#met a guy whos trying to go every other day like goddamn. making the most of that membership huh. i wish i was on that level

[phagodyke]

pretty okay gym sesh... not my best but still had fun. also ended up helping out a couple strangers who weren't in the group I was climbing with bc I can't NOT give tips to ppl trying routes I spent good time working on....

[bitterbutblue]

jane doe with a cat thiren...

come get me, baby~ ☆ jane doe x reader

~ guys do u want more x reader i can do x reader but for girls i think. i think i cant write men. also i wrote this for my pookie dearest friend if she sees this she knows who she is this is for u bbg

edit: i made part two for yall ~

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

⤷ what a CHAOTIC relationship

⤷ you both met at the N.E.P.S. and you honestly never talked much at first because she was a rat thiren and you were a cat thiren. every time you two were in a room together the tension was goddamn unbearable

⤷ but it wasn't because if you. it was because of HER. it was like as if she was the cat thiren with the way she eyed you up and down like you were her next prey to catch. and you always felt very flustered under her gaze

⤷ you guys played this game of cat and mice except the roles were reversed because you were the one scrambling away in embarrassment and she was the one flirting and cornering you to ask you the dumbest questions because she knows just talking to you will have you blushing

⤷ because you're both thirens you do have VNOs and can detect pheromones... although it's cross species the thiren breeds in general all have a heightened sense of smell and she can always tell when you're flustered or... you know....

⤷ zhu yuan told her to stop playing with you like you're a toy but she just finds it so fun!

⤷ you know how in genshin, yae miko is tormenting gorou? this is exactly how jane torments you.

⤷ asks to pet your ears often, which is a very sensitive spot on your body so you always sputter out an embarrassed 'no!'

⤷ asks to pet your tail, which is even worse and more embarrassing so at that point you just run away

⤷ eventually zhu yuan is like "dude this is NAWT how u pick a girl up" and she was like oh :/

⤷ can be very sincere when she needs to be. is a very loving girl deep down and prepared for weeks on how to ask you out. you could sort of tell something was off the day she was going to confess because her usual charm and confidence had wavered

⤷ her ears were flopped down the entire day, eyeing the area around her so anxiously. you thought there was a stalker.

⤷ then she confessed and you became the one with folded ears and had eye contact issues.

⤷ confessed very simply but also very sincerely. it was just the two of you in the parking lot of the N.E.P.S. and you thought she was gonna tease you again. instead she pulls out sunflowers (because they're safe for cats) and asks you so softly if you wanted to go on a date with her

⤷ combusted on the spot btw. you evaporated. gone. out of the world. she just giggled at you.

⤷ the most loving girlfriend you can ask for. she will murder anyone who even dares to look at you in a slightly off putting way. you guys balance each other out in that sense

⤷ kisses are always very soft and passionate. every time she kisses you it's like she's kissing you for the last time with how much love she tries to convey through a simple act.

⤷ has a very good way of making you blush all the time and getting you worked up for her.. (i could try writing a separate thing for that if you guys are interested)

⤷ loves calling you "darling" or "honey" to get you blushing around your coworkers. people love teasing you because of how shy you get around her too. but she just has a way of charming people

⤷ you do get jealous of her and seth, because they seem so close- especially after the latest mission. but she always assures you that you're the only one she loves and will go out of her way to show you that.

[thisapplepielife]

Written for @steddiebingo.

Goddamn, Fuck You, Motherfucker

Countdown to Midnight Prompt: Soulmate | Word Count: 3420 | Rating: E | CW: Language, Sexual Content, Male Titty Fucking | POV: Eddie | Tags: Soulmate AU, College AU, Modern AU, Meet Cute, Or: Meet Ugly, Soulmarks, Invisible Strings, Hijinks Ensue, The Universe Had to Work Overtime on These Two, Matching Each Other's Freak

I actually got assigned the prompt "soulmates" on both the Christmas and New Year's bingo cards. Instead of trying to double-up, I decided to just make them companion pieces. Here are the links to both:

Part 1: Steve POV | Part 2: Eddie POV | Also on AO3

They are intended so they could be read standalone, but I wrote Steve's first, so I say go back and start there if you'd like to read both.

Eddie wears it like a badge of honor. He wishes it was scrawled across his forehead instead of his arm. Goddamn, fuck you, motherfucker! is a damn good soulmark, if he doesn't say so himself.

Feisty. He likes that. 

He hasn't met him, or her, yet. He's not picky, never has been. 

Eddie rolls up his sleeves, and the mark is dark black, prominent. Like the freshest, newest tattoo. And he knows tattoos. He's got some good ones, and some bad ones, but this right here is his favorite and he didn't even get to choose it. It just showed up one day, a promise of who was to come.

They have nice handwriting, whoever they are. He's always thought so. He brushes it with his thumb. He just wonders when he's finally going to get to meet them. 

It wasn't in high school, not during any of the three senior years he had. He kind of thought that was why he kept sticking around, like he was just waiting for them to round a corner.

They never did.

Now, he's a senior in college on schedule to graduate in one go, thank you very much, and still nothing. Nada. Zilch. 

Oh well. It'll happen, or it won't. 

"You about done primping your hair or what?" Jeff yells from down the hall, and Eddie laughs. Jeff wanted to go to the big frat party on campus tonight and Eddie definitely wasn't opposed. He can probably off-load some weed, make a little extra cash, so sure, why not? 

Eddie settles onto the couch where he usually does his business. Right out in the open. He's the one to be feared, not the other way around. Gareth is next to him, yapping about some movie that they watched in his film class last night. Eddie's slightly interested. Playing chess against death for your soul? That does sound like something he'd like.

His arm itches. He looks down to scratch at it, right over his soulmark. This couch had better not have fucking bed bugs.

"Oh shit, Goodie's fighting with some frat boy," Gareth announces, sitting up to lean closer to the action, and Eddie looks up.

And Goodie most certainly is doing just that. 

Goodie just shoved a guy, and Eddie has about two seconds to open his arms to catch the cussing heap of a man as he slides across the coffee table, knocking Eddie's lunch box of inventory, and every goddamn drink, onto the ground. Not cool. 

What the fuck is Goodie doing? Yeah, he got the first cheap shot off, but this guy isn't small, and Goodie's definitely gonna get them all into a brawl if this dude has friends. Still, Eddie can't help but laugh, and he yells at Goodie, "You're a fucking dickhead!"  

He shifts the guy over onto Gareth, who makes an oomph sound like he's a delicate flower, as Eddie hops up to try and get this straightened out before it progresses into an actual problem.

Eddie slides his arm around Goodie's neck, and tucks him into his side in a headlock. Goodie lets him, laughing.

"What the fuck, Goods? You just laid that poor guy out, say you're sorry," Eddie demands, looking back at the pretty, if very confused guy still sitting on Gareth who has his hands up in the air, like he's being accused of a crime.

"I'm sorry," Goodie laughs, hand finding Eddie's side, and Eddie damn well knows he's positioning himself to get out this headlock if he needs to, "It was an instinct! A remnant from high school. Get bullied, push back, that's what you always said!"

Eddie turns back to look at the guy. If he really was picking on Goodie, there's gonna be a problem here, "He was bullying you?"

"I was not!" the guy yells. 

"He stepped on my foot!" Goodie clarifies, and Eddie laughs. Stepping on a foot is not bullying. It's an accident.

"He stepped on your foot, so you shoved him in my lap?" Eddie asks, making sure he's got this right.

Goodie huffs, "Well, I didn't think you'd mind!"

It was a nice gift, but still, Goodie's gonna get them in real trouble one of these days if his temper can't be, well, tempered.

"What's going on here?! I just went to the bathroom, there wasn't even a line!" a girl shows up shouting, hopping mad. "Now Steve is sitting in Gareth's lap? How do you know Gareth? You can't sleep with Gareth!"

She's rambling, hands waving in the air.

How do you know Gareth? Eddie thinks. He's never seen either of these two people in his life.

"I'm fine. We're fine, I think?" the guy says, but he doesn't sound sure about that. Eddie's sure. He's fine. He's definitely fine. In more ways than one. Goodie's not gonna do shit. None of them are. "I'm not sleeping with Gareth?" he adds, and Eddie's also sure about that. Gareth's not into men. 

This was just a misunderstanding. A comedy of errors.

Eddie's life, in a nutshell. 

"Not a question. Absolutely not. No offense," Gareth says, and well, that's his loss. Eddie would definitely take one for the team.

But he can't resist. 

"Look what you've done, now you've made his girlfriend mad," Eddie teases, still not releasing Goodie from his grasp. He deserves a little more torture. 

"Ew, gross. Not my boyfriend," the girl says, like she's absolutely disgusted by this idea. Has she not seen that guy? 

"She's a lesbian," Gareth says. And oh, that'll do it. Mystery solved. If neither of them want to sleep with this guy, Eddie will volunteer.

"Don't be so disgusted," the guy with the good hair and bitchy face complains. "I'm a catch."

That he most certainly is. Eddie caught him, if only briefly, and if he can reel him back in, he'll definitely be doing that.

"Do you still have a dick?" the girl asks, snippy.

"I still have a dick," he confirms quietly, and they're bantering. Eddie likes them. Likes this show he's unexpectedly been invited to watch.

"What she said," Gareth pipes up.

And Eddie definitely likes that this handsome devil has a dick. Eddie would like to be introduced to it, up close and personal, post-haste. 

"Well, we're all glad to hear it," Eddie says, finally letting Goodie stand up. Goodie shrugs, trying to get re-situated, and Eddie pats him on the back.

Jeff comes back, having missed the whole altercation, "What's going on?"

Then it turns out the girl, Robin apparently, knows all of his friends. And that is just an unfair and unjust world. 

Gareth seems determined to get Jeff caught up on all the action he missed, "Oh, Jeff, you picked the exact worst time to wander off. Short story: Goodie pushed this guy—"

"Goodie's here, too?" Robin says, like she hadn't even noticed him.

Gareth keeps talking, but what else is new, he's always talking, "—and get this, turns out, this dude is Eddie's soulmate."

Wait, what?

Eddie turns his head, eyes darting between Gareth and the very pretty man that looks like a deer caught in headlights, "What'd you say? Gareth, why do you think…" he trails off, and then looks down at his arm.

"You're Goddamn, Fuck You, Motherfucker?" Jeff cuts in, beating Eddie to the punch. Well, he might not have asked it like that, but the guy laughs.

"Well, I prefer Steve, but I'll answer to anything, I guess."

Steve. His soulmate's name is Steve.

That's officially his favorite name ever, now.

"Jeff, help me. Eddie tried to take my head off my neck," Goodie complains, and while Jeff will take Goodie's side, he's not gonna come in hot at Eddie, even if Goodie is angling for it.

"You pushed my soulmate. You got off easy, my child," Eddie banters back, circling Goodie, like he's sizing him up. Pushing at his chest, and Goodie laughs, batting his hands away.

"Let me see," Steve says quietly.

Eddie stops in his tracks. He knows exactly what Steve wants to see. Eddie walks over to him, and offers up his forearm:

Goddamn, fuck you, motherfucker!

The words, Steve's words, have finally been said. They're right here on Eddie's skin in Steve's messy cursive scrawl. 

Steve brushes his thumb against Eddie's mark, and Eddie feels a jolt go up his spine, as he goes half-hard in his jeans, immediately.

"Holy shit," Eddie whispers, he's never reacted to anyone like that.

"Uh, yeah," Steve says, and Eddie can't stop staring at him. 

They've got to leave here before he does something embarrassing in front of all his friends and a house party full of strangers.

"Wanna get out of here?" Eddie asks, and Steve is nodding before Eddie's even done asking. 

Back in Eddie's room, Eddie keeps running his hands over every inch of skin he can. All those moles and freckles. He's gorgeous.

This was the man made just for him?

He's never been that lucky a day in his life.

