#sorry i am addicted to drawing their side profiles. it will happen again

[g3othermal3scapism]

goodnight

[forwhump]

a/n; I know I say this every time but this is like my third post today so I am sincerely sorry I won’t stop posting lmfao idk what’s happening to me I don’t even LIKE posting it’s so scary but I’m getting addicted to the adrenaline rush I guess but I’m sincerely sorry you’re suffering the consequences

here we go again <3

tw/cw: mentions of noncon, graphic depictions of violence, beating, mutilation, guns, misgendering, transphobia, character death, major character death (but he dies all the time)

human weapon whumpee, revenge, creepy whumper (I think he’s creepy anyway idk)

Wren didn’t want him to know.

He’d done everything he could, as a matter of fact, to keep Silas from knowing, and at first, it had pissed him off. Not that he didn’t want him to know, but that he wouldn’t let him put a stop to it. That Wren would keep suffering in silence, knowing that if Silas had known, he would’ve done something. He would’ve saved him.

They’d argued about it, when Wren was well enough to argue with him again.

“No,” he’d said, like he was talking to a particularly stupid dog.

Silas scowled down at him. He was curled up in Silas’ bed, just like he’d been over the last few days, but there was more life in him, a bit more of himself, and the relief had only strengthened Silas’ resolve. He wasn’t gonna let this happen again.

“You’re a fuckin’ idiot,” he replied, “if you really think I’m just gonna sit here and let them fuckin’ touch you again.”

“That’s exactly what you’re going to do,” Wren told him.

“The fuck it is,” Silas said.

“You’re not going to do anything, actually,” Wren told him, sharp. “You’re not going to —“

“What are you gonna do?” Silas taunted, leaning in closer, raising his eyebrows. “You gonna stop me?” Wren had poked him really hard between the eyes. Silas recoiled quickly. “Ow?”

“You are going to get yourself killed,” Wren snapped.

He groaned loudly. “I am not.”

“Are you absolutely fucking kidding me?” He seethed. “You are. You’re going to do something stupid and you’re going to get yourself killed and you’re going to make me watch it happen.”

“Who cares what happens to me?”

“I do!” Wren snapped.

Silas heaved his shoulders. “Too bad.”

“Silas —“

“I’m not going to sit by and let them hurt you, Wren,” he said. “You can do whatever you want to me. You won’t stop me.”

“If you do something fucking stupid,” Wren spat, “I will never forgive you.”

They argued about it for a long time, in fact.

It was Silas, of course, who relented, because realistically, Silas can’t deny him anything. If Wren asked Silas to kill himself, he’d find a way to make it permanent. He’d pinky promised to keep his hands to himself.

He’d been lying.

It wasn’t intentional, but it wasn’t the truth. Silas just didn’t realize quite how hard it would be to keep that promise.

They’re sitting in the common room. Silas is huge, so he takes up most of the loveseat, but Wren fits perfectly in the spot next to him, warm against his side. It’s where Silas likes him best.

He has his head leaned against Silas’ arm as he draws something in the book he has opened across his knees, but Silas has no idea what it might be. Wren’s been working on it for the better part of an hour and Silas hasn’t looked at it once, hasn’t looked away from Wren’s profile, from the part of his lips, from the length of his eyelashes.

He only looks up at the sound of the door; the beep of a keycard being swiped, a fingerprint being accepted, the massive vault lock being turned. The door to their unit grinds open, and everything goes to hell.

Machine gun held across his chest, it’s a man they call Wound that enters. Especially cruel, he’s always been one of Silas’ least favourite soldiers. That cements as Wren’s back tenses at his side, and Silas knows. He knows. Wren doesn’t even need to tell him.

Wound lifts his chin at Wren, then angles his head towards the door. “The girl,” he said, in the commanding voice all the soldiers put on when they speak to the assets. “Let’s go.”

Silas can feel the way Wren’s breath hitches more than he can hear it, and he’s on his feet before he really thinks about it.

Wren reaches for his arm, but Silas steps away. “Silas —“ he starts to warn, but Silas isn’t listening.

