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pedrospookie · 19 hours ago

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“What if I wanted to kiss you?”

WHAT IF I WANTED TO KISS YOU?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM GOING TO SELF DESTRUCT

Such Small Hands

unbeta'ed, cross posted from my ao3.

mean/dark!joelxreader (no physical descriptions girthy age gap--no actual age mentioned but reader could be in her mid twenties- early thirties, no use of y/n. No physical descriptions but reader has an extensive background. Canon to the last 3 episodes of the series.) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, mentions of potential SA, graphic depictions of blood, reader brings up her past and shitty family (if it ain't for you, sorry). This takes place after the events of Crybaby With as much smut as this has, this is an angsty fic and it's building bonds and falling in love (maybe). And Ellie!! Little Baby Ellie is in this one!

Chapter 3- Beg

Chapter List

Ellie walked in front of you and Joel almost the whole morning. Not saying a single fucking word. Which is so unlike the girl. She’s always got something to say. You stop, Joel watches you as you fumble around inside your backpack and find what you’re looking for.

“Gimmie a minute.” You hobble up to Ellie quickly and reach for her shoulder when she doesn’t answer you.

Once you have your hand on her, she stops and looks back.

“What?” Ellie sighs softly, looking up at you. Something different in her eyes, she’s a different girl right now, standing in front of you. “What’s up?” She plasters a small smile on her face as she notices you searching in her eyes. “You okay? Is it your leg?” She looks past you to Joel who has sat down on the median.

“Let’s talk.” You wrap an arm around her shoulders for comfort. Mostly for support because your leg hurts but she helps you limp over to a spot behind an RV left abandoned in the road.

“What’s there to talk about?” Ellie watches as you ease yourself onto the bumper of the RV. She stands in front of you, with her hands at her sides. Fingers picking at her thumbs.

“What happened at that place?” You whisper, keeping your voice low so Joel can’t hear. “What really happened?” You eye her knowingly. “You don’t just stab a man seventy-five times in the chest and face for no reason. They would have called that a crime of passion back in my day.” You watch her face and her eye twitches gently and her lip curls. “What made you so passionate?”

“He didn’t–” She stops herself and looks around the RV to Joel. “He didn’t do what you’re thinking.” She said it hushed. You sigh with relief. “He tried. He almost did.” Ellie’s voice starts to quiver. “He was on top of m-me and he was so h-heavy.” She starts to weep. You push yourself off the RV bumper and wrap your arms around her.

“Shhhh it’s okay. It’s alright. You killed that cuck weirdo.” You whisper, holding her close to you. Joel comes around the corner but you wave him away wildly. “You fucking did it.” You encourage her. “You did it all by yourself and you fucking saved me.” You chuckle as she sobs into your chest.

“I was so scared.” Ellie is ignoring your kind words of encouragement. “So fu-fucking scared. I thought he-he-he was g-g-gonna-” You pull her face into your chest and hold her there, letting her sob. The compact in your hand shines in the light. You look at it for a long time as she wraps her arms around your waist.

“Shshshhh. You’re here with Joel again and everything’s gonna be okay.” You whisper down to her. “It’s all gonna be alright.” Now you have to try and tell her about the hospital and the doctors and what you think they have planned for her. “C’mon. Breathe and come sit with me.” You pull her back, further away from the camper that Joel climbed inside.

“I’m so stu-” You stop Ellie from finishing her sentence as you pull her down to the ground with you. It’s nice to take some weight off your leg and relax. You’ve been on the move since before the sun came up.

“Don’t fuckin’ say it.” You hold a finger up to her. “Not stupid.” You grimace as you adjust your leg so it’s not pressed into the pavement as hard. “I have to talk to you. And I just want you to be honest with me, okay? Don’t tell me what you think me or Joel want to hear. Okay?” It’s impossible to not want her to be safe. Ellie is just a girl. Just like you were once.

“Okay?” Ellie’s confused. Doesn’t understand why you’ve pulled her away from Joel and need privacy.

