#go to school monday and deal with some bullshit in my physics class

[friiday-thirteenth]

.

[br1ghtestlight]

and would u believe me if i had personality breakdowns for them too.......

pink (he/she/they) they're a lot more ditzy and lighthearted than purple she just wants to be friends w/ everyone, loves makeup and fashion too though :) definitely looks up to purple a lot as an older sister (by maybe..... five minutes??) their dynamic is kinda like two oldest teenage sisters in the loud house. she's leni. Just living life one day at a time #queen maybe he'll be a makeup artist or something

red (she/her) - aggressive but not mean just really protective!! definitely the most athletic of the siblings and is on like two different sports teams (soccer and basketball ?? maybe). short tempered tho 🙁 its hard to hold down a job bcuz she doesn't put up with people's bullshit, she'd probably do well in politics lmao

orange (he/him) - he was born with an intellectual & physical disability and was very sick as a kid (mostly stayed in the hospital getting heart surgery or whatever) so his family is slightly overprotective of him. they kinda take turns hanging out with him bcuz it isnt really SAFE for him to be alone and bcuz he also doesn't like to be alone (they take turns as in monday is blue's day, tuesday is red's day etc etc and they all do an activity with him and just hang out. their parents obviously did most of the childcare when they were younger and they still have saturday but yknow..... jobs). outside of that he's very funny and adventurous, i think ideally he'd be going cliff diving every weekend but he's mostly just the class clown and he's very good at making his siblings laugh

yellow (he/they) - gay best friend.....?? he's a really sweet and supportive guy and LIVES to hype other people up. super friendly and outgoing. he has a job at like a clothing store in some botique mall. he's so brave bcuz he's like one of the only people in their family who isnt unemployed 🙏 BREADWINNER KING

green (he/him) - introverted and nerdy but he gets confused a lot 😭has like three separate chronic illnesses. reads and sleeps most of the time but he's a sweetie tbh

blue (they/them) - the main character of my Heart <3 (and one of nine actual main characters) not gonna go into their whole character here obvs but they're like the anxious/safe kid and they work at a grocery store. the responsible eldest daughter type vibes despite not being the eldest or a daughter

purple (she/her) - wants to be the most famous influencer in kenya. kinda a diva and obsesses over her appearance. definitely the most popular of the siblings when they were in school in school But she uses her influence for good..... mostly. definitely annoys blue once or twice about using starr for connections, which is not happening in this or any universe <3

they were raised to be very close and protective of each other and their relationship as siblings so they all get along pretty well apart from petty fights like you stole my hairdryer etc whatever. and they all still live together in a Big ass house like theyre fucking cartoon characters. but big families are much more common in objects so its not really that big of a deal, and blue is (mostly) happy to live with them........... Its Complicated

[rainbow-bowtie]

i put this in the tags of a different post but i wanted to elaborate but also not vent on someone else’s post so anyway. the reasons this hasn’t been my day week month or year.

so far this year (it is currently feb 13):

i was in a car accident. it was very much not my fault. it was my first accident. it was a hit and run. insurance was being a bitch about this and i almost had to pay four times the deductible. originally i was told my car would be repaired in three weeks. when they started dismantling they found More Damage and totaled it. insurance is only covering the rental until monday. i won’t get the money for my car until tuesday at the earliest

i had jury duty. the day after the accident. i’ve never had jury duty before and i couldn’t even drive myself. i literally practiced driving to the courthouse the previous weekend bc i hate driving downtown. i tried to claim the “i’m a college student” exemption but i don’t qualify bc my program is entirely online and i don’t attend classes between 8-5 on weekdays. bc i don’t attend classes. at all. i have a full time job i’m not spending my evenings in a lecture hall tyvm. that’s the entire reason i chose the program i did

for context, i work as an instructional assistant in an elementary classroom for students with special needs. one of my students has rather aggressive behaviors. said student scratched the shit out of me the same week as all this other bullshit. i had to go to urgent care. admin took one look at me and said “go home” and i said “i cant i don’t have a car bc i haven’t had time to go get the rental yet.” i had to wait for my mother to take me home

to add to that one. my student caught a mole on my back and nearly tore it off. i had to go to urgent care. i had to file a workers comp claim. i’m still dealing with the shit from that two weeks ago

my legal name change went through (yippee!!). now i just have to order the court documents, get my social changed, get a new license, get a new passport (lol. lmao. i don’t think that’s gonna go well at all), go through the hr bullshit at my job and my school and actually get that shit changed everywhere

i’m still so fuckin mad about my car. just constantly mad about my car. that was my first car. i finished paying it off last spring. i got all new tires less than a year ago. i put new wiper blades on a week before the wreck. i have cried so much about this car i love it so much. i miss it so much. i called her led zeppelin bc of the plate. i want my zeppelin back dammit

my therapist canceled two (2) appointments. one because of a planned vacation, one because my therapist was sick. i go weekly. there’s only been like 8 weeks of the year so far. insane

my program does 6 month terms year round rather than semesters with winter and summer breaks like a traditional four year. my new term was supposed to start february 1st. it didn’t because there were some issues getting my term plan approved. i lost a weeks worth of study time, and i know doesn’t sound like much, but my program is entirely self paced. my first course this term is one i am very good at and know a lot about. i could have been done with this class in that one week

add all that to the usual stresses of a college student, a physically, emotionally, and mentally draining job, having to wake up at five am for said job, and The State Of The World In General, and the only emotion i have felt this year is Tired. i’m so numb to everything i lost my wallet and didn’t feel anything

[scarlettriot]

Along for the Ride PT 1

Pairing: KirishimaxF!Reader

Summary: A drunken mistake had you marking the little Plus One box to your snobby cousin's wedding. Kirishima told you not to worry, if you couldn't find a date, he'd go with you. When the wedding gets moved up, there's absolutely no time to find a date and you're now about to be traveling to America with Kirishima on a private jet no less, dreading having him meet your rude and impossibly arrogant family.

Contains: Kirishima and Reader both come from very well-off families. Plus-Sized Reader. Fluff. Hurt/Comfort.

Warnings: Kinda smutty for a minute. Minors DNI. Drunken Sex. TW: Manipulative Family Relationships. TW: Body Image Issues

A/N: This story has been rolling around in my head for a while now. I might rewrite this and repost. Or I might just post the whole thing soon. I dunno yet. It does get smuttier.

Word Count: 4,974

"What's up with Y/N?"

Eijiro stepped out of the locker room with a towel slung over his shoulder and made his way into the kitchenette where Mina was chugging a bottle of water before getting back to her patrol. His eyes were trained on their mutual friend out on the patio, pacing.

You had your phone pressed to your ear, the high neck of your hero costume unzipped to your collarbone and he noticed your gloves discarded on a chair.

"No clue." Mina shrugged. "She got back from patrol and she noticed a bunch of missed calls from her mom. She's been out there, flailing on the phone for the last fifteen minutes now."

The three of you had met in your second year at UA when you transferred into their class and were quickly accepted by their little squad of friends. You were a bit quiet at first but quickly found comfort in the group. Eijiro had grown especially close to you when you both interned with Fat Gum.

Late nights traveling on the train back to school, a few close calls while helping patrol, and days spent playing cards while you both healed up in the hospital left plenty of time for Eijiro to get to know you better than most. It was how he knew you had a pretty bad relationship with your family, why you hated returning home for the holidays almost as much as you hated any and all forms of tomatoes.

He considered going out there just to see if there was anything he could do but before he had the chance, you were sliding the glass door open. "Oh, good, you're back." He offered you a bottle of water for your throat that he assumed was sore after that argument. "I- um- can I borrow you for a second? Alone?"

Mina snorted a laugh. "If you guys wanna bang it out on the counter you can just say so. I gotta go to work anyways."

Eijiro threw the towel at her as she left the room leaving you two alone. "What's goin' on?"

You hoisted yourself up on the countertop while he leaned against the fridge. "You remember my cousin's wedding that's happening this winter?"

He nodded. He vividly remembered the both of you getting waste a few weeks ago when you were filling out the RSVP and accidentally marking 'plus one'. Then you ran around trying to find White Out but he'd told you if you didn't find a date or have a significant other by the time of the wedding, he'd just go with you.

You argued that your family was bat shit crazy, had more money than they could spend in their lifetime and because of that, they were among some of the rudest people you knew, and you didn't want Eijiro or anyone else around that.

The thing was, Eijiro already knew that and was still okay with going. He came from money too. A lot of it. His family was just more welcoming than yours, the wealth never really going to their heads. But, he reminded you that he'd ran into enough people like those in your family that he knew how to handle them. You finally agreed to let him accompany you, leaving the plus one box checked but the name line blank.

"Well, my cousin just found out that surprise, she's pregnant! And, obviously, she can't have a wedding while seven months along so they've decided to move the wedding up to this weekend."

He nearly choked on his own spit. "This weekend? As in four days from now?"

"Yup! Saturday at 4 in the evening. Oh! No one's supposed to know she's pregnant either. So, I'm just supposed to compliment her on how flattering her dress looks, how thin she is," Your hands strangled the water bottle between them, "And I have to find something flattering to my figure because my mother has seen me in my hero outfit and she's so glad I wear a mask because if anyone knew her daughter ran around looking like I do, well, it'd ruin her!"

You massaged your temples circling back to the actual point, "Anyways, I just wanted to bitch for a sec and let you know you're off the hook since four days is just a little short notice and I told her my plus one wouldn't be able to get the time off that fast."

He pushed off the fridge. "Well, wait, hang on! I'm not letting you go in alone to deal with them! Hell no! You need backup!" You looked almost taken aback by his abruptness, "Yeah. I can work this out. Is the wedding at the same place it was supposed to be or has it moved?"

"No, it's still that fancy lodge in California. I was planning on leaving Friday morning and then coming back either Sunday night or Monday morning since my mother insists I go to their brunch the following day. But, Eijiro, I already have this weekend off..."

"Denki owes me a favor or twelve. He's supposed to be off this weekend too, I'll just see if he can cover me."

"And if he can't?"

"Then..." He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, "Y/N, am I feeling warm to you? I think I might be starting a fever!"

You folded your arms, shaking your head, "Thought you said lying isn't manly."

"Technically, correct. But, what would be real unmanly is for me to let you deal with your family's bullshit all alone." You watched him closely, "To be honest, I'm sure we could just explain you had a family thing come up and asked me to come along for moral support. I don't really think anyone would think twice about it. Hell, you took a few days off to console me when my turtle died suddenly!"

"Eiji, you refused to eat."

"And you brought me my favorite dumplings! Same thing!"

You might have shaken your head at him but your arms opened wide. The telltale sign you wanted affection. He walked forward, consuming you in a tight hug. Your arms latched around his neck, face buried in the hollow of his throat. "You're the best."

"I just do what I can."

>>><<<

You should have canceled. Instead of Eijiro faking sick to get out of work, you should have faked it with your mother so you didn't have to go in the first place. You crumpled to the floor of your bedroom in pure frustration amidst the twenty or so outfits and dozen pairs of shoes you'd thrown out of your closet trying to find something that your mother would deem appropriate.

It wasn't your fault you had a fuller figure. You worked out, ate right, not to mention your job kept you very active, and yet your, hips, ass, and breasts were by no means subtle.

Your mother had also insisted on the dress being floor-length and modern, "Do try not wearing all black. It's a wedding, not a funeral. And, get your hair looking natural, please." And, just like that, 70% of your wardrobe was out the window!

"It's open!" You called from the floor when the doorbell rang.

"You really should lock this." Mina tutted, walking through the door with a bag full of takeout.

"I do. At night."

"Honey, it's 9 PM."

"Night like bedtime."

Mina just rolled her eyes and walked into your tiny kitchen. "I see the dress hunt is going well."

"I actually figured it out!" You got off the floor, careful not to step on a heel as you made your way to the pink haired woman, "I'm just gonna go in my birthday suit. I figured, my mother made my body technically therefore she can't disapprove of it. Because, you know, she's never done anything wrong in her life!"

Your best friend snorted out a laugh and passed you the take-out container stuffed full of stir fry. "you're a wonderful person, you know that?" You loved the fact Mina didn't even have to ask what you wanted.

"If you'd just move closer to work then you could pick it up yourself and I wouldn't have to bring it to you."

"Too expensive." You declared after a mouthful. "You pay almost twice as much as I do per month and I just don't see the point. I have damn near the same amount of space you do for half the cost!"

You adored your small one-bedroom apartment. It was perfect. Right above a bakery that you visited each morning after your run and a little balcony that provided you with the most stunning view of the sunset.

"You and Kiri, I swear." Mina just shook her head and curled up with her food on the loveseat. "I thought he'd end up with the biggest house out of us all the moment we started making that real Pro money. You've seen his parent's house. It's massive! You could get lost in that place!"

Eijiro's place was barely bigger than your own. He lived in the same condo he had since you'd graduated UA, claiming it was perfect for him in each and every way. But, you knew that he donated a sizable amount of his paycheck every month to charities, the same as you. With savings to spare, neither of you saw the point in hoarding it and therefore the small condo was all he could afford with what he actually kept.

"Just don't understand how a guy that big can live in such a tiny little space. At least with you, it's you know, physically feasible."

Eijiro's bedroom was barely large enough to fit the king-sized bed the man needed to sleep comfortably and even then, his feet were dangerously close to dangling off the bed. And, as if the man's ears were burning, your cell phone went off under a pile of discarded shoes.

Shark-E: Figured out your dress situation? If not, I'm just gonna pack like ten different ties and hope for the best.

You: Yeah! I totally did! I'm just gonna wear this birthday suit I got and call it a night.

You chuckled at your own joke all over again. Watching the grey ellipses appear and then vanish, appear and vanish again. After a third time, you took pity on the man.

You: Joking, Ei. I still don't have it figured out but Mina's over so, hopefully, she can help.

Shark-E: Gonna give me a damn heart attack! Seriously, I wouldn't put it past you just to see the look on your mom's face. Tell Mina hi and good luck to you. I vote the dress from the Hero Gala two years ago.

You: Hi from Mina. Can't. Too much boobs.

Shark-E: You take that back right now! There is NEVER such a thing as too much boobs!

You chuckled to yourself, putting your phone down, and then finished off the last of your delicious dinner, thinking about the dress Eijiro mentioned.

You wondered if maybe there was a way you could make the thing work but it was so very low cut. So much tape had been used to make sure no slips happened but damn was it worth it! The beaded bodice with the sparkling long sleeves, gods, how you loved that dress.

"I'm inclined to agree with our shark boy. You're busty, who gives a damn. You looked hot as hell in that dress."

"My mother, that's who. As much as I'd like to not give a flying fuck what she thinks, for some dumb reason, I do. On top of her telling me that the amount of cleavage I would show would be vastly inappropriate for a wedding, she'd also say the way it hugs my hips makes them look too fat."

Mina rolled her eyes. "She's such a piece of work." Pushing herself up, she held her arms out to you, wiggling little pink fingers for you to take. "Come on then. Let's get you sorted."

"What about that one you wore to the charity art thingy with Kyoka last winter? The one with the silver top."

"Silver is too close to white." You called out from within your closet.

"What! Not true!"

"You know that. I know that. Every person with two brain cells knows that, which is why most of my family does not know that."

"Fine..." She whined and started sifting through the opposite end of your closet. "Oh, what about this?" Mina waved about the blue and green plaid skirt that made up your uniform from your middle school days when you lived in America. "Please try this on. I'm begging!"

You were pretty sure it wouldn't even go over your thighs anymore.

"It's got a better chance of fitting you!"

Mina threw it at you anyway. Slipping off the sweats you wore, somehow, someway, you were able to tug it on AND get it zipped, barely. It no longer covered your ass but you still enjoyed the way it swished around when you wiggled your hips.

"You could be fulfilling so many people's fantasies right now." Mina mused.

You pulled the skirt off and sweats back on, throwing the former back at her. "Yeah, you can take it and go fulfill Hanta's fantasies if you like. Not like I've got anyone to impress." You pulled down a dress you bought on sale a year ago but Mina was quick to dismiss it.

Too puffy, she said and then held up one that was from Momo. "I needed to get it shortened and I don't have time for that now."

"Wait..." She hummed and dropped the Momo dress. "I know what it should be!"

Mina hurried through the closet, grumbling about not finding it. "Just tell me which dress and I can tell you where it's at."

"It's that one you got for grad night and then you got sick and couldn't go!"