"You said it, and I missed it. Can you say it again?" Eddie asks, hand tangled in Steve's hair, pulling his mouth closer, so he can brush his lips against Steve's.

"Say what?" Steve asks, eyes glazed over. Nobody told Eddie meeting your soulmate would be such horny business. They've been touching, and rubbing all over each other for what has to be hours at this point.

"The words, your words," Eddie says, and Steve has to take Eddie's arm into his hand, looking like he's double-checking what he even said.

"Goddamn, fuck you, motherfucker!" Steve pops off, laughing as he says it, and Eddie giggles with delight, pressing his face into Steve's neck.

"You're a fucking dickhead," Eddie says back with affection, and Steve wraps his arm around Eddie's back and pulls him tight. 

Eddie can't believe he finally met him, and he's this gorgeous. Way out of Eddie's league, but Steve seems just as happy to be here as Eddie is, which, hot fucking damn.

He just wants to touch him everywhere, wants to see every inch of his body, wants to worship him now that he's finally here. 

Stripped down and bare, Eddie's checked him over, and Steve only has the one mark. No other tattoos. Just Eddie's own words, and miles of tan, freckled skin. And the moles. Oh, the moles. Not to mention the thick thatch of chest hair that lights a fire inside Eddie. Eddie rubs his fingers through it, and has the unexpected thought that he wants to come in it, wants to titty fuck him, even if that wouldn't exactly be an easy endeavor. Not to mention, well, maybe not something to suggest on the first date. He doesn't have to let his entire freak flag fly. 

He moves on, but will tuck that pretty mental image somewhere safe in the back of his brain, as he slides his hand down to thumb at Steve's nipple. Steve's hips come up off the bed, and Eddie knows they are going to have so much goddamn fun tonight.

Not just tonight.

Forever.

And isn't that a heady thought?

His fingers go right back to that chest hair, and his hand wanders, getting a handful of his chest, squeezing, and Steve chuckles. 

"Boobie man?" Steve asks, and it's playful, not judgmental at all.

"Fuck," Eddie says, and he wouldn't have especially said that he's a boob man. He likes them just fine, but there's something about Steve's chest hair. Manly, dark and thick in the middle, spreading up and out, that is really pressing buttons he didn't even know he had.

"I'm a pervert, the things I want to do to you will send you running for the hills," Eddie says, and Steve lets out the best sounding laugh in the world.

"Doubtful. Do 'em," Steve says, "I'm no blushing virgin. I've been around the block. I've been around several blocks, and had fun on every corner."

"Fuck me," Eddie says, rubbing his hard cock against Steve's thigh, "how come our blocks never crossed until now? My map was faulty."

Steve giggles, and it's adorable.

"You're gorgeous, and your chest hair is making me think all kinds of thoughts," Eddie admits, leaning back so he can see Steve's face.

By giving Steve space, Steve takes both hands, and presses his pecs together. There's just enough softness, just enough give, that Eddie is sure he could actually do it.

He could slide his dick between them, and feel all that hair hugging the underside of his cock.

Eddie starts fisting his own cock, watching. Wanting.

Their first sexual encounter cannot be him fucking Steve's chest. He's weird, and proud of it, but maybe not that weird.

Instead he slides down the bed, and admires Steve's impressive cock as it lays against his belly, hard and leaking. Steve flexes, making it bounce, and Eddie laughs, delighted. Can he already love him? Because he thinks he already loves him.

Eddie slides his fingers between Steve's cock and his belly, guiding it upwards, rubbing the head against his bottom lip, tongue sneaking out to taste, and then he sinks down, taking him fully into his mouth. He's a mouthful, more than, but Eddie's no quitter. Eddie moans, and Steve echoes him, as Eddie uses his free hand to grip Steve's hip.

He wants to blow him, wants to roll him over and eat him out until he cries and begs for Eddie's cock. He wants it all, wants everything, and thinks he just might get it.

Eddie's never had sex like this before. And he's had some damn good sex. This just feels like a whole different level of attraction, of connection.

Soulmates. 

He thought he knew, but he really didn't.

Steve's in his lap, rocking back and forth on his cock, working him over like a goddamn pro. Arms wrapped around Eddie's neck, mouths locked together, sharing breath, unwilling to let one another go. 

He was right. He is feisty. Just not in the way Eddie had always expected. 

Eddie's getting close, and he snakes a hand between them, fisting Steve's cock, hoping he'll be able to to take him over the edge right along with him. 

"Eddie," Steve breathes against his mouth, a warning, and Eddie nods up and down, encouraging him.

"Do it, god, do it. Come," Eddie demands, and Steve does. Warmth hitting Eddie's hand, his belly, as Steve tightens down on Eddie's cock, pulsing with his orgasm.

Eddie pushes up into him, still chasing his own, when Steve unceremoniously slides up and off him. He's bewildered, stunned for the heartbeat it takes Steve to flop onto his back, hands pressing the sides of his chest together, an offer.

Eddie strips off the condom, slides his thighs along Steve's ribs, and leans forward, bracing himself against the headboard. Slick cock pressing into Steve's skin, the slight roughness of the chest hair a new sensation, and he thrusts. He can't see Steve's face, not from this angle, but the idea alone is enough to get him across the finish line, and he slides back, a downstroke, coming with a long, hard groan. Fuck. That was something. Too quick, but so fucking filthy that he couldn't hang on a second longer.

He pants, and scoots back down to Steve's waist. Admiring his handiwork. Come is stuck in Steve's chest hair, and some shot upwards, hitting the underside of Steve's chin, pooling in the hollow of his neck.

"Fuck, we are meant to fucking be," Eddie says, rubbing his thumb through the mess, darkening his chest hair even further, matting it together.

Steve laughs, "I'm gonna need a shower, but goddamn, you were worth the wait. I've been waiting for somebody to match my freak."

Eddie laughs, delighted and wowed by this man under him. His fucking soulmate. He moans, and buries his face in Steve's neck as they cling to each other, spreading the mess further. They're both gonna need showers, and that's totally fine with Eddie. Worth it.

And this was just the first time. First times have no business ever being that good, and Eddie presses his mouth to Steve's sweaty neck, offering him open-mouthed kisses.

Offering Steve himself, his love, his whole future if Steve is willing to take it.

All of his freak, and more.

Morning comes too soon, and Steve slides out of bed to get dressed. Eddie watches as Steve pushes down his sleeves, and then changes his mind, pushing them back up towards his elbows. 

"It's supposed to be sunny and seventy, definitely up," Eddie chimes in, hands tucked behind his head, just enjoying the free show.

Steve smiles, "Yeah. Just, habit. I've hidden my mark for so long it's gonna take some time to break the habit."

"You hid it? Why?"

"Well, you're a fucking dickhead didn't seem wildly romantic. I had no idea it wouldn't be directed at me," Steve says, and oh, Eddie never thought of that.

Eddie gets out of bed, and wraps his arms around Steve's middle, squeezing him tight, "I'd never. But I get it. I thought mine was towards me, too. But I was wearing it like a badge of honor. Fucking Goodie," Eddie teases.

Steve grins, "He finally introduced us. I can't be too mad at him."

And Eddie isn't mad either, he owes Goodie several beers. A new pair of shoes if he's still salty that his toe got stepped on. Whatever he wants, within reason.

"Do you really have to go to class?" Eddie asks.

"At least my first one. Six more weeks to go."

"Yeah, yeah. Same boat. You anywhere near the union for lunch?" Eddie asks, hopeful.

"Yes. Meet you there at twelve-twenty?" Steve asks, and Eddie nods. That works. Eddie doesn't want to take his hands off of him, doesn't want to let him out of his sight, like he might disappear, even if that's irrational. They've exchanged numbers. Apparently all of Eddie's friends know Steve's best friend. Steve's not going anywhere. 

"Here," Eddie says, walking over and rummaging through his closet, pulling out a black t-shirt, "wear this. Nowhere to hide."

He hands over the shirt, and watches as Steve tugs off his Henley, tossing it onto Eddie's bed, and then slips the new shirt over his head. Corroded Coffin emblazoned across his chest, and Eddie grins. He's got a soulmate.

He's got Steve. 

"Look at you," Eddie says.

Steve looks down at his chest, "Oh, my friend Chrissy talks about this band."

"You know Chrissy?" Eddie asks, because Jesus H. Christ, of course Steve does. The universe was working overtime to get them connected, but for some reason they were just stumbling around the same campus like fools, not making it happen, for four years.

"You know Chrissy?" Steve repeats. "I've been meaning to introduce her to Robin, I think they'd hit it off. We should all do something. Goodie can push me down again, or whatever it is that you all do for fun."

Eddie tosses his head back and laughs, "He's not usually that aggressive. He must have been possessed by our profane soulmarks."

Steve smiles at him, and it makes his heart flip in his chest. How did he get this lucky? Steve Harrington is perfect. He couldn't have picked better if given the choice. He's really something else.

"The universe thought we needed a shove, literally."

Eddie grins. Definitely worked. Job well done.

"Full transparency? That's our band," Eddie says, a smile tugging at his lips as he touches the logo on Steve's chest, "and we have a slot at The Cave on Friday."

"Wouldn't miss it," Steve says, leaning forward to kiss him one more time. Eddie kisses him back before Steve really has to leave, the door closing softly behind him.

Steve may have had to go, but Eddie'll see him later, and they'll pick this right back up where they left off.

Eddie picks Steve's discarded Henley up off the bed. Maybe he'll wear this today. He doesn't need to wear his mark like a badge of honor anymore. He won the whole goddamn lottery, because Eddie's finally met his match, his soulmate, and Steve is more than he could have ever hoped for. He can't wait to see what the future brings for them. 

He pictures an entire life shared between Mr. You're A Fucking Dickhead and Mr. Goddamn, Fuck You, Motherfucker.

And Eddie laughs, absolutely delighted by the prospect. 

He can't wait.

Read Steve's POV here.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @steddiebingo and follow along with the fun! 💞

Notes: I don't think I've written soulmates before, so I'm not sure if I've stayed with the trope or veered into left field, but I know I had fun with this one. I loved the idea that their first words in each other's presence would be something so unhinged, lol. And Goodie shall never let either of them forget that their soulmarks were spoken to him not each other.

[bonchobrick]

tw: slight suicidal actions (but not really the batfam are wildly clueless to the actual context to danny's bullshit hes not suicidal--in this fic--he's dead get it RIGHT brucie)

Au where Batfam are entirely convinced that the new vigilante in Gotham, danny, has time travel powers because he can vanish away from their senses completely

This becomes a problem however when 

Bruce searches for him because wants to save Jason. Danny can save Jason not in the--im a time traveler and i can bring him or you back from or to the past--but in the, I’m a ghost king and have domain over the dead haha

Batfam become really concerned watching Phantom fight because “if he has time travel powers why doesn’t he avoid getting hit every time he can” and get worried phantom is purposefully letting himself get hurt

Danny in all honesty is just vibin the entire time while the batfam is going crazy at every sliver of info they get about danny because like

okay hes a time traveler thats established they got over that

This guy whos somehow been able to stop and rehabilitate rouges (ghosts) in his town is 15??

he may be the kindest most self destructive kid they've ever met like who immediately agrees to help people who were trying to capture and interogate him because he 'thinks we are better than the last billionaire who did this' what the FUCK

Oh yeah and they find out as a bonus in the end that his normal unpowered form he is a teen with black hair and blue eyes (bruce no no dont do it dont--)

---

Bruce is losing his mind

Okay so at the start of this there’s an unknown vigilante (danny) that Batman tends to bump into. Except Batman isn’t sure what he is.

Every time they run into each other Batman can tell there should just be a person beside him but before he gets a glimpse and opens his eyes to empty fresh air.

A vigilante that can vanish before their very eyes?

What do the bats think about this?

They think this vigilante can control time and is doing that to sneak out of their gaze.