He’s looking at Wound. Wound is an especially cruel man, and Silas knows that firsthand, but he doesn’t know the kind of cruelty that Wren knows. He can’t imagine. Wound is big, and he’s mean, and the thought of his hands on Wren’s skin doesn’t make him see red, but black. It’s a darkness that starts to swallow him the second Wren’s back tenses and that he’s completely lost in by the time he’s on his feet.

He’d promised Wren he wouldn’t, but he didn’t know. The darkness had already spiraled up and out of his control before he even knew it was blooming.

He looks at Wound and he can see Wren, just as he’d seen him that day that Silas had picked him up off the floor. The bites at his throat had scabbed, started to heal, but Silas sees them just as they had been when they were fresh, the puncture of teeth, the bruising, the blood that had pooled in his collarbones. He sees the bruises, in the shapes of hands and fingerprints, so brutal they had welted. He sees Wound’s hands.

Silas had promised to just sit there, but come on. Who could ask that of him? Really? How could he be expected to let this happen? Wren, scared at his side — is Silas just supposed to watch him go?

Like hell.

“Sit down, Park,” Wound commands, almost bored. “I’m not here for you.”

Silas doesn’t even say anything.

Wound is a big guy, a lot bigger than Wren. Silas is a lot bigger than Wound.

He swings, and he puts all his weight into it.

And Silas, quite unfortunately, isn’t human, and he isn’t close. Silas is a weapon. Silas was genetically engineered for violence.

He swings, and he puts all his weight into it. The bone and cartilage of Wound’s face are crushed beneath his fist.

The common room explodes into screaming and chaos. Wren is screaming at him. Hal and June might be, too, but they might just be screaming, panicked and confused. Robin must’ve come running, because the bass of his voice joins the clamor, just as panicked and even more confused.

Silas could give less of a fuck.

Wound drops to the concrete at his feet with a really wet, choking sort of sound. Silas leans down, throws his fist, and cracks clean through Wound’s skull. It shatters against the concrete like ceramic and his liquified brain spills out around him.

It happens quick. It happens too quickly for anybody to stop it, but not so quick that the soldiers standing guard detail don’t hear or see it happen. The thunderous footsteps of the cavalry enclose on the common room, so Silas riffs the machine gun from Wound’s limp hands.

“Silas!” Wren cries, but Silas doesn’t have the time to turn.

He hoists the gun and the first three soldiers to near him are blown apart by the ammunition.

Silas has never been allowed a gun. He’s starting to understand why.

It makes him laugh, probably a touch deranged.

“Stand down, asset!” A different soldier commands, gun drawn, but Silas snorts and blows his head clean off his shoulders. What little is left of it hits the wall behind him with a surprisingly loud sound.

He laughs again, even louder, especially deranged. It’s in his veins now and it spreads through him quickly, that darkness, that monster. Silas, usually, has a pretty tight leash on it. He isn’t the most emotionally intelligent, and he wouldn’t describe himself as a patient man, but he’s never let the unit — let Wren — see what he really is. They’ve never seen the field tests, the slaughters. Silas is sure they can guess what he’s capable of by looking at him, but they’ve never seen it. Silas was very careful to make sure they’ve never seen it.

He has no control over it now. His body isn’t his own, and the thing wearing his skin was trained for slaughter.

Another soldier he has a particular dislike for, a man they call Church, he creeps up behind Silas like Silas doesn’t know that he’s there.

Silas is kind of mean, so Silas lets him get close. Comfortable. Lets him think he’ll get to walk out of here. Lifts Wound’s gun and shoots a different guy in the dick. His lower body explodes into a mist of blood and chunks of meat.

Church lifts his gun, angled toward the nape of Silas’ neck.

Silas throws back an elbow and Church’s eyeball bursts in its socket.

“Fuck!” Church bellows.

With a grin, Silas turns, and swings his prosthetic foot into his kneecap. It crumbles, and Church falls, dropping onto the broken bits of his knee with another bellow.

He tips his head back and starts muttering something quickly and under his breath. Prayer, Silas had come to learn.