"Mina, Mina I can't wear that! That's actual vintage, not like, made-to-look-vintage!"

"But it's so elegant and has that off-the-shoulder sleeve thing. The wedding is at a damn sky lodge! It'll look so pretty in the snow! Ah! Found it!"

She yanked up the long, elegant gown from the garment bag you'd never removed it from. There wasn't a single wrinkle in the burgundy fabric. It looked just as beautiful as the day you found it in that second-hand store, on a mannequin with gaudy stage jewels that you just had to buy so the look was complete.

You ran the back of your hand over the velvety fabric, soft to the touch. "It'll be too tight now. If I was the same size I was at graduation-"

"Bullshit!" Mina cut you off with a dismissive hand, "You've got hips now. We aren't 18 anymore! It's not like it's some clubbing dress. And I bet no one would say a damn thing about your figure if they knew how easily you could crush them with those thighs!"

A smirk tugged at the corner of your lips. Without quirks, you gave every single one of your classmates a run for their money in hand to hand. Most were fairly easy to beat. You could usually take down Eijiro in about five or six minutes and Katsuki in half the time. Funny enough, it was Ochaco that gave you the hardest time.

"I'll consider it. But help me find something else just in case."

>>><<<

It was another two hours before you finally agreed on an a-line, empire waist green and gold number that had been the bridesmaid's dresses for Tetsutetsu's wedding. Mina thought they were a crime the first time they had to wear them, she had no idea what you were thinking.

That's why the moment you were preoccupied with trying to find yet another dress for the Sunday brunch, Mina pulled out her phone.

You: DO NOT, under any circumstances, allow Y/N to wear the green dress. She's bringing two because she can't decide. Red is the winner!

Jaws: Aw, come on. If she likes it, let her wear whatever she's comfortable in. She'll be under enough stress already.

You: Kirishima, it's the dress from Tetsu's wedding. The one that looks sparkly baby food.

It took him a second to respond.

Jaws: Alright. Understood. I thought you guys looked good but damn, she hated that dress.

You: We all did.

Mina looked at the message chain again and couldn't help but asked, "Are we just gonna ignore the fact that you and Eiji are flying all the way to America, last minute, to attend a wedding together, even though you're not together?"

"We've flown to the states before."

"For work!" She sat up eagerly. "This is different, Y/N! This is a date and not just a, like, casual date but a wedding date!"

You poked your head out of the closet. "No, it isn't. This is a friend helping another friend who stupidly mismarked an RSVP." You corrected very plainly but Mina wasn't one to give up so easily.

She whined, dragging out your name, "You guys have been doing this thing for ages. Why do you have to be so stubborn about it all!"

"What's that supposed to mean!"

Mina started ticking off points on her fingers. "He was the first person you opened up to at UA. You saved his life when he was busy saving Katsuki's life second year. You spent all that time interning together, became sidekicks together. Went to America together for three whole months, ALONE, and you honestly expect me to think there's nothing between the two of you!"

The truth of it all was simple really; 17 year old you had a massive crush on Eijiro Kirishima. He was sweet, always listening to you, providing comfort when you needed it, and always encouraging you to push your limits. He was bright and honest, a little slow in the head from time to time but that made him all the more endearing.

He was also head over heels in love with Katsuki Bakugo.

It was why you never made a move. Never spoke a word of the feelings you harbored. You didn't dare to cross that line with him because you couldn't ever hold a candle to the explosive man.

In the three years Eijiro and Katsuki spent together, your brain finally started registering Eijiro as just a friend, nothing more, and certainly nothing less. You thought your heart had followed suit but it was becoming more and more apparent that wasn't the case. Because the night he showed up at your door, tears in his ruby eyes, every lock you put on your heart broke open.

The same way you couldn't hold a candle to Katsuki, Eijiro couldn't hold one to Izuku. You knew exactly what he was feeling even if you never intended to tell him. Too overcome with fear. If Katsuki came back... that'd be it. Eijiro would go back and you wouldn't even blame him!

Still, the redhead consumed a decent chunk of your heart though, you couldn't deny that after the three months you spent together in America, gathering intel on a smuggling ring, living in the same apartment. The groggy, 'good mornings' when his voice was still scratchy with sleep, hair falling in his eyes. The late nights bandaging wounds and killing cheap bottles of wine while watching terrible American reality shows.

It was those bottles of wine that did you in on your second to last night in America. Supplying you with courage and draining your sense of reason, allowing you to crawl onto his lap, into his arms. You could still remember the pressure of his lips on yours, those sharp teeth gently dragging along your lower lip.

Scared hands tracing the curve of your ass before taking handfuls to squeeze. The laugh that came from you was unlike anything you heard before, something so genuine that you couldn't reproduce.

How it felt when he lifted you up and took you to his bed, laying you down taking his time removing your clothes, and watching with awe as you pulled away his own. The way he looked over top of you, his hair a curtain of red around you just before you closed your eyes, gasping while he filled you.

You also remembered the guilt that crept into your head during the wee hours of the morning, the doubt that was louder than the snores coming from behind you.

It made you slip from under his massive arm, gather up your clothes from his floor, you tucked the blanket around him, and pressed a kiss to his temple before padding out of the room.

You told yourself you'd talk to him about it if he brought it up, but he never did. Not the next morning, or night, not on the plane ride back home, nor anytime since. It was a memory you'd hold close to your heart, one you wouldn't let slip away or share.

"There's nothing there, Mina. We're just good friends is all." You lied with a smile on your face, something that had become surprisingly easy to do.

If only you knew that Mina saw right through it. That Mina already knew the truth of it all.

>>><<<

It was nearly one in the morning when your phone rang. The goofy picture of Eijiro with face half painted at a festival a few years back never failed to make you grin.

"It's a little late." You answered by way of greeting.

"Don't pretend like you were anywhere close to sleeping, you little night owl."

Chuckling at the nickname that had followed you since high school, "What's up, Eiji?"

"I was going over flights. You said in the office that you wanted to leave on Friday?"

"Yeah. I have patrol tomorrow and I didn't find any flights after 6 PM so, Friday is the earliest."

He was quiet on the other line for a moment. "Yeah, you don't have patrol tomorrow, or work at all for that matter."

You sat up a bit straighter in bed. "Um, yes I do."

"No, you don't. I called Mina, asked her if you'd mind taking that shift for you and, since she knows what's happening, she agreed the extra day for travel would do you some good. So, she's covering you tomorrow then you're off work until next Wednesday. As for me, thanks to all that overtime I put in when Denki, Kyoka, and Hitoshi got married, the three of them are splitting up my days so I have until Wednesday too."

Eijiro sounded impossibly proud on the other line, you could almost see the smirk on his face. "You've got this all planned out, don't you?"

"And a bag nearly packed. Just need you to tell me what ties to bring."

"Gold, burgundy, and black."

"Thought your mom said no black for you?"

"She said no black for the wedding. She said nothing about black at the brunch!"

You couldn't wait to put on the tea-length dress that had been a favorite for years. Satin with a lacy top and, best of all, pockets.

He let out a rumbling laugh that fell off into comfortable silence as you laid back in your bed, lights still on, the room still a mess. You tapped the speaker icon and laid the phone on the pillow right beside your head, listing to the various sounds of Eijiro moving around.

A door creaking open, a hanger clattering against another, and a zipper. "And just like that, I'm all set."

"Don't forget your passport or hero license."

"I have one in my wallet and the other in my backpack."

You swiped up on your iPad, off Netflix, and going to google, lazily searching through flights. "So, did you find any good flights since you've clearly been looking?"

Another chuckle, "Eijiro, why are you laughing?" More stifled giggles had you sitting up in bed again. "Just tell me a site you were on. They're just flights, what's so funny?"

"There isn't a site."

"You said you were checking flights."

"And I was... on my family's jet."

"Eiji! No! No, no, no! That is supposed to be for their business or hero things! My stupid cousin's wedding is neither of those things!"

"Relax, Y/N. My family has multiple and they don't have any business trips planned right now anyways. I already cleared it with my mom. Seriously, I just mention your name and she's likely to let me have it for a whole year at least. Plus Todoroki's is back up in working order so the agency is covered too."

Damn, why'd he have to be so good at planning from time to time! You'd completely forgotten about the second jet his family had. Always opting for the larger one since the few missions they needed it for required them to bring fifty or so heroes along.

"Besides, if we fly private, we can land at an airstrip closer to the venue and won't need to drive four hours on top of a ten-hour flight."

"Alright, okay, thank you but, let me take care of the rental car, please. It's the least you can let me do."

"Deal. I just have one more question for ya."

"What's that?"

"Wanna leave tonight?"

You nearly dropped your damn iPad in shock. "Eijiro! What the fuck has gotten into you! It's the middle of the night!"

"I'm excited!" He boomed, "I haven't had a vacation in months!"

"I hate to break this to you, buddy, but this isn't going to be a vacation. You really shouldn't get your hopes up. This isn't going to be a good time with laughs and fun memories... my family, they just, they aren't those kinds of people."

"But we are." He stated matter-of-factly. "If they want to have sticks up their asses then let them! We'll have a good time on our own, laugh and make fun memories! So, what do you say, Y/N? I can be at your place in fifteen. I just gotta put shoes on and grab my keys..."

"Wait, hang on. Are you forgetting that we need someone to, oh, I dunno, FLY THE PLANE! Actually, we need two someone's, can't forget about a co-pilot!"

He hummed happily and you rubbed your temples. "You, you have a pilot and a co, don't you, Eiji?"

"Mhm! There is a company we use. Two can be at the hanger in an hour and every hour after that. I just have to make the call and get the flight plan approved which will be done before I even get to your house."

There was literally no reason to say no. You had mostly everything packed, nothing you needed to get from the store, all you had to do was put on pants and pack up your hygiene bag and you were ready too. Maybe getting there quicker and getting the whole thing over with would be better than staying home dwelling on everything.

"Better put your shoes on."

The glee in his voice, that was enough to make this whole thing worth it, "I'll see you soon."

>>><<<

Eijiro reached into the backseat and plopped a bag down on your lap the very moment you were buckled in. "Had to make a pit stop." He explained.

"It's after two in the morning, where'd you have to..."

"Just open the bag and don't complain."

You found it filled to the brim with all your favorite snacks.

"I'm sure the plane will have a bunch of snacks we can raid but I know for a fact they don't have these." He held up a pack of cookies and creme flavored pocky that had been his favorite for as long as you'd known him, quickly followed by your favorite flavor too. You also found a massive bag of gummy worms and jolly ranchers.

"So, what you're telling me is our teeth are going to rot by the time we land? Not that I'm complaining."

You ripped open the bag of ranchers knowing that was what he'd go for first and sure enough his hand dove inside just as he pulled away from the curb. You could hear his dangerously sharp teeth biting through the rock candy like it was nothing while you still rolled one around your mouth.

Eijiro asked you about the resort you'd be going to, wondering if you'd been there before or what other stuff you guys could do when you weren't dealing with your family. "I figured we could fly back Monday night or Tuesday morning, you know, just play it by ear in case there was anything else we wanted to do."

More than anything, you wished you could just leech a little bit of that excitement from him. The glimpses of his smile you caught as you drove under the street lights made your heart ache.

"What?" He asked with that wide smile of his. You'd been caught staring, red-handed.

"I, uh, I just don't know what to tell you."

You could see the subtle change of his grin, watch as it softened and his hand came to rest on your thigh. "Hey, it's gonna be fine! And if we run into them while out doing stuff, you can just avoid them or hide behind me!" At least hiding behind Eijiro is an easy thing to do, damn mountain of a man.

His thumb slowly brushed back and forth. "'S gonna be okay. I'll beat 'em up if they're assholes!"

You snickered at his Katsuki impression and let the drone of the radio fill the air around you both. Enjoying the silence the rest of the way to the hanger with Eijiro's hand atop your leg.

[calif0rnia-lovers]

safe haven.

A/N: Don’t mind me, just giving J a normal high school romance--one where his family is not involved. Set in S1 of Animal Kingdom. First time writing for this guy, so let me know what you think 

Pairing: Josh Cody x Black!OC

Rating: 💙 A soft piece with the youngest Cody, and the girl he tries to keep secret from his new found family. 

Request: Convincing J to study bc he's too caught up in the family business to worry about midterms

Words: 3.3k

Josh tightens his grip, crushing the letter in his hand. Left inside the unaddressed envelope, the letter remains unread. There is no point in reading it. J got the gist of the letter from the conversation with the counselor. He discards the crumpled mess in a nearby trash can.

The end of the school week produces a flood of excited teenagers emptying into the parking lot.

J's mind is on the previously discarded letter.

It was a letter of truancy, addressed to his grandmother, his current guardian. It has been months since the passing of J's mother. The school's patience has spread thin. His grades have not dropped, but his attendance has.

His mind is on the letter when he fishes his keys out of his front pocket. His pace slows before he comes to a complete stop a few feet short of his truck. The truck is where he left it, but there's a new addition.

It now has a powder blue backpack on the hood. Seated beside the backpack is the prettiest girl in school.

Cori Edwards has a familiar pair of black shades concealing her dark brown eyes -- now J remembers where he left them. She has abandoned the denim jacket he caught a glimpse of her in earlier. A knowing smile spreads across her face as she watches his eyes linger on the sundress she wears. As his eyes return to hers, J can't deny the smile on his lips.

The last time he saw Cori, for longer than the brief seconds they pass in the halls, was a month ago. This year, it appeared fate wanted to test the two. They had the same classes, the same teachers, but never at the same time. A few months ago, this meant they spent all of their free time stealing kisses at lunch and in the halls. They would then make up for lost time as soon as the school bell rang.

But things have changed too much. 

J's mother didn't keep track of his movements. His grandmother and uncles, J came to learn, analyze his actions. Keeping secrets has become second nature to him since moving into the Cody House. The one secret he swore he'd never reveal was Cori. He hasn't introduced her to Smurf or his uncles. He hasn't shared much about how his life has changed, upon his moving into their house, with Cori.

After so many vague responses, Cori understood it was better not to ask questions. She didn't want to spend her limited time arguing with J. Only, in the last month their limited face time has dwindled. Fizzed out to nothing.

A few texts here. A few long spread out phone calls there.

It was after one of those texts that their last reunion had taken place.

J might have been slightly drunk -- sober enough to drive, and park his truck a block from Cori's parent’s house. He had climbed through her bedroom window. The act itself was not graceful. His tumble through the window at three am woke her dad. Her dad came in to find Cori “still sleeping,” the toppled over AP Calculus and Physics books on the floor enough incentive for him to return to bed.

Once the coast was clear, J managed to strip before climbing into bed alongside her. All she received was a quick kiss before his arm was around her. He was out before his head hit the pillow. He left Cori with no time to inquire about his reasoning behind showing up drunk. Or about the black eye and busted lip. He had to sneak out in the morning before her parents got up.

Rumor has it J’s been showing up to school, even if Cori's rarely seen him there. He shows up for three days, almost like clockwork. Technically, it is enough to stop the school from legally reporting him for truancy. Until the counselor concluded it was time J stopped playing that game--which brings us to J's current situation.

He's standing in the parking lot, keys in hand, staring at his girlfriend -- at least he thinks she's still his girlfriend. Is it weird if he leads with that question?

As he stands before her, the only thought in his mind is how much he's missed her smile.

Jingling the keys in his hand, J regards the innocent smile on Cori's lips before shaking his head.

“You got a tracker on me, I don’t know about, Edwards?”

“Nope. It’s just a Cody sighting is kind of a big deal in these halls,” Cori sighs lightly as her eyes pass over the crowded parking lot. “Word gets around pretty fast when you actually show up.”

Cori’s words don't receive a verbal response. Her eyes are covered, but J knows what look lies inside them. The look causes his eyes to avoid hers. His hand rubs against the back of his neck, a soft chuckle leaving his lips.

"Haven’t seen you around lately, Josh." She continues, the warmth of her fingers against his chin lifting J's gaze. Cori raises her sunglasses, her eyes passing over his face. "Nice to know your black eyes is gone."

"Yeah--sorry about that night." The smile on his lips is sheepish as he watches her study his face. He mentally kicks himself for the following line--he knows it's getting old. He says it anyway. "I had some family stuff-"

"That left you drunk with a black eye and busted lip?"

J takes in her raised brow, his shoulders sink.

What can he say?

