#but doffy is still a piece of shit so law really wants to kick his ass lol

[alumirp]

Model Law x Firefighter Luffy x Police Zoro in an au where one of Luffy's co-workers is seriously injured in a fire that later turns out to be linked to another incident from a few months ago and then another and another. Zoro, Luffy's partner whos a cop, tells him to stay out of this, that everything is much deeper than it seems and that it could end very badly for them, Luffy and those around him. But of course Luffy is NOT about to just let it be.

Serial fires that have so far killed more than thirty people and injured hundreds, mainly because one of these fires happened in a factory that exploded and injured and killed not only the workers, but also many passers-by and neighbors, are not something Luffy can just let be. Zoro has little to do but accept that his boyfriend just won't let this go, so the next thing he knows he's sharing with Luffy all the evidence that has been collected so far that points to the Donquixote Group as the biggest suspect of th incidents of 'industrial sabotage'.

Luffy unfortunately can't keep his mouth shut to save his life, so suddenly the whole 'gang' knows about it and, through Nami, they discover a very good chance to collect evidence. Annually the Donquixote Group hosts a charity ball that invites 'the whole' city and by whole city, she means the entire upper class of the city. Luckily for them, her girlfriend, Vivi, can definitely help them get into the ball without a hitch. Then, all they have to do is go through security and get to the president's office and look for possible evidence. Which, in Zoro's opinion, is a terrible plan, but Luffy's terrible ideas usually work out, so they go with it. And it definitely works. Vivi easily takes them to the ball and, in the confusion of Straw Hats causing chaos among the big shots of GrandLine City

Luffy and Zoro slip through security and find their way to the Donquixote group CEO's office and that's where their luck ends. Or not. Not even five minutes after they begin to search the room, the door is opened and a pair of golden eyes stare unimpressed at them. The door is instantly closed, and before long, they hear voices outside, one of them being undoubtedly those of the owner of the room in question, Donquixote Doflamingo. Luffy and Zoro, practically frozen, simply look at the closed door in anxious anticipation as if at any moment Doflamingo would break down the door and set them on fire. He doesn't and soon the voices drift away. After that Luffy and Zoro are quick to continue the search, despite the scare, and unfortunately, they do not find anything of value to the investigation.

They are quick to leave after that, taking with them the straw hats that served as incredible distractions. Back at square one, they meet again at Luffy's house trying to plan their next step. But their little evil-combating meeeting is interrupted by a surprise visitor. Outside the house, standing at the top of the stairs, dressed in expensive clothes and looking fabulous, Trafalgar Law, the super model who is the face of the Donquixote Group all around the globe, the owner of impassive golden eyes, offers a deal.

[ozymandiasdirge]

i meant to post this on monday when i got to it but law and bepo!!!!!!!! hearts pirate cheerleading squad!!!!!! law’s cunty sensible work heels!!!!!

but no this actually made me think. i know it's because i'm sure oda hadn't plotted it out yet but it is funny that pre-timeskip law is set up so heavily as luffy's and kid's rival for the one piece when every single time we see him after this he is winning the idgaf war wrt to the one piece/being king of the pirates.

like obviously i'm saying this with foresight into where his arc goes, but even pre-timeskip law doesn't seem like he wants power for power's sake (something which continues to hold true obviously) or even that he cares about his status very much. like post-timeskip when we learn everything about law he doesn't really give a shit about power, strength means being strong enough to 1) never let anyone he loves he get hurt ever again 2) kill doffy (which he wasn't even originally planning to do with strength he was going to let kaido do it for him, though i do wonder if he would have been happy having it be that impersonal given what we know but that's a topic for another post) 3) be strong enough to never be controlled by anyone else ever again.

and wrt status like he very much gets a kick out of everyone else being so afraid of him (the marines on sabaody and the bratty little smirk when he first sees smoker tashigi and g-5 on punk hazard) but like. idk if he cared about it im pretty sure he would be leveraging what we just saw in marineford when even here, he's actively downplaying it to everyone and refusing to elaborate on why he just did that.

i don't know, sometimes i wonder what oda's original plans for law was when he was supposed to just be playing second fiddle to kid among the supernovas. like pre- and post-timeskip he obviously delights in pissing people off and causing problems on purpose i just wonder what his dream would have been, if it still would ultimately been freedom to parallel luffy's before it takes the detour to defeating doffy and avenging rosinante and then learning how to live past the ending of his own suicide mission, or if it would have been something else.