“You’re wasting your breath,” Silas says, and takes him by the chin, hooking his thumb behind his bottom teeth.

“No —“ he starts to say, and Silas rips his jaw from his face.

Church makes a sound like he’s underwater and Silas yanks his tongue from the hole that used to be his mouth. He chokes, and Silas hooks his fingers behind his upper teeth.

One of Church’s hands finds his wrist, pleading.

He snorts and rips his skull in half.

With it, he turns, and he tosses the top half of Church’s head at the soldier drawing nearest. He catches it in his surprise, and Silas grins at him as he grabs a fistful of his hair.

“Ah, fuck!” He cries, and Silas grins a little wider. He gets him to the ground, pins him there with a foot to the back of his neck, and he squirms. Silas stomps on the back of his head, leans all his weight into it, and he stops moving pretty quickly.

A different soldier tries to intervene, and Silas lifts the gun again. The soldier’s head bursts into blood and brain matter.

He doesn’t know how quiet it’s gotten until he hears Point’s voice, louder than anything else: “Silas.”

Silas tenses. Slowly, he turns.

Point is standing offside, just inside the common room. Wren’s on his knees on one side of him, his braid coiled around Point’s fist. Hal’s at his other side, gun to his temple.

Silas exhales slowly. “Darren,” he greets.

Point’s jaw twitches. “Why would you play with their lives like this, Silas?”

Something about it clears the fog a little bit. Wren’s face is shimmery with tears and Hal’s shaking like he might break apart. Silas sucks blood off his teeth and it isn’t his own.

“Don’t risk it, Darren,” Silas says.

“Stop fuckin’ calling me Darren,” Point snaps.

He shrugs him off. “Wren gets to call you Darren.”

“I fuck Wren,” Point spits, and then Silas isn’t in control of himself again.

He doesn’t even realize he’s moved, in fact, but then he’s in the common room, and Point’s throat is in his hands. He’s holding him clean off the ground, holding his mouth open with the end of the machine gun.

At the last second, though, he comes back to himself, and he pulls the gun out of his throat. “Any last words?”

Point, starting to purple in the face, still smirks at him. “Look out.”

And then pain explodes through the back of Silas’ head and everything gets really dark.

Not black, but dim, and when the light is turned back up everything is really blurry. Point is — where’s —

What’s — ?

And Wren is screaming, wailing, from somewhere really close but really far away, and Silas thinks, fuck.

He fucked up. Wren had specifically requested not to watch him die.

He lifts a hand slowly, and it shakes the whole time. It presses it to the bullet hole he finds at the back of his head. It’s hot to the touch, and for some reason that makes him really dizzy.

“I’m sorry,” he tries to say, but he doesn’t.

He vomits acid onto the concrete and keels over after it, face first. He gurgles just once before he dies.

[mewlicent]

The curtain falls.  LONG post.

…So.  I bet you’re wondering why I called you all here… heh.

I HAVE A PROBLEM.  AND I NEED TO FIX IT.

I’ll cut right to it, then, because I had other stuff going on all morning/day and have only just gotten settled in front of my computer, and now it’s a whole day after I’d originally planned to do this, and so I think the time has finally come to stop putting it off and just “say my thing.”

I’m here to announce that I will no longer be updating this blog, at least until further notice but obviously it could be longer.  I hope that makes sense… sheez… anyway.

This was not an easy decision to make, darlings.  I wanted to love this blog.  I wanted to love blogging in general.  And fandom.  And shipping.  I wanted to fill this blog with that crabby ginger tabby, Millicent, hence the name, and Kylux in particular, and all manner of Star Wars and Night Vale and Carry On and my favorite actors, and above all, I just wanted to have a good time.