I got my ass kicked after I was caught in the act of stealing some guy's car. Granted, my uncle saved my ass, but not before I got a black eye and busted lip?

No. He can't say that.

If he does, then he would have to explain why he was stealing a car in the first place. And that is a rabbit hole J isn't willing to jump down--not with her.

The passing of her fingers through his hair causes J to speak up.

"Sorry. I know you're tired of bullshit excuses." He shakes his head.

"I'm used to it," Cori sighs, her hands falling to her lap.

Before he can stop himself, J's hands are on her thighs pulling her closer. His lips are on hers.

"I'm sorry. You look nice," he smiles as his lips press a second kiss against hers.

"Hmm?"

"I’m serious," he chuckles as his hand finds her waist.

"Trust me, I know it’s true," she laughs. "I’m just trying to figure out why it’s taken you so long to say it."

"I’ve been busy," he begins. "With-"

"Family stuff," Cori nods, her hand waving to dismiss the subject. "I know, but that's not what I tracked you down for. I have so graciously blessed you with my presence because you owe me two things."

"What are they?" J's brow arches, a soft smile on his lips.

Cori drops her hand for his cheek. J's eyes remain on her as she leans back, weight resting against her palms.

"I need a ride home," she lightly pats the hood of the car. "And I need a study buddy."

J lets off a light scoff at the latter.

If there is one undisputed fact, it is Cori's academic ranking. She is top of their class. Between the two, J needs a study buddy to catch up to her perfect GPA.

"Okay. When?"

"Tonight, genius," her eyes roll as she pushes against his shoulder. "Josh, please don’t tell me you forgot we have midterms Monday."

J's eyes briefly drift shut.

"Shit--I have a family thing tonight."

"When?” Cori smiles as his eyes pass over the parking lot. The corners of J's lips turn up into a smile before his gaze returns to hers. “I’m just saying...it’s technically not nighttime yet…and being as you haven't seen me in ten thousand years...the least you can do is study with me...”

"What’s it gonna take for me to get out of this?"

Cori pauses to think.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

Shaking her head, Cori smiles as her hands find his shoulders. "There is absolutely nothing that you can give me for me to drop this."

"Damn."

"Unless,” Cori bites back her smile as her playful eyes meet his. “You want to tell me how much you missed me.”

“If that’s it,” J sighs, his lips stopping short of hers, “You might want to go ahead and find another ride home--”

“Shut up,” she giggles as his hands find her waist.

Helping her down, J steals a kiss before following Cori to the passenger side of his truck.

"I'm just giving you a ride home."

"Uh-huh." Turning to face him, she smiles as his lips press against hers.

She allows him a second kiss as J's arm wraps around her waist.

“To sweeten the deal,” she beams. “I’ll even let you take me out.”

"What is it?"

Cori's eyes remain on the surfers visible from the parking lot. She watches the girl who manages to ride the swell longer than the rest of the group. When she glances across the truck, she discovers J watching her. 

"What do you mean?" 

A low chuckle escapes J as he watches Cori busy herself with the task of finishing her milkshake. 

"What's on your mind?"

Despite her asking him to stop and grab something to eat, Cori hasn't said much to J. Even if she had, he knew her well enough to grasp Cori was waiting to ask him something. Her brown eyes raise to meet his gaze before she lets out a breath. 

"It's kinda stupid."

"Coming from you?" His brow arches as his fingers interlace with hers. "I doubt it."

Cori's gaze remains on their interlaced fingers as she speaks.

"It's just, the winter formal is coming up. I figured we could go together."

She glimpses up once her suggestion is met with silence. J's brow is a furrowed, a hesitant smile on his lips. 

His thoughts are racing--he's praying this is the initial time she's breached the subject. That he hadn't missed any hints in his haze the past weeks.

"Seriously? You never want to go to those things."

Cori's eyes roll. J's right. In the last two years, neither of them have attended the school’s dances. 

She bites her lip before opting to take another sip of her strawberry shake. 

"You really wanna go?" A light shrug is what J gets in response. "If you want to go, I'll go."

"It's just--we're going to be done with school soon. We have to go to at least one--"

"And prom?"

"That's not up for debate. Your ass is taking me to prom, Joshua Cody." Cori laughs as J's lips press against her fingers. 

J's smile fades as a ringtone interrupts the conversation. He releases Cori's hand before retrieving his cellphone from the truck's console. 

She silently observes as he reads the name on the screen. 

Baz. 

She remembers the name--he is one of J's uncles--but that's where her knowledge ends. The furrow of J's brow sets in as he declines the call.

“So...this family thing," she notes, as his eyes meet hers. Before she can get the rest of her thought out, a text comes through recapturing J's attention. "It must be pretty important.”  

J's shrug seems outlandish when held alongside the urgency of his uncle. In the time it took to eat, J's phone has got several notifications. Each time, he pauses long enough to silence the call and proceeds as if it never came. 

“It’s just a thing with my uncles.” His mood is light as he sets the phone back down. His easiness returns as he meets her eyes. "Smurf's pretty serious about everyone being home for it." 

He can notice the slight hesitance in her eyes before she offers him a smile in return.

Leaning across the car, J presses a kiss against her cheek. His lips drift to her neck. 

"I'll get the tickets Monday," he mumbles as his lips retrace their steps. "Promise."

J's truck is parked engine idling. His left-hand rests against the steering wheel, his eyes on her.

Cori has removed her seatbelt. Her body is turned in the seat so that she faces J. She toys with the hem of her dress instead of moving to get out.

"It was good to see you, J."

"Yeah," J agrees. Her eyes lift to meet his, the soft smile on his lips stretching into a grin. "You too."

J opens his mouth to continue the thought, but Cori has already turned away from him. He watches as she retrieves her backpack from the back seat.  

"Cori," J clears his throat. The action hinders Cori's opening of the door. Her hand hovers over the handle. "Maybe we can hang-"

"Nope.”

J blinks. His brow furrows as a silence falls over the car.

"If you want to see me again," Cori teases, her hand falling from the handle. "It will be in school."

"Why do I have a feeling you're not gonna let this go?" J's eyes roll softly as Cori leans across the car. "You’re serious?" 

"Because I'm not letting this go," she smiles sweetly, ignoring the chuckle the action pulls from J. "And, I'm 'lock my window' serious, Josh. Show up if you want, and I’ll leave you outside."

The smile on Cori's lips grows as J's gaze falls from hers. His tongue passes over his lips as she leans closer.

His eyes drift shut as her giggle fills the car before Cori presses a kiss against his cheek. She leaves a second kiss before moving away. Hopping out of the truck, Cori slips her backpack onto her shoulders.

"Think about what’s important to you, Cody," she beams before shutting the door.

J picks up his phone. The screen lights up as a new text message appears.

6 missed calls. Baz

7 missed texts. Baz

1 missed text. Craig

He opens the most recent notification from Craig.

Dude. Call Baz back so he'll stop losin his shit. You know we got that thing tonight

Cori is in the process of unlocking the door when she hears the sound of his car door slamming. Looking over her shoulder, she smiles as J crosses the driveway backpack over his shoulder.

"Two hours,” he concedes. J is powerless to the tug of her hand as Cori pulls him inside. “Then I have to go. Baz is blowing up my phone.”

"Then we better get started."

J's fingers comb through his hair, the brown eyes trained on him forcing him back to reality.

Judging by the look on Cori's face, this is not the first time she has spoken. Heat rushes to his face as J's gaze reverts to the stack of notecards in his hands.

"Uh--yeah," he clears his throat as he shifts in the computer chair. "That's right."

He steals a second glance at her, the smile on Cori's lips not helping with his current situation.

"Of course it is," she winks. Her gaze returns to the review sheet. She stops to make a note alongside the term The Baroque.

The two are currently in the midst of an AP European History review.

J isn't much help, but Cori doesn't need it. Each of her responses is correct. That's good for J. He's spent the last thirty minutes distracted.

It's a good thing Cori claimed the bed, laying on her stomach as she pulled out her notebook. J took the computer chair opposite of her. If Cori had let him join her on the bed, no studying would have taken place.

It doesn't matter that a month has passed. J hasn't been able to keep his eyes off Cori Edwards since her arrival freshman year.

A smile creeps across his face as J's eyes meet Cori's for a second time.

"You need a break, Cody?" The grin on her lips widens as Cori rests her chin in her hand. "You seem distracted."

"Just thinking about how you don't need these." J lifts the cards in his hands before discarding them on the nearby desk. "You never have."

"Hmm..." Cori's eyes return to the review sheet. She pauses to add more to the notes written neatly in the margins. "True, but you do."

Pushing herself up, she passes over the review sheet. Written neatly in the top right-hand corner is J's name.

"I made this for you Tuesday night."

J studies the sheet for a moment, his fingers massaging his temple as he takes in Cori's study guide.

Shit--she's right. He does need it. He missed the review session on Tuesday. The thing about AP Euro is that it's not as straight forward as Trig. J can ace his Trig midterm in his sleep. AP Euro is a whole separate story.

"Thanks, Cori," he sighs. The grateful look in his eyes as he watches her cross the room earns him a warm smile. "You didn't have to-"

"Oh, trust me, I know." Taking his hand in her, Cori lowers herself down onto his lap. "But, I know you have a lot going on. Besides, making the sheet helped me review for the test."

"I love you. You know that?"

"As you should." Taking his face in her hands, Cori smiles as J meets her gaze. She closes the remaining distance between their lips. "I love you too."

As her lips drift to his neck, fingers slipping beneath the hem of his t-shirt, J pushes her dress up her thighs.

"I thought we were studying," he chuckles, his lips returning to hers.

"We're taking a break," she giggles. "You’re useless when you’re distracted."

When he wakes, J knows he’s overstayed. He was meant to leave by four. It’s four thirty. 

The cellphone, humming on the surface of Cori’s desk, sounds through the bedroom. J doesn’t lift his head from the pillow. Instead, he watches her face scrunch in irritation as the sound gradually pulls Cori out of her sleep.

“You gotta go?” She breathes, her eyes remaining shut as she tries to fall back to sleep.

“I should,” he chuckles. His finger traces the curve of Cori's shoulder. “Your parents will probably be home soon.”

“You’re right.” A soft giggle follows as J's arm wraps around her waist, pulling her body across the bed. “You should probably go.”

Despite his words, J makes no move to leave the bed. He sinks his face into her neck. His weight presses her into the mattress as her arms wind around his neck. He stays there for almost ten minutes. His eyes closed, listening to the delicate pattern of her pulse. Neither says a word. Cori knows the time has come to let him go when J presses a soft kiss against her skin before forcing himself up.

“I have some family shit I gotta handle,” J huffs as his palms rub against his eyes. “So, um, I probably won’t be on my phone for most of the weekend.”

“Okay.”

J proceeds to redress, his body in no rush to leave, as his phone starts again.

He needs to go. Now.

J has prolonged his return to reality, and the Cody House, long enough. If he doesn’t call back shortly, Smurf might have a heart attack.

J tugs his t-shirt over his head. His eyes focus on the bedroom window. He’s shocked Smurf's car is not parked out front. It wouldn’t be the first time his grandmother has tracked him.

“I just meant--I might not be able to pick up if you call,” he crosses the room to meet Cori. The faint smile on his lips brings one to her. “You can text me.”

“Maybe,” Cori sighs as J's lips caress her cheek. “If I have time. I’ll have to check my schedule.”

She catches sight of his sparkling eyes before J’s lips are on hers. The kiss itself is soft, another step in his lingering goodbye. His lips linger against hers before pressing against hers a final time.

“Hey,” J pulls back, his fingers interlacing with hers. He gently squeezes her hand as she meets his gaze. “Thanks for today. I missed you.”

“You too.”

“I’ll text you later,” J smiles before retrieving his phone and backpack.

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[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Stan's Friend (Holy, Part 4.)

Series description: Your bestie Kim was a free-spirited person who wasn’t exactly concentrated on finding herself a partner. Yet one day, she recieves a phone number and this time, you didn’t want to keep the person on the other end hanging. And so, you text them, no matter who they are.

Part summary: Sydney realized who is the strange person texting her - not knowing she settled on a completely wrong person. 

A/N: I know that the role in the gif is Bev from IT, but, I mean, they are both equally cute, since portrayed by the same actress. Miss Sophia Lillis, you have the young queers shook, to put it simply. 

Word count: 2.5 K

Tagging: @nemodoren​ @deadpoolcouldshootme​

Sydney’s tape: go fuck yourself

Series masterlist: H E R E

Sydney was almost blowing up with excitement when the strange person texted her that... It's a regular thing now. This was flirting... Right? She just flirted. Online. The only thing that would turn her away from continuing would be the person being a boy.

After a short ride with Dina, she knew that girls are... Her stick. Boys were fine, they were cool and all - but not a real relationship option for Sydney. For example, Stan was the coolest Sydney ever had known. And they were the greatest friends.

When it came to a relationship with Dina... Yeah. The relationship was a short, yet intense ride. And when they both realized, they decided they were better off as friends. The relationship they had now was better than the one before. And also, they had way more weird, funny selfies.

So, that was probably the only thing Sydney wanted from a relationship - for her significant other not to have a weenie. The other thing was to get along with their personalities.

When Stanley asked her, what kind of type she has, her head was empty. Syd wasn't able to say a single word regarding what she loves in girls. She liked something else on each of her small crushes. No-one was perfect, no-one was bad in particular. Every girl was different. And every girl was beautiful.

That was the deal. Every fucking girl was beautiful. Sydney was sometimes overwhelmed when she sat in the cafeteria and suddenly, all the beauty hit her face. Fast and hard, oh, yeah.

"The thing is... Drumrolls... I'm kinda texting with someone." - Syd told to Stan with both her fists shoved into the pockets of her jacket, walking around the small pavement in front of her school. Stan popped his eyes out with surprise in his face, motioning for her to continue. - "That's it. I don't know who they are, I don't know if it's a girl, a boy, or someone else... And I'm interested. The whole secret is out." - She finished while Stanley sat there with her knee over the other one, his chin supported with the back of his palm.

"On the other hand, before the break came, I heard you kinda have something going on?" - Sydney asked suggestively, sitting right next to him. - "I have something going on? Well, come on, tell me. I didn't know until now." - Stan smiled and bumped his shoulder to hers. - "Someone heard the conversation after the big exam. You know... The biology one. You and... What's her name again? Laura?" - Syd tried to guess. Yet when Stan figured what she's talking about, he started to laugh out loud.

"You mean Y/N? That cute girl who sits like two rows behind me? Oh, that's great." - Stanley proceeded to a bigger wave of laughter. He looked almost hysterical while doing it. - "I wish she would be interested. I wish, man." - "But everyone's saying they heard you proposing to her and her saying it back?" - "It was a damn joke. There's... Nothing going on between me and her. Unfortunately." - Stan snickered once more, having a breaking smile on her face.

"You'll have to tell everyone in the school then. Give it a week and you'll be married or worse... Pregnant." - "What's wrong with being pregnant?" - Syd's best friend asked back, cracking at the terror in her face. Yet before she could get into the great terrors in great detail, someone had joined their small group.

And when Sydney realized who it was, her breath hitched. It was Kim. The pansexual girl from her English class. Also known as one of the girls Sydney had a crush on. The one who she sent her number at the concert. Her number. The concert. A sudden realization suddenly flashed over Syd's head. Hoooly fuck. Holy fuck. Holy... Fuck.

Sydney took a long, deep breath and tried to keep herself composed. With all the gay panic she possessed, her gaze fell on Stanley. But Barber didn't pay her any attention.

"Hey, Stan, what's up?" - The incomer smiled at Stanley, performing some kind of a handshake. Sydney was watching every move the girl did, she watched the girl's smile, the posture... Everything. God. She was so hot. - "Pretty good, man, pretty good. How was the break?" - Barber asked back, performing his part of the supersecret handshake.

"We were out of the town, drinking with some friends." - The girl rolled her eyes, making the beanie on the top of her head look presentable. Sydney's grimace fell even deeper into the horror state, further realizing who Kim could be. - "You?" - "I was working in the local bowl alley, making sure everyone had everything they needed." - "You did a bad fucking job." - Kim responded, having Stan's mouth hanging open. - "I sold you at least seven gs just for the damn four-day break. What did you guys do to it, you fed it to the cows?" - Stan wiggled his eyebrows once more, finally picking up his stuff to get ready for the school day starting soon.