“Who told you about this hospital?” You ask. Her eyes widened. “I made Joel tell me what you guys were doing out here. I told him I’d leave if he didn’t tell me.” You explain. Her eyes stay wide. “Who told you about it?” You ask again. Ellie stays quiet for a long time.

“Marlene. She’s the one who took care of me.” Ellie explains finally like she decided that you’re okay and can be trusted. “She told me about the hospital. About the cure.” You nod at her and chew at the inside of your lip. “She said if I can get there, the doctors might be able to find a cure. I could help fix all this.” You keep nodding.

“How do you think a cure gets made, El?” It’s a tiptoed-around explanation for why you split up from Joel. She shrugs and thinks for a while.

“Probably my blood or something like that?” She questions you. You can’t look at her, it’s too hard.

“Yeah, probably with your blood. Yeah.” You nod and finally look at her. Ellie is hanging on every word you say. “I don’t think…” You trail off because it’s so hard to tell her. “I don’t think they’d be very nice…to you. If you go there. I don’t know how cures get made, but I do know how they have to look for diseases in your brain. At least I think I do.” Ellie is watching you so intently. “You just need to know what you could be walking into. You go there and if you decide that you don’t want to help the cause like you think you do right now, they might not let you leave, Ellie.”

Ellie stares at you for what feels like an hour. You think it might have been an hour the way Joel kept clearing his throat from behind you. You’d put your hand behind your back and wave him off each time. Ellie just looked at you. Eyes big and bright. Something new was in them now, something that hadn’t been there before you let her ride off on that horse. It wasn’t fear, it was understanding. Like she really knew what you had warned her about now.

“I…I think I still want to go.” She whispered after a moment. You nod and put your hand on her shoulder.

“If that’s what you want, yes, Joel and I will take you there. We’ll stay until we know you’re going to be okay. If you want to leave we will leave. Ok?” You squeeze her shoulder gently. She starts to say something but stops herself. You give her another squeeze. “Go ahead, what’s up? Let’s talk now before we walk into something with no plan.” You still have your hand on her shoulder.

“What if they don’t let me leave?” It's said so small and so quietly you almost had said ‘what?’ but then it clicked in your head.

“Not gonna happen. Joel won’t let it. I won’t let it. If you want to leave…you get to leave. Sound good?” You nod at Ellie for confirmation. She nods back softly. “Good. Here you go, turd .” You hand the compact to her. “Now you can look at that pretty face all day long. Just keep your grubby hands off my stuff.” You try to stand but your leg is on fire. Ellie jumps to her feet and tries to help you up but her hand slips–she’s still holding the compact– and you fall back on your ass softly.

“Alright, idiot brigade. I got it.” Joel huffs as he jogs to the two of you. “Ready?” You nod up at him as he heaves you to your one good leg. “You both good now? I found this in the RV. Have either of you ever seen this?” Joel holds up a game of Sorry.

“I will beat both of your asses so fucking bad at Sorry.” You turn so Joel can toss everything but the box inside your duffle bag. You’ll sort it all out later. The box is too big. Too noisy.

“I’ve never played it,” Ellie says as you guys start walking again. Joel’s got his arm around your waist, letting you put your weight on him as needed as you try to hobble along without his assistance. It’s hard though, everything below your knee on your right leg feels like it’s consistently being stung by wasps—every inch of it. You try to not let it show because you don’t want to make Ellie feel worse than she already does.

“Okay then.” Joel smiles down at Ellie. “We’ll get our asses beat by crybaby over here tonight after we find a place to sleep.” You shoot a glance up at Joel when he calls you that.

“Hey! I stabbed her in the leg. She can be a crybaby if she wants.” Ellie starts to defend you but you wave your hand at her. “No, that was so mean. He should be apologizing right now .” Ellie growls at him like it’s a demand she’s making.

“Sorry,” Joel smirks down at you. “No more name-calling.”

Joel and Ellie sat on their side of the game board that night and you explained to Ellie how the rules worked. Joel eyed you the entire time, you could feel his eyes on you sometimes while you talked to the teenager.

