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fairsweetlonging · 2 months ago

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system wardrobe malfunctions and small scenario pushers: exteme edition au

after his qi deviation, shen qingqiu starts working on slowly building up relations with his fellow peak lords and disciples; saving liu qingge in the caves, spoiling luo binghe rotten, freely praising his students, inviting the sect leader over for tea, he's a whole new person!

and yet... his friendliness levels aren't going up.

he knows it's a bit icky to judge his relations with other people based on numbers an alien entity is giving him, but he needs them to survive, and he swears that once he's above a certain threshold (somewhere between "civil" and "friendly", he figures), he will mute every and all notifications regarding it.

but they're just not going up. since his deviation he's at least managed to claw his way from "hostile" to "tolerant" with most of them, but some are somehow still stuck in the "aloof" section! they wouldn't even care if he died!

he just doesn't know what he's doing wrong; he understands these things take time, but it feels so bad when people refuse to sit next to him or sigh when they're assigned a mission with him, especially since it's not his fault.

now, it so happens that, one day, the system hears his woes and takes pity on him.

【 user seems to experience difficulty increasing character favor levels 】

you could say that

【 would host like to utilize our special deluxe package to activate 'The Path of Blossoming Hearts and Unspoken Affections' free of charge? ₊˚⊹♡ 】

though shen qingqiu isn't trustful of the system's antics, he can't deny that so far they have helped him well enough, and since it's free of charge with no penalties, wouldn't it be a waste not to use it? the title is a bit dubious, but was the original shen qingqiu not known for his frozen heart? for never sparing a single nice word to anyone? this could be his chance to let it blossom without the system nagging on his characterization.

【 accept optional mission? [yes]/[no] 】

he picks [yes].

two weeks later, he wishes he hadn't.

the package is devided into small scenarios that mostly appear at random, ranging from small dialogue challenges where he has to pick the right option (he really doesn't like those, the dehumanization of it makes his skin crawl), to the equivalent of two rivals getting locked in a room together.

the first few scenarios are minor and not very impactful, to the point where he's finished three of them and his favor count with qi qingqi has increased a whopping +2 (still "aloof") and that of wei qingwei +5 (still "tolerant").

his fourth scenario, however, reminds him of exactly why he should never accept gifts from strange screens floating in the sky.

he's on a nighthunt with liu qingge to slay a mirebeast that's been terrorizing travelers—an amphibious creature with thick, slimy skin, a crocodile tail and a leech-like mouth that shoots mucus when threatened... and shooting mucus it did.

while his clothes can easily be cleaned with a cleaning talisman, he never feels truly clean himself unless he actually bathes. luckily, there's a beautiful, glass-like pond nearby that's surrounded by natural demonic-repellent vegetation, a win! he's just draped his clothes over a nearby branch and submerged himself in the water, when the system rings out.

【 heads up! small scenario "Stolen Silks and Sunlit Waters" is about to begin! penalty: none. wishing user good luck (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) 】

hold up—stolen what.

stolen silks. his silks. stolen by a mossy-jade stag that happens to scratch its huge antles on the exact tree he hung his clothes on, which rattles the branch and causes his robes to fall exactly onto its head, spooking it into a gallop as it disappears into the forest.

how. how does that even happen.

shen qingqiu is just about to get out of the water when of course liu qingge chooses that exact moment to stomp into the glade looking for him, even though he should have been miles away to the village to ensure the people the beast is dead.

for anyone looking in from the outside, it's not a bad picture: shen qingqiu, with his hair pulled up and away from his slender neck, submerged to his (very bare!) pale shoulders in golden sunlit waters, surrounded by lotus flowers and lily pads. to liu qingge, this must be a terrible view, apparently—shen qingqiu can think of no other reason that would cause his face to flush so bright red.

liu qingge tosses his outer robe on the grass between them and turns resolutely around. it's only a bit insulting—is shen qingqiu not pretty enough to try and sneak a look at? even just a glimpse? meanwhile liu qingge is trying really hard to mentally recite the ethics sutra to not fixate on the sound of shen qingqiu getting out of the water (naked!!) or the rustle of fabrics as he wraps liu qingge's robe around his (naked!!!!) body. when liu qingge turns around he flushes an even darker shade as he sees shen qingqiu's bare legs and feet sticking out from under the robes.

"thanking shidi," says shen qingqiu, who notices none of this, as he pulls the robe a little closer around him, "for coming to this one's untimely rescue."

liu qingge grunts, turns, and walks away.

【 congratulations! liu qingge's favor increased. character satisfaction points +50. please continue to work hard! 】

shut up

【 ૮(˶╥︿╥)ა 】

they return to the sect victorious, but very embarrassed. the mirebeast gets all the blame. where his clothes are? well—uh, gone. the mucus dissolved them. yes he knows that's not how mucus works but it did this time okay?!!

yue qingyuan acts a bit strange seeing shen qingqiu wearing liu qingge's outer robes. he almost qi deviates when he finds out his shidi is wearing absolutely nothing under it. it's all very dramatic. apparently the sect is made up of people who shower with their clothes on or something.

【 ⁺‧₊˚bonus scenario!!˚₊‧⁺˖ interactive dialog quest: pick the best suited options to win additional favor points! 】

i don't like where this is going

"shidi?" yue qingyuan asks, looking at him with those big worried puppy eyes.

