#AND how important are those pieces??
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kae-karo · 5 months ago
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do you ever find that a scene you have to write to get to The Next Bit of the story is hard, or boring, or just for some reason impossible to actually write? if so any tips on getting through it?
oooouu GREAT question honestly !!! i think the reality is i have probably three solid methods depending on the Circumstances lmaooo
method 1: just don't write it. easiest method in the WORLD and i think this works best when the thing you have to work on is boring specifically. it could probably do with a little analysis around "how Actually Important is this scene to the story" before making a decision like that, but if you're having a hard time getting excited about writing it (ESPECIALLY in shorter stories) i find 'don't write it' to be the best method in the book. i'd say it's not ALWAYS the right choice, and it probably helps to have a fair amount of experience under the belt to say when and where this method makes sense
-> a variant of this one is the "it doesn't have to be GOOD it just has to be THERE" which looks like instead of writing a whole scene to get a character from point A to point B, or a whole conversation to get to the point of a character saying they're going somewhere, doing something, etc, just...say it. start the next scene with "after walking from A to B, [blah blah blah]" or "[character] can't believe they agreed to meet up here, but here they are, [etc]". i also sometimes do this with inserted little flashback lines in the context of the scene i actually want to write, which gives the added benefit of picking and choosing when and where things are relevant without adding too much additional exposition
the key benefit of 'just don't write it' as a method is if/when you return for editing, there's always an option to add the scene back in. the way i personally edit involves forgetting about the story for like a week while working on other stuff and then coming back, which usually gives me the exact set of fresh eyes i need to decide whether the scene i decided not to write is actually needed or not. sometimes, it rolls seamlessly without it !!! sometimes i'm like damn i really need something in here to highlight what this character's emotional state is before [next scene], and maybe it's that scene i skipped or maybe it's a different thing altogether. either way, 'just don't write it' lets me get to the bits that i AM excited to write, and usually highlights for me whether the scene i'm avoiding is actually needed or not
method 2: like method 1 but a little more extreme, which i call 'write literally ONLY the parts of the story you're excited about right this second and forget about all the stuff you don't want to write cause it's boring/hard/etc'. which is a very long title, but i think it would do numbers in certain circles. this is basically method 1 on steroids and probably benefits from a longer story with LOTS of parts, especially ones you can skip between non-linearly. for me, this usually works for the hard parts especially, because i can build myself into a corner where, when i return to the hard part, i have a lot of clear detail on what has happened before it and what needs to happen in order to make the next parts make sense - usually this is reserved for the "i KNOW I have to write this or the story won't work, i just don't Wanna" type of scenes
method 3: the 'grin and bear it'. what it says on the tin. sometimes you just gotta buckle down and write the parts that suck, cause there are usually gonna be those parts in some places sometimes. what i WILL caveat here is that when a thing sucks to write, it can be helpful to examine why it sucks - what about it is boring? do you not like writing dialogue, or exposition? is there a way to not do the specific thing you don't like but still get the key elements across? would there be a more fun way for you to convey those elements? maybe a nontraditional format like a text message convo or a flashback? when something is hard to write, what makes it hard? is it conveying a character's emotional state? their physicality in the world? their relationships or thoughts on them? is there something about the character's personality you're struggling with that makes the situation challenging to write because you yourself are confused about the character or what's going on? sometimes i legitimately will step back and just type out something like:
character current motivation: [what they're trying to accomplish, do, say, etc in this exact scene] character actual/overall motivation: [in the realm of the entire story, what is their goal? to overcome loneliness? to find peace with their past? to get together with the other character? to destroy everything the hero holds dear?]
anyway this can sometimes be a super helpful mental reset to make sure i'm keeping on track with both the story as a whole and the character themselves, especially when there are multiple characters cause i'll go through and do this for all of them that are in a scene and that can help identify the tensions, what direction things might need to go, who gets what they want and who maybe doesn't, etc. ultimately just a good way to refresh the brain, and sometimes that leads to making a hard scene feel suddenly a lot easier/feel like you know where you need to go next
secret method 4: arguably the even Worse method, which is 'wait it out'. sometimes there's just no getting around the brick wall right this second, and taking a break to refresh your brain by either working on other projects or like, doing something that isn't Creation is a good idea and can help jog things into place to relieve the boring/hard/etc problem. i say this as someone who does not touch grass nearly enough, but touching grass can also be very helpful lmao. and if literally touching grass isn't feasible, just getting out of your normal habits/routines and doing something different can make a difference too
ANYWAY let me just say: i seriously feel this ALL THE TIME lmao. i'm definitely a serial skipper these days (funny as i used to be a very serious 'i must write everything in order or else i'll DIE' type of writer) but it's ended up being quite good (probably?) for my creativity in that it's allowed me to spend more time excited about what i'm writing and less time stressed or frustrated with getting stuck. your mileage may vary, of course, but hope this is helpful!!