[damagedintellect]

Trafalgar Law x reader

💌 Fake it till you make it: Chapter 4  💌  

Summary:  To avoid an arranged marriage set up by Doflamingo, Law needs to bring home a girlfriend during the Christmas break and you just so happen to be a theatre major in the same dorm at One Piece University. What could possibly go wrong?  

Tropes: College AU, Fake Dating, Idiots in love, [Later chapters have🍋]

💌 Word count: 4,120 💌 <= Previous Chapter | Next Chapter =>

The next few days were rather weird but not because of your interactions with Law. The preparations for the Gala seemed to steal you away from him as the girl's decided to have a spa day to which you were given no choice in the matter. They even forced you to get your nails done. Something simple but elegant to match the ensemble Doffy prepared. They tried to stay away from Law as a topic as much as possible especially after the bedroom incident. They did give you a few childhood stories, mostly of him being a menace. Apparently the little shit used to catch and dissect frogs all the time and much to everyone's dismay he had a jar of little frog hearts. No one bothered to ask why he collected the tiny hearts; they just assumed it was psychopath behavior. Oddly enough they were half expecting their brother to be a serial killer. Law has an interesting family.

When you finally saw Law he too was exhausted with being physically nitpicked to have any real creative banter about the frog thing. He was used to the prospect of having a family that was often in the public eye but this is why he typically skips out on these events. Too much fuss in advance for maybe an hour or two of networking in a field profession he didn't choose. Not to mention Doflamingo breathing down his neck or monitoring his every move from a far. The surgeon was used to endurance stamina days but it didn't mean he wasn't going to complain about it. You both pretty much passed out after recounting your days to each other.

The next day Law woke you up a little earlier than you would have liked. He said something about if the two of you left before everyone was awake you could avoid a repeat of the day prior. You didn't question it, just got dressed and went out. Stopping at a Café for breakfast you noticed a flyer for a one day carnival. It was on the other side of town but you shrugged, you guys had nothing better to do anyway. The walk was nice and quiet. It wasn't uncomfortable but that was probably because you were still half asleep. You closed your eyes leaning on Law. He didn't say anything nor did he try to disturb you. He just kept walking like this was a common occurrence between you two.

You snapped awake when Law’s phone rang. Luckily there was a bench looking out over the now frozen lake. Law frowned but answered the phone. It was Corazon wondering where you guys were. He didn't say much past that as you both sat on the bench. Law wanted to enjoy the peace while he could.

Looking out at the lake there were groups of kids and teens who were playing on the ice. You watched as they all skated, having a good time. Ice skating would have been a fun thing to do. You sigh "Too bad we don't have skates, I haven’t done it in years." Law only nods before pulling out his phone again pointing to a small building across the lake. "That's a rental place if you really want to. It's not a bad way to kill time." He got up and stretched "I think I was around thirteen? The last time I skated here." Your eyes lit up as you walked over to the rental place. You couldn’t help the skip in your step as you approached the building. Law paid for the skates and you put your stuff in one of the provided lockers as you hastily put the skates on and made your way to the ice.

You always liked skating. It felt like you were flying as you glided across the ice. By the time Law caught up to you, you were skating circles around him, the mussel memory kicking in. You never learned how to do any tricks but you wish you did. A few feet away from where you were you could hear the kids cheering loudly. It seems like they were racing with the older teens. Law seemed to pick up what you were going to ask. “Let me guess you want to race.” you nodded skating up to his side as he smirked at you "You're going to lose you know."

"Wow, that confident?"

He gestured to himself "There are very few advantages of being tall but in this instance it gives me a big advantage. Did you know height is negatively correlated with longevity?”

You laughed at him “Oof, that's rough but not as rough as you losing this race." You took your stance waiting on Law. "Oh, then how about a bet? If I win you have to," he thought for a moment then frowned. He wanted to say a lot of things but he's not that bold and he'd run the risk of being found out but knowing you, not a lot of things would make you uncomfortable or embarrassed. In the end He's not that clever and he'd rather be safe than sorry. "Buy lunch."

You couldn’t help but laugh "Really? That's the best you could come up with?"