“Ones and twos get you out of start” You slide your little plastic red piece out of the start circle. “Sorry’s let you take any piece you have in your start base out and take the place of another player and then you send them back to the start.” You smirk at Ellie. “If you land on another persons piece, they get sent back to the start.” You slap Ellie’s piece off the board with yours. “If you get all your pieces at home you win.” There are more rules but you’ll go over them as they come up. The next two hours are spent around a small fire Joel made in a fireplace in the house you guys found. It’s warm and comfortable. You can’t remember a time you laughed this hard watching Ellie’s face when Joel sent her last piece right back to start as she was about to win.

“Sorry kid,” Joel said so unapologetically as he slid her piece back into the start circle. Ellie watched with her big brown eyes like she couldn’t believe that he would do that to her. “You’re the only one out, she’s got all her pieces in home or still in the start space!” He exclaims, pointing to you. “You’re the only one!” Joel laughs as he slides his piece to where hers had been.

“Oh sure, let your girlfriend win. I see how it is.” Ellie sasses with a smirk on her face. “Lame. You’re both lame.” She had been sitting on her knees and now she sits back on her ass and looks over at you. “Did you play this a lot as a kid?” She asks, watching you pull another card from the pile. You can do nothing with it.

“I used to when I was really little with my brother and sister.” You feel Ellie’s eyes snap up to you. “Then my brother went off to the military and my sister went to college and I didn’t get to play Sorry again.” You sigh. You never saw either of them again after they left. Your brother called and said things were getting pretty bad and that the three of you should wait for your sister and then head out of Jersey as soon as you could. Get somewhere secluded. Your sister never made it home before the full outbreak happened.

“Did they–” Ellie starts but you just shake your head. She stops and watches as Joel pulls a card and moves three spaces. Ellie pulls a card. “What was highschool like? I’ve heard stories about it, was it like a university?” She’s so curious, it’s adorable. You shake your head at her.

“No, high school wasn’t like a university. Kind of… You had classes in different rooms of a big giant school. You’d march down the hallway with everyone else in between the classes and talk with your friends and if you had one, sneak into the stairs to make out with your boyfriend or girlfriend.” You try to hold back a smile as the memory floods back to you. “Yeah, that was the best part. The stairs–”

“Alright, enough of that.” Joel shakes his head. “She’s fourteen–”

“Exactly and if we weren’t in this situation I know she’d have four of five people lined up in the hallway waiting their turn!” You exclaim quietly. Ellie presses her lips together tightly and tries to hold back a smile. “She’s fourteen. It’s normal to think about that stuff. I was thinking about way more than–” Joel clears his throat and you have to laugh when you look at Ellie who is still smirking with her big eyes. You mouth to her, ‘so much more’.

Joel gives your good leg a tap and eyes you. You stick your tongue out at him and lay back on the floor, the game of sorry completely forgotten about. You wonder what Ellie would be like if she wasn’t stuck in this fucking place. Would you two go shopping for clothes and makeup? You could have taken her to your mom’s salon to get her hair done. It makes you sad thinking it’ll never happen.

“Has anyone ever given you a haircut?” You look back at Ellie and she nods.

“Joel’s brother's wife gave me one before we left the community,” Ellie explains, holding the end of her ponytail up for you to see. You nod at her, satisfied with the answer. “My first one in a long time. Maybe forever.” Ellie looks at the end of her ponytail now.

“Whenever you want another, just let me know.” You look at Joel now. “You too. I’ll do both of your guys’ hair if you want me to.”

“Did your mom teach you?” Ellie asks curiously. You shake your head.

“No. She didn’t let me touch scissors.” You explained. “I wouldn’t be able to learn until I went to cos classes.” You sigh.

“ Cos classes?” Ellie asks confused. You laugh and lean up on your elbows.

“Cosmetology Classes. School. It’s hair school.” You explain. “My mom just always called it ‘cos classes’ you say in your best Jersey mom accent. Joel laughs when you do it. Ellie does too.

“That’s what she sounded like?” Ellie keeps a smile on her face. You nod exaggeratedly and the accent that sits right under your tongue at all times comes back easily.

