#I come out addicted again
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Literally nobody is on and off with their vaping addiction as much as me, like every few months I start again and I hate it. Like this is the 3rd time this year, maybe 4th even, that I’ve started again
#I blame my mom#bc every time I go home I see her vaping and it drives me crazy and I start using hers#and if it’s a short stay I can get away with it#but if I’m there for a week I’m fucking done for#I come out addicted again#also pissed bc the one I just bought sucks and has no flavor and I spent $20 so I can inhale nothing#like where is the banana bitch? I’m not tasting it
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Crazy that they make you go to work to get a paycheck. I really think my night job should have given me paid paternity leave. Don’t they know I’m a single father?
#i haven’t been to my night job in WEEKS#I have to start going again now tho bc Joey’s appointment is coming up#and I’m paying for Bug’s vet costs out of pocket. feels wrong to ask Doc to support my fostering addiction#my post
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mmmmm danny with sensory issues both in and out of his ghost forms, but on the opposite ends of the spectrum. Ghosts can't experience sensations the same way humans can when they're in the mortal realm. They're naturally intangible, and it takes energy to be physical. When they're physical, all touch feels the same barring the texture. They feel no heat, no chill. Sunlight passes through them, and so does wind and rain.
You know when your foot falls asleep/goes completely numb, and you go to touch it with your hand and it causes a strange jumble of sensations? You can feel the skin there, your palm is pressing against an object and there's resistance, pressure, but you can't feel the heat? It's kinda something like that. Like he's feeling everything through a set of gloves.
As a ghost, when it rains, he can feel the raindrops hitting him, and he can feel his hair getting wet, but he can't feel the chill of the water and he can't feel the wetness. His suit is soaked but there's no weight like there should be. During the winter snowflakes don't melt when they land on him, and he can't feel the chill of the snow when he gets buried under it.
Sunlight passes through him, a nice breeze ruffles his hair but there's no relief in the sensation. All pressure, no sensation. It's like a strange form of sensory deprivation. And of course, the internal things. It's even worse when he's intangible, when he's not putting energy into being physical. He doesn't feel real.
As human, things become too much. Especially when he's been a ghost for hours. He can feel the weight of his ribs pressing against his ribs, he becomes hyperaware of the expanding of his lungs when he breathes, the feeling of his heart pulsing in his chest.
He curls his fingers in and out slowly and becomes fascinated by the feeling of the joints moving. He turns and grabs Tucker's hand, and soaks in the warmth of his body heat -- he can't feel it as a ghost. He runs his fingers through his hair, and he can feel the individual strands.
There's a weight when he walks. A small drag when he bends his knee and lifts his leg and takes a step, and when he's been a ghost for too long he stumbles over himself, drags his feet along the floor and stomps when he doesn't mean to because he forgot to weigh his steps. Sometimes when it rains he goes out and sits on the front steps of the house just so he can come back in shivering and soaked through to the bone. Runs his fingers obsessively over the goosebumps up along his arms and legs because he can't get them as a ghost even if he's cold.
Because there are certain things, even when he's in the ghost zone, that are exclusive to the living. The little internal things you don't notice and take for granted. Things like breathing and goosebumps and exhaustion exclusive to running that makes your heart pound against your ribcage and your chest hurt with the need for air. Sore muscles from working out and sweating. Thirst and dry mouths, chapped lips and hands, blinking and dry eye, the feeling of the sun soaking into your skin on a nice summer's day.
As a ghost, Danny faces sensory issues in the form of not enough. When he can't feel the hair behind his ears or the weight in his limbs where there should be muscle, tissue, and bone. He can't feel the sun or the wind, everything is in a permeable state of 'just fine', and its maddening. He can breathe if he wants, but there's no point to it. He has no lungs, he can't feel them expand, and there's no relief behind it. He's going through the motions without any of the reward.
On those days, the idea of going ghost again makes him feel ill. Paranoid. He can't stand the thought. He needs to feel. He needs to feel the soft texture of the rug beneath his feet and the grooves in his knuckles, he needs to feel dirt crumble beneath his fingers and get stuck under his nails, he needs to feel the heat of his sister's hand and the feeling of body warmth passing from her to him. He lays on the carpet room and stretches out, and focuses on the feeling of his heart beating and the weight of his bones and muscles and tissue pinning him to the floor.
As a human, Danny faces sensory issues of too much. When all the things he's starving for suddenly make him sick. He feels trapped in his own skin. His ribs become a cage and breathing becomes a dumbbell that he can't put down. He can feel the hair along his arms and it rashes him. He's too cold, he's too hot. He feels like a ghost puppeteering its own corpse and he needs out.