Now here’s where the funny part comes in

Bruce goes on a wild hunt to search for the vigilante with a plan. To make them turn back time so that he can save his son.

The problem with this?

Danny is not a time traveler most days–scratch that he's not one at all. He can save his son Jason though, in fact he wants to, it’s just he needs to figure out a way to do this whilst not blowing his cover that he is the goddamn ghost king.

So he pretends that he does have time powers and that he just… uh… needs a minute to figure them out… yeah that!

Cue Batfam getting progressively more worried about Danny because ‘if he could turn back time—why doesn’t he avoid those hits?’

They all kinda think Danny is like purposefully hurting himself so now Danny is forced to eat breakfast with them and sleep at their manor.  I mean he’s confused at why they always look so worried about something but he’ll make sure Batman’s son gets home soon! Plus the rich people temporary-living-situation without all the ‘I want to adopt you’ billionaire bullshit is pretty sweet!!

(somewhere in the ghost zone jason is tearing up laughing at the batfam as they struggle to not burst into flames trying to figure out danny-- like for christs sake they think the ghost king is an american doctor who and are trying to get him to spill where his tardis is)

[revenantghost]

Hey, I’m just here to say you’re extremely missed and that, even though there’s probably not much I could say to make any of the bad things less awful, I’m hoping for an easier and gentler future for you soon. Take care, ok?

Oh man, thank you so much for sending this, and I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond (and to the other person who sent me an ask, too—I'm not sure when I'll get to it but please know it was seen and means so much). It has just been. So awful. I won't dump on the public at large everything that's happened, you don't need that novel, but it feels like every day life's falling apart more and more.

Just, seriously, thank you for sending this, and to the couple of people who checked in with chats (again, I'm sorry if I haven't responded yet, spoons are just very limited). There have been a lot of times throughout this where I get overwhelmed by everything going on and some truly horrific people I've met in the fandom and I've considered deleting everything permanently! Very often!!! Tbh I'm still struggling with that VERY intense urge while writing this. I feel so unsafe, and scared, and run down.

And tbh, it's really hard to believe anyone could care about me when I feel so awful and worthless, I feel like it must be an obligation, or I somehow accidentally manipulated people, but I'm trying to cling to that being the brain demons talking. Because I really appreciate the time and effort anyone's taken with me. And I really miss fandom and fun, even if it's weighed down with some significant trauma—I still love the stories and the characters and, most importantly, the amazing people I've met here. Outside of any fandom I've poked around in, the wonderful people I've met matter the most, and I'm trying to cling to that.

I really enjoy talking with everyone, running little projects/events, and for the first time in years actually writing again. (I've been slowly plucking away at that AU I mentioned a few times and I want to start posting for an event this month but! Ahhh!!!) I would like to try and be active again, and I'm so sorry for just being such an absolute goddamn mess. I feel like this is all too much to even say, but I do want to just be honest about all of it. Still, again, thank you so much for reaching out <3 And I'm sorry this is so ridiculously long even though I don't feel like I'm saying much and nothing important, I didn't intend for this answer to be a word-vomit update, just. Things suck, but you guys are good, and I hope things are as okay as you can be on your side of the screen <3

[bu-blegh-ost]

A short essay about how Caspian is mathematically not a mole (ep. 115 spoilers) (and for the whole series for that matter)

Okay, alright guys, I saw your concerns. I saw it all, and you are right to be worried that your favourite blue wet man's blue and equally wet best friend may turn out to be a traitor. And so am I, trust me. Which is why I went through every single bit of Caspian's past I could dig out to create an unltimate timeline of his entire goddamn life to see it it'd be plausible for him to become a mole at any point in time and ultimately prove his innocence! If that's something you're interested in reading, then buckle up!

"Jay, you come from a division of soliders that were purposely put to infiltrate pirate crews, especially the new and upcoming ones. This is totally seperate from the Black-Ops situation that you learned about in the Stronghold. And you, in this book, can tell that there is a plant on Lizzie's crew."

This, of course is something I need to point out first. Whoever Lizzie's mole might be, they are not a doppelganger. They are not a clone, or Black-Ops, just a solider of the Navy, a person that must have gotten into the Navy via regular recruitment, be trained by them and then put into a spy division. Jay ofc had this entire process sped up, due to her grandma's influence, but no one other than her, especially an Undersea citizen, who would probably have to put in extra effort to be trusted given their shaky political situation few years back, would get the same treatment. What I'm trying to say, Caspian would need time, at least few years of training to become a mole they'd trust to infiltrate a crew, and not just any crew might I add. More on that later. Let's go back to his most early years for now. This is a fragment of episode 84 in which Caspian talks to Gillion abt his early life:

C: We all have family. I consider my life up here, this crew to be my found family. But my previous…tribe with the water genasi in the Undersea, where I was growing up…sort of in a [illegible]... remember me telling you about the outskirts? We um…was very nomadic, quite a, quite a peaceful, tranquil life, but it was always, you know…mixed with this life of poverty and my family wasn’t very…wouldn’t really have much but the water around us, and each other, I suppose, so uh…You know...I mean my mother didn’t make it past old age, and uh…

G: I’m sorry…

C: When my sister left the tribe, my father sort of fell into a depression of sorts and he stopped moving around. And when we stayed in one place, I was 18 or so, maybe 16, it was a while ago, and then…that’s when I left as well. Ventured to the Oversea, and um…and it’s history, so that’s my family. Not sure what they’re up to these days, I mean…I know my sister went to the capital, where you were.

G: Pirating is a pretty lucrative business, maybe if…we managed to find them or run into them, we can give something back, put them in a better situation.

C: …Well um…I mean this was 10-15, 10 to 12 to 15 years ago, quite some, quite some time, so I don’t even know if my father is alive still, I mean I don’t really have the desire to go back to the undersea, Gill.

G: Wha-why not?

C: Because I like my life up here. This is where I’m happy.

So, before we go to what all of that entails, one more quick crazy thing to mention: so, Caspian's sister is an Elder of the Undersea. Like for sure. This is confirmed by this part from ep. 79:

The Triton who you remember as the Elder Odolaf, who looks like he is about to speak, but is cut off by the water genasi, who has been doing a lot of talking thus far, who is Elder Celeste. They stand up and there is a familiarity that you notice now in their face. It’s like you have met them before, but not in the way that you know them because they are the Elder, but in a way that it’s like, they look like somebody you know. And she has sort of these uh, white tied-up like dreads that are tied up in like a bun and they come across the face and then one side is shaved. And there are beads and piercings in her hair, her ears are a little bit more sea elf-like in the way that they are pointed and they kind of like gradient into pink. They all kind of wear the same sort of ornate robes, though hers is more, I guess faded and like cut a bit, look a bit more warriorous, or like tribal, but still very well-made and professional.

Tribal clothing, a water genasi, that looks like someone Gillion saw before in the face. The only water genasi Gillion met after leaving the Undersea is Caspian. Elder Celeste is Caspian's sister. Wild. Anyway, not what we're here for, but I needed to mention that.

The crazier thing is that Caspian left to Oversea when he was 16-18, and it has been 10-15 years since then. That means Caspian is currently 26 at possible youngest, and 33 at his oldest, which was surprising to me, I did not imagine Caspian as a man in his 30s! But that's straight up facts, so holy shit, you know?

Okay, so I'm going to list a lot of small facts that determine a lot of ages in quick succession. I hope it's not gonna be too scary to look at, I'll simplify it all at the end. [Deep inhale]

Right now Gillion is 22. So when Caspian left the Undersea, Gillion was 12-7. Jay is 21 and Ava was 2 years older, same age as Lizzie. So Lizzie is 23 now. When Caspian left the Undersea, she was 13-8. Chip is 19, so Lizzie is 4 years older. Hole in the Sea happened when Chip was 9, so Lizzie was 13. So Caspian left the Undersea around the same time Lizzie crashed on the uninhabited island with Chey after the Hole.

It's a lot, I know, I know. So let me clear this up a little.

Hole in the sea was 10 years ago. Chip was 9, Lizzie was 13. 10 years ago Caspian was in the age between 16 and 23, and he left the Undersea when he was 16 or 18. So roughly at the same time the Black Sea happened, Caspian came to the surface for the first time.

(also pls note that we are talking in estimates, casue in ep. 36 Lizzie says she was 11 when the hole happened, but in ep. 101 she says she was the same age as Ava which by the power of math would put her at 13. Either way, somewhere around that age)

After that, Lizzie spend some time on an uninhabited island with Chey, the Black Rose cook, who sacrificed herself for Liz, so she could survive and died shortly after. We do not know how much time passed, but I assume no longer than few months, and after that she was saved by Captain Shadowbeard where she met Caspian. They were a part of Shadowbeard's crew, Caspian saved her from the massacre where Shadowbeard was killed, and then Lizzie went on to create her own crew, Grandberry Pirates with Caspian never leaving her for a second since he met her. That means that the only time Caspian could have joined the Navy would be RIGHT after he came to the Oversea for the first time, roughly at the same time Lizzie was stranded on an island, and in that short period of time (between Lizzie's crash on the island and her being found by Shadowbeard) he would have to find the time to be trusted and accepted by Navy, get trained specifically for infiltration AND infiltrate not anyones BUT FUCKING SHADOWBEARD'S SHIP. Not a NEW crew. A crew of one of the most legendary pirates on the sea. Cause before Lizzie, Caspian was Sadowbeard's crew member, and since then he never stopped being a pirate, so if he was a solider, he would have had to be one before Shadowbeard. And remeber what Grizzly said in 115: "Jay, you come from a division of soliders that were purposely put to infiltrate pirate crews, especially the new and upcoming ones."

Shadowbeard was not new. Not upcoming. He was dangerous and Navy must have had the balls of steal to send a rookie solider, which Caspian would have been at that point in time, to infiltrate him. The numbers say it's impossible. Guys, the numbers! They don't add up!

Anyway, so basically Caspian could not be a mole. He is not a new pirate, he was not a member of a fresh crew, becaue his pirate journey did not start with Lizzy, it started with Shadowbeard. Grandberry Pirates is a new crew, but Caspian is not a newbie in it. You know who is? Rudith. I mean what kind of doctor lets a bunch of rowdy pirates have a secret base under a place where sick and vulnerable rest??? Like ANY other place would have been better and more respectful! Also you know what's interesting? Gillion could heal these people with lay on hands easily, and yet the only thing Rudith did for them was give them potions that didn't seem to help and look after them on purely non-medical level. Bro didn't do shit. Like, why would you even become a doctor without having access to healing magic? The answer, you are not. You are a Navy solider in disguise.

Okay, okay, I'm done, that's all. If you got this far, you are a hero, thank you for reading this insanely long ramble, but that's kind of the conclusions that I came to, of course, any counter-theories and discussion in general is very much welcome! I'd love to hear your opinions! Love you guys, bye~

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

My cup runneth over with excellent jql, and we just got confirmation that Cosmetic Playlover will be joining the line up next week. All but one of these are on Gaga; I highly recommend picking them up!

Takara's Treasure

I really love this unassuming little show and how gently it's advancing this relationship. This week reinforced that Taishin is the only one who really sees Takara beyond his popular hot guy reputation. He can tell he is struggling and he notices when he is overcome by sadness. Their adventure helping the tiny child find his way home was a nice way for them to bond and see each other's good qualities, and also to prompt some reflection from Takara about his own relationship with his mother. I am still dying to know more about what happened there.

I Hear the Sunspot

Most of this episode had me chewing glass; I loved every single minute of their camping trip. Seeing Kohei's walls coming down was so rewarding, and I was relieved when he finally stopped holding back and let himself smile. Taichi's ongoing struggle with understanding what he feels for Kohei was also super compelling, and I liked that Kohei got to express some frustration at his obliviousness. He flirts all the time without seeming to realize he's doing it, both with Kohei and with other people, and it's hard for Kohei to hold back when his confession is already laying there between them. Taichi seemed to finally be putting some things together when he confessed that he doesn't hate Kohei's attention. And because I loved all of that so much, it was a bit of a womp womp to then do a time skip only to introduce a new third party to inspire jealousy and set them right back where they were last week. It feels like wheel spinning, so I do hope we'll be moving through that quickly.