"No, but you're too much of a wild card it makes it harder to think of something you wouldn't just do on your own accord." He shrugged. You guess that's true. You were already acting as his girlfriend and while you know he does have a sadistic streak it would probably be more effort than it was worth. Again one of the many perks about being in theater is your carefree chaotic neutral energy. "Well then If I win you have to give me back Lil Law."

"Deal." Law smirked knowingly.

To no one's surprise Law won the race but you did give him a run for his money. Lil Law will have to stay imprisoned for the time being but you swore that you'd bring him home even if it was the last thing you do. Law was not impressed by your speech. He only rolled his eyes skating beside you. When he wasn't looking you took some pictures to send to Corazon and the guys back home. Surprisingly Law's usual frown was gone as he glided on the ice. Although once he noticed you taking pictures it plastered itself right back on his face. You picked up something fast and easy for lunch since there was going to be a lot of street food at the festival. Law teased you saying that the real reason was because you didn't have enough money to pay for a proper lunch. The sad fact of the matter was he wasn't exactly wrong. Buying everyone presents wasn't something you accounted for in your budget but that was okay you'd just have Law pay you back ten fold. You snickered as you started making your way over to the festival.

On the way you noticed that you were once again holding hands. You're not sure who initiated it either; it just felt right especially with the large crowds surrounding the two of you. At the entrance there was an ice sculpting contest not to mention there were plenty of carnival games, food stalls and live entertainment at the heart of it all. It was still light out but you could also see people setting up winter illuminations. You'd definitely have to circle back around to see the finished displays, maybe even get a few pictures. If Law would let you. You were walking around like a kid in a candy store bouncing from booth to booth trying to figure out what you wanted to do first when it occurred to you that your hand was empty. How long had it been empty for?

You lost Law. Sure you had your phone on you and he was only a phone call away but Law would have already done that by now if he noticed your absence. Which means that it's likely he hasn't noticed your disappearance. You tried to retrace your steps but you have no idea when you lost him and since you were on the shorter side you couldn't always see past the crowd. You weren’t worried per se you were both adults you were more interested in what could have captured the surgeon's attention. That's when you saw a familiar hat in the distance. Bingo. Making your way through the crowd you noticed he had quite the audience. You wondered what kind of a stall it was as you pushed your way to the front of the crowd.

Law was very gingerly yet very swiftly working on several extremely intricate katanuki's. It was similar to dalgona but flakier and more fragile. It seems he started amassing a crowd because he completed such a large amount in a short amount of time impressing a lot of the old timers who were passing by. You snapped a photo to send to Corazon. Even the booth owner was shocked with Law's tedious work and progress. You giggled to yourself knowing this was probably the most relaxed he's been since arriving to Dressrosa. This was the closest he could probably get to the surgery simulators back on campus. You know Law had an ungodly amount of hours logged into them. This probably scratched that same itch. You marveled at his work as you sat next to him. He was too enthralled with the candy in front of him to pay you any mind. You smiled at him as he finished his last one. He looked proud as the booth owner handed him a set of matching keychains. You could get used to seeing that smile.

"Looks like someone's having fun." You giggled as he rolled his eyes. He wasn’t denying it. “Here take this.” He handed you one of the keychains and you quirked an eyebrow "What it’s not like I need two of them. I only wanted the one." You hummed “Fair enough.” As you left the stall looking for the next game to play you attached it to your phone. You were surprised that after completing several candy cut outs he only got two keychains but it’s not like you were paying attention to what the other prizes were.

As you were walking around you picked up some snacks checking out more of the game booths. You scanned the area for any game that you knew for a fact you could win. You had always been pretty good at the milk jugs, knocking them down was easy. Although there wasn’t really a prize that you wanted so you ended up handing it off to some kid who was passing by. Originally you tried to give it to Law but he glared at you shaking his head but that only made you laugh “I will win you something by the end of the night and you’re going to like it or so help me I’ll-” You were cut off as some kids ran past you pushing you away from Law’s side. You were about to trip when Law pulled you back upright with a little too much force and you ended up falling into him instead “Are you okay?” Law looked you over with genuine concern.

That caught you off guard. You were still a little flustered but you managed to stutter out a “Y-yeah I’m fine.” He was still holding on to your shoulder when some people in happi coats approached you about their booth.

