#And my house is falling apart my animals keep getting sick

[revenantghost]

Hey, I’m just here to say you’re extremely missed and that, even though there’s probably not much I could say to make any of the bad things less awful, I’m hoping for an easier and gentler future for you soon. Take care, ok?

Oh man, thank you so much for sending this, and I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond (and to the other person who sent me an ask, too—I'm not sure when I'll get to it but please know it was seen and means so much). It has just been. So awful. I won't dump on the public at large everything that's happened, you don't need that novel, but it feels like every day life's falling apart more and more.

Just, seriously, thank you for sending this, and to the couple of people who checked in with chats (again, I'm sorry if I haven't responded yet, spoons are just very limited). There have been a lot of times throughout this where I get overwhelmed by everything going on and some truly horrific people I've met in the fandom and I've considered deleting everything permanently! Very often!!! Tbh I'm still struggling with that VERY intense urge while writing this. I feel so unsafe, and scared, and run down.

And tbh, it's really hard to believe anyone could care about me when I feel so awful and worthless, I feel like it must be an obligation, or I somehow accidentally manipulated people, but I'm trying to cling to that being the brain demons talking. Because I really appreciate the time and effort anyone's taken with me. And I really miss fandom and fun, even if it's weighed down with some significant trauma—I still love the stories and the characters and, most importantly, the amazing people I've met here. Outside of any fandom I've poked around in, the wonderful people I've met matter the most, and I'm trying to cling to that.

I really enjoy talking with everyone, running little projects/events, and for the first time in years actually writing again. (I've been slowly plucking away at that AU I mentioned a few times and I want to start posting for an event this month but! Ahhh!!!) I would like to try and be active again, and I'm so sorry for just being such an absolute goddamn mess. I feel like this is all too much to even say, but I do want to just be honest about all of it. Still, again, thank you so much for reaching out <3 And I'm sorry this is so ridiculously long even though I don't feel like I'm saying much and nothing important, I didn't intend for this answer to be a word-vomit update, just. Things suck, but you guys are good, and I hope things are as okay as you can be on your side of the screen <3

[mialikeshockey]

Oli - Luke Hughes

Warnings - none

requested by @hrts4edwards

What happens when you add one more friend to the family?

I was out for a run and it randomly started pouring rain. I was aware of the cloudy sky earlier but the radar said it wasn't supposed to rain. I thought it was just a cool run for the evening. I keep running while Mitski played in my ears.

I get a text from Luke saying Jack and him will be a bit longer at his parent's house because more family came over, Which gave me more time to run.

I keep running while the rain runs down my body, it felt relaxing and comfortable, weirdly. I look at my Apple Watch, 3 miles down. I look back up from my watch and I almost step on something so tiny.

It scares me at first but then it moves. It's a baby kitten all by itself, in the middle of the road, soaked and seeming to be very tired.

A lot of people say you're not supposed to pick up animals like this, but I don't care. It's a baby kitten that could get ran over or let alone sick from the weather. Plus I love cats, me and Luke have over our limit of them but a baby one shouldn't hurt.

I pick the kitten up and start fast walking back to Luke and I's apartment. It's about a 10 more minute walk 5 if I can run. Nervously I start to pick up running to get the kitten out of the rain. Once I reach to the apartments, I hurry up and cover the kitten and get to Luke's and I's apartment.

I get in and quickly get a towel for the kitten. I dry it him off and look around to see if we had any leftover food for a kitten. I know we have it somewhere, so I start looking everywhere for it.

Without me noticing, Luke walks into the apartment confused on how much noise he is hearing. He always told me, no more cats after we got our cat Luna from Jack and his girlfriend Charlotte.

I finally found it, in the back of our closet full of cat stuff. I carry the kitten to our bathroom and put him in the sink and run some warm water over him as I slowly pet him, so he can know he's safe and okay. I dry him off and place him gently on the floor, giving him some food. He starts eating right away.

He's so adorable, he's black and white and so fluffy. I turn around to go look for any other bowl I could use for fresh water and I meet with my boyfriend standing against the bathroom door frame, with his arms crossed. He raises his eyebrows and clears his throat.

"I thought we agreed on no more cats, May." He states looking at the kitten on the floor. "Listen, hear me ou-" He cuts me off. "We can't keep more love, I'm sorry. We have to many already."

I give him the sad eyes. "Please Luke, please. I swear this is the last one. Please can we keep him." I beg Luke, he stands there for a moment. "Fine, we can keep him." He rolls his eyes and walks out of the bathroom. I get excited and let the kitten finish eating.

It's around 9pm and me and Luke are exhausted. We took care of our other cats and now we are both in bed. I was talking to Luke about how I got rained on during my run and he stops answering, I look over seeing him sleeping. "How rude..." I jokingly say, I scoop the kitten in my arms and go to sleep.

I wake up the next morning to the bright sun shining through the apartment window. I rub my eyes and look over to see Luke and the kitten curled up together. I couldn't help but smile seeing Luke's hands give the kitten a massage. The kitten being cuddled up into his neck while Luke is laying up, with his eyes closed.

"Yet you didn't wanna keep Oli." I state, he opens his eyes and looks over at me. "Oli?" He questions, I shake my head. "I like the name Oliver, we can call him Oli for short." Luke nods and continues to give attention to Oli. I move over so that I can join being cuddled, with Luke's other hand, he rubs up and down my back until I fall asleep once again. Maybe I'll have to go on more runs...maybe I'll find more cats.

[skzstoryvault]

Let Me Love You (Felix, spicy and angsty)

Just a little something I wrote while sick in bed. Story features Felix and afab reader The angst comes from reader's own bitter expectations One-shot If this is not yout thing, please scroll away. If you're underage, this is definitely not for you. Please scroll away. ***

“Wow you shouldn’t have.” Felix says, the moment he sees the cake on your kitchen table. His hands are already snaking around your waist, pulling you close. “I’ve had sugar flung my way since the day began. I was hoping for some other kind of sweet-” He interrupts himself, leaning down to suck a gentle nibble into the skin of your neck. “-treat from you.” 

You still wonder what he sees in you or when he’s going to dump you, replace you with a newer, more attractive model. He is so loved, so powerful in that way; he can have anyone. He would only need to say one word and even someone like Hyunjin would crawl on his knees before him. But Felix keeps seeking you out. Coming to your house at night, sometimes staying the whole weekend. Fixing minor things, helping you, cooking for you. Maybe it’s the fantasy for him. Of being an ordinary man, not an idol. A man, not an androgynous angel of desire or the keeper of everyone’s affections. But the fantasy only has power because it’s fleeting. No man dreams of having less power. 

When his lips find yours, his Romand Juicy Glasting Tint smears and transfers to your mouth. He always tastes clean, neutral, like taking a deep breath outside in the summer rain. It makes you doubt he’s really human. But he kisses like a god, and the gods of legends do have a habit of coming down as rain or beautiful animals to seduce unsuspecting ingenues. That tracks perfectly, the more you think of it - except you never get to, whenever Felix is around you can’t string two thoughts together. 

When you’re alone again and clarity strikes, you feel vulnerable and under siege. But when he’s with you, the spell he weaves is potent and thick like the 3D reality.

When you’re with him, your only reason for existing is to receive his love, in whatever flavour he deems you deserving of that day. It’s like he gauges his power by the way you fall apart beneath him, by how strong and uncontrollable the shivers of your body get, by how lost and inhuman your sounds of pleasure and abandon get. 

Before he set his eyes on you, you were certain you were over dick and the headaches it came with from the men attached to it. But Felix is not other men, and his pull on you is irresistible precisely because it is unique in its manifestation. Now, your small items of clothing fall away as though he wills them out of existence and he takes you in as many ways as it takes him to feel satisfied with your offerings. He knows the exact ways to curl his fingers to bring you to fountain-like, gushing orgasms that alter the cadence of your heartbeats. He measures how gone you are with his lips on your ankle, on a pulse point he can feel there, beating against his tongue. He can see it in the spasms of your leg and ab muscles, in the way your toes curl, beyond your conscious control. 

