#i dont like food!!!! i dont like food and thinking about it makes me sick. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

inviso-bill-strikes-again · 4 months ago

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part of me is like "wow I really must be faking this mental illness for attention" when I literally live alone and do not speak about my issues to anyone ever . bitch whose attention do you want .

#“idk if i have a personality disorder” << girl who has not felt like a real person all day #and purposefully tries to “fake it” back to “normal” and cannot.#yeah im not cam actually i domt want to be cam.#i know things about jrwi and the ocean and can draw without getting super exhausted and like the taste of food .#tried 2 do. mac things. to convicne myself we are not actually a system and i am actually just mac being stupid and dramatic.#we have 3 asks abt jrwi on main. started typing something and could not remember any of the characters names.#started watching an ocean documentary. got bored as fuck and turned it off.#have had csp open ALL DAY and have not finished a sinlge drawing.#ughhhhhghhhh. im wasting our weekend by sitting on the couch not being productive. zac and mac are gonna be so mad at meeeeeeee #i havent had the . medical anxiety in a while either but every little ache and pain and whatever im like ah fuck okay we're dying #we may have . arthritis. i dont know . joints have been consistently hurting for like a week now .#i also have not eaten since . 11am which is probably why we feel like garbage rn but #i dont like food!!!! i dont like food and thinking about it makes me sick.#i dont want to be hereeeeeee. i had to be here for two whole days of work this week . its someone elses turn.#🪞#UGHGHH

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 months ago

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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?

*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)

*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)

(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )

(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)

#polls #tumblr polls #I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup #the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli #section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff #so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just #blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most #neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol #I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me #but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T #I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee #person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times #But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol #And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly #When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one #sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it #Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something #Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and #coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single #coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to #have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus #make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as #possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get #to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol

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lokh · 23 days ago

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every day im reminded that though my parents may have wanted a dog they clearly did not want to take care of a dog

#and i KNEW this which was why i insisted on not getting dogs though they keep trying to gaslight me #into thinking that i agreed on the dogs. i didnt and i wish id railed against it harder #because ill be honest i knew i didnt want to take care of a dog i wasnt in the headspace #but i also knew that if they got the dog that the actual caring duties would be foisted off to me #and the things that They would have to do ie go to the vet nd pay the bills etc theyd complain about and avoid #and thats one thjng. but oh my fucking god. my dad specifically #its like hes trying to get these dogs to die. we have several plants in the backyard #bad for dogs. i point them out. i have pointed them out Several times.#theyre his plants the gardens his thats none of my things. he just goes oh they wont get into them #THEYRE DOGS. but he doesnt want to move his fucking plants #one of the dogs is on medicine but has a habit of not eating his food in the morning #which means if u leave his medicine in hjs bowl the other dog might eat it #one solution is to give him the tablet straight. because hes good about eating it #he doesnt want to because 'thats gross'. Are you five fucking years old #the dog doesnt like the texture of dry food so another solution is to wet it #dad wont do that either because 'hes too spoiled' and 'it takes time' ONE MINUTE?????????#like i have to assume this is some kind of ploy to make me do it instead when i dont wake up that early #because if its not then hes truly just incompetent or doesnt care about the dogs #which brings me back to WHY DID YOU GET THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.#im sick of having to worry about them when he just does shit like this its wasting my time and its wasting money #but ohhhh we dont want to give the dogs away theyre part of the family 🥺#CLEARLY. because apparently u wanted kids but didnt want to take care of them either!!#im pissed off!!! im tired!!!!!!!!#i need to know im not going batshit here for being pissed off!!!!!#the dogs are getting back to back problems and at least some of it would have been mitigated by oh.#i dont know. the bare minimum?????#at least if the plants had been taken care of i wouldnt have to wonder if theyd just gotten into them #or if its an actual problem like a mass or bite. but no now i dont know #and at this rate were going to waste money going to the vet every fucking week

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sundial-bee-scribbles · 4 months ago

