#DC Batfam

[queermentaldisaster]

Thinking about Damian who gets called 'a selfish prick without a heart or the emotional capacity to give even a sliver of a fuck' and he just hides how much that hurt him until eventually he comes up to Bruce or one of his brothers crying because is he really that heartless? is he really so selfish and cruel?

[kazbrekkeriselite]

Dick: You're smiling. What happened? Jason: What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it? Damian: Tim tripped and fell down the stairs today. 

[forwards-beckon-rebound]

batfam as things my friends and i have said pt. 1

warnings: swearing, like one explicit pickup line, and a level of stupidity only achievable through severe sleep deprivation

pt 2!

[spocks-husband]

I'm like 80% this is already canon but can we all agree that Bruce, being the bat motif obsessed freakazoid that he is, ABSOLUTELY dedicates at least an hour a week to personally baking his own bat-shaped high-protein dog treats for Ace and Titus? He has a compartment for them in his belt (and, of course, so does Damian, who has made alternate recipes to meet the needs of their other animals too and is frequently scolded because he dedicates more space in his belt for the aforementioned treats than actual gadgets).

Ace and Titus are greatly rewarded when they're good bathounds (which is always obviously 😒) and, of course, it's become tradition that any strays they find are also given a treat-- which has lead to the urban legend that Batman has some sort of animal-communication ability because of how many random street animals tend to show up when he or one of the kids stops a mugging or something because they know they'll be fed.

[timdrakewhump]

Press, holding a microphone too close to Tim’s face at a gala: how are you settling in at the Wayne’s now you’re officially adopted?

Tim, with a confused face: What do you mean? I’m not adopted.

Press: ..What? No, you were adopted-

Tim: Bruce gave birth to me.

Bruce, behind Tim, nodding: Obviously.

[bookburners]

I generally don't like the plot point that Alfred doesn't like Stephanie but my new thought process is that Alfred doesn't like Stephanie because she is every part of Bruce he is scared to acknowledge and all the parts of Jason he is still mourning.

[bodegadulac]

Depicting Dick and Jason with pants as Robin is Tim erasure.

Giving Dick and Damian bo staffs is Tim erasure.

Giving Dick and Jason the popping up Robin "R" is Tim erasure.

Making Jason or Dick the serious type as Robin or making them hackers is Tim erasure.

Giving Dick and Jason birdarangs is Tim erasure.

Most of Robin's iconography come from Tim's tenure, he redefined and modernized the character. Dc may not know what to do with him but that doesn't change that him alongside Dick is what people think about when they picture Robin.

Also teen titans (2003) Robin is literally Tim with Dick's backstory and place in the titans.

[unknown-art-room1]

They didn't get scruffed, but they definitely got Toddhandled.

[could-they-be-a-pro-wrestler]

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THIS EPISODE OF FRIDAY NIGHT PUNCHGROUND

DAMIAN WAYNE LEAVES THE BATFAMILY

Previously, the recently heel-turned duo Damian Wayne (DC Comics) and Peter Parker (MCU) earned themselves a shot at the Universal Championship at Fictional Backlash. The match will be a Triple Threat against current Universal Champ, Tony Stark (MCU).

Although Damian and Peter will be fighting each other, they’ve promised each other that they’ll respect each other’s reigns. The duo are then interrupted by [BLANK], who is angry about Damian betraying Bruce Wayne and the entire Batfamily. [BLANK] says that Damian’s desire to be world champion has corrupted him, that it’s turned him essentially into a villain.

In response, Damian and Peter beat up [BLANK], cementing their heel turn. The crowd booed the duo as they mocked [BLANK].

[thief-of-eggs]

Headcannon that due to diligently monitoring the Wayne family’s media image, Alfred is chronically online, and as such, is constantly dropping slang into conversation like-

(Over the coms)

Batman: Alfred, what’s the update on the Arkham situation?

Alfred: *Ahem* Unfortunately sir, it is as they say- ‘we’re cooked’

Collective groans from Tim, Dick, and Jason over the coms

Batman: …Huh?

Jason: *muttering* I knew I should’ve stayed outa this one…

Damian: I don’t understand, what are we cooking?

Alfred: It’s giving ‘failure era’, sir-

Dick: Damn it!

Tim: We really are cooked

Damian: What does that -?

Alfred: It’s lowkey not-

Batman: In English Alfred. Please.

Alfred: *Sigh* My apologies, sir. The Joker has escaped.

[queermentaldisaster]

Damian: I accidentally poisoned someone’s drink but forgot which one.

Bruce: What??

Dick: the fuck??

Tim: With the way this dinner is going I hope it’s mine.

(blame @moon-x0 for this <3)

[vespertilionis]

During Jason’s crime lord era

Dick: “I’ve pinpointed all the locations where Jason was sighted. Maybe there’s a pattern and we can see where he’ll turn up next.”

Bruce, staring at the map, very clearly spelling “fuck you”: “…There certainly is a pattern.”

[forwards-beckon-rebound]

batfam as things my friends and i have said pt. 2

pt 1!

[myimaginarymary]

Sometime in Gotham:

Jason Todd [on the phone]: How did the Joker die?

Damian Wayne [on the phone]: Cats ate his face.

Jason Todd: Damian, I think you’re confused. I’m asking about the Joker.

Damian Wayne: Cats ate his face.

Jason Todd: Look, would you just put Dick or Tim on the phone?

Dick Grayson: Hello?

Jason Todd: Dick, what happened to the Joker?

Dick Grayson: Cats ate his face. Here, Damian knows more about it than I do.

(Source: Malcolm in the Middle)

[timdrakewhump]

If someone doesn’t write more addict!tim drake then I will (threateningly)

[nefarious-616-necromancer]