“I need you, baby. I need you to be good and take it, alright my sweetest?” He whispers in his dark, low as the pits of hell voice. Even at just that, your core tightens like the string on a bow, taut and ready and quivering with tension but not wanting to snap yet. He commands your body effortlessly with you as a mere passenger in it. 

You lose track of time and the world around you when his plump lips close around your straining clit. His fingers spread and smooth out the flesh around, exposing every idle nerve ending to his touches. It’s so mind-blowingly good, he eats you out like he really means to leave no crumbs, and you black out and come back several times before he deems you ready. Your bones have softened to mere cartilage, the contours of solid shapes only. By the time he removes his jeans and underwear and crawls between your open legs, he can plaster himself against you so closely you can’t tell where you end and where he starts. Tears run down your cheeks when he enters you, sealing you perfectly shut around him; the tears are not of pain, but overwhelm at the simple, yet unbearably intense pleasure of being perfectly filled, made whole for a fleeting, perfect moment. He doesn’t even need to prop himself up. His hands seek out yours and your fingers entwine on either side of your head. Even if he doesn’t move at all, you’ll still pass out from how unbearably flawless this feeling is; how connected he makes you feel - as though thoughts and feelings can truly pass between you unrestrained. 

He does move, wanting to witness your ruin and know that it is by his doing, over and over until your world is reduced to only him and your lips can only say his name. How does the song go? All gods bleed. All gods die. All gods will pay. You could love him unrestrainedly. You could feel like a girlfriend to him, a deserving, equal mate if he were not an idol. If the image of him that millions around the world see and worship were any less effective. You don’t want to be by-catch in the net of his allure. A footnote in a memoir written by a ghostwriter for him. So you remain a willing prisoner of this nightmare reality where he is the monster coming to feed off of whatever sweetness draws him to you for this quick moment in time. 

It never crosses your mind that the only one dishonest here is you; the only one cheating the other out of the joy of the here and now is also you. And in the process, you rob yourself of the very future you burn for. But Felix’s sweet tooth for you might just be stronger than your bitterness. 

[softpascalito]

Peluda - Javier Peña x Reader

Summary: A snowstorm hits Bogotá and you bring back a surprise visitor. Javi is not amused. But, it leads to a realization about himself- and about you.

Relationships: Javier Peña x F!Reader WC: 1700 Tags/Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Emotional, Nicknames, Soft Javier Peña (Narcos), Sweet Javier Peña (Narcos), Healthy Relationships, Fights (blink and youll miss it), Snow, Blizzards & Snowstorms, This kitten is DEA Read on AO3 full advent calendar (updated daily)

notes: okay listen i am AWARE that bogotá does not get snow like this but this is my fanfiction and what i say is law so there is snow now.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

Thick snowflakes swirl around you, the ice crunching under your feet as your gaze flies over the windows of the building down the street. As you get closer, you can see it clearly, light spilling out from the right window on the ground floor. He's home.

You slip twice before you reach the house, hurrying past the parked cars and up the small flight of stairs that is also glazed over with ice, keeping your head down and your coat wrapped tightly around your body. When you reach the front door, you fumble with your keys for a moment, your hands shaking from both the cold and the adrenaline.

A curse escapes your lips as the bundle of keys falls down and you lean forward to grab it before settling for the doorbell instead of giving it another try. It's mere seconds until the door buzzes open and you push yourself into the dimly lit hallway of the apartment building. The wind howls around you, even after the large door has fallen shut, seemingly finding a way through the cracks around it.

“Hermosa?”

His door is slightly ajar, brown hair and a pink shirt poking out at the side of it. You practically storm towards him and you can tell by the way he flexes his arm that he's holding his gun, carefully checking who is showing up on his doorstep this late at night.

“It's me, calm down,” you brush him off as you reach the door and all but push yourself inside. Javier steps back, staring at you for a moment. His voice is a little lower than usual, which in your experience means one of two things. He's horny or he's mad. Occasionally a bit of both.

“Are you crazy, going out in this weather? I was worried sick.”

Mad it is.

You barely look at him as you shake your head, “I just wanted to get some more bread, we were out again and I didn’t know if the stores might close-” His gaze is on your face for a moment, resting on your slightly reddened cheeks, the slowly melting snowflakes that decorate both your hair and your coat. 

But that is what he stumbles over- the coat. Your arms are wrapped around yourself and the thick fabric is drawn over a lump that definitely does not belong to your body.

“What did you get?” Javier tucks the front of the coat down just as you turn away, sending a glare into his direction, “Don't scare it.”

“It?” Javi asks and you can practically see his brain going haywire as he tries to figure out what you’re talking about. The agent is so goddamn smart when it comes to tracking down informants and exposing cartel members but the most normal conclusions sometimes seem like a mystery to him.

His furrowed brows relax slightly when you peel the coat off yourself carefully and he is left staring at a trembling ball of fur in your arms. Very dirty, brown fur.

“Oh hermosa-” He starts but you shake your head before he even has the chance to complain. Bogotá has more than a few stray cats and dogs but so far, he has managed to keep you from taking any of them home.

“She was all alone, Javi, in the snow. She would’ve frozen to death,” you mumble. As if to confirm your story, the kitten gives a small, strangled noise and you hum quietly. Javier follows you into the bathroom, watching with crossed arms as you place the animal in the bathtub and begin to run the water, adjusting the temperature with one hand. The cat trashes around slightly, clearly uncomfortable with the cold porcelain below her and the attention of not one but two humans. Her claws strike your hand, making you curse as a thin trail of blood runs down your fingers.

“What are you doing?” Javier asks in a low voice, clearly exasperated. But you're not exactly calm either, your own hands still cold from the snow and now stinging slightly from where the cat has struck you. 

“I’m taking a bath,” you say with a roll of your eyes, voice dripping with irony. “I’m cleaning the fucking cat, Javi, what does it look like?!”

You don't need to see his face to know you're not the only one in the bathroom who looks like they've been struck. There's a small shuffle next to you as Javi closes the door behind himself and then kneels down beside you with a low groan, “Okay, how do we do this?”

A weak smile spreads over your face as you bring both hands back to the cat that has by now joined in on the conversation, audibly meowing up at both of you as you gently stroke its back, “I'll hold her, you run the water and get some soap.”

He does as told, filling the tub up just a bit so that the small animal can still stand. To your surprise, she doesn't seem to mind the water as much as a cat should. In fact, she almost seems to enjoy the warmth of it around her small paws. 

Javier seems to pick up on it too, “I thought cats don't like baths.”

“I guess not all of them?” You offer as he hands you the bar of soap and you begin to gently run it over the matted fur below your hands.

“Are we sure it's a cat?”

His voice is so serious that you can't help but laugh as you elbow his side, “Javi-”

“I'm just saying, hermosa. It could be a- an oddly shaped, brown raccoon.”

It does not turn out to be an oddly shaped raccoon. As the dirt comes off, layer after layer, staining the once white tub a gentle brown, it doesn't even turn out to be a brown cat.

The orange fur is dripping wet, making the small thing look even more pitiful than it had when you had spotted it hiding from the snow below a bench. At least the attempts to further scratch you have died down, the cat seemingly content to be warmed up and cared for.

“Hold on, I'll get a bigger towel,” you mumble and head to the small cabinet in the hallway. As you grab a well-worn one and pull it out, you hear a low voice coming from the bathroom, one that makes your head turn and hold still as you peek past the door frame.

“You're still shaking, peluda,” Javi whispers, crouched over the tub to gently brush his fingers through the dripping fur, no doubt not realizing you can hear him, “We’ll get you nice and warm, don't you worry.” A tiny meow comes as reply and he tuts softly, “Todavía no estoy seguro si eres un gato. You may fool her but not me. I'm an agent, you know? I can see right-” He punctuates his words with a soft, gentle pat on the cat's head, “- through - you.”

Your heart feels like it's about to jump out of your chest. You've never heard Javi talk to anyone so gently, anyone except yourself. And even then, it's usually reserved for when you're alone, tucked away in bed in the dark, tracing the skin of the person beside you.

