#kink education

[certifiedsexed]

is it weird to be into something in theory, but not really in practice, even if it’s something that’s technically possible? like, i like the idea of exhibitionism, but even though that idea is arousing for me, i get drawn out of the ‘escape of sexual stuff’ pretty quick when i think about how things like that can go wrong, like i’m already a bit paranoid about being recorded without my consent in general, you know?

If that's weird, it's all weird, Anon. That's actually fairly common, though.

Some people have tons of kinks they only like in theory but not in practice. It's playing pretend! It's okay to just think about certain types of play without actually physically engaging in them. [Especially since some people have kinks that are currently literally impossible. Like mermaid sex!]

It makes sense that anxiety like that could interfere with enjoying a kink like that. I think it'd probably really help if you counter those sorts of thoughts down with the fact you are not planning on doing it in real life, you are just playing pretend in your mind. Tell your brain to shut the fuck up.

Treat it as if you're writing a story, or planning a play. It doesn't have to be realistic or play into your anxiety, it's just a fantasy! It's just you, playing with your imagination.

Hope this helps, Anon! Let me know if you have any other questions. <3

[angel-in-your-basement]

Here’s the thing that some people don’t seem to understand about sex & kink. You have to respect boundaries before you get to push them. You have to show people they’re safe before you get to make them feel scared. You have to respect people before you get to degrade them. You have to be normal with people before you get to be dirty with them. You can’t be skipping steps. Treating them like a person always comes before treating them like a toy.

[transsexualfiend]

Repeat after me: kink is not a "gateway" to committing a crime.

[ropesbypatricia]

Let's tie my favorite hip harness for self-suspension + the top vote of my recent diamond hip harness poll: The Diamond Back

This build is a sort of hybrid between a Swiss seat and a hip harness and it's my go-to for extended aerial play. It can be modified easily to accommodate different body shapes and sizes and it's an amalgamation of many different builds I've studied over the years from many great minds in rope

1-3) To begin, I will tie a single column tie (SCT) around my low waist - I can begin with my bight on either side of my body

*take note of which side your bight enters from*

4) I have secured my SCT in line with my belly button using a Somerville bowline, you make whatever SCT you prefer. I pull my SCT downward in a slight V shape

*whichever side of your body you started with your bight to build your SCT, that is the same direction we will begin tying our first leg wrap*

1) I make my first leg wrap nice and high running just beneath my butt cheek in the back

2) I friction over and behind my hip lines and my diagonal leg line exiting toward my crotch and approximately 1/2" from my SCT knot

*experiment with the placement of this friction for your individual comfort*

3) To adjust the tension in my leg wrap, I feed slack behind me with one hand and receive it in the front of my body with my other hand

4) I pull my working lines downward eliminating my transferred slack

5) I make a second wrap of my leg tracing below my first wrap

6) I friction up and over my leg lines, exiting toward the outside of my body

1) I equalize the tension in both my leg wraps and move over my inner leg wraps

2) I move behind my leg stem

3) And I move across my leg stem, ensuring I compact down all of my frictions

*you can see I've created another intentional upside-down V shape in the angle of my leg bands, and this will allow for more freedom of movement in my hip flexor*

4) I added another rope in another colour for clarity, and I mirrored my pattern on my other leg, exiting across my front and utop the last friction knot of my first leg to encourage it to stay nice and compacted

The next element we will build is a booty rope bridge which will capture both my leg wraps in a munter hitch

1) I run my line along the lower half of the space between my leg wraps and waist wraps all the way around my backside, and to the opposite side of the front of my body

2) I run my lines from tip to base of my finger, at the front of my body where I can better see what I'm doing

3) I shift my tensioned line back and under my butt cheek

4) I cut across my butt moving lower than my previous band

5) I move from tip to base of my finger again at the front of my body where it's easier to see what I'm doing

6) I slide that line back under my other butt cheek

7) I move up diagonally across both of my standing booty lines

8) I friction over and behind both lines exiting towards my crotch

9) to complete my munter hitch, I move my line from tip to base of finger again, exiting toward the front of my body

I take time to equalize the size of my booty bridge loops by adjusting my munter hitch, as well as flattening my leg wraps so they lay nice and flat like bands which will be much more comfortable when we take this harness into the air later