“Oh of course. We all did.” The vowels are long and drawn out. It comes out ‘ O awve caws. Wee’awl did’. Ellie laughs at you again. You smirk and put the accent back under your tongue. You save it for moments like this or when you’re really angry. Like when you stood outside the garage yelling at Joel. It had come out then too. Just a little.

“You didn’t talk like that.” Ellie is shaking her head at you. You nod again and think about how annoying you and your loud friends probably were at the malls and the movie theaters. But you were just one group of girls amongst thousands of groups of teenage Jersey girls and you all were annoying at fourteen-fifteen years old. Most kids are.

“I sure did and my boyfriend used to talk like that too! I used to date a guy who talked like that all the time and I loved it!” You exclaim to her with a smile on your face. “My friends used to talk like that and my mom and aunts! What’s so hard to believe about that?” You let the accent come out a little again.

“I don’t know how any of your guys understood each other.” Ellie laughs and pulls one knee to her chest. “Were you in love with your boyfriend?” Ellie shoots her eyes to you and then to Joel. You don’t look over at him before you answer.

“I think I was, yeah. At fifteen, almost sixteen–yeah. I was.” You think back on him fondly. “He was a good kid. He was really nice to me. Really sweet. A real good guy–he would have been a good guy, eventually.” You stumble over it because you don’t know what happened to him. “I never told him though. I was too scared.” You lay back on the floor and rest your hands under your head. “Have you ever been in love?” You turn your head to look at Ellie. She doesn’t say anything for a while.

“I think so. Yeah.” She doesn’t say anything else. She’s not as forthcoming with information as you are. It’s been a while since you’ve talked to people this way and it’s nice. You have nothing to hide.

“Was she nice?” You ask softly. Ellie just nods. You don’t push it anymore.

Ellie looks at Joel now and it’s like he can sense it’s coming because he sighs so loud it scares you. You lean up on your elbow again and watch as she asks him what you think she’s about to ask him.

“Were you in love? Or was it just you and Sarah?” Joel's eyes flick to you for a nanosecond and then he’s looking back at Ellie. Who the hell is Sarah?

“For a while, yeah. I was.” Joel explains. You know that Joel wishes you weren’t here for this. You and Joel don’t get personal. That wasn’t part of this deal; you might get personal with him but he doesn’t get personal with you. Never has. And that was fine with you. It’s not like this man was going to be your forever. It’s definitely better than sitting in that cabin in the woods alone all the time like you used to, but definitely not your forever.

“What happened?” Ellie pushes him which is bold since she’s so withholding of her own information. Joel’s eyes flick back to you for a moment and then he looks back at Ellie. You want to tell him to keep his eyes away from you like that. It makes you nervous when he does it like he doesn’t trust you sitting off to the side of him the way you are. What are you gonna do? Hit him for having a life before the outbreak when you were fifteen? No. You’re not like that.

“She left. Left me with Sarah when she was just a baby.”

Oh…that fuckin’ sucks.

“How old was Sarah when she left?” You blurt the question out. “I’m sorry.” Joel sighs and looks at you now.

“Sarah was four months old when my wife left.” Joel looks pained when he speaks. “She was twelve when the outbreak happened.”

Oh shit. Joel had a daughter. The fact that he has never talked about you doesn’t shock you, Joel has told you maybe seven personal things and one of those things was his name, so. You’re still learning, nothing comes as a shock to you anymore though.

“I’m sorry.” Ellie whispers, “We don’t have to talk about it.” Joel shakes his head and starts to pack up the board game. You give him your bag to sort it all away.

“It’s okay. Can’t go the rest of my life not talking about her.” Joel whispers. “It is getting late and we have to be up early so let’s all get to bed. Sleepers tonight in the living room by the fire.” Joel gives the order and you and Ellie start moving furniture around the fireplace. Ellie snuggles up on the couch. You lay your sleeper out and then tell Joel you have to change the dressing on your leg before bed. He offers to help.

You two go into the secluded room towards the back of the house, it’s not as warm or as light but you hold the flashlight as Joel unwraps your calf.

“This is bad.” Joel looks at you as you inspect the stab wound on your leg. “It’s probably infected.” Joel sets his fingers around the outside of the open flesh and doesn’t even need to apply any pressure before you’re whimpering and trying to crawl away in pain. Joel rips his hand away and holds on to your wrist. “It’s hot. Very hot. I’m surprised you can walk on it.”

