#but gee has been working very hard to not let that happen to her friendship with day

[panncakes]

stuck thinking about when day gets crowded and overwhelmed on his birthday he calls out to gee of all people there to remove him from the situation; and how when day tells her he wants to be alone she makes sure he knows she wants to understand him and he can talk to her (not to help him or to fix things for him; simply to understand him) and when day reaffirms a boundary she accepts this and doesn't press further. he's her friend and she cares for him but he's still an adult and she has no problem treating him as such and i think that at the moment she is the only one from day's past who is actively able to do so

[vazelbeak]

Why does Moxxie sing a song about how great he is? Like i thought it was gonna more in character for him to sing a musical song if he hoards theatre stuff. I think Moxxie caring about what a bunch of teenage girls think of him is needs a better motivation for him to care. In classic set ups a character is looped into caring when they find something like earning a prize of some kind important in which the set up is theyre hurt when this impacts their attempts to reach this goal. So the set up would have to be akin to Moxxie wanting to ask some teen girls about what happened regarding someones death at camp, but gets rejected for "seeming to care more about gossip than the trauma and that makes him an ugly jerk" and this loops Moxxie into caring about getting close to them legitimately. They pulled this off a bit better in Seeing Stars. "we have a job to do and you're off dancing for views. Why does it matter how these people feel about you" reads like Moxxie is just mad Millie is popular and he's getting treated like shit for trying to force a friendship. This couldve just focused on how moxxie hates being treated like shit and how he could over look it when it was their boss but now it seems like millie just over looks the fact he has bitch painted on his tent and is getting treated horribly. If it was this easy for Blitzo to scare someone into giving him a portal to the human world like this, why wouldn't he have stolen the crystal considering the strain between him and Stolas. "Get of the stage! Kys!" Imo they shouldve just let this be a nice moment Moxxie supports his wife, it really drags down the moment.

"skill of a 12 year old russian ballerina" "a body that doesnt quit" "the love of my life" Moxxie is saying this in front of a bunch of kids who think theyre siblings. This just looks uncomfortable. Moxxie should've gone after people sooner. 

"Thats my sister fuckface" gee blitzo maybe its hard to tell because shes in her human form and youve yet to have one

i dont like barbie flashing her ass this guy 18/19 or not because shes in her 30s. Literally why is moxxie so mad at the target and not the kids who bullied him. he didnt seem very pressed to want to leave and that was set up to be resolved by millie wanting to feel important. Also he threw coke at them and it wore off fast? The firework killing him feels very anticlimactic. Was that the intent? 

Why does Blitzo care that Barbie is out of a job now? She already expressed this was her job so of course shes mad? She and several other people expressed wanting to not hang out with him "No you did it" would make sense if mille was supposed to set up a distraction for moxxie but that wasnt the case at all. 

Character writing: So, the character writing here feels very odd. I can kinda follow Blitzos concern for his sister over her doing something bad when she gets out of rehab and doesn't contact him, but Moxxie and Millies plot line I don't quite follow. Lemme explain- I assume this episode is meant to build up to Millies insecurities of being a brute and not cared about but I'm left surprised Millie is suddenly happy to feel important when none of this has been implied an issue prior. Maybe if it was that she wanted to specifically feel important outside of work? Mainly because Millie's enjoyment and confidence in her abilities killing feels like it contradicts this idea. I'd sooner understand not feeling valued as coming from Moxxie as he's being actively treated like shit, but unlike working with Blitzo, Millies job isnt being threatened if she were to stand up for him. "It matters how i feel about myself" would be great if we had some actual prior indication Millie had some kind of insecurities about not being important before. At most I can think of the Harvest festival games where she couldn't join because she actively killed people, but i think it would align more if it was that she felt like she wasn't a nuisance to people as the way she wasnt allowed to participate in games suggested. Instead of being so strong she's an annoyance like implied with her family, at this summer camp, she feels wanted and important. I think they were trying to give Millie personality and character with Moxxies speech, but frankly, I think it just doesn't work because it still amounts to "Millie hot and strong. Thats it that's the character."

The big thing Okay you guy know what it is, the amount of incest jokes, and underage kids jokes at a point aren't even just unnecessary but straight up gross. The counselor Barbie flashes her ass at is a teenager. She calls him a teenager. Moxxie says Millie has a body that doesn't quit in front of kids I know Viv said Barbies supplier is meant to be 18-19 but the fact they call him a teenager and they couldn't have him say "Hey I'm 19!" Makes me unsurprised people thought everything else in that part of the episode was extremely questionable. I'm aware Viv is someone who has shown she thinks incest, and kids being exposed to nsfw content is funny. Exes and Oohs had kids cry and puke looking at Blitzo's porn. But frankly I think she should consider both that in large repeated occurrences of it, it looks weird to audiences to throw in there much like the Moxxie fat jokes, and that it's very not funny to people who its a source of trauma for. I think this episode has a lot of struggles with its plot development and character consistency.

Thoughts on Unhappy campers

This will be a longer one

World building: So first things first lets start with world building! On a first run being in the human world there's not much worldbuilding for hell but it is odd Barbie needs a human costume, prior Moxxie and Millie didnt need one in seeing stars and now we're here where kids think their legs and skin are weird, until Millie ends up being seen as attractive (we'll get to that, i promise). But also we have a scene where Moxxie jumps into and stands in a fire but somehow isnt burned. Then when they go to have sex on stage and take clothes off, nobody recognizes them as demons. So...why did they need outfits? They still didnt answer this.

Plot: Personally I feel like we should've had more to connect western energy with this episode because it feels weird to leave off Stolas upset Blitzo might not love him and then Blitzo's breaking into a hospital to look for his sister. Like, a lot of people were under the impression he was going to visit Stolas until it was mentioned. They imply this to be a multiple time thing, but the way they deliver it feels like we should've have some prior build up like of Blitzo saying while theyre in sloth he has some other business to take care of besides Loona's hellbies shot. Viv said these episodes should all be watched together but this doesn't read that way. I think Moxxie deciding Blitzo put him in charge is funny, but Blitzo being so freaked out should've been played up more as at the moment it ends up looking like he's just acting weird. I think they should present the reason hes so worried about Barbie a lot sooner. She's clean, she doesn't want to talk to him, and despite that we get much on why he's worried until he finds out she's just on heroin. It may have worked if we had that implied earlier the full extent why hes worried. With the flip back to Moxxie and Millie my question is why are they deciding to be siblings? Why not just be a couple? I was dreading incest jokes the moment I heard this because now its coming off excessive especially to have it across three episodes two technically speaking being back to back. With Moxxie finding the suspicious behavior circumstantial it feels intended to drag out the plot because we get nothing to indicate him changing his mind from "this is coincidence" to "theyre the culprits". When if he went "holy shit its them!" when Millie pointed out everything it would make sense. I also don't follow why Moxxie is going to the kids for info and not counselors? They would know more about who would've had the means to drill into the boat. Or are kids better because Moxxie is trying to integrate himself into the camp and make sure counselors aren't wondering where an extra kid came from? think it would help to have a line of dialogue to indicate this. Moxxie trying to talk about who he is feels like it could've been a good set up for either 1. lying about being from another country and having a skin condition like how plenty kids go to summer camp and lie to seem cool in which all the other kids fall for because he makes increasingly elaborate lies to cover for himself 2. Making an original OC type joke with the "I like boys, makeup, and hot pink. I dislike people who think theyre better than me, bad make up, and the color green. My catchphrse is-" to imply Moxxie getting into character is him basically making a human oc. Also it feels a bit conflicting to go from "Millie leave out the fucking bitches part because these kids are too young" to "All the boys want me <3" like maybe just leave it at a "Boys fight over me all the time" Yeah kids can be cruel, but I'll just say i presume this is funnier when you weren't the one being bullied in that way. It comes off as just "okay...so is there gonna be a clever joke with this?" Kids being atttacted to Millie and seeing both about a bunch of girls crushing on her and being sent nudes is weird and uncomfortable. I feel like maybe they should've kept it to kids looking up to her and her almost becoming the cool kid/leader of them. I dont really follow the whole "i cant elimante any suspects because theyre too busy swooning over you" wouldn't this be good by giving Moxxie time to investigate while everyone else is distracted like what they had by the end of the episode? I dont really follow the whole "i cant elimante any suspects because theyre too busy swooning over you" wouldn't this be good by giving Moxxie time to investigate while everyone else is distracted like what they had by the end of the episode? ill have to reblog with the rest

[heniareth]

I was really curious about what your opinions on the DAO companions are :) I know we have talked about some, but I'd love to hear more and about the others as well :D I hope it's ok to pose this as an ask :)

Sure! That sounds like a ton of fun. This might be a long one tho. Mind you, this is not the finished version of the answer. I'd like to link stuff and add a cut, but rn that's not possible. I'll update it when I can.

Edit: I have updated it ^^

Let's go alphabetically bc why not.

Alistair:

Sweet guy. So sweet. There was a moment when I was hard pressed chosing between him and Zevran (alas, Zevran won). Also, he's weirdly tall according to the wiki? How did I not notice that before?

Let's get a bit more serious now, Alistair is a great guy. The only reason he's not the hero of the story is because he doesn't want to. He has all the qualities of a leader: he's good at dealing with conflict (as evident with the conversation with the mage at the beginning. He gets where he wants to get without antagonizing the mage, but without allowing him to trample all over him). He's a solid tactitian and knows how to make allies (he suggests to use the Grey Warden treaties, after all). I bet if he was in the leadership position, he'd even not bicker with Morrigan. His moral code is pretty tight; some might say too tight, but I think it's less about the moral code and more about learning to judge people by their actions, not by the labels they fit into (Morrigan is a proud apostate and therefore bad. Wynne is a humble circle mage and therefore good). He also has a bit of a black-and-white way of seeing the world. I empathize a lot with Alistair, especially with his experience with the Chantry and his subsequent reluctance to deal with it. I really wish I had gotten to know more about concrete experiences he had during his training as templar, but he seems reluctant to talk about it (gee, I wonder why).

Since I've only played the game once, I haven't really picked up on Arl Eamon's abuse towards him, which apparently exists (Isolde, however... I mean, even if he were Eamon's illegitimate son, he's a kid, ma'am, he didn't exactly get to chose his parents. So that's so not okay). Alistair's way of speaking about them both, however, is either sign that he has not come within a hundred miles of acknowledging how much it hurt him, or that he's already gone through the whole process and has decided to forgive them. The latter shows a very strong character; yes, he relies on the approval and leadership of others, he has his issues, but he's already started working on them.

That being said, irl Alistair would be like a little brother to me. I'd tease him relentlessly (all in good fun and I promise to stop if it makes him uncomfortable, but he's just so teasable). I still wish the videogame gave him the chance to take important decisions for himself. But that, of course, would somewhat defeat the point of the game.

Leliana:

Another sweet, sweet person. Her singing voice is amazing. Her belief in the Maker inspires me (I'm a religious person and seeing religious characters represented in a positive light is Very Cool. It's also sometimes a source of discomfort, because the Church has done a lot of very messed up stuff and positive representation can sometimes veer into apologetics for things that should not be excused, but that's a whole other can of worms. The bottom line is that religious characters sometimes work for me and other times don't and Leliana works for me very much bc she's an outsider inside the Chantry).

Leliana is best friend material, tbh. I'd love to get to know her irl, discuss theology and philosophy and maybe even politics? She makes mistakes and has prejudices, but, tbh, so do I. And I do get the feeling that she tries her best to learn. From the times she intervenes in a conversation between the Warden and an NPC, she shows herself to be compassionate and open to the needs of others. What I get from her character is that she genuinely wants to help, which is something that I adore of her. I suspect that she sometimes has a hard time deciding wether she's a good person or not. She has killed and seduced and worked for a morally dubious person, and she doesn't show the same nonchalance about it as Zevran (though they both do discuss their line of work in very... professional terms). This is, however, more of a headcanon than actual factual canon.

I also very much enjoy her girly side, like her interest in shoes and dresses. She's one badass woman who also looses her cool about the latest fashions in Val Royeaux. I like that. Between her and Alistair, a non human noble Warden has as good a help to navigate the Fereldan court as they're going to get. Leliana is also, I can't forget that, clever and insightful. It'd be easy to write her off as the innocent chantry girl, but she's so much more than that. Her kindness is paired with foresight, I think. She knows that taking on the trouble to help now can go a long way in the future. I just have a lot of respect for her.

Loghain:

This one's gonna be short bc I didn't recruit him. He's an amazing villain and would probably be a great Warden as well. He reminds me of Denerhor from LOTR; once a hero/stewart of his people, ambition and desperation have driven them both down a terrible path. I have also only little idea about his past. People say he lost a lot, and I believe it wholeheartedly; it doesn't excuse the fact that he plunged the country into a civil war in the middle of a Blight. I don't have a lot of sympathy for short-sighted politicians. I wish he hadn't made himself regent. That's what I take away from his character.

Edit: One thing I forgot to mention that really impressed me was his death. I had Alistair duel him (that was a rough duel), and then it kinda just jumped to a cutscene of my Warden nodding and Alistair executing him. That didn't sit well with me. I didn't want to kill Loghain, and less so in front of Anora. But what impressed me was that Loghain just accepted it. That takes a whole lot of guts. Compare that to Howe's death, and how he screams out that he deserved (more, probably, or anything but death) and it's crystal clear who the more noble of the two is. Loghain strikes me as very lawful neutral, and any neutral alignment has the particularity that it can be dragged towards good or bad, sometimes without the characters noticing it (which is interesting from a DnD perspective; neutral is often concieved of as just as stable as good or evil, but that may not be true. But that's a different post). Anyway, Loghain's death was impactful.

Morrigan:

I could kick myself for not maxing out her approval in the first play-through. I got to enjoy a bit of her friendship by the end of it and boy was even that little bit worth it. Friendship with Morrigan is something that is hard-won. It's all the more precious because of that.

Morrigan is full of paradoxes, I think. She's incredibly wise in some ways, yet also very short-sighted (”just kill them, don't solve their problems”. Morrigan, dear, I'm not going to gain a lot of allies if I kill everybody who poses a problem to me). She is so intelligent, but emotionally... not so. She knows so much about some things, and very little about the next. She's incredibly wilful and knows what she wants, but follows Flemeth's orders all the time through. She hungers for power and independence, yet craves closeness, but won't allow herself to have it. She asks you to prove yourself to her and is extremely critical of your actions, I think, because she's afraid. She bites the hand that feeds her because it might hit her next.

Like with Eamon, I haven't managed to catch the undercurrent of abuse that seems to permeate Flemeth's relationship with Morrigan. Except there are signs, because there must be something Morrigan is scared of and who has instilled all that rage in her, and that's Flemeth. Also, she clearly hates/does not care about her and wants her dead (unless killing Flemeth was part of Flemeth's plan as well? Hm.)

Morrigan is that one person who you are nice to, continuously, because nobody else is. And suddenly she becomes less cold. And then friendly. And suddenly you're asking yourself why everybody hates her, because she's a really good friend! I just wish the other companions came to a similar conclusion, especially Alistair and Wynne.

Oghren:

They did this man dirty. He has such great lines and I'm convinced he was a great person before Branka disappeared. He has that dwarven warrior spirit, and while he looks like Gimli, some of his most impactful lines remind me of Dwalin or even Thorin Oakenshield himself. He could be so noble had he gotten some character development, damnit!

Oghren as he is written is somewhat disgusting. I hate the lechering comments and the drunkenness. And still, I don't hate him because of those amazing lines he has when he's actually sober. It's frustrating and I'll give him that character development myself if the game won't. I strongly associate the song Whiskey Lullaby with him, bc that's how he would have ended up if the Warden hadn't taken him along (warning: the song talks about suicide and alcoholism). Like I said, they could have done such cool things with his character. As he is written now... it's just sad. Moments of lucidity drowned in alcohol and creepy jokes. As you can see, I don't blame the character for either. The alcoholism happens all too often irl. The creepy jokes... I put that one on the writers' tab.

I actually think Oghren could have been a great mentor figure (I know, I shock myself as well sometimes). Next to the Grey Wardens, the ones who know most about fighting darkspawn are the dwarves because they have to deal with them constantly. Especially a warrior caste dwarf like Oghren could have brought a lot of that invaluable knowledge to the team, especially since there are no Grey Wardens in Ferelden but two extremely green recruits. Next, you get the chance to give Oghren the command of the teammates you leave behind in the battle of Denerim with the reason that he has lead men into battle before. Where did that suddenly come from? Oghren should have been right up there telling my Warden that they were doing this wrong, that they needed more food (and booze) and a confident leader to keep the armies they've called together going. Oghren should have been able to tell my civilian city elf who got recruited into the Grey Wardens a six months ago how one leads an army. How one presents oneself to inspire confidence, how one doesn't crack under the pressure, how one gets the leaders of said armies (some who hate each others guts i.e. Dalish elves and humans) to work together. And, last but not least, Oghren could have had a great story about grief. This is a man who has lost most of what made him (and what he hasn't lost he's spilling down the drain with every mug of ale). This is a man who, if you take him into the Deep Roads, has to see what his wife did to his family, how his wife got absolutely obsessed, and can be forced to kill said wife or watch her die. All Wardens loose their home and families at the start of the story. It would really have rounded the whole narrative out if the Warden and Oghren could have recognised their grief in each other and hashed it out somehow. Such as it is, Oghren is a depressed drunkard and there is nothing we can do about that. I find that frustrating.

Rascal (a.k.a. Dog):

Best boy. 100/10. I wish we had gotten to see the reaction of the different origins to the mabari (because elves probably have a whole different experience with them from mages or humans. And dwarves just... I think they straight up have none? XD). Other than that, no complaints. The name Rascal was the one I gave my dog because you have to be a right rascal to survive what he did and play the pranks he plays. Smartest breed in the world indeed.

Shale:

Shale is one of those characters that I recruited rather late in the game, so I haven't had the chance to explore their personality and worldview, really. I didn't even get to take them to the Deep Roads (this will be ammended in playthrough nr. 2). As such, I don't have particularly strong opinions on them (or her? The wiki refers to Shale as 'it', but that sounds weird). But, because I know so little about Shale, I have a lot of questions. First, what were they like before they were a golem? Shayle, as she was called then, was the best warrior of her time if I remember correctly. Why did she become a golem? Was it to be able to eternally protect her people? Was the sarcasm the golem Shale exhibits also part of the dwarven warrior Shayle or did that come later (if for thirty years you have nobody to talk to but yourself, you better be entertaining. And I can imagine how it could make somebody terribly jaded as well).

Next, how attached is Shale to their golem form, exactly? According to the banter, they infinitely prefer it to a squishy fleshy form. If that is the case, however, why go to Tevinter to try and become a squishy dwarf again? It's not like that process could be reversed if they wanted to become a golem again; if Shale survives to the end of the game, the Anvil of the Void is destroyed and Caridin is dead. Was the whole spiel about their indestructible form a façade? It might have been, but not because Shale actually disliked their form. I think it would have more to do with the loss of their memories and with the very invasive experiments and alterations of Shale's body made by the mage Wilhelm. The loss of memories means that Shale is unable to remember life as a fleshy creature. They might be deflecting by pretending that they didn't care for that experience anyway because of the superiority of their golem form. The modifications made to their form by Wilhelm would have alienated them from their body. In light of this, it's significant that Shale asks the Warden to decorate their form with crystals.

All of this is, of course, pure speculation. I may have easily missed or forgotten details that would disprove the above thoughts. All in all, I like Shale and I hope we meet them again in DA4 (given that it's mostly set in Tevinter). It's a liking from a respectful distance, because Shale is tall and made out of rock and also way more experienced than I will ever be (they are literally the oldest member of the Warden's little Blight fighting squad).

Sten:

Sten is another person I'd keep a respectful distance from physically. That seems to be the what he would prefer, at least. I've enjoyed his character a lot, especially because he seems pretty clear-cut at first, but slowly lets the nuance of his person show (gruff and stoic, but then he has an eye for art, a sweet tooth and he likes cute animals). It's also very interesting that there's no moment when you learn "the truth" about him the way you do with Zevran or Leliana. There's no big reveal about his life under the Qun before coming to Ferelden. He says he was sent to monitor the Blight, but honestly? If neither Ferelden nor Orlais knew there was a Blight, how could the Qunari know? I think he's lying, and he takes his secrets back with him when he leaves Ferelden. And yet I think I know him enough to say that a Warden who has become friends with him has nothing to fear from Sten.

One thing I find very interesting about Sten is how he thinks. His conversation about how women can't be soldiers has been analysed a lot on this page I think. He seems to be arguing based on a different paradigma than the one the Warden has. He also seems to have a very clear-cut view of the world. What is fascinating to me is that, when arguing with the Warden and learning about their culture, he is not necessarily becoming more lax about his worldview. I think it's more likely that he is expanding his paradigma, the structure of thought through which he understands the world. I don't think that he is now convinced that women can be warriors as well. I think he rather understands that, in Ferelden, the relationship between occupation and gender is different than under the Qun. Which of the two he thinks is more right or more agreeable, I have no idea. I'm also not very interested in that. But I find it fascinating how he always seems to be looking on quietly, gathering data, classifying it and trying to fit it into his understanding of how the world works. I wouldn't be surprised at all if his original party was a scouting party to see how vulnerable Ferelden was at that moment to outside forces. One thing I don't understand with all of this is why he urges the Warden to meet the Blight head on. No smart soldier would suggest that, except if they are foolishly proud (and Sten doesn't seem like that kind of guy tbh). I get that the Warden takes way longer to gather allies than expected because they first have to solve all of their allies' problems. But surely Sten sees the need to have allies? Is he just that impatient? Does he have a death wish (à la, I lost my sword and am without honour, better to die sooner than later and in glorious battle)? Was he his group's previous commander and is he now having trouble following somebody else's orders? Or maybe it's his way to make sure the Warden knows what they are doing? To push them into becoming the self-assured commander their allies will need once they're all gathered? I really don't know. I like the last option best, however.

For me, Sten is my fellow, more experienced soldier. Like Alistair, he can potentially be the Warden's brother in arms, but he's definitely the older brother here. He probably doesn't take kindly to tearful confessions of how hard everything is, but I feel like he's otherwise a solid rock to lean on. I feel like the Warden can trust him to do what is necessary and count on him no matter what, especially after they get his sword back. His devotion from that point on is honestly so powerful.

Wynne:

Wynne was such a support for my Warden (except with the whole conversation about love vs. duty and that she may have to choose between Zevran and ending the Blight and that she should therefore break up with him. Wynne had a point. Astala was so not willing to sacrifice her relationship with Zevran. But the whole conversation came at a point where she was already so disillusioned that she blew up in Wynne's face (”can i please just have one (1) nice thing????”)). But all in all, Wynne is great.

She has a lot of flaws. She was very marked by her life in the Cricle and, for all her age, she has little experience living outside of it. She is also a conformist despite her strong moral core. In a way, her ability to find peace with her lot in life impresses me deeply because it speaks to a lot of strength of character. Sadly, however, strength can be ill applied and used to suppress. I think she has convinced herself that the Chantry is right under (almost) all circumstances to be able to rationalize the life that mages live. She's had her son taken away from her as a baby and an apprentice killed. Her reaction seems to have been to convince herself that this was right, or for the greater good (and now I'm thinking about the Guardian's question at the temple of Andraste's Ashes; are you wise or do you just repeat what others have told you? The answer is not as clear-cut as it might be). This is why she is so irritated by Zevran and Morrigan. By aligning herself with the Chantry, she is, in her eyes, good. Zevran and Morrigan are not; they do not conform to Chantry morality and they defend themselves tooth and nails against somebody who would try and convert them. This is something Wynne never allowed herself to do; she always did the "right" thing and it has cost her so much. I'm not saying she was right (it would probably have done her some good to rebel from time to time, and to trust her own gut instinct more), but in light of this, it hardly surprises me that she's so judgamental. She has to be, or she would be forced to confront all the evil she has not fought against all those years and all the hurt that has been caused to her by the very institution she protects (and thank God she only tries to argue and can appreciate it when people have found a good life outside of her comfort zone. If she tried to convince by force or, for example, drag her former apprentice back to the Circle... boy oh boy that would get ugly). If you think about it, Wynne really is a good example for what happens if you live by a philosophy of always choosing the lesser evil.

