#- havent hurt myself in 3 weeks

[gladiatorcunt]

han solo wants what atton rand has

[dragonji]

have to be honest guys its actually going Really Badly again.

[girlcrushau]

[phagodyke]

for such a supposedly major fan of the national I sure mishear a lot of their lyrics 💀

[fxggotclown]

the anxiety is all consuming

[1o1percentmilk]

bruh my hands r so sweaty all the time now i need to go to the bathroom 1000x times a day to wash them bc i can't type when they feel icky

[mrfoox]

I hate this time of the month like fuck this shit fuck it all

[inviso-bill-strikes-again]

part of me is like "wow I really must be faking this mental illness for attention" when I literally live alone and do not speak about my issues to anyone ever . bitch whose attention do you want .

[lilac-melody]

Writing angst is such a breath of fresh air for me...

[friiday-thirteenth]

.

[luvangelbreak]

Deprived | Twenty

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 matthew sturniolo x layla venita (female!oc) summary: everyone knows the story of the bad boy and the good girl but what happens when the school's most popular boy, Matthew Sturniolo, and the girl who notoriously is never there, Layla Venita, cross paths. warnings: swearing, smoking, suggestive? word count: 3.3k a/n: this series has been longer than I anticipated but I'm living for the slow burn so it's gonna be a while till we're done folks.

pov: layla

I spent the next week couped in my room, refusing to leave as I quickly smoked the bag of weed Wes had given me. Allie had messaged me in concern multiple times and I finally built up the courage to reply to her a day after her last message.

Allie <3 Monday hey girl are you okay? matt has been off all day 1:30pm Tuesday if u wanna talk im here <3 5:37pm Wednesday im getting concerned pls message me if u need anything 3:47pm

You sorry just havent been feeling good im okay just need time alone 10:21pm

Allie <3 im sorry :(10:23pm

You its okay i'll be at school tmrw 10:27pm

Allie <3 okay! see ya then <3 10:28pm

I locked my phone and threw it lazily on the bed beside me, rolling over to face the wall where my window was cracked open. I was glad my dad was out tonight, having to deal with him for over a week straight was draining and I felt like it didn't benefit my self-loathing in any way. I sighed as my mind always travelled back to the look on Matt's face, the pure hurt in his eyes that I knew I caused.

Part of me was glad he hadn't messaged or tried to talk to me. It meant that I could push him away if I wanted to. I did just that without even consciously meaning to. I got scared and made it his fault in my brain but as I continued rotting in my bed, I realised I hurt him more than I ever meant to. It wasn't his fault that I was afraid of someone being close, it wasn't his fault that I let something so small set me off. I needed to make him realise it wasn't his fault and I was just not used to the affection and accommodation he offered me daily.

I barely slept over the past week and this night was no different. My alarm went off in the early hours of the morning and I knew I had slept a total of 4 hours from the way my brain had constantly been reeling. I dragged myself out of bed and trudged into the bathroom. I took an extra long shower to attempt to rid the disgust I felt towards myself.

After scrubbing my entire body head to toe, I jumped out of the shower and walked to my room. My entire body felt heavy and I felt tears prick my eyes when I looked over to the pink sweater that was still laying over my bag. I picked it up, realising it was the only clean sweater I had since I hadn't been bothered with laundry. I quickly slid it over my head before sliding on my black sweatpants and combat boots. I slid my leather jacket over the top, not bothering with any makeup as I lazily tied my now damp hair into a low ponytail. I grabbed my bag, quickly sprayed on some perfume and grabbed my phone off of my bedside table.

I quickly exited my house without food or water in my stomach and as I began walking down the road, I decided to light one of the last few cigarettes I had pre-rolled. I grabbed my headphones from my bag, slid one into my ear and plugged them into my phone. I clicked shuffle on one of my playlists and I let my feet drag on the asphalt as I slowly made my way down the streets of Massachusetts.

After an hour, I finally arrived in the parking lot of the school and I scanned the cars, my eyes landing where I saw the familiar silver minivan. I paused, letting out a heavy breath as I collected myself and began walking to the group of people in front of the car.