“Don’t touch it again. Just wrap it back up.” You whimper as he goes into his bag for the supplies. This was not great. Definitely not something you wanted to be happening but it was alright. You guys were going to a hospital. You’d get fixed right up.

“You have to let me inject you with some antibiotics. I cleaned the needle, I know it freaks you out but you’re gonna lose your damn leg, or worse.” Joel warns as he pulls the bottle of clear liquid from his first aid kit.

“Ughhhh. How do you know it’s clean enough?” You groan and let your head lean back against the hardwood floor behind you.

“Well… I don’t, but it’s better to put the antibiotics in you than not.”

“I don’t really think that medical professionals would agree with you on that but alright fine. I don’t want it to go septic.” You don’t. That’s how your dad died and it was horrible. You’d shoot yourself before you got that bad; astonished your dad didn’t.

“Good thing they’re not here.” Joel gives you a shot of medicine right near the gash in your calf. You think you’re going to bite right through your tongue when he does it. It elicits the most disgusting groan you’ve ever let come out of you. It's a cross between a groan and a cry for help and a wheeze like the wind just got knocked out of you.

“ Je-sus Christ.” You pant as he withdraws the needle. You were clenching your fist together so tightly your fingernails dug into the skin on your palm so hard you have indents.

“Did good, little bird.” Joel comforts you as he cleans the wound with alcohol. That hurts worse. It does make you cry out in pain softly. “It’s okay. It’s almost over. Then I’ll make you feel real good.” Joel speaks under his breath as he wraps your leg in new gauze and tapes it up carefully. You whimper and tremble underneath his touch the entire time.

“Okay, the feel-good part now -please.” You let your legs fall apart and Joel is quick to plant himself between them. His mouth finds your pussy like he’s hungry for it. He hasn’t done it since the last night in your cabin. Your hand turns the flashlight off, lets it fall to the floor quietly and it finds his hair. “Yes.” You whisper softly.

Joel’s tongue is already working slow oblong shapes around your clit. Fuck it feels so good. Every bad feeling you’ve ever felt leaves your body as Joel moans softly against your pussy. His facial hair tickles your thighs and mound as he works his tongue against you slowly. He wants you to feel good and you can in the way he’s taking his time on you.

“Perfect slutty cunt.” Joel growls against your folds as he lays down directly on the floor between your legs so he’s not hunched over. “I fucking love eating it.” You let him talk because you cannot find the strength in you to tell him to shut up and just put his mouth back on you. Joel doesn’t need to be told, he returns to your middle and laps at you hungrily. Force behind his tongue as he circled it around your clit.

Joel snakes his arms around your thighs gingerly and spreads them a little further apart. His mouth wraps around your clit and sucks as his tongue flicks. You have to put one hand over your mouth to not cry out at how wonderful it feels. You can feel Joel smile against you.

“You want it inside you?” He growls. You can hear him already unfastening his belt and you’re just confused because he hasn’t even made you come yet, and that’s just not how Joel works. If he eats you out…he makes you come. You whimper as he returns to you. “It’s just too fucking good tonight, I need it now.” His voice is husky with lust and it makes you throb as he laps his tongue against you again. “So fucking bad. Been thinkin’ about it all fuckin’ day. Holding on to you. Touching you all fucking day.” He groans from somewhere deep inside him like it’s been paining him to touch you without being able to be inside you. That makes you throb harder as he slides two fingers inside you.

“Fuck.” You whisper as he curls his fingers. “Yes, put it inside me.” It’s fine. You don’t care, you’re here for this reason and you know that it’s going to be good, he just got you warmed up. Joel doesn’t hesitate and is up between your legs undoing his belt. He leans over you and presses the weight of him into your chest– You hate it. You want him off of you and out from between your legs. Something is wrong and you don’t like this feeling. Joel can’t sense this yet and tries to kiss you but you turn your head away from him.

