#AND THEN HES BACK AND THEYRE APART AGAIN
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z0mbiew00d · 5 months ago
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Do you ever think about Cleo knowing she’ll never amount to as big of a part of Martyn’s life as Ren and she just accepts that and decides it’s fine she doesn’t need Martyn anyway.
He abandoned her on the first day, and even if he did come looking for them he’d always choose Ren over her, over anyone.
But it’s fine! She has Scott! If she can’t be a big part of Martyn’s life then he won’t be part of hers, he abandoned them she’s just returning the favour
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luck-of-the-drawings · 2 months ago
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OOH YEAH BABY ITS THE SURGERY EPISODE BABY!!! ME AND THE HOMIES NEED SOME NEW FACES FOR OUR NEW PLAN, AND WHO BETTER TO GET THE JOB DONE THAN THE TWO MOST EVIL PEOPLE WE'VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF HAVING OUR LIVES VIOLATED BY? I MEAN IT WOULD BE FUNNY. IT WOULD BE FUNNY.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw blood#cw gore#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#vex waylin#viv waylin#MY FAVORIT EP!! HAVNT SEEN IT IN FOREVER THO BC WELL. IM BUSY. SO BEAR W ME IM RUNNIN OFF ALOTTA MEMORY FUMES#ALSO EDIT BC FUUUCK I HADMORE TAGS BUT TUMBLR FUCKEN ATE EM. OH WELL. MY DMS R OPEN IF U WANNA UNLOCK RAMBLES.#I LOVE THE WAYLIN TWINS SSSOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO!!! CURIOUS ABOUT THEM!!! WHO WERE THEY WHEN THEY WERE HUMAN? HOW LONGVE THEY BEEN ARND?#I LOVE IT WHEN PPL SAY ITS LIKE THESE TWO WERE MADE FOR MMEE BC YES!! YES!! ITS EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT FROMA CHARACTER!!!#I LOVE THEIR RED WHITE N BLACK COLOR SCHEME. I LOVE HOW THEYRE BOTH SO INTELLIGENT AND GENIUS N YET THEYRE DUMB AS FUUUUCK#COOOMICAL SUPER VILLAINS. OOH ILL GET YOU NEXT TIME SHAMIA SHAMAI!!! HOW DARE YOU FOIL MY PLAN!! MY PLANS OF MUTILATING AWAKE N ALIVE PPL#COMICAL AND YET. GENUINELY HORRIFYING. VIV CAN MAKE UR BONES EXPLODE JUST BY THINKING ABOUT IT. VEX CAN BECOME SOUP#WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT THAT MORE? THE TURNING INTO RED MEAT SLIME?? METAL AS FUUUCK. I ALSO LOVE HOW SCARED THEY GOT SO QUICKLY#THIS LIL FUCKEN RRRRRAT COMES IN. AND WELL. HES JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHERS. WE FUCK HIM UP N TOSS HIM INTO THE SUN N LET HIM BURN#SURE HE HAD ONE MORE TRICK OF REBELLION UP HIS SLEEVE BUT THE SUN HAS TAKEN HIM NOW. ITS FINE. WE'RE FINE. HEY IS THERE SMTH IN THE CEILING#OHHH WE KILLED HIM ONCE N HE CAME BACK. WE KILLED HIM AGAIN N TOOK HIM APART BUT THEN HES BACK?? HE GETS AWAY AND THEN. COMES BACK. AGAIN.#WE CANT GET RID OF HIM. THAT FOUL SHAMIA SHAMAI. A MOUSE IN OUR KITCHEN. FUUUUCK HES GONNA SPREAD DISEASE! KILL IT! KILL IT!! AAAUUGH FUCK!#I LOVE THAT THE WAYLIN TWINS AGREED TO HELP THE BLONDE TWINS MOSTLY ON THE BASIS OF 'IT WOULD BE FUNNY' BUT ALSO#OOHHH WE ARE SO CLOSE TO REACHING SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM NNEEVER FUCK WITH US AGAIN. HIS ILLUSIONS WILL HAUNT US NO LONGER#THEY WERE SSSOOO PARANOID W ALL THE CAMERAS AND BOMBING THEIR OWN LAB AND RUNNING AND RUNNING AND GETTING AWWAY FROM THIS FUCKEN! MOUSE!!!!#OHHHH I THINK IM RUNNIN OUTA ROOM so ill talk about da art real quick.BEEN WORKIN ON THIS FOR A WHIIILE.ALOTTA THESE were started when the#ep came out.so OLD!! BUT DONE!!and im very very happy w my colors n gore n EXPRESSIONS!! the top right corner comic keeps making me chuckle#I ALSO rly love the lil convo between arthur n viv.theyre SO CUTE TOGETHERR they should go ona museum date together or somethin#they need more time to just talk abt da World together.ALSO CAN I BE PETTY.I MADE ARTHUR UGLY CORRECT-STYLE#THESE BOYS KNOW NOTHING OF UGLY.I MADE THE VAMPIRIC FLESH EVOLVE N ROT N BLOSSOM AND THERE IS SQUIRMING WITHIN THE TENEBRAE#UHHH IEAH THIS GUY W A ROTTED N DISTORTED FACE WALKS INTO MY BIKE STORE IEAH IM SCREAAAMIN LIKE WADDA HELL!! MONSTOR!!!