On those days, Danny dips away when he can and goes ghost, and Sam and Tucker don't see him for the rest of the day. He's gone invisible, intangible, and he does nothing but exist.
Just, him experiencing sensory issues as both ghost and human, but in opposite directions from each other. And the idea that ghosts experience the mortal realm differently, and that there are certain things that are just exclusive sensations for the living that Danny doesn't realize until he's a halfa.
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#danny fenton#danny phantom#dp ghost headcanons#dp headcanons#dpxdc#danny phantom headcanon#<- bc i originally thought of this for the blood blossom au except its generic enough of a headcanon that it also works as a standalone#but also i think dpxdc folks would get a kick out of this#but yeah danny realizing that there's SO much that the living have and experience that ghosts don't even in the infinite realms.#i imagine that when he overshadows someone he can re-experience a handful of those sensations like if he were living and suddenly#he understands really well why there are some ghosts who come thru the portal that almost exclusively overshadow people. Or try to.#The mock feeling of being alive again must be *addicting* to some of them. Because he knows it is for him when being a ghost is too much#not a lot of extra tags today folks i got everything i needed to say out into the post :]
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rewatched Kurogiri's holiday story from ultra impact (not related to sketch at all)
(but it did inspire me)
on another note
finally!!
#fanart#sketch#my art#bnha#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#kurogiri#I cried a bit while playing it I missed the classic LoV I missed Kurogiri WITH the LoV it's been so long :(#and it feels like last chapter (423 atm) broke the seal of sketching them as anything but something static#it took me two or so days to just understand that Kurogiri is... yeah#I can't believe it took Horikoshi so long to bring him back but as I said and will say it again I glad it happened at all#after some thought I just want to sit with the chapters#anyway getting the preordered book was so much fun#it was full of LoV from Toga and Dabi talking about her house to Tenko being upset over being told that he doesn't have friends#and everything in-between basically only Compress left to join in the next volume#I think????#I actually want to get another one already they're so goodddd#and the translation sounds pretty good but I checked some pages not the whole book it'll be boring#it's actually so weird to think that I started a goal of reading the whole series ad it was now officially coming out like this back in 201#and now it's 2024 and the translation is pretty much ahead of anime and maybe it'll be faster than viz volumes too#since it's 2 in 1 basically - I think it's really great since I save some money but get LoV chapters every time#because they appear every 2 books at the start of the series and back then it was hard for me to get them#but I felt content seeing all the books that I bought when I was visiting family for holidays this month because there are so many of them#and I don't need any wi-fi or internet in general to read them back to back now with an addictional volume#they have some mistakes but I don't mind them it feels good to just hold all of them (and a bit heavy after like 8 books) and now it's 18
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Im relapsing......is this a safe place
#camma the drawer#happyduo#skeppy#bbh#👍#watched them during lockdown#but. ahem. here i am again ig#skeppy posting daily lately keeps the addiction going#fun fact!!!!! 99% of skeppy watchers stop watching before a correctly-titled video comes out#loud gasp#badboyhalo#badboyhalo fanart#skeppy fanart#happy duo#ok bye
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Fucked up Taichi Amagi AU you are so important to me
#it's all a3stars rn bc me and Rizo like to be insane TOGETHER. crossover allows for this#I love bullshitting ways for this to make sense.#Taichi says in canon he dyed his hair red in highschool and his baby sprite has black hair BUT#in Taichi Amagi time he got fucking KIDNAPPED for his own good. get him out of that house#but his parents got scared they would find him so they dyed his hair black#he does still bleach and dye it himself in highschool to look cool. he wants to see what he would look like with his natural hair#it ends up pinkish but his parents get so worried about it again that he keeps it this shade and he has to keep the black patch...#bc the black patch will throw people off#ANYWAY. REALLY CONVOLUTED BUT#digital#a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#enstars#ensemble stars#taichi nanao#rinne amagi#very stupid but we are having fun over here#also they both use oretchi apparently??#Taichi face like Hiiro hair like Rinne... they are all... idiot#Taichi feels like a middle child anyway. it works out#(coming from a middle child)
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goodnight
#pov your fully grown adult boyfriend get in a fight#imagine smoke coming out of her ears#sorry i am addicted to drawing their side profiles. it will happen again#the bear#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#the bear fx#carmy berzatto#my art#fanart#the bear hulu#sydcarmy fanart
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I come bearing gifts- rough and unrefined, but gifts nonetheless. Happy Birthday, Gregorian Calender, hope it's a good one for everybody ✌️
#xenoblade#xenoblade 3#xenoblade spoilers#art#a xenoblade#alvis#galea#galatea#Back at it again with the Extremely Narrow and Repetitive Interests#guys all I want is Future Redeemed art book.#A is soo beautiful and I have many pictures of them but#I need concept art. It feeds the addiction#oh also Shulk is there! can you guess why#hint hint him and Alvis. oh my goD#coming out as a shalvis lover after what#3 years of having a tumblr? lmao#thank you for the love on this one!
