#FINALLY. THIS POSTED. for some reason the other screenshot i was trying to use from the ed sullivan clip kept corrupting my posts 😔

[chaaistained]

hazy fairy lights and the thought of schedules

me waking up in my kpop dr for a total of five seconds ..

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i didn’t exactly go into this with the desire to wake up in a bedroom i’d only ever seen from one angle, in a picture, off of pinterest . i even started out this whole “process” feeling so desperate that i’m embarrassed to go into further detail but, we persevere —

the night before, i was plagued with insomniac anxieties, the fidgety kind, where your mind won’t sit still and your body thinks “hey! that’s a grand idea, let me do the same!” as if i’m not laying there in my bed, tempted to pull my hair out

i figured, what’s there to lose? like every other night, let’s give this another go, and i went to look at my screenshot of emma’s method (@hrrtshape — tysm lovely <3) and started trying to shift to my wr

the desired outcome of a mind bending epiphany, an almost destruction of the very construct of reality . that didn’t happen .. and truth be told, i found it hard to concentrate in general. but eventually i just kept telling myself that “this isn’t a chore, this a hobby, this is something i do for fun. i’ve done this [shifting] before, even if it was only for a few seconds, i can do it again” and i let my mind think about my daily routine and plans for my wr

after that, i don’t really remember falling asleep. i sorta wafted from dream to dream, mostly about my cr life — university, my high school best friend and our galentines plans, i had a weird panicky one about a chemistry test .. i haven’t taken chemistry since i graduated high school four years ago . but anyway apparently the body keeps the score.. yay us

i think what set me off into a more calming deep slumber was how my dream rippled from chemistry and science to literature, english, writing, and more specifically, editing — before i went to bed i was editing an upcoming fic i will be posting to my fic account (shameless plug : @yourislandgirl) and it was a drabble featuring enhypen’s jake, a kpop idol for those who don’t know ^.^

next thing i know, i hear a twinkling alarm, the kind of one that sounds like stars? not exactly the same as the standard iphone alarm sounds but, i remember it feeling familiar ??

i instinctively went to rub my eyes, expecting the usual crust and sleepiness only to find that they were relatively clear-ish (a point i make bcs i specifically scripted that i don’t get super crusty eyes bcs i hate it). it didn’t exactly hit me then, but i patted around my bed for my phone, snoozing the alarm, my eyes still closed as i took in a few deep breaths.

my room smelled like lavender . which is odd bcs i don’t have a room freshening spray in my cr, i rely on candles but wtv not the point, i don’t own a lavender mist .. but for some reason the only thought running through my head when i sighed out in relief, curling myself back under the sheets was “man . my rooms smells nice”

for your information i’m rolling my eyes at myself while i type this up bcs BITCH (directed at me) YOU SHIFTED

anyway, i kinda felt myself dipping in and out of consciousness, or at least that’s what i thought, bcs in actuality i think i was dipping BETWEEN consciousness’ — the cotton softness of my cr sheets was suddenly a smooth milky satin, and then it was cotton, and then satin, and it wasn’t until this hellscape of a cycle repeated itself for the third time, that i finally realised my surroundings were changing.

it was sort of like what being tipsy felt like, a little buzz in my head, my mind feeling fuzzy, like a pom pom . (that’s legitimately how my mind feels when i’m tipsy btw) and it was like my energy was rising slowly and then getting sapped out of me and then rising and falling

i think i was getting sick of it, and knowing me and my lack of patience, that totally tracks, so when i felt a bit more energy bloom inside, i took the chance to open my eyes. my only thoughts were “god i need to get up, i can’t keep laying here dreaming..”

and that’s when i saw it, the room of my kpop dr self, from an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ANGLE — i saw a vanity, 80% of it filled with lip products which, again, totally tracks . there was a door open and a stepping stone path of clothes leading out of it, my wardrobe . guitar stands, one for an acoustic, one for an electric . a desk with a monitor and a laptop . i EVEN HAD ROOM FOR A BEANBAG COUCH IM SO JEALOUS

AND AND YA KNOW WHAT SUCKS . IT WAS SO NORMAL?? I KEPT BLINKING TRYING TO WAKE MYSELF UP

my mind was like “ . . . huh”

and THE CHERRY ON TOP OF THIS MIND FUCK — all i could stare at were the strings of fairy lights going along the edge of my ceiling, little stars and diamonds, they gave off a warm golden glow and as i laid there with silk soft hair and skin so smooth i can’t believe i didn’t notice when i touched my face . my brain had the AUDACITY to go “oh fuck . i’ve got to record something today. …(sigh) and rehearse”

LIKE- THATS NOT SMTH TO COMPLAIN ABOUT GIRLYPOP??!!)?)!?,?!

i swear- i swear to you guys . i’m appalled at myself

because i just HAD to think abt something important something tiring, something like my DAILY SCHEDULES BCS THEN

I CLOSED MY EYES AGAIN AND FELT LIKE EVERY OUNCE OF STRENGTH WAS BEING PULLED OUT OF ME

and then i woke up here. again.

my hair was drier, and so was my skin, my eyes were crusty and sleepy, my pillows were comfy but nothing could compare to the marshmallow cloud of comfort that were my kpop dr pillows.

i sat up, stretched, cracked all my joints, went straight for my phone and started to doomscroll . like it was some coping mechanism or something. my mind kept going : “that was a dream. that was just a dream. man what a VIVID dream. yeah, that’s it chaai, you had a vivid dream, you’ve always had vivid dreams, that’s your thing! (true story) that’s all this was…”

but, and i swear you can’t make this shit up, it all felt NORMAL , creepily normal. usually in a dream you’re like “ah yes, i’m dreaming, i can’t exactly wake up right now bcs i’m enjoying this dream, but i know i’m dreaming”

no, no, this quote unquote dream, felt like those sleepy mornings when the world feels slow, when the simplicity of the small rays of morning sunlight coming through your window feel cinematic, when you want to close your eyes and keep taking in gentle deep breaths, hold off on getting up, just for five more minutes.

that’s what it felt like.

i didn’t know i was dreaming bcs i wasn’t dreaming. i was just waking up to a dream, as my reality.

and honestly, another factor is how my mind immediately went to the events of my day, a CLASSIC trope in yours truly. honestly nothing is more on brand than me being like “(sigh) life feels so soft and sweet right now .. alright now let’s cause myself a mini panic attack by thinking about my responsibilities for the day and how many there are and how little time i have to complete everything, isn’t that fun???!?”

finally, my energy levels, that thing i mentioned earlier? about how i’d feel the strength grow and decline over and over again? those five seconds i had in my kpop dr were tiring and drowsy, but not lethargic, they weren’t draining, they weren’t exhausting. i had some energy in me .. and when i closed my eyes, it felt like i was being drained, and i woke up here and felt like i had the life torn out of me and then forced back in. as embarrassing as this sounds, i actually think it “proves” this shift a bit more — logically speaking, i’m more fit, more toned, more active in my kpop dr, where my career is hugely based on my skill levels, as a dancer and singer and performer, where an asset in my job is my appearance, and how i keep myself in shape .. i don’t have to worry about those things here, i don’t have the strength or flexibility or just straight up energy that i do in that reality.. i guess it didn’t hit me, how much difference there would be in my physicality, until this shift

so , yeah. that about sums it up

i think i would have benefitted from grounding myself. and i’m 99% sure i’ll face this problem again bcs i can’t even ground myself in this reality let alone another, mostly bcs i don’t want to, (life’s just so much lighter when your head’s in the clouds .. this is very unhealthy, i do not recommend)

but, for the five seconds that it lasted, it was honestly worth it. my room looked splendid, it was spacious, it was not messy (no matter what dr-self tells you), it was instead, aesthetically chaotic in a pleasing way . and i stand by that

but those fairy lights… mf they’ll be haunting my dreams, ghostly and golden and glorious, i can see them so clearly if i close my eyes.

anyway, here’s to more shifts to come !! i’m not giving up just yet, i WILL get back there, or any other dr for that matter, and i wish you all a happy shifting experience <33

bcs trust me, it took me five years to get five seconds, but in those five seconds i felt a whole 16 years of life in me, i felt a definitive existence there, like i had places to be, people to see, things to do. and i hadn’t even sat up in bed yet ..

this shit is real. it’s as real as you reading this right now. and i’m gonna keep trying, even if all i get next time is another five seconds. and i hope you try with me ≈

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chaai brews; tea assortments — dr archive

2025 © chaaistained

[lu-is-not-ok]

'If asked about a specific thing' you say? Well, if possible could you tell your thoughts about 7.5-22, Witnessing? Or to be even more specific - the conversation between a (very much trying) Dante and Hong Lu?

I also must concur on the needing him dead bit. Gonna send him to be chased by an animal of some sort.

Oh boy do I have a lot of yapping to do about that particular scene.

Spoiler warning and all that.

Let me start with this. This exchange includes possibly the most blatant lies Hong Lu has ever said.

If you've read the Intervallo with any sort of understanding of what's going on, this should not shock you. Deception is a major thematic thread here, to the point that Outis, Miss Obvious Liar herself, was the other major focus Sinner outside of Hong Lu.

I'd say that about half of the things Hong Lu says during this conversation are just that, extremely blatant fucking lies, with the other half either being half truths or the final statement, which I'll leave for the end of this post.

So, let's see what shit Hong Lu is saying here. In order he says them. (Thank you to @mulberriesandtea for transcribing the scene onto cogitopedia already so I can use that for screenshots instead of going into the game itself for that.)

This, I believe, is a half-truth. And by that I mean it's a blatant fucking lie that might seem technically true only to Hong Lu himself.

I'll be blunt. I call bullshit on this. I refuse to believe Hong Lu genuinely was not promised something in return of him joining Limbus Company.

The main reason I have for that is the nature of the Golden Boughs. From what we've learned about them all the way up until current story events, Golden Boughs are entities that feed on the Desires of people to truly awaken their powers. It's clear that Limbus Company's own goals rely heavily on those awakened powers of the Boughs.

With that in mind, there is no way in hell Limbus Company would ever hire a Sinner with no powerful wish or desire, as that would be contrary to the point of the Department in the first place.