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko

Besties, I AM PISSED OFF. I cannot believe the behavior of the people around Hiroko this week, and I am ready to fight them on her behalf. Let me just say this real clearly: Hiroko does not owe anyone the truth about her sexuality, and if she doesn't want to be out at work, that is her choice and nobody else's goddamn business. Risa is off the best girl list forever after the shit she pulled today. Digging for gossip and outing Hiroko only so she could criticize her to try to sway Ayaka was some ugly shit, and I will not be forgetting it. And I am also side-eyeing Hiroko's "friends" at the bar, who saw Hiroko panic when she ran into those two, heard them call her senpai, and still spilled all her secrets when Risa came poking around (though I appreciate that at least Mama quickly realized they'd fucked up and apologized). I am sad that Hiroko doesn't actually have anyone on her side, and it's clear from the brief flashbacks we keep seeing that she has been betrayed in the past. I am curious to see where they go with Ayaka's quest from here, because continuing to push Hiroko when she's drawn a firm boundary is not the move. Something in the dynamic will need to shift.

Mr. Mitsuya's Planned Feeding

This shoooooooooow. I'm obsessed. Episode 2 is now available on @isaksbestpillow's blog. This week we got more hints about Mitsuya's past and other relationships (just how many boyfriends do you have, sir?), met my new favorite Shige, and learned about Ishida's past baseball career and why he's still feeling a little lost trying to establish himself in a new field. I loved following Mitsuya and Ishida on their long day together; their chemistry feels so natural and the whole sequence with Mitsuya making the tenshinhan was excellent. I was also super excited that Ishida has figured himself out quickly and knows he's crushing on Mitsuya. He's going to need that awareness because he appears to have a lot of competition.

Twilight Out of Focus

Tagging in @twig-tea to talk about this week's episode, which shifted the focus to a new couple.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

im a trans boy who has grown up with very oppressive religious parents so ive never gotten the chance to experiment sexually or romantically with peers irl, im about to move to the city for college in the fall

(i will be living on campus with two roommates who i haven't met yet and i know basically nothing about, one of them i will be sharing a bunk bed with)

im really nervous about how im gonna do socially.. ive had a really hard time making and maintaining irl friends for like my entire life, which has been really upsetting for me obviously.

being able to experiment sexually is something im really wanting to do and im really really nervous about it, i know that the most straightforward advice is just "talk about it to people you wanna do sex stuff with" but like everything is new to me i havent had the chance to really socialize irl up until this point and now im being shoved into a group of other young adults who all have the prior experience of being well socialized and having complex interpersonal relationships with peers

i also feel extremely insecure about my lack of experience, like is it actually normal for someone my age to have never had a romantic or sexual encounter? are the things ive discovered and assumptions ive made about myself sexually through masturbating wrong?? i can't watch porn bc looking at strangers having sex grosses me out!! im pretty sure my front hole is like unnaturally tight?? anything wider than two of my fingers is uncomfortable and no matter how much prep and easing myself into it i do, it stays that way.. and i think my cervix is also lower than most, about 3-4 inches is the maximum that i can insert before i can feel it bump my cervix (which hurts REALLY BAD)

im just so nervous and scared about my own body and personality and all that andi don't know where to look for resources or reassurance. ive never been to the doctor for any kind of reproductive care and im really scared to!!! i live in a state that has completely outlawed abortion rights and im really scared that if i go to planned parenthood or something to get like a checkup that they will be mean and not gentle with me

i don't know, i guess im just looking to be heard and hopefully pointed towards some resources if anyone has any, thank you for the work you do and thank you for taking the time to read my panicked ramblings

hi anon,

there's a lot happening here so I'm just doing a numbered list

1.) man, how did the third guy luck out and avoid the bunk bed? you don't have to answer that, I'm just curious how you guys have already worked out that two of you are stuck with the bunk beds. unless you're into bunk beds (I was), in which case mazel tov.

2.) in the nicest way possible, I think you may be vastly overestimating how "well socialized" other students are going to be. reading between the lines a bit, it sounds like you were maybe home schooled, or at least don't have very much experience mingling with other people your age without adult supervision. I guarantee you every public school in the world is also full of introverted freak losers who rock up to college with no idea of what they're doing; I was one of them. the majority of first year college students are also running around panicking and trying to figure out how to be away from their parents for the first time; everyone is a loser and no one is cool.

would it comfort you at all to know that my day job is organizing events at my office's LGBT student resource center? I spend a lot of time hanging out with queer first year students, and I love them dearly, and they're all cringefail losers. it's unavoidable. every 18 year old is a cringefail loser. every single person on Earth looks back at their 18 year old self and goes "goddamn, what a cringefail loser." and it's fine! it's so normal! that's the entire point of your first year of college! you try things and you're socially awkward and you meet some of the most important people you will ever meet and you meet people whose opinions about you won't matter literally at all and you'll completely change how you think about everything for the rest of your life and you'll think you're going to die and everything will be fine!!!!

anyway moving on

3.) it's normal for anyone at any age to have never had a romantic or sexual encounter. I'm assuming you value my insight at least a little, since you sent this, so would it help you to know that I arrived at college as virginal as could be (wildly insecure about it, btw) and didn't have sex for the first time until I was almost 21? would it comfort you to hear from my housemate, also transmasculine, who gave me permission to share that they've never had sex and that none of their life problems really have anything to do with being a virgin?

4.) "are the things ive discovered and assumptions ive made about myself sexually through masturbating wrong??" hard to say, since I don't know what those things are, but probably not. it's extremely hard to get masturbating wrong, no one knows what feels good to you better than you. you're sort of an authority here. masturbating isn't exactly like partnered sex, of course, but it's a really good place to start learning about things that you like and make you feel good.

5.) everything you're describing about your front hole sounds very typical. two fingers is the max number of comfortable fingers for a lot of people, regardless of experience; often, taking something larger doesn't become easier until after having penetrative sex with a partner. average vaginal depth is about 3.6 inches, and while that can increase significantly with arousal, it's something that doesn't generally happen if you're not relaxed during sex. if I can be a bit presumptuous, it sounds like sex and masturbation are maybe a bit anxiety-inducing for you, in a way that is pretty much perfectly contradictory to comfortable penetration. if I can offer you some advice I wish I could give my younger self: calm the fuck down, buy some lube, stop worrying so much about making your body react the way you think it should and learn to appreciate what it's actually doing, and maybe see if your campus has some free therapy options available. anxiety meds probably wouldn't hurt this situation. also stop hitting your cervix if that hurts oh my god.

6.) Planned Parenthood is generally one of the best places to go if you're nervous; they're aggressively queer friendly and tend to be extremely accommodating of patients' needs. I personally do not care for penetration at all and have a difficult time with Pap smears, and every examiner I've ever had at PP has been an angel about letting me take breaks and swear my way through it. it ain't fun, but if you want to have an adventurous sex life you need to take care of the health of yourself and your prospective partners by getting STI tests and Pap smears.

you're so normal, calm down, I love you

[awarmbowlofhomemadesoup]

There’s some weird dissonance reading Leosagi fics first before watching Samurai Rabbit: The Usagi Chronicles. I mean it, I enjoyed the fics, truly. But some of them made Yuichi more like Miyamoto Usagi than himself (and I’m not saying it’s a bad thing). It’s just funny after finishing 2 seasons of SRTUC because:

While Miyamoto Usagi has a resting bitch face, Yuichi did NOT inherit it. Yuichi has a resting space face when he’s not getting excited about his ancestor or Yokai.

2. He wants to be like his ancestor so bad, but he’s just too wholesome.

3. A lot of people have already said this in a lot of posts, but dude is a disaster (affectionate):

Whooping and swinging his sword and yelling he doesn’t need a sensei after making a promise to his auntie that he would find one and treat the sword with respect.

Almost got run over by heavy traffic (and is not aware of it)

Pissed off every single one of his would-be friends who were ready to beat him up.

Was given a wide selection of mystical weapons, and ended up with a yoyo because he got distracted by it. 

AND went to jail. That’s just his first day in Neo Edo. 

He is not easily distracted, he's "momentarily focused" on other things ("oh look, a bird!")

Went into a self-induced drug trip after trying so hard to meditate

4. While Yuichi can be spacey and distractible, he’s already a skilled swordsman with good instincts and reflexes. What he lacked was experience and something to temper his one-track mind.

5. When the show said he’s “all ears, no brain,” they meant it. Guy keeps syrup packets in his pockets so that he’s always prepared. (for desserts, ig) 

6. “All ears, no brain,” was said within his hearing range and it just went through his head because he’s too excited about fighting yokai like his great-great-greatx grandpa.

7. Has the selfishness and self-centeredness of someone with ADHD (and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing). He can be so caught up in wanting to be a hero, he would sometimes not listen to his friends, or hog the mission for a chance to be remembered for a thousand years.  

8. He wants to be the main character so bad:

Jumped into conclusions with Gen and made a wanted person escape.

Attacks yokai on sight to live out his fantasy of being like Miyamoto Usagi

Tries to pilot a giant robot and did well for 1.5 seconds.

Risks his life more than once by making contact with a giant magic crystal that could’ve burned him alive with too much power.

He’s goddamn lucky his show is for a younger audience or he’d be traumatized along with Leo (and his bros) from rottmnt, Luz from TOH, and MK from Lego Monkie Kid. 

9. Likes one-liners because it’s like in his comics/manga of his greatx grandpa. (”Put down the pig, or I’ll put down the hurt -wait, I can do better than that.”)

10. But yeah, all of that and he’s still a polite and considerate kid who sincerely wants to help people and his friends and will do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. 

Saves the three people who were going to beat him up.

Got delighted when the three people who were ready to beat him up were there to rescue him. (”Are we friends now? :D”)

Wants to hug them in the first hour of meeting them.

Somehow convinced one of the most terrifying yokai to be his sensei.

Would babble about yokai in the middle of fighting one.

Risks the city for an alien.

Like I know some people can’t stand its animation. It’s not the best, but it’s not bad either. Anyway, this is the Yuichi Usagi that I have known from the show and I’m glad I’ve met him. 

[astroboots]

Idk if you've answered this before, but how boa and frankie met? Was it love at first sight?

At First Sight

Content: Your best friend Santiago introduces you to his other best friend: Frankie Morales

Word Count: 2,000

Homesick Masterlist | Homecoming Universe | Astroboot’s Masterlist

It is probably not the most romantic thing to say about the man who would one day be your future husband. But the first time you met Frankie, you’d barely noticed he was in the room. 

Frankie is one of those men that has a quiet energy about him. Not imposing. Not a braggart. He’s perfectly happy to sit, tucked away into a comfortable corner of the room, sipping on a shitty beer, and almost be forgotten about while the others in the room carry the conversation. 

So no, you hadn’t paid much attention to the man with soft curls, and a sleepy smile, when you were screaming your lungs out in the private karaoke booth to the screeching horror of your friends.

In your defense, you're more than a little bit tipsy. Fresh off a six hour exam with wrecked nerves, and Santiago has decided to spend more than his paltry salary with the army should be able to afford on tequila and Aguila that never seems to run out.

Santiago is faring much better than you on your duette rendition of the Celine Dion song you're supposed to be singing together. Because not only can the bastard sing, but he also seems to know the lyrics to the song, instead of whatever you're doing, which is singing the song title over and over again even as the song has moved on. But Santiago saves it, grinning happily as he pulls you in and continues to sing into the creaky microphone.

