#and like… I got to the part where mb was thinking about just walking away in the other direction like

[blue-mood-blue]

I can pinpoint the moment that destroyed my life today:

It’s been a handful of weeks since Murderbot came within inches of having a new, organic governor module implanted in its head via infection - do you think, maybe, that’s also been hiding behind the redacted? Not the way everything else is, just as a deep-seated reminder of what it can’t afford to lose?

What a way to be told “I love you” - to be told “I will not lose you, I will not let go, I will do the hard part of holding on even if you don’t want me to”

[rafesbangs]

pairing: rafe cameron x fem!pogue!reader

summary: ♪ am i making you feel sick ♫ - you and rafe get into a heated argument at a party because he starts brushing you off when you try to talk to him:( angst.

warnings: heavy drinking, strong language, strong themes, classism, drugs, yelling, insecurities, arguing, mention of cheating, toxic relationship.

a/n: omg hello my first story on my blog and its angst LOL. mb its like 2am and im listening to ethel cain soooo enjoy (?)

you were sitting quite comfortably on the end of the couch, watching your boyfriend laugh and talk loudly with his friends, scooping a little bit of coke out of a baggy sitting on the glass coffee table in front of you every so often. were you impartial to his coke addiction? no. but did you want to get in another shit fight about how worried you are and how much rafe doesn't care because he's 'fine' ? also hell no. so you sit there, looking pretty, minding your own business.

rafe shifts to the edge of the couch, leaning towards his dickhead friends as he tells them a story of how he ate shit on his motorbike the other day - funny - you instinctively reach your arm out and gently caress his bicep as he gets to the particularly 'funny' part of the story, where he explains how he was thrown a few feet but got out of the situation 'with only a few scratches.' in the split second that your hand makes contact with his arm, his eyes dart to your hand in his peripheral and he immediately yanks his arm away without missing a beat.

you pause, arm still lingering in the air from where it once was and a pang of hurt strikes in your chest. kelce and topper noticed as it happened and silently scoffed to themselves, but continue listening to your boyfriend talk. you squirm in your seat, now feeling more and more self-conscious about your position at this random kook party.

after a little while, you decide that he probably just wasn't thinking or got distracted trying to tell the story, that he didn't mean it. so once again, rafe was now leaning back into the couch man spreading (of course), you decide to casually rest your closest hand on the top of one of his thighs. the way that he usually did around guys wherever the two of you would go, all protective, though he hadn't done it once at this party all night.

your hand sits there for a few seconds this time but now you notice rafe's head turn towards you, and you look right into his eyes before he flashes you this halfway disgusted and irritated look, before he once again swats your hand off of him.

now you were upset. it was clearly on purpose. both times. so you tap your foot for a second, weighing your options. your situation was a bit shit, boyfriend is deciding to be an ass towards you in front of his judgey kook friends, and you have no way of getting home that wouldn't be like a three hour walk alone in the dark. you roll your eyes at him, though he isn't even looking at you, and get up quickly before walking off in another direction.

you don't even know where you're going, its dark, the figure eight mansion is packed full of random people and you have never been here before. somehow you find yourself in a second kitchen on another level of the house, its a lot more quiet and there are a small group of people playing pool so you decide to watch the game.

"hey, do you play?" a deep voice asks, you turn around, pretty startled having not been talked to by anyone all night.

"oh- hi, er- no i'm pretty bad at pool, i've only played it once when i was drunk" you reply awkwardly. you couldn't recognise the guy, but he was definitely a kook, must not be someone rafe knows because you thought you knew just about everyone on figure eight because of your king kook boyfriend.

the deep voice laughs a little before looking at the pool table, the current game is almost at an end, only two balls left to sink, "i could teach you? if you wanted to be on my team maybe?"

you nervously laugh and glance at the pool table before looking around instinctively for rafe, obviously you realise he's too busy being an asshole to care where you are right now, nor who you're talking to.

"honestly i think i'm a hopeless case, but thanks for the offer... er, you wouldn't happen to know anyone sober that would offer a ride home?" you hesitantly ask, realising you were way too tired to deal with anything or anyone for the rest of the night.

"uh, yeah i do actually, i haven't had a lick of anything the whole night" he admits, lips pursed together as if he's embarrassed by it.

your eyes widen a little, you weren't an idiot, you weren't the type to just get into anyone's car and drive off without telling someone where you're going... but you were desperate for a ride home and the guy in front of you had kind of a nerdy look to him. not really the kidnapping type, you concluded.

"oh, guess i'm pretty lucky i can't play pool then" you laughed a little.

he shrugged and glanced at the pool table before looking back at you, "guess so, so was that a yes to the ride home?"

you nodded politely and he said something about heading down to the front yard where he'd parked. you followed close behind him as the two of you made your way back through the mansion and the crowds of drunk kooks.

finally you were standing outside, watching as the pool table guy walked towards a range rover when suddenly you feel a harsh grip on your arm as you're forcefully turned around.

"rafe- ow what the fuck!" you exclaim, tearing your arm from his bruising grip. he threw back the rest of whatever he was drinking before scoffing at the sight in front of him, pool table guy now standing at his car with his arms folded as you stood between them.

"where the fuck do you think you're going with him? huh??" he shook his head, "think your trashy pogue ass can just cheat on me at a party that i invited you to??"

"cheat?? what rafe-" you began, but his yelling cut you off again.

he narrowed his eyes at you and back at pool table guy who was now walking closer to cut in himself, "fucking ridiculous, this is what i get for dating a fucking pogue. i can't believe you y/n."

you were fighting back tears at this point, but felt the burning hot rage rise inside you like a volcano, and you erupted.

"how fucking dare you accuse me of cheating rafe cameron! you know i would never fucking cheat on you! i left you at that table with your buddies to do coke all you pleased because you kept fucking swatting me away like i was some desperate stranger!"

his eyes widened at your outburst, you two had been in yelling matches before but the way you were giving him a tongue lashing now was something he'd never experienced before.

"this guy was nice enough to let me know i can actually get a fucking ride home because i was just stranded somewhere random in this fucking mansion! and you don't even care to fucking look for me until i catch your eye because you think im cheating rafe?? why do you care if im cheating anyway. im just a 'dirty fucking pogue.' am i making you feel sick rafe? can you just so not believe that you ever slept with a pogue!"

"y/n, i didn't mean all that- fuck! god, look what you've gone and made me say" he yelled, now directing his anger to the pool table guy.

he just shrugged, "dude you left her to wonder around, can't be surprised when another guy tries to get in her pants... pogue or not, she's hot"

you could see the gears turn in rafe's head before he finally attempts to lunge at the pool table guy, thank fully you put your entire body weight into pushing rafe back and even though you weren't really doing much, pool table guy was already driving out halfway out the mansion's gates.

rafe finally straightens up and then looks at you wordlessly, you take the opportunity to speak again, "don't ever fucking treat me like that again rafe. i'm too tired to have this conversation right now, we're going back to yours. i want to sleep."

still breathing heavily, he looks up past you before making eye contact with you again, "okay."

[giamee]

𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐌𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐘!

╭─────────────────────── ( 🫀 )

there's a certain beauty and pain in being with someone carnally, and nothing more than that

› 〉 📂 .ೃ | friends with benefits, more angst than smut, like this is basically all angst no smut lol, kinda short too mb

header art (left to right) by pcrow ; artsquirre ; _sekidesu

╰─➤ 💌 ₍₁₎ being in a situationship is all fun and games until u catch feelings fr 😕. anyways. let's go thru that pain in this. lowkey i wanna make a part 2 to this with a happy ending cos im SOFT lmaooo

ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 ALHAITHAM.

BEING IN... WHATEVER THIS RELATIONSHIP COULD BE CLASSIFIED AS was not good for your mental health. in the past weeks that you and alhaitham had started sleeping together, you had been plunged into one of the worst emotional rollercoasters that you had ever been on.

what didn't help was the way he treated you so differently depending on the setting. you understood not wanting people to know, but did he have to ignore you entirely in public?

he wouldn't even spare you a glance as you walk past each other in the halls, eyes stubbornly trained ahead, leaving you steamrolled in his icy trail. and if you dare to try and talk to him- he'd look at you like you've grown a second head, completely shunning you and walking away as quickly as possible.

but it's a different story behind closed doors- in private, he's the sweetest man alive.

he'll whisper such sweet nothings into your ear, wipe your tears so tenderly with his thumbs like a lover would. he'd prop himself up with an elbow just so that he can gaze into your eyes as he pushes into you, even smiling at you as he watches the way your expression changes.

and the way he kisses you is what really throws you- always with such desperation and urgency, like he needs you in order to breathe when it's quite the opposite. he kisses you like he loves you, and the sensation is dizzying, perplexing when those fantasies are ripped from you in favour of reality.

but you know that you won't ever be his. not properly.

if it was meant to be, he'd at least smile at you as he passed. the more rational parts of your brain screamed at you to call it quits before you're sucked in too deep, but some part of you still held onto the hope that one day he would see you then smile.

ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 THOMA.

IT TRULY HURT TO REMEMBER THAT you weren't actually dating thoma. it was easy to get fooled- he was a gentleman, making sure to treat you right even when you weren't fucking. he'd make sure that you were okay, and he never kicked you out as soon as it was over.

he'd ask about your day, take interest in you and what you're doing. and arguably, worst of all, he wasn't afraid to be seen with you. the details that blurred the lines defining your relationship seemed like an afterthought, if the way his arm wrapped around your shoulders indicated anything.

you were his, unofficially or not. it only took a glance to be able to tell.

you liked to think that he was yours, too. that you meant something to him- more than just a pastime and a stress reliever.

there were moments where it was easier to believe it- with the way his eyes remain transfixed on you as you writhe in pleasure, cries of his name leaving your lips- his little coos and reassurances buttering you up, having you right in his palm, so pliant and willing for him.

maybe he got off on knowing that he makes you feel good in every sense of the word. seeing you happy acting as some sort of foreplay, all so he can claim you as his in every way except the one that you wanted most.

the urge to tell him how you feel, those three little words that dangle on the tip of your tongue and fight to be freed, are a constant struggle. but something inside you, some sick gut instinct, stopped you from blurting it out every time.

the fear of his reaction- disgust? confusion? kept you uncertain. a part of you would die if he didn't reciprocate your feelings. it was better not to know, and keep living in the make-belief of being his without the label.

you could only hope that you would be proved wrong one day.

ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 WRIOTHESLEY.

DESPITE EVERYTHING, YOU COULDN'T HELP BUT crawl back to him every single time. a never-ending cycle- one that you couldn't escape even if you wanted to.

both of you knew how it goes. you unblock him, play coy for a few messages before he's telling you to come over. you fuck like it's the last time you ever will- it never is- and then you spend the night.

he'll hold you, play with your hair, even kiss you, and you pretend that it's enough. if you're lucky, he'll even lend you a shirt that smells of him to sleep in.

and this facade is fine- while it lasts. but then you remember why you blocked him in the first place- the forced indifference, his refusal to open up. the way it hurt your heart to be pushed aside.

and then you go and ask him what you mean to him. he'll smile at you without mirth, the both of you knowing how this conversation goes. he doesn't want anything serious. you want more.

and then it's tears, you ripping off his shirt and throwing it back at him, storming out of his place and blocking his number with shaking fingers.

you cry yourself to sleep in your cold and empty bed- already sorely missing the warmth of his body as he holds you close to him in his sleep, whether he's aware of that or not.

and you're fine, you tell yourself. you can live without him. and you do, for a little while. honestly, he's the last thing on your mind as you distract yourself with work or seeing your friends.

but then a lonely night gets the best of you, abd you find your finger hovering over the call button next to his name. and you press it, cursing yourself for doing it.

he picks up at the third ring, voice smug as if he knew you couldn't go much longer without him.

and he's right, unfortunately.

you're already out the door, on the way to his apartment.

𝜗𝜚 genshin impact masterlist

[lost-walmartbag]

Kenny x reader pt 3

Warning: Swearing

Background: Its the night after the party and it's clear Kenny thought more of last night

Status: Ongoing

Previous part

Next part

'Mistake'

The day after Clyde's party was dull. There was nowhere to really go but down when you had as much excitement as you did last night. As you walk into school with a raging hangover you look around seeing almost everyone the same way. People had sunglasses on and were clearly fighting a bad headache.

You walk over to your locker and open it up staring at yourself in the small mirror inside. You looked ok but it was clear you didn't get much sleep last night. It was hard to sleep last night. Thinking about Kenny sitting in a jail cell all night while you got to go home didn't feel right. That and the fact you were about to fuck your cheating ex in Clyde's bed.

"Hey babe~," Kenny said leaning against the locker next to yours. You closed your locker and turned to him.

For a second you forgot you were mad at him. You were just so happy to see he was ok. You pull him into a tight hug which he gladly takes as an opportunity to wrap his arms around your waist.

"Oh my god, you're here are you ok? What happened last night?" You asked pulling back and examining him to make sure he was ok.

"I missed you too,'ma." He said with a chuckle and keeping his arms firmly planted on your waist. "Spent the night in a cell, but they let me go this morning."

"And you're ok? Nothing happened?" You asked putting your hand on his cheek.

"I'm ok. Are you ok?" He asked looking down at you with a slight smirk. That smirk suddenly made you realize what position you were in.

You quickly try to pull away but Kenny' firm grip on your waist made it difficult. "Hey where you going 'ma?" He asked with a chuckle slowly letting go of his grip allowing you to pull free.

"Look I appreciate what you did. Really I do but.." You stared and looked away avoiding his eye contact.

"But you still think I cheated on you." Kenny finished for you. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Kenny I know what I saw." You say looking up at him. "You haven't explained a thing to me."

"There's nothing to explain it was just some random girl who's trying to hook up." He said gently grabbing your wrist.

"Its not just that Kenny...you.." You started and your breath hitched. "You hurt me...you didn't let go after I told you to stop."

"Y/N I..." Kenny said letting go of your wrist and moving closer to you.

"What happened last night was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened." You said with a sigh.

"Would you have done that with that guy if I didnt take you?" Kenny asked quietly.

"I..I don't know." You said shamefully looking away.

Those words stung. You hadn't felt ready to have sex with Kenny for your entire relationship. Those text really fucked everything up. The thought of you only letting him sleep with you because of how drunk you were made him sick. But the thought of you sleeping with someone else made him angry.

He didn't have a right to be upset but he was. He couldn't help being upset. He would have slept with you that night and that what hurts. He was going to ruin your first time together and you both would have enjoyed it.

"Y/N I never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry. Just please let me-", He started reaching out for you again.

You flinch and take a step back. "No Kenny. I can't. I don't know if you would actually hurt me or not."

"Y/N I would never-" He said but you stopped him.

"I have to go Kenny." You say turning away from him and walking away.

Kenny watched you walk away from him. Fuck how does he fix this? Were you actually scared of him? He could feel himself getting angry at himself. You flinched, he made you flinch.

"I need a fucking drink," Kenny muttered and just walked out of the school.

A/N: Hey guys sorry I've been gone for a bit I've just been very tired. Like I have been sleepy all the time. So mb about the chapter being short. Anyway thanks for reading love you all 🩷🩷

[creation-key]

Sober Realities

Part 1

synopsis: part 2 to drunken calls where the truth comes out

TW: None, mb light swearing?