That being said, I call this part of the conversation a "half-truth" for a reason. Because while in reality Limbus Company might have very much offered to fulfill a desire of Hong Lu's, there is a very real possibility he considers the fulfillment of it truly impossible.

Hong Lu as a character is extremely fatalistic, with all signs pointing to him believing that no matter what he does, his fate will remain unchanged. As such, it's very likely that because of this fatalism, he believes there is no way for Limbus Company to actually fulfill his wish, as to be able to do that would potentially mean subverting fate itself. Thus, to him, it's as if he never wished for anything at all.

This one might just be the biggest and most blatant lie Hong Lu has ever told.

I've already talked about how extremely emotionally repressed Hong Lu is at lengths, so I'll just summarize it thusly.

Hong Lu is the only Sinner who realized the core of what Yi Sang's troubles are. He is the only Sinner to consistently reach out and check up on Yi Sang, always specifically doing so when Yi Sang is locking up his thoughts and feelings rather than verbalizing them. It is clear that, despite their differences, Hong Lu deeply relates to Yi Sang and understands him on a level nobody else appears to.

Do you see what I'm talking about?

Hong Lu is the only Sinner at all to understand that hiding one's true feelings is what Yi Sang's issue actually is.

My brother in Christ is saying he's seen Yi Sang at the devil's sacrament when we should all be asking what the fuck He himself was doing at the devil's sacrament.

This one I would say is another blatant lie, though perhaps not as blatant as the one that directly precedes it.

Again, I'll be blunt. Every time Hong Lu has used the 'new experiences' excuse was just a straight up lie, with one of the few instances of a downright Confirmed lie coming from one of such excuses.

To go a little bit deeper, Hong Lu seems to use this lie in one particular kind of situation - when discussing the reasons he left the Jia household. He mentions it in his K Corp ID, where the NPC he's talking to outwardly doubts it due to it not making sense with his current situation, and he mentions it in TKT, which is downright confirmed to be bullshit due to Xichun mentioning in Canto 7 that his Family is looking for him. A very strange thing for them to do if he were telling the truth, as if they wanted him to experience as much of the world as possible, then why would they ever want to cut that short?

The fact that he's using this excuse here means that his reason for joining Limbus Company is likely to be closely related to his reason for leaving the Jia household.

If you're like me and believe that Hong Lu actually ran away from home, then this would explain his evasion here - he likely joined Limbus Company as a way to hide, maybe even at some point hoping that they would grant him some protection, if even temporarily. After all, with how fatalistic Hong Lu is, it's likely that even at the time of him joining the Company, he already knew his time was limited and that he would inevitably be found anyway.

This is the last statement Hong Lu makes before we get the cartoon reveal of almost fucking everyone listening in on the conversation.

I believe that this is the only part of the exchange where Hong Lu is actually completely genuine.

Considering how fucking loud the themes of objectification and total ownership of people were in just this Intervallo alone, this first sentence is pretty clear. Because we can tell that yeah, Hong Lu had very little agency in his life. He is, by his own words, used to being led by the will of others.

However, it's the two lines that intrigue me. Because I believe there is a degree of emotional vulnerability to them that Hong Lu rarely if ever shows.

A degree of worry and concern that Hong Lu has refused to shown for the entirety of the Intervallo.

While what he says here is very vague, I think it is still very telling.

There is something that makes Hong Lu believe that his turn will be different. Not just will, but has to be. Something that only Hong Lu knows that makes him sure that no matter what, he can't go through the same thing everyone else has.

Which is. Very intriguing. Because there is a very wide range of things that have happened.

It can't be just that he knows he'll fail or something along those lines, because we know it has happened before. Gregor, Rodya, and even to a degree Sinclair all failed in one way or another.

It can't be that he doesn't remember or isn't human, because, again, that's also something we've seen be done before. In the Canto right before his no less!

No, there is something else to it. Something he alludes to in his next line.

I think this is, again, Hong Lu's fatalism rearing its ugly head. There is a cycle Hong Lu has been living in for his entire life. Something that he's done his entire life no matter what happened to him or to those around him.

We've seen Sinners succeed to subvert fate itself. We've seen Sinners fail to do so, unable to change themselves in the moment.

But... have we ever seen a Sinner simply give up completely?

I believe that's what Hong Lu believes his turn will be like. That once worst comes to worst, he won't even be able to try. That he'll simply lie down and take it, as he always has.

He believes that the cycle will continue on repeating, no matter what happens. Because it always has. Because this flow cannot be stopped. Because he can never truly escape his Family.

But here's the thing about that.

Hong Lu is wrong. Because he did break the cycle. Even if just once, even if for just a moment. He did escape, he did take action when it mattered.

...It reminds me of something that Binah said in Ruina after the end of her Floor's Realization.

What truly matters, however, is that the cycle did break at least once.

Hong Lu, whether he believes it or not, has already done the impossible.

And when it has been done once, that means it's no longer impossible.

It can happen again.

And it will happen again.

Destiny be damned.

[aeyumicore]

EXPOSING MY IMPERSONATOR/HARASSER: @/IZUWUS.

edit: final update to this situation here

edit 2 (9/22): her new blog is @/clitfilms with an alias of naya. be wary interacting with her.

edit 3 (9/26): She has switched accounts and aliases/personas MANY times in the past. She was previously miguelism/startitties as ‘Stella’ (lots of issues associated with this one). 

edit: people have also come forward to let me know that she was 'albaedo' and 'reinaphoria' (two deleted blogs that were used to also harass other writers)

She had an account that she deleted recently, in light of the discourse that came about from me exposing her as my harasser, that was called “@/movedtoizuwus.” I don’t know what it was called before she named it that. 

She then moved to maimochies/izuwus as Mai/Lise/Lili.

She used minimimies, exposingaeyumicore, aeyumiicore, and aeyumicores to harass me.

And now she is on clitfilms as Naya.

Her past accounts have had a LOT of drama and harassment associated with them. Go search it up for yourself on Tumblr. A lot of it is EERILY similar to what happened to me, in terms of how she spoke, the anons she sent, etc.

Other creators have reached out to me with similar experiences being harassed by blogs LINKED TO izuwus & startitties, and believe she has MANY other active blogs as well as deactivated blogs (reinaphoria) that are linked to harassment. I will not name drop those as I cannot say with the same degree of certainty that these are 100% her (like I know startitties and clitfilms to be) but I implore everyone to be careful who they interact with.

--

I have decided to move forward with exposing the person I know to be behind the @/exposingaeyumicore + @/aeyumicores (these two are the same account, just renamed), @/aeyumiicore, and @/minimimies accounts.

That person is another large, probably larger than myself, writer in this space. That person is @/izuwus.

The reason I have decided to expose: Izuwus has still not left me alone, since she took down the impersonator blog last Thursday (evidence in doc confirming the blog was self-deleted and not deleted by Tumblr). Yesterday, she stalked my Twitter, saw a tweet I made with an idea I had for a Sylus fic, and proceeded to steal the idea as her own, posting it onto her main. That was my breaking point. (More details and screenshot evidence in the document below).

I have spoken to the Tumblr Abuse Support Staff and they have confirmed that I can post this, and it would not be considered harassment as I am defending myself from the harassment I endured for the last almost 2 weeks.

I do not feel safe on my platforms. I will always be paranoid that Izuwus is stalking me. She will never stop. I have given her MANY opportunities to leave me alone. I have given them opportunities to confess privately. You will see all of those in my document, as well as even on my blog I have warned them publicly to leave me alone.

CLICK FOR LINK: EVIDENCE THAT IZUWUS IS EXPOSINGAEYUMICORE, AEYUMICORES, AEYUMIICORE, AND MINIMIMIES.

Please be warned, this document is 55 pages (and counting should I need to add more evidence). It contains heavy mentions of cyber bullying, harassment, and impersonation. The document contains video screen recordings and lots of screenshot evidence. That is why it is so long. I will try not to edit the document, but should more evidence arise, I will be adding it.

Note, I am not asking you to harass Izuwus, to unfollow, or to spread the word. I could not care less if this person loses or gains followers from this. If you decide to continue following them, I honestly don't mind, I won't hold any animosity towards you. We can still be friends, mutuals, etc. I just want to get my truth out, before she continues to twist the narrative in her favor.

As a note, I have literally almost never spoken to this writer prior to the events of August 17, where @/exposingaeyumicore was released. I am aware Izuwus has told some people that she and I are close (again I have proof). This could not be further from the truth. She literally had me soft blocked prior to this happening on August 17, and then hard blocked me with no warning after I responded to her in our DMs that I did think her new layout was identical to mine.

I also have never had any issues with any readers, writers, anyone on Tumblr prior to this debacle. Not in my asks, not in my messages, not publicly. I absolutely did not start this. She started this, and brought it to Tumblr. So I am letting the people of Tumblr make their own decisions.

I will not be mass-messaging this post to anyone. I will not be commenting this post to any of her posts. I will not be going down her list of followers and sending it to them. I will post it here, and my Twitter, and that's it.

I am posting this on my main blog, and not making a burner, because I have nothing to hide. Should Izuwus refute this, or continue to make ANY claims about me, I will not be responding. It is very clear that nothing she says can be trusted, and I have provided ample legitimate proof (using HER OWN screenshots + taking screen recordings).

Especially after the @/exposingaeyumicore post, I have proven my innocence time and again. I have nothing to hide. No reason to lie.

If any other harassment targeting me happens (impersonation, vile claims, photoshopped screenshots), or any other creators in this space for that matter, I think we know who it is.

I apologize if I am not able to respond to all comments, messages, or asks. I am so exhausted.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and if you decide to read the entire document, thank you again. Please stay safe online everyone. You could mind your own business and still be targeted. Be careful what info you share about yourself. Just be a good person.

