#I need concept art. It feeds the addiction

[arleo]

I come bearing gifts- rough and unrefined, but gifts nonetheless. Happy Birthday, Gregorian Calender, hope it's a good one for everybody ✌️

[arsonlookers]

Rambles about Height

Has anyone of you search or know that Childe is taller than Aventurine!?

Childe 5'11" / 182cm

Aventurine 5'6" / 171 cm

Is this accurate? please someone tell me!! 🥺 

I mean just imagine Yan! Idol! Childe mocking Yan! idol! Aventurine because of his height the two of them would start to bicker in front of you [their shared manager] then Childe tells you reasons to drop your contract with adventurine as his manager. just to make you his and his alone after all he dont like to share what is his to anyone.

And then Yan! Aventurine will plead with you not to listen to childe, [imagine his begging damnnn!! Im down baddd] if you are taller he likes that and promise he does not feel insecure at all he even likes it when you just looks down on him and he is in the level of you boobs!!

he is a sucker for them I tell you! Though he would still act the same smug and confident aven you know. But if you are shorter than him please~ he likes it too! like he can hug you and cage you in his arms?! like it is also bliss whenever he hugs you he can always smell your shampoo and hug you tightly as he roams his hands everywhere in your back and then puts his hands on your hair sometimes teasing you as he grabs your hair tightly just to get something out of you. [and if you moan just a little it's game over for him~] [he will explore everywhere honey no exceptions]

And Yan! Childe, If you are taller or shorter he doesn't care after all he loves it if you sit on his lap face and he is a thigh man FOR ME AND NO ONE CAN CHANGE MY MIND!! Yan! Childe loves it when he just keeps his hands on your thigh and keeps it warm since his hands are pretty much always are cold, depends on the weather.

Imagine both yan! idol! in the same van with you their beloved manager in cold and unforgiving weather and stuck in traffic for some godly reason. what do you think will happen since yan! aven loves your upper and yan! childe loves you lower hmm~

THEY REALLY DONT CARE IF YOU ARE TALLER OR SHORTER SINCE HEIGHT DOESNT MATTER for this guys~

And I really imagine them as both Fox you know~ like having them as pets who waits for their master is just sooo addicting concept!!!

They would not surely not get along at first but if their lovely manager talks and gets interested on someone that is not them then be sure to have your punishment when you get home~

They both would surely have their positions at hand. if you know what I mean~

Dont stop feeding me!!

pleaseee 😩

one last before I dissapear for like 2 weeks for my monthly Exam🥺 

Need my number sir? I mean Im free~

DAMNED THE EXAM!! I DONT CARE ANYMORE THESE GUYS ARE JUST KEEPS ROTTING IN MY BRAIN!

I will not be shocked if I would end up answering each damn exam questions with their names 😩

ART IS NOT MINE!! -from pinterest

artist: @Stars4993 on twt

[idontbelievethehype]

It will surprise no one to know that I am still fixated on Snap Back. Tyler started this band in a bad place. He's been pretty open about that. It's been through so many seasons of his life, but the lore, the story, the content, the imagery that propelled them to where they are comes directly from that bad place. I can't imagine how much of a struggle it must be to know that the parts of you that you worked so hard to control and eliminate for the sake of yourself and your family are directly tied to your success.

He "created this world to feel some control" and he will "destroy it" if he wants to. That always felt like a defiant tone to his own success and a warning to his fans. Almost as if to say I know that you're connected to this. I know that you feel ownership over it. But don't forget that it is still mine and I will kill it when I feel like it. Personally, I love that for him, and for us. I think that it's incredibly important for the creator to continue to hold jurisdiction over their own creation. Similarly, as a listener and consumer, we need to understand the limits of our influence.

It makes me think of Tyler's discomfort with the concept of "saving" fans. Something I completely understand. It's a level of responsibility that he did not ask for. Of course, most of us feel in some way saved by their music. Whether its feeling like you aren't alone, finding a community, or using the music as a jumping off point for your own creativity, it's been life altering for millions of people. That being said, the concept of saving someone with your art alludes to a failure in saving those who consumed that art and didn't make it. Or feeling as though you owe something to fans when you are simply not in the headspace to apply that care to others. It erodes an unspoken but important boundary. He is nowhere near the first person to express said discomfort and he wont be the last.

Imagine yourself, likely someone with your own mental health battles, putting in work to make it manageable. You have a family, friends, a beautiful home, financial security, but it isn't just better now. It's tamped down. It comes back sometimes in varying degrees of intensity. It's a daily rollercoaster, but it's still on the tracks. Through all of this, though, you know that you need to constantly revisit your crazy. It's literally your job. It you want to snap necks, you need to snap back.

Obviously, Tyler can be talking about anything. That's the beauty of art - you don't need to explain it. Every consumer has their own pocket projector that casts the light of their own experiences over the art that you created. Maybe to them it's about addiction, or loss, or depression, or mania. With each of those projections comes a small narrative that you didn't necessarily agree to and you arent even aware of as the artist. I'm constructing one right now. We all do it.

I constantly view Snap Back as a temporary surrender. He's aware of the messes he's created, the toxicity, the anxiety of following through with it, but in order to feed his pathological need to create, he needs to let go and be that guy again. Maybe he isnt depressed enough to step into traffic right now, maybe he isn't straight up mad at God, but he has enough in the tank to revisit those feelings. "It's a new adaptation."

[monochromettv]

Grimdark!Blue (The Hunger)

Art made by @succulant-system and @colorfulpanda764

Dividers by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more and @sister-lucifer

Concept reused in the Bad Endings!Au

Status: Dead(?)

Allies: The Butcher

Pronouns: Any/Mirror Pronouns

Sexuality: Poly, Pan

☽｡⋆ The Hunger (previously known as blue) is the result of a chronic addiction to Netherwart, which evolved to release spores into the body of its host following consumption due to a potion mishap caused by blue.

☽｡⋆ The host, needing nourishment to feed the plant, develops an appetite for soul soil and the flesh/blood of it's own species whilst losing any need for water or any other nourishments.

☽｡⋆ The Hunger currently lives with The Butcher, who feeds it after their endeavors. Having previously lived with The Butcher, The Hunger is not violent towards them, rather, it is affectionate towards them and even communicates to them (in its own.. zombie-like way).

headcanons more like canons cause i made the au

☽｡⋆ Lives with Red, who shares the flesh of their victims with them.

☽｡⋆ Cant recognize friend from foe anymore, only recognizes Red because of living with them for so long.

☽｡⋆ Lost most memories of color gang, only vaguely recognizes Yellow but cant pinpoint why

☽｡⋆ Is still vaguely sentient despite the infection, retained some of their old personality

☽｡⋆ Smells terrible and is slowly decaying, uses potions to counteract it

☽｡⋆ The plant needs both soul soil AND flesh to survive, as well as the host, so Blue can't substitute one for the other.

☽｡⋆ Left Colorgang's house with Red after the infection started causing memory loss and violence, where Red currently feeds them and keeps them away from others (who aren't their victims)

Please support this AU by reblogging!

[the-firebird69]

There's a Picasso in the tunnel and it's the tunnel it's a art piece and it's small and at the end of it there's a black and white figure on the outside and humans that are yellow and red holding up a ball of some kind in the middle of it symbolizes what Max is doing now and both sides are going after these doves my son said good does Mac have that kind of symbology today when he finished painting it you looked around and said yes so he's already running it and he said you'll have the childish version of it that's what it means having a paint like that but Dave is really saying is everybody looks disjointed their bodies are odd and it's hard to get out these concepts he got a real lesson from our son who said it's a lot harder than it looks and he revisited the painting and said you're right this guy is at us all the time and it's much harder than it looks and our son is a fighter he says I've never heard things come out of people that are coming out of him and Max says he's feeding it to him and her son says some of it cuz I need to verify cuz the frontal lobe.

It's a good chance that Tommy f is going to lose the planetoids today and will be a huge b****. We're going to go ahead and block him out and today we are discussing the automobiles in house they don't seem to even want to meet and they want to take him over we'll oppressed society and build just weapons and they think people are into it because they've seen so much stuff happen and they think they'll let it happen because of it and they're wrong so we're going to start taking over factories and it says it but in the upper Midwest and Midwest we're already taking them over but we're going to start taking them over in other areas they just want to let him sit there that's fine.