WC: 1,253

a/n: hey guys, I know this has surprisingly been long awaited, so I hope this part is good enough lol. I’m currently on vacation but wanted to release this bc i felt bad 🥸 also i’m still debating on whether or not i want them to get together, so please comment and lmk if you want them end up together nor not 😏 k thanks byeee!

It’s been 2 weeks since the incident. You had not talked to your sister nor Harry, afraid of what would’ve occurred as a result. Either giving into your heart and breaking your sister’s, Or standing by her side and cutting the love? no- you can’t think of him that way, that’s what got you in this predicament in the first place.

You sigh, looking at your phone realizing that your sister will be there any minute. After week one, which coincidentally was also the day Harry stopped trying to contact you, she messaged you asking to meet at your favorite books/ coffee shop. You had tried to ignore the message, but she had quickly texted saying,

“I know you’re reading this and if you don’t say yes, I’m telling mom.”

Not wanting to bother your mother, of course you had responded and said agreed setting up a time.

You sip on whatever watered down bean water you ordered, not really caring to remember the name of it, since your anxiety was through the roof. You tried to calm yourself down by taking a deep breath and reading the random book with the pretty cover you had picked up, but after you had read the same page 15 times, which was only the back cover, you concluded that you should put the book back and stare at the wall in dismay.

After 10 minutes pass by, you decide to get up, grabbing your bag, and start to head over to the register. You throw away your old cup, moving to stand in line to order a muffin.

You get your muffin and another cup of death, this one not iced, and start heading towards the door, your excuse being that she’s late and you totally have something else to do, not yet realizing that you make sure to update your schedule on your family shared calendar that she has access to.

You open the door about to walk out when, lo and behold, your sister comes walking towards you with bags on her arms, clearly from shopping.

“And where do you think you’re going?” She puts her empty arm on her hip, popping it out like your mother.

You grimace, knowing that she’s going to tell your mom that you tried to leave.

“Well, I was going to go home, seeing as how my coffee date was late from… shopping.” She rolls her eyes, now smiling.

“Now is that any way to treat your baby sister whose boyfriend you’re trying to steal?” You gasp, now fully outside the book/ cafe.

Your eyes well up with tears, vision now blurred, mouth opening and closing wanting to say words but nothing coming out.

Your sister immediately drops her bags on the floor and wraps her arms around you.

“Omg, bee I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking, you know I don’t really think that, I was just being a sarcastic smart-ass. Please stop crying! I promise I won’t tell mom you tried to run away.” You laugh at that last part, wiping your tears away, your muffin and cup of whatever long forgotten and cold.

“Are you ready to talk? There’s a park nearby that I passed earlier.” You nod at her, she smiles grabbing your hand, and leading the way.

——————————————————————————

You’re now sitting on cold metal bench, listening to the words coming out of your sister’s mouth, not fully understanding. You could’ve sworn she had said that she cheated, but you know her, she would never. She’s little bee, your big bee, she would never do anything that you wouldn’t, and you for sure wouldn’t do that, especially to Harry.

You guess she realizes your confusion because she stops talking and asks what you’re thinking.

“So uh- you.. you cheated on him? Harry? The same guy who attended your high school graduation. The guy who saved up to get you and your friends tickets to Taylor Swift’s concert? L Bee I love you, and I will always be on your side, but forgive me if I cannot understand or get behind … this.” You motion with your hands at the word this. She nods her head in understanding reaching out to grab your hand.

“I wasn’t happy with him.”

“So you resulted to cheating on him? L BEE, THAT IS NOT- I’m sorry for yelling, but that’s just not okay. I would never do that, so I just don’t-” She interrupts you.

“That’s the problem Bee! I’m not you. I’m my own person, and I knew that when Harry and I started dating, that he only asked me out because you were taken. I know he only made it “official” with me because I resemble you. And ever since we started dating, I started to become you, to feed into his feelings, and gain his approval. But after a while though, I couldn’t do take it anymore. Something changed, it was like a switch, it brought me back to life telling me ‘this isn’t you.’ So, I went to a bar, and I kissed a girl.” Your jaw goes slack, shock heavily prevalent on your face.

“So you’re, gay? bi? experimenting? I’m confused…”

“That’s the problem, I don’t know. Like you said, Harry and I started going out when I was just 18, I never went to college so I didn’t get to experience the party scene and experiment. You know, when I told Harry, he cried, but not because he was losing me, but because he thought he was losing you. Isn’t that sad Bee? And that was over a month ago-“ You interrupt her-

“A month? How’s that possible, just 2 weeks ago I “confessed” to him drunkenly and he shows up the next morning saying that he wants to make it official between us and that he’s already talked to you about it. I mean I didn’t believe, because you guys had not said anything about the breakup.” She shrugs her shoulders.

“I told mom.” You smack her leg, she laughs. You rest your head on her shoulder, looking at the tree canopy above you, swaying slightly with the wind. It’s quiet for a while, a nice silence while you try to think of what to do next.

“Are you going to call him, now that you know?”

“I don’t even think he wants to talk to me anymore, I didn’t respond to any of his texts or answer any of his calls. He even sent me an email, that I immediately flagged as spam…” She laughs patting the top of you head like a dog.

“He stopped reaching out because I told him that I would talk to you and smooth things out. I let him know that you would call him as soon as you got home.” You lift up your head, the patting ceasing, only to find her grinning creepily. She looks down at her , non-existent, watch and then back up at you again.

“Bee, I love you and you have my complete blessing and back up to date Harry. My only request is that you make me the maid of honor over mom.” She holds out her pinky, which you take with yours.

“Deal.” She gets ups, pulls you in for a tight hug, and leaves, taking all of her bags with her.

With this new found knowledge that you’ve learned, you walk to your car and head home. Filled with anxiety and excitement, mostly anxiety, so you try and rehearse how you’re going to call Harry and beg for forgiveness. Or rather just say hi and explain what you’ve been told. You’re definitely not sure what to do, but before you can ponder over it anymore, you pull into your driveway, and walk up your front steps and into your house, not even seeing the car parked on the street in front of your home.

a/n: guys this so crazy, this has been done for like 2 days, but i’ve been so scared that I wouldn’t be able to top the last one lol. Also this is not the last part ofc 😏

[gl00ber]

Melvinborg X Reader

by gl00ber

MADE FOR SIMPS!!! (of mb) [not finished!!]

Btw ik there's words that don't make sense but they will late :))

One day, You woke up. Looked to the side of your bed, not finding Melvinborg. Yet of-course you knew that he was probably in his lab or writing something you thought was silly, But when you got out of bed you went to his lab slowly typing in the code just to check if MB was there when you heard footsteps behind you, when you turned around. You didn't find anyone, so in confusion you continued typing the code when you felt something sharp stabbing your neck before you could even turn.. you fell. When you woke up you saw melvinborg in a great panic worring about something.. whilst looking at the floor with a traumatized face.. seeing yourself in a bed, you where scared and confused on what was going on so you spoke.. "Melvinborg..?" He quickly turned in shock looking at you with great surprise jumping out of his chair running toward you and loudly speaking "(Y/N)!! ARE YOU OK?!!" You were in GREAT shock and what and why he asked that, you said softly and quietly " yes..?" He smiled with relief on his face.. so you asked "Melvinborg.." He replied " Yes, (Y/N)?" You answered "What happened-" and before you finish your sentence you fell (to the bed) Melvinborg quickly ran towards the wires realizing one of the wires were broke.. 2 hours later you woke up again seeing melvinborg fixing some wires you had no idea what exactly he was fixing, so you looked around finding yourself in a medical-look-like room you never knew he had so you loudly shouted "WHERE AM I?!!" He turned around to see you whilse he got off his chair walking towards you and sitting on the bed replying on your question "you are in my emergency room.. are you ok??.." you were again in confusion replying "yes- wait.. WHAT IS GOING ON?!!" He turned to you saying "you're stressed.. I'll be right back.." standing up and leaving the room, the second he left the room you heard footsteps from the other side of the room finding another door, yet. You saw no-one.. you were extremely afraid yet for a second you couldn't control yourself so you started slowly crying. Melvinborg came back with tea in his hands going to his desk and placing down the tea, he turned to find you crying quietly, he's expression changed so he quickly walked up to you bending down and trying to look at you, asking " hey (y/n).. you okay??.. " you looked up thinking to tell him what happened but saw flashing lights and eyes everywhere saying "DONT TELL HIM.." you were shocked so you hidden your face under your arms crying softly and softly saying "there's something haunting me.." than all the flash and eyes disappeared with someone whispering "YOU HAVEN'T FOLLOWED MY REQUEST.. YOU SHALL PAY.." you cried harder. Melvinborg was shocked and confused when he realized there's blue marks on your neck so he went silent but after that he said " (y/n).. is something saying anything quietly that I can't hear??.." you looked up and noded, saying " they told me not to tell you, now they will get revenge..!!" You stressfully said, he glanced at you saying "it's ok, it will go away soon.. it's because you have '????????' I will take care of that" he quickly got up rushed to his desked putted something in the tea and picking it up, walking towards you and saying "drink." You giggled and took the cup and drank, suddenly you saw something on the edge of your eye so you look there to see that exacted million eyes that Starred at you dying. You were relieved and your chest felt lighter, you said " why did I see dying eyeballs-" he laughed and said "it's nothing" with a smile on his face. You knew that you said something funny yet you didn't get it.

10 or 5 likes for part 2!!

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

watched s11ep1

i will provide you with a quick review before i disappear back into the ether of twd avoidance

lots of spoilers under the cut. also i wrote way too much and i worked all night and haven’t slept so i didn’t bother to reread literally any of it, so it might be completely nonsensical, tho if you don’t expect that from me by this point idk whose blog you’ve been reading

enjoy:

hokay, first off, i’ll start by saying that i enjoyed it more than i expected to. i’ve been avoiding any sort of discussion about stuff, but my google algorithm is so fucked at this point that i still get recommended articles and stuff every now and then, so i was already pretty aware of what i was walking into, and was expecting it to be eh, but actually i prob enjoyed it more than i enjoyed the finale

(don’t get too excited tho, the finale was rly boring lmfao)

anyway

episode starts off with a tense scouting mission

it takes .005 seconds into the episode for caryl to exchange a look of longing, establishing that they are still having weird conflict and are both too fucking stubborn to do anything about it even tho they hate it desperately

i imagine that will continue for a while

rosita, kelly, carol, maggie, what’s her face with the bad hair, and lydia (i think that’s everyone?) lower down to some army bunker or something, where a bunch of walkers are taking a snooze, and the girls are very respectful of walker naptime, and do their best not to wake them up

obviously they eventually wake up, but i’ll get to that in a sec

as they’re tiptoeing through the walker tulips, there’s this split second where carol spots a machine gun, and looks at maggie with a face like, “can i plzzzz, i am mad horny for that machine gun,” but maggie tells her no. (i 110% expected her to defy orders and accidentally wake up all the walkers, but she actually behaved herself for once. well. mostly)

never fear, tho, after the girl gang collects a bunch of MREs they go back to wait for the dudes waiting up top to pull them up, and bc men ruin everything, one of the ropes break, and daryl catches it before it falls, but then a slow motion drop of blood falls on a walker’s face, and just like that, walker naptime is over, and carol uses her bow and arrow for two seconds before she is like “fuck this” and whips out the machine gun

yes, she is super hot using it

yes, daryl watches her do it

anyway, all the other girls get rescued, and carol is about to be pulled up, but bc she is a #girlboss, she first makes a beeline for one more crate full of MREs. daryl covers her while she gets the loot, and when she gets back up top they have another charged moment as carol hands him back his knife

just fuck already, jfc

titles!

cut to alexandria where everything is still not smilestimes

BUT, we do get to see uncle daryl run and hug rj and judith (and dog), and FUCKING HERSHEL JR, LIGHT OF MY LIFE is also there

istg, they could not have casted a better child, i a d o r e him

oh, and some friends of maggie’s show up too, idk

cut to a staff meeting where everyone is like, whomp whomp, we’re all gonna starve to death unless we figure out something quick

cue maggie going, “oh, i know where food is, but it requires me to tell you my tragic backstory, in case anyone didn’t watch my bottle episode”

she tells her dramatic backstory about all her friends getting slaughtered by the reapers for no apparent reason, and then she’s like “anyway, let’s go back there!”

no one thinks it’s a great idea, but a group of people decide to go anyway, including daryl and gabriel. rosita is super pissed that gabriel is going, and carol doesn’t go, probably partly bc it’s a shitty fucking idea, and also bc they have to keep caryl apart bc otherwise they’ll fix their problems ahead of schedule and they won’t be able to drag out the needless angst

daryl looks kind of annoyed that carol doesn’t volunteer to go 

bitch, i thought you wanted her to stop putting herself in the line of fire! make up your damn mind!

moving on

cut to a thunderstorm, where, if you look closely, you’ll notice daryl is wearing the STUPIDEST hat i’ve ever seen. just get an umbrella, jfc

for some reason negan is with them, bc ig he knows his way around washington dc, and no one in six years has bothered to figure out how to get around the city and/or get a map, and he is like “hey guys, maybe we shouldn’t try to walk in this fucking hurricane,” and everyone is like “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” 

this will be a common occurrence 

but eventually daryl is even like “actually, it’s rly unpleasant out here, and my hat is mad stupid, can we go inside plz?”

so they go inside an old metro station, which is actually a rly cool cinematic choice. i rly like the idea, and they executed it rly well

speaking of executions

there are some fucking RULL CREEPY walkers. idk why they bothered me so badly, but they were what they at first assumed were corpses wrapped up in tarps, but turns out none of them had been properly put down, so they go through killing these rotted bodies that had supposedly been there since The Fall, and it’s very gross and cool

this entire time, btw, negan is like “hey, i know i’m a shitty person, but i have some rational arguments about why we shouldn’t be doing this right now,” and everyone is like, “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” and he’s just like “god fucking damnit”

(i forgot to mention that at one point, when they’re headed into the metro station, negan is trying to warn ppl of the potential danger, and everyone is ignoring him, and he tries to talk to daryl, and daryl is like “fuck you, you think we’re BUDDIES?” and negan is like “oh, ok, so you’re gonna be like that too? fanfreakingtastic” and it’s very funny)

anyway. a fat monster zombie escapes its tarp at one point, and tries to eat some npc, and negan saves him, again is like “hey, anyone else realize that this is a FUCKING BAD PLAN?”, and everyone is like “we don’t care, you’re still shitty and we’re not listening to you, and you don’t actually care about random npc i would literally not be able to pick out in a lineup bc his face is so generic, you’re not the boss of us!!!”

it’s at this point that negan finally is like, “why am i even here? bc i know how to get around washington dc? do none of you have a map?” and i was like, “right?! that’s what i said!” 

it’s then revealed that maggie only brought negan along to murder him under the guise of “oops, he got hurt in the line of duty, it wasn’t my fault,” and daryl has this look on his face that says, “i seriously need to stop hanging out with lethal women bent on revenge bc it’s gonna give me high blood pressure,” and maggie has a badass moment where she points a gun she has for some reason at negan and is like “i have like, one shred of human compassion left inside of me, and if you keep pushing me i will fucking kill you without a second thought, so shut the hell up”

(in her defense, negan had just dropped glenn’s name to purposely antagonize her, which was rude as hell)