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dean “at least he dies human” winchester: i never once left you to die!
#supernatural#dean winchester#anti dean winchester#dean critical#i am angy today#dean literally betrayed sam first at the end of s4#and then sam was immediately betrayed AGAIN by ruby#and coming out of a relationship where they spent the whole time lying and manipulating you on top of purposely getting you addicted?#that’s litchrally abuse#sam really came out of an abusive relationship to ZERO support#this show makes me so mad
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guys i'm flipping out i need the wisdom saga NOWWWWWWUSDUUDUDIGK
#epic is genuinely so good for me sensory wise#it's so nice on the ears that it makes me ascend#i am addicted to epic sorry guys#anyway i hope the cast takes their time and doesn't burn themselves out#i literally love this musical so much..#i'm very excited for the next saga#i can't believe there's only like 3 sagas left that's. actually fucking crazy my god#epic the musical#wisdom saga#come to me..#jorge rivera herrans#epic is actually just my favorite musical of all time btw#i've like never heard anything like it#like i genuinely love all the songs(even if i skip them sometimes i still love them)#it's HARD to get me to do that#but epic is so ascension worthy#it genuinely has got me wanting to sing every song as i listen to it it's so good#UGK#oh shit i'm rambling in the tags again whoops
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also it really is shit how several popular bloggers were like. Horribly bigoted towards ace people when it was cool, but once it stopped being trendy they 1) deleted those posts so receipts couldn't be pulled 2) maybe put up claimed "redactions" or said "omg its been years if you really wanna know wether i still hate those people dm me" but never apologized for their behavior lmao. I don't think any of the people who did that actually changed, I just think they know it's not such an acceptable/fun target to bully anymore. It's really sick how that type of bullying was encouraged for years and how few people repented for their behavior.
#cipher talk#H*stlerose and lgbt*nis in particular come to mind#x***guiw*ng too tbh#They did a weird heel turn of being normal about ace people to insinuating most ace people are homophobic and self centered#And that believing a society which strictly controls your sex life doesn't like you not having sex and may punish you is a 'white thing'#As though the pressures around sex are not MORE strongly felt by PoC#I don't wanna say 'imagine if there was a mass movement of people who said they hated gay men and homophobia wasn't real and they never#Apologized or faced consequences' bc I know that exists. It's on Twitter and it's why I'm cagey around how people on tumblr say f*g#(I do mean like other lgbtq people tbc)#But like it's ridiculously fucked up that it happened. That people allowed it. That most people have forgotten about it either bc#They were targeted or bc they did the targeting#Remember when a real human being who had recently come out as ace was murdered for rejecting a man and people turned her into a fucking#Discourse topic? And posted decapitation photos claiming they were of her in tags about ace people/spread rumors about that?#I do. I fucking do.#Remember all the discussions about how 'denying your partner sex' was abuse? How ace people were p*dos for forcing discussions of sexuality#Onto kids? How wanting non alcoholic non sex forward spaces- something ND people and addicts also discussed- became a fucking crime?#Because ace people also thought it was cool?#Like g-d I know this was painful and I'm not saying we should do discourse again but forgetting all that isn't helpful either
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I very much enjoy booping, but tumblr is running like ass today and I'm already low on spoons so I'm not returning boops as well as I'd like :(
#I'm not sure if it's because I didn't sleep well last night or something else#last night was my first night in like 3 months I've been off of my sleep meds#my doctor's trying something that's safer for long-term use but my insurance is taking#its sweet time approving the new stuff and I can't get a refill on my old stuff unless the new stuff doesn't work XD;;;;#I'm impressed I actually made it out of bed before noon today tbh#I'm not sure if I just got really lucky of if I actually fixed my sleep schedule this time#I tried once before 2yrs ago and it kind of worked but then I got covid and everything went to hell so I didn't try again#then a few months ago I got sucked into relying on my meds because I have addictive tendencies and it's REALLY nice being able to sleep#regularly after a lifetime of bad sleep#I really hope last night wasn't a fluke because I'd love to not be reliant on meds to sleep#like I slept terribly compared to on the meds but normally the rebound insomnia from coming off is like 10x's worse than last night#like I normally just don't sleep for a day after going off the meds#but I got like 4-5hrs during the night and actually woke up in the morning. That's HUGE for me unmedicated#I'm very tired#emmy ramblings
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i miss her(english a3) like a lover...
