreams has. “You’re not coming home with me.” He seemed to be mostly speaking to himself.

I held my fingers under his chin and lifted his chin to look at me. “No past, no future.” His eyes burned into mine as I spoke. “Just now.”

“Just now.” He repeated, trying to force a smile which quickly disappeared the moment I let go of his face. He cleared his throat and looked at the time. “We should probably get to bed.” He stood up and stalked toward the bathroom.

“Jimmy, it’s not even 10:00 pm.”

“It’s been a long day.” He murmured without turning around and continued into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

My heart sank heavily in my stomach. I could feel it poisoning me, making its way through every vein in my body, weighing me down and making me sick. “Fuck.” I muttered under my breath. I heard the water from the shower head hit the basin of the tub furiously and stood there debating my next move. Go to bed and hope he’s fine by the morning or give him at least one of the things he wants. I stared up at the ceiling, tracing the patterns with my eyes, my fists clenched so hard I could feel my nails tearing into my palms. “Goddammit.” I padded to the bathroom door and opened it quietly.

The shower curtain was drawn, covering the entirety of the tub. I could hear Jimmy softly humming the same tune he had been for the past few days. I took a deep breath and walked toward him, opened the curtain, held my dress up and stepped in.

He looked at me curiously at first then his expression became somber as he turned around to run his face under the water. “You’re going to get your dress wet.” He mumbled through the stream.

“I don’t care.” I placed my hand on his back, between his shoulder blades. My touch sent a shiver down his spine. When he turned back around to face me, I wasted no time. I clutched onto the side of his face with one hand, the other on his chest and pulled his face to mine. I kissed him hungrily, waiting for him to kiss me back with as much fervor.

He pulled away slightly and gazed down at me, his expression still somber. He opened his mouth to speak but quickly bit down on his lower lip and closed his eyes.

I rubbed his cheek with my thumb, my fingers tangled in his wet hair. I could feel the water from the shower head running down my arm, uncomfortably making the right side of my dress wet. “Jimmy.” He wouldn’t open his eyes, he just bit down harder on his lip and I wondered if this beautiful, naked, wet guitar god I held in my palm was crying. I took a deep breath. “Please look at me.” He lifted his head and slowly opened his eyes. Small teardrops fell from them, his emeralds glistening and the whites of his eyes slightly bloodshot. He gazed at me, his teeth still biting into his lip as though he were trying to keep the tears from pooling in his eyes. I held my other hand to his other cheek and pressed my lips to his firmly. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, the words swelling to the brim of my throat, scratching their way out. “I love you, James.” I whispered, the beating of the water in the basin much louder than my voice.

His eyes widened and his teeth retracted from his lower lip. “You love me?” His voice slightly cracked.

I nodded my head, my eyes glued to his. I knew I would regret saying it, only because both of us parting and going separate ways was inevitable, but I meant it. This foolishly brazen and stubborn man, though completely obnoxious in his courtship, had made me irrationally fall for him in a way I can honestly say no man ever had.

“Don’t say it to make me feel better.” He eyed me cautiously. “I don’t want that. I don’t want to make you feel as though you need to say it because I - as you so lovingly put it - throw a fit.”

I shook my head, finding it hard to hide my smile. I was elated in his presence. Something I didn’t think was possible only days ago. “It’s a dangerous game we’re playing, Mr. Page.” I looked at him seriously. “A very dangerous game. But I can’t deny how I feel and I can’t lie to you.” His eyes were starting to well. “I do love you, you absolute crazy, frustrating fool.”

He grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me hungrily. Deeper into the kiss his hand inched down my torso and rested on my waist where he clutched onto my dress and spun us around so I was directly under the incredible water pressure of the shower head. I could feel my makeup running down my face as the water engulfed me, his lips morphing to mine. Towering over me, my head tilted back, he kissed me deeper than he had ever before and for a moment I thought we might be stuck like this and if we were to be, I would thoroughly enjoy it forever.

When he pulled away, breathless and shivering he looked at me and grinned. “You still manage to look incredible, soaking wet.”

I smiled back. My eyes were drawn downward, his cock fully erect. I bit into my lower lip to keep myself stable but the thoughts running through my head were that of a very bad girl.

When I looked back up at his face his eyebrow was lifted, his signature cocky grin plastered on his face.

“Am I just a piece of meat to you?” He teased.

I satirized him back with a shrug to which he nudged my arm. “I do enjoy your meat.”

He made a face at my retort and laughed. “You are truly something else.” He looked down at me, my dress clinging to every curve of my body. “How are we going to get this off of you?” He gave my body the same look I gave his.

“Am I just a piece of meat to you?”

He looked up, light in his eyes and shook his head ‘no’. “You are a delicious piece of custard pie.”

“Custard pie?” I poked fun.

His teeth were deep in his lower lip as he nodded, a very distinct fog of lust hanging in the air, thick and palpable. “I want you.”

“Well, I knew that the moment I met you.”

“Cocky, are we?” He raised his eyebrows.

“You didn’t hide it well.”

“I didn’t want to.”

“Are you going to have me?”

He nodded his head, his eyes darker than normal.

I grinned mischievously. I moved my hands to the zipper on the back of my dress and slowly unzipped it then untied the straps around my neck. He watched impatiently, his teeth dragging across his lower lip. I leisurely pulled the dress over my breasts, down my torso, hips, until it fell to the bottom of the tub with a loud wet thud. I stretched my arms over my head, feigning a yawn. “I’m tired, I think I’ll go to bed.” I opened the curtain and as I stepped out of the tub he reached for my wrist.

I turned to him and watched as he shook his head back and forth. “No, you’re not.” He pressed his palms to my cheeks and kissed me again. I pulled away as his tongue tried to reenter my mouth.

“Mr. Page, you are being very inappropriate.” I teased.

He shook his head at me, grinning as he did so. “Are we playing a game?” He was excited by the prospect.

“I have no time for you and your games.” I feigned disinterest.

He let go of my wrist, his grin Cheshire-like as he watched me walk out of the bathroom, water trailing behind me. I took a robe from the back of the door and covered myself, listening as he turned off the water and dried himself off.

@tangerine-page @within60s @jimjcm @rocknrollsoul76 @zeptrashahoy @taurusgrl444 @melancholi-e @floatinginthedunes @tessthemess45 @itachiuyeehaw @royalblueviper @fleetwoodgroove @rick-sauvage @magicaldestinytrash @kashmir-baby @70sdeakster @ritacaroline @evhelynn @liviacarol88-blog @electra-phoebe @zralokxwell @deafshepherd @rogertaylorseyelashes @jimmypage7 @discobeezy @mictic @idekatthispoint03 @pleasantcreatorbanditvoid @jimmypages @lady-jane-revisited @missdaisypage @salixfragilis

[hope-grace-serenity]

The Missing Women of Far Cry-PART TWO

Previously, I wrote a post that was intended to talk a bit about Selena and Lana, and the  history of the Faith position as a whole. Because the notes that discuss these women (“Grieving Note,” “Dirty Crumpled Letter,” A Confession”) tend to be overlooked, the purpose of this new post is to analyze the content of the notes and develop a greater understanding of the experiences and perspectives of the Faiths, as well as how they are viewed and treated. This is just my personal analysis, and of course you are more than welcome to disagree with any ideas expressed here. Unlike my previous post, this one will not bring in real-world connections, but will instead stick firmly within the context of what is presented in FC5. That being said, I’m going to keep the same TW’s as last time in the tags, because I realize that this topic overall can be really uncomfortable to think about. If anyone is particularly sensitive to discussing the Seeds brothers’ involvement in the disappearances (particularly Joseph, since he’s the one mentioned in all the notes), I recommend skipping this post.  

So with that out of the way, let’s look at what these notes reveal to us...

First, the notes show us how these different women were hooked into becoming Faith and giving up their identities in the first place: by being convinced by Joseph that each one of them is special, despite him actually viewing them as interchangeable. This is told to us by Faith in-game during her first cutscene when she talks about how special the Father made her feel, but we also see the same story play out in the previous Faiths. The writer of the “Grieving Note” says Joseph told Lana she was special, and the author of “A Confession” expresses that all she wanted was to be special, and she finally got a chance to feel that way with Joseph. The writer of the “Dirty Crumpled Letter” brings attention to how despite what Joseph says, he *doesn’t* actually view Selena (or any of these women) as special, saying that there is a pattern of him “using up and throwing away” women. 

Although they are told that they are unique, their individuality is significantly downplayed, which no doubt psychologically plays a role in the ease in which these women are disposed of  and replaced. We see this in the callous way Joseph treats Lana’s body after her death, tossing it in to “disintegrate into the boiling muck” with the corpses of the mindless angels, despite her literally giving up her identity in order to become a part of the “family.” Also, the simple fact that he can “swap them out like they don’t have a brain of their own” (according to the writer of the “Dirty Crumpled Letter”) is quite telling of how he views them. He’s interested in how they fit this need for what a “Faith” should be, but not necessarily who they are as actual human beings. This focus on the idealized image of “Faith” is also something that’s corroborated in-game where his whole eulogy for Faith focuses on how devoted she was to him and how he changed her from being “lost and broken” to being ”angelic” and “perfect”--two words that suggest inhumanity and an unattainable ideal. This acts as a stark contrast to the more personal, humanized stories of John and Jacob.  To bridge off that idea, the level of disinterest in the actual person behind the name shows that the Seeds do not view or treat the Faiths like sisters or daughters or any kind of actual family member, despite the title. John disappoints Joseph in-game, but John does not have to worry about mysteriously vanishing and having a random guy show up the next day who Joseph calls “Brother John.” Faith does not have the same luxury.

These notes also give us more insight into how Eden’s Gate operated before the arrest. The fact that there was a specific spot set aside to “disintegrate” bodies--plus the fate of the Faiths as a whole--shows us that violence was most definitely happening before the reaping began, even if it was something that was happening behind the scenes. This should be apparent based on other things we see within the game (the cause of the arrest warrant, the video of Joseph removing the man’s eyes, the fact that the Cook was allowed to be a cult member in the first place, existence of angels and judges, etc.), but I know there are a couple NPCs that make it seem like Eden’s Gate were just kooky, peaceful neighbors before the arrest. While that might have been the image they presented to the public, it’s clear that the reality is that there was a dark undercurrent even before the reaping--Eden’s Gate was just able to hide it well.  

These notes also bring up some interesting questions regarding the attitudes of the Faiths. Finding the identity of the author of “A Confession” was something I was really curious about, since that could either provide us with a new dimension for Rachel, or give us valuable insight into the characterization of one of the previous Faiths, allowing one to have her own words and story expressed instead of just being relegated to the role of a “victim.” Based on the limited information presented in-game, I believe that the most likely writer of “A Confession” is Selena. The “Dirty Crumpled Letter,” where the writer tells Selena  about the history of the Faith position, could easily have been what triggers her doubts, especially since that letter indicates that Selena is very new to the role and hasn’t fully “lost herself” to the Faith position yet. The fact that the letter is “crumpled” implies that Selena was either upset or angry when reading it, which further connects to the idea that she’s experiencing emotional strife which may trigger her doubts. In the “Dirty Crumpled Letter,” the writer says, “God knows who you are, and so do you,” suggesting that Selena is religious. In “A Confession,” the writer is clearly religious as well, as the note is written out to God. 

The author of “A Confession” expresses genuine fear of Joseph due to having personal doubts about the project when she says, “What do I do? I know you will forgive me, dear Lord. I don’t know if Joseph will.” This is also supported by Faith’s eulogy, in which he mentions the previous Faiths weren’t as devoted as she was. This implies to me that the reason at least some of the Faiths may have been killed was because they weren’t faithful enough to him and/or the Project. The fear expressed by the writer of “A Confession,” as well as how the individual women acting in the Faith role are viewed as disposable and replaceable in general, personally makes me fully believe Faith in-game when she expresses fear of Joseph and says she was threatened in the past.  Given how her predecessors were treated, why wouldn’t she have some level of fear? 

Still, the role itself is obviously very important to Joseph, hence why he keeps filling the slot with different women. So, why is that? What’s he hoping to achieve? Why is it so important that there’s a Faith? This paragraph is going to veer a bit into speculative territory (and like I mentioned earlier, this is all just my opinion), but I think the answer for that ties into the previous few points: he’s looking for someone who embodies the concept of faith. And as for why that's so important to him, all we need to do is think about his conversation with us in Jacob’s region. Joseph had a really shitty and painful life, but there was one bright spot after he and his brothers were split up: his wife and daughter. As far as we’re aware, the mysterious Mrs. Seed was the first female presence in his life to genuinely love and care for him. What personal characteristic does he keep emphasizing about his wife? Her faith. When he experienced personal doubts, her faith was there to ground him. She provided him with a feminine, stable, unconditional devotion that he never experienced before, one I feel he tries to replicate in creating these Faiths, and this becomes their main source of value to him. She provides that accepting essence to both him and the Project as a whole. This is why he constantly emphasizes the importance of Faith, both the concept and the person. And yes, this is an incredibly unhealthy viewpoint to have. 

I spent a lot of time talking about Joseph because he’s the one mentioned in these notes, but there are some implications here for John and Jacob as well.Given their personal connection to Joseph and high rank in the group, they are most certainly aware of what’s going on, which makes them complicit to some degree  in what is happening to the Faiths. If they have any personal qualms, we don’t know about it. While there is NPC dialogue that indicates Jacob is upset when John dies, and that Faith is upset when John dies, we have no indication that either of the brothers is personally upset about Faith. One of the NPCs says, “Jacob would happily sacrifice everyone and everything in Hope County to feed Joseph's Collapse. He doesn't care about Faith.” The only time John mentions her is when he says he treats his followers better than she treats her angels. While I wish there was someone that Faith could genuinely have a close, honest friendship with, that unfortunately does not seem to be the case here.

And...I think that’s it! Wow, that was a lot longer than I thought it would be. Faith’s perspective is so interesting and unique, and really fascinating to analyze. I realize this post doesn’t exactly paint the Seeds or Eden’s Gate in the most flattering light, but it’s fully possible to love all these characters while acknowledging the bad things they did. Believe it or not, Joseph’s my second or third favorite character, lol. 

[lin-dorie]

Cuties/Mignonnes, from the project to the meaning and international public interactions

OK Let’s talk about it. 

Let me tell you what Cuties is really about, the meaning behind it and what you need, as an international public, to understand it properly.

/!\ Spoilers needed. 

So Mignonnes/Cuties is French-Senegalese movie produced by Bien ou Bien Production in collaboration with Netflix for international distribution. Maimouna Doucouré is an award winning director, she’s french-senegalese, 35 years old, grew up with a dad and two mothers surround by a big religious family. Nothing wrong, just a little girl having thoughts and dreams like any others. 

Mignonnes, her very first long metrage, is based on a study she conducted for the project. She interviewed hundreds of young people with her team (pedopsychologist included) to collect a lot of infos and ressources to built a movie dealing with young people anxiety, sexual discovering, bullying, social media and young black people representation in movies. 

I. Story telling from someone who watched it.

Amy is 11 year old, she came in France with her mom and little brother. While hidden, she discovered that her dad is in Senegal and will soon come back with a second wife as it is authorized by Islam and accepted in Senegal. Her mom and aunt don’t tell her anything but she saw her mom crying about the topic, not knowing what’s happening, she ressents her dad and her condition as a refugee, the typical “it was better where we were before”. 

Her family is muslim, she wore a hijab to her religious ceremonies and practice like she was told to, without the opportunity to do otherwise. In her building there’s a girl, Angelica, she has a rebellious side in opposition to her workaholics parents and she dances hip-hop style which Amy has never saw. She befriend her and her circle of friends and decided to dance with them at a local championship. In order to learn the dance and prove to them she was “cool”, she stole her cousin’s phone, got herself instagram and started relooking herself as a young woman instead of the pre-teen girl style she got before.  But, she gets her periods. She’s afraid, she’s anxious, but most of all she doesn’t understand because nobody told her. Her aunt take care of her telling her “you’re an adult now” and how she wish she’ll live a beautiful life like they are. This is a problem as Amy doesn’t know what it is to be “an adult” nor does she know what it is to grow up, and the only roles model she has at home are her sad mom and her ultraconservative aunt. So she starts acting out, comparing herself to more developped girls, tries to be like them and starts mimicing them for their dances. While fighting for the phone she stoled with her cousin, she locks herself in the bathroom and posts an intimate photo of her on instagram as a last proof she’s a woman. Obviously, she’s getting bullied in school for that, her mom come, slap her across the cheek, call her names and ground her.  Amy became depressed and in her anxiety, tries to reach out for her friends who turned their back on her so they won’t be associated with her.  Nonetheless, she succeed into entering a championship with her former-friends and are disqualifies due to highly innapropriate behaviour on scene.  She go back quickly to her house during a panic attack, her mother comfort her telling her she doesn’t have to attend her father’s wedding if she doesn’t want to. Reassured, she skip the wedding and go play with kids her age. -END-

II. Producing and interpretation. 

DISCLAIMER : Self-made interpretations as someone who’s into thoughtfull movies. It may changes from one person to another. 

As sais before, it was produced by Bien ou Bien Production which a french production corporation based in Bordeaux. They are producing movies dealing with diversity, social issues, minority representation and religious debunking. They also produced Doucouré’s award winning short film “Mom(s)” that was dealing with the topic of polygamy in Senegal, and was based on her own life. 

Being produced by them again for her long metrage was a financial security and a very good deal. She got a France TV (public channels organisation) financial deal and scored that spot into Netflix international catalog making her one of the only black french-senegalese woman director into the international catalog. 

