#I could fucking frolic and do whatever

[bloodspatterguy]

wish I was an anime girl

[flowerakatsuka]

larry's tag about kurokara looking back on going around the summer festival together and realizing it was basically a date is making me chuckle bc it wouldn't be the only instance of kuroba inviting karamatsu out on what's essentially a date before they're a couple ( not even during that summer. )

[homunculus-argument]

If I had like Do Whatever The Fuck You Want kind of money, I'd get a huge area of land within a reasonable walking distance from the town, and set up a mock graveyard in there. Fake tombstones with names of people who have never existed, sculptures of weeping angels draped dramatically over grave monuments, a folly in the style of old gothic stone church ruins, the whole nine yards. And then just wait for the goths to show up.

Watch them hang out there, sit on the dilapidated benches, take dramatic pictures of each other, the graves, and each other on the graves, just enjoying themselves and doing their thing, paying no mind to the unassuming, tall, equally abandoned-looking tower at the other end of the graveyard. It's not abandoned. I live there. And I set up this whole splendid little park for them just so I could watch them frolic, just the same as someone would put up a bird feeder on their yard because they wanted to watch birds.

[dhampling]

the shepherd, the black sheep gn!reader, 2k

“Oh, come on now. It’s ok. They’ll come back, or they won’t.’ He sidles over and sits next to you. A toothy grin.  ‘It could be worse. We could be here without each other.” - a plummet into a chasm leaves you and your light-fingered friend stuck. together, you wonder if you'll ever emerge again.

word count: 2,054

as always, a big thank you to the nonnie who sent me the prompt: 'Tav/Reader & Astarion get trapped together somewhere during a mission and have to deal with the isolation and anxiety of waiting to be rescued by their other companions' - i hope i did it justice <3

-

He rolls his thumb and forefinger as he casts an absent glare into your makeshift fire. Sniffs. Whets his lips.

“Do you think they’ll come back?” He asks into the open space. 

You’re on the other side of the cavern, triple checking for access points you may have missed on your prior patrols.

It’s been a fraught few days but with the rescue of Halsin came much-needed information. A path to the heart of the Absolute. Finally your journey had a destination, and you’d started to gather momentum in knowing you had a set route to travel.

If Astarion’s revelation had only come a little later there’s no doubt your friends would be clamouring to save you both now.

He knows the camp is wary of him, even more so than before. You made clear in no uncertain terms that anyone unhappy with his vampiric presence was welcome to leave the party as soon as they pleased. He heard the rumbles, the whispers. The staunch distaste for your decision and the following questions on your capacity to make them.

The threat of a power vacuum seems only amplified by your current situation.

Lost in a deep cavern following a fall from a hefty chunk of loose rock, just the two of you. The shepherd, the black sheep. Your companions promising to return but with little by way of a plan to do so. 

It was only your decision to cast Feather Fall prior to crossing that you both survived the plummet.

He is simultaneously overwhelmed with gratitude, and furious beyond measure. 

Overwhelmed to the point of nausea. Deep, horrid nausea that seeps into his bones every time he’s conscious of it. A pounding headache, a splitting skull, a million times ‘why’; the way you reach for his hand in the darkest nights and it feels like a balm. Your neck on a platter. You listen to him and it feels as if the gods finally heard his call.

Incensed - pitifully - because he wishes with hindsight that he’d found a means to stop you casting the spell. He’d finally be dead, somewhere Cazador would never find him; and whatever tale the sordid scars on his back told would rot with him. He’d be left in peace in this cool, damp darkness and nothing would be able to mutilate any part of him again, minus the rats that’d very likely feast on his corpse.

How very funny. It almost seemed a shame to deprive himself of experiencing that one while still having a brain. The irony.

There’s peace here, in the drip-drops and the echoes. An ambience of sorts. A spacious tomb for his undead soul to frolic and haunt for all eternity. Maybe he’d set up his tent so he’d have somewhere for his ethereal spirit to lounge, put the bottles and bedrolls out. He did fall with his pack, after all. 

But you’d be dead, too.

He’d suffer the fall twice. Break his own neck, garrotte himself in unholy witness of whichever reaper came for you. Slam onto the floor of the cavern, repeatedly; until whatever remained of his mangled brain could be assured of your own safety and he could finally fucking die.

Having something to die for.

Now that’s a novel concept.

You amble your way back over to him, rubbing your forearm as you search the darkness mindlessly.

“Don’t know. They’re under no obligation to, I suppose.”

“Easy way to do away with us.” Astarion ponders.

“You might just be right.”

You sink to the floor, wrapping your arms around now-crossed legs and exhaling softly.

“Oh, come on now. It’s ok. They’ll come back, or they won’t.’

He sidles over and sits next to you. A toothy grin. 

‘It could be worse. We could be here without each other.”

When he says this, he expects you to flail your arms and chide him for his ill-timed attempt at humour. Tell him that you’d rather be here with anyone else in camp, that you hate the fact you’re so uncertain as to whether they’re coming back for you. Freak out in the way mortals often do. Reveal all those horrid little doubts over your staunch protection of him that he fears are stewing under the skin.

Instead, you meet his eyes and freely give a small smile. 

“Right again. Making a habit of this.”

“I’ll be careful darling. I wouldn’t want to set expectations now, would I?”

He can tell you’re uneasy, but he doesn’t seem to be the cause. Not remotely. If your body is anything to go by then he’s a solace here for you. 

For some reason, that suspicion makes him feel warmer. 

You look over the packs. You’re unsure how long you’ll be down here, or whether you should be preparing for the worst case scenario where food is concerned; but hunger pangs are worming their way through you already and you’re cursing the single coffee you had back at camp.

You’d like to think your new friends wouldn’t leave you here. Obviously far too optimistic a perspective for someone with a mind flayer parasite currently lodged in their head, but without hope you wager you’d very quickly become completely despondent.

In your mind, either possibility is a very real one. 

Astarion tilts his head to the side to make room for your own atop his shoulder.

The gesture surprises you in its intimacy. Not that you’ve noticed in any way aside from the purely observational, but his desire for physical contact seems relegated to that which is utterly necessary and nothing more.

The nights he has touched you have felt so.

This doesn’t feel necessary.

But it’s welcome, nonetheless.

“What can I do, my sweet? How can we make - this - easier.” He poses with a hint of a playful tone.

“I hope you’re not suggesting what I think you are, Astarion.”

He shakes his head and smiles with mirth.

“No, no. Not unless that was a proposition on your part?”

He turns and looks down at you softly.

“Maybe later. I’m just cold.” You speak with little conviction.

No emotion, just absence. He wonders if you’re actually considering letting him warm you through. A service he finds himself surprisingly willing to offer, wanting to even; his brain struggling to consider it a service when he’d derive such genuine pleasure from burying his icy fingers deep into the valleys of your warm flesh, head reverently planting kisses on your heated belly; holding your blazing torso against his. Tarse twitches. 

Astarion hums.

“I could try to make you something, if you like?”

You scoff, a slight smile returning to your cheeks.

“Thank you, but I’ll decline. Tell me when the last time you cooked was again?”

He errs a little, wobbling his head and gesticulating softly.

“Details, darling, details.”

You both sit in silence for a few moments, undoubtedly thinking the same things. Mulling over the choices that led you here. There’s a fondness, though. A lack of regret. What will be, will be. 

“Was there wine in your pack?” You break the silence. 

His head perks up.

“Fancy a lock-in?” He grins cattishly. 

For the first time since your fall, you smile completely uninhibited.

“Gods, I think so. Not much else to be done, is there?”

-

It’s cosy. 

Inside Astarion’s tent are both bedrolls, plus whatever cushions and blankets you could find within your bags of holding; and copious bottles of wine plucked unceremoniously from the stockpile before heading out.

“I didn’t know if they’d take it as an opportunity to mutiny. Cast me aside, leave me to die. I had to take some of the good stuff with me just in case.” He grins.

“I can’t believe I’m so glad to find out you’ve been stealing from the group’s resources.” You lean back, enjoying the warmth of the fire on your icy flesh.

He scoffs.

“What?! It’s hardly an ongoing pursuit.’

He sips. Lowers his voice.

‘I don’t particularly want to give them more of a reason to stake me.” 

Hearing his resigned tone makes your heart ache a little.

“They’d have to stake me too. I’d move too fast for that, obviously.” You mimic quick gestures with your hands, monk-style. He splutters on his wine. 

“What on earth was that?”

“A demonstration of my battle prowess?”

You chop again with your hands, moving quicker as he folds with laughter.

“The focus in your eyes, darling. It’s remarkable.” He breathes heavily.

