#Bruce Wayne moment

[dykelliewilliams]

[frogaroundandfindout]

Bruce gets knocked over the head with a lead pipe and without even looking at eachother dick and Tim start circling around him making tweeting noises

Meanwhile bruce wishes the hit actually knocked him out so he didn’t have to witness his kids acting like this

[julesarago]

Happy Batman Day to all who celebrate this little bitch of a man. 🙏

Sketched this on a friend’s iPad like a year ago when I was reading Batman: The Cult and…never posted it.

[frownyalfred]

okay so there were a ton of posts/fics about the hilarious "fuck/maryy/kill" Bruce Wayne & Justice League scenario (I read them all, amazing comedic timing y'all) but to me, the most hilarious scenario is the JL play fuck/marry/kill, Bruce's name comes up, and half of the people in the room in the know immediately turn bright red and refuse to keep playing and no one will explain why.

Hal: "...and I would fuck Bruce Wayne. No, I would kill him. Nah, actually I'd fuck him, who am I kidding."

Clark: choking on his coffee and rapidly turning an alarming shade of red

Diana: "An....interesting choice, of course."

J'onn: "Shall we play a different game?"

Hal: "Wait, what? that was the game, wasn't it?"

Ollie: "I'm with Hal, I'd fuck the shit out of Bruce. He's the easiest guy I know, it's not like it'll exactly be a hardship for him."

*every single person in the room turns to Batman, standing in the corner*

Clark: "Wow! I think I just heard someone drop an ice cream cone in Guatemala. Batman, I'll need a team up."

Ollie: "For ice cream?"

Diana, standing up and putting herself in between Bruce and Hal: "This sounds dire. I will also assist."

Clark, under his breath, one hand on Bruce's back: "It's not worth it. He's not worth it. Come on. Walk it off."

[sidewalk-cracks]

The batkids encountering distressed children and calling them "sweetheart", subconsciously mimicking how Bruce would and will call them sweetheart when they're distressed, and not even realizing it?? Don't speak to me. I can't.

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

Jason insists on being the bait for a joint mission with the Bats. But the moment he starts “screaming” during the interrogation process, Batman calls the whole thing off and smashes right through the window and into the first thug.

Absolutely nobody is surprised by this development. Except Jason.

[tiger-grace]

The Dark Knight, Batman, Mr. “I am the night” maintaining his mystery even while revealing his identity in a justice league meeting:

The JL: Bruce Wayne?!

His wayward children, who have scheduled a “Brucie Wayne” funniest moments and scandals compilation to kick on in about 30 seconds on the monitor:

The JL: … bruce wayne

[prlssprfctn]

Jason Todd, who tries to do his Red Hood reveal in front of the whole family, all at once, but they are so sleep-deprived that instead of accepting an obvious answer, they come up with the most insane theories.

Jason, spreading his arms wide: The answer is already here, and you know it. Come on, the world's great detective — look at me, and tell, why would the random criminal lord avenge for your son? Hm?

Dick, snapping his fingers: You are his childhood friend! Right?!

Jason: What—

Dick: You knew everything about us. You knew Jason better than we did. It is obvious. You are a kid that he must befriended during his days on the streets. You are avenging for him because we failed him!

Tim, shaking his head: Dick, come on—

Jason: Yeah, exactly, just—

Tim, with the insane glint in his eyes: They were clearly lovers, not friends.

Jason: ...What.

Tim: It is obvious. Just look at him at his desperation. That's more than friendship.

Jason: Come on, Bruce, you can't possibly allow them to be this stupid.

Bruce, sipping on his coffee: No, I won't.

Bruce, turning to Dick and Tim: It is Willis Todd.

Dick, Tim, and Jason in the unison: What—

(Hours later, Jason's safe house)

Jason: ...And then he goes! (clears up his throat to imitate Bruce's voice) "Willis Todd's grave was always empty, but I hadn't paid attention to this fact!" What an insane thing to fucking admit, by the way!

Talia, on the Facetime, doing her nails: Perhaps it is a family trait - to leave the coffins empty... Anyway, what happened after?

Jason: They come up with another theory. Now, they think that Red Hood is "Jason's" reincarnation. Souls switched and stuff. Dunno. They planned to call Constantine, but I left.

Talia: I feel like a nap would resolve this issue.

Jason: Yeah, definitely. But that's not my problem.

Talia: Naturally. But you look happy.