“What? You don’t wan-”

“Get off me.” It’s short and you have your hands on his shoulders and you’re trying desperately to get this man off you. Joel looks down at you with confusion all over his face. You’re in fight or flight mode now. You push Joel harder and start to squirm and wriggle underneath him. Joel shoots up and the minute your legs aren’t being forced apart by his hips and his weight is off your chest you feel fine. Everything is okay and you don’t know why you were freaking out.

“Are you…okay? Did I hurt you?” Joel asks as you lean up on your elbows. He looks so concerned and also a little puzzled still, he’s just as confused about your reaction as you are. You look up at him probably with the same exact puzzled and concerned face. He starts to check your leg.

“Yeah–no. Yes, I’m fine. No, you weren’t hurting me.” You sigh and lay back down on the floor. You’re frustrated because you do want Joel inside of you, even now you’re still aching for him. “Can you just flip me over?” You start to turn over onto your stomach but Joel stops you and raises an eyebrow.

“You sure?” He doesn’t sound convinced. You nod and continue onto your belly. You bend your knees, even though it hurts, and arch your back for him. You can still feel him hesitating as he puts his hands on your ass. You look back at him over your shoulder.

“I’m fine. I mean it. Please.” You wiggle your hips against him, “I need you.” You can feel Joel place himself between your legs again, just from behind and nothing bad happens. You let out a small sigh of relief as he starts to rub the head of himself against you. That feels good. Very good. You push back against him a little and you hear him sigh. He’s stroking himself behind you, getting himself ready again.

“You want it?” Joel growls, he’s got his bedroom voice back. You nod and he slips it inside of you. It fills you quickly and knocks the air out of you. It feels so good as he slides out of you slowly and then drives himself back into you quickly, bringing your hips back to meet his.

“Yes. Yes.” You whisper to yourself as you try to arch your back more dramatically, opening yourself up a little more to him. You rest your forehead on your hands on the floor.

“Slutty lil crybaby like this?” His voice is hushed but still humiliating. “You like when I fuck you like this?” You groan softly as he sheathes himself fully again and grips your asscheeks tightly. “I like to fuck you like this. Look at this perfect fucking asshole while I’m inside you.” Joel reaches forward and grabs a handful of your hair. He pulls you back gently, holding your head back, thrusting himself inside of you quickly. Your wet smacking skin loudly slaps together and his belt jingles with each thrust.

“I love it.” You whine in this not-super-comfortable position, but it’ll do. You can feel him already working on pumping that little ball of energy more full each time he drags his cock along your walls. “Please make me come.” You whisper. You need release, as good as he’s making you feel you’re still in pain and this new position doesn’t help your leg at all. You’re dying for something to make you forget about it.

“Oh lil crybaby wants to come? How bad?” Joel growls quietly, his fingers grip your hair tighter. “Beg me for it.” Joel rams himself inside of you and holds you against him so you can’t pull away and then push back against him. “Beg. I wanna hear it.” Joel’s voice is like country road gravel. It's so rough. You love it. You try to pull away from him but his hips follow yours and he drags you back into him. “No no, little bird. You have to beg. Then you can make yourself come.”

A groan escapes your lips and Joel brings his hand down hard onto the soft flesh of your ass. It makes you yelp quietly. He does it again.

“Don’t fuckin’ complain. Who are you? Just a slutty lil crybaby who’s hungry for what?” Joel pulls back on your hair a little tighter. “Say it, what are you hungry for?” You smirk and instead of pulling away you grind your hips against his in a small circle. It makes him groan quietly from behind you. Another hard, loud smack on your ass. “Say it.”

“Cock. I’m h-hungry for c-cock.” You moan, his hips start to move in a similar motion to yours but in the opposite direction. The length of his cock moves and rubs against your slick walls. Sliding around easily inside of you. “I want to come so bad, Joel please.” You start to beg him for release, you need it so badly. “I’ll do anything for it. Please spank me again.” You push back into him and moan loudly as he somehow pushes deeper inside of you. Joel gives you what you asked for. You can feel the red hot handprint already forming after the crack of his hand on your ass filled the room.