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good-beanswrites · 7 months ago
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A drabble for an anon asking about the prisoners watching their music videos! This is focused on specifically Mikoto’s initial shock at seeing MeMe for the first time, but just know that Double comes with a whole new set of shocks as he truly listens to John for the first time ;-;
Mikoto was no criminal. 
He didn’t know how to break into locked rooms, or hack into complex prison security systems. He figured there was no way in hell he’d be able to see these so-called incriminating videos that the Warden was recording, and had resolved himself to an eternity of wondering what they could be. He was shocked when he didn’t need to do a single thing to gain access to them – Es simply adjusted the computer monitor and told him he could hit play when (and if) he wished. Then they left the room.
“A-are you sure?” he called, but they were already gone.
Mikoto blinked at the screen. It showed a stretched version of his apartment couch, near his bathroom wall, broken to reveal sky above. He thought he could spot his tarot cards at the bottom of the frame. Had Milgram broken into his home to film this? 
He scoffed, and hit play.
Distorted guitar started up. He flinched as his own face appeared for a moment – looking directly into the camera and making a wild expression he would never have made if someone was recording. His body tensed up more as he heard his own voice start to sing lyrics he’d never spoken before in his life. He wasn’t even a good singer, and here he was sounding like a professional. 
There were plenty of ways to accomplish all of this, of course. Software could mimic one’s voice, making him say anything these crazy reality hosts wanted. A team could easily add some digital effects to a stunt double and match his appearance perfectly. Knowing that didn’t make the experience any less unsettling.
He watched himself commit a nasty murder. He watched himself return home bloodied. But it was all ridiculous. How could Milgram even claim that this was him? He’d never raised a hand to anyone in his life. Were the other prisoners’ videos as outlandish as this one?
But then, a switch. 
The song shifted to a new melody. He appeared to wake up from his couch, and suddenly Mikoto got the sense that this was him.
He was struck with how familiar this new segment sounded. It simultaneously felt like a favorite song he must have played on loop not too long ago, and one that he’d never heard before. As it played, each new note and lyric felt right on the tip of his tongue. 
It ended as quickly as it began. The song returned to the heavy-metal-murder aesthetic it had started with, and once again he felt like he was watching a cheap copy of himself onscreen. He watched another murder, a shower scene (had the warden seen all that? How embarrassing…) and then he turned to his bathroom mirror.
At the same time as his musical counterpart, Mikoto leapt backwards in horror. 
His eyes remained glued to the screen. His hand flew up to grab the lower half of his face. It was fake, he told himself. AI and CGI and all that. It was fake. It had to be. 
Something deep inside of him said “no. That’s real. That’s me.”
Something else deep inside of him echoed the sentiment.
The video was less than four minutes of music, but by the end he was panting and tugging at his hair as if he’d endured hours of prison torture. He burst out of the room. He sucked in breath after breath. The melodies still played in his mind, lines repeating in his memory as he tried to put as much distance between himself and that little television screen.
He found the others in the common room. They gave him a knowing look, but somehow he knew his experience had been very different from their own. Es approached him.
They studied his expression for a moment. Thankfully, they didn’t ask anything stupid, like “how did it go?” or “what did you think?” 