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youtube

hai guys :3

#my video lol #my audio lol #vocaloid cover #synthv cover #synthesizer v cover #genbu #genbu synthv #evil food eater conchita #i am forcing everyone to look at this. look at my guy ehehehhkjnjkhgmlb AFTER TWO WHOLE ASS YEARS FINALLY #i couldve probably put more effort into this but ITS BEEN IN HERE FOR 2 YEARS i wanna be done w/ it already 😭#so regardless if it kinda sucks a little bit; its wayyy better than the covers i made like ~4? years ago when i was first starting out #was the iku drawing i posted before this foreshadowing?? not necessarily but its rly funny to think abt in hindsight #also rip genbu in a dress that i was gonna draw for this originally 😔✌️ i'd really love to draw more stuff for these covers i make #but it usually never comes out the way i want it to and i figure editing some sorta visualizer like this is better #than keeping some things trapped in my files for so long purely bc my extra ass wants a cool pv. some day maybe but not now #some sick fuck unsubscribed from me after i posted this BYE BITCH i dont miss you at all. live laugh love genbu in this house /j #im not the most obnoxious genbu stan i'd say but you WILL respect him in my house i do not tolerate genbu slander i love that man your hono #yes im extremely based bc he (and eleanor) were THE very first vsynths i ever actually fucked around w/ programwise #but WHATEVER!! idc he is so dear to me i do not regret buying his full version at all (it was impulsive)#the only synth i'd actually consider myself kinda good at tuning LMAO ik people hate how he sounds and have issues w/ him but not me...#these tags are too long girl stfu. anyways tldr; look at silly thang i made w/ my silly man #i love genbu and i love songs about cannibalism <3 #Youtube

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undistortedworld · 5 months ago

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i think if i go to work today i may actually explode or turn into a puddle of mush or some other sort of physical manifestation of a mental breakdown

#i mean i will still go it wouldnt be fair on my coworkers #but fucking hell i dont want toooooo #so anxious!!!! and for what!!!!!#did maybe have a little cry at work yesterday and yet that apparently wasnt enough to get it out of my system #i hate customers can they go die please #sick of being humiliated constantly!!!! all my life ive felt constantly humiliated!!!! humiliated as a child continue to be humiliated by my #disabilities and body malfunctioning as an adult!!!! and now humiliated everyday by rich middle class customers who think they are better #than me and that anyone who works in fast food must be stupid!!!!! which is not true!!!!! but even if it was thats no reason to look down #on someone!!!!!!#hateeee that i feel like i as a person am being sold as a product too hate that i have to have a name badge and be perceived want to hide #under my covers in my flat and only think about a-yao forever #how a-yao put up with constant and worse humiliation for so long is actually insane #<-linking everything back to ayao to make me feel better lol

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shittygothbitch · 2 months ago

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Okay

#i think i know part of whats bothering me about it #so like. my ex Knows Knows that i Can Not accept food from others #idrk why thats the case but #accepting food as a gift makes me feel sick to my stomach #and especially from my ex's friend like #he should have told them not to #and like maybe he did and they just didnt listen and bulldozed thru it cause thats the type of person that they are #which is a big thing about them that i dont like #but idk #i think I'm overthinking this #I'm stressed #I'm So Fucking Stressed

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princessmyriad · 14 days ago

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#personal #it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog #or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on #that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares #to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems #but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago #and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that #thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna #which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be #the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat #im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better #ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything #my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill #i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone #when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite #i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about #is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for #hours. a whole days worth of hours almost #my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room #in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now #all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help #the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again #lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time #like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of #would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles #24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave #or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people #but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able #to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave #anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time

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piplupod · 9 months ago

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mother: "theres this great job where you'd be on-call to come in!"

me: "ahhh i don't really want to be on-call, that would stress me out a lot because I'd always be on edge,,"

mother: "no you wouldn't, you could make it your thing!"

me: "...my thing?"

mother: "being on call! it'd be great! :)"

me: "i would probably be crying like... a lot ahaha. because I would always be on edge never knowing when to expect having to go into work, yknow?"

mother: "nooo, you could just make it a thing!"

me: "sorry, what do you mean by thing?"

AND I NEVER FOUND OUT !!