【 choice A: (demure) this shidi is cold. will you not invite me in at least?

choice B: what are you looking at?! mind your own business stupid old man!

choice C: i'm in love with liu qingge 】

WHAT

if he was drinking tea he would have spat it out, and then coughed himself to death. what the hell kind of options are these!!

【 system has based these options on what will earn (or lose!) user the most points. please pick one. 】

[ admin notes: option A will earn +60 points. option B will neither increase nor decrease points. option C will decrease -100 satisfaction points and increase +200 heartbreak points ]

shen qingqiu silently curses the system. option B is way out of line, even for the original shen qingqiu, who probably would insult yue qingyuan, but not with so little class. he doesn't even consider option C an actual option. and, well, he is cold. and wet. and almost naked. he would like a warm bath and some clothes. A it is then.

he doesn't like the way yue qingyuan's face light up when he grits out the dialog.

【 congratulations! yue qingyuan's favor increased. character satisfaction points +60! keep up the good work! 】

he can't keep doing this much longer.

unfortunately, he does have to keep doing this for much longer.

he's just about to go to bed when someone knocks on the door. luo binghe is already sleeping so he goes himself. just as he's about to open the door the system rings out—but it's too late.

shen yuan is used to wearing old tshirts to bed and no pants (he hates the feeling of his legs being restricted while he sleeps), so he doesn't really care when the only equivalent of this in pidw is a silk nightgown. his mother wore them, his sister wore them. hell, one of his brothers once bought one for fun and ended up using it for months. it's florally embroidered with puffy sleeves and reaches to his knees, that's decent enough, right?

【 heads up! small scenario "Dreamy Encounters at Dusk" is about to begin! good luck! 】

he has no idea what that's supposed to mean and he doesn't care. he opens the door, and it's mu qingfang. not... that unusual, but still.

"can this master help you?"

it takes mu qingfang a moment to remember what he's here for, it seems, because he stares at shen qingqiu for a good few seconds before raising an eyebrow like he's caught him doing something wrong.

"does shen-shixiong always answer the door like this?"

shen qingqiu glares back. "only when unsolicited guests come stumbling around my porch in the middle of the night."

"fair enough."

apparently he's here on behalf of yue qingyuan, who had asked him to do a post mission check up as soon as he was available, which is now. which yue qingyuan had apparently forgotten to relay to shen qingqiu himself. awesome.

he invites mu qingfang in (he can hardly close the door on him, it's late for him too!), and sits through the usual poking and prodding.

the system is prodding, too.

【 would user like some advice on how to maximize point earning? 】

【 ( •̯́ ^ •̯̀) system is only trying to help!! 】

i really don't need your help with this, thanks. i can keep a conversation on my own.

【 optional system booster: not mandatory. user may choose to decline this quest.

option 1: this one appreciates your care. the hardship is... unexpected. (look away shyly). i find it difficult to accept help sometimes, even when i need it.

option 2: i'm in love with you.

option 3: stand up and pretend to faint into his arms 】

shen qingqiu is about to spit blood—what the HELL is this!!! why do all your options make you look bipolar HUH??? and what's this about professing my love to people?!! why is that always an option??! this isn't a dating simulator, stupid system, they'll think i'm crazy!

【 all these options result in an increase of character satisfaction points (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) 】

HOW

【 (ó﹏ò｡) user seems misinformed about character preferences. [mu qingfang] likes to take care of people! 】

... i decline the quest. booster. whatever. i'll figure it out myself. and stop talking about him like he's some one dimensional character!

they hear stumbling coming from the little side room, then the creaking of floorboards. binghe peeks through the door, hair sleep-ruffled and his robes pulled on over his sleeping clothes.

"shizun?" he asks, worried, "what's wrong? why is mu-shishu here?"

【 ⁺‧₊˚bonus scenario!!˚₊‧⁺˖ interactive dialog quest: pick the best suited options to win additional favor points! 】

oh god, not again.

【 option A: (gently) nothing is wrong, binghe. this master is alright. go back to sleep.

option B: (gently) nothing is wrong, binghe. this master is alright. (invite him to sit next to you during the examination)

option C: (gently) nothing is wrong, binghe. this master is alright. mu-shidi is just keeping me company tonight. 】

huh. so you can give meaningful options that i would actually consider picking?

【 ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜ 】

[admin notes: option A will decrease -100 points for luo binghe. option B will increase +20 points for luo binghe. option C will decrease -300 points for luo binghe, and increase +20 points for mu qingfang. option A & C increase luo binghe jealousy levels with 400 points].

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esotericalchemist · 3 months ago

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𝐆𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐤𝐚 - 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐬 ₊˚⊹♡

Masterlist - YouTube (subliminals)

In Vedic astrology, the concept of Gnatikaraka provides insight into the challenges and difficulties a person might face in life. The term "Gnatikaraka" comes from the Sanskrit words "Gnati," meaning foes or adversaries, and "Karaka," meaning indicator. This planet in a person's birth chart is significant because it highlights areas of life where struggles related to conflicts, health issues, or financial challenges may arise. The Gnatikaraka is determined by identifying the planet with the second to last lowest degree in the chart, which points to the specific hurdles one might encounter. Understanding the influence of the Gnatikaraka not only sheds light on the nature of these challenges but also guides individuals in managing them effectively, turning potential setbacks into opportunities for personal growth and development.

𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐎 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐓?

Gnatikaraka is found by looking at the planet with the second to last lowest degree in your birth chart. The planets that can be your Gnatikaraka are: The Sun, Moon, Mars, Mercury, Jupiter, Venus, Saturn, and the point Rahu. Ketu is NOT considered.