A few minutes later you're seated in the living room, the tiny cat wrapped in a big towel on your lap as Javier hands you a baby bottle filled with some milk - both borrowed from the Murphy’s upstairs, who had both been equally confused when Javi had shown up on their doorstep to ask for both.

“Come on, peluda,” you reassure the kitten gently, repeating the nickname Javi used for her earlier, and very carefully, she begins to drink. The taste of the lukewarm milk seems to agree with her because after a few moments, the small sucks on the bottle becomes more eager and silence falls over the apartment, only interrupted by the small noises of the furball on your lap.

Javier is still standing in the open kitchen, watching as you feed the animal, occasionally reassuring her with a gentle pat or a different angle of the bottle.

He swallows, trying to get the realization that his head is producing back down into his stomach, the scenarios running in front of his eyes away from the surface. But there is no un-knowing the things he knows, no way to get rid of them.

He wants children.

It's not a possibility, not in Colombia, not with the cartel so close. Maybe it won't be one for a few years to come, until things are more quiet, until he has fixed everything he needs to fix. Including himself.

But as he watches you, the ever-growing wish settles in his throat, placing itself dangerously close to his mouth. Javi swallows again. He doesn't want it to slip out. Not yet, anyway.

He stands there, content to just watch as the cat eagerly takes one sip after another until the bottle is empty and the ball of orange fur purrs gently as it settles onto your knees, eyes already drooping.

Your voice is quiet as you urge him to come closer and with a small sigh, Javi settles down next to you, his arm automatically wrapping around your shoulder. He doesn't realize how close the picture of the three of you is to what he might have in a few years, minus a round stomach or a non-furry little companion on your lap. It's okay. He can wait.

“Can she stay?” You almost beg, your eyes finally leaving the kitten in front of you to wander to Javi instead. He sighs softly, both of you looking at each other. Then, his gaze leaves your face.

Brown puppy eyes meet green kitten eyes. They look at each other for a moment. Then Javi nods, “Yeah. She can stay.”

notes: shoutout to the person on my discord who said "funny, normally javi is happy to see a pussy" (i love you) also: do not give kittens cow milk (unless theyre starving and theres a snowstorm i guess?) idk this is no vetinary advice, google that shit if you ever bring home a kitten to your dea agent husband.

[joohanisms]

hiii i'm sick rn and i think i deserve some shameless selfish fanfiction

xdh + you're sick :-( 💭💫

cw: being sick in general, mention of vomiting, boys being really lovely

gunil

you're not lifting a finger.

he's got Everything covered, don't worry. don't even THINK about doing anything, he'll do it for you.

carries you around the house so you dont "tire yourself out" (?? you have a sore throat)

keeps you nice and warm <33 wraps you up in the blankets like a burrito. like a little shawarma sandwich. like a little cigar. like–

HOLDS YOU!! you know when you're so sick you feel like you're going to fall apart? he wraps his arms around you so gently and holds your pieces together so softly :-(

cooks nice healthy meals for you <3 makes sure to get all nutrients you need even if it's by going to the drugstore and buying supplements

showers with you because he's lowkey scared you'll faint with the heat – not that you mind having a strong body to prop yourself up against

jungsu

oldest child. takes care of you .

he's on edge for as long as you're feeling shitty. probably cussed jooyeon out for being too loud and then felt so guilty about taking his frustration out on him that he cried a little

Responsible!!

gets you gatorade, makes sure you drink plenty of water and eat light snacks through the day, will open every window so the room gets some air, takes your temperature, tells you to nap so your body has the energy to recover, gently wipes away that disgusting balmy feeling that only being sick brings

softly sings you to sleep :-(

if you're having stomach issues, he's holding your hair up and only cringing a little bit (also probably gets something soft for you to kneel on in front of the toilet – will camp out on the bathroom with you the whole night if needed)

jiseok

good entertainment + nearly makes you forget you're sick

talks a lot. tells you all about his day his week his month goes into tangents, talks about science and music and things you can barely understand just because he wants to take your attention away from the discomfort

puts his forehead to yours and says if i could i'd take the pain away :-( he's so sappy and he's half joking but you can feel how much he loves you and hates seeing you like this :-(

takes care of you as best as he can. tries to remember what his mom used to do when he got sick

has amazing sense of what to do due to being a science nerd. he might be gambling his luck but he's correct most of the time

if you're puking he's holding your hair and petting your back but he's NOT looking unless he wants to join you on the toilet

seungmin

gets everything you could possibly need and stays with you ;-(

if it's contagious then the windows are wide open he's got a mask on nothing could stop him

you need tylenol? he brought some from the bathroom when he entered the apartment!

you need a little cold patch? dw he bought one of those stick-on patches to save you from the mess of wet towels/cold compresses!

you're a little hungry? here he brought some light snacks in case your tummy wasn't feeling well!

uh oh the snacks didn't sit too well on your stomach? he has a gameplan already he's grabbing your little trashcan and brushing your hair away from your face!

you're feeling shitty after all of this? he brings you your toothbrush and water to wash out the aftertaste and he's settling beside you to pet your hair!

you still feel terrible? come on, a shower will help! he won't be able to shower with you seen as he's not keen on getting waterboarded by his mask but he will help you wash up even if his shirt gets soaked with the spray!

brushes your hair and dresses you up in comfy pajamas like you're his favorite doll afterwards :-(

hyeongjun

my lovely :-(

the best at keeping you company, be it sitting beside you with your fingers intertwined while you watch soft slice of life animes, be it laying down with you for emotional support cuddles, be it making you food and insisting on feeding it to you, be it telling you every thought that pops into his head so he can entertain you

lowkey loves when you feel like a cooked noodle and have jelly limbs because he gets to get everything for you, do everything for you, hold everything for you :-( don't count on him to carry you around though his limbs are not very .. uncooked noodle-y

will do Anything you ask him to. he might not know 100% what to do but yourself + google are good guides

brings his earbuds not to make any sound in case you have a headache, takes naps with you all day, lets you watch whatever he's doing on his phone (usually games or tiktok) (with very low volume!!)

forehead/temple kisses!!!! does the little "mm you have a fever" thing where he presses his lips to your forehead to gauge your temperature

if you want him Away from you because you're contagious, he's on the other side of the room doing his own things while you rot away in bed thinking what have i done i should've accepted the cuddles when i had the chance

jooyeon

cuddler!

if you have tummyaches he's rubbing your tummy!! if you have headaches he's massaging your head!! you have a sore throat?? do not worry he's keeping it warm because he has his face buried into your neck!!

pets your hair to sleep

he runs hot and if you have a fever he'll just sit by your side looking like a kicked puppy and holding your hand :-(

loves to help you wash up – will wash and condition your hair, soap you up, dry you with a fluffy towel afterwards, put on mosturizer all over you, will even brush your teeth for you if you let him (he's really touchy and adores caring for you and helping you feel like a human again)

definitely has the "well you got this Plague AT THE VERY LEAST yesterday. and we slept on the same bed and kissed on the mouth. if you're contagious, i'm getting sick anyway. i'm NOT being shooed away from my beloved when they're ailing." mindset

nevermind his dramatic ass. he's even more stubborn than he is theatrical and he WILL be by your side whatever anyone tells him

but gets sick too most of the time and acts like he's on his deathbed

[weaponizedhorse]

Okay so I just found out there's a book that's "based on true events" about a cross country road trip that took place in 1938 to deliver*giraffes* to the San Diego Zoo! So after searching for way longer than I thought was necessary to find and account of the actual events and *not* just a review of the book. (I hate "based on true events" works anyway it just means 95% of it is fiction) I finally found an article! AND this article contains an article from 1938 about the event!! It's amazing!! So I thought I would share:D

___________________________________

From The San Diego Union, Wednesday, Oct. 26, 1938:

Those Spots Before Your eyes, Reader, Are Symptom of Galloping Giraffe-itis

By Ruth Taunton

Giraffes! They’re here alive and kicking—accent on kicking--the two much-heralded animals that blazed a publicity trail across the continent were unloaded in San Diego zoo yesterday.