Nate was the first to notice me and he just looked at me with no expression before he turned back to the group. As I got closer I noticed the fact that Mia was standing beside Matt with her head leaned on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her back lazily and I felt a pang of pure jealousy run through me. I tried to shake it off as I got closer, knowing I had no right to be mad about it right now since I was the one who caused the riff between the brown-haired boy and myself.

"Speak of the devil," I heard Nick say when his eyes caught mine and I was a few feet away, standing uncomfortably as I looked between all of them. All of their heads turned to look at me, Allie being the only one who didn't seem like they were looking right through me.

"Matt, can I talk to you?" I asked quietly as I didn't dare to meet his eyes yet and there was an uncomfortable silence that fell over us, "Please."

"About what?" he asked, his tone short and I looked up to see his face completely expressionless but his eyes held such hurt and aggravation that it felt like it cut right through me.

"Last week," I mumbled, ignoring the pain in my chest of seeing Mia looking at me with a slight smirk. I focused in on the boy I had hurt, his blue eyes piercing in the sunlight.

"Now?" he questioned, not taking his eyes off of me and I just looked at him, the judgement of his friends radiating off of them. He sighed heavily before swinging his arm out from around Mia and I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders but there was still a pressure on my chest, "I'll be back."

I looked at the ground as he pushed away from the hood of the minivan and he walked past me. I followed behind him, not daring to look back at his friends as we walked to the back of the parking lot before he stopped to face me.

He didn't say anything for a moment as I looked up at him and he scanned me head to toe before murmuring, "That's my sweater."

"Yeah. I left it on my bag all week but I didn't have any clean hoodies for today," I explained and he hummed as I picked at the skin around my fingers, my nails too short to bite now that I had been picking at them all week. I nervously chewed on my lip before I said, "I'm sorry."

"It took you a week to say that?" he asked, his voice quiet but his words laced with pain.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I know I reacted to what you said horribly but I just-" I cut myself off as I took a breath and looked down at the gravel below us, "I haven't had anyone take care of me the way you do. It scares me. I'm sorry."

I squeezed my eyes closed, chewing on my bottom lip far more aggressively than I intended but my heart raced as I waited for his response. I felt his hand fall under my chin and he lifted my face to look up at him, noticing now that he was slightly closer to me. He used his thumb to gently pull my lip away from my teeth as I fidgeted with the hem of the pink sweater.

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" he asked, his tone softening as he looked down at me and I shrugged dumbly.

"I am bad at talking about that sorta stuff," I answered quietly, my throat closing from the sadness that invaded my body as I looked up at him. I had no right to be upset right now, I was the one who fucked up and made this so difficult, but I felt guilt invade my entire body when I realised I didn't want to push him away. It was habit and I was always bad at breaking them.

"Don't do that again," he demanded softly and I pursed my lips as I pushed my sadness down the best I could as tears sprung to my eyes, "Or I swear to god I won't talk to you again and I don't want to stop talking to you. Ever."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you away. I just don't know how to deal with everything I'm feeling and I know it's shitty but I promise I'm trying. I have no right to be sad right now because this is my fault but I feel so horrible for making you upset. You deserve so much more than that and if I can't give that to you I understand if you don't want me to be around anymore," I rambled out all of my feelings and conflicting voices in my head but I was cut off by his lips on mine.

I paused for a moment to register what was happening before my body melted into his, his arms wrapping around my lower back as I snaked my arms around his neck. I pulled him into me, missing the way his body felt against my own more than I anticipated. It felt like a breath of fresh air after being stuck in my room for the past week with smoke-filled lungs. He gripped my hips, pulling me impossibly closer to him as I tangled my hands in his hair before he pulled away to breathe for a moment.

"You're an idiot," he mumbled before he leaned back in to kiss me gently again.

"I know," I mumbled against his lips and he ran his tongue against my rough lips, the sting of his saliva hitting the open splits on my lips from chewing them. I hissed and pulled away as he looked down at me.