“Obviously? I’m ensuring they can’t stake either of us?” 

You commit to the bit, chopping in the space all around you until your companion has tears in his eyes and is gasping for unnecessary breath.

“Thank gods I have a hero like you to protect me, hm? My knight in shining armour.” He practically purrs, wiping the tears and resting on his elbow.

“Just be thankful you’re not the one who has to fight against these hands.” You shake your head and dust them off with exaggerated finesse. 

“I’d feel sorry for the poor bastard who does.”

He likes how absolutely ridiculous you are at this moment. It’s sobering. Two hundred years and he hasn’t seen someone with quite the ability to create a levity like you just brought to the situation.

Your devotion - though used in jest - doesn’t pass him by unnoticed, either.

A beat of silence.

You pour another big goblet of wine and stare into the abyss.

“What if we are just stuck down here?”

He ruminates, running his tongue over his teeth.

“Then we have three options.’

He looks at you.

‘One. We find a way to climb that crag right to the very top.’

You both look up to where he points. Above you, minus some jutting rock, is a chasm as wide as the sky.

‘Two. We repopulate down here somehow and create our very own race of awfully mutilated creatures to fool the gang into thinking it’s someone else they lost down here. We can’t replicate Gale exactly, obviously, but I think they’ll begin to look similar after a couple generations of natural inbreeding.’

You pull a face and shiver. He shrugs.

“Three. We get cosy, and go out happy. There’s nothing we can do from here.”

Astarion lifts his chalice in a moribund toast, gesturing for yours to meet him in the air.

“I’m grateful you’re here.” Your cup clinks against his.

A moment’s silence. 

“I’m grateful it’s you.”

He looks at you once more. 

He could’ve been down here with anyone. Most of them would have staked him immediately. Said the Feather Fall had worn off, that nothing could be done. He’d have been left here, dead, with nobody to remember the only weeks of freedom belonging to him in the last two hundred years of his miserable existence.

But there’s you. There’s always you.

He wonders how you would react. Whether you’d shrug and remain stoic, returning back to the wants of the masses, just another fallen body. Throw some nightshade into the abyss in memory and move on.

Of course you wouldn’t.

“I don’t regret it, you know.” You speak as you sip, still looking up into the cavern’s sky.

“I- Thank you.’

You sit in silence for a few minutes, the drip-drops of the cavern a calm backdrop.

‘Between friends - you’re a little in love with me, aren’t you?”

You swallow a gulp of wine and wobble your head. Gesture lazily into the air around you.

“Not yet, no.”

He moves to object, but is caught mid-breath. 

“We’re doomed anyway. What if I said it? Those three little words?”

You laugh and sip again.

“What the hells. I’d say it back. Hope we live long enough to see it play out.”

Astarion looks at you fondly. There’s a genuine reverence in his eyes, soft and considered; and for the first time you see no barriers. If there’s a future in which the two of you don’t starve to death then he sees you there aside him.

“I love you.”

You bring his palm to your cheek and hold it there for a moment, closing your eyes and nuzzling against it.

“I love you, too.”

He swills the last of his current chalice in his mouth and swallows, bringing your hand to his lips and kissing it reverently.

“Now we drink, and we wait.”

-

[error-on-line413]

[ HUMAN GRUMBLR DASHBOARD SIMULATION ]

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🌸cutecore-kawaiii NORMALIZE POLYLOVE <333

🎧lol-pwnd having multiple partners will never be normalized, human monogamy is in our human DNA and it's just how we are as a human society

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🎧lol-pwnd no please i have a human same blood clan i need to work to get money to feed them

📔sun-kissed-skin Hey guys, anyone want to come outside and roll around in the non-toxic and harmless plant life with me?

⚡rainbowdash-is-human-lesbian I don't know user sun-kissed-skin, I feel like maybe you're more interested in human sunbathing than human plantbathing for some reason

📔sun-kissed-skin you don't know that for certain

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💮humanchild i hate human school so fucking much

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[theluckywizard]

Kiss Me Moonstruck, Ch. 9: Mistakes are Made

Hawke x Trevelyan | Dragon Age 2 | Matchmaking Mischief | Fluff and Smut | Fish out of Water | Romantic Comedy

Gif by dearest-and-nearest

Chapter Summary:

Rose stews in the delights of The Hanged Man. Garrett enjoys himself a little too much.

Fic Summary:

Smashed together in a matchmaking scheme cooked up by their enterprising mothers, Garrett Hawke and Rose Trevelyan are forced to endure one another for a whole week over Satinalia at the Hawke Estate. Rose hears he’s a swashbuckling treasure hunter, as wild as he is handsome and as ill-bred as he is rich. Garrett suspects she’s a brat of an ingenue by the string of rejected marriage proposals behind her. Determined to prove to the other that they could not be less compatible, they quickly find their mothers’ plot might be working better than they thought.

Excerpt under the cut 👇

Garrett’s friends seem to be kidnapping her.

“Just bring her back in one piece,” calls Garrett, watching her go with his arms crossed. Rose peeks at him over her shoulder, watching as Garrett is promptly solicited for another dance by a woman squeezed perilously into a bodice with her shoulders out. Rose wonders what it is about the partial outfits in these parts. It’s Firstfall. When Garrett declines, the most absurd sense of relief crashes through her.

“Something tells me you’re thirsty,” says Isabela, sweeping Rose along to the bar, her jewelry clinking as she slinks along. Elbow on the bar, the woman studies Rose with an incisive smirk that leaves her sure she’s about to be dissected five ways.

“So you’ve come to stake a claim, have you?” says Isabela, catching a bottle that comes sliding down the wet bar. She stands and leans into the barkeep’s space to claim three tiny tin cups for herself. Isabela lifts her chin in the direction of Garrett. “Ladies have been queuing up for him since he struck it rich. Even before.”

Rose searches for the right retort as the woman pours three fuming cups of whatever is in that bottle.

“There’s no need for blushes,” says Isabela. “I’m a fortune hunter myself.”

Merrill looks dazzled. “Are you a pirate, too?” She glances between Rose and Isabela. “Oh— you meant something different.”

Rose levels a frosty look at Isabela. “This isn’t my scheme. I’m just trying to make it through the week without collapsing under the weight of my boredom.”

Beneath a trenchant stare, Isabela nudges a brimming cup toward Rose. “I’ll toast to that. A drink for the stout-hearted.”

Well she won’t let a little liquor cow her. Rose throws back the booze. A pathetic croak pops out of her before she coughs once, her eyes stinging and watering. Rose glances between Merrill and Isabela who watch her with equal interest though Merrill only peeks over the top of delicate sips of the same stuff while a feline smile spreads across the pirate’s face.

“You claim you aren’t here for Hawke, but that doesn’t explain the dancing. The smiles. The utter unwillingness to partner with anyone else.”

“I think he likes her,” offers Merrill. But the pirate is playing a deeper game, one beyond the elf’s callow suppositions.

Rose huffs. “Can’t a woman flirt without it becoming an entire romantic plot?”

“Of course. Flirt. Frolic. Fuck,” says Isabela. She lingers over that last word with such suggestion that she practically tills the idea into Rose’s mind.

“A romantic plot sounds lovely, though, doesn’t it?” says Merrill, becoming the second person to pick up Rose’s braid, stroking it in curious admiration.

Isabela appraises her again, the bottle tinging beneath her fingernails. She refills Rose’s cup.

“Still. By my standards you’ve entered shit-or-get-off-the-pot territory.”

“What does shit have to do with anything?” Merrill whispers to Rose. But Rose is busy searching for Garrett’s head towering over everyone else’s, lifting her chin to peer over other guests that press toward the bar, squeezing into spaces on either side of her and the other two. Something small inside her crumbles when she doesn’t find him.

“He’s just there,” says Merrill helpfully, pointing to a table. Garrett sits flanked by other revelers in affable conversation, gesturing with their cups. Transfixed by the way he drops his head when he laughs, by his waggish slouch in his chair, by all the ways he’s scrappy round the edges, Rose flushes. He looks up, spearing her with a dashing smile across the mayhem and then raises his tankard to her. She answers with her tiny cup.

“Just look at that mushy face,” says Merrill, her affection for him plain.

Read the rest here | Start the fic here

DAFF Tag List

@about2dance | @ar-lath-ma-cully | @blarrghe | @bluewren | @breninarthur

@crackinglamb | @delicatefade | @dreadfutures | @effelants | @exalted-dawn-drabbles 

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 @plisuu | @rakshadow | @rosella-writes | @queenaeducan | @warpedlegacy

[aarafox]

On Stolitz, Desire and Misunderstandings

I’ve thought about them so much for the past few days that I just have to put my thoughts somewhere. This might be far from structured/coherent but contains everything that has been running around in my brain lately. Feel free to interact with me about this because they’re driving me insane (in a positive way).