Step 1: Convert the birth chart to Vedic/Sidereal.

Step 2: Find the planet with the second to last lowest degree

Now that we have converted the birth chart to the sidereal system, we can identify the planet with the second to last lowest degree. Remember, only the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, and Rahu are involved. In the birth chart above, the planet with the second to last lowest degree is the Moon.

NOW THAT YOU HAVE FOUND YOUR GNATIKARAKA, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE MEANING!

✦ 𝐒𝐮𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐆𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐤𝐚 ✦

Potential issues:

When the Sun is your Gnatikaraka, it introduces specific challenges related to ego, authority, and personal identity. The Sun, as the natural indicator of self-expression, vitality, and leadership, shapes how you interact with others and perceive yourself. With the Sun in this role, you may frequently encounter difficulties in asserting your authority, dealing with power struggles, and navigating issues of self-worth.

One prominent challenge is the potential for conflicts with authority figures, leaders, or father figures. You might often find yourself at odds with those in power, driven by a strong need to assert your identity and gain respect. These conflicts usually stem from deeper issues related to ego and pride, where recognition and control play a significant role in your interactions.

In addition to external challenges, the Sun as your Gnatikaraka can lead to internal struggles with self-worth and identity. You may question your own value or feel compelled to prove yourself in various areas of life. This could result in periods of self-doubt or an exaggerated sense of importance, which can strain relationships and impede personal growth. Furthermore, these challenges may also affect your health, particularly in maintaining your vitality and energy levels, as the Sun governs these aspects of life.

How to navigate:

To turn the challenges of having the Sun as your Gnatikaraka into success, it's crucial to adopt a balanced approach to authority and self-identity. True leadership isn't about dominating others; it's about guiding and inspiring them with humility and fairness. By focusing on developing a self-worth that isn't dependent on external validation, you can overcome the internal conflicts that arise from this placement. Recognizing that your true value comes from within, rather than from how others perceive you, will help you navigate power dynamics more effectively, reducing stress and conflicts.

To manage these challenges effectively, cultivating self-awareness and emotional intelligence is key. This involves being mindful of how your ego influences your actions and decisions, and learning to approach situations with a calm and measured attitude. By embracing these qualities, you can transform the difficulties associated with the Sun as your Gnatikaraka into opportunities for personal growth and effective leadership.

Some tips:

Practice humility in leadership: Focus on guiding others with compassion rather than asserting dominance. True leadership is about empowering those around you.

Build inner confidence: Work on developing a strong sense of self-worth that isn’t reliant on external validation. Regular self-reflection and positive affirmations can help strengthen your inner confidence.

Manage conflicts with authority: Approach disagreements with superiors or authority figures calmly and respectfully. Aim for constructive dialogue rather than confrontational exchanges.

Prioritize self-care: Pay attention to your physical and mental health, ensuring that you maintain your vitality and energy. Regular exercise, proper nutrition, and stress management techniques are crucial.

Embrace self-awareness: Continuously work on understanding how your ego impacts your relationships and decisions. Journaling, meditation, and mindfulness practices can help increase self-awareness.

✦ 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐆𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐤𝐚 ✦

Potential issues:

When the Moon is your Gnatikaraka, it brings forth challenges that are intricately tied to your emotional life, relationships, and sense of security. The Moon, being the natural ruler of the mind, emotions, and nurturing, deeply influences how you process feelings, connect with others, and cope with life's fluctuations. With the Moon in this position, emotional challenges, especially those related to your sense of safety and well-being, become central themes in your life.

A significant challenge you may encounter is emotional instability or heightened sensitivity. You might experience frequent mood swings, making it difficult to maintain a consistent sense of inner peace. This emotional turbulence can impact your relationships, as your shifting moods may lead to misunderstandings or create emotional distance between you and others. Additionally, you might struggle to establish a sense of security, whether in your personal life, home, or relationships.

This placement also emphasizes difficulties in both giving and receiving emotional support. You may find yourself either overextending emotionally or feeling unsupported and unloved by others. These issues often arise from deep-rooted fears or insecurities, making it challenging to fully trust others or to feel secure in your emotional connections. As the Moon as Gnatikaraka makes you particularly vulnerable to stress, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion, it's crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being and self-care.

How to navigate:

To overcome the challenges presented by the Moon as your Gnatikaraka, it's important to focus on developing emotional resilience and stability. Begin by establishing healthy emotional boundaries, which will help you manage your relationships more effectively and protect you from emotional burnout. Learning to self-soothe and meet your emotional needs independently, rather than relying too much on external sources of comfort, is also essential. By cultivating a strong sense of emotional security within yourself, you can better handle the emotional fluctuations that life brings.

Transforming these challenges into strengths involves embracing emotional intelligence. By becoming more aware of your emotional triggers and learning to respond to them in a balanced way, you can turn potential vulnerabilities into sources of strength. Practicing mindfulness and conducting regular emotional check-ins can help you maintain a steady emotional state, enabling you to engage with others in a more grounded and supportive way.

Some tips:

Cultivate emotional awareness: Regularly check in with yourself to understand your emotional state. Journaling and mindfulness practices can help you stay in tune with your feelings and recognize patterns.

Set healthy boundaries: Learn to establish and maintain emotional boundaries with others to protect your emotional well-being. This helps prevent emotional burnout and ensures that you don’t overextend yourself.