#i feel very ill fdsjkl tonight was ... not good #not the worst definitely not the worst #just. a lot of diet talk and making fun of other ppl that she expected us to all laugh at (and we did. idk if they found it funny.)#and brother labelling some influencer having rape charges against him just ''internet drama''#number one: i dont want to hear about that. number two: that is not just ''drama'' that is like. serious. what the fuck is wrong w youuuu #my mother will say that all the food i eat is very bad for me and do that while knowing full well i struggle to eat Anything #and say that simply Adding things to the diet is pointless bc ur poisoning urself still! u have to Take Out things! i cant fucking do that!#im still baffled that two years ago when i tried to go to them for help when i was almost fainting from not eating they just shrugged at me #''okay? why are u telling us this?'' BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARENTS. AND I AM TRYING TO GET HELP.#i should've known better than to try tbh but like. its so hard to completely let go of every sliver of hope that they'll... be kind #like me saying i was feeling suicidal a few yrs ago just garnered a ''oh don't start this again. we're not doing this again.''#and me admitting my own damn self to the psych ward just had her telling me ''i dont think you actually needed to go :/''#mother dearest if it werent for the other fuckers in the brain (caused by you abusing me) then i would've been dead several times over #i am so fucking tired i am so sick of these ppl it is so incredibly painful and terrifying that this is supposed to be my family #this is the one support system i get in life. and it is no support system at all. i am fucked !! i am so unbelievably fucked!!!#i know other ppl make it thru but they are much stronger than me. i am lacking something that they all have lmao. i am cowardly and weak!!!#i have been trying so fucking hard to figure out how to like. make this work. how to survive in this society and its just. impossible #i think we're back to the clock ticking down as my bank account runs out #i cannot be employed and ppl keep telling me disability won't accept me so i am just. unanimously fucked over i suppose #i have two years !! two years until i run out of money!!! thats a lot of time!! to make all the art i want to make!!#i will make this work for these two years i will cope and make my art and disconnect and daydream through the intolerable parts #i will make these two years so good sdfjkl im gonna make it to the end of them #sorry this is all coming flooding out fsjdkl i've just tried so hard to be like. positive abt things and laugh abt things and be okay #im tired of trying to make it okay fdsjkl i am wallowing tonight i guess. boohoo poor little me fdsjkl i'll probably get over it soon #just need to like. let a little of the pressure leak out so i don't completely crack and do smth stupid #it will be okay !!! or as okay as it can be !!! this will be blocked out by tomorrow morning probably!!#or it'll have to be LMAO i have my silly old lady yarn group tomorrow and i need to be Normal for that #suicide tw #abuse tw #ed tw

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stormyrainyday · 3 months ago

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(gripping the bathroom sink and consoling myself like a toddler) okay. so i don't feel good. what is one thing i can do to make myself feel slightly better? don't say nothing. no. stop it. no temper tantrum. i am an adult. i will take a look at myself and do something nice and i will feel better so help me god.

#ITS NOT FUCKING WORKING THO #I WANTED REST? I TOOK A NAP #IM STILL TIRED #I WANTED TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES? I DID THAT TOO #I DIDN'T HAVE FUN BECAUSE I WAS TOO STRESSED ABOUT THE WORK THAT NEEDED TO BE DONE #I ATE THE FOOD I WAS CRAVING #I READ A BOOK FOR A WHILE BECAUSE I WAS SICK OF THE SCREEN TIME #I WATCHED YOUTUBE #LIKE WHAT DO I DO #SHAKES BODY BY THE SHOULDERS WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME #PLEASE JUST GIVE ME ONE OUNCE OF HAPPY CHEMICAL #SO I CAN DO MY FLASHCARDS FOR TODAY AND MOVE THE FUCK ON #PLEASE IM BEGGING TO JUST MAKE IT THROUGH MY EXAMS IM SO TIRED #I HATE MED SCHOOL #thats not even true i just hate MY med school #and i cant even linger on that thought because it just makes me angry and bitter #to think about the circumstances that led to me being here #I DONT HAVE TIME TO BE ANGRY AND BITTER I NEED TO STUDY MICROBIO

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sodrippy · 3 months ago

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once again wondering why we havent evolved past the Need to eat food. all well and good if you want it as a hobby but i want Nutritional Paste

#not to mention ive NO MONEY #i cant think about it any more bc it makes me feel genuinely sick w anxiety #and i feel even worse bc i have to ask my parents for like. a substantial amount of money #and its not for an emergency its to cover a fucking VACATION bc i cant count #i literally just miscalculated my costs and thought id be good for it and im so so so not #and idk how to ask like. i told them i would need a little help bc of the miscalc and all but its so. sorry its so humiliating to me #hi sorry i was a fuckwit and took a holiday when im unemployed and already struggling i need 1500 please #anyway food is so fucking expensive why the FUCKKKK am i paying $30 for 1 meal #why dont i just give you six vials of my blood instead

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fvckednddistvrbed · 4 months ago

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i ate a lot today, not as much as other days, but still im disappointed with myself and starting to feel sick. why cant i be good at restriction? god this makes me wanna sh so fucking bad