“We have the perfect event for both of you if you would like to try our love trial!” The group was ushering you around their stall before you could say anything about refusing “Test the strength of your relationship! Just follow the course and clear the designated challenges, if you manage to succeed you can win a prize of your choice. However, fail a trial and you get eliminated!” They motioned to the wall of potential prizes “The only rule is that you can’t let go of your partner's hands for any reason!” A little cheesy but it sounded like fun even though you know Law would never want to partake in something like this. You turned to look at the surgeon but were shocked to see him deep in thought. Upon following his line of sight you get deja vu as you see a signed limited edition copy of “Sora Warrior of the Sea” you tried not to laugh as he turned to you with a gravely serious expression. You did promise Law that you would win him something by the end of the night.

He chuckled as he cracked his knuckles “(Y/N)-ya, you better not slow me down." He smirked at you as you scoffed "As if, I'm already way ahead of you." You grabbed his hand again, turning back to one of the coordinators "Where do we start!" You were handed a time card to keep track of your progress by getting stamps at each checkpoint as well as a strip of paper that had the first clue. You had 10 minutes to decipher the riddle,

"At the end of the year, I still want you around, by eating the dish the answer is found."

The answer would lead you to the location as well as hint to your first challenge. Unsurprisingly it took less than a minute for Law to figure it out. "The word soba can translate to around, near or beside. It's also a tradition to eat Soba for the new year." He looked at one of the hosts for confirmation and he was given a thumbs up. "Ah so we're probably feeding each other soba." You pulled Law in the direction you vaguely recalled seeing a soba stall. "I think I saw a soba stall this way when I lost you earlier." He nodded, rushing you to meet his pace. You tried to stifle your laughter. As much as Law is a brooding know it all deep down he's still a huge dork. You made great time and just as predicted your challenge was to finish an extra large portion of toshikoshi soba. The only caveat was like a lovey dovey couple you had to feed each other. Unfortunately you were using your dominant hand to hold Law’s but it turns out that didn’t matter much because Law was ambidextrous. You helped him pull apart the chopsticks.

"How fast can you eat soba?" Law asked as you laughed at his question "Oh trust me any broke college student can inhale noodles." The bowl was brought out and you were glad you ate a relatively light lunch. The hot soba looked delicious but it was hard to gauge just how hot it would be since it was cold outside. The steam that billowed off the bowl was misleading. You nodded for the games facilitator to start the clock. You mentally prepared yourself for how hot you thought the fresh noodles would be but we're taken aback when Law actually blew on the noodles before giving it to you. You took a moment to stare at him but he just looked confused at why you were shocked.

"Oi (Y/N)-ya, we're being timed you know."

You snapped out of your haze "You're the one being distracting." You slurped down the noodles as fast as possible as Law peered at you with a knowing smirk. "Why because I blew on the noodles? They're hot. I'm sure you would have done the same." You continued eating what Law fed you. You probably would blow on it had this gone the other way around but it's funnier to say otherwise. "Oh I wouldn't even have thought about it. I would have just shoveled it straight into your mouth no questions asked and then say how bad do you want that book." You almost choked on the noodles while laughing at your own remark. Law grimaced even though he could tell it was mostly a joke "How cruel." You both focused on finishing the task as fast as possible and to no surprise you completed the first challenge. The next riddle was,

"Love remains in the heart of the cards, a fast paced game in which you try to discard."

You didn't know whether to laugh or be disappointed "They really did just rhyme card with card. I guess we're playing speed?" Law shrugged but agreed they could have tried better with the clue but you guess part of the challenges were to be misleading enough to get people eliminated. It wasn’t that hard to find the stall. The only other station that had a card theme was a fortune teller booth. With your combined brain power you felt sorry for the poor sucker you were playing against. Everyone at the booth cheered for your match because of how intense it was. Speed was a game you used to play with your mom all the time. Law pretty much held the cards for you for most of it because you moved so fast. "Impressive, I take it you played this a lot as a kid?"

You smiled at the bittersweet memory "It was one of the few things my mom could do when she was admitted to the hospital." Law hummed not wanting to pry any more than he already had. It was only natural to think of your family since you had been around Law’s this whole week but it didn’t make it any easier. Luckily the instructor gave you the next riddle to break you out of your thoughts.