His sturdy arm, warm and clammy, in the confined small room, hangs over your shoulder. The weight of it is like coming home, and you treasure that contact.

With every chorus, his heat-flushed cheeks inch closer and you try to ignore it, in a room filled with your friends, but you end up leaning into the warmth of him all the same.

When you finally wind down and the song ends, your throat is scratching at the lining. You know that your vocal chords are going to be rendered useless for the rest of that week as you sit back down on the squeaky vinyl sofa with Santiago who is already pouring you another tequila shot and shoving the wedge of lime between your teeth. 

Your roommate, Greta, tries to offer Santiago's friend the mic when a Michael Jackson song comes on, but he immediately shakes his head, shyly pulling the cap over his forehead like an ostrich trying to hide its head in the sand, mumbling a a quiet excuse that he’s a much bigger Prince fan. 

Throughout the evening, the poor man doesn’t sing, and despite the polite smile on his face, you are convinced that he is probably having the worst time of his life. 

Not that Santiago seems to pay any attention. He's having the best time of his life, showing off how much better of a singer he is than the rest of you (the show-off) as he downs one Tequila shot after another like it's goddamned tap water.

Santiago doesn't seem to have any care in the world that he's wrangled this poor man into a post-exam party filled with rowdy strangers drunk off their asses. Which is typical Santiago really.

Shaking your head with a sigh, you tap Santiago on the shoulder, and he leans into you allowing you to cup your hand over his ear so he can hear you over the chaotic wailing in the background.

“Is your friend alright? I don’t know his name—” 

“Who? Catfish?” Santiago shouts in your face.

You grimace at that stupid army moniker. “Not calling him that.” 

From the corner of your eye, you see the said Catfish look over in your direction at his army nickname being called.

You can't really make much sense of the guy. The only thing you know about him is that he is Santiago's army buddy that's staying with him for a few week while they're on leave.

But there's nothing about the man that screams army about him.

He's soft spoken and polite, and despite the muscular build he's positively skinny. Not the brawny, loudmouthed guys you'd often imagined an army guy would be like. But then again it's not like you've seen or been around many of them. Santiago never brings any of his army friends around you or around his family.

It's a separation he clings onto, two different worlds that should never clash, and he's stubbornly steadfast about his refusal to mix the two.

The only exception he's ever made is for this man named Catfish-- and you can't help but wonder what's so special about this man that would have the most stubborn man in the universe go back on his principles.

"You never bring people from the army around, why him?" you ask.

Santiago, doesn't look up from his tequila shot or at you as he downs it before answering. “His family are some rich hot shots, deals with oil or something in New York, doesn’t get along with them. So I told him to come here before we’re deployed again. Better to be among friends right?” 

With a tilt of the head, you can’t help but observe the man across the room, making little effort in hiding your scrutiny. 

White faded t-shirt, a worn hat embossed with the company logo ‘Standard Heat Oil’, and overgrown hair underneath, the color of deep mud, weren’t exactly the markings of a trust fund kid. 

“He doesn’t look it.” 

“That’s a mean thing to say," Santiago says as if he's scolding you, but he's smiling at you as he says it.

He leans back in, even closer to you, until his lips are close to your ear so that you can hear him perfectly clear over the mayhem in the background. "He's my best friend over there. It's only right he gets to meet my best friend over here. Be nice to him."

The first time Frankie meets you, he's nervous.

It feels momentous somehow. Like the sighting of the mythical Chupacabra in the wild. A legendary creature told only in hushed whispers around bonfires, but no one has ever seen.

He knows who you are, seen your name on the military packets you send Santiago. Caught snippets of the letters written in your neat handwriting. On the very rare odd occasion, he's even managed to convince Santiago to share some of the chocolate and snacks you send him (for a hefty price).

Santiago doesn't talk about you much. But he doesn't have to say it in words for Frankie to understand that you're important to him.

It's clear from the way his smile goes soft when he reads your letters in his bunkbed. The way he'll unfailingly waste his time on leave to argue with local vendors over the price of ugly postcards to send to you. The way he hoards you like a secret, far out of bounds, like he doesn't want his life and world in the army to taint you.

So when Santiago invites him over tonight, knowing you'll be there. Frankie knows it's important.

He feels like a fiance about to meet his potential in law for the first time. The desperation to make a good impression. That nervous fluttering in his stomach where he's not sure if it's because he has food poisoning or if the beer here in Florida is just that bad. Except, of course, Santiago is not his boyfriend and you're definitely not Santiago's mother.

So far he's probably not doing a very good job at making a first impression.

Santiago being Santiago, had foregone introductions, and so Frankie never even really got to say hi or tell you his name. In the midst of the crowd, he'd somehow ended up being seated in the far end of the room. Away from you. Away from Santiago, sitting next to a couple he doesn't know who have been trying to jam their tongues into each other's throat like there'll be oil if they drill down deep enough.

Out of nowhere, he hears Santiago calls for him, but when he looks up, Santiago is in deep conversation with you.

He sees you observing him from across the room. Sharp eyes pinned on his form like you're trying to figure out what his deal is. The kind of look a shopkeeper of a bodega around the corner would have on a potential shoplifter.

And shit, that means the two of you are talking about him, doesn't it?

His skin prickles and stings under his t-shirt, and he grips hard around the neck of the beer bottle, trying to force himself to take another sip to look busy.

"Oi Fish!" Santiago shouts from the other end of the room, and this time Frankie's sure of it, Santiago is actually talking to him and not just about him.

Frankie looks up to see Santiago gesture at the door, signalling it's time to leave as he stands up and grabs your jacket. Frankie gets up in a haste with a murmured bye on his way out, but he doesn't think it makes much of a difference, the couple next to him is still busy playing whack-a-mole into each other's throats.

He joins the two of you in the cramped hallway. It's dark and smells musty of beer and sweat.

You're a little bit worse for wear at this point, swaying on your step and you're only three steps in when your shoe catches on the lump of the carpet and jolt forward seconds from landing on your face.

His reflexes react before his mind does. Arm flying out to catch you by the waist. Even through the cotton of your shirt, your skin feels warm against his palm.

You're looking up at him with wide eyes, face inches from his. Sharp and piercing, they're intimidating somehow, like if he looks long enough into them you'll find out everything there is about him and yet he can't look away.

"Oh, thanks," you say.

You're still staring up at him, and shit, he's been standing still all this time, not moving... still holding onto you hasn't he?

"You can let go Fish, I got her," Santiago says next to you. Hand already placed on the small of your back and Frankie can feel his arm brush up against him.

The small touch from Santiago is all it takes to send a shock through his spine, and his hand flinches away like it scalds him.

In that brief second, his eyes catches yours again, your head tips to the side, eyes curious. He follows your gaze, to see you observing his hand, before your eyes flicker towards Santiago's arm looped around your waist.

Maybe he's just paranoid. Maybe it's all the nervous energy in him. But something in your eyes seems to change. Recognition, and Frankie feels a cold grip around his spine, like he's burning in a firepit and freezing to death on a snow covered mountain all at once.

"Everything okay, Fish?" Santiago asks.

All Frankie can do is nod dumbly, as he forces himself to take a step forward to keep up with you two. "Where we going?"

"Grabbing food. There's an amazing Cubano place nearby." Santiago answers as he pushes open the door to the outside. "They also serve Yuca fries that this one is obsessed with", he continues as he nods towards you. "You love that stuff too right Frank?"

"Yeah, sounds good." Frankie takes in the cooling air of the outside trying to calm down his nerves and the sudden spike of adrenaline that seems to refuse to leave his system.

"See! You two have things in common already, you'll be best friends in no time," Santiago chimes.

You laugh brightly at that.

"Yes," you say, and your head tips towards Frankie, eyes observant. But there's a warm and knowing smile on your face that makes the anxious knot gnawing in his stomach ease somehow. "I think Frankie and I have a lot in common."

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[alwaysshallow]

— coffee at midnight, part 3

John "Soap" MacTavish x f!reader

Sometimes things are just too rough. He's here to make everything easier. (3,9 k)

1 | 2

AO3 version

Having something stable in your life was rare – you learned that at very young age, when you were tossed from one family to another. Trying so desperately to find a right home, to fit somewhere because after five foster families, you had your hope low.

Well, at least that was until a sweet couple of two women started to be interested in adopting you. First, you were hesitant. Like, no one could blame you, right? The amount of families that you've talked with and nothing came out of it, it was pretty sad for a child to be fooled like that. Yet, when everything was finalized, and Kate presented you the room with full pride, walls painted on your favorite color (she asked!) you cried.

Genuinely cried because you never thought you'd find a family like that. Two moms, who loved every version of you, wanted the best for you. Adopted by the best people in the world, eleven year old, you were on the cloud nine.

You finally had your people.

That "stable" thing also applied to relationships of every sort – friendships, boyfriends you had. Hell, boyfriend-girlfriends type of status scared the shit out of you, considering how many times you ended up crying over something, someone. If you would think about it, nothing really survived through time – maybe that's why you build a wall between you and everyone. Except your moms.

And, except Addison. She was your dearest best friend from high school days and you could trust her with everything at this point. The amount of times she was by your side in your darkest moments or saddest, like when Jake dumped you for some blond chick from cheerleader squad. You remembered vividly how she encouraged you to throw eggs at his car.

The two of you were the equivalent of all these memes about best friends. Dumb ones; the ones where you knew so many shit about each other, so if your friendship somehow would end, you'd have to kill the other person. What was more funny, it was literally like that, even if you were in military and automatically had less time.

When you were on leave? Hell, you reserved at least two days straight just for her, to tell all the tea (the tea wasn't classified at least) or to listen to it. You loved her too much.

Those walls were up until Task Force 141 came in – and specifically that one goddamn person, but you didn't need to bring him up in your mind to know that. Even if it was military thingy, you were like a found family, which was ironic, considering you thought it's gonna be 'job only' relationships.

Yet, that found family bond was so strong that when you were on leave, it was impossible not to contact each other. Not only groupchats were alive (on every platform possible), but also you met with them if there was a slight chance for that. Most of you were going home, and almost everyone before taking that "vacation" wanted to meet again. In normal circumstances, without that big "we're military" thing, so you had a few bars to swing in.

Where no one knew who the hell the six of you were, where you played pool with strangers, being experienced after late night sessions in military. Or, darts, where you once lost and almost scratched guy's eyes out when he bragged about it, and you were completely done since you loved darts.

Well, that was where boys came to conclusion that they won't even try to participate in Monopoly with you, or Ludo. Just because you were "violent" or something like this; you didn't pay attention to that because you had a plan to convince them anyway. They would always fold, especially when some money was on the table to win.

All in all, you loved them, honestly. Their humor, even if you rolled your eyes multiple times, being the only woman, except the moments when Farah or Kate helped you in field. Hell, they were irritating on purpose, only to get a reaction out of you, especially with jokes about women. But, they slowly learned that they could have other things to joke about.

Yet, they were still respectful, even if they were men.

You also loved the way you could count of them. Every situation, every little bump on the road, they were here. Maybe it was shared experience, but you knew it was not only that – empathy counted in this one too, as well as care.

Because here, everyone cared. Even on leave, maybe especially then since inner demons never slept. It wasn't something you all talked about openly, but one glance at someone could be enough to tell if someone was bothered.

Either by the past, the present, or the future. Soldiers had way too many things on their minds on all times, buried deep, so it wouldn't be a problem on the field, when they needed to focus. There were more important things, like killing the enemy, getting intel, protecting the civilians. No time for being emotional, no?

Everyone knew that eventually, it will spill all over.

And when it would, it was sure as hell it's not gonna be pretty.

Probably your moment came right after getting back to base. One day, Price told you – one day to "reset", and the next day, 2 P.M. sharp, all of the team was needed to be back in the field. You wish he wouldn't say that; you needed anything but to rest. Not after a bad day. Not after failing one part of the mission. Not after your uniform was covered in so much dirt and blood you couldn't even see your face properly or hands.