Sydney followed a couple of friends closely, still having that gay panic inside of her. Should she come forward? Should she just ask? Should she go for it? No, she shouldn't. No. No, she had to do it. Maybe. No, it was bullshit. But suddenly, she heard herself saying...

"Did you like the clouds on Monday?" - Syd got out of herself suddenly, putting the conversation flow between Stan and Kim on hold. The girl turned at Sydney with a weird emotion in her face. - "What did you say?" - "I asked if... If you... Liked the clouds on Monday. They were pink... And blue... And..."

"I hadn't even notice, to be honest. I must've missed a great fucking view." - Kim answered and took the strap of her backpack to her palm. Just as the panic and revelation came in, the same way if suddenly left her body. So... Kim wasn't the one texting her. If she would be the one, she'd surely know about the sky. Or maybe she was drunk as fuck. That was probably that.

As the school day progressed on, she was still in something similar to a trance. It was kind of a miracle that there existed the slightest chance of Kimberly being the girl texting her. And although her ego almost shot through the roof the Brownsville, there was something telling her... This can't be. It was too good to be true.

For real - she was as wrong as she could be. Kimberly was nowhere near to be the strange person texting her. Why? She forced the number to someone else in the first place, didn't she? And the girl to who she was texting was sitting in the cafeteria with her forehead forced to the desk of the table as she almost gave up on her highschool studies once again. - "I can't do this Kim." - "You can. You're just too much of a dingus to know that." - Your best friend mumbled through her teeth as she played with her mashed potatoes. - "Now. My life is literally over. I shall pass now." - "It's just PE, Y/N, Jesus. Stop whining." - "I can tell teached I have period." - Your eyes widened with excitement. Suddenly, you felt the life passing through you. - "No, you did that last week, dingus." - Kimberly mouthed and looked at you dying on the table again.

At that moment, Brock and Aaron finally joined the table - the boy looked at you laying on the table with real tears in your eyes. Aaron being your best buddy, he already knew what was going on - Brock was a bit scared by the way you looked. At least until Aaron asked the question. - "It's PE day again?" - The quarterback sighed as he watched your sad face. - "You are an athlete, idiot, you wouldn't get what I'm going through." - At that, both Kim and Aaron exchanged a quick glance over the full plates of food.

No matter how hard you tried to riot against it, the PE was still coming. Your mind couldn't make the whole class simply disappear - that would be fucking cool if you could do that, though. As usual, you ran so much that you almost puked out your lungs, your limbs almost fell down from your body and your head was spinning heavily. And Kim did give you the piss for that, naturally. When this torture was over finally, you were allowed to go home. Jesus, did you take this grace with a big smile on your face? You were happy. Genuienly happy. Possibly no-one in the whole class was so much anti-PE as you were.

For the first time in the last few weeks, you didn't mind being at home just to study. This time, you could text with the friend on the other side of the screen. This filled you with excitement - just to know what are they like. Sure, there was this pressure of realization that one day, you'll be very interested in who they actually were. Yet for now, it was as innocent as it gets.

All you texted about was your day at school - further proving that you have the same teachers, you are going to the same school and that you possibly have some classes together. Just when you were about to end the whole conversation, since it got fairly late and it was already late along with you being tired beyond physically possible. Yet at the moment you realized that someone's standing in your garden, blasting their flashlight into your damn window. Slowly, you walked to the window to take a good look at the person. It wasn't Kim or Aaron, at least you thought so, because they would just text to you bring your fat ass outside because they want to talk with you.

After quite a moment, you realized it's Stanley fucking Barber standing in there - and most noticeably, he was barefooted. Quickly, you glanced over the phone screen, typing a quick text before putting on a sweatshirt. - "What the hell are you doing here? And who told you where I live?" - You whisper-shouted after you managed to manouvre through the quiet and dark house. Your parents were already asleep. And since it was eleven in the evening, you should be asleep too. But instead of that, you were walking through your garden to a barefooted fool standing there. - "I wanted to talk to you, apologize and..." - He quickly whipped a joint out of his shirt. - "I brought you something to help you forgiving me." - This didn't make any sense. For what was he apologizing? Sure, the joint caught your eye, but this was a nonsense.

"Let's move to the gazebo in the park. I don't want our garden smelling like we grow weed here." - You stated swiftly and led Stan out of your garden. - "But how do you know where I live? This is fucking creepy, Barber." - It was getting a bit calmer inside of you. Finally, you weren't near your house with a barefoot weed dealer - so your parents couldn't see something they shouldn't see. - "I asked your friend, that tall football boy. I explained what's going on and it seems that he also already knew about what happened." - Stan looked at you with a sweet smile.

"I've heard that I'm dating you, yeah. Everyone heard about this." - There was nothing true about you liking Stanley or you and him dating. But it was just a rumour going between the people, maybe it had some post on your school's social media for what you could know. You knew that this story will be gone in a month or so. After the Christmas holiday, there will be at least one girl who will be proclaimed a whore or worse, she'd be pregnant. This was just a short-timed story. - "It's kinda impossible to miss. But I don't care." - "I also... Don't care." - Stan shrugged his shoulders, looking at you intensely. For a moment, he got so close that you felt the need to move away for a bit. - "Yeah. That's your brand, ain't it? You are the mister of zero fucks. Or so I've heard."

Finally, the gazebo was in front of you - so you both took a position that was comfortable for both of you and then, you watched Stanley lighting up the joint. Your phone buzzed inside your pocket, catching the boy's stare. - "Who's that? A secret lover?" - The boy bit his lower lip as he leaned closer to you, clearly quite meaning the question even through his playful tone. - "I wish. It's probably Kim telling me about another of her crushes." - Quickly, you glanced over the screen and even if you realized that it's the girl you've been texting with, you tried to roll your eyes. Stan gave you the joint and you nodded before taking in a lot of smoke inside your lungs, keeping it in.

"I didn't know anyone would hear that... You know... The biology thing." - Stan started to talk about another thing once more. It was possibly the first time that you've seen the mister of zero fucks giving some form of a fuck. - "I told you Stan. Don't think about it. It's just a fucking rumor." - With this, you put the joint back to Stan's hand. There was a long silence - and when you looked at Stanley, seeing the boy watching you back, you understood what that was about. Your expression changed drastically - your mouth opened just as much as your eyes. Stanley was bringing up something more than a rumor. Maybe expecting to come out as more than a rumor from this gazebo night.

"Stan... No. No. No." - It was almost funny, the way you shook your head at the speed of light. You had about two minutes before the joint kicks on - so this friendzoning had to happen quickly and emotionlessly. - "Don't take this seriously, Stan, you're a good guy... But I'm fresh after break-up and even though it seems that I like you, it's just your view of the situation. It's quite literally inside your head, okay? We're barely friends... So... Let's keep it on barely friends level, yea?" - This rant was so quick that Stan almost didn't catch a single word. And when it was over, he started to laugh out loud; he was laughing like a psycho. - "I was just curious. Now I know and I'll keep it cool, come on, sit down. You're tripping me out, man." - Once again, Stanley gave you back the joint, nodding at you. With a shy smile, you accepted it once again and sit the fuck down so you wouldn't trip Stanley out anymore.

That night, you both got super fucking high and had a great time, because Stanley Barber was such a cool dude. And it was a privilege to have him as your friend.

[overthestars-and-offtoneverland]

Ignore This Post If You Don’t Want To Deal With Heavy Stuff

This is a personal post and it’s not a fun one. If you’d rather not deal with my stuff, I’d try to scroll past this one.

I’m just really hurt and I need to get this out of my system.

It’s not news that my dad is an abusive piece of shit if you’ve been following me for a while. Truth be told, my mom isn’t that much better. She feeds off of his toxicity that he shows to her and takes out the bullshit of being married to him onto me.

I was a teen pregnancy in the South. Go fucking figure.

And I’ve been abused by them for the last 20+ years. Usually psychological and emotional, but it has gotten physical. As sick as it is, I’m kind of glad they take out most their bullshit on me. That means my brothers get as little of it as possible, but they still aren’t immune when my dad goes on rampages.

One light in my life is my grandmother. My dad’s mom. I don’t know how he ended up this way with a mother like her. Unfortunately the closest thing I’ve had to a real dad, her husband, is no longer with us.

I actually kept a lot of the abuse a secret from them. I don’t know why. Fear? The belief that I deserved it somehow? I don’t know if Max ever really knew how badly my dad was killing me. Part of me wishes he didn’t.

My grandmother has become more aware of the abuse over the last few years because I’ve been more open about it. But I still kept secrets. I never told her that I was diagnosed with PTSD. I never told her how my dad would hunt me down if I tried to run from him, or the time he hit me and then threatened to let me live on the street if I ran away from home again, or the time he ripped my door off it’s hinges because I was trying to hide from him and made me live without a door for 6 months because I “didn’t deserve privacy”, or when he ripped my tv out of the wall and threw it out the window...

And I don’t think I could ever bring myself to tell her about my suicide attempt when I was 12 and how when he found out I tried to kill myself he started screaming at me more. Telling me I was selfish and how I would go to hell. I can’t tell her about any of my other attempts either.

She’s appalled by her son’s behavior. Rightfully so. And she does her best to protect me, but there’s only so much she can do. She’d let me live with her again like I did last summer if she could because she wants me away from him, but my uncle and his sons needed a place to live so there’s no room for me. I’m not angry at that reasoning at all, I swear. She did the right thing and my cousins really needed her. I’m glad she could help them.

Things were already tense at the house because of what happened my graduation day. I used my preferred name when I crossed the stage because I, mistakenly, thought that that one day was about me and I should have been as happy and comfortable as possible. My father disagreed. But my grandmother defended me because I did nothing wrong.

That was the first time my grandmother got a taste of his behavior as an adult directly. She’d dealt with his violence as a teenager, but it was never directed at her before. 

Things seemed to have gotten better these past few months. My parents found a use in me.

My little brothers are in their school band and my mother asked me to help them with a fundraiser: a dinner play they wanted to put on. Since I had experience with theater, I knew that putting on a dinner play was going to be more expensive than they anticipated. Paying for the royalties and copyright alone would put them in the red. So, I offered to write one myself. For free.

I spent days learning how to write a play because I’d only done stories and poems before and I spent days writing it until it was good enough to put my name on. It wasn’t Shakespeare, sure, but I was proud of it. And people seemed to like it, so we were getting ready to make it a reality. I would direct it and kids from my brothers’ school would act in it after I held auditions.

I was so excited that something I wrote would be out there for people to enjoy. I was so excited to work with the stage again and help kids find a passion for the theater.

Today we had auditions. Or we were supposed to.

Only four kids showed up. That was less people than there were parts.

But, I gave them a fair audition. And I passed out parts as I could. I even gave a part to girl even though I knew she would be better for a different part, but she was the only one that auditioned for that part and I had no other choice. I gave a part to a kid who couldn’t act worth a damn because I had no one else, so I told her she could have the part and I would work with her to help her get the performance I was looking for.

I was crushed! I was told that so many people were interested in my play and that the drama class would join in because they liked the idea.

But I didn’t take that out on the kids or their auditions. Everyone got a fair shot.

But, my cast wasn’t completed. My mother told me that they would invite other kids and try to fill in the missing parts with more auditions and I agreed because what else could I do?

I made it clear that the cast we had wasn’t the official one and I did not give out scripts to the “cast” to learn there lines because of it.

But then I found out the reason auditions were so bare. The posters advertising the auditions gave out the wrong date! The drama kids were told the wrong day!

The adults in charge, myself included, missed a crucial mistake and kids that were enthusiastic about the auditions missed their chance!

So I made it clear that we would have more auditions on Monday for those who missed out because it wasn’t their fault.

And, since these were supposed to be fair and equal auditions, I told everyone upfront. If there were other students that were better in these roles, the unofficial cast would lose the part they were given.

Because that’s how auditions work. Everyone gets a fair chance and the part goes to the best person for the role.

Apparently, this makes me selfish and power-hungry. 

My mother went on a tirade about how I should give special treatment and show favoritism to the students that showed up on the right day, despite the fact the the other students missed out because we messed up.

I told her no because the other students needed fair auditions.

She told me I wasn’t allowed to do my play if I was “going to hurt people’s feelings.” As if the children were toddlers that didn’t understand what auditions were. She claimed that me rejecting students would cause some sort of uprising.

I stood my ground. Everyone gets an equal chance.

If they wouldn’t do that, then they couldn’t use my play.

So my play was cancelled.

And it crushed me. So, I went to my room, privately, and cried.

Because I was hurt.

And I called my grandmother, who knew how hard I worked on the play and how excited I was to help. And I cried.

And then my father came home.

I heard him screaming down the hall at me. His voice was booming and I got scared. I was terrified. I was trembling. I thought he would come after me. I started pleading “No, no, no” under my breath but he could hear me and it made him even angrier.

He started screaming at me that I was behaving like a selfish child. His favorite insult when I wouldn’t do what he wanted. He called me power-hungry. I heard him banging on the walls so I knew how badly he wanted to hit me. He threatened me that he would give me a reason to act the way I was acting as if fearing him to my core wasn’t reason enough.

And I was still on the phone with a grandmother. She heard every word.

As quietly I started pleading with her to get me out of there. That I was scared and that I wasn’t safe. That I was afraid he was going to hurt me.

She told me to just hide in my room, but I knew that wasn’t a safe option because he rip the door off it’s hinges like he did before. And that was the first time I told her about that,

“He better not touch you.” She said that after a moment of silence once I revealed how much of a monster her son really was. Secrets started flooding out of me about what he’s done to me. How he hit me and when I ran away those women brought me back to him. I needed help I need to get out.

She tried to stay quiet so he couldn’t hear us.

She told me that she couldn’t come get me because that would make things worse. And I knew she was right. She was an abuse survivor herself and she knew what he would do to me if he knew I called for help from his mother.

She said she would get me tomorrow just to get me out of the house and to call her again when he couldn’t hear me anymore if he came back.

I skipped dinner that night. I was starving, but it didn’t seem worth it to go upstairs. Not while I was still crying. He hated me even more when I cried.

I couldn’t stop crying for a long time. Eventually I went numb. I hate when I go numb. I know he hates my emotions but I need them. I don’t want to feel nothing.

I’m sorry if some of the typing got erratic. I started crying again. I couldn’t see. 

If you stuck around this long. I’m sorry. You’re probably dealing with your own stuff and didn’t really need mine, but I did warn you.

But if you have stuck around this long. Thank you. I need to know that there are others that care. I don’t want to feel alone.

[sun-avenue]

odinson.tales.//.01.

{this is an attempt to write thor:ragnarok fiction as if it was a sit-com.}

                                                             _

“Hi. (Should I start it like that? Maybe I’ll change it. Anyway. REMINDER: change it!) My name is Thor Odinson, and I know you’re all interested in facts about my life, but before we get into that, there are a few people I’d like to introduce to you first, as a way of getting to know the real me.

My mom passed away a few years ago, when I was younger. I don’t remember much, but what I do remember is that she had the sweetest voice and warmest smile. She used to sing lullabies for me and my brother, and she remains, to this day, the greatest woman I’ve ever known. After that, things got kind of hazy, but I’m sure dad tried (and still tries) his best. He’s called Odin – and I’m Odin-son. Get it? Odin’s?son? Bet you didn’t see that coming, right? From what I’ve heard in those stories mother used to tell us before bed, our people were a kind of a big deal at the beginning of civilization in Europe. As far as I know, years later they were absolutely destroyed after finding themselves war after war against powerful countries (you know how it works, colonialism, am I right?) but our culture still lives in us.

Like I was saying, Odin tries his best. He’s a good father in his own way, and I’m sure his harsh tone is only to protect us from ourselves, despicable kids, as he’d like to say. Even though he spends most of his time out of the house as the hardcore workaholic he is, I don’t really mind: I know his goal is to provide for his family and to keep his business running the best way possible. Deep down I know he has a good heart.

You must be wondering: no mother, father only gets home to sleep… You’d think I’d be the loneliest kid around, right? Totally the opposite of the personality I’m trying to sell you (we’ll get there, eventually). You see: there’s more to this story. That’s where my siblings come in.