#a3! homare#a3! act addict actors#a3! hisoka#theyre so funny to.me#my en accountbwas so goated i had such good cards COME BACK IT BURNS#ever since it shut down i never felt the same again idc how long ago itbwas#back in my day 👨🦳#hisoka mikage#homare arisugawa#forgot those too#okaybbye#have to post this w out thr filters it comes out too blurry
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yknow, there's something fun to me about the way reid is tortured with russian roulette in season two, and then a million years later in season eleven, morgan gets tortured the same way. there's some fun and funky symmetry there. they could start a support group.
also, guess who directed that episode of season eleven lmao
#talk about coming full circle i guess#anyway#criminal minds#spencer reid#derek morgan#criminal minds spoilers#i mean the episode came out in 2016#which is about eight years ago- i hate the passage of time#but still!! some people are watching for the first time#they don't know that one of the writers just really loves russian roulette yet lmao#anyway again#you could probably look deeper into this#how the roulette games impacted each character and why#(eg morgan quits but he has a kid to look after. reid gets addicted to drugs but he's on his own)#but i don't have time for that rn lmao#maybe later
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THE BITCH IS BACK, BABES !!
#NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE ANIMAL IS OUT OF HIS CAGE. THE ANIMAL IS FREE.#FUCK THAT PLACE. SHITHOLE OF A PLACE#i have a word or two for my doctor and it starts with F and Y#i got no help. zero. whatever they said i have already learned from the internet. lol.#also my anxiety was so bad in there i lost 4 pounds from a poor appetite.#and they gave me fuckin. lithium#my parents were SO MAD when i told them over the phone#anyway#i'm home and i couldn't be happier about it#just the thought of being trapped in that place makes me wanna vom <3#oh yeah i was put in the detox unit instead of the one for mental disorders or whatever it is#my dad was very mad i was put in with the alcoholics and drug addicts but they were very nice people#i was able to come out of my shell and have conversations with them pretty easily#that is the ONLY positive thing i can say about my entrapment#i missed you guys so much. i really missed my family#god and now they're gonna call me tomorrow morning to talk about whateverthefuck#and i gotta call my doctor in a week#god i don't wanna talk to these people anymore. LEAVE ME ALONE
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Yeah, I did fill 4 sketchbooks in 4 months so far this year. Huh? Am I gonna post even an ounce of it? Well, you see, I am allergic to my phone, so you will have to come CATCH ME
#da#nooo but I am so saddd it's so much easier to show stuff off irl 😭#if it could look even halfway decent I've considered doing flip throughs of sketchbooks on video#except I draw in pencil and cameras hate that and want me to explode#idk it is truly just better to somehow gain access to my terrible trove of sketchbooks#no but man that sounds like such an ideal hang out. get all my oc lore by sitting on my floor with me as we go through the archives#gosh I should count how many I've filled up at this point#I love that the number increases exponentially as the years go on#like I think 2018 began the precedent of 4 a year minimum which was kinda wild#another ridiculous difficult project I have given a lot of thought to: combing through every sketchbook and either redrawing#or printing off important story related bits and compiling them all into a convenient binder. maybe binding them into a book.#anyway it's pretty much all a drag no matter how you slice it#come to my HOUSE and look at my CREATURES#u don't know this bc I've learned to be silly sneaky but I have stayed up wayyyy too late AGAIN#but I've scheduled this to post at a normal time so you'll never know. unless you read the tags. but that's its own punishment isn't it#hey bonus enticement to look at my boo stuff that doesn't get on the blog. there's smut. and you KNOW I'm a coward who shan't ever post that#actually we'll be lucky if I'm not the same coward in real life too#it's only Dick and Vinny. they get rights. i don't care if anyone else has sex. I don't care if I have sex.#the one song I hope I don't have sex. I hope we both don't have sex. that's actually Vinny though.#I'm more sex favorable and sex positive than he could ever be#y'know this is a very 4am convo to have and actually how prepared am I for this to live in a pm afternoon time#welp. maybe I should stop being addicted to tags and letting loose all my secrets#I shan't grow I shan't do better and I shan't ever change. this is the da promise <3
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