You looked nothing like your previous version, not to mention the mimics and the blank stare in the mirror. Trying to ignore it? Impossible, especially when your hands shook, as you tried to take off your clothes and wash yourself in shared bathrooms. You knew that no one will bother you at almost midnight, they were probably asleep, or playing poker.

With a sigh, you adjusted the water to your liking; it was warm, but not too warm, just perfect for a quick shower. Or, you thought it was gonna be a quick one – you needed a one scrub of your body, and one look at blood coming down the drain, to sit on the floor of the cabine. Unable to make another move, because for the first time in the while, you couldn't even wash properly.

"For fuck's sake" you cursed under your breath, mad at yourself; you were a soldier. You should be able to get yourself clean, to not make a big of the deal of something that happened many times your career.

You saw those situations multiple times, and right back then, under the shower, you were like a broken piece. Broken piece, who suddenly had all of images right in front of her eyes. Images of blood, dirt, broken bones, dead bodies. Voices in your head, people screaming, trying to get you to help them, but you couldn't do shit without orders.

With a loud sigh, you bent your legs, pulling them closer to you, your forehead pressed to knees. Involuntary tears streamed down your face. It was hard not to cry every once in a while to wind off, to let all out of the emotions go away, before they will buckle up once again. Hard was scrubbing your body, while you thought the worst of yourself, but you had to brush everything off. No matter how long it would take, it was necessary.

It was aggravating how badly you wanted to close your eyes, but couldn't since too many images were playing in your head. That's why you were staring blankly at your dirty skin, trying to actually pull yourself together, to make yourself stand again, to scrub your body reminding you of everything. For the first time in a while, you felt like you're losing yourself again, like you don't know what to do, genuinely.

Am I too much? Am I a monster? Of course I am a monster. With a blood at my hands – you thought, clearing your throat, when it started burning. You felt like in any moment, you would burst out crying.

You punched the white tiles right in front of you out of frustration; it was supposed to help in a way, but it didn't, considering that your knuckles came out scratched. And, what's more to it, a little bloody.

That was also the moment when you realized Soap was looking at you, in shock – before, you didn't even notice his presence in community showers. He looked like he wanted to say something, but out of respect, he looked away for a moment, coughing awkwardly.

You couldn't care less at that moment in which state he sees you in.

"I just walked in. I'm... 'm not some kind of creep" he started, stumbling on his own words. He wasn't the best with them in moments like these, you knew that, but appreciated still. "Couldn't find ya, no one knew, and... I was lookin'..."

"I get it, okay" you sighed, clearing your throat.

Maybe you should care that he saw you practically naked – practically because curled like this, he couldn't see your intimate parts or anything, but you didn't. You just were... staring in the wall, again.

"What do you want? Something happened?" you finally looked at him, and he raised his eyebrow, confused that you're even saying something like this, implying that he wants something from you.

"What? No, everything's alright, I just... 'st saw your face when you got out of the jeep. And, there's something wrong with ya, lass, every time you don't say goodnight."

You raised an eyebrow too.

"Fuck. You know what I mean, hen. Don't act clueless."

Of course you knew.

"Yeah, I just..." you bit your cheek from inside.

It was a hard call for you – to share what was on your mind or not. Right, as best friends to the grave (that's what Soap called your relationship multiple times), in theory it was a must. In theory only though, because practice was... a little different.

A lot to take, that's for sure, and everyone had their own problems to deal with – you knew it too well – and as his best friend, you knew his shit that he had to live through. He had enough of his bullshit, to hear about yours, but it was clear that Soap MacTavish wasn't the one who gives up easily.

If anything, he could get more curious about the problem and be more nagging, trying to help because "that's what he does best". It wouldn't probably even be another talk, but small gestures, and as much as you loved these types of things, you wanted to forget what bothered you. So, the easiest way was just to tell him.

"I see their faces. Everyone. Everyone from today, but also from the past. That pregnant lady that I killed right before I met you" you eventually said; quietly, like it was something ignominious to even think of.

It was something ironic to think, considering that you always cared about mental health and told everyone around you how feelings matter, how they are validated to feel everything. Kate taught you that, making a strong point about it when you usually were very closed about telling her your difficulties. She wanted to make you feel heard if you'd be willing to share anything, even something so little, even if you thought it was stupid.

Yet, you still felt bad.

"Terrorist." he corrected you, keeping the low tone. It seemed like the most important thing to him – to correct you that was a terrorist first, pregnant lady second. "It was you or her."

"It's not important, Johnny. My point is, we fucked up. I fucked up, pretty badly. Not only blew our plan, but someone had to pay the price. And I fucking can't even look at myself!" you laughed, feeling bitter and even weaker than before.

It was a tragedy that he had to see you like this.

"I can't even fucking wash myself because I see all of this blood, shallow wounds, and I just..." you shook your head, trying not to break more.

Especially right in front of him, when he was looking at you with... pity?

When you covered eyes with your hand, trying to separate yourself from that feeling, you could hear his footsteps coming closer. Next thing he did was dropping to his knees, at least that what it sounded like, considering that your view wasn't on him.

"I have nightmares lately. Bad ones. And from that dehydration today, from having to see the executions for getting fucking intel... it's just becomes worse. And worse. And worse."

"It's your job. You're good at it. Your job." his voice is steady and quiet, such a contrast to yours; breaking, shaky.

"I'm fucking disgusting, that's what I am." it came out snarky, sudden. You know he doesn't deserve that; he meant the best for you, he always did. Putting you before him, which irritated the shit out of you.

Many times you thought he deserved a better friend.

"I'm supposed to kill bad guys and protect good ones, not to let kill good guys for an intel. It's another fuck up mission, it's getting to my head. If we're doing any good."

"We are doing good. I... I think."

Hearing those words was something like a breaking point for you; you looked at Soap kneeling beside you, the corner of lips twitching before you broke into uncontrollable laughter. It quickly became maniac, something that you had no control over, just to transform into involuntary crying because it was enough. He thought team was doing good?

Thought wasn't enough. You needed a proof, something visible, something on paper that not even everything, but most of your work is needed and does good. Words weren't enough, and his hesitance was just a nail to a coffin you already were in because you chose this work for a reason. Helping people, make them feel safe.

As you looked at Soap, his presence was just melting the walls you had – as always, next to him, you were unable to lie or pretend like with everyone else. You felt you could just throw everything out of your system without wondering if it's appropriate. And you were crying, and laughing, and just making yourself crazy in front of him, yet he wasn't saying anything about it.

You didn't know what was happening in this moment as you were shaking; you just registered that his hands are slowly coming to you, and before he could hug you or anything, you decided to push him away a bit.

"I'm a fucking mess, Johnny." you babbled, trying to get your voice steady again. "Go, I have to... shower. It's pathetic."

A beat of silence passed between you two, before Scot decided to come even closer, pushing you deeper into the cabin. From that moment, he was getting wet too from shower stream.

"Let me."

You blinked.

"What?" you raised an eyebrow, confused what he means by "let me." Let him what? Let him tell you another story how you are brave for the work you're doing, or...

"I'm gonna help you in washing. That's what I mean."

"You're insane. I'm not going to use you like that." you stated, clearing your throat.

A certain wave of embarrassment went through you, like you just realized how bare you were; even if he couldn't see your front properly, you brought your legs closer to your chest, defense mechanism or some sort.

It was another thing that hit you, when you thought about it – how he was always there if you needed him, even if you didn't want him around for his own sake. No matter what it was, he was there, to help you. To make things better, even if it seemed like the shittiest situation in the world.

"It's not like I would take advantage of you, you know that. You're in a bad state" he whispered. "Let me do it. Please. You're gonna do the front, I'm gonna do the back."

"MacTavish-" "-please." he spoke quietly, tenderly – you heard him like this for a first time.

It was a silent agreement to his proposition when you gave him the second sponge; you didn't think that you could say "yes" to it out loud. It seemed embarrassing, it seemed like another overcrossing of a boundary.

Johnny's movements were slow and silky, like he was afraid to hurt you deeper than you were already since you closed your eyes, taking a deep, shaky breaths to ease yourself. Blood and dirt were coming down the drain, making you sick even more with a thought of people that had to be left behind.

Thinking it was some kind of encouragement seeing how all of it comes off, so you won't see "memories" of the mission, you decided to finally scrub your front, giving the whole attention to it. Because you couldn't miss a single piece, you just... needed to separate your body from the events that happened.

Move on to another, to another mission the next day. Time wasn't on your side when it was coming to processing everything on your own, lying in your bed without purpose, trying to tell yourself you weren't a bad person.

No.

You were a soldier. Safety of the world was before anything, even before you, your mental health, anything.

Twenty long minutes, and the next thing Soap did was washing your long hair with certain softness to it, massaging your scalp. If conditions were different, you'd probably joke and laugh about it, teasing him how good he does it and maybe he needs to think about changing careers.

Instead, you were just silent, eyes closed.

You always insisted on doing things alone – you learned it was the best way to not be disappointed; if you don't expect shit from people, you're not gonna be sad after, right? The perfect prevention from possible heartbreak. Not exactly how Kate raised you considering that she always reminded you about making friends to make life easier, but... life verified a lot of things actually. However, lessons from your mom were still appreciated, of course, even if you didn't quite apply them to life out of... fear? Yeah. Fear of being disappointed again.

Better to build walls around you than letting people in.

Version of you before Task Force 141 would hate you for allowing Johnny to help you like this, but the version after, the version of you that lied in bed with him, the version that trained with him, the version that was his partner in the missions?

You couldn't help but appreciate all of it. You wouldn't allow it for anyone else but him, your rock, your person, someone that you trusted to the end of the line. Someone that seen you in your worst right now, and still was there.

"Everything will be alright" Soap cooed, which made you open your eyes to look back at him; his eyes locked in moment with yours. "I'm here, yes? I'm not gonna leave you."

He was soaked, you realized; just because he sat with you under that shower, still in his shirt and cargo pants that he was on a mission with, his boots kicked to the side. You wondered if he was even comfortable enough. Probably not, and yet, he was still by your side.

"Everyone leaves anyway." you said quietly, looking away from him, as soon as you said that, feeling how he tensed. "Not me, hen. Not me." he replied in soft tone – yet again, different than he used usually, and different totally from the one he used out in the field.

Amusing to think that man was shouting few hours ago to you to get down and with ease killed a man hand to hand with his pocket knife; such a contrast to his softness. Such a contrast to hands that held a gun, such a contrast to his voice, now sweet and dripping with honey, easing your nerves, such a contrast to his image in the field.

"You have your own demons, Johnny. You don't need here to sit with me and try to fight with mine, when you have problems. It's..."

"I do have them, yeah." he interrupted you. "I fight 'em when I'm with you – selfishly, in order to fight with them, I just need ya around, healthy and recovered. I can't do that when you're injured like that. Shattered to pieces."

He got up then and tossed you a towel to catch, while you still were bamboozled by his words; you caught it though, wrapping yourself around it quickly. Johnny saw your bare back, but he didn't need to see front.

"I'll meet you in your room, hen. Gotta wash myself" he hummed. "Or, you want to help me?" Soap raised his eyebrow, smiling with the corner of his lips – clearly, he wanted to cheer you up a bit.

"You wish, MacTavish." you replied, collecting your dirty clothes swiftly. You nudged him with your hip. "You want some coffee? I think I need one."

"Yeah! Give me ten minutes."

You spent with him two hours when he came from the shower – it was disappointing considering you wanted to talk with him more, but you had to wake up early to move onto next installment of the mission. The other thing that was different than normal? If you'd have another day off, your little chat would have alcohol involved, but in these conditions you had to be good, so you just talked with him, a mug of coffee in your hands.

Coffee at midnight, as always.