Quick disclaimer: I’ve watched everything in nearly one sitting a few days ago and am new to the fandom, so I might be unaware of commonly known info or things the creators have said or confirmed. If you come across any of my questions that have been answered already, please forgive me for not knowing and feel free to enlighten me! Let’s begin~

 The main thing that got me thinking about this so much is Blitz’s line in ep 7 when he brings Stolas home after their failed date: “Don’t act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear, all the time.”

But the thing is, he is wrong. We as the viewer know this, how Stolas chokes on his food when he sees that Blitzy calls, how he lunges to pick up the phone and how his eyes turn into little hearts when he hears the question. If anything, Stolas is smitten with Blitz.

He even calls Gabriella a “mood” when she asks Alejandro why he won’t love her. It’s indisputable that he’s thinking about Blitz here.

And how much he actually likes Blitz becomes even more clear to us at the start of season 2, when they’re kids. Stolas falls in love at first sight and blushes several times.

And then, 25 years later, he is delighted to meet Blitz again. After the initial (joking?) assumption that Blitz has come here to “ravish him”, he tries to make gentle conversation and asks him how he’s been. Blitz is the one who decides to initiate sexual relations—that is, he pretends to start it, and decides to keep it up when he hears Stolas chirp about how happy he is that it’s his “first ever friend” who wants to do him. But Stolas, before this, was surprised by Blitz’s advances and unsure how to react. Stolas, if anything, has to believe that Blitz is very sexually attracted to him.

That is why Blitz’s line in episode 7 fascinates me this much; one would think the reverse of what he says is true. Stolas has no reason whatsoever to believe that Blitz ever wanted more from him than sex/the grimoire, especially with how their relations began. So it strikes me that apparently, to Blitz, it hurts him to think that Stolas wants nothing else from him. He even begins to cry there in the van as he begins to reject the prince.

See the tears in his eyes? Why is that? Is he embarrassed? Angry? Does he feel guilty for putting Stolas in a “disgraceful” picture? Is he thinking about entirely different things that happened to him in the past?

And Stolas cries when Blitz is gone, because, well, he does think of Blitz as more than a sex friend. He was so excited to be asked out by him, he made himself look pretty, tried his best to make conversation with him, thought Blitz was actually taking him on their first date ever! He thought Blitz had called him out because he wanted to spend time with him, so he did his best to make the date a success, but all he received from Blitz was, well, nothing… He even tried to end the night on a more positive note by asking Blitz to come inside for something other than sex, perhaps to drink some wine and talk about what happened (or watch a movie, or cuddle 🥺). But when he hears that his sentiment of just wanting to spend time together has never come across—not now, not ever before—and Blitz actually believes Stolas just wants to frolic, that’s when Stolas leaves it for what it is and ends up crying.

(God I feel so bad for him, my heart)

And he spends a LONG time trying to show Blitz, via his texts, that sex is not the only thing that he’s after.

But he only gets one-word responses from Blitz. Nothing, literally nothing to keep going on. It’s no wonder he loses faith in that whatever they had could ever be anything more. And Blitz probably has commitment issues or is afraid of things not working out and he ends up keeping Stolas at a distance—until it’s too late.

And it just kills me that he does care about Stolas but somehow won’t admit it, won’t show it. And yet he sounds so hurt there in that van, when he accuses Stolas of merely wanting to be his sex friend. And he actually cries. For that reason, and for many other reasons not all clearly laid out for us.

Meanwhile Stolas has been crushing on him for 25 years. It’s only natural for him to propose the deal they made: he wants Blitz to be close to him (and he assumes Blitz enjoyed sex with him that first time, since he slept there for the entire night while at first only claiming he could do it “real fast”) and Blitz wants his grimoire. This is the perfect way for Stolas to get Blitz to be with him, because, frankly, he doesn’t have many other reasons to meet up with him. So they make this deal: Stolas gets to be together with him for once a month, and Blitz gets the grimoire. Perfect right?

Except when Stolas discovers that Blitz doesn’t even begin to know how much Stolas actually cares. That’s why he keeps sending those long texts, he tries so hard to let Blitz know they could be doing anything else and he’d love that too. That night after the date he already begins with those attempts, by telling him he enjoyed spending time with Blitz and suggesting things to do inside which Blitz misunderstands for him trying to get him into his bed.

But damn, if that was all Stolas was after, he wouldn’t get so depressed that he’d drink until passing out. He is heartbroken. And somehow, for some reason, so is Blitz. The first thing he does when he gets home is opening his phone to a selfie he took of them while Stolas was asleep.

And others have pointed this out as well, but Stolas doesn’t know about this picture and that Blitz smiled while he took it. On all the pictures Stolas has of Blitz, Blitz looks like he’s not enjoying himself at all.

So what must he think when he sends Blitz his reply that he could be in the hospital for a while in case he wants to visit, and Blitz doesn’t answer?

Well, that Blitz doesn’t want to come. That he doesn’t care enough.

Indeed, if there’s anyone who hasn’t been showing his true feelings or intentions, it’s Blitz. Stolas compliments him, calls him darling and “his” Blitzy, makes himself pretty for their date, and (for instance in ep 2 of season 2) blushes big time multiple times.

He’s had it bad for Blitz for ages, but he (correctly? incorrectly?) concludes that this is not mutual. And he has every reason to think so! Blitz treats their sexy adventures as a business transaction, is all serious and stoic to Stolas about it except for the rare occasion where he does show how much he likes it, like after Stolas rescues him from the demon hunters and he grins and seduces Stolas before kissing him.

But the times when Blitz talks about them to others? Those are moments Stolas doesn’t know about and doesn’t get to see, like when Blitz talks to Striker and stutters like mad trying to explain what they are and aren’t. He never outright says that they’re not dating. He doesn’t even deny Millie’s words when she says they’re boyfriends.

(M&M totally know I’m wheezing)

It just drives me insane how Blitz isn’t honest with his feelings, especially towards Stolas. He probably chooses to believe that Stolas only wants to have sex with him, because that’s more convenient and safer for him, and enables him to keep Stolas at a distance.

Perhaps that is why he never properly responds to Stolas’s texts, never jumps to the opportunity to agree to Stolas’s indirectly asked questions or suggestions. Getting closer might be a bad idea somehow—but after those texts he has to understand what the prince’s intentions are, right? They just don’t talk about it at all; we also aren’t told whether they still do it or not, or just exchange the book like Stolas’s texts suggest. This is striking compared to season 1, where we got scenes of them in bed or talking about their next meet up.

It isn’t until Stolas’s life is in actual danger when Blitz begins to realise how much he cares.

“He can get hurt?” His eyes are trembling with disbelief. After that he finally sends Stolas a text first, and then begins typing again, and stops. I imagine he started typing a yes, but stops himself for some reason. I really hope they’ll show us what Blitz was thinking in that moment. Why would he not go to see Stolas? Because he feels guilty? Because he’s afraid he’ll start caring even more when he sees him wounded in that bed?

But again, for Stolas this just means that he doesn’t care, and the poor owl curls up and turns away from his phone.

[candiid-caniine]

pov: you're scared to send an ask

kicking my feet thinking abt all the shy people following me :)

what's keeping you quiet n shy? are you scared to fumble thru being mean to a little puppydog bc its your first time? are you nervous or guilty about having kinks like mine and wish you could be brave enough to own it? are you somehow, for some reason, sure that even tho u know what i like, *you specifically* will fuck it up somehow n annoy me?

cause i do. i want fumbling first-time awkward asks and requests. i want you to know that you can do this. you can control me, no matter how new u are to this, or how much you've convinced yourself your self-esteem issues are reality <3

or do you have kinks similar to mine that you're not sure i'm into? or...are you holding back on sending an ask bc ur scared you'll like it too much? does it make you shiver, watching me debase myself and recognizing some violent and mean thrill in u when i whine, and you're not sure you can control yourself? that you'll get addicted...?

cause i want your "how about this" kinks, your "this might be too much, but..." i want ur addiction, i wanna hear about how i scare you by making you want to beat me into submission. i want ur obsession, ur most violent urges.

or are you just not sure? do u have questions about kinks i'm into, or basic parts of sex, that you think will make u look dumb/be embarrassing if you ask for clarification/advice? do u think u just don't have enough knowledge to interact in this space?

cause it's okay! i will answer anything i know how to answer! ur not stupid or cringe for not knowing about certain kinds of sex. it's good to ask questions, that's how u learn!

or are you a sub/puppy too? do u think that i only want the big mean doms/switches in my inbox, that i don't want to hear from fellow puppies gushing abt people being mean to them and barking at me, that i won't bark back? bunnies and kitties and anything else, do u think i won't want your softness, your sweetness, that i won't wanna nuzzle u and lick u and frolic the way only small creatures can?

cause i want you! i want ouppy. i want kittn. i want bunnie. i want "licks you licks you bites you licks you nuzzles you." i want blushy cuddling and the yip-yap and mrrp and squeakch.

whatever makes u think i won't love hearing from you, i want u to know it's in ur head. i'm literally ouppy. whether it's because i have bottomless love, or because i'm too stupid to see the danger, u should send that ask. <3

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #234

It rained today!! It rained a lot!! And there was thunder booming outside and everything!!!