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art-soboro · 2 months ago
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wearing thin
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bunubunss · 8 months ago
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victor, you'll always be loved ♡
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fluentisonus · 24 days ago
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working in a factory has you thinking so much about the insane chain of labor & transport that goes into making literally anything
#like first you realize that You are making & doing things that you previously had thought - if you'd thought abt it at all - were automated#& you become incredibly aware of how all the materials you're working with came from somewhere - these plastic clips are from france; this#fabric is from india etc. and that there are people in factories there making those things and that they are also probably getting their#materials from somewhere#one of the little things that makes me think about this the most is we have these 50m rolls of cotton banding we see onto canvas & nets#and in theory it should be all one piece but sometimes it's actually two pieces which you discover when you get far enough in the roll and#find that there's a join where it's been stitched together by hand (!). which is a little annoying bc we can't use that bit so you have#to cut that but out & stitch it together again on the machine which interrupts what you were sewing before & slows you down But it's so#striking to me bc like it's really easy to look at this banding & it's so exactly the same & obviously machine made it's Really easy to#forget that there are people there running these machines. who notice there's a break & have to stop what they're doing & get a needle &#thread and stitch it together. by hand! like someone somewhere has handled exactly where I'm touching it & i don't even know where in the#world they are!#the other place this happens is often on the selvedge edge of the fabric there's writing in pencil i don't know ye meaning of but evidently#was important to the process somewhere & someone wrote that out#idk like it's really easy to watch those videos of really specific machines in factories & convince yourself that everything is automated#but the truth is the vast majority of stuff is not & is made by people doing that. & even when it is there are people running those machine#<- and i'm not saying this in a soppy way tbc. this whole system is a nightmare of exploitation & to some degree I'm just continually amaze#by how insane this whole process is & also how completely un-transparent it is unless you are made to think abt it#another thing is noticeable when you look at our orders that most of what we sell isn't to customers it's to shops who then sell to custome#which then makes you think like. those plastic clips from france are they actually made in france or are we just buying them from france?#are they actually made by underpaid people in a country the name of which is completely lost to the chain of production at this point#anyways none of this is new it's just when you are working in a factory using this stuff you start wondering like.#what's the factory like that the person who stitched this banding together like. what's their day like there#wish we could talk abt how fucked up this all is - for them especially probably - together#thoughts
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blue-mood-blue · 1 year ago
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I can pinpoint the moment that destroyed my life today:
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It’s been a handful of weeks since Murderbot came within inches of having a new, organic governor module implanted in its head via infection - do you think, maybe, that’s also been hiding behind the redacted? Not the way everything else is, just as a deep-seated reminder of what it can’t afford to lose?
What a way to be told “I love you” - to be told “I will not lose you, I will not let go, I will do the hard part of holding on even if you don’t want me to”
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sysig · 6 months ago
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Do you remember? Nope! (Patreon)
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fortes-fortuna-iogurtum · 2 years ago
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I've been reading Exodus lately and I've just gotten to the portions where God gives the first commands to the people via Moses (twice), and then goes on to give detailed instructions about the tabernacle and how it should be built, and I'm just... we think art is unimportant?? we think things only mean as much as their functionality?? we so easily fall into the trap of believing that beauty means nothing, that it's cheap and only worth whatever mindless distraction it brings, that it's barely more than a cheap sensual thrill, that buildings should just be practical and plain and cheap, that everything should be functional but ultimately disposable, that paintings and dresses and mugs and curtains and carpets are just pretty but have no real value, that beauty is fleeting and vain and therefore shouldn't be thought about too much, if even looked for at all... we fall into these traps so easily, and we forget that there are chapters upon chapters of painstakingly detailed plans to build one portable worship tent, and those plans have been handed down through thousands of years of human history, because beauty and art and skill in craft is important
#I have to go get ready for work now but I will come back to this#and don't even get me started on the parts about God calling specific craftsmen *by name*#he called them!! by name!!! he said 'this man is good at his job. he creates beautiful work. he will build my temple and make it beautiful'#and even more--God inspired him!!!! it was a calling of GOD for him to create beautiful carvings and tapestries and candlesticks!!!#look even if you're not jewish or christian or religious at all you have GOT to see what it means that all these incredibly detailed plans#for building this tent-temple are extremely important#because even if you don't believe in God and don't think that this is all significant bc he personally gave the instructions#and then helped preserve this record of them so we could still read them today#you do have to see how important they were to the people of that time who first wrote them down#and the extreme care that was taken to record all of those detail#AND the fact that it's been preserved for so long and we can still read all the care that was put into creating this incredible piece#of artwork and worship they made#gurt says stuff#I just. gahhfhhfj. I'm feeling emotional about chapters of the Bible that I can't even fully force myself to pay attention to#bc there's so MUCH and I'm bad at visualizing this stuff and I tend to zone out while listening to it#but the fact that it IS that much!!! that there SO MUCH DETAIL and it goes on for SO LONG that I even struggle to pay attention!!!#that this was THAT IMPORTANT to the people who wrote it and to God!!! as an artist and someone who has always cared about art#this means so much to me ok#christianity#bible verse#bible thoughts#exodus#art#theology
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volivolition · 2 months ago
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DAY 10: EMPATHY - Lost little pearls of light. Tiny fires in the dark.