(for the record, i’m completely on maggie’s side here, but negan still is right that trapping themselves in a metro station is a bad call)

anyway, moving away from that briefly

i think this jump cut happens sooner, i don’t actually remember, but whatever who cares, point is, we get to the part of the show that actually matters, and that’s anything involving my love, juanita “princess” sanchez

and also eugene, yumiko, and ezekiel

they are being asked increasingly invasive questions by commonwealth ppl, some of which i wish they actually would of answered (what do they use to wipe their asses with?? surely toilet paper has long since become extinct)

zeke, who is so much more tolerable as a character now that he’s not larping as a king, has this incredibly weird and sort of sexually charged moment with a dude in an orange stormtrooper costume, where he’s like, “i bet you were an asshole cop back before The Fall, you stupid fascist, #fuckthepolice, mb literally? idk, this moment has a lot of pent up aggression that could easily translate to hate sex, it might just be the intense eye contact, but w/e, let’s just move along,” and then he has a coughing fit to remind the audience that he’s currently dying of cancer, and orange stormtrooper is like “lolz, loser, drink some water you dumb piece of shit”

cut to the wholesome foursome sitting at a picnic table in a guarded courtyard eating gruel, and yumkio, who finally has a personality, and princess are like “hey, this place fucking sucks, can we leave?” and zeke is like, “yeah, i met this orange stormtrooper who i think might be dtf and/or murder, so we should probably bounce”

but eugene is like, “but i want some hot stephanie ass, and also some bullshit excuse about how mb commonewealth will save alexandria” which, they left before things went super downhill, right? idr. it was after hilltop fell, but they don’t know alexandria got fucked either, if i recall? w/e, not important

two seconds after he says this, they talk to some people who are like “we’ve been here for four months, or maybe it’s been nine, i don’t actually remember, i’ve stopped processing the passage of time,” and the wholesome foursome takes this as a bad sign, tho that’s just the life i’ve lived as a night worker during a pandemic, so i was like #mood

but then they watch some guy get dragged away screaming to get “reprocessed” and eugene is like “ok, nvm, let’s bounce”

(my theory on what “reprocessing” is, is that they’re stuck in a room and have to watch hours and hours of customer service training videos on vhs from the 90s)

i definitely got my jump cut scenes mixed up bc i think the negan accusing maggie of a murder plot thing happened in between this scene and then the next commonwealth scene, but w/e, i’ll just finish what happens in the commonwealth arch

the wholesome foursome are trying to hatch a plan to escape, except princess, my love, is distracted watching some stormtroopers flirt, and the other three are like “wtf, dude, how can you even tell any of them apart?” and princess then tells them every stormtroopers backstory bc she is brilliant and pays rly close attention to shit, and the other three are like, “this is useful information, thank you for being an insane person”

their plan involves yumiko and eugene dressing up as stormtroopers and leading princess and zeke out of the place, which works fine actually, except on their way out they come across the Depressing Wall of Probably Mostly Dead Missing Loved Ones

they’re about to leave, when princess is like, “wait, yumiko, you’re on here, that’s weird huh?”

sure enough, yumiko  is on the wall, with a note from ig her sister 

the scene ends with yumiko going, “guys...i can’t leave...i have tragic backstory to unveil”

tragic backstory to be continued ig

back in murder metro town, npc and some other npc have stolen all the supplies, there’s a train blocking the track, and a horde of walkers are coming towards them, so things are not going fantastic

they horde is too big to take down, so they start to climb on top of the train car to get away

but dog runs away!

and daryl, being every pet owner ever, is like “gotta go get my dog, guys, try not to get killed while i’m gone, c u soon!” and he ducks under the train and disappears

#priorities

the episode ends with maggie climbing up the train car but getting grabbed by a walker and dangling off the edge, and negan is there and they have a lion king moment where maggie is like, “scar! help me!” and negan is like “long live the king, bitch” and walks away into the shadows, leaving maggie to a potential death

which, while i know isn’t actually going to happen, would be a really fucking funny move on the writers’ part

like, “look, lauren’s back! and now she’s dead, bet you didn’t expect that!”

anyway

my assumption is negan will actually end up helping her up or something, continuing his ambiguous morality bullshit that actually isn’t ambiguous bc he BEAT GLENN TO DEATH WITH A FUCKING BAT WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE IN FRONT OF HIS PREGNANT WIFE

the maggie/negan arch is kind of dumb, but whatevs, i’ll tolerate it, as long as my boy glenn gets justice in the end

anyway, cue credits!

final assessment: good episode. i’m much more interested in commonwealth than the reapers, tho i am hoping that daryl’s personality-less ex turns out to be a monster killing machine with no conscience, that’ll be fun. princess is a gift from god. hershel jr needs his own tv show. needs more carol (and caryl)

the end! going back into my walking dead free chamber! see you next episode!

-diz

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS MORE BLOOD Vol.5: Mukami Yuma [Track 1+2]

Original title: 拉致 & 無神ユーマ

Source: Diabolik Lovers More, Blood Vol. 5: Mukami Yuma [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here (00:00 ~ 8:29)

Seiyuu: Tatsuhisa Suzuki

Translator’s note: Oh boy. Going back to the MB CDs after focusing on the recent ones is a huge culture shock. Just like with the Do-S Kyuuketsu CDs, the M boys are so much more intense and aggressive in these, even compared to their MB routes. Yuma is my favorite out of the four, but I can’t say I condone some of the stuff he does in this CD. I genuinely feel bad for the MC and fear for her life by the end of this wild ride...

Track 1+2 ll Track 3+4 ll Track 5+6 ll Track 7+8 ll Track 9+10

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

TRACK 1: Abducted

You are walking as Yuma trails behind you.

[00:09] “...What’s good, girl? ...Hey, I’m talkin’ to ya! The one walkin’ in front of me!”

You frown but continue walking.

“Yeah, you!”

You choose to ignore him and continue walking along.

“Oi, I greeted ya! Are ya even listenin’? ...Che...What a fuckin’ drag...Who in their right mind would bother with this Sow if it weren’t under someone’s order?”

You speed up your pace.

“ーー At least bother answerin’ my call...!”

He catches up to you grabs hold of your arm.

*Rustle*

“...Don’t be causin’ me extra trouble!”

You seem surprised.

[00:50] “The fuck’s that dumb look on yer face? ...Haah...Honestly, the more I look at that face of yers, the shittier it looks.”

You ask for his name.

“...Aah? Ya wanna know who I am? Who gives a damn!? Shut up...!!”

Yuma picks you up.

*Rustle rustle*

[01:09] “...Woah, you’re hella light! I was kinda hopin’ there’d be a lil’ more to ya (1) on the inside to make up for those disappointin’ looks, but you’re lackin’ both in and out. ...Borin’!”

*Rustle rustle*

“Oi, oi...Don’t make too much of a fuss, ‘kay?”

*Thud*

“...Do ya want me to push ya off the edge, huh?”

You flinch.

[01:32] “Exactly! Who would want that? ...Then stop resistin’. I’m sure ya can tell it’s pointless anyway by takin’ a quick look at me. Guess ya could say the difference in power is too much? Ya don’t stand a chance ‘gainst me.”

*Rustle*

“Phew...~ Now that was a piece of cake.”

Yuma starts munching on some sugar cubes.

*Crunch crunch*

[02:01] “Mmh! I can munch on some sugar while carryin’ ya! Geezー I wonder why I had to make an appearance to catch a weaklin’ like ya? I don’t get it. ...You’re special, aren’t ya? Ruki filled me in on most of the details but it doesn’t really click with me. Are ya hidin’ it somewhere I can’t see, haah...?”

You frown.

“Well, anyway, better quickly hand ya over to Ruki before those darn pests come to take ya back. ...Haah...?”

*Sniff*

“...The fuck’s this scent?”

He takes in the air.

“...Is it comin’ from ya?”

You flinch.

“Heeh...Guess this would count as special. ...It smells nice, like there’s somethin’ more to it...”

*Rustle rustle*

[03:10] “I changed my mind! I was gonna drop ya off real quick, but I think I’ll do some taste testin’ myself first. I was just feelin’ kinda hungry as well.”

*Rustle*

“Some sugarcubes just don’t cut it.”

*Crunch*

[03:32] “Haah...? Ya wanna know what I mean with taste testin’? ...Oi, oi, now don’t feign ignorance. Heh. They’ve had their way with ya plenty of times, right? We all know you’ve had yer blood sucked left and right. You’re the literal definition of shameless so no point in hidin’ it. ...So it really doesn’t matter if I have a lil’ sip as well, right? At this point, at least.”

*Rustle*

“That bein’ said, I can’t relax up here. Guess we can drop by my hideout.”

He turns around.

“Hehe...It’s a great place. I’m sure...you’ll love it as well.”

TRACK 2: Mukami Yuma

Yuma throws you down on the floor.

“There ya go...!”

*THUD*

“...We’re here!”

He makes himself comfortable.

*Rustle rustle*

[00:07] “Ah~ This place really makes me feel at ease. At home there’s just a bunch of annoyin’ pests crawlin’ ‘round...and that guy keeps on makin’ me do all these stupid chores.”

You protest.

“...Aah!? The fuck did ya just say? ‘Don’t throw me ‘round’? ...Shut up!!”

You ask Yuma about your whereabouts.

“Ah? Ya wanna know where ya are? You’re really annoyin’ with all these darn questions, aren’t ya? Can’t ya tell by takin’ a look ‘round? ...This is my hideout.”

*Crunch crunch*

[00:42] “I’ve got a generous amount of my Sugar-chan stashed away over here as well. ...Hah? Why I’m munchin’ on sugar cubes, ya ask? I mean, ‘cause I like this stuff, duh? ...Ya want some too?”

*Rustle*

“Open yer mouth. It’s good.”

You hesitate.

[01:03] “...Che! Oi, you’re the one who brought it up, remember!? Now open up yer darn mouth already! I’m offerin’ to share my precious Sugar-chan with ya!”

*Rustle*

“Come on, part those lips!”

*Rustle rustle*

“...Oi, here. ...You little...Don’t try and spit it back out...Oi! Don’t waste the good shit!”

You continue to fight back but eventually have to give in.

*Rustle rustle*

“...Heh, see? It’s good, right?”

You give your impressions.

[01:34] “Hah? I mean, it’s plain sugar so ‘course it’s gonna taste sweet. What didya think it was? ...Ah? Did ya think it was some kind of dirty drug or somethin’? Hehehe~ ...Too bad~ This is just regular old sugar. It’s not the kind of lewd drug ya had in mind. But wellー I suppose ya could say this stuff works in a similar way to me, heh. ...So you’re not entirely wrong.

[02:19] Besides, I wouldn’t waste my time druggin’ someone like ya. I bet I can make ya bend to my will in no time, isn’t that right? I can imagine those dudes would be into a chick like that. Hehehe...”

You try and defend yourself.

“Haah? Ya wanna prove me wrong? It’s not like that? Then what are these, huh!?”

He rips open your uniform.

*RIIIIIP*

[02:54] “Ah-aaah...You’ve got their greedy marks littered all across yer body. Heh. Don’t try and play innocent. Ya begged for these, didn’t ya?”

You shake your head.

“You’re gravely mistaken if ya think ya can fool me by feignin’ ignorance. These marks don’t lie. I’m a...Vampire after all. ...Hehe.”

Your eyes widen in shock.

“I’m sure ya had a faint suspicion, didn’t ya? Well...That bein’ said, I’m a lil’ different from the Vampires you’re oh-so familiar with. ...I’m Mukami Yuma. Remember that well.”

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) Literally he says that he thought that perhaps she was more ‘closely packed’ on the inside, which may refer to the possibility of her not being very good-looking, but at least having some intelligence to back her up. Don’t quote me on this though since this line was rather confusing to me.

[scabopolis]

lv au week, day 2: super heroes

Title: superbloom Fandom: Veronica Mars Rating: PG-13 for content, R for swears (Veronica writes in her feelings journal and really lets those swears go) Pairing: Logan Echolls/Veronica Mars Other Characters: Mentions of Mac and Meg Additional Tags: Secret identity (again?! what?), unnecessary epistolary literature (does a journal count as epistolary?), half-baked world building, a vague understanding of superhero lore Word Count: ~1,075 Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7

***

Again, written solely because @cubbiegirl and @marshmellowbobcat are earth angels. I even added a title this time so that MB doesn’t have to come up with one. 

Why did I write this as Veronica’s journal? Mostly because it’s a style which seems to be a fanfic right of passage and I haven’t tried it so...here we are.  

I probably owe a lot to other superhero universes and their world building (as in, referring to them as ‘supers’ ala The Incredibles). What are the full extent of Logan and Veronica’s powers? *shrug emoji*

***

Date: February 15 Tracked a low-level Kane agent to a tourist trap bistro in downtown San Diego. Place was packed. Is this the new thing? Shitty men forget to make Valentine’s Day reservations, so they make them for the day after? 

Thought I had the guy but when I mistimed my pulse he metamorphosed into a cockroach and scurried away. 

Best part of the night was the chocolate mousse I got to-go. Despite appearances within, the food wasn’t too bad. 

Date: February 17 Caught up to Cockroach. Real name is Abel Koontz. Slimy guy tried to escape again, but Mac outfitted me with a souped up Morph Choke as backup — emphasis on the choke. Gonna need to recalibrate that a bit, Mackenzie. 

Bonus! Forgot it was laundry day, so had to wear my backup uni. Next time I run into Meg out in the field I’ll have to ask her if she can see my underwear through it. 

Date: February 18 Finally got around to watching season two of The Boys. Where do they get this shit? 

If Piznarski brings up forming some sort of super team for the 7-millionth time at the summit this year, I’m siccing Clayton on him.

Date: February 21 Got into a fight with Mac. Technically my fault. 

I faded while in public, and look, I get it. 

Being detected while living as my alter would be bad. BUT!! Being forced to interact with my ex as he is on a date with a woman who legitimately looks like she could be my doppelganger is very bad. 

Date: February 22 Clarified with Mac: me fading in public did not worry her. Me tripping Leo on purpose as I faded was apparently a problem.

Date: February 24 Cockroach stood me up.

Date: February 25 For all that is good and holy if another fucking cocky cowboy of a super moves to Neptune, I am going to lose my shit. This newest one? Got in my way as I attempted to track Kane, Jr into a warehouse. Fucking Smirky McCowboy stepped in my way and assured me I didn’t want to follow. Something about a dozen armed guards with guns aimed at the door. MAYBE THAT WAS MY PLAN!

(Because, of course the guy ripped a powers page right out of Superman’s book and has x-ray vision.)

(And, his uni? Not hard to tell when a super has money. They’re always the worst.)

Date: February 28 Ran into Smirky McCowboy again. This time outside of a poker game hosted by a real estate developer with connections to Kane. Smirky said it was a coincidence. 

Still no sign of Cockroach. 

Date: March 2 FUCKING HELL. He beat me to it. AGAIN! How is he doing this? 

Date: March 4 Smirky’s name is apparently Logan. Which I learned because I was getting coffee at Willow Grove (just minding my business while covertly eavesdropping on previously mentioned real estate developer) when some guy sat at my table. Unprompted. Uninvited. UNWELCOME.  

Mask or no mask, THAT SMIRK. 

The more concerning thing is that his x-ray vision apparently sees through the skeletal enhancements Mac wired into my mask, meaning he ID’d me right away. 