…SO I WENT OUTSIDE!!!! But I didn't get any pictures; it was raining so hard that I felt it best to leave both my glasses and my cellphone at home.

And I ran!! And I looked up at the sky and let the rain fall onto my hair and face!! And I let my shoes glide along the surfaces of puddles, spraying water everywhere!!! And I found some really deep puddles to stomp around in and I kicked the water up into the air, and I listened to the booming thunder in the distance, and…!! and…!!! AND…!!!!

Well, of course I got soaked. The insides of my boots got all squishy and weird, hahaha! My hair became a shaggy, sopping mess. My clothing was literally dripping wet.

And then there was the guy in the groundskeeper's cart. I wasn't expecting anyone to be around because it really was raining super hard outside. But still he was there, and… goodness, I felt more than a little self-conscious; I'm very well aware that it's not "normal" for a grown person to frolic in the rain with reckless abandon. The fact that joy is not considered normal in my world is beyond my understanding (and is probably a large part of what's fucking wrong with this place), but it is what it is.

…Still, who fucking cares? I only get one shot at making life awesome for the soft animal that carries my soul, and I am autistic; I am socially unacceptable by default anyfuckingway, so what do I have to lose? So after pausing to bow at the man, and after engaging in brief, but pleasant conversation, in my own mind, I waved a great big huge middle finger at the lingering echoes of past people who tell me I should be ashamed of myself, and I continued to fucking frolic, like a goddamn BOSS. Those old thoughts are terrorists, and we don't fucking negotiate with terrorists.

And you know what!!! After that, I found a particularly deep puddle!!! It was so deep that the water went all the way up to the middle of my shins!!! IT WAS FUCKING GREAT!!!! And so I jumped and splashed and twirled around and stomped and kicked the water EVERYWHERE!!!! It was WONDERFUL!!!

The man came by in his cart again, this time with another man riding in the cart. So I turned and bowed to them once more. They told me that pretty soon, they were going to try to drain the puddles; they wanted to let me know because they thought I looked like I was having fun, and they didn't want me to be sad unexpectedly. So I thanked them, and I bid them peace, safety, and luck, and I told them that I hope they find excuses to dance today. And then I went home. I took my time. I jumped in a few more puddles. I rolled around in some wet grass. But I went home. And it was good.

Of course, by the time I got home, I maybe looked like a bit of a sasquatch, hahaha! So J took a few pictures; I am at home, so in these, I am not bothering to hide the weird ways that the autism and the dyspraxia and the hypermobility make me move and hold myself (people get uncomfortable and unsettled when I don't mask...); for today at least, I do not fucking care! And for today at least, I think maybe these will make you smile, even just a little:

...In case you wonder why autistic people tend to do "t-rex arms"? It's because we're more likely to be hypermobile, and keeping our biceps partially flexed prevents the humerus from coming out of its socket from the effects of gravity. The more you know!

For whatever reason, J then asked me to do my "best impression of a cheese goblin." It's very silly, but he asked, and what he asks for, he gets!

...I, uh... I think I accidentally did a "Frankenstein" instead of a "cheese goblin". And I tried to be really scary, but I don't think I was very successful, because I couldn't keep a straight face while doing it for very long, as you could see, ahahaha~!

Anyway, so everything I was wearing was covered in rainwater. So I had to take it all off and put it in the washer and then change into dry things! And then I put it all in the dryer, and it should be mostly dry now, I think??? My boots might need a few more cycles, but that's okay. I don't mind.

The rain stopped just a little, shortly after I got home. But then, while I was writing this letter to you, it began again, although not quite as strongly as before! Sometimes I think maybe you might miss the rain, so I tried to snag a video of it for you:

Hey, Sephiroth!!! If you're in my neighborhood the next time it rains like this, let's go outside and dance, okay??? And let's go splash around in the puddles and run around with wet hair and dripping clothes and soggy boots, and let's yell and laugh right back at the thunder and give permission for the wind and the rain to caress our faces!!! And then let's go home and be cheese goblins or Frankensteins or whatever!!! And then we can get cookies or macaroni and cheese!! It'll be fun, I promise!!!

You know what, Sephiroth!! You know what! I think I'm gonna play some Dead Cells now; it has been far too long!! Come and join me if you want to!!

I will end this here for today!! I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had fun writing it!!

I love you!!! Please stay safe and work hard out there, okay? But don't work so hard that you break, got it??? You wouldn't want me to come snatch you up and sentence you to a thousand years of cookies and milk and cartoons and macaroni and cheese and nature walks and yummy tea, would you????

...Who am I kidding? Of course you would! But please don't overwork yourself until you break, anyway, okay? I'm sure you remember what happened last time. I'm sure you don't wanna repeat your mistakes. I'm sure you wanna be able to make better choices.

Do your best, okay? I'll write again soon!

Your friend, Lumine

[swndmehelp]

My lovely girl Aurora needs more love, I make like two posts of her every few months but hones she’s one of my favorite characters I’ve made. So, here’s some fun facts about her!

Main thing is that she has HORRID anxiety. That’s her main issue anyhow.

Aurora is 14 years old in Bioshock. She probably wouldn’t have met Jack or interacted with him while he was at Fort Frolic but definitely knew he was there. She’d probably be there with Cohen, but she’s terrified of people so she hides.

She was born in rapture, her mother is dead and her father had left rapture without her. So she was given to the orphanage and we all know what happened to those orphans in Rapture.

Honestly, given what Cohen has done and everything, she would be terrified of him but also not? I don’t know, she has mixed feelings. But I think Cohen might like her because she’s also an artist? Maybe? Idk how the man would be with a 14 year old after how crazy he appears.

Aurora doesn’t make art out of people, she prefers the classics like paint or pencil. But I’m sure Cohen might have a little influence after a while.

She was one of the little sisters that Tenenbaum “fixed” or whatever. That’s why she has the glowing orange eyes when everything else in her is gray scale.

SPEAKING OF HER BEING GRAY SCALE! Obviously she wouldn’t be like that in real like, but it’s kind of a way for me to express her. Idk how to explain it I’m so sorry. Anyways, I feel like she would have color that’s not gray if she were a more cheery person, or if she hadn’t been a little sister. I was doing some concept and that was kind of the idea.

She wears a mask, one of the bunny ones from the game. When she’s not wearing it her face is all blacked out other than a glowing orange eye. Her face is kinda messed up given her time in rapture and with her being a little sister for a while.

By the time Bioshock 2 rolls around my girl would be 22. She’s grown up (kinda)!!

She still stays in Fort Frolic but sometimes she needs to get out and wander. Obviously she has a specific route picked out to avoid splicers and Cohen.

She’d probably freak the fuck out when she meets Delta. Sobbing, crying, panicking, not breathing. To put it simply she’s terrified of Big Daddy’s

She could probably help Delta, instead of being against him like most of the people Delta meets in BS2. She doesn’t have anything against him other than the fact she’d be terrified of him.

She’s also probably scared of Sinclair for a while, business man :(

I feel like (because obviously everyone lives at the end of BS2) she’d escape with Sinclair and Delta and everyone.

[cherryluvrx3]

meat lovers amirite??

Dave Strider x Reader x Karkat Vantas

Chapter 5

I went home with an extra pep in my step, resisting the urge to hop, skip and frolic around like a cutsie whimsical princess or something.

I shut the door to my room and kicked off my shoes, plopping into bed, stomach first with my legs kicking behind me.

I decided against texting Dave- and Karkat and John for that matter, because I didn’t wanna come off as weirdly clingy and desperate for “friendship”. Besides, they’re still working anyway. So instead, I go to text the group chat so I can report the good news.

It takes a few seconds before anyone answers but like always, Roxy is the first to respond.

Me

-!!!!

Roxy <3

- hey babe! What’s up?