It was a three-hour ordeal. When they finally were in their new house, a picturesque building that resembles a fairy-tale illustration, every connected with the job was “ready to fall apart”— except Mr. and Mrs. Giraffe.

PAPA LOVE MAMA? MAYBE

They never have kept house together before, and just o make sure they do not kick the daylights out of each other—and make the Zoo’s $7500 investment worth no more than the current quotation on dead giraffes—the animals were shown to separate apartments for the time being.

Born in the wild country of southeast Africa, these babies, less than three years old, set sail from their native shores last summer and were 54 days at sea. No one thought of padding their stalls, and they learned bout mal de mer* during the last days of the voyage when the big September storm swept the Atlantic coast. Arriving in New York Sept. 23, they had to keep quarantine officers company for 16 days.

Charles A. Smith, head keeper at the zoo, was putting in that time devising ways and means of getting them into crates and on to a San Diego city truck for the last lap home

SHE WAS NO LADY

Loading them was no one-day job and in the melee, Patches (Mrs. giraffe), kicked Smith down more than once.

“I learned to expect it,” he said yesterday, “but I never learned to like it.”

Two weeks ago last night, Smith, the giraffes and Eddie Seuss, mechanic, started the trek westward, the animal’s heads sticking out of the top of the crates and astounding motorists from ocean to ocean wondering if they saw it, really.

Yesterday at 12:30 Eddie drove the truck through the gates at San Diego zoological gardens and all hands followed it to the mesa where the city’s big crane was waiting and the camels were wondering what the heck. It was some time before they found out.

HAM-AND-EGG PLAN URGED

Smith, who was quick to express his affection for Lofty--the giraffe that didn’t kick him--directed that his crate be the first to be unloaded by the whirring, grinding, chug-chugging crane. But getting Mr. Giraffe to leave his crate was another matter. Smith lured him with an acacia branch. He tried alfalfa and molasses. Advice from the sidelines urged him to try ham and eggs. Nothing worked until, after a couple of hours, he tried an onion.

“Onions,” observed Smith, “have power.”

___________________________________

*Mal De Mer: Sea Sickness

After I finished reading this to my mom she made a joke in reference to the fact that Lofty got to come out of his crate first. She said "What ever happened to ladies first?! Good to know misogyny was alive and well in the 1930's" lmfaoo

Can you imagine being in the 1930's not having ever seen let alone heard of a giraffe, then one day you are driving down the highway and you see one with it's head sticking outta the crate lmao

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

Today I am figuring out the minimum amount we need to make to keep our apartment and bills.

There’s a few animal jobs I’m looking at, but they would be a large pay cut. I’m applying if I can handle the income.

Maybe that won’t be any better. Maybe I’m forever going to feel this sense of dissatisfaction with work. I don’t know.

I’ve never felt like this before. My last long term job was a pain but it took years before I felt like this.

There’s just not enough support at this job and too many questions to be answered. The other new coworker and I were talking to another coworker who confirmed that it’s always like this.

You never get ahead. There’s always too many cases. There’s never enough support. You’re always behind and overwhelmed.

And yes, maybe once I learn the job, the feeling of being lost will dissipate. I’ll be quicker to get things done

But here’s the thing, if every job is like this, always too much work, I may as well be overwhelmed at a job I like. My first social work job was ROUGH. I cried A LOT. I was placed in many dangerous positions. But I didn’t dread every single day. I had clients I loved working with, I loved the work that I did, I even utilized my own personal resources to help at Times (example: borrowed a trailer from my parents and used my ex husbands truck to help move a client into better housing i helped him secure. Work didn’t have funding for uhauls and there was a particular item that wouldn’t fit in the work van. Permission was granted for this bc of the circumstances. He was a great client and I genuinely enjoyed helping him). I have art work that clients made for me hanging in my office. I ran groups even tho we couldn’t bill for them. I did so much and loved so much of what I did.

That job doesn’t pay well enough for me to return to and here in Florida, it’s all independent contractor based. I really tried to get back into that field, but with not getting mileage reimbursement or benefits or time off, you barely make a profit 😔

I’m trying hard at this job, I swear i am, but I find myself in tears more often than not. My hair is falling out again. I’m sick to my stomach and I’m having non stop nightmares.

I don’t think this is normal? Is it just me? Am I overreacting? This job has the bones to be so good for what it is. But we need more workers, less cases, more support. And we just don’t have that.

[pullingheavendown]

time for oversharing.

Keep coming back here, scattering little pieces of myself for myself to find some day, maybe, if we ever think to turn around; if we ever realize the pieces are missing. Bread crumb trail for a starving soul. A red string through the woods for a broken boy toy. (Crue's goddamn journals, 2009)

I used to think I didn't have an inner world, not the way a lot of systems talk about having one. And then pieces started coming back to me: the vivid, borderline lucid, recurring nightmares I would have at times. I would revisit the same places in my dreams. Go through the same motions, with minor variations, always trapped. The world around me would go through some cataclysmic event -- my neighbourhood slowly destroyed by lava we all know is coming but no one thinks to escape. An invading force coming slowly through the city, and you can hear the people in the nearby neighbourhoods being massacred, but you cannot escape; eventually they are at your door.

Eventually whatever it is arrives. Eventually there is no escape. Eventually you wake up feeling hollow, punched through, scared and sick, the details evaporating. You never remember until the next time the dream comes. There's just the fear drilled through you, and that lingers for the next day or two.

The dreams eventually started having a taint to them, like a haunted house. Something bad happened here, I'd think, walking through the same hallways, the same streets, the same particular places some part of me had been trapped in last time. There are a lot of them: some are made up, nonsensical places, like a motel by the ocean that will be flooded and that connects to some underground orca-viewing tunnels, I guess. Sometimes it's a tsunami. Sometimes it's the whales themselves turning violent. Some of them are just places we lived, once: it's the elementary school we went to that gets overrun by lava, or it's our apartment in TO being scaled by monsters while we listen to our neighbours be eaten alive, executed, run through.

My heart is fluttering in my throat and I am just trying to get the words out in some order. Sorry.

Last night was a place I'd only been to once or twice before. Before, they were dream of running: an abandoned, massive, 50 storey hotel that connects to another, mirror building via underground tunnels. Someone always chasing me through them, me trying to use the maze to get away, their relentless pursuit always gaining ground, me eventually trapped somewhere and realizing there is no getting out. Elevators stop working. Staircases become recursive. Whatever thing is hunting me knows this place better than I do and I cannot leave. No doors ever open, it's just hallways and hallways, and...

Last night that hotel fell apart. Last night it was crumbling around us, bombarded by some army. But my sister was there (and I know she was there for the Real Bad Stuff that happened when we were kids), and I couldn't save her. Couldn't save her from the walls falling in on top of her, couldn't save my cats from running away into the danger, couldn't stop staring at the flashing red emergency lights, couldn't stop choking on dust and debris. The whole construct was destroyed. For whatever reason I was carrying around some deformed, half-gremlin looking newborn my sister had just given birth to and I couldn't keep it safe. I couldn't bring myself to leave, either. I just froze, and waited for whatever was going to happen.

(One of the cats, the more emotionally support-animal one IRL, spent the entire night screaming at me. I kept waking up, worrying something was wrong with him, and getting this dream in snatches between shouting fits. I thought he was sick but now I'm wondering if he just sensed something was deeply fucked up with me last night. He does that. If I have so much as a sniffle or an infection, he's all over me until it's better.)

If what I'm remembering about my dad from yesterday is real (it is) -- then I think this hotel, this conjoined monstrosity, was the mental construct we put memories about him in, so to speak. I think the maze of hallways and stairs and elevator shafts was a way to disorient ourselves, to keep whatever's inside those rooms inaccessible. And maybe it coming down around us is a last ditch effort to keep those memories contained, or maybe someone needed it destroyed to finally be free of it. I don't know. No real memories came out of it, just the fear and panic and dread, just this endless heart fluttering sensation in my throat.