2) I move straight across the front of my harness running right above my previous pass

3) I continue to trace my previous wrap to the back

4) I make a simple twist around the top of my booty bridge friction moving my lines from tip of finger to base

5-6) I exit above my standing booty bridge band, pulling up slightly to maintain tension, exiting toward the front of my body

1) I added another scrap of rope in a third colour for clarity, and I continue the build by moving directly across the front of my harness again utop my previous pass

2) I make a half hitch (HH) around my booty band placing it in my natural gluteal divot

*experiment with placement of your HH here for individual comfort*

3) I tension my HH by pulling slightly upwards as I exit diagonally up toward my hip lines

4) I capture my hip lines with a simple twist, pulling downward into another slight V shape, I exit beneath my opposite booty band to create a mirrored HH on the other side of my butt

5-6) I maintain firm tension and pull these bands upwards slightly before completing my second HH and exiting toward the front of my body

1) Now we will perform a very tight weave and create a reverse half moons friction to incorporate our mid bands securely into our front harness bar. To begin, I move across the front of my harness running my lines above all of the previous passes

2) Weave from tip to base of finger

3) Continue behind the other side of my hip lines from tip to base of finger

4) I carefully cinch and compact the top of my half moons friction, careful not to overly tension my top midline pass as I cinch, and ensuring I don't accidentally nip up flesh or clothing in my ropes as I weave

5) I move over all of my midline bands, and under my leg stems following tip to base of finger

6) I carefully cinch and pull my working lines away from my flesh and leggings

7) continue behind my other leg stem moving my lines from tip to base of finger

8) I move over all of the midlines again, and back under my hip lines following tip to base of finger

9) With my half moons weave completed, all I need to do now is finish with my rope ends

1) You can finish your ends as you see fit, here I'm simply splitting my working ends and running one is them through my original SCT bight

2) half a square knot

3) the second half of a square knot

4-6) a look at the completed diamond back hip harness

Click here for a video guide to tying this harness as well as a look at how it maintains during transitions in suspension

If you give this build a go, I would love to hear about it! Feel free to tag me here or on any other platform we're grooving together on ❤️

Knots of love from me to you 💋🪢

[campgender]

Whenever a player safewords, this is an occasion for mutual support. We understand that nobody safewords from a happy place, and that all of our egos feel frail and kind of runty when we need to back out of a scene. It is completely unethical to respond with scorn or ridicule to a person who has safeworded: S/M is not a competition, we are not playing against each other.

As tops, we have noticed that if we are having a good time and our bottom safewords, our initial feelings may not be happy. Whaddaya mean you don't like that? I do all this work and you don't appreciate it? I'm hot for being in control and you want me to stop? We have felt real anger and felt challenged in our top role... and, on a deeper level, we have felt put down, hurt and rejected. It is okay to have these feelings. It is not okay to act on them. Take three deep breaths and everybody start taking care of each other.

Sometimes bottoms get so deeply engaged in a scene that they fail to safeword, or forget, or so profoundly believe in the fantasy that it doesn't occur to them: many of the techniques we play with, like interrogation, function in the real world to undermine volition. Dossie remembers a scene in which a top offered her a choice of something or other: "I felt very confused. Some distant part of me vaguely remembered having made choices, but the response from my state of consciousness at that time was, Choose? I am not a thing that chooses." So then what is the top's responsibility?

If a bottom does not safeword and you don't pick up on what's going on, and this will happen if you play long enough and well enough, there is no blame. However, it is still your responsibility to monitor for physical safety as best you can. As ethical tops we make a commitment to never knowingly harm our bottoms. To this end we check in regularly to make sure that things are going the way we think they are, and we constantly monitor the physical and emotional safety of our bottoms. If a bottom is beyond safewording, and you as the top feel unsure about how far you should go, it is your responsibility to slow down or stop the scene and get into communication with the bottom to make sure you have informed consent. If you have to bring the bottom back into reality to do this, please remember that you helped get them into that altered state in the first place, so presumably you can help get them back there again as soon as you are sure of what's going on.

And just because someone safeworded doesn't mean that the scene has to be over. There may be times when the problem that brought either of you to safeword is so overwhelming that carrying on doesn't feel like the right thing right now - but most often we find that after we've dealt with whatever the difficulty is, we're still terrifically turned on, with the added bonus of a shared intimacy.

from The New Topping Book (2003) by Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy

(note: the authors use ‘top’ & ‘bottom’ in the historical S/M sense, meaning ‘person performing the act’ & ‘person receiving the act’; the act in question is not necessarily penetration.)