Hela is my older sister. The thing about her is that she’s always mad about something, but I’m afraid to mention that because once I asked her if she was at that time of the month and she literally pushed me in the face. But don’t worry, I would never, ever, use physical force against anyone. I don’t even know how to fight! I’m already regretting even mentioning punches at all. Moving on. Physically, Hela looks a lot like me – blonde hair, blue eyes, dashing smile (so I’ve been told). Except that one time when she was 17 and she died her hair black and only wore smoky eyes with lots and lots of eyeliner. I guess she was going through a phase. Dad hated it, so I think that’s why at that time she looked like she was living her best life. The black hair is long gone now, but if you ask me, I still catch her listening to Panic! at the Disco sometimes. Quite a lot, actually. Hela is in college, but she still lives with us, for her own disgrace (in her own words, all she ever wanted was to get out of here). Dad says he’s not going to pay extra money for her to move out, and since she doesn’t even have a job, there’s not much she can do about that. Besides, her college is literally 1 hour and a half from our house. With traffic.

Skip one kid (me) at our timeline and you’ll get my younger brother, Loki. You see, this part of the history is complicated: he’s actually adopted. But you know sometimes I forget about that? He’s as much family as Hela is to me. Mom loved us equally, and I still remember the careful way she held Loki in her arms when he arrived at our house, small as a button. It always made mom sad when we fought – and while growing up we used to fight a lot. Loki was a little devil in disguise, he could fool mom, Hela, and even dad sometimes, but he couldn’t fool me. And Loki as a kid loved to use his pretty face and cute smile to get away with situations he was pretty much the only responsible for. Once, he put his snake under my bed and I woke up to that thing crawling upon me. That wasn’t nice.

You can see I’m a survivor – not thanks to Loki. But even after arguments, lots of yelling and crying and Dad losing his mind with both of us, we couldn’t live without each other. He’s my little brother and he’s a terrible one but I love him either way.

Oh, and in case you’re still wondering: just like Hela’s black hair, the snake is gone now.

And then there’s me. Saving the best for last, am I right?

I’m Thor. I’m the middle one. Besides that, you can also classify me as: the pretty one, the smart one, the strong one. I have the looks, but I also have the heart, and the knowledge. My family is great, and they made me the man I am today, but there’s a reason why I deserve this chance, and I hope you understand the reasons why I should be the chosen one. With this opportunity I would –”

“Oh my God. No. No. I can’t. This is LAME. This is pure bullshit.”

“What the hell, dude?? I’m not even at the half of it. There’s still like 3 pages left to read!”

 Hela rolled her blue eyes so hard she could probably see the wall facing her back right now. Thor continued to give her an annoyed look, his letter still on hand. Loki remained quiet.

“If this is your actual admission letter to college I’m so sorry to be the one to break the news, but you will die without a degree.” The older sister said, unbothered.

Thor groaned in distress. “How did you do it? I have absolutely nothing good to say about myself. Except for the fact that yes I’m really pretty and my body is smoking hot but that’s what the 3 remaining pages are all about.”

Loki sighed. It was too early in the morning for that and he’d like to stay away from the silly drama, if possible.

“Jesus Christ. Get your head out of your ass. Go read some Shakespeare. Educate yourself.” Hela insisted, but she knew it was useless. Her brother was clueless and there was nothing in this world that could make him stay focused on something for more than 10 minutes that it wasn’t himself and himself only. It made him look like an egocentric son of a bitch sometimes, but they all knew he didn’t do it on purpose and that he meant well. He was just really, really spoiled. The more Hela considered that, the more she hated their father. Fuck Odin and his nerve to give everything and a little more for his only, true son.

Thor turned to Loki for the first time since they reunited at the kitchen table to have breakfast, their father long gone to another day of work.

“What do you think?”

Loki didn’t bother to look up at Thor, his eyes still on the cup of coffee in front of him.

“I think you’re an idiot.”

“Fair enough.”

“And I think I should’ve let Tanny the Snake suffocate you when she had the chance.” Loki said, finally taking a sip of his cup, as if it meant nothing to him to plan his brother’s death.

Hela snorted.

“Hey. Be nice.” She warned him, but the smile in her lips proved she couldn’t care less about Loki getting on Thor’s nerves.

                                                            _

Thor, Valkyrie and Bruce have been best friends as long as they can remember. It all started when they were all seven, going to the same school and living on the same street. It all happened pretty much because of it, really, since they had nothing in common. It just felt like destiny. Besides, Hela never wanted to play (she was always insulting boys and their manners anyway) and Loki was too busy being a wicked little boy and trying to prank his older brother. Thor didn’t really have any other choice other than socialize with the girl who sited next to him at History class who never smiled and the smart boy with funny glasses who always offered to help him with homework. Now, 10 years later, Val still only gets to smile when watching other people suffer and Bruce still wears funny glasses, but they’re don’t remember how it was to live a life without each other.

“So, guess whose father is not going to be at home the whole weekend because of a business trip?”

“Your father’s never home, how is that supposed to be a big deal?”

Thor forced a serious expression, even though he knew it wasn’t a big deal. He was pretty sure he’d seen the lady from the cafeteria who just served him lunch more times this year than his own father.

“I’m going to tell you why this time is a big deal, Bruce. Are you ready for it?” He asked, making sure Bruce and Val were paying full attention to him and neglecting the plates with food in front of them. “PARTY AT THOR’S!! FRIDAY NIGHT, MY PLACE. IT’S ON FACEBOOK. BRING YOUR OWN ALCOHOL.” Thor shouted the last part, trying to get everyone’s attention in the room. If he was going to throw a party as a senior, it had to be the most epic party this school had ever seen, so of course everyone should be there to see it.

He just invited the whole school and he had zero regrets.

“Are you kidding me?” Valkyrie asked, mouth full of rice, staring at everyone around her grabbing their phones just like they were in one of those tv shows where text messages were a big deal, so cellphones were always on scene. They were definitely searching for Thor on Facebook to get his address. She could tell by the way they moved their fingers and by the excitement in their faces – getting an invitation from Thor himself to a party at his house was a big deal.

Thor was known for his parties and for all the stories people had to tell Monday morning about what really happened at his place. It all started during Student Election, when Thor wanted to be Class President and, even though he was very likable, not everyone knew him. But because he was loved by those who knew him – ladies wanted him, boys wanted to be him, etc., etc., that stupid cliché -, one day at the beginning of high school he decided to use that in his favor: Party at Thor’s, as he liked to call it, was born. His friends invited a few friends, who invited other friends, and, after a few months, Party at Thor’s became a famous thing. He got the attention he needed to become class president and people got stories to tell. It was a win-win situation.

“Oh God, not again…” Bruce murmured to himself, staring at his food. The poor guy hated social interaction and crowded places. He made it all look really painful and it was almost like he was afraid he might explode by communicating with someone or something. Sometimes Val felt bad for him: while growing up, being Thor’s best friend (who was an attention slut) was sometimes hard, especially for Bruce. Now, at present day, Val didn’t really mind – if there was free beer she was alright with it. But Bruce didn’t work like that, and she knew it was going to be a long, long Friday night in two days, because she felt morally compelled to stay with her socially awkward best friend the whole time.

If Thor heard anything about Bruce’s complaint, he pretended that he didn’t.

“Guys, it’s going to be amazing. I’m betting is going to be the best Party at Thor’s ever!”

“Please stop repeating your name in third person, it’s weird.” Val said, to which Thor just replied with a playful look.

“No, listen – everyone’s going to be there, we’ll be celebrating our senior year and free booze! Ugh, it’s going to be a blast. I think I’ve outdone myself this time. Oh! Hela’s not attending any classes this weekend, I bet I can ask her to help me with-“

“Hela’s going to be there?”

The air around them suddenly changed. Valkyrie’s heart skipped a beat, and she had to focus hard not to punch the table they were all sited at. Bruce looked at her face and made sure to place his hand at her knee, in a silently attempt to calm her down. Bruce, bless his soul, always knew how to calm someone down. He could feel rage and anger from miles away. Even though it wasn’t enough to make Val feel better after hearing Hela’s name, she was grateful for him. Suddenly she didn’t feel too bad about not enjoying the party as much as she wanted to if that means to spend more time with her nerdy friend.

Thor had always been clueless about pretty much every aspect in his life, so he didn’t notice the way Val’s face twisted like she was in pain, nor Bruce trying to calm her down.

“Hm, yeah, she’s at home this weekend. Don’t worry, we’ll still have our privacy, she’s always locked in her bedroom anyway.”

 Valkyrie didn’t reply. Her eyes were fixed somewhere else, burning the wall in front of her even though there was nothing there to see. Bruce turned to look at her and he was almost 100% sure she was thinking about at least 5 different scenarios about how to kill your best friend’s big sister.

“Sounds awesome.” Bruce finally said, forcing a fake smile.

Thor replied with a wink, and, as he returned to ramble about all the things he had to prepare until Friday night, Bruce could not help but think about all the ways that party could go wrong.

[imaginekpoplikethis]

7 Years - BadBoy! Jeon Jungkook x Reader - Part 5

As promised here’s the next part. Sorry it took long and I hope you guys enjoy reading it. <3

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5 - Here  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9  Part 10.1  Part 10.2  Part 10.3  Part 11  Part 12  Part 13  Part 14  Part 15  Part 16 Part 17  Part 18  Part 19  Part 20 - Final

It took the rest of weekend to get over what you had witnessed at the party and you came to the conclusion that you were being over dramatic. Sure, Hye Mi was someone you held a deep dislike towards but Jungkook was still a ‘player’ and who he 'played with’ was none of your concern, even if it turned out to be her.

Upon entering school on Monday, you were surprised to see them both sitting in their separate seats, Hye Mi seemingly trying to hide from someone. When you had sat yourself down, Jungkook took that as his cue to greet you.

“Hey, my cute Y/N. How are you?” Head snapping up, you were met with Jungkook’s signature bunny like grin.

You were suspicious, who wouldn’t be? The sudden compliment had caught you off guard and you weren’t sure how to respond properly.  

“I’m good…” Jungkook either didn’t take notice of your cautious response or ignored it because he began to make small talk with you. You occasionally nodded to give the impression of listening but the only thing you could think of was his strange behaviour. It seemed like he was too drunk on Saturday to remember what had happened and you silently thanked god. You didn’t want to have to deal with the awkward tension of an argument so early on a Monday morning.

When the time for class to start had come, he stood from his crouching position in front of you and pinched your cheek.

“See you later, sweet cheeks.” He then winked at you and left.

Was he using his 'player charm’ on you? He never treated you like that so his unusual behaviour had left you confused for the whole morning.

-

When lunch had arrived, both you and Areum had made you way to your seats at the boys table. Jungkook immediately flashed you another wink, much like the one from the morning.

“Hey, doll.” The various nicknames he had given you throughout the day were starting to annoy you and you weren’t sure how long it would be until you flipped. Areum sent you a surprised look and you replied with a shrug. She seemed to get the general message as she returned her attention to her lunch. You too wanted to know why he was behaving like this but  instead decided to keep your mouth shut.

Surely, it would be over by the end of the day.

Right?

Wrong.

It was when you were exiting the school with Areum where you had had enough.

“Bye, babe. See you tomorrow.” Freezing in place, you turned your body painfully slow until you were directly facing him. “What did you just call me?”

“Babe. What’s wrong?” You felt something within you snap and you marched towards him, grabbing his collar.

“Listen Jungkook! I’m not one of your playthings or side chicks. I’m your friend. Stop calling me these bullshit sickeningly sweet names because I swear to god I will punch you in the face.” His smile had dropped and he placed a hand on yours, prying your fingers off of him.

“Well what the fuck do you want then?! You weren’t happy at the party because I wasn’t thinking about your feelings and now that I’m making some kind of fucking effort, you decide to freak the fuck out! Make up your mind, Y/N!” Taking several steps back, you stared at him with a glare on your face.

“I just want you to treat me like a friend. I don’t need you drowning me in compliments every two seconds. Heck, you can call me loser for all I care. Just don’t treat me like those girls you throw away to the side every week. I’m not that desperate for attention.” Feeling like you were being too much of a bitch, you gave him a strained smile and made your way back to a shocked Areum.

“See you tomorrow, Jungkook!” Grabbing Areums arm, you walked ahead and left him standing there.

If only you could see the impressed smirk that spread on his lips.

“She must be bipolar or something…”

-

It seemed like your words had successfully gotten through to Jungkook without causing any unwanted anger since the next day, his greeting lacked the embarrassingly sweet pet names.

“So, what was that about yesterday anyway? And don’t lie to me, Jungkook.” He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head and then lent his chin on the backrest of the seat in front of you.

“You seemed like you were upset with me and I just wanted to make you feel happy, I guess.” Raising an eyebrow, you tilted your head and stared at him. “You guess?”

He pushed his lips out and glanced to the side, avoiding your question.

“If you call me by those crappy nicknames again, I’ll leave you for Taehyung.” Eyes widening, he snapped his attention back to you.

“No way! He can’t replace me, nothing can replace me! Those 7 years aren’t going to be ruined by Tae.” Jungkook proceeded to grab your cheeks, and pinch them causing you to flinch and grab his hair. Playfully tugging at it, you sent him a threatening glare and he slowly released his grip on you.

“I’m serious. You’re not leaving me.” You weren’t sure why but your cheeks heated at his sentence and you narrowed your eyes at him.

“You say that like we’re dating or something…” Instead of replying, he shot you his bunny-like grin and tapped his wristwatch with two fingers.

“Wha-” Before you could ask him what he meant, he jumped out of his seat and strolled back to his desk.

You definitely were not dense. That action was his way of saying 'soon’ without having to actually speak.  

He didn’t think your friendship could become more, did he?

Deciding that it was best to ignore what had just happened, you retrieved your notebook from your bag, preparing for your first lesson.

-

Lunch soon arrived and you made your way to the lunch line alone. The line had been moving unusually fast today and you were already eyeing the special dish of the day, when a tap on your shoulder broke you out of your trance. Upon turning around you were met with the familiar face of Jung-Hoon, a boy you shared a couple of classes with. He was relatively popular and most claimed he was the typical good-boy, although how he really acted was a mystery to almost everyone.

“Hey Y/N. How are you?” You supposed it was rude to continue staring at him with your eyebrows furrowed, so you offered him a friendly smile.

“Hi… I’m good, what about you?” He obviously didn’t sense your confusion as he continued to smile brightly at you, seemingly satisfied with your reply.

“I’m great, thanks for asking. Actually, I originally wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out at some point this week? You know catch up a bit?” What was there to catch up on? Sure, you had been partners a couple of times for school projects but other than that you were never close enough to be considered friends. You, being someone who could never say no in the face of kindness, agreed to his idea.

“Cool! So, I’ll see you at the bubble tea place around the corner on Saturday at 2?” Slowly nodding your head, he placed his hand on your shoulder and presented you with one last smile before jogging off.

What just happened?

A couple of minutes later, you were heading towards your usual table with the boys and Areum when you spotted Jungkook’s perplexed face staring right at you. Sitting down on your seat, he immediately bombarded you with questions.

“Was that Jung-Hoon? He was speaking to you right? What did that bastard want?” Taking a spoon of egg fried rice and stuffing it into your mouth, you slowly chewed whilst allowing Jungkook to finish asking his questions.

“Yes that was Jung-Hoon, yes he was speaking to me and Bastard? He’s a nice guy.” A scoff escaped Jungkook’s lips and he scowled at your last sentence. “Nice guy my ass, that guy is the devil in disguise.”

“Really? He invited me out on Saturday…” Jungkook’s head snapped up so fast, you were sure it was going to fly right off his neck.

“What! You said no right?” When you shook your head he almost choked on his food. “Jungkook… are you jealous?” Surprisingly, he didn’t react to your question and instead looked at you with a seriousness you didn’t know he possessed.

“Yeah, I’m jealous so don’t hang around with that piece of shit.” Letting out a heavy sigh, you began playing with your rice. “It’s too late Jungkook. You know me, I can’t say no when people are being nice.”

“Fucks sake!” He smashed his hand down on the table, effectively bringing the surrounding tables attention on you for a split second before they realised it was just Jungkook getting angry. Knowing about Jungkook’s bad temper, you hadn’t even flinched at his action. You took a sip out of your water bottle, holding his furious glare with a look of indifference. Huffing in annoyance, Jungkook ran a hand through his hair in frustration, calming himself down.

“If that shit hurts you, physically or mentally, i’ll fucking kill him.” Nodding, you beamed at him, happy that you had come to a somewhat normal conclusion.

“Thanks Kookie!” When the nickname left your lips, he looked away whilst rubbing the back of his neck.