Mission wasn't one of the hardest – getting intel you needed in Mexico, asking civilians about some things, so you were pretty calm when you arrived at the place. Small village; Alejandro said something about "being cautious" with people here since they were sneaky and who knew better than him? That's why you were on high alert, even if Soap was making jokes of you having "stick up your ass".

Mostly he was joking, though, you knew that he appreciated that you had your eyes everywhere.

It was the dynamic between you two – him goofing around with you rolling your eyes at him or goofing with him which usually irritated the shit out of Ghost that tried to do his job.

Back then, you were in mood number two, considering what happened yesterday at night. Your mind was still partially in that moment, with his hands being all over your back and his fingers gently massaging your scalp with all of his attention. It felt so vivid, like he would be doing it in the moment you were wandering around small village, not the night before. You already missed his gentleness, his soothing words, and...

And you were far from admitting it fully, since you shook your head, scolding yourself in your mind to focus, not daydream.

It was nothing, he'd probably do it for everyone.

At least you thought.

[poisoned-pearls]

I have a list of "straight people I respect" and I think I should add momo and okarun

editors note: the list is more of a joke as I have not actually made the list yet. But it exists in my mind

YES ABSOLUTELY. Dude they’re so good

okarun consistently respects momo’s privacy and never sexualizes her. Their first ever real encounter she was stuck in her underwear and was almost assaulted and not only does he tweak the fuck out to protect her (a stranger that was nice to him) he then immediately hands her his own clothes to help her not be basically naked. he also refers to her SOLELY as miss ayase, or Ayase-San, as respect. When he transforms his personality changes a bit, but he is STILL more respectful to her then anyone else, calling her momo-Chan while everybody else just is their first name. The most DEROGATORY thing he’s ever called her is BABE and that was more of a “ur a babe” thing, rather then as like. Baby. ITS ALSO NOT JUST MOMO. HE RESPECTS EVERY WOMAN HE COMES ACROSS. That man has never ONCE looked at any woman inappropriately and it SHOWS

he ALWAYS makes an effort to communicate (they both do) and there’s this one scene-

and while it’s a little bit of that “misunderstanding happens and one won’t talk” it’s also REASONABLE AND RESOLVED LIKE A DAY LATER. Aira WAS trying to kiss him when she saw them.

He then IMMEDIATELY apologizes for touching her

Jumps in front of her to save her from a shot and then IMMEDIATELY pulls back and apologizes again. It’s this man’s first instinct to keep her safe AGAIN and AGAIN. He’s so sweet dude I love okarun #1 okarun defender

also- momo is gyaru! She is feisty and an ACTUAL character with depth and they have a great dynamic. AND okarun gets along with her friends. Her friends think of him as her bf. They’ve jumped in multiple times to be like “NU UH SHES GOT OKARUN-“

And hes tbe first person to defend her, EVERY time

HE WAS SO EXCITED TO HAVE A FRIEND HE DIDNT EVEN CONSIDER ROMANTIC ATTRACTION. HE DOESNT EVEN LOOK AT OTHER GIRLS THIS MAN IS HER GUARD DOG. AND HES WILLING TO SCRAP UP FOR SOMEONE CALLING HER A SLUT

Momos got such a good heart for him too. Like one of their first moments apart she’s just ITCHING to talk to him abt HIS interests. They’ve spent an entire lunch period looking for the other. They’ve been tossed into a bad situation and they’ve been locked in since. She’s helping him find his goddamn balls and it’s so funny bc she acts like a friend would first

These guys are weirdos and it’s great. They’re friends first and like. Actual real people. It’s great

(Also fair warning for anyone interested in the show, first ep has some near sexual assault that can be a lot for some people, which is reasonable. And overall has themes around consent and compassion, but overall in my opinion does a good enough job in the story of desexualizing bodies that when characters end up like. In their underwear it’s either a moment to show someone caring, not an issue, or used for comedy)

Also manga spoilers of more things I like under the cut

This is one of my favorite moments. That man’s abt to go crazy. He was gonna tweak out on him but he immediately went to covering momo and making sure she’s okay…. Whahhh

Grabs and protects her again. This whole arc has moments where the ONLY thing he cares abt is her

I love momo too she’s hilarious. “Gimme a proper confession and also don’t cheat on me before I can get back to normal size. THEN we can kiss”

ARAUAAAAGHH

This whole fight this man is protecting her first and willingly being her shield. This man met one woman who was nice to him (he chose right) and has been defending her like his life depends on it since

[markantonys]

show!gawene might kill me dead guys, like the thought of show!egwene with her impostor syndrome, her desperation to measure up to others, her constant feeling like she isn't good enough, her deep-seated yearning for someone to tell her she's special - the thought of THAT egwene meeting a literal prince who worships the ground she walks on and thinks she is The Absolute Best Ever and will happily tell her every day how special she is 😭😭😭 i'm on the flooooor

and thinking of it in that sense, i am SO GLAD they haven't met just yet. because egwene has been brought to her lowest point and clawed her way back up again, she's figured out on her own that she's good enough and that she's special, she doesn't need a love interest or any other external source telling her that. but she figured it out in such a traumatic way that now she's going to swing too far in the opposite direction of becoming independent to an unhealthy extreme, always trying to do everything herself, refusing other people's offers of support, crossing over the line from independence into harmful self-isolation (hello rand foiling).

and then she's going to meet gawyn and he's going to chip away at her walls and tell her that she's special, and the young tower novice deep inside who's still been yearning to hear that from someone all this time despite trying to make herself hard enough not to need external validation is just going to MELT 😭😭 some version of their whole TOM resolution & bonding where egwene finally goes "yes, i am going to let myself be supported, yes, i am going to let myself be loved" would be SO cathartic in this context!

and yeah yeah egwene is a strong independent woman who doesn't need a cute boy's validation to be worth something - and she knows that too after s2, which is why it's so good she's found her self-worth before even meeting him - but goddamn if it wouldn't mean a lot to her to get that cute boy's validation nonetheless! hitting the "the love of her romantic partner enhances this specific female character's happiness and makes her feel stronger" note without falling into "all female characters need a romantic partner in order to be complete" is a tricky needle to thread, but i have 100% confidence that WOTshow will do it just right (not least because i'm sure platonic relationships will continue to be just as present and just as important and just as strengthening as romantic ones, for egwene and for rand and for everyone else too).

extra bonus points if they give gawyn some impostor syndrome/inferiority complex of his own as the younger brother of The Allegedly Most Perfect Man In The World (and heck, elayne and morgase are so externally perfect too that i could easily imagine gawyn feeling like a useless fuckup compared to the rest of his family, the one always getting overlooked because everyone else is fawning over the queen and the heir and the ~better~ prince). one of my very favorite gawene moments in the books is a small bit when egwene thinks about how galad had once seemed like the most beautiful man in the world, but now gawyn is more beautiful To Her because she loves him and because he's real and flawed and human and warm in a way galad isn't. so Getting That Sweet External Validation would go both ways! they've BOTH felt like they'll always be second best, and now they get to be first best in each other's eyes! they both get to be chosen as each other's first choice of partner! farewell, i have perished.

[rorozoronoa]

Saw your prompt thing and 👉👈 how would you feel about Lithromantic!Sanji and Aromantic!Zoro QPR? I have ideas. Like. So many. I gnaw on this dynamic.

Just. Sanji who loves to love. He's romantic and passionate, but as soon as someone reciprocates it all starts tasting rotten in his mouth. That's why he expresses his love for women that he knows he'll never see again. There's no possibility of it going anywhere. Falling in love with Zoro was... Unprecedented. And maybe he's not sure how the guy would take his feelings, but not wanting to make him genuinely uncomfortable.

And Zoro who just kinda. Doesn't mind the attention. Sanji is not as slick as he thinks he is, he just loves so openly that trying to squash it when it's for Zoro is impossible. But Zoro worries one day it won't be enough to be loved at a distance and Sanji is going to ask for more than Zoro can give him. He's worried his lack of feelings will ruin the relationship they already have.

I could. go I for so long. I would love you forever if you wrote something with this that didn't end with them getting together or with unrequited love being a curse/sad thing.

I hope this is what you had in mind, @the-sprog ! This was double hard for me, as I have never written something relationship centric + didn’t know lithromanticism was a thing.

I do like the dynamic though and think that this label probably fits Sanji very well!

Zeff used to say he was a big bag of love, filled to the brim, overflowing. Sanji couldn’t say that was wrong, exactly. He fell in love all the time, one person at a time, and mostly people he knew would never love him back.

Loving women was easy. It was what everyone expected him to do and he was all too willing to give. It was well enough for him that Nami-swan and Robin-chan would never love him back. They were beautiful and brilliant and he wanted to give them all the love and adoration they deserved. So he gave them: his cooking, every meal and snack and drink that they could wish for; gifts of flowers and jewelry, clothes and books, anything they would ask for; his attention and gratitude and love and adoration.

And there was nothing he wanted in return.

He had a friendship once with the daughter of one of Zeff’s cooks. She had the most brilliant red hair and big brown doe eyes and Sanji’s heart had been lost on her the moment they met. She had been kind to him as they played. And he had treated her the same as he treats women now. He had given her compliments and enjoyed her company, he felt himself fall head over heels. And then she had told him she liked him, asked him to be girlfriend-boyfriend. And he… stopped. Suddenly his heart wasn’t in it, he no longer felt as he had before, felt dread at the idea of what she expected him to give her now. He felt angry somehow, betrayed by his body and her with no chance of understanding why.

She and her parents had left the baratie soon after and he never got to apologize. Zeff still called her his little girlfriend, leaving him a flustered mess unable to put words to his emotions.

He had it figured out by now, accepting that he wasn't able or willing to give others what they expected of romantic relationships and completely satisfied with simply the pre-stages of the whole affair. The wooing and seducing and flirting. He loved it, loved the hints of romance, the vent to his overflowing abundance of love.

And then came Zoro.

The brute, Zoro. The angry masochistic and self-sacrificing idiot of a man. Zoro, who showered once a week and smelled accordingly. Who never complimented his food and took everything for granted.

Zoro, who protected his crew with all he had and never backed down from a fight. Zoro, who was one of the strongest people he’d ever known and who didn’t think of him as weak. Who respected him as an equal. The man who cared so much about Chopper and was good with kids. Luffy’s first mate, who saw him for what he was (the future goddamn pirate king) before anyone else did. And who always cleaned his plate, simply because he knows that it means a lot to Sanji.

How could he not fall for him?

He tried to play it down, keep it a secret. He knew the man had about as much romance in his bones as a dead fish, so Sanji wasn’t going to lie to himself about this.

He caught himself making three snacks instead of two and unwillingly brought the third plate up to the crow’s nest, where Zoro was working out. Sweaty, smelly, and glistening in the late afternoon sun.

“What’s that?” He grunted between reps, putting the weights down with a heavy clunk.

“Just a snack. You’ve been up here a while and your body needs nutrition with all the energy you’re using.” He put the plate and a bottle of water down. “You also need to stay hydrated.”

“Whatever.”

Yeah, Sanji supposed, whatever.

“Don’t get used to it.” And with that, he left.

Sanji wished it had stayed at this one slip-up, but instead, he found himself with three extra treats instead of two more often than not and the others have started to notice.

“You’ve been buying more Sake, Sanji-kun.”

Sanji felt himself freeze, knew his face was bright red, and knew he had to react quickly. “Well, you see-“

“Zoro has been getting a lot of free passes, lately.”

“Uhm-“

Mellorine, lovely mellorine PLEASE shut the fuck up. He wanted to bury his head in the sand, or better yet, explode it in the oven.

“Please don’t say more…”

She stayed quiet and came up beside him, where he tried very hard to keep his hands busy at the stove, unwilling to see the look on her perfect little face.

“Sanji… do you you like him?” What does he even say to that? Of course, he liked him, he adored him. He wanted to bury himself beneath his skin and never leave. “He’s okay.” She just smiled.