Instead, they just told him, “if you ever want to watch it again, just let me know, I can get it set up for you.”
He would want to see it again. Of course, it would be better, then. He would take a moment to calm down. He’d watch it later and everything would be okay. He’d have a clearer mind. He’d pick out all the little camera tricks they used to make it. He’d be sure it was a fake, and laugh about how ridiculous he was being now. 
Of course. Of course. 
He nodded to Es, unable to produce any words. Es left him.
The rules in this prison never made any sense, but in this case, he was grateful. He wouldn’t need to figure out any snooping or hacking to get access to the video again. After all, he was no criminal.
… he wasn’t, was he?
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floralovebot · 6 months ago
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prayer circle that all the characters we haven't seen yet look good too 🙏
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princessmyriad · 8 days ago
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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tommygettingwrittenoff · 3 months ago
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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.
#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun#and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel#and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation#after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free#oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date#nah man. itll be fine#and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi#and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and#buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine#the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies#shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains#and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs#and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes#and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a#panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye#he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and#oh.
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dreamsy990 · 1 year ago
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fuck akuroku as a ship btw not only because its pedophilic because thats obviously a huge issue. but also i think we should be able to have platonic relationships with the same amount of devotion as any romance. not everyone who loves each other is in love DEREK.
#not trying to downplay the issues with it being pedophilic because thats actually a huge issue#context for my non kh moots#as of kh3 lea/axel is roughly late 20s#maybe early 30s depending on how old he was in bbs#and roxas is (physically) 14-16 (hes only been alive for a bit over a year#but also what i want to say#axel and roxas have an amazingly written relationship#theyre two of the strongest characters in the series in terms of writing honestly#their dynamic in canon is two best friends who at the end of the day just want to stay together#but due to circumstances and also a bit of axel keeping secrets shit falls apart#when you get to kh2 roxas is gone and axel will do literally ANYTHINNG to bring him back#he doesnt care about his own life or soras or anyone else who stands in his way because he is going to get his friend back#axels role as an antagonist later in kh2 comes from his devotion#he wants roxas back. he says himself he wanted to see roxas again because he made him feel as though he had a heart#in the end he gives up and dies to protect sora#and i think a lot of people take 'he made me feel like i had a heart' out of context to say its romantic#at face value its easy to interpret it that way but in context he goes on to say 'its funny... you make me feel the same' to sora#the way i interpreted it at least wasnt that he was in love but that both roxas and sora's love for others radiated onto him#if we look at days (i know. sacrelige for a kh2 discussion. fuck you) axel is constantly questioning why roxas acts like he has a heart#he straight up asks him why he does that and roxas is confused. thats just how he is#<- context for that conversation is that roxas is upset on xions behalf because saïx called her a mistake#what he means by 'having a heart' is feeling things and caring about things and there is no inherent romantic connotation#he means in the most literal sense that roxas made him care about things. we dont know what exactly that was referencing in kh2#but we can take a pretty good fucking guess#but lets look at com for a second because theres a scene talking about the other half of that line#axel goes behind everyones back to do something to help sora and naminé and after he does he is SHOCKED to realize hes enjoying it#and then he says 'you really ARE something!' about sora#at least as of kh2 what they meant was feeling emotions. roxas made axel feel as though he had emotions. he made him feel like he could feel#anyways. what im saying is axels line could be taken as something romantic but i think its more interesting than that#i dont have enough tags left to continue word vomiting sorry </3
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maximusboltaqon · 1 year ago
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speaking of maximus. i've probably made a post like this before but. the WORST part of his (and triton's!) development in uncanny and royals is that you just KNOW that the second they wanna do something with the inhumans again, all of that's going to get erased. every single part of maximus becoming sympathetic and working with the rest of his family is going to get thrown away because he's The Villain and they're going to make him The Villain. at the expense of years of set up and character building. i feel it in my heart and i dread the day
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nerosdayinanime · 1 year ago
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reminiscing about a life left behind
this is after the reunion at the bar, when Giyuu left Makomo tried to talk to him & figure out why he faked his death (then came back??) and left pretty soon after when he not so subtly brushed off her questions and vaguely apologized for disrupting things. Tengen & Kyojuro got extremely worried about him immediately ordering as many drinks he could at a time and being his usual happy-go-lucky self after Giyuu- the quietest and least confrontational person in the whole office -sent him to the floor in a fit of cold rage. They watched (and joined, though not to the same extent) as he got absolutely wasted, his suddenly saccharine attitude showing off just how much of his personality is just a performance.