All of it started with me having one of those dissociative drop attacks where I just couldn't stay conscious anymore. I just had to shut down, flip that switch, be Gone and let that other deeper subsystem take over, which almost always means being catatonic and "asleep." I think they were drugged a lot. A lot of therapy has been trying to reconnect with them without losing total touch with reality at the same time, because something about that always means they are just... so out of it.

But no rage. And no self-loathing. I'm now so fucking exhausted I want to cry from that alone, and I know I'm using pronouns in the most loosey goosey way possible in here because it's the you/we/I narrator problem we have, but no rage.

Just so much fear. I think the fear was real. I think the feeling of not being able to escape was real. I think the pain of understanding what was happening to us was real. And our brain just shoved it into compartments, which became hotel rooms, and now that the memories are threatening to come back about my dad specifically, it's going to start cracking at the foundations.

Buckle up, I guess. I'm not sure what else there is to do at this point. Buckle up and be prepared for whatever fragments come through the cracks.

...

The memory of my dad was of a time when I (not knowing about his abuse or that he was involved in the trafficking in any way) told him my stepdad had been molesting me, and that was why I never showed an ounce of regret after my stepdad killed himself. I was happy he was dead. And my dad very quietly stood there, and asked if it was all bad?

And in that moment I was so confused as to why he wasn't... anything. Surprised, mad, defensive, understanding, there wasn't anything like that. He just got very quiet, and asked if it had all been bad, and when I just as quietly went yeah, dad, it was all bad, he...

In the first version: he turns around and walks back into the house without a word, leaving me in the field behind his house.

In the new version, he doesn't do that at all. But I think some part of me was left in that field, and I don't want to leave him there anymore. I want him to come home. And if that means blowing up an entire hotel of memories, so fucking be it.

Maybe I should have known better and not told my dad. Maybe I did my best. Maybe I should have realized that he would take that as a reason to hurt me again and reinforce all the training that had clearly been wearing off.

The best version of events is him going quiet and leaving me alone. I couldn't even paper it over with him being supportive or helpful. What a fucking coward of a person.

And I hope his entire house collapses on top of him some day.

[briarpatch-kids]

Hi :). This might be a question more for you at the beginning of your being disabled/sick/?. I'm not disabled but how do/did you mentally deal with other people having more gas/energy than you? Because the people around me can do so many complex tasks in a day like wake up, take care of animals, cook, clean the kitchen, go to the store, come back, and then do something else. And theyll be tired but mostly fine. And like I'll do like three simple tasks and it feels like somebody has beat me up?? If I tried to do the amount of tasks they do I would simply fall apart. And it's like I do 3 tasks and I'm DONE but they (and also other people too) just keep going and going and now I feel lazy or something because I feel like I could be helping or doing something and now I'm just sitting down :(. I hope this makes sense and is okay to ask.

It got a lot easier as soon as I made peace with the fact that my life is not going to be the same as everyone else's. I'm not going to be able to work, or keep the house in order on my own, or likely have a kid* but I still have goals and dreams. They're just different ones, like learning new hobbies that I can do in bed or becoming someone I'm happy with being.

Another tip is to start learning how to say "I'm not in any hurry" because it helps you slow down and not hurt yourself trying to do things at the speed of an able bodied person.

Also, I've tried really hard to reframe my annoyance when i complain about being tired and someone's like "yah I did xyz and worked 8 hours and then exercised for 2 and now I'm beat! 😅" to think of it in the way of like... I'm exhausted all the time from just living and I know how much fatigue can hurt, so I can relate to how much pain they're in and commiserate with them. Instead of getting annoyed that they got to do ALL that and still complain about fatigue. I usually like saying something like "aw man yeah you did a lot! You MUST be exhausted." Because doing all that is so exhausting only an abled could do that, of course they're in pain and I know how that feels.

*someone just had a kid while having spinal muscular atrophy and half the lung capacity I do, so if I have a good year we're gonna revisit the idea of a science baby

[toonabby]

Three days until Christmas (sorry I skipped out on the first two days)

(April 2024 update to fix spelling mistakes)

Since Christmas is three days away I'm just gonna list out a bunch of foreign, non-Japanese animation that debuted this year. I'm just gonna keep this first entry short and sweet:

The Girl Downstairs

I really liked the more laid-back tone of the series focusing on the male lead, a drop-out idol who lives at his apartment downstairs, and his college friends. Speaking of which I adore stories that are set in college and I want more works from SoL genre (or any genre in general) to take place in college, ESPECIALLY anime. I am sick and tired of anime only taking place in high schools especially when the dreaded "fanservice" trope is involved... 😒 (I also found out it was based on an ongoing webtoon as well as being one of the two adaptations released this year - the other being a live-action Netflix series called Doona!)

Xyrin Empire

Rare harem W Maybe its me excluding this (and DAL) from the terrible harem animes solely because its made in a different country from the same continent AND has CG animation that isn't god awful, but from what I seen of the first few episodes or so its not that. Not that good either since it falls into the tropes common in anime (the "boring but overpowered" MC, the love rivals, the 'tsundere' childhood friend, "really 300+ year old" childlike character who wears age-inappropriate attire), but I can at least tolerate this show compared to other works from this genre and even with the tropes there not as awful and apparent as the other harem animes, but that's probably because I haven't watched much from this show.

Rainbow Bubblegem

If this was an anime, then I'll pay my life-savings for what would be a return of the traditional Magical Girl genre in a loooong while after we've been bombarded with PMMM wannabees that fall in the "ow the edge" territory while forgetting what made MadoMagi phenomenal for the genre in the first place, remakes of old Magical Girl animes (e.g. Sailor Moon Crystal and Tokyo Mew Mew New), and the Precure franchise being the sole survivor of the traditional magical girl genre. I really like the premise that is essentially a combination of H2O: Just Add Water, Miraculous Ladybug, and Sailor Moon, and how Red Ruby (on of the main characters) isn't just a stereotypical alpha bitch, no she's actually helpful and friendly to the main girl, if a bit self-centered.

As for the shows I started to get invested in....

Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (2004)

This is a childhood of mine that resurfaced in my mind. Out of all of the Cartoon Network shows this one is my personal favorite, and I'm really excited on what the new preschool show spin-off will take us to. That, and me being a Bloo fan since I've started remembering this show. "It's hoooooot in to-pe-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaa."

Ba Da Bean (2021)

I adore the show's aesthetic of an arts and crafts-laden environment where everything and I mean EVERYTHING was made out of art (such as the houses being cardboard boxes or an impossible bottle) and the 'fish out of water' premise of a science project from a school's science lab transferring to an art class where he gets to meet and befriends the town's residents while also having a knack for science. I love the dynamic between Bean and Cosa too. Kami the origami bibliophile is my favorite solely because of how relatable she is (I'm also an introvert). That's of course mnot even mentioning the impressive voice cast of the English dub such as Stephanie Panisello (Resident Evil's Claire Redfield and Genshin Impact's Cloud Retainer/Xianyun), Suzie Yeung (Chainsaw Man's Makima, Genshin Impact's Eula, and HSR's Hanya), Amber "FoxyVox" May (Genshin Impact's Dehya and HSR's Yanqing), Dino Andrade (Zuzubaland's Zuzu, whose dub coincidentally was also recorded by the studio that recorded BDB's dub, BangZoom!), and Kelly Baskin (Genshin Impact's Amber and Azure Striker Gunvolt 3's Kirin), with four of the working on Genshin Impact and two on Honkai: Star Rail.

FriendZSpace (2021)

I'll be real. Had it not been for the official YouTube channel uploading all of the BangZoom dubbed episodes (plus the Discovery Kids LA YT channel uploading a few clips of the eps in Spanish), this show would've likely become lost media. When I first watched the show in English I enjoyed it, and I was actually surprised that one of the sealife characters in the first episode was voiced by Melissa Fahn, and I couldn't believe it at first glance she sounded nothing like the other roles Fahn played. Other than that I loved the show and wised I got more from it.