#tw s3lf harm #i dont even feel sick from eating too much like usual #its like the feeling of food in my stomach is making my throat feel tight and its activating my gag reflex a bit so i feel like im gonna tu #tw 3d shit #tw 3d vent #3d ana #not exactly pro a*a but not anti either.. :/#i want to post more in this community and get mutuals and get help with navigating this whole thing but im scared cause ive seen #so many people have their whole accounts deleted and i think i would actually kms if that happened since ive had my main for like 8 years #and to be clear im very pro recovery #which i know i know conflicts with the whole wanting mutuals to *help* me with an ed and not help me to *not* have an ed #i think everyone deserves to recover and i hope i do but right now is just not fucking it for me #so for not its a whole lotta #male thinpo #slef harm #right and i definitely cant talk about being b p d uncensored or ill get reported cause the b*d community is super toxic but in the way that #slef harm and scars are chillin but eds are actually a real struggle™️ and you should have it in secret like everyone else #not to generalize all pw b*pd obviously many and probably most arent like this #but tumblr is a very concentrated dose of that kinda person and its sad for us pw b*pd that are both kinds of toxic LMAO #i joke of course #anyway yeah pro recovery for sure but not currently in recovery #ana moots #body chex #someone who could help with that maybe idk im also kinda shy so maybe just someone to help me with restrictions and staying accountable #at least for now #also if you sh all the better cause i will wanna talk about that too #also to clarify my earlier statement 'not pro a*a' means i dont think and 3d is a lifestyle and i recognize that im sick #but 'not exactly anti' means im not going to avoid these communities or report people in them for being pro #because thats about as effective as throwing out an addicts stash or hiding sharp objects from a chronic sh'r- theyll still find a way #and probably way easier and faster than you think and theyll feel even more alienated and less inclined to seek help

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good-beans · 5 months ago

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Goodnight wonderful people who live in my phone!!!

#im sappy and you guys are so cool ;-;#im a bit of a hermit and really bad at meeting with (or moved far from) irl friends so my connections on here have been really meaningful #dont know how to say that without sounding like a loser but i promise its a good thing lol #but anyway i queued a post earlier today about friends thinking of you all the time #and i kinda just repeated it in my tags and ill probably just repeat it again now but its true #there are so many mundane things that make me think of the kind people ive met #i love bonding about interests and characters but theres also little peeks of each others lives #jokes and facts and songs and favorite animals that make me go 🫵 my friend likes that!!!#and dates! ill be like 'oh my friend is doing X today across the globe :)' 'ah i hope my friends X went well across the country :)'#'i remember they love this food/hate this food/has never tried this food :)'#'i remember them talking about how much they like this song :)'#'oh i learned a new saying like this in their language :)'#i hope they feel better from being sick #i hope their pets vet visit went well #i hope they got a good grade on that project #i hope they can rest after work #i hope theyre happy with their haircut #i hope they can dress like they want soon #i hope theyre happy #i hope theyre happy.#i hope theyre happy i hope theyre happy i hope theyre happy!!!#oh shit. cryin in the club. (<- my bed.) not even drunk or hormonal just SAPPY WTH #i have to keep up my intimidating and stoic reputation!!!#so goodnight!!!!!!#i love you!!!!!!!!#rose rambles

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xxlethal-lunaxx · 7 months ago

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If anyone relates to this even just a little bit, then I'm so sorry.

#• luna lavinchi speaking •#living with cptsd #cptsd vent #complex ptsd #diet culture trauma #monsters inside me #toxic health culture #ex vegitarian/vegan #emotional flashbacks #health documentaries #dark side of veganism #i should have never been forced to watch these as a child..my mind wasn't ready to understand the information nor tell what was real or not #-i cant try sushi or even think about fish without feeling physically sick and dizzy. i haven't had McDonald's since i was like 6ish years-#-old..i never wanted to share this information but i need to vent. I feel embarrassed and rude for not liking a food chain that most of the #-population does. Smelling or seeing McDonald's makes me wanna puke so bad because of everything those documentaries would say.#I will never be able to eat McDonald's in my life because of how sick and terrified i feel when thinking about the food even the drinks-#-scare the shit out of me. I'm so pissed that I'm triggered. All of the sudden i smell something in the house that smells like McDonald's-#-then the memories come flooding back and i feel like puking so back so i cant even eat dinner. i know this may seem stupid but i am-#-genuinly scared. Im tired of this shit and tired of feeling alone in this.#(anyway sorry. if you read my vent then i appreciate you)#tw food talk #tw diet culture #tw vent in tags #(dont even get me started on parasites cause thats a whole fucking trauma itself. damn it i hate it all. i hate it so much)#(also note: my therapist made me feel so validated weeks ago when i told her during my session that i was traumatized by monsters inside me-#-she literally knew the name of the show before i could even say its name. and she said she also cant watch it and that she saw it as an-#-adult who doesn't have ocd. so she told me she can't even imagine how terrified i was to watch it as a child who was developing ocd.-#-therapist W)

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littleelectric · 11 months ago

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Shout out to anyone sick on Christmas and is feeling lonely and forgotten.