“Whatever…”

“Someone please explain to me why Jungkook has decided to stop being a little bitch after he’s woken me up.” Needless to say, Yoongi complained about how inconsiderate people are for the rest of the lunch break.

-

The days came and went until Friday arrived and once again Areum was absent from school due to sudden vomiting. You had felt increasingly uncomfortable at the smiles Jung-Hoon had been sending you from across the classroom but decided against telling Jungkook because, let’s be honest, he would lose his shit over it.

You were continuously questioned by Jungkook at lunch, over whether you still wanted to meet up with Jung-Hoon, to which you replied 'yes’ each time. He looked like he wanted to argue more but left it at that when the bell to signal the end of lunch had rang.

When you had reached the end of the school day, Jungkook insisted on walking you home, claiming he wanted to visit your family.

“Why?” Your one word question had grabbed his complete attention and he simply smirked.

“I’m sure your mother misses seeing her child’s 'soulmate’.” Blushing, you began walking ahead in a poor attempt to leave him behind.

“That was like 9 years ago. We’re not 'soulmates’ anymore.” His smirk widened and he peered down at your red face.

“Actually, we’re soulmates until I say we’re not.” Rolling your eyes, you stopped in front of your house, pulling your keys out. When you opened the door, you were immediately greeted with your 15 year-old sister bounding down the stairs and enveloping you in a hug.

“Wow, this is a first. S/N giving me a hug?” She giggled and turned her attention to Jungkook, a look of realisation settling on her face.

“Jungkook!? We haven’t seen you in ages!” He grinned and ruffled your sisters hair, making her smile back.

“I’m impressed you remember me, you were 6 the last time I saw you.”  Your mother emerged from the kitchen, an excited grin planted on her face and you groaned.

“Ah! Jungkook, is that you? You’ve grown up so well!” She proceeded to embrace him as if he was her long lost child and he returned it with as much happiness as her.

“It’s nice to see you, M/N. How are you?” Whilst they broke into a small conversation, you took that as your opportunity to escape to your room. Around ten minutes later, Jungkook followed, throwing himself on your bed.

“Damn, I’ve missed coming here.”

“Don’t get too comfortable. We’re not kids anymore, I’m a grown girl and you’re a grown boy. This isn’t normal for people our age.”

“Yeah, but we’re soulmates remember?” There it was, that word again. Feeling your cheeks heat up, you gaped at his boldness.

“Shut up!” Picking up a pillow, you brought it down on his face with as much force as possible and he only snickered into it.

“You’ll come around eventually.” Deciding to ignore his last comment, you grabbed your books and sat at your desk. Studying was the best way to get him off your back. Or so you thought.

Feeling him place his chin on your shoulder, his natural scent filled your nose and caused the rest of your face to turn red, butterflies settling in your stomach.

“Help me study.” There was no room for arguing and you allowed him to place his own books on your desk and sit beside you.

You ended up tutoring him on topics he struggled with until the sky turned dark and it was time for him to leave. When he had left and you were closing your books, you discovered a note wedged between the pages of your notebook.

'Call me if something happens tomorrow. I won’t forgive that bastard for upsetting my soulmate.’

Why did this note make a delicate smile spread on your lips and make your heart flutter?

You told yourself it was his concern and nothing more.

[elsewhereuniversity]

FAQ and Tags Masterpost

What is Elsewhere University?

Elsewhere University is a university on a fairy hill, as first depicted in this comic I drew a year ago! People began asking questions about the world, and then writing stories and drawing art set within it, and then building on each other’s stories and on my answers about the world, and it’s become a big lovely sandbox (the second comic‘s entire purpose is to celebrate some of my favorite things that have grown exclusively out of the fandom). The various submitted stories aren’t necessarily compatible with each other, because there are currently well over 2k stories and asks building this world and expecting anyone to know all of that is absolutely mad. But they’re all built on the same base mythology of folklore+college weirdness outlined in the first comic.

Where can I find the original comic?

As part of my Tapastic series, or on my main blog. 

My ask/fortune/submission hasn’t shown up yet.

At the time of this writing, my inbox is around 2500, and roughly 3/4 of those are student asks. There’s going to be a bit of a wait before anything you submit sees the light of day (although stories will show up before fortunes do). I know it’s not ideal, but I will reach it eventually, I promise!

That said (given that this is tumblr) message me privately, off anon, if you’d like to make sure it hasn’t been eaten by the website. If you can give me a username or an exact phrase to ctrl+f, I’d be happy to check that it made it safely to my inbox! But if you send a find-it ask on anon, I won’t answer it - I get enough of those that it would clutter up the blog pretty badly.

Are there any guidelines for Elsewhere U fanworks?

The bare minimum - it should be readable with regards to grammar/spelling, it should be related to Elsewhere University, and, you know, don’t be an asshole. Don’t worry too much about continuity! Due to the sandbox nature of the project, that’s all a bit fuzzy anyway.

Fortunes should be about the size of a single ask.

Nothing made or sold for profit.

How should I get my submission to you?

One option is to submit a story through tumblr

Another is to publish it on your own blog, or on AO3 (there’s an official tag!) or somewhere else

If you opt for something other than submitting it through this blog, send me a link through messaging or an ask if you’d like to see it shared here!

You can try @’ing me but I’m not great at checking that. 

And lastly if you do post it somewhere else, please credit this blog or the original comic specifically. Thank you!

Types of posts

Stories - written prose submissions

Art - comics and illustrations of the world

Students and Charms - fortunes and futures

Vignettes - very short stories

Podcast - episodes of Elsewhere University Student News, a fan podcast

Tv Tropes Page

Poetry

Recs - Reader-submitted books/games/etc in the vein of this blog

Love letters to majors - submissions specifically regarding the ups and downs of a major

Newsletter - Elsewhere U newsletters and notices

Prophecies - vague, ominous, regarding the future

Advice - do

Warnings - do not

Original - my contributions to Elsewhere

GENERAL TAGS

Changelings - what the Fair Folk leave when they steal your roommate

The Forbidden Major - the (banned) study of the Fair Folk

Knights - students keeping the campus safe. Crusaders, mercenaries, and idealists.

Stolen Away - so you’ve gotten yourself kidnapped into a weird magical summer world

Deals - striking bargains

Debts - Owing

The Aftermath - Graduation and afterwards

Courtesies - the politics of please and thank you

Legacies - people who fit in better than they expected

The Treaty - Posts touching on the delicate agreement between the university and the Elsewhere

Belief - reality gets malleable here

Names - Names and their power. Full FAQ below.

PLACES

Location - where the fuck is this school, anyway (and a masterpost of the borders)

The Pool

The Library

The Theatre (and The Play)

The Dorms (dorm list/summary here)

The Forest

The Train Tracks

The River

The Wishing Well

The Greenhouse

The Unsea

Walmart

Denny’s

LIFE ON CAMPUS

Student Life - anything to do with day to day Elsewhere U existence

Majors - a full alphabetized list of majors and their standing with the Gentry at the end of this page

Prospective Students - why people come to EU

International Students - how they deal with this bullshit

Sports - what sports, where, and why they’re Off

Parties - hella revels

Food - “We must not look at goblin men, we must not buy their fruits: Who knows upon what soil they fed their hungry thirsty roots?”

Electronics - how that works out (or rather, doesn’t)

School Spirit, and on a related note the Mascot and the school Motto (full list of mottoes below)

Graduation

Greek Life

Holidays

Games

Sign Language

Marching Band

Clubs and Secret Societies

Student Witches

STAFF

Professors - who in their right minds would work here (list and summary of notable professors here)

RAs - Resident Advisors and their responsibilities

The Librarians

Administration

Groundskeepers - nonacademic staff. A statistically unlikely number own swords.

NOTABLE INDIVIDUALS AND PHENOMENA

The Foxy Lady

Jimothy

The Wyrm -the dragon sleeping under the condemned building in the western corner of the campus

Anna Monday

The Wild Hunt

The Washer at the Ford - she will tell you the time of your death, but only if you’re into that

Courts - here the year turns on Spring and Autumn

The Tall One - warning

Royalty - don’t speak of them

Cat-Eyes - purveyor of Seeing glasses

The Rose Prince

FOLKLORE

Protection - including iron, salt, and running water

The Sight - including modified glasses, silver, and mirrors

VARIOUS

Ghosts

Werewolves

Banshees

Brownies

Sirens

Selkies

Gremlins

Mermaids

Kelpies

ANIMALS

The Crows - Do Not Wrong The Crows

Pets - Fish, Cats, Dogs

Wildlife - Birds, Insects

Horses

School Mottos thus far (translations may be incorrect - I haven’t personaly checked them)

Cauti, Cordati, Auspicati - Wary, Wise, and Lucky

Cum Gladio Et Sale - With Sword and Salt

Fainiciúil, Ciallmhar, Ámhar - Wary, Wise, and Lucky

yn dilyn y seren - Following The Star

Beware the Lights

Swallow the Hidden Names

BLOOD AND BONES BLOOD AND BONES BLOOD AND BONES

Tine Agus Airgead - Fire and Silver          

כבדו את העורבים - Respect The Crows

Tha Iad Ag Innse Gun Bhreaug - They Tell No Lies

Carpe Nihil - Seize Nothing   

Iron and Salt - a warning 

Aspectum, Dolorem, Sacrificium - Sight, Sorrow, Sacrifice

Scientia Defendit Fideles - Knowledge protects the faithful

What Doesn’t Bend Will Break

Names FAQ

What’s a true name? The name that you consider to be truly yours; it’s highly personal and subjective.

Does the legal status of the name matter? No.

Can nicknames be true names? Yes.

Can you have more than one true name? How would that work? Yes. Depending on what each name meant to you, each true name might have power over you in its entirety, or each be part of a larger whole.

If I pronounce or spell my name differently/use a derivative or variation of my true name as a safe name, would that be safe? No. It wouldn’t have power over you, but it wouldn’t be hard to discover your true name.

What happens if someone speaks my true name? If you are given a command with your true name, you are compelled to obey it. This is only true in the Elsewhere and areas affected by it.

Can safe names influence a person over time? It’s unusual, but it’s happened.

Can a safe name become your true name? Yes; if you feel yourself becoming too attached to a safe name, it’s time to change it (not an uncommon event).

How does the school deal with safe names? Student IDs and role call lists for professors include the student number and the preferred name of a student. There’s a hard ban on obscenity, at least as far as the safe names in the school system go, but even so, they range from mundane to pop culture to total nonsense.

Would a name with negative associations be a good safe name? Yes, in the sense you’d never have to worry about growing too attached too it.

Is it possible to be nameless? Yes, which renders you invulnerable to this particular hazard. There are still plenty of other pitfalls, so overall the nameless don’t attract too much malice from the Gentry.

Is my last name part of my true name? It depends on the importance it holds for you. But even if it doesn’t signify anything, it’s recommended you keep all parts of your legal name secret in order to make it more difficult for anyone to find personal information on you.

How does the school protect true names? The administration offices are heavily guarded against both human and Elsewhere intruders, including but not limited to 24/7 guards, iron in all the walls, heavily password-protected computers, and formidable custom iron filing cabinets that hold all the paperwork they couldn’t avoid printing out.

Does everyone on campus go by a safe name? Almost everyone. There’s always a few skeptic freshman who don’t buy into what is presented as Elsewhere university’s ‘unique traditions’. The lucky ones are given nicknames by other students who persist until the skeptic has stopped protesting. The unlucky ones find out the hard way why you don’t want anyone to know your true name.

Majors

accounting majors

animal husbandry majors

anthropology majors

architecture majors

art majors 

art history majors

astrophysics majors

bio majors

biochem majors

biomech majors

business majors

chem majors

classics majors

comp sci majors

culinary arts majors

dance majors

econ majors

education majors

engineering students

english majors

environmental studies majors

film majors

forestry and wildlife majors

geology majors

history majors

humanities majors

journalism majors

language majors

law majors

math majors

midwives

military

mortuary science majors

music majors

philosophy majors

physics majors

poli-sci majors

pre-med majors - any medicine-related fields

pre-vet majors

psyche majors

smiths - the tag for shop class and metalworking

sociology majors

stats majors

textile majors

theatre majors

theology majors

Elsewhere University © 2017 Samantha Dow

[familiafandom14]

Bad Boys + One More

Words: Idfk

Warning: Cursing

Summary: Y/N is asked by the school’s bad boys to join their gang because they like her.

A/N: Oh lord this is my first Imagine or One shot whatever you want to call it. So sorry if it ain’t great. Also if any mistakes please message me because I’m not so great at grammar or rereading it and correcting.

Also thank you to the Anon for telling me about the spacing. I had done the imagine on my phone and said fuck it and noticed that it didn’t space out like it was showing me on the phone. But thank you anyways amor. Besos x

__________________________________________________________

“I can’t believe I got my first fucking detention.” I whisper to myself as walk out my physics class.

I start heading towards the cafeteria to go seat by my friends. Until someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around to face Ashton Irwin. One out of four of the school’s bad boys and to be honest I’m not scared of them because really I had my fair square of doing illegal activities but no one knows that and no one will.

But in school I try to lay low and not get into trouble but I still do deals in school to get some side cash. I tend to do people’s homework or projects. But the bad boys have asked me before for bigger stuff then homework, like hacking into a difficult system, I didn’t know what the system was they just paid me to enter it and to not talk about it.

“Hey bunny, I was wondering if you could do a 10 page essay about the country Peru, it’s for Spanish class and it doesn’t have to be an Spanish, 150?” Ashton said to me and giving me his famous smiles that make him look like an innocent child.

"Sure loser, I’ll have it by Monday. I might do some of it during detention today since I have my laptop.” I replied back Ashton.

"WHAT? Y/N HAS DETENTION? HOLY FUCK.” He say loudly and I quickly looked around thanking god that no one was there to see that see and instead are eating in the cafeteria.

"Shut it Irwin or I won’t do this damn paper for ya.” I say slowly so he can understand me clearly. He put his hands up in surrender and then turns around and walked in the cafeteria. I followed behind him except I went to go sit with my friend and Irwin sat with his little group.

"Hey Y/N! Where were you babe?” Nick my best friend asked me in his usual chirpy mood which I envied so much because I have never seen him in a bad mood.

“Sorry babe I’m not really in the mood to talk. I got detention today and Irwin wants an essay about Peru.” I said to him with a sigh following it and giving an eye roll.

I just ate quietly and look at my best friend understanding me and putting his headphones in. Me being me I stare at the whole cafeteria while I ate I tend to do that. I’m not judging them I just like to observe people that are in my surroundings.

Finally I landed on Katie Carson the school’s it girl with her little group walking towards Ashton, Luke, Michael, and Calum table.She’s the only person I judge because she pisses me off. I have had several opportunities to use shit against her and the group so they could fight but I didn’t want to stoop that low.

It was so odd for me to see how different these girls were to the guys. All black and light shade of pink or warm colors, believe me I believe that opposites attract but since her personality is so shitty it makes the thought of “opposites attract” bullshit.

Katie and her girls try to work their charm on the boys but it completely failed because the boys didn’t even give their slightest interest in the girls which made me look down at my food and smirk because the fact the these bad boys actually like girls with a good personality and not just looks made me happy. I finally looked up to see the boys staring right at me and the girls clearly gone. I didn’t know how to respond to their stares so I looked away and finished my food on time of the bell.

~Detention~

“You are going to be here till 4 so that gives you about a good hour and fifty minutes to do something productive with school assignments.” The teacher that was in duty for detention said.

I sighed quietly to my self and looked towards my backpack. I started to pull my laptop to be distracted by the door hitting the wall. And the four Aussie giants walk in with a damn big entrance, letting the door hit the back of the wall making a noise.

I started to work on Ashton’s essay and quickly took a glance to only find Calum, Luke, and Michael already staring at me.

"What?” I hissed at them clearly pissed that they are looking at me. Makes me feel insecure.

"Who says Y/N should join, say I.” Michael said.

“IIIII ” the boys said a little too loudly causing the teacher to shush them.

"What the hell are you talking about?” I said in a hushed but stern tone to them.

"We want you to be in our gang, you’re really useful and we actually like you a lot. Like me and the guys get along with you and you’re not scared of us which is a plus.” Calum whispers to me as Luke and Ashton nodded their heads agreeing.

"Fine.” I said in a monotone voice but on the instead I was fucking happy as hell that the guys are letting me in their gang.