[casualbystander98]

Kink Education Time - Consent

So, everyone knows that consent is incredibly important in kink. It's incredibly important everywhere, but especially when one wrong move means a consent violation. But kink often involves pretending to violate consent (CNC). So, how do you navigate consent in kink in the safest and most knowledgeable way possible? The answer lies in two things. First, safewords and other safety items. You probably know about safewords, but what about drop items, or other ways of communicating consent? The second category is less commonly-known: consent acronyms.

Safewords & Safety Items

Safewords are basically flags that you can raise that inform your partner(s) about your current state in the scene. The most obvious benefit to using safewords is that, plainly, a play partner can scream, "no, please, stop, leave me alone", without ending the scene. Meanwhile, they can just say, for example, "Pineapple!" to end the scene at any time. Usually, there are three categories: Green, Yellow, and Red.

Green safewords are meant to mean "everything is all good; please continue". This category isn't really used unless one partner wants to check in on the other partner. An example would be that, during a spanking scene, the giving partner notices that the receiving partner is crying. They may ask, "Are you okay?" They may also use a pre-negotiated term to check in, such as a code word. At which point, the receiving partner may respond with their green safeword if they're doing fine and want to proceed.

Yellow safewords are used to caution the other participant(s) in the scene. Their basic meaning is, "Hey, I'm doing mostly okay right now, but we're close to my limit. Please be careful." To some people, yellow means "do not do anything more than what you're doing right now". To others, yellow means "keep going, do what you wanted to, but I may need to use red soon". It can even mean "I'd like to talk to you about this, can we pause for a minute?" It is absolutely vital for both partners to know what yellow safewords mean before play begins.

Red safewords are the ultimate safeguard. Red means "stop". No questions, no exceptions. If you are doing a kind of play that can't be stopped right away (such as rope suspension), you must begin the process of stopping play. In some cases, that means taking drastic measures. In the case of rope suspension, that can even mean cutting the rope away from them immediately. Red safewords must be obeyed at all costs. Refusing to honor a red safeword is sexual assault. Always be mindful of your partner's red safewords in particular.

It should also be noted that safewords are not just for the receiving partner. Everyone gets safewords, and everyone can use them at any time, for any reason. It's important to know what someone's safewords are before play begins, so you can recognize them when you hear them. However, a commonly-used set of safewords is the stoplight system ("red" for red, "yellow" for yellow, "green" for green). Usually, in most cases, using those safewords is absolutely fine, and no other words are needed.

Safety Items/Nonverbal Safewords

Safewords are all well and good. But what if the person is gagged? How do you safeword with a dildo gag shoved down your throat? These are important considerations for any play. You can have many different nonverbal safewords,as long as they're discussed with your partner beforehand. It could be a hand signal, or three claps, or a little red card in their hand. Another commonly-used solution is what's called a "drop item". The person is given something heavy to hold, like a book, that they can drop if they need a check-in. If you're doing a form of play that prevents someone from talking, ALWAYS have nonverbal safewords in place.

Consent Acronyms

This section is more about what consent can actually mean in kink. Typically, people subscribe to one of four "ideologies" when it comes to consent: SSC, PRICK, FRIES, or RACK. Other acronyms exist, but these are the most common. The basic idea behind any consent acronym is to get you to think about what actually goes into consent, and how someone can say "yes" to something WITHOUT actually consenting. Understanding these acronyms is a great way to prevent your own consent from being violated, as well as to prevent violating others' consent, even without your awareness. I'll be explaining each of those four acronyms below in brief detail, but I highly recommend that you research consent acronyms yourself.

SSC - Safe, Sane, and Consensual

SSC is the most common, and "basic" acronym. The guiding principle of this acronym is that, in order for something to be consensual, the act must be safe, sane, and consented to by both parties. This means that you must take all necessary precautions (such as safewords, safety shears, etc.), you must both be of sound minds, and you must both give express consent before play begins. Some complaints about this acronym are about the "safe" and "sane" portions, because kink inherently has risks (making it unsafe from the start), and some kinks could be considered "insane" (like flesh hooks or branding).