Me

-You would not believe what just happened omhggg

Gamz :o)

-wazzzzzupppppp

Me

-Sooo

-I went to see Dave right

Nepetita :3

-Oooh really?? :0

Me

-Yesss

-N I got his number xP!!

Roxy <3

-omg rllyy!!

-wooo!!

Gamz :o)

- u text him yet

Me

-No ima wait a bit

-He’s still working

-also

-I got his coworkers numbers too xP

-They’re named John and Karkat

Roxy <3

-omg????

-girl you just

-3 dudes numbers!!??

Tezi >:]

-Since when did you have the sweet talking abilities for that?? >:0

Me

-I know I knowww

-Ima smoooooth opertatorrrr

-The men flock to me and bow at my feet as I walk by

Gamz :o)

-Waitttttt

-wait wait

-waittttt

Me

-what

Tezi >:]

-Wat >:?

Gamz :o)

-A guy named Karkat

-I might know that motherfucker

Nepetita :3

-a furriend of yours??

Gamz :o)

-Just a guy I met on a field trip like 2 years ago or smn

-we both got lost at the motherfuckin zoo freshman year

-like ours n his school was there at the same time n shit

-kinda just walked around tryna find like the groups we came with or whatever but I kinda gave up

-n he didn’t wanna walk around alone so he just stayed with me

-we was just chillin with the stingrays

-he was still tweakin tf out tho so I gave him a edible

Me

-Omg???

Gamz :o)

-motherfucker didn’t know it was an edible tho or else I don’t think he would’ve ate it

-we were tripping hard by the time we made it back to the buses lol

Roxy <3

-gamzzz 😭😭

-i don’t think u shld giv edibles to strangersss

Nepetita :3

-Yeah that's a little

-ermmm

-rude?

Gamz :o)

-was jus tryna help the guy

Me

-Well anyways

-I’m not like

-Actually interested in them or anything

-Just wanna be friends with them

Tezi >:]

-I thought you wanted to date pizza boy??

Me

-Oh Dave yeah

-I meant just him tho lol

Gamz :o)

-yeah for a sec I thought u were rlly tryna juggle 3 hoes at once

Roxy <3

-yeah righttt

-they can barely juggle dave alobe!!

-alone

Me

-I could totally have multiple hoes if I wanted???

Roxy <3

-yep

Gamz :o)

-mhm

Tezi >:]

-ok

Nepetita :3

-...well.. *sweats nervously*

Me

-FUCK YOU GUYSS

-WHAT EVA!!!!!

-I see you guys are just some hating ass bitches

Roxy <3

-not hating just being #real babe

Nepetita :3

-Anyways!! It’s great that you got Dave’s number!! Are you planning on texting him first or letting him come to you?

-Do you want to be the purredator or purray? :3

Me

-hmmm

-well I was thinking

-wait

-omg?

Tezi >:]

-Wat >:?

Me

-He literallyyyyy just texted me

-brb teehee

Roxy <3

-omgg? the stars r aligningg for u to hav ur momenttt

Gamz :o)

-get his ass

While John gave me his pesterchum user, Dave and Karkat gave me their regular numbers because they “weren’t fucking nerds” and so I put them into my phone’s contacts.

Pizza Dave

-hey dawg

Me

-hiiiii ? aren’t you still working? Lol

Pizza Dave

-yeah I’m still on the clock for like 2 hours but not much is going on

-there was one more call for delivery and I made Kat deal with it because I’m still recovering from that last traumatic experience

-told him I might have some serious PTSD induced panic attacks if I had to hold another pizza in my hands

Me

-Oh haha

-So are you likee

-Just chatting to pass the time?

Pizza Dave

-bingo. pretty much.

-I’d chat with John but right now he’s busy talking to like

-some other friend??

-like what the helllll

-I was the OG bestie yknow

-but now he’s over there getting all cozy with some dude he met on some online forum that’s just a cesspool for shitty movie lovers

-guess he wanted a guy who’d listen to him rave about nick cage without bitchin but I mean I was just keeping it real

-we’re literally on the clock. being on the phone while working is NOT allowed. you’d think he’d know better

… hmm..

Me

-Kinda sounds like you’re a jealous boyfriend lol

Why did I say that? Don’t know, thought it was funny and hit send before I could rethink.

He’d been typing consistently but I could see in real time his speech bubble stop.

I headed back to the group chat to update them, cutting off whatever they were talking about.

Me

-So he’s texting me rn bc he’s bored at work

Nepetita :3

-well that at least shows he’s thinking of you?

Me

-welllllll he just said he’s only talking to me bc his other friends are busy lol

-but I mean this is my chance to slide myself into his personal circle!!

I went back to me and Dave’s convo and- holy shit. While I was gone he was typing up a storm

Pizza Dave

-what

-no

-no way dude

-me and john are just buds

-that's my home dawg yknow

-like if I was jealous it would just be because of the friendship we have being threatened

-yknow what I mean

-like

-not at all like a jealous boyfriend those are like two totally different things

-besides I’m not gay

-and John isn’t either

-I think

-and if he was I still wouldn’t be gay

-cuz I think girls are really hot and have had a few crushes

-on girls

-so there’s like no way

-not that I have any problem with gay people

-and if John was gay that’d be cool and all

-I really don’t care

-cuz at the end of the day I’m not gay so that’s not an issue

-uh

Me

-OKAY I GET IT

-I was just joking bro

-You don’t gotta get all freaked out lol

Pizza Dave

-I’m not freaked out

-who’s freaking out?

-not me

-I’m chill

-chill as hell dude

-look up chill in the dictionary and you’ll see my face

Me

-Okay

-anyways

-what school do you go to?

Yeesh. I guess that boyfriend comment opened up a can of worms. I screenshotted the convo to share with the group chat.

Me

-Soooo… guys..??

Gamz :o)

-wow

Roxy <3

-Yikes he’s definitely closeted

Tezi >:]

-Totally. That’s actually kinda embarrassing

Nepetita :3

-Aww I feel kinda bad… but I mean he said he’s alright with gay people so

-it probably won’t be that long until he opens up and accepts that part of himself?

Me

-Yeah I think so too

-I don’t think he has a crush on John specifically but he’s def fruity

-even if this whole relationship thing doesn’t work out ima stick to with him to support him cuz boyyy does he need it!!

I go back to chatting with Dave and he seems to have calmed down. We both learn a bit more about each other after 15 minutes he says he has to get back to work. We said our goodbyes and I headed to take a shower so I could process all the information I learned today.

Maybe I’ll talk to him tomorrow during lunch? Even though we have different schools, apparently our bell schedules matched up and we even had lunch at the same period.

I yawn and tuck myself into bed for a few hours of scrolling on my phone.

———

a/n btw John was talking to Jake, no I'm not shipping them

Also Dave is closeted and in denial.

I see both him and Karkat as bisexual but since this fic is supposed to be gender-neutral I don't think I'll go into too much detail on how that could affect his relationship with reader bc it's different depending on who you are. I might end up making reader bisexual too but idk bc I don't want readers who aren't bi to be 'forced' into it. I mean all I know for sure about you guys reading this is that you're attracted to men (or just reading this bc you're bored lol)

Also Karkat is also a bit closeted but he's very much aware of who he is, he's mainly closeted because he knows Dave is iffy around his own sexuality and is worried Dave will see him different if he comes out to him.

[movedto-mastcrmarksman]

@darehearts // and this one is getting the insta reply (x)

It's well fought victory, and it's why he's mulling over leaving. He didn't want to take away from that; didn't want to be the moon casting shadow over the room; let everyone frolic in the sunlight if Clint's keeping track of this metaphor properly.

He bumps his shoulder against Kirk's when he teases him for the melancholy that was hanging over his own shoulders. He can't help the laugh as it was pointed out this wasn't a funeral home. A finger taps at the rim of the glass he's holding. Ordered out of habit, which after Nero he had to get serious about the rest of whatever life was going to be.

❝ I don't know looks like a funeral home to me. ❞ Clint muses with a laugh, taps the glass full of liquid, decides that he'll share a little. How wouldn't a bar be a funeral home. ❝ You know how when you want to join Starfleet, you gotta do an interview? ❞

Kirk's eagerness to cheer him up is appreciated, if he doesn't feel that he's truly earned such the privilege of throwing his authority around to talk to someone. The only person to talk to was himself and the newly named Captain has earned from Clint however his story and honesty. That and something about how talking about it will help him.

❝ I downed two glasses of gin before it because if I fucked it up; well, I could have the rest of the bottle and wouldn’t care. I thought it made answering questions easier; I am a better liar under liquid influence. ❞ That's probably a load of bullshit, but that was the lies he told himself to make sense of himself.