Obviously, as it is not a movie for children/teenagers, there’s few meanings behind the already well written script : 

Growing up without ressources : Amy is a stereotypical 11yo girl who doesn’t know anything about relationships, sexuality and woman body. It is well know that parents tends to have “the big talk” with their children when they are around 15-17yo, but puberty starts around 13yo and with that : sexual desire discovery, gender identity crises and body changes. Innocents idioms like “you’re a big girl now” or “you’re not a child anymore” shortenned childhood, leaving young girls without ressources to develop themselves and, often, shame to ask for answers.

Female representations and social media : We can’t criticize this movie without putting a context around it. Our society has been developped around certains standards, weither they are socials, professional, personnal... Social media and main stream TV promote a way of life that is unattainable for 90% of us but they give us the opportunity to act “as if”. In this movie, Amy is just like one of us except that she is way too young to understand the behaviour she is immitated. You can see it when she doesn’t understand why her friends are lying about their ages, when she’s pushing a girl into the water (possibly drowning the girl), when she cries on stage in front of those parents judging her... What Doucouré is trying to show us is that little girls are little girls, they aren’t tough enough to be shown anything just because it’s socially accepted. 

Children education :  To me, this is the main purpose of the film, showing that it is important to educate children. Predatory behaviour, public image, false advertisment, relationships... There is no “right time” to talk about it, and most of the parents are too late, the fact is protecting your children is also making them understand why this behaviour is dangerous, why this outfit is innapropriate and never blame your children for mistakes they can make. Amy is the exemple of what could happen if you don’t educate your children, and she is brave enough to rise when her my mom take a step toward her to comfort her. 

Religious family and sexual education :  As an atheist, I won’t talk about metaphors behind the prayers or anything, someone who believe in their God the same way her family does will be more adequate to talk about it. But it is one of the main critic and thus, I have to share facts : The movie isn’t centered around it, the only reason it is here is because they needed a traditional figure such as the aunt, they needed a strict environment such as a religious family and they needed a twist that would put the little girl into a negative feeling, they needed her to ressent her situation as a refugee in order to criticize how it is to grow up without help. So why Islam ? Well, in France, we have two main religions : Roman Catholics and Islam. Using Islam as the main religion of the film helped them showing the good sides of this religion such as love, family devotion and loyalty.  Added 22/08/20 : Islam has a lot of branches like any other religion. In Senegal most muslim practice Soufism, find differences between the way you practice and theirs mights come from that. Especially regarding the hijab, it’s common for young people to wear their hijabs only during ceremonies.

III. Streaming plateform and international public : 

If you’ve read all this, you know now that it isn’t about girls twerking or pedo porn normalization, in fact, until Amy came into the group, the girls are doing basic hip-hop dance (well, at least they try...). So how a movie mostly acclaimed by those who saw it can be the center of such a scandal ? 

Well, first let’s talk about culture appropriation.  As a 25yo white european woman I’ve had my share of culture appropriation story, did I mean anything bad when I did it ? No. Was I ignorant ? Yes. As everybody with a little bit of dignity I reflected on myself and stopped whatever the f*ck I was doing that was innapropriate as a white woman. That said, we can’t denied that the world has absorded some part of the black africans culture when it got popularized.

Twerking is actually a mixed between dances from African diasporas (especially Mapouka and Soukous from Ivory Coast and Congo), it is known nowadays a sensual hiphop dance and there is nothing wrong with doing it when you’re a grown up in your right mind doing whatever you want to do. So why using this dance in the movie ? First, it’s part of the heritage of Amy, a 11yo girl who hasn’t lived in a occidental culture before. Second, it is a way of telling you, public, that what you do has consequences. Suggestive dances on TV, sexualized hiphop dances in the streets, rated r music video available on YT... Adult contents are available anywhere, anywhen by anywho. Children included. It is what the director, who study the subject of the impact of oversexualized content on young girls, is trying to tell you through the film. 

Now, Netflix and the art of communication. Netflix has first released a trailer, a poster and a pitch that aren’t the one used to promote the film in the first place (France included). After the start of the backlash they released another set that are stil not the one used to begin with. Why ? Because Netflix is an industry, they aren’t cinema professionnals, they aren’t critics, they are a company like any others. They didn’t watch the film, didn’t understand it and didn’t advertize it as it should : A movie for adults who want to know what they could do to help the younger generations. 

Because a movie isn’t just for entertainment, there is no film just made to amuse you, everyone is trying to tell something thanks to their art. Yes, those same young girls who acted in the movie won’t be able to watch it because they are too young, not because it is inapropriate but because the subject is too thick for them to understand it fully at such a young age. The way Netflix handle the promotion of this movie was also bad because international public can’t resonnate with it the way we do. And I include myself because I was the age of Amy not long ago, in the same country she came to. Cinemas from every country is proper to this country, we have the chance to be able to watch films from other places made by people whom don’t speak our language, have their own religion or not at all and try to reach us with their own issues and traditions. 

I’m not saying this movie will be the best of this year, and I’m not saying that everything inside of it is perfect, what I’m trying to say is that it’s easier to agree with the majority than to forge your own opinion but if you take the time to watch you’ll be able to understand others and empathize with them. 

I hope it will help some of you understand the purpose of the film, that some will be kind enough to watch it before throwing their critics and that most of you will still enjoy movies for watch the director is trying to say instead of what the politics want you to see. 

[thejustmaiden]

The Sesshomaru F*cks Debacle

Hey, fellow Inuyasha fans! How we feeling?? I imagine a lot of us are doing quite fabulously after the recent news we got about the sequel coming out this Fall, "Hanyou No Yashahime." So if it wasn't obvious already, I want to take the time to discuss the topic of- you guessed it- Sesshomaru. Go figure! 

***THIS IS A REPOST OF MY ORIGINAL BLOG THAT DISAPPEARED FROM THE TAGS. PICS/GIFS HAVE BEEN REMOVED TO HOPEFULLY REPAIR THAT.***

Let's be real, as much as probably (and literally lol) all of us have viewed him as "daddy material" at some point or another during our teens, Sesshomaru being physically intimate with another being, much less a human, is difficult to conjure up in our minds. And there's nothing wrong with that, per se, as sex and romance doesn't come so easily to some as it does to others. Then again, that's not to say a romantic relationship is completely impossible or unattainable for him either. 

I, for one, am not a huge fan of the idea of Sesshomaru siring children of his own. Granted, adopting/protecting children and other small companions is kinda his thing (I saw one user even describe him as a 'walking daycare' 🤣), and maybe it'll just take some getting used to, but all in all it's not entirely unfathomable to picture him having biological children. Though I'd be lying if I said I still didn't prefer he just took these two twin half-demon girls in and under his wing instead, like he did Rin. However, seeing as that's unlikely the case since the two girls resemble him in some fashion, the chances of that coming true are slim, which must mean that Sesshomaru did in fact bone some lucky lady. That's not to say I don't acknowledge that there's still a chance these kids aren't truly his but we'll see! 

Which leads me to the real reason behind this blog! I'd like to address in-depth why I and so many other Inuyasha fans consider shipping S*ssrin as wrong and why it makes a lot of us extremely uncomfortable. 

BUT FIRST BEFORE I FORGET, I want to give a little unofficial disclaimer by stating that this blog isn't intended to upset certain fans regarding my stance on the controversial ship. Thus I will not tag it under that ship name, and I suggest others who agree with me to do the same in any of their future posts. 

Because let's not forget that the most important thing is that we're all fans here. We fell in love with this story and hold its beloved characters close to our hearts for a reason. And that still counts even if you're returning to this fandom a decade later. So please, let's try and remember that and be civil towards one another. Putting people down by attacking and insulting others in real life really doesn't make us any better than them. I REPEAT, please do not engage in this post unless you plan to be kind and respectful of others who may have a differing opinion than you. There's never a need to be ugly towards another human being. That goes for all shippers and fans of Sesshomaru in general. Thank you in advance for your understanding and compliance. 😊

Again, none of these comments are aimed at being inflammatory towards those fans who have a different approach to this pairing. If any of you are reading this now, please keep that in mind before deciding to participate in any discourse with me and other antis. 

Okay, let me go ahead and list a few of the main arguments fans of this particular ship use to support them together. Then I'll give my reasons why those aren't enough to justify their relationship turning romantic:

1. Rin will be an adult before they get romantically involved

2. Sesshomaru didn't raise her and therefore isn't her father; he was never like a father to her in the first place

3. Sesshomaru hasn't been grooming her, not then and not now. Besides, it was Rin's choice first.

4. Age difference shouldn't matter when you look at other relationships in the series (InuKag, Koga x Ayame, etc.)

5. It was always going to be canon because the drama CDs exist

 These are the main points I'm seeing around. Now let's dissect them, shall we? These are my direct responses- I'll try to keep them short and concise. Fyi: Jk! I'm lying, that never happens. 😆

1. Rin may be an adult, but from our standpoint that doesn't make much of a difference. It doesn't matter because it's all about how her relationship with Sesshomaru started off and how it continued onwards. From that moment, it was basically established from the get-go that their relationship resembles that of one a young girl shares with an older man who winds up becoming her guardian. She initiated it by trying to bring him food while he was injured, and he reciprocated by deciding to bring her back to life that fateful day. 

Of course we're all happy that he did, because he's a better demon for it and a similar thing could be said about her! Therefore you must understand that fans against this pairing find it very hard to grasp the notion of a budding romance here when we look at their history. For us, it's synonymous to imagining a father eventually falling in love with his daughter or someone else who reminds him of a daughter, and vice versa. But let's just say he's not a father to her like many of you claim and more like, say a modern-day babysitter. Isn't it still bizarre to you that a young girl could fall in love with the man who looked after her and cared for her at that age, maybe even played games with? One day or on multiple occasions he even sees her naked because she had an accident and got hurt so she needed help changing or something. I admit it's more realistic that it was Jaken if anyone who'd be in charge of this, but why does it really matter who was tasked with what? Sesshomaru may have not been around all the time but that doesn't mean he's any less involved or invested in Rin's general care and well-being. So it's that thought alone that keeps many of us from even contemplating a romance forming between them. Whether he hardly interacted with her over the years or not is irrelevant, because it's clear to me that they have both formed a strong enough bond that constitutes calling them family. I highly doubt he ever even planned to keep Rin in his company as long as he did. But it happened, and whether you want to admit it or not, meeting her changed his life. Meaning Rin was never just some girl he traveled with or hardly knew. Despite his feigned indifference and stoic ways at times, I'm pretty sure we can all agree that Rin grew on him and was the first person to really influence him in a way that helped soften and open up that heart of his in a way nobody ever had before. One's significance to any given person isn't solely measured by the quantity of time spent alongside that person but by the quality of how that time was spent with said person. It's safe to say that in the case of Sesshomaru and Rin, they definitely fall under that category. 

2. Fair if you don't view Sesshomaru as Rin's father, but you must acknowledge that he did fill some father figure-like role to her at the very least. Or let's just call him her vassal if you think that's a more accurate description. Also, can I just quickly stress again that it doesn't matter how long she spent by his side or whether she spent more time in the village or not, because he still ended up playing a major part in her childhood as an adult male role model. Regardless of the title you give him, it still stands that although he may not be her official adoptive father, he is LIKE A FATHER. There really is no point in denying that, because their dynamic exudes one of a father-daughter. I guarantee you that any outsider looking in would agree that if not her father then at the very least he embodies a male relative of some kind. Honestly, the details of their relationship dynamic specific to this show (regional/period differences, human vs. demon culture, etc.), don't really matter here. Why? Because one can assume that the general consensus here is that a large percentage of fans perceive their connection as a familial one. Yes, most would unanimously agree that Rin and Sesshomaru, along with Jaken and Ah-Un, are a FAMILY. 

If she had first met him as an adult, then we'd possibly have a very different story here. The point of the matter is that he didn't, so that should be where this discussion ends. Unfortunately, for many, it's not. The bottom line is that a child he knew and cared for should never be someone he begins to view in a romantic light. I don't care how many years have passed (or that to demons years are like days or some less inconsequential length of time), and how much she's matured or how specific marriage customs were back then (if they're no longer appropriate now then why are we still condoning these backward practices?). Rin should NEVER have the desire to be sexually attracted to this father figure she's always looked to and trusted to protect her. Maybe it's vastly different from a demon's perspective (even though still unjustifiable in my opinion), but as a human, Rin's feelings towards Sesshomaru wouldn't and shouldn't suddenly change towards him and in such a drastic manner mind you. Yeah, maybe she used to have an innocent crush on him, but I'd like to think our smart and compassionate little Rin would learn that was simply because she was a child who didn't know any better. Besides, growing up with Kaede and around other humans I'd like to think she fell in love with another human sometime over the course of all those years. It only makes sense, right? Don't you think that's part of why Sesshomaru left her there in the first place? He wished for her to experience what it was like to live a normal human life, falling in love and marriage both being a key part of that. If I were Sesshomaru, I'd be deeply troubled if I started to develop feelings for a little girl I once protected and kept in my company for quite an extended period of time, which was at least a year from what I understand. (Pls correct me if I'm wrong because I gather it may have been longer.) 

3. Apparently in the manga and the Final Act, we see Sesshomaru still visits the village to check on Rin from time to time. He even brings her gifts, such as beautiful and luxurious kimonos. I recently learned from another Tumblr post that kimonos are what older men gift in order to sort of earn their favor with these young ladies, AKA they're wooing them. If that is indeed true, then that would mean he's basically grooming her and has been for however long she's lived there in the village but potentially even longer. To put it nicely, he's courting her. If this was another young lady (maybe not an adult perhaps but still of marrying age) who he DIDN'T assist in raising, then I could possibly get on board with this.

The thing is, it's far from that with them two if you consider everything they've gone through and endured together! Because he not only met her as a young girl but he got to know her first as a young girl, and she became one of his traveling companions all while she was only a young girl!!! Their bond will always be defined by that time when she was just a young girl, and nothing can or should change that he will always see her in that same light. Kinda like how our parents or other family members from older generations tell us that they'll always see us as their babies. So the fact that her time spent with Sesshomaru is constantly compared to her time spent in the village shouldn't apply here. Don't we all know this already? That we can can come across someone in our lifetime and maybe the time with them is short-lived, but that doesn't make it any less significant or those people any less special. Sesshomaru made an impact on her as much as she did on him, that much we know is true. Sure, it was years ago, but that's not something you ever forget. Sometimes when you look at loved ones you haven't seen in a while, there are just certain memories you have of them from over the years that will come rushing back to you without fail and that you will always cherish no matter what. I'd like to believe that when Rin looks at Sesshomaru and he looks at her, that they can both look back fondly on their times traveling together. This explains why I'm really struggling here to picture how anyone could sleep with someone they used to treat as their guardian/father/ward/daughter/what have you. So someday and somehow, this person just stops viewing them that way, is that it? I mean, how does this work exactly? It's not like you can just flip off a switch and forget everything from your past with this person, ya know? Unless you have your memory wiped, what I'm understanding is that S*ssrin shippers approve of the idea of these two characters KNOWING that they are or used to be like practically FAMILY to each other, yet agree that these two characters in question still have the capacity not to mention desire to pursue HAVING SEX with each other anyway. Do I got that all right? Did I miss anything?  

Originally I provided two examples of fan art I found to help put what I'm trying to say here into better perspective, but since they've been removed, just type in "Sesshomaru and Rin" on Google and you'll find plenty of examples of what I'm talking about here- and no, it's not S*ssrin images. I realize Sesshomaru has never been the touchy-feely sorta guy like it's depicted in some of the fan art, but that doesn't necessarily diminish the affection he feels and attachment he has towards Rin. He just has a different way of expressing his love is all, even if he doesn't outwardly show it. The real question here is, can you really look at sweet pictures of an adult comforting a child who's been under his care for a significant amount of time and then suddenly be like, "oh man, I can't wait till they bang!" I'm sorry, to each their own, but you gotta admit why we must find that creepy. 

4. Regarding Inuyasha and Kagome's relationship, we need to remember that he didn't age after all those years stuck to that tree. And besides, demons age differently so this is a pretty unfair comparison. This isn't the best example, but think about how a cat's lifespan works. 10 years in (indoor) cat years is like 56 in human years. So technically in demon years, Inuyasha is physically and emotionally compatible with a human around Kagome's age. Hell, even though he's over a hundred years older, Kagome is still a whole lot more mature than he probably ever will be! 😂 (Psst! We still love you, Inuyasha! 💋)

Now as for Koga and Ayame, this also isn't comparable to Sesshomaru and Rin. Koga met Ayame one night, only not to see her ever again until she was older and of age. After rescuing her on that night when she was only a girl, he gives her a piggyback ride and you can tell he just wants to cheer her up when he mentions her being his wife someday. (And boy, did that work wonders on Ayame!) Then they gaze at this stunning lunar rainbow together, which I think is quite rare judging by looks of it. This is not an attempt to defend this proposal- if we can even really call it that- but all I'm saying is that I don't think even Koga knows what overcame him in that moment. Fast forward to present-day when they cross paths again, and Ayame still remembers his so-called promise, but guess who doesn't right away? Yep, our man Koga! It takes a quite a while for it to come back to him, too. This further proves my point that something beyond Koga and his power possessed him to say all those things to a little Ayame for some reason. Maybe you can call it destiny, or maybe it was some special kind of magic caused by the lunar rainbow, Idk! All I know is that they do end up together in the Final Act and that it wasn't until they met as two consenting wolf-demons that they really grew to know each other and coincidentally- or maybe not so coincidentally- fall in love.