Something that I keep forgetting over her grandmotherly and dignified character is how damn powerful she is. She has escaped the carnage at Ostagar; HOW!? She protected those mage apprentices in the Circle tower for God knows how long. In the battle of Denerim, she wades through an army and comes out alive on the other side. The wiki lists her age at 40, I think, but that doesn't make a lick of sense unless 75 years of age are the Fereldan equivalent to 100. This lady, about whom people make grandmother jokes, did all that. It's impressive.

Zevran:

You know, I would really love to know what Wynne thinks about the events at Kirkwall in DA2. It might be a disaster for her, or it might pave the way for one last bit of character development. She certainly didn't want to return to the Circle after fighting the Blight. That may be an indicator of some change in her stance on the Circle of Magi.

Edit: I forgot that she is what the Circle considers a literal abomination! Holy cow, how could I forget that?? Anyway, her conversation about what being an abomination means is so... heartbreaking, actually. It's so tentative. So careful. "Am I an abomination? Am I the same thing that has killed my students? The same thing as Uldred? Am I lost and damned? Did I invite this spirit in? Is this my fault?" Like wow, Wynne is going through something huge right there. I love it. I have to continue playing the game to see what it ends up as, but it's fascinating and such a huge thing that she allows the Warden in on that.

Ah, Zevran, my beloved (he has stolen my heart so much it's not even funny anymore). He's funny, he's charming, he's so so loyal and it breaks my heart. Zevran is the one about whom I've read most meta: these three wonderful posts for instance, as well as this one about his possible lack of scars, and this one about his lack of freedom. All of these have influenced my opinion of him and they are great reads.

I have talked about Zevran with you before, so I'll just skip to the new stuff. I have come to conclusion that Zevran is an artist at heart. This is totally not biased by the fact that I also do art, but hear me out. One of his preferred gifts are bars of silver and gold. While those have the obvious utility of basically functioning as money (they can be sold to any silversmith or goldsmith and their value is pretty stable through time and in different countries), there's also this from his codex: "Zevran shows an affinity for the finer things in life—hardly surprising for an Antivan Crow—but his appreciation can be more poetic than he lets on. A simple bar of refined silver or gold, uncomplicated by a craftsman's hammer, is elegantly valuable." Tell me that is not an artist's eye that sees that gold and sees the beauty in it. Then, there's also the meta about Zevran the Seducer which I linked above and link here again. It talks specifically about how he lets himself enjoy the target and be seen in his enjoyment. Tell me that is not an artist's eye that beholds the beauty of something he is set out to destroy. Even his talk about his assassinations show this. He talks about it as an art, the way somebody would talk about the brutal intervention in stone that produces a sculpture. Yes, it's a rationalization of the act of killing and yes killing is still wrong. But he doesn't go on about it on a moral tangent the way Alistair or Wynne would (”this person was bad, killing them was necessary”) or even through the argument of survival like Morrigan would (”it was either them or me and it sure as Hell wasn't going to be me”). He talks about the pleasure of a job well done, of the satisfaction of striking the precise point and executing a plan to the perfection so as to minimize chances of discovery and to make a clean death possible. And pleasure in seeing and in doing, this I firmly believe, is absolutely fundamental for an artist.

My favourite part about my Warden and Zevran as a pairing is that Zevran precisely brings out that ability to take your pleasures as they come and to really savour them. Fighting the Blight is tough; it's so important to find good things amidst the chaos to stay sane. If Astala saves Zevran from himself by offering him a place to stay and a purpose, Zevran saves Astala from herself by keeping her from running herself into the ground trying to save the world.

There are some things I don't like about Zev. The incessant flirting, for example, sometimes makes me uncomfortable (it becomes enjoyable for me once the Warden and him are in a relationship, but before that? Nah, no thanks). I wish he would also leave the other female characters alone (and there's so many more shameless comments of his aimed at Morrigan, Leliana or Wynne than at Alistair or maybe even Sten).

---

And that's my take on the Origins companions (this was rather long. Whew ^^' I hope it was still readable and that you enjoyed it!!) Thank you so much for the ask!! It's been a joy thinking about this. I was worrying at first that the less prominent companions like Sten or Shale wouldn't get as much content but... well XD

[petri808]

hiii i am absolutely obsessed with ur drabbles could u please do nalu #4 and #39 pls🥺

“Walk out that door and we’re through” + “Please come home, I miss you”

This was tough cause the questions could trigger a story similar to this one I also did for these prompt asks round. But I think I can make it different enough, albeit angst hell 😅 here we go! It’s a little rushed but longer then I expected for a ficlet lol

“Lucy,” Natsu knocked at the office door, “it’s time to go.”

“Where?” She answered without looking up.

“Levy’s birthday party.”

“Oh!” Lucy sat up in her desk chair and turned her body to face her husband. “Right! I forgot. Um, shucks, but I’m on a writing high right now and I can’t stop— tell her I’ll make it up to her, will ya?”

She always says that… Natsu sighed, “yeah, sure…”

Levy Redfox was Lucy’s childhood best friend and while the woman was also his friend, it just didn’t sit well with Natsu that she’d choose writing over the woman. But this had been an ongoing issue lately... Don’t get him wrong, he fully supported his wife’s career as an author, especially now that it’s really starting to take off. The issue was it had consumed her at the expense of everyone around her.

He knocked on their friends door, answered by Levy herself.

“Natsu!” Levy hugged the man excitedly, but when she noticed he was alone, frowned a tad. “Again, huh?”

“I’m sorry, Levy,” Natsu’s shoulders slumped. “Lucy’s in a,” he made quotation marks in the air, “‘writing high,’ and said she’ll make it up to you.”

“Well, I’m glad you came,” the woman smiled despite the sadness hiding behind her eyes.

All of their closest friends were in attendance and spent the evening talking, eating, and playing a few fun birthday games. It distracted him to some extent, but as the night wore down and the other guests had all left, Natsu, his best friend Gray Fullbuster, Levy, and her husband Gajeel sat around in the living room talking about the elephant in the room. Lucy.

“I’ve tried talking to her,” Levy said quietly, “but, I try not to make it sound too harsh.”

“Maybe that’s exactly what you need to do babe,” Gajeel chimed in. “Be blunt.”

“Yeah, I’m like you,” Natsu agreed with Levy. “It’s not easy to bring it up cause she’s oblivious about it.”

“But it’s hurting your marriage man!” Gray looked at Natsu. “And your friendship,” he switched to Levy. “I’m with Gajeel. If you aren’t honest with her, it’s not gonna get better.”

“Think I don’t know that?!” Natsu spat back. “Think I enjoy being the only one in that house in pain?! I don’t, but—” his voice cracked, “I’m worried I’ll push her away if I say something.”

“She’s already pushing you away dude. Do you still love her?”

“Of course, I do,” Natsu sighed. “I love her more than anything, but apparently it’s not enough… we haven’t even… you know, I can’t remember the last time.”

“Wow… Then you really gotta tell her. All of it,” Gray coaxed.

Levy who’d sat quietly through the back and forth, chimed in quietly. “Gray’s right. You should tell her, when you go home, just tell her how you’re feeling. And whatever happens, happens. We can just hope for the best.”

“You know you’ll be the first to hear from her if I do,” Natsu pointed out.

“I know. But… it’s time I come clean too.”

Natsu slumped back onto the couch and let out a depressed exhale. “And you,” he looked to Gray. “You know if it goes wrong I’ll be showing up at your door.”

“My couch has your name on it.”

“Gee, thanks.”

That had to be the longest drive home Natsu had ever taken, even though it was really just 10 minutes. He was a physical person by nature and never been very good at expressing his feelings in words. Words were his wife’s domain. There were a lot of things he wanted to say, but his biggest fear was saying things wrong. With his hand on the doorknob, Natsu took one last breath and opened the door to her office. He knew before entering, Lucy was still working by the clacks of the keyboard and interrupting would immediately cause friction. But he couldn’t wait anymore.

“I’m home,” Natsu called out… with no response. He sighed and spoke more sternly. “Lucy. I’m home.”

“Oh, welcome home,” she finally responded. “How was the party?”

He knew it was an empty question, because she never even looked up or stopped typing and it meant she wasn’t really listening. “Lucy… we need to talk.”

“I’m kinda busy Natsu.”

“I know, but you’re always busy Lucy. That’s part of the problem.” The moment the last word came out, Natsu knew instantly he’d picked the wrong one. Crap.

Lucy stopped typing, turned off the screen and shut the laptop. “Problem?” She turned the chair around with her eyes narrowed in a focused glare. “What do you mean, problem?”

“Lucy,” he ran a hand down his face, “I don’t want to fight, but we need to talk— there’s a lot we need to talk about.”

“Like what?” She crossed her arms. “What is so important that you need to mess with my job?”

There it was.

“I’m not trying to do that,” he sighed. “You know how proud I am of your career. But, it feels as if you’re choosing your career over everything else in your life. Me, your friends, we’re all just being pushed aside—”

“Are you kidding me?!” Lucy shot out of her chair shaking in anger. “I am not doing any of that! I’m not pushing anyone away! Y-You’re the one who’s acting selfish trying to tell me I’m not giving you enough attention! And don’t you bring Levy into this! If this was bothering her she’d tell me!”

“It does bother her! But she’s afraid of getting,” he gestured with his hands up and down at Lucy, “this reaction! Is it selfish to want to spend some time with my own wife?!” Natsu growled. “We never spend time together anymore! You’re just always hunched over that damn computer!”

“I’m doing my job!” Lucy shrieked. “I have deadlines to meet! This story ain’t gonna write itself! Research ain’t gonna materialize on its own! It’s a lot of work!”

“Lucy,” Natsu pinched his brows together, trying hard to stop from snapping further as well as to control the tears building in his eyes. “I love you, more than anything in this world, but I don’t know what happened to the woman I’d married. The old Lucy wouldn’t abandon her loved ones like this.”

“You’re just mad because I’m successful now.”

“That’s bullshit! And you know it! No job is worth losing the people you care about, and if you can’t understand that, then, I don’t know what else to say!”

“Then I guess there isn’t anything more to say,” she spat back.

“I guess not.” Natsu answered softly, turned and left the room.

He’d already assumed confronting Lucy about her precious career would not end well, and he was right. Staying would only cause more trouble. So, he quietly packed a suitcase to go to Gray’s house, making sure to bring anything he’d need because he had no idea how long he’d stay there. He’d said his peace; it really was all in Lucy’s hands now.

Back in her office, Lucy dropped back down into her chair as the full weight of what just transpired hit her like a ton of bricks. She cradled her face in her hands as the anger that had fueled her response suddenly mixed with sadness. Tears flowed free. Did that really just happen?! She could hear Natsu moving around in the bedroom, the opening of drawers, the closet, the zipping sound of the suitcase, each and every step driving a knife deeper and deeper. How dare he tell her to stop writing! This was her dream! Her livelihood! Why couldn’t he just support her instead of acting like a child who wasn’t getting attention!

When she heard Natsu walking towards the front door area, Lucy raced out of the room to confront him one last time.

“Walk out that door and we’re through!” She screamed. “Do you hear me? We’re through!”

Natsu ignored her words knowing it was the anger talking… hoping it was just the emotions fueling her rage. “I’ll be at Gray’s,” he simply responded with a hint of sadness in his tone. “You should really think long and hard about this Lucy, because if not, you’ll lose a lot more than you realize.” And with that, he closed the front door behind him.

Lucy crumpled to the ground and wailed— raged, banging the floor with her fists as the sobbing overtook her. She truly could not understand what brought this on. Hadn’t she been a good wife?! Faithful! Hard working! What more did he want?! All she was doing was trying to make it in the cut-throat world of publishing. Does he not understand how hard it is to make it in that world?! She pulled her phone from her pocket and started to dial Levy’s phone number. But just as she got to the last two numbers, she stopped. It was already 1 am, and it would be rude to wake her friend up. Lucy sniffled and hung her head in shame before dragging herself back towards the bedroom. She’ll just call in the morning.

When Levy answered the phone, Lucy was slightly taken aback by the response. Not a hello, just a, ‘I wondered when you’d call.’ Evidently the woman was expecting it, but she was too tired to let it add to her problems. She hadn’t slept much after Natsu left— no surprise. She was still angry, but also confused, sad, and just mentally drained of life. Her friend agreed to come over in a bit, so Lucy dragged herself into the shower hoping it would make her feel better.

“Wow, you don’t look good,” Levy remarked at her friend.

“Hi to you too,” Lucy mumbled as she moved to the side to let her friend in. “Who would after a fight?”

Once settled on the couch, Levy went straight to the point before Lucy could even begin. “I already know what this is about. I know Natsu’s side, so start with yours.”

“Wow— okay, well—” Lucy pulled her legs up and tucked them underneath her body in a protective mode. “He tried to tell me to stop writing and I thought that was bullshit,” she said bluntly.

Levy’s brow raised. “Is that exactly what he said? To stop writing?”

“W-Well no, but that what he implied!”

“What did he say exactly?”

Lucy looked away, a scowl growing on her face and to hide the renewed moisture in her eyes. “He said I’m pushing everyone away.”

“And you don’t agree?”

“No! I’m not choosing my career over everyone! It’s ridiculous to even imply that I would!”

“Lu, do you still love your husband?”

“Of course, I love him!”

“Are you sure he knows you still love him?”

“I—” Lucy crossed her arms over her chest and sunk further into the couch mumbling. “I don’t see why he wouldn’t.”

“I can tell you, he doesn’t. Lu, you’ve pushed all of us away.”

“So, you’re taking his side?!”

“No. I’m giving you reality. You’ve been wrapped up in your fictional world so much that you’ve forgotten this one and the real people in it.”

“I—” Lucy turned away to hide the tears slowly starting to trickle down her face. “I never meant to…”

“I know…” Levy placed a hand on her friends leg. “Lu, we all know. He knows, but he’s hurting and it’s in your power to fix this.”

“But how?! I can’t just stop writing. I have deadlines and— you know, its a lot of work to put a story together.”

“You have to find a balance. Right?” Levy coaxed. “You have to take breaks. You have to relax sometimes. Natsu’s not asking you to stop, and he knows there will be times you really can’t stop. But it can’t be all the time, and right now it’s all the time.”

“I know…”

“Girl when was the last time you…” Levy wiggled her brows and grinned. “You know.”

Lucy blushed. “Too long.”

“Well?!” Levy laughed. “Are you finally getting our point?”

“Yeah,” Lucy sighed. “I got tunneled vision.”

Levy leaned in, adding pressured from the hand on Lucy’s leg and a softening in her voice. “And it put your marriage in jeopardy. But it’s not too late to fix it.”

The tears exploded from Lucy. “I told him… when he left, I-I told him don’t come back.” She buried her face in her hands as the sobbing took control. “I-I was screaming at him… so angry, I just lost it and—”

Levy pulled Lucy into a hug. “Shhh,” she held tight. “I’m sure he knew you didn’t mean it. Shh, it’s okay. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean when we’re mad. But you can still get him back, I’m certain of it.”

“H-how?!” Lucy sobbed into Levy’s shoulder. “He’s gotta be so mad at me!”

“Hun, Natsu’s more sad then mad. He needs to feel like you still love him.” Levy pulled away and cupped Lucy’s cheeks, staring, searching the woman’s eyes. “Can you tell him you love him?”

“I can tell him I love him,” Lucy sniffled.

“Then go tell him that!” She hugged her friend. “You’ll be okay Lu, you two are meant to last.”

“Thanks, Levy.”

“He’s at Gray’s right? Want me to drive you?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Levy smiled. “Now clean up a bit, I’ll wait in the car.”

The whole ride over to Gray’s house was the most nerve wracking experience in Lucy’s life. As she sat there huddled in Levy’s passenger seat, all the ways she could ever apologize tried to funnel through her head. She was a writer, and yet for the first time in a long time, all the words dried up or mashed together like a broken verse. Levy did her best to keep Lucy calm, reminding her that it’s all about being honest— just let your heart do the talking for once and not her head.

“You got this,” Levy patted Lucy’s shoulder before she exited the vehicle.

Lucy sure hoped she did. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Seconds ticked by and with each chime, all the weight and worry crept closer to sending her over. He was mad. Too mad. He probably won’t answer…

Finally someone did. “You came?” Natsu’s voice was soft and low, his eyes still bloodshot and worn.

“I came,” Lucy hung her head in shame. “I’m sorry— F-For everything, Natsu please come home, I miss you. I love you more than my job, and I’m gonna make it up to you.”

“You always say that Lucy…”

Ouch. Straight through her heart. The tears broke free again as her knees weakened, causing her to fall against him. Natsu caught her, and she clung to him, gripped to his shirt. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please come home! I love you! Natsu please come home! I can change! I promise I’ll change!”

That’s when she felt his hold truly tighten around her body and his head come to rest against her own. Lucy sobbed harder from the acceptance, pouring her heart in her words. “I love you… I love you so much, I’m so sorry….”

Natsu cradled her head and closed his eyes, voice soft with an upbeat to its tone. “Now there’s the woman I married.”

He held Lucy tightly until her sobbing slowed, eventually pulling away just enough to wipe the tear trails away. “Shall we go home now?”

Lucy nodded. “Please….”

[wings-of-a-storm]

Alrighty lovely peeps, here is the final part of my thoughts on Victor’s infamous ‘love-triangle’ journey in episodes 9-10 (and why the undercurrent is full of Benji).

MOURNING A LIFE WITH A LOVER ALMOST LOST: HURT AND ANGER

Our first understanding of how Victor is holding up in episode ten is through the visual of the wedding invitation he is holding. It’s a very strong visual with so many connotations -- weddings are romantic, full of love and celebration, and most importantly a lifelong commitment to a loved one. That is Victor’s dream too and one he was working hard on (not necessarily a marriage but certainly a life-long commitment). But the person he wants to work on that commitment with isn’t talking to him and quite likely easing them into a separation.

What is even more of a mockery is the envelope -- Victor and Benji’s names are printed together in gorgeous cursive, like they are a team, a unit, a done deal. It’s almost like how their own wedding invitation might look, if they ever wanted to have one. But it is a dream that only exists on a piece of paper right now.

It is clear in this scene that Victor is feeling a mix of three things: sad, hurt, and anger. The anger is quite clear when he puts the invitation aside with the shake of his head. He’s angry that Benji ditched the wedding commitment last minute, yes, but no doubt a lot of that anger is born from how hurt he is that Benji is seemingly giving up on them. A glance at his unanswered message to Simon where he says something similar confirms it.

This anger is channeled into a practical matter -- the etiquette faux pas of being a last-minute wedding guest now messing up catering. Victor needs to find a substitute plus one (which to be honest feels like a plot device but shh). Enter Rahim, sans Pilal. Once again, Rahim is a welcome friend that Victor knows he will have fun with, be comfortable around, and more importantly experience a nice distraction with again.

Fast-forward to the next key scene, for me: Victor’s fascinating response to hearing Harold’s and Veronica’s wedding vows. Which brings me to:

VICTOR’S DESPERATION FOR SOMEONE TO LOVE HIM ENOUGH TO FIGHT / BUILDING A SAFETY NET P2

Guess what themes happen to be in the wedding vows Victor hears? A) Fighting for a relationship you love. B) Not giving up on someone in the tough moments.

“I know there will be tough days but it's on those days that I vow to love you the hardest” / “I vow to always remember that we are worth fighting for. Forever. No matter what.”

Gee, what an extraordinary coincidence!

And what does Victor do in response to hearing a loving couple voice his own feelings and goals? He looks at Rahim. Or rather, to Rahim. He knows Rahim is a romantic (like himself and Benji are), so he knows Rahim would share those goals too. And Rahim certainly is transfixed by the vows, very much feeling their sentiments too.

Rahim just ticked a box Victor is currently desperate for: someone who looks like they value fighting to beat the odds for the person they love, unlike what Benji is seemingly doing. Victor can project that onto Rahim. In reality, there is no way of knowing what Rahim would actually do in a relationship, but he feels safe right now.

It rather feels like VIctor was trying to distance himself from Benji in that moment and find a sanctuary with someone else who would give him the love and commitment he really needs right now. Like a protective, defense mechanism. He is so terrified that Benji has reached his limit of fight; that this time their argument and Victor’s breach of trust pushed Benji too far and Victor will end up severed from him and alone. With each hour Victor is closer to processing the end of that relationship and is now trying to put up a shield to block the impending tsunami of pain that he really doesn’t want to be hit by.

BENJI MAKES HIS OWN VOW

Victor doesn’t know it yet but we, the audience, get a hint of good news: the romantic vow exchange cuts to Benji staring at a picture of Victor on instagram, clearly missing him. From that piece of storytelling timing, we know what that probably means… (Flashback please to Benji’s declaration of “I don’t think I could give up on you. Even if I wanted to.”)

Benji is fighting. Or trying to.

What seals the deal is the beautiful conversation Isabel has with him -- her promise that Victor adores him and that Victor did actually stand up for Benji to the point of impressing her with his moxy. For a lot of the season, that is so much of what Benji needed -- to know he was worth standing up for, fighting for. Gee, what a familiar theme…

The next time we see Benji, he has come to the wedding reception, after his shift, as Victor’s belated plus one. His appearance symbolizes a promise, a vow of his own that is yet to be said out loud: that he is committed to fighting for their relationship to work.

I found that a really nice piece of storytelling -- that Benji is linked to the wedding vows at Brasstown and then fulfils them (or at least will try to make the sentiment a reality as best he can).

VICTOR’S CROSSROAD

Unfortunately for Benji, Victor does feel a connection with Rahim. New friendship is exciting and thrilling on its own let alone having the opportunity to suddenly slow dance with that person. Lines can get blurred. Plus the atmosphere is completely romantic and Victor has never had the opportunity to experience this particular romantic act before.

Victor and Rahim spend quite some time staring deep into each other’s eyes without even saying a word to interrupt the Moment. Because it is a legitimate moment of intimacy between the two. Which is exactly why Victor doesn’t stop immediately and run straight to Benji as soon as he notices Benji has come to see him. His head is still half in the Moment and it is tricky to extricate himself from Rahim.

That Moment is also why Victor doesn’t keep chasing Benji through the yard after Benji sasses him with his ‘Sure, Jan’ energy after Victor insists Rahim is just a friend.

Consciously Victor thinks he is telling the truth, but his “That was crazy, I’m not allowed to have a friend?” defense had the same energy as S1 Benji’s “I know I didn’t do anything wrong when you kissed me!” before scuttling his ass out of Brasstown with all of his belongings. Hello guilt.

The question is how much is Rahim a friend-cum-something-more. Which is the crossroad Victor finds himself at when Rahim confesses his feelings and kisses him.

We have Rahim who confessed so sweetly and endearingly, who at this moment is comfort and warmth and safety because Rahim isn't going to break up with Victor any time soon. And whom Victor does feel a connection with.