Underdogs United (2022)

For the most part, I didn't even acknowledge that this show was an actual thing until a year later; even the more obscure cartoons from South America at least had a cult following. Even less was me acknowledging this show is a TV adaptation/spin-off of Metegol, a movie with three of the main Foosball players (Capi, Beto, and Loco - the precursor to Kiko) being transplanted there with a bunch of original characters. Hell, the company and producer of the original film (MundoLoco CGI and Juan J. Campanella respectively) also made UU, and Metegol itself is an adaptation of Memoirs of a Right Winger - a short story by Roberto Fontanarrosa that film loosely based itself on. In other words, a TV series about Foosball figures living in a sport-centric world spun-off from a movie about said Foosball figures coming to life in the real world which was loosely adapted from a short-story by an author from Argentina who died 6 years before the movie came out....

Anyways, of the characters I like in UU, it's THE BETO! His personality can be basically described with any adjective for self-centeredness. He's so egotistical that his spot in the intro has him flexing his muscles after he kicks the ball, AND THEN looks at the camera with smug-ish eyebrows and puckered lips. But what I really like about him is not his selfishness but rather the fact that he is deep-down a kind and friendly individual who cares for his allies and would even put aside his arrogance to help others. That's what I like about him - he's selfish, but not too selfish to the point of being annoying. He's obsessed with his looks and popularity but when the chips are down, he'll prioritize the safety of his allies and his loved ones over his own.

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; Save Rock and Roll by Fall Out Boy (Part II)

THE MIGHTY FALL

"Oh god!"

"Why the hell is there a light that's keeping us forever?"

"Did you get dressed up?"

"I can't stop it when there's chemicals keeping us together."

"How the mighty fall."

"They fall in love."

"Oh, how the mighty fall in love."

"Your crooked love is just a pyramid scheme."

"I'm dizzy on dreams."

"If you ask me two's a whole lot lonelier than one."

"Baby, we should have left our love in the gutter where we found it."

"You think your only crime is that you got caught."

"It's getting clear, you're never coming clean."

I know you said not to call unless I'm dying.

"Even though my eyes closed, I still see you."

"I just hope that when you see me, I'm not see-through."

"Sometimes I swear, I need a day just for me."

"Like, I let her climb on top."

"I'm either fuckin' or workin', so the grind don't stop."

"They say I got screws missing, well hell, only when I'm missing you."

MISS MISSING YOU

"Don't panic."

"No, not yet."

"I know I'm the one you want to forget."

"Cue all the love to leave my heart."

"It's time for me to fall apart."

"Your hot whiskey eyes have fanned the flame."

"Maybe I'll burn a little brighter tonight."

"Let the fire breathe me back to life."

"Baby, you were my picket fence."

"I miss missing you now and then."

"Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger."

"The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger."

"We're fading fast."

"I see through you when we're sitting in the dark."

"So give me your filth, make it rough."

"Let me trash your love."

"I will sing to you every day."

"I've heard you got it so bad."

"I am the best you'll never have."

DEATH VALLEY

"I want to see your animal side."

"Let it all out."

"I wanna see the dirt under your skin."

"I need your broken promises."

"I want the guts and glory, baby."

"This town is wasted and alone."

"Don't take love off the table yet."

"Tonight, it's just fire alarms and losing you."

"We love a lot, so we only lose a little."

"But we are alive."

"Oh, there you go, undress to impress."

"You can wear the crown but you're no princess."

"We're going to die, it's just a matter of time."

"Hard times come, good times go."

"I'm either gone in an instant or here 'til the bitter end."

"What I've got will make you feel more alive."

"I'll be your favorite drug."

YOUNG VOLCANOES

"We're the beginning of the end."

"Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds."

"It's all over now."

"Before it has begun, we've already won."

"We are wild."

"We are like young volcanoes."

"C'mon, make it easy, say I never mattered."

"We will teach you how to make boys next door out of assholes."

RAT A TAT

"It's (Name), bitch."

"No thesis existed for burning cities down at such a rampant rate."

"They just DIY'd that shit and they built their own bombs."

"She's his suicide blonde."

"She's number than gold."

"Are you ready for another bad poem?"

"One more off key anthem."

"Remember me as I was, not as I am."

"I kept wishing she had blonde ambition and she'd let it go to my head."

"If my love is a weapon, there's no second guessing when I say."

"If my heart is a grenade, you pull the pin and say."

"You need to lower your standards."

"It's never getting any better than this."

"You settled your score."

"This is where you come to beg."

"This is what we do, baby, we nightmare you."

"I'll take your heart served up two ways."

"I'm the lonelier version of you."

"I just don't know where it went wrong."

"She's sick and she's wrong."

"I've seen bigger."

"I've lit better."

"Not a dry eye left in the house."

"Talk less, mean more."

"Go boy, run for your life."

"Let's be electric, like we were before."

SAVE ROCK AND ROLL

"I need more dreams and less life."

"I need that dark in a little more light."

"I cried tears you'll never see."

"So fuck you, you can go cry me an ocean, and leave me be."

"You are what you love, not who loves you."

"In a world full of the word 'yes', I'm here to scream no."

"Wherever I go, trouble seems to follow."

"I only plugged in to save rock and roll."

"Blood brothers in desperation."

"An oath of silence for the voice of a generation."

"How'd it get to be only me?"

"I'm the last damn kid still kicking that still believes."

"I will defend the faith."

"Oh no, we won't go."

"We don't know when to quit."

[kiriel123]

Fic recs mdzs/the untamed

heart like a haunted house by Sanguis  

Modern AU with Magic lwj and wwx run into each other when investigating a haunted house. Lwj grows peonies in his heart and wwx has butterflies in his lungs, and the house is a burial grounds that yearns for new things to bury. Lovely

unheard in the transition by buzhix3, invitan

WLW scifi space AU a wlw scifi romance where wwx's job is to stare at lwj all day and draw her, basically the dream. The writing is so fleshed out I feel like I could step out of my apartment and see an airship.

in the arms of the angel by ScarlettStorm

Modern Shapeshifter AU Foxxian gets his head stuck in a jar of peanut butter and is rescued by wildlife rehabilitator worker lwj saves him. This was SO cute, I also learned about working in cat shelters and animal rescue

a thousand hills, no birds in flight | 千山鳥飛絕 by defractum (nyargles)

Alternate canon Wen Ruohan is keeping phoenix wwx locked up and lwj, once he is taken prisoner and meets wwx, is determined to free him. The way the war and mythology intertwined was so cool

in the water grass, in the green by nerdzeword, twigofwillow 

Shapeshifter and Magic AU every month mermaid!lwj comes to the human world to visit his mother – until she falls mysteriously ill, and he asks the local witches to help figure out why. Lovely and lyrical

Good Hunting by alcego

Steampunk AU fusion with Good Hunting lwj is a huli jing in a world steadily losing magic. Wwx builds him a body and helps him survive it. Amazing descriptions of wires, metal, and bolts interspersed with humanity and emotions

Paths of Light and Darkness Converge by ataratah

Alternate canon everyone knows wwx is dead and the yllz is a huli jing who has seduced lwj into marriage to keep peace. Dragonji has two dicks. And the best party is a lava party. SO much fun

spoke like we meant it by BlackWiresOnHerHead

Modern AU where wwx takes advantage of lwj sleepwalking to confess his undying love. This was so cute!!! I’ve reread all wwx’s confessions to zombie lwj so many times.

as thou wast wont to be by cqlorphan

Modern AU lwj gets sick and wwx, an acquaintance he knows from his brother’s movie nights, brings him soup. And then they garden together. This was so sweet. A-Yuan is the cutest little radish ever

the absence of hunger by parsnipit

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31783828?view_full_work=true Post canon wwx has always had a complicated relationship with food. Lwj wants his husband to eat well. Heartbreaking at times but with such a warm ending

[casspurrjoybell-24]

The Alpha's Boy - Chapter 22 - Part 1

Book Two In : The Alpha's Trilogy

*Warning - Adult Content*

Alistair 'Star' Claymore-Phoenix

We were back on the farm the next day.