 5. From what I understand, it appears these drama CDs are some kind of satire which doesn't equate to canon. Perhaps Rumiko did not debunk them but she also didn't confirm they're true either. I'm hearing conflicting reports, however, and her involvement in them is questionable. Like her name is supposedly on the cover or something? But then I've also heard that she has spoken out against this ship. From the sounds of it, there is enough evidence- or lack thereof rather- to conclude that fans cannot use this as proof enough for their ship already being or soon-to-be canon. 

Finally, I'd like to end on this note where I'll be addressing ethics in entertainment. When it comes to our choice of entertainment, there's always a level of escapism implied, sometimes so much that we project ourselves onto certain characters. Delving into a fantasy world like that of Inuyasha can really help some people better cope with real life problems, but it's all about striking the right balance, as each individual has different wants and needs. The thing is there's only so much escapism one can allow in a fictional world before basic morals from our own world begin to take precedence. I can always enjoy some good fantasy, but it's not long until I start to reflect on how I personally relate what entertainment I'm currently absorbed in to real life. It's inevitable really. For example, if certain relationships portrayed on screen conflict with strong opinions I've adopted on a sensitive topic, especially those that take children into account, then I feel it's my responsibility to speak out against any media that even remotely promotes it. Yes, even if it's just fiction. Because art imitates life, right? (And yes, sometimes the other way around.) So in other words, our stories should mirror our way of life to some degree. History has seen its fair share of ugly events and traditions we are surely ashamed of but that we've hopefully learned our lessons from. Most societies nowadays seriously frown upon or condemn stuff like pedophilia, child grooming, or anything of the sort. Of course it doesn't help that we see still see these kinds of issues glossed over so much that we've become desensitized to them in many respects.

The thing is we cannot allow this way too common older-man-dotes-on-young-girl trope (or anything resembling it) to continue to be glorified or romanticized. It matters not that feudal Japan was a drastically different time to be alive and that this was the norm back then, or even that this remains a popular ship in Japan. All it comes down to is if whether we would currently tolerate such acts and behaviors were we to witness them in real life. If your answer is 'no', then it should be 'no' in every respect. If you deem it acceptable just because it's fiction, then I'm sorry to say, but you're going to have to answer to a lot of people. No surprise there, that goes for all fandoms. I guarantee you it's not just the people who personally identify as victims who have serious qualms with this ship either, because you don't necessarily need to have bad experiences of your own in order sympathize and see where a lot of these people are coming from. And no, just because I'm unhappy with the possibility of S*ssrin going canon does not mean I'm whining or that I'm attempting to spread negativity about this series before it's even out. Remember, fans have the right to be critical of whatever content it is they're watching/reading, and if they demand something in the storytelling be represented better, then of course they can challenge that. After all, none of us should feel like "canceling" the content we love is our only hope to fixing a story. That's not how it ever should be. Fans are fed up, and can you really blame them? Nah, we can strive to do better in this area, plus it's not like there isn't always room for improvement. So let's please be more vigilant about how the content we consume translates to reality, in addition to being mindful of how it can directly correlate to real life problems for ourselves as well as others around us.  

That's a wrap, y'all!! I hope you enjoyed what I had to offer on this topic, and here's hoping I actually contributed something new to this conversation! I'm aware that that's unlikely the case for us fans who've been living in this tag the past couple days (like me lol), but I'd like to believe I put my own spin on it and it was still worth your while. 😉 

P.S. Overall, I remain optimistic about the new show! So are there any friendly Inuyasha group chats on Tumblr I can join? If so, please do invite me! I need to obsess about this sequel even more than I already am, EEEK!!!

[plumoh]

[FE6] alleviated

Rating: G

Word count: 1178

Summary: A spell hits Roy and enhances his dragon blood.

Note: AO3 link. Written for day 2 of Roy Week 2021 -- corruption, Ninian!Roy. Extremely light RoyLili.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Claws marks glare back at him when he scrutinizes the ground, littered with fallen trees and destroyed weapons. He smells nothing in the air but blood and smoke, filling his nostrils with a nasty scent he needs to get rid of. Blood and smoke—he shouldn’t be able to smell them so distinctly, like he’s drowning in a puddle of ashes and charred meat. Yes, this is exactly the smell that is making him recoil from wherever he is. Loud voices are echoing behind him, in the distance, but they feel like they’re screaming something urgent directly into his ear. That’s not natural. He shouldn’t be so aware of his surroundings.

His fingers are itchy, sending shivers up his arms, waiting to release pent-up energy he didn’t realize he had. It’s painful to keep it all inside; his body is both cold and warm, trying to find a balance that feels unattainable within his physical limitations. He will burst if he doesn’t direct that energy somewhere. It’s nothing but wasteland around him, isn’t it?

“Roy, watch out!”

A flash of clarity. Roy—that’s his name.

His face meets the hard soil and suddenly rubble and broken blades are digging into his back and his legs, as he tumbles on several meters until he hits the trunk of one of the fallen trees. He hisses loudly, quickly getting back on his feet even when pain is fogging his mind, and he tries to identify who attacked him. His eyes focus on the silhouettes looming over him, tall and dark and menacing, and like a spell of thunder he’s instantly much more alert, ignoring the blood dripping down his face.

“You’re going to get hurt, get back!”

He doesn’t heed the advice. His hands are shaking with trepidation, and his whole body is asking for a fight. He distantly thinks he has never used his claws before, or his fangs, or his magic, but it all sounds inconsequential when he can simply learn to use them right this instant. The energy within his body flows freely, pulling him in capricious directions, as if he’s only a doll controlled by invisible strings.

The silhouette is slowly filled with colors and shapes, taking the form of a terrifying and monstrous dragon. He’s seen them before—watched them appear before him with fright, despair crawling on his spine. But this was when he didn’t know how to fight back, when all he had was a blunt sword and none of the strength and knowledge. He rises, stands taller and braver, embraces the comforting cold that is slowly enveloping him, and he lunges.

He remembers what happens next in fragments. He has never been the fastest or most robust boy—though he’s developed impeccable footwork and incredible endurance to defend those he holds dear as long as he can, gladly letting other people dealing the final blow. However, at that moment, a single swipe tears a gash into hardy scales and the volume of his roar causes flinching. His enemies are stepping back from him, intimidated and wary, or maybe furious and uncomprehending, but they see him as the most dangerous opponent. It was everything he wasn’t; his legs carried him from one enemy to another, performing a dance of attacks that left him bruised and battered but always bouncing back to eliminate the threat.

There is fire. There are lacerations and one too many shoves that made him stumble. There are people helping and guiding him, though he doesn’t remember their words.

When all was done, his enemies struck down and his adrenaline died down, everything becomes quiet. His frozen fingers and his headache pull him back into the reality of his own aching body, and he collapses—exhausted and, deep within his heart, afraid of opening his eyes again.

***

Someone is humming a familiar song. It’s soothing, washing over him like a comforting spell plucked from his dreams. The world around him comes back in layers and splashes of colors.

“Is…”

His throat is scratchy, dry and heavy, as if he spent the last few days screaming. It sends him into a coughing fit and suddenly the humming stops, letting in its stead a stream of worried sentences.

“Oh Roy, easy there. Here’s some water for you.”

The waterskin handed to him is half empty already, and he recognizes it as his own. Sitting up, he takes slow and small sips, holding the waterskin with shaking fingers. It does little to clear the fog of his mind, but at least his voice recovers some usage.

“Lilina,” he says, something akin to shame crawling in his tone.

“You have been unconscious for a few hours,” Lilina tells him softly. “We managed to set up camp without much of a fuss thanks to Merlinus and Marcus. Alan carried you on his horse.”

“I will have to apologize to them…”

Silence falls in the tent. Roy looks at his hands, devoid of injuries and of aches, only slightly trembling because of his own anxiety. He doesn’t feel any pain anywhere on his body, as if he hasn’t been fighting. He’s tired deep in his bones, though, and he’s thinking about all the damage his body could have sustained were he in his current human form.

“You… seem to remember what happened,” Lilina observes.

Her voice isn’t tainted with anger, but with concern. The lump in Roy’s throat thickens.

“I know I have been careless,” Roy replies, shaking his head. “I should have paid attention to my surroundings.”

“Nobody could have predicted that this spell would hit you, and trigger your powers. Don’t blame yourself for something you had no control over.”

Lilina places her hands on his own, squeezing lightly. She’s speaking patiently to him like she’s afraid he will crumble under the weight of his actions.

“I could have hurt anyone,” Roy mumbles.

“But you didn’t. And you were keenly aware of who your enemies were. Everyone in our army knew they shouldn’t approach you in this state.”

Roy chances a glance at Lilina—her face is devoid of judgment, her eyes clear as crystal as she directs her familiar gentle gaze at him. It’s not the first time she shows such kindness after terrible events have occurred; her strength is heavily tied to her kindness, and Roy feels foolish for thinking she’d be upset with him and not by the situation itself. He lets out a low chuckle, tension leaving his shoulders as he chases after the warmth of Lilina’s hands with his own.

“I don’t know what I would do without you by my side,” he whispers.

The grin stretching Lilina’s lips recover some of the teasing quality she always dons on whenever Roy acts particularly awkward.

“Well, you don’t have to think about it. I’m not leaving you.”

“Thank you for everything, Lilina.”

She shakes her head fondly at him—and Roy laughs, feeling much lighter and thinking that this journey, through war and his own growth, wouldn’t have been made possible without his loved ones.

[nataliedanovelist]

GF - Where the Crop Circles Grow ch.6

Summary: When things get out of hand at the Pines’ family farm, Ford asks an old college buddy to assist investigating anomalies and Stan hires a farmhand. Who knew asking for help would actually get you somewhere?

For @lemonfodrizzleart. Part of her Farmer AU and featuring her OC, Jackie Asante.

Ao3 link here.

ch.5 - ch.7

~~~~~~~~~~

Jackie was wide awake a good hour before the sun would rise, before Clock would wake the whole house, and yet she didn’t have the strength to get out of bed. Her mind was swimming with so many thought she felt like she was drowning.

Last night she had sex with Stanley Pines, her employer and friend. What the hell was she thinking?! She was thinking he was beautiful and smart and kind and everything she had ever wanted she just wanted to hold him forever, and thus it resorted to her losing her white dress to hay and walking out of a barn in Stan’s shirt and being caught red-handed by Ford and Fiddleford. (Thank God Tate was asleep and didn’t ask questions; if he had been awake Jackie probably would’ve killed herself.)

Her mind replayed what Stan had said to her before they got busy. He seemed to have meant those nice things he said to her, not just saying it to get her to undress. Jackie was a pretty decent reader of character, so okay, at the absolute very least Stan liked her. He wasn’t going to kick her out or dump her. But did he want to do it again? She knew she wanted to at some point, but…

Jackie groaned and laid on her stomach as she buried her face in her pillow. Really, would it be the end of the world if they were together? Probably not, but did Stan even want that? Jackie wanted to think so, but a small voice in the back of her mind told her he only saw her as an employee with benefits and to not get her hopes up. And of course there were the other men in the house. Ford was mortified when he discovered what they had done, but Jackie considered that it was only because he did not want to think about his twin having sex. Fiddleford, who had been married and even had a son, seemed a little too understanding and supportive. Jackie didn’t think she could stand to see their faces today, so she made up her mind to get up now, do her chores quickly before anyone else woke up, and lock herself in her room until dinner.

While the coffee pot brewed, Jackie quickly mixed together some simple blueberry muffins. While they baked in the oven, she quickly fed the chickens and watered the sheep and let them out onto the field. By the time she re-entered the kitchen the muffins were perfect and she let them cool while she tidied the sheep’s barn and gave them fresh hay. Jackie had just fixed her mug of coffee and plated herself two muffins when she heard footsteps and she hurried into her bedroom to indulge in a book.

It took a hot shower and a few sips of coffee for Stan to realize what Jackie had done. He laughed at himself to find the morning chores done and an easy breakfast laid out on the table. Shaking his head, he happily munched on a muffin on his way to the big barn to milk Luna and brush Truffles and he decided that he would check on her later.

~~~~~~~~~~

As the day wore on, as the sun crept higher and higher up the sky, dark clouds drifted into the scenery and hid the sun. Ford and Fiddleford had just enough time to retrieve their cameras so they could spend the rainy afternoon developing the photos in the thinking parlor before it started pouring down. It never escalated into thunder and lightning, but it was a merciless rain that kept the animals sleeping inside their barns and nests, but thankfully the lack of wind made it okay to sit on the porch and watch the rain, and that’s what Stan did until he fell asleep in his chair.

That left the four-year-old to snuggle up with a blanket on the couch and watch TV, but nothing good was on. Tate huffed and turned it off to try to think of what to do so he wouldn’t be bored no more. He could read a book, but he had done that yesterday. He could play with his toys in his room, but he didn’t feel like it. He wanted to get up and move, but it was raining too hard to play outside, Daddy said so when he came back with Uncle Ford with the cameras, so Tate decided he would do exploring.

He liked this house. It was big but not too big and it felt like home. He really liked it here, and though he knew it wasn’t good to be a sneaky peaky spy, Daddy and Uncle Ford and Uncle Stan and Auntie Jackie never got mad. Tate knew what most of the room were and where most doors led to, but there was one in the hallway that he didn’t know where it led to, so Tate opened it and he beamed to find raincoats, a vacuum, and a box of board games on the floor so Tate could reach.

Tate grinned and decided to pick a game to play. Maybe Daddy would wanna play, or when Uncle Stan wakes up he would wanna play. There was a small box of cards on the top of the stack; Tate thought it would be a good idea to play Go Fish. Tate saw Connect Forty-Four, Don’t Wake Stalin, Battle Chutes and Ladder Ships, but the game on top of the stack and right below the cards a game caught Tate’s eye. He liked the big red dragon behind the funny looking wizard, some kinda monster with big lips, and the pretty elf with the unicorn, all above a table of people playing the game.

Take picked up the green box and smiled. He was only four, but Daddy taught him how to read, so he could read the game and the rules. It looked like fun!

Meanwhile, Ford stretched his arms over his head and left the thinking parlor for a drink of water and possibly a snack. He looked down the hall and smiled when he found Tate in front of the closet where they kept the board games, holding a box he found intriguing. “Hello, Tate,” Ford said and walked up to him.

“Hi, Uncle Ford!” Tate piped and looked up at him and showed him the box in his hands. “Lookie what I found!”

Ford instantly recognized the well-used fantasy-talking, level-counting, statistics and graph-paper involved game from college and grinned. “Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons! That’s my favorite game in the whole Multiverse! I used to play with your father and some other fans of the game back in Backupsmore.”

“Can we play it now?” Tate asked.

Ford held his cleft chin in thought and smiled down at his best friend’s son. Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons was usually a complex and thoughtful game; you had to have a prepared Quest Master for starters, create a character and fill out a character-sheet, and use math and statistics a bit too advanced for the average four-year-old, but Tate wasn’t the average four-year-old. Ford knew he wasn’t good with kids and so he had somewhat kept his distance, but Fiddleford had often said the two were very similar and Ford was quicker to notice the similarities between the father and son, so Ford shrugged and got on one knee to be eye-level with the boy. He might not know much about kids, but he did know a lot about this. “Yes, I suppose we can play. This game involves both math and imagination, so I’m sure someone was intelligent as you will love it.”

Tate grinned at the compliment and watched Ford grab a black backpack from the closet’s shelf and then followed him to the living room to play on the card table. Luckily Ford had what he needed to be a Quest Master and knew the game well enough for the job, so he let Tate use a basic character to learn how to play and to see if he would like it. Ford looked out for any sign that the boy wasn’t having fun, but Tate took to it like a fish to water. The minute he learned he had to fill out a character sheet to play for real, he begged to fill one out and Ford happily showed him how to roll the dice and earn his character’s traits and skill-set.

Soon Ford had Tate the elf go on a magical quest. Tate found a dungeon by a river when he used his sword to cut away some plants, and Tate now had to battle boody-traps and devious gremlins to win the game. Ford started to roll dice in a normal manner, but after a while he reverted to his unique way: weaving the dice in between his fingers and picking it back up with his thumb, starting the cycle all over again. Tate nearly lost his mind and demanded to see it again. With hot cheeks, Ford happily showed the boy his little trick and Tate instantly tried to do it, too, but Ford chuckled and explained that it took lots of practice, and then it was back to the game.

“Alright, you enter the chamber.” Ford narrated, in his element, with the models in front of him and his guide for what to do, determined on what Tate rolled. Tate decided that he liked the way Uncle Ford told stories. “Princess Unattainable beckons you, but wait! It’s a trap!” Tate gasped in horror as Ford wiggled his twelve fingers and imitated an evil grin. “An illusion cast by Probabilitor the Annoying!”

“Oh no!” Tate yelled and shook the dice in his combined fists. “I’ll get him with my sword!”

“Hold on, he only has one weakness.” Ford chuckled. “Prime statistical anomalies over 37 but exceeding 51.”

“Oh. Isn’t an anomaly a weird thingy in the woods?”

Ford laughed; of course this kid would first associate the word with Ford and Fiddleford’s field research. “Yes, but… okay, okay, here’s what you do. You see the dice with 38 sides? Roll that with these two, and then I’ll roll these three, and then we get to do some math to see who wins.”

“Yay! Math!” Tate quickly rolled his three dice and Ford rolled his. Ford even took the time to show Tate on his notepad why you should add certain numbers together, and it looked like Tate barely beat Probabilator’s illusion. “Yes! I did it!”

“Good job!” Ford said and ruffled Tate’s hat. “You’ve Probabilitor on the ropes! Now…”

“Oh ho, so this is where you disappeared to.”

“Hi Daddy!” Tate said happily as Fiddleford stood at the doorway, smiling and amused by the scene before him. “Uncle Ford’s teachin’ me how t’play Dungeons, Dungeons n’ More Dungeons n’ be an elf n’ kick Probabilitor’s butt!”