He holds up the glass in his hand, ❝ What is a bar to an ex-drinker? A graveyard. ❞ He looks to the all the glasses with liquor in them around the room, on the other side of the bar.

❝ This is better for me, but I still ordered the glass. Promise I'm celebrating, but getting use to this. ❞ This being watching others drink and get drunk, ans not joining them. They did it in fun and it's one night, or maybe one week, but he was different. That's harder to own, harder to look in the mirror and see his father looking back or Barney's words thrown in his face all over again.

Clint smiles though, it's hard but it's not bad. A little sad, but he'll get better at this sober thing. ❝ I imagine Captain is going to take a moment to get use to; or do you already feel it? ❞

He offers the glass of amber liquid towards Kirk, it shouldn't go to waste. He picked a good bottle for it to be poured from. Someone should appreciate the burn. ❝ A toast to whatever comes next and I promise that'll taste good. ❞

[thebunniesgrim]

Genuine question. what was loona's problem with Bee in S1 ep8?

This is a long post, sorry.

(Idk if it's just that I already didn't like or care for Loona making me misread this situation or what but she was so defensive btw I don't hate Loona she's just not my cup of tea it's fine if you like her)

Loona has this big problem with her. For what? I understand when they first met Bee was definitely giving "mean girl acts nice but really isn't nice" vibes. Because the when Bee called her a sweet pup and a cutie then laughed after definitely sounded really condescending. I totally get it, but afterwards why is Loona so hostel? I’m not saying Loona had to go frolic in flowers with Bee and braid her hair or whatever. I just think she's a little to hostel. Even if she didn't have an opinion on Bee, I thought she would have just acted like she always does, just uncaring and low-key.

Because Bee was being nothing but welcoming and nice to Loona. It's not like Bee was being stuck up and tried hazing Loona at her first hell hound party. Loona and the audience saw that she means well. She was very hospitable to Loona, telling her to enjoy herself and eat, drink, or whatever. Loona and the audience saw that Bee cares about her party goers. See if they were ok and had everything they needed or wanted.

Bee even told her to she liked Loona because of how up front she was. My thing is, why did Loona blow up at Bee at the end of the episode? Bee is clearly chill with Loona and Blitzo, for that matter.

We don't know how long Loona and Blitzo was at the party before they left but it long enough for Blitzo to get wasted (which I’m assuming took a while because Blitzo in the truth seekers episode said it takes a lot for him to get fucked up) and for her to have made a group of friends/ acquaintances

At any point Bee could've kicked her (and Blitzo) out or embarrassed her, but she didn't. Bee was even a good sport when Blitzo beat her at her own game, even gave him a bow and said she respected him.

Why is Loona getting so defensive when Bee asks her to check up on Blitzo?

It's not like they were talking bad about him. They weren't talking shit about him. It's not like Bee was like "hey your dad is ruining my party, get the fuck out" Bee was just worried about him, she even explained that Blitzo was causing problems and that his vibes weren't ok. They didn't even ask her to leave. It's not like they were kicked out without any explanation. Loona wasn't in a bad mood when Bee and Tex talked to her. Then she just switched on a dime.

Why is she starting a fight with Bee? She was ready to fight Bee over it, too. I'm convinced if it was just Bee that talked to her and Tex wasn't there, she would have definitely tried to fight Bee. She didn't even back down on her own volition. She only said sorry and apologized because Tex looked sad. There were other hell hounds around and she still tried that nonsense. She only cared about Tex's reaction.

So what I'm getting is that Loona would have let Blitzo get blackout drunk and get into who knows what kind of trouble till she was ready to leave if Bee and Tex didn't say anything? Wow, daughter of the year over here.

Also, why would you try to fight a demon more powerful than you? Not only is Bee one of the deadly sins, she's also Tex's girlfriend. Did she Loona really think Tex (someone who she had/has a crush on and is her first real friend) would ever talk to her again if she fought Bee? Like there weren't going to be any consequences of that? She could have been killed or if Bee didn't kill her. She would forever be known as the dumbass who tried to fight (pretty much royalty) The Beelzebub. I feel as though that's worse than being known to a few as the girl who puked at a party once.

How am I supposed to take the ending of the episode seriously if she only helped Blitzo because she was told to do so? It would have been significantly more effective if she helped Blitzo on her own and took him home. Showing that she'd always be there with him. Before she out right said it to Blitzo before they got home, having her show it actions and words.

I know everyone likes Loona, and she has trauma and she has a hard time opening up to people but like what does that have to do with her totally lashing out at people being nice to her and worrying about her dad

What kind of trauma makes you defensive about people worrying about your loved ones? I can't buy the “she was acting tough” excuse because she wasn't acting tough she was being a bitch.

Look, I’m not trying to bash everyone's favorite girl. I just don't see how her actions were justified in the episode. This episode made me dislike her more than I already did. I'm open to other opinions on how Loona acted and maybe I find a new perspective to look at that'll change how I feel about Loona. I really want to like Loona but every episode she's in I just grow more and more frustrated with her and this episode really put the nail in the coffin for me personally. I’ve watched this episode multiple times and I still think Loona acted a tab out of line.

Sorry if this was hard to follow or didn’t make any sense at all. I was just trying to all of my thoughts out before they poofed out of existence. Also, this is the first time I’ve blogged something or gave criticism out loud for people to see. Sorry if there was poor grammar or punctuation. I’m not the best at writing, but I’m working on it.

[glitterymarshmellowfem]

You rented a cabin for Thanksgiving. It snowed the day b4 you arrived, but no problem for your all-terrain monster truck. As you parked in front of the cabin and were carrying in food supplies, you thought, ahh, just me. Peace and quiet. You opened the door≥ and was met inside by a pink clad snow bunny. She took the bags and said you go get the rest, I'll store these. You were speechless, but you thought you'd ask questions after getting all your supplies in as it was getting in the low teens and starting to snow.

You brought in the last bag. You stood there admiring her svelte lithe body. When she had put everything away, she took you over by the warm cozy fire she had made, took off your boots, massaged your feet with her feminine hands. You could get used to that. Went to the kitchen and brought back two mugs of hot chocolate with whip cream and sprinkles, just the way you liked it. She sat close next to you with her feet tucked under her bottom, took a sip and told you to drink it b4 it gets cold. You did. It was the best you'd ever tasted. You took another sip and then you decided it was time for answers.

You put your mug on the conffee table, she did likewise then she got up, turned around so her sweet ass was inches from your face, and curled up on your lap, giving you a sweet kiss on your lips and then laid her head on your chest and breathed out contentedly. You smelled the scent of her hair and it was a pleasant floral scent. She raised her head and asked you if everything was to your satisfaction. Then all your questions came tumbling out. Who, what, where, when and how? "Mac sweetie, didn't you read the contract" she said with a cute questioning look? Only two close friends called you Mac, short for MacGregor, your last name.

You admitted to her you just skimmed it and paid. She explained: "Mac darling I'm your snow bunny, I come with this cabin. I cook, clean, frolic with you in the snow, whatever you desire". You asked important questions like, "this is a one bedroom cabin, where do you sleep?" She giggled, "with you silly." You got a devilish look on your face and said, "can we have sex?" "Mac, I expect by Thanksgiving when you are enjoying my roast turkey, dressing and Swedish mother's pumpkin pie, that all of my holes will have been well used. BTW, my name is Inge, and from the feel of your cock under me, you are already warming to the idea of fucking Inge's ass. So let's not delay. Follow me to the bedroom where we can fuck like bunny rabbits."

Saturday Mornings Are “Me-Time!” 💋💋💋

[cumuhsolnu]

transcription under cut

Metal Mania article

[pg 13]

Death Angel: Exclusive in the studio! And now Act III!!!

By Heidi Paulsen

One of my favorite bands is Death Angel, and one of my favorite albums to come out last year was their second album, Frolic Through The Park. I was very impressed with the diversity of the record, and thought the whole world would be, too. But to my surprise and dismay, the majority of the whole world never even heard of Death Angel.

     From what I gather, there were some problems between the band and their former management and former label. Since then, Death Angel has signed with the almighty Geffen Records, and a new management company; which should make them a household word in no time. Although all of their problems are not settled yet, I trust that 1990 will be Death Angel’s year.

     I caught up with them in an LA studio where they are working on their third album, entitled Act III, which is tentatively schedule for a January 1990 release. I spoke with guitarist Rob Cavestany and drummer Andy Galeon, both of who I found to be very intelligent and extremely world-weary for their respective 21 and 17 years.

     Although they were still strictly forbidden to discuss anything concerning their former label and management, they did speak to me in general terms about beginning a career in music at such a young age.