Between the revelation that hes a demon slayer- a hashira just like them -and finally noticing the seam in his otherwise perfect mask, the both of them figure he's just as fucked up as they are from their job. Tengen has his own guise of extravagance, Kyojuro always being loud and proud to hide his insecurities- but Sabito was subtle about it. He was happy and playful, but not too much so like Kyojuro was- he also became a master of diverting attention from himself, they didn't know much about his personal life or hobbies- or anything outside of when they hung out or stopped by the little grocery store he worked at. Didn't know his favorite color, what genre of music he liked, what his favorite movie was- didn't know if he's ever had a partner or other friends, nothing about his school life or parents or if he had any siblings- nothing! He was a ghost of a person, like he merely popped into existence when they met him. That's probably not too far off- they didn't meet Sabito that day, they met his empty smile. Without ever realizing there was nothing behind it.
Thoroughly disconcerted by the realization and very worried about Sabito chugging alcohol like he had nothing left to live for while laughing like there was nothing wrong, they kept a close eye on him. When he starts getting quiet they force him to stop drinking and drag him back to his apartment and stay the night crashed on the couch & floor. In the morning Sabito was fucked. Absolute shit time. Had a vague feeling he shouldn't think about anything so he didn't, just fucked around with a worried Tengen & Kyojuro until they left. Continued not thinking about anything, did a bunch of chores and errands so he didn't have to think about Giyuu. Even fixed a neighbor's ac unit with the help of a youtube tutorial. As soon as the sun started setting he donned his slayer uniform and ignored painful sting in his heart at the sight of his old fox mask hanging on the wall, settling his face into the same empty smile as the default slayer mask he uses now. That night he was a beast- merciless and scathing strikes, chasing down terrified demons like he had a score to settle. Completely ignored other slayers he ran into, simply pushing past them dealing the kill and moving on.
This little routine continued for a few days- overworking himself desperately trying to keep out of his head, deflecting and straight up ignoring Tengen & Kyojuro asking about how he's doing, fleeing any of the other hashira or water-fox squad trying to ask about him and what all he's been doing the last several years, pissing off lower-level slayers he steals kills from. He works until he passes out from exhaustion, getting up and doing all it again when he wakes. A few weeks later and it catches up to him despite his attempts at running.
Giyuu hates him.
Rightfully so, he left him to burn like a coward and a fool. And did what with his time? Do nothing but make more mistakes? How many people hes lied to and let down? He's done nothing but run.
He knew it'd happen. As soon as he stopped moving he would never want to start again, as soon as he stopped running, as soon as he tripped- as soon as he hit the ground he'd never want to get up again. Years of grief stress and denial hit him all at once, he doesn't know what to do. Walls too high to see over, too deep to dig under, too thick to simply power through. No one on the other side who really needs him anyway.
Why does he even bother?
He stares at his fox mask. Hand crafted by the man he thought of as a father, who took him in and taught him to defend himself and protect others. Real good job he did of that. All he's done since he started running was hurt hurt hurt. The people he cared about and respected the most- abandoned. Everyone else left in the dust like they were nothing.
What fucking good..
...
He thinks of the better days. When he was a son, helping his mom water the plants so they'd bloom bright and vivid. When he was a brother, helping his little sister reach the top shelf for candy. When he was a student, fueled by his grief and anger with a promise not to let anyone else lose as much as he had. When he was a friend, pulling Giyuu out to see a meteor shower in their favorite clearing. When he was a boyfriend, feeding popcorn to Giyuu laying across his legs watching a movie together. ...He threw that all away and for what? So he wouldn't have to face his failures? How fucking pathetic.
He'd never have any of that again. Burned his bridges, destroyed the foundations, turned the ground to shifting sand. His head thunked against the wall behind him, why did he have to fuck everything up?