Date: March 5 Why do they keep coming here? Doesn’t New York have more crime? Go there!

Mac says it’s my fault for busting the Fitzpatricks, outing Kane as the sociopath he is, and helping all those kids find their lost dogs. 

Okay, she only mentioned the first two, but I think the third has value. 

The point is! these hangers-on need to find their own territory.  

Date: March 6 Mac traced at least 70 arrests to Smirky in the Los Angeles area alone. I hate him.

Date: March 10 If he scoops another one of my cases…

Date: March 11 He calls me Supergirl. 

He calls me Supergirl and I want to punch him. 

Mac says Cockroach’s tracker is still active but the signal is being blocked.

Date: March 13 Saw Meg today. She took down her own parents. Fucking savage. God, I love her. She flew me up to American Plaza and we drank champagne to celebrate.  

Oh! And good news! She says my backup uni isn’t see through. 

Date: March 13 Woke up with this terrifying thought: can smirky see through my uni? 

He wouldn’t...right? I mean...he’s an asshole but I don’t think he’s a creep. 

Date: March 16 I punched him. 

Not for the underwear thing! He swears he’s never looked and I weirdly believe him. 

And I didn’t punch him as much as he walked into a pulse. Yes, fine. 

I maybe purposefully put up the pulse to see if his x-ray vision could detect it. But I didn’t tell him to walk into it. 

(He can’t detect it, btw. I did it a second time just to be sure.)

Date: March 18 Found Cockroach. Or, I guess I should say Koontz. He washed up on Dog Beach as his alter. 

Mac said it could be a coincidence but we both know that’s not true. 

Date: March 19 Did I do this? Did I get Cockroach killed? 

Date: March 19 Logan has very good alcohol. 

Date: March 20 Hangovers. Bad. 

Date: March 20 Logan makes very good pancakes. 

Date: March 21 Logan has seen me drunk, which means Logan must be destroyed. 

Date: March 22 In a certain light, the smirk isn’t so bad. 

Date: March 23 Oh god. 

Date: March 24 Oh god.

Do I like him?

Date: March 25 I hate myself. I’m a giant cliché. I apologize to all women supers everywhere. 

Logan swears he can’t see past the new enhancements Mac made to my uni.

He also asked me to dinner. Was tempted to 1) fade, and 2) run away, but I did neither. 

Date: March 26 Adding insult to injury, Smirky McCowboy really knows how to kiss.

Date: March 27 Mac says I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. 

Actually, what she said was that neither he nor I are all that pleasant to be around so we might be meant for each other. 

Date: March 28 He really knows how to do some other things, too. 

Date: March 29 Logan got me a present: surveillance footage of Kane’s mysterious second-in-command with Koontz the night before he was found.

He’s been upgraded to not the absolute worst. 

Date: March 29 To be perfectly clear: we are not a super team. 

Date: March 30 Logan and I are on surveillance detail tonight. 

Maybe I can convince him to stop for some chocolate mousse. 

[thisdreamplace]

I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖

[personinthepalace]

MBS Trailer Analysis

Hey guys, as you probably could tell, I am SUPER excited about the MBS tv series! The lovely anon who pointed me in the direction of the trailer asked me to give my thoughts on it and well...I decided to do a shot by shot analysis of the trailer! (even though I definitely have other things I need to do haha). This is most likely going to be less of an analysis and more of me rambling and pointing out stuff haha. Apologies in advance for any grammatical errors. Also I’m sorry if I get any book facts wrong! (my memory isn’t what it used to be) Without further ado, here is my analysis! (below the cut because boy is this going to be long haha)

Ok before we begin, here’s the trailer in case you haven’t seen it/ want a refresher: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atFYUbwMYo4

Ready? Let’s begin

Nomansan Island!! I wonder if this is the view from Nomansan or if that’s Nomansan in the distance. Either way looks like there’s a lot of trees

Mr. Benedict’s house!! Definitely not how I imagined it. I thought it would be taller

You can see a manhole(?) near the bottom of this image. Later in the trailer we see Milligan come out of it. So I’m guessing this is the show’s verison of “the cellar across the street”

A secret room behind a bookcase! I’m guessing this is in Mr. Benedict’s house? It’s hard to see who’s pushing the door though- I wonder who it is

A Stonetown bus! I remember reading somewhere that the show has a 50s/60s vibe, and I definitely see/feel it

Reynie!! Of course the first person we actually get to see in the trailer is Reynie :) It looks like he’s in a restaurant? At night?? By himself??? Reynie what are you doing all alone?!?

Ah yes The Emergency. It’s scary how it feels revelant today...It’s kind hard to see but below “The Emergency” it says “Anxiety Index At Yearly High”. Yikes Mr. Curtain really knows how to create fear doesn’t he?

YES the BEST best-selling book series ever!! Also loving that pattern in the background

Another shot of Reynie! That sign says that that’s Bishop Building. I’m guessing Reynie is going to take one of the tests. Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure that it’s the Monk Building in the book

Look they’re social distancing! The test takers! Can you spot Reynie? (He’s in the second column from the left, four desks back). I wonder if that’s Rhonda sitting in front of him? She has a white dress. Hard to tell if she has green hair

Number Two! And it looks like she’s wearing boots!!  I love it!

Let’s have a close up on Reynie :) Ahh he look so precious! And he has the outfit!!

A close up on Number Two! I’m loving her outfit. And look there’s a matching yellow pencil sharpner on the desk! There’s the “no talking” sign. And are those rocks behind the glass??

These kids are dressed up all fancy. It looks like they’re going to a formal party or piano recital. Not about to take a test

And here’s Reynie not all dressed up. Also is that a watch on his left wrist??

“Will be excused.” That’s a change from the book. In the book she said “escorted”. “I’m sorry, did I say executed? I meant to say escorted.”

I realize it’s a good thing that the show is going to be on Disney+ (more exposure and all that). But at the same said I’m kinda sad that MBS is a Disney property now 

Now this is interesting. These kids are playing tetherball. I’m guessing that this is at the Institute. Except I thought the kids there spend most of their time watching TV? I wouldn’t expect them to be exercising. Is PE part of the curriculum?

A morse code telegraph machine! Very cool especially since in the book, they learned Morse code using a flashlight

And it’s Sticky and Kate!! It looks like Sticky still has some hair, so he’s not completely bald. I’m mourning the loss of Kate’s long blonde hair, but the short brown hair looks good! Loving Kate’s beanie. And look she’s still wearing her red striped shirt! (underneath the yellow jacket) Ahh they both look great

Constance!!! I’m loving her pigtails. I wonder what’s she doing though. It looks like she’s on a platform? I thought that wasn’t introduced until the later books

Kate walking on her rope during the floor test! And look you can see her bucket!! Okay I’m kinda disappointed with this scene because in the book the floor is suppose to have blue, black, and yellow rectangles. But here it looks like they are all squares (and instead of blue, it’s white). And Reynie is suppose to realize that the floor has rectangles so he can simply walk across. How is he going to walk across the floor if it’s full of squares??

Another shot of Reynie! I think he’s at the Institute, but I have no idea what that thing is. Anybody have any ideas? 

Also Mr. Benedict has been narrating this whole time, and at this point he says “And our criteria for approval may be considered...mysterious.” Cue title credits!

Hmm okay Reynie got a stamp of approval- most likely from one of the Ten Men when they arrive at the Institute? Wonder who Pierce and Veronica are. Will they be important to the story? Also it looks like Veronica is crossed out?

Number Two is taking them to see Mr. Benedict! Huh so it looks like the three older kids are about the same height. I wonder if Kate is still a year older than Sticky and Reynie

Mr. Benedict’s study!! Look at all of those books!!! And a yellow couch- it matches Number Two’s outfit :)

So many books!!!

Ahh look at them!!! I love their outfits! They’re accurate to the books! Also loving those green lights in the background

How are all of these books not falling hahaha

Another shot of them. Is that Kate’s rope? Or the handle for her bucket? Also I would like to take the time to say that I love the music (the violin!)- it really fits the vibe

“I’m the aforementioned Mr. Benedict.” And here’s Mr. Benedict!!! He really loves dramatics doesn’t he. He’s definitely younger than I thought he would be. Also he’s not wearing green plaid. That makes me sad :( Wait does Mr. Benedict still have narcolepsy on the show?

We have an Emmy Award Winner on this show!

And we have our first look at Rhonda!!! She’s taller than I expected haha. But I love her outfit!! And look Number Two has a stopwatch hanging from her dress, most likely from timing the kids during the maze test

IT’S THEM!! IT’S THEM!!! Breaking the fourth wall and looking very confused (or angry in Constance’s case haha)

“You all possess a quality that is lacking in our society” - ok it is time to meet the members of The Mysterious Benedict Society!

“Reynie, your intuitive understanding of human nature” -omigod Reynie comforting Sticky!!! Ahhh my heart! I can’t wait to see this scene in the show. I have a feeling that they expanded on Sticky’s indecision about joining the mission, and this scene here is part of it. Ah I can’t wait to see more of their friendship! (Also it seems like the show is pronouncing Reynie’s name like “Rainy”. I personally had been pronouncing it like “Winnie”. TLS pronounced his name as “Winnie” as well)

“Sticky, your reservoir of knowledge” - Sticky at a competition! It looks like he has the same amount of hair as he does when he meets the mbs, so I think it’s safe to say that Sticky did not shave his head when he ran away

Sticky won $10,000 on a game called Buck Buck Goose -wow! Also we see Constance watching Sticky on TV. The room is all yellow, so maybe it’s Number Two’s room? But why is Constance watching a video of Sticky?

“Constance, your defiance of conventional thought patterns” -Constance ripping up that piece of paper, tossing it, and walking away- omigod I love it hahaha. Ahh Constance is a drama queen and I love it! Also I think this is her red raincoat- it’s very cute

“Kate, your uncanny feel of how things go together” - Kate!! It looks like Kate is removing a vent? So I’m guessing this is during the maze test. And it looks like she has her Swiss army knife!

“What is it that you all have in common?” -I just noticed that Mr. Benedict’s beard seems to be neatly trimmed. So I guess he doesn’t have shaving problems? And I’m still mourning the loss of the green plaid haha

And we have our first look at Milligan!! I personally never imagined him with a beard or long hair. But ahhh I can’t wait to see his reunion with Kate on the show!! (I will definitely be sobbing when that happens)

“I see fear. And bad fashion” “You’re very unpleasant” - I can tell I’m going to love Kate’s and Constance’s relationship on the show already hahaha. It’s hard to see in this screenshot, but Reynie’s nodding in agreement with Kate’s statement haha. Also Constance’s facial expressions are perfect!

A full view of Kate and her bucket! I am so happy that Kate has her bucket!! It looks like Sticky is in the back. Maybe this is a scene from them taking the tests? I wonder if those two other kids are important to the story

I have many questions about this shot. Where are they walking to? Is that the Institute? Is Reynie looking back to the mainland where Mr. Benedict and everyone else are?

Okay so the sign originally says “Room(?) At The Wheel” (I can’t make out the first word). Who is painting that anyway? An ordinary brainwashed citizen? A Helper?

They’re leaving for the Institute! Number Two with all those yellow suitcases haha. And is that Milligan standing on the side of the car? So one car takes the kids to the Institute. The other one (the one that Milligan seems to be standing on) is the car the rest of the adults will take so that they can camp out in the woods to keep an eye on the Institute

It looks like there are Helpers in the background!

Constance walking behind Reynie with her umbrella is adorable

Kate, Reynie, and Sticky pulling the bell rope! I don’t think they ever rang the bell together in the book, so I’m curious to see the context of this shot

Is this the boat in which they escape the Institute?

Sad Mr. Benedict :( I’m guessing he’s berating himself for putting the kids in danger

Rhonda and her fun driving! Btw the sign says “Who’s watching out for you?” I love that the presence of the Emergency seem to be everywhere in the show

Kate changed to a blue striped shirt, while Sticky changed to an orange shirt. Constance and Reynie seem to be wearing the same outfits

Crossing the bridge! Ten Men (sorry the Recruiters) are supposed to be stationed at the bridge entrance, right? Those people don’t look like they’re wearing expensive suits...

What are they watching?

And here is our first look at Mr. Curtain! Like with Mr. Benedict, this is definitely not how I pictured Mr. Curtain haha. He doesn’t have his sunglasses. I hope he has his wheelchair in the show

What room is this? Is that the Receiver behind Mr. Benedict?

I’m guessing this is the scene where they meet Mr. Curtain for the first time

What is happening with this split screen? Are Mr. Benedict and Mr. Curtain talking to each other? Also Mr. Benedict reveals in the narration that Mr. Curtain is his twin brother (I wonder why they decided to reveal such a big twist in this trailer). So do the kids know beforehand that Mr. Curtain is Mr. Benedict’s twin? Or will they all be shocked like in the book? Though I don’t think Reynie can make that comment that Mr. Curtain’s nose looks like a cucumber haha. Also I take back what I said about mourning the loss of Mr. Benedict’s green plaid- you can see it in this screenshot!

My facial expression right now is exactly like Kate’s in this shot. What the heck is that?

Okay this just might be my favorite scene from the trailer- Reynie hugging Miss Perumal!! Ahh my heart!!! I love this so so much!!!

Number Two with a stick! She is ready to attack! I think this is from the part when the Recruiters break into Mr. Benedict’s house

What machine is this? Is this from the final battle against the Whisperer??

Ooh no poor Sticky is scared!!

Again I want to say that I am disappointed with how they interpreted this part of the book. Reynie is suppose to be able to casually walk aross the floor but instead he’s leaping???

Milligan!!! Even though the beard is unexpected, it looks like they got his outfit right! Seems like this is Milligan leading the kids out of the underground passage

The main four! Looks like they’re sending out a Morse code signal to Mr. Benedict and the others. Though where are they standing?

This looks like the official title card! I love that the font looks similar to the one used on the cover of the books. Again this not how I pictured Mr. Benedict’s house haha

“So you need a bunch of smart orphans to do a deadly mission. I get it.” - have I mentioned that I love Constance and her facial expressions??? Also her sass!! I wonder if Constance is still two in this? She is at least a lot younger than the rest of kids. Will the other kids be surprised with her age reveal (if there’s an age reveal at the end). Wait will Kate give Constance piggyback rides in the show?? I would love to see that

The kids are like deadly???

“Ideally not deadly”- he is so done haha

Phew and that’s the whole trailer! I would like to note that the only people we hear speak in this trailer are Mr. Benedict, Number two, Constance, and Kate. Also S.Q., Martina, Jackson, and Jillson did not appear in the trailer. I hope that they will be in the show though (I think Martina for sure will be in it).

Anyway, if you read this far- thanks for reading my ramblings! I would love to hear your thoughts about this trailer as well :)

[mulletcal]

when did you first know? -- a calum hood one shot

a/n: okay so i was hit with inspo for this like 8 hours ago and here we are.  it’s the origin story for cal & mama from my twin universe, but you don’t need to have read those to know what’s going on here!! pls enjoy

words:  3.9k

warnings: cavity inducing fluff mb???

-------------

Soulmate was always a word that Calum heard, and while he believed that they existed, he was never certain that a soulmate would be something he’d find in his lifetime.  He saw his friends pair off with their respective partners, and it warmed his heart to see the people he loved so happy.  Calum grew content with the fact that he was meant for platonic soulmates, already having found those in his best friends.