[christnarr]

victor madness combat masterpost

everything we know about victor, a co-op exclusive project nexus character

theres a lot of things people dont know about them!! like their connection with the maker, how they interact with the audience, etc. however this information is intentionally kept obscure for narrative reasons (ill explain later) so its understandable if you didnt know about this

full post under the cut since its long ==v

SECTION 1: BURGER GILS

the first appearance of victor was on the official burger gils website, under the "updates" section

the first news update, #207, says that rich (a character we see in "power play") is no longer the employee of the month, thus giving the title to victor.

the next prominent update is #209, which states victor has mysteriously gone missing and gil is setting up a hotline for their return.

judging by the next and final update alluding to the fall of nexus city, and that they can "finally open their doors" due to health inspectors being inoperable, we can assume victor went missing beforehand since the restaurant was functioning at the time of the hotline being released.

the reason for their disappearance is still unknown, but that can lead us into the next and more important section:

SECTION 2: THE MAKER (YES, REALLY)

victor, by the laws of the universe, is not meant to exist in nevada. they are an anomaly.

similarly to the maker, they are likely trying to avoid being spotted by the machine or some other "indestructible nightmare".

we learned in a stream that the maker talks to victor, and won't allow their "story" to be told.

"maybe vic, but his story can't be told. the maker won't allow it. that's why the maker talks to vic all the time. he'll never get near the plot."

victor stays as far away from the narrative as possible, choosing to hide as a co-op exclusive character for MPN. krinkels always emphasizes that there's a meta reason for this. even in things like little doodles, victor seems to want to hide from the public eye.

victor reappeared after the city fell, and was found and taken into sq. there is a reason doc wanted victor to join sq, and that doc knows of their importance. however, krinkels wants to keep this part of the story untold too.

SECTION 3: PERSONALITY + ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

not much comments here since ill leave these up to interpretation. heres some dialogue + other things from them that show their personality.

thanks to CondescendingChaos48s self eater dialogue video for providing these :D - mpn devchat clip of wallium doing a victor voice impression - burger gil plushie ad, which victor appears in

-this screenshot

-victor may be the youngest of the main cast

-the burger gil arg, which victor briefly appears in (their involvement is described in the first section)

and thats all! do what you want with this info, i just want to shed light on stuff about victor that isnt as well known

[bogleech]

Guess I have to make a main thread about this. Someone decided to fight with me in the notes on this post just yesterday about Gaza and made select responses of mine into a callout thread here, where they say my anger towards the IDF is all a cover for antisemitism. This didn't make any sense, because they said they were also against the IDF killing civilians, and I repeatedly said that Jewish people aren't to blame for the IDF or represented by the IDF in any way, putting us supposedly both on the exact same page. What gerry leaves out of their own screenshots, and I'd actually forgotten, is that at first they came at me from an angle that I was disrespecting the victims in Gaza.

So this implies they feel gaza is being subjected to a genocide, and a pretty big one, since they're upset my language made it sound "smaller and tamer." When it becomes obvious that I do in fact consider it a serious genocide, that's when they switch over to saying that my criticism of Netanyahu or the IDF is inherently an attack on Jewish people.

Notice I never actually said "zionists" in this screenshot, even, but that I defined "regular humans" as humans who don't want to kill innocent families. That would automatically include Jewish people since they overall do not wish to kill anyone, but have in fact spent quite a lot more time trying not to get killed. I believe there may be entire books about this fact! I think there's even whole museums about it, if I'm not mistaken?!

So then they pivot to saying I'm an antisemite because I said the IDF and its supporters can "burn in hell," and they say "invoking hell" is an antisemitic dogwhistle, which is definitely news to me?!

So I tried to clarify, again, that I'm only angry at the people who are themselves killing civilians and the "pro-genocide maniacs" who defend the killing of civilians, which they responded to as if I had "lumped them in" with those. You can just see right there that I didn't make any assumption that they were a part of that at all. Thanks to their earlier comments I still thought I was speaking to someone 100% against the IDF's actions, but every time I said that the killers and their advocates alone are bad, they've framed it in some new way as me just not liking anyone Jewish. So now that you have that context:

...In a response to an ask, they finally just say they hated me to begin with and set out with the intention to "bait and sealion" me (their own words!!) into saying something they hoped would be antisemitic, which they believe was successful despite me never saying anything about Jews other than "this isn't their fault." They saw what they admittedly wanted to, so strongly, that they show me saying "this isn't the fault of Jews" as evidence that I blame Jews. But speaking of people "going mask off"

In multiple more recent posts and asks, this person appears to say that they simply do not believe the IDF is really targeting children or ambulances or relief aid, that "none of those are true," and the deliberate targeting of any children is supposedly just a conspiracy theory??? So I guess they did successfully troll me and I feel like a real gullible dumbass, because the only reason I continued responding to this person in the first place was that they said they were in fact against the ongoing massacre. Instead, these comments sound like they think the IDF is being unfairly vilified by dishonest propagandists, and that's why they hated me enough to try and fish for callout fuel. That's the nastiest fucking thing anyone's yet pulled on me about this and it's not one that I'm just going to ignore. I should have smelled a troll early on and just blocked them, but it's SO hard for me to suspect ulterior motives. I always go in thinking people mean well, and that there's just a miscommunication we can work out. I almost feel like this individual noticed that and tried to exploit it?!? Unfortunately I'm sure this kind of thing will happen again simply because I don't intend to obediently shut up about what's being done to Gaza. It's not logistically possible for the death and destruction to all just be accidental collateral damage. Don't let anybody ever fool you into thinking the IDF is the face of the Jewish community or vice-versa, just as you can't let anyone fool you into thinking Hamas represents all Palestinians. Especially don't engage this person, stop doing so if you have been, and block them.

[catboytenya]

as promised, here's a shit ton of screenshots. like i said before, my ex, @/sentiearksys/@/taysudon/@dandelarkchao was incredibly abusive to me and is trying to rewrite the narrative that i was the abusive one, and quite frankly, i'm not gonna let him push me around any longer, so, here's my final post on the topic.

don't go harassing him, but i encourage blocking.

i had been hoping he would stop posting lies about me when i posted actual proof, which i actually have, unlike him, but i don't think he ever will. so, like i said, this is my final post on this topic.

some of these i feel shy sharing because i don't like how vulnerable i am in them, but i feel a bit helpless that he's going around telling people i was the abusive one meanwhile..... i've put up with this cruel treatment for years. and i have the proof of his treatment, and all he can do is talk shit and lie about me without any evidence.

if he wanted me to stop posting evidence, he should have stopped posting lies about me. after we broke up i was completely fine with never bringing him up again until he decided to start lying about me. like i said before, ultimately, this is about defending myself and clearing my name, as well as warning others about how he really is behind closed doors.

today, i had the luck of talking to some of the people he lied about to me and forced me to block, and i got to finally hear their sides of the story. all these people that he told me were terrible and awful and cruel are the sweetest people i've ever spoken to who did not deserve the terrible things he was saying about them. if i DO make another post, it'll be entirely to defend them and include screenshots of the awful things he said about them. for now, i'll be leaving them out of it. i just wanted to include this paragraph to thank them for taking the time to reply and to talk to me, and honestly, to show my appreciation for them as my new friends.

i'm not only including any screenshots from previous posts, i'm also including new ones, so everything is on one post. thank you for listening.

as i mentioned before on older posts, we're both systems, and use pluralkit to talk. i get that because of this it might be a bit confusing, so i'll spare you the trouble: cloudy creatures, katsuki/kacchan, and shouto are me, the rest is my ex. i explained in past posts that some of these screenshots are old, and that's why some of the timestamps say "today"

this was originally one long screenshot but tumblr destroys the quality, so, here it is in parts:

he voted for trump btw. if his parents made him do it why is he defending his decision so hard over a tumblr post?:

Here's my admitting that he was the reason I didn't kill myself while I was feeling suicidal, followed by (a few of) the times he held it above my head:

there's also.... whatever this incident is. passive aggressive, guilt tripping, ect. typical playing with my emotions while i'm trying to have a serious conversation:

he would also pretend that his headmate(s) were dying or grievously injured to punish me. basically a "your partner is DYING because of YOU" kinda thing:

these are from a previous post but here he is making my cat dying about him and also about choosing either him or my best friend faith:

and here he is barely even giving me a second to grieve my other cat dying VERY suddenly before he starts talking about the mini art fight me and my friends have going year-round. also who says "haha!" to someone who's cat just died?:

the next few screenshots are gonna be censored since they're from a previous post before i decided to stop censoring them, red is my ex, blue is me. anyway he would start talking in morse code during serious conversations to make me have to stop what i was doing to open a translator:

here he is doing his typical "i don't like when you talk about faith" thing:

here he is being upset about my animals as well as being jealous over my theoretical bunny i've been wanting to adopt:

here he is upset about me leaving to go play mario kart with my sibling??:

here he is demeaning my ability to communicate + also just?? telling me that i need to relearn basic english???:

here he is claiming that i didn't give him any recognition in a really demeaning way even though like. idk how else to explain it but we were so head over heels that we excused 99% of his behavior.:

here he is making me feel really shitty about how many songs i put in my character playlists, this eventually culminated in me deleting all of the playlists i had made:

i genuinely have more but i've hit the 30 image limit. thank you for reading, and again, if i make another post, it'll be because i'm doing it for my new friends.

[haliteatiger]

Happy Werewolf Wednesday, ya'll! We're serving up a big pot of tea tonight so get those cups ready!

Special thanks to Blackbackedjackal and King for their help in putting this together, editing, and especially to Jackal for being so supportive and encouraging. I'm very much not normally the type to do call-out posts, but people need to be aware of Dogblud, as she has hurt, not only myself, but quite a few others as well, and seems to have somehow gotten away with behaving like this for 20-odd years. I'm of the mind she shouldn't be allowed to do so any more, hence this post.

TL;DR - Beware of Dogblud, aka Ashryn, aka DogofBlud, aka ThatDogMagic. Very, very long post under the cut.

With everything happening with DogBlud and Blackbackedjackal's studio, I felt emboldened to come forward with my own experiences with her. This is something I've been carrying around since it happened roughly 2 years ago. It was one of the main reasons that put me off drawing werewolves, my own characters, or engaging any more in the fandom. I've hinted at it a few times but I've never had the energy to come forward and deal with the fall out. I wanted to move on with the rest of my life because IRL was more important than online drama. And I knew her behavior would come back to bite her sooner or later, regardless of what I did. 

It's been very validating to see that I was right.

It was around the time that Blud and I became friends that I was feeling a bit burnt out on werewolves. I'd been trying to pull together my own werewolf-related project for something close to 12 years. The past 4 years had also been pretty draining on me creatively and socially, as it had for a lot of artists with regards to the pandemic. I also had some IRL things I was dealing with: mainly with my marriage and transitioning between medications to manage my anxiety + bipolar.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the foresight to screenshot everything at the time. I do have logs from back when we roleplayed together. There are several conversations in them but because they were saved as text documents, they're pretty dubious in terms of solid evidence. 