#neros art tag#vigi au#sabito#kny sabito#read After the main post- sui & hospital stuff warning in further tags:#then it gets to the part from Smokey Eyes :)#he gathers up as much shit as he can and starts chugging. he gags but gets it all down.#ties the fox mask in place to hide his shame and let him fall asleep in a peaceful dark. breathed in the sweet smell of chloroform until#he finally went out. Ten & Kyo usually at least get a 'read' even when he ignores them so they notice theres nothing. they try calling-#he doesnt pick up. not even after the 7th time when he for sure wouldve snapped at them to fuck off already. The both of them quickly head#over to his apartment thinking he finally snapped- Tengen nearly screams when he opens the door and sees the creepy stare from the mask#Kyo hurries over to his slumped form and realizes how cold he is the same time Ten notices how slow his heart's beating. full panic mode.#they rush him to the hospital where he gets revived- Kyo grabbed some of the mostly empty bottles he found and Ten tells them it most#definitely wasnt some accident or mishap. sabito blearily starts fighting back when he comes to enough and they have to strap him down so#he wont hurt himself or any staff. eventually hes stable enough for ten and kyo to come in again and theyre so thrown off by his demeanor#hes a broken man. for once his real self on full display. anguish sorrow shame and exhaustion writ into his very being. silent tears#tracking down his face. he doesnt move- doesnt really react when they walk in. the little fight he had was gone. just follows them with his#eyes. doesnt respond when they try to talk to them. he just lays there looking at them with a sadness like he expects them to leave#kyo sits next to him and comfortingly pets his head. sabito closes his eyes in defeat- fresh tears and a shakey exhale.#the two of them sit and talk at him for a while- very serious about enforcing that they deeply care about him.#'dn't..' 'dont? dont what? care about you?' 'm not good.. bad fr u...' 'tough luck man. i care about you anyway.' 'yeah!'#of course the two of them can only stay so long before they're kicked out since its late- plus they have jobs to do#tengen leaves his personal phone with sabito so he & kyo can text/call when they can- sabito's stuck at the hospital for a while tho#next day when kyo's at the office giyuu asks what him & ten left the office in such a hurry for 'uhhhh. cant say' 'why not?' 'hippa'#'..since when were you a doctor?' 'im politely ending this conversation! how has your day been so far?' '....okay'#thats it for now i think- i dont have much else after this point#glad to finally write it all down tho- 'm very bad about not doing that then forgetting#sabito does not have a good time in this au</3 no one does#everyones trying to cope with minimal therapy & the constant threat of death anyway#i need to do some more shit w the rest of the water-fox squad. flesh them out some. so far ive just been throwing concepts at a wall
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termagax · 8 months ago
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like i think to fish theyre just both people who shouldve died a long time ago and now they arent allowed to. because they need each other. and they both crave that and resent it.
#they WANT to be so important to him that he would fall apart without then AND they resent that they cant fall apart without hurting him#they were having a perfectly decent apathetic slide into eternal misery and then he had to go and ruin it with love. whatever.#like they want to be this essential part of his life because they loooove having that power over him they really really do#and theyre mean about it too. but like. they dont like that it goes both ways#they dont like being looked after or cared about because they get too used to it and they feel themselves falling in love w him again and#they run away. and eventually they come back or he comes back to them. and they tell themselves its just transactional like#they have something he needs and he has something they want#animal sir chloe style#but just like that its like. its NOT that. they need him so fucking bad and they feel better when hes around even when they hate his ass#and espeically after they start 'working' for jr with him its like. they really really love him so bad and they hate it.#these stupid assholes making them feel alive again. making them feel FEEELINGS. liek a PERSON. eugh#and i think they hate how scared they get when something happens to roadhog. theyre supposed to know better than that basically#they feel like needing him is vulnerable because it opens the door for him to hurt them again which is why they so enjoy being the one in#control + being the one who leaves#and the one who lashes out and ect ect. but they cant help themself and they hate hirself for it. so like. well the only solution is that#you shouldve killed yourself two decades ago so i couldve wasted away mad at you like i was supposed to and wed be done with it.#fishs got a case of wanting to die in such a way where they wont take any active steps to get there#but they resent being alive and they resent every minute of pain they endure by being alive. hence the very sex booze violence lifestyle#but the frustrating thing about him is that they. most of the time. like being alive with him. so they have to endure more#more pain and heartache and frustration. and they dont want to but they cant do anything else. they cant even leave again at this point#anyways. my fishy#🐟#they have every disease
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bangcakes · 9 months ago