These people are not going after the empire it's just a warlock and it's not enough for them we've been through this like every week. We have areas in the United States and we have areas elsewhere and he said something makes sense we can make a whole bunch of vehicles there and we can make them elsewhere and pump them through there if we had to we don't really want to but if we had to go ahead and start taking them over they're going to put in for approval there are several Arizona Texas and the max are not interested and there people need vehicles too. There are other plants and they're just sitting idle and yeah if they freeze they're going to get ruined and they plan on freezing it as this guy Tommy f and these guys are fighting a lot. I'm going to become progressive and son has kind of a project he's getting help with and then have a couple and one of them is Bradley GT and Brad should be embarrassed to make of it and he sits there and says I'm an idiot and they've got an addiction and they're getting broken of it so he's got this Bradley GT idea and it's working there's a lot of people who are making the shell, it's just different from the other and they're making the kit for Volkswagens and there's a ton of them okay some people are trying to make Ferrari and stuff like that but they don't really care for it this is going along pretty quickly, there are probably 5, 000 Bradley GTS out in the area a day and driving around doing stuff going places and they say it like this it's what else people do we get things done. And they're just driving around but people are starting to make them and they're racing them. They're a couple times that came close to Fontana they're a couple race tracks that opened up to them couple times out in California for actual races the results are secret no Mac Daddy won he's actually the race and Ben Arnold was embarrassed and I couldn't believe it he couldn't believe it I could we have other news and stuff but it's kind of working on his project and then go ahead and start making the shell. There's a whole bunch of stuff going on the neck is going to be a problem day after tomorrow putting that on my list of things to do. There's probably 20 manufacturers of the kit and that's for GT1 and 2 and the first one looks different and the second one looks different most kind of adhered to the original design there's a couple that looks stupid and it sees two idiots and it doesn't perform well and really nobody buys theirs. Third cheesman has one it's almost the same down to a millimeter the only difference is their tail end but the vortex is still there and it's the same. Volkswagen went with a front wheel drive no still rear engine and people say no it's not and it's not and it is front-wheel drive and still hauls ass. Out of the 20 there's one that's selling about 3,000 an hour and it's picking up speed. It's a carbon panel and a frame comes with it it's not much of a frame but it is structural. The whole kit excluding the chassis drivetrain tires wheels rims engine goes for a 5200 and that's a decent price out here it takes tons of effort for these guys to get out of bed and they mold the panels and it's pretty quick out of the carbon the interior panels are simple like they should be the dash is not complicated but looks real cool and it's not a bad vehicle if it were real okay they haven't started it yet but they all have their ideas and their designs everybody's waiting for it to come out and then they have that thumb up their ass and it feels good it's a pain and more shortly

Thor Freya

[kyleledfordswriting]

Recently, I had an epiphany about my own character. It came to me while listening to a podcast where comedian John Mulaney talked about his battles with drug addiction. I've had friends who struggled with addiction and some who even died because of it. So, I always thought that I was fortunate to have never fallen into that trap. I couldn't imagine what it must be like to be an addict, and I felt that I was too different from those who were. However, working in the music industry, I've come across serious alcoholics who could down an entire fifth of whiskey during a session. I thought that my drinking was vastly different from theirs, as I'd only have a couple of white claws. But after some serious introspection, I realized that I was wrong to judge others. I have a personality that approaches everything in my life like an addict.

The addict brain craves the rush of dopamine that comes with their specific addiction. Although I personally never fell deep into any particular substance or behavior, I now realize that I treated many aspects of my life like an addiction. For example, when I start a new job, I feel compelled to excel and surpass expectations, which feeds my addiction. I also struggled with my weight and went from 210 pounds to 130 pounds in just a few months, treating weight loss like an addiction.

Furthermore, I approached relationships like an addict who couldn't go more than a few months alone between relationships without a fix. I also believed that because I only had a few White Claws every night and knew people who drank six-pack after six-pack, I didn't have a serious addiction like those in the music industry.

In essence, I realized that I approached various aspects of my life with an addict's mentality. Whether it was my work, exercise routine, music projects, sexuality, socializing, dancing, drinking or relationships, I always pushed myself to the limit. For instance, I became fixated on collecting Star Wars books after reading one, and now I own 75 of them. Similarly, when I set out to do pushups daily, I had to reach a staggering number of 300. Even when I opted for non-alcoholic beer, I became addicted to trying every available flavor. It's bizarre, I know, who treats non-alcoholic beer like an addiction? Whenever I started a new music project, I would explore a new genre or a new instrument to feel the rush of accomplishment and hit of dopamine that came with conquering a new challenge.

I picked up martial arts during the pandemic and committed to a challenging six-month program. I dove deep into studying the concept of balance, particularly through reading the Dao. However, upon reflection, I realized that I was far from balanced myself. Like an addict, I was constantly chasing the next dopamine hit without pausing to truly experience things. This mindset consumed me, driving me forward without much introspection. I didn't have a specific addiction, but I would drink too much. I never let it interfere with my job, though. While I've had my fair share of mistakes and missteps, I felt like I was doing better than some people I knew who would sneak alcohol into venues or get kicked out of places.

I've come to realize that I'm addicted to writing and reflecting, but I've also recognized the power that an addict's mind can have if it's directed in the right direction. However, it's important to take it step by step and practice self-reflection and introspection, because the addict mind is wired to chase dopamine.

Now that I've become aware of my behavior, I can make conscious decisions about where to focus my addictive tendencies in a positive way. For example, I noticed that I was falling into the same behavior pattern when it came to potentially starting a new relationship. Even though I've never really dated before, I need to be mindful of my addictive tendencies and make sure I don't treat dating like an addiction.

It's crucial for me to be aware of my patterns, what's triggering my dopamine hits, and how I'm acting and behaving in response to them. I need to embrace the principles that I studied during the pandemic and strive for balance in my life. Living a life that's solely focused on chasing highs without reflection, introspection, or balance is simply the life of an addict.

[thecreaturecodex]

Oblex

Elder Oblex” © Wizards of the Coast

[The oblex in Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes is the creation of Nolan White, a child who worked with the WoTC designers and the Make-a-Wish Foundation. It closely resembles a darker, grittier reimagining of the obliviax, or memory moss, from previous editions of D&D. It’s totally possible that Nolan was inspired by the obliviax, or that his original concept was tweaked to be more like the obliviax in development, but I think the similarities are more than just coincidence.

In Mordenkainen’s, oblexes come in several sizes and CRs. I went with a creature closest in CR to the elder oblex, but shrunk it down from Huge to Large (which the art more closely resembles anyway). The original is created by the mind flayers, but I ported it over to aboleths for a more Pathfinder-y origin story. That, and I haven’t tackled illithids yet.]

Oblex CR 9 LE Ooze This mass of slime forms faces, hands and other appendages as you watch. Long thin tendrils exude from it, tethered to a humanoid form.

An oblex is a strange ooze that feeds on memories. They were created by the aboleth as an advance scout and spy, able to sift through the memories of an entire community to find targets for their masters to subvert, dominate or kill. Some still serve their aquatic masters, but many are now free agents, addicted to the rush of sensing other lives and luring new and interesting creatures into their webs of deceit.

An oblex can extrude multiple tendrils, each of which can form an uncanny approximation of one of the creatures it has already consumed the memories of. Except for the faintest whiff of sulfur, these simulacra are indistinguishable from the originals. As long as these remain attached to the oblex, it can move them around as it wishes, even having conversations with itself as a way to lull victims into a false sense of security. Oblexes prefer lairs with ample knotholes or carpeting to conceal the connections between their mock bodies and their true bodies—although an extrusion cannot attack, it can be used as an origin for spellcasting, and clever adversaries find and sever the tendrils to reduce the oblex’s sensory reach.

Unusually for oozes, oblexes are incredibly intelligent and magically gifted. Killing an opponent is only done as a last resort, foes bludgeoned to death with masses of pseudopods roiling with appendages of various kinds. The oblex would much rather control the minds of potential enemies, pacifying them so it can feed on their memories. This process is not fatal, but does result in weakness, reduced spellcasting ability or even coma. Although an oblex does not need to eat physical food, they may allow more monstrous minions to feed on the flesh of their victims once they have extracted the memories they need. Oblexes fear fire.

Oblex    CR 9 XP 6,400 LE Large ooze Init +5; Senses blind, blindsight 60 ft., Perception +15 Defense AC 21, touch 21, flat-footed 15 (-1 size, +5 Dex, +1 dodge, +6 deflection) hp 114 (12d8+60) Fort +9, Ref +11, Will +9 Immune ooze traits; SR 20 Defensive Abilities mental shield; Weakness aversion to fire Offense Speed 20 ft. Melee 2 slams +14 (4d6+5) Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft. Special Attacks eat memories Spell-like Abilities CL 12th, concentration +15 (+19 casting defensively) At will—detect thoughts (DC 15), hold person (DC 16) 3/day—charm monster (DC 17), confusion (DC 17), dimension door, fear (DC 17), telekinesis (DC 18) 1/day— dominate person (DC 18), mass suggestion (DC 19), mirage arcana (DC 18) Statistics Str 20, Dex 20, Con 21, Int 22, Wis 13, Cha 17 Base Atk +9; CMB +15; CMD 37 (cannot be tripped) Feats Combat Casting, Combat Expertise, Deceitful, Dodge, Lightning Reflexes, Weapon Focus (slam) Skills Bluff +18, Disguise +18 (+26 with sulfurous extrusion), Knowledge (arcana) +20, Knowledge (dungeoneering, history, local, nature) +17, Perception +11, Sense Motive +11, Spellcraft +20, Stealth +15, Swim +12; Racial Modifiers +8 Disguise with sulfurous extrusion Languages Aboleth, Aklo, Common, Undercommon, telepathy 100 ft. SQ aberrant mind, compression, sulfurous extrusion Ecology Environment any land and underground Organization solitary Treasure standard Special Abilities Aberrant Mind (Ex) Although it is of the ooze type, an oblex gains skill ranks, class skills and a good Will save as if it were an aberration. An oblex is not immune to mind-influencing effects. Aversion to Fire (Ex) An oblex is shaken for 1 round after it takes fire damage. Eat Memories (Su) As a swift action, an oblex can eat the memories of a creature adjacent to it or to one of its sulfurous protrusions. An affected creature must succeed a DC 19 Will save or suffer the effects of a mindwipe spell (CL 12th) as a supernatural ability. A creature that succeeds its save is immune to the eat memories of that oblex for the next 24 hours. Whenever it successfully uses this attack, the oblex gains 5 temporary hit points. For the next 12 days, the oblex can speak any language spoken by that creature, and has access to its memories. This is a mind-influencing compulsion effect, and the save DC is Charisma based. Mental Shield (Su) An oblex gains a deflection bonus to its Armor Class and CMD equal to its Intelligence modifier. Sulfurous Extrusion (Ex) As a swift action, an oblex can extrude a simulacrum of a Medium or smaller creature that it has ever used its eat memories ability on. It may speak and sense through this simulacrum, which can move at its base speed but remains tethered to the oblex with a strand of slime that can stretch up to 120 feet. A sulfurous extrusion cannot attack, but the oblex can use its spell-like abilities and eat memories through them as if they were the source of the effect. A sulfurous extrusion can be destroyed by cutting the tether with a successful sunder attempt (hardness 0, hp 14). An oblex may extrude a number of sulfurous extrusions at a time equal to its Intelligence modifier.