"You need to stop biting your lip," he muttered as his eyes travelled all around my face, "And stop picking your nails. You're not gonna have any left soon."

"I've been stressed the past week. I can't help it," I whispered as I looked up at him in awe. I had forgotten the pure oxytocin that ran through my system when I was with him and I refused to let it go again.

"Pretty girl," he gave me a sympathetic look and I shook my head as I pulled away from his face slightly, my arms still slung over his shoulders.

"Don't feel bad. This was my doing and I will make it up to you," I answered sternly and his face broke into a small smile. I sighed, the weight being lifted off of my chest now and my body tingled with joy.

"All I'm asking is that you talk to me next time," he whispered, leaning down to place a peck on my lips and I let it linger before I pulled back and nodded.

"I will try," I scratched the nape of his neck lightly and he bit his bottom lip as my face dropped, "Don't look at me like that before we have to go inside. I'll drive us back to your house right now."

"I don't see you for a week and you're ready to jump my bones already," he chuckled and I raised my eyebrows.

"How else can I make it up to you, ya know?" I joked as let my mouth form into a smirk and he shook his head as he pursed his lips, "Does this mean I can come to your game this week?"

"Of course baby," he smiled down at me and I felt the butterflies erupt in my stomach again, promising not only him but myself to never let myself ruin this again.

"By the way," I let my right hand trail from his neck to his chest, playing with the necklace that sat comfortably on his collarbones, "Allie's brother was just dropping me home. He tried to flirt with me but I shut it down. I wasn't lying about that."

"I know. I overreacted. I'm sorry about that," he said softly and I shook my head, twiddling the pendant between my fingers as I looked up at him.

"I know how it looked. I would've been just as upset. You don't need to apologise for it," I mumbled, trying hard to convey my feelings as best I could to which he didn't respond verbally. He instead placed another kiss against my lips and smiled against me as he squeezed my hips.

"Matt!" I heard Chris's voice call from only a few feet away and we both broke apart to look over at him, "You guys done? We gotta go to class."

"I forgot about that," I joked and Chris just gave me a deadpanned look as Matt chuckled.

"We'll be there in a sec," he called to his brother who just rolled his eyes and spun around to walk back to his friends, "They're more pissed at you than I was."

"I can tell," I mumbled as I watched their eyes pour directly into me, "Allie messaged me though."

"She was the only one defending you," he told me honestly and I hummed as I looked back up to him, "I'll talk to them."

"Don't sugarcoat it. You can tell them I'm a dumbass who doesn't know how to deal with her emotions," I stated and he shook his head with a smile, placing a kiss on the top of my head before swinging his arm over my shoulders.

"Come on," he said nodding towards the group and I hesitantly began walking with him by my side. Their eyes stayed glued to us as we approached and Mia gave me nothing but a scowl with her arms crossed, "Chill out. We talked about it."

"That didn't seem like talking," Mia spat and I remained silent, letting Matt handle the situation as I looked at Allie who gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Don't Mia," Matt deadpanned and she only scoffed with a roll of her eyes, "We talked about it and I don't wanna hear it."

"Only took you a week," Nate raised his eyebrows as he spoke and he looked at me. I pursed my lips while glancing between them.

"At least it happened," Matt retorted before the bell rang and he sighed, "We'll talk about it later. Let's go."

He began walking with his arm around my shoulder still and I followed suit, Chris moving to stand on the other side of Matt as everyone else followed behind. We made our way to our classes and once we sat down, a weight fell back on my chest.

Not only did I have to make it up to Matt, I had to win back his brothers and his friends.

+++

Pretty boy where did u go?? 12:23pm

You 🚬 be there in a minute 12:24pm

I locked my phone, sliding it into my pocket as I finished off my cigarette, throwing it onto the ground before I wedged it into the ground with my boot. I made my way back inside and straight to the cafeteria where I saw the group of friends sitting together.

"Hey," Allie beamed as she scooted closer to Mia to make space between her and Matt for me to sit. I smiled at her as I swung my legs over the bench and sat down. Matt placed his arm around my lower back as he continued his conversation with Nick.