It would have been better if I had taken screenshots as it was happening, rather than just saving the logs. With what I *do* have, however, I feel as though it may be enough to make the point that I'm trying to make, and to exhibit how horrible things got.

I'll provide some context.

I had talked with Blud on and off over the years, and we had always gotten along. We had a lot in common and after we had started talking more, our friendship eventually grew into a collaborative project. We were going to combine our stories and write a comic based on it. We had a lot of discussions on how Blud was reticent to do this in the beginning and how she wanted a contract to be made up so that in the event that something *did* happen, we could both walk away feeling like it was handled fairly.

Honestly, I should have listened to the first alarm that went off in my brain, when, in an act of ominous foreboding she said something along the lines of don't be so sure, it could happen. It was in response to me being like "we're getting along so well and share so much of a bond right now. I can't fathom that being a problem!" 

The contract never materialized. It was something we had decided to do *after* we had put together something of a prototype project to see how well we worked together. It made complete sense to me at the time as we were both eager to focus on the fun parts of writing and drawing together.

It was decided that I would be the lead artist (doing coloring and final lines) while Blud would do everything else (which was inking, layouts, and the majority of the writing). The both of us felt that she had more experience in those areas. I also believed that she had a better knack for it as well. I had felt that she had a better understanding of story structure than myself. And I thought that Blud had felt the same way about my art. That I had the experience to take point on that. 

Since I had collaborated with other artists and writers before, I attempted to approach the project with the same sort of professionalism I always do. Especially the projects that I genuinely thought stood a chance of being published in the future. We had started out trying to get a feel for each other's flows and rhythms. I had expected Blud to try and meet me in the middle of where our processes would potentially differ from one another, so that we could develop a fairly smooth workflow.

I had also expected, according to our discussions on the matter, that we would value each other's opinions on things and take them into consideration. We had such good synchronicity already.

In the beginning, there wasn't any unusual behavior that caught my attention. Blud was a bit uncomfortable with trying out new things but I did my best to accommodate her so that our project could move forward without too much turbulence. She had also mentioned to me before that she was autistic, and since my husband is also autistic, I knew how difficult it could be when it came to adapting to new routines. But when it was time for her to deliver the first set of layouts, it wasn't at all what I expected.

What I had expected was something with margins, clearly marked boxes, and figures that I could do rough lines over. I also expected notes that confirmed what we had discussed earlier about the project; that way I knew what she wanted or if there would be any changes. She took offense to this, feeling like I was violating our agreement. Though Blud did try to give me space with regards to the actual art, and while she would offer criticisms here and there, I trusted her opinion as an artist and as a friend. But apparently that didn't go both ways. In fact, Blud seemed to be offended that I expected more from her.

Blud agreed to concede. She suddenly seemed fine with the changes that I had asked for after seeing the layouts. I guess she was feeling overstimulated by the change and I might have been applying too much of a critical tone to her responses to begin with. I have had to deal with rejection sensitivity throughout my life and it's certainly prompted me to approach what people say to me online with a bit of scrutiny (sometimes too much).

And while I was mildly annoyed, although admittedly I was more concerned with Blud's overall reaction to my asking for clarification about several things in the layouts, I let it go. But it seemed like there was a problem. The majority of my ideas were either rejected or outright overridden with Blud convincing me that my faulty memory had made me unable to remember what we had agreed upon. Or that I might have been misremembering in my own favor.

There was one time where we were discussing a monster's design. Blud had already decided to settle on one design that she had come up with, even as I continued to offer other suggestions. The story was to take place in my setting, so I was under the impression that I got to decide what kind of creatures should populate it. The conversation ended somewhat ambiguously. I had assumed that we'd come to a solid conclusion later. 

I came back the next day and it turned out that we were using her design because that was what we had decided on. "Don't you remember? You really need to do something about that faulty memory of yours, Tek. I can't be doing this for you all the time."

At which point, Blud would go back and meticulously scour the conversation until she managed to find a set of lines that would make it seem as though I had 100% agreed. Even when I tried to explain that I had meant something else, she took it as an affront on her inability to understand nuances due to her autism.

I admit that my memory isn't that greatest at times, but I've never had anyone complain about it before. And none of my friends have ever minded providing reminders to me if I did misremember something incorrectly. We all forget stuff at times, right? It's *still* something that I'm self-conscious about because (like a lot of people with ADHD) my memory seems selective at times. This was, apparently, a problem that I needed to manage. 

And even as I'm remembering these incidents to the best of my ability, I've already spent so much time recounting all of this to friends. I feel confident in my recollection. There are some details that may overlap or become entwined with other things, but it all basically tells the same story. Especially in conjunction with what's been said by others. You're free to take it as hearsay since I do not have screenshots to back this up.

I will mention (since I've been told it's something that Blud has taken particular interest in) that at one point, I did have a crush on her. I was having some problems IRL, and it was nice to have someone whom I felt actually understood me. I also felt like I saw a lot of myself in her. I think that, at one point, I did describe her as the kind of "girlfriend" I would want. Blud seemed to indicate the feeling was mutual.

Between our collaborative partnership and all of the details we shared about our lives, it did feel like an intimate relationship at times. I had no intentions of pursuing it. We were not compatible in our romantic and sexual identities, and I had no intention of leaving my current partner for her.

I had begun to notice red flags, even if I wasn't ready to accept them yet.

I've had experience with abusive relationships in the past but they were in person, and not online. I knew what to look out for and yet I was being willfully ignorant about our friendship. I wanted to give Blud the benefit of the doubt. I wanted the project to work *so* badly that I was willing to work with her increasing demands as the months went by.

I had no idea that those demands would change into, quite literal, temper tantrums. It would then trigger my fawning response which was due to an abusive family situation that I had dealt with before I moved to Canada. The tactic was this: concede to someone until there was a time that they either understood reason or I had the chance to use it against them if necessary.

I started to take screenshots. I wish that I had taken a lot more of them so that everyone could get a better idea of what was happening. I did go back and manage to record the majority of the first outburst. It was the first inkling I had that Blud wasn't playing with a full deck of cards. I knew that that would be one of the first conversations that she would promptly delete. And consequently, I was right.

This assortment of screenshots will exhibit the first serious confrontation that Blud had with me. I am absolutely *not* proud of how I handled this. I was literally panicking at the time and doing whatever I could to get her to calm down. Because I have a temper that can look similar to this in person, I knew that I had to wait until the post-tantrum clarity would hit Blud. I tried my best to not lose my own temper in turn but looking back, I feel that I came off as sounding too timid.

I didn't want to ruin this project.

I wanted to make a comic with an individual that I admired and respected as a fellow artist. And, with me not knowing how to respond, my main priority was to not make things any worse than they already were.

Below is the conversation in its entirety:

I had taken this screenshot on my phone after I had stepped away to compose myself. Blud had handled the confrontation and criticism with a reasonable amount of apprehension. But what had not occurred to me was that I could have said something that would remind her of past experiences with a roleplaying group.

It was something that had evidently scarred Blud for life.

I took away the wrong things from what she had told me, choosing to focus on the aspects of the "betrayal" that had appeared to bother her the most. And in hindsight, I did not see the correlation. I was genuinely apologetic that I had hurt her feelings.

But I *will* critique Blud for her poor handling of the situation. Whether or not I had hurt her feelings, no one is entitled to act like this or claim that this is what attempting to resolve a problem should look like.

I wasn't sure on how to initially respond to Blud. It had been ages since I'd had to deal with someone flying off the handle like that.

The following screenshots are where the conversation picked up, after she had already deleted the above message:

We had weathered the "storm" and after Blud calmed down, she was ready to communicate. There was a part of me that was genuinely sincere when I apologized to her. I did mean it when I said that I had no intentions of hurting her and that I hadn't considered how my statement would sound to her.

I had hoped that this had been a stress response due to factors outside of our collaboration. And especially when I took into account how she had interacted with me in the past. I knew that Blud had a lot going on IRL, and that she had already put a considerable amount of energy into this project.

I had taken her meltdown more personally than she could perceive that I would, because this was something that was acceptable to her. She had a "condition" that would absolve her of these abhorrent meltdowns and I needed to get used to them if we were going to continue working on that project together.

I was shaking the entire time we were typing in the chat.

I was sincere in my responses. I really did want to work things out with Blud and give her the benefit of the doubt. I could have been taking the things that she said too personally or maybe I had been reading too much into the situation. Was there a chance that I could have been misreading her outburst? I tried my best to keep an open mind though I was still somewhat baffled by the fact that she would have meltdowns as often as she did.

I confided in my husband and some other friends about the situation. They were also bewildered by Blud's actions.

By this point, I was struggling with the reality that this collaboration was most likely *not* going to work out but I still wanted to try. I still cared about Blud. We would still hang out together and talk about things like music, our characters, or our stories.

While I did have the foresight to go back and screenshot this section, I wasn't fast enough to get screenshots of everything else that I will be going over. Blud *did* admit to going back and deleting certain exchanges due to a mixture of shame; not wanting to look at them when she would scroll through our conversations. 

In retrospect, it was very telling.

And even after that meltdown, I still enjoyed the friendship that I had with her. I kept my guard up but I was willing to make compromises on her behalf if it resulted in better communication between the two of us. Blud made me promise to immediately tell her if I had a problem with something. I also agreed to keep notes of our conversations.

It worked for the most part.

In the end though, it became apparent that Blud wasn't willing to do the same for me (even after we had an extended conversation about it). I then realized that I had been tasked with basically *managing* her autism for her. I was already busy with my supposedly "bad memory" at the time; and Blud was more than ready to scroll back up through our conversations to cherry-pick a line or two of text to remind me of what was said earlier.

Because, for her, circumstances couldn't ever change. If they did, it would mean that Blud had lost control of the situation and that she was in the wrong. She could *not* be in the wrong. 

And if she was in the wrong? It would take solid evidence, three witnesses, and a court of law to prove it.