Practice self-care: Prioritize activities that nurture your emotional health, such as spending time in nature, engaging in creative hobbies, or practicing relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing.

Strengthen your support network: Surround yourself with people who provide emotional support and understanding. Building a strong, reliable support system can help you feel more secure and less isolated.

Develop emotional resilience: Focus on building resilience by learning to manage stress and adversity in a healthy way. Techniques like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness, or simply talking through your emotions with a trusted friend or therapist can help you navigate emotional challenges more effectively.

✦ 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐬 𝐆𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐤𝐚 ✦

Potential issues:

When Mercury is your Gnatikaraka, it brings challenges centered around communication, intellect, and mental agility. As the planet of communication, reasoning, and analytical thinking, Mercury greatly influences how you process information, interact with others, and handle the intellectual demands of life. With Mercury in this position, you may find that life's challenges often arise from misunderstandings, miscommunications, or mental stress.

A key issue you might encounter with Mercury as your Gnatikaraka is difficulty in communication. This could manifest as frequent misunderstandings with others, trouble articulating your thoughts clearly, or feeling that people often misinterpret what you say. These communication hurdles can create conflicts in both personal and professional relationships and may impede your ability to convey ideas effectively. Additionally, there may be times when your mind feels scattered or overwhelmed, making it difficult to focus or make decisions.

This placement also suggests a tendency toward mental stress and overthinking. You might find yourself worrying excessively, getting stuck in analysis paralysis, or feeling overwhelmed by details. These tendencies can lead to anxiety, restlessness, and a struggle to find mental peace. The constant mental activity associated with Mercury can make it difficult to relax, leaving you feeling mentally drained or fatigued.

How to navigate:

To overcome the challenges posed by Mercury as your Gnatikaraka, it's vital to focus on developing clear and effective communication skills. Start by articulating your thoughts and ideas in a way that others can easily understand. This can be achieved by practicing active listening, being mindful of your tone and word choice, and ensuring that your communication style fits the context of your interactions. By honing these skills, you can minimize misunderstandings and foster stronger, more harmonious relationships.

Another key to turning these challenges into success is managing your mental energy and reducing stress. Techniques such as meditation, mindfulness, or engaging in activities that help you unwind and clear your mind can be incredibly beneficial. It's also important to strike a balance between intellectual pursuits and relaxation to prevent mental burnout. By developing a more focused and organized approach to thinking and decision-making, you can handle life's challenges with greater ease and maintain a healthier mental state.

Some tips:

Improve communication skills: Practice clear and effective communication by being concise, listening actively, and ensuring your message is understood. Consider journaling or practicing speeches to enhance your verbal and written communication.

Manage mental stress: Incorporate relaxation techniques like meditation, deep breathing, or yoga into your daily routine to help calm your mind and reduce mental fatigue.

Organize your thoughts: Use tools like lists, planners, or mind maps to organize your thoughts and tasks. This helps reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed and improves your ability to focus.

Balance intellectual activities with relaxation: Make time for hobbies or activities that allow your mind to unwind, such as reading for pleasure, playing games, or spending time in nature.

Engage in continuous learning: Keep your mind stimulated in a positive way by learning new skills or pursuing interests that challenge your intellect without overwhelming you. This can help channel your mental energy constructively.

✦ 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐆𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐤𝐚 ✦

Potential issues:

When Venus is your Gnatikaraka, it brings challenges related to relationships, love, pleasure, and values. Venus, as the planet of love, beauty, harmony, and material comforts, influences how you experience affection, connect with others, and define what is valuable in life. With Venus in this role, the obstacles you face often revolve around these themes, particularly in relationships and material desires.

A significant challenge you might encounter with Venus as your Gnatikaraka is difficulties in maintaining healthy and harmonious relationships. Conflicts in love and partnerships may arise due to misunderstandings, unmet expectations, or issues of dependency. This placement can make it hard to achieve balance in your relationships, leading to emotional turbulence or dissatisfaction. Additionally, you might struggle with self-worth, either undervaluing yourself or overly relying on external validation for a sense of worth in your relationships.

Another area where challenges may surface is in your pursuit of pleasure and material satisfaction. With Venus as your Gnatikaraka, finding a balance between enjoying life's pleasures and maintaining responsibility and moderation can be difficult. You might have tendencies toward overindulgence in luxuries, leading to financial instability or a sense of dissatisfaction when material desires aren't fulfilled. Furthermore, there may be a tendency to focus too much on superficial aspects like appearances, which can create a disconnect from deeper, more meaningful experiences.

How to navigate:

To overcome the challenges posed by Venus as your Gnatikaraka, it's crucial to cultivate a balanced approach to relationships and pleasures. Start by fostering self-love and self-worth that are independent of others' approval. When you recognize your own value and cultivate inner contentment, you can approach relationships from a place of confidence and security, which helps to reduce conflicts and dissatisfaction. In your interactions with others, focus on open communication, empathy, and understanding to build stronger, more harmonious connections.

When it comes to material pleasures and desires, finding a balance between enjoying life's luxuries and maintaining moderation and responsibility is key. This might involve reassessing what truly brings you joy and fulfillment, and distinguishing between temporary pleasures and lasting satisfaction. By focusing on what genuinely enriches your life, you can avoid the pitfalls of overindulgence and discover more sustainable ways to appreciate the beauty and pleasures that life offers.

Some tips:

Cultivate self-love: Focus on building your self-esteem and self-worth independently of others. Engage in practices like affirmations, self-care routines, and activities that make you feel valued and appreciated.