"I don't want to wear a tie. That's why I got the red shirt," Matt groaned and Nick gave him a deadpanned look.

"It's prom. You're supposed to look fancy with a tie," Nick stated and Matt ran a hand across his face.

"We're all wearing a tie. Don't be a bitch," Nate pointed out and I tuned them out as Allie tapped my shoulder to gain my attention.

"You okay?" she asked quietly and I nodded with a hum.

"Yeah. Thank you for checking on me," I answered in a hushed tone and she shrugged with her sunshine smile that warmed my heart to know she wasn't annoyed with me.

"Of course. That's what friends are for," she said casually before she turned back to listen to the group conversation. I let her words hang over my head like a cloud.

That's what friends are for.

I don't remember the last time I had a genuine friend and her simple words struck me right in my heart. She had always been kind to me and from the moment we talked, she had been such a light in my life. I realised I not only wanted to share my emotions and feelings with Matt but also with Allie to show her that I appreciated her.

I wanted to be better for both of them.

"How long do we have to stay there?" Chris whined as he threw his head onto the table dramatically and Allie rolled her eyes.

"You're acting like you're being held hostage. If you don't wanna go it's fine," Allie responded, her tone quietening at the end and I could sense the slight sadness at Chris's distaste for prom.

"Al, I told you I'm going and I'll stick to that. I just don't wanna be there for five hours," he lifted his head up to look at her and she shrugged, eyes glancing at the table.

"We can leave early and go back to my house," she offered and Chris's mouth broke into a smile as he nodded.

"Works for me," he said triumphantly before sitting up again, resting his elbows on the table in front of him.

"How are we getting there?" Mia asked, looking around at the group and I just sat there in silence, deciding to go along with whatever plan I knew Allie had already set up.

"Meet up at my house at five thirty so we can take photos and make sure we have everything and then we will leave at like six-thirty to get to the hotel," Allie explained the plan and everyone seemed to hum along in agreement. I felt Matt's arm snake further around my back as he scooted closer to me.

"How are we getting there?" Nick asked and Allie smiled as she adjusted her ponytail.

"I got us a limo," she announced happily and Mia showed her first sign of happiness of the day as she squealed excitedly, "You guys won't drink right?"

Matt and his brothers shook their heads with a firm no and Allie turned to look at me and I shrugged, "Depends on what it is."

"Bottle of champagne in the limo?" Mia asked Allie and Allie nodded causing Mia's smile to widen.

"You're dad won't arrest us if we drink?" Nate asked, the half-hearted joke not landing well with Mia as she rolled her eyes.

"Not if he doesn't know," she pointed out with a slight smirk and Nate raised his eyebrows before nodding in agreement.

"Did you find a dress?" Nate asked, turning his attention to me as he attempted to make conversation. I assumed that in the time I'd been in my other classes and was outside Matt had talked to Nate, Chris and Nick since they weren't glaring at me anymore but they still felt slightly standoffish.

"No. I'm just gonna make my own," I explained and he nodded, his smile in a downturned smile.

"Mad impressive that you can do that," he complimented me and I gave him a half-hearted smile as Matt traced circles on my hip with his thumb.

"Thanks. I just hope I can finish it in time," I explained and I could sense Mia's disgust towards me radiating off of her but I was learning to tune her out like I had always done before Matt came into my life.

Suddenly the bell rang for our next classes and everyone began getting up. I stood up from the table before Matt spun me around and kissed my lips gently. I froze for a moment, shocked at the fact he did that in the middle of the cafeteria but I quickly reciprocated the action before he pulled away.

"See you after school pretty girl," he smirked at me before he walked away and I stood still for a moment as I watched him walk away with Nick, Chris, Nate and Mia.