And we have Victor’s relationship with Benji which feels like a dying ember, especially now that Benji is even more furious at Victor and it will be a very hard battle to win him back around again. It won't be a romantic running into each other's arms moment if they were to reunite…

So Victor has a dilemma to figure out now in Mia’s room: does he fight a very hard uphill battle with Benji to win him over (a fight filled with inevitable painful emotions being unleashed), or does he just let it go since that appears to be the trajectory for them... Or does he try exploring things with Rahim where there is a 100% success rate guaranteed in the short-term if he accepts Rahim’s declaration…

If the big theme of this episode is vowing to love someone on their tough days and committing yourself to a relationship worth fighting for (something Victor had been obsessing over even before he heard the wedding vows), it would feel like a strange conclusion for Victor to choose Rahim over the partner who proved he was mutually willing to fight for their relationship against the odds, especially when they have already been tested through tough times and found their way through. (And of course Felix’s visualisation exercise would have reminded Victor of all the qualities he loves about Benji...)

THE WINK OF VICTOR’S PARENTS’ PARALLEL

And finally we have the culmination of an underlying parallel: Victor's parents’ relationship, which also slips into the theme of those wedding vows.

Isabel and Armando, the high school sweethearts who were stuck in a cycle of fighting, fore-sake choosing a new partner with less baggage and instead make the choice to get back together. This doesn’t influence Victor’s decision because he doesn't know about his parents’ progress yet but we, the audience, do know. We can see the underlying parallel there. They are making it work, so so too can Victor and Benji if they keep putting the work in to understand each other better and learn how to communicate.

But that’s just my take on ep 10.

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

Title: Just Gotta Stay Calm

Word Count: 3966

Fandom: Gravedale High

Ship/Pairing: Vinnie Stoker/Reggie Moonshroud

Tags: First Dates, Vampire Family, Tradition, Awkward Crush, Vampire Boyfriend, Werewolf Boyfriend, First Kiss, Dorks in Love, Awkward Dates, Boys in Love, Friendship/Love

Warnings: First Works of the fandom, swearing(small), awkward, fluff

Vinnie let in a breath as he examines himself in the special vampire mirror on his bedroom wall. He quietly checks every inch of his face closely before opening his mouth to check his fangs.

Good, He thought with a charming grin to himself. No pimples, no stuff in my teeth, no flaws in sight.  Vinnie went to his dresser and takes out some cologne he bought specifically for today, a scent of calming forest rain, and sprayed some on his neck and a little bit in his shirt. Not a lot just the basic stuff to seem simple and posh.

Vinnie and Reggie are finally getting themselves a date.  A real, really real, true date.  Just the two of them.  And Vinnie could be more happier then this moment!

Vinnie has been meaning to ask his best friend out for quite some time, since the first moment he noticed his feelings were a bit more then platonic bashful moths in his chest and stomach actually.  It took him a total of two full months to completely wrap his head around the fact that he - Vincent "Vinnie" Stoker - was wings over heels in love with the world's one and only Reggie Moonshroud.  However, it took him nearly a YEAR to get up all the courage to ask the boy out. Honestly, if it weren't for his friends this day might've never happened.

The young vampire left his bedroom and hurries down his stairs, only to be stopped by the voice of his old man, "Vincent, can you come here please?" Vinnie let out a silent shutter as he mentally cursed himself.

He slowly turned his body fully towards the older vampire sitting in his velvet chair with a pipe in between his lips, small puffs of the smoke emerging out the ends. The teen slowly walked over. "Y-Yea pops?" His voice rarely stammers when speaking, hasn't since he was in the 6th grade, at least not when he nervous beyond his wits like when he tried to get the chance to ask Reggie out and plan out what to do on said date.

"Are you going to go on your date soon?" Asked Mr. Stoker. Vinnie nods some in reply, his hands fumbling into his jacket's pockets. This was not what he wanted to do.  The older vampire stood up from his chair, pipe still puffing out smoke, his eyes focus out the window of the chilly autumn gray skies. He takes a puff before continuing, "I want to give you some simple advice for your first date Vincent. Vampire to vampire." Vinnie practically shrunk his head down into his coat's collar.

Defiantly not what he wanted to do. . .

"That's okay pops, I got it covered-" He began as he slowly creeped his way to the front door. "The year was 1880. . ."  Vinnie bite back a groan, knowing very well that once his dad starts it's hard to stop him.  "I was simply a beginning apprentice to the one and only Dracula. Mostly paper work and long mornings. I thought I had everything cut out for me, a great job and nice home, until I realized I was missing something important when I first saw your mother wandering through the local cemetery." Mr. Stoker smiles fondly as he light strokes his black beard. "She is my first and only love as I'm sure you know. And it took me decades to ask her on a single date, I feared she might not want a simple vampire apprentice who barely knows how to turn into a bat, but alas she surprise me with a yes."  Vinnie nods, "Yeah yeah I know. And you two spent many years together, got married, had two kids, and lived happily ever after. Dad, I know the story pretty well you know."

He didn't mean to interrupt his father's tale, he just already has his nerves up through the roof and he just want to hurry for the plans.  His father turned and looked at his son right in the eyes as he spoke, "I know you do. I'm just trying to tell you that last night I was certain to give you some advice for your date, a vampire tradition my father gave me as his father gave him and his father so forth. I know you're nervous and it's perfectly natural. Just remember, be courteous. Be engaging. And above all, have a plan." Vinnie nodded. "Don't worry pops, I got it covered. Now can I go and do the date itself?" He asked the older vampire, who nodded to his please. He didn't wait any few seconds to open the front door and flying off with a snap.

This will go well, He thought to himself as he feels the wind go through his black hair. Reggie will enjoy the date I have planned for us. This is a piece of blood orange pie. Vinnie smiled as he spaces out on today's plans. Slowly, though, his brain began to swim to a memory of when he got the nerves to finally make that choice he's been walking back and forth on. . .

~   ~   ~

Vinnie taps the heels of his shoe onto the cold hard floor of the school's classroom as he watches the clock tic away, his eyes going to the clock and to the werewolf just a desk away from him.  Today was the day, Vinnie told himself throughout the hours. Today I'm going to do it.  As if proving his luck, the bell rings out around the school, signalling everyone to grab their stuff and hurry the Hell out of there for the weekend.  Vinnie stood onto his feet, catching Gil and Sid giving him a thumbs up as they run out the classroom, and looks over at Reggie who is still putting his stuff away.

The vampire took a breath in and walked his way over to the red head's desk, his feet feeling kind of heavy as he gets closer. Be cool Vinnie, just do it. "Hey Reg." His voice called out suddenly, the rest of his body slowly just going with the flow.  Reggie turned his head and smiled up at his friend. "Hey there Vinnie. You usually are gone by now, is Mr. Schneider Sir seeing you after class again?" He asked as he puts his books away in his bag. Vinnie smiles warmly, he enjoys Reggie's voice. The way his small lisp happens between the small gap of the front of his teeth.  The way his voice cracks sometimes in the right moments. Just generally how comforting it is...

The vampire quickly shook his head when he finally notices Reggie is standing up and looking at him with cocoa brown eyes that warm up Vinnie's dead chest, "No no. I just wanted to know...if...um...i-if you don't mind me asking...I uh..."  "Yes Vinnie?" Reggie pressed on. Honestly, it's like he knows what he's doing to me. Vinnie took a gulp from his dry mouth before he spoke a retry, "I just wanted to know...if...if...well...if you're free this weekend? Maybe...we could...go out?" He didn't know if he sounded needy or not but he didn't care, he finally said it!

Reggie blinked a few times before replying, "Of course we can hang out Vin. We often times do already."  "No, Reggie, I meant...go out...like a...date...?" Vinnie was so scared to look at Reggie in the face yet he has to in order to watch his reaction.  And boy was it a reaction... His cute wolf ears were perked down in a way his shyness shows, hard to tell but behind that fur his cheeks were very rosey and red, just looking at him gave Vinnie so much heat on his face he for sure thought he was going to die.

~    ~     ~

Vinnie chuckled softly when Reggie's face on that day came to mind.

Well, yeah, the reply was a day late but nevertheless he said yes.  And the day has finally came.

Vinnie soon landed at Reggie's place, a pretty big home of four stories with a even bigger yard surrounded it of 6 aches each side. He knew Reggie's family owned a big home for such a big family but he honestly wasn't expecting something so... human dream life. A white picket fence wrapping around the areas of land, green grass in perfect height, the house painted in a nice paint of soft blue with the windows having a white coat to the edges, a cute porch sticking out from the big dark brown oak made front door, and to fit so perfectly a nice little porch swing with a small coffee table.  In all honesty neither Vinnie nor Reggie been to each others' houses despite being friends for years. Always staying at the dorms the school gave them for half the week.

The vampire slowly made his way to the porch and gently pulled the rope that rings the door bell loudly it echos around him and to the forest not far from the house itself. He tripled checked in his head the plans of the date as he waits a few seconds before the door opened and Reggie's head popped into view. "Hey Vinnie." Reggie said with a smile and opened the door already for him to step out. "Hey there Reg-" Vinnie nearly chocked on his words upon seeing Reggie. He wasn't wearing anything out of his comfort zone but something Vinnie was expecting obviously... Let alone something his heart was ready for.  There standing in front of him with the shine of the afternoon sun glimmering a special effect through the tree leafs Reggie wearing a typical white button-down shirt and well ironed dress pants but wears also a well knitted beige and blood red pattern pullover sweater vest and a black Letterman jacket with a big red R stitched to his chest's right side, his hair combed in a messy side bangs style to the left side of his face. Honestly, Vinnie doesn't know if this was more cute or sexy and he was pretty scared of both.  "I-I could change if you want..." Reggie stated, snapping Vinnie out of his daze to realize he's been staring holes into the poor werewolf. "No no you're okay Reg. Just uh...caught me off guard is all. It's cool." Vinnie spoke up with his hands up in defense.

Reggie giggles some, causes Vinnie's undead heart to for sure jumble in beats like a drum.

The first stop of this little date for the two monsters was a nice little fly over the town to the date's main destination. Reggie clings to Vinnie from behind, his face so close to his their cheeks are barely touching softly, his eyes watching the town below them. "Gee Vinnie, this is beautiful." He whispered but Vinnie heard it very well, his warm breath gently dancing across Vinnie's ear, his cheeks warming up in a soft shade of pink, a smile appearing on the vampire's lips. If anything, if he had a chance to say it, Reggie was the most beautiful thing to Vinnie's eyes. Though as a sad as it had pained him he knew he would crash into something if he doesn't focus.

His eyes scanned around the area before carefully landing in front of a cafe looking place. Reggie looked around the place when he climbed down from the vampire's back as he tucked in his wings. "Um... Vinnie." Reggie mumbled softly as he dragged his feet closer to Vinnie. Vinnie let out a hum, "Yeah Reg?" "Correct me if I'm wrong but this is a human cafe is it not?" Indeed it was.  "Yeah. I figured to have a nice bite here for a change." "True it's just... don't you rather want to go to Ms. White's Diner? It's one of your favorites right?" Vinnie had to fight back the urge of going to his favorite 50's diner and share a monster shake with Reggie, he had a plan and he's sticking to it. He gently takes his paw and said, "This is just as good Reg, promise. Plus they serve your favorite here. Trust me."  Reggie looked at the place and at Vinnie, seemed to be small on numbers of humans... So it could be okay right?

The two monsters entered the cafe and walked it's way to a table right in the center. The place was nice, clean, quiet, cute, and had a nice nature aesthetic with potted plants hanging from the ceiling and the smell of coffee and tea with some sweets filling your sense of smell. "This place is nice." Reggie said, his eyes focused on every little detail around him.  The V-Man couldn't help but smile proudly, the date's going so well so far.

A waiter walks over to their table with a notepad and spoke to the two teenage monsters, "Afternoon gentlemen. What can I get you for drinks?" Vinnie opened the menu.  "I'd like a black coffee with a side of milk creamer."  The waiter nodded and looked at Reggie waiting for his answer.  The werewolf quietly looked through the menu, his eyes widening like space saucers. "O-Oh my...Um...w-water would be fine..."  The waiter wrote the orders down before hurrying to the back.  Reggie looked at Vinnie with a raised brow, "This place is expensive Vinnie. They don't even serve your favorite drinks here. And I think you need it, you look ill..."

Vinnie knew Reggie was worried, he can hear it in his voice, but he can't simply explain it... Since the night before last he hasn't had a drop of blood to nibble a sip from due to how stressed and nervous he was getting over asking Reggie out and planning out this perfect date. Black coffee was the best he could get to that bitter goodness. And if not, the creamer would do the trick.  Still, he knew he can't say all that to Reggie, not to seem not cool in front of his crush but also because he doesn't want the werewolf to feel bad or blame himself. Instead he just smiles his traditional smile and leaned back in his chair as he coats his voice with soothing calmness, "It's fine Reg. Everything fine actually. I just... had a big batch during breakfast and need the coffee here is good as I'm told. Plus, the money, don't worry. I got it covered." He finishes with a wink and another smile which caused Reggie's shoulders to calm down slightly.

After a few more seconds the waiter returned with their drinks and a notepad still in hand, "Here is your black coffee with a side of milk creamer and your glass of water sirs. May I interest you into something to eat?" Vinnie glances at the man's meaty neck and silently licked his fang out of sights, his brain wracking him inside his skull to try and not accept the urge to chomp down onto that neck and drink up. His hand quickly grabbed the coffee cup as soon as it was set and took a big gulp of it. Bitter. Not as bitter but still helps a little. He thought, feeling his nerves calm down a bit more.  He glances over at Reggie and smiles, "Why don't you order first? I'll follow after."  Reggie fixes his glasses and looked over the menu, a few times his eyes peeking at Vinnie as if asking for his help. "G-Gee...there's a lot of good options... Um..." He pondered out loud, Vinnie could see the human tapping his pen in a annoyance type manner. He bite down on his bottom lip some to fight back his new urge to range his neck.  Before the urge could happen for real, Reggie's voice rang out to Vinnie's ears, "I-I guess I can have the Pea & Carrot Soup with the Greek Salad as the side?"  "And you sir?" Vinnie had to remember how to talk before he took a quick glance at the menu before blurting out his order, "I'd like a French Onion Soup." And like before the man walked away after writing the orders down.

Vinnie noticed Reggie seemed more awkward and fidgety then his usual form.  "Everything alright Reg?" Vinnie asked, his voice truly worried. He truly is worried for Reggie. Maybe he caught that waiter's rudeness towards them because of their race? Maybe it's the fact it's clearly two boys out doing things beyond friends? The vampire's head is just about to explode over the thoughts on what could be wrong with his Reggie- My Reggie? Vinnie thought of having Reggie of his very own before... I mean it did sound nice to him but would Reggie be down to being...

Reggie softly shook his head with a mumbled, "It's nothing, really..." But Vinnie knew something's been bothering his pal. Maybe... Vinnie felt sick thinking this, Maybe he's not comfortable being on a date with me... Before he knew it the food had arrived but the two didn't seem in the mood to enjoy it... Vinnie gulped down the rest of his coffee and stared down at his dish.

Great, my nerves are all over the place now and Reggie ain't having a good time... He thought as he watched Reggie gently nibble on his soup and salad, the two barely having one or two small conversations. This date is going terrible...

The two left the cafe quietly and quickly after paying for the bill. The two were still pretty silent. Reggie broke this awkward pause in the air with a smile, "The food was pretty good Vinnie." Vinnie doesn't reply. "Vinnie..?" Suddenly, the second monster on this date let out a groan like sigh before slumping his body down a grass area in the side walk, "That stupid waiter! 50 bucks and all he had to do is make it nice!"

Reggie tilt his head at this and quietly asked, "What do you mean...?"  There was a pause when Vinnie looked away with no answer, causing it to click to the smarter of the two.  "Vinnie Stoker, did you pay a human waiter for our date?"  Vinnie sighed, "Not just paid Reggie, I paid the guy $50 to hold off any other reservations so it can be just us... I know you don't like really crowded places but that guy ruined it. I wasted 50 from my allowance just to have a guy be rude to you." Vinnie covered his face with his palms. "I'm sorry Reg...I really am..." Surprising Vinnie, Reggie grabbed his hand and pulls him up before guiding him somewhere.

"Hey Reg, where we going?" He asked, but his question fell on deaf ears as the werewolf still guided him silently.  Suddenly the vampire began to feel a new kind of nervous. Was Reggie mad? Was he going to yell at him for bribing a human? Does he know he hasn't been drinking his daily sips of blood?  He felt sick at the ideas of any of those being true and he blew this date... His one chance... And he blew it major time... There might not even be a second chance in this... "Look Reg..." Vinnie started, hanging his head low in shame. Reggie stopped him, "You didn't have to do any of that Vinnie. I would be perfectly fine going to any place we usual go."  Vinnie did not want this date to be ruined. He did not want his friendship to be tainted. All Vinnie wanted to do was do what he planned, even if it was sudden...

"I like you Reggie!"

Reggie stopped suddenly and whipped his head around so fast he must've felt dizzy.  No turning back now huh? Vinnie thought, taking a deep breath in, "I've always liked you Reg... And I mean really like you... Like...Like... I always get happy in the mornings because I get a chance to be near you at school, it's the only reason why I don't ditch as often. And when you're not there I feel sad...so sad I feel sick... I often re-read the messages we send back and forth after school because I miss talking to you that much... A-And that time when I was running for School President and you were helping me... Reggie, I felt so happy just being around you...seeing you so happy at what you were doing... I know this isn't stuff you want to hear instead of a apology...but I swear to you it's truer then true Reggie... I really like you... I've liked you for so long...I don't know when but I know when I figured it out... when you were fallin from the sky and I was running to you... All that's been runnin' around my head was "I can't let him go"... Reggie... you matter to me so much the idea of you not here with me is killing me..."

Vinnie was so scared to look up at his friend, scared he made it worst... "I just...I know this date ended up bad... but I-" Vinnie's words were cut short when he lifted his head to finally face his nerves, quickly his lips were covered by the soft fur of Reggie's lips.  The teen vampire felt his undead heart beat for miles and miles as every second slowly passes by between them, his eyes widen more then the usual wide but slowly his body began to melt by the warmth of Reggie's lips and they slowly blinked to a close while his lips push pressure back into the kiss.

The kiss lasted about a extra minute before the two pulled away, Vinnie's ears catching a soft small puppy like whine coming from deep back within Reggie's neck. "You like my lips that much Reg?" Vinne asked with a tease in his voice, smiling more when see that same expression of bashfulness Vinnie witness when he asked Reggie out in the first place. "Okay, I'm sorry... does...this mean you like me too...?" He asked, hopeful of his words being a positive. Reggie giggles softly, "Of course it means I like you Vinnie... Why else would I agree to go on a date and kiss you?" Vinnie felt stupid asking such a obvious question.  "And...why else would I do this?" After Reggie said that, he guided Vinnie again towards a secret spot. A nice little isolated hill spot overlooking the entire town and beach. Reggie...planned this? The vampire looked at Reggie in disbelief, now noticing the blush fur on his cheeks. "I... I like you too Vinnie... A lot... I've always had felt it too but that day when you risked everything just for me was when I realize it was more then a simple crush... And I wanted to show you how I felt since then...but I was too chicken to even bring it up in conversation... So, when you asked me out, I was nervous that I might miss my shot...so..." "So you ended up setting this up?"  Reggie nodded some, his bangs sweeping over his warm brown eyes in a cute shy manner.

Vinnie smiles softly and wrapped his arms around Reggie's frame, his lips lightly touching a small peck on his cheek. Sure, this wasn't the date I had planned... Reggie giggles and gently sat on the grass, Vinnie following after. The sun was just about going darker as the stars began to appear above them like candles they used to have lit from their old fears of the unknown... Vinnie could help but smile when seeing Reggie's happy face when he cuddles into him.  But I honestly couldn't ask for anything better.

[kitkatt0430]

So I saw a gifset from the episode Power Outage that reminded me that in season one - and presumably season two - Ralph Dibny is actually dead. He died because of the accelerator explosion in December 2013, but presumably due to Flashpoint he's alive by the time season four rolls around. (So he's actually alive in season three.)

In the show, the only two people who might have realized that Ralph being alive is a product of Flashpoint are Barry (because he lived in that pre-Flashpoint timeline) and Cisco (because Vibe powers). But neither of them mention it, so I guess we'll never know for sure that his survival isn't actually down to the Legends meddling with time (like the Scooby-Doo gang, but with a significantly cooler ride - sorry, not sorry, Mystery Machine).

Anyway, all of this has reminded me of a fanfic idea I've had in the back of my head for a while.

So it'd start with Barry's return from the Speed Force at the start of season four. Iris and Eddie are married and various other changes abound as i see fit. Barry comes back still massively out of touch with reality and writing in the speedster glyphs and Wally gets help from Jesse to defeat the Samuroid bot. Also Wally isn't Kid Flash anymore - he has taken on the mantle of the Flash in his own right.

Barry starts recovering slowly, but as he does his understanding of the glyphs he's writing with wanes... even though he keeps doodling them all over the place. He winds up quitting his job at the CCPD because he's just... not in a place where he can hold down a job right now. He's also not 100% sure anything is real and that he's not still stuck in the Speed Force and he's reluctant to seek out therapy because of his experiences with therapists as a child were not good and also he'd need to discuss being the Flash which... not happening.

Which is when the bus metas start showing up (out of show order). Wally gets the indignity of the marble-related pratfall and accidentally meta-cuffing himself. Barry starts to gain more confidence in himself and his reality when he's able to shut down the accelerator before it goes critical, moments before Wally successfully cuffs Hazard. (Presumably the accelerator actually exploding would have been very unlucky for Becky, so something would have to make it shut back down, right?)

Linda returns leading to relationship drama for Wally and Jesse. Wally finds Linda attractive but would never cheat (also Linda's really only aware of him as Iris' younger brother right now), which Jesse knows but she feels jealous anyway and she doesn't like what that says about herself. She also feels like she's stretching herself really thin trying to protect Earth-2, act as Jay's back-up on Earth-3 (because he's starting to slow down and is still looking for an apprentice, but hasn't told anyone on Earth-1 what's happening to him yet), and both date and help Wally on Earth-1. It's too much work and too much stress and too much running between different Earths. She eventually decides that, much as she cares about Wally, their relationship isn't really what she needs right now and they part ways. A hopefully more satisfying break up than what we got on the show with that cube thing. Also the thing with Kilg%re happens.

Barry realizes - using Cisco's translation program - that he keeps writing something about a bus in the speedster glyph doodles. (Cisco's translation program is incomplete.) OG Team Flash connects Becky and Ramsey back to Bus 405, which Barry... er... Flashed the day he returned from the Speed Force. (hehehehehe) They're able to identify Ralph and a few other people who were on the bus because their bus passes were logged on boarding. It's still not clear who was on the bus at the time Barry Flashed it (*snicker* i regret nothing). But Ralph had to be because, well, he boarded the bus the stop right before the Barry accidentally acted like an EMP on the bus' electronic systems.

And Barry's issues with parsing reality are triggered because he remembers two versions of Ralph thanks to time traveling and memory integration - let's just say that Barry has memories of both pre and post Flashpoint timelines and say the story would theoretically handwave it better than I'm prepared to do right now. So Barry remembers this version of Ralph, who faked evidence and was a dick to Barry (almost misspelled that as being a duck to Barry). But he also remembers another version of Ralph, who didn't fake evidence and was Barry's friend and died in a car accident trying to reach the hospital after finding out Barry'd been struck by lightning while Ralph was at home and off duty and should have been safe. (Hello Barry's guilt complex which no one actually missed.)