Fiddleford raised an eyebrow at his old college roommate, his smile still standing. “You dug out that old game, then?”

“More like your son was nosy and I couldn’t resist teaching him a trick or two.” Ford answered with a chuckle and ruffled Tate’s hat to show there were no hard feelings.

“Ugh, are you serious?” Tate and Ford looked over to find that Stan had returned, rubbing his eyes with his fists, awoken by the sounds of dorks. “You’re teaching squirt that nerd game?”

“It’s not a nerd game, Stanley, you would like it if you gave it a chance.”

“Thanks, but no thanks. I prefer to do my dice rolling in Vegas.”

“C’mon, Uncle Stan, don’tcha wanna play?” Tate asked and smiled up at him. “You’re always a lot of fun to play with! You can even pick the weapon I get Probabilitor with!”

Stan couldn’t hide the blush in his face. Before he could answer, Jackie walked behind Stan swiftly for a drink of water, but Tate saw her and quickly said, “Auntie Jackie’ll play, won’t you?”

Jackie jumped and darted her eyes all over the room. She ignored Stan and Fiddleford’s smug looks and tried to piece together what the boy wanted. “Um… what?”

“Dungeons, Dungeons, n’ More Dungeons.” Tate explained and even held up the box’s lid for her. “Can’t we all play together, pwease pwease pwease?” He begged, and even puckered his bottom lip out a little bit to sweeten the deal.

Jackie smiled sympathetically as she exchanged facial expressions with the adults. It wasn’t fair to Tate that there was no one his age to play with or to keep him company. While he had never once complained, it meant a lot of his free time was spent playing alone or helping with chores just so he had somebody to talk to. Just for one afternoon, it couldn’t hurt to give in and do this one thing the child clearly desperately wanted.

“I don’t see why not.” She said with a shrug. “Never played, but I’ve heard good things about it. Why don’t I pop some popcorn and make hot chocolate for a snack?”

“Great idea!” Fiddleford backed up. “I’ll go get my old character sheet!”

“Alright, Stanley come here and I’ll help you create your character.”

“Ugh, do I gotta be some sparkly elf or something?”

“No, you can be whatever you want to be. An ogre, a fairy, a centaur…”

“You had me at ogre! I’m gonna have my own swamp and kick out any annoying fairytale creatures!”

Later that evening, after all the characters had been set and the game was ready to begin, the card table became too filled to function, so everything was laid out on the floor and everyone sat in pajamas and snacked on bowls of popcorn, pretzels, chipackcerz, and mugs of hot chocolate. Clipboards for the players’ character sheets, colorful dice, and notepads also littered the living room, and as the room was lit with candles and the wood-burning fireplace to give it a spooky feel, Ford happily narrated his players through the game. “After your victory against the clan of goblins, you rest at a pub…”

“I’m gonna flirt with the barmaid to get some free drinks!” Stan declared and rolled a 38 sided die; once he understood that this game involved more risk and imagination than math, he started to warm up to it, and though he would never admit it, he had fun playing pretend.

Ford chuckled and looked down at the die. “You’re successful! The barmaid is charmed by your smooth words and strong stature, and slides you a free drink, but unfortunately your score isn’t high enough to earn everyone else a drink. Your players need to recharge from battle, so everyone needs to pay one gold coin for fuel.”

“Imma get chocolate milk!” Tate cheered as he changed the amount of gold he had in his bag on his character sheet.

“Okay, everyone roll your 12 sided die.” Once all the dice were still, Ford winced at the score and said with a devilish smile, “Your cheerfulness over your victory has caught the attention of your worst, and most annoying, enemy: Probabilitor the Annoying!”

“Dang it!” Stan yelled as he popped a piece of gum into his mouth.

“He’s accompanied by his trusty eagle, perfect for capturing victims, a hot elf, and his head ogre. Seeking revenge for taking down his army of goblins, Probabilitor attacks the pub with…” Ford rolled his dice. “... a math ray! Everyone roll your D-38.”

While Stan rolled a 32 and Tate rolled a 28, Fiddleford rolled a 17 and Jackie rolled a 2. “What!?” She shrieked, having been earning low numbers the entire game. “Stan, did you load my dice!?”

“Aw, c’mon, missy,” Stan laughed. “I wouldn’t cheat… okay, but not at a nerd game. It ain’t worth my best tricks.”

“While Goldie and Tate dodged the math ray in time, Hadron and Drizzle are hit, Drizzle left weak while Hadron almost made it to safety. The eagle takes advantage and takes them in his talons, following Probabilitor into the sky as the ogre and hot elf ride on the large bird’s back. Goldie, Tate, what do you do?”

“We go after them!” Tate declared.

“What happens if we don’t?” Stan asked.

“Probabilitor will eat their brains. It’s his thing.” Ford answered.

“Fine, guess we’ll go on another quest.” Stan ruffled Tate’s hat, the two paired into a team, and Ford had them set off into the woods for their team members.

“Alright, meanwhile at the campsite,” Ford went on. “Hadron and Drizzle are tied to a tree while the hot elf readies the brain-cooking pot.”

“Hold on, ain’t there a way we can escape?” Fiddleford asked. “It’s only rope, n’ I got my dagger, remember. If it’s in my belt by my hip…”

“Good ingenuity, let’s give it a try.” Ford cleared his throat and reread the rules to make sure it was fair. “Probabilitor, distracted by picking garnishes for your brains, doesn’t notice that Hadron has a weapon he can use without his hands. Roll your D-12, you have to get a 10 or higher to be successful.”

Fiddleford blew into his fists for good luck and let his D-12 go, but then slapped his forehead and winced at the 8.

“You managed to cut some of the binding holding you and Drizzle captive, but your dagger falls from your belt and lands on the grass and out of reach. Before Drizzle can even try to get it back with her foot, Probabilitor returns to do some more annoying dragging about how he’s going to eat you.”

“If I get my eight-year-old character killed over this, Imma lose it.” Fiddleford joked; there was no way he was going to die like this, right? Right?!

“Ugh, if my hands were free I’d break every part of his face.” Jackie growled.

“Oh ho, Probabilitor is so annoying he has even invoked the wrath of the peaceful druid elf.” Ford chuckled. “Helpless for the time being, it’s up to Goldie and Tate to save them, but first they must travel through the woods and reach the campsite.”

“Okay!” Tate cheered and punched the air, ready to beat up some bad guys.

“You two are getting close to your destination, you can tell by the frequent fairy bites. When suddenly your path is blocked by a huge ogre, armed with an axe!”

“Aw, come on, Manly Dave, I thought we were cool.” Stan said sarcastically and the whole room laughed.

“‘Halt!’ Dave the Ogre says.” Ford was using a deeper, gritter voice for the ogre, making Tate grin as the narrator had a way of making the story come to life. “‘You interlopers are trespassing on the ancient forest of Probabilitor the Wizard! If ye wish to pass, first ye must complete seven unworldly quests, each more difficult than the last…’”

“I bonk him over the head with my bat!” Stan interrupted.

“Okay, one, you have a club, not a bat, Stanley,” Ford explained for the uptheenth time. “And second, you can’t…”

“Sure I can! Our team members are gonna be dead soon, we don’t have time for seven stupid quests! So I use nature’s snooze button and bonk him over the head!” Stan argued and shook his dice in his fist.

“Fine, roll your D-38…” The room gasped as Stan rolled a 36. Ford, chuckling with disbelief, said, “You bonk your club on the ogre’s head and it knocks him out cold. He’s not dead, but he won’t be walking for a long time.”

“There’s no cops in the forest.” Stan hissed to Tate. “We take this to our graves.”

The boy actually pushed his hat and bangs back to show Uncle Stan his trusty wink, making the whole room laugh.

“Very well! You are approaching the campsite!” Ford narrated with wiggling fingers. “As Goldie and Tate hide in the bushes, Probabilitor tackles.” Ford cleared his throat and made the wheeziest, annoying voice he could muster, causing Jackie to snort and cover her mouth to keep from spitting out soda. “‘And now, a little math problem! When I subtract your brains from your skulls, add salt, and divide your team, what’s the remainder?’”

“YOUR BUTT!” Tate cried out.

“‘What?!’” Ford wheezed. “‘My butt isn’t part of this particular equation!’” The whole room laughed loudly and Ford had to wait for everyone to calm down before continuing. “Though your insult may have been funny, your cover is blown. Goldie and Tate now have no choice but to battle Probabilitor for the lives of Hadron and Drizzle!”

“Yup, we’re dead.” Fiddleford said and pulled out a clean character sheet. “Better start creatin’ a new character.”

“Hey! We’ve got this, right squirt?” Stan asked as he wrapped an arm around Tate.

“Yeah!”

“Let the battle begin!” Ford placed two small figures of ogres and said, “The ogres swing first! Roll your D-38s to dodge!” Ford rolled a 13 while Stan rolled a 14.

“Goldie uses a… Shield of Shielding to, you know, shield Goldie and Tate!” Stan made up.

“Probabilitor casts a reversal spell, and…” Ford rolled a 15. “... is successful. The shield disintegrates. The ogres attack! Now you can choose to attack or…”

“Oh! Giggle time bouncy boots!” Tate yelled out. “To jump over the meanie’s heads!” Both Ford and Tate rolled, but Tate’s was higher.

“The boots work!” Ford said. “Goldie and Tate bounce to safety, missing the axes and clubs by the skin of their noses.”

“Now they use flamey swords… no! SUPER hot flamey swords!” Tate declared, getting really excited. The boy rolled a 21, Stan rolled an 18, and Ford rolled a 2.

“Incredible luck!” Ford gasp. “Your swords are so powerful they destroy the ogres in an instant!” And he swiped up the little figures. “‘Drat you!’ Probabilitor screeches. ‘You’ll never outrun my Ogre-nado!’” And Ford rolled a 30.

“Yes we will!” Tate said and hopped up on his feet, shaking the die hard. “Centaur-taur will swoop in and save Tate and Goldie!” And Tate rolled a 32.

“A what?” Fiddleford chuckled.

“A Centaur-taur.” Tate repeated and showed a drawing he had made last night when thinking of weapons and characters. It was both horrifying and impressive.

“Tate, I am so confused n’ so proud right now.” Fiddleford said thickly with shiny blue eyes.

“The Centaur-taur dashes just in time and carries Goldie and Tate to the thick of the trees, where the ogre-nado is broken and destroyed. Goldie and Tate rush back to try to free Hadron and Drizzle, but Probabilitor’s score is still too high to be defeated.” Ford rolls his D-4, D-12, and D-38 to determine which of Probabilitor’s spells or minions to use; the Quest Master’s eyes widened as this specific combination of numbers meant he had to use the most powerful monster is all of Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons.

Ford grinned sheepishly, and narrates slowly for suspense, “You think all is well and good, but Probabilitor was saving the worst for last. Just before Goldie and Tate reach their team members, they’re grabbed by a huge claw with three fingers and are faced with a mouth inside of a mouth and a fiery red eye.” And Ford slammed down the biggest statue they had.

Fiddleford gasped. “The Impossi-Beast! I thought they banned this character!” He argued.

Ford shrugged. “Sorry, but this is the original 1972 version. They didn’t ban the Impossi-Beast until the second version, released in 1975.”

“It’s okay, we’ll just think of some cool weapons…”

“Ya don’t understand, son.” Fiddleford said as he gripped the boy’s shoulder. “He’s so powerful that he can only be defeated by rolling a perfect 38! If not, then we all lose our characters!”

“Rollin’ a 38?!” Tate gasped. “The odds are…”

“Hey, long odds are what you want when you’re a world-class gambler!” Stan said and took up his D-38. “C’mon, c’mon… Papa needs a new pair of… elves!” And he let go of the D-38.

Tate held onto Stan’s arm as it rolled across the floor. Fiddleford’s knees were bouncing despite being criss-cross. Jackie had her hands in her hair. Ford bit his lip, wanting his first quest with the team to be a success. The little blue die looked like it might fall on 1, but at the last second it balanced perfectly on that beautiful 38.

“WHAT?!”

Tate jumped up and down as he cheered and punched the air. “YES! Yes, yes, yes! We won! We won!”

“What do you say, buddy?” Stan asked.

“DEATH BY MUFFINS!”

“Goldie and Tate then throw magical Death Muffins into the Impossi-Beast’s mouth!” Ford narrated. “The monster explodes and Probabilitor is powerless and pathetic as always. But keeping true to his name, he annoyingly disappears into a cloud of math, promising to be back for another journey, but for now Drizzle and Hardon are free, and Goldie and Tate are upgraded to level 2 and earn twenty pieces of gold.”

“YAY!” Tate quickly scribbled down the changes on his character! “Can we go on another adventure?! Maybe we’ll find a dragon this time! I wanna try to get a Trust Arrow!”

“Unfortunately that’s all I had plan for now.” Ford held his chin and gave it some more thought. “I suppose I could…”

“Not so fast, Sixer, that’s enough nerd-game for me.” Stan stretched his arms over his head. “Ole Goldie over here’s ready for some mindless fun.”

“How about a movie?” Jackie asked and looked under the TV for the box of VCR tapes. “We’ve got The Voyages of Lionclothiclese: Clash of the Genres.”

“Oo! Put it in!”

“I haven’t seen that movie in years!” Fiddleford said excitedly as his son sat in his lap up on the couch.

Ford moved up to the couch and allowed Jackie to put the tape in the machine and soon the TV lit up with the lights and sounds of the old film. Stan had collapsed into his armchair and Jackie held her knees by her chest, sitting between the couch and the chair. Stan noticed this and shook his head discreetly. No way such a pretty woman was going to sit on the floor, even if it was carpet. 

Jackie couldn’t help but feel someone’s eyes on her, and when they looked at each other Stan gave his lap a little pat so no one else would notice. The farm-woman hesitated, but being in his hold sounded amazing, and really what did she have to lose, so she slipped up into his arms and curled up in his lap, the gang allowing the old movie to fill the atmosphere and happily distract them from the real world.

[rivkahstudies]

Hi, i've been having big troubles with wanting to be better at academia and stuff but im not really sure how to get started... i sorta feel like an imposter a lot but im trying to not let it affect me but sometimes i just have moments of excruciating executive dysfunction where i can't move because I want to do so many things and my body is fighting against me... Idk if i even have a question really but it feels better to tell you this... i really look up you a lot and have for a long time...

Hi nonnie! It’s incredibly brave of you to drop this in my inbox. Yes, even anonymously. It takes a lot to even type that kind of honesty out. So thank you, and I hope you take a moment to thank yourself.

Secondly, thank you for touching my heart by your kind words. I hope you realize as you look up to me that I have the same kind of feelings, as do many studyblrs–and I’m dedicated to being honest about it so you don’t feel as if you have to live up to a perfect (and impossible, and fake) standard. I go to therapy regularly despite being in a lot better place than I used to be, because it’s almost like going for a mental check-up or gym session, and my therapist helps me sort through even tiny things so I can build better habits and mindsets. But I still remember feelings of dysfunction well, and I still battle with imposter syndrome!

The most important key ideas here are attainable goals and self talk. Both of these ideas don’t come easily, they do take work, but they’re tools that make other difficult things easier over time, with persistence.

When your body is fighting you (and really, more than anything with executive dysfunction, your mind is fighting you and making your body less functional), even baby steps can be difficult. For you, it could be anything from exercising to studying to eating to showering. Big or small, it’s totally valid that you may or may not struggle with it, and it doesn’t make you desperate for attention, or fake, or pathetic.

Let’s take your desire to “get better at academia.” That could mean a lot of things, so I’m going to latch onto one facet of it as an example. If it doesn’t apply with that exact example, that’s completely okay! Just alter it to apply to what you are struggling with, or desiring.

1. Big, abstract goal: to get better at academia

2. What that means (for this example): developing better study habits

3. What kind of things constitute that? That’s still a big, abstract goal that sounds quite formidable and unattainable. List out as many things as you can that you are striving to do or would want to try. Not everything might work for you!

Managing time better

scheduling study time

being accountable via apps or with family/friends

being efficient or effective (i.e. not getting distracted 

Finding study habits that work for you and for the class’ requirements

flashcards

typed computer notes

handwritten computer notes

handwritten paper notes

infographics

youtube videos

interactive online exercises

conversations with classmates, tutors, or professors

podcasts

mind maps

journal entries

presentations

self-made study guides

practice tests (self-made or provided, online or on paper)

Feynman’s technique–writing a summary of what you’re studying, and then comparing it to the actual material. Whatever is missing is what you need to focus on, because my mantra is that it will always appear on the test.

ranking the subjects or topics by what you know most to least and studying from the bottom up. I can post a more detailed guide to this if you want! just hit me up again.

Also changing the way you treat and care for yourself

setting a stable routine

eating better (this means different things for different people–maybe you need more Vitamin C, so you should focus on more fruits in your diet, or iron, so vegetables, etc… consult with a doctor or registered dietician, not a nutritionist since they don’t have to have a degree or certification)

going to bed at a routine time

if you have to choose one, make the wake up time set. that way, if you do go to bed late but wake up at that time, it’ll reset your body clock to be sleepier earlier the next day. it’ll eventually even itself out. 

drinking more water

setting up or revising your skin care routine

taking measured and unmeasured breaks away from studying to allow the information to set in your brain and to give your mind and body a much-needed reprieve

setting limits on how much screentime you want yourself to add

Self-talk

This is the big one I want to impart on you before this post is over.

You can’t just try to implement these better habits. You also have to focus on what you’re thinking when you’re doing or not doing them, and how you’re psychologically treating yourself. This isn’t easy! It takes a lot of time. And that’s okay. You aren’t going to be free of this stuff overnight. I’ve been working on this stuff actively since I was about 17 and I’m still struggling with it. But I’m also much better at addressing it than I was almost three years ago.