I felt awful, my stomach was sick, my head hurt, I was sweating.

It wasn't as bad as the first withdrawal but it was still gross and I didn't want to pick myself up off the couch once I made it into the house.

Riot went out with the animals, I didn't see him but I noticed his things around, so Preston was out in the fields by the time we got back and I was thankful for that because it meant I didn't need to stress about Riot being alone and doing all the farm work by himself.

I was weak and Riot didn't want someone that was weak.

It was a thought that was going through my mind every so often.

I needed to grow up, I needed to stop doing things without thinking.

I didn't want to make a promise to myself that I wasn't ready to keep but I couldn't help it.

If I wanted to keep Riot and stay out of rehab, I would need to get more control over myself than I already had.

I know he didn't think like that, I know he didn't see me as some toy that couldn't be fixed but I couldn't help but feel that way, because in my eyes Riot was perfect, he was funny, stock, he was everything I wanted to be and here he was mated to me.

It made me feel guilty.

I fell asleep on the couch, a fever definitely holding itself over my body, I had hollow dreams, where everything felt miles away.

It was bothersome like nothing was going to get done or finished.

I hated dreams like that, like an itch, you couldn't scratch.

I woke up in the dark, I had must have slept through the guys coming back into the house, I could hear a T.V. in Prestons' room, low as it spoke, barely a sound.

I could also hear water running, so I assumed that Riot was having a shower.

My head still ached but I got up nonetheless.

I walked into Riot's bedroom, feeling less hazy with the smell coming from the bathroom.

Everything about Riot was perfect and though I wanted it to bug me, that even his smell was calming.

I didn't let it.

My cell-phone was charging on his nightstand and I took it, sitting on the bed as I scrolled through texts from Ivan and my Dad.

I couldn't tell them about my relapse,I know they needed to know at some point but not right now, not when everything in me wanted to fall apart at one more pinch in someone's voice at something I've done wrong.

I didn't notice the shower stop but I did lift my head when the door opened and Riot walked back into the bedroom with a towel over his shoulder and loose, grey sweat pants on.

I didn't want to openly stare at him, look at the water that dripped down his chest and to the waist of his pants but I couldn't stop myself, I was obviously drawn to him and fighting myself wasn't one of my strong suites.. obviously.

"You're not very stubble, you know that?"

My eyes snapped to him, my face burning with heat.

I wanted to grab him, shake him and kiss him but it was silly of me to think like that when just hours ago I was laying in a bed clinging to what life I had left.

'I wasn't trying to be,' I said, leaning a hand on the bed as he shut the door behind him.

I knew nothing would happen, we had only shared a kiss before but the way my hands started to sweat, the way my heart started to speed up, the way his heart started to speed up made me think something might.

I was hopeful but not holding on to hope as he put his towel in the nearby laundry basket and looked towards me, I couldn't help but notice the way his eyes trialed down, it hit me then what Dad said before we came here.

How skinny and unhealthy I looked.

I didn't see it but it came rushing into my head making me feel self cautious and suddenly all the confidence I had, flew out the window and I claimed up, my hand moving to my lap as my eyes looked towards the window, the window that looked to the bedroom I had at the main house.

"Star," Riot said, pulling me from my head, I almost jumped to see how close he had gotten, he was on a knee, kneeling in front of me, his two hands on his legs.

I bit my lip, looking down at him.

"What's wrong?"

I started to shake my head but Riot gave me a stern look.

'I don't look how I think I look,' I simply said.

Giving a soft sign, he knitted his brows together.

"How do you think you look?"

'Unhealthy.'

He sighed, standing for a moment before sitting beside me on the bed.

He took both my hands in his body looking towards me.

"I'll be honest, you don't look that healthy but before you take that as an insult, I want you to think about it. You've been eating more, outside more, sleeping better. The only unhealthy look you have right now is that your hair isn't as full as it could be. It's not something that can really be helped right now."

I went to bow my head, let out a sigh but Riots hand caught my chin and forced me to look at him.

"When I first met you, I thought you were some good for nothing druggy that didn't want help and was forced here by his family because he was trouble but I see now how wrong I was Alister. I was wrong."

"You're a hard-working, sensitive guy who was lead down the wrong path by trauma and you try so hard to fight it, I can see it in your eyes, I can see that you don't want to have the demons you're fighting. You're broken and it's okay if you're broken. We're all broken and I'm here to help you when you can't help yourself."

My brows furrowed together, I was trying to fight the feelings that swelled in my chest, the pit in my stomach.

Nobody has ever said something so sweet to me before and I was too awkward to really know how to react to it.

So I did what my instincts told me to do, I leant forward, closing the gap between us.

My lips touched his and it was like I was on fire, I was going to pull back, stop what I started in pure embarrassment for how I reacted but just as I was about to pull away Riot leaned in, pressing the kiss deeper.

I was taken aback for a moment before I leaned in to meet him, a hand falling on his shirtless chest.

He put a hand on the bed behind me, leaning into the kiss.

We broke apart for a moment, I took a deep breath, looking him in the eyes, I sighed, resting my forehead on his for a moment as we looked at each other.

His eyes danced in mine before a small smile pressed on his face and I couldn't help but mirror it, and relax at the sound of his soft chuckle.

Riot lifted his other hand to my cheek and I felt myself flush even more at the added attention.

Riot knew it too because he smirked again, grabbing into the hair at the nape of my neck now before pressing us closer together and just like that, I was lost in him, all over again. 

[reboxczar]

SLEEP: GET SOME by: a teen

I Love Sleep.

I love sleep. I don’t know why. I just love relaxing in a warm and cozy bed. I feel swaddled up and safe. Do you ever wonder about sleep? Do you question why you sleep? Or how you sleep? Or what happens when you sleep? Because I love sleep so much I had many questions about sleep so I decided to research a few of my questions to find out some answers about sleep. 

Why Is Sleep Important?

There are many reasons why sleep is important. I will talk about 3 reasons. 

First, sleep is “necessary for our brains to function well” (News Current). 

Second, sleep “gives our body and brain a chance to rest and regenerate” (News Current). Regenerate means to regrown. When we sleep we regenerate trillions of cells that “help our body function”. “Important stuff gets saved as memories” (Puddler). 

Third, sleep makes us healthier. A study done in Spain “suggests that people who sleep more are better able to avoid cancer, depressions, weight gain, and other negative health effects” (News Currents: Read to Know). 

What Causes Us to Feel Sleep?

Many things can make you feel sleepy and cause you to fall asleep. For example, going to bed at the same time each night trains our brains and and makes us feel sleepy and fall asleep - usually at around the same time each night. A comfortable bed also makes some people feel sleepy. “Sometimes you sleep longer if you’ve been active” (Kent, 17). I know that if I have a long and tough day at school I come home and feel very sleepy. Staying up very late for many nights in a row can also make us feel very sleepy. This is why it is very important to go to bed on time and get the correct amount of sleep  

Why Do We Have to Go to Sleep Early?

If you do not go to sleep early enough then you will not get enough sleep before it is time to wake up again the next day. If you don’t get enough sleep you will find it hard to think and concentrate. “You will feel very tired and your body will feel heavy” (Kent, 9). The worst thing that can happen when you don’t get enough sleep is that “you are irritable and cranky, even with your friends” (Kent, 9). Sometimes lacking sleep can even make you sick. This is why it is important to go to sleep on time each evening even you want stay up and watch television or play on your computer or iPad. 

Why Do Some People Drool When They Sleep? 

According to an article in New Moon Childrens Magazine, “when we sleep our throat muscles relax causing us to breathe through a very small opening” (36) and also causing us to open our mouths. Because everyone produces saliva in their bodies, when our mouths are open when we sleep some of the saliva (aka spit) can come out of our mouths and get on our pillows and blankets. This is called “drooling”. And this is the reason why some people drool when they are asleep. But not everyone opes their mouths when they sleep. And not everyone drools when they are asleep. 