     “We go back to the pots and pans situation,” says Rob. “Before Andy had a drum set even. Just acoustic guitar and some pots and pans. Dennis (Pepa) started singing and then Gus (Pepa) started playing guitar. We couldn’t find a bass player so Den started playing bass. We were playing songs like “Thrashers” and “Devil’s Metal” back then. So we were a four-piece. Our first show was like the end of 1983.

     “Later Mark would come out and do a couple of songs, and people would be like ‘What the fuck is this?’ All of a sudden some guy would come out and really sing. And then we started gigging and it just came together like that. We were playing gigs and we hooked up with management.” By 1987, they had released their first album, The Ultra-Violence.

     I asked why their albums may not have done as well as expected, to which Rob had this to say: “It wasn’t our fault. We always just do as best as we can. A lot of the things that happened to us…well, put it this way: it was out of our hands. It was nothing that we could do anything about.

    “As for other people, if you have a band, and you’re just starting off, just be careful of what you do. You could be doing your best, doing whatever you can; but unfortunately, the whole game does not rely just upon what you do. It relies upon other people and coordination with other people. Sometimes those people are not up to what they’re supposed to be.”

     “Whatever you do, always watch out,” adds Andy. “Be on the offensive. Know what’s happening; because even though you may not want to trip off of all the business side of it, it’s always there. Even from when you first start. The beginning is the most crucial part. It’s what sets out your destiny.”

     Lesson here: “Don’t take candy from strangers.”

     Because of its diverse, not strictly thrash sound, a lot of people who loved Death Angel’s first album, were disappointed with Frolic Through The Park. Personally, I was impressed with the style and progression on the second album, but I think there are a lot of thrash fans out there who didn’t understand. I wondered what their response to the charge of their slowing down and selling out might be.

     “Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, right?” Rob remarks. “I’m sorry that some people got let down or something. But if they’re just totally into Thrash, and they don’t like some of the stuff we’re doing, for whatever reason it may be that they’re only allowed to like Thrash—because their other friends only like thrash, or I don’t even know what. If that’s the way they feel about, then so be it. They don’t have to listen to it, right?

     “But if you like it, then that’s cool, too. We don’t play something just for the sake of being thrash. Just like it would be selling out to play some wimpy kind of music just to get on the radio; it would be selling out to just play the fastest thing we could play just for the sake of being thrash.”

     According to Andy: “We don’t wanna be bound by any name, or stuck in any category. That’s why we have a hard time when people ask us what kind of music we think we are now. We don’t know. The first album was total thrash, and the second one had so many more influences. We’ve grown musically and the new album sums it all up.”

     Rob had this to add: “The Ultra Violence was a first taste of what music we could put out. That’s what we were into at that time; when Thrash was ‘it.’ Then Frolic is where we started to find ourselves musically and realize we’re better than we thought. We can expand. It wasn’t just like we can only play fast. Because when you only play fast, and then you try to play something slow, you find that it’s much harder than you thought. You may think that it’s easier to play slow. But to actually get tight and in the groove, that’s a totally different trip. On our second album, we started to check it out and see what we like to play. We started finding ourselves musically; because on the first album we only had limited influences, and limited knowledge of music, and limited everything. As time goes by, you start to experiment and you play better.”

     “We had a short time to write for the new album,” says Andy. “You put out an album, and then you go on the road, and then you have to put the next album out. So all the ideas are fresh and different.”

     I wondered what they listen to, what’s influenced them lately.

     “Red Hot Chili Peppers, Fish Bone, Jane’s Addiction, Faith No More,” replies Andy. “For me, anything that’s on the radio, anything that’s on MTV. Rap, Soul, Funk, Hip Hop, Thrash, Hardcore, Speedcore, Elton John.”

     “I listen to Elton John all the time,” adds Rob. “We’ve also been listening [pg 14] to Metallica again lately. You’ll be surprised when you hear this new album. It’s way full of surprises. It’s deep. A lot of the shit that we can’t really talk about is the inspiration for a lot of what the album is about.

     “We go through a lot of shit all the time. This is our only outlet to let everyone know, but not really KNOW a lot of the stuff that we’ve felt in the recent past. Some people know what we’ve been through, some don’t. This ties it all together. You’ll understand when you read the lyrics and you find out the meanings of the songs. It’ll hit you. They’re not real cheerful. They’re deep.”

     The album will contain nine original songs (two of which, I’ve been informed, are acoustic!). The CD will contain a bonus track called “Betrayed,” which “totally speaks for itself.”

     R: “That’s the story of our lives right now.”

     H: “Which you guys can’t talk about.”

     A: “Only in a song.”

     First is, “Seemingly Endless Time,” a song about “these people that are on a ship out at sea. Their course is set, but due to circumstances beyond their control, they get blown off course. So they’re lost at sea, and they’re to get to land as hard as they can. But everything around them is preventing them from doing this. They are thrown into a void. And it seems as if they are on a seemingly endless time.”

     Sounds to me like the perfect metaphor for what the Death Angel boy shave been through. But being that they can’t actually talk about that stuff, and since that stuff is not intrinsic to their music anyway, I’ll take Andy’s word when he says that, “it can relate to anything. You’re driving in your car and you get lost. You don’t know where you’re going, and everything goes wrong. It just seems like it’s an endless time.”

     And then there’s “Stop,” which vocalist Mark Osegueda wrote. “Nobody knows what it’s about but him,” says Rob. “Kind of like ‘Why You Do This’” (from Frolic Through the Park).

     Mark also wrote the next cut, “Ecstasy.” The song is about being extremely enraptured, the feeling of ecstasy. “It’s a song about feeling good,” and it’s based on an experience that Mark had. Sounds to me like it’s either about sex or drugs (Mark denies that it’s about drugs…hmmmmmmmm.)

     And then there’s “Veil of Deception.” According to Rob, “That one that doesn’t have any double meaning. It’s just straight up. It tells the story of any old woman, one you would picture wearing black all the time. She’s lived her whole life being cold that way. But it isn’t her fault. It’s because of things that happened to her when she was really young. That’s why now she has this veil of deception. Why she’s so cold now.”

     The fifth song is one called “Discontinued,” which Andy wrote. “It’s sort of like a struggle or a fight. All the different feelings and stuff that you go through in life, and how you try to deal with them. Sometimes you end up empty handed; and sometimes it works out. But you’ve gotta keep trying. You’ve gotta keep going. It’s about overcoming and discontinuing all the bullshit.” All of this out of the mouth of a seventeen-year-old.

     Next up is “Room With A View,” which Rob wrote. “It’s the slow song on the album. The reason I wrote it is because most slow songs are about chicks. This is about a blind man. It’s about how he can see without his sight. His other senses have become acute. Stevie Wonder was the inspiration for this song. He ‘sees’ music. If anyone can see music, it would be a blind person. Music would mean so much more to you.”

     Don’t expect “Room With A View” to be Death Angel’s first single. They don’t plan on going the route of “metal” bands who put out a ballad to get air play. “If we put it out, it’ll be much later on.”

     “Disturbing the Peace,” a song about the Hayward Riot in San Francisco is the seventh song on the album.

     “We played this show with six or seven other bands,” says Rob. “We were headlining. Right before we came on, the people organizing the whole thing (it was anniversary/festival kind of thing) just freaked out. People weren’t getting out of hand or anything. There were a few fights. Just the usual. But it was a really plush place. And then they panicked, so they called up the police; which caused a riot. Everything would have been fine, but they stopped us after the first song. So, of course, people freaked out. They had come to see us, and they weren’t gonna let us play, so everyone went crazy. The police were hitting people, causing fights.

     “What happened was that it was the same day as the Berkley Riot, and they saw people moshing and driving, and losing control; and it scared them. They didn’t know that it was nothing out of the ordinary. But when they called in the police, they actually started the trouble.

    “When people get out of hand at a football game or something like that, it’s okay. They authority figure think ‘that’s okay, they look like me.’ So what happens is that music, heavy metal especially become a scapegoat. Blame it on the freaks.”

     There there’s a song called “Stagnant,” which basically speaks for itself. “It’s about never moving, never changing: forever moving, forever changing.”

     Song number eight is one called “The Organization,” which Andy describes as “sort of surrealistic.”

     “It’s not about one thing. It’s derived from when we were in Germany, and ‘The Organization’ took care of us. They gave us everything. Everything was free. It was really spooky. The place that we were staying at had this really eerie vibe to it. We were totally tripping on it because it was really weird.

     “We didn’t even know what The Organization was. We would order dinner, and then we’d go to pay for it, and they would say ‘The Organization is taking care of it.’ We went and got hella…and I mean HELLA drinks, and they were like, ‘You still have more on the tab. The Organization is taking care of it.’ And we were like: ‘Organization! Who is this Organization?’