Be aware

Recognize when you’re treating yourself harshly. Acknowledge those times you say “I’m not good enough” in the very back of your mind. Because a lot of times we aren’t even fully conscious of how much we say “I hate myself” or “I’m stupid” or “I can’t do this.”

Once you’ve done that, start calling attention to it.

Hold yourself accountable. If this were someone hurting a friend of yours, you would likely be calling them out for the whole world to know their cruel behavior isn’t acceptable. It’s the same thing for yourself! Those awful thoughts in your brain might live there from self-doubt, mental illness, or other reasons, but you do get to decide if they pilot your actions and your mentality, even if they’re whispering awful things about how you don’t have a choice but letting them be in control. 

I will freely admit on here that I’m attending therapy, because I seek to destigmatize it. I’m not at rock bottom. I’m not pathetic. I just noticed some things about me that I need to change, heal, and/or improve, and I wanted a professional to help me! Much like if I sprained my ankle or got a cold and needed to see a doctor. And one of the things that my therapist told me was as much as my anxiety felt debilitating, I am the one piloting my body and I am the one who gets to decide whether my self-talk is going to change.

And do it gently.

Not “you’re an awful person for saying these things about yourself.” You don’t solve bullying with bullying, and you definitely don’t solve putting yourself down or feeling like an imposter but doing more of the same. Instead, show compassion to yourself. 

Have a conversation with yourself.

“Why do I feel like this?” 

“Where is this coming from?”

“What makes me say that?” 

“What can I say instead?”

“What would make me feel better?”

“What could change my mindset about this problem?”

The choice is up to you how you do it. But pretend you’re pulling someone who is misbehaving or acting cruel aside, and instead of reprimanding them, you just gently put your hand on their shoulder and say, “I’m here. What’s going on? What’s causing this behavior?”

Do the same exact thing with yourself! Offer that compassionate hand. If you’re anything like me, your imposter system is probably coming from undue pressure on yourself, self-doubt, previous bad experiences, fear of failure or rejection, insecurity, anxiety, or any number of other things that could make you doubt your beauty, your talent, your work ethic, your ability to succeed.

And a lot more people have it than you think! Just don’t compare yourself to others when, even if you know them well, you can’t know them 100%. I’m sharing my experiences because I want you to know that you’re not alone. And I also want you to know that you can only fix yourself, you can only control yourself, and the same goes for others–they have no business (and probably aren’t thinking of having any business) judging you or controlling you. If they are, screw them. Your job is to take care of and focus on yourself.

Once you know where it’s coming from, start substituting the language.

You can’t do this. “You may not be able to do this yet, but with some effort, you’ll be able to–or, you’ll be close to being able to.”

You’re a failure. “Everyone makes mistakes or fails. It doesn’t define you.”

It was just luck that got you this far. “It was hard work, passion, and effort. Keep hanging onto those things.”

You’re not good enough. “You are enough, and you don’t exist for others. You exist for yourself.”

People will get bored of you. “You don’t exist to entertain or please others.”

There’s a million more I could go through, but hopefully these examples are enough for you to apply it to your own doubts.

This might be a good exercise to journal. Because then you actually have to get the thoughts out instead of them staying scrambled in your brain. Feel free to do a bulleted guide for yourself like this one!

Etc, etc, etc… Any one of these single bullets could be an entirely distinct post, but I hope this is enough to start you off, nonnie. I want to apologize for taking my sweet time responding, but I really hope you’re still out there, somewhere on tumblr, and you see this post. You are loved, nonnie, especially by me, and I’m always here if you need something. If you message me again, call yourself something, like “self talk nonnie,” so I know I’m still talking to you.

You are all loved! You are all enough! You are all valuable and beautiful as long as you stay true to yourselves.

[topimagines]

Tip Toes

Summary: I’m on my tip toes, trying to see past my ego. Reaching for something more than this feeling of being important. Leaving my heart behind is bleeding, but my pride is screaming. My future will listen to me, listen to me.

Warning: I wanted to write angst, but this came out. IDK how to label it. Listen to tip toes by half alive while reading. issa long one

Y/n had not dated much. Actually, she did not start looking for a relationship until her freshman year of college. By then there weren’t many people she talked to and considered a friend; therefore, the idea of dating someone, being close to someone that was not her friend, did not pique her interest. Around the time she met Brendon and Sarah, she had lost all hope in a romantic relationship. It almost seemed too good to be true, a truly happy relationship seemed unattainable.

This feeling came in waves, making her feel nauseous like she was on a boat in a hurricane. It became truly difficult to accept a happy reality that ended in kids of her own and a husband or wife, but she knew it was just about impossible. Her best friends were a married couple and a gay man (who was also in a happy relationship), they always rooted for her. But they didn’t understand, she was a twenty-something-year-old who had no idea how to even kiss someone. Everyone always told her (especially her friends) that it was admirable that she held out for so long like she was waiting for the right person or something.

In other words, y/n would describe herself as the biggest virgin on earth, and it genuinely was from a lack of trying.

It almost felt as if her own future didn’t belong to her.

Some days were better than others, just like the day Sarah asked her to come to hang out at her house. y/n had just gotten done with finals, so she had basically a month of sitting around and waiting for the Spring semester to finally start. Sarah and Brendon cuddled on the couch, y/n on the chair in the corner of the room actually watching the movie and trying to not pay attention to the couple that was no doubt finger banging each other under the blanket they shared.

“I think I should go,” y/n said, “I have to work in the morning so I can’t stay up too late.” She stretched her arms and legs when she got up from the chair. Sarah seemed to be frightened out of a daze when she looked up at her friend.

“Oh, okay!” Sarah chirped, pushing Brendon away from her, “Do you want me to walk you out?”

y/n shook her head, “no thanks, I’m fine.”

“Well… I’ll see you later?” Sarah asked. Y/n didn’t really want to. It wasn’t that she didn’t like hanging out with them, they always made her feel lonely. And sad. But mostly lonely.

“I don’t know, I have a busy week at the hospital; I will text you when I get time,” y/n said before bidding the couple goodbye and leaving the house.

Sarah looked at her husband, who had gotten entranced by the movie in the five minutes since he was trying to sneak his hand into her pants. “You are such an idiot.”

“What did I do?”

-

Y/n got home that night very confused about her feelings. Her brain was spiraling out of control with delusions of being married and having someone who would dote on her the same way Brendon did Sarah. At the same time, she never really paid attention to them behind the scenes, so maybe they’re dysfunctional and she never saw it.

That didn’t make sense, if she knew one thing about the couple, it was that they talked about everything. And Sarah told her everything, every fight they had, Sarah would go to y/n’s apartment and sit until Brendon sulked his way over.

Every time she thought about the couple, she got a weird sensation of butterflies in her stomach.

No, she thought, I am not developing a stupid crush just because I’m sad and lonely.

That night she couldn’t sleep; it didn’t help that she knew she did have work in the morning and the hospital was unforgiving when the lab techs were late. By the time she finally stopped swimming in her thoughts, she had dreams of her friends, holding her hand and kissing her on the forehead.

It was 6 AM before she knew it, and she had to get up and get ready for work.

Hopefully, tea would help wake her up before she got to work and did a piss poor job.

-

Y/n had never been more appreciative of the hospital. She had fond memories of staying there, almost dying, meeting so many different doctors that she just didn’t have it in her to leave.

Sarcasm, that was the key to understanding her outlook on life. Constant use of sarcasm.

But she would be lying if she said that today, and every day for the past week, she was so glad they had a week full of emergencies and a trip planned for a conference with Lab Technologists across the country. This trip would take her to Boston and all she could think of was the idea of seeing every museum she could for one full week and going to a conference full of people who had a thorough understanding of microbiology and hematology. It was almost enough to make her come in her jeans.

What she did not appreciate, was Brendon coming to visit her while she was supposed to be working. She had just gotten a lab sample to test for any drug she could when Brendon waltzed in with In N Out in his hand. He greeted her with a hug and handed her the bag.

“Sarah is at work,” he sighed, “she doesn’t get a lunch today because she’s busy or something, so I thought I’d visit my bestie.” She was too distracted to notice what he was saying. Brendon tried to call her name, the third time she snapped.

“What do you want?” she half yelled, looking away from her specimen.

Brendon looked taken aback; he didn’t even know how to reply when he has never seen her so angry before. Her coworker, a younger man by the name of Jeremy Ren, looked up from his microscope and stepped over to her area.

“L/n, you go take your lunch break, I’ll take care of this shotgun,” he took the test tubes and brought them back to his microscope with him, still eyeing the two.

She scoffed and stomped out, ditching her lab coat at the door. She led Brendon to the hospital cafeteria and sat down with him in the corner.

“What’s wrong? You usually aren’t so…” Brendon trailed off, “Are you still being overworked? Have you talked to your boss about time off?”

Y/n shook her head, “I’m just… fine, I’m fine.” Internally, she cringed. If she talked to him about it, maybe she could resolve the war she had inevitably put herself into.

But the idea of not telling him anything was far more appealing. Nothing had to change.

“Are you sure? You look tired, have you been sleeping?” He reached over and grabbed her hand, tracing his thumb over her knuckles.

God, Brendon, she thought, Stop being so caring, it’s not helping my situation. She pulled her hand away and tucked it under her pants. This couldn’t happen. She did everything she could to give herself a reason not to develop a stupid crush on the man in front of her. She could only come up with two.

1.       He’s married to her best friend

2.       He definitely wouldn’t see her the same way

Number two made her heart bleed. Not literally, she knew the severity of an actual bleeding heart, she worked in a hospital for Christ’s sake. But if she were to imagine the pain, this would be it.

“I’m just… excited for this trip to Boston next week,” she confessed. It wasn’t a lie by any means, she stayed up all night a month ago when she heard she was going on the trip, planning what she wanted to pack. This didn’t change the stare he had on the table where her hand used to be, and his hand still sat.

“Oh, that is coming up, isn’t it?” he put a smile on his face, trying to quickly recover from whatever feeling he felt. “I’m sorry, I’m a bit off today. We haven’t seen you all week, we miss you at the house.”

She frowned. There was an impulsive need in her to put her hand back and comfort him. But she knew she shouldn’t do it because she knew it would only make her feel worse.

“I’ve been busy with work, had a lot of emergencies and stuff,” she explained, “I’m free this weekend, I’ll try to come over before I leave for the airport on Sunday.” That was not what she wanted to say, why did she say that?

“Sounds like a plan!” he seemed happy with that suggestion though, so maybe she didn’t have anything to worry about.  “How has your week been, then? What kinda emergencies did you get?”

She and Brendon talked for a while, she told him about the guy who came in with necrotic tissue on his arm from heroin, and he told her about his charity live stream and how proud he was of everyone who donated.

Watching him so happy as he explained what happened, she felt herself swooning. They sat in silence for a few moments after he finished speaking, both focused on eating their food. One of the surgical nurses walked passed them with a smile on her face.

“Y/n, I didn’t know you had a boyfriend!” Brendon smirked and opened his mouth to explain that they weren’t a couple, but the nurse continued on, “you’re always going on about how lonely you are! It’s nice to see you’re finally getting out there.” Y/n’s eyes were wide, and a blush crept across her cheeks.

“Uh… thank you, Andrea,” she said with a shaky voice.

“So proud of you, my dear,” Andrea smiled brightly t the two before she walked away, bidding them goodbye.

“You’re lonely?” Brendon asked when Andrea was out of earshot.

y/n couldn’t speak as she stared at her fries, the only response she gave was a small nod.

“Why are you lonely? You never date… or expressed a desire… to date.” Damn you, Sarah, she thought, that was supposed to be a secret.

“well… lately, it’s been a bit different,” she sighed, “I’m almost 30, I’ve never been on a real date or…. Done anything, really. I thought I’d at least have a boyfriend by now.” That was easier to get off her chest than she thought.

“You’ve never done anything? Not even like… a kiss?” Brendon knew he was badgering her now, but this was so unbelievable to him. She was so smart and beautiful; how could anyone look passed her?

She shook her head, eyes still on the fries that were no longer steamy, “Can we drop it please?”

Brendon took in the shakiness to her tone and decided to drop it like she asked. This topic would definitely come up later with Sarah, though. He had so many more questions.

When they parted ways after lunch, Brendon couldn’t hold back a smile as he leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. She blushed harder than she had at lunch when she said bye to him. No one, besides her parents and grandparents, had ever kissed her on the cheek.

She kind of liked it.

-

Sarah told Brendon everything he wanted to know. She didn’t know why, at first, but he explained what happened during lunch.

“But you can’t badger her or make her feel bad,” Sarah emphasized, “She always felt self-conscious about it, even after we became friends.” Brendon understood, even though he never had to deal with stuff like that. He had lost his virginity early on, and everything just came naturally after that.

“I would never.”

-

“So, what’s with you never dating anyone?” He had promised not to pry, but now it was late at night in y/n’s apartment and he had more than a few drinks in his system. Sue him, he wanted to hang out and she brought out the wine.

“I just… don’t do it?” y/n had a few drinks in her too, the wine was making her feel like being truthful. If she were sober, she wouldn’t be telling hi anything, but maybe she needed to get it off her chest? Drunk y/n thought so, anyway. “I didn’t get my first boyfriend until my freshman year of college, and before that, I only had minor flings with girls from my school. I don’t know, dating always makes me anxious.”

“And you’ve never done anything?” He knew her answer already. This was beginning to get repetitive and even drunk y/n was fed up with it.

“Why do you keep asking that?”

“Because it’s… it’s so rare! You’re like a unicorn!” he laughed at his comparison. She shook her head, she felt kind of offended, but she knew what he was saying. He hadn’t meant it to be an insult at all, he was kind of proud of her, even with pressures that a woman date and be married by her age, she didn’t feel that. She was unabashedly herself.

He didn’t know what came over him when he opened his mouth next, “I mean, I can always help you.”

y/n looked into his eyes, and she swore that if she were a meme, she would have question marks floating around her head. “What?”

“I mean if you ever want your first kiss… or something else… I can always help you,” he didn’t know why he was saying it, but he couldn’t help but offer. The offer was outlandish, yes, but he knew Sarah would be alright with it. She had mentioned before how much she liked y/n, in a more than platonic way.

Before this whole topic came up, Brendon was planning on asking her to be their third, if she wanted to be. However, she told him she hadn’t dated someone very seriously.

“But… wh- h- Sarah?” y/n was blushing, her face and ears were bright red. This was not how she expected this to go.

“She would want to do the same thing, she has a thing for you,” drunk Brendon was an honest Brendon, apparently, “was gonna ask you if you wanted to go on a date with us the other day but obviously I didn’t.”

Y/n didn’t know what to say. Like, of course, he had to do this when she was drunk and couldn’t very well keep her thoughts to herself.

“Um…. Are you asking me now if I want to go on a date with you and Sarah?” y/n asked.

“Well, that wasn’t my first question,” Brendon leaned closer, and cupped her face with his left hand, “Tell me to stop if you want me to stop.” He continued leaning in, slowly but surely. He waited for her to protest; when she didn’t say anything, he finally connected their lips. If he were to compare all of his other kisses to the one right then, she wouldn’t be the worst. She was inexperienced, but her lips were soft and tasted like peppermint from her seasonal chapstick.

When she pulled away, he almost chased after her.

For the rest of the night, he explained the logistics of kissing, and eventually, they both fell asleep on the couch after he went on the the longest tangent on what kind of guitar he would get now that his “cream dream" was gone.

-

She left for Boston after saying goodbye to Brendon or Sarah. She had also talked to Robert (her other best friend) the day before the trip; he yelled at her for not telling him right away about everything that had been happening. To be genuinely honest, she needed this vacation after her night with Brendon.

It was a relief when Brendon left in the morning after they had kissed. The memory of her first kiss still burned in the back of her mind, but she didn’t want to focus on that. Right now, it was her time to relax.

That was until Brendon texted her asking what hotel she was at. She told him, just assuming he wanted to make sure she got there safe. Why would she think anything else?

She should have thought of something else. Now she was sitting in her room, scrolling through the TV when she heard the knock at the door.

He didn’t, she thought, please tell me he didn’t.

She opened the door and saw the couple standing in front of her with giant smiles on their faces.

He did.

“what are you doing here?” she said instead of greeting them.

Sarah let herself in, “we wanted to surprise you! You’ve wanted this vacation for a while, and we thought you’d want company!”

She really didn’t want company, but she put a smile on her face anyway.

-

After spending the whole week with Brendon and Sarah, y/n was exhausted. She only got a real break from the two when she was at the conference. They had both wished her luck that morning and went back to giggling under the blankets of their shared bed.

Now she was back in Los Angeles, and she was so fucking happy to go back to normal.

However, they didn’t necessarily go back to normal. Brendon spent a lot more time at her apartment than he used to. He started to initiate cuddling, press kisses to her cheek and hairline, and hugging her more than he used to. She started to see more of Sarah, as well. She did it more subtly. She bought y/n drinks and take her to fancy restaurants, surprises her with jewelry and takes her shopping, anything really.

All y/n wanted was for one of them to say something.

And when she least expected it, Brendon did.

“Have you ever wanted to lose your virginity?” Brendon asked during a movie one day. y/n shrugged, she couldn’t say she was surprised, she knew he would ask eventually.

“I guess,” she sighed, “its just not something I really let myself think about. I never thought anyone would… y’ know, want to. And I’m 28, no one wants to date a virgin at my age.”

“Don’t say that,” he took her hand in his. Recently, it had been his sign of comfort to lace his fingers with hers and rub his thumb along the back, “I already told you, me and Sarah love you…”

y/n couldn’t look up at him, she only stared at her fingers. She didn’t say anything, either.