#is it really vagueblogging if everyone knows its about me #mom said she'd bring me food and she has not #the sister i literally live with doesnt check if i need anything when she gets home from chistmas at moms #when my brother cant (or doesnt) come to christmas someone will call or facetime him and pass him around the house #but not me??#im sure they think theyd just be bothering me but still #im surr they also rhink my sister is actually help take care of me but no i dont even see her unless i message her to grt me somrthing #ive literslly never treated any of them like this when theyrr sick #but ignore me i have major depression and being sick just naturally makes it worse #worst christmas ive ever had honestly #this isnt even the first day im sick ive been sick for like 4 days now #and i only saw my mom when i complained about her not even checking up on me when she came over to move all the decorations to her house #you were in my house (technically her house) and didnt even see if i had eaten anything that day?? (i hadnt)

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nomaishuttle · 1 year ago

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its also like . ok sry im going on bc im tired and ive upset myself lol but its like. to have somebody who knows i grew up in poverty call me greedy and selfish bc he pressured me into moving up here when i didnt have the money so i Had to rely on him financially. and then i couldnt pay him back while i was literally unemployed. to have him call me greedy and selfish and entitled and lazy was. insanely upsetting

#like he knew that a lot of the money i earned went directly to paying my families bills and literally feeding them and he still. said that #to me. and then when i got upset he spun it as me being irrational and playing the victim and always guilttripping him like. idk. idk.#i try rly hard not to think abt that bc it just makes me feel horrific but like. i was already so insanely paranoid about spending money #any Non essential purchase made me spiral and then that just made it. so much worse . i told him from the start i didnt have much money and #he said it was fine and i told him from the start id pay him back as quickly as i could and he said it was fine and then he just #he completely ghosted me he never talked to me he slept downstairs and he spent more time with one of our roommates than he did me #and now i. know why he did that lol #but whatever. but he iced me out and the only time he ever talked to me was to tell me i was being greedy for not paying him back #or if i literally fuckjng. begged him to do skmething with me #and then hed spend like 1 hour completely checked out but technically sitting in the same room as me and i just. idk. that relationship #genuinely like. fucked me up. and now i reakize it wasnt Just since i moved here and a lot of the like. stripping me of.my identity and #pressuring me into doing. certain things when i wasnt comfortable with them and guilttripping me if i did try to stand up for myself. now i #realize that had been going on nearly since the start but it fucking. rly hurts. basically #and to top it all of he knew i struggle with very severe depression and i have since i was a kid and he knew i specifically struggle a lot #with hygiene and he knew how gross that makes me feel. and he still called me disgusting for it. and in every argument he had he would #hold the fact i owed him money over my head and i judt. i dont know what i was supposed to do. and i realize now there was jothing bc he #was already. yk. and probably had been for a while but it just. rly fucking sucks basically.#like even now a few months out i get genuinely nauseous when i buy something that isnt Absolutely essential.#and i try to force myself to buy like. a small nice thing for myself every once in a while i buy 1 coffee and 1 breakfast food every week #on saturday to try n like. make sure i know its ok 4 me to do that and it doesnt make me selfish but like. it still makes me feel sick

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hawkeyedflame · 2 years ago

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#im not vagueing anyone specific so if u think this is abt you don't get your underwear twisted okay this is about like. so many ppl.#but it's so fucking frustrating seeing people i know (friends/family/coworkers/etc) going thru so much mental health struggle #often accompanied by physical health issues like weight/skin/pain problems #and knowing their diet is absolutely dogtrash #and trying to come up with a way to tell them that is nice but will maybe get them to think or change their ways #i know i know. you can lead a horse to water and all but it's just fucking agonizing knowing that people are suffering so needlessly #and it would go away if they just put the right food in their bodies #and no this isn't even an injunction to carnivore you can recover significantly with meat-heavy noncarnivore ketogenic diets #but people are so resistant to the idea that they can eat their way out of mental illness even though this is well documented #it just makes me want to rip my hair out that people would really rather stay the same than try something that could make them better #like i really can't fucking relate the whole reason i ended up a carnivore is because i was so *desperate* to be healthy #and trying something for a month just to see sounds so much better than letting everything get worse until i'm literally dying #but then i see so many sick people with garbage diets just completely resist the suggestion that the solution could possibly be so simple #like what more can i do for you? i dont want you to be sick. YOU dont want you to be sick. what do you lose from just trying??#ugh i cant. im so. i know this is going to be my career path but god fucking damn if it isn't infuriating

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