She had two other major meltdowns after this. I managed to step away from communicating with her through one of them and I don't remember the other meltdown lasting very long. She immediately deleted the texts of both of those instances before I could take screenshots of them.

It seemed like I could do nothing right when it came to Blud, no matter the lengths I would go to accommodate her. I knew that it was a common tactic used by abusers. I finally accepted that our partnership wasn't going to work out and I began thinking about an exit strategy. The final straw was when she began to expect me to be at her beck and call.

I had promised that I would be there for her, within reason, and I was willing to offer reassurances whenever she would ask me for them. The promise had been made back when we had first started to talk to one another with more frequency, before Blud had shown me her true colors. I would end up completely underestimating just how badly she would need reassurance.

To be frank, I underestimated a lot about Blud in the beginning.

I would end up mentioning that I enjoyed my space in several different conversations with her. That there was a chance that I might be offline for several days so I could take care of things IRL and recharge my social batteries. I'm somewhat of a recluse. And an adult who enjoys things that aren't online.

She said that it was fine.

I became incredibly anxious when I would talk to Blud, especially after her somewhat abrupt change in personality.

I then attempted to put my foot down about boundaries and this is what she had to say:

I decided to walk away for a bit and I came back after I had had some time to think things over. This wasn't healthy for either of us. I wrote a couple of sentences to say goodbye to Blud before I blocked her. I knew that my actions would probably infuriate her. She had told me in the past that she *hated* not being able to have the final word... which she was able to do through email:

“And I'm not letting you pretend you have control over the situation, or the high ground. You distinctly have neither. But since you're determined to stick to your 'principles' on this, I've decided to make it easier for you.”

She thought that she was absolved of all sins just because I had said that I would stand by her at her worst. And at the time that I said that, I had no idea that her worst would be her trying everything possible to protect her boundaries while stomping all over mine. It didn't matter what she said or how often she would apologize when I would confront her. She kept doing it.

I admit that I wasn't perfect in this situation either.

There were times when I was condescending, critical, or downright mean when I talked to Blud because that was the way I had felt when she was talking to me. I soon realized that it didn't matter either way. I could have been using the friendliest tone imaginable and she still would have perceived it as either mocking or dismissive on my end. There were even a few times where I would preface my explanations with an advisory “please know that I am not attacking you and try to read this in an understanding tone,”etc. I would then post an explanation I had spent hours picking at to ensure that there was no way she could misinterpret the intent. Even so, she still read the majority of what I said as criticism and would take it to heart.

I never expected Blud to do something that made her uncomfortable; nor did I expect her to overextend herself when it came to our project. I would go out of my way to make sure everything was fine when we would talk about it. I only expected mutual respect in return.

When we would get into discussions (arguments), she would never attempt to understand my point of view or let me explain myself. It would have made it about me when it should have been about Blud and her needs. She sometimes would agree to come to a compromise about something, but only if I would admit that I was in the wrong.

I know that if Blud was to look at these screenshots, she'd be incredulous that I'm trying to distract from the horrible things that *I* did. And those horrible things that I did? I tried my best to work with her.

It wasn't just her poor teamwork that bothered me. It was her attitude and the lack of respect that she showed me. She would never ask me to clarify something that I said; always assuming that it was a criticism against her. I can only speculate that Blud did not want to hear about how any of this was her fault, like in the email she sent me.

I don't know if I was actually her friend at any point. Friends make efforts to understand one another. Ideally, they’d want their friendships to continue, and they would want everyone to be getting along and having fun. She seemed to actively defy that.

I would argue that things like this don't just happen in a vacuum. There's almost always a reason for such things, but it's honestly a mystery to me as to where this vitriol comes from. I don't know why Blud sees monsters in every word, especially if they come from a  "friend". 

I've seen her viscously mock herself during meltdowns; it seems like she hates herself and expects everyone else to hate her too. I think that she wants it to be the truth, so that it validates the feelings she has about herself. The behavior patterns that I'd been exposed to are consistent with the idea that Blud is seeking confirmation about the personal assumptions she has about herself. It's what makes her so volatile to those around her. Yet, she refuses to break the cycle.

I hope that she can make that choice in the future but at this point, I'm not holding my breath.

[sophieinwonderland]

Debunking Anti(-endo's)Misinfo. AKA: How are anti-endos so bad at sources????

(The original)

Oh, well good on you for trying to cover everything! Nice of anti-endos to finally start trying to use science to prove their arguments. I'm sure these sources will totally be reliable and will prove your points beyond a shadow of a doubt, and that you won't just be falling flat on your face with every single attempt at basic reading comprehension, and end up repeatedly make a complete fool of yourself.

Let's go!

Off to a pretty strong start, acknowledging that many endogenic systems don't have DID or OSDD. Sadly, that basic fact is something that seems to escape most anti-endos. So with this in mind, I think it's safe to say the goal of this post is going to be to prove...

You can't possibly have DID without trauma.

You can't possibly have OSDD without trauma.

You can't be a system without DID/OSDD.

Let's read through and see how they'll do at proving their points by the end. I promise you, the results... won't surprise you. 😉

Well, there goes that strong start.

The source here is a Carrd and so-called "common sense."

Meanwhile, in the World Health Organization's ICD-11, alters or dissociative identities are described as "distinct personality states." In the same page, it's stated that you can have multiple "distinct personality states" without a disorder.

This is information from the World Health Organization affirming that you can be plural without a disorder. And I think that prevails over your so-called "common sense."

See also these screenshots from the plurality chapter of Transgender Mental Health, a book published by the American Psychiatric Association:

Finally, I really want to put a focus on this line of logic: "you cannot have alters without having a disorder, this is common sense as it's not normal to have alters."

Normal has multiple meanings in different contexts. The ICD-11's boundary with normality uses normal to mean "non-pathological." But this post seems to be using "normal" in the lay way to mean "common."

And that makes this particular rhetoric extremely dangerous and harmful to many communities. "If it's not common, it's a mental illness," was the basis for homosexuality and being transgender being listed as mental illnesses. "Most people don't think this way, so there's something wrong with them."

This could also easily be used to pathologize Otherkin and other alterhumans as mentally ill because it's not "normal" to identify as an animal.

The modern World Health Organization and American Psychiatric Association recognize the fact that simply thinking unusually or differently isn't an illness or disorder.

Statements like yours do not exist within a vacuum, but harken back to decades past when any non-typical thinking would have you labeled as having a disorder that needed treated.

Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.

Let's be thankful to live in a world today where our differences aren't considered disorders. And let's not resort to ideologies that threaten to return us to those days past.

Wait... who suggests this? Who are they? I think I need more info...

So... "some researchers."

Also, can we talk about how this starts off with "sometimes called multiple personality disorder." I checked to see if this was before the name changed in the ICD (which I believe was 2015) and it doesn't seem to be! Oldest archive I can find is 2020!

Rethink.org is a charity.

These are not peer-reviewed papers.

The page references "some researchers" without names or sources.

I have no idea who authored this or if they're qualified at all in this field.

This is a terrible source. A web page by an anonymous author citing other unnamed authors with no reason to think anyone who wrote this had any idea what they were talking about!

This says DID is caused by many things, and lists trauma as only one that's included. This doesn't back up the idea DID/OSDD can only be caused by trauma, and suggests the opposite.

Oh, and "it's also known as split personality disorder." 😔

Go home WebMD.

Usually associated with doesn't mean it's a requirement, and in fact implies that it isn't always.

"Is associated with." "Can be a response to trauma."

Reiterating that the first two goals here were to prove you can't have DID or OSDD without trauma. And these aren't doing that.

An association doesn't mean there's a causation, and it doesn't mean that association is there in 100% of cases.

"often develop."

Like with "usually", you wouldn't use the word often if if something always happened. The choice of wording implies you can have dissociative disorders without trauma.

Are... they messing with us right now???

I swear, you can't have a post that sets out with the goal of disproving the existence of endogenic plurality, and then use quotes that seem to consistently imply there can be other causes for DID and not pick up on that theme!

Oh, yay! We finally got a quote that's actually trying to argue the point we started with.

But, again, this runs into a similar issue to the ReThink.org one. This is a random independent organization. There is no author for this article. It hasn't undergone peer review like an academic paper would.

There is no evidence the person who wrote this article is actually educated in dissociative disorders.

And finally back to "usually."

You must be so proud...

Source Round-Up

There was a lot here, so let's just recap.

6 out of 8 of these sources only say that DID is "usually" or "often" or "can be" caused by or associated with trauma. These actually imply there are cases where it's NOT caused by trauma, going against the original goals of this post.

Finally, there were two sources, Rethink and Mind.org, which did suggest DID is just caused by trauma, full stop. But both of these are extremely questionable as sources.

Neither named their authors. There's no indication what the review process is for their websites. And "Rethink" merely said this is what "some researchers" believe.

So let's double back to those goals set at the beginning.

You can't possibly have DID without trauma: One source says this, but the reliability of that source is questionable. Another source says some researchers are saying this but doesn't name any researchers or cite those sources. Meanwhile, the other six sources imply that it IS possible for DID to exist without trauma.

You can't possibly have OSDD without trauma: Neither of the two sources that suggest DID can only be caused by trauma mention OSDD at all.

You can't be a system without DID/OSDD: None of the sources suggest you need DID/OSDD to be a system or to be plural.

So far, you've failed to prove you can't be a system without DID or OSDD. You've failed to show you can't have OSDD without trauma. And the case for DID being exclusive to trauma frankly looks weaker than before you started talking.

Incredible work so far!!!

And I mean that in the way that nothing about this is remotely credible!

Ugh. There is SO much wrong here. First, no sources for their claims about tulpamancy.

Now, tulpamancy draws its name from a Tibetan Buddhist practice called sprul pa.

This is not the same practice though. And the Tibetan Buddhist practice is NOT CALLED TULPAMANCY.

Something which should be obvious to anyone who knows even the most basic facts about language, with the -mancy suffix being derived from Latin. And tulpamancy as a practice generally isn't religious.

From Dr. Samuel Veissiere of McGill University:

The community is primarily divided between so-called psychological and metaphysical explanatory principles. In the psychological community, neuroscience (or folk neuroscience) is the explanation of choice. Tulpas are understood as mental constructs that have achieved sentience. The metaphysical explanation holds that Tulpas are agents of supernatural origins that exist outside the hosts’ minds, and who come to communicate with them. Of 118 respondents queried on the question, 76.5% identified with the psychological explanation, 8.5% with the metaphysical, and 14% with a variety of “other” explanations, such as a mixture of psychological and metaphysical.