"Y/N, you’re a baddie now. One of us.” Luke says and laughing while the others smirked.

[kitschcats]

Giving Meaning to a Whole Bunch of Completely Doable Wants that I Just Never Got Around to Doing

I’m going to be reposting some older pieces that never made it here. (22/8/20)

A little under a year since my last entry. The hilarious irony of the way I ended my aforementioned last post here, all faith and sickening optimism and this ridiculous newfound enthusiasm to be writing again and all these other words and phrases synonymous with bullshit, is, quite frankly, pretty poetic, if you look at it a certain way. It makes me think of the short-livedness of those fleeting (and painfully rare) bouts of motivation. Where do they go after they're gone (and before they've had a chance to serve their purpose, because that's the way it always is, isn't it), having vanished in a puff of smoke? Where do they even come from in the first place? Why is it so hard for anyone to get anything done? (Mac's taking a class on motivational psychology this sem. I wonder if he'd know. I should probably ask him.)

As it appears, a lot can happen in a year. In the least amount of words possible, I started living with my best friend of 7 years and boyfriend of 6 months (at the time of writing), moving out from home and halfway across town in the process, started religiously inhaling poison gas equivalent on a regular basis (i.e. several times a day), developed several other just-as-bad habits, went to Langkawi for the first time and got absolutely blackout shitfaced barai mabuk for the first time, underwent body modification procedures that would horrify my grandma (sorry maktok) (yes I know it's going to be on my body forever) (no it didn't hurt that much) (it's a joke maktok it's supposed to be this meta-ironic acknowledgement of the throes of getting your first tattoo which is exactly what this experience was like for me too which yes again is going to be on my body forever) (yes maktok I love you too), experienced the singular 12 most spiritually-awakening hours of my life, and started school again just this summer (it sucks). But those are all entries for other days. (I promise.)

Today, I want to narrow my focus down towards how it's possible to simultaneously feel as if you've otherwise accomplished absolutely nothing else since. I mean yeah I finally got around to starting that art account I've been meaning to make since I first got my hands on Instagram all those years ago but I posted a drawing once during the peak of my enthusiasm about yet another creative pursuit and not another since. That's about as personally accomplished as I've ever felt since I graduated from high school and got a pat on the back about my O-Levels. Which is pretty sad.

It isn't exactly music to one's ears but allow me to indulge in self-sorrow. Allow me to pessimise (which post-quick Google search to verify my doubts I just found out was a word), allow me to wallow in regret and yearning and these ever-present insecurities of inadequacy and put in the simplest words possible, allow me to just feel sorry for myself. It's not like anyone apart from myself reads this anyway, unless you're the one odd stranger who just so happens to be peculiarly interested in the humdrum happenstances of my life (in updates of extremely random intervals), in which case hello odd stranger.

I have mixed feelings about social media. First, give me a chance to justify the relevancy of this statement towards the content of this entry. My thesis statement, if you will. I've been on and off the thing intermittently for the last few months now, and while I can't say I love it, I can't say I can keep myself away from it very long either. We have an extremely turbulent love-hate relationship, Instagram and I.

On one hand, it's the single gateway I have to most, if not all, of my casual friendships. I was never exactly the texting type, I hardly bothered with it when I could just opt for physical company (which I always did). Without that option I'm actually pretty terrible at maintaining relationships of any kind — something recent pandemic-related developments worldwide have forced me (like, grapple me in a chokehold and force-feed me my least favourite vegetables (with the vegetables being harsh realisation, in this case) type of force) to come to terms with. Instagram was, for a brief while, what temporarily helped me to bridge this gap.

And on the other side of the coin, it wore me out. That's right ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps, cross-eyed mosquitoes, bow-legged ants, and other variations thereupon: social media fatigue is a very real thing. Sometimes it just got too much for me to deal with. At one point I even stopped reading the news and just slammed all my doors shut to the world that existed outside of my own. This recurring theme quickly evolved (or de-volved?) into a repetitive cycle of delete, re-install, repeat. Kind of something like constantly getting back together with a toxic boyfriend that gaslights you like an unsuspecting frog in a frying pan. Or heroin.

Seeing everyone else in the world (at least as far as my social circle vicinity goes) get up to just about everything there is to get up to while I continued to dig myself an even deeper hole to help confine me to the mundanity of my daily, non-productive routine depressed me. At first I tried to pin it on the MCO situation, which was a thing a few months back. Things were weird, the new routines were alien, and it was a reasonable (and also convenient) excuse at the time. Until restrictions were relaxed, and I still found my metaphysical self lying face-down at the bottom of the pit I'd spent the last few months excavating myself.

At that point I tried to convince myself it was the nonstop peak-productivity no-breaks hustle culture bred by the disease of capitalism that I had deluded myself into believing all this while. I tried to convince myself that I deserved a break, that I just got caught up in unhealthy notions preached to me by a society that didn't care about me, that I let it all get to my head, my centre console. That I was doing completely fine on my own. That I was alright. That I was enough. And then I stopped believing.

I want to do things. I never stopped wanting to. I still want to write. I want to draw. I want to read. I want to learn. I want to teach. I want to get a job again, work on the side. I want to be able to make some extra income doing these things freelance. I want to give these desires meaning. I want something to show for all these wants. I want to make and do meaningful things. I want to make something with my own two hands, look at it when I'm done, and feel pride. I want to make. I want to create. And sure if I have the whole rest of my life ahead of me to do all these things, but why wait?

I want to do a lot of things. There's a lot I want to get done, and there's a lot that I'll have to do beforehand to get them done. I'm pretty upfront about that, and those goals have never really changed — only my means and motivations have. The Universe, oh so cold and cruel woe is myself, has cursed me with lots of ambition to do things and not much motivation to actually do things. My skill point for initiative is zero. I mean, just what did I think I deserved a break from? There's wanting, and then there's doing. And then there are another two kinds of doing, the second of which I have clearly neglected.

I'm no motivational speaker and I won't try to kid myself into believing I'm one. That wasn't even the point of writing this anyway, I just needed an outlet to finally be able to actually articulate these feelings of mine that I've been harbouring for the longest time because fuck knows I needed it. These could have all just been words for all I know, seeing as I'm picking up a pattern of suppressed optimism and hopefulness that was pretty damn similar to my last entry, but if nothing else, these words serve as acknowledgements. It's proof to myself of my own self-awareness, for if I ever start to have doubts again. I sure must be cripplingly insecure if I feel the need to justify myself to myself, huh?

Anyway, I'm far from perfect. I think it's a fact of life that everyone else is, too. As long as we're human, true, ultimate perfection can never truly be achieved. But I think that just adds all the more character to collective humanity. If, hypothetically, say I were perfect, I'd have my priorities set straight and I'd be studying for finals (which are, I would like to add, on Monday) right now, not lighting one up and thinking about how to end this one poem I'm trying to write. But hey. I'm human and junk.

[isolated-loser]

Log 0027, ??pm, 9-????-2019

Monday, the 23th. I when to school, was in math class toward, then end of class we had to go to the board to get "class participation," because showing up isn't good enough, for this fucking bitch, me having stood there, for like five minutes confused at, because I was on the wrong question, because she didn't have them labeled properly. Said something like, my fantastic teacher Miss, McBitchface(iusedherrealnamenotthat), what am I supposed to do, I'm as dumb as a fucking fence, I don't understand what I’m supposed to do with this. Then like a minute later, she say go sit down “I'll find you,” me none the wiser, thinking I might actually get some fucking help, stand there for a moment as someone, a nether student, tells me what I was doing wrong, i.e. that I was trying to do the wrong problem, then I go sit down.

The people sitting next to me, ask why I said that, me still none the wiser, think there referring to me saying I don't know what she wanted me to do. Then at the end if class, I grab my things cuss I need to get to my next class across campus, the teacher tell me I can't leave yet I say something about the fact I need to get to a class across campus, she says something, I say something, she say walk with me, then fucking grabs my arm, hard and pulls me out if the class room, down the hall 20ish feet, then starts chewing me out, I'm still now sure why, and she's all like you know what you did, and how interpret that is, and then she's like now I have to report you for that, and bla bla bla, something something, bla bla, this can be a warning, then she  walks off. I had no fucking idea what I did, I was confused as hell. On the verge of crying, all I did was say, I didn't know what to do, so I'm in trouble because you a bad teacher now? I eventually, figure out it was because, I used a cuss word, at least I think that’s what it was. But this is college; everyone in here is an adult, most if which weren't even young adults So, I'm in trouble for using fowl language, in a room full of fucking adults. It's goddamn bullshit. I even forgot to sign the roll, so I didn't even get credit for being in the class that day.

I would have knocked this bitch on her fat saggy ass, for laying a finger on me. This pretentious motherfucking bitch, needs to get her shit set straight. Gods, all I could think about, most of the day after was how much I wanted to slash her tires; in a way that insurance wouldn't cover it. This shit, pretty much ruined the rest of that day. I was so fucking angry & frustrated. Then in writing comp, I was able to find out the paper, I thought I had due at 12am that morning, I have till then end of the week to complete. So that was a good thing. 

 Later, I went to the nerd shop, to run dnd. When okay. One of my players is going to split of and start his own table, which is good. Sad to see him go, but it's ok. It’s probably a good thing, honestly. I plan to tell whoever’s at my table, that I’m going to try to finish off my campaign the next few sessions. So I can start a new one.

Tuesday, the 24th. When to classes, really didn't want to go to math, that bitch put a bad taste in my mouth. But I didn't have much of a choice, had the test, left. Went to the cafeteria, studied for the history test I had no and hour and a half later, and worked on writing home work, then when to the history test. When I got the five minutes beforehand, I remembered I didn't have a blue book, I was all oh well, cus I thought it was for note to help you on the test, but no it was for the test itself so, couldn't finish the test. I was able to finish a little over half the test, so there's something, I guess. 

After I left Queen invite me over so I when to her place, after having to fight with my mother about a doctor's appointment, I had for nothing I cared about. 

When I got to Tess I hung out, did some more of that writing home work, watched an episode of Lucifer. That actually a really good show from the episode I watched anyway. Then my boy toy Witch boi, called me back and asked if I wanted to go with him to run errands. I was All like yah but I'm hanging with Queen, then queen was like he could pick you up here, then I told him. Then me and Queen watched more Lucifer, and I continue my homework till hottie got there, then I left with him. 

Did a few things, then we got to a parking lot, and he started his have existential dread, I try to comfort him through that, not well. I hate seeing him like that I care about, his bitch ass, and I want to make it better, but I know I can't. I honestly think I might really love him. Which, is tripping me out. I don't like that I care about someone so much. It's strange. It makes me feel weak. But back to what I had be typing about.

Then we eventually got out of the car, cuss hot dying. And leaned, against the back of his car, where he pulled me into a leaning hug, it was so nice. I love being close to him, I was still all in that, what can I do to help him feel better type mood, but he apparently need some more physically affection, and I wasn't going to deny him that, I wanted to be giving him lots of physical affection, but I didn't want to make him feel trapped, uncomfortable, or like I'm trying to get in his pants. Because I know when I'm flipping out, I can be really iffy about touch.

We kissed a few times, he said I looked stunning in the light of the setting sun, but not in those words, then went in to Barnes and Noble, cuss he wanted to get the new magic books. Then we did a few more things. On the way to my home, witch boi, was have tripping over every little thing, I know that minor inconveniences, can trigger suppressed emotions. But I really don't like seeing him upset. It makes me upset. He shouted at one point, not at me, but that, I don't like that.

 Wednesday, the 25th. It was alright, didn't do too, too, much. Started it of with a panic attack, Did my classes, got chewed out some by my bio teacher, but eh. Tried to help a dude I know, set up a game of vampire the masquerade. It was, what it was. Then I'd some math homework. And drew some, It's been a long while since I've had an urge to draw, that bad. So, I did. That's about it. Mood was low all day. When o I got in the car to go home I started having a nether panic attack, which was really not good.

During the ride I kept seeing in me brain, bad things. I was really mad at someone, I don't know why. Then I started saying really fucked up shit, and strangling them, then it flipped to where I was tarring open a type of dog and ripped its jaw bone from its skull, I could feel the blood.  I didn't want to, I really didn't want to. It was flipping me out really hard, then my boyfriend, Witch boi texted me, being like hay, and I asked if I could call him in a few minutes, he responded so happy like. When I got home still flipping out really bad, I called and he tried to comfort me. He was so patient, and caring, gods, I don't deserve him. After a while I eventually calmed down, and we talked normal then eventually end the call everything seem ok. He told me to call him later, if I needed him. Then I went and did my nightly-s, still a little messed up, feeling bad for making him have to deal with that.    

Thrsday, the 26th. It was a day. I didn't go to school. When to planned Parenthood to do the pre appointment to get an IUD. Then when I got there come to find out it wasn't a pre appointment, it was a lugit appointment to get the IUD. I was supposed as f. I sure as hell wasn't going to say no, cus that was the untire reason I made the original appointment. So I sat my happy ass down got it done. It wasn't plesint. It frankly sucked, but I was prepared for to yo be a lot worst. There were cramps but I got through it. Then I skeguled an otrasoned, to check it later. Then left, checked out the local spirit shop. The when to the nerd shop for DND. Started cramping badly about 2 hours after I got to the shop. Tryed to play I honestly wasn't that activity during the game everyone felt bad for me which sucks, but I was weak and putetick. On and of crying the whole game. Got a ride home with eyebrows. When I got home, I did my shit. Witch boi texted me, then we texted back in forth for a few, he was feeling not ok and need to call me, he didn't say such I could just tell, so seid if he need to call me he could and then he did, and we talked. So he doesn't want to effect me with his mental health, like that's even a fucking facter. Like God damnit. I fucking love this fool and he's worried about fucking up my mental health, my mental health is already shit it would be really hard to fuck up my metal health further than it already is. Gods I don't know.

Friday, the 27th. It was a day I couldn't get much sleep, and was still cramping, so I didn't go to class. Went to little wars, hung with Rat, played magic. I played 3 games, one on one with rat, that I won with 3070 1/1 rat tokens, that made my rat colunys super beefy, second me Rat and a nether dude, who killed killed me , then the last one where it was me Rat that other did & eyebrows, where me and eyebrows ended up being the last tow players eye brows fucking recked my rats, but I had fun. I would have played a few more games but the cramps were getting to bad so I when out side for a bit, then came back in, then back out, then back in. Witch boi then showed up, we went outside and talked for a while. It got emotional, and shit. His friends told him that that think that his relationship with me is to much for him right now, and he wasn't sure if that were right and shit. And we talked about that for a few hours, in which we almost bruck up. I hate that I let myself love him. We were seconds from it I should have just let it happen seve us both the fucking pain later. I've fucked up. Letting my self fall for him. I knew it was going to end like this. I knew I was driving myself over. I just knew. But I fucking did it enyway. I always fuck myself over

Saterday the 28th witch boi and I broke up.

A text to witch boi, form Sunday the 29th

*Start*

I feel like shit. Physically. Mentally. That's to be expected. I woke up having a panic attack, where I was shacking so hard I couldn't breath, desperate for anyone. I've cycled through, panic attacks, numbness, crying, over & over today. Why, I'm telling you this. I know, I shouldn't be, since we're not a thing. It's not going to fix this. It can't change what is, what happened. It's pointless. I guess it's just some bullshit attempt to make myself feel better, that isn't going to work. I shouldn't send this, but I am. I can't make it any worse, or maybe I can, but what difference would it make it all shaddered anyway. I'm not ok. I don't want to be. I would not have gotten here if I was. I would not be what I am. I'll take the ride as dangerous as it maybe. As desperately as I need you. It will fade. Everything dose. Days will pass the love will turn into hate before fading to indifference. As much as I wish the past days never happened, that everything was like before, they did, there real. Touchable. It can't be how it was. I let you see my black. I knew it was going to happen. The day before was a drop of water to start a title wave of nothing. I scared you. It hurts that I did. I didn't want that. I can't change it. I have my bad. I always will. Its not an option. I can't change it out. Even if I could I wouldn't. I never wanted it to end like that. I didn't want it to end at all. But it doesn't matter now. I don't think it ever really did. I wanted this to work.  I really did. But I broke it. I'm sure I could continue over all my missteps, but I'm not. There's no point in it. 

Here's a wall of text don't bother reading it, it does nothing

*stop*

Yeah it was a start time. I’m going to start logging aging. So bla bla bla. will post new up date tomorrow or next day.