Jason, smirking: I got to annoy the hell of this family without even getting revealed and dealing with the aftermath. Of course, I am happy. Also, Alfred clocked me, but just packed me a lemon pie and invited for a tea ceremony later this week.

[fanaticalthings]

I really like the idea of the bat kids designating Dick and Jason's apartments as sibling gathering spots but for opposite reasons.

Sibling needs some comfort? Some eldest daughter advice? A shoulder to cry on or just a lil getaway spot from the chaos of Gotham? Dick's apartment is perfect.

But if a batkid wants to complain, maybe wants to talk shit about Bruce, or maybe even wants to discuss a lil felony in a judgement free zone? Jason's place it is.

And I like to imagine that while Dick readily keeps his doors open and reminds anyone that they can drop by anytime, it's the opposite for Jason.

Dude's got his place riddled with traps and locked up to the high heavens. He makes it obvious he doesn't want visitors, and vaguely insinuates that there are bombs rigged somewhere in his apartment so there's a always a 50/50 chance you might get blown up if he's feeling particularly bitchy one day.

But does that stop his siblings? Absolutely not. Unlike Dick (who assigns himself as the guiding older brother), Jason has been forcefully labelled as the older sibling you go to if you need to complain and stir up havoc. The hundreds of traps in his place mean nothing. And it's worse because Jason is never prepared for when someone drops in.

-----

[Jason, 3 hours into his sleep, blearily waking up to a weight on his chest at 4am]:

[Damian, perched atop him, eyes dead-centre locked onto Jason without blinking]: Hello, Todd-stop screaming it is unbecoming-I just came to tell you that father won't allow me to adopt another stray I found on patrol.

Jason, half-asleep and like 70% sure he's hallucinating: Wha-

Damian: I need you to blow up his car.

Jason:

-----

[Jason, arriving home after a 6 hour patrol, exhausted out of his mind, turning on the lights]:

[Stephanie, previously baking brownies in the pitch black darkness before Jason arrived]: Oh hey! Just thought I'd drop by, y'know, for fun.

Jason: Bruce yelled at you again.

Stephanie: Bruce yelled at me again.

And yes, while most of the time, it ends up as wholesome sibling bonding, sometimes the other batkids just feel like inconveniencing Jason just whenever, because what are siblings for?

[Jason waking up and seeing all of his traps and security systems disarmed and very deliberately broken in a way where he'll have to replace all of them instead of being able to reactivate them]:

[Jason, immediately dialing his phone angrily]: Tim, I swear to GOD-

-----

[Jason giving himself a rest-day and cooking some meals]:

[Dick somersaulting in through the open window unannounced (he missed his brother)]: Whatcha up to, littlewing? :>

Jason: GET OUT-

-----

[Jason casually reading a book, feeling a sudden chill up his spine]:

[Cassandra standing in the corner without so much as an exhale, watching Jason intensely. Who knows how long she's been there]:

Jason: Are you here to kill me

Cass:

Jason: Just make it quick.

[obsessedwithstarwars]

Okay you can’t tell me that Vlad doesn’t have an organ somewhere in his mansion. Upon learning of this, Danny would teach himself how to play the Haunted Mansion theme on the organ and play it at 2am.

Vlad Masters is away on business in Gotham, and the Fentons are coincidentally there for a symposium on ecto-activity. So it’s perfect! Except he goes to the wrong house, er mansion.

Honestly, Danny thought it was one of Vlad’s many mansions. Scaring the old man is his favorite activity after all. There’s a higher amount of ectoplasm here, so it has to be Vlad’s place right?

When Bruce comes out (on one of his few nights off) and sees his carbon copy playing the organ, all thoughts fly out of his head. Danny finally looks up and also blue screens. They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity until Danny’s cell phone rings (the ghostbusters theme??) and he panics. He jumps up and makes a break for the other door rushing through apologies “SorryWronghousegottagobye!” And runs out of the room. “Wait! Who are you?”Bruce exclaims as he rushes after him. They’re on the second story in one of the rooms he rarely uses. How did he know where the organ was? No matter. He’ll catch the kid on the stairs.

Except the kid is already almost at the bottom. How did he get down so effortlessly? The kid practically floated down the stairs.

Bruce gets to the foyer just in time to see the kid realize the door was dead-bolted in multiple spots. He won’t be able to undo them all before Bruce catches up to him.

He slows down and stands behind a pillar, assessing his next move. He needs to be careful here. This is a child after all, no need to spook him any more than he already has. He needs to slowly approach, and ask his questions.