"You guys are so fucking cute it makes me want to throw up," Allie rolled her eyes playfully beside me and I looked around to see people staring at me once again. I pursed my lips, my cheeks tinging red as I hid a smile and shook my head before I began walking out of the cafeteria.

tags:

@dsturniolo @chrisstankyleg @lov3bug @pinklittleflower @thatcrazybitch-69 @trinity2058 @alorsxsturn @chrizznmetswife @ilovechrissturniolo1 @leprechaunbirthdaygirl @sturnfix @lilsstvrn @sturniololol @sturniolowhore @jebbie-project-blog @jaxyy219

[pencildragons]

ty for tagging me tessa @clayvedevs !!!!!!!!!

1. Do you make your bed?

NO. making the bed is evil and also too hard

2. Favourite number?

uhhh UHHHH 12 ? 12 is a good number i liked being twelve. 67 is also a good number !!

3. What's your job?

divine prophet of The Bog (extremely unemployed)

4. If you could go back to school, would you?

yes !!!! i lovee school i lovee learning & my hs? extremely chill

5. Can you parallel park?

yes fire emoji fire emoji fire emoji

6. Do you think aliens are real?

I feel like the possibility that there AREN'T aliens is extraordinarily low, even if they haven't evolved yet or would be completely unrecognisable as a form of life to us. the universe is still comparatively so so young so i feel the chances that at some point in the next quadzillion years that the circumstances of earth won't be replicated at least in part is hugely unlikely

7. Can you drive a manual car?

technically? i learnt to drive in a manual ute that is ABSOLUTELY not roadworthy but i did not get a manual licence :( sort of regret that but im sure if i got back in a manual i could do it again. probably

8. Guilty pleasure?

thinking in depth and forever abt my girl in middle earth oc hobbit fic that i havent properly written since like 2021. she means the WORLD to me i could make it sooo good if i just got over the evil puritans in my head telling me it is cringe

9. Tattoos?

soon!!! one day!!!! trust and believe!!!!!!!

10. Favourite colour?

loveeeeee yellow i love yellow so much soo much. unfortunately i am ginger.

11. Favourite type of music?

idk if i have a favourite TYPE of music persay? but ive sort of been bouncing between a mix of folk rock and Silly Power Metal and i will hit up the odd soundtrack also. wait actually this is untrue i am, embarrassingly, really into hyperpop (UNDERSCORES I LOVE YOU)

12. Do you like puzzles?

yeah! they're kind of evil and i am not great at pattern recognition and they hurt my back. but also v satisfying to do

13. Any phobias?

ants i fucking hate ants i HATE them (i stood in a bullant nest when i was 2) + also maybe thalassophobia? idk though that may have also been cured by the time i played 130 hours of subnautica in a week in december

14. Favourite childhood sport?

touch footie!!! i was very good at it lowk and i miss playing it terribly

15. Do you talk to yourself?

LMAO YEAH. when im thinking about writing especially. or doing literally anything. i will talk to myself

16. Tea or coffee?

TEA I LOVE TEA I LOVE TEA SO MUCH. i cannot drink coffee because The Side Effects + caffeine does not seem to have the intended effect on me, so i don't really drink caffeinated tea that much either? i absolutely LOVE rooibos with honey in it though one million out of ten

17. First thing you wanted to be when growing up?

i wanted to be a scientist because i was under the impression that scientists blew things up and that it was exclusively their job to do that. i still want to be a scientist tbh but for different reasons

18. What movies do you adore?

im so normal and regular and fine about the hobbit extended edition trilogy. so normal. no but fr i love unexpected journey i have watched it more than twenty times total and. five times in the last week and a bit LOL

Tagging:

@sithfox @hastalavistabyebye @patchmates @rockcattomato and anyone else who would like to !!!!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for letting out our* indoor cat?