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#the boy update is that ive calmed down significantly and am once again a Human#i'll see him when i see him. im not gonna stress anymore#hes busy working like crazy anyway and i need to get a job NDNJDDNDNDMDM#like i still really like him but i think my priorities have been Fucked NDNDJDJDJDJDJD#BUT IM BACK ON TRACK. YA.#my other friends also back from her trip so thats exciting. i missed her JDJJDDJDDDD#i just..... its gonna take me awhile to ask to hang out. im just SHY and also I HAVENT FELT LIKE SEEING ANYONE DJDJZJSKSKSKSKSKSKS#but now im better... yeah i think i just needed like to be a hermit for a bit#plus i suddenly am super busy this week like what the fuck. family AND friend things. like did everyone just Wake Up all of a sudden NDJJD#like we may even see my cousins from alberta. im like JDJDD OK???#havent seen them in like.... im gonna say 10+ years. and of course its this week that theyre here with my uncle#who ive only met like idk 3 times JDJJDKDKKDJDJD#and of those times... hes been drunk out his mind i think... 2.5/3 NDJDJD#i think hes sober now tho????#idk. we might not even see them. my moms side is really flakey 💀#but hes my moms fav brother and shes his fave sister so i hope they get to see each other NDJDJJDJDJD theyre only a year apart#its so weird bc him and my mom were so close but then like... lets just say Life and he moved away and ya zzjjdjdkdj#they had this like. super long like 4 hour talk on the phone a few minths ago and idk i think it cleared up like the last 30 years. idk man#my moms side is crazy. thats all i'll say#personal
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mxdotpng · 9 months ago
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kicking my feet as i imagine sid and rielle reacting to adaline's wonderful new bright yellow eyes after shadowbringers. now they really can't look at her without seeing someone else. how sad.
#.text#adaline rozovy#quick. wdyd when your best friend family partner guardian person thing dies and fuses his soul with another person#and they refer to themself as fray sometimes. what if they talk like they knew him - and they do. now. they probably know him#better than you did. and what if all of him and who he was slowly seeps into this new person and you are forced to#come to realize that these two are the same person now. but you cant acknowledge it. so you dont.#and then they disappear for a while. months. maybe a year. you thought they had died.#and then they come back with the same eyes your friend had.#what then. what do you do then#fray getting injured and disappearing and thought to be dead vs addie getting injured and disappearing and thought to be dead#FIGHT#imagining what sid and rielle did during that time makes me sooo. hehe. theyre not having fun#theyre training. doing small hunts. cleaning their apartment in case adaline comes back unannounced.#finally retreating to mor dhona in hopes the scions have any news on her. they dont. but they have a room full of almost corpses#and a single bed lacking a certain someone. so that is enough. and they start stopping by more and more#rielle gets a little training from the conjurers they have employed. tataru wrestles sid into doing chores for her when she cant#get ahold of estinien. he relents. it becomes routine.#months past. no sign of the warrior of light. everyone is still hopeful somehow. sid isnt.#and then she shows up slowly dying from an incurable illness with new scars and bright. bright eyes. he cant look at her anymore#and everything is normal again 👍#i think about it sometimes. like i can see them talking and not paying attention to the door and tataru is trying to get#sid to do another job or something for her while he supervises rielle doing some conjurer lessons with coultenet#and addie walks in like didnt know you employed just about anyone these days tataru. thats bad for business#as if sid is being paid more than pennies.#theyre so fun to me#npcs only i care about
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kikikillerr-blog · 4 months ago
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hate when you're reminded of something stressful right before bed and it's stuck on ur mind. like i can't do anything about that right now please let me sleep
#I still owe $6k to my shit stain of a university but I'm trying to get my housing charge waived because of all the bs#and health code violations ive dealt with#I'm abt to threaten a lawsuit for sure#mold issues that never get dealt with#maintenance requests that are never completed#lack of AC in 90 degree weather#paper thin walls that make it impossible to block out the sound of ur neighbors#and my first semester my neighbors had their tv up against the shared wall and played their tv all day and all night#had to play yt videos at night to block it out but if i woke up at 2 am i wouldnt be able to go to bed bc of the soubd#sound#so id have to queue up another video#over and over again#and despite my calls to the RA on duty nothing was ever done#also for some reason i heard every loud noise from every apartment in the vicinity directly above me#despite me living on the highest floor. like i genuinely thought ppl were hanging out on the ceiling#but bc of my autism and the nonstop onslaught of noises i genuinely was losing my mind#and i began to hate going back to my apartment#i talked to someone and she was like well u live in the apartment u have to pay for it!#like girl these apartments are forsaken by g*d#if he were real#nothing works. stains everywhere. residue on the floor and counter tops that wont scrub off. broken lights#my sink cabinet was like. stained brown and orange lmfao like it looked disgusting idk#constant water dmg bc these complexes were built in the 60s and not updated since#and theyre incredibly expensive despite living in a sketchy town in indiana#awful#college is a scam#ugh
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salmoncakepls · 6 months ago
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...🦌?