But then the kid does the unexpected. After looking around frantically, he takes a deep breath. Two rings form around his middle and travel up and down his body. His black hair turns ghostly white. He looks back, almost directly at Bruce. His eyes widen as if he realizes he’s being watched. He whispers, barely loud enough to hear, “I’m so sorry, please don’t follow me.” Then, he backs through the locked door and vanishes.

[ahfrickenfrick]

the batkids decide play a new game on patrol where they try to yell the most outrageous thing jumping into a fight

bruce bans the game after stephanie runs into a crowd of bystanders and muggers yelling

‘bienvenue power bottoms!’

and it causes jason to crash into a power pole from how hard he was laughing

[brucewaynehater101]

The batfamily, after finding out another really important secret, are under the impression that Tim doesn't trust them. Why else would he wait for the last possible minute to inform them of his personal information?

Bruce sets up more team bonding (family time) to try to mitigate this.

Dick drops by Tim's office more with lunch to hang out.

Jason uttered out a really awkward but heartfelt apology about some past wrongdoings.

Steph hauls Tim over her shoulder and then plops him down into outings such as the movies or zoo.

Damian told Tim that his photos are so bad he might as well just give Damian copies of them.

Duke, trying to get to know Tim better, challenges him to see who can solve puzzles faster. He also brings fun inventions to Tim's workshop for them to do together.

Barbara sets up monthly code nights with Tim. She also occasionally passes along fun missions he could do with his siblings.

While all of this is nice, Cass and Alfred know the truth. Tim just finds it funny to watch his family blink rapidly and then go through five stages of grief whenever they unlock more background lore.

[frownyalfred]

ok I know Jason + guns is usually an angsty combo but imagine a cracky fic where Jason really needs a fast, moving target for practice and Clark is like *shrug* I'm bulletproof, let's try it! and this results in Clark doing weird swoops around Jason who's firing his guns with both hands. and also Clark is wearing one of Bruce's bullet proof vest prototypes 1) to see where the bullets hit AND 2) to get some live data on efficacy for Bruce later (he doesn't know this yet and it's not going to go over well, but it was definitely well-intentioned)

[casscainmainly]

Dick and Cass' adoptions being visual parallels is so beautiful actually. The focus on their expressions, as Bruce stumbles through a speech about how overdue the adoption is:

But how different the adoptions are too. How Bruce tells Cass she's free of David Cain, but says the opposite about Dick's parents; how Cass' adoption is framed as a choice, but Dick's as an inevitability. Because that's what both of them needed. Cass needed to make the choice, and Dick needed to know that the choice was always already made.

From Batgirl (2008) #6 and Gotham Knights #17

[iamliquid]

Epilogue: Jason listens to white girl music

Dick comes back to Gotham after having left for a while to stay in Blüdhaven and thought it might be a good idea to go see his family again.

As he zips around the city it was quiet. But too quiet.

Which was suspicious, but he did have a feeling that it had at least something to do with his family. Because no way GOTHAM of all cities would be this quiet. He always heard music playing at least from 2 radios around somewhere in the city.

He found it suspicious and planned on asking Bruce once he got back.

When he did eventually arrive at the batcave after a particularly.. worrying? Situation where as he was fighting with some criminals, they suddenly just froze when music zoomed passed spesficilly 'Look what you made me do'. The criminals hurriedly scrambled just handing Dick the things they stole and scurried off.

Walking further into the batcave, the sound of keyboard cackling echos. The very well known silhouette of the man who had taken care of him years before comes into view.

"Hey Bruce?"

"Yes chum?"

"So what's going on in Gotham? Why is everything on silent mode?"

"..." Bruce sighs pinching the bridge of his nose. "Watch this."

Bruce pulls up a saved security video on to the many monitors of the bat computer. The first frame showed Jason and Tim on Jasons motorcycle. Bruce presses the play button and the sound of 'Last Friday night' plays. As they zoom away you can see Jason hopping off the motorcycle mid drive, and Tim takes over driving away.

Then immediately the next frame he can hear distant screams and yells of agony.

"Huh. That explains it.." Dick says with not so much surprise, honestly he was kinda proud.

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

After some very eventful weeks of Jason’s debut as the Red Hood he takes a well deserved night off and decides to crash in one of his safe houses.

He did not count on one of the Bats finding him there.

So to keep his plans from being torpedoed entirely Jason goes with the split second decision of pretending he was held captive by the Red Hood.