Those very things have gotten me and my best friend in a rut, and we recognize that there is an issue.  Not so very long ago, she and I became deeply invested in one particular actor, who I will not name but you are all smart enough to figure it out… and, quite honestly, the whole thing got extremely out of hand.  She and I are in no danger of breaking our friendship; I simply mean that this actor has been seen living his life and making personal life choices that were in no way wrong but still left us feeling… well… left out.  I’ll explain in the next paragraph.  The main thing you must understand is this: We are taking a step back from having anything to do with this actor or his work, and that in itself may very well be temporary OR it may be permanent, the jury’s still out on that.  More to the point, the depth of our emotional investment has truly gotten bad enough that we can no longer feel comfortable staying on Tumblr where the issue is perpetuated and exacerbates our negative feelings.

Now… to be frank, this whole thing that I’m doing started as an act of solidarity and loyalty to her, it wasn’t originally my pain or my issue, but the more I thought about it, the more I understood what I was dealing with and putting myself through.  And I realized that in other ways, it WAS my pain and it WAS my issue, just not in the exact same way.

At this point, I’m not too prideful to admit I did something very irresponsible.  A few things, actually.  I can’t speak for her, but as I brought up to her the other night, I am starting to really blur the lines between fiction and reality.  I was real-people-shipping, seeing no other pairing and preferring no other pairing except for my best friend and this actor, and it was causing terrible pain for both of us even though this actor had done nothing to us directly.

That isn’t all.  I wasn’t much better in that regard.  I’m protecting my best friend’s privacy a bit by not mentioning the name of the actor that she and I fell for… but I will mention a name that connects to my own situation.

That name is Carrie.  When I started this blog, back in July of last year (hey, at least I made it past the first “birthday!”), I had only wanted to throw fandom stuff at it and see what looked good.  And then, that December, when Carrie Fisher had her heart attack and passed away, the entire mood of the blog shifted and changed and never really went back to the way it originally was.  I didn’t actually realize it had gotten that bad until many months into the vicious loop, when I only had to see a pic of Carrie or Leia to just feel so sad and heartbroken at her death all over again, even after I thought I had recovered.  Before I knew it, I started to only go on Tumblr whenever I was feeling sad or anxious, not for the purpose of cheering myself up, but to stay sad instead.  And that’s where I am now.  This obsession with mourning Carrie, on top of the anxiety of blurred lines and worrying about sad friends has led me to feel very suffocated, anxious, and depressed on an almost constant basis, and I really don’t think it started being this bad until I got back into Tumblr.  (This was my second account in over three years at the time I started it up.)  To clarify: I am not blaming Carrie Fisher or any bloggers for my spiral.  I’m saying I was starting to become as addicted to her as I was to this other actor.

I need to say something else that’s very important, and by not saying it sooner I hope I haven’t caused anyone to worry or feel bad.  My best friend and I are safe.  We are safe, our lives are not in danger, we are going to be okay.  It is nobody’s fault on here.  Nobody here did anything wrong.  We (as in she and I) tend to dislike the general atmosphere, but this particular hardship is not related to anything that anyone here did specifically.  By getting the heck out of here when we did, we prevented the problems we were both having from getting any worse.

I honestly think that does it for the main body. Onward now to the shout-outs and thank-yous.  If I’m forgetting anyone, I am truly sorry!  I love you ALL.

@skarsjoy: Oh, my dear friend.  You are one of my favorite people, and even though I honestly didn’t reblog that much Alex while I was here, I know you understand that I’ve always appreciated everything you’ve done for me and for the Alex fandom.  I’m on Twitter still, so we can still talk.  Thank you for being such a wonderful friend.  You’re so sweet, giving, and patient, and I love you dearly.  I truly admire your willingness to post my reviews back in the day, and I just want you to know they’ll always be my favorite posts you’ve ever done.  Keep on keepin’ on, and I’ll see you on the Twitt side.

@mixtapemasterjipc: Heyyyy, Jude. This is honestly one of the hardest parts of leaving this place.  I have so many other people to thank, but you’re way way WAY up here because I just have so much to thank you for.  In particular, what stands out to me is that time we watched Hungry Hearts together, and the time you came “running” to take care of me after that humongous sad post I wrote, and our first real life phone call together.  “Girls” is still my favorite, and I’m so grateful you sent me season 3 for my birthday last year.  I enjoy your wit, your big heart, and your knowledge.  Thank you for coming to find me, and thank you for letting me in.  I’m sorry for the tough stuff in the past.  Let’s keep trying.  Together.  I ain’t goin’ anywhere for real, dude, like, seriously.  Between Twitter and texting (and by the way, thank you for sending me your number!) you won’t exactly be able to get rid of me, so do. not. worry.  I Love You.