Barry's memories are a tangled mess (gee, thanks Speed Force), so Caitlin goes with Barry and Joe when they meet Ralph. And Ralph's knee jerk reaction to keep them at arms length - especially as he's concerned they're crooked, which isn't that ironic from his PoV - is to combine obnoxiousness with sarcasm and pepper in some misogynistic comments that piss off Caitlin enough that Frost pops out to play. Joe clearly freaks out and tries to pretend he isn't freaking out. Barry just... goes with it. Whatever, Frost is part of Caitlin and Caitlin is part of Frost and he doesn't have the time, inclination, or the survival instinct to go "enemy sighted, begin defensive measures". He's just kind of like "hey Frost, nice to see you again, I've been hoping to talk w/you, but can it wait until we're done with Ralph? Or is Caitlin not gonna give you enough time for that? 'Cause I guess we're basically done here anyway."

Meanwhile Ralph is quietly freaking out with a blank O_O expression. Because Killer Frost. KILLER FROST. His fight or flight instincts are weighted heavily to freeze in place and hope to spontaneously blend into the environment.

Which is when the mob guys show up and Barry just kind of starts laughing upon learning that this version of Ralph is basically living a crime noir plot because the other Ralph loved that genre so much. Something triggers Ralph's powers while Frost cheerfully freezes the bad guys shoes to the floor and Joe arrests them. Ralph insists he was never blackmailing anyone, and Barry and Frost wind up taking him to STAR Labs while Joe waits for Eddie to show up to help him take in the thugs.

Barry and Frost do end up talking - Cisco side-eying them hard even as he gets Ralph settled in to wait for Caitlin to come back. And Barry apologizes to Frost. For how the team treated her and how Savitar treated her and just... everything. He'd like to hope they'd have handled the situation better if they'd understood Frost was a separate personality entirely, but the truth is they fucked up and pushed Frost into the position of thinking turning to Savitar was her only choice. And he hopes that she'll give them a chance to do better by her this time. Frost says she'll think about it and pretends she's not tearing up as she lets Caitlin take back over.

that's kind of where my ideas dry up and I'm not really ready to tackle writing any of this as an actual fic yet, but... I kind of saw this as a series that would include my headcanon for Ralph being face blind and him eventually bonding with Barry over the similarities between Ralph's struggle with accepting his disability and Barry's struggle in acclimatizing to his own post Speed Force incarceration disability, but with the adding drama of Barry's friendship with the Ralph-who-died and his guilt there complicating things too.

Barry would eventually take up the mantle of the Flash again with Rip showing up shortly after to borrow Wally for the Legends, though I've got no idea how that would play out. And Julian's still in there somewhere since he's still the CCPD's CSI even though Barry's had to quit. I imagine Ralph and Julian would very much not get along. (Julian and Eddie, though... they would definitely get along.)

[finalcreacher]

From The Earth to The Morgue || Ch. 2

A/n- This has been in the editing stage since November...fuck.

No major warnings. Strong language, mentioned panic attacks and Ben’s death, and some suggestive content.

Word Count: 1,772 (or something like that??)

Comment or send an ask to be added to the taglist !!

Previous Chapter(s): One

At the end of the meeting, Klaus is confused. He spent the majority of the time anxious and worked up, and Y/n was nice enough to calm him down. Most people would ignore his odd behaviors, or yell at him to stop- that there was no reason for him to do it, that he was just doing it for attention. Which maybe wasn't all too untrue sometimes. He still hated that, he really did. But as the group counselor gets up, and wishes everyone a good rest of their day and to come back next week at the same time, and let's everyone know he'll still be here for a few extra minutes if anyone needs anything. Y/n let's go of his hand and quickly gathers up all of their stuff. They begin to leave with as little as a smile to him, and when he gives them an odd, worried look, they ask if he's coming to the next meeting.

He frantically nods, scrambling out of his seat. "Yes, I am!"

They stop at the exit, seemingly waiting for him. "I wasn't sure if you were going to show today," they answer honestly.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," he says, allowing Y/n to lead the two of them out of the building.

They hum in return, "Yeah? Why's that?"

They look out at the sidewalk, both directions crowded as all hell- as they decide to walk on the less populated side, and he follows suit. He rummages through his many pockets, when he finally slips out a small piece of paper.

"Well, you did give me this-" Klaus waves the folded drawing in your face. "What was that about? Besides,” he adds. “You were really cute."

They're about to say something, as Klaus reverts his attention to Ben, who lets out an exasperated sigh beside him, "Really, Klaus? First person that might actually see me, and you scare them off by flirting."

Klaus- trying to act innocent- throws his hands up. "What? I'm not doing anything."

Ben rolls his eyes at him. "Whatever, idiot. You should probably talk to them before they keep giving you that look."

Klaus looks back to see them with a perplexed and worried expression. He laughs, "You were saying?"

Y/n sighs, grinning at him. "You're really something, Klaus. Y'know, I was hoping you'd ask about the drawing. I saw you talking to someone- well,” they pause, hesitating. “I'm still not sure if it is someone. So either you're bat shit crazy, or you can sense someone, too."

Klaus laughs, "That's Ben. You can see him?"

They shake their head, "I sure felt him though. His presence, that is. He seems friendly- albeit a little invasive. Looking at someone's sketchbook uninvited is kinda rude, y'know?"

They laugh, "I'm only kidding. I guess you can see him?"

He nods, somewhere between excited and upset. "Unfortunately. Y'know, Ben's a real pain in the ass sometimes- even if he is a ghost."

Ben gives him another one of those "tired of Klaus' bullshit" looks. He received a lot of those.

"Can you see all ghosts?"

"Uh-huh, part of the whole super powered thing." Oh shit, he did not mean to bring that up. He's worried you'll ask about his dad, or his siblings or what it was like to be one of the six kids who trained for the Umbrella Academy. Well, seven if he counted his sister, Vanya. Most people tended to forget her. Sometimes, he wishes people would forget him. Ghosts, especially.

They smile at him, "That's cool."

That was new. "You don't want to know more?" He raises an eyebrow.

"I'm sure you'll tell me when you're ready. Besides, we just met."

He nodded along. He liked Y/n so far. They were intriguing- and intrigued by him- but they weren't all up in his business. He wanted to know more about them.

They interrupt his internal monologuing. "Do you live near here?"

"I'm staying at my boyfriend's- so, not exactly?" It wasn't a complete lie, but he wouldn't say anything he had with him a relationship. They hooked up once or twice, and occasionally he makes Klaus morning coffee and breakfast and they kiss sometimes- which he found a hard time admitting was actually nice- but they weren't dating. Klaus just needed a place to sleep. Nothing more, nothing less.

They hum, "We're near my place. Can I walk you home, or will I just have to see you next week?"

Klaus would love nothing more than to stay with them, walking aimlessly or heading back to their place- he didn’t mind which- but that didn't seem to be an option. And he really didn't want them meeting his not-boyfriend-boyfriend. "I'll see you next meeting!"

He tries not to look at their dejected expression, as he starts walking back in the direction they came.

"Other way, idiot," Ben lets him know.

"Gee, thanks." He looks to where they were standing, and finds they've already disappeared. Strange. He hopes he hadn't said anything to upset you.

|||

Klaus didn't make many meaningful connections. Not since he was young. It was hard enough growing up in isolation- his other siblings being his only confidants, his only comforts. And even that was hit or miss most of the time. They were all dealing with their own bullshit- plus one sort of ran away and the other died. Neither of those occurrences helped his friendship making skills much. Especially when one considers Klaus' only- and probably best- friend, is his dead brother, Ben. Who he's sure probably hates him sometimes. Or most times. He wouldn't be surprised. Klaus doesn't like himself very much either.

There was something about Y/n though, that felt right. A sort of connection he hadn't felt in quite some time- maybe ever. Since that day they helped him from an oncoming panic attack, he kept coming back for more. More time with them. More meetings. Every time, he'd go on walks with them afterwards, and Klaus and them would get to know each other on the way.

He learned that they were an artist. Well, he supposes he knew that already. But they'd been drawing their whole life. They said they considered making it their career once or twice, but- and this is word for word how they said it- shit happens. Klaus wonders what exactly stopped them, but figured whatever landed them a spot at NA meetings with people like him probably did the trick. He tells them they still could, and they brush him off and says they'll think about it. Klaus hopes they will.

They never ask about the academy, or his family. They do ask about Ben, and show sympathy when they find out the truth. Losing someone so close to you sucks. They never ask about Ben's past again. But they always ask Klaus how Ben's doing- present tense.

Usually good, Klaus will say. Sometimes he'll relay a message with something along the lines of Klaus being bothersome. And all in good fun, they'll giggle, and say they can relate to that. They always make sure Klaus knows they're joking, though.

Besides Ben though, they never talk about spirits. About why they could sense Ben, and if it's only Ben they can sense. Klaus realizes, early on in their friendship, that he didn't mind. He'd always wanted his siblings to understand his powers better- understand him better. He still does want that, too. But Y/n lets him exist without further explanation. They were so understanding, even when he showed his crazy and wild fronts. They gave him time to show his wild, undesirable sides and his good sides and every angle of him. To know him without analyzation but a kind understanding. 

At the end of the walks, they'd always split off to go to their respective places of living- home for them, some rando's apartment for him. It's been a few weeks since the two of you met- and he doesn't have a good feeling when he comes back today. The guy he had been sleeping with was getting tired of Klaus. Of course, he was. Klaus didn't contribute, and left at odd hours of the day- and always came back not in his right mind. He's still unsure how he had stayed that long though. How he hadn't been kicked out sooner. Or, threatened to be.

He had been given a few days notice from his ex-not-boyfriend-boyfriend.

God, and he was getting so used to having a proper meal the other day. Then...his mind wanders off. Somewhere far into the corners of his brain, as it picks out an image of them. The realization hits in two steps. He had to leave Y/n- and he wants to tell them in person. Anytime Klaus found himself in similar situations- which was a good handful, maybe a dozen times a year- where he’d be tossed to the streets or require a different place to stay for one reason or another. Where he would have to leave all his small lives he’s created for himself- created as a dent in the shape of someone else’s life, insignificant and not impactful, yet, there nonetheless. Still his body had never ached at the idea of leaving people behind. 

Their eyes go wide, and then furrow in worry. “You really don’t have anywhere else to go?” A ‘i’d hate for you to go’ staying as a lump in their throat.

Klaus shakes his head wildly, “Afraid not!”

Y/n looks away, as if in deep thought. They unconsciously bite at their thumb’s fingernail. "You can stay at my place- I have an extra bedroom."

Klaus perks up and looks at them with excited eyes, and then quickly deflates. "Are you sure? I don't have any cash, but I can do other things-"

They whip their head back to him, chuckling and muttering soft unheard ‘no’s under their breath- and then in a serious tone, "You're not whoring yourself out, Klaus."

"What? I would never." Both Y/n and Ben give him the same exasperated look.

"It'll be nice to have someone else there, for a change. Think of your company as payment enough, Klaus." There's something heavy in their words as they respond to Klaus, but he's not in the right state of mind (not sober enough) to begin to understand what it is. Like many things, he wouldn't ask. Most cases? He would. But there was something about their aura that screamed "Not Now"- and for once, he thinks he might feel bad disregarding that.

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 43

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34|| CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: wow, it took a while didnt it? i have a hard time writing this story for a few specific reasons and thats why it takes me longer. i also need to plan the ending of this and its not easy because im scared to forget something. but i hope you enjoy this chapter! thanks so much for still reading this story!!!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : its late and i hope i dont forget any! i didnt add everything from the 2nd request in my chapter tho. i also promise more requests in the next chapter! its all planned so thank you!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 43 : His chapter

NIALL

June 25th, 2018

"Okay, move slightly on the right." I heard her, doing what she told me cautiously. "Now watch out, there's a step."

"Big or small?"

"Uhm, medium" she replied after thinking about it.

"Gee Liv, thanks!" I replied sarcastically before I carefully tried to put my foot on the step.

She guided me with difficulty until the car and I packed her last few boxes in the trunk. We sat in the car and I started it, feeling her gaze on me but I tried to ignore it until I felt her hand on my thigh. I suddenly relaxed and my eyes met hers for half a second before going back on the road.

"You should have let me help you." she pointed out with a soft voice. "I can carry more than one box, you know."

The left corner of my lips raised gently and I glanced at her again before stopping at a red light and turning my head completely her way. Her eyebrows raised and I sent her a small smile, shaking my head.

"I want you to let me take care of you." I admitted, bending closer to press my lips gently against hers in a quick kiss. "Besides, an old lady like you shouldn't carry heavy things."

With a chuckle, she slapped my arm gently as I started laughing and started driving again. It was already mid june and we had been working on her moving in with me for about a week. Most things were actually bought by Louis so all the furniture stayed there but it took us a while to pack all her stuff and bring the boxes to my house. I mean, our house.

"I'm only two years older than you!" she argued, making me laugh even more. "Do I have to call you 'kiddo'?"

"Please, I'm a man." I let out with a frown, half-joking. "You know it, you've seen me naked."

"Oh how my life has changed since then." she replied wih a chuckle, making me smile too.

We brought her stuff to our room and started unpacking together after I put music on. It invaded the house so loudly that the neighbours probably heard since we had opened the windows. It was a warm saturday afternoon and I still had a little bit more than a week off. I knew we were going to miss each other since I was about to leave for three months (even if i was going to be back here at some point in august for a few concerts) but we didn't talk about it much, as if it would make things worst.

I kept glancing at her from time to time as I was putting her stuff in my closet and my lips curled when I noticed she was dancing while putting her clothes in her dresser. It was nothing new. She had always been like that but somehow, at this exact moment, it made me realize how perfect this moment was. Loud music, finally sharing a house with the woman I loved, watching my girlfriend dance and sing happily close to me with a promise ring hidden in my underwear drawer. That whole scenario happening right in front of me felt like the accomplishment of something very very important and even if I couldn't define exactly what, I tried to remember this in my brain like the movie of a memory I wanted to watch over and over again until i'd be on my death bed. The smallest details seemed important and when she moved a lock of hair that had stuck on her lips behind her ear, I held my breath. Could I write a song about this?

She turned around and our eyes met and suddenly, her lips curled into a fond smile. I loved when she looked at me like that. I was used to it, because she's looked at me like that for as long as I could remember, but it's only now, the second time we're dating, that I realized what it meant and how important it was.

"Are you gonna help me or are you just going to stare at me while I do all the work?"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes before shaking my head and grabbing an other box. It was heavy and when I opened it, I saw a bunch of books, the first one on the top being the one she was reading at the moment. I knew because sometimes we'd just sit together in the living room in silence. She'd read and sometimes i would too, or id end up writing, or playing guitar. Just being in the same room was enough sometimes and I liked it. I grabbed the book and turned it around to read the summary but something else caught my attention and I frowned. Something was sticking out of the book and I pulled on it slightly only to see my face and hers on a few pictures. It came from the photobooth and if my memory served me right, it was from the first time we dated. I pulled on it more to see all the pictures and finally just opened the book so she wouldn't lose her page and let my eyes roam on the older pictures of us. I remembered how I felt, but I was well aware it was not comparable to the feelings I had now.

"Can't believe you kept this."

My eyes didn't move from the pictures but I felt her stop moving and finally get closer to me. I sat on my bed and I felt her sit next to me in silence until I finally looked up in her eyes.

"You have no idea of all the things I kept." she admitted and I could swear her cheeks turned a soft shade of pink. "I kept a lot of souvenirs of you, Niall."

My smile curled a bit and she chuckled. "Really?"

"Oh don't look at me like that, it's not like I built a shrine for you or anything." she just rolled her eyes. "But your friendship and your love... yea, it's important for me."

I ran my thumb gently on the pictures for a few more minutes and finally put them back in the book before closing it. I stared at it until Liv grabbed my hand and I squeezed her fingers, looking up at her and sending her a smile.

"You know we need to christen the rooms." This time, she let out a loud laughter and it made my lips curl. "It's true!"

"It only applies to new places, Niall!" she laughed more. "We've already had sex pretty much in all the rooms of this house, and that says a lot!"

"Are you sure?" I asked, raising my eyebrows before she nodded. "All the bathrooms? Bedrooms?" She nodded again and I raised my nose up with a low groan, making her laugh again. "There must be somewhere we didn't fuck!"

"On the dryer."

"What?" I frowned.

"We never fucked on your dryer." she repeated with an amused smile, her head tilted. "We fucked in the showers, kitchen's table, kitchen's counter, on the couch, on the floor of the living room, in all the beds, on all the bedroom floors, in the music room and against that piano.. One time you even grabbed me when I got out of the shower to fuck me against the wall in the hall."

The left corner of my lips curled as the memory came back to my head and I raised my eyebrows. "Oh yea, I remember."

"But I don't remember fucking on the dryer."

My eyes roamed on her and I licked my lips. "We can do that now."

"Join me in 5 minutes?"

I raised my eyebrows in surprise when she suddenly got up and left. My fingers gripped the book in my hands tighter and I finally put it on the bed before turning my eyes to the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was the longest 5 minutes of my life and if I wanted to be honest, I only waited 3 and a half anyway.

I heard the dryer's noise and frowned a bit when I realized she had started it and when I got there, she was sitting on it and I noticed the matching black and silk panties and bra she was wearing. Her legs were hanging down the dryer and she was holding herself with her hands slightly behind her body, her dark hair falling near her back, and I stopped as soon as our eyes met.

"When did you put this on?"

"I wore them all day." she admitted with a smirk before chuckling when my face changed. "I mean, I wanted to show you but we were sort of busy."

I took a few steps closer slowly and put my palms on her thighs, sliding my hands up very slowly on her soft skin.

"Spread your legs, petal." I whispered as she bit her bottom lip but did as I asked.

"I wasn't sure if it actually looked good on me." she admitted low and I shook my head quickly.

"Oh shut up, darling, this makes me so fucking hard." To prove my point, I turned my hips a bit and pressed my hard cock through my pants against her naked thigh. "See?"

I ran my hands up to her breasts, touching them before slipping one of my hands under it to run the tip of two of my fingers on her nipple. "I'm so torn right now. I want to rip it off of you, but watching them on you is so fucking hot."

"Just move my panties aside and fuck me."

Her eyes seemed to sparkle but her expression was needy and I just licked my lips, bringing my hands down to my jeans and unzipping them as I kept staring at her.

"Such a needy little slut." I let out in a low tone. "Tell me how bad you want my cock. Beg me."

Her eyes never leaving mine, she brought her feet on the dryer, exposing her panties even more to me and slowly, I took my cock out and started stroking it. I could feel the dryer getting warmer and the way she seemed to shake over it made me want her even more.

"Fuck, Niall, I want you so bad. I need you deep inside me." she whimpered and licked her lips. "Please, Niall, I need your cock, please i'm begging you, fuck me."

I jerked off harder, making sure the tip of my dick rubbed against her pussy over her panties, and she whimpered and bit her bottom lip harder.

"Move your panties, pet. Show me your pretty little cunt."

She did as I asked and my eyes dropped between her legs as I moved even closer, close enough for the tip of my cock to push inside her. I groaned low and she let out a short whimper as I felt her throb around me.

"Deeper." she breathed out. "Fill me."

Quickly, I pushed myself inside her until I was balls deep and she let out a moan, her head falling back slightly and her eyes fluttering.

"Like this petal? How does my cock feel?"

She squirmed slightly and with difficulty but I watched her shake glancing a few times down to watch her grind despite herself on my dick. The feeling was amazing and I groaned louder when I felt her clench around me.

"So good, so fucking good." she whimpered again.

"You're so fucking wet and horny I just want to watch you fuck yourself on my cock until you cum all over it, baby girl." I let out without thinking. "How about you do that?"

I moved as close as I could and she ground on me for a few minutes. I loved the way she moved, all her facial expressions and the way her moans sounded but after a while, I couldn't take it anymore and grabbed her waist, my fingers sinking in her skin as I pulled her against me in motion with my thrusts.

"Fuck, i'm gonna cum." I just said still going hard.

I didn't know if it was because of my words or if she had been holding it for a while but she started shaking even harder against me as she came, my name escaping her lips in incredible moans and bringing me to my own orgasm. I shut my eyes tight, pushing myself so hard against her to make sure I went as deep as I could, and when I got down from my high, I leaned my forehead against hers, eyes still closed, as we both panted with parted lips.

"This is so much better." I whispered, moving a bit to reach her lips with mine.

"Better than what?" she asked in a breath as I kissed her gently again.

"Better than anything. Better than anyone." I confessed. "Better than sex without feelings."

It took her about a minute to talk but her words made me open my eyes suddenly.

"Are you in love with me, Niall?"

I pulled away to look in her eyes and frowned for a few seconds before shaking my head. I knew she was probably asking me simply because she wanted to hear it but I couldn't help but fear that she doubted it.

"Yes. I am in love with you, Olivia." I affirmed. "It will never change. I'll always be in love with you, for as long as I live, and maybe even after."

                                                        ---

June 29th, 2018

I was a bit sad she had insisted on inviting Louis and Eleanor on her birthday but I went along with it because it was her day and I loved her. She also had asked for nothing big, just a movie and games night with our friends, and somehow, I was down with that. Normally, I'd want to celebrate in a bar with many more friends but we were about to be separated for a while and I was not in the mood to celebrate that. I was just grateful I could spend her birth day with her.

"Okay, Liv, you sit next to me. Your boyfriend can sit next to El." I heard Louis say as I walked back in the living room with two bowls of popcorn.

"Excuse me? I pretty much intend on watching this movie cuddling my girlfriend, thank you very much!" I argued with a frown as I stood in the middle of the living room.

"If we do that we'll just spend an hour and a half making out!" Louis explained with round eyes. "At least you two will! You're both horny animals!"

"It's not like we were gonna fuck in front of you." I pointed out, rolling my eyes before sitting next to Eleanor who just laughed.

"Don't be a jealous boyfriend, Niall. Liv was my roommate before being your girlfriend again and I'm very sad that I can't wake her up by literally jumping in her bed at 6 in the morning anymore!" he joked with a chuckle before turning to my girlfriend. "Bet you miss it too!"

"6 in the morning?" I repeated with a frown again. "You never wake up so early."

"He did when he had meetings for his album." Olivia pointed out. "As you already know, 'pain in the ass' is in his DNA."

I laughed and she did too but the way she looked at me made me smile. Louis placed his arm on the back of the couch, near her shoulders, and I groaned low at sight. It's not that I wanted to read too much into this, but it was bothering me a lot and it was tough to hide. I was not the type to be jealous and I knew Olivia loved me, but every time I saw them near each other, I couldn't help but remember that they fucked multiple times and that nothing could ever erase that.

What took me out of my thoughts was something hitting my nose and the sweet laughter of my girlfriend. I shook my head slightly and sent her a smile as she sent me more popcorn and I grabbed some from my own bowl before throwing it at her, too. She laughed louder and we kept on throwing popcorn at each other until Louis groaned and stopped the movie. It was crazy how easily Louis could make himself home. He was using my remote for my tv, was sitting on my favorite spot on the couch, cuddling with my girlfriend.

"Fine! Fine I get it!" Louis gave in, raising his hand up in defeat. "You guys can't stay too far away from each other for too long. It's sad but it is what it is!"

He practically jumped off the couch and walked up to me. After a quick head movement, I sent him a smile and got up to. I let myself fall next to Liv and immediately, she cuddled my side like a magnet, making me smile more. I had no idea why I was insecure when it came to Louis, but she proved over and over again that I had no reason to be. I wrapped my arm around her to pull her closer and we finished the movie before grabbing a few beers and talking. It was almost 3 in the morning when Louis and El left and I watched as Liv got up, yawned and stretched.

"I'm so tired, let's go to bed, yea?"

"We really should clean first." I pointed out, grabbing a few bottles.