[p5headcanonhellhole]

Anonymous said to p5headcanonhellhole                                             

Hey this quarantine has made me touch starved, so I was hoping for some imagines of the phantom thieves with a team mate/future SO that gives the best hugs and aren’t shy about being affectionate to their friends. Victory hugs, comforting hugs, whatever the reason if they want/need a hug SO is at the ready. Ofc! I’m in the same boat as you and I’m a very affectionate person.and I love to give hugs to everyone in my circle,,, and I give vry warm bear hugs yesyes

I did all the dudes first but if you also want the females just lmk with another ask!

Reader is Gender-Neutral for all audiences

Akiren   

This man is literally so fucking touch starved give him more  

I must preface that you have absolute fucking bear hugs like oh my god

Vry warm n strong would get again feels vry safe in your arms

On that note, he literally gets addicted to them

He’s been in danger for the entire time he’s been here

Risking his life against a pervert teacher, the fucking mafia, otherwordly beings in the metaverse

So finally having the feeling of being given what he dishes out as the leader of the phantom thieves... it feels really fucking good you have no idea im

The first time was when you were hanging out and you just gave him a big hug as greeting

Let me tell you-- mans fucking broke

Akiren.exe stopped working

He took a moment to process what was going on, then he just,,,, s o b b ed

“Omigod Akiren! Are you okay!?”

Akiren, through a waterfall of tears; “y-yeah,,,,,”

Baby boy baby

He keeps it calm in front of the others but he genuinely melts from them   

Doesn’t help his affections towards you have grown for a while   

He’ll return the hugs tenfold whenever he has the chance to   

In private, he’s such a teddy bear oh my god   

He will always ask for hugs when you’re both in private, LeBlanc is slow or closed, and just cuddle with you til the next day   

This would cause you to get tangled up in the mornings sometimes  

Long ass limbs got damn  

He usually tries to return it with head pats but,,,,, man   

Feed him these hugs he’s hungy

Ofc he’d have his moments of jealousy whenever you’d give the others hugs for a bit too long or high fives (he wanted one...)

But they were soon brushed off when you gave him his hugs accompanied by the innocent ruffling of his hair and your laughter

You are forgiven

Ryuji

He’s equally as affectionate so he adores the affection

If you’re female or female identifying/presenting he *will* get a little flustered though

You two always group up to wrap the whole group into hugs

You are both on a high affection drive and everyone must suffer the wrath of it

You sometimes compete on who has the tigher, warmer, safer hugs which you always somehow get everyone involved in and it even sometimes gets you two to try and hug the ever living shit out of each other

Everyone (except Futaba and Yusuke) has to pry you two from each other

But it’s all in good fun

If you’re not in a relationship(yet), you two usually platonically cuddle which of course leads to everyone assuming you are

You explain it’s nothing like that (yet) and that cuddles are just really great even between friends

Hugs hugs hugs give him hugs

Yusuke

Besides Akiren I’d assume Yusuke is also very touch starved

Like

Have you *seen* this mans background

I honestly doubt this man has really ever had a hug in his life

So the first few times he was deathly confused

He knew the concept of hugs just

Never had one or understood it

So he just

Stood there, awkwardly patting your back

“Yusuke are you okay?”

“Yes of course. Why do you ask?”

“You’re kinda just... standing there.”

Silence

“Am I supposed to do something?”

Oh my god

You basically have to teach this man the basics of affection

“Oooh. I understand now.”

He gives you a hug as a thank you

Or just-- a hold in attempt to be a hug?

Progress I guess?

Eventually he gets there

His long arms help a lot in how good his hugs feel

Vry good yesyes

He doesn’t give hugs very often but loves every hug you give

Tries to see how to insert how it makes him feel into his art--

Believe it or not, very addicted

It gives him a very good feeling and motivation

Give the starving artist some love pls n thank

[hompunkulus]

Introduction to Vampyre Identified People and Otherkin

Vampyre Indentified People and Otherkin are part of the Occult experience not often talked about, especially among respected occult authors. The traditional viewpoint of past magicians on psychic vampires paints them as emotional leeches and people that lead a parasitic existence. Authors such as Dion Fortune and Anton LaVey push this narrative. Human blood drinkers, from True Vampyres to Medical Sanguinarians (many who reject the term 'vampire') are still ostracized from even vampyric groups and Satanists alike because of the dangers inherent in human blood drinking. The greater Vampyre Community seems to be more inclusive these days.

There are Otherkin for almost everything, from Therionkin/Therionthropes who identify as animals, such as Wolfkin or Bearkin. There are those that identify as mythological creatures and those as demons or angels. Within demonkin and angelkin there are also subgroups. There are also 'systems' that are collections of kin types within an individual, for instance a Bearkin can share a host body with an Elfkin.

Some Vampyre Indentified People consider themselves Otherkin, some consider it a medical condition and some an occult concept for ritual. It is all very confusing yet at the same time intriguing. This post isn't here to judge or explain these identities but to bring attention to an ostracized corner of an already still underground sub-culture and discuss some concerns.

Cautionary Tale

Something I have noticed from the Otherkin community is much of the literature seems to be written by young adults. As long as it isn't harming people then it is of no concern, whether pure fancy or actual identity. On the other hand such thoughts and feelings can sometimes lead to delusional thinking and destructive behaviors as they grow older.

Feelings of being ostracized and low self esteem in young age can lead to antisocial behaviors if gone untreated (note: being an introvert and having Anti Social Personality Disorder are two wholly different things). This treatment can be professional, but can also be helped with understanding and nurturing by friends and loved ones.

I also notice small groups of Vampyre Identified People and Otherkin claim the extraordinary when it comes to special powers and heightened senses. Some Vampyre Identified People and blood drinkers claim their senses, agility, and strength improve after feeding, and many Awakening stories of the two groups claim psychic perceptions and forms of psychokinesis developing as they attune to their new identities. The lines of reality and psychosis blur at this level. Age may be a factor, but even some adults claim the extraordinary. We see it in Guru worship and religious perceptions of internal martial arts.

A common factor I have come across on Otherkin are feelings of body dysmorphia and disassociation, often ameliorated when they Awaken to their identities. For Vampyre Identified People I have noticed a few patterns among the majority of them, mainly being the need or desire to feed on human energy and blood. Some connect on a soul level, much like Otherkin, and others believe it originates from a medical condition. If Awakening helps one feel connected to a community and a deeper part of themselves and they continue to mature as responsible individuals, then there is no harm. If Awakening is used as an excuse to deny reality and fall into the trap of drug addiction, emotional manipulation, and sexual predation (either victim or abuser) then it is obviously not a true Awakening and they should seek help.

This is mentioned because in the past people that identified as Satanists and vampires have commited atrocious acts. They are the exception and not the rule. Don't get too worried that if you identify as Otherkin, Vampyre, or Satanist that this article is trying to convince others you are somehow a criminal or pyschotic. Quite the contrary. It is a statement of fact that criminal behaviors exist in all subcultures. It is also a warning to young folks to be aware of predators, from online to those that run Covens/Houses as a facade for sexual predation. Whether they believe in the identity or not doesn't make them any less dangerous.

An Agnostic Approach

As an agnostic, I look to both the psychological and spiritual for answers on these topics. There is no evidence to confirm nor deny the reality of Vampyre Identified People and Otherkin but we can, and should, refute extraordinary claims. We should not condone nor enable perceptions and attitudes that can lead to psychosis, abuse, and criminal behaviors. You may feel wings, but they are never going to be physical without surgery. You may feed on human blood, but too much can cause disease and kill you. A firm grounding in basic biology and psychology are fundamental to the magical practitioner, especially one that identifies with non human consciousness.

Identity is important and it is important to have a safe place for Vampyre Identified People and Otherkin. This need for identity can stem from ritual or other spiritual encounters to the negative side of undiagnosed illness, developmental issues, or childhood trauma. It is important to be critical, especially on ourselves, when it comes to identifying with non human consciousness. The mind is a tricky and sensitive thing that is still being researched, so caution should be taken when working with its contents.