“you never answered, you know,” he whispered, “let us take you on one date. A fancy restaurant, or a movie, whatever makes you least anxious.”

y/n shook her head. The feeling of drowning, even before saying yes, was obvious. She felt like she couldn’t breathe and had to remind herself how to focus on the feeling of his hand in hers.

“or, we can keep it low key, not label it… just the three of us?”

“um… okay..” y/n thought, “no labeling, just… just us. Let’s go see the new Jumanji.”

“That sounds perfect,” Brendon smiled down at y/n.

Maybe her future did belong to her.

[echodrops]

Why You Should Be Shipping Shigaraki/Ochako

No, no, hang on a second--I see that side-eye you are throwing hard enough to ruin your peripheral vision. I feel the shade you’re casting like a thundercloud rolling in. But you didn’t read wrong. I meant what I said.

I’ve never made a secret of my love for rare pairs, but for once in my damn lonely shipper’s hellscape of a life I would love it if my favorite crack ship in a fandom had more than two fics (I’m NOT JOKING) to its name.

What can I do to correct this egregious oversight before the entire summer passes with nary a whisper of the most romantic ship since Juliet wherefore art thou’d Romeo?

Well, what else? I was forged in the fires of early 2000s’ fandom, and I know that desperate times call for desperate measures meticulously researched and extremely rose-tinted

Shipping Manifestos.

Fam, I am about to blow your minds, align your chakras, open your third eyes--because Shigaraki and Ochako is the most slept on ship in the entire BNHA fandom, and if you give me ten minutes like an hour (holy shit, this is long), I can prove it.

Disclaimer: @mistystarshine is the enabler who convinced me to write this but we were both enabled by @ohmytheon’s Reconfigure (on AO3) so you know who’s really responsible.

Spoilers to Chapter 231, watch out.

First off, I know what you’re thinking. Maybe you’re still reading from pure shock. Maybe you’re doubt-reading to get your daily fix of internet skepticism. Maybe you’re waiting for me to say these two characters are meant to be because she wears pink and his hair is blue. Maybe you’re already freaking out about age gaps but like that is what future fics and AUs are actually for!!!

I’m not telling you to give up your IzuOcha or Kacchako. I’m not gonna pry ShigaDabi out of your eager little villain stan hands. But if you’ve never considered multi-shipping, now is the time my friends, because I’m totally serious heartfelt here! I’ve got VALID reasons for shipping Shigako--ten of them, in fact:

1) Midoriya is taken for granted as Uraraka’s love interest--but Shigaraki is incredibly similar to him.

There are reams of meta on the parallels between Midoriya and Shigaraki, with plenty people noting how Horikoshi specifically set the two up as foils to examine similar character development despite their drastically different circumstances. Yet for all the meta pointing out that Shigaraki and Midoriya are basically the same character through a mirror darkly, I’ve never seen anyone bear that thought out to its logical conclusion: there are traits Uraraka admires in Midoriya that are extremely apparent in Shigaraki too.

Multiple times in the manga, Uraraka expresses admiration for Deku’s resolve and refusal to give up. His determination in the face of impossible odds and his sense of dedication to his cause are powerful motivating factors in Ochako’s storyline, and Deku’s behavior--his willingness to charge straight into danger and his unflinching pursuit of his goal to be #1--have basically become the standard to which Uraraka holds herself.

Her crush is literally founded on an appreciation for Midoriya’s drive, earnestness, and constant growth as a person.

But these are all traits that Shigaraki also explicitly possesses. Shigaraki’s unwavering resolve is so strong that even though everyone around him says dream is unattainable... they follow him anyway.

Ujiko flat out tells Shigaraki he’s chasing a pipe dream, but he’s willing to come along for the ride strictly because of how committed Shigaraki is to making that dream a reality. The strength of Tomura’s conviction alone persuaded a collection of the most volatile and difficult personalities in the manga to band together and become found family the most well-known anti-establishment organization in all of Japan.

Shigaraki never, even in the face of overwhelming threat, backs down from a challenge, and he approaches each impossible task with absolutely as much effort, ferocity, and refusal to quit as Deku. He is just as dedicated, just as much of a shounen protagonist main character, and just as willing to push himself above and beyond as Deku.

The traits that motivated Uraraka to become the character she is today, many of the exact same traits that formed her crush on Midoriya, are all there in Shigaraki. In another world, the person who inspired Uraraka to go “Plus Ultra” could be Tomura himself, and if 1) no sense of self-preservation, 2) ZERO CHILL, and 3) dogged obsession are what Uraraka finds attractive, Shigaraki clearly has 'em covered. Oh no, he’s meeting all my standards.

2) Being serious though, Ochako’s role in the plot would be vastly improved by more meaningful interactions with the antagonists, even if just in battle.

I’ve written before about how badly the writing of BNHA treats Ochako, and why her constantly being out-of-focus is a hallmark of the genre’s crippling inability to handle dynamic female characters, but it bears repeating: in her current position in the story, Uraraka’s character has minimal agency. She exists to fill the role of Deku’s love interest (at worst) and an emotional crutch (at best). Again, absolutely no hate on the IzuOcha ship--it’s clearly canon endgame and “wholesome” I guess is what they’re calling it nowadays. But the way IzuOcha’s being written in canon is actually the worst possible thing that could happen to Uraraka’s individual character, because Ochako’s crush on Deku has been given virtually no bearing on the story’s main plot and allows Horikoshi to consistently reduce Uraraka’s personal accomplishments to “inspirations from Deku” (in order to, likely, fulfill young male readers’ fantasy of having a girl fixated on them).

Is Uraraka about to do something cool in the manga? Wait for her comment about being motivated by Deku.

Does Uraraka actually get to see some action and get involved in a fight? Wait for someone to bring up her feelings for Deku.

Is Deku about to have a dramatic clash with the story’s villains to advance the main plotline? Wait for Ochako to entirely vanish (at worst) or get sidelined into a three panel clip where she’ll use the same martial art move she’s been using since like chapter 10 (at best).

If I have to read “Gunhead Martial Arts” one more fucking time... Give Ochako her OWN supermoves goddammit!!

The story of the comic itself continually pushes Ochako out of any position of relevance. She’s not one of UA’s strongest fighters (despite having a quirk that, if applied like ANY of the male characters, has incredible potential), she’s not given half the emotional depth or attention even side characters like Kirishima get, and her backstory lacks the development many of the male characters’ get (I’m looking at you, Todoroki).

As a “good girl,” she isn’t allowed to get her hands dirty like Toga, she isn’t allowed to get as bloodied or ugly as any of the boys, and she can never be allowed to surpass the main male characters in coolness or plot relevance because girls can be “heroes” but they can’t be The Hero™. (I’m literally gagging, guys.)

Which is EXACTLY why a plot involving Shigaraki and Ochako--in ANY capacity, even just a flat out fight against each other!--would actually be a fan-fucking-tastic addition to BNHA.

Skip the token Toga vs. Ochako chick fight where they squabble over who loves Izuku more. Let Toga talk to Izuku as herself for once. Let Uraraka throw down with the League’s leader. At least once, Horikoshi? Just once?

Literally any form of plot that puts Shigaraki and Ochako into contact would mean moving Uraraka into a more central position within the manga’s plot, would boost her screen-time, increase the likelihood of her contributing to the story’s primary conflict, and would give her more to do and emotionally engage with than just repeating the same lines about Deku being amazing on an endless loop. There is untapped character development potential in spades here if Uraraka was given chance to genuinely interact with the other half of the story’s cast!

Give👏 Uraraka👏 something👏 meaningful👏 to do!👏

Putting the story’s foremost female character on out there on the frontlines with the manga’s actual main character antagonist would finally break her out of the mold she’s been forced into by genre stereotypes and set her on an even playing field with the male heroes at last.

A meaningful encounter with Shigaraki could be Ochako’s ticket to being treated respectfully by the story itself (and hell if giving underappreciated characters a real place in the world isn’t Tomura’s freakin’ calling card already).

3) Okay, I know the words “subverting expectations” leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth nowadays, but there is a huge difference between “throwing inexplicable plot twists at the audience just for shock factor” and “averting stale cliches in an emotionally rewarding manner.” Sure, cliches do exist for a reason, but there are still many instances where actively avoiding a cliche plotline is a great choice. A shounen manga’s token love interest ending up with someone other than the hero--namely with a (reformed) villain--would be an interesting flip on the trite “hero gets the girl” script.

Look, we all know how it goes: Hero clashes with Bad Guy. They duke it out all over Kingdom Come. RIP like fifty square city blocks. The Hero wins, heads home triumphant, sweeps his Princess off her feet, and sails off into the hero rankings sunset. End of the same story we’ve seen a million times. Sometimes it’s done well and the audience is left satisfied. Other times, the heroine involved is reduced to the hero’s reward, less person than wish fulfillment. In either case, tying up a romantic subplot with a hero is the go-to way of resolving female characters’ storylines and, at this point, pretty much a given in manga, even when the romantic subplot is never given the development it deserves, leaving audiences bewildered at how and why the hook-up actually happened.

I’m not saying every comic should “subvert expectations” and cancel its romantic subplot between the hero and heroine, of course not. But I am saying that it would be pretty refreshing to see something else for once.

By virtue of their role, villains don’t usually “get the girl.” Even redeemed villains rarely end up in happy, healthy, well-written relationships. It’s not impossible but it is unlikely that a series’ designated female lead ever wavers in her attentions from the main hero to a new romantic target.

So it would be pretty cool if one did, if the moral of the story’s romantic subplot wasn’t just "token love interest completes painfully shoehorned romantic gestures.” A good romance with a redeemed ex-villain instead of a hero would take a lot more explanation. It would demand, by its very nature, more work on the author’s part to suspend disbelief. The characters would have to develop an entirely different rapport from the normal interactions between designated love interests, and, to a certain extent, strong character growth would be required in order for such a romance to even get started. There’s more moral complexity and conflict to a subplot like this, and a greater sensation of choice--if the heroine doesn’t have to end with the hero by the end of the story, well hey... That means she could end up with just about anyone. Whoa.

Even more so, in the specific case of Shigaraki, who has lived a life of misery and manipulation, the idea that he could come out on the other side, grow as a person, redeem himself, and eventually enter a healthy relationship with someone who isn’t going to hurt him is an idea I find deeply appealing. I think there are a lot of villain stans, myself included, who see parts of themselves in Shigaraki. If a character who has been so severely impacted by abuse can still heal and ultimately end up happy, to me, that’s a far more hopeful and heart-warming conclusion than the alternatives. I did warn you this manifesto would be rose-tinted, didn’t I?

I want storylines that prove that none of us are beyond saving. That people who make bad choices can still change. That romance isn’t a reward for playing the “right” role. That heroines have options. That there are still pleasant surprises to be found in romance plots.

4) But why Shigaraki and Ochako, in particular? It’s not like they have any remotely shared life experiences--

Oops. Friendly reminder: Ochako is the only major character in the manga besides the villains who is overtly described as, I quote, “poorer than poor.” Todoroki, Yaomomo, and Iida can all make it rain; Kaminari, Mina, and Jirou can afford stylish clothes; Kirishima can drop a stupid amount on night vision googles... Even Midoriya, whose father “works overseas,“ can afford plenty of All Might merchandise. One of the popular fandom theories for a while was that Ochako could be U.A.’s traitor specifically because of her desire to help her parents financially, and I think that most readers at this point can discern a clear divide in BNHA’s society: heroes are the “haves” and villains are the “have nots.” To be a hero in this story is to attend a prestigious school, have access to expensive support items, gear, insurance, fame and glory, etc.

Meanwhile, with the exception of All For One, to be a villain in BNHA’s story is to be marginalized, live in unfit conditions, lack access to basic safety and nutritional resources, and struggle to make ends meet. When ability to thrive in a hero-centric society is synonymous with being a good and worthwhile person, anyone who doesn’t just naturally excel in the hero-driven economy is treated as flawed at best and suspect at worst. Poor characters in the story are ignored, and, as demonstrated with people like Twice, left essentially to fend for themselves.

Uraraka’s status as lower income is mostly played for laughs. She’s still a privileged character in that she can attend U.A., receive hero items for free, has a safe place to live, etc. But it is important that the story acknowledges her family’s situation, because her financial status does set her apart from her classmates.

She is less privileged than the others. Being “the poor character” situates Uraraka in the interesting divide between those who couldn’t cope and chose to rebel against hero society instead, versus those who conformed to the hero system in an attempt to improve their situations. In different circumstances, if Uraraka’s family was just even the tiniest bit worse off, we might be seeing a very different character here, one who had to make some much harder choices to keep her family afloat.

Having been in the position of "going without,” Uraraka also has a unique understanding of the “real world” that many of her heroics classmates might lack. She understands what it is like to go hungry, to not be able to afford to keep up with the newest trends, to be constantly anxious about the future--to feel unsuccessful, overlooked, and under constant pressure to perform. As someone who wasn’t raised in the lap of luxury or even really a middle-class home, Uraraka has more insight into--and would likely have more empathy for--the plight of the downtrodden daily criminals of the BNHA world. Just based on her own life experiences, Ochako is more likely than her classmates to recognize how harsh reality can be, and understand the temptations that lead people to make terrible decisions.

This makes Ochako an especially interesting character in terms of her pro hero future. Would she be able to sympathize and reach out to struggling "villains” more effectively than others from her class, who lack her humble background? Would she be able to better see the big picture of BNHA’s society, and the way it actively creates villains from its marginalized populations? Would she be able to look at the League not just as criminals, but also as people who never stood a chance within the confines of a rigged social structure?

Uraraka’s background shifts her closer to the story’s villains than many of the other hero characters, and puts her in a unique place to both empathize and become motivated to change the flawed system that produced people like Shigaraki and the League in the first place.

5) Likewise, Uraraka’s background actually makes her more palatable to Shigaraki than other heroes. At least at the beginning of the comic, Uraraka isn’t shy about admitting that one of her reasons for becoming a hero is to help her parents financially. Ochako’s original motivation for heroism isn’t portrayed as nobly as others’ like Deku--Deku has no ulterior motives for being a hero; he just wants to save people and wouldn’t care about personally benefiting.

Instead, Ochako is presented as someone who (initially) sees heroism as a means to an end. It’s not that she doesn’t want to save people, but that she’s not doing so only for the intrinsic worth... the hefty paycheck that comes from heroism is a big draw.

Over time the manga has shown her shifting away from this (which actually makes her character less unique, unfortunately), but I’m sure it’s still a thought for her, and she’s definitely going to send paychecks to her parents in the future. At the end of the day, heroism is still going to be Uraraka’s ticket to a better lifestyle, even if she’s committed herself to it honestly by the time she leaves U.A.

But it’s this exact form of personal motivation that Shigaraki is much more likely to understand than the “goody-two-shoes” motivations of people like Deku. Multiple times in the comic Shigaraki has expressed confusion with society’s habit of clinging mindlessly to symbols, of their blind faith in the virtues of heroism, and their ability to simply overlook suffering because “surely a hero will do something about it.” Stain’s ideals about “true heroes” go straight past Shigaraki, who seems to hate heroes who are earnest (All Might, I’m talking about All Might) far more than those who are simply faking their way through for fame. 

Shigaraki understands humans who are driven by personal gain. He respects the individual desires of people he cares about. Someone in the hero industry explicitly seeking tangible benefits would likely, to Shigaraki at least, come across as more genuine than someone who claims they have no ulterior motives, and a person who is blunt about their needs and grounded in the reality of BNHA’s world would likely be much more acceptable to Tomura than someone who spews trite lines about peace and justice.

Shigaraki’s feelings for heroes have been irreparably damaged by his conditioning from All For One, but there are certainly some heroes that he would find less loathsome than others. He will probably never understand Deku’s selflessness. All Might’s saccharine symbolism actively infuriates him. But a person who became a hero to put food on the table? To provide for her parents (maybe especially because it is her parents she’s trying to provide for)? That’s at least understandable. If the manga’s future does see Shigaraki redeemed, my thought is that the only type of heroes we’ll ever see him willingly interact with would still be heroes just like Ochako, with more “down to earth” personal motivations. Uraraka, your codename is “If I had to date a hero”...

6) While we’re talking about shared life experiences, there’s another very obvious similarity between Shigaraki and Ochako: neither one of them can touch things with all five fingers.

Cute/fridge horror observation: Shigaraki is even daintier about touching things than Uraraka is; Uraraka usually lifts just her pinkies, but Shigaraki frequently uses as few fingers as possible.

Yeah, yeah, they both have to be dainty and careful with everything they hold. It’d be cute to watch them eat together. They could mutually gripe about the annoyance of video game consoles not designed for four-finger use. More than that though, neither one of them can touch other human beings without the risk of causing death.

Uraraka, as a hero, has the more privileged quirk design (she can turn her quirk off, while Shigaraki can’t) and until recently, the comic was always very careful to portray Uraraka’s quirk in a way that no one was endangered by it. But dropping Zero Gravity into the hands of a villain for a single chapter reveals the truth: Uraraka’s quirk has just as much lethal potential as Shigaraki’s.

Like Shigaraki, Uraraka has to face the reality that her touch alone could jeopardize the safety of anyone she comes into contact with, in her daily life and in her hero work. Drop some debris without looking twice? Just crushed a civilian. Release your quirk without thinking? Now the villain you floated is paste on the sidewalk. Thought that it was safe to float away the building? Oops, you crushed someone still trapped inside. Yikes. In a one-on-one battle, Uraraka is actually at a disadvantage not because her quirk is weak, but the dead opposite--in an outdoor fight, she would have to actively work not to accidentally send people off into outer space.