Improve relationship dynamics: Work on enhancing your relationships by practicing open communication, empathy, and active listening. Strive for balance in giving and receiving love and affection.

Practice moderation in pleasures: Enjoy life’s pleasures in moderation, being mindful of overindulgence. Set financial and personal boundaries to ensure that your pursuit of pleasure does not lead to negative consequences.

Prioritize meaningful connections: Focus on developing deeper, more meaningful relationships rather than superficial ones. Invest time and energy in relationships that bring true fulfillment rather than just temporary satisfaction.

Align values with actions: Reassess your values and ensure that your actions align with what truly matters to you. This alignment will help you find more lasting contentment and reduce the risk of dissatisfaction.

✦ 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐆𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐤𝐚 ✦

Potential issues:

When Mars is your Gnatikaraka, it brings challenges related to aggression, conflict, drive, and the way you assert yourself. Mars, the planet of energy, action, and determination, influences how you pursue your goals, handle conflicts, and express your desires. With Mars in this role, your obstacles often center around managing anger, dealing with aggression, and navigating power struggles, both within yourself and in your interactions with others.

One of the main challenges with Mars as your Gnatikaraka is handling conflict and aggression. This can show up as a tendency toward anger, impatience, or a confrontational attitude, leading to frequent disagreements or disputes. These conflicts can arise in personal relationships, professional environments, or even within yourself as you struggle to balance your intense drive with the need for cooperation and harmony. Mars in this position can also make it difficult to control impulsive behavior, leading to rash decisions or actions that can create additional challenges.

Another significant challenge associated with Mars as Gnatikaraka is the struggle to channel your energy and assertiveness positively and constructively. You might find yourself dealing with issues of control, either by feeling the need to dominate situations or by feeling threatened when others try to assert their will over you. This can lead to power struggles and competition, draining your energy and creating unnecessary obstacles in achieving your goals. Additionally, there may be challenges related to physical vitality, such as stress or burnout, especially if you push yourself too hard without adequate rest or balance.

How to navigate:

To overcome the challenges posed by Mars as your Gnatikaraka, it's crucial to channel your energy and assertiveness in a constructive way. Developing patience and managing your temper can help you avoid conflicts and build more harmonious relationships. Practicing self-discipline is also important, ensuring that your actions align with your long-term goals rather than being driven by impulsive desires. By focusing on controlled and deliberate actions, you can harness Mars' energy to drive success rather than create obstacles.

Transforming these challenges into strengths also involves finding healthy outlets for your physical and emotional energy. Regular physical activity, such as exercise or sports, can help you manage stress and maintain balance. Additionally, finding constructive ways to assert yourself, like taking on leadership roles or positively taking initiative, can help you turn Mars' energy into a powerful force for achievement.

Some tips:

Practice anger management: Learn techniques to control your temper, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or stepping away from situations that trigger anger. This will help you avoid conflicts and maintain better relationships.

Channel energy constructively: Engage in regular physical activity to burn off excess energy and reduce stress. This can include activities like running, martial arts, or even yoga to balance your physical and mental energies.

Cultivate patience: Work on developing patience, especially in situations where you feel frustrated or eager to act impulsively. Practice waiting before reacting, which can lead to more thoughtful and effective decisions.

Focus on long-term goals: Align your actions with your long-term goals rather than short-term desires. This helps you use Mars’ drive and determination to achieve lasting success without creating unnecessary conflicts.

Develop self-discipline: Practice self-control in both your actions and emotions. Setting personal boundaries and sticking to routines can help you manage your assertiveness in a way that is productive and beneficial

✦ 𝐉𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐬 𝐆𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐤𝐚 ✦

Potential issues:

When Jupiter is your Gnatikaraka, the challenges you face often involve your beliefs, wisdom, expansion, and moral values. Jupiter, the planet of growth, knowledge, and spirituality, influences your worldview, approach to learning, and sense of optimism. With Jupiter in this role, obstacles may arise in areas related to your philosophy of life, pursuit of higher knowledge, and handling of moral and ethical issues.

A key challenge with Jupiter as your Gnatikaraka is potential conflicts over beliefs and principles. You might struggle with being overly rigid or dogmatic in your views, leading to disagreements with others who see things differently. This can create tension in both personal and professional relationships where differing values or ideologies clash. Additionally, you may face internal conflicts when life challenges your beliefs, causing periods of doubt or uncertainty about your direction and purpose.

Another challenge associated with Jupiter as Gnatikaraka relates to excess and overindulgence. As the planet of expansion, Jupiter can make it difficult to maintain balance, whether in material wealth, food, or other pleasures. You might struggle with overconfidence, taking on too much, or not recognizing your limits, which can lead to financial issues, health problems, or setbacks in personal growth. Additionally, missed opportunities or failure to realize your full potential can occur, often due to a lack of focus or discipline.

How to navigate:

To overcome the challenges posed by Jupiter as your Gnatikaraka, it's essential to cultivate balance and moderation in your life. Begin by practicing humility and openness in your beliefs, allowing yourself to grow and learn from others rather than holding too tightly to your own perspectives. By being receptive to new ideas and experiences, you can broaden your understanding and reduce conflicts stemming from ideological rigidity. In your pursuit of knowledge and wisdom, focus on applying what you learn in practical ways that benefit both yourself and others.