YAY YIPPEE a collab piece with @euclydya!! it drew the LOVELY linework and i finished the colors/shading!! wah im incredibly happy i got to do an art collab with y'all, thank you so much my beloveds :D!! <333 <222
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without overlay!!
#disco elysium#empathy#de empathy#disco elysium skills#skilltober#skilltober 2024#de skills#voliart#im still going back for the INTs but im posting this one on the actual day because its IMPORTANT!!#everyone look at how Euclydia posed him isnt he so pretty?? i love the hand over his chest he's so peaceful <33#esprit: Euclydia#empathy has the transparent crown because he was the signature skill in my run!! but my headcanon harry's signature skill is volition :3#so voli will have the actual skill signature crown but empathy is my personal choice <33#surprisingly this has nothing to do with the two transparent skill points. that's a whole separate thing that's spoilers for Swept Up hjkjg#a lot of quotes i wanted to use were not empathy quotes so i couldnt use em!! ''I'm glad to be me -- an incredibly sensitive instrument.''#'''A blue forget-me-not; a piece of the grey sky'. Unofficial: 'For a moment there was hope'.'' <- i do not condone moralism hgkjg#hgkgj i hate that my fave's a centralist man but i GET IT. he empathizes with every ideology so he just won't choose. like not pulling the#lever in the trolley problem. too scared to hurt anyone so not taking sides. guy who cares too much! if i make a decision someone gets hurt#best to leave it to a committee of people so no one's at fault! :) <- NO!!! EMPATHY!! THOSE PEOPLE WILL GET HURT ANYWAY!!! DO SOMETHING!#augh out of tag space but this GUY. I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM MAN. kisses his forehead. please have opinions my darling hgkjg
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panncakes · 1 year ago
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stuck thinking about when day gets crowded and overwhelmed on his birthday he calls out to gee of all people there to remove him from the situation; and how when day tells her he wants to be alone she makes sure he knows she wants to understand him and he can talk to her (not to help him or to fix things for him; simply to understand him) and when day reaffirms a boundary she accepts this and doesn't press further. he's her friend and she cares for him but he's still an adult and she has no problem treating him as such and i think that at the moment she is the only one from day's past who is actively able to do so
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bacchuschucklefuck · 6 months ago
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Can you expand on what you mean by Baron being "too cool" to really fit a horror monster? It's a very interesting concept and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Is it that they're too active/involved/tangible and it detracts from their scariness?
I feel like I should preface this with a wall of disclaimers lmao 1/I am a hardcore, down-to-the-marrow, avid, deeply sincere horror enthusiast, esp. horror creatures. this usually means my mileage is vastly different from the average populace's, and my scaredy bone has been disintegrated by longterm exposure. most things in a piece of horror media won't scare me! so I practically never use that on its own as the scale to talk abt horror experiences, but when something does scare me it's always a special occasion to be treasured. 2/canon d20 is never really meant to be horror horror, and for good reasons: it doesn't fit the company's output, it takes a kind of carelessness in production estimation that is always a huge risk, it's often vulnerable in a way that kinda goes against how TTRPGs usually facilitates vulnerability, and for most people it's just! stressful! d20, even with the "horror-themed" seasons, generally just plays with horror tropes and stays focused in its goal of being a comedy improv tabletop theater show. 3/fantasy high's chosen system is DnD, which as I've mentioned before is before all a combat-based game system, which means the magic circle of play is drawn based on stats that facilitate and prioritize combat. want or not this affects every interaction you have in the game, and given fantasy high's concept from the ground up (everyone's going to school of DnD stuff to get better at DnD) it's doubly relevant. 4/This Is Fine I have no quarrel with this. my meters are internal, I do not ask this show to be anything it doesn't advertise itself to be, and what it is is fucking great! I like it! when I expand on this ask's question it will be like a physicist going insane in a lab. that's the mindset we're going in with.