Having an auto-activate touch quirk means that both Shigaraki and Ochako have to be conscious of every single thing they touch all the time. Both of their quirks require constant bodily awareness, and both come with the lurking knowledge that “My touch causes problems.” Even for Ochako, who would merely be a nuisance if she accidentally floated objects indoors, it’s easy to internalize frustration and negative associations with one’s own body. Every day, Ochako has to be careful with herself in a way that few of her peers do, another factor that sets her apart.

One of the story’s overarching themes is the idea of “self-acceptance” and what it even means to “accept yourself” in a world where (almost) every human being possesses a distinguishing feature, often built into their bodies at the expense of standard human functioning. For people with limited control over their quirks, who can’t choose when the effect activates, a quirk is a constant burden and facet of their identity that entirely re-shapes how they interact with the world. Both Shigaraki and Uraraka face the practicality of having burdensome, even lethal, auto-activate quirks that require constant self-awareness. This is a similarity that, of the major characters, only Shigaraki and Ochako possess so far. (Even other major characters with touch-based quirks like Overhaul appear to be able to choose when to activate their quirks).

The “funny” way Shigaraki and Ochako hold things seems like just a small similarity until you remember the amount of practice and frustration it must have taken to internalize a four-fingered touch. Until you remember that this similarity marks them both as very careful and self-conscious characters. Until you remember that Shigaraki’s got a one-touch instakill... but so does Uraraka Ochako.

7) Okay, similarities are cool and all, but you know what they say: opposites attract. And if we’re talking character motivation, there are no cleaner opposites in the entire series. Shigaraki and Ochako are actually even better emotional foils than Shigaraki and Deku, because Ochako’s central motivation is “Make as many people smile as possible” and Shigaraki’s is, literally, “Make it so no one can ever smile again.”

I know I ragged on it earlier, but now I’m going to use it to my full advantage: as the story evolved and characters grew, Ochako’s “true” motivation to become a hero revealed itself: she feels a deep, intrinsic happiness when witnessing the happiness of others. Her desire as a hero is to spread relief, the sense of security that allows people to go about their days smiling. She literally feels happiest when everyone around her is happy.

Even more so than Deku, this casts Uraraka as Shigaraki’s diametric opposite in the story, because Shigaraki’s entire pipe dream goal also hinges on the smiles of others--and how absolutely much he hates them. Shigaraki’s goal is total world destruction because he just resents the happiness of others that fucking much.

On the surface alone it’s more fascinating than the story will probably ever live up to: Ochako, the heroine who wants to spread smiles; Shigaraki, the villain who wants to destroy them. Even if we’re just talking canon, zero romance involved, that would still be an interesting conflict to explore. The story could cover a lot of deeper ground by drawing the comparison between these two characters more directly. It would definitely validate Uraraka being involved in more major plot events, at the very least.

BUT this was supposed to be about shipping, so of course I can’t leave it there, and leaving it there would only be half the story anyway, because nobody is born hating smiles. Everything we’ve seen of Shigaraki’s past so far indicates that he was a kid with a cute dog, a warm relationship with his sister, and an interest in heroes--i.e., a decent life that probably included his own fair share of smiles. Shigaraki’s hatred and resentment are direct products of the traumatic manipulation he suffered at AFO’s hands. He despises the idea that people around him can smile and act upbeat, even when they objectively know villains are lurking all around them. He is actually sick to his stomach at the idea of people blindly putting their faith in heroes, knowing what he does: that heroes often fail, that there are many people who desperately need to be rescued and are instead overlooked. The world failed Shimura Tenko and then had the nerve to keep on smiling without him.

Other people’s smiles represent nothing but the joy, security, love, and peace that Shigaraki Tomura hasn’t experienced since the day his quirk manifested. The sight of any living thing fills Shigaraki with rage because everything bright and beautiful, everything good and calm and kind and soft and warm, is everything that Shigaraki has lost and believes he will never, ever get to experience again.

Shigaraki doesn’t really hate the pure happy smiles of others; he hates the fact that the world has taken away every single thing he ever had to smile about.

It is my belief that Horikoshi is hinting at a redemption arc for Shigaraki, especially as we see the League become closer allies. But Shigaraki can’t be completely redeemed, can’t be persuaded to give up his world-destruction plan, until he can look at the smiles of others without scorn. Until the bright, upbeat attitudes of heroes other people no longer feel like a personal attack. Until he’s happy enough that the happiness of others no longer hurts. Until the weight is lifted.

And I can’t think of any character more obviously suited to helping lift an immense weight than Uraraka, the zero gravity hero who wants nothing more than to spread smiles.

8) Speaking of lifting weights... Kacchako is a popular ship stemming in large part from Bakugou’s refusal to treat Uraraka with kid gloves. He faces her head-on as a real opponent and views her like any other hero hopeful.

As I’ve said before, this is pretty much the most respectfully the series itself has ever treated Uraraka Ochako, and it caught a lot of attention because it was one of the rare occasions that a female pro hero-in-training was really treated as an equal to the male characters. Kacchako shippers had something awesome to work with.

But... You know who else treats women as equals? (Hell, you know who treats literally everyone as equals, from those with mutant quirks to trans people to those with severe mental health issues?) You can say what you want about Shigaraki’s habit of, you know, mass murder, but in terms of viewing others equally and respecting (okay, let’s be real, it’s probably closer to just ignoring) differences, Tomura is about as open-minded as BNHA characters come. The League is an equal opportunity employer.

Unlike actual hero characters, Shigaraki has never once suggested that Toga is incapable of keeping up with any of the male members of the League, and in fact has entrusted her with many of the League’s most dangerous and crucial missions. He explicitly has faith in her ability and skill.

Toga’s right there in the fight against Gigantomachia and the QLA, as much an equal member of the League as anyone else. In terms of gender equality, the villains seem to be light-years ahead of their hero counterparts, and Shigaraki in particular doesn’t discriminate, among his allies or his opponents either. He’s not a “spare the women and children” kind of guy; every hero and villain challenger is treated with equal violence (and equal snark), whether they’re male, female, a long-time pro or a student in training.

In whatever context--canon opponent, AU ally, or a future romantic interest--Shigaraki would take Ochako just as seriously as Bakugou did. If you like Kacchako because Bakugou doesn’t dismiss Uraraka, that same dynamic would be present in Shigako too.

9) And on the topic of Shigaraki and women... It doesn’t feel accidental that every single female character who ever had love for Shigaraki has been taken away from him. A distinct part of Shigaraki’s storyline is that all positive female role models have been systematically removed from his life. He lost his grandmother, a hero he could have looked up to; he lost his mother, who he now has no memory of; he lost the older sister he clearly held dear... All For One’s control over Tomura has always been total, but this particular detail feels especially insidious: was All For One’s spite for Nana so strong that he delighted in deliberately destroying every single relationship Tenko had with women connected to Nana’s legacy? (Or is AFO perhaps just a raging misogynist? Every single one of his known associates is male and he seemed to despise and mock Nana particularly hard...)

In any case, the point I’m trying to make here is that, even ruling love interests out, Shigaraki’s storyline would be enriched by forging a meaningful connection with a female character like Ochako. Acceptance--maybe even some grudging admiration--for a female hero? A fantastic opportunity to show just how different the “villains” are from the discriminatory society that produced them. Supporting friendship while he’s on the road to recovery? A+ way to diversify interactions between the male and female cast. Send a tough girl to Tartarus to question his motives? Nice chance for tense dialogue and some good old noire-esque foe yay. Hostage situation that takes a turn for the surprisingly cordial? Fun way to explore different dynamics and humanize the villains because hey, they treated the “damsel” to dinner shortbread cookies. My god, Shigaraki could even develop some positive sense of rivalry with a woman, for example! The possibilities are endless if you’re actually willing to give female characters a shot!

Being more serious, Tomura’s life has been dramatically marked by the loss of his female family members, and--at least from what we know so far--his entire youth was spent without the presence of reliable friendships, let alone any form of “love” that wasn’t disturbingly fake. Beyond his fragmented memories, he has no models for healthy relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Letting Shigaraki develop to the point that he could form a mutually positive relationship with a female hero character would be extremely cathartic for me as a reader. I don’t mean “rewarding redemption with a last-minute happy ending romance”--I mean actually getting the opportunity to watch Tomura rediscover what it means to be genuinely loved and realize he has the capacity to give love and be happy in return...

Reaching that level of mutual support and closeness--especially with a female pro hero--would be the biggest “FUCK YOU” that Shigaraki could give to All For One, short of, you know, actually killing him.

Shigaraki Tomura has a critical (and deliberate) lack of healthy connections to women. BNHA, coincidentally, has a criminally under-utilized female lead just twiddling her thumbs over here, waiting for a meaningful plotline to be thrown her way.

Sure, putting AFO in prison is cool and all, but have you considered... crushing his pride and legacy of evil by helping the boy he tortured for years learn to love again? I’m just sayin’!

Uraraka Ochako, snatching Shigaraki right the fuck out of AFO’s hands:

10) Basically what the whole thing boils down to is this: Shigaraki Tomura needs a hero.

Don’t mistake my meaning. A lot of “girl meets bad boy” plots end up amounting to “girl becomes emotionally responsible for fixing bad boy’s issues,” and that’s not what I’m gunning for--Shigaraki has to redeem himself because redemption is only meaningful when it stems from the character’s own inner desire to change; I’m not quite rose-tinted enough to buy into the Love Redeems trope myself. I’m definitely not advocating anyone dump Shigaraki Tomura as he is now into Uraraka Ochako’s lap and expect her to turn him from a beast to a beauty. It’s not an unrelated woman’s responsibility to fix a broken man.

But! From a reader’s perspective, I think we can agree: Shigaraki’s redemption cannot be complete until he learns to believe in real heroes. He doesn’t have to like them. He doesn’t have to support hero society. But he has to be able to look at real heroes like Izuku and Ochako and admit that they are doing what’s right--that society is a better place because they are here. Shigaraki’s path to recovery can’t even begin until he’s capable of at least acknowledging that the world has things worth saving in it.

If Horikoshi moves forward with a redemption arc for Shigaraki, it will probably be Deku who Detroit Smashes the message of truly noble heroes into Shigaraki’s head. That’s his job as the resident Warrior Therapist, I suppose. But you know... to me, it might be even more meaningful if Shigaraki’s hero--if the hand that reaches out to rescue him--isn’t The Hero’s™ but just a hero’s. We all know Deku is selfless and good to the core. As All Might’s perfect successor, he really has nothing to prove. It’s everyone else who is in question. It’s the whole rest of hero society that owes Shigaraki Tomura an explanation for the suffering of people like the League’s members. It’s everyone else who needs to prove they can do better--that in the future, there will be no bloody children left abandoned in back alleyways.

Uraraka Ochako’s conviction is to save people. As a female hero who hasn’t lived a privileged life, she’s uniquely situated to think about those who are most often overlooked. In a world where violence begets violence, where only those with strength and flash excel, what a powerful message it would send for the terrifying antagonist to effectively be rescued by someone the story itself has called “a frail girl.” At the end of the day, heroics isn’t supposed to be about mountain-destroying explosions and mach punches--heroics is supposed to be about heart, about reaching out a gentle helping hand, about spreading smiles to those who need them most.

Tomura’s faith in heroes has been brutally stripped from him, and every part of his conflict is tied up intimately with his misdirected hatred: it wasn’t actually heroes who isolated and hurt him--it was villains. In order to move forward, he will have to come to that horrible realization, deal with that means for himself and his place in the world, and recognize the truth: there are goodness and good people in the world. Selfless heroes, those who wouldn’t turn their backs on a crying child, do exist. There are people, even now, who would extend a kind hand to Shigaraki Tomura and do their best to bring a real smile to his face. Because that’s what’s really going on, after all.

Shimura Tenko is still waiting to be saved.

And I know just the person to do it.

[secret-vore-lair]

More precious than water, more precious than gold

Dritha learns that sometimes you find beautiful things in the harshest places when Zali drops into her life, and her stomach. Contains digestion and a predator who doesn’t care about the safety of her prey. But Zali is, well, Zali, so there’s no peril or fear in here.

***********************************************

Dritha relaxed in the waning hours of the day. The sun sank down over the flat, featureless horizon. The desert-dweller was lounging against a tall formation of weathered stone, the only shade for miles. The wind tousled her feathered crest ever so slightly, but aside from that the reptile was entirely still. Her stomach was, for the first time in a long, long while, a significant part of her silhouette, and she was listening to it wind down. When the gurgling and the bubbling finally faded, she gritted her backward-angled teeth, bobbed her head upon its long neck, and hacked something up onto the patch of sand next to where she was sprawled. A large gold ring, smooth and shiny with her saliva.

She watched it with an intense and predatory focus. She didn’t even allow herself to blink, closing the secondary eyelids she used to protect her vision from sun and sand so she could keep them open longer. Would it work again? She prayed it would. Not that she particularly believed in the divine. She didn’t believe in anything, really. But she would do whatever it took to avoid losing something precious. That was the only way to survive here. But this time it wasn’t water she had found. This was something far, far beyond that.

There! Dritha slowly got to her feet, still staring at the ring as it began to glow and rise into the air. She kept herself low, her long tail straight out behind her for balance as she prepared to pounce. Light was spilling out of the ring, just like last time. Little golden particles, flitting about like embers, before gathering into a shape, the shape of prey. She leapt just as the shape flashed, fading and resolving finally into a much smaller lizard, a kobold with light, sandy scales and big blue eyes.

Dritha landed on her immediately, clawed feet pinning her to the ground. The little morsel had the wind knocked out of her, but she didn’t seem too much to mind.

“OOF. Oh! It’s you again,” she wheezed. “You look much healthier than last time! Glad I could help. I’m guessing you want to go again?”

Dritha leaned down and inspected her find once more. She hadn’t changed at all from the last two times, still the same slender lizard, with upward-curving horns and little fins on the side of her head, her snout fixed in what was apparently a permanent grin. And that gold ring was firmly around her ankle, the only possession she had. Well, the only possession she had now. The coins she’d had when Dritha found her the first time were in the bag Dritha carried on her side, and the gauzy outfit she’d had on hadn’t survived the raptor’s belly. Dritha didn’t stop to chat. She opened her long jaws wide and gripped the little creature’s head, already beginning to swallow eagerly.

Zali, for her part, couldn’t have been happier. She’d found herself lost while trying to visit a friend who lived in the desert, and had been wandering for days without any food or water. The regenerative power granted her by her ring wouldn’t allow her to expire, but neither was it a fun experience. Finally, her salvation came. When she saw the big, raptor-like creature barreling toward her across the wastes, she got excited. A fellow traveler to keep her company and show her the way was exactly what she needed right now. But Dritha had leapt onto her and devoured her right away, sending her to her lean and ravenous belly in a few quick swallows. And that was even better! Dritha had apologized, and Zali tried to tell her it was okay, but apparently the poor girl needed the calories badly because Zali found herself worn down to nothing in record time.

When she popped back into existence again, Dritha was so shocked that she didn’t give Zali a chance to praise her for her stomach’s expert work, sending her right back down to gurgle again. And now that trip number three was proceeding apace, Zali was pretty sure they’d ironed out the terms of their relationship. “Not much of a talker?” she asked in a pleasant tone as her predator’s gullet squeezed and conformed to her body shape, yanking her down to the rough waters of her stomach for another round, except this time, Zali found herself in much tighter accommodations, pressed up against a texture and form she was very familiar with, thanks to certain gluttonous friends. “Heehee! Looks like there’s still a little bit left of me in here from last time!” She purred and cozied up in the mess, enjoying the additional squishy softness her degrading previous body provided while preparing to melt away again.

Dritha felt the last of her meal’s tail slip down and get sealed into her core, and collapsed. Her stomach was distended, resting on the cool sand. She panted to catch her breath, ignoring the muffled voice of her prey and focusing on the way she shifted around instead. It almost made her dizzy with pleasure. She hadn’t eaten this much or this frequently in . . . a while. Too long to remember. She savored it for several minutes, the stars coming out and the temperature sinking from blistering heat to a chill, one thankfully contested by the warmth produced by the activity inside her. Despite the amazing way it all felt, though, her stomach had slowed its processes considerably this time. Normally her metabolism was fast, allowing her to always be on the go, dashing quickly from one temporary safe haven to the next, but now she was exhausted, even in spite of the recent intake of energy. A long, labored gurgle sounded from her stomach, followed by a muffled, high pitched voice.

“Hi again! It’s a lot slower this time, huh?”

Dritha sucked in a breath and jerked her head upright, smacking it on the rocks above. “Ow! You startled me.” She rested one of her hands on her belly, feeling the subtle movements of the kobold inside. She’d never struggled. Which was weird enough, even without these . . . extra lives of hers.

“Oh, sorry! Yeah, I’m usually gone by now, aren’t I? Your belly’s really powerful! It’s nice to get a chance to go slow and take it all in this time, though.” Zali nuzzled at the folds of the stomach lining. “Maybe we should take a break after this one, though. You were really skinny when we met. I don’t want you to make yourself sick by eating too much too soon!”

Dritha narrowed her eyes. There it was. “Nice try. I’m not taking my eyes off you. You’re the only source of food around, and I can’t risk it. Sorry, but you’re mine now.”

“Aww, really? Well I appreciate the concern, but I’ll stay close! If something tries to steal me away, I’ll just yell really loud, okay?”

Dritha blinked quickly. “No, I mean, I’m not going to let you escape.”

Zali cocked her head. “Why would I want to escape?”

“Because either you’re an infinite supply of nutrients and I’m going to eat you forever or you’ve got a limited number of . . . whatever happens when you come back to life, and I’m going to use you up, and you don’t want that,” Dritha growled, exasperated.