PRICK - Personal Responsibility In Consensual Kink

Some people prefer PRICK for its acknowledgement that kink can be dangerous. The basic idea of PRICK is that everyone has a responsibility to learn how to go about their kink lives as safely as possible. This also includes educating yourself on consent, in all its aspects, and how to respect it at all times.

RACK - Risk-Aware Consensual Kink

RACK is similar to PRICK in that it emphasizes knowing the risks to all parties inherent in your play. This includes all mental, social, physical, psychological, and/or sexual risks. The idea behind this acronym is that, unless you're aware of all of the risks, no play is truly consensual.

FRIES - Freely-given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific

FRIES refers to the act of giving consent itself. This ideology argues that nothing is consensual unless it matches those 5 criteria. This acronym was pioneered by Planned Parenthood, and is a favorite amongst kinksters. The idea is that unless consent is 1) given freely (under no coercion or force), 2) reversible (able to be rescinded at any time for any reason), 3) informed (such as with RACK or PRICK), 4) enthusiastic (basically just not reluctant; you can also just do kink because you're fine with it, not because you're absolutely thrilled to do it), and 5) specific (as in you are made aware of all acts that could happen beforehand for you to specifically consent to).

You may notice that these ideologies can coexist. They should. A truly responsible and safe kinkster will consider all of these when playing. They all have very valuable messages that you should internalize and keep in mind during your play. If anyone has any other consent acronyms they'd like to share, please do so in the reblogs/replies!

[seapomelo]

ALWAYS ASK FOR CONSENT. NEVER VIOLATE BOUNDARIES. UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR PLAY PARTNERS WANT AND DON'T WANT.

This is my kink blog where I explore my fantasies. The things I post here are either my fantasies or exaggerated real life events.

I'm a leftist through and through, so if you are a rightoid, don't interact - I'll block you

IRL I try my best to not violate boundaries set up by my play partners. I always try to respect consent. I say try, because CNC and rape kink are founded on violence, physical or psychological, and in my experience even talking extensively beforehand about a scene can turn up with different understanding from both sides.

This is why safewords and signs are important. Always respect them! Aftercare is also very important, so that the bad feelings in your sub won't stick. Always talk about your scenes afterward. Not only so you can praise and be praised, but, most importantly, so that you know what went wrong and can be fixed!

Having that out of the way, a little bit about me.

My main kinks that I will be exploring here are:

Ownership

Degradation

Corruption

Misogyny

Petplay

Dumbification and bimbofication

I welcome any DMs or asks you send my way.

[certifiedsexed]

Hey, so uhm, I have a question. I know this can potentialy lead to bad stuff overall but- can holding your pee in be related to pleasure in some way? Asking for a friend :'D

Hi! I have an answer. <3

Yep, absolutely! The two simplest reasons are: 1. having a piss kink and 2. depending on how full your bladder is, it can press on certain nerves related to pleasure! It can also heighten sensitivity.

Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions. <3

[angel-in-your-basement]

For the love of god, praise and reassure your Dom after sex. I cannot tell you the amount of times I’ve told a Dom they did a good job after sex and they’re like “???? Why are you saying that???” It’s INSANE. Aftercare goes both ways! Praise! Your! Dom! Tell them the specific things you liked! Tell them how hot they were! Tell them that you appreciate them taking control! It goes such a long way, trust me.

[yesmissnyx]

Being a man who’s into femdom but against women’s rights is crazy. Like that goes against the entire concept!

Seriously! I think the issue is that a lot of men see women as objects even when they're being dominated by them. Not to say this isn't a problem with Dom/mes and subs of every gender (it absolutely the fuck is), but it's a common problem among female Dommes who get into kink relationships with men.

Often the guy just wants someone to do their kink *to* them, without any fucks given about a reciprocal relationship. (Unsurprisingly, a lot of these guys ALSO don't want to pay for a professional...)

The phrase "kink dispenser" exists for a reason, unfortunately.

And I think the worst part is that this has a pretty negative impact on the community at large! I see subs constantly working themselves up into an anxiety attack about not being good enough for their Dom/me, because they don't want to be selfish or unworthy.

Meanwhile, many (most, IME) Dom/mes are afraid to be emotionally vulnerable as it is, so the added layer of not wanting to be taken advantage of makes it even harder.