"The ball's in your court on a smaller scale, keep working together and you will prevail."

“I hurt the most when lost, yet also when not had at all. I’m sometimes the hardest to express, but the easiest to ignore. I can be given to many, or just one. What am I?”

Law scoffed at this one "Table tennis? What kind of trials are these." You laughed, he had a good point. Other than the first challenge these didn't really have anything to do with love but hey you weren't complaining. You were having fun and it was easy. It assured you that you would win Law his damn comic. As you were trying to locate the next booth, Law squeezed your hand to signal he found it. You were so comfortable you almost forgot you were still holding hands. When you settled into the challenge it didn't last very long. It turns out you're actually cracked at ping pong. You didn't mean for it to happen but on the first return you won the game because you couldn't control your own strength. Everyone was left dumbfounded while you stared at your hand. It really shouldn't have been that easy.

"Love is bold so you must be brave, go back to the start for time you'll save. A few more riddles to solve then done, anymore said and it'll ruin the fun"

The last clue was cryptic but you guys got the gist. On your way back you thought about how weird the hint was. The word bold was ironically bolded. You don’t know if this was a printer mistake or on purpose. As you and Law approached the original booth again people applauded you both for making it this far. Law didn’t seem amused as he took the card with the final riddles rolling his eyes as he showed it to you.

You tried not to laugh as the grimace made its way back to Law’s face. "I resend my earlier statement about the trials. I preferred when they had nothing to do with love." On the table there was an array of stamps and stickers, some with words and others with symbols to put on the card. Probably to make it easier to narrow down the answers or to throw people off who knows. You found a stamp that said "Love" and put that as the answer. "Aw come on sure it's a little cheesy but I think it’s kinda cute." You smiled as Law started on the next one.

“I am not a cruise sailing on the sea, but a beautiful thing where you want to be. What am I?”

He scoffed "Still cheesy does not mean good. Look for one that says relationship will ya." You helped Law shuffle through the box to find a sticker to put on the card. You only had two more to go and you were making great time.

“I can break, I can be clogged, I can be attacked, I can be given, I can be kept, I can be crushed, yet I can be whole all at the same time. What am I?”

You rummage through the box again "Easy, this one is heart." Law helped you uncapped the stamp. There was only one riddle left and then that book was his.

“Useless for one, but absolute bliss to two. The small boy gets it for free, the young man has to seek permission for it. The old man has to buy it. It’s a baby’s right and a lover’s privilege. What am I?”

You snickered "I know this is not the answer but boobs would also fit here." Law sighed in disappointment "Are you proud of yourself?" You smiled replying immediately "Immensely" Law shuffled through the box "You really shouldn't be." He pulled out a sticker that said "kiss" and you realized just how stupid you were. Although something didn't add up to you. Why was the word "one" bolded? Actually, come to think of it, there were other letters bolded across the whole form. Law flagged down one of the attendees to check your answers. They nodded at the form yet when they looked back at you they only said "Looking good, you almost have it." Law was confused; he was sure you guys had answered them all correctly. Maybe you accidentally put the wrong sticker somewhere else?

It started to piece together in your head as you noted down the bolded letters mentally "d, o, t, h, e, l, a, s, t, o, n, e?" Suddenly it clicked for you "do the last one." Your eyes snapped to Law who was still trying to figure out what was wrong. You didn't even hesitate using your free hand to turn his face towards you. He could barely get out the "(Y/N)-ya?" Before you cut him off.

Around you some of the event organizers popped some confetti poppers shouting "Congratulations, you passed!" A mixture of cheers and applause filled your ears as you pulled away. "What a power couple! You guys have the fastest time by far!" Bewildered Law stared at you mystified at what just happened. You gave him a cheeky grin as you pointed out your ingenious discovery "The bolded letters spell out "Do the last one." It wasn’t just a printer mistake." He stared back in awe as a soft smile graced his lips.

Law’s thoughts were muddled the rest of the night. His mind garbled with the obscure circumstances. He remembered being handed the book and taking pictures with you for the event organizers social media page. Although outside of that he wasn’t too sure how he was laying in his bed with you already fast asleep. Law shifted to look at you, the day had been exceptionally favorable for his previous stated testing. Who would have thought that throughout the entirety of the love trials Law could feel himself falling but it didn’t scare him. It didn't feel forced or overwhelming either; it felt so natural with you by his side. Without question you come across as a power couple. Normally he felt pressed to make these long convoluted plans that he controlled every variable to, but in this case he didn't feel the need.