The fans never let the idea go that Calum was preparing for his soulmate though - citing his quitting smoking, and in general cleaning up his act as the source.  That was never consciously what Calum was doing though, rather just choosing to better himself for himself.  

It was a Tuesday when he first met her - the sky was clear and the moon full, the air was warm, and he was surrounded by his best friends as they shared stories from their past.  Why Michael had decided to have a party on a Tuesday, he’d never know; but he knew that he would one day need to thank the man. 

Andy had brought her along, saying how she was an old friend from his hometown who just moved to L.A. and had zero friends there other than him.  Maybe it would be Andy he’d need to thank - in all the years he’d been alive, he had never met someone so beautiful.  The night carried on in similar fashion to previous nights, most of them crashing in various rooms in Michael’s house rather than heading home.  She went home, though, without Calum being able to say goodbye, or get her number - she was gone.

For days thoughts of her clouded his mind; the sound of her voice, her laugh, how she danced with his friends as if she’d known them for years.  It tugged at his heart how well she fit in with them, and he wished he knew her well enough to invite her along to things they had plans for.

In a vague attempt to rid his mind of her, he thought he’d distract himself with the one thing that always seemed to cheer him up - dogs.  Duke enjoyed wandering the dog park, even if he didn’t interact much with other dogs, Calum was always there to toss a ball or two for his old baby. 

Pressing a kiss to the side of Duke’s head, he set him down onto the grass and took his leash in his hand, at least till they got away from the busy parking lot.  Letting him begin to sniff around, Calum’s eyes scanned around the park - it wasn’t a particular busy day for a Friday, they may be able to have a wider range for Duke to roam.

He froze, though, when he saw an oddly familiar face underneath a nearby tree - it was her.  This had to be some form of serendipity, right?  There was no way she knew he would be there, at that time, on that day, so maybe this was his chance.

Calum’s feet took over before he got much of a chance to overthink it, stopping when he and Duke reached a few feet away, “Hey, didn’t expect to see you here!” Oof, lame line.  He could’ve done better than that, truly.

She looked up, lifting the sunglasses off of her head as she met his eyes, a bright smile spreading across her lips, “Calum, hey! How are yo- Is this your dog?” Her eyes were wide as she looked at Duke, whose head was cocked to the side as his dad interacted with this woman he never met.

“It is, his name’s Duke.  He’s wary of people, so maybe just approach with caution.  It’s not his fault, he’s old and grumpy.  I feel as though he should be back at home readin’ the dailies.” Calum was rambling, and he knew it - but his comment made her laugh, so it counted as a win to him.

“Me too man, you have no idea,” She shook her head as she spoke to Duke, as if he could understand her.  She held out her hand and Calum waited with baited breath while his dog gave it a sniff, usually Duke would huff and walk away from the offending person - but after what felt like an eternity, Duke’s tail began to wag as he looked at her expectantly.

“That absolutely never happens,” Calum stated, stunned; and the responding smile that he got was brighter than the sun that was high in the sky that day.  “D’you wanna come toss a ball for ‘im?  He seems to like you,” While Calum had been deep in his own thoughts, Duke had taken to putting his front paws on her legs so she could have better access to behind his ears.

“Really? Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude on a quiet day at the dog park.”

“It seems as though if anything, we’re intruding on you,” Calum motioned to the tablet and pen beside her and she responded with a wave of her hand, standing up to dust off her pants.

“Thinkin’ bout it now, I was very likely sitting in dog pee, wasn’t I?” She pouted, continuing to brush off the back of her pants.  Gathering her things, she slid them into her bag before turning to the pair, “We ready boys?”

The rest of Calum’s afternoon was spent exchanging stories of their pasts, and how they came to be where they were today.  He found out that she was a graphic designer, working on animation as well, and she moved to L.A. because she was offered an amazing job she couldn’t turn down.  The more he learned about her, the more infatuated he became; and when his phone went off to remind him of a time slot they had at the studio.

If Calum didn’t act now, he knew he’d miss his chance - he could sense it deep down that the universe had given him the perfect opportunity and he couldn’t waste it.

“Hey, d’you have plans for tomorrow night?” Tomorrow night? What an incredible way to sound desperate.

“I don’t actually, I was supposed to go for coffee with Andy but something came up!” She grinned, adjusting the bag on her shoulder, “Why what’s up?”

“Would you want to go out tomorrow? On a date, maybe?” Calum swallowed thickly, running his fingers through his hair, avoiding any and all eye contact with her.

“I’d love to, actually.”

Calum’s heart soared, breaking into a toothy grin that brought out the crinkles by his eyes.  She said yes, and it wasn’t just him imagining things.  He tried to prevent his hands from shaking while they exchanged phones and phone numbers, the promise of the next day hanging from their lips when they departed.

***

Calum had been pacing through his house for the last hour, the anticipation leading him to sweat through the first shirt he had picked for the night.  He couldn’t remember the last time he had been so nervous for something, even crowds of people watching them perform.

He could be vulnerable, he could be himself, but what if she rejected him? What if he opened a door as an insight to himself, and once he did he couldn’t close it again?

The drive to her apartment was shorter than he would have liked.  Then again, maybe he shouldn’t have been left alone with his thoughts for too much longer or he may have backed out.

Calum wanted to be a gentleman, but the whole process of buzzing up to her apartment and her waiting at her door to be picked up seemed a little awkward - so instead he waited by the passenger side door of his car, a small bouquet of wildflowers in hand.  He almost started to pace again while he waited, but then his eyes landed on her.

Her silk, navy blue dress swayed as she walked towards him, tucking her keys and phone into her purse but her eyes never left Calum’s.  He couldn’t help to notice that the dress hugged her upper half in all the best ways, flaring out to stop just above her knees.

“Hi,” She breathed, standing up on her tippy toes to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. 

A spark radiated from Calum’s cheek, causing goosebumps to raise on his skin, “You look absolutely stunning,” he spoke softly, extending the flowers to her.  “These are for you.”

The expression on her face softened ever so slightly when she saw the flowers, a smile present on her lips while she thanked him with another kiss to his cheek.  Calum opened the car door for her, assuring she was in before rounding to the other side.

Conversation flowed easily between the two, and Calum’s cheeks were beginning to ache from the amount he was smiling- he genuinely couldn’t remember the last time he ached because he was so happy.  It continued well through dinner, her even offering up a forkful to him of her meal.

Once dinner was finished, Calum paid and escorted her again out to his car, grabbing the door even though she insisted she was fine before they headed to the second part of their date.  This part was met with confusion from her, a teasing smile quirking at her lips.

“Ah, I see.  The infamous Calum Hood shows a gal a good time, and then takes her out to the beach late at night to kill her, is it?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

It wasn’t an entirely unfair assumption - the only light illuminating the road ahead was his own headlights, and those of the occasional car that would pass by.  She had guessed right about the beach, though, and Calum faked an incredulous gasp.

“How could you think I’m a murderer? I know we’ve been driving down a dark road for half an hour, but that’s irrelevant to the matter.”

“I’ll have you know I’ve sent Andy my location, in case you do choose to kill me.  At the very least he could come locate my body.” She was biting her tongue to keep from laughing, but ultimately failed and she squeezed Calum’s hand in an attempt to let him know she was kidding - but also possibly a poorly veiled attempt at wanting to hold his hand.

Thankfully, Calum took the hint and laced their fingers together, bringing their joined hands up to his lips, grazing against the back of hers.  He heard her breath stop, and he quickly glanced at her with a hint of a smile.

The rest of the drive was silent, only the faint sound of Louis Armstrong playing in the background.  The lights of their destination came into view, and Calum chewed on his lower lip while he tried to gauge her reaction.  It would be impossible to tell what it was just from a glance, but the smile that came across her face was enough for Calum.

While the sound of Louis Armstrong was now gone, the sounds of a vibrant jazz band filled her ears, and her smile went from soft to ear to ear within seconds.

“What is this, Cal?” She asked softly, reaching for his hand when he had met her at the front of the car. 

The first thought at the forefront of his mind was how he could get used to the feeling of her hand in his, but the next thought he had was that he should probably answer her question. “Well…” He began, tugging her hand gently so she could follow, “There’s this jazz band I’ve come across that plays here once a month and I love to come and watch them.  They’ve even let me play for them a handful of times.”

Her eyes scanned the people, wide with wonder as she did so.  She saw couples of all ages milling about, and much to her delight some were dancing.  You often heard about things like this, but she never could have dreamed that this beautiful man standing beside her would have taken her here.

“Wanna dance, doll?” Calum asked, looking down at her expectantly, giggling softly at how quickly her gaze snapped up to him.

He didn’t need to say anymore to her before he was dragged out to the ‘dance floor’, proceeding to sway and spin to the music.

After a few songs, they decided to take a break, sitting down at a table beside this elderly couple Calum appeared to know, excusing himself to go get you both a drink.

“You don’t see that often, do ya Ruby?” The man spoke up, clearly trying to the attention of his wife, as well as the young lady that sat beside them.

“What’s that darlin’?” The woman, Ruby, said to the man, leaning her chin onto her hand.

“Calum seems to have brought a special lady with him tonight.  Don’t think he’s ever done that before.”

Now he had her attention, turning her head to look at Ruby and her husband, chewing on her lip before she asked, “He hasn’t?”

The couple shook their head practically in unison, knowing smiles on their lips, “He must really care about you.”

It took her off guard when Calum came back, setting down waters for them.  Sipping it absentmindedly while their words echoed through her head.  If Calum truly had never brought anyone there before her, this place must have been special to him; and what lead him to want to bring her there? Her chest was warm with the implication that she, too, could be special to Calum in the same way this place was.

Not much longer later, they made their decision to leave.  She had been making her rounds, getting to know the regulars of the area, and them doing the same for her.  It didn’t take her very long to be invited back by the regulars, all of them kissing her and Calum’s cheeks before they finally departed.

Arriving back at her apartment, there was a sense of hesitation in the air, neither of them wanting their night to end.  It needed to though, if only to let the night continue on and they could venture into the future together.

“Walk me to my door?” She asked, glancing over at him with a hopeful expression in her eyes.

“It would be my pleasure,” He answered honestly, hopping out of the drivers side, quickly making his way to her side to offer his hand to her.

The nerves from earlier returned while they made the short trek upstairs to her apartment.  Calum knew before he reached the door that he wanted to kiss her, but the thought of it being the typical awkward first date kiss hurt his chest while it constricted in panic.

He could tell she was nervous too when he saw her fumble with her keys, and it made him breathe a little easier.  When they stopped in front of her door, she spun around to face him, stumbling back despite the lack of alcohol either of them drank that night.

“I had an amazing time,” She began, licking her lips when she finally met his eyes.  “I’d love to do it again sometime, if you’d like.”

“Trust me, I’d like nothing more.” Oh, so he was back to desperate, that’s good. 

“Good, good…” Her words died in her throat when Calum stepped closer to her, bringing his hand up to brush against her cheek.  Their eyes seemed to take turns glancing from their lips, back to each others eyes - a wordless request for a kiss.  It was just a matter of who would move first.

Calum couldn’t wait any longer, the anticipation enough to kill him, so he closed the gap, capturing her lips in the most breathtaking kiss she had ever received.  His lips were so gentle and soft against hers, and she couldn’t help but to tangled her fingers in the front of his shirt, desperate to have him closer.

A long moment later, they pulled apart, both slightly gasping for air and sharing breathless giggles.

“Alright, so I’ll talk to you later then?” Calum teased, his fingers still dancing along her waist, enjoying the feeling of the soft silk under his touch.

“You’d fucking better honestly.”

With that half threat, they shared one more kiss before she slipped inside, pressing her back against the door with her hand against her head.  The whole night had been a whirlwind, and it was difficult to believe that it was her real life - every series of events felt movie like, and it was the last thing she expected when she moved to the City of Angels.

Calum had begun the walk back to his car, waiting until he was fully inside before he rested his head against the steering wheel and laughing softly to himself.  He had never felt such a strong connection to anyone before, his heart was racing at the fact that maybe he had just met his soulmate.

Taking his phone out of his pocket for the first time that night, he noticed the group chat was blowing up with questions of his date, shaking his head before he sent a simple reply:

[9:54pm]: She’s perfect. I’m gonna marry her.

Once that was sent, he silenced his phone again and headed home, proceeding to write the same words down in his journal with a date, almost as a manifestation of his future.

***

Their relationship only blossomed from there - In ways they were completely inseparable, but both knew the times when to step back, letting one another have alone time, or time with their friends.

It made the boys so happy to see their best friend completely and totally in love, excited that he had met someone who matched him on different levels.  It was rare to see them argue, and when they did, it was resolved almost as quickly as an issue came up - it was almost then that everyone realized that the two really were meant to be together, knowing how much Calum despised conflict.

At the year and a half mark, Calum began to plan his proposal.  Their friends demanded to be in on it, but being in on it revealed the only thing he ever kept from his friends - the one thing that was just for them. 

In the end, it was worth showing them if it meant she said yes to him, and the promise of their future together was more set in stone.

When the day of the proposal finally arrived, Calum was a nervous wreck all day - he had to call Andy to help get her out of the house so he could panic in private.  Ashton showed up at one point in the day so someone could force him into the shower, so he’d be ready for the night.

Calum lost count of how many times he was told to relax by his friends via text, after his shower Ashton was long since gone, not wanting to be there when she got home in an attempt to not give away the surprise - as if him being there was anything out of the ordinary.

When she arrived back home, she got ready for their typical once a month Saturday night date, still seemingly unaware about what was in store for the night.  It put Calum at ease a little, to see her go through her routine of getting ready without the knowledge that he was going to ask her to spend the rest of her life with him.

“Ready baby?” She asked softly, smoothing out her skirt, cocking her head to the side while she waited for an answer.

“Yeah, love, let’s go,” Calum smiled, lacing his fingers with hers as they headed out to their destination.

The familiar lights were a welcome sight to Calum, further easing his nerves for the night.  It helped knowing that everyone that was there loved them, and only wanting what was best for them.  When he wrapped his arm around her waist, she shivered slightly and curled into him.

“We gonna dance, angel?” Calum whispered, his lips lingering near her ear, leading her to the dance floor regardless.  His eyes scanned the room, not giving her much time to look around before he pulled her close to him.  

Over her head, he saw Luke getting into position behind the mic, smiling at Calum. ‘Dream a Little Dream of Me’ by Louis Armstrong began to play, Calum continuing to move her to the music with him until Luke began singing.

‘Stars shining bright above you

Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"

Birds singing in the sycamore trees

Dream a little dream of me…’

The moment she recognized the familiar voice, she spun around, a bright smile on her face.  She started to suspect something was up, especially considering that at any given chance, Calum would never be able to turn down playing with his best friends.  He wrapped his arms around her from behind, swaying from side to side as she watched the boys play the song. 

As it came to an end, Calum felt her take a deep breath before turning to face him, suspecting what was about to happen.

