#Bruce Wayne is a tired dad

[razzledazzle0]

caterpillar

Tim: I want to be a caterpillar

Bruce: explain?

Tim: well, they eat a lot, sleep for a while and wake up beautiful

Dick: Ooo that sounds nice

Damian: Drake, you do realize that caterpillars have a lifespan of like 2 weeks right?

Tim: yeah I know its a perk

Bruce: TiM NO-

[rdfhyrsc]

I love how cass can show up anyway without anyone noticing like basically 2 literally gods didn’t notice her lol

[mossy-frog69]

So Bruce putting stickynote messages in his kids lunch boxes everyday right. Now imagine, they all kept them all this time, every child he had early enough to have them be in school. And say he finds out about this and he's emotional... but, he finds out Jason kept them all and he's just full on in tears.

[maskygirl55]

I head canon Tim being overprotective over who his siblings date and not Bruce because Bruce is a tired dad who knows that his children would just do that opposite of his advice just to spite him.

Tim on the other hand knows too much and has tons of blackmail and will not hesitate to destroy bloodlines if you hurt his siblings.

[rdfhyrsc]

I love this headcanon and I need people to see this if they haven’t 

idea: batman and the robins never acknowledge that there have been different robins. like they all act that there's only been one and that they're the same person basically.

Justice League who's used to teen dick not kid jason: who is this child?

Batman: what do you mean, it's robin.

-

Batman and Tim walking through the watchtower:

Justice League who remembers robin literally dying: ...*side eye*...

-

Flash: batman… who is this?

Batman: robin. you’ve met before. several times.

Flash: no, i met a black haired boy. this is a blonde girl!

Batman: her name is robin

-

Superman: it's time for you to explain. where are you getting all these children?

Batman: i have no idea what you're talking about.

Superman *pointing to damian*: who is this kid?!

Damian: i'm robin. i'm offended you would even ask that? don't you remember *proceeds to recite a story dick told him of his robin days*

[marskiiii]

TOOK FOREVER BUT SOOOOOO WORTH IT!

aka mY IDEAL BATFAM UNIVERSE TYVMUCHBYEEE

[aeturnum-mendacacium]

As Bruce grows older into his 50's or 60's the paparazzi and people crowding him becomes less and he thinks that people have finally decided that Bruce is too old to be attractive or mainstream and he's actually super fine with it and makes jokes( more like sarcastic remarks) about it. But in reality they've grown more freaky cause instead of looking wrinkly and a sappy old man the level of cunt he serves grows everyday,he doesn't look like a snack he looks like a buffet, 13 year olds are using his pics as the cover pages of their mafia wattpad stories, he looks majestic, absolute dilf, we don't talk about the amount of tags he's birthed just by ageing on ao3, and hes still an absolute UNIT, the reason he's not heard about it yet cause the batkids are blocking the shit OUT with all of their will and strength cause it doesn't matter if all of them are full grown adults they're still all like-THATSMYDADGETAWAYFROMHIMHEDOESN'THAVETIMEFORYOUHESBUSYBEINGOURDAD

[littlefankingdom]

Dick who climbed on anything as a child. Even in public, especially in public. The moment Bruce looks away, he is climbing something to get as high as possible. The first times, it gave Bruce an heart attack. Now, it's just a headache.

People pass by and ask if they should call the firefighters, and Bruce tiredly tell them "He is fine, he can get down on his own.", like people with cats.

Imagine, you're walking out of some building, only to see a 10 years old standing on top of a lamppost, having a discussion with his dad guardian at the bottom.

"Dick, get down."

"Make me."

"Get down or you're grounded."

[rdfhyrsc]

I mean if I was the Barista I would do the same lol

Bruce, making a coffee run for his kids- And the last drink is for my teenage son. I'm sorry it's a bit long.

Bruce, reading off the text message Tim sent detailing the order- A thirty two ounce mocha with seven extra espresso-

Barista, interrupting him and already starting the drink- One Tim Drake special, you mean? Yeah. We all know it. It's part of our training for new employees at this point.

Bruce-...

Bruce-..?

Bruce- I've... I've been meaning to talk to him about his caffeine intake-

Barista- Yeah, you probably should. I mean WE would, but he's also our best tipper

[phantobats]

I like to think that Bruce has a meticulously maintained order of where and how to store all the gadgets in the Batcave. If it's not followed properly, his entire day is ruined and his disappointment is immeasurable - and Dick knows this.

So whenever they fight, Dick will absolutely sneak into the storage and place the slightly larger Batarangs with the smaller ones, switch the flash grenades with the smoke bombs, and maybe even park the Batmobile slightly sideways instead of having it face the exit directly.

It drives Bruce crazy, but he can't react outwardly lest his other children notice and this cursed psychological warfare begins spreading.

[razzledazzle0]

box

loud thuding noise

Bruce: what was that?

Dick: sounded like a box falling down the stairs

Bruce pinching the bridge of his nose: that sounded much heavier then just a box

Dick:..Jason was in it

[rdfhyrsc]

Jason: Tim isn’t answering their phone

Dick: I’ll call

Jason: Damian and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Tim: Hello?

Dick: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Jason: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Damian: I personally was created in a lab.

Tim: I just straight up spawned lol.

*Alfred's helping Tim out after they get injured, while fighting the rogues*

Dick: How does Tim look?