I was about to bring them to the kitchen but she stopped me with a grimace and a groan. "Niall, we need to sleep. Come onnnn, we can do that tomorrow."

I stared at her and sighed, not really sure I liked the idea but I finally nodded and followed her to the room as she held my hand and pulled me with her. We fell asleep quickly but she did before me and for some reason, I enjoyed watching her snore lightly, her lips parted, as I held her close to me. These days, we fell asleep holding each other face to face and it was very different from our usual spooning. Still, I liked it but when I woke up, she was on the other side of the bed, her legs were over mine, and I smiled at how much she had moved.

I got up, put sweatpants on and made coffee before drinking a cup as I looked at the mess in the living room and the kitchen. She joined me about half an hour later, entering the kitchen as she yawned. It made me chuckle but I liked the mess of her hair and her lazy smile. I wanted that every single morning of my life.

"Slept well?"

"Yes but not enough." she just shrugged with an other yawn.

I poured her coffee in her favorite mug and we both drank in silence, leaned against the counter. After I was done, I put my cup in the sink and without turning back to look at her, I sighed.

"We need to clean now."

"Mm, I just woke up. We can do that later in the afternoon." she just shrugged.

"Liv, we need to clean now. That's what happens when we postpone these kind of things. It'll never be fun but doing it now means we can do something else after."

She stared at me a few seconds and sighed, letting her head fall back on her shoulders. I didn't want to argue with her, and I knew how messy she was, but she also knew I was the opposite and that leaving everything as is the night before had been annoying to me.

"Well I don't want to do it now."

I didn't expect that answer and took a step back as my eyebrows raised.

"Why are you being like that?"

"Why are you being like that?" she repeated. "This can wait! I can't believe we're arguing over that!"

"Olivia, please! We left this mess last night and we need to clean!"

"You knew how i was before I started living here, it's nothing new!" she let out a bit roughly.

"And you know how I was too!" I argued before she brought her hands to her face and sighed. "You need to make efforts, okay? I am!"

My voice was a bit too loud and I knew it but I was getting pissed. I couldn't believe we were arguing over something like that. After all we had been through, I didn't want to accept that something so silly could be what would end us.

"I just... I need a shower."

I left without waiting for her answer and stayed a bit too long under the hot stream but when I got out of the bathroom with clean clothes, my lips curled at the sight. She had cleaned a good part of the living room and was now working on filling the dishwasher. I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind, leaning my chin on her shoulder.

"Thank you." I whispered, leaving a few kisses on her neck and she finally turned in my arms to look in my eyes.

"I'm sorry."she sighed and licked her lips. "I'll make efforts, I promise."

We finished cleaning and ended up sitting at the table with an other cup of coffee and eggs. The problem was, I couldn't stop thinking that I was leaving in a few days and it bothered me. I wanted us to discuss it but at the same time, I was not sure she wanted to talk about it. I knew that she thought mentioning things out loud made them more real or concrete but ignoring them and pretending the problems weren't there wouldn't make them disappear.

"It's gonna be tough, you know. We'll be away from each other for quite a while."

It took her a few seconds to answer as she seemed focused on her coffee but after a while, she breathed in and sighed.

"I know it won't be easy, Niall, but I also know that it will never be as hard as it was without you for a whole year. So yea, I think we can get through this and come out stronger." she said in a calm way before looking up in my eyes. "I hate being away from you but that won't change my love for you, not even just a little."

I reached for her hand on the table and squeezed her fingers before sending her a small smile. "It won't change mine either. And you're right, that year without you was the worse I've ever been through."

"It's... different." she told cautiously, looking up at me and noticing my questioning look. "You spent that year without me because you decided it, it was your choice. You did it for a reason and you wanted to be alone to live things you clearly thought you couldn't live with me. But me... I suffered through it. You broke up with me, broke my heart... I lost my best friend and the love of my life at the same time, you know? We didn't live that year the same way."

I felt my heart thump hard in my chest and I just nodded very slightly, as we stared at each other.

"You know, Niall... you left me with nothing." she said and I could swear I heard her voice crack. "I tried to find someone else, to find what I was missing from someone else, but I never really found it because what I was missing was you." Once again, she breathed in and sighed. "I know it's not easy but maybe you should try to put yourself in my shoes and... try to understand how I feel, you know? How I felt all those months."

I remembered that she told me it was tough for her but I never really understood how hard it had been until I found out she had literally tried to kill herself. Still, I felt like I couldn't really know the feeling and never would be able to. I remained silent as her words kept running in my head and finally held my breath. I couldn't believe I was thinking about writing a song in such a deep moment but I was and I just shook my head.

"You're right, Liv." I admitted, reaching for her other hand and squeezing both of them tight. "I'll try to understand how you felt in that year we were apart, after I broke you. It's hard to imagine but, I know I've hurt you more than I ever hurt anyone else, and I'll listen to everything you have to say about it."

She sent me a fond smile and nodded. "I can't really put it in the past." she added low. "Not because I don't want to, but because I feel like it's part of our story. I thought I knew who you were, I thought you'd never leave. I mean, we've known each other for decades... I thought you would never break my heart. But it was hard to accept, you know? That I didn't know you as well as I thought I did. I felt like... you ripped my heart out. Like you stole something from me that I could never get back without really knowing what it was. And I wanted it back. The worst was.. I still wanted to be with you. If you had came back I would have said yes in a heartbeat. I was always thinking of you, no matter who I was with, and yes, it includes Louis."

I stared at her, blinking a few times but still remained silent. I didn't want to let go of her hands and I also didn't want to talk. I thought it was just time to listen.

"I just... I went in bars and clubs to change my mind, I tried to date other people, I tried to drink my pain away... I just wanted to get over you and nothing worked, because I had nothing left." She paused again and shrugged. "I learned that making you the center of my life was not a good idea but it was something I was used to, I did it since I was a kid. Now I don't want to do things for you, Niall. I want to do things for us, and I want you to do the same. It's a team work. I mean, it's us against the world, right? That's what we said?"

I sent her a bigger smile and nodded. "It is. You and me."

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

@gingerreggg whee it still continues

Heads Up- Part 7 (Joseph x Bust!Caesar)

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

"You sure this is the right place?" Joseph asked Suzi as they toured the art supplies section of the local shopping center.

"Sure! Loggins and Messina are Professor Lisa's main suppliers of art materials! They also offer them wholesale for cheap prices. We're gonna need it..." she whimpered, eyeing her wallet sadly.

"Professor Lisa?" Joseph asked. "As in...Elizabeth Joestar?"

"Oh, you know her?" Suzi exclaimed.

"She's my mom, I didn't know you were a student of hers..." Joseph sighed, Suzi apparently not having made the connection with the Joestar surname. Having his mother be a renowned professor in the field of visual arts was quite a burden on Joseph. He wasn't especially close to her, and the few memories they had together were of her being strict and of high expectations. She was distant both physically and emotionally, yet the weight of her achievements rested heavily on Joseph's shoulders.

He was glad to have a little apartment to himself once he turned 18. A small place he could call his own, and have a little freedom to express himself.

Though as of the moment, it was no longer a home solely his.

"I wonder how Caesar's doing back home, alone." Joseph whispered to Suzi.

"Oh, relax," she laughed, as she felt the types of clay on exhibit trying to find one matching Caesar's consistency and texture. "I made sure the door's locked and he has stuff to keep occupied, he'll be perfectly safe."

--------

Caesar cautiously thumped his way across the house. It was the first time the clay bust had been left home alone since the day he came to life, and he felt uneasy.

He'd promised Suzi and Joseph he wouldn't cause any more trouble after last night's fiasco. Still, Suzi felt it was better off to be safe than sorry, and spent the early morning Caesar-proofing the house. She removed any platforms low enough for Caesar to jump up on-- she'd measured his highest jumps at five inches-- to keep him from trying to climb up dangerous places, and she'd also put bubble wrap on hard objects such as table legs and sharp corners in case of him bumping into things.

Caesar frowned. He felt he was being infantilized, treated like a baby. He chuckled snarkily to himself in hindsight, given that he was after all only a week old, and whether that would classify him as a baby, even with a grown man's mind and personality.

And besides, as much as he detested admitting it, he knew what Joseph said the previous night was true. He indeed was just a helpless, limbless chunk of clay. He could only bounce his heavy, squishy torso slowly across the floor with much exertion, and hardly anything more. Who knows what could happen if he'd found himself alone outside?

Yet he still felt a sense of yearning for the great forbidden outdoors, as he looked dreamily out the window. He wondered how far he could possibly go. He'd managed to make it to Joseph's lawn last night, and couldn't think how much further he could have gotten if Joseph hadn't caught up with him. Hopping on his neck was slow and hard, sure, but if there was one upside to being made of clay, it was that he never felt tired or sore from moving the way he did, and briefly contemplated if he could have explored a good distance in his new world hadn't it been for Joseph's advantage of legs.

But each little squeak of his varnished torso with each hop reminded him of Joseph's painstaking effort he took the previous evening to repair him. How he'd gone out of his way to make sure Caesar wasn't in pain, and was always in tip-top condition. How he'd shown him genuine friendship even if the artist was silly and exasperating at times. Hell, the very fact that he'd kept Caesar at all instead of disposing of him or destroying him out of fear was already something the stubby clay being was already very grateful for, and he felt that, after all he'd done for him, it was better off not giving poor Joseph any further heartache.

He turned his eyes toward the books and art supplies that Suzi left behind for him on the living room floor. Perhaps there was a better use of his time than getting himself into trouble.

------

"This much for a dollar?" Suzi cheered with glee. "Sure, we'll take it!"

"How much clay do we need?" asked Joseph, lugging several other blocks in a heavy basket. Suzi had insisted on different types of clay closest to the kind that Joseph had made Caesar from, to test which one would suit him the best.

"Not enough to make a whole body, of course!" she giggled. "At least not yet."

"So do we like, start by giving him an arm? Or some pecs?" Joseph giggled mischievously, imagining the possibilities.

"We'll get there bit by bit," Suzi reassured. "Soon he'll be a complete person!"

"I hope so," mumbled Joseph doubtfully. "I hope we complete him in time for me to graduate..." Joseph scratched his head.

"Well, I think we better get going home now." Suzi said, double-checking the supplies to make sure they had all they needed. "I'm sure Caesar's been waiting."

------

"Hey, Cae," Joseph announced as he entered the house. "Sorry we took so long."

There was no familiar greeting thumps this time, however, so Joseph went to the living room to investigate.

And then his jaw dropped.

Caesar, during their absence, was painting.

He'd found Joseph's art box, the same one he'd meddled with on the first morning, and, using one of Suzi's paper sheets on her clipboard as a canvas, was using a watercolor palette. Joseph watched in amazement as Caesar, dexterously gripping the paintbrush in his lips, dipped the brush into the paint, and with a coordinated rotation of his head and a flexing of his mouth, he streaked the brush across the paper, forming a line of color on the sheet.

The painting itself wasn't much: it was little more than an abstract mess of different, haphazard streaks of color looking like a cross between a kindergartener's doodle and a Jackson Pollock painting. But the fact that it was made by someone without limbs and only a few days old was a tremendous achievement in itself, and Joseph couldn't hold back a tear of joy.

Caesar was so preoccupied with stroking the brush, that he scarcely noticed Joseph entering the room until Joseph called his name. Caesar flinched in surprise, dropping the brush as his mouth popped open in shock.

"Joseph! I-I didn't know you were here! I'm sorry," he said apologetically, making a few hops on the floor to turn himself to face Joseph. "I was just bored and wanted something to do, I hope you don't mind."

Joseph gestured to the painting with great amazement. "I didn't know you had such a talent for art!"

Caesar looked up at Joseph and grinned.

"I am art," Caesar said proudly, trying to stand as tall as he could, which was just a bit more than Joseph's knee-height.

"How did you do it?" Joseph asked.

"A lot of patience, a lot of persistence and a lot of bouncing," Caesar replied with a chuckle. Joseph couldn't help but notice, as Caesar smiled, that his nose had flattened slightly and his front teeth were slightly crooked, likely from their unintended use as substitutes for fingers.

"You've done a wonderful job, but I think you overdid yourself," Joseph said, gently lifting up Caesar off the ground. "You need just a little bit of fixing," Joseph said, imagining the struggle of Caesar having to use his nose and teeth to move things around.

It was hard being just a head.

-----

"Okay, this won't hurt a bit," Joseph said, as he gently squeezed Caesar's soft clay nose back into shape.

"Ah, that's better," the bust replied, as he sat once more on his birthplace: Joseph's working table. "I couln't help but squish my nose a bit to push that art box of yours along."

A wide grin crept across Joseph's face.

"Well, the good news is that you won't have to do that anymore!" he said, gesturing to a large block of clay on the opposite end of the table, still wrapped in a thin layer of plastic.

Intrigued, Caesar carefully bounced closer. "What-- what's this? What does this mean?" he asked, perplexed.

Suzi followed into the room with a huge smile, carrying another clay block.

"We're making you a body, Caesar!"

Caesar's eyes grew wide with surprise. "Could...could you really do that?"

Joseph shrugged. "I don't know, but I think it's worth a try!"

"We're gonna experiment a bit on how to pull this off," Suzi said, peeling off the plastic covering of the clay block. "We guessed we'd build on you bit by bit so you gradually get used to having more of a body."

"Gee, I never thought," Caesar said, gratefully. "Let's do this."

-----

The two artists began with a stub of a right arm, all the way up to an elbow. Perching Caesar onto the workbench, they began to outfit him with the stump, using Suzi's anatomy reference guide to scale and sculpt the limb.

"I wished I had that book sooner," Joseph laughed, as he smoothened Caesar's newly attached arm nub. "Then I wouldn't have settled for making only a bust."

Soon the stubby appendage was tacked on, and Joseph began to paint. He stroked and blended with the same amount of dedication he'd given Caesar's head, shaping it as to merge with Caesar's shoulder seamlessly, texturing it perfectly as to look almost like human skin, until at last, painted and sculpted, it looked perfect, like a natural outgrowth of Caesar's rudimentary body.

"Go on," Joseph said encouragingly. "Try to move it."

Caesar strained and struggled to do just that, staring at the new limb intently, with determination, but the elbow-length stub refused to budge. Not even a wiggle or a twitch, no matter how hard Caesar tried, the arm stub remained a motionless deadweight.

Caesar looked at Joseph, clearly worried.

"Jojo...I can't."

Joseph felt a sinking unease. He reached out to touch Caesar's skin. His head and neck felt oddly warm like always, warm like a living person's skin despite being textured, and having a consistency, like clay. But there was a sharp divide where the new arm met his torso-- beyond that line, the clay of the arm felt cold and lifeless to the touch. It felt dead.

"Something's wrong," Joseph said. Suzi came over for a closer look.

Pulling out a pin from a box of supplies, she sharply poked the arm stub. "Feel anything?"

"Nope," Caesar sighed.

"How about this?" she asked, poking a bit higher.

"Still nothing."

Suzi poked the arm higher and higher, but Caesar felt nothing. But after several pokes, she reached the line where the warm, living clay met the useless stump.

"Ouch!" Caesar cried as Suzi jabbed him finally at a spot he could feel.

Suzi shook her head. "Maybe it's because it's incomplete? Should we try finishing a complete arm and hand?"

"I'm not really sure how sentient clay bust anatomy works," sighed Joseph, "but I suppose it's worth a try. After all, Caesar only came alive once I completed his head."

Caesar shuddered at the prospect of coming alive before his head was completed, but sighed in relief that he only did animate once it was.

"Just hold on for a while, alright Cae?" Joseph said in an attempt to reassure the anxious bust. "Hopefully you'll soon have a body."

Joseph sat down and ruffled his brown messy hair in frustration.

This, as it turned out, was a lot more complicated than it had first seemed.

---------

(Previous Chapter)

(Next Chapter)

[willowknee]

Changes- George Imagine

Title: Changes People: George X reader, ImAllexx Word count: 1790 Warnings: Swearing Songs to listen to: N/A Prompt/request: “I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me” A/N: This is the second Angst one-shot for George, one with a happier ending than the last 

Being best friends with Alex and George definitely came with its perks, for one, you were never lonely and you never had to worry about being judged for the stuff you watch or the games you like to play, you always had someone to go out for meals with, and you had your own personal councillors who only charged in snacks. On the other hand, it definitely had its disadvantages too, for example, the fact that you were desperately in love with one of them.

One George Andrew. 

For the most part, you were fine, you got on like you would any other time, and if you ever got shy, you would always find a way to play it off and pretend that you were acting shy when he made certain comments or jokes. But there were times where your Grammy worthy acting fails you, and that’s when you became jealous.

You would say you were close to George, really close, you confided in him about your past and all your worries and he confided in you too. That’s why it came as such a shock when out of nowhere George got a girlfriend. Just to clarify, it wasn’t you. You were taken aback, it seemed so out of nowhere, he had never mentioned talking to anybody or even having any interest in anyone.

You were hurt, to say the least, were you more invested in this friendship than he was? You hated being jealous, it was the one thing you hated the most about yourself, how easily you became jealous and how harsh you became, you hated it and you tried to avoid it as much as possible, to the point you refused to develop feelings for people in fear of getting hurt, but with George, it happened so fast and so hard there was literally no way you could have stopped it. You fell head over heels for him and for once, you didn’t mind.

When you looked at George you feel your breath literally catch in your throat and when he smiles at you, you can’t help but smile back, even if you had been sobbing your eyes out mere seconds before. The playful banter between you both is something you will always cherish, the times at 4 am when you were both still awake sat at the kitchen counter eating Alex’s cereal straight out of the box even after being told off multiple times by Alex himself for doing so, fights over what you would be playing, FIFA (George’s choice) or the new Modern Warfare (your choice). 

Every moment with George felt like a treasured memory, but after he started dating his girlfriend he became cold, distant, once instant replies now took days to come through, and even then they were short and somewhat evasive. He no longer had time to meet up and spend time, even if you were at Alex’s and George’s apartment, he was either out or in his room with her doing god knows what. 

When George first introduced you and Alex to her, you felt yourself distancing mentally, something you had done since a young age to help deal with stress, a coping mechanism as such, it was weird, really, you could handle stress. Art GCSE coursework? Fine, understaffed at work? No problem, but when it comes to emotional stress that’s where you seriously struggle. 

She seemed… nice. You weren’t exactly sure what to make of her, she seemed to love Alex, was joking around with him freely but when it came to you, she seemed to have a problem. You weren’t sure if it was your brain just making up the evil glares and dirty side-looks but you knew you felt off about her, she clearly didn’t like you. You knew that would cause a problem, how could you and George continue to be friends if his girlfriend had a problem with you? 

And you were right, of course. It did put a massive strain on your friendship with George, which ended up in a massive fight. 

“We’ve been best friends for so fucking long, George! You’re seriously going to throw that away because of your new girlfriend who has a problem with me- for no apparent reason?!” You scream, finally catching him alone in his front room, his girlfriend nowhere to be seen and Alex had just popped to the shops.

“She is my girlfriend, for fuck’s sake, Y/N, grow up! I’m not a kid! I like this girl and I want to make this work, I’m not throwing anything away!” He shouts back, feeling just as frustrated. 

“You fucking are! You’re so distant now, we don’t get to spend time together, it’s all about her, I get that you want to be with her, it’s a new relationship and it’s exciting- I get that! But you’re pushing me away, isolating me and it’s not fair,” You tried to get him to understand, but he ended up letting out a cry of rage, scaring you.

You hated confrontation and yet here you were, fighting. You were fighting for the attention of someone you couldn’t have. He clearly liked this girl if he was going as far as cutting you out of his life, you were being spiteful and you knew it, you hated that you were jealous when you had no right to be, George wasn’t yours, he was hers, it’s not you that he’s fighting for, it’s her. You knew that, but you still couldn’t help the tears that pricked your eyes as you watch the man you love, stand in front of you, slowly back away, as if he was disgusted at what he saw.

“Maybe if you fucked off and spent time with people other than me and Alex you could get yourself a relationship and you’ll be able to put yourself in my shoes,” 

His words were like a slap to the face. If you thought him getting a girlfriend hurt, watching him turn into somebody you knew he wasn’t hurt twice as much. 

“Maybe if you spent time with anyone other than your girlfriend you’ll realise you’re not you anymore, you’re not the loving, caring George we all know, you’re a dick.” You whisper the last part before walking towards the front door of their flat, needed to get out of there as soon as possible. 

It felt suffocating, your breathing was out of sync and you couldn’t see as the tears stream down your face, why does it feel like you had broken up when George wasn’t even yours to begin with? You barely register walking past Alex who had heard everything and you didn’t hear him as he shouted after you, desperate cries for you to come back. 

Alex turned to George who had come to the hallway to watch you walk away from him, he shook his head at the younger. 

“Why don’t you just tell her the truth, mate? You’re both hurting yourselves for no reason.” Alex sighs, shutting the door, texting Gee asking for her to check up on you.

“I can’t… wait, what do you mean both of us?” George asks, whipping his head to face Alex.

“What do you think I mean, you idiot? How can you be so goddamn oblivious to her feelings for you? She fuckin loves you mate, has for a long time,”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t for me to say, but as good as she thinks her acting is, it was bloody obvious George, she loves the fuck out of you and you just fucked her off for some random ass girl whom you’ve never spoken about,” 

George shakes his head, visibly at war with himself before he grabs his keys and races off, shouting a goodbye and thank you to Alex who just shakes his head in response, hoping that you two stopped being so childish and just accept the truth. 

Half an hour later he finds himself outside your door. He gently knocks on the door, before knocking with a bit more force just in case you didn’t hear. You open the door and glare, still not over the hurtful things he had said, maybe it was true, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

“Hi,” George says, quietly. 

“Hey,” You reply, your words blunt and your tone flat.

“Uh, can I come in?”

You contemplate it but ultimately decided that if you were to argue, it would be best to do it inside than in the hallway where anybody could listen in. You step aside and open the door wide enough for him to walk in. He kicks off his shoes and puts them on the shoe rack, you didn’t like people wearing shoes in your house, especially on the light coloured carpet. 

“Why are you here, George?” you ask, returning to your spot on the sofa, buried under your blankets.

“I’m here to apologise, I let things get out of hand, I turned into somebody I know I’m not and it only resulted in me hurting you, that’s not what I wanted,”

“What did you want then? It doesn’t make sense, George,”

He sighs heavily. “I wanted to forget you,”

Ouch. Talk about adding insult to injury. 

“You’re not doing a very good job stood here then are you?” You snarl, wondering what was the point of him driving twenty minutes to your house just to say more hurtful things. 

“No- look, Y/N. I wanted to forget you, things were changing and I panicked and thought the only way I could get some stability was to push you away and get a girlfriend, a distraction,” 

“What the fuck, George? If you had a problem with me you should have just straight up told me to fuck off, not toy with me and drag someone else into this!” You yell.

“For fucks sakes! You don’t get it, do you? I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me! I’m in love with my best friend and that never normally works out well, does it?”

You stare at George as if he had magically grew a second head. Did he just say what you think he said? 

“You what?”

“Just forget about-”

He never got to finish his sentence, you leap from your position on the sofa and run to him, barely giving him time to catch you in the process, you place your lips to his own in a very unceremonious manner, the kiss was rough and abrupt but it was perfect for you both, it was your first kiss and the first step into new territory which is both scary and exhilarating. 