[lochsides]

Yellow Metal - cathartic Review

Here’s something I did not expect to be reviewing this week but when Zayn drops a 24 minute rap track, you fall in line. I had to listen to it a couple times through before I could even begin to make sense of my thoughts because my brain sort of malfunctioned. I have never been prouder to be a Zayn fan. He’s such a nuanced songwriter and there is so much to unpack here.

I think this is the most unfiltered version of Zayn that we have ever been exposed to (and possibly will ever be). I am grateful that he said his piece in this because it needed to be said. As a brown woman, I felt so seen by this and I cannot explain what that means to me. Thank you Z, for your unvarnished truth in addressing racism and various forms of discrimination.

I’m doing a short lyrical analysis below the cut, but the TLDR is that this is a fantastic piece of art that deserves to be heard.

I wish he had released this as an EP because that would be easier to review than a single 24 minute song, structurally speaking. So instead, I have picked out some key lyrics, going from top to bottom, that really spoke to me and decided to study the song that way. His lyricism is hard-hitting in this track. It is beyond anything he has ever released before.

“The planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving until we ascend so fuck the fence.” — I have not seen this lyric being talked about in the fandom, because the lyrics that follow this steal the show, rightly so, but I wanted to give this line a moment because it’s important too. To me, this lyric speaks to where Zayn is at with his relationship with the physical world. He’s out on the farm (about which he even goes to say “tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor”) and I believe he’s happy in his space and he feels connected to nature (also see River Road). So it is a poignant and slightly jaded, but valid perspective that he shares on climate change. It’s never leaving until we ascend. The damage human beings have done to the planet won’t be undone until there are no humans left to do damage. It’s a single sentence that says so much about the depth of the climate crisis. I’m doing my PhD on urban air quality so this is something I care really deeply about and I resonated with.

“And until they stop killing colour, it’s fuck the feds.” — Yeah, agreed Zayn. The systemic racism that he calls out here is echoed throughout the song, in equal parts anger and boldness. I love that he isn’t glossing over it with metaphors, which he could easily do and it would be beautiful in a totally different way, but this makes it harder for racists to overlook. There is so much power in calling it like it is.

“Never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a Benadryl, keeping it green in general.” — It frustrates me to no end to see Zayn painted as this drug-addicted lazy musician that doesn’t care about his work, because we know how untrue that is. This narrative is tired and simply boring too, and I won’t get into the racist connotations of it when you consider it against his white colleagues who smoke as much as him but that isn’t one of their defining traits in the media.

“I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work … it was hard work that got me heard” — I love the juxtaposition in this verse. The public/media perception on his career is that Zayn doesn’t put in effort or that he doesn’t want it. This obviously stems from his leaving the band. It goes back to what I was saying before about narrative, when in reality, as Zayn has said on various occasions, he fights to make his own choices. And that doesn’t have to look the way everyone else expects it to (“I beg you, don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt”), he has his own struggles that have helped forge his path, but it is his path that he paved, himself. He works hard to be heard. He has to. It reminds me of something my parents used to tell me when I was younger about being immigrants: you have to work 10 times harder for the same opportunities just because of the colour of your skin or your name on the cv. It’s a harsh truth to grow up with but it was my reality, as it is for most POC.

“This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm you. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here ‘til they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80…” — There is something about the simplicity of these lyrics are the messaging that I love. He isn’t trying too hard to sound poetic but he still manages it perfectly.

“All I've been achieving, clocking miles in this region, moving like a legion. Promise that I made to myself, an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving? Staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving. // I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy. It’s time I grew up, a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on the mike.” — This is the only 1D-related lyric I’ll make reference to because this song is about so much more than that. That said though, we cannot overlook Zayn’s experiences in the band because that is part of his story. The tongue-in-cheek of “I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving” is hilarious to me. The line about not wanting to be his own enemy anymore and growing up from 17 reminds me of that quote Taylor (Swift) mentioned in Miss Americana about celebrities getting stuck at the age they got famous. I think this verse is similar to that. None of them ever wanted to be in the band and I don’t care what anyone says, Zayn leaving and proving success outside the band gave the rest of them the courage to follow their own solo careers. Sure there was drama surrounding the split but he did it for himself, to tell his stories the way he is now. Whatever else you have to say about him, you cannot deny his authenticity.

“I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane.” — I think this line tells us 2 things, the first being that this song was not leaked. Z knew what he was doing and his twitter likes tell us as much. He didn’t release it for any sort of attention, otherwise it would be widely available on streaming platforms and for purchase. Which leads to my second point, he released this song to get everything he talks about on the track off his chest. Its referenced in other lyrics too, like “now you see where I come from, the world don’t.” This was for whoever cared to listen, not the world. It’s inaccessible for a reason. I love that he threw those lyrics in. It makes the song feel more like a private conversation or listening to a friend rant. It creates a different form of intimacy between himself and his fans.

“Lessons that I’ve learned, I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself. So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt.” — This one is for anyone that buys into conspiracy theories surrounding Zayn’s personal life. He surrounds himself with real people, real friendships, real connections. I have never bought into the bullshit that he has zero autonomy over his personal life. I love the use of plastic melting as a metaphor for ridding his life of fakeness.

“Feeling trapped. This industry is a cage.” — Zayn is obviously not the first person to say it. Many artists talk about how suffocating the industry is ( which he further comments on in the sung portion: “I don’t wanna be, I don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, I don’t wanna be, I don’t wanna be, a part of this”). Fame is such a wild and unnatural concept and the exploitation and politics of the music industry only feed further into it. The industry being a cage makes me think of zoos and how celebrities are animals on display, when they should be free in the wild. I also really like the musical interlude following this part.

“Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views.” — Zayn toes the line between keeping to himself and speaking out on important issues, sometimes not very well. I am his biggest cheerleader, but I’m not up his ass. There have been many occasions where he could’ve done better. But I cannot fault him for being offended by the State because same, Z, same. I love that he took this song as an opportunity to real speak out, no punches pulled.

“See I’ve been facing the racists from back when I were a kiddie. Born up in 93’. Living in Bradford City, they kicked me out of the school. Said they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p***, still sit in the classroom, chilling. I’m angry now that I’m older cause I see they treat us different. Got me thinking I’m the problem ‘cause they never dealt with these issues.” — See what I meant about no punches pulled. He said that! He said it like that too. There is so much in this verse that I relate to, it hits a little too deep. I grew up as a brown in predominantly white communities where the colour of my skin was the reason I was outcasted. We know when that’s happening, clear as day. The lyric “got me thinking that I’m the problem cause they never dealt with these issues” says it all. I have many racial traumas that I’m dealing with as an adult because the adults around me when I was a child didn’t deal with racism in the classroom. They do treat us different!

“20 years later, I’m still in the same boat. Tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for. Man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil when they got me by the throat? // Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them. ‘Boy your skin is so light.’ Ok motherfucker, take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.” — Zayn talking his shit is my new favourite art form. How can I be civil when they got me by the throat? Something that I will always be enraged by is that POC are expected to de-escalate situations of racism. We have to push our feelings down, as Zayn says in the verse, because the institution is against us. All of the institutions are against us. The fact that he takes it a step farther to say that his name makes him a target for racism, even though he is half-white just nails his point home. Also, can we please quit the whole ‘Zayn is white-passing’ bullshit. He alludes to it again later in the song (“asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define”). Its not a compliment to erase someone identity in favour of white-washing them.

“My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.” — Oh, the amount of times we have heard that age old (v. racist) saying ‘{celebrity of colour} is the new [insert white celebrity here]’ as if POC aren’t allowed to succeed in their own right. It is wild to me that Zayn has to deal with this given his level of success.

“Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening. I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine.” — There is a subtle nod to racism (and Islamaphobia) in this line, because of course the brown man is a threat, but I like the way Z turns it around. I also like the rhyme scheme.

“Raised on the benefit for whose benefit? They’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.” — Okay I might be reaching here, but this is just my interpretation. We all know the benefit system in the UK sucks. Being raised on benefit implies a lack of money growing up, but the benefits aren’t really all that beneficial to the families that rely upon them.

“Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause I hit the nerve.” — Well, okay then, just call me out. It’s fine. I seriously feel like he’s talking to me directly with this line. I imagine a lot of us do. Its one of those lyrics that are a bit too honest but that why we love them.

“Cathartic, I’m an artist. Trying to put my heart in” // “Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name.” — So do we have an alternate persona for Zayn now? Alright, I’m down. I think these two lines are tied together, because both are mentioned in the song title. (I think of the song as cathartic, by Yellow Metal, aka Zayn, or Yellow Metal as the name of the EP if this was officially released). The lyrics that accompany both title lyrics, along with the subject matter of the song as a whole, suggest that his heart is in standing up against injustices. I said it earlier, this is the most unvarnished version of Z that we have ever been exposed to. Almost like the complete picture to the puzzle pieces we’ve been putting together over the years.

“They’re tryna kill us with disease.” — Why did this line scream out ‘COVID-19 outbreaks in developing countries’ to me? Again, I might be reaching, but there is a disparity between how COVID is treated amongst minorities, along with many other diseases, and not to mention rich, primarily white countries hoarding vaccine supplies while places like India (and my beautiful Bangladesh and I’m sure Pakistan too) suffer needlessly.

“Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next. Just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around ’til I’m the best.” — I think this lyric shows off Zayn’s sentimental side more than it does his ambitious side, because we know he’s in this for the long haul. Others may doubt that but his fans never have. But hearing him talk openly about being a father on a song is something else. It’s like Khai added this whole other layer of meaning and purpose to his life and it’s beautiful to watch. I’ve been here since the X-Factor auditions guys!! It makes me so emotional to witness him like this.

“Aint many of me around, p***, I’m just different. Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil, fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto.” — God, we’ve been waiting for a fuck the label moment in this house, haven’t we? I won’t get into my theories on his label or his team, but none of us deny the fact that they should be doing more for him than they are. He has the potential to be the biggest thing with the right team and promo because he has a built-in fan base that would go the mile for him. Obviously, there’s also his aversion to promo to contend with and that’s his decision. Even without it, he could shatter every ceiling. Another thing I want to mention about this verse is the nod to the complete lack of South Asian representation in contemporary Western media.

“Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse.” — I’m just putting this in here because it made giggle. Also going to take this space to say how much I love his energy in this song. He knows he’s the shit, as he should!

“Can’t be louder … so free Gaza on my banner.” // “They’re hating on Palestine ways.” — I love that Zayn has always supported this movement, years ago, before being ‘woke’ was a thing. But now, he has a daughter that has Palestinian heritage and I’m sure that makes this hit that much deeper for him, personally. The apartheid in Palestine is heart-wrenching. It’s so strange to me to watch it happen, because I never thought I would witness something like this happening in 2021, yet here we are.

“Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing. We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route. Say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown. I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.” — This verse is straight up savage and I am living for it! I find it hilarious that he called Biden a snake. This verse addresses the truth about politics, that even electing a left-wing leader doesn’t fix the system.

“I’m Tony Stark, still embarking on a dream” // “Gone green like Bruce Banner” // “He taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten.” — And to tie it all off, I wanted to take a goofy moment to mention all the superhero lyrics Z added in this song, really showing his personality because I’m such a nerd when it comes to this stuff and it makes me wish that we were friends so I could annoy him to death about it.

[thaliaxpetrova]

Welcome student [#13] who happens to be a [PRIVATE COLLEGE STUDENT]. Around campus you have been told you look a lot like [LUCA HOLLESTELLE].  We hear that your name is [THALIA PETROVA] and that you are [21] years old. We hear that you can be [SPONTANEOUS] but also [IMPULSIVE]. Lately you have been saying [PUPPET BY FAOUZIA] relates to you a lot in life, and that [3AM INSPIRATION AND COFFEE STAINS] are your most common muse. We heard you decide to major in [ANIMATION] at North Chancellor and we can’t wait to welcome you.

MUSINGS || CONNECTIONS || PLAYLIST(S)

GENERAL STATS:

NAME: Thalia Petrova AGE: Twenty - One GENDER: Cis Female PRONOUNS: She/Her HEIGHT:  5′7

HEALTH

PSYCHOLOGICAL: ( undiagnosed ) Borderline Personality Disorder PHYSICAL: None SMOKE: Sometimes DRUGS: Sometimes ALCOHOL: Frequent

PERSONALITY:

POSITIVE TRAITS: Spontaneous, resilient, assertive NEGATIVE TRAITS: Impulsive, guarded, stubborn MBTI: ENTP-A ENNEAGRAM: 7w8 TEMPERAMENT: sanguine

FAVORITES:

MUSICAL GENRE(S): Indie pop, pop, alt rock MUSICAL ARTIST(S): Faouzia, Hayley Williams, Lorde, KWAYE, Joji, PVRIS, The Weeknd, Nothing But Thieves, Fall Out Boy, All Time Low, CHVRCHES, The 1975

BIO: ( TW: abandonment, drugs, addiction, abuse )

( Full bio linked here )

sparknotes version:

- grew up in the foster care system, bounced from house to house

- repeatedly being tossed around really messed with her self worth and sense of self in general

- developed lots of defense mechanisms, most of which unhealthy.

- She falls back on self sabotaging quite a bit, essentially ruining anything good for herself before it’s ripped away from her. at least here, it’s “in her control” rather than feeling like her world could be ripped from underneath her at any second

- when she was thirteen, she was placed with the Petrova’s, who actually showed her the compassion and care that she so desperately needed and longed for. she tested them a lot since she felt like it was too good to be true.

- slowly but surely she let them in, but in a two steps forward one step back kind of way. when she was 14, they officially adopted her

- fast forward a bit, and YIKES her birth father found her and reached out to her! as one could imagine, this sparked a lot of overwhelming emotions in Thalia, anger being a very predominant one... but curiosity won, and she agreed to talk with him.

- he said all the right things and gained her trust within a few minutes... but every other time they spoke, he wanted money.

- eventually she literally had nothing left to give him, which was when he suggested taking something from her adoptive parents since they were so well off financially.

- This is when Thalia drew the line, but he just broke in their house and took what any valuable looking thing he could

PRESENT / MISC

- thalia is VERY private, and likely will not speak about her childhood at all. if she had her way, no one would know she was even adopted, and that she just always was able to live in a life of luxory.

- she really doesn’t care who’s a private school student and who isn’t, but she may act like she does just to cover her tracks

- She’ll make acquaintances with just about anyone, but it takes a lot for her to consider you a genuine friend. She definitely has quite a few trust issues

- if you’re friends with her, expect lots of random texts, especially in the middle of the night

- is always up for an adventure, this girl will do anything to keep herself from being trapped in her own head

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

- confidant -- someone thalia actually TRUSTS ( a bizarre concept, I know ) this could develop overtime, or we can plot out how these two became close.

- Tutor/study buddies -- essentially someone to keep thalia on track academically

- Bad influence -- where they just kinda enable each other and feed off of their bad habits

- Good Influence -- opposite of above

- art buddies -- someone to keep her company as they work on projects until 3am

- ex’s -- ex friends or ex romantic partners ! both can make for glorious angst

that’s about all I got for now, but I’m open to just about anything!!

[lozislaw]

Hey!! I think a while back ago I gushed (through anon again) about how much I love your south park fics, particularly the alien one (gosh it's still delicious) and now I have returned, older and more wise, to say that I've read the antibody fic too and what the absolute heck man ??? I read it all in one go even though I meant for it to be graciously spaced out and UGH how do you DO THIS????? You've really gotten into Kyle's head, so much so that it feels like he's got complete autonomy and he's so real here.

My particular favourite aspects for the fic are Butters and Kenny, because dude, it's them, and honestly I didn't know I needed to see some semblance of a friendship between butters and kyle till you pumped this out. Wendy and, damn, cartman? Or should I say Erica? Is such a concept too! Whenever they come into the scene I get excited hehe. Scott was a bit of a surprise, but I'm curious as to whether he will genuinely grow close to Kyle. Ah gosh, don't get me started on Kyle. Feels like watching a train wreck and on one hand you want to coddle him and go Nooo it's okay honey, other hand, you kinda wanna see how much further he can go, and third hand, it's painful bit in a good way? Might be biased because it's just from his pov but feels like Kyle seriously fared the worst after the 'divorce'. His mind and thoughts are so hectic and how that manifests itself in your writing is so gold. My heart aches every time he talks to Stan but it's so addictive seeing how they bounce off each other.

Small side note though, Kyle was so fixated on Stan bringing up ice men it made me laugh. And Stan being so smug about Kyle calling the idea of him being him up hot is hilarious, make me wonder if Stan goes into, for lack of better phrasing and apologies for possible crudeness, gay panic at the sight of Kyle just like how Kyle does at him. Well Kyle hasn't changed much appearance wise but nevertheless .... <<

Also Stan mentioned something about how he expressed his feelings three times and kyle rejected it? Or am I remembering wrong? Is this a reference to something in canon or is this some sort of hint :'00 I need to reread these 8 chapters and scrutinise everything better

Oh Bruh I'm so sorry for such an obnoxious long ask I should've commented on ao3! But still, thanks for feeding the world with your amazing writing and frankly mind blowing art. Hope you have a wonderful day <33

I too, Anon, have come back to you older and wiser, and by doing so I can return to you with an eloquent response, instead of the torrent of childish emojis and button mashing that my heart so desperately wants. Because you fucking angel - how dare you come into my house and say these things to me raw no rubber. And because of that, I'll try and respond your theories as "wait and see" free as I can.

I'm so flattered that you like the way Kyle is being written, and I'm pretty pleased with his character in the story myself. Because yes, I very much intend him to be a sandy butthole of an antihero protagonist, and I want him to hurt as much as possible in this plot. I'm just spit roasting this guy until he's sizzled and cooked and at his lowest. Because what does the boy have to lose anymore? No friends, a bad reputation, a truckload of unwanted therapy and no way out of the situation. Or so he believes.

Kenny and Butters? My absolute favourites in this story, apart from everyone else because I love every character and the role they play - even poor Dr Debby - I mean Teena, Downer. They’re at peace with each other and living a world behind the scenes that Kyle refuses to accept as anything but being buttbuddies that kicked him to the curb so they could go and fuck each other without a third-wheel.