When discussing the research into tulpamancy, we're not discussing a religious or spiritual practice that's been validated by psychologists.

We're talking about a primarily psychological practice that's been validated by psychologists.

And as for the DSM quote, it confirms that religious practices aren't a disorder. Cool. But it also implies that religious practices can result in multiple distinct personality states. Hence why they needed that criterion. It's not stated as explicitly in the DSM as in the ICD, but the implication is there, especially when taken together.

Whether you call these "alters" or not is up to you. Most endogenic systems aren't using the word "alter" to describe their headmates.

But regardless of the word, what the research is showing is that there are multiple phenomena which can result in people having multiple self-conscious agents sharing the same body.

I mean, you've still done a really bad job at showing DID and OSDD form purely from trauma, with many of your sources straight up saying the opposite.

And remember, a lot of mixed origin systems will say that their other headmates aren't caused by or related to their disorder. And there are documented cases of people with DID both having alters associated with DID, and having non-aversive entities they commune with outside of that, as Kluft references in this paper:

The woman he describes here, who experienced ceding control to another entity who talked through her, would qualify as a mixed origin system in the modern plural community.

SIX OF YOUR EIGHT SOURCES LEFT THE DOOR OPEN FOR DID TO FORM WITHOUT TRAUMA!

NONE CLAIMED OSDD COULD ONLY COME FROM TRAUMA!

NONE CLAIMED YOU NEEDED DID OR OSDD TO BE PLURAL!

Your sources are NOT claiming what you think they're claiming!!!!!!!

If this is "all the proof you need," to say endogenic systems aren't valid, it's clear you were only ever interested in confirming your worldview.

But surely you can't seriously think this will convince anyone who isn't already indoctrinated!

Not even addressing this in full. It's such a blatant strawman that it's not worth my time.

There are similarities between plurality and being LGBTQ. Especially to the many trans systems out there who are seeing anti-endos use the same rhetoric that transmeds have. Or like you did earlier, are endorsing the same types of views that led to homosexuality being pathologized until the 70s. But nobody is saying it's the exactly the same!

I'm not sure what this is specifically referring to. But it might be about the line in the differential diagnosis for DID in the PTSD section where it's stated DID may not be preceded by trauma or have co-occurring PTSD symptoms.

It does also say in another section that DID is associated with trauma, but it never actually says that's the only way to get DID.

This is a straight-up lie. Most sources used by endogenic systems are less than a decade old, with some being as recent as 2023.

Here's the breakdown of some of the dates in @guardianssystem's doc, for reference:

I mean, I feel like part of the reason nobody has been able to disprove it is because a lot of its more specific claims have been really hard to test.

But that's neither here nor there.

The bigger issue you'll run into is that the creators of the theory you're citing have stated that there may be other ways for people to be plural. Or as they phrased it, having "conscious and self-conscious dissociated parts."

The above quote is from two of the three authors of The Haunted Self, the creators of the theory of the structural dissociation.

The TOSD is made to propose a way trauma can cause dissociative disorders to develop. But it does NOT suggest you need to have dissociative disorders to be plural, and I doubt the authors appreciated their work being twisted like that

Final Grade:

F-

This started with three goals.

Let's look back at them one last time.

You can't possibly have DID without trauma.

You can't possibly have OSDD without trauma.

You can't be a system without DID/OSDD.

By the end of this, have any of these claims successfully been proven?

I don't feel they have.

The first claim is what all the sources tried to focus on. But most of the sources didn't say that and didn't support it. All but two implied that DID could possibly form other ways.

And for the others? Nothing suggests OSDD can only be caused by trauma.

And you failed to provide any sources that suggested you couldn't be plural without DID and OSDD.

You completely and utterly failed to find decent sources to back up your claims, and to make a compelling case for them, at every conceivable juncture.

If I were you, I would be embarrassed to have put out something of such poor quality.

What have we learned:

Non-disordered and endogenic plurality has been supported and validated across the psychological field, including the World Health Organization's ICD-11 and Trasngender Mental Health which has been reviewed and published by the American Psychiatric Association.

The creators of the theory of structural dissociation believe it might be possible that "self-conscious dissociative parts of the personality" might form without trauma and that this needs to be further researched.

Tulpamancy is a mostly psychological practice that has been studied and validated by psychologists.

Anti-endos are really bad at sources.

Conversely, the majority of endogenic sources are actual peer reviewed academic papers. And contrary to false claims here, many of the papers are actually very recent.

(Tagging some tags from the original post)

[lady-lani-1707]

Sorry I've been inactive, lots of things have been happening in my life. This post is going to be more of a rambling, but I hope to get back to my longer essay like posts, so please bear with me ;)

So so overjoyed that the supreme court has finally defined what a woman is, and before the trans activists try and guilttrip and threaten to end their lives reminder of what were gaining as women (p.s. sorry this is rushed but you might want to screenshot this incase my post gets taken down again)

The whole reason for this was because companies were wondering if to fill their FEMALE quotas they can use transwomen.

Reminding you what TRAs have took from us.

They've stopped lesbians from grouping male free events. They've made it so that female rape victims should include males in their rape centres. They've made female patients get male doctors. They certainly love crying transphobia at any single sex space like female only gyms. They've harrased and made rape threats to so many women and wished death upon them all for being "terfs," aka wanting a female only spaces. People have lost jobs over this. Women have been targeted throughout this. They've tried and fought to take any semblance of fair and just, and they've changed the definitions to include themselves into everything. Women historical figures who had to pretend to be men to get successful are now being claimed as transgender icons instead of proof of misogynistic society. They've claimed that lesbians and women would never have got their rights if it wasn't for them. Instead of making their own space, the trans movement has done nothing but tear down the centuries' worth of work women have done. Single sex spaces are more than just buildings and places. It's not 'just' a toilet. Males, including transwomen are the most dangerous and violent category of the human race, both to each other and to women. Every minute of every day, there is a woman being hurt at the hands of the man. Not every man, but most violent crime is done by a man.

I thought they knew that sex and gender are different, but clearly that doesn't matter.

If anything, this is a male rights movement. It's allowed them free roam. They don't even need anything other than stating they're a woman. In some places, we've abandoned the need for any attempt to at least pass a woman to make us feel unsafe.

Even so, even if they pass as us, it's nothing but lying. I'm sorry but you can never change your sex. Everyone must love themselves how they are. You can dress how you want, get whatever surgeries you please. But it's no more valid then someone pretending to be a doctor to access staff spaces in a hospital. Every single human being is either male or female, even intersex people either produce sperm or eggs - and that's completly upto the doctors to know how to classify them. Reminder that intersex people with disorders of sexual development are not your little pawns to pass sex as fluid when it's not.

Most people are born with 2 arms, just because some people aren't because of complications and health problems, it doesn't change the human species standard, does it?

Anyways, the point is don't let them try and guilt trip you with the usual "transwomen don't do anything they're such a small minority". For such a small minority you've certainly allowed male rapists into female prisons and had children with healthy organs get themselves mutualied and sterile before they're old enough to even have lived as their sex and made an informed choice.

For every dangerous terf you claim there's a woman who's lost her place in her sport or is regretting getting surgery before therapy. They do not stop and think about how they're affecting others. "Transwomen are now forced to be strip searched by male police officers" and women were forced to be searched by males first. Such a selfish and demanding bunch that had such a grip on the world with their constant confusing of labels.

It is really simple. Your neovagina is a inverted penis and your "penis" is a elongated clitorous.

I don't mean to say trans people suffering from gender dysphoria don't exist, I am just telling you straight up about how you're being taken advantage of and constantly affirmed for money. Sorry I have to be harsh with my words but wake up. The sooner you accept yourselves how you are the better. You are a medical patient for life because of your ideology. To the trans people who accept their biological sex and don't lie about, I'm genuinely sorry that the activists are making you look bad. Reminding you that your rights are actually not being taken away, if you read the law it only defines women amd this will only make some companies be stricter on single sex spaces and not take surgeries completly of the table. This is not going to affect your day to day life at all if you're a rational individual.

And to the women, I'm sorry it had to take us so long to recognise our sex based rights that we've fought for. We deserve events and spaces free from males who can pose a danger for us. Every other group is free to congregate and have special places for themselves but us. Call it what is is, the male rights movement.

But we fight, and we win, and we're half the population.

Victory to the female people.

- Lani, your lady

[katyspersonal]

Do you think there’s any connection between Heolstor and the “Lord of Night” tbh at the Eternal Citiess were trying to create?

So far I definitely think so! My last notable moment in Nightreign was that I've found a Larval Tear in the Eternal City as Wylder, when there was an implication that he got an idea to become a new Nightlord to save Duchess from getting nuked together with the Roundtable! Pretty sure I've unlocked some secret ending with that, but the fact that Nox' practice is involved in the very act convinces me!

I would of course like to get all pieces of the puzzle, but so far seems like the Lord of Night is a status that you can be born/created into (there is an implication that Recluse has an infant like that that I am yet to see with my own eyes because I suck at playing as her) or be REborn into (like how Heolstor was raised from the dead and is no longer the person he used to be, or whatever Wylder is going to do). Which is fair, because one can't be chosen by the Two Fingers, simply because Lord of Night appears to be antagonistic force to Two Fingers, and perhaps even the Greater Will itself!

(Sorry I had screenshots but I forgot to copy them) I did point this out in this ( x ) post already, but to repeat: in the original Japanese script, Ranni swears that the Night is "now infinitely far away", rather than it is coming now.

A back-and-forth with localisations or not, but I believe that notion, because so far I can see it confirmed with my own eyes: Ranni removes the Elden Ring very far away from anyone's reach, so no one can use it to tamper with fates and laws of nature and instead people return their "true" fates written in the stars, whereas Heolstor claims and corrupts the Elden Ring! I wonder whether Ranni convinced the Black Knives to help her with the promise to bring the "Night", but turned out her actual plan was to simply not let anyone have the power to bring it, and the reason Black Knives attacked Blaidd and Iji was actually because they've learned they got scammed XD

Before Nightreign launched, I thought that maybe Lord of Night was supposed to take turns with whoever currently claims it for the Gold/Sun/Light, similarly to how Lord of Dark was supposed to take turns with Lord of Light in the Dark Souls trilogy (before Gwyn ruined the course of nature)! Now that "artificial" nature of the Nightlord feels more apparent, I think it were instead Nox who at least attempted to change the course of nature!