i (24 they/them) live with my mother (51 she/her) and my sister (29 she/her), altho both of us have moved out and lived on our own, but moved back into our childhood home due to economic/health stuff, mostly caused by the pandemic

during the time living on her own, my sister has gotten a dog and two cats. while we all love them and take care of them, i would be lying if my mother and i didn't expect her to, and be annoyed when she isn't, be their primary caretaker

both my sister and myself are against outdoor cats. i dont think its safe for the cat or the local ecosystem, and she agrees. one cat however does not care for our opinons, and tries to escape by any means, having learned to open doors, both with normal handles, and the garden ones, and we had to start locking everything up even when people are at home. due to his tenacity, he is always wearing a collar now, has been microchipped, and is up to date on all outdoor cat vaccinations just in case he does slip away

before you say we should take him on walks — we tried but he starts thrashing so violently in his harness he breaks out of it and runs off. trying to tire him out at home hasn't really been working, cuz he just doesn't want to play with us in the limited space — he likes getting chased

the issue is. i have migraines that have gotten much worse over the past year. i finally started medication about two weeks ago, but apparently it will only start showing any results after 2-3 months

one of the ways the cat tries to get us to let him out is by screaming bloody murder. i think you can guess where this is going

i asked my sister to take him to her room, and she has, but 1) we share a wall so it was still painful, and 2) she works from home, and after about 20 minutes she threw him out and said that sorry, but she just cant have him there. her door locks. mine doesnt. so even if i close the door he will open them and stand by my bed meowing as loud as he can

i was having a bad one. i-have-broken-a-bone-and-this-is-worse bad one. extreme photosensitivity and double vision, sounds hurting, nausea. honestly looking back at it, i probably shouldve called emergency services it was that bad. but i obviously havent been thinking clearly, and all i wanted was for the sound to STOP. so i let him out and went back to being miserable in a dark room

usually when he slips out, we tell my sister immediately, but i didn't. i guess she assumed he gave up. she found out when he showed up at her window couple of hours later

my sister is obviously majorly pissed at me. mam grew up with barncats, so she thinks cats should be allowed to come and go, but since its my sisters cat, she respects him being indoors — but shes annoyed by the racket, and thinks that its on my sister to find a solution, and being mad at me for this is her own problem. i feel really bad bc i really do think that letting hinm out like this is dangerous for him, but i genuinely felt like my head was going to explode

What are these acronyms?

[kaiserkisser]

youre gonna hear it anyways actually i override your choice☺️🙏

ok first. let me set the scene. finals are all next week. this is my last week to do any schoolwork. ive been busting ass like its NOBODYS business to get my 25 page thesis in on time with reliable information and atleast some quality of writing. i have been fending off full body sciaticas and flare ups since last monday. my health is reaching near rock bottom like it always does in december.

now picture this. youre me, sitting in my bed at 8pm yesterday. i just finished farming for wriothesley when i get a text message from my thesis partner that she didnt complete anything and is backing out of her end of the project because the topic is too difficult (its on architectural and historical relevance like. think renaissance shit its very hard to explain but i get it and thats all that matters). i stare at my phone in disbelief. she had half the workload. that leaves exactly 40 hours to get this entire show on the road ALL BY MYSELF. i begin to tweak out

so i have two options at this point

one - i am running on 3 hours of sleep. i can feel my muscles start to seize whenever i stand up. its getting close to the end for me. i do nothing about this and turn the thesis in as is and face embarrassment infront of 75 of my peers

two - i am running on 3 hours of sleep however i conveniently just purchased a case of celsius all for myself yesterday and i have no shame in cracking two open this fine evening. i finish the research in one day and assemble the next, leaving around 10 hours of free time if done correctly

three - cry

i chose option two. duh. so 7am approaches the next day (this morning) and i realize i feel asleep at my desk. MAJOR mood killer as my laptop also died and and i need to charge it before manically speeding off to class before getting my ass whooped by the truant department because ive been tardy EVERY DAY THIS WEEK for reasons unbeknownst to me. i freak out

i get up from my desk. my entire right leg crumples. i feel my hip dislocate. i panic. i shove myself against the wall and hammer a gnarly bruise into my opposite side to knock it back into place. at this point im on the verge of tears and im like shit how am i supposed to drive i need my cane and my leg is so unsupported. i panic AGAIN tripping over myself to grab onto my cane and my desk at the same time and hobble off into my kitchen to discover that its not actually 7am, its 8am. the very conveniently placed analog clock on my desk has never adjusted to daylight savings and is therefore an hour behind. im so unbelievably cooked