And Butters and Kyle, yes! I love love love their relationship and exploring it, even it’s not much done in fandom, considering in the show they almost have a younger/ older brother relationship. I jump onto that dynamic in the story, where Kyle tries to look out for Butters even if he doesn’t like showing it (as any older sibling does), but Butters was trying to break free and be rebellious in life and he was carrying a wet blanket around who hated the mere idea of change so much that he still wears his disgusting carrot orange jacket and thinks it fits. Hmm, kind of reminds me of Post-Covid Kyle...

Now to the part I hate to say, but Stan is my biggest secret in the story and I’m not spilling anything big, until the time comes. But yeah I think it’s at least obvious that he thinks about that “hot” comment Kyle made in his dying last words. Of course it is - just imagine if Post-Covid Kyle called Stan hot and then passed out and just fucking died. Stan would be obsessing over that shit for a looong time.

Ah yes, and those drunk confessions;

You’re right to wonder if those rejections happened in canon or later in the story, and I’m gonna go ahead and rip off the band-aid that it’s from both. But who wants to hear about that? Moving on. :p

You call it long and obnoxious, I call it beautiful and perfect. Don’t you dare ever apologise for writing this ask, you don’t know how often I read this for two days before I started drafting this response. 

My new chapter is nicely in progress and hopefully you’ll enjoy it and not hate me for tugging your balls like I have this whole time. Thank you so much for reading this fic so far. It’s my favourite I've ever worked on (and alien fic is a close second!!).

Here’s the link to the fic for anyone unfortunate enough to stumble upon this messy response and wonder what all the big fuss is about. And I thank you in advance. 

Have a great day too anon, I smooch your hands. <3

[lutiaskokopelli]

I have a question, be honest on a scale of 1 to 10 how much to you feed off of positive feedback, which is not a bad thing. I run my own art blog and I will admit positive feedback is like a fresh cup of coffee for artists

I’d say... Probably between 7 and 8, but I’m biased. I honestly can’t tell for sure, as the true scale easily changes from day to day.

Had a good day and feel like doing more exciting/productive stuff? I could be working on the comic for hours nonstop just from that alone, with or without feedback.

Had a bad day/worked so much lately that I’m not tired enough to sleep, but still too tired to do anything productive? Even a dozen of positive reviews won’t be enough to make me draw. Heck, sometimes, getting genuinely positive reviews while I’m on a bad day might make me feel pressured because I want to draw but can’t. Quite the paradox!

Generally speaking, positive feedback is definitely a giant push for motivation and mental health, as it is the case for many artists other than you or me. In my case at least, though, feedback is hardly the biggest factor.

I’ve drawn/written stories online for more than a decade, and up until hardly 3-4 years ago at most, I barely had any feedback at all. Whether related to the quality of my stuff, related to the fact that up until 2015 I was doing stuff exclusively in French, or related to bad luck alone, the fact is that I couldn’t rely on feedback to motivate me for a very, very long time. It was far from easy and I had a lot of moments when it was hitting hard on me to never get feedback from anyone but one or two close friends, but here I am now!

What motivated me during that period was, aside from my legendary determination to find creative ways to make me suffer (I’m looking at my education-related choices there), the almost bestial need to create stuff. I always wanted to create stuff that could be shared with others, but since others didn’t seem too interested anyway, I also created for my own sake. Two main reasons I can think of are, for one part, “If I don’t write this down these story ideas will haunt my brain forever”, and for the second part, I suffered a LOT from the “If you can’t find the content you want to read then you gotta do it yourself” syndrome. Therefore it went to the time-capsule concept: “A few years from now I’ll have almost completely forgotten what the story was like! So I’ll be able to go back and read this as if it were someone else’s work! That way I’ll truly be able to read the story I wanted and enjoy it with limited spoilers.”

So... I guess I digressed a bit, but if you want my two cents: I used to be able to rely on my own determination/need to create alone, but now that I finally have a community of sweet people who enjoy my work(s) and kinda sorta rely on me to give them some fun content every once in a while? Well, positive feedback is definitely something you get addicted to very fast lmao. It pains me to say, but it truly is addictive like a drug and the dependency to it grows way faster than it should. I’m saying that last part not as a “artist ego is bad” thing, but just as a fact -- and as a warning, since, well, not getting feedback for too long gives negative results on an artist’s psyche. That’s, sadly, just how drugs work.

Also in my specific case it’s probably why, if I take a bit too long to finish an update, I’ll slowly lose motivation because the last time I had some feedback was more than a week before, and it just results in me taking even longer to finish the update. It’s a really bad spiral to get stuck in.

(And for the followers, small update for the next update: I just finished page 7 out of 10, wish me luck for the remaining 3 :’) They aren’t hard to draw, it’s just... I dunno. I love my job but my PhD is taking a lot out of me lmao.)

[ratsoh-writes]

My curiosity got me, so here is my submission for a match up.  Sorry it’s so long!  I look forward to seeing your reasoning.

PERSONALITY TRAITS:

MOM FRIEND:  I’m the friend that is almost over prepared for any situation and is protective, usually keeping others out of too much trouble or danger, but not stopping them from doing that stupid thing.  Some people will only learn from doing it and so long as it won’t seriously injure or kill them, go for it.  And I mean I am seriously prepared for most situations:  I have fluffy throw blankets and pillows in my car for those who get cold, extra towels just in case we somehow get wet, umbrellas/ponchos for those who need one, snacks/water just in case someone gets hungry/thirsty, first aid kit for small injuries, etc. Ironically, I am the only one without a kid so far.  

Extension of this would be my habit to act as the friend “nurse.”  Willing to spend hours taking care of a friend who isn’t feeling well and give platonic cuddles if needed.

Another extension of this is my need to feed anyone who comes over.  I think my love language is acts of service after typing all this. 

I’M LISTENING:  Always willing to offer an ear, even if I don’t believe I can council you.  Plus, for some reason, people just end up splurging life stories or something that is bothering them to me.  My life is mostly spent as that Naruto meme: “I have no clue what is going on, but I’ll pretend that I do.”  But I’m responsible about it, I won’t offer advice I’m not sure about and will usually refer you to someone else I feel is up to the task.

PATIENT:  Earned after years in customer service dealing with toddlers disguised as customers and also with friends who far exceed my energy levels.  It takes a good bit to anger me or very specific things to set me off, such as when I have asked you to please stop bringing up that stressful memory of mine again and again. 

I am told I am terrifying when I’m actually pissed.  Most times I don’t remember much when I actually snap, just that it happened, but details are fuzzy.  

CHILL:  My counselor once told me if I “Was any more laid back, I’d be on her floor.” And to a point, she is correct.  My house was on fire and my reaction wasn’t panic at the time, it was this odd calm that even when I reported the fire to my sister and authorities, they didn’t believe me until I showed them said fire.  I am reserved with those I don’t know well or are not comfortable around.  Once I trust you or you get me on a topic I love, I’m surprisingly passionate and animated.  

I feel this fits under here, but I also tend to do things at my own pace.  And not much can change that pace, but I will get what I set out to do done.

WHY ME?:  Too many people tell me I’m a natural leader, even got awards for it, but I never volunteer or want to be the leader in anything.  Usually, I just end up in that role somehow, some way.  Most times because I hate disorganized messes and those times the people I am with have trouble making concrete decisions and need some guidance to work out what they really want to do or the pressure to actually make a decision.  I may be an unwilling leader, but I will step up if needed.

WHIMSICAL:  Sarcasm, dry and sometimes cheesy humour, and an attitude to boot, but it’s rarely to be mean.  Most times it is me being playful and if I’m teasing you, that usually is a sign I like you and enjoy your company.  Plus, sometimes people need a little laugh or a spark of different emotion to get them out of a funk.  

INTEGRITY:  I could absolutely despise someone, but like hell I’m going watch them suffer.  In the same sense, if I take a job, I will do it right and not half ass it.  And far too many times I’ve had to step in and explain certain concepts in order to disperse negativity or help others see from another perspective to avoid adversity.  

CUDDLE BUG:  With people I am comfortable with, I am a cuddly person and do not mind a lot of skinship.  I am used to friends hanging all over me.  Plus, sometimes I just want to curl up someone as well.  

  STRENGTHS:  

Observant

Good communication skills & honest

Responsible & reliable

Full Size Human Heater.  I am ridiculously warm and always putting off heat.  Friends and coworkers alike use me as a portable heater.

Surprisingly good at being sly and collecting information if needed, like getting a shoe or ring size without tipping the person off it’s for a gift.  If they manage to call it, I always fess up and playfully make a fuss they ruined the surprise.

  WEAKNESSES:  

Terrible at lying, so I tend to simply keep my mouth shut instead

Willfully oblivious to flirting and absolute flustered mess once I am forced to recognize said flirting

Vast open waters terrify me

Tendency to keep my troubles to myself and try to solve problems on my own (don’t want to be a burden)

Can become despondent if I feel useless at times

  HOBBIES:

ART:  I’ve dabbled in several different medias, but my favorite is just a pencil or pen and any paper I can get my hands on.  I love drawing figures in dynamic poses.  Second favorite is sculptures built from wire.