It's messy, but I hope people keep talking about it, and educating each other, and setting boundaries, and holding each other accountable. Because kink is great and I want to see everybody out there having fun and fulfilling relationships 😤

[ropesbypatricia]

Rope Techniques ~ Tying without a partner

Here are a couple of tactics I have utilized in practicing shibari when I'm not able to work with a partner

First: Here's how I added "elbows" to my plastic mannequin to enable her to be placed into a gote or box position

The arms of my mannequin disconnect at the shoulders, so I started by removing them and then sawed them apart at the elbow

Next, I stuffed both open ends of the plastic arm halves with foam pool noodles I had on hand

I connected the stuffed arms by running bent lengths of wire hangers into the pool foam to act as a semi-adjustable joint

Finally, I wrapped and secured both new joints with a length of ace bandage and some duct tape - I dress my mannequin in a body suit so the rope has something to grip; the plastic mannequin skin lacks the toothsomeness of human flesh

Second: a simpler and very similar effect can be achieved for gote/tk practice without a mannequin. You can throw a hoodie over a full-backed chair, such as a kitchen chair, and stuff a rolled towel inside the joined arms of the hoodie as pictured below:

Sometimes we cannot tie with a partner. These pictures were taken during the COVID lockdowns, for example.

And while these inanimate accommodations cannot take the place of partnered learning, they have helped me to advance my understanding of patterns and builds and rope handling along the way and I hope they may be of use to some of you too!

*This is the mannequin I modified above which was gifted to me by my SO*

[casualbystander98]

Kink Education Time - Etiquette

Alright, everyone, I'm gonna peel back the curtain a little bit and talk about some things I think you should know. I've been involved in kink for a very large part of my life, and, in that time, I've seen a marked decrease in people who know what proper "etiquette" is for kinksters. If that applies to you, it's not your fault. When I learned about kink, I was taught by long-time veteran kinksters who imparted this information to me. Learning about kink through a book, or a tiktoker, or some article doesn't give you the same education, and you can't be blamed for that. Even if you do think you already know this, maybe give it a read anyway? A good kinkster should always be willing to learn.

Part 1 - Titles

So, this is something I'm personally very lenient on. However, many, MANY kink veterans take massive offense to having people assume titles (such as "daddy", or "master", or even "sir" depending on the dominant). This doesn't just apply to dominants, of course; calling a random submissive "slut" or "toy" is, generally, unwelcome without a prior established dynamic.

A good rule of thumb when you're thinking about using a title on someone is simple: ASK. And, if they say no for WHATEVER reason, respect that. There is a concept in kink spaces of a "consent violation", and using a title on someone without asking counts as one. I will discuss those in a later part. For me, personally, I do not mind people using titles on me, other than the title "dad", which I've covered before.

Part 2 - Bratting and Dynamic Styles

Any d/s (dominant/submissive) dynamic involves, at its core, an exchange of power. No dominant has power over a submissive that the submissive didn't grant the dominant. Always remember that given power is LOANED, not permanently gifted, and any submissive can choose to take their power back at any time if they feel that they are not being treated well in their dynamic.

Bratting, therefore, is where a submissive temporarily steals some power back in such a way that the dominant will be enticed to punish them. At its simplest, bratting is a vehicle to deliver pain to a masochist. In my experience, bratting has become one of the most common submission styles in recent years. I believe that that is due to the fact that it's easier to give power to someone when you know that you can take some of it back on occasion. However, there are strict rules you need to follow to brat in a healthy way, especially online.

First, not every dominant wants a brat. That's not a moral failing on their part, or them not being able to "handle" a brat. Some people just don't have much interest in having to fight their submissive to get them to follow orders on a regular basis, and that's entirely valid. Respect when a dominant does not want to have a dynamic with a brat, and, likewise, if you're a brat and that's the kind of dynamic you want, do not attempt to engage in a dynamic with someone who doesn't want a brat. Every dynamic needs to be balanced, and both sides need to want the same "style" of a dynamic.