Why Do We Still Feel Tired When We Don’t Get (Enough) Sleep?

What makes us not get enough sleep? Here are some reasons :

Electricity: When we are around fake lights like computers, iPads, and televisions it resets our internal clocks. Our internal clocks tell us when to go to sleep, when to wake up, and when to eat.

Snoring: When people snore loudly it can disrupt our sleep. Even our own snoring can disrupt our sleep. If we snore it can keep us awake. It can even mean that we are “trying too hard to breathe” (New Moon: A Peep Into Sleep). 

Environment: If there are loud noises, weird smells, or other things in your house or apartment that could disrupt your sleep. 

Bad Habits: The biggest reason we still feel tired even when we are getting sleep is because of bad habits. This means we stay up too late, don’t eat healthy foods, don’t drink enough water (Weber, 14), are not active enough or getting enough exercise, or that we just are not sleeping for long enough hours. 

“Every living animal needs to sleep”. When we get enough sleep it keeps us healthy. Sometimes we feel tired when we are not getting the proper amount of sleep. This is not good because every “body needs rest. Sleep is when a body repairs itself” (Weber, 18). Doctor’s recommend that kids gets between 8-12 hours of sleep each night. If you don’t get enough sleep you become “sleep deprived”. This means you are “denying” yourself sleep.

If you don’t get enough sleep then you will still feel tired. This is why it is important to not only get sleep but to get enough sleep. If you wake up and still feel like you need to take a nap then you are probably not getting enough sleep. 

I recommend that you find "sleep" and you go get some!

[the-firebird69]

We saw bja get up this morning and he's running the program against John remillard with success now because of the function where if we kick him out of the apartment and his son he starts to try and pull our friend out my grandson-in-law and he goes ahead and says we're on it and stuff but really the function is not too complicated he's trying to kidnap our friend and get him out of the house and so is Trump and the clones and they all blame each other for trying to kidnap him and they tried to get him out of the apartment and they're fighting each other the reason why I worked on John rimelord is it starts off not blaming us but this time it's us pulling him out and our friend is not really doing it that much already he's seeing that other groups are trying to get them out even before getting our friend out which is new Tommy f bja they want him out and they're pulling pretty hard so the guy might lay down and kick himself out try blaming our friend but he knows about these guys and it's in writing and it's working very well. Big big groups are doing it. They're taking him down in the process and a lot of it was to get out of stuff to get at his stuff obviously and they're using methods now that make more sense getting information and him trying to get our son out is helping it's an excuse and they're beating him to death getting cold to use and entrance code keys they are taking all this information in the process of pulling him out and standing him off it's exactly what he said would happen , well no no hasn't really happened yet said once she's kicked out he's going to turn into a cream puff I'm trying to kidnap him and the guys are fool and he uses tool to set up by the Max and he falls for it really hard fast and constantly has turned into a menace to everybody including them we know that guy needs to go his son and his clone and this whole people there are a bunch of asses but this function will work I studied it

Ben Arnold

We started at 2:00 and we do see it and we studied it as well so what it means and we did see that they are doing what he's saying and they're competing and they're trying to pull them out and that's the trumpsters they're trying at and eventually they'll pull them out. And he'll try and blame our friend and it won't work but we'll have to intercept them more and he says he found holes but we're plugging those and they're going away and he hasn't noticed and I'm not making this up but this guy is an animal we have a lot of stuff to do and he's willing to burn himself up to distract us including Max and take our time energy and thought power and smart people and he's a useless piece of s*** basically the guy a friend here is accidentally enslaved the piece of crap it's not on purpose you're a loser oh that's what works and he keeps trying to have our friend make noises or say certain things it doesn't work that great and then he says I win because of that and he's an a****** okay Trump is so stupid it just keeps doing it and doing it to people it's very annoying and he gets killed because of it. So then he says so I get to have revenge and I'll tell you that guy's a moron in a loser. We're going to go after him for his comments. We're going after the radio guy that's on right now too we're going to slaughter his people and we know who he is and boy you people are fools. . I'm putting orders out on these idiots right now

Mac daddy

You see the roofing company and where they are and we do understand that game and they don't really. The pseudo empire is not bowing they're going in and pulling people out and it willing to die to a harass our son so we're willing to kill you anyway we can all day and all night until you're exterminated and such assholes to him we're moving out too

Thor Freya

It certainly see how this is going and have to tell you I'm sick of these people I need them out of my face and a little bit in the future and they still are stinky they're covering stuff and it works very well but they're very rude and they try stuff all the time all right one more report I'm going to put in there big letters you people are asleep too I'm going to hand out that assignment for those who don't think that they should have a state of emergency up there and that they should be in a state of readiness and I'm going to record it now he says

It's time right now Thor and I hear you my brother we have to work on this since I'm sorry I'm still a smaller person I do understand what you're saying but it has to go through and I'm ordering it from here and Hera too that we are going to declare a state of emergency I'll be a low level one but we're going to keep it on there until the war is over and I do hear you and I'm going to go ahead and do that Thor Freya say

Zues

I have heard it all but that will have an offense and we need it and we need it now

Hera

We're going to get together and discuss this we need to do it and we need to do it really quickly it is a good idea and we have to have confidence in our screening if we don't All is Lost if we have a question we do put them through a rigorous tests on purpose and we see what you're saying what's the damn problem this is the problem and he keeps saying it and you're driving him mad he's getting upset it's either you try and do that or you're in trouble up there too and you have to try and do that and we now see what you're saying we're going to go ahead and do what you're saying and we're going to sign up tons of people and will continue

Olympus

[kraviolis]

in my mind bundy and lennon moved to bundy's hometown in virginia to help his parents after he heard about his dad getting sick. they have a cozy three bedroom house on a sizable plot of land, plenty of space for their menagerie of pets they have after kiki leaves.

lennon, with all her medical experience, gets a job at a local veterinary clinic and eventually starts doing surgeries again, but on larger animals like horses and cows that don't require as much fine detail work as humans do. her hands still shake sometimes and the tendons and scars on her arms ache when it rains but she's saving lives and helping animals and that's all she's ever wanted to do.

bundy still doesnt make as much as lennon, but he does make some money. he becomes an author. he writes an autobiography at first, not about his entire life, but he writes out everything that happened during his investigation into the simones. it sells pretty well, everyone's curious to know what really happened with the super terrorist of los santos. after that, bundy decides to write more about his insane life as a detective in los santos. most of his books are sold as nonfiction, except for one. a supernatural novel about a man in a lighthouse who calls himself death. it's the least sold out of all his books, which bundy thinks is for the best. no need to give people any crazy ideas about knocking old doors, because the wrong one might open.

their house is old and falling apart, but all the repairs and improvements keep bundy busy because after all those years cleaning up other people's messes in the PD, he'd go stir crazy without having something to fix or improve. bundy mostly spends his days taking care of his parents, working on his next book, and installing whatever new flooring or light fixture he'd decided the house needed. their neighbors always ask bundy if he can fix their crumbling fence or leaky roof too, and he always does it free of charge.

the house has two floors and three bedrooms. their living room is always filled with dog toys and they have a nice spacious hutch enclosure for their rabbits. on the first floor is two bedrooms, their bedroom is soundproofed (as always) and their guest bedroom is always kept tidy and open for any of their seven hundred children whenever they come to visit.

the second floor has only one bedroom with a big open window that faces east and lets sunlight flood the room every morning. there's fake ivy lining the walls, fairy lights perfectly hung but never turned on, an old guitar leaning against the wall, books sitting on a shelf, and a teddy bear laying on the bed. on the desk is various medical devices to monitor one's heart and blood pressure along with bottles of prescription medications that are half-empty and years out of date. inside the closet is neatly hung and folded clothes, the scent of whoever wore them faded yet still there somehow.

everything inside the room is covered in a layer of dust, except for the windowsill, where a pristine vase of sunflowers sits and soaks up the sun every morning. the flowers never get the chance to wilt and the water is always refreshed every morning.