 Signing Off…                                                                                                      

Favorite song today: N/a

Mood: Mostly lows

[sideeffectsofbeinghuman]

Breakthrough #? (I’ve Lost Count)

Most of my breakthroughs come when I’m in therapy with Heather. Often times I need someone to validate my feelings or help me work through something before I can see it clearly. But I’ve also had breakthroughs when the wheels start to turn in my head and I can almost physically feel a light bulb come on. They tend to happen at night or anytime I’m alone. I’ve had ones that haven’t lasted long and others that have, after lots of practice and repetition. Tonight I had a breakthrough. And I think this one might just stick.

Since June, I’ve been feeling pretty depressed. Yes, I’ve had some great times this summer. But overall I would say I was more often down than up. I’ve tried to write things down, change my thinking patterns, be more social, be mindful, etc, etc. But everything I tried only helped temporarily. This past week things got really dark. I started to feel suicidal on Monday morning. On Tuesday night I lay in bed and thought about different ways I could end my life. On the way to school Thursday morning, as the bus crossed over the Pembina Bridge, I looked down at the Red River and considered jumping from a bridge. It was really hard to concentrate in class. I felt alone, and useless, and hopeless.

Things started to improve a little on Friday. I worked the Bomber game, which I hadn’t done since early August, so I got to see my coworkers that I’m friends with. We laughed a lot and I felt a little less alone. I forgot about wanting to die.

Tonight I got home from work, looking forward to the Jets game with my dad on Sunday. I was home alone and my only plans involved relaxing. My mind wandered and I began thinking, and thinking, and thinking. And I came to a conclusion, a breakthrough if you will.

I finally realized, after all these years, that I have to stop being my own enemy. I have to stop putting myself down and picking on myself. My whole life I have internalized all the negative bullshit I’ve ever heard and carried it on my back. I let other people’s negative opinions and thoughts about me become my own. Almost like looking in a funhouse mirror and knowing it’s not really what you look like but for some reason still believing that it’s real. And then anytime you look at yourself you still see the funhouse mirror you, and not the real you. I’m not ugly. I’m not stupid. I’m not useless or a bitch or a whore. And I’ve spent so much time caring about what other people think of me but the only opinion that matters at the end of the day is mine because I have to live with me. I have to walk around and look at myself in the mirror and be happy and proud of who I am. And I am. I am happy with the person I’ve become. I’ve accomplished so many things that 14 year old me would never have believed. I am a good person. I care about other people and I treat people with respect and kindness.

I could have a million friends, which it sometimes feels like I do, and the biggest family in the world, which I’m pretty sure I do, and I’m still going to have days when I feel alone because everyone has work or school and their own shit to deal with. So I have to have my own back. It’s great that I have all these people to support me but I also need to support myself, for the days when it’s just me. I need to be my own hype woman, my own best friend, and my own team. There are so many people that I’ve met who have tried to tear me down and by kicking myself I’m only helping them. I didn’t want to die for me; I wanted to die because I thought I was doing other people a favour because that’s what other people wanted. I don’t want to die for other people; I want to live for me. So from now, I’m rolling with the punches. I’m making moves for me, I’m doing what I want and if other people don’t like me for it, that’s alright but it doesn’t change anything. I’m not going to bully myself anymore. Life is too damn short to hate yourself because at the end of the day you’re all you’ve got.

You can hate me enough for the both of us. I’ll just love myself twice as much.

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 112, July 2018

On Monday morning, I had a job interview for Toll People which are part of the Toll Group, a global logistics company with the nearest office located in Dandenong South. To be honest, I haven’t had much time at all to process this opportunity since receiving the phone call last Friday afternoon from the recruitment consultant, Janella. However, I decided to dive in head first and quickly completed the required online induction and safety modules.

Over the past weekend, my brain has been flooded with many questions: Am I doing the right this pursuing an opportunity that I don’t know much about? Will I be able to fit a new job into my current lifestyle? Will I have to sacrifice and cut out some of my commitments? Will this casual warehouse role be right for me? What if I can’t handle it? What if I don’t enjoy it? All of this boils down to my huge fear of uncertainty and change.

So really this job interview is basically a learning opportunity to grow as a person. To embrace change and take a risk by potentially gaining new employment. The good news is that the ball is basically in my court. If things go pear shaped and it doesn’t sound like the right job for me, then I can always walk away and decline the offer. Also if I can’t seem to make it fit in or becomes overwhelming, the choice will always be there to pull the pin. But at the same time, I do want to give this opportunity a red hot go and see where it takes me. https://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-ways-to-deal-with-uncertainty/

It’s been over a year since my last job interview so of course I was feeling quite nervous and unsure about it. I wanted to make sure I was prepared enough for it in terms of my attire, presentation, what to bring, questions and answers, my skills and abilities. I normally wear standard business attire to job interviews but this part of the email I received last week suggested I should do otherwise:

“During this testing, you will undergo evaluation designed to identify some risk factors that are associated with your potential employment with Toll. This will include requiring you to provide a written medical history/questionnaire and to answer questions at the interview. This written form of assessment and interview will assist with evaluating your overall physical ability to undertake the inherent physical requirements for intended role. Please wear comfortable clothing that will allow you to undertake this task.”

And so I decided to go with neat casual dress and hoped that was appropriate as I didn’t hear back from the recruitment consultant, Janella, over the weekend. So it was a relief of sorts when I discovered most of today’s interview involved filling out copious amounts of paperwork with everything from my personal details and medical history to identification and police checks, superannuation, tax and banking details. It took me about an hour to get through it all as there was about 20 pages to read, fill in and sign.

The nice thing was that I wasn’t the only candidate applying for work which means less pressure on me. The interview itself with Janella was a lot more informal and brief than I expected. She asked a few routine questions to make sure I was still interested in pursuing a casual warehouse hand position, checked through all the paperwork and that was it really. Part of me is overcome with self-doubt and worries about whether this job is right for me but I’m trying hard to remain mildly optimistic about it.

Of course I was still flustered and exhausted as hell by the end of it but I’m really glad that I made the effort to do this. Even if I’m not successful, at least I can say I tried and did my best.  And if it turns out that this job isn’t for me, at least I can say I’ve gone through the interview process and it wasn’t a waste of time. It’s all learning. https://www.tollgroup.com/business-services/recruitment/looking-work

On Monday night, I attended a meditation class at Level Up Yoga in Berwick. Tonight's meditation class hosted by Angelina Morino was based around the theme of HEALING. Being the middle of winter, I usually get very susceptible to colds, flus and various sinus issues plus symptoms like dry mouth, dehydration, sleepiness, muscle tension, physical and mental fatigue and low mood/energy. https://www.aaronpetty.com/meditation/

Ange talked about the fundamental principles of a meditation practice including finding the spaces between thoughts and using the breath as a focal point or anchor. She also discussed how our minds constantly make up stories that aren't necessarily true. This is something I've been continually working on over the years, to let go and dispel of those bullshit claims that my brain is coming up with.

Some of my "stories" include: I am not enough. I don't have any friends. I am weird, boring and uninteresting. Everyone in this room is ignoring me and deliberately excluding me. Nobody likes me. I'm going to be lonely forever. There's something wrong with me. I'm too quiet. I don't speak up enough.

A lot of this comes from how comfortable I am with myself and having self-acceptance. That means accepting every single part of who I am, the good and the bad. It also means ridding myself of things that no longer serve me: negative thoughts, toxic emotions and self-doubt. It's a difficult process for me having severe mental illness but I've got to keep working at it everyday.

Tonight was a great example of why most of the above stories are bullshit. If those things were true, Aaron Petty wouldn't have hugged me on arrival or asked about my job interview today. Angelina Morino wouldn't have said hello, grabbed my props and offered me a muffin. And the other students wouldn't have said hi and acknowledged my existence. I am definitely not alone and I am very much enough. https://www.aaronpetty.com/teaching-schedule/

On Tuesday night, I had my YardFIT group training session at The Yard Strength & Fitness in Pakenham. I was burning the candle at both ends a little today after being out of the house for a total of 6 hours. I did a CX Works group fitness class at YMCA Casey ARC (I can feel my glutes burning) plus a half hour session on the treadmill. The new CX Works release was pretty tough with lots of tracks using the resistance bands and trying to incorporate Pilates movements. I’m surprised I didn’t get tangled up in the bands! I then drove straight to Frankston and parked in the multi-level carpark near Hoyts Australia FRANKSTON. http://w3.lesmills.com/israel/en/classes/cxworx/music-tracklists/

Of course I didn’t really anticipate the school holidays crowds which means more traffic on the road, more congestion, more time needed to find parking, more parents and kids everywhere and a long queue at the candy bar. Thankfully I managed to grab an exclusive Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom dinosaur drink cup with Blue the velociraptor on the top (Yes I’m a dinosaur geek and also love collecting stuff, what of it?). I really enjoyed watching JW:FK a second time even with the kid next door randomly asking me 20 questions before it started. https://www.hoyts.com.au/movies/jurassic-world-fallen-kingdom

PEAK HOUR TRAFFIC! It took me about an hour to get home from Frankston even with some quick decision making in going an alternative route. But inevitably I was going to get stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. Of course I forgot about the large round-a-bout on Hall Road. But never mind, I just wanted to get home so I could eat something and have some downtime before going out again.

I was feeling mentally exhausted by the time I got to The Yard and perhaps it was a good thing that I didn’t rush myself to get there by 5.30pm. I was just me and Rodney Millar tonight. We worked on a lot of mobility, stretches and muscle activation through the glutes, hips, hammies and back. To warm up, Mandi Herauville drew from a deck of playing cards and corresponded these to a particular exercise including ring rows, med ball snatches, jabs on the punching bag, burpees, squats, lunges and push-ups.

For tonight’s WOD, we did a modified version of the FILTHY FIFTY. As the name implies, we had to do 50 reps of each of the movements which is very tough. These included: Box Jumps (Step Ups), Jumping Pull-ups, Kettle Bell Swings, Overhead Bar Presses (Med Ball Snatches), Knees to Elbows, Wall Balls, Burpees (Supported with a box) and Double Unders (Single Skips). Rodney and I were both stuffed after just 15 minutes and Mandi knew when to draw the line. https://www.boxrox.com/crossfit-workouts/others/filthy-fifty/

That’s the thing I love about Mandi as a personal trainer and coach. She knows exactly when to back off or modify a workout if things are becoming too difficult and not achievable for the client. She can also be really blunt and direct with a strong “no bullshit” radar but she is always coming from a good place. Even during the final cool down, she reminded us that life can be really tough and we should be proud of our efforts both at the gym and in life.

“I fall into the ocean, I fly into the sky. All my broken emotion is slowly drifting by. The further I go into myself. The more I find, then I find, I need someone else.”     Evermore - Into The Ocean (Calling You) (2004)

“Leave the TV on to fill the empty air. Loneliness sinks in, like ink into my skin. Should have seen it all. The climb before the fall. I held to what we shared. But now its disappeared.” Evermore - Come To Nothing (2004)

[trendingnewsb]

3 Terrifying Pieces Of Anti-Woman Legislation You Need To Know About Right Now

When I mention your body’s biggest enemy, you probably have something that came immediately to mind: your thighs, your arms, the pimple you got from dropping kettle corn into your mouth/all over your face so you could eat without sitting up for normal adult reasons. Or maybe you thought of the parade of fuckboys last few bros you banged who confirmed for you that some people just weren’t built to interact with the female body. This second guess is closer to what I’m actually talking about, because it similarly concerns a group of largely white men (if you’d like to fight me on your sexual history, feel free, I’m just taking a guess) who have no business with women’s bodies, and yet can’t leave them the fuck alone. Those people are called YOUR GOVERNMENT. (Mic drop, I am political.)

In all honesty, I probably don’t have a single friend who would describe me as political; I don’t even feel like I ignore the news on purpose, it just kind of floats past me, like everything that was ever said in a high school history class. But because I’m a selfish bitch I care about my readers very much, when I hear about bullshit new measures that will negatively affect my body both on a daily basis and in times of need, I am going to listen the fuck up and urge you all to do the same. Here’s a rundown of the three scariest pieces of legislation aimed to limit women’s choices right now—and for those of you with any remaining doubts that I really do not usually care/write about politics, please know that I literally just Googled the word “legislation” to make sure I was using it correctly. Feels good.

1. Remember When Obama Made Your Boss Pay for Your Birth Control? Yeah, That’s Over.

In a continued bid to out-evil Satan, Trump made a fun little announcement last Friday: He’s shut down the Obama-era law requiring most employers to cover co-pay-free birth control, an amazing measure we definitely all took completely for granted. Now, in the nation of Gilead Trump’s America, employers will be able to cite “religious or moral objection” to covering birth control, and BAM: You can no longer afford brunch, because that budget has been re-allocated to your “not getting pregnant” fund. Oh, and regardless of your birth control type, this shit is not cheap: My employer insurance had a fun two-week blackout last month and I was charged $200 for a 30-day supply of my GENERIC birth control pill. So don’t even try to come at me with that “just pay out of pocket, mer mer mer, women want everything for free” shit, TYLER.

Proposed Solution: If there is a guy you are regularly having sex with, and your birth control coverage is affected, ask him to pay for half. I know this doesn’t effect change on a policy level, but as a group, can women please stop accepting sole financial responsibility for preventing pregnancy? If the guy you’re fucking starts whining about the cost, just tell him there’s a 100% free alternative: You can stop having sex with him, forever.

2. 20 Weeks Pregnant? Cool, You’re Having a Baby Now.

Though this isn’t yet in immediate effect like the above measure, a bill recently passed through the House of Representatives criminalizing abortion after 20 weeks of pregnancy. Never mind the fact that if our government hates abortions so much, they probably shouldn’t have repealed the access to free birth control, which conveniently yielded lower abortion rates than we had in 1973, when abortion was made legal nation-wide. Never mind the disgustingly insulting title for this bill of “Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act,” which would perhaps have been more aptly titled “Pain-Capable and Very Much Born Adult Woman Punishment Act.” In this case, let’s focus on the fact that one of the bill’s co-sponsors, Tim Murphy of Pennsylvania, was literally texting his mistress to GET AN ABORTION while passing this bill through the House. Everything about this bill (and its relation to less-available birth control) is so alarmingly nonsensical that I’m almost ready to start buying into lizard-person theories. Given the one season I watched of , I feel like “handling” a mistress’ pregnancy is basically a rite of passage for most politicians—so why are they so fucking intent on making sure those abortions need to be illegal and unsafe? It’s definitely not a conspiracy to have more women die during the procedure, rendering them unable to talk about the affair, right? Wait…right?

3. A Special-Edition Coverage Slash For Pre-Pregnant, Pregnant, And Post-Pregnant Women

This bad boy, otherwise known as the Graham-Cassidy bill, is luckily having a lot of trouble getting passed, so there’s chance you won’t actually have to deal with this specifically. Which is good because I JUST spent two hours of my Monday at a Planned Parenthood phone bank defeating this nightmare of a bill that keeps popping back up like a zombie Whack-A-Mole, can I live for one week?? But honestly, every proposed healthcare reform bill this garbage-monster administration has spewed out has been pretty similarly shitty, so expect comparable measures if they manage to get anything through. This particular bill has gone ahead and banned women on Medicaid from visiting Planned Parenthood (straight up, I do not know what Medicaid is, but oh my god just allow women access to appropriate healthcare, our bodies are more complicated than yours and we fucking need it). Also, it’s restricted abortion coverage and maternity care in the same bill, so really (unless you’re a politician’s mistress!), these people would like to ensure that you get pregnant, stay pregnant, and bear the emotional, physical, and financial burden of that pregnancy all on your own. Just like how you got pregnant all on your own, without the help of any second party. Right.

Basically, the only common thread of these new measures is that our government doesn’t give a shit about you or your body. There’s no ideological or economic background that makes any sense, much like when Dean started motorboating D-Lo in the pool, thus jeopardizing his supposed “deep emotional connection” with Kristina, and the lucrative fandom love that could have launched a thousand Instagram sponsorships. So, I encourage you to start thinking about our government the way you think about the fuckboys we deal with on a daily basis: Until they shape the fuck up, we’ll be heavily looking into alternative options. You don’t let fuckboys tell you what to do with your body, so let’s get them out of these government positions where they can literally charge you for going against their dumbass ideas on what your body has access to.

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