Second, bratting is not bratting if you do not follow through. In a physical dynamic, if a submissive acts bratty, a dominant can (if the dynamic allows) simply spank or paddle or otherwise punish their submissive for their misbehaving. In any long-distance or online-only dynamic, this is impossible. Think about it. At the absolute most, all an online dominant can do is video call you and look stern and disapproving. They can't do anything to force a stop to any bratty behavior without you holding up your end. The only ethical way to be a brat in an online dynamic is to follow these three rules:

1. Do not brat to someone who doesn't want a brat dynamic.

2. If you're given orders to follow, and you want to brat by not following the orders, you must give your dominant an easy way to find out that you didn't follow them. Or, better yet, tell them yourself that you didn't follow them.

3. If you're given a punishment, you MUST follow through with it. End of story.

Brats brat because they want to be punished. If you don't want to be punished, if you just want to "poke the bear", you don't want to be a brat. You want to be a pain in the ass. That's going to be pretty universally unwelcome. Also, as before, if you're unsure if someone wants to engage in bratting with you: ASK. Pushing someone into a dynamic style that they're uncomfortable with is, again, a consent violation.

Part 3 - Consent Violations

Kink is sometimes messy, when it comes to consent. The rules are far more complex. Everyone wants to think that they'd never do something without someone else's consent, but mistakes happen, and many folks don't realize just how easy it is to violate consent.

However, just because you did something without consent does not make you a rapist. This is INCREDIBLY important. Mistakes happen in kink, and it doesn't make the person who made the mistake an irredeemable abuser. Consent violations ARE NOT sexual assault, although sexual assault is an extreme kind of consent violation. All a consent violation is is just that: a time that you did something without someone's consent.

It is absolutely vital to have room for the concept of consent violations in kink. We need to be able to hold each other accountable without hurling weighty accusations around. No one is saying that we should call instances of rape or sexual abuse "consent violations" to reduce their impact or their weight. However, using the term "consent violation" allows you to 1) enforce your boundaries and limits, and 2) inform others that someone did not respect your boundaries and limits. Consent violation as a concept is a fantastic safety tool for any kinkster. Embrace it.

That's all I have for today. Thanks for allowing me to get up on a soap box. I may make another post like this in the future, if I feel that it's needed. Stay safe, everyone.

[friendlyneighborsslvt]

Honestly yall Im about to start a kink education side blog.

Too many people got into kink after fifty shades of grey and are walking around with a bunch of misinformation that can be really harmless especially for people new to the community.

I see tons of people who don’t get enough traction to those important posts even with bigger accounts and I’d like to try to help with that.

Everyone deserves to be able to practice safe consensual kink and have the resources to do so.

Let me know via the comments or reblogs if it’s something that yall would be interested submitting posts to

Account is in my pinned or my reblogs of this account tumblr won’t let me tag it right now 🙄

[certifiedsexed]

Hi my bf is really into biting and id love to get some marks on me but I'm also terrified of the human bite infection dangers, is there any safe way to go about that? :(

Okay, so there's no way to eliminate the dangers of biting but you can reduce them!

Try to make sure he's using mouthwash beforehand, to kill some germs first off. [Make sure you're aware which spots are safe for him to be biting!] It's safest if he's not breaking skin but if y'all have agreed to that and he breaks skin, here's what you need to know:

If you're immunocompromised [or let's be real, if you've had COVID-19, especially more than once], you have to be very careful with bites that break skin! The more immunocompromised you are, the more dangerous it can be, so keep that in mind if you are and be extra careful.

If he breaks skin, wash it off with water, dry it and then use some antiseptic. Covering it with gauze or a bandage might be good too, depending on the area.

Watch for signs of infection, like excessive redness, leaking from the wound, hard lumps, heat and worsening soreness. Those mean you should get checked out and might need some antibiotics.

[If you're given antibiotics, you do have to take all of them. There are certain complications with antibiotic side effects, especially with certain disabilities, but it's most often best if you take all the antibiotics, even after the wound starts feeling better.]

Hope this helps! Lemme know, especially if you have more questions! <3

[angel-in-your-basement]

The best kink experiences I’ve had with people are the ones that are very fluid. Where you can flow easily between being silly/awkward and sexy/serious. I used to get so worried about “ruining the mood”, but all that did was put unnecessary pressure on everything. It’s so much better when you just get to be your whole self with people, and you feel comfortable to do so. When there isn’t the expectation to perform. Where you can just be a human being having a human experience. That’s the kind of sex I want to have.