disclaimers done. my stance on horror as a genre is that it's a utility genre rather than a content genre or a demographic genre; it is the discard of narratives. it's the trash pile. horror, above being scary, is about being ugly and messy, it's the cracks on the ground any story inevitably steps over to stay a genre that isn't horror. the genre's been around long enough to develop a codex and a general language that medias and makers and enthusiasts of the genre can use to talk about and build onto, but if you go into individual pieces there's really no unifying Horror Story. one person's beautiful life can be another's horror story, it's just how it is.
this makes The Monster a deeply intriguing piece of the genre. thing is a monster is in a decent percentage of any story - it's just when the antagonist force steps into something past a certain line traced out in the story's world. monstrousness is in pretty much every western fantasy story, it's in any story with a hero and something to vanquish or win; more than anything it's a proxy of that thing up there. the line in a narrative's world. the monster is the guard of the unknown lands, where heroic, civilized people don't tread.
what does this mean in the context of horror? the genre is about that perceived lawlessness, that "unknown land" so to say. we're in the monster's home. that's the literary context that we often walk into a horror piece with; the monster knows more than you about where you are. it may not understand you, but it holds more information than you, and with that it moves swifter than you, has more covered than you, and is more assured in its existence in this context than you. it's a struggle to catch up to it, it's nigh impossible to get one over it, and you're never sure it'll 100% work, because you just don't have the information necessary to.
with that framing you can kinda see where I'm coming from here: horror's often about the breaking of rules. I always think a monster's most effective when it breaks well-established rules of both existence and visual storytelling. think Possum (2018) or Undertale's Omega Flowey or the Xenomorph Queen - unique change in medium, unique change in graphic, unique change in design language, etc. in that sense I actually really like how canon baron plays out: they don't really function like anything else in the fantasy high universe, the bad kids have not managed to kill them when they've felled literal gods, their domain in fhjy literally introduces new mechanics to encompass their existence! from an experience design standpoint they slap mad shit. BUT! I can't help finding their character, like as a character riz (and the other bad kids, eventually) interact with, to be very... coherent? in design. this is kinda hard for me to articulate in words, it's more often a sense you get once you've looked at enough of these scrumptious fuckers, their general design and the way they show up is just kinda too clean, so to say. always kinda newly made? fresh unboxed. it, once again, makes sense for their lore - they are looking for more about themself from riz - and their function - they're an antagonist in a game experience, they're meant to be interacted with in a way that produces results and meshes with the existing magic circle - but that shininess takes away from the implied history they should have dominion over and the person they're haunting doesn't.
from another angle there is kinda something there about how put-together canon baron is as a concept; the domain they call home is riz's deep-seeded fears, extremely vulnerable things he's drawn borders around to quarantine and refused to walk into. things that from his perspective would irreversibly shatter certain pleasant fictions his world is built on top of. canon baron, While Extremely Cool, I feel is kinda too neat to connect with and signify the apocalyticized mess that'd result from this paradigm shift. the part where they're in riz's briefcase and looking through every mirror is Very Cool And Fucked Up! but ultimately the show draws a line around them as well, by making game-physical, tangible spaces they're in (the mirrors and the haunted mordred manor) and put riz and the bad kids there only when they need to confront stuff. riz is meaningfully narratively away from baron's unknown land for most of fantasy high.