COSTUMES:  I love Halloween, since it is the perfect excuse to make and wear my homemade costumes.  It also lets me challenge myself by making more complicated pieces like hooves, horns, and even chain mail.

BAKING/COOKING/CANDY MAKING:  I’m the cook in the house and I love it.  Seeing people enjoy my food is my favorite part.  Just don’t ask me for a recipe, I literally don’t have any and I won’t remember what I did.  

ORGANIZING/CLEANING:  I love puzzle games like Tetris and Catherine, and I love a challenge.  Combine the two by having me organize and rearrange a space to make it work and I am in heaven.

STORYTELLING:  When a story needs to be told, I am the one asked to tell it. Specifically I have such an entertaining way of telling it according to others.  Animated and colorful language, plus a few pit stops along the way with some side stories.  

  PET PEEVES:

CONTRARY:  Do not tell me to do something while I am doing it.  That will kill any motivation I had to do it.

BACKHANDED COMPLIMENTS:  It is possible to compliment someone without insulting them or others at the same time.  It just makes the compliment feel empty and negative.  And I tend to just hum and not reward that behaviour.  

TOO MUCH ATTENTION:  I don’t mind attention… from people I trust and are comfortable with.  Feel free to cuddle and coddle away.  But vast amounts of attention from those I feel are strangers or acquaintances will unnerve me (I have literally left functions immediately  where I walked in and was bombarded with shouts and attention aimed at me-sensory overload I guess).

  ODD HABITS:

NESTING:  No, I don’t think I have enough blankets and pillows.  Yes, the giant stuffed animal is needed and his name is Snuffie.  

CRUSH ME:  I’m serious, some days I need one of my friends or my bf to just lay all their dead weight on top of me.  It’s just oddly therapeutic.

NO, I’M NOT PREGNANT:  Just cause I ate that jar of olives in one sitting or suddenly was craving jalapeno juice and crushed ramen noodles.  There are never enough pickles and yes, I am determined to try every kind–I may have a vinegar addiction.

IRONY:  I bake some of the tastiest, sweetest desserts and make pralines and caramels, YET I myself do not favor sweet things. 

HANDS:  One thing I tended to do with nearly every boyfriend and guy friend I had was play with their hands and put their hands on my face/head.  I lived for being pet and having people play with my hair.    

NONVERBAL MOMENTS:  Sometimes words are just too much, so I instead make sounds.  Can be anywhere from a growl to a cat like noise, or the reliable “Nyeh.”

NO NOs:

I think I listed a few as I went through everything else, but ignoring boundaries is the main one.  If I tell you I’m not comfortable with something, do not make me repeat myself.  And usually that something is given a pass the first few times it is done before I say something and explain why I’m not comfortable with it.   

Example:  I have thick, curly hair, a product of my mixed heritage.  Well, sometimes I like to straighten it and I did just that one day.  Well, a coworker decided to make a backhanded compliment, stating I should stick to what works: straight hair over my natural hair.  I had gotten on him about it, but I decided to vent to a friend about what happened as well.  She proceeded to constantly repeat those hurtful words and while I knew she meant it playfully during those times, I had to stop her and sit her down, explain I don’t find it funny cause the words are linked to a hurtful, possibly racist memory that I didn’t want brought up again and again.   Thankfully she understood and stopped.  So, I don’t snap immediately and I understand sometimes a sit down needs to be done.

Ok first of all I gotta say that I absolutely loved reading your matchup!!! It’s so well organized, detailed, and the descriptions are pretty creative!!! Do you do any writing yourself, because you should!!! alright, geek out moment over.

i’ve got three guys you’re perfect for, but let’s go for the obvious one. HONEY!! 

You’ve checked off everything on honey’s list: caring, organized, laid back, and good for cuddling. Now here’s what he has to offer to the table: he will cuddle you back. This guy is the ultimate cuddle slut. You’ll never feel unloved with him. Honey is also a very thoughtful and appreciative guy. He likes caring for his partners. You may be the mom friend, but he’ll do his best to return that love as well.

Honey is a little awkward, but he’s also sensitive and empathetic to how others feel. If he puts his foot in his mouth, just tell him and he’ll never bring it up again. Plus this guy is just so honest and genuine that backhanded compliments aren't really a thing with him. 

Also you like costumes!!! He’s always wanted to try cosplay or theatre. You just might be the person to give him the courage to finally stick to one. 

dating honey includes:

cuddles upon heaps of soft things. He has his own collections of ridiculously soft blankets and pillows that he’ll happily add to your collection. Honey is also a master at pillow forts. 

honey is a good listener. He’ll be happy to just sit back and enjoy the stories you tell. There is start though, who is also the storyteller of the underswap home. Any funny story you give about your time together will be rewarded by star with a funny story from his and honey’s childhood, much to honey’s embarrassment

if you don't really like sweet things but love baking them, then honey and star will happily finish them for you. People are usually surprised about how just how much skeleton monsters can pack away. 

he’s a picky eater and will give you the wtf face when you fufil your weird cravings though lol 

Oh! Also if you’re wondering, the other two would’ve been either oak or coffee

[sebastianshaw]

@sammysdewysensitiveeyes - And finally, Shinobi for World of Darkness, three different versions/games! Under cut because like always, it’s long!

