#kink safety

[guarddogbutch]

you guys need to be normal about people who don't like penetration. people who don't get hard easily. people who finish quickly. people who participate in kink without having sex. people who don't like being touched. people who don't like giving head. people who only like penetration. people who (almost) always squirt. people who take a long time to cum. people who have a hard time getting wet. people who don't talk during sex or anything else that is not part of the way you think people or bodies should behave during sex

[reddraven]

Hey fellow painsluts and other masochistic subbies... I just wanna share something that was helpful for me. Maybe it'll resonate with some of you too...

But like... its okay to not enjoy pain sometimes

And what I mean by that is recieving pain is not a passive role

It takes a lot of focus and mental energy to process that kind of intense stimuli. Learning how to translate pain into pleasure is a skill. Its something you develop over time

So if you're ever in a scene, and the pain your recieving is just... pain... its okay to stop, take a break, negotiate a different kind of scene , or do whatever you need to do

Take your time learning to process pain, and learning what kind of pain you like. You are still valid as a sub and as a masochist no matter where you are on that personal journey

[transsexualfiend]

Repeat after me: kink is not a "gateway" to committing a crime.

[the-sapphic-sanctuary]

[m0thmancore]

hot take that should be much more lukewarm than it is: if your feminism doesn't have room for piercings and tattoos and dyed hair and collars and animal ear headbands and stuff like that, it's not really all that feminist.

people can just do what they want. if they want to get cosmetic surgeries or use different names or pronouns or dress "weird" those things are just allowed. cringe is dead. doing things that don't affect others in any meaningful way but make you feel good is good.

people can decorate their mobility aids. wear clothes with metal studs on them. go out in horrendously loud tie-dye mess clothes. we love that. that's bodily autonomy for you.

being loudly queer and gay and trans and a feminist and disabled and a legitimate animal and a furry is cool as fuck actually it's 2023.

use whatever swear words you want. the weird old WASPs giving you stares are because they're not as cool as you.

this also goes for kinks and those who (safely and consensually) practice them btw, even that one you find weird.

"bodily autonomy but only for people who make the same decisions as me about how to decorate and use theirs" isn't good feminism practices.

go forth and be safe ofc but above all be yourself

[hiddengiggles]

Please remember to cater to your basic human needs before engaging in kink!

That means:

Drink water. This is for safety sure, but orgasms are way better when you’ve got the raw materials for it. Same with just wetness/precum, better hydrated than dry.

Have a snack. Your body may go through a lot and you blood sugar being low is dangerous. You don’t need a full meal, but consider a little fruit if you’re keeping it light, and try to have something nearby for afterwards to rebalance your blood sugar.

Check in with your mental state. D/s can be a wonderful way to soften the sharp edges in your mind, but if you’re already feeling off, consider more gentle activity. Adding the risk of drop (subdrop or Domdrop) can make your wonky day into a shitty week. Not worth it, care for your longterm wellbeing above momentary fun.

Plan for rest. You need to give yourself time to recover after engaging! I don’t care if you cum or not, if you’re going to do a scene or session or whatever, plan out time for aftercare and, if you’re a person who needs it, maybe a nap/time to drift. Do not play right up until you have to be somewhere, your endorphin drop will fuck you up.

This probably isn’t an all inclusive list but a good little checklist so you can do fun stuff with a little more care for your health, happiness, and safety.

You may have things to add to this list as you get to know yourself more. For some, their meditation may be a factor. Others may need to plan for a specific ritual to prepare themselves so they feel good. Affirmations might be important to get ready for a scene and still feel good about it. Additional checklist items can be tailored to you/your dynamics/your partners, but the above apply to everyone.

So remember: hydrate, eat, mental check in, rest.

[frogmansfrog2]

Something that I feel is important to say especially to the misgendering kink community:

It's okay to have a lot of limits.

I constantly see the sexualization of people having no limits especially with trans guys and enbies as we're seen as "easy" to get and open to everything.

But it's completely normal and okay to have as many limits as you need. If someone doesn't respect them, that is not because your limits are not valid, it's because they are a shitty person.

Especially within this kink, you are allowed to pick and choose what you like. You don't have to be into CNC to be into misgendering. You don't have to like chest play or breeding. It's supposed to be fun for you. Don't feel pressured into saying you have no or very few limits just because it's something you see a lot of.

[just-somedude]

The number of times I've heard people tell me some version of "I didn't know people like you existed" because I gave them even the smallest amount of respect and basic human decency is insane. Subs should not feel pressured into giving a "dom" something, just because they feel they are supposed to.

You ALWAYS have the right to say no. You should NEVER feel obligated to send any pictures or perform certain tasks for someone elses pleasure. Too many people have been manipulated into thinking it's normal to be an actual toy for someone's pleasure, and not someone that deserves to be taken care of as well.

If your "dom" is forcing you to do something you're uncomfortable with, you can say no. If they pressure you into doing it, they are not a dom. They are a manipulator. If they don't allow you to have a safeword, they are not a dom.

Subs, please, protect yourselves. You have all the power. Talk to other subs, make friends in the community, learn about the do's and don't's from other people before submitting to a random stranger.

[reddraven]

Hi hi! So my post about pain processing has gained some traction and I just thought I'd share my tips on how to get the most out of your freaky masochistic shenanigans.

(Disclaimer that I am not an educator of any kind. Literally I'm just some guy who likes pain)

1. Dispersion

This is my favorite pain processing method. The point here is to visualize the pain spreading throughout your body, decreasing in intensity as it travels further from the point of origin.