���I love you too, dummy,”

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Late to the slapping discourse but I think another thing is, well, p much everybody, be they makoto fans or haters, despise that confidant, especially due to eiko hogging up so much screentime, so seeing makoto slap her was likely pretty cathartic

sfdjkhla I get where ya coming from anon, but sorry you just reignited this fury inside me again I’mma just rant (not at you, just at the void that is tumblr, I’m just mad and I have more to say about this topic apparently laskfdj;af Just know you didn’t do anything wrong, but your ask did make me think of something new so yay!). Tho tbh, I’ve seen other Mako haters hate that she slaps Eiko for my similar reasons (aka Mako is a pretty bad person who gets away with some bad shit because she’s an main character and we need to be “on her side”). But I don’t think that slap should’ve been viewed as cathartic (tho I get WHY people do), or the fact that it is showcases a big (writing) problem.

(also sorry this is all over the place, I’m writing it very quickly, while quickly reviewing her CoOp, before I go to bed)

Y’all know I hate Makoto, and I think her CoOp is hot garbage, but I don’t actually blame Eiko for it tbh (I mean Ryuji/Anne’s are just fine with juggling other chars, despite having their own issues.....not so much are because of said side chars, it’s other things but again the side chars are juggled just fine with Anne/Ryu). I don’t really hate the char, I think she’s fine. She’s a pretty friendly person, maybe a tad airheadish but she’s not mean (at least she doesn’t say mean things without a reason). Hell I think she does her role pretty fine, it’s Makoto who fails to overcome flaws (mostly her hotheadedness and applying these new view points she’s learned). 

If the writers intended Makoto’s slap to be cathartic no offense but fuck those writers yo. Because it showcases Makoto really is unable to understand any other person’s mindset (at least in practice), does her own selfish shit, and gets rewarded even tho she hurt someone or failed to actually do the bare min to make up for shit she’s done (like the Kamo arc, sorry but you had her say it yourself writers “it’s not that I couldn’t do anything, it’s that I just didn’t care enough” your whole “adults make me do things I don’t want to/they are mean :(” bs doesn’t mesh well, you don’t actually resolve or address the flaw of that char, you just shoved responsibility onto someone else....with that something else isn’t really explored/expanded upon either). Basically, if that slap was cathartic, I think the writers failed....I mean they already did fail with them actually writing that slap in, but they failed at their theme/moral to boot.

So when I have Makoto, who’s CoOp literally starts out with her wanting to learn new perspectives (and you know, maybe kinda learning a little EMPATHY) it’s hard to argue she learned that shit when she literally is unable to do just that and slaps someone. As well as reinforce the fact SHE SHOULDN’T BE IN THE POSITION SHE IS IN (aka our planner/advisor/whatever). 1) It shows she can’t control her emotions (and if we’re gonna give Ryu shit, she def deserves it too), 2) she can’t come up with a gd plan to save her life (the best plan the PT came up with was the first dungeon in PQ2 and guess what? She wasn’t a part of it, gee I’d be shocked but....I’m not). 

It just showcases the poor writing ability of that writer. Makoto’s CoOp is about her learning new things about society and her peers she’s failing at, and ability to connect/understand the people around her....and at that freaking climax it just shows.....she didn’t learn shit. She’s been saying she did all CoOp, even basically says she understands why Eiko is acting that way, but what does she do with that info? Does’t apply it when confronting her and just reverts to bullheaded Makoto mode. It doesn’t matter what happens after, we don’t see her reconcile with Eiko, all that is off screen. In the climatic moment, she fails to accomplish the goal of what her CoOp set out to do....and she’s rewarded for it. She doesn’t realize why Eiko is upset, she doesn’t try to think of a backup plan in case her first one fails, she acts only on her own emotions in the moment. And no “her friend is in danger of prostitution so it’s now or never” is NOT a good excuse, you wanna know WHY? The freaking, change of heart part of the ENTIRE GD GAME! Any argument of “we can’t always use hear changes” goes out the gd window with like 90% of any problems we encounter when we can just go to the Metaverse (to even just interrogate tbh!). The only reason Anne/Yoshida work is because Anne’s we don’t know till the literal last second and by then it’s resolved itself, and Yoshida is dead set on fixing it himself! Makoto’s CoOp? No, that guy should be bumped from “shady boyfriend” to “yeah this guy is now on our request lists holy shit does he fit our MO”

But back to Eiko, yeah it’s great Makoto is expanding her horizons, so glad she knows what a cardigan is~! Too bad, despite actually knowing her friend’s circumstance and possibly why she’s acting that way, Makoto doesn’t approach it with the level of tact that is freaking needed. Showcasing she’s learnt nothing, nothing from her past mistakes, not from “these new viewpoints I’ve learnt,” nothing from knowing WHY her friend might be feeling this way. She literally just does what she’s been doing. She just has the smoke and mirrors benefit of saying “well I learnt a new viewpoint” but your actions speak louder than your words. You didn’t learn shit. 

Wait....no I’m not giving Makoto enough credit, haha, you see she did learn something, at the beginning of the CoOp, and that’s actually not ignoring something shady going on. Unlike with the Kamo arc. My bad, so instead of seeing her bull her way through feeling “forced” to do something, we see her bulling her way through “caring” this time. But here’s the thing, that wasn’t her arc for this CoOp, her understanding other viewpoints was. She failed. Somehow she freaking failed. It’s a talent Makoto! It’s a real talent you have there!

You know why I think Makoto/Eiko thing pisses me off so much? I have a friend that reminds me a lot of Eiko. She’s nice, def a girly gal type person, as well as other things. She had just begun dating someone I deemed a red flag (not Tsukasa bad like selling yourself or that she was in any kinda danger, but still a “yeah you should know” kinda thing....like...I’d feel bad if I didn’t know about it and I was in her position kinda thing). And you know what I did? Did I take her out into public on a crowded street and yell at her and say you need to break up with him and when she got (pretty rightfully) defensive I then slapped her and got on my high horse and was like “I’m doing this for your own good! YOU  don’t understand MY position, what I’M going through, but you need to know what I’m doing is for the BEST!”? No. That never crossed my freaking mind cause I’m not a psychopath. I instead, took her out for ice cream, sat in a more remote spot for privacy, and reassured her of her emotions and own autonomy and that I cared and that I understand she cares about things and I’m coming from a place of good faith and I wasn’t there to attack her, and then I broke the news to her. You know what she did? She laughed, was happy I was a normal human being with some tact, said she wished another friend of hers did what I did instead of through text. Said she’d take what I said into consideration. She broke up with him a few months later.....cause he was a twat apparently, but our friendship was well in tact and strengthened. And I was barely a year older than Makoto was at the time, AND a super awkward honor student AND my friendship with her was about as new as Mako’s and Eiko’s (AND we were very much opposites like those two hell even more so).

I dunno, it just would’ve been so much more impactful if Makoto, instead of slapping Eiko after she called Mako a “bitch.” Mako stepped forward (making everyone think she’s going to be physical but instead it showcases Makoto thinking rationally for once), looked Eiko in the eye and said “What you think of me is not all that I am. And even if you hate me, know I still think of you as my friend and will be here for you for whatever reason. But I won’t let you throw your life away, not for this scum of a human being. *turns to Tsukasa* Listen to me asshole, I say this not as some honor student, but as Eiko’s friend. You will be delivered justice, and you will apologize to Eiko and all the other girls who’s lives you’ve ruined” to which we either get Tsukasa’s name via asking around (low key Ichiko could probably help), or by getting it from Shadow!Eiko in the metaverse. The next rank we see Eiko and Mako making up, and Mako explains how she’s more than just an honor student (basically the shit she says after she slaps Eiko), and Eiko apologizes for all the mean things she said in the moment and how she felt afraid or whatever other stuff they wanna add to deepen her char or whatever. And we have a theme kept intact, and Eiko even learns about new perspectives (as well as reinforcing this whole moral/theme to the viewer)....but we legit get to see this development for her, and we learn how to do it with compassion and understanding and not ‘slap to be dramatic~!’ bs (because then it comes off as like....using force to change someone’s behavior.....and like????? probably not the best message ESP for P5′s setting). You can dislike Eiko, but the CoOp technically became just as much as her arc as Mako’s and the fact we don’t see the resolution is poor. (btw the “how/when” it would’ve taken place would’ve been rank 9 still, we just wouldn’t rank up till the mementos mission was done, that or restructure the link but the former is easier)

So....yeah....maybe it’s the fact that Makoto’s CoOP belittles how teens can actually resolve these problems. Maybe it’s the fact we’re supposed to root for Mako’s bad behavior. Maybe it’s the fact when it came down to the wire, Mako didn’t utilize the knowledge she has been bragging about getting over the CoOp. Maybe it’s the fact she resorted to violence when there was another avenue to take. Maybe it’s the fact we never see Makoto actually hit a bad guy/aggressor (instead we have to save her from those) but instead only see her hitting her so called friends. Maybe it’s the fact of her showcasing flaws that she shouldn’t have (her hotheadedness and shitty planning skills). Or maybe it’s the fact we root for a “cathartic slap” in favor of doing what this CoOp is supposed to be: teaching Makoto AND the viewer about learning to see someone else’s perspective, and coming up with a plan that we never would’ve thought of to help fix that issue. Sacrificing a big theme/moral of the CoOp for something “dramatic.”

But I don’t know why I should be shocked, this is P5. Contradictions everywhere, in the lore, in the themes, in the writing, in the morals. Just. Everywhere. 

[everythingoesnk]

Oh What a Night

summary; you’ve been the stylist for everyone involved in A Hard Day’s Night, including The Beatles. at the premiere afterparty John has a clear goal: you

word count; 2 684

warnings;

********

Flashes, screams and a deafening round of intense applause landed upon the four of them, welcoming their presence to the party. Each person in the room cheered flagrantly to show their support and devotion.

Tingles coursed through your being when your eyes found him among the crowd, instantly bringing heat to your face and chest.

Except for the bath scene where he only had swim trunks on, in every shot of the film he was sheathed in the same suit. The one he slipped on for the event seemed pretty similar, all black and classic, but the difference was that he chose to put on a bow tie instead of a tie.

He looked so fine. You were fanning yourself without even knowing you were.

Of course you wouldn’t pick up on the fact that the other three cherished the same option. You only had eyes for him.

That small switch on his attire was enough to awake the butterflies in your stomach.

At the same time that he smiled back at everyone who interacted with him, he looked like he was searching for a particular face.

You quickly turned your back at him and joined the first group of people you bumped into to prevent him from seeing you.

While pretending to follow the thread of what they were discussing, deep down in the depths of your heart you knew that what you really wanted to happen was the opposite. For him to find you, take you home, sing near your ear and spend the night together under the covers.

But no, that wasn’t happening. Not after the countless times you refused to go on a date.

For months, ever since he’d been introduced to you on set, John had been insisting, more like pressing, to invite you somewhere to get to know each other. It was like an obsession, he just wouldn’t stop dropping the subject at any chance he got.

It’s not like you didn’t want to, but you were under pressure at the time. You were instructed to get the work done, not to befriend or flirt with the stars, and your priority was to not get fired.

John assured multiple times that he wouldn’t get you in trouble, If they ever consider firing you they’ll have to talk to me first being his exact words. Yet you didn’t succumb. The flirting and courtship never went away, though.

Did you have a reason to reject him now that you weren’t professionally linked? Technically, no.

Completely zoned out, you were biting a nail when a male voice you were familiar with told you if you kept going you’d end up losing a finger.

Lifting your eyes you cracked a smile, relieved to finally talk to someone you knew.

“(Y/N)” George Martin greeted, happy to see you. He placed a hand on your arm and rubbed it up and down a few times. “How are you, darling? Everything okay?”

By the end of the filming you two established a solid friendship.

Given that after the director yelled ‘Action!’ you weren’t needed, you sat one day with him without knowing who he was or why he was there, and kept doing so ever since during those gaps you had for yourself.

“Yeah! How about you? Did you just get here? I haven’t seen you around”

“I did, but I’m not staying for long. I’ve a lot of work to do tomorrow and I don’t think I’ll enjoy myself with all the stuff I have going on in here” he said, pointing at his head.

“I understand”

“What are your plans then, did you sort things out?”

His question concerned a series of issues you mentioned him you had with a girl you shared your flat with, but she finally paid what she owed.

“Yes. She moved out, by the way. And I haven’t changed my mind, I want to study fashion”

“You’ll be great. I can’t wait to see people on the streets wearing your designs, or myself”

You smiled widely. He told you he loved them when you showed him your sketches.

Then, one instant later, for whatever reason, George’s eyes were no longer on you but over your shoulder. They stayed there for a good ten seconds before he looked down at you, a half jovial smile adorning his lips.

“See, I’m supposed to meet a few people and if I don’t I’m screwed”

“Oh”

“Have a good night, (Y/N)”

“You too, George” you replied, watching him flee away.

You slowly turned around with your brows furrowed, glancing down at the floor thinking about how fishy his farewell had been.

You shook your head. He had to go, nothing to overthink.

However, something inside you suggested to look ahead, and when you did, your mouth hung open.

John was prowling his way towards you.

//

Panic washing over your rationality, you found yourself not knowing what to do. Why were you intimidated in the first place? You weren’t sure.

But you were positive you weren’t in high spirits to deal with him now.

You began to walk in the direction George departed.

John, seeing your intentions to escape, jogged until he positioned himself before you, blocking the way.

You moved to the side and he did too. Considering your odds, you stood still.

It was pointless, so you sighed as a surrender, showing him he won the battle. But at the very first sign that he lowered the guard, you sprinted to the left.

Bold of you to assume that he wouldn’t get his hands on you.

“Dirty, dirty girl,” he taunted, his top teeth tugging at his bottom lip while he made sure you wouldn’t break free, hands gripping firmly at your sides, “were you running away from me? Why?”

“I wasn’t” you lied. “I need to go to the restroom”

“To fix yourself up for me?”

Without much effort, he spun you around and captured you in his arms before you had the opportunity to attempt to leave. Though he was aware that you soon quit insisting to free yourself, and that made him grin broadly.

John bowed his head first, and the tip of his nose touched yours on purpose. He threw it back a little afterwards, just to be able to see you properly.

You were blushing so bad it wasn’t funny.

A naughty smile curved his lips.

“I’ve always loved the way your cheeks turn into biteable apples whenever I’m around. Would you be so considerate to grant me the pleasure to have a taste?”

You wanted to slap him and the little demonic version of you settled in your mind who was nodding her head frantically. The angelic version shrugged her arms and pouted.

“Will you please let me go?” you asked with a stern look.

“Under one condition. Maybe two”

You rolled your eyes and listened closely.

“Let me go with you to the bathroom. A thing could lead to the other and—”

You brought your hand up over his mouth and he smirked against your palm.

The shudders that reverberated all the way through your body made you angrier. Your anatomy wasn’t helping you at all, anxious to find out what words would have rolled off John’s tongue if you had let him finish speaking.  

He crossed his eyes playfully and you had to bite your lower lip to stop a giggle from emerging.

Ungluing your hand from his face, you held up a finger against your lips, motioning him to stop being so loud.

He grinned whilst nodding his head, eyes boring into yours but falling and lingering on your lips eventually.

A waiter carrying a tray with two full glasses approached and John took them from him without asking. The guy’s face was to frame, but when he saw it was the incomparable John Lennon of flesh and blood he murmured an almost imperceptible polite ‘Sir’.

John reached his hand out for you to take the drink.

“Champagne?”

The two of you swallowed the liquid in unison.

After some time of non-existent conversation and you staring at the other end of the room where Ringo was happily dancing with Maureen, you dragged your eyes back to John hesitantly.

He’d been checking you out.

He met your gaze with a filthy look and drank the remaining bit of whatever was left at the bottom of the glass, not losing eye contact in the process. It gave you fever to witness him so greedy for you.

A stirring in your abdomen made you press your thighs together, but you put on a straight face setting aside how your brain released dopamine galore.

John’s eyes twinkled.

“Don’t you stand there like you’re drained of any emotion towards me”

You gave a harsh short laugh while your heart throbbed roughly in your chest. The audacity.

“You’re so full of yourself”

“Nope. I don’t think it has anything to do with my ego”

“What’s your excuse, then?”

“You make me nervous”

For a brief moment, you considered he possibly had pushed his reckless behaviour away.

You huffed, a rosy blush staining your cheeks, and he massaged the back of his neck.

John looked at you and felt shy all of a sudden.

“Did you have a good time watching the film?”

“I did. The whole thing is amazing, Lester really did a good job. My favourite part is when you’re all dancing to Can’t Buy Me Love”

He stared at you, really stared at you.

Enraptured by the tenderness in your voice, he found the confidence to pluck up the courage to step closer to you.

“What about the other condition?” you reminded.

John chuckled. Eagerness coloured his tone.

“Never mind”

“Is it what I think it is?” you asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“You tell me”

“Was it a date?”

“What? Sorry, I didn’t catch that. Can you repeat?”

“Was it a date?”

John paused.

“A date?”

“Yes, a date” you answered, raising your voice.

The crowd surrounding you lolled their heads in your direction.

“Gee, (Y/N),” John teased, glancing at the bunch of people that had their eyes on the both of you, “no need to roar. I’m blind, not deaf. And yes, I agree to have a date with you” he added, flashing a glowing grin to you and the audience, exultant that he got you where he wanted.

Shit. A tedious warmness rose to your neck and up to coat your face.

“No, no. You know I didn’t mean to ask you out”

John emitted a lazy whine.

Shaking your head you turned it to the side, folding your arms. John paced forward and poked you under your ribs. You jumped and slapped his hand.

He tugged you against him, but you wouldn’t jerk your head his way, refusing to look at him.

Chest to chest, yours was raising and falling with nervous breaths.

John wanted to lift your chin, but you wouldn’t let him.

“(Y/N)”

Nothing.

He tried again, angling you to look into his eyes.

“Can’t you see I’m just hopeless?”

His voice felt like a loving, almost romantic, caress.

“Now that shooting’s over I won’t get to see you anymore”

He suspired.

“Won’t you miss me?”

Very easily, you could feel your walls slipping. Beating around the bush, you were certain that you would. He didn't have a clue about how a dreamy smirk would be roaming your lips every day when you left the set to go home, recalling whatever cocky and goofy pick-up line he told you with the hopes to gain your affection.

Your pulse was racing.

You nodded, staring right into his pupils.

“Then stop playing so hard to get. I could be kissing and touching you right now and we’re having this absurd conversation instead” John observed, recovering the composture and standing on his full height.

Overwhelmed, you couldn’t even verbalize a monosyllable.

John grabbed you by the hand and spotted the door where he first walked through.

Excusing himself to everyone that wanted to stop him and chat, and ensuring that you were okay along the way looking back every once in a while, he took you to the rear of the hotel that luckily happened to be deserted.

Like the gentleman he truly was, he took off his jacket and wrapped it around your shoulders.

Glancing down at you, his fingers still holding the top part of the lapels, the beat of his heart was quickly out of control.

The bow tie suddenly felt too tight in his collar.

“Are you going to kiss me now, John?”

He swallowed and directed his gaze down to your mouth, his own watering.

Muscles in your tummy clenching, you put your arms around his neck.

“Please say yes”

“I’m not sure I can deny you anything, love”

And the next thing he did was brush his lips over yours, relishing their sweetness before fully capturing them.

You pressed your body against him when he placed both hands on either side of your face, cradling it lovingly, melting under his touch. More than once you fantasized about this, but never would you have guessed you’d instantly become addicted to his taste.

A husky grunt erupted from his throat, and in perfect harmony, he massaged your tongue with his. Movements that you reciprocated.

You breathed his name, which made him want to be a little rougher on you, trailing his hands around your back until they cupped your ass.

“John, John”

You stopped kissing him when guests of the party unlocked the door to leave.

You were embarrassed by the possibility of being seen, but they were so intoxicated and high that they didn’t even notice you were there. Not that they’d remember the next day.

John’s eyes locked on yours when you looked up at him through your lashes.

He also looked like he didn’t have his feet on the ground. He was drunk on passion. John felt the warmth in his body rose above the stars at you nibbling on your lip.

“I’m marrying you” he noted in a thick voice.

“You wish” you answered, one big smirk quirking up a corner of your mouth.

“Tonight I’m content with taking you with me, but I am putting a ring on you sooner or later”

Love growing in your chest, you pumped his arm and ruffled his hair.

“Who says I agreed to spend the night with you?”

“I think we both know you're dying to"

“Convince me” you provoked.

John crooked an eyebrow at you, and stuck his tongue out to sweep his saliva over the lower lip.

“We’re playing games, is that it?”

You shrugged and scooted sensually to reach the door, twisting the knob and stepping one foot inside.

“You have one hour before I leave to win me over. Or else you’re sleeping alone”

“If you insist. By the end of the night everyone will know you’re mine” he said, and spanked you on a butt cheek.

You smiled, excited about how delicious his promises sounded. There was also a flicker of fervour and lust in his eyes.

“I look forward to see how you intend to do that”

“Did you forget who you’re talking to? Dearest, I have plenty of ideas and two hands to make you lose your mind. Five minutes is all I need”

“I’ll give you three”

“One is fine. I love challenges”

You laughed and let him take your hand in his, interlocking all the fingers.

John moved his mouth extremely close to your ear. You closed your eyes, heart crying for one more kiss before joining the multitude.

“Don’t leave my side. Don’t make me have to punish you”

“Is that a threat?” you susurrated, turned on by the danger laced to his tone.

“That is a threat. Be a good girl”

You nodded, and raised your head to get a glimpse of him.

He made you feel fragile and powerful at the same time.

“You’re so beautiful, (Y/N). Let’s go inside, let me show everyone who’s the luckiest man alive”

The night had just begun.

[bluepenguinstories]

Happiness Overload Chapter Sixty-One

Like before, I was how it began. I was also how it would end.

I knew it was coming up, and things were coming together, although with a few gaps. That was fine, of course. I would be happy either way. Whether it made sense or didn’t. But I knew that things couldn’t be perfect. I never counted on that in the first place.

I smiled as I took a bite out of my cotton candy. What a delight the fluffy sugar concoction was. Although it was a great source of joy, I also felt that if I were to part with it, I would be happy either way. Because of course I would be. That was how it worked.

“Say, cotton candy, do you believe in guardian angels?” I grinned as I took a bite into my cotton candy. Of course the food made no reply, but I was happy to have its company all the same, and I would be all the more happier if my pink sugar friend could talk to me.

“YES! GUARDIAN ANGELS ARE BEST!”

I couldn’t agree more.

“And do you believe in succubi? Demons?”

“IF IT MAKES YOU HAPPY, THEN YES!”

“What about eldritch beings beyond mortal comprehension?”

“YES! HAPPINESS IS BEYOND COMPREHENSION!”

Again, couldn’t agree more. Comprehension itself was a funny word which made little sense to me. Things didn’t have to make sense to be happy, although a little awareness never hurt the experience.

Soon Velvet and Coriander would make it to the front of the headquarters, and so too would I. While it took me a while to get used to the new name, I had to admit that Coriander fit her well. Although I’ve not known her long, I figured it was fine enough to add her to the roster of friends that I’ve made along the way.

I let out a sigh. The kind one would make after sipping a really fizzy soda. Or maybe it was less of a sigh and more of a burp.

I really couldn’t be happier for them, and I could be very happy. If nothing else could be said, at least I could say that I got to see my friends. Just like I wanted.

Was it true that I did things because doing something always felt better than doing nothing? I mean, gee, I faked my way into the CIA, I stole a UFO from Area 51, I lived underneath a university and took orders from a conspiracy nut, I saved a clone’s life, I lived underneath a pyramid among stoner aliens for over three years, and I had one hell of a time going to Area 51 all over again.

...What a mess my life has been. But it wasn’t that I did such over the top things without purpose. There was always a reason behind what I did, even if at times it was because I tried to run away from a smaller problem.

But was it true that I was still that way?

Partially. Yes.