Damian: A little better than you, actually

Dick: I think Damian was right.

Tim: I'm surprised he hasn’t marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

Jason: He wouldn't do that.

Damian: You're right, Jason. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.

Damian: *turns around, the shirt he is wearing says 'Damian Told You So' on the back*

Dick: Tim, I'm sad.

Tim: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay.

Jason: Damian, I'm sad.

Damian, nodding: mood.

Tim: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Dick:

Jason:

Damian:

Everyone Else At Tim’s Surprise Birthday Party:

Bruce: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

[psychologeek]

Ok, but it's not Barbara.

It's DAMIAN, shouting for too-tired Bruce

(that honestly, couldn't care less as long as the manor isn't on fire.)

Barbara is Isabella, a sudden "Watcha doin'?" in their ear in the middle a drug bust.

(Birds of Prey are the scout girls).

So:

There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation

'Til school comes along just to end it

So the annual problem for our generation

Is finding a good way to spend it

Like maybe

Building a rocket or fighting the mafia

Or grappling all over the Gotham

Discovering something that doesn't exist

Or giving Batcow a shower

Hiding in the gutter, fighting evil bots

Or locating Grundy's brain

Blowing up a warehouse, get hit by Ivy's pollen

Or driving our brother insane

As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do

Before school starts this fall (Come on, Timmy!)

So stick with us 'cause Timmy and Jay are gonna do it all

So stick with us 'cause Timmy and Jay are gonna do it all

Father! Todd and Drake are making a title sequence!

HEEHEEHEE….

[mossy-frog69]

Dick, sitting on the kitchen island: muttering about his in-depth and overthinking of something that is so simple emotionally then stops and sits up, looking over to Bruce.

"This is your fault" He points at his father before laying his head in his hands and resting back down on the island.

Bruce: "what?"

Dick: "all I want is to be emotionally available to my boyfriend but now it's this big thing where I'm overthinking everything and it's all your fault. You've infected me with your way of thinking Mr. Detective. All. Your. Fault." He turns to face the wall and sighs dramatically. "This is what you've done to me.

Bruce: *so tired. What.-*

[tiger-grace]

Wayne Gala Event in which Jason is still publically deceased:

Journalist: Would you say you’ve been trying to fill the void that grieving your second son left with all of the new children you’ve adopted over the years?

Bruce, staring at Jason “legally dead” Todd, inching away from the snack table with half of its contents: uh. I would definitely say there is a void being filled.

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC Shit Fae!Danny Has Said While Living With Waynes

Danny, making a 'got your nose' gesture: Hey Jason, look, I've got your name!

Red Hood, who suddenly can't remember his own name: What the fuck

Bruce, in a tired dad voice: Danny, please, we talked about this, return your brother's name back

Danny: Oh, come on, it's not like he even uses it

Jason, thankfully remembering his name: And I repeat, what the f u c k

Steph, at dinner: I was wondering, what do faeries even eat normally? Like, flowers and stuff?

Danny, his eyes two black voids inside his eyesockets: The souls of the innocent

Steph: So that's a 'no' on the flowers?

Danny, back to normal and shoving a bagel in his mouth: I mean, I can, but would you want to stay on the crumbs-only diet when you are in a 5-star Michelin restaurant?

Tim: It's actually 3-star. Michelin rating system only has three stars, not five.

Dick: Are you saying that people are basically food joints for Fae?

Damian, at Constantine: It would do you well to choose your wording better when speaking to fair folk-

Danny, very much a fair folk, appearing out of thin air in the Cave: Yolo, s'up bitches, guess who's back in town!

Damian: -even when they do not necessarily do so themselves.

Constantine, looking between them: Are you sure you're the human and he is the changeling?

Tim, 46 hours of no sleep: Hey, if you can take a name from someone, does it mean you can take, like, other things that have no real shape or form?

Danny: Names do have shape and form, they even have taste. Yours is like a ping-pong ball made out of really dense cotton candy with banana-caramel flavor.

Tim, losing his touch with reality: Dense banana cotton candy...

Danny: By the way, I know you wanted to ask me if I could take your need to sleep from you, and theoretically, the answer is yes.

Tim, his whisper full of hope: ...will you?..

Danny: No. Either go to sleep or keep suffering. I'm not here to make your life easier.

Danny, after a half-an-hour rant on the Fae customs and traditions: -and Fae never tell the truth, but also never lie. It's a work of art, you know, say what you want but never in a way that makes sense.

Jason: So Fae just like to fuck with people.

Danny, looking him in the eyes, smiling and winking: Sure, humans are very fuckable.

Bruce, trying very hard not to pay attention to this: Can you make an example?

Danny: Sure. I lied.

Bruce: Where?

Danny: :)

Bruce, feeling like he is about to lose his mind: W h e r e ?

Alfred, right after he heard Dick's muffled screaming in the hallway: Young Master Danny, would you mind returning Master Dick his ability to talk in coherent sentences?

Danny, obediently standing up and walking out of the library: ...okay.

Bruce: How come he always listens to you?

Alfred: He knows what I will do if he doesn't.

Danny, returning to the library: He will change all the silverware to iron-ware. As well as the doorknobs and hairbrushes and lightswitches and everything else.

Alfred: Did you fix Master Dick's shoes?

Danny: I did. But I still think that making all of his shoes left ones was funny.

Alfred: Indeed, it was.

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