The easiest way to do this (for me) is to visualize the pain as a color that loses saturation as it flows through my body

So lets say its a spanking scene... with each strike, I might imagine a bright blue flash of light that starts at my ass and then becomes duller and duller as I visualize that light moving into my torso, through my limbs, and eventually fading away entirely

If you struggle with visualizations, you can also focus on things like heat or texture... Your skin will naturally warm up and become more sensitive while you're being (consensually) roughed up, so think about that heat... think about how intense it is at the point of impact, and then think about it spreading throughout your body, becoming cooler and cooler as it travels

2. Breathing

This is something I picked up from my marching band days and I've found that it puts me in an almost meditative state during scenes.

This is a simple one... just focus on breathing in for four counts, holding your breath for 2 counts, and then exhaling for another 4 counts and repeat

Any time you start to feel yourself panicking or struggling to process pain, just return to that breath

3. Allow yourself to feel

This is probably the most important tip, but if you're like me, then outwardly expressing pain might not come naturally to you

Just... feel... react... allow your body to release. Whether that's screaming or whining or crying or wiggling, do it

I promise you that sitting and toughing out the pain in silence is only going to detract from the experience... and that (usually) goes for both you and your partner. Sadists often like to see your reactions... that's part of the fun... so (assuming your Dom(me) allows it) feel free to react.

I've had breakdowns in the middle of scenes before because I was holding my reactions in, and as soon as my Dom increased the intensity, alllll of that pain bubbled out of me all at once... It wasn't fun... don't do that to yourself

Masochists love pain! But remember that pain tolerance and masochism are not the same thing! Its okay if you enjoy pain scenes, but still struggle to process all that intense sensation

If you love pain like I do, feel free to share your tips and experiences! I love you, my masochistic friends 💕

[xxxsharpcheddar]

Cheating isn’t a crime, it sure feels very shitty to get cheated on I understand but you need to get over it and move on.

A few things

1. Never said it was a crime

2. Thank you kind therapist, should I Zelle you for today’s session?

3. It can be therapeutic and cathartic to at the very least expose an abuser.

4. Emotions aside, he lied about me to another person so he could continue having sex with us both and the boundary was that said person needed to know if he had any other sexual partners (for STI prevention, awareness, etc.) so he’s eliminating both people’s ability to have INFORMED consent. Especially in a kink setting you need to be honest about your sexual experiences.

So yeah, I can just move on because it no longer impacts me. But I ain’t about to turn a blind eye because welp not my problem anymore. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’ll probably lose followers over it but I’m not going to stop warning people. I’m not going to let it stagnate so people can forget because it is a pattern with narcissistic manipulators (my actual therapist’s words, not mine)

[needy--mutt]

Goddd my head is spinning, tried edging myself(I didn't last long) amd fuckkk I came so hard just from thinking about someone in my dm's arched and trembled from it, I feel so fuzzy and out of breath holy fuckk. But I'm still so hornyyy

[echochambe33333rrrrrr]

I feel like nonverbal consent is actually so hot, especially in cnc scenes. Like I think about a dom lightly tapping their sub twice on their hand and then they reciprocate.

just something I’ve been thinking about lately

[the-sapphic-sanctuary]

After the great Catgirl vs. Doggirl war of 2017.

[chubby-l3sbian]

Plus sized nonbinary masc lesbian

South African

All of this is strictly fantasy

Kinks include:

Dykebreaking/orientation play, misgendering kink, rape play, CNC, piss, facefucking, misogyny, musk, cock worship, ball worship, rimming, free use, breeding, hucow, size kink and more

Hard limits:

Extreme violence, scat, farting, feet, ageplay, feeder/ feedee

[just-somedude]

Something everyone new to the community, even those who've been in it for years, should know: ignoring your s/o is not a form of punishment, it's abuse. Neglect is not a punishment, it is abuse.

[fkbcorrector]

Addressing transmisoginy inside the detrans kink

It's a common thing in my blog to get questioned why I don't engage in this kink with trans feminine people, and I felt it was about time we talked about it.

As previously mentioned here, this kink, such as many others, comes from personal traumatic experience, growing up as a trans masc person in a cis male dominated world my brain turned my experiences in something pleasurable in order to cope with it and gain control by becoming my opressor.

As a dom in detrans, as a transmasc, my experience with cisnormativty and transphobia is very different from a trans feminine person's.

Hatecrime rates inside the trans community are higher in trans feminine people than in trans masc people, because transphobia is rooted in gender norms and binaries, and while "a girl seen as a tomboy" is acceptable in a transphobic discourse, "a man who dresses like a woman" is seen as dangerous and predetory.

While I am trans, and have many experiences in common with trans feminine people, my trauma is rooted in the erasure of my identity, not on the vinalization of it, which is what trans feminine people experience.

I am not comfortable engaging in this kink as it's not my place, it's not my experience, and while I have previously expressed how I don't trust a cis person who randomly (outside of a relationship with a trans person) has a detrans kink, the same applies in here, it goes the same way. It's one of my limits, it doesn't turn me on whatsoever, in fact, I have quite the opposite kink, worshipping trans women (while subbing which I don't do in this blog, as it's dedicated to detrans mostly).

It is up to trans feminine people to engage in this kink with whoever they want to and feel safe with, and while I highly appreciate your trust in me to want me to engage in this kink with you, I am not into it, and maybe that's exactly why I feel safe to you.

I hope every trans feminine person in this community has a good time, and as I've said before, you're absolutely welcomed to follow and reblog/favorite my posts, I just personally won't be engaging directly through dms, asks and posts about detrans with trans feminine people.