Another key to turning these challenges into success is developing self-discipline and mindfulness, especially in areas where you tend toward excess. Setting clear goals and maintaining a balanced approach to growth and expansion will enable you to harness Jupiter’s positive energy without falling into the traps of overconfidence or overindulgence. Additionally, emphasizing ethical behavior and upholding a strong moral compass will help you navigate challenges with integrity, ensuring that your actions align with your higher values.

Some tips:

Cultivate humility: Stay open to learning from others and avoid becoming too rigid in your beliefs. Embrace the idea that wisdom comes from diverse experiences and perspectives.

Practice moderation: Be mindful of excess in all areas of life, whether it's material wealth, food, or pleasure. Set limits for yourself to maintain balance and avoid potential pitfalls.

Set realistic goals: Focus on achievable, practical goals rather than overextending yourself. Break down your larger aspirations into manageable steps to ensure steady progress without burnout.

Apply knowledge practically: Use the wisdom and knowledge you gain in a way that benefits both yourself and others. Seek to make a positive impact through your learning and experiences.

Maintain a strong ethical foundation: Ensure that your actions align with your moral values and principles. Regularly reflect on your behavior to stay true to your ethical beliefs, even in challenging situations.

✦ 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐆𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐤𝐚 ✦

Potential issues:

When Saturn is your Gnatikaraka in Vedic astrology, the challenges you face often involve discipline, responsibility, structure, and enduring hardships. Saturn, as the planet of karma, time, and limitations, emphasizes patience, hard work, and navigating life's trials. With Saturn in this role, you may find that your obstacles revolve around managing limitations, overcoming fears, and dealing with heavy responsibilities.

One of the main challenges with Saturn as your Gnatikaraka is coping with feelings of restriction or limitation. You may often feel weighed down by responsibilities, whether in your personal life, career, or relationships. This can lead to a sense of being held back or delayed in reaching your goals, causing frustration or a lack of confidence. Saturn’s influence can also bring a deep sense of fear or anxiety, particularly related to failure, aging, or not meeting expectations. These fears might result in procrastination or an overly cautious approach to life, where the fear of making mistakes prevents you from taking necessary risks.

Another significant challenge with Saturn as your Gnatikaraka is the struggle with discipline and perseverance. Saturn demands consistent hard work and dedication, often without immediate rewards. This can make you feel like you’re constantly putting in effort without seeing results, which can be discouraging. You might also become overly serious, pessimistic, or burdened by your responsibilities, leading to feelings of isolation or loneliness. Additionally, health issues related to stress, bones, or joints may arise if the pressures Saturn brings are not managed effectively.

How to navigate:

To overcome the challenges posed by Saturn as your Gnatikaraka, it's crucial to embrace patience, persistence, and responsibility. Recognize that Saturn’s influence demands hard work and that success will come through consistent effort over time. By developing a strong work ethic and focusing on long-term goals, you can gradually overcome the obstacles Saturn presents. It's helpful to view these challenges as opportunities for growth, understanding that Saturn’s difficulties are meant to strengthen your character and resilience.

Turning these challenges into success also requires balancing responsibility with self-care and finding ways to lighten your load. While Saturn emphasizes seriousness and discipline, it’s important not to become overwhelmed by your duties. Practice self-compassion and ensure you take time to rest and recharge. Building a support network can help ease feelings of isolation and provide encouragement when the weight of responsibilities becomes too heavy. By maintaining a balanced perspective, you can transform Saturn’s challenges into opportunities for personal growth and achievement.

Some tips:

Develop a strong work ethic: Embrace hard work and discipline, knowing that perseverance will lead to long-term success. Focus on steady, consistent progress rather than expecting immediate results.

Practice patience: Understand that Saturn requires time, and success may come slowly. Cultivate patience and trust in the process, recognizing that growth often occurs through overcoming challenges.

Balance responsibility with self-care: Avoid becoming overwhelmed by your duties. Make time for relaxation, hobbies, and self-care to prevent burnout and maintain your well-being.

Face your fears: Confront the fears and anxieties that Saturn may bring. Whether it’s fear of failure, aging, or limitations, addressing these fears directly can help you overcome them and build resilience.

Build a support network: Surround yourself with people who can offer support, guidance, and encouragement. Having a strong support system can help you navigate Saturn’s challenges more effectively and reduce feelings of isolation.

✦ 𝐑𝐚𝐡𝐮 𝐚𝐬 𝐆𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐤𝐚 ✦

Potential issues:

When Rahu becomes your Gnatikaraka in Vedic astrology, it introduces challenges related to desire, illusion, confusion, and unconventional behavior. Rahu, the North Node of the Moon, is a shadow planet symbolizing an insatiable thirst for material experiences and worldly ambitions. With Rahu in this role, you may find that your obstacles revolve around navigating illusions, managing obsessions, and dealing with unorthodox desires.

One of the main challenges with Rahu as your Gnatikaraka is the tendency toward confusion and illusion. Rahu often creates a "smoke-and-mirrors" effect, where things may not be as they appear. This can lead to a lack of clarity in your life's direction, difficulty in making sound decisions, or being misled by appearances and false promises. Rahu's influence can also cause intense obsessions with certain goals, desires, or people, driven by a strong but often irrational urge to achieve or possess something. These obsessions can lead you down paths that ultimately prove unfulfilling or even destructive, as Rahu's desires are often insatiable and elusive.