#i also find performance in the show so interesting#the ppl sometimes misinterpret is what exactly performance is rather than seeing it as this range of xyz elements that go into it that may#still have a connection to your self they see it as this black and white framing to perform is not necessarily to lie but to lie is not#necessarily to perform#like we see louis' perform over and over and over and over again in different decades in different areas of his life and part of his story#is this lack of identity itself#hes so interesting bc of the layered up part of him like you see these layers (of self and performance--which can intertwine) and you come#closer and closer to it to find something even newer yeah so#its so obvious#w/ him how he cant tell that direct lie like...in past-in modern same-same and if he happens to tell a good lie best believe he believe it#to so its not technically a lie it is his own truth your own truth does not have to be factual but the sentiments still stands ala what JA#said soo i find it interesting performing together but the performance is not a lie but an exaggeration or a replication of the love itself#i still stand by my initial sentiment when theyre away a mile apart but together they are in each other and in each other (performance-love-#falling back into it etc etc etc) i find it interesting where A stands in this#because i learn more abt him sooo i was like with him with his statement 'never harmed you' not direct i believe not direct still if we're#going by this is your truth type thing and maybe convincing himself that this is his truth then it's yeah my interpretation is still in 'the#twins' type of look into them so the mirror mirror but the awareness is different (?) IDK guys i saw their lovestory its cute then they hit#u with the underlying horrors and boy do i love getting into it i just need to learn moree 77 years so much so much time vampires is cool#random thoughts#V#i cant wait to write my video essay give me the whole show noww if i messed up on this disregard or whatever armand says#talking myself through stuff i need to rewatch the episode in full
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wlwreader · 8 months ago
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hi yall :3
#lil random update cause this is like my personal public diary#one of my lil cousins friends almost od’ed here#my youngest cousin found her blue and passed out in the snow#we went to grab her and papa (he’s a big can corso/pitbull mix) attacked her….#i was the only adult at the house at the time and i literally could not get the dog off of her it was genuinely terrifying#i thought i was going to watch her get mauled alive#he let go eventually tho! and she’s….i guess okay#she came back over for the first time since it happened#and she was high again…#AND SHE WAS LAUGHING ABOUT IT HAPPENING#me her and my youngest cousin were talking about it and i was literally shaking remembering it and shes LAUGHING#MY COUSIN FOUND YOU DIEING IN THE SNOW AND I ALMOST WATCHED YOU GET TORN APART AND YOU THINK ITS FUCKING FUNNY?????????#papa has attacked like 7 people before this incident (some of them bitten multiple times on different occasions)#so he was put down recently#its weird cause ive always called him a big ol lover boy#when i first moved in i used to wake up with him cuddled up on the bed with me#and then seeing him like That#ive seen him bite other people#but this was different#i have never felt more…useless? in my entire life#everyone just left her down there like#i dont even like their little friend and im terrible in situations like this but i had to try to help cause i was the Only one down there#to even Try to help#like im glad they all ran#theyre my cousins and theyre all like 17 i dont want them to get hurt#but like fuck i really thought she was going to die down there cause i couldnt fuckin do anything#new trauma unlocked yay! :)#boo.txt
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cigaretteparfum · 9 months ago
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my body has been in a wreck for the past few days and finally am showing up real symptoms of being sick, just mere hours before the long weekend starts. great.
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