The initial Greater Will's plan was to create life, and have Elden Ring/Beast as a tool of changing nature by whoever the Two Fingers choose. Marika is not called 'Eternal' for no reason, of course; she attempted to become the one and final owner of the Elden Ring, destroying any risks of her Erdtree era ever falling (more notably Gloam-Eyed Queen, Fire Giants or Nomads that allegedly worshipped Frenzied Flame). Although the Two Fingers chose other Empyreans, it doesn't seem like Marika never letting anyone else rule wasn't strictly against their ideas; she was still doing her job as an Empyrean/God! However, changing owners of Elden Ring or not, but Nox were the ones who considered themselves worthy of the same power as Two Fingers! The fall of their civilisation happened long before Marika ascended it seems, I think they were roughly contemporary with Rauh? But in a way, they wished to kill God and take its place and its power, and Lord of Night was their equivalent of choosing an Empyrean! It is the story of hubris! Or, perhaps, an actually heroic rebellion?

(@sahashbelvanie sorry I took your images from the post ( x )) Heolstor seemed like a very good candidate for the Lord of Night, being naturally antagonistic to the Erdtree and Golden Order already. He is being held back by the golden runes, albeit in vain! Apparition of the gone Erdtree is the last power to stand against the Night. Meanwhile, Heolstor's people were wiped out by Godfrey, and even in the base Elden Ring his sorrow causes endless rains ( x ).

Now, I really don't think that some Nox girl basically dug him out of the pile of corpses and appointed him fdshfhds What I do think happened, is that in Nightreign, somewhere roughly past the events of the Shattering, Nox kept working underground and succeeded at creating the essence of the 'Night' itself! And this essence is "homed" to find a worthy vessel for the anti-GW ideals Nox put it on! Someone that despised Erdtree and Golden Order, the latest iterations of the Elden Ring's power, worked well to worm its way into.

Again: an actual antagonist of the Greater Will is Frenzied Flame, but the Night is antagonistic in terms of authority! So, no Outer Gods and not Two Fingers but men would choose the course of nature and the person to rule it, and they would never be forced in the "caged divinity" like Marika or others! 'Stars' were a decent compromise, because true fates of humans are aligned in the stars and it was better than Greater Will, and then Two Fingers, basically appointing the guy to make fates of humans. Nightlord is what Nox believed was a way to fix things that seemed unfair, and maybe they were even right?

[the-girl-in-the-high-castle]

It's been a while since I babbled about my boat show, so here I am.

I know we've already talked about this, but I want to know the WHY? behind it.

Like, we might not have figured out shit about the show, but I know that this one IS figured out, cause I'm 100% sure this is true.

This photo of Maura, which Daniel took with him from the Prometheus, belonged in that empty frame sitting on Eyk's desk in Prometheus' captain's cabin.

This photo is made for a frame, and it doesn't just perfectly fit the said frame, it also looks like it. It looks like Prometheus. Old, washed out, like it had seen better days. Just like this frame and everything around it.

Now, every other photo we see in Daniel's memory is different. It doesn't come close to this one. They are all modern photos. They don't even look a decade old, let alone a century.

Another thing that supports this is the shot from the character promo that I can't find anywhere now, but I have screenshots from it. The same photo in a drawer. On the desk, there is a tobacco box, just like there is one, same or quite similar on Eyk's desk, which Maura uses to trap Alfred, as well as books written in German.

The cherry on top all this is Maura's reaction to Eyk's "family photo". Except, it's probably not a reaction to just the photo, but also the frame. Because she's had a more emotional reaction to that photo frame than she's had about 80% of other things happening around her. Every time she looked at it, it was as if it called to her, as if she was trying to remember what it meant. Because it was her photo that should be there, not some random woman and children (the original script, where she takes the frame and puts it back face down, had only the wife and daughters in the photo, Eyk wasn't there). Anyone who's seen Dark remembers the weird and off-putting staring Stranger Jonas gave us with that spot on the floor, and we later found out what it really meant (and it was huge).

So what does this mean? It means that in the previous sim, the roles were different (I've already talked about this in another of my posts. Different sims, different roles, and every sim taking the character deeper and deeper and more out of touch with reality). Maura's photo on Eyk's desk meant that in the previous sim, or maybe more than one, she was HIS wife.

Finally, what I want to know is why did Daniel take it?

Maybe it's because he knew they were gonna search the ship, and if they found it, it would cause some disturbance. But if he wanted Maura to wake up so badly, wouldn't that help? Wouldn't it help if she remembered there were previous simulations and that that meant none of it was real?

I don't believe a word of what he said to Maura about their backstory is true because everything we know about his and Elliot's memory is just a part of a simulation. But I do believe it was probably one of the previous sims. Perhaps one of the initial sims that would make her remember easier and bring her back to the beginning from the depth of endless cycles.

I don't believe Daniel is some sort of evil mastermind, and I don't believe he does any of it for the sake of some evil plan, but this thing about the photo is bugging me so much, because it also connects to him repeatedly telling Maura that it doesn't matter why she forgot, while he kept telling her she needs to remember and wake up.

I mean, he certainly looks like he wants to burn Eyk to crisps with a stare, but I don't believe in just jealousy being the reason behind it.

[breakfastatmiles]

Your art is wonderful!!!

A constant inspiration to my own creativity and art work. Could you explain some of your art style to me? I’m interested in looking at a bunch of different ones to try and finally find one for me.

Goodnight!!🌙

Thank you so much! That means the world to me! I’d be happy to share some of my process with you 😄

Keep in mind I’m completely self-taught, so this is just the process of how I make my drawings and not any sort of professional advice 😅 apologies for the long post ahead 😪

Starting with the basics, my biggest influences are Jin Kim and Ami Thompson. Both are amazing character designers and I really admire their stylization and expressions. Whenever I feel stuck on something, I always go back to their drawings for inspiration.

I typically start in Procreate with a canvas size of 3300px x 4200px or 11” x 14” with a DPI of 300.

I put my reference in the corner of the canvas (in this case it’s a screenshot from the movie She’s the Man) and I start my rough sketch (emphasis on rough). Sketching is probably the longest part in my drawing process because I’m focusing on expression, composition, proportions, etc. This usually has about two to three passes before I move on.

Then I lower the opacity of the sketch and clean it up with some lineart on a new layer. Lineart doesn’t play a huge part in my style, but I still like to play around with line weight. Since I knew this was going to be a fully rendered piece, I didn’t spend much time on lines that I knew were going to be removed later in the process.

Underneath all of that, I use the skin tone and color the base of the character. I make sure that I color ever so slightly past the lineart, for reasons that will be important later. This part can be tedious, especially because I use a textured brush, so there are a lot of gaps that I fill in later.

Then using new layers with clipping masks, I start the flat colors. Nothing too crazy here.

I’ve made color palettes for characters and backgrounds that I typically draw, so this way it speeds up the process and maintains style consistency. If I need a color that I don’t normally use, I’ll just play around with the colors until I find something that fits well with everything else.

Next, on a multiply layer, I add some basic shading (with the skin tone color) and blush (with an orange-pink color). I also move onto the background. Some are more complex than others. If I’m going for a more cinematic look, I’ll fill the background in with some basic shapes and blur it slightly. Thankfully the background was pretty simple in this reference.

I start checking proportions now that everything has basic colors. Then I duplicate my lineart layer and change it to a pinkish-red and put it on multiply mode and turn down the opacity. This is why the base color layer needs to line up with the lineart, otherwise there’d just be gaps underneath. Instead of erasing my black lineart layer, I put a mask on it and just keep the eyes and eyebrows.

Then I start working on the shading and hair, which is an entire process in itself. Maybe I’ll make a tutorial on that one day 😅

I also use some vivid light and soft light layers and put in some subtle colors for extra pizzazz.



Then I add a hard light layer to the eyes for that glossy look and on a normal layer add some white details just to make some things pop more (like the nose, lips, eyes, sometimes hair, etc.)

I did make an eye tutorial a while back, but my process is still the same!

Lastly, I spend a lot of time playing with different blending modes (multiply, add, soft light, vivid light layers) and really focus on the lighting. I used to focus on adding a lot more details and make the coloring more realistic, but I found that the more simplistic coloring was easier for me to do and fit my style better. Sometimes I still tend to go too far with the details and realize that it looks better when I tone it down a bit.

That’s pretty much it! Let me know if you have any questions! Hope this helps. Have fun making art!

[transfemme-shelterdog]

Other anon in the conversation again.

It has at this point been literal years of people fearmongering over transandrophobia believers/non-TRFs en mass becoming reactionary and hateful towards trans women/transfems and in the 5 or so years since this round of discourse started that has not happened and doesn't look like it's going to happen. At least not in the numbers people have been worried about.

The loud minority of people with bad opinions is always overrepresented, regardless of the topic, because a lot of people with more reasonable (and I'm sure some less reasonable) takes don't feel the need to put their thoughts out into the void.

Also most of the conversation I've seen about TRFs on 4chan recently has been in response to a screenshot where someone admitted to weaponizing accusations of transmisogyny against others in order to get away with being transphobic and hateful towards trans men and trans masculine folks more generally (the identity of the poster is implied to be transfem but people can lie on the internet so I'm not assuming when it's not certain and could easily just be someone trying to get people upset at trans women/transfems). I know a lot of people in my circles have had a strong reaction to that, because at this point it has been literal years (at least 5 that I can think of, this discourse has been happening since at least 2020 if not earlier) of accusations of transmisogyny being weaponized against other trans people to shut down conversations where people are trying to address ways in which trans women and/or transfems have been bigoted or caused harm.