Calum took his arms from around her, rubbing his hands on his pants to wipe the sweat that was forming, taking the small box from his pocket.  “I know you can kind of guess what I’m about to say, you’re too smart for your own good - but at least I managed to keep this a surprise this far.  Anyways… Before I met you, I wasn’t quite sure that a soulmate existed out there for me.  I watched my friends pair off and meet their amazing significant others, leaving just me usually.  But then you came, and my world turned upside down.  I didn’t know what to do with myself, but I knew I had to be near you.  You simultaneously stole the air from my lungs, but breathed a new life into me I didn’t know I was capable of. I’ve become a better man because of you, and for you. So, I need to ask…” He finally got down on one knee, opening the ring box with tears in his eyes, “Will you marry me?”

She couldn’t contain the tears streaming down her cheeks any longer, nodding fervently as she dipped down to his level to kiss him, nearly knocking him over, “A million times yes. In every universe, in every lifetime, yes.”

She hadn’t realized that all their close friends and family were there, and it caused more tears to flow when she saw them.  Never in her life had she felt more loved, and it was all thanks to the beautiful boy who brought her to a jazz bar on the beach.

Despite having a lot of friends and family, they kept their wedding small.  They wanted it to be intimate and sweet, and everything about it spoke to who they were as people, and it represented their relationship perfectly.  Growing up, she never had brothers, but as she swayed with Michael to the song playing, she couldn’t resist the urge to rest her head on his shoulder and tell him how they’re all the brothers she’s always wanted.

Later in the night, the newly wedded couple decided to exchange gifts.  Hers was a set of shadow boxes, with pressed and dried flowers from their first date that she had kept for the now almost three years.  His gift to her was a simple frame, but in it was the paper he wrote after their first date.

“Baby, this isn’t the day of our first date.”

“You’re absolutely right, my love, it’s the day I realized I wanted to marry you.”

tag list: @cals-wildflower​ @talkfastromance4​ @softbabiestan​ @roseycal​ @calum-uncrowned​ @boyfriend-cal​ @wildflowerirwin​ @irwindoll​ @gosh-im-short​ @atlcalm​ @thesubtweeter​ @heavenisapeach​ @ridingcthood​ @loveroflrh​ @wokeupinjapanisabop​

[nereol]

I’ll Be Your Animal (8/8)

Final part of my Val / Emmerick short story!

You can read this on AO3 or on my WorldAnvil page (with pics, music and other stuff).

“So, how does this work?” Emmerick asks. “What?” Val looks at him, eyebrows slightly raised. “Being not your input.”

Maybe this chrome-guess-game-thing is something Val likes to do as foreplay... have to think about it.

The alarm rings. Val rolls over in her bed with a groan. It's early evening, she slept just a few hours. She yawns when she sits up in her bed and picks up her phone.

I've got a gig tonight, done 'round 6 am. Wanna drop by?

You even have to ask?

MB H10. We can grab some food at the entrance. Gimme a call when ya here.

Will do.

---

She just came home from the gig. She takes out her phone. 5:45 am, he's off in 15 minutes.

Gig went well, I'm home. Waiting for you xoxo.

She puts her phone on her desk, checks her mails, nothing new. Weapons into storage, clothes off, radio on.

Just a quick shower to get rid of dust and dirt from the gig. The braids are new, so no hair wash. Nibbles is complaining in front of his bowl and Val feeds him before putting on clothes. She's looking around her apartment while she tucks her top into the hot pants and decides to tidy up a little.

Then Emmerick calls. “Hey.” Val smirks at him via the holo. “Hey. I'm here.” His voice is calm. Val slips into some sneakers. “I'll come pick ya up... go choose somethin' to eat.” She leaves her apartment. “I'm allowed to take the tab?” Emmerick smirks and Val chuckles. “This time, yeah.”

---

The elevator reaches the first floor and Val looks around after leaving it. It's busy like always, typical for a megabuilding, regardless of the time of the day. But she finds Emmerick quickly, he's big enough to stick out while he's standing in front of a food stall, handing over some eddies.

She steps beside him. “Hey there, big boy.” He turns around with a slight smile. “Hey, gorgeous.” And leans down to kiss her. “Damn, I've missed ya.” He murmurs against her lips and Val chuckles. "How long since we' ve seen each other? Three days?" Well, last time she left him with a hard-on. He kisses her again. "Three days too many." The vendor puts a bag with their food on the counter and Emmerick takes it. “Come.” Val grabs his other hand with her smaller ones and leads him towards the elevator.

She doesn't let go of his hand at the elevator and he leans down to kiss her again. Bit greedier this time. Val pulls back with a chuckle. “Let's have some food first.” “I'd rather snack you.” Emmerick steals another kiss. She releases his hand and puts both of hers on his chest to hold him back. “I'm sure, you would.” She smirks. “But I'm starving. So let's save that for dessert.”

The elevator stops and Emmerick sighs. “Fine...” He eyes her while she leaves the elevator and looks at her butt for a moment, before he follows her through the seventh floor. “Oh, you have a gym...” He looks around slightly interested. She shrugs. “Well, I don't use it.” She nods towards the training bot. “I've trained a bit with that one.” “Yeah, I've seen you moves up close.” He looks down at her arms and remembers the Mantis Blade at his throat pretty well. She chuckles.

After entering her apartment Val slips out of her sneakers. “Make yourself at home.” She nods towards the couch. “If ya don't like the music just switch it...” Emmerick looks around a little, puts the food on the coffee table and takes off his shoes after he sits down. Val walks over to the storage room. “Beer, cola or...?” “Beer” Emmerick answers quickly.

Nibbles jumps from the bed, stills and looks at Emmerick skeptical. Emmerick looks at the cat, then at Val when she puts to bottles on the table. Then his gaze falls on her chest, where the outlines of her pierced nipples show through her tank top. She sits down besides him, one leg folded under the other. “Just ignore him, he's shy with new people.” Val leans forward to grab a noodle box and then back on the couch. Nibbles walks over to the bean bag besides the door.

They're eating without talking much. When Val's finished she takes a sip and leans back, beer bottle in her hand. “Hmm...” Emmerick looks at her questioningly after her hum. “You were with the Animals?” Val eyes him. He frowns a little. “Why do ya ask?” She shrugs and takes a sip. “Just curious.” “You heard rumors?” He gives her a suspicious look. “Nah...” Val shakes her head. “Just merc intuition.” She grins, puts the bottle away and moves closer to him.

“I've seen quite a few Animals now...” She studies his face. “With chrome in the same style.” Emmerick nods. “Yeah, you're right.” His voice is calm again. "But that's been a while... I'm not on Juice or other stuff anymore." "Good for ya." Val nods. “So, question. The chrome...” Val raises one hand to gently touch the cyberware at his jaw. “Is it 'cause nose and jaw are broken to many time, to fix it?” She lowers her hand. “... or is it precaution?” “Depends...” He looks in her eyes. “My nose was broken several times.” He shrugs. “But, yeah, it's more kinda precaution.” “I got my nose broken few weeks after I got back from Atlanta.” Val grimaces at the memory.

Emmerick puts his empty bottle away and Val stands up from the couch to sit down on his lap astride. His hands are on her naked thighs immediately. “Mhmm.” He hums with satisfaction. He studies her face. “But it's healed well...” He leans in. “Beautiful nose, like the rest of you.” His voice is low and husky and Val closes the space between them to kiss him. Sweet and tender.

She pulls back. “So, what else do ya got?” He looks at her questioningly. “Chrome.” She smirks and eyes him. “What about your merc intuition?” He grins a little. “Try an' guess.” “Hmm...” Val studies him. “I've seen a lot chrome collarbones and stuff, but obviously that's not a thing.” She leans down to kiss his neck and the edge of his collarbones. He lets out a little moan. Val pulls back, sits straight again. “Same goes for hands.” She looks down at his big hand on her thighs. “...'ganic.” He strokes up and down her legs and she feels warmth spreading out through her body.

“Arms an' elbows.” She looks at him, never seen him without jacket. “Makes sense... punchin' and...” “Right elbow.” He interrupts her and leans forward to pull off his jacket. She studies him closely, how his muscles tighten while he moves. Then he leans back at the couch again, in his tank top. Val takes one deep breath.

Yes, he's big and beefy. But not as extreme as she had seen other Animals. He has some older, smaller scars and also stretch marks. But nothing like torn skin or other skin change as effect of Juice and none intentionally created scars, like tiger stripes and what else the Animals do. Val's gaze trails over him. He smirks. “Like what ya see?”

As an answer she puts her hands on his shoulders, strokes down his biceps and up again to his chest along his neckline. While doing so she's leaning forward, kissing him, slowly but deep. He moans in her mouth and his hands are on her thighs again

“What about you?” He eyes her after they break the kiss. “Mantis Blades of course.” He takes her right hand is his and turns it with the palm upwards. “And coprosessor. But not much chrome to see on you.” “New tendons in heels and ankles.” She presses her legs a bit closer against him and he looks down. “Well made, your legs look 'ganic.” Then he looks into her eyes. “So you can jump extra high?” Val nods. “It's fun.” She smirks and Emmerick chuckles. A deep sound that tingles in her belly. And way deeper.

“Both knees.” Emmerick's talking about his own, but he strokes Vals knees, right and left from his body on the couch while speaking. “To much weight, to many squats." She nods. “People getting' new knees since 100 years or what...” She thinks for a moment. “My immune system's chipped. I'm resistant to almost any poison.” “Handy.” His voice is husky and his hands move up her legs to grab her butt firmly. Val lets out a low moan, takes a deep breath. “Optics, of course.” Emmerick nods while he kneads her butt. “Of course.” “But they resemble my natural eye color pretty well. Maybe a bit deeper green.” Her breathing is heavier now, her chest goes up and down.

"I've got a second heart.” He looks her in the eyes, hungry. She puts her hands on his hard chest, feels his muscles under his tank top. “My body couldn't handle that. To small, to weak.” “Oh, you're not weak.” He holds her butt tight. “You...” She lets out a small moans and he growls in satisfaction. “You know what I mean.” She looks him in the eyes. Then she grabs his top and pulls it up. He raises his arms and helps to pull it off. She eyes him, takes in every detail. She breathes heavily through her slightly opened mouth. “Damn...” Almost a growl and he puts his hands back at her butt. “Just you lookin' at me like that is enough to make me hard.” His voice is low and husky.

Val giggles softly. “So no second heart, just a blood pump and some vessels.” She looks deep into his eyes and takes off her top slowly. Emmerick's breath goes heavy while he watches her closely and his hands holding her ass tighter. She drops her top on the floor and leans forward to kiss him deep, roughly.

One of his hands is on her naked breast and while she leans closer she can feel him hard against her, right where she wants him, needs him. Val rolls her hips against him and he moans loud against her mouth. Then Emmerick graps her and stands up. She wraps her legs around him intuitively while he holds her and walks over to her bed.

---

They are lying next to each other, naked, sweaty, still breathless. Emmerick lies sideways leaning on his chrome elbow while two fingers of his other hand tenderly stroking up and down her naked body, giving her goosebumps. “Mhmm.” Val lies on her back, humming satisfied.

“So, how does this work?” he asks. “What?” Val looks at him, eyebrows slightly raised. “Being not your input.” Emmerick still strokes her. She giggles. “Hmm...” Val looks up at the ceiling and thinks about it.

“I've got a few friends and mates, we hang out, spend time together, do normal friend stuff, but...” “...with benefits.” he adds. She nods. “You could call it like that.”

Emmerick's fingers stroke up her belly and between her naked breasts. “I might need to remind myself that you're not mine sometimes... that I don't punch other men in the face for kissing you.” “Please don't hit non-men either.” Vals voice is calm. “Right...” He nods. “You're not straight.” “I don't care for sex or gender...” Silents. He still caresses her, his fingers draw along the lines of the ink on her chest.

“Not sure if I can do 'normal friend stuff' with you... I'm getting all hot every time I see ya.” Emmerick's voice is a bit husky again. Val chuckles and rolls over on her side to look at him. His fingers are on her side, sliding down her waist and hip. “We can let each other know... when we have time...” She eyes him, taking in the sight of him, naked. “And when we need each other.” She smirks at him.

“I think I wanna let ya know that I need you.” He leans above her. "Again." His hand, which had caressed her gently before, grabs her ass tightly. "Now." And Emmerick kisses her. Val giggles against his mouth and wraps her arm around his neck before she kisses him back.

[nyisles]

Magic In The Hamptons

Part FOUR

part one | part two | part three 

Player: Mathew Barzal 

Words: 3.2K 

Warnings: language, questionable steam? - tryna keep this pg 13 because i’m not a smut writer. 

Notes: thank the LORD the writers block has passed. Lmk what you peeps think (i crave validation), of course she isn’t edited so yeah just uhh enjoy. 

         Deep breath, you reminded yourself. It was hard though as you looked around the room you were in realizing this definitely was Mat’s place. The pictures of him and his family on a bedside table, and a hockey bag in the corner of the room. What did you do last night, (Y/N), you thought to yourself. You laid in bed for another two minutes before realizing you couldn’t just hide here, as comfortable as it was. This wasn’t even your apartment. Sliding your legs over to the side of the bed, slowly bringing yourself up, a pounding headache came on like you knew it would. You cursed yourself to never drink again, especially never a drink that Mat Barzal makes. Padding down the hall, you found yourself in the living room, the only place in Mat’s apartment you’d ever seen before. It was all nicely decorated, barely looking like a bachelor pad and something a bit homey-er. Much to your surprise Mat was curled up in a few blankets, sleeping quite peacefully on the couch. Had you kicked him out of his own bed after… well… after maybe what you think might have happened. “Mat.” you whispered. No response. “Mat.” you whispered a little louder. No response. Suddenly you found yourself going over and poking him square in the chest. “Mat.” 

         His eyes fluttered open, and a sly little smile came across his face. It disgusted you, well not really, it disgusted you how much you loved it. “Ah, glad to see you’re alive this morning. I was a little worried.” He said in the raspiest morning voice you’d ever heard in your life. It felt like your knees might give in, his morning voice was just that attractive. Do something gross, you said internally trying to challenge him. You just sighed, throwing your head down doing a little bit of your best mopey charlie brown impression. “I literally had to throw you over my shoulder after the uber, force you into the bathroom to change and then you had the audacity of saying the sweatpants i gave you were scratchy so you made us swap right then and there.” Sliding his legs over so you could sit down on the couch, you let out a sigh. “I am...so sorry.” was all you could muster up not even looking at his face. The embarrassment was far too strong. “(Y/N), you have a killer ass, I am not sorry.” 

         Your face turned the brightest shade of red in the whole human existence, you were truly a tomato, not even... You were a fire hydrant. “Jesus, Mat.” was all you could mutter before giving his legs a little push as he tried to stretch them out across your lap. In all honesty you couldn’t even make eye contact with him, so you just had to watch him from the corner of your eyes. “Honesty is the best policy, and to be fair that is all I saw.” He said throwing his hands up in the air to prove his innocence, hard to believe he was all that innocent. Deep down you were slightly pleased, and completely relieved that’s where it ended. A subtle showing of the ass was something you could live with, or at least learn to get over in a few months, maybe days. “And maybe next time you can let me at least have half of my bed instead of telling me I had to stay on the couch. This shit is going to mess with my back, have fun telling all of Long Island you’re the reason I’m out due to undisclosed back issues.”  Rolling your eyes you, picked the pillow off the back of the couch behind you whacking his body with it. He let out a little groan as he decided to sit up, as he glanced over at the clock on the wall. “You’re joking, (Y/N). It’s only 6:30.”