with that and all of my disclaimers in mind my conclusion here is if canon baron wants to be a Horror Monster they'd have to cross way more lines. be a Lot more invasive. hence (holds up my class swap baron like a long cat)
#ask#not art#tldr a lot of fantasy high's and d20's nature plays against having a Horror horror piece in it. there's no space for emptiness or dread#that's one of the most attractive things to me about horror. the monster signifying a new world you don't understand#you see something on the deserted streets and you realize: oh. the world doesn't work how I've been thinking it does#if u've noticed how much this has in common with queer experiences haha. yeag#man. actually I should also put the I Am Not White disclaimer in there too lmao a lot of the notion of The Monstrous is! traditionally#about maintaining and upkeeping a ''social order'' (read: the powers that be)#and a Lot of Wilderness Fiction is deeply and maliciously colonialist#so when I say ''the unknown land'' and ''the monster'' I am pretty much speaking From one of those unknown lands#and from the position of one of those monsters#the fear of the monstrous is so very often the fear of being consumed by - or becoming - the monstrous yourself#and well. when you're already there in the eye of the zeitgeist. You Can Do What You Want Forever#all that to say it Is important to me that baron is made of riz's lies. even more so in this funny class swap thing I make for fun#like as a horror protag he makes me insane. he loves lines! he loves lines he drew himself. he replicates these borders in himself#that mirror the world he lives in that's so hostile to him. that kid Loves rules. he bows to even the ones that hurt him#like. u get where I'm getting to right I did make a whole comic kinda near this subject he's Already The Other#baron is a monster's monster. baron is a mirror image. GODs I cant help but wish they were messier#it's kinda why I make class swap baron to be like. an ever nearing realization. like I warble abt all this but I genuinely do also find#canon baron to be just as visually coherent and thematically perfect as riz if not more. it's hard to beat how cool the mirror stuff is#it's hard to beat that doll face in iconic visuals! I have to strike according to my strength rather than trying to beat canon#so instead of reflection it's captured moments. instead of a blank face it's the lack of one. mmm. maybe I'm just kinda breaking things#for fun also but that's My prerogative in my house awooga <3#well. thats kinda my thoughts on the general subject. thank u for listening. I will bake something soon dyou want some
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bread-is-my-life · 1 year ago
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LITERALLY my only request is engie and pyro being best friends......... you can draw them doing literally anything it just makes me happy to see them getting along
Thanks for sending the request! I wanted to do more than one drawing but school started and I'm too busy atm :') BUT I will make sure to draw more of those two in the future. As for now have my sillies enjoying music :)
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Bonus engi sketch :) (first attempt to draw him)
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alumirp · 10 months ago
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Model Law x Firefighter Luffy x Police Zoro in an au where one of Luffy's co-workers is seriously injured in a fire that later turns out to be linked to another incident from a few months ago and then another and another. Zoro, Luffy's partner whos a cop, tells him to stay out of this, that everything is much deeper than it seems and that it could end very badly for them, Luffy and those around him. But of course Luffy is NOT about to just let it be.
Serial fires that have so far killed more than thirty people and injured hundreds, mainly because one of these fires happened in a factory that exploded and injured and killed not only the workers, but also many passers-by and neighbors, are not something Luffy can just let be. Zoro has little to do but accept that his boyfriend just won't let this go, so the next thing he knows he's sharing with Luffy all the evidence that has been collected so far that points to the Donquixote Group as the biggest suspect of th incidents of 'industrial sabotage'.
Luffy unfortunately can't keep his mouth shut to save his life, so suddenly the whole 'gang' knows about it and, through Nami, they discover a very good chance to collect evidence. Annually the Donquixote Group hosts a charity ball that invites 'the whole' city and by whole city, she means the entire upper class of the city. Luckily for them, her girlfriend, Vivi, can definitely help them get into the ball without a hitch. Then, all they have to do is go through security and get to the president's office and look for possible evidence. Which, in Zoro's opinion, is a terrible plan, but Luffy's terrible ideas usually work out, so they go with it. And it definitely works. Vivi easily takes them to the ball and, in the confusion of Straw Hats causing chaos among the big shots of GrandLine City
Luffy and Zoro slip through security and find their way to the Donquixote group CEO's office and that's where their luck ends. Or not. Not even five minutes after they begin to search the room, the door is opened and a pair of golden eyes stare unimpressed at them. The door is instantly closed, and before long, they hear voices outside, one of them being undoubtedly those of the owner of the room in question, Donquixote Doflamingo. Luffy and Zoro, practically frozen, simply look at the closed door in anxious anticipation as if at any moment Doflamingo would break down the door and set them on fire. He doesn't and soon the voices drift away. After that Luffy and Zoro are quick to continue the search, despite the scare, and unfortunately, they do not find anything of value to the investigation.
They are quick to leave after that, taking with them the straw hats that served as incredible distractions. Back at square one, they meet again at Luffy's house trying to plan their next step. But their little evil-combating meeeting is interrupted by a surprise visitor. Outside the house, standing at the top of the stairs, dressed in expensive clothes and looking fabulous, Trafalgar Law, the super model who is the face of the Donquixote Group all around the globe, the owner of impassive golden eyes, offers a deal.