“Don’t stop.” Joel breathes out as he begins thrusting inside of you again, more force behind the, quicker now. The ridge of his cock rakes along the walls of your cunt as he does it. It’s going to make you come before you can finish. You try and strain the words out for him before he can do it to you.

“Please Joel I want to come on your cock so b-bad. P-please l-l…et me come on it. Please spank me again, Joel.” You're so pleased with yourself that you got all those words out before you came. Joel’s thrusts become more staggered and messy, it doesn’t matter, you’re right there and he sends you over the edge. Your walls clench around him and he releases his grip in your hair, that hand frantically grips your hips and pulls you down onto him.

You’re fighting with Joel for who can do what. You want to keep going, Joel wants to hold you down. You whine loudly and Joel keeps thrusting into you, moaning breathlessly from behind you as he draws the rest of your orgasm out of you.

“ Thank you.” You moan quietly.

Clicking.

Joel is out of you and on his feet, holding his belt buckle in his hands to silence it. You lay on the ground with your hand over your mouth.

No fucking way you guys are really getting stalked by a clicker right now with your fucking pants down. Literally. You are still face down, ass up and you’ve got one shoe on. One of your pant legs is still on, the other is dangling around by your ankle with its twin! Joel presses his fingers into the soft skin of your ass to steady himself. You both stay as still and as quiet as you possibly can trying to hear where it’s coming from. The three of you are all on the first floor. Windows and doors were locked. You were just in a room off the back of the house that had a door you could shut.

You guys got too comfortable. The thought was going through your head when Joel spanked you for the third time that you were both being too loud and needed to quiet down but everything just felt too good. You don’t hear it again but you both definitely heard it the first time. Joel still hasn’t moved so neither do you.

Very faintly you can hear it. It’s not as close to the house anymore but is still nearby in the neighborhood. This means you’d have to switch off keeping watch while the other slept. It made you sad. You were excited to snuggle up into your sleeper beside Joel’s. You two had even set them up next to each other which had never happened before. The clicking grows fainter. It’s still too scary to move. You don’t think you’ve taken a breath since you heard it originally. You exhale silently. You inhale just as quietly. You’re panting. You had been holding your breath.

“Ok.” Joel almost mouths to you. It’s just breath, practically no sound. You hear him very carefully fumble with his belt buckle. You start working on getting your own pants on. You put your other shoe back on.

“Throw it away.” You mouth, nodding down to the belt buckle he’s still working on silently. He shakes his head and quietly opens the door of the room you were in. Ellie is sitting up on the couch.

“Did you hear it too?” She too almost breathes it out.

You’re worried what else Ellie could have heard if he could hear the clicking. You and Joel have to be more careful. Less senseless. This whole situation was uncomfortable. Ellie. The clicker. Nope.

Joel offered to do the first watch after Ellie lay back down on the couch. After she fell asleep he rubbed your back gently.

“You good?” He whispered when you turned in your sleeping bag to look at him. You give him a raised eyebrow. “Your lil freakout. You ok? What was that?” Joel still sounds concerned. You have to think why you felt that way. You’re not entirely sure.

“I don’t know. I’m fine. I feel fine. I obviously didn’t want you to stop. Just didn’t like my legs being spread open like that. We don’t normally do that.” You’re not lying. You’ve maybe done that position once or twice in the old place but that involved taking your pants all the way off and to do that you had to take your boots off. It was a whole ordeal “I don’t know. We just won’t do that again.” You keep whispering as quietly as you can.

“What if I wanted to kiss you?” Joel furrows his eyebrows. You have to hold your lips in your hand to stop a laugh.

“Do you mean spit into my mouth?” You whisper even quieter than you thought you could. “You never kiss me during. Weirdo.” You roll over in your sleeper and let Joel continue to rub your back because it does feel good. You don’t know if you’ll actually sleep tonight. Your leg is on fire and you’re freaked out by that clicker being so close. Joel lulls you to sleep through eventually. He doesn’t wake you up either for your shift.

#WHAT THE HELL BETH #AHHHHHHHHHHHHH #pedro pascal characters #joel miller x reader #smut #joel miller #mean!joel x reader #joel the last of us #tlou joel

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