I mean, at the moment, I was running toward the front of an evil organization’s headquarters along with my girlfriend (no applause necessary) and we were about to bust in on whatever evil geniuses awaited us. The reason behind it all was in an effort to save our version of Earth, or at least save something.

But it was a little different, too.

Throughout our struggle in The Flashbulb HQ, I’ve declared that Coriander was more important to me than the world itself. That it didn’t matter what happened to the world as long as she was safe, and I meant it. I fucking meant that.

Even if we failed, at least we’d fail together. It was amazing to think that someone like me could have even been in a relationship with someone. I never saw it coming, that was for sure. It was never planned that way, but a welcome addition.

“Hey, how are we going to intimidate them without a weapon?” I turned to my partner (both in crime, and in life).

“Damn it! We should have thought about that before we ran out!” She cursed.

“Well, we’ll figure out something. We’ve made it this far,” I reassured the both of us. I didn’t know how much reassurance she needed, or if it was all me. Like the furthest we got to the front, the more the feeling of powerlessness sank in.

“Hey,” I gulped. “I’m sorry about back there. Us going along with Popsigirl.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m the one who said to go along with it,” she replied through growled words.

“I know, but I feel like I should have done more to protect you from her and –”

“Enough!” She snapped. “I...I don’t even want to think about her right now!” I saw her shake in place and my worry only grew from there. It seemed like she even scared herself, as she looked my way, but not at me.

“I’m sorry. I get that you’re worried about me,” her voice but a murmur. “But I’m trying to put my feelings aside because I don’t want to spend the rest of my days here. Whether I’m even able to live on Earth again or not, if I’m going to have any chance at that, these guys need to be defeated, and if there’s a chance, any at all, I’ll take it.”

“I understand that,” I should have been on the same page. Because of course defeating The Flashbulb was our goal.

“Am I selfish for this?” She asked, which surprised me even more.

I shook my head. “I want the same thing.” Of course I could say that. But I wanted more. Or I wanted less.

No. Never mind that. Not when we were so close. If I had to choose between the world and her, I’d choose her. But that didn’t mean I would stop fighting for the world, either. Just as she said, as long as there’s a chance…

“Let’s keep going,” I told her. She nodded.

It was somewhere during the race against time, something which didn’t even feel real, when I realized what it was: it wasn’t that we weren’t in sync. Rather, I had rubbed off on her.

“Hey,” she turned to me and it looked to me like she was trying to force out a smile. “What do you say? ‘Til death do us part?”

Yet again, I was shocked. One hit KO damage. Minus 9999 HP.

“Yeah,” I chuckled. “Whatever that means.”

It wasn’t so much that I fancied the idea of living in such a place among people who probably ruined countless lives, but maybe you could say that I grew acclimated? Or I accepted that my life as a head nurse’s assistant, as it seemed I needed to have a place somehow. All in all, it wasn’t too bad.

I mean, Dr. Nightingale could be quite domineering. It wasn’t just that it seemed like she hovered over everyone’s heads, either, but maybe it had to do with her whip and fishnet stockings. But it wasn’t like she was a bad person. Sure, she took care of all those other Flashbulb members who got injured on the job, but I could tell that it came from a place of care. Then again, it could have all been wishful thinking. She provided care, I provided aftercare.

Mostly it was stuff like, “go get ‘em, tiger!” and “even a broken leg walks twice a day!” No, I didn’t see how that helped, but I did my best.

Even so, I was restless. Maybe that was how I would live out the rest of my life. Restless in a placed, surrounded by potential enemies. Unable to ever see my brother again.

Jeez. That thought out of all the others was the worst one. Sure, it could have been said that I was too dependent on him and that I could never really function well on my own. When I did live on my own, I had trouble paying the rent every month, and instead would spend my money on little trinkets in crafts, hobby, and hardware stores. Then there was me with jobs, always too distracted. When I faced an eviction notice and he took me in, well...It was like he was more of a caretaker and less of a sibling. He never asked for any rent and made sure I ate and all because he fancied the idea of helping others. Maybe that’s who I should have been, instead of making little crafts and gadgets.

Maybe that’s how it would have been for all of my friendships, and any potential relationship. It was too hard to see myself as anyone else other than the dependent one. That was why it was so important for us to separate from the others, because otherwise I would have been too reliant on others, and that would have really gotten to me.

It was the same for Trent, too. Or maybe I had pushed that on him. No, I couldn’t let myself think that way. He wanted to stay on Earth.

Is he dead?

My heart dropped at the notion of such a thought, but it was the likely scenario. At least he got to choose something that made him happy before we parted ways.

I shook my head. What would the others think, if they saw me? Smiley ol’ me, sulking. They had their own purpose, and if things all went well, they would soon leave as well. I couldn’t force Blanc, Velvet, or Coriander to stay even if I wanted to. I wanted them to live the best life they could, and I already knew that meant going their own path.

If the organization dissolved, where would that leave me? I had to believe that things would fall into place when the time came, but things didn’t always work that way.

“I’ll just roll with the punches,” I smiled as I shook my head. Some kind of pep talk was necessary. “I need to find my own path as well.”

Memories could be bittersweet, and they could fade with time. Even worse, you could forget the whole thing. But in such a short time, I made four new friends (although it was awkward once I figured out the twist with Verse, hoo boy. But what can I say? I was awkward Queen Juniper of Awkwardland. A few bruh moments here and there were to be expected) and I was really grateful for that. Each one of them brought something different with them and gave me a new experience.

Sometimes, I too needed to take action.

“Hey Dr. Nightingale,” I greeted after getting up. “Can I make a suggestion?”

“Oh, how bold,” Dr. Nightingale spoke in a mocking tone. For such a nightingale, she seemed more like a mockingbird. Then again, I knew it came from a place of love. “One of my subs wants to suggest something to me.”

“I mean, if that’s okay with you,” I started to get nervous. No! I scolded myself. Now is not the time to be meek!

“Yeah, of course. Just put your suggestion in the suggestion box.”

“Oh!” I didn’t realize it was that simple. “Where is the suggestion box? On your desk?”

“Nope! It’s a couple kilomiles down the hall.”

“Kilomiles?”

“Yeah, don’t they teach you anything in nursing school? It’s like kilometers and miles. Simple, really. Not that it matters, since you can’t really tell the distance just by walking.”

“Right, that makes sense! So is it okay if I go over there now?”

“Go for it, missy. No one’s sick or injured right now and it’s really bumming me out.”

“Yeah, that’s...uh...too bad? Anyway, best of luck, break a leg, but maybe not too hard?” With that out of the way, I hurried off to the fabled suggestion box.

Indeed, it took a lot of walking, and if I had to take a gander at the distance from the Medical Department, indeed, I would have said that it was a couple of kilomiles. To my disappointment, the suggestion box was just a little box situated on the wall with what seemed to be thousands upon thousands crumpled up pieces of paper, all covered in dust.

“Huh. I didn’t even know dust was a thing here,” I remarked, thinking that no one else could hear me.

“You’d think that, but for some strange reason, the air purifier that filters the whole headquarters doesn’t seem to function in this one particular area. I’ve put in a suggestion to fix it, but as you can see, there’s a great deal of queries to go through before my suggestion gets taken into consideration,” someone beside me replied and I jumped where I stood. Whether the voice was of a horrific mad scientist or a blessing in disguise was anyone’s guess. I turned around.

Right before my eyes was some brunette lady in a lab coat and clipboard (already sus). I did my best to give her the benefit of the doubt, though maybe it was because she looked pretty. Especially because of how tall she was and her glasses...shit. Just like Verse. I near fainted at the idea that it could be her.

“Jeez, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Which I’ve also placed a suggestion for a Paranormal Department, though now that I think of it, sounds a little redundant given all the paranormal antics our departments have had to deal with.”

“You are…?” I asked, scared shitless to find out the answer, but curious nonetheless.

“I’m Dr. Hepburn of the HR Department. That’s Hepburn with a capital ‘K’. Though most people already know that. Why don’t you?” Those last few words. It wasn’t her that was suspicious, it was me.

“I’m new here and mostly stick to my department, sorry,” I explained in a rather haphazard fashion. “I’m one of the head nurse’s assistants.”

“Ah,” she let out a long and exaggerated sigh, which looked like a yawn, and on second thought, it wasn’t a sigh at all, but just an ‘ahhhh’, y’know? She went on: “One of Nightingale’s subs. Not sure why she calls them that, I certainly didn’t suggest it.”

“Yeah, me either,” I let out a nervous laugh. “I would have been just fine being called an assistant.”

“So is that why you’re here? To suggest that?”

Damn. That was a good suggestion. If only I had thought of that.

I shook my head. “Actually, I wanted to suggest a couple of things. First off, I think there should be some therapists around. Like, maybe a therapy department?”

Dr. Hepburn took out a pencil and started to chew on it. “Nn...nope, sorry. That’s one thing the suggestion box can’t do. Well, the suggestion box can’t do anything, really. It just sits there. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if it had a life of its own. Would it go around suggesting things to people? I imagine that would get annoying after a while.”

“Aw, man,” I hunched over, defeated. “Well how do new departments get made, then?”

She nibbled on her pencil some more. “You know, once you get past the pulpy taste and into the graphite, it’s really something.”

I waited for her to answer my question, and not long into waiting, she took the pencil out of her mouth and put it back into one of her pockets.

“Yeah, so it’s kind of a lengthy process,” she explained. “First a group of people at the front of the ship take a look at all the different versions of Earth across various times and see what aspects of human life can be approved upon. Then they write a report and send it in to Grandmaster Flash. After that, a new department is decided and a group of scientists are assembled. Although I will say, a therapy department isn’t a bad idea. The closest thing we’ve had to one of those was the Morale Department and it turns out that forcing people to be happy in order to preserve subservience doesn’t really help. Who would have thought?”

“Riiiiight,” I rolled my eyes. I didn’t mean to be so rude, but...that kind of thing was exactly why I had to leave home. “I would put my other suggestion in, but considering the long line, it might be better to come back later. Sorry to take up your time,” I began to walk away when she called me back to her. Well, it didn’t quite play out like that.

“Don’t bother,” she called to me. “No one ever reads these things! This box only exists to make people think we’re going to make any sort of improvements!”

I turned around and headed back toward her, as if I was lured on a string. Though that didn’t make much sense. Her quirks surpassed even mine.

“How is that an effective system?” I asked, and immediately regretted it. There was only so much bold I could be.

She shrugged. “It’s not, but what can I do? It’s not my department. Besides, isn’t it nice to make people think that you listen to them, even if you don’t?”

“Aren’t you tired of being nice, Dr. Hepburn? Don’t you ever just wanna go apeshit?”

“Yeah!” She pumped her fists. “Sometimes when I pop popcorn, I cancel the timer on the microwave two seconds before it’s set to go off because I’m just not vibing with those beeps!”

Wow. What a mad lass.

“Really living on the edge there, I see.”

“What about you, Nightingale’s little helper?”

“I...er...well, I wouldn’t really call myself a ‘nice’ person, per se...like, friendly, maybe? But really, I’m just passive. So yeah. Real hypocritical of me to tell you not to be.”

“Nah, I can tell, you got a fire in you,” she encouraged with just a right amount of vigor and then some. “What’s your doctor name, anyway?”

“I’m not actually a doctor, but my name’s Juniper.”

As soon as I said that, I felt a stinging sensation in my foot. Like I had just shot myself. Point blank range.

“Mm...mm...I see. I think I had a pencil with you in it before. Or maybe it was sycamore. Say, have you ever tried acacia?”

“Can’t say that I have, no.” Seriously, who eats wood? I mean, cereal, I get, but wood?

“Gotta try it sometime.”

“I’ll think about it,” I told her, just to, y’know, be nice.

“Oh, and by the way, I heard from someone earlier that there’s a few people looking to overthrow our organization. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

Shitfuckpisscrunklimabeansblackeyedpeas.

“Aren’t people trying to do that all the time?” I shot back, nervous laughter.

“Yeah, I guess. I was just curious, really. Not like it’s my job to report such activity, and I really couldn’t care less. Just as long as those folks are having fun, that’s my motto.”

Bless this weirdo.

“Actually! Yes! I know something! Those people –”

She ran up to me and covered my mouth with her hand, then she leaned in real close and spoke in a harsh whisper. “Careful. There are cameras everywhere. They can record your voice. Do you understand?”

I nodded my head. I really did almost get myself into trouble.

“Good,” she backed away. “Anyway, what was it you said? ‘Go apeshit’?”

I nodded once more, even though it was probably safe to speak.

“Hope there’s some apeshit going!” She grinned and turned away. Before we parted ways, she turned and spoke once more:

“Who knows? It gets old not seeing any real improvements sometimes,” she winked. “Maybe I can do my part for the team and work on myself a bit!”

It took me a second to realize what she was getting at, and even then, I was confused as to why she would try to help, even if the most she did was not report Coriander and Velvet. Whatever Dr. Hepburn had up her sleeve, curiosity got the better of me.

“Wait!” I called to her. On impulse, I found myself running toward her.

“Hmm?” She turned around. “Don’t you have some assistants to nurse? Or...erm...how does it go? Nurses...to...nurse?”

“Nurses to assist,” I corrected.

“Right! That’s the one!”

“Wanna know what my other suggestion was going to be?” I asked.

“I’m not a box, but sometimes I feel like a rectangle, so close enough. Go ahead.”

What’s with you and boxes?

“I want to invent stuff too!” I declared.

“Are you a doctor or a scientist?”

“No. Well, my brother is, but he’s more the medical kind?” I should have sounded more confident. I knew for sure that he was the medical kind already.

“Then I’m afraid they won’t let you invent anything,” she brought down the bad news. But then I caught the glimpse of a smile and she handed me her pencil. Full of bite marks.

“Why?” I stood baffled.

“It’s a cool pencil. You should see some of the finer details,” she nudged. Not wanting to feel rude, I looked down and noticed a long set of words:

“But that won’t matter if there’s no organization.”

I looked back at her and she winked.

“Come now, we’ve much work to do.”

“We do?”

“If you’re going to follow me, you’re going to be my assistant. But instead of a sub, I’m thinking...auntie.”

“Auntie?”

“Yeah, like an auntie HR.”

I repeated those two words, and then it clicked.

“Ohhh...smart!”

“We’ve got many departments to visit,” she informed me while tapping on her clipboard.

I beamed. Maybe I still felt like I was leaning on someone else, but at the same time, I felt like things were taking a proactive turn. If nothing else, things sure did take some kind of turn.

We burst onto the scene after knocking out a couple of guards that guarded (just like guards do, I guess?) the door to the front of the headquarters and stole their guns from them. Now we could really go in guns blazin’.

“Prepare for trouble!” I announced as I pointed the heavy weapon at a couple of men in dark attire and bowler caps. None of them looked quite so threatening. Coriander also pointed the heavy weapon, which impressed me that she could carry such a thing, but she really did come far in such a short amount of time. However, she said nothing.

“Come on!” I turned to Coriander and begged. “Say the thing!”

“I’m not gonna,” she followed up her statement with a drop of spit shot down on the floor. Then she turned her attention to the skittish men next to a large console with a wide array of buttons. Above the console I could see what seemed like a near-infinite amount of monitors. “This is a hostile takeover. You’re all going down.”

The two men turned to each other.

“Already? I thought we weren’t scheduled to be attacked yet. Aren’t you guys a little early?” One of them, the shorter of the two, with freckles on his chin asked.

“No!” I sent them a devilish grin. “Because we aren’t whoever was scheduled to attack you! Unlike those guys, we don’t make plans!”

“We don’t?” Coriander replied. “Then how did we even know to come here?”

“Okay, so does your group have a name?” Questioned the taller one. Resembled asparagus.

“Yeah! We’re Lights Out! A rogue group dedicated to taking down The Flashbulb!” I declared, proud as all hell.

“Really? That’s the name you’re going to go with?” Coriander’s criticism overrode my cool factor.

“What? You got a better name?” I argued.

“In fact, I do. We’re now Flash in a Pan!”

Eh. Not the best. I hated to break it to her, too, since she seemed so proud of the name.

“I’ve got one better, love,” I shook my head in disapproval.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mm-hmm! We’ll call ourselves the No Flash!”

“Um…” Both of them looked at us in utter confusion, like, what? Which aspect confused them?

“We’ll discuss this later,” Coriander wasn’t going to let the name thing go.

“Indeed!” I grinned once more. “As for you two, it’s time to call it quits! We’ve already killed Grandmaster Flash!”

“That’s right, fuckos!” Coriander added. “God is dead and we’ve killed them!”

The two looked at each other. Then, the taller one declared:

“That’s impossible!” In such a dramatic gasp that I figured I could have said it better, and I was never even a theater kid.

“Impossible for most, but not for us!” I boasted. “When a redhead gay and a blue haired gay get together, anything can happen!”

“No, it’s impossible because there is no Grandmaster Flash. That’s just a rumor we made up,” the shorter one explained.

“Yeah, just a prank,” agreed the asparagus.

Then, a new voice showed up through the speakers:

“You hear that, everyone? Your boss ain’t shit!”

I recognized that voice right away. I glanced over at Coriander and her face looked flushed.

Then, more voices. Murmurs from several others.

“H...How?” Asparagus shook in fear. I think the shorter one peed his pants. Then asparagus did as well. “You let her out?”

I gulped. I felt like I was about to commit a betrayal, but with any luck, she’d only see it as part of the kayfabe.

“That’s right! We’re such a force to be reckoned with that we freed your artist and got her to work for us! Now, surrender and we won’t have to turn the room into a bloodbath!”

Once I said that, the taller one no longer seemed so frightened.

“Sure, we weren’t expecting visitors, but we can still make quick work of you. We’ve cut down thousands of resistances, what makes you think things will be different?”

“Because I’m gay!” I shouted.

Solid argument, Velvet. A+.

“Guards, come get rid of these pests,” commanded the asparagus. After a few tense seconds (but who was counting? Not me. No way. Really, the only way to know that seconds passed was by counting, so let’s just dis-count all that) nothing happened.

“What? Come in! Guards!”

No answer.

“If they won’t answer to that, we’ll just set off the security alarm! It should have gone off already, anyway!”

He pressed a button, but again, nothing happened. Once more, art hoe’s voice crackled in:

“I disabled all communications and any security measures! Who know I could be a hacker, too? I really can make an art out of everything!” She cackled, just as the speakers stopped crackling.

“How? Our systems should be too elaborate!” He looked much more panicked now. His knees grew weaker and weaker by the sec...oh, forget it.

“Fear not, Dr. Modest,” the short one spoke. “We may not have access to our countless armies and our armed guards, nor to our lasers and turrets, but we still have one trick up our sleeve.

“What is that, Dr. Humble?” Dr. Modest (aw, I was really having fun with calling him asparagus) asked.

“Let’s call upon a janitor or two! No price is too high!”

Dr. Humble pressed a button and spoke:

“Hey, can we get someone here to clean up a mess of ours?”

When he once again didn’t get an answer, he slammed his fist against the console.

“How? There was no way Dr. Katsushika could have cut off access to the janitors!” He seethed with rage.

Dr. Katsushika? Dr. Who (no reference intended)?

“Nope! Not me! Can’t take credit! If there’s some other reason, the credit should go to the proper artist! I’m many things, but an art thief I am not!” Dr. Art declared. Even with her not physically there, it was creepy how she kept cutting in.

“All right,” Dr. Modest groaned. “Just tell us what you want.”

“Simple!” Coriander barked. “To get on your knees and die!”

While I wasn’t against such a thing, there sure was more to it than that.

“In broader terms, we’re calling for the end of The Flashbulb, and not only that, but for the damages done to our version of Earth to be undone!”

“Sure. Which Earth is yours?”

I had to think about it. But it looked to me like Coriander already had that part rehearsed, as she picked up where I left off:

“Does the name Dr. Etna ring a bell? What about angels? Manic attacks?”

Dr. Modest’s eyes widened.

“The Morale Department…” He muttered.

“That’s right!”

“We’ve implemented the department once before in another timeline and it seemed to work just fine, but then we had to dissolve it because it got out of control in the next timeline.”

“Yeah. That’s the one we’re from. Now fix it, and don’t just turn back time and act like everything’s cool!”

“Hey Dr. Humble, why haven’t we turned back time for that timeline yet? I thought we were going to do that.”

“I think we announced it to Dr. Etna and then she begged for a little more time and said she’d figure something out. After that, we kind of forgot about the whole thing.”

“Shame on us, huh?”

It was my turn to speak. I remembered a conversation once spoken from an elder Beige.

“It wouldn’t matter,” my voice turned solemn. “When you guys turn back time, what you’re really doing is just creating a new timeline,” then, I found myself losing my cool altogether. “The timeline you think you’ve reversed lives on! You can’t just ignore what you’ve done and claim to do better the next time around! People’s lives have been damaged thanks to you, and going back won’t undo the damages! The only real fix is to make things better in the now!”

Dr. Modest sighed. He really did sound defeated, even if he believed the organization couldn’t possibly be defeated.

“Even if what you say is true, there’s really nothing we can do,” he turned his attention to Coriander. “You’re aware of the force that’s destroyed your world, aren’t you?”

Coriander, too, looked defeated. It was like she already knew what he would say next. I couldn’t be the only one left triumphant.

“Yes, we unleashed something we couldn’t control, but we can’t just un-unleash it.”

“That explains it! That’s why we didn’t do anything with that timeline yet! I forgot all about that!” Dr. Humble realized. “It’s because even if we did, there would have still been a chance for the celestial to cross over. We then decided the safest way we could reverse time was to wait until the world got destroyed, that way we could ensure that the celestial ceases to be.”

“Celestial?” I asked.

“Cosmic entity, angel, Flonne, Euphoria, Succubi, et cetera. We can never really decide on a name to call the thing, other than a big bundle of joy.”

“Well your big bundle of joy cost us billions of lives,” I growled.

“But yeah, there’s no way to get rid of it. I’m sure you two would have preferred a near-destroyed planet to a destroyed one, but the celestial would still exist.” Dr. Humble opined.

“So what?! What are we supposed to do?!” I choked up. I gripped tighter to the gun but it brought me no joy. “We should have won! You guys are scientists! You should be able to figure something out! You fucked the world and gave it a big ol’ STD and try to offer sympathy?!”

It really was true, then. There was no perfect outcome. Or, if there was, it was never figured out. Even by the masters of time, themselves, they had no solution. Our best possible outcome eluded us, and the weight of the current one fell down on me. All I could think to do was allow my anger to take hold and beat the shit out of those two, but before I could even do that, a new voice came in through a panel on the console:

“Except, you’re going to be waiting a while!” Came a low, deep, but also high and maniacal voice. Just a total contradiction of clashing inflections. “I’ve managed to continue to delay the inevitable, and not only that, but I’ve been able to access your communications for quite some time now.”

“Who is this?” Dr. Modest demanded.

“We’re not close enough to be exchanging names, sorry doc. As for why I’ve decided to serenade you all, it’s because I want to help you out. Let bygones be bygones, even if I hate you all.”

“What are you talking about? Just tell us what you want!” Dr. Humble insisted.

“Earth is on the brink of total collapse and I’m keeping it on its hinges, but only because it would be foolish to let it be destroyed when you don’t even have all of your precious angel down here with me,” with those last few words, I swore I could hear the creases of his lips. “So give me the last bits of beauty, and I’ll let go of all worldly possessions.”

I turned to Coriander. If that ghastly voice meant her, then there was no way I could allow the fiend such a request. She was frozen in fear, and had dropped her weapon, which created a loud thud and blasted a hole through part of the console.

Looks like it was my cue!

I set a couple of pillows down and moved the guards’ heads onto the pillows.

“Good night, sweet prince,” I cooed, then walked through the door.