Zali giggled. Dritha twitched. “What’s so funny?”

“I do want that,” Zali chirped. “That sounds perfect! And I’m not going to run out. At least, I don’t think so. If I had a choice, I’d spend every day like this one! You were so happy when you ate me the first time. You were hungry, and then you saw me, and you knew I could help! You wanted me. And then you kept wanting me, again and again! And your stomach! I’ve never been melted that fast before! You’re amazing! Plus, it’s a lot better in here than out there.” Zali pushed both claws against the stomach wall and began to rub gently.

Dritha shivered. She was feeling something she had never felt before. Her stomach felt fluttery, and her cheeks felt hot, and there was a tingly sensation in her tail. She’d never really been susceptible to the praise of others, but her speed, appetite, and hunting prowess were things she was proud of. To have them affirmed by her prey was the ultimate compliment. “Agree to disagree,” she muttered, trying to brush off the flattery.

“No, I mean it! You really are amazing!”

“That’s not the part I’m disagreeing with! I just meant, it can’t be . . . better in there.” Dritha couldn’t understand how anyone could want to be inside a stomach. But if this kobold really felt that way, she could definitely use it. That is, if this wasn’t just some convoluted ploy to escape. Dritha was a skilled liar herself, and she knew she’d say anything to get out of the situation her prey was in right now. “Look, what’s your name?”

“I’m Azaliak, but everyone just calls me Zali! What’s yours?”

“Dritha. Look, Zali, I wish I could believe you, but you don’t live long in this place without a developing a healthy distrust of others. Everyone’s desperate out here. Well, except an immortal, I guess. . .”

“The way I see it, I’m more mortal than you are. You’re only going to die once, after all. And I’m plenty desperate, too. You’re just giving me what I crave right now!” Zali laughed again. “I still think you should take care of yourself, though. I don’t want to have to wait for you to eat me, either, but I’d hate for this gorgeous belly of yours to get a tummyache. That would make you have to wait even longer to eat me again, and that’s bad for us both!” Zali continued her massage, and Dritha felt her innards relaxing and responding, flexing and churning with a renewed vigor. Sensing that she’d be mush again soon, Zali said, “I promise I won’t leave you. Just think about it, okay?”

Dritha just grunted in response, feeling herself falling asleep quite quickly now that her guts had caught their second wind. The idea of having someone she could trust was a foreign concept to her. It was an unattainable dream, in the same way that flying was. A luxury afforded to some creatures and denied to others. But this little lizard might just change that. She didn’t fear Dritha because of her appetite. She embraced that appetite, in fact. And she didn’t present any threat to Dritha either. If ever there was a creature to attempt a safe first friendship with, this was her. . .

Dritha sighed. This was a dilemma she could solve in the morning, once she’d coughed up Zali’s ring again. For now, she needed to sleep, and the rhythmic gurgling of her stomach was the perfect lullaby.

[cancerousjojian]

peter parker college!au

part 4 ; biology tutor

summary: you’ve somehow landed a study date with none other than peter parker. you just hope he doesn’t find out you’re only doing it because you have a massive crush on him and aren’t even in biology.

pairing: collegestudent!peter parker x reader

a/n: i missed this series so i decided to bring it back! i’m not even going to bother tagging btw because its been so long. i hope you enjoy anyway.

[the series masterlist]

Peter Parker can barely sleep that night.

He’s far too busy thinking about the cute girl from down the hall who wants him to tutor her. He thinks of every moment he’s seen you, and he remembers them all. Your first meeting was quite awkward, and admittedly so was the second one. He doesn’t know what, but there was something about you that made him feel like he was back home in Queens, a feeling he could get used to.

Of course he tells Ned all about it when he returns. Ned thinks his best friend might be developing a major crush on you, and he’s correct. He notices that the smile never leaves his face as he talk about how smart you were, to which Ned replies, “You’ve never even had a class with her, how do you know that?” “I don’t need to know, dude, I can just tell.” Ned nudges him with him his elbow with a smirk on his face. He knew this crush would likely not go away any time soon.

He reviews his biology notes all throughout his morning European history lecture, not even bothering to pay attention. Peter wants to make sure he has everything together for your tutoring session. And when he returns to his dorm at the end of the day, he’s nervous to say the least. He sees you in passing in the hallway, and you flash him a smile that nearly stops his heart.

“Hey, Peter! Study sesh still on for tonight?” You ask, fumbling for your key to your dorm.

“Yeah, definitely!” He says back to you. He was going to go to the movie night in the dorm lounge, but he wouldn’t cancel on you for anything. This was his chance. Maybe, just maybe, he would ‘make a move’, as Ned urged him to the night before.

You’re struggling to get ready that night. Julie cooes at you as you check your appearance in the mirror once more. She’s going through your side of the closet, picking and choosing possible outfits. “Ooh, wear this!” She holds up a hanger with a red, floral patterned dress to her own body and catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

You’re still doing light touch-ups to your makeup and you look at her in the mirror. “Julie, it’s a tutoring session, not a backyard barbecue.” Her smile fades, but not before a chuckle escapes her lips. She sighs then, placing the dress back and flopping down on her bed.

“I ship you and Peter so hard.”

“As you’ve said.” You comment. Your roommates comments about your crush were all but endearing, and you were glad you had someone to root for you like she did.

You realize it’s 5 o’clock, Peter would be expecting you now. You reach over and grab your favorite destressed denim jacket off the hanger and slip in on, giving Julie a twil in your outfit. Julie sits up to look at you and a smile emerges. “You look great.”

You silently thank her and she helps you collect your bookbag and textbooks. “Now go get your man! I expect a three-page double-spaced report on what happened when you get back!”

You just roll your eyes playfully at her, waving a final goodbye as you slip out of your room.

Peter is in the middle of color-coordinating his notes (which is surprisingly difficult, mind you, especially when he and Ned wasted ten minutes arguing over the difference between blue-green and turquoise), when you knock on the door.

He feels his stomach do a small flip, and Ned is getting up to answer you. He smiles widely as soon as he does. “Hey, Y/N.”

“Hey, Ned.” You return his smile even though you’re a little thrown off at him answering the door instead of Peter. “W-where’s Peter?”

“Oh, he’s in here. I was just heading to the library,” he slips past you and before you know it, he’s halfway down the hall calling out a goodbye to you and Peter.

When you timidly enter the threshold of his dorm, he’s sitting on his perfectly-made bed, notes spread out across it. You immediately take in the decor of his room– a Star Wars poster hangs above his bed, and the room is overall surprisingly clean and organized for two teenage boys.

But Peter doesn’t even notice you observing his whole room. He’s too busy taking this whole situation in. You somehow even look more alluring than he remembers and– was that a new jacket?

He really can’t get enough of you.

The words come out before he can stop them. “You… you look nice.” He offers you a sheepish smile.

You feel like you might explode, your cheek surely reddening at his compliment. “Thanks, Peter. So do you.”

You smile instictually at the boy and he clears out a space for you to sit across from him on his bed. Your heart starts beating rapidly for some reason, and you couldn’t stop it even if you tried.

You’re both sitting in silence for a moment, kind of just staring at each other. Neither of you really knew where to go from here. Not to mention, you still haven’t really decided if you would at least try and tell him how you felt. But judging by your complete silence, Peter wouldn’t know your feelings. At least not today, he wouldn’t.

“So,” he awkwardly clears his throat. “Where should we start?”

“Um, I guess what I don’t really understand is the whole ecology aspect?” You say, and can’t think of how absurd you feel. You weren’t even in a biology course, you just wanted to spend some time with Peter. Luckily, Julie was and you remember her telling you about how boring the ecology lecture was.

Peter shuffles through his notes to find the ones from that lecture, and your eyes are still scaning the walls. He’s explaining ecosystems to you, but you’re not reallt listening. It’s then that you see it– a framed picture of Peter and Tony Stark sitting on his desk. You audibly gasp.

“Oh my God, is that you and Tony Stark?” You point at the picture. Peter turns to see what you’re looking at.

“Oh, yeah. I had an internship at Stark Industries in high school.” He smiles, getting up to grab it and hand it to you to get a better look. You’re visibly impressed, and Peter can tell.

“That is so cool,” you’re still staring at the photo in awe, and Peter blushes. He can’t believe this is happening to him. “Not to sound, like, I don’t know, weird but I love Tony Stark. All of the Avengers actually.”

Somehow, his heart starts racing even faster than before. “Y-yeah, me too. Iron Man is defintely my favorite, though. Thor is cool too.”

You look up at him only for a second to smile. “Spider-Man is definitely my favorite.”

Peter feels like he might pass out.

“I’ve heard he’s a cool guy.”

“I bet,” you hand the photo back to him and he puts it back in its rightful place on his desk.

You can’t even focus on biology anymore, you’re too busy wondering what else Peter had done aside from his Stark internship. And you thought he was out of your league then, he was almost unattainable at this point.

Wait until Julie hears this.

You and Peter spend the rest of the night talking about anything but biology. You’re laughing at all of his jokes, which makes you all the more attractive to him. You listen to him tell stories from back home, and you find out that you have much more in common than you thought.

You both realize it was almost 10 o’clock when Ned returns from the library, several books in hand. Peter’s heart sinks when he realizes you’re collecting your things, on your way out. He opens the door for you, and you’re both standing in the hallway facing each other.

“Thanks for the help again, Peter,” you say, placing a hand on his arm. “It really means a lot. I actually had fun learning about ecosystems.”

He smiles nervously. “Of course. I had fun too.”

A moment of silence passes again and you start to notice how many awkward silences you’ve already shared together when Peter clears his throat. “Hey, um, I was actually planning on going to this film marathon thing that the science department is sponsoring next week, and… would you want to come with? There might be some professors there who can give you extra help with all this stuff if you still needed it, too.” His hands are clasped and they feel clamy. He’s anticipating your response.

You answer without even thinking twice. “Yeah, definitely. That should be fun.”

He’s beaming now. “Great!”

“Great.”

“Awesome.”

“Fantastic.”

You both start laughing, and you realize you’re both talking to avoid yet another awkward silence when your phone vibrates in your hand. You glance at it to see a text from Julie; What happened?! Why are you laughing?? Another follows a moment after; I’m waitingggg. No pressure.

“Is that your roommate? Julie?” Peter says when he notices you reading from your phone.

“Yeah, I oughta get back.” You shove your phone into your pocket and start walking back to your dorm. “Later, Parker.”

“Night, Y/L/N.” A grin.

“Tell Mr. Stark I said hello!” You’re touching the handle to your dorm door before the conversation is even over.

“Will do!” He calls back, and you both slip into your respective doors.

Yup. Peter Parker was definitely falling for you.

[marked-by-fire]

Here’s my research paper. Took me 3 days to type up.

In most recent years, video games have become incredibly popular with a wide variety of titles and different systems to play on. People have been able to start whole careers based on competitive gaming and amass a fortune. If only playing for fun, the internet allows for anyone to play with different people across the world that they never would’ve met otherwise. All in all, the advancement and availability of video games has definitely changed the world and brought a lot of people together. Even though gaming has improved by leaps and bounds, there’s a lot of negatives that’s come with its popularity. The more prominent issues are greed and control, but that’s only scratching the service. Right now, long time gamers are getting fed up with gaming companies and their practices, and said companies are losing millions, sometimes billions, of dollars. In this essay, we’re going to explore what some of those actions and practices are and why it seems like gaming is heading towards a whimpering, drawn-out end.

First, one of the biggest issues that recent games are facing is that more than a fair share of them are being released unfinished. By “unfinished”, that means that textures aren’t loading properly, enemy and ally AI don’t behave how they’re supposed to, or there are glitches that prevent story progression. There are even games that some people call unplayable because the game itself doesn’t even work. This happens because many of the higher-ups from well-known studios will rush a game through development in order to release it by a certain date or major holiday. One such instance was during the release of Fallout 1776, that was due to be released on Thanksgiving 2018. The game performed so badly that Bethesda was sued due to the game being borderline unplayable. The most common issue for the game was that it would crash constantly. If it didn’t crash, the world was mostly empty with weak enemies, an inconsistent loot system, and, the most egregious offense, the exact same enemy that was just taken down would respawn right in front of a player if they stood still for too long in any given area. Some of these issues have been fixed with patches, but a game shouldn’t need a patch within the first week in order to work properly after being installed. To sum up this section, gaming companies are starting to release half-baked games for a quick buck, at the cost of angering fans, to only fix the mess they made later if it starts costing them actual money.

While everything stated above is a driving factor of why gaming may take a nosedive in the future, the state of games upon release only covers one side of the production coin. The other side has to do with advertisement and add-ons. One of the prominent ways advertising games has changed is the inclusion of pre-ordering. Pre-ordering games has become incredibly common to where most games can be bought and held on to a year or more before they’re released. The problem with that is a person could’ve very well bought a game that’s such a mess it fries their system during start-up and leaves the customer with an unusable block. If a game is released unfinished, or “broken”, consumers usually can’t get a refund if the game was pre-ordered because the window for a full refund has long past expired. Along with pre-ordering, there’s also DLC (downloadable content). DLC is supposed to be additions to an already finished game in the form of new areas to explore, side stories, or new/exciting items not necessary to the main game. Some companies have done the unthinkable and will cut out core parts of a game and package them up as DLC to sell back to customers. A shining example of this was with the game Asura’s Wrath. If a person manages to reach a high enough rank at different parts of the story, you’re treated to an alternate ending where you meet the true antagonist of the series. To actually face him, get the true ending, and finish the game though, you had to pay roughly an extra $10 for the DLC. Many fans were understandably angry and refused to buy the DLC and were either content with first ending or found free, illegal downloads of the DLC.  That was a lot of information to take in, but everything that was just mentioned only covers just a game having all its necessary pieces. What’s made its way into games when it works is another beast entirely

When it comes to the way content has been affected, two words come to mind: Gentrification and Politicization. Gentrification is going to be covered first seeing as that’s going to be a little less volatile to talk about. What’s meant by gentrification is now that gaming has become more popular, people that were never fans of the hobby in the first place feel as though they have a right to change games to fit their sensibilities, despite how others may feel about it, and game companies are suffering for it. The reoccurring cycle is that an “outrage mob” campaigns to change features or aspects of new games they find offensive or not inclusive enough, companies cave to the demands because they think they found a new target audience, established fans end up hating the final product when it’s released because they feel alienated and infantilized, the “outrage mob” that wanted the changes in the first place don’t even buy what they campaigned for, and then the company loses out on profits. This either ends with a series or new entry being cancelled because it didn’t sell well enough or a studio going bankrupt because that game was their last hope of making a profit. This cycle has been seen so often that it coined the phrase “get woke, go broke,” meaning that companies almost always fail after listening to these people. This phrase also plays into the politicization aspect of current games

What’s meant by politicization is that more games in recent years seem to think that some political statement has to be made in order to sell and do well. It’s not uncommon for entertainment to have some sort of political statement during controversial periods of time, but that’s not the issue here. The issue is that many of the political components end up feeling forced, make no sense in where they come up, or carry little nuance. It’s one thing to have an antagonist that holds a belief or goal that’s objectively wrong, like genocide or dividing people by class, but it’s another thing entirely to awkwardly shoehorn in current, reasonable politics or people, push one or both side’s views to their extremes, and then paint one side as wholly good and the other irredeemably evil. There’s no nuance of either side making good and bad points. In the end, no matter which side the game paints as the “good side,” the other half of the fan base is still going to be angry because they’re also being called evil by affiliation by having vaguely similar views. Another issue is that people just don’t want current politics in their games. Due to social media, school, friends, the news, or any other source of information, the last thing people want is more of the current world’s problems in their escapism. People are tired of having to constantly be bombarded with issues about racism, sexism, the economy, the environment, etc. People don’t want to have to deal with that all day just to come home and have their form of entertainment shove even more of it down their throat.

There’s so much more to cover on this topic because this essay has only covered the tip of the iceberg of the issues plaguing current day gaming. There’s a lot that wasn’t covered that deserves to be but is a bit of a touchy subject that ties in with gentrification and content, and one of those subjects is censorship. A lot of games that catch the attention of the aforementioned outrage mobs are games that tend to have some degree of sexual or violent content in them, at varying degrees, that the target audience is willing to pay for. The outrage mob basically functions as new age puritans who seem to think no one should ever consume any kind of sexual or unnecessarily violent content of any kind in games because it’s “degrading to women” or “it inspires violence in the real world”.  Never mind the fact that there’s never been a link between real world violence and violence in games, many of the women featured in games are designed by women, and that many of the men featured in games can be as equally sexualized, but in a different way. There seems to be this disconnect between what’s fiction and what’s reality for them and they believe everyone else suffers from this condition too, especially for people who play video games. So now there’s this rabid need to censor everything for everyone because a select few people can’t handle a woman dressed a little sexily. People don’t like having third party views pushed into their entertainment, but it’s happening anyway, and gaming companies seem to be ignoring this issue that’s rotting them from the inside out.

In the end, if this kind of trend continues, gaming is going to die out in the near future. There’s already been a number of game studios closing because they listened to people screaming on Twitter and Facebook over loyal, paying fans. Too many of these gaming companies try go for the social justice, good boy points to only have the bar moved farther away to unattainable levels. This is on top of pushing out games that don’t work or just look and handle horrendously because they were more focused on politics or making as much money as possible with the least amount of work. There are a few major studios left that stick by their fans and core principles, and there are hundreds of smaller studios that fully embrace making a good game over making money or sending a message. Though, with the way things are going, it’s only a matter of time before someone else takes over that prioritizes their online image over appeasing the people who got them where they are now. If and when that day comes, it’ll be the end. The gaming industry as a whole will die a slow, painful death.