#*consent

[lyndentree63]

Also consider, forcing yourself to do things is not ok.

Yeah yeah sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do, but there are still ways to honour your own consent with yourself while doing something that's not a thing you're enthusiastic about. You can negotiate with yourself. You can find alternative ways to do something and achieve the same goal, without causing undue distress. Listen to what you need, what you want, and most times there will be a way you can adapt what you have to do so you're not forcing yourself to do the thing.

Sarah Caspar, a consent educator, talks about different kinds of consent: wanting, willing and enduring. If you find yourself enduring a lot, perhaps you need to listen to your self and maybe negotiate some ways you could try something else.

“Bring consent out of the bedroom. I think part of the reason we have trouble drawing the line ‘it’s not okay to force someone into sexual activity’ is that in many ways, forcing people to do things is part of our culture in general. Cut that shit out of your life. If someone doesn’t want to go to a party, try a new food, get up and dance, make small talk at the lunchtable—that’s their right. Stop the ‘aww c’mon’ and ‘just this once’ and the games where you playfully force someone to play along. Accept that no means no—all the time.”

— The Pervocracy: Consent culture. (via cosmicroots)

And this is a constant practice. We all do this at some time or another, but it’s about working on recognizing when/how you do it and getting better at taking no for an answer, no matter how low-stakes the situation is.

[theconcealedweapon]

I see a lot of posts saying "teach boys about consent".

While that is true, a lot of parents will do that and fail to see how their own actions are the problem.

If you've spanked him, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've forced him to sit on Santa's lap, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've forced him to give hugs and kisses to family members, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've grabbed him in order to force him to sit still, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've labeled him as "too sensitive" for not wanting to be touched, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've assumed he's okay with something because he technically allowed it even though he felt pressured, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you're only going to criticize his actions but not your own, it won't work.

[sirena-de-lunas]

funny how we went from daphne and simon having that really terrible forced scene to kate and anthony having the “i will stop.” “do not stop.” and now it’s penelope asking and begging for a kiss and colin looking at her for permission before slipping under her dress. it’s almost like they realized we think consent is ✨ sexy ✨

[thelindenpapers]

Most creatures do not enjoy containers of which they cannot control their own entrance and egress 😤 The kitten is right.

[drchucktingle]

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[headspace-hotel]

Also on topic of Consent: whenever somebody says "Kids should have bodily autonomy!" some guy always is like "You are too unrealistic. What will you do when a kid is seeing the doctor and doesn't want to get a shot? Would you just let them refuse the shot?"

Yeah I probably would. You're straight up asking the wrong person if you want the nice normal answer here. Doctors and nurses forcibly doing (relatively routine) things to my body against my protests when I was a small kid fucked me up so bad that as an adult anything medical related is a huge trigger for me, I've had persistent intrusive thoughts and recurring nightmares about medical procedures, and I can't have even the most basic tests and health checks done on top of it.

I hate talking about it because I can't get comfortable calling it "trauma" and I don't have any other words that are useful, but it's made my life so much harder and really scary since if I start having a weird symptom, there's nothing I can move myself to do about it.

I figured out a loophole where going to a pharmacy instead of a doctor's office for vaccines reduces some of the stress, but I was still in stress and misery for days before I went to get my tetanus shot. The repulsion is so intense it feels like I literally don't have control over myself, it feels like I can't make appointments or plans about such things out of my own free will, and so every year I have guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt about how I should get the flu shot, and it does nothing but ineffectually hurt me.

Vaccines save lives and all that, but when it comes right down to it, I don't think it's actually a net benefit to public health to give any percentage of kids lifelong psychological scars so deep and painful they're almost completely barred from accessing health care as adults.

I know I'm not the only one, far from it.

[divinebunnii]

consent is sacred, holy, heavenly. full permission to please and use them as you or they or both need. consent is sexy, fun, exciting. a powerful yes or even a subtle please to start the festivities. consent is pleasure, consent is everything.

[letteredlettered]

I'm so excited and happy that so much of the fandom community has learned that things like consent and aftercare are very important when having sex. Now, if we could just learn that you only have to include these things in your fictional porn if you find them hot, we'd really be on to something.

[welcome2h]

Making sure you and your partner are comfortable is the most important thing during sex. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your boundaries 🫶

[derangedthoughtssideblog]

when I read aftg the first time I thought the best scenes were "thank you, you were amazing" "it's always yes with you" "i am nothing and as you've always said you want nothing"

but now I can see that the best scene is clearly when Neil asks Andrew how he can stand their relationship after everything he went through and then he tries touching his arm and Andrew says "no" and Neil stops and "that's why"

destructive

[peggy-sue-reads-a-book]

With the holidays coming up this is everyone’s reminder to

Ask little kids if they’d like a hug first

If they say no, verbally affirm the reasonable shit you just heard. “You said you wouldn’t like a hug. We won’t hug.”

You don’t even have to redirect with a high five, even though that’s fine. Touching isn’t for everyone.

Do not say upsetting things like “where is my hug?” Clown, you don’t own hugs.

It is fine to model consent by placing boundaries on touch. “Let’s wash your hands before we cuddle.” “I’m leaving this couch if you continue to yeet your foot into my pregnant belly.” “that was fun but I’m going to take a break now.”

Touchy children are not inherently sweeter. Love languages exist at any age.

Some kids like touch but not eye contact. A hug from behind is a good one or “let’s close our eyes and squeeze really tight. Ready?”

I’m dead f*ing serious there are people who want your physical affection so badly but need you to modify your approach. Just like there are people who want to get into buildings but need ramps.

Don’t comment if a kid shows affection to another adult but not you. They’re weird like that but you don’t have to make it weirder.

[divinebunnii]

on the other hand

big fan of giving enthusiastic consent, big fan of overwhelmingly positive consent, big fan of making your consent known without question

Don't ever assume consent.

Be blunt, ask for it.

[girlfishes]

One of the ways in which modern liberalism goes wrong in ethics is its singular focus on consent. Don’t get me wrong, consent is always necessary is any type of relation or exchange between individuals, but it isn’t sufficient.

This is why modern liberals will see nothing wrong with bdsm, pornography, surrogacy, or cosmetic surgery. “If both parties consent, then what’s the problem?” they’ll say.

There needs to be ethical standards for how we treat other people, regardless of if individuals think they are worthy of being treated by those standards. This concept is already recognized in most legal systems. If I sign a form saying that you can kill me whenever you feel like it, you would still be culpable for murder if you followed through.

Women are the ones who lose out when this concept is not applied. We have been conditioned to believe that we are not worthy of being treated right, so we allow others to take advantage of us. Consent being by the only moral consideration people care about takes advantage of this fact.

[nathysillygirl]

BDSM relationship but instead of hypnotizing you to bark and sit I hypnotize you into reading political organizing theory, relationship theory, learning mutual aid and the importance of consent and also to bark and sit

[transsexualfiend]

Repeat after me: kink is not a "gateway" to committing a crime.

[qu1etdays]

It's actually Mister-Sandman93

Enter Mister-Sandman90, Yet another person who clearly lost their patience, and threw consent out of the window.

For what it's worth, stay safe out there hypno community. This is how messages start and how they could end.

Stop trying to hypnotize people without their consent. This shit is dangerous.