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throughpatchesofviolet · 3 days ago
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I attended a dress rehearsal for a holiday performance, recently, and it got me thinking ... Radley would attend public school, at least for a short while, which means Heathcliff and Sherry would likely attend a school concert or two--they have to support their son, after all!
Anyway, imagining one of the songs having a dance number, and all the kids being uncoordinated while performing (as kids often are--the important thing is that they're having fun). After it ends, Heathcliff mutters, "That wasn't very coordinated, was it?" and Sherry punches him in the arm before hissing, "You're one to talk about coordination."
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wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt · 1 year ago
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It's a crime that more people aren't aware of House's prison bracelet. He wears it basically all of s8, and Hugh Laurie said that House made it in prison as a reminder of the time he served and everything he went through during his incarceration.
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lilacerull0 · 2 months ago
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i feel like reading/watching mbf immediately means knowing who i am as a person and... i cannot allow this
#you all know that i can't stand gatekeeping and how that's why i bring up what i like all the time in various contexts#but the surprising thing with mbf for me is that i can't talk about it as freely to people who don't know me#because i can't find a way to translate it without having to offer some crucial segment of myself#i enjoy sharing ideas and thoughts more than anything else but i don't like sharing me the person behind them#because i really cherish my individuality as something important in spite of where it takes me sometimes#i don't want to tarnish it!!!! i don't want even the smallest piece of it to be missing because i wouldn't know what to do anymore#i'll stick to typing out thoughts here and to my mom and to my med textbooks#but i must say it feels strangely refreshing to have something that is only my own this way because i always have to put myself out there#and this way i am not giving anyone the opportunity to twist it into something terrible about me#my spontaneous outbursts might ruin this for me though#letters from stephanie*#i dislike that i can't step outside of my own experiences with this like i usually do because art should be shared#this is suchhh a crazy person post#i think i finally get what my dad means when we fight about how i shouldn't say everything i think all the time#he doesn't want me to filter myself he wants me to preserve who i am from harm because stepping up sometimes won't help#who i'm trying to help but it will ruin me in some way even if it just makes me upset#i think that's how he manages to be calm without betraying himself?#he isn't lying he's just saying what he thinks when it matters and to those that matter#like most of the time i am right to single myself out but there is a particular shade of grey when i shouldn't do it#idk this is literally donna telling the dr YOU CAN STOP NOW.#realistically i just need someone to calm me down when my passions turn against me#overly personal post once again i am sooo sorryyyy look away
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opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months ago
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...
#had an interesting conversation with my sister the other day. odd i guess bc my sister is pretty smart#on paper shes smarter than me. or at least less dyslexic than me#but she didnt seem to kno what cancer is. i mean like how it works. i mean. cancer is a mistake. a confluence of unfortunate accidents#leading to unrestrained cellular growth. when it metastasizes. when it moves to other parts of the body. those same cells continue growing#if u have smooth muscle cancer and it moves to your kidney. you body is trying to grow more smooth muscle on your kidney#at least as i understand it. and she asked why it wants to kill you. it doesnt want anything. it just is. its not a thing of malicious#intent. its neutral. it grows. it takes up resources. it takes up space. and it grows and grows until the organ it grows on stops#functioning properly. like a parasite she said. but no. not like a parasite. it grows like an empty space. a mass of flesh. a constant#obstructive pressure. it grows like only a tumor can. i dunno. it didnt seem to connect with her that this thing didnt want to kill our mom#but it did anyway. and she felt weird about how long she lived after they took her off any support. but thats how cancer kills#it stops an organ from functioning and most of those r important so it only takes one. so her heart kept beating for 12 more hrs bc it was#meant to beat for 40 more years. but not much it could do without working kidneys and without working blood#but that's life. that's death. that's nature. its all nutral even if it feels horrible to the individual.#i dunno. i thought it was interesting. shes 25 and her mother had cancer for 10 years so id think shed kno more#we're at a weird phase now bc its been a week since she died and everything feels normal. we'll see what happens at the wake this week#its been interesting for sure bc she was sick for 10 years but my parents didnt prepare at all for her to die#so my dad is scrambling to put together the pieces shr left behind to make sure that all the bills r paid and whatnot. he had to guess her#computer password. she didnt tell us what she wanted us to have. she didnt tell us the importance of her jewelry and who it belonged to#before her. i dunno. we're seeing the outline of my mothers Pathology in what she left behind. both in the physical objects and in the#feelings she imparted. i dunno. its been weird#unrelated
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