Like a good chunk of the reason people aren't necessarily having the most well thought out responses to this because it is an acknowledgement, finally, after all this time, that we weren't actually crazy and TRFs have in fact been weaponizing accusations of transmisogyny to shut down valid critiques and gaslighting us about it the entire time. Like I know so many people who have gotten suicide baiting and death threats and generally harassing messages for supposedly being transmisogynistic, when the transmisogyny in question was them gently trying to inform a white trans woman that she was being racist, or ableist, or transphobic about a different group of trans people, I would not be surprised if some of those people are having bad takes as they're processing the information that at least some of the time the people who put them through so much pain and suffering knew what they were doing and were doing it on purpose. There's a good chance that that post was bait made to make people upset towards trans women/transfems, but it's framed as an acknowledgedment of something people have actually been dealing with and getting gaslit over, and when you've been gaslit you'll cling to any acknowledgment of reality that you can get. It's likely there's more bad takes going around than usual just from people reacting to the acknowledgement of the gaslighting.

Also because I find this helpful, the definition of gaslighting I'm using here is "abuse tactic in which an individual makes their victim/s feel as though they can't trust their own understanding of reality by repeatedly lying to them about reality and refusing to acknowledge reality around their victim/s".

All the more ironic when you realize that a go to insult against trans men is "birthday boy", meanwhile these radfems are doing the same shit they accuse trans men of.

"Oh no, I am just a poor little trans woman, you wouldn't be sexist towards a trans woman would you?"

[angelinecarax]

11/10/2022 ⌚THEN ---> NOW 🎐12/28/2024

While I started playing September 2021, those screenshots are from an older computer and since lost. I began learning about gpose mid-2022, but, frankly, crippling anxiety slowed me down a great deal. This was one of the earliest and most successful shoots - I used one from this day as Angeline's header for a while. Her visual changes are both crucial and cherished, but the most important change between then and now is how differently I feel and think about gposing.

Thank you @ubejamjar for tagging me into this. Getting a chance to reflect on this helped make my morning.

✨Angeline's combined necklace with emet-selch's pearl drop was a commission. I know how to do it myself now within a half an hour. This is now somewhat of a remnant from a previous version of what Angeline's arc would be - originally her romance with Emet-Selch would be much more centered, personal, reciprocal, even to the point that their final tryst would see Angeline pregnant during Endwalker. While that would make Endwalker a VERY wild ride, on further thought that's kind of at a filmi soapy level that's a little too ridiculous. Once Hippolyta being a dual figure with Angeline became the main Haunt thru the narrative I figured she had enough shit going on. All of that now only remains in the pearl drop necklace many of the outfits from this time have, though now Aymeric's necklace has become the go-to. 🎐The Anabaseios scarf accessory mod is the mod I learned how to item swap on. ✨The Faire Joi Sleeves and her french tip nails, baby's first upscale mod. Learned a great deal! 🎐Not visible: her Yuna earring, C+ adjustments to put some meat on her thighs, upper arms, and shoulders. ✨and her crown: her hair! Angeline's natural curls, the beloved IM~STRONG sim port, seen here as one of two hat compatible versions I made. I would have anxiety dreams about wanting this hair hat compatible and feeling so dumb that I didn't know how to do it myself, so when I was able to finally just buckle down and do it - well, the reason why I made such a big deal about it around my birthday was because it was a huge important thing for me! Her hair and her hats are integral to Angeline, so being able to Make Her Look Exactly Like Her has been like nothin else. 🎐I no longer have the shader I used in the first image, but I've since built a robust library of shaders specific to Angeline's character and how I want the camera to see her. I also know way way way more now about post-editing - I learned from the best!!! camera raw filter my beloved. ✨RIP in peace: the old catchlight eye system and her twinkle catchlight, and may you rise again Neopolitan Sculpts (not every project is a winner; after trying hard to tackle face sculpting I abandoned the idea because I couldn't recreate it exactly, and I was acclimatizing to her new vanilla face regardless)

Unfortunately, I've found myself with a great deal of habitual, chemical, thought-enforced anxiety - and I think very fast and a lot, so it's like trying to fight off a firehose. Channelling my neuroses has lead me to building a giant outfit repository, let me learn the inside and outs of Penumbra, Glamourer, Brio, Ktisis, Anamnesis, etc etc to the extent that I can really help others, and, glory of glories, I have a methodology to ensure that all the work I put into gposing gets saved. Camera angles, positionals, I'm not losing a project to crashing again!

Each of those things has lessened the anxiety greatly. One day I'll be free of it for good!

[durgeapologist]

hi hello dreadrook nation <3 i am off hiatus!

i wanted to say thank you so kindly and so dearly for not only the sweet comments and support on my last post, but all the wonderful dms and darling asks i have reveived as well! i will inch my way to responding asap but i just want to say you guys are so loved and so dear to my heart fr. best things to come back to.

i planned to come back and simply continue reblogging and posting like normal, like nothing ever happened bc whoever doxxed me really deserves not a lick more of attention; however comma.

coming back online to see a certain group made the doxxings all about themselves (shocker!!!) was a wild fucking thing to see tbh.

questioning the validity of it? the “authenticity” of my doxxing? when it gave me the biggest panic attack i have ever had in my life?? (and i’ve been doxxed many a times before. years ago when i was a kid in other fandom spaces; this one hit different bc i am an adult and extenuating circumstances of my life made this a genuinely horrible experience.)

even just entertaining an ask that suggested they weren't real? you know what you were doing.

you people are vile. truly vile.

especially when you’re reposting screenshotted pictures of my post to try and weasle out your explanation or defense out in some form or fashion. let it be known: i have these weirdos blocked. they have BEEN blocked. full stop. they are coming onto my blog and screenshotting my post from (i assume) alt accounts when they are blocked so they can repost it and make this all about them. fang and i owe you people absolutely nothing. we gave the decency of not throwing unfounded accusations around about who did this. i cannot, however, control what conclusions others draw from your clear patterns of behavior. sorry 🤷🏻 i just simply cannot.

i would like to say this: there has only been two fic "authors" called out for ai, and one other person who randomly self-inserted themself into drama with completely different people (meaning people i do not know and am not friends with) and started crying wolf. so there are (potentially) three people and their groupies who could have doxxed us. not just the one group who has taken over and made this all about themselves for literally no reason. or!! it could be unrelated to all of them and simply someone watching from the sidelines who believed the weird ass lies and ramblings they have been constantly posting since early february.

either way, screenshotting and reposting content from a blog that has you blocked is fucking weird. doxxing people over a fictional character and ai slop is fucking weird. entertaining the idea that the doxxings were fake (when i quite literally posted the screenshot of the doxxing with my address and name blocked out) is FUCKING. WEIRD.

i have thought over it time and time again with the previous web of lies they were weaving to make a final post, once and for all, to air out my grievances and make it known what exactly they are lying about, but i always let my friends stop me and be the voice of reason bc they care about me and genuinely want all of this to stop.

now? after all of this? i'm having a real hard time keeping quiet and not directly addressing every single last lie they have come up with since my callout post.

so i shall sit and think on it. whiteknighting against behavior you perpetuate wasn't the best idea after all, huh?

anyways!! i'll get back to the regularly scheduled programming now. flooding th TL with solas and dreadrook once more. smooches <3

[violetasteracademic]

Vi are you back!? We've missed you so much! Thank you for blessing us with Elriel smut, queen!

Hi lovely anon! Well ... as far as Elriel smut, I never left, my dear! I've put out some of my proudest work on AO3 since stepping away from Tumblr (honestly, my most recent ACOTF chapter might be my favorite thing I have ever written and I have been living my best life with Velaris Memorial Hospital. And I've finally made my foray into one shots!) I've been posting very consistently and am very excited to see where I land for my 1 year AO3/baby's first fandom anniversary at the end of the month!

Am I back on Tumblr?? Sadly, until the ACOTAR fandom is a little more disco and a little less discourse, it's really not my style. I understand there was quite a mass exodus this month from the latest drama, but my personal exodus was a long time ago on an average day because even the basic daily dramas are just not something I enjoy partaking in and witnessing. And artists, writers, creators, and theorists have been quietly leaving this fandom because of the state of it for years.

I respect that the ACOTAR fandom, especially if you are very invested in the next book, is very locked into the shipwar. And if not the shipwar, it's all these little pro IC versus anti IC factions, or bat boys versus Vanserra's, or sisters versus sisters factions, and they are *all* very vicious and unkind to each other. Even without something extremely major happening, most days my feed was filled with trolls being given attention, rude memes about the other side, screenshots of people throwing around insults, finger pointing, ect. I don't think that energy is going to shift any time soon, and everyone has gotta do what they gotta do. But it's not the most inspirational or enjoyable place to feed creativity, and since I've expanded my fandom experience to much more creatively active ones like BG3 and Arcane, I've learned it doesn't actually have to be this way. This is just the way the ACOTAR fandom is. For better or for worse, I'm not sure it will ever change, because it's what a lot of people are looking for and they are gaining whatever it is they need from the environment.

That being said, Azriel and Elain are my blorbos. I wouldn't change a thing about that. I'll probably be writing about my little loves fucking and falling in love a million different ways for years to come, and have been having even more Feysand and Nessian ideas lately! So I'll keep carving out the space that is safe and enjoyable for me while trying to quiet the rest of the noise.

I do think I'll stop by whenever I have a new work that needs a cute lil banner, an announcement, and update to the master list 🥹 especially because a lot of people seem to enjoy getting their fic news on Tumblr! But I've gotta rock the post and ghost for my wellbeing.

I know this is disappointing to some. Especially those of you who have sent me anons expressing your sadness with the state of the fandom, and how exhausting it is. I see you and am hugging you. It's a bummer to come to this space looking for a safe space to connect and find your people and feel like you don't fit in! Honestly, the main reason I'm even responding is because of that. I hope you feel a little less alone. Many, many creatives in the ACOTAR space don't last. I am merely but one of them. And I think I can safely say it's never only one thing that causes people to step away, there's only the straw that breaks the camels back.

Anywho, hope this wasn't too preachy. Im not trying to change anyone's minds or tell them how to behave. I just got a few anons like this and figured it wouldn't hurt to clarify where I'm at with the ACOTAR fandom and hopefully reach anyone who has been feeling similar or alone!

I'm literally just a girl trying to survive an uncontrolled descent into fascism and live in an increasingly unlivable world. But making my favorite characters smash in the garden brings me joy, as I hope it will continue to bring all of you on the hard days!