For a vampire, he’d be a Toreador. They’re the type who will turn someone just because they’re pretty, then get tired of them within the week, and that’s how their ranks get flooded with dilettantes who don’t posses any artistic talent, like Shinobi. Toreador are famous for being the most emotional and passionate and in touch with humanity, but in truth, many are emotionally hollow, chasing fleeting highs of false feelings that are shallow and brief despite their deceptive intensity. This leads them to become callow and callous, trying forever to breath life into themselves through new experiences that become banal all too soon, leaving a trail of broken mortal hearts and lives behind them, to say nothing of fledglings that, like, Shinobi, are pulled into this world they’re not ready for and typically destroyed by soon enough. While many people deride them as romance novel vampires, I think they’re actually a very clever subversion of that, and in their own way as horrifying as more famously frightening ones. Shinobi, bitter and wounded over being rejected and abandoned by his sire, has become exactly that kind of Toreador himself. He also strives to be as seductive and glamorous as other members of the clan, and he has the image down, but it falls apart quickly when others question or reject him. He’s also a very young and weak vampire, so he has no political strings to pull, and since he has no art, is looked down by his clanmates as a poseur. All this just makes him more pathologically driven to prove himself and gather allies who will love and respect him, even as he fails at it every night. Also, the Tories are often called divas and “Degenerates” is literally a nickname for the whole clan, it’s perf. I also think he’d make a good Ghoul. When someone---be it a human, animal, even a fellow vampire---drinks the blood of a vampire three times, they become Blood Bound to them. In the case of animals and humans, this makes them the vampire’s ghoul, and the vampire their domitor or regnant. The blood bond is one of the most powerful tools of vampirekind, as the victim is completely enthralled to them, forced to obey. The ghoul is obsessed with them, usually in love, and will do anything asked of them. Continual drinks reinforce it, and the ghouls WANT this, for vitae---vampire blood--is addictive. And the longer they serve a vampire, the more they’ll need it not just out of addiction, but to survive. Ghouling a human (or animal) will freeze them at their current age, just like a vampire, and even grant them some vampiric powers...but when the blood stops coming, all those years catch up with them...all at once. It’s not pretty. Some ghouls who manage to escape their masters---usually by the latter’s death--become vampire hunters in order to get their vitae fix, drinking from different ones in order to avoid the “three strikes and you’re out” Blood Bond. As for what vampires get from this, ghouls have any number of uses, from daytime bodyguards to managers of mortal affairs, messengers, servants, it goes on. The sad, cursed existence of a Ghoul is in many ways worse than that of a vampire, and with none of the benefits. I could see him either as a group ghoul, perhaps, serving a coterie (small group) of powerful female vampires...but I feel like that’s more his fantasy than anything. The reality is probably that he went looking for his birth father, tracked him down successfully, and got a lot more than he bargained for...but hasn’t aged a day since either. Much like Ghouls serve vampires, Kinfolk serve werebeasts, and out of a very different sense of being bound by blood. Kinfolk are the human and animal relations of a werewolf or other werecreature, and breeding with them yields a higher chance of a Garou offspring (since, remember, the offspring of two Garou is a sterile, deformed metis) A Garou birth will still be rare, and most or all of their children will just be Kinfolk, but maybe the next gen will have a Garou, or the next. Because of this, the Garou (or Bastet, or whatever they may be) maintain close ties with their Kinfolk, watching them like shepherds over their flocks. There’s a dark side though. Their primary role ultimately is breeding stock, and many tribes treat them exactly like that. They’re automatically seen as part of the Garou tribe to which they’re related (or worse, its property) and are thus beholden to its regulations, owing them their loyalty, but get none of the respect and glory that the Garou do in return. They’re "valuable second class citizens" at best. Besides breeding, other roles they take includes childcare (since the werewolves are off battling the Wyrm), financing, politicking, and bureaucratic maneuvering on behalf of the Garou, directly or in their interests, are all examples, but there are dozens more things an individual Kinfolk might to do serve their family. Sebastian would definitely be a Shadow Lord werewolf as described in Fabian’s section, and Shinobi his unfortunate Kinfolk pup. A disappointment twice over, firstly for not being Garou, secondly for not even being the USEFUL kind of Kinfolk. All the tribes have an individual approach to their kin beyond the general basics I just described, and Shadow Lords tend towards the abusive. To quote the canon,  “[Shadow Lord] Kinfolk don't receive much coddling, however. Weaklings and victims don't deserve to breed.” So not only is Shinobi not supposed to be sticking his dick in anything that can get pregnant, he’s supposed to purely serve his father’s interests while also growing up a society where he will NEVER be good enough. Which...look it’s horrible, but you can’t deny it FITS! (Also: While Sebastian def would be a Shadow Lord himself as a werewolf, he also could easily just be a human "target" of one as a mate. To quote canon: "Female Shadow Lords are sometimes drawn away from the flock toward men with power. A ruthless businessman, a brilliant crime lord or even a military dictator may find himself overpowered by a stalking suitor.") Since Shinobi is half-Japanese, he could be a kuei-jin if he was born/raised/died in Japan or a place with a strong Japanese (or other Asian) culture. Now, the kuei-jin are very problematic, White Wolf (the game company that does all this) mashed together a bunch of different Asian cultures together (even “kuei-jin” is a combination of Japanese and Chinese) and appropriated a bunch of terms they used incorrectly (ex: dharma) but I really like them and I’d like it if one day they could go back and fix them like they have with other creations they made that were really problematic at their conception (most all of this shit was made up by white nerds in the 90s) So, kuei-jin are vampires of a sort, but an entirely different sort than the Kindred are, despite some calling them ‘the Kindred of the East’. Firstly, their range has more to do with culture than geography. They populate Asia, but have begun emerging in the West in places like Chinatowns where Asian cultures are prevalent. Which brings us to the second difference---they are not Embraced like Western vampires, they rise from the grave on their own. Something drove them so hard that their souls clawed their way out of Yomi World and back into their bodies...well, usually their bodies, there have been cases where they came back in a DIFFERENT body. The goal of the kuei-jin is to remember what this something was, for they believe it is their purpose, and they must then accomplish it. In order to discover their purpose and fulfill it, they will choose different paths that they think will be best for this. These paths, called Dharmas, are liked clans, but, as I said, can be chosen, and even changed. Shinobi’s Dharma would be the The Dance of the Thrashing Dragon, also known as the Laughing Rainbows. Yes, they all have names like that. Again, white nerds in the 90s. The Thrashing Dragons are the Yang-Aspected paths, they  seek to defy their undead state through frenzied revelry and acts meant to celebrate life (in all its beauty and bloodcurdling savagery both).  These Kuei-jin are as alive as the undead can be, believing  creation is a rainbow – illusory, but too colourful to ignore-- and their ideal is to experience each of those colours as vividly as possible. As a result, Laughing Rainbows shun society's restrictions, are often messy and vulgar, indulging themselves with wild feasts and drunken orgies - celebrations that usually feature living "entertainment," too. In their calmer moments, a Thrashing Dragon can be gentle and compassionate, nurturing life even though they consume it---the kuei-jin are still a type of vampires, and they feed on chi. They can get it from flesh and blood, but, as they get older and more powerful, can suck the pure chi out of the air from a person. But the Thrashing Dragons like to eat their prey raw, and often alive. They’re violent and combative, in addition to  shameless, impulsive, lusty, and having a tendency towards nudity. What’s interesting is that in life, many Thrashing Dragons denied the flesh, and believe they came back due to their repression during life. Some ferociously carnal people do return to finish what they started in life, but most Laughing Rainbows learned to laugh only after they died. So perhaps Shinobi had a sad life that ended prematurely (COUGH DAD COUGH) and now that he’s come back, he’s “living” large at last. Or perhaps he’s one of the ones that was ALWAYS a hedonistic idiot and he was actually brought back as a lesson to live a better life, but he hasn’t learned it yet. Kuei-jin have two souls, the Hun and P’o, and they struggle against the latter. The Hun is  higher, rational half of the soul, akin to  morality, conscience, honor and devotion to duty. The P’o is the evil bestial half of the soul, akin to “the Beast” that Western vampires struggle against. Each person’s P’o takes one of several archetypes, based on which is most likely to tempt a kuei-jin off their path, and Shinobi’s would be The Monkey. The Monkey is  a creature of the moment, its each new pleasure or distraction being the most important thing in the world. The Monkey is capable of concocting elaborate plans to achieve small or momentary goals, but it’s in no way concerned with any overarching mission that the Kuei-jin might have. Indeed, the Monkey seeks, at every turn, to waylay Shinobi from his appointed goal, to divert all of the his attention and energy to lesser, transitory things. So basically it tempts him to be HIMSELF. (As a note, I think the Adversary would translate REALLY well as a P’o for a kuei-jin Haven; India is part of Asia too!) Finally...I might be typecasting him too much by race, but there’s also the kitsune. The kitsune, as one would expect, are the werefoxes of East Asia, mostly found in Japan and China. They are the youngest of the Changing Breeds, and the story goes that when a fox named Bai Mianxi was brought before Gaia (who created all the werecreatures) by Luna (the moon) for playing tricks that created havoc in the world, Gaia’s punishment was that Bai Mianxi be given a duty. Bai Mianxi tried to trick her way out of it, claiming that  Gaia's other children were all adequate enough in their duties and she was not needed. Gaia's wrath at Bai Mianxi's impudence shook her residence, but after soothing words from Luna, Gaia promised the fox that in return for their service, the fox-people would one day become the BEST at something, better than all the other werecreatures were at it, whatever it is. Like all other were-types, the kitsune are born in animal or human form, and the offspring of two Kitsune will be born in hybrid form and be stuck that way until their First Change. Unlike the Western metis of the Garou and many other fera though, these “shinju” as they are called, are NOT sterile or deformed, nor are they looked down upon by other kitsune. But all kitsune, no matter what form they were born in, carry a curse, and that is that when a kitstune is born, at least one of its parents will die. Usually, it is the non-kitsune parent, and there is also a one-in-ten chance that the Kitsune parent may die, either instead of, or along with, their mate. So my thinking is kitsune Shinobi was born in human form in Japan to a kitsune mother, but has a human white dad in America (Sebastian obvy) who despite the great distance still passed away mysteriously at the moment Shinobi drew his first breath. And so Shinobi grew up raised by his mother and her Kinfolk, and he never saw his father and he grew up feeling loved and wanted, and now he is a happy healthy adult werefox who will indeed be the best at something one day! You can see why I wanted this for him ^^

[milfygerard]

its been a WHILE since i listened to tswift the lucky one but i feel like u might have thots on it vs disenchanted?? i know lyrically they arent super similar (i think???) but thematically?? i have half a brain worm on this

hmmm ok i just pulled up the lyrics and i actually have a sort of thesis that they ARE about the same thing (disillusionment with fame) but from two totally different POVs

these two specific verses are what really inspired me

the mentions of tv, of being fake, of aspiring for more once you escaped that environment, but then a divide appears. Taylor takes a more traditional “american dream” approach. There’s a need to please, to be the figure ppl want you to be, to be glamorous and rich and loved

compare this to disenchanted, where you can feel the sort of simmering fury and angst. Theres no desire to please or to elevate, as a matter of fact this is probably the most direct call for revolution that we’ll ever get out of mcr. A call to burn the motherfucker down, to dance on the ashes of your own misery rather than trying to outrun it, or trying to grow into it

I think you can find the divide in ideas here in the artists themselves too. Taylor was an upper middle class girl who often talks about being bullied in school. She’s a child star, and is therefore trapped in a strange perpetual adolescence ( Like she discussed in miss americana, being trapped at the age you got famous at) She’s also a self professed people pleaser, who often adjusts with the times and will transform herself in the image of others

MCR (specifically gerard as he has the strongest hand in mcrs lyrics) were raised lower middle class neighborhoods with no expectations of even surviving, nevermind making it big. Gerard talks about how he wasn’t bullied in school, but ignored. And he never really had a taste of fame or attention until his mid to late 20s, giving him more time to adjust to being an adult out of the public eye and giving him more room to work out his own boundaries. This feeds into the attitudes of the song. MCR is framed as a loss of faith in the power and meaning of music, in its power to change. Taylors is a disillusionment with the world around the music, the glamour and power that comes with it, and seeing how that ruins a person.

I haven’t even dived into their influences (Taylors love of country, adult alternative, indie, pop vs gerard being raised on rock and new wave, getting into theater, metal, riot grrrl, punk, glam, ect) as well as the age and tech difference, and how they approach art differently (gerards abstraction and love of stories and universes and CONCEPTS as a comic writer and artist, vs taylors love of punch in the gut hyperspecific lyrics that are About Her, while still having a love of metaphor, but always falling back on reality. Gerard rarely approaching romance [often using it as a framing device for bigger issues such as gender, addiction, death, ect] while taylor built her career writing about romantic love [with caveats of course, and room btwn for metaphor] but often writes about the nature and feeling of being in and out of love and the inbetweens) How they use characters in songs, how they use their own personas to both invite people in and create a near unbreakable divide, man just everything.

i have.....no idea if i answered ur question but i got this at like noon today and its currently 3:42 AM so i think ill wrap this up with godDAMN are these two interesting artist and disenchanted and the lucky ones both slap and are worth deep analysis