Law chuckled to himself, you really were good at your job. He feels like a fool having developed these feelings towards you and while he had self control he most certainly didn't need it anymore. There were only so many days left before things returned to some sort of normalcy. He might as well take advantage of the time he has. Even if his brain wants to think rationally about the pitfalls and what if's, he feels content having rubbed it in Doflamingo's face. At the end of the day he achieved his main goal. If he were to face rejection it would benefit him to get it out of the way as soon as possible but that was a predicament for another time. For now he closed his eyes and let sleep overtake him.

___

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[onepiecesmosthated]

Biggest Coal Getters At Christmas In One Piece

As you know from this blog, I rag on the most hated characters in One Piece. At at this merry Christmas time, I want to show you all the biggest coal getters in this series.

12.  Stelly

With being such an arrogant, self-important, entitled, and asshole brat, Sabo’s adoptive brother, Stelly, makes the first on the list on our naughty list. One has to feel sorry for the Gao kingdom for being ruled over such a spoiled king, who even thinks he can order Garp around because he’s originally from there.

11.  Wapol

 Another king on this list, but one who also is the president of his own toy company is Wapol. Like Stelly he was quite a horrible ruler when he was ruling Drum Kingdom, especially when he left the island to fend for itself when Blackbeard invaded and horded all the doctors so he could force people to pay high prices for them. Though he is currently living high now with his new kingdom gifted by the World Nobles, Santa still is going to leave a nice lump that fits his dark heart.

10. Judge

Just like with the earlier two entries, we have another asshole ruler and this one is the father of Strawhat member, Sanji. The ruler of the Germa 66, a seafaring kingdom that is notorious for conquering islands and being paid assassins, he is a social darwanist, who caused great abuse to Sanji throughout his childhood because he turned out normal. The only reason why he wanted Sanji back into his life was to cement an alliance with Big Mom by offering him as a groom for her daughter, Pudding, which turned out to be a trap because the Yonko planned to kill him and the other Vinsmokes off to get their technology. And at the wedding when the Big Mom Pirates’ true colors are showed, all that previous super macho bravado is melted away to reveal a sniveling coward who cries when someone puts him into the situation that he put others under. And for that the Germa clones will shoveling a lot of coal for a while.

9. Spandam

This guy is the poster child on why we should have anti-neoptism laws. A snively cowardly shit Spandam when he was head of the CP9 tortured Robin all the while she was under his captivity, while arrogantly believing his CP agents were untouchable. He also has little regard for human life when he accidentally triggered the buster call and didn’t care that his subordinates could die. He even called them needed sacrifices. He was also the reason why Tom, Iceburg and Franky’s mentor, was killed due to a frame up job he did in order to obtain the Pluton from him. It’s a bit karmic seeing him be forced to take orders from his former subordinate, Lucci, but even then the clumsy klutz should trip on his black pile of gifts he will get.

8. Hody Jones

Think Arlong, but with none of his few redeeming qualities. Although Hody can be said to be a product of his environment, he’s still a nasty racist shit, who should rot in the jail cell he was put in at the end of his starring arc. With his New Fishman Pirates, they planned on taking over the kingdom and go to Reverie where they planned to massarce everyone there. However, the worst thing he’s done is assassinate Queen Otohime, because she dared to try to aim to bring peace between humans and seafolk. If you think there can be a reason for his racism, then he would answer it himself: “nothing��. Nothing happened to him to make him hate humans personally he just grew up with the toxic belief that hating humans was justified. And for that Hody spends Christmas in a jail cell, while sharing it with the number of coals that can keep him and the other withered New Fishman Pirates company.

7. Mother Carmel

To the world (and to this day, Big Mom), Mother Carmel was a saintly figure who fostered peace between humans and giants plus opened up an orphanage for children of all races. However, underneath that facade lied a wicked slaver, who pretended to be a grandmotherly figure in order to sell children to the highest dollar. Her famed action of stopping the Elbaf crew from being executed was a staged event in order to gain the trust of the giants. Her most notable so-called prized asset was Charlotte Linlin (who would later become Big Mom), who to this day doesn’t know her foster mother never truly loved her and saw her as merchandise to be sold. Even though she’s a deceased character, she certainly deserves to have her stockings filled to the brim with stone, cold coal.