         “Then go to your real bed, I should probably go home, pop an advil, and try to sleep this off.” Mat rolled his eyes, standing up then taking your hands and standing you up off his couch. “Advil is in the bathroom cabinet, I’ll see you in my room.” He said walking off down the hall from where you’d come from, not giving you a moment to even think or respond. To be fair, you felt obligated to stay, you didn’t even know where your clothes were from last night, how could you leave? It was only 6:30 anyways, you doubted that there would be any real ubers driving around and it was way too early for Reese or any of your other friends to pick you up. So you walked yourself to his bathroom, popped an advil and almost immediately found yourself back in Mat’s room. He was already laying in bed, scrolling through his phone. 

         Pulling the sheets over, you snuck yourself into bed trying to give Mat some personal space. You had no idea if he was a cuddly guy, or just thought you both deserved a little bit more rest. Glancing over you saw him now shirtless, you were too nervous to move any of the blankets further seeing what else he had on. You were aware it wasn’t that weird, most boys liked to sleep shirtless and in boxers. Hell, if you were home alone you’d rip off these sweatpants and sleep without pants. Mat glanced up from his phone looking at you practically hanging off of the edge of the bed. Instead of making some sort of comment, he tossed his phone on the side table next to him and grabbed the waistband of your sweatpants gently tugging you over to him. “You were so into me last night, and now I have to drag you over here to cuddle. I thought you were an affectionate kind of girl.” He said softly as he closed his eyes, “It’s not fair.”  

         “So needy. I thought you wanted to sleep.” you said now cuddling into Mat, trying not to overthink this. “Originally sure, but there’s a ton of things we could do here.” Mat wiggling his eyebrows as you, as you gave him a small smack on the chest. Wincing, Mat get out a laugh, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. You weren’t going to lie to yourself, in this moment, life was pretty good. It’s almost like your hangover had disappeared. You were perfectly content laying next to this seemingly perfect guy, but at the same time Mat did have a point. Your feelings of wanting to go home with him last night hadn’t changed, now you were just sober with a less forward attitude. Tilting your head up planting a kiss on Mat you figured there was no better time to go for it than right now. Sliding your leg over his body, you found yourself in his lap, slowly grinding yourself down on the boy continuing the makeout, pulling away briefly. “Alright Barzal, whatcha got?” You said with a cheeky smirk. He didn’t dare speak. It’s like the green in his eyes turned dark, and his hands found your waist flipping the two of you over so he was on top. And the good news was, you would definitely remember this.

- - - 

         You spent the next weeks floating around on a cloud. Mat’s training had picked up since the season was soon to start, and work was a bit more demanding, but the two of you had managed to keep up, sometimes he’d even call you when he was ‘bored’ before some preseason game and couldn’t nap, and he’d slept over your apartment twice claiming your apartment was ‘closer’ to the rink when in reality it was just about the same distance thanks to Long Island traffic. It felt like any fears or doubts about Mat disappeared. He’d thrown you into a group chat with Tito, Emma, and Derick and made an effort to get to know your friends. Your girlfriends were constantly hounding you when you two would define whatever it was that the two of you were doing, though you ignored it knowing you couldn’t push it with him. Every conversation about that made you think back to when you’d originally met some of the wives at Sydney’s wedding, who made it seem like you couldn’t force a hockey player into anything, they’d just spite you with way girls who were way prettier. The last thing you wanted to do was push Mat to Whitney. It was funny because she’d even requested to follow you on instagram, though you left her request pending. You never brought it up to anyone besides Tito who just laughed it off and told you not to accept it. 

         It was hard not to find yourself daydreaming at work as you typed away on your computer, but the buzz from your phone brought you out of your thoughts. Looking down you saw Mat’s name across the screen. It was hard not to smile a little bit, you glanced around the workplace making sure no one would be pissy you answered a personal call. “MB” you said softly into the phone, “you trying to get me fired?” 

         “Would that mean you’d be free this Friday night?” 

         “I can be available even with a job this Friday night, why what’s up? Big plans to fall asleep on my couch five minutes into a movie?” you joked trying to poke fun. It was far too easy, and you both had a solid flirty banter to keep up with. “Actually no, it’s opening night. I wanted to know if you would support your favorite hockey player. Derick Brassard.” You couldn’t hold back the laugh, as you took another glance around your office noticing that no one really cared who you were on the phone with. “(Y/N), this is where you say, of course. I’d love to watch my favorite hockey player and Mat on the ice at the same time.” 

         “I hope Emma doesn’t get too jealous, but I’d love to go.” With that you got little butterflies in your stomach. This felt like a pretty big deal, being invited to the opening game of the season as Mat’s plus one? Or person? Or female friend? That was all very much up in the air, but it felt as if things were headed in a good direction. “Cool, cool.” Mat said so casually, but what you didn’t know was how excited he was and how ‘cool’ he was trying to play it on the other end of the line. “Listen, I’m gonna go run some errands, but I’ll talk to you later.” Within five minutes you had been added by Emma to another group chat, this time assuming it was the other girls since you were welcomed with a warm text from Grace. 

         Grace Lee: Isles bitches, pregame in the coli parking lot on Friday. I expect everyone to be in their best orange and blue. Chipolini sangria will be flowing, so drink up for me, #preggers. 

         A small squeal escaped your lips, your dumb ass was too drunk the last time you saw her to even realize she probably wasn’t drinking. You sent back your best ‘congrats and can’t wait to see you all’ like all of the previous texts were starting to read. All of the ‘who is the xxx number’ texts came pouring in and before you could type back. 

         Grace Lee: (Y/N) scored the elusive MB13 tix and that’s the number. Our baby has arrived. We have been waiting for you in the gc.

         You could only love her message trying not to draw too much attention to yourself, but it was like Grace was the big sister you needed to show you into this world. Emma did a pretty good job at helping you out, but she was still new to the isles wags and basically the same age as yourself. She, maybe, had known these women for as long as you had. Derick was still new to the team. 

- - -

         The next thing you knew it was 2:30 on Friday, skipping out of work as early as you possibly could to get ready to be in a parking lot with girls who were practically models at 5pm for a 7pm game to which you were still incredibly nervous for. Your nerves might’ve matched Mat’s. He had sent you at least three different pictures of suits lying on his bed asking which he should wear. It felt super domestic, and you loved telling him how you thought the black velvet suit jacket would be cute, especially with the grey tie. He was also kind enough to let you borrow some clothing, he didn’t know it actually, but you’d managed to steal a white islanders t-shirt and one of his plaid jackets, that honestly you looked better in. Paired with a pair of jeans that made your ass look fabulous, how could the day go wrong?

         It didn’t for a while. Grace had gifted you with a pom beanie that had the number 13 blinged out on the front in orange sparkles. The rest of the girls and you were laughing, having fun and genuinely enjoying each others company in your matching beanies. They showed you all the cool places they’d watch the games. Sometimes in a box, sometimes down low if they were actually wanting to watch the game. For tonight they settled on sitting in one of the boxes, wanting to celebrate the start to a hopeful new season. This time you had learned your lesson and made all of your own drinks. Your buzz was only light, and you were able to enjoy the game. 

         The first period was fun, the game was tied 1-1. It was in between periods as you and all the girls just sat around chatting about what it’d be like this season. They filled you in on how fun a win was, and how miserable a loss could be. Hockey talk didn’t last long as you quickly moved onto Grace’s baby, to what other events you all could do together since it was a ‘fun group of girls.’ The group almost didn’t notice the door to the box open and slam shut, but it was like the girls had seen a ghost. A different kind of silence came across the room. With your back being towards the door you turned around, and immediately your heart had dropped. Your hand immediately ripping the stupid sparkly 13 beanie off your head, not caring if it left your hair looking a total mess. “Ladies!” a girls voice exclaimed. You’d studied her enough to know it was Whitney. Fucking Whitney. “I’m so glad Mat left my ticket at will call. My flight got delayed and you know how much traffic was on the expressway.” 

         You couldn’t even speak, you just felt your throat close up, as Grace who was sitting next to you on the couch gave your arm a gentle ‘i’m here for you’ squeeze as she was the only one brave enough to open her mouth. “Whitney… I didn’t know that Mat invited you. We haven’t seen you in a while.” She said trying not to be too direct. “Matty always leaves me a ticket.” She quickly came across the room finding an open seat across from you as she grinned. “And we have a fresh face, and who are you?” she said playing dumb as if she hadn’t requested to follow you on instagram, or as if she didn’t see the stupid hat laying in your lap. 

         “(Y/N) is a good friend of ours, Whitney.” Megan Bailey came to your defense. Not wanting anything to get more uncomfortable than it already had been, you noticed the game starting to pick up again. “Oh… guys, game’s starting.” you managed to say in a soft voice trying not to get yourself worked up. Your brain was running a mile a minute. Did Mat bring you here to embarrass you? He invited two girls to the game. Did he really think that both of you would show up, were you just supposed to be the backup? This girl had flown in from Vancouver for him. Surely he had to have some idea that this chick would be here. The next 40 minutes of the game came and went and you were honestly to paralyzed and in your feelings to move yourself off the couch and out of the box. It didn’t help that the boys ended up losing by one goal and honestly having an okay game, at best. 

         “You’re not fucking leaving.” Grace whispered to you, gripping onto your wrist. “You’re going with us to meet the boys downstairs outside of the locker room and you’re getting an explanation.” She didn’t have you in that tight of a hold, but you were still too shocked and in your own head to do anything. Thoughts were running a mile a minute. The girls put distance between you and Whitney as you all made your way down to the spot where you would meet the boys. Originally Sydney had planned a surprise dinner for the whole group, but now you weren’t feeling like you could face the boys. At least you were being brave enough and not crying.. At least not yet. 

         Hearing Anders tell the boys it was only game one, and it was their year was kind of sweet and brought a halfhearted smile to your face as you watched the boys come out of the locker room, freshly showered and honestly not looking as depressed as you might’ve thought. Mat was one of the last boys to walk out of the locker room with Tito and it’s like you didn’t even have a minute to approach him before Whitney was throwing herself in his arms. His face seemed shocked, it disgusted you, he probably didn’t even think he’d get caught in having two girls come as his plus one to this stupid game. “Whitney…” he said awkwardly. “Thanks for leaving the ticket. I missed the first period, but I heard you played great.” She quipped back not letting him even finish speaking to her. His eyes glanced around the group until they found your face. You handed your hat back to Grace. “I don’t want this anymore. I’m sorry, I’m just going to go now.” You said feeling your eyes watering up. 

         “You’re a tough cookie, don’t let him see this shit hurt you.” She said softly as the rest of the group tried to act normal as wives and girlfriends met back up with their significant others. Anders came over giving your back a gentle rub, “If it means anything, we like having you around.” You put an awkward smile on your face giving him a nod, as you found the nearest exit. The cool October air hit you like a ton of bricks as you pulled Mat’s jacket around you trying to find more warmth but it only made you more upset. Luckily there were taxis just waiting to take home fans and you quickly found one not lingering around the coli any longer. 

         (Y/N): don’t contact me anymore. you’ve embarrassed me and you know it… in fact block this number.   

         You sent Mat a text as quick as your fingers could type it out, as you let tears just fall from your eyes in the stupid taxi, looking like some sort of crazy girl. 

         (Mat Barzal):  (●●●)

         You watched the little dots come and go. No text ever came. You were relieved.

[thepeanutbutterwizard]

Back on my AU making BS!

Edit: (Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5)

I was finally able to watch A:TLA for the first time in my life (I haven’t finished the series yet, I’m on mid-S2, on Tales of Ba Sing Se) and I was, of course, struck by an A:TLA/Ninjago au. So I’m gonna talk about it.

So the FSM is the Firelord (He’s like an Ozai/Azulon combo) bc screw him. Omega is his dad and was the one who started the war. The war goes about the same as in A:TLA, with the Air Nomad genocide. Garm and Wu are the two Fire Nation princes (both are benders), until Garm basically pulls a Zuko and gets himself banished. Haven’t decided if I want the circumstances for Garm to be the same as they were for Zuko (speaking out in a war room meeting and the Agni Kai and all that) or if Garm ends up with a scar (it wouldn’t be exactly like Zukos if I do end up giving him one, but it will be very noticeable) but he is sent away on the same wild goose chase after the Avatar.

(Side-note, in this world the Air Nomad Avatar was killed in the genocide, and at least one Avatar has lived and died completely unaware they were the Avatar. Y’all can probably guess where I’m going with this. Shush.)

So Garm, a traumatized disgraced teenager, sets out to find the Avatar. It goes about as well as you all have probably guessed. I debated over whether or not to give Mystake an Iroh-like role, but ultimately decided against it. Years go by, and Garm does eventually realize that his father gave him a fools errand, but what else is he supposed to do? He cant go back to the Fire Nation, and if he tries to go anywhere else he’ll be imprisoned and killed bc he’s y’know a Fire Nation royal. So he just stays on the boat, and actually ends up befriending a new, very young crew member (only a few months older than Garm when he gets assigned to the ship. They’re like, 17ish at this point), a Fire Bender named Ray.

And then, when they’re sailing near the South Pole, a huge storm hits. Ray, who can’t swim, gets knocked overboard, and Garm, being an impulsive, ride-or-die idiot who just got a friend for the first time since he was banished, jumps after him. They get swept away, and are presumed dead by the rest of the crew on the boat, which returns to the Fire Nation with the news that the Prince and a crew member have perished. If we’re being honest, the crew should have spent enough time around Garm to know he’s too stubborn to die.

Garm and Ray make it to the Southern Water Tribe. And by that I mean they wash up on the shore of the Southern Water Tribe half drowned and frozen and clinging to consciousness. The Southern Water Tribe isn’t as decimated as it is in A:TLA since the war hasn’t been going on for a whole century and the men haven’t gone off to fight and there are still some waterbenders, but it isn’t nearly as prosperous as the Northern Water Tribe. The two boys are found by Maya, a waterbender, and her friend Koko, a nonbender who has a fascinating backstory I’ll get to eventually. 

(I’m going to make this worlds Misako/Koko a sort of mashup of her show and movie versions, which basically means Koko but she likes history and archaeology and she has glasses. There are glasses in A:TLA, right?)

So Maya and Koko find Garm and Ray, two half dead Fire Nation soldiers, and don’t know what to do. Bc they’re Fire Nation, but they’re injured and there doesn’t seem to be any other soldiers, and looking closer they cant be much older than the girls are, and crap I don’t think that ones breathing!

Maya saves Ray while Koko easily holds an injured Garm back bc he doesn’t know what she’s doing but she can’t possibly be helping him, can she? Things are at an awkward standstill at that point, bc Garm and Ray don’t want to be taken to the tribe, but even if they were in any shape to fight they wouldn’t exactly last long in the South Pole without any supplies, and there’s no way the girls are going to let them just, go free, so the boys get tied up and awkwardly walked back to the village.

There’s a period of chaos in the village as they try to figure out what to do with Garm and Ray. Garm is completely honest about how they got there (banished Prince, Avatar hunt, storm, etc. He doesn’t mention that his father straight up mutilated him tho) bc he thinks that he an Ray have a better chance of not being killed if he lets everyone know that they haven’t actually done anything in the war. Garms been on a boat sailing in circles for like, five years, and even though Ray was trained to be a soldier he was sent straight to Garms ship instead of into combat.