at this point its between me going sent straight to the deans for truancy or staying home and giving myself work time. i choose work time

i plop right back down into my little chair and dont leave until it is quite literally dinnertime. its 8pm. i am just now realizing i have spent 12 hours straight at my desk. this is going to be the end of me

i stand up AGAIN this time with the help of my cane and realize my phone was in do not disturb for everyone but dear cherry so i didnt see the bajillion missed calls from my friend saying shes bringing goodies for me. great. i dont even know where she is

she shows up at my door and i look like a hot MESS let me tell you. havent slept in nearly two days. my hair is in disarray because i couldnt be bothered to take it out of the clip from the night before so its half falling out. im wearing a tshirt that says “wait im goated” with a cat on it. truly my most presentable

i open the door for my dear friend and i get showered with insults on how i am literally viktor arcane because of my walking cane. i shrivel up, take the goodies, go back inside and FUCKING TRIP AGAINNNNNNN this time on my GODDAMN CAT so now i feel bad because its like great. i didnt mean to hurt my baby. but i am now immobile on the floor.

i start losing my mind because all work-mode noah could think about was food now. i go to the kitchen. my brother is in there with my dad and they are making grilled cheese sandwiches. i tell them about the day ive had and how if i manage my time wisely i can actually sleep a full 8 hours tomorrow. the world starts to rejoice

my dad gives me a grilled cheese. one thing turns to another and i end up eating a whopping FIVE grilled cheese sandwiches. im ravenous. i start telling my brother about the thesis issue and how my partner backed out two days before the whole thing was due. this thing has been my pride and joy since september. my brother looks me dead in the eyes and goes

“didn’t think i’d be living with kaveh in the flesh, but here we are”

i lose my mind. i realize hes right. the hyperfocus. sleeping at my desk. my goddamn outfit. its all adding up

i somehow managed to embody kaveh for the past 36 hours and i didnt realize until i was way too delirious and sleep deprived to even care if i ate. to say i was shocked was an understatement

so now i sit in my bed contemplating if the thesis is even worth it. (im about to go work on it until tomorrow night. please save me. i didnt think thered be this much work)

anyway. thats my week in a nutshell. i hope this brought you a chortle or two🙁✋

LMAO i approve keep rambling i love it 😹👍

why did that remind me of that one line - let me just, set the scene- from disaster by conan gray lmaooo

oooffff that sucks bro same 😭😭 except my exams r going on rn and oh god 😭 DUDE????? FYM 25 PAGE THESIS. IS THIS WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME IN A YEAR WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL. BRO RN IN SCHOOL WE WRITE 400 WORD ESSAY AND SOMEHOW PEOPLE STRUGGLE WITH THAT WHAT R THEY GONNA DO IN UR PLACE LMAO and bro oh my gosh please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD take care of yourself!!!?!?!?! urghhhh i hope u get better soon bc wtf 😭😭

ngl if my thesis partner did that i would show up at her house to kill her /j

12 hours straight at your desk. my dude. are you serious. are your fr. i can literally see why you kin kaveh. go and REST!!!!!! OR ELSE YOULL LITERALLY COLLAPSE AGAIN

indeed that is so absolutely presentable!!!!! NO NOT THE CATTTTT NOOOOOO give the cat hugs from me :((((

IM REJOICING TOO IMMA CHECM UP ON YOU TO MAKE SURE YOU SLEEP 8 HOURS THAT IS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL ‼️‼️‼️‼️i literally agree with your brother sm whatt atp i literally think of you and sometimes go kaveh and go wait no your name is noah not kaveh /silly

is it worth your health ⁉️ and my dude thats one FREAKING HELL of a week- TAKE BREAKS TODAY AND TOMORROW. EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO WORK, TAKE SOME BREAKS. BETWEEN WORK. DO. NOT. WORK CONTINUOUSLY FOR HOURS AGAIN. ITS NOT GOOD FOR YOU. ill be watching you. /j 🫤 you darn better take care of yourself. ☹️☹️