6. Blackbeard

Although he’s more of a love to hate example, we all know that Blackbeard deserves to be on this list. For one thing, if you want to know why the post-timeskip is chaotic as it is it’s thanks to this guy. He for years pretended to be a loyal member of Whitebeard’s crew and acted like one of the family knit setting. However, it’s all an at to get at the Yami Yami No Mi/Dark Dark Fruit. He killed one of his own brothers/crewmates, then went off to form his own crew where he fought Ace and got him handed over to the Marines, so that he could become a Warlord and get into Impel Down. There during the breakout he recruited level six members to his crew, then used them to kill his former captain and father figure Blackbeard. And postimeskip he has been shown to now be hunting down devil fruit users for his fellow crew. There is a reason why people say he’s the anti-Luffy and what a real non-romanticized pirate is like. So, I have a feeling Santa will be stopping by on Hive Island with some hefty packages that could fit his namesake.

5. Ceasar Clown

Although he’s shown as a butt monkey after his first appearance, the record of his misdeeds cannot be forgotten. On his island he kept children captive after a mole in the marines lied to their parents about them dying at sea, which he then proceeded to experiment on them with drugged candy which made them grow giant sized and shorten their live spans. All the while pretending he was actually curing them when he couldn’t give a shit. He also is notorious for making chemical weapons of mass destruction which is used by amoral individuals like the Beast Pirates. In other words, Santa strap this asshole to a big lump of coal and drown him.

4. Doflamingo

One of the most popular villians in the series is Donquixote Doflamingo, former Warlord, top broker, and King Of Dressrosa. Man, you could have a long list of all the shit he’s pulled throughout his career and life. On the outside he might look like a gaudy Elton John rip off, but on the inside bleeds one of the scariest and ruthless characters in the series. No wonder because he was born of the World Nobles, who are a sociopathic and psychotic bunch. From his take over to Dressrosa to funding Ceasar Clown’s research, he certainly can make you scared of the color pink. And that is why we have to heep this birds feathers with a black sheen.

3. Orochi

While Doffy is pretty to look at and is flamboyantly fun, Orochi just embodies “hate sink” stereotypes. He’s just made to be obvious that this guy is not going to be a good person. Spoilers ahead: I know he was influenced into becoming an asshole but he is still an asshole who sold out his country for his own benefit. Not to mention currently it was shown he was heavily implied to be the one who killed Suriyaki and lied to everyone about being named a successor with the help of that strange woman. His 20 years of terror have caused nothing but hurt to everyone under his rule as he causes a famine due to the occupying forces of the Beast Pirates. All of his because he believed he was entitled like his grandfather to be Shogun. He also wastes food, as his country is starving and feeds a whole village of hungry people failed “Smiles” so that they can quit crying about their dead loved ones. I know Santa would know of a way to get into this closed off country, so that he can deliver this shistain a coal that is as big as a mountain.

2. Kaido

Here is the man of thousand beasts and leader of the Beast pirates. Even though Blackbeard himself is no saint, he doesn’t seem to want to destroy the world like Kaido does. An unstoppable juggernaut, he sees suicide as a way to kill boredom and is often on his ass drunk. He’s ruled over Wano through Orochi for 2 decades, as he has decimated it into a famine wide place except the capitol where the rich and his toadie lives. He uses the land to function his own war effort and has caused many of the Wano people to go through great periods of grief. Like with Blackbeard, he’s an unromanticed version of what a pirate is really like. So, Kaido be prepared for Onigashima to reign coal like it’s no tomorrow.

1. World Nobles (Celestial Dragons)

By default, you know these shitty bastards would top the list. The biggest reason because of the fact that they are above the law and are allowed to do anything they like because they are so-called “gods”. They treat the general population like crap, while blatantly owning slaves when it was supposed to have been illegalized 2 centuries ago. They are also supported by a thing called heavenly tribute which country of the world government has to give continuously, lest they get kicked out and have no way of defending themselves from pirates or slave traffickers. So I can say the biggest coal getters go to these fat pigs in their towers. Better yet they should coal statues made in (dis)honor of them.