Some people want to hold them hostage, some people want to chuck them out and let the elements take care of them, some people want to straight up kill them. Eventually its just decided by the chief (mb that Sorrla lady from the Never Realm in S11?) that the boys are just going to be kept as prisoners and kept under constant supervision. After all, they have no idea if the Fire Nation has written Garm and Ray off as dead like Garm is sure that they have, and killing a Fire Nation Prince, banished or not, could bring a world of hurt down on the already hurting tribe.

So Garm and Ray are under constant supervision, banned from firebending under any circumstance, and basically put to work helping the village. Years go by. Ray and Garm learn about how the war has been hurting the world, and realize all the propaganda that they were being feed since they were young, and that the Fire Nation and Garms family especially are kinda the bad guys. And as the tribe members (and Maya and Koko especially) get to actually know these two Fire Nation boys, they learn that yeah the Fire Nation as a whole is kinda terrible, but its full of people who are under a tyrannical regime where not even the Crown Prince is safe from the wrath of the Firelord. And these guys are actually pretty good guys considering where they’ve come from!

Eventually Garm and Ray go from being captives to being a part of the tribe. There are still some people who never trust them, but overall they just get adopted by the Southern Water Tribe. And yes, Garm and Ray marry Koko and Maya.

I know that more stuff goes down in the Southern Water Tribe with Katara and Sokka’s mom, the Southern Raiders, and Hama and stuff like that, but all i know is from vague Tumblr osmosis bc I haven’t gotten to that part in A:TLA, but when I do I will revise this part of the au as I see fit. I’m probably going to avoid killing Maya bc I like her.

Life is as good as it can be during a war. At any sign that anyone from the Fire Nation could show up Garm and Ray hide bc they dont want to risk being recognized. And you guessed it, when the kids finally come around, Kai is a firebender, and Nya is a waterbender. I’m also making them Irish twins. Lloyd is three years younger than them. The men of the tribe go off to fight, and Ray goes with them. Garm wanted to go, but the risk of him being recognized as the dead Fire Nation Prince was too much of a risk, so he stayed in the village. 

(I might come up with something to get rid of Maya and Koko without killing them, but idk right now)

More time passes, and when Lloyd is about 10 they find out that he can waterbend to when he was trying to copy Nya. But wait, Garm is Fire Nation, and Koko was originally from the Earth Kingdom, Lloyd shouldn’t be able to waterbend. And then Lloyd accidentally kicks up a small windstorm.

And thats when Garm realizes that he’s finally found the Avatar.

(I’m gonna make a part two bc this got long and I have more to say.)

[angelaiswriting]

Listen to Me | Tommy Shelby x reader

[original picture from pinterest]

✏️ Pairing: Tommy Shelby x fem!reader

✏️ Requested by Anonymous: I love that you're doing the Peaky Blinders boys now! I'd very much enjoy some possible fluff and/or smut with an over-protective Tommy?? Or anyone else?? I'm a sucker for a protective boi haha! Love your blog!! 💞

✏️ A/N: thank you sooo much for this request (and the compliment, I’m sobbing)! It made me so excited I was literally trembling and unable to write for a while haha hopefully you’ll enjoy this! It’s not smut yet, but it could be one day. Also, if you want to be added to my brand-new Peaky Blinders tag list, hit me up! Meanwhile, I’m just tagging peeps that could be interested. Also, many thanks to my MB @sweetvengeancee for being my new beta, apparently haha ily 💞 

✏️ Warnings: implied illegal activities I guess ? + pre smut, and yet not NSFW ? so at the discretion of the reader

✏️ Word-count: 2,650

PART ONE: LISTEN TO ME  |  >> part two: kiss me >>

The Garrison was packed, buzzing with life as men, both drunk and sober, chatted and joked the night away.

It was the ordered chaos Thomas Shelby enjoyed, a nice distraction from the upcoming race he was planning on fixing and from that nagging thought that followed him from a distance any time his plan popped up unsolicited in his mind. He was a good horse, Monaghan Boy – black and strong and magnificent, a born winner. But if Tommy wanted to go far, if he wanted to take Kimber’s place, he had to play all his cards and he had to play them right.

Y/N was the only one who knew – she had torn the truth out of him with that sinful mouth of hers, a few days before, in that very private room he had just got out of. She had always had her own way of doing things, ever since John had brought her home one day after school, and it had been her bluntness and utter lack of fear – probably her madness, too – that had never managed to tear her away from her Shelby friends first and the Peaky Blinders later, when they had all outgrown their childhood.

It was exactly her he didn’t expect to see that night at the bar. He had told her many a time he didn’t want her at the Garrison, didn’t want her around the men he so frequently had to deal with – he knew how they were, the things they did and how, exactly, they did them.

And yet, there she was, sitting at a table opposite Polly and with Finn cuddled up in her lap. They were laughing at something his youngest brother was saying, probably one of the crazy stories he made up with his friends, both women sipping on freshly-poured booze.

“For fuck’s sake.” The words punched their way out of his mouth without him being able to stop them as he leaned against the counter. The more he told her what to do, the more she did the opposite. Whether it was her wicked way to wrap him even tighter around her pinkie finger or something she did out of habit, Tommy truly didn’t know.

What he did know, though, was that he didn’t want her here. And as he gestured for the bartender to come, all he wished for, was for her to fucking listen for once.

Harry, ever zealous as he was, was in front of him in a second, a bottle of Irish whiskey raised in mid-air as the silent question lingered in the space between them. It was an almost automatic choice by now, but when the Blinders were involved, he’d rather not make a mistake.

Tommy gave a curt nod of his head as his left hand came up to massage his forehead. It had been a longer day than usual and while he did his best not to pay them too much attention, the worries that floated around Sunday’s race and his plan for success bubbled up in his mind like the bubbles in a glass of champagne.

“Leave the bottle,” he groaned the second before downing the contents of his glass. He was going to need all the whiskey he could get his hands on if he wanted to keep sane. “When did they arrive?”

Even without saying the names, the bartender knew who the question was about. Polly Shelby had put him back to his place when she had marched into his bar with her kid nephew and Y/N by her side and had demanded he gave her and her guests a table. It hadn’t sounded like such a bad idea when he had cleaned a table for those women, and even less when they had ordered their drinks, but as he met Tommy’s gaze now, he found himself wishing he hadn’t given in to their request.

“Don’t know,” he tried to shrug it off. “Must be twenty minutes at most.” It had been double that time, almost as long as the private Shelby meeting in the back room had lasted. There was nothing else he could do, though, as the very Polly Shelby that turned his bones into a quivering mess sent him a glare that could have been translated as behave! at best and I’m going to fucking kill you at worst.

“Fuck.”

Tommy poured himself some more whiskey. He turned around for a moment, met Y/N’s playful gaze as she looked up at him from above Finn’s ruffled hair and wondered, why her. It probably hadn’t been a conscious choice – she hadn’t been a conscious choice.

She had just been there, at the station, when he and his brothers had come back battered and broken from France. She had been there before that, too, and he knew she was still going to be in his family’s life years from now.

She had also been there when the idea of laying eyes on a woman repulsed him, his mind still struggling in the mud of the recently-won war. A friend of John ever since their school days, Tommy had ended up growing attached to her more than he cared to admit. When opium was the only remedy to the gurgling void he carried inside, she was there, her hand on his, shooing the bombings away. He had ended up taking more than she had initially offered and she had ended up taking all he had to give – skin, wounds, Romani words whispered in the semi-darkness of his room as the ricocheting echoes of the nightmares he had found himself living in for four years tumbled down those four walls that always seemed to close in on him, turning everything into a never-ending tunnel.

“Fuck,” he groaned again, unable to help himself.

Her stubbornness had been one of the things that had helped his business stand on its feet while he, Arthur and John had been away, he was sure of that, but now he needed her alive. Needed her safe. Safe from what he knew his life could cause her.

“Have you seen who’s come?” John sounded both happy and tired as he called him from behind before moving to stand by his side. He took a glance at the bottle of whiskey on the counter before pouring himself some into his brother’s tumbler.

Tommy’s answer was a groan.

“Polly will go bonkers when she finds out we had a meeting without her.”

“Oh, she already knows,” Tommy sighed, daring another glance behind his shoulder. “That’s why she’s here. And that’s why she’s brought Y/N.”

“To cause a bigger scene?” John joked, but his chuckle faded into silence when he met nothing but steel in his brother’s eyes.

“You come with me now,” the oldest said, taking a swig from the bottle and relishing in the burning that scratched down his throat. “And you take both Finn and Poll home. Make sure Finn’s in bed before you update her.”

“She won’t listen, you know that, don’t you?” John smirked, turning to glance at his childhood friend. There was no need to specify it was her he was talking about because he was more than sure that his brother knew. “She never does. That’s why I like her: she just doesn’t give a fuck about who we are.” And with a chuckle, he shook his head.

*

“There was no need to send Finn back home, it’s still early,” Y/N half-heartedly complained when Tommy pushed her into the tranquillity of the Shelbys’ private back room. “He just wanted to hang out around his brothers. You know he admires you.”

He didn’t turn to look at her: he simply walked past her and, unhurried, closed the small window that gave on the counter of the bar, providing them with much-needed privacy in a place like the Garrison. He didn’t need to see those loose hair that had escaped her hairdo and that he found stupidly… cute. Nor did he need to put two and two together and focus on the fact that she was wearing the dress he – he – had given her on her birthday.

Instead, he focused on the table in front of him: he walked up to it, put the bottle of whiskey he had left the counter with down on it and moved the glass ashtray closer to where he was going to sit. “It’s not Finn’s presence that bothers me,” he said eventually.

“Polly’s always-”

“What do I always tell you? This place-”

“If you’re implying that it’s my presence here that bothers you, Tommy Shelby, you can stick it up your-”

“Those are strong words for a lady.” He stared at her as he fixed a cigarette between his lips, lit it and took a first drag. He was trying to keep the ice in his eyes, but it never lasted, not with her. Not when she was the light next to him in the tunnel, not when she was the burning day that dug the French darkness away.

She shrugged, taking a step forward to rest her hands on the seatback of one of the chairs. Freshly manicured nails, painted red, for once – a clear sign that she had spent the day with his sister Ada. “Foolish of you to think, after all the years we’ve known each other, that I am a lady.”

Tommy smirked. “You like to pretend you are one, though.”

For a moment, her only answer was a chuckle as she bent forward to steal the cigarette from his lips. He watched as she took a drag, mere centimetres from his face, her twinkling eyes set on his, before she exhaled the smoke when she moved ever closer and her cheek brushed against his.

She was warm against him, with that perfume of jasmines wrapping her like a bridal veil. “Only with you, Mr. Shelby.”

She straightened her back, then, stood as tall and proud as only she could be in that blue dress of hers. Before he could stop her, she put out the unfinished cigarette in the ashtray.

He sat back, unbothered, and lit himself another cigarette and in the process, he never took his eyes off of her. He looked at her, he truly did, maybe for the first time that night.

She was a dream. A dream and a nightmare all in one, for she was stubborn and headstrong and probably had more balls than many of the men at his service. She never cowered – not under his gaze, not under Arthur’s, and even less under John’s. His men didn’t scare her, his business didn’t scare her, the dark corners of Small Heath didn’t scare her. That was probably the reason why he had taken it upon himself to protect her – from bullets, from secrets, from any bad dream-inducing aspect of his life.

Not that she needed it, but a man could still dream.

“How many times have I told you not to come here at night?” he asked her, puffing out smoke in her direction, twirling the cigarette between his fingers.

The right corner of her lips rose up into a half-smirk as she exhaled from the nose, loudly, trying to keep in the chuckle. “I don’t know,” she answered, drawing her shoulders back a little. “I seldom listen when you talk.”

Tommy resisted the impulse of pinching the bridge of his nose, but not the one that pushed him to close his eyes for a couple of seconds before grunting. “Do you at least know why I ask you the things I do?”

“Tommy Shelby never wants me to have fun, officer!” she drawled out, reminding him more of John than of the serious young woman she knew how to be.

“Stop being foolish and come here.”

She grabbed onto his outstretched hand and let him gently pull her forward until she was standing next to him. A more demanding tug on her arm forced her between his legs before he hoisted her up on the table. “Stop being so serious, Tommy.” She rested her hands on his, still on her hips, and dragged a foot along his thigh. “What’s the answer to that question?”

God, the things he couldn’t tell her!

“The men could get the wrong idea.” It was true, it was a possibility, one very near and always looming over any nice lady that walked through the doors of the Garrison.

She nodded. “I’m not scared of these men.”

“You should be.”

He couldn’t tell her he was doing anything in his power to protect her because she wouldn’t listen and in her haste to prove him wrong, he was sure she would end up proving him right.

“Half of them is too drunk to piss outside their pants and the other half of them is not drunk enough to fight a Shelby. And the ones that don’t know who you are, who this place,” and she gestured vaguely at the walls of the room, “belongs to, don’t scare me because I always have a knife in my boot.”

He wasn’t shocked to hear that revelation. And if he had to be honest, finding out that she walked around unarmed would have left him speechless.

“I still need you to listen to me when I talk to you.” He was slowly pushing the gown of her dress up her legs, exposing the silk of her tights. Hands rough and calloused against her clothed skin, he felt her boot until he found her knife. And smirked.

Tommy Shelby rarely smiled but his smirks were still enough to make Y/N’s heart stop beating for a second before starting to race like a racehorse.

“I’m listening now,” she breathed as he stood between her legs, his hands coming up her shins and pushing the dress over her knees.

“I want you to do the things I tell you to,” he continued.

“I take no orders.”

He leant forward, his lips as light as the touch of a feather against the base of her neck. “If I tell you not to come to the Garrison alone at night, you don’t come.”

“I wasn’t alone.” She was panting, her hands now supporting her weight on the table as he made her lean backwards a little. “I was with Polly. And Finn.”

He didn’t say anything, he let his touches speak for him. His lips kissed up the side of her neck, the tip of his tongue coming out to swipe along her skin every now and then as his hands moved from her knees to her inner thighs and inched closer to her core.

“Tommy…”

“If I say, listen to me, you do,” he whispered in her ear, lips brushing against the lobe before moving to kiss just below it. Her breath shivered against the skin of his cheek as she tilted her head back slightly. “If I want to keep you safe, you better let me.”

“You worry too much.” Her voice was a breath against his lips when he cradled her face in his hands. Lips brushing against lips, she could barely keep her gaze focused on his.

“And you worry too little.”

He kissed her, then. Slow and tender at first, almost innocently, before he let his tongue swipe along her lower lip, tasting the wax of her lipstick, and the kiss deepened. She tasted like whiskey and there was a hint of cigarette from when she had taken a drag from his.

“I’ll make sure you listen this time,” he murmured against the skin of her neck as his hands slid down her sides and back between her legs, fingertips gently tracing a line on her covered core.

“I won’t.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” he chuckled, pushing the table back and kneeling down in front of her.

Please, please, please, let me know how this story was. I’m new in this fandom and I’m both excited and terrified haha

Again, if you want to be tagged in my PB stuff, just let me know somehow :)

TAGS (to be added to or to be removed from any list, shoot me an ask)

Everything: @idhrenniel @saibh29 @fuckthatfeeling @aya-fay @pebblesz892  @mblaqgi

People that might be interested: @sweetvengeancee @kind-wolf @flowers-in-your-hayr