The stage was already set, and I wished that I could have played spectator a little longer. Shame, really. I bit into my cotton candy once more and saw everyone’s attention turned toward me. Velvet was the first one to say anything.

“Blanc? What are you doing here?” She looked so broken up. Much like her actual world was. Hmm...not good. Not, as the cool kids would have said, gucci. I knew what would cheer Velvet up.

I walked over to Coriander. Ah, such an underrated spice. Many people opt for the nutmeg, instead. Not sure why that was.

“Don’t worry, he doesn’t mean you,” I told her.

“I…” Coriander couldn’t seem to get any word out. Maybe I needed to be more direct.

“YOU AIN’T IT, CHIEF!” I shouted with glee.

“Indeed,” the suave voice reverberated once again. “I want Blanc in particular.”

I ran over to the panel where the voice came from.

“BUY ME DINNER FIRST, ASSHOLE!” I yelled into the panel.

“Oh, I’ll certainly be making you a meal, all right,” he crooned. “So won’t you come down and see me?”

Look, this wasn’t very becoming of an all-powerful being, but someone had to say what I was about to say.

“What gives? I don’t even know you! I’ve got no personal stake in this and now, at the last minute, you’re gonna declare you’re the final boss?” Yeah, that’s right. Smackdown.

“Rather disappointing, wouldn’t you say?” He sure did like to tease, and I bet there was little more to him than that.

“Yeah, yeah. So what’s the deal, then? I come down there and let the world be destroyed, along with you in it, for what purpose?”

“So I can taste bappiness,” he belched. I knew that if I didn’t intervene, he’d have said the other thing, which I love! Don’t get me wrong! But I didn’t want to do any more harm to Velvet’s love interest.

I shrugged. “Sounds good to me.”

Then I faced the shorter of the two Flashbulb guys.

“Hey Tweedledee, can you beam me down?”

“Yes, and after that, you will die. Are you sure you wish to go through with this?”

“What, like some ultimate sacrifice? Sure, why not?”

“Very well,” he nodded. “I’ll prepare the portal down. Say your goodbyes now.”

Oh goodie! The best part! Well, the most bitterest of the sweet parts, but also the sweetest of the bitter parts! All in all, I think the sweet was the best part!

I went over to Velvet and hugged her, then soon let go. Velvet then put her hands on my shoulders.

“Are you sure about this?”

Gee, same thing the beanbag said.

“Of course I’m sure, Velvet. I’ve already died a few times, what’s one more?” I couldn’t help but smile, even if to others, that might have seemed more grim than intended.

“It’s just…I barely got to see you again and already you’re leaving. It doesn’t feel right.”

“Does it feel rushed?” I wondered. “Or just a general bad feeling?”

She turned her head from each side in a slow fashion. “I’m just going to miss you.”

“Weren’t you the one who said, ‘no matter what form I take, I’m still me’? Well, if that’s the case, then we might see each other again! It won’t be the me standing next to you, or the you standing next to me. They’ll be completely different forms of us, with lives different, but parallel. But it will still be you, and it will still be me!”

She chuckled, intermixed with a few tears shed and fallen into her mouth. She smiled and said, “yeah. Take care.”

“You too!” I beamed, then walked over to Coriander.

“Hey, sorry I’ve made things so difficult for you,” it felt like the first earnest thing I’ve said in a while.

“You’re a little irritating at best. Mildly untrustworthy. Not like you’ve been all that difficult,” she dismissed my statement. Or, rather, misunderstood it.

Oh, right! She thinks I’m talking as Blanc!

“All the same, I think I just wanted to say that if I learned any lesson, it’s that it’s still possible to find joy without the name of the expression.”

She snickered. “You’re really bad at this.”

“Want me to start over? I could try to phrase it a different way.”

“No, no. I got the gist of it.”

“You sure? I’m really bad at improv, but I could try to think of something real quick.”

“That’s really not necessary!”

“All right, then,” I gave in. “What about a hug?”

“I’d prefer a handshake.”

I beamed. That worked, too. I extended my hand and she shook it.

“You weren’t all that bad,” she told me. That also worked for me.

“Neither were you! Or Velvet!”

Oh shoot! I forgot there was one more thing to tell them!

“Hey, Velvet and Cute Spice?” I addressed them. “One more thing before I go: I won’t be able to help you guys from here on out. If my help has really been much help at all. But for what it’s worth, I think you two will do a great job!” I gave them two thumbs up and without much further ado, the portal opened up. Before I went in, I took one last look at them and smiled.

I really was happy to see them.

[toonstarterz]

BECAUSE I’M NOT POPULAR, I’LL READ WATAMOTE: CHAPTER #164

Hey, not dropping the ball actually worked!

We’re just a hair’s length away from summer vacation, but unlike last year when Tomoko approached summer with not much consideration, she’s now taking a proactive role in deciding how to spend her last summer in high school. At first glance, Tomoko appears to have become a responsible, young lady. But as we soon will see, that can-do attitude may not be as refined as it looks on the surface.

Chapter 164: Because I’m Not Popular, I’ll Do My Best Starting From Summer Break 

There’s that time period during the day when most students have already left but school hasn't quite closed up. It’s pretty creepy, even more so before summer break when you’re expected not to stick around.

Have I mentioned Itou is a cute? ‘Cause she is.

It’s usually her looking after Komiyama, so it’s really sweet to see the dynamic flipped around like this. Despite, well, everything, Komiyama is a good friend.

Assuming that cheering for the baseball teams is optional, it’s endearing to see Itou go through with it. Even though baseball isn’t her thing, she’s likely doing it to support her bestie, which I can 110% get behind.

Ah, right. Dude’s in the manga club. That said, I wonder if their plans are for just being attendees, or if they’ll actually be manning a booth and selling their work. With his skills and, er, preferences, I think Hatsushiba could do the latter.

Don’t be so modest, Tomoko. There’s no slouching either when you’re a three-year veteran of the Going-Home Club. 

Studying during summer break? Outrageous!!

It’s intriguing to see just how Tomoko’s study habits have evolved throughout the series. The early days would see her spend summer goofing off on her hobbies, with bare minimum concern for academics. But now, Tomoko is actually considering studying on her own accord. Sure, it’s more-or-less a fallback when she has nothing else planned, but the thought itself is still worth mentioning.

Is that one of those mini-fans that you can carry around in your bag? I love those things.

Study camp, huh? Any other day, Tomoko would be apathetic to the idea, leaning more on the side of brushing it off. But having Katou bring it up makes all the difference, ‘cause let’s be real. Katou could ask her to sign up for a hostess bar at the Red Light District and Tomoko would still seriously consider it.

Miss you, Yuu-chan.

I second that, Komi. Fourteen hours of studying a day is brutal, even if that’s to be expected in what is essentially a boot camp. I’ve always questioned the efficiency of cram schools and the like, mostly because they seem to prepare more for short-term memorization than long-term understanding. But even it actually works in principle...

...I’m not sure Tomoko will be able to handle it.

Perhaps it’s just me, but it feels like Tomoko is overestimating her discipline for studying. She already struggled with Katou’s flashcards and study sessions that a whole training camp feels like it would have a more detrimental effect on Tomoko than a positive one. “Work hard, play hard” was never meant to be that extreme, Tomoko.

That’s...genuinely uplighting. Tomoko has missed out on several of the key “memorable” high school moments, and she usually lets it go with only mild regrets. But here, Tomoko’s actively trying to gain what she once lost. Sure, she’s trying to “game the social system” a little, but what did you expect? She’s a person, not a saint.

This was Yuu’s only line in this entire chapter. My girl deserves more than this.

Will the 2% of Tomoko’s personality that is tsundere ever realize that if you really “didn’t care either way”, then you wouldn’t have asked the question to begin with? Doubt it.  

That romaji tho.

It comes to the surprise of absolutely no one that Komiyama has some pretty...vivid fantasies about Tomoki. But what stands out to me is how deep into the relationship her thoughts go. Most people fantasize about their crush first in their sexual attractiveness, but only a few ever dream beyond that. Ironically, you know your crushing has gone off the deep end if you start thinking about them in domestic, SFW ways. Least Komi’s committed, yeah?

Gee, I wonder what’s that “and stuff” Tomoko’s talking about?masturbating

Nothing like a fresh bowl of Grossi-Os and Gross Juice to start the day!

If what Yuri says is true, then that would mean that she and Ucchi have probably walked to school together several times before–more than the couple of times we’ve seen, at least. And even so, it doesn’t look like they haven’t gotten much closer as friends, if at all. Some people just don’t click, I suppose.

Not sure how blind Ucchi is because anybody with a pair of eyes (beady or not) would see that Yuri has friends, even if you only count Mako. Poor girl just can’t accept the truth even when it's right in front of her face.

Ah, Yuri. Why can’t you just drop the “savior” act and just admit you want to spend time with her?

I’m inclined to agree about Yoshida, but who knows? She’s surprised us before. Mako's a safe bet, though. Especially if the former’s going. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Boy, does that take me back. It still blows my mind that all of Ucchi’s problems originated from one night of misunderstandings. The art nerd in me really appreciates the subtle improvement in Niko’s art style. The character models feel “weightier” and more consistent without compromising the stylization. 

You don’t see it in the previous panel, but Ucchi was totally blushing at the prospect of reliving her trauma/dream. Perhaps she was also looking to live out that ping pong match she never got.

I’m not sure if there was some kind of wordplay in the original text. Either way, it kind of sucks for Yuu-chan that she got such a “flattering” nickname when she wasn’t involved in that scenario whatsoever. Though it sure is a tad classier than Miss Akari “Dick Sister Jr.’ Iguchi.

It’s kind of (read: absolutely) frightening how Katou’s envy towards Yuu feels a lot more intense than Yuri’s. Perhaps it’s because Yuri’s so transparent that you know how to deal with her. But with Katou, that air of secrecy feels like a nuclear bomb about to go off. 

I always wondered where girls picked up that thing where they intertwine their fingers as a sign of affection. It’s precious.

Praise modern technology for convenient storytelling.

Wow, Fuuka’s already made her mark on Tomoko’s “bitch” list. Though exactly why she’s on that list now is kind of odd. I mean, yeah, she asked Tomoko about the whole fondling thing, and she unintentionally presented herself as a pervert for the whole “hair” thing, but Fuuka hasn’t really done anything all that terrible. If anything, Tomoko is probably expressing a rare bit of jealousy towards someone else supposedly perving on Katou besides her.

The most striking part about Fuuka’s inevitably failed plan is that she describes Tomoko’s appearance as “sudden”. It was touched on before, but it further emphasizes that Tomoko’s friendship with Katou was just as unexpectedly quick in-universe as it was for the readers. And in doing so, it brings us one step closer to the real mystery over why Katou is so enamored with Tomoko in the first place. 

Ya’ll know Sayaka’s got her homegirl’s back on this one. Let’s see (hopefully) how Akari screws it up. 

Chapter 58, mothereffers!

I don’t know whether I’d say Nico Tanigawa has been playing the long game, or if they just found a convenient throwaway to capitalize on. But the acknowledgment itself is very much appreciated. Tomoko may have forgotten, naturally, but us overzealous fans certainly never did! 

The chills, man. Chill’s right up the spine.

It’s certainly true that Tomoko’s words can be interpreted in a good or bad way, so it’s pretty telling that Katou’s gut reaction went for the latter. It suggests that Katou may actually have some insecurities that can easily set her off. Then again, a defining part of Katou’s personality is that she takes everything Tomoko says at completely face value, so maybe she’s starting to see Tomoko’s negativity even if it’s not there. Just more of the enigma that is Asuka Katou.  

Not a bad save, Tomoko. Countless battles with shame have made her quick on the fly. Unfortunately, while she’s improved at starting a save...

...she still doesn’t know how to end it.

It would’ve been a clean getaway if Tomoko had just ended about half-way in the above panel. But because Tomoko’s anxiety causes her to try and cover all the bases, she ends up rambling suspiciously. The part about Nemo isn’t even that relevant, but in her burst of defensiveness, Tomoko ends up saying things that could just exacerbate the problem even further.

Fucking shit, Katou is damn scary.

The one fortunate thing about Tomoko’s defensive rambles is that once she starts to cool down, her honesty starts coming out more organically. Self-deprecation becomes self-reflection, and brings to the forefront Tomoko’s endearing side.

Only Tomoko could spout such a cliché moe line and sound so pure of heart. Must be the irony. 

Aha. Ahaha. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

–that totally didn’t happen.

Tomoko, girl, you’re in the CLEAR! Stop trying to fan flames that have already been put out.

But on that note, it does affirm that while Tomoko is honest with Katou about certain things (perversion, laziness), she isn’t quite ready to be honest on anything that would paint Katou in a bad light. I’d say tha’st about 85% due to fear.

Death Flags raised all around.

I had a feeling that Nemo would take the plunge this time and invite Tomoko out somewhere during the summer. It seems like such an insignificant gesture, but considering that this is the very first time a classmate has asked to hang out with her during the summer, it warms my heart.

Hey now, Tomoko. Don’t get cocky when you’re maximizing your own goof-off time by taking a study camp.

The easy guess is that Nemo wants to go to Comiket. But really, it could be anything that Tomoko would have an interest in. And because it’s implied that Nemo is going for research purposes, it could be anything from a seiyuu panel (the last one went so well) to a hot spring to a hentai game company. Hope they bring Okada along...

Mama senses her daughter’s giving in to peer pressure.

Not gonna lie. This hand gesturing from Rena made me think that she was thinking about doing...something else.

Damn mind-in-the-gutter.

Even though Anna doesn’t appear to be the studious type, it’s pretty cool to see that she can respect people who are. Also, I dig the way she wears her tie (or is that a ribbon?). 

Emoji II really has become an honorary delinquent and it fits her perfectly. 

I guess no matter how much more grounded Tomoko becomes, she still thinks reading manga is legitimate practice for playing in real-life (though tabletop games may actually allow for some truth).  

Sub!Tomoko confirmed.

What a way to end a chapter. For the longest, Katou had always viewed Tomoko through a pair of rose-tinted glasses, always seeing the girl’s faults as endearing “quirks”. But as her soul-piercing gaze seems to indicate, Katou has reached a revelation about Tomoko that she can actually disapprove of. Whether or not it’ll shatter her illusion of Tomoko is still unclear, but how she treats Tomoko from here on out may finally give us a deeper look into Katou’s psyche. 

160+ chapters we’ve followed Tomoko, and we’re still learning new things about her. The very extent of Tomoko’s agency has always been a tad murky. She’s good at (poorly) executing short-term ideas, but hardly does she plan out and follow up on her long-term goals. Even her greatest milestone of making friends involved a lot of pushing from outsiders (Ogino, the most obvious case). That said, having to take charge of herself for once is inescapable with college on the horizon. How she goes about it amongst her various mom-friends may end up being Tomoko’s biggest personal challenge yet.  

[creepypastashavecomittedtaxfraud]

mind if i ask for some good soft stuff w Jeff and Toby? or Ben ! ...or EJ.........or Nina.... I'm sorry I will take literally anything I love ur hcs So Much and also Jeff needs more love uwu ((Gee Jeff how come u get to have so many bfs and a gf))

ILL DO SOME FOR EVERYONE!!! Jeff has50 billion partners we know this

this post got SUPER SUPER long i am so sorry everyonebut these r all like my favorite pairings ever SO…i wanna do them justice. under the cut because of the length!

Jeff x Toby

oh they just Love to mess with eachother and pull pranks on each other. toby especially loves to get at jeff withem. usually ends up making the other one just SO MAD

which then sometimes leads to playfighting .which then might lead to one of them getting pinned to the wall.which might end up in semi-angry makeouts .who knows hehe

parts-of-our-mouths-are-rotting-awaygang . toby likes kissing jeff a lil bit on his exposed teeth cus he thinksit’s funny. jeff acts annoyed by it but it makes him blush a little bit.

they both have the tendency to bekind of self destructive and just in general not doing basic self care stuff. sothey Try to keep a little bit of an eye on each other .they both hate to beover bearing but idk. they just care about each other a lot. And love eachother when they cant love themselves

toby and jeff both can be prettyemotionally explosive , so they try to keep each other as level headed aspossible. distracted and mentally ok so one of them doesn’t completely spiralout of control, though if that were to happen the other one will be there toget a hold of em.

The best way to calm either of themis grabbing a hold of them physically and holding their head in your arms untilthey chill out. Ungraceful maybe but effective and relatively easy.

they’re both pretty troubled, butthey’re trying to get it under control. They’re there for each other no matterwhat.

they like to go up to the humanworld late at night and fuck around. climb on stuff that shouldn’t be climbedon. play in fountains. vandalize shit. that’s date night for them. One day jeffgot ahold of some spray paint and they both went nuts with it, THAT was a goodday

Toby didn’t used to smoke till hemet jeff but now they’re both in it unfortunately aha..jeff kind of regretsgetting him into the habit but not much can be done about it now.

Since meeting Jeff toby’s definitelypicked up his kind of harsh sarcastic humor streak, and jeff’s actually gotten atiny bit nicer, though whether that’s of tobys influence or just the sideeffect of being in love is up for debate. So I guess there was a small exchangethere. They balance out nicely.

they both get beat up and injured alottt on the job, probably the most reckless ones of everyone. despite this,whenever the other one comes home all messed up the other one gets so freakedout and concerned, asking what happened and trying to take care of it. kind ofhypocritical but…they cant help it. 

they really really love each other.they wish they could both be healthier

Jeff x Ben

evenbefore they’re in a relationship they are Very close to each other. So whenthey actually get to dating, you know that’s solid. Nothing can tear themapart.

theywere very much, deeply in love with each other before ever admitting it . theyboth never wanted to say anything in case it ruined their close closefriendship but they both completely gave in eventually

they’rebest friends and best boyfriends at the same time. They’re each othersemotional and mental support. They love and care about each other so much, andare able to take care of each other so well because they so . deeply and intimatelyknow each other already. Yknow from being close for so long already. They reallydo trust each other with everything

it’slike they’re constantly together. They eat and sleep together, spend all daytogether, stay up all night together. It makes them happy, keeps them calm. The longest times they’re apart are when Jeff’s out killing or so injured he has to rest in his own room. 

Jeffhas his periods of really bad depression, and ben makes sure to be there forhim and take good care of him during these times. He’s very very calming andgentle and it keeps jeff calm and safe.

Ben,likewise, has long periods of bad depression too, which jeff helps himthrough. Takes care of him, keeps him distracted and comforted. Keeps himcompany.

Theyreally like to just hold each other and talk each other through things. Theyreally know how to communicate and what the other needs to hear and neverfeel lonely with the other around

Theylike to go out on the roof and smoke weed/cigarettes and kiss, sometimes they talksometimes they don’t. they could spend days alone with just each other.

They’ve known each other longer than they’ve known anyone else who lives there. that bond is special. and honestly, Jeff really is ben’s whole world. ben doesn’t know at all what he’d do without jeff. and jeff doesn’t know what he’d do without ben either. it feels like no one knows them like they know each other.

i guess the one little disconnect they have it ben doesn’t do the regular killing stuff like jeff does. doesn’t really get it. just stays home and does his own thing. sometimes he’s self conscious about it, like since he doesn’t do the same work as everyone else maybe he’s…weaker for it..or something. he doesn’t like to talk about it.

they’ve both been aloneand lonely for so long. Most of their lives really. So now that they have eachother they never ever want to let go

Jeff x EJ

Justas, a first things first, the moment ej sees jeff he already gets such a crushon him right away. It sounds so corny but he thinks jeff’s really the cutestguy he’s ever seen. A real love at first sight moment, even though hedefinitely doesn’t say anything about it at first.

EJ,also, is very much the caregiver type, and jeff desperately needs someone totake care of him, so they are really perfect for each other.

Jeffcan’t help but have a real soft spot for being taken care of , which ej is supposedto be doing for him anyway being the medic and all but still. Since ej’s been basicallyin love with jeff since forever he’s just so extra gentle and caring with himwhenever he’s hurt, it makes Jeff just melt…

I think ej’s very calm comforting level-headed logical personality is the main thing that makes jeff fall so hard for him. While he has other friends who try to help and support him ej actually seems to be the only one out of everyone who isn’t as badly effected by it. like he actually has the mental and emotional capabilities of supporting him. and slowly he just becomes so attached to and dependent on him, and he’s happy to love and support jeff

ej however has his really low points too, which jeff tries to help him through too. he holds ej in his arms and pets his hair or gently pats his back and listens to whatevers bothering him. which is all ej really needs. someone there with him. yknow

ej’svery casually affectionate, Jeff gets plenty of space if he wants but if they happento be around each other he loves to stand behind him and wrap his arms aroundhim, be close to him, touch his hair a little, run the back of his hand overhis cheek…really into light physical affection.

Couplevoted most likely to be caught making out in the closet randomly during the day

Ej isjust so completely in love with jeff, flaws and all, loves giving himattention, talking to him, taking care of him, giving him kisses. It is just embarrassinghow in love he is, even if he tries to only express it in private.

Jeffgets flustered and embarrassed easily with how sweet ej is to him, it stillgets him a little bit pink in the face even after being with him for so long, and tries to reciprocate it too. getting all cuddly and sweet with him when he feels the need to

Jeffloves bringing out ejs more outgoing social side. When they first met he wasvery reclusive and you know, loner-type, but jeff’s very outgoing andcenter-of-attention, so after some encouragement they’re both 100% party boystogether, which ej really needed. Being alone all the time was bad for him

Otherthan all that…They’re very strongly bonded and connected in a way they havetrouble describing. Ej just thinks jeff’s the most perfect man in the wholeworld , and Jeff thinks ej is just. perfect . so understanding and loving and caring and patient. he’s never met someone who puts up with his bullshit so well. and he is in Love

Jeff x Nina

Omg when nina finally gets to see him in person for the first time SHE IS SO EXCITED !!!! Runs up to him and gives him a huge hug, practically scooping him up off the ground !!!

He’s, very stunned at first, but gets his bearings back soon enough

After the initial rushed introduction, he learns why she’s here and he’s actually really flattered?

“You’re here??? For me??? you came all this way here to meet me???”

compliments really are the way to his heart lololol

and while he’s still kind of shocked from the whole thing….she is really cute….so that’s a plus

They spend a long time getting acquainted with each other, but nina naturally probably already knows a lot about him, which really just makes jeff more interested in her 

oh once they actually date for real nina is so happy!!! He’s everything she was hoping for and more!!! the guy of her dreams!!! he’s handsome and protective and cool but also sweet and caring and lets her cuddle up to him!!

Jeff has to come around to the idea first but once they’re dating for real he’s actually really happy too!!! She’s so energetic and sweet. its a much needed brightness to his life, he cant help but kind of fall in love with how affectionate she is. and how absolutely smitten she is with him

at the beginning she is very very clingy, goes everywhere with him,!! and he really does not object. honestly its a bit of an ego boost in addition to how much he really has accidentally fallen for her .

 but she does dial it down after a bit! she’s always just as sweet with him as ever though, as long as he allows it 

she’s actually a tiny bit taller than him, and uses that as an excuse to pick him up a little bit from time to time , which he protests, but she thinks its the cutest thing

she’s a very nurturing type girlfriend, she remembers all the stuff he has to do in a day and is checking in to remember if he’s done it. whenever he’s injured she insists on taking care of him

 EVERYONE notices after they start being together that he’s really cleaned himself up. like he showers regularly??? he’s started brushing his hair??? dressing?? semi-nicely??? he acts the same as ever, he’s just. cleaner. and everyone thinks she’s forcing him to be but actually he’s just started putting more effort in himself to impress his beautiful girlfriend, because he just reasons that she always puts so much care and effort into her appearance he should do, almost the same right?