[boxheadpaint]

good: have been drawing a lot in my sketchbook lately, mostly with pencil. do you know how awesome it is to have a sharpener on hand immediately too. making smooth gem-ish shading is very fun and time consuming too, so its a nice way to distract myself. i need to get back into my pixel projects as well- i forgot that aseprite is still technically a steam game so my friend asked me why i have 6000 hours in it (i keep basically all art programs open to have them on hand fast). i want to get watercolor markers or something to make funny things more. i used to draw a lot back in school of course because it was easier than doing the actual work i guess- now i have some block about drawing traditionally where i forget it for a long while and also need to be in a very specific spot for it to be enjoyable (in this case thecorner of the living room couch). ill figure out how to use the scanner by myself at some point

bad: toenail is starting to hurt again, swelling, had a rough time yesterday with my heart blasting in spite of Actually No Anxiety for once and not even having a huge meals, just snacking until dinner (by which point i had weakened considerably but even before that when i had eaten it was like techno in there.) i still have yet to get the long ecg or whatever it is, though i do have a random app with the doctor on the 27th so maybe i can ask for a referral that isnt over an hour away from where i live. the gums of a tooth in the back of my mouth was hurting for a while but seems fine now, wasnt sure what i was gonna do about that so thats good. can go back to brushing normal now. still havent gotten lab orders.

the cats were grooming eachother on the couch a second ago and now theyre getting feisty and bitey and silly so i cant really stay depressed. dreams have been weirdly vivid as of late for better and for worse, even just during naps. makes it even more exhausting. for the past 3 weeks or so ive had a consistent thought whenever ive been stressed of "i need to go curl up in a dirt hole somewhere else", which while not good isnt the worst thing to think at least

2/20/2024, you can type a lot more with an actual keyboard

[tomboyyyaoi]

things in episode 4 im gnna think about for a while (as usual spoilers for new fans and those who havent read the manga!)

the way vash looks at wolfwood/"i can see it in his eyes" wow that was so good

vash being so eepy. his snoring is so cute i want to wrap him up

wolfwood being a shitty priest n charging vash and meryl $$20,000 for a shitty makeshift service

wolfwood and meryl bickering, she hates his ass and he finds it so fucking funny

the fact its setting up for a really painful betrayal... its gnna sting so bad.. i can feel it. what if vash kills wolfwood instead of legato in this one holy fuck i would kill myself that would hurt so much

meryl being proud of vash for eating in the end, him repeating wolfwoods words then looking at him all smug my mashwood agenda is so real

roberto using a derringer...... the death flags are at full mast today theyr totally gnna fridge him for meryl development i can smell it

roberto being just really good. im liking him more n more every ep

everyone besides vash is joining the bully meryl club (but she can hold her own its ok, go off u angry lil chihuahua woman)

zazies voice and design are so fucking cool i love their bug mask. epic.

lots of fantastic Vash Noises this ep (snoring, screaming, sneezing, yelping, the lil grunt while he eats, his voice getting really deep for the "$$20,000?????" line was funny)

meryl fucking HATING the worms

the punisher. just in general. shit made me horny

the setup for wolfwood. zazie teasing him about what vash said. oh my god. i love this angle, he felt more dubious/mysterious but in stampede theyr SO clear hes working w the gung ho guns. i really like it actually, a lot of potential for them tearing out my heart n feeding it 2 me, looking forward 2 it

what the FUCK is going on w the "gate" and what conrad was saying? "hes more human than anyone" ???? HELLO "then we'll just have to rip it out" HHHGG what the fuck is going on w the plant abilities n powers in this i need to know more

sorry my mash brain really liked vash saying meryls name. the manga has conditioned me into seeing that as a big deal even if its clearly not in stampede. idc.

meryl and vash just continuing to be. So fucking Cute. not even many vashmeryl moments this ep just vash being cute and meryl being cute. im putting them in my i love you blender

VASH HADNT EATEN FOR 3 DAYS FROM GUILT. oh my god. hes so sad.

im gnna stop here b4 i go insane but yea come back next week for the same shit (me going fucking mental)