“You’re not being sly. Give him some credit, he isn’t always as dumb as he looks, okay?”

And with that, she left, but not before stopping in the doorway to the galley and turning around again. Sanji readied himself for her words of wisdom, advice that would surely help him cope.

“Oh, and Sanji-kun… stop wasting money on things we don’t need.”

Perhaps Dinner was mostly Zoro’s favorite food. Maybe it was accidentally, maybe it was deliberate. Sanji wouldn’t tell.

He watched him closely as he ate. He never said outright whether he liked something or gave an indication when he disliked something, but there were small things that Sanji had noticed.

He talked less when he really enjoyed his food. Sometimes he would stop and take a sip of his sake and when the different tastes of his food and drink mixed, he would close his eyes and hum quietly, gently, enjoying the luxurious tastes as Sanji had intended. Sanji kept a mental note of every time this happened.

Zoro stayed after dinner and stared him down.

“What is it, marimo? Can’t find the way out?”

But Zoro just shrugged and reached for the dish towel and started drying the plates he cleaned. It made his heart clench in his chest.

They stayed like this for twenty minutes, in companionable quiet, Sanji basking in his attention.

And then Zoro broke it. “You’re courting me.”

It took all his willpower not to break the plate he was holding. “No!” He heard the high pitch in his voice and decided to deny it vehemently if it should ever come up again. “Calm down, cook. You’re not making it a secret.” Sanji should really work on this.

“Never mind. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t mind? Don’t get me wrong if you start calling me stupid stuff like marimo-swan I will cut you, but…” It was his turn to blush and Sanji had to hold himself back.

“You like being pampered?”

“Don’t call it that!”

But the blush remained and neither looked away.

“I don’t like relationships. I’m not planning on spending all my time with you or doing your romantic shit… I like my freedom and I want to concentrate on becoming the world’s greatest swordsman. I don’t want love and relationships, but I do like…”

He likes me.

Sanji felt his own excitement at the thing Zoro seemed to be proposing and it fit him just right.

“In return, I’ll have your back.”

You already do, you dumb oaf. He wanted to say but kept his mouth shut because he understood that this was the best he had to offer - his blades, his protection.

Shit, it was really easy to love that man.

[ineffably-human]

it's how definitive it is for me. it's how we've actually ficced and debated this for years and they wrote it so crudely and unimportant, in a way that they can't really revisit later. no chance of more thoughtful or better storytelling next year, about one of your show's central goddamn questions.

this is our arguable main character, he is our entry point into everything else. and as that entry point, Guillermo's story is about dedicating his entire life to something, finding meaning in it since he was young, finding and latching onto it when he's not even supposed to know it exists. clawing his way forward for a place at the table where he's decided he wants to sit. risking his life at least a half dozen times I can think of.

Guillermo's story is about damaging his relationship with the entire rest of the world, throwing himself in with people who take years to admit they even like him. rejecting his family and his innate nature and lineage. tying his most important relationship up in it: this is the person who'll give him the thing he wants most in the world. one day Nandor will look him in the eye as an equal, as someone Like Him, who can stand next to him forever. his relationship with Nandor, at every stage, has always been a combination of 'do I want you or do I want to be you? does claiming me as one of yours mean I am yours? am I allowed to have forever with you?'

Guillermo's story, this season, is reacting to every single stage and marker of finally getting what he wants with joy, with the exceptions of 1) stepping away from a family that never seemed to understand or fulfill him in the first place, 2) having it happen in a less than ideal place and way, hurting Nandor in the process. the central problem of his turning isn't his feelings, which are extremely clear, it's how this impacts his relationship with Nandor. (answer: exactly the way you think it will. he's upset and then he gets over it. nothing else changes.)

and then suddenly we're told: Guillermo can't be trusted about what he's consistently said he wants. he hasn't given thought to a regular, inextricable piece of what it means - even though he's been next to, and engaged in, violence that's way more direct and bloody and sometimes even more senseless. the guy whose vampire entry point was Anne Rice never thought about The Horrors for some reason, because he's an idiot now. some people can Handle It and some people Can't, and he Can't because by the way when the vampires said he couldn't get what he wanted because he was lacking in some way, they were right.

suddenly, in the eleventh hour, it's off the table now. and even though every single other part of him has been tied up in it for his entire adult life, that's somehow a simple decision to make.

and more importantly, the show is going to take maybe five minutes at best to tell us that, and to make it clear it's not something that's a 'maybe' or a 'someday'. character development can't smooth it out. he can't try to fix it. it's just how it is.

yeah, of course in life you prepare for things that then swerve unexpectedly and take you in different directions. there are things you dream of that aren't how you imagine in reality, and you change gears, and you adapt.

and those are huge moments. they matter.

Guillermo doesn't get to mourn it. he doesn't get to reflect on where it places him with his loved ones. he doesn't even really get space to decide it on his own before declaring it in front of everyone he's ever met.

he has no anchor for his entire place in the world anymore, and if the amount of attention and care paid (read: very little) means anything, we're not supposed to feel very much about that at all. and we're not meant to have any indication of where he's going next. and I fucking hate it.

it's a lazy, thoughtless, botched-ass job, and I expected better.

[extinct-fish]

Reaper's Bride Drabble

In the time it took for the Dis-poison to be in stock, Ryoji had Orpheus heal Makoto in the morning, then he would spend the day with Makoto, making sure to keep him company. It was strange for Makoto to be cared for, as he often took it upon himself to care for others. He kept trying to find reasons to be continuously wary of Ryoji, but the more that the god of death spent time with him, the more he felt his own barriers crumbling. 

As Ryoji promised, he administered the antidote as soon as the dis-poison came in. When it was administered, Makoto immediately felt relief, like he returned to his former health before the sacrifice. 

How coincidental for the snow to come as the dis-poison was administered. Makoto could see the snow attempting to lay a blanket of its cold white fluffy powder.

“Since you’re now cured, I have to show you around,” Ryoji said as he got up, “I do owe you a tour of the manor.”

“You sure?” Makoto asked.

“Yes. Since you’ve met me, the shadows won’t hurt you, I promise. They may pull pranks, so I can’t guarantee they won’t make you dizzy or amorous to say the least.”

“At least that’s better than being poisoned by a literal table.”

“You are not going to live that down, are you?” 

“Oh gee, ya think?” Makoto huffed sarcastically.

“I love when you’re sarcastic.”

“Oh, you’ll get sick of it.”

“Quite the contrary, funeral lily,” Ryoji pulled Makoto towards him, causing the boy to stumble a bit, “I actually like when people don’t really see me as a god and rather see me as a person.”

“So pretty much ‘what’s a god to a non-believer,’ huh?”

“Yep. Now c’mon! We’ve got so much to see!” Ryoji practically dragged Makoto enthusiastically.

“Whoa- RYOJI! SLOW DOWN YOU GODDAMNED PUPPY!”

“Oh- sorry, I’m just excited, since I’ve always wanted someone to be with me genuinely.”

“Geez, Ryoji, you don’t need to drag me all over the place. I’m the kind of guy to take things slow, y’know!”

“Ohhh, okay, sorry, I’ll adjust to your pace. Just let me know if I’m going too fast, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Alright, as you’ve seen when I brought you up here, this is the hall of the Gods.”

“Never knew it had a name.”

“Just about every room has a name,” Ryoji chuckled.

“Really?”

“Well, pretty much. I could talk about every god here if you want to ask about them.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I know each one.”

“Okay, so Orpheus mentioned the heart against the feather thing, what’s up with that?”

“Oh, the weighing of the heart against the feather?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, in Egypt, when you die, your body would be mummified with all but one organ removed: The heart. Your spirit went to the duat, which is the Egyptian underworld, and with it, you carried your heart. There, you went through various challenges to be able to come face-to-face with Osiris, the Egyptian god of the Underworld. The final one would be Anubis, the god of embalming and the judge.”

“Uh huh.”

“And what he does is that he takes the feather of Ma’at, which is quite a bit heavy in all honesty, and he weighs it against the heart. The heart represented your soul and if the heart was heavier, then that meant you were wicked and your heart was eaten by Ammut, which was a heart-eating monster. The reason is because it prevents the dead from going to the field of reeds, which is the afterlife.”

“So when Orpheus mentioned that you were looking for someone with their hearts lighter than the feather…”

“I meant I wanted someone who was good. It’s a common sentiment all mortals- even gods- feel, but it’s not often a good person comes around.”

“So… what’s the Greek version of the field of reeds?”

“Well, we’ve got three levels: Tartarus, the Asphodel Meadows, and the Elysian Fields. Most mortals live a decent life, and they go to the Asphodel meadows. However, there are few that actually manage to get to the Elysian Fields. Tartarus is reserved for the miserable assholes that like to ruin people’s day.”

“Huh. So how would you determine that?”

“How good a person is?”

“Yeah.”

“Actions speak louder than words, and I like to see how others feel about you before completely judging someone’s character.”

Ryoji then turned to Makoto.

“But, there’s something that tells me that you're kinder than you seem.”

“Do I look stand-offish?”

“Well, no, you look like someone plagued with apathy, but if I had to guess, you’re someone who’s much less apathetic.”

“Is that supposed to be a complement?”

“Just an observation. I don’t know what you and Orpheus discussed, and frankly, that’s not my business unless you wanna talk about it.”

“Okay.”

“Anyways, moving on! Next to the Anubis statue is my office. I’m not really there often, but I like to go there for writing sometimes, usually for logging how my brides are doing. It’s all the same ending: they either leave or they just… nevermind, I don’t want to depress you.”

“I’ve heard. They either leave or commit suicide.”

“Orpheus?”

“Yeah. He told me that he’s pretty much sick of seeing you so depressed.”

“Sounds like Orpheus,” Ryoji chuckled, “Anyways- your entries are relatively new, so if you want to read the entries, I’ve got nothing to hide, I’m all for open communication.”

“Geez, either you’re shameless or-”

“‘Just too considerate?’ I’ve heard that one before, I can’t really help being selfless.”

“I can tell.”

“Anyways, over by the statue of the furies, that’s my room. If you ever feel like you need company, you can always come in.”

“No knocking?”

“I’ve got nothing to hide, so just feel free to barge in. Make sure to close the door on the way out, of course.”

“Jeez. That open, huh?”

“Yes.”

“Aren’t you worried about-”

“‘Someone taking advantage of you?’ Not a bit. I am the god of death, and if someone dares try to abuse me in some ways, their souls are mine to eat.”

“I thought only Ammut ate the souls?”

“Oh, every god of death eats souls,” Ryoji laughed, “It just so happens that the soul is in the heart, and each of us are able to rip out hearts.”

“Damn. Okay, yeah, I gotcha,” Makoto sighed, “Sheesh, how can someone so sweet be so deadly..?”

“Well, many things in nature are poisonous, but look beautiful,” Ryoji shrugged, “Pipevine Swallowtails are poisonous due to the pipevine plants they fed on as caterpillars, but are still beautiful.”

“Is that a compliment for yourself?”

“Oh, no, that wouldn’t apply to me. I’d say the butterflies share a similarity with mortals far more than they would share similarities with me.”

“Then what would you compare yourself to?”

“Hmmm… Probably a bumble bee.”

“A bumble bee?”

“I’m not benefiting humanity, nor am I detrimental. I’m mostly sweet and patient, but provoke me and you get stung.”

“Sounds about right. Though plenty of people would say you’re a wasp.”

“A wasp?!” Ryoji seemed offended.

“Well, people often say death is cruel, detrimental, yet a crucial part of life,” Makoto answered with no change of attitude.

“Is that how humanity views me?” Ryoji sighed with disapproval.

“Well, some people do. I think you’re more like a honey bee.”

“Why?”

“Well, you’re sweet, you’re protective, and frankly, people benefit from you a lot more than they think.”