Another significant challenge associated with Rahu as Gnatikaraka is navigating unconventional or taboo areas of life. Rahu often pushes individuals to explore the unusual, the forbidden, or the unconventional, which can lead to unique opportunities but also to social alienation, scandal, or conflicts with societal norms. Pursuing these unconventional paths may cause struggles with identity, acceptance, or integration within your community or social circles. Additionally, Rahu's influence can create a sense of restlessness or dissatisfaction, where no matter what you achieve, it never feels like enough.

How to navigate:

To overcome the challenges posed by Rahu as your Gnatikaraka, it's essential to develop discernment and self-awareness. By learning to see through illusions and understanding the true nature of your desires, you can make wiser, more informed decisions. It's important to recognize when your obsessions or ambitions are leading you off course and to cultivate the ability to step back and evaluate your actions with a broader perspective. Practicing mindfulness and staying grounded in reality will help you navigate Rahu's challenges more effectively.

Turning these challenges into success also involves embracing Rahu's unconventional energy in a balanced way. While Rahu encourages exploration of new and uncharted territories, it's crucial to do so with caution and integrity. Channel Rahu's drive for innovation and discovery into positive, constructive endeavors that align with your long-term well-being and ethical values. By managing Rahu's intense energy wisely, you can transform its challenges into opportunities for growth and achievement.

Some tips:

Cultivate discernment: Practice mindfulness and critical thinking to see through illusions and avoid being misled by false promises or appearances. Regularly assess your goals and desires to ensure they are realistic and aligned with your values.

Manage obsessions: Recognize when you are becoming overly fixated on a goal or desire, and take steps to regain balance. This might involve setting limits, seeking advice, or shifting your focus to other areas of life.

Embrace unconventionality wisely: While exploring new or unconventional paths, do so with caution and integrity. Ensure that your actions are ethical and that you are prepared for the potential consequences of stepping outside societal norms.

Ground yourself: Practice activities that help you stay grounded and connected to reality, such as meditation, spending time in nature, or engaging in practical tasks. This will help you navigate Rahu’s restless energy more effectively.

Seek guidance and support: Surround yourself with trusted advisors, mentors, or friends who can provide perspective and support. Having a strong support network can help you stay anchored and make better decisions when dealing with Rahu’s challenges.

Masterlist

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ams-puppy · 2 months ago

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okay pause because this EXACT thing happened to us. the order went like this: f/o —> creates oc for f/o —> f/o becomes a fictive —> oc becomes a fictive (that's meeee!)

at the time, our host was a minor, and their f/o was ... not a minor. so while they had a fat crush on the fictional guy, they just developed a familial relationship with our fictive!! score!! but it did take a while because, at first, she was scared shitless when he arrived. she was a third option. she was not "why are you here" or "let's cuddle," she was "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!"

as for me, that fictive and i maybe chatted on occasion, but we just never took interest in each other. isn't that so weird??! how does that even work!!??

anyway I will stop my rambling. I was excited to answer this niche post 🔥🔥‼️‼️🗣🗣

Okay okay real quick - People who are also systems/in a system, When your F/O becomes a part of your system/headmates/fictives/alters whichever term you prefer, how do you view that? Like do you view it as "oh no what happened to cause someone else to move in" or do you view it more as "Score now we can spend time together in headspace"?

I wanna see how others view this. I definitely go "Oh jeez what- Why are you here?" And then quickly pivot to "Omg you're here hi um hello, Please lets cuddle on the couch"

#thank you friend for sending me this post ♡♡♡♡#you're the best i ♡ you sm #osdd #osdd system #f/o community #selfship #it is so niche but i hear you. and i understand #osdd-related posting! ♡

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mindfulstudyquest · 7 months ago

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❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝗯𝗲 𝘀𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿 ( 𝗮𝗰𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 !! )

𝟭. improve your writing skills ( ✒️ )

i feel that not everyone has the perception of how important it is to know how to write. you don't have to be a poet, nor the new emily brontë, but fluid, conscious, rich writing makes the difference. really. you could write a page without saying anything at all, but if that damn page is written good and smoothly, then you can be sure that you will get extra points. take the time to improve your writing skills, the best advice i have for doing so is reading. read as much as you can. read novels (non-fiction in this case doesn't help because the content is preferred rather than the form), read contemporary authors – you don't necessarily have to read sophocles' tragedies, but read quality stuff. expand your vocabulary, your knowledge of syntax, learn to use punctuation! and then write, tell stories, write love letters, write reviews of films, books, cultural festivals, open a blog on tumblr and write to practice, reread what you write ad nauseam, until it is perfect, until the form of your essay is pulitzer prize worthy.

bonus some of my favourite authors (tell me in the comments about yours!): ian mcewan, banana yoshimoto, haruki murakami, george orwell, josé saramago, albert camus, khaled hosseini, hanya yanagihara

𝟮. develop critical thinking ( 💭 )

if you have always studied passively by absorbing information and vomiting it onto a test sheet then you have wasted your time. taking on information is not enough, you need to know how to rework it and develop your own idea about it. especially in the arts and literature one may disagree with certain information provided by a textbook. developing critical thinking is not easy, especially due to the school system that teaches us to standardize thinking. always consult all available sources on a given topic, compare them, analyze contradictions. it might be difficult and tiring – our brain spends more energy processing two conflicting pieces of information than processing two pieces of information that agree – but it will be worth it. by practicing critical thinking and improving your argumentation skills, you will not only be able to improve in your studies, becoming able to present complex topics and make interdisciplinary connections, but also in daily life, you will become much less influenced and manipulated by external information.