     “But the song is about something else. About a girl who gets mentally tortured. Double meaning there.”

     Last (if you have the CD, ‘Betrayed’ comes second to last) is ‘Falling Asleep.’ As Rob relates, “I was in traffic school. You know, from when you get a ticket, and you have to go to school for six hours. I was falling asleep, and the dude was getting [pg 15] mad because you’re not supposed to. So instead of falling asleep, I wrote a song about it.

     “But then it ends up being deeper than that, because it’s actually about losing it, and not keeping in touch with reality. You don’t wanna just fade out…so that’s what the song is about. But you’ve gotta read the lyrics, because it’s deeper than that.”

     I cannot wait to hear this album. Hopefully, it won’t be delayed anymore. Since they’re actually in the studio recording it now, I would think that it will be on schedule.

     “I told a lot of people that the album would come out in 1989…but…I lied,” confesses Andy. “But I didn’t mean to lie. It was due to circumstances beyond our control.”

     The producer is Max Norman, who did several of Ozzy’s earlier albums (“the good ones”, the Loudness records and Dangerous Toys, to name a few.

     “We chose him because he’d let us have a lot of input. We needed to have our say because we’re not one of those bands who just give our stuff to someone else to do,” says Andy. “Because we knew what we wanted to hear, we knew how we wanted it to sound.”

     “We talked to him and stuff,” adds Rob. “We actually hung out with him a bit before we decided.”

     Knowing, from the sound of their descriptions, that his album is destined to be a huge success, I wondered just how far the boys wanted to go. Wouldn’t it bug them to not be able to walk down the strip without being recognized and bothered.

     “I don’t think we even picture how big we’ll get in terms of whether or not we can walk down the street without getting noticed,” says Rob. “I think of how far we can get in terms of our music reaching as many people as it can.”

     “As you know, all of our albums are thought out. It’s more focusing on the musical side of it and growing in that respect,” Andy adds. “It’s not status. David Gilmour could walk down the street without being recognized. And that’s what the whole Pink Floyd thing is the. The mystery behind them not being on their album covers or anything. They have a whole visual, trippy concept backing them up. Of course, in the whole business of Rock or Thrash, you always have to be known. Your picture in the public eye. But we rely on music, and the live stage show. We’re most concerned with that, than just being famous.”

     “We want our music to take us there,” Rob says. “Of course we want to get as far as we can. It’s not like we’d say, ‘Well, we wanna get this big; and that’s as big as we wanna get.’ You might think of it in terms of no boundaries. Obviously, if you’re even doing this, you’re striving for the most you can possibly get out of it; but the music comes first.

     “With us it’s not even the trip of the privacy. It’s more that you have to sacrifice your own personal time as to what you would be doing instead, because everyone has their own personal interests in this band. We have our own friends, and people we’re close to. But a lot of that gets sacrificed. Because you have to put so much time and effort into working on the project. You just have to hope that it’ll be worth it in the end. In a way, I miss out on a lot of different cool things.

     “We’ve been doing this for about seven years, right? Which for Andy is since he was about eleven years old; and for me, since I was thirteen or fourteen. Kids do a lot of things in that age period, like with your friends. Lots of stuff we miss, because we’re not always around our friends. We’re busy with being a band. We practice every day. We’ve been on a couple of tours. And then you go away to record an album, and when you come back your friends have change. But you haven’t been a part of it.”

     “As time goes on, everything changes, and you can never relive what time has done,” Andy reflects.

     “I think it’s good that we’re close to a lot of people and have a lot of close friends,” Rob relates, “because when you go on tour for a while, you start missing everyone. But that gives you some sense of reality as a person. Our whole clique, our group of friends that we hang around, have been around way beyond The Ultra-Violence we’ve been around them since way back when. Like, our roadie who’s in the studio right now, saw our first show at The Stone. He was sitting at the front of the stage watching us.

     “I could picture that once you hit a point when you don’t care about friends and all that, that’s when you turn into a Rock-god monster, who doesn’t care about the music, and doesn’t mind selling out. That’s how I picture that these people think, the people who think they’re all hot. They just don’t give a fuck. They’re just going with it, living the rock star image. I hope our band demises before that ever happens to any of us. I’d hope that we’d just fucking fall apart before we ever got plastic.”

     I think there’s small chance of that ever happening. For young people, they’ve got some good heads on their shoulders. Shit, they’re more together than most of their older counterparts. Somebody gave them a good solid base to start from. They’re responsible, they actually think about the effect they may have on young kids.

     “We’re not trying to put out a message or anything,” Rob tells me. “But our responsibility is to ourselves. If someone goes nuts because of what we have created, they are responsible for themselves. It’s true though, that younger kids are influenced by it, and it would suck if you were some kid’s hero, and he went out and did something stupid on account of you. And you think, ‘Well, it ain’t my fault. I didn’t tell him to do that.’ But in reality, it was sort of due to you. Having the knowledge that kids might do that, you might as well watch what you’re doing. You’ve gotta open your eyes and realize that if you do say shit that might influence someone in doing something stupid, you do ultimately have some responsibility.” End.

[caffeineandsociety]

I wish we could discuss the way a certain subset of predominantly white women who are attracted to men seem to think that it's just IMPOSSIBLE for them to be creepy and violate boundaries Because They're Women without the criticism inevitably falling back on "ewwww, women shouldn't have sexual desires, what's wrong with you freaks? You're just supposed to frolic in fields in airy white dresses until a man wants to fuck YOU and you just accept it passively! You're all just porn addicts, go read a book - a REAL book, not just TikTok smut, you brain-rotted bimbos!" - especially if the woman is over 30 and we start bringing the Leonardo Dicaprio standard for women's sexuality into things.

Like, the thing about the specific way that a subset - a SUBSET - of predominantly white women attracted to men ignore boundaries is that it operates on "men always Want It and women are too weak to do harm" logic. In other words, it is fueled by internalized misogyny. You can't fight that with even more fucking misogyny!

This goes double when the person they're acting out about is underage, because...again, there is no Pedophile Culture, and anyone who says there is probably has some REALLY dangerous ulterior motives; underage real people don't usually become targets of this unless the first impression of them screams "young ADULT" - but the problem is, if you're an adult trying not to be a creep, the answer to finding out that a celebrity, or microcelebrity, or Internet Main Character Of The Day who you thought was 21 is actually 16 is to drop it, not make a countdown to their 18th birthday! But there is a subset of women online who will often acknowledge it's creepy if men are talking about the "jailbait wait", but if THEY do, well, that's different, men ALWAYS want it, the target of their lust is probably doing the SAME countdown for the SAME reason, right?

In fact, this arguably even ties to why it's easier, in online queer spaces, to find bottoms than tops - because tops (or people who are looking to top) are hyperaware of the fact that their advances may be unwanted and may even choose to keep their flirting to physical spaces where body language can help because of that, whereas it seems eerily common that bottoms (or people looking to bottom) don't necessarily realize that, yes, it CAN be really fucking creepy and uncomfortable to be getting flirty uwu's about how helpless and vulnerable you are all the damned time, sometimes people aren't reciprocating not because you're not puppy-eyeing hard enough but because they're not fucking interested in reciprocating. Similarly, the solution to this is NOT to be homophobic, nor is it "no I'm not homophobic but anyway ancient Greece had everything right including the part where tops are Better than bottoms", nor is it aggressive sex-negativity. If anything, that just perpetuates the problem, just like how the specific feminine creepiness is fueled by internalized misogyny - "there's no way a pathetic, baby, limp-wristed fruit like me could ACTUALLY hurt anyone, so~ uwu~"

The solution to all of these problems is to realize that absolutely no one gets to play life on easy mode. Everyone has to consider other people's boundaries. Everyone has to respect "no", or "that's inappropriate".

From there, I feel everyone should interrogate any factor that comes up in their mind as a possible excuse for thinking they have an out, because...whatever it is usually isn't good for you, either!

And on the flip side - this is another harm done by general misogyny, homophobia, and sex-negativity. It's very, very easy for legitimate criticisms to get lost in the noise. From the standpoint of someone who's been told all their life that ALL their desires are Bad and Gross, how are they supposed to learn healthy boundaries? Do you not see how easy it is to lump in "underage people are off-limits, no matter how close they are to age of majority or how much they look like they're not underage" with "EVERYONE is off-limits, you just sit there and wait until you're acted upon"? To conflate "flirting with people who have asked you to stop is sexual harassment" with "having a sex drive at all is sexual harassment"? Make very very sure you're criticizing this shit with surgical precision.