@dxmi-illustrates: Hey you, thank you for talking with me when I first started hanging around this place.  You’re a fantastic artist, and I hope that’ll continue to go well for you–I loved For Rent, especially.  Good luck with all that, doll.  Also, good luck with school!

@pidgy-draws: Sweetie, thank you for the chats.  I’m happy I got to know you.  You draw such cute art and I’m very proud of you! ^w^

@rebelwerewolf: I have a lot of respect for you.  As a blogger, you have paid such loving respect to the Star Wars and Kylux fandoms, and as much good as you’ve done for this community, I hope that something wonderful happens to you too someday.  Thank you.

@kyluxtrashbin: THANK YOU for my Christmas card!  You’re so sweet and smart, and I’m happy to have known you for the short time I was here.  I’ll write to you, sweetheart.  Thank you.

@thegoodlannister: You just have such a sweet personality and I’m happy we’ve had the chats we did.  You may not have ever known this but I started as a Stark and now I identify as a Lannister.  You’ll hear my roar on some other distant shore, dude, I promise.  Thank you.

@mintmintdoodles: You’re adorable and a darling, I love your freaking art, and I just really wanted to thank you for letting me use your Kylux + Millie chibi pic as my profile pic.

@elviscl: You’re incredibly awesome.  You are an insanely talented artist, and I’m so happy the Kylux fandom has you.  Keep on truckin, you.  Thank you so much for letting me use that Kylux + Millie pic as my banner.

@deluxekyluxtrashcan: You’re a very talented writer, mah dude.  Never give up.  I love you.  Thank you for the chats.

@flukeoffate: HEY LAYDEE. Thank you for the artwork you’ve done for me over the time I’ve been here.  I’ll talk to you on FB still!!!  Hope everything is going okay for ya.  Love love!

@helliskylux: Where do I even start with you, my love? You have such a good heart, and gods I just hope wonderful things happen to you. Thank you for your friendship, and for all the love.

@minzimpression: I just think you are so talented and funny. Hotline Bling is such an amazing story, one of my most favorites.  Thank you for your hard work and for talking to me.  I fucking love you.

@teatimeinspace: You’re lovely!  Thank you for your contributions to the Kylux fandom, and I wish you love and light and all good things.

@han-sulus: I really hope you’re doing okay.  Thank you for your friendship.  I love you so much.

@kylux-fic-hell: You’re awesome, and I love your fics!  Never let your light die. Thank you for your work.

@hux-you-up: Your blog is epic, and I enjoyed following you! ^_^ Thank you.

@kyleauxwren: UGH YOU ARE AMAZING.  I wish you all the best!  Thank you for your contributions to the fandom and the art world!!  My favorite thing was the Millie pins, but I’m absolutely floored by your other art! Congratulations on all your successes, and good luck with future ones!

@drxgonstone: It’s been a pleasure knowing you.  I’ll never forget that one of the first things we talked about was how beautiful your account is (back when it was ohkylorens).  And I honestly hate that I’m having to leave now, just when it’s all decked up in some of my new favorite things, Game of Thrones and JONAERYS.  Dearly love ya, friend.  Thank you.

@nightsofllyn!  Words can’t express the level of respect and gratitude I feel for you.  I absolutely adore Blue Milkshake, like you have no friggin idea, and I wish you all the best in continuing it.  To be fair, I wish you the best in everything. You deserve it. Thank you for putting up with the ridiculous level of my fangirling.  Love ya!

@wishfulfanficing and @missaliarman: First off, you’re so lovely to me, and I love that you’re a Leia fan.  Second, my dear, I’m going to send you the Carrie mall fanfic when I’m done with it.  Thank you so much for your email address; I look forward to keeping in contact off of this haunted hill.  I LOVE YOU dearly.

@lenina-phasma: You’ll be hearing from me very soon, friendly friend.  We did exchange emails.  I’m not going to disappear.  THANK YOU for your support.  I’ll help you with Come Blow Your Horn anytime you need a nudge.  I’m looking forward to The Sorceress and the Skeptic, too, cher.  Mucho love.

@pinkyhuxy: SO MUCH PINK.  Thank you for your contributions to the Kylux and Pink!Hux fandom. You’re a gem!

@chacharger: Like I don’t even know.  I feel like such a complete creep for walking away from this place after you gave me the Carry On confession blog.  I’m sorry for that, and I just wanted to say thank you again for giving me the opportunity to try to work on it.  I hope everything goes well for you. <3

@darthastris: You’ve been so good to me in my time on this site, as well as on Twitter. I’m sorry that everything happened so suddenly.  It’s going to take some time but I’m going to get back up on my feet eventually and move forward.  I’m so grateful for your presence in my life, and I’m glad that I’ll still be able to communicate with you once I take my leave of this little corner of the “world.”

@bpdhux and @endoglenic: I have no words for the gratitude I feel toward both of you, for sticking by me as I go through a lot of changes all at once.  I’m happy we get to continue talking over email; I think that makes this a lot easier.

@solohux: Little Lottie, darling, I’ve truly adored every interaction we have had since we became friends here.  I will deeply, utterly miss you.  We have had a lovely few months together, haven’t we?  I’ll email back and forth with you if you want, just check out my addy in the bottom of this post!  I will always think of you whenever I see foxes.  I love you, friend.  Hang in there.  You can do this.

@imperatrixxx: I want to let you know I have a GREAT deal of respect for your mission of helping kitties.  I’ll never forget our journey together to help rescue Millicent and get her adopted.  Thank you for reaching out after I had to let go of baby Asus back several months ago.  May your streets be paved with scratching posts and your home filled with as many kitties as your heart can handle.

@strawhat-giraffe: AAAAHHHH! Hey, so I know we didn’t get to know each other very long before I freaked and ditched this joint, but I wanted to say I LOVE that you’re a voice actor too, and if you’ll email me (bottom of the post) I’ll send you my voiceover work in an audio file!  OODLES of love and light to ya, friend! 

@fanbows: You’re truly my favorite Rainbow Rowell blogger!  Thank you for your contribution to the RR fanbase!  You deserve so much good in return for the good you do.  I think everyone deserves a pot of gold like you at the end of their rainbow. (I am a cheese, so what? Ha! Sorry not sorry ^^)

@yofriesenburg: Now, one of the reasons I joined Tumblr again was because of Snowbaz.  You, friend, are probably my favorite EVER Snowbaz artist.  I hope everyone everywhere gets to see your art, CO or otherwise!  Thank you.

@ottenebrare: I don’t know if I mentioned this to you on that night when I asked you about your name, but I truly admire you.  You have contributed so much to the Kylux fandom, and you have a beautiful soul on top of that, and I don’t know I just really love you.  I did get more sleep after I sent that message to you, and all I can tell you is I’m trying as hard as I can in life.

And lastly, @missmendelsohn.  I’m sorry.  I tried.  I tried but I just couldn’t fight anymore and I have to step back and just try to be brave through whatever this nastiness is.  Please.  Keep “it” safe, and please don’t tell anyone.  Thank you for your contribution to Tumblr and to the fam.  You’re a good girl.  You did nothing wrong.  I love you.

Special mentions to other deeply loved and respected favorites that I didn’t necessarily have a whole lot of contact with: @sigalawin @eglantineprice @reylooo @confessuponatime @dearmyblank @thelastmessagereceived @ryanreynoldssource @fuckyeahreynolds @arrivedmad and @ben-mendelsohn-trash.

My email, should any of you wish to remain in contact with me off of here, is tama2224@gmail.com.  Thank you all.  May the Force be with you.

R.I.P. Mewlicent’s Domain: July 29, 2016 - August 22, 2017.