𝟯. find yourself an interest ( 🌷 )

it could be anything, but find an interest that excites you and you enjoy and do research about it. watch videos, documentaries, read articles. it doesn't have to be school-related, it must be an external topic that you are passionate about and that allows you to rediscover the joy of studying and learning every time school seems to suffocate it. sometimes i'm not in the mood to study for exams, so i dedicate myself to my personal research and finally find my spark, my seek for knowledge. for example, my interest is true crime, it has always fascinated me since i was little, but yours could be wild animals, makeup, comics, ships, planes, ocean flora, literally anything. there is no constraint.

𝟰. analyze your mistakes and recognize your wrongs ( 🫒 )

there is no shame in making mistakes. everyone makes mistakes, we are human, but the real sin is getting bogged down in mistakes, refusing to acknowledge them, and continuing to make them again and again. we should be continually growing, continually discovering ourselves, both intellectually and emotionally. how many of you were the "gifted kid" when you were little and then grew up into burned out high school / uni students desperately seeking academic validation? there comes a time when talent isn't enough, you have to put in the effort, and this doesn't make you less intelligent or gifted, in fact, quite the opposite. dedicating time and attention to your personal and intellectual growth also means having to ruminate on your mistakes. it's scary, but it's the most effective way if you really want to improve. take a notebook and at the end of the day reflect on the highlights and the wrongs, what you could have done better, where you would like to push forward tomorrow, what you achieved today. did you make a mistake? first ask yourself why and then look for a way to solve the problem, make every bad moment a lesson, a brick on which to build the version of you you wanto to become tomorrow.

𝟱. don't be afraid of doing researches ( 🧃 )

the amount of fake news and misinformation online is appalling. opening any app like tiktok or instagram we are inundated with information that is often (not always, but not so rarely) inaccurate. don't be afraid to conduct your own research, if you have time to mindlessly scroll through tiktok you will also have five minutes to read an article regarding that information provided. don't know the meaning of a word? look it up before using it. not sure about a piece of information? check it before using it in your argumentation. in the age of immediate access to data we have no excuse to be superficial.

𝟲. master communication ( ♟️ )

mastering communication is essential in both personal and professional realms. it's the cornerstone of building meaningful relationships, whether it's conveying ideas effectively in academia or fostering connections in the workplace. developing strong communication skills not only enhances your ability to articulate thoughts but also empowers you to listen actively, empathize with others, and resolve conflicts constructively. ultimately, honing these skills cultivates confidence, credibility, and success in all aspects of life.

𝟳. push yourself out of your comfort zone ( 🧸 )

build your confidence. confidence is uncomfortable. don't be afraid of it. you are young, this is the right time to experiment, take risks, discover who you really are. this is the best time for you to do those things that you would otherwise never do, you don't want to regret later in life that you didn't accept that scholarship, that trip abroad, that job opportunity, because you didn't feel comfortable enough. do things that take you out of your comfort zone until everything becomes your comfort zone. go on solo dates, be a social butterfly, tell the girl at the bookstore you love her t-shirt, go to the theater alone, eat at a restaurant alone, take that trip. if it goes badly, you'll only have one funny story to tell.

𝟴. stay informed about the news (but not too much!) ( 🌍 )

this might be controversial, but: stay informed about the news, just don't overdo it. personally, i am an easily influenced person and i realized that being constantly exposed to the bad things happening in the world had drained me and made me terribly depressed. don't get me wrong, you need to be informed about what's happening in the world and in your country, just being constantly surrounded by horrible news repeated ad nauseam on TV programs is of no use. be aware.

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catiuskaa · 22 days ago

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SAUVAGE.

jupiter, you’re hard (to get).

sum. jupiter may not smell like woody ambery trails or smoky accents, and he may seem like just a really big planet who’s really far away, but juno will always find him.

wc. 3.2k

cw. spacecrafts, stars, and planets, roman mythology, kudos to sabrina carpenter’s juno, producer!reader x idol!han, friends2lovers, a beer (if i must content warn you, i will) smut! car! heavy on kisses with a side of unprotected piv sex (don’t!) switch!jisung x switch!reader (undefined tbh)

scent. (♡) the perfume saga.

[🔺☆ 🚀 ☆🔺]

Jupiter is the fifth planet from the Sun and the largest in the Solar System.

It is a gas giant with a mass more than two times that of all the other planets in the Solar System combined, and slightly less than one-thousandth the mass of the Sun. Its diameter is eleven times that of Earth, and a tenth that of the Sun. Its name derives from that of Jupiter, the chief deity of ancient Roman religion. Jupiter orbits the Sun at a distance of 5.20 AU (778.5 Gm), with an orbital period of 11.86 years.

However, Han Jisung isn’t quite as big or gaseous. He likes to believe he isn’t made up of metallic hydrogen, but rather stardust, he had said once —and you remembered, of course, because how couldn’t you—. He isn’t the oldest planet in the Solar System. He doesn’t run hotter than the Sun. He doesn’t have many many moons (95!) that spend ages to rotate around him.

Well. Not moons, anyways.

Juno is a NASA space probe orbiting the planet Jupiter.

It was built by Lockheed Martin and is operated by NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. Juno entered a polar orbit of Jupiter in 2016 to begin a scientific investigation of the planet. After completing its mission, Juno was originally planned to be intentionally deorbited into Jupiter's atmosphere, but has since been approved to continue orbiting until contact is lost with the spacecraft.

Thing is. You’re not a spacecraft either. You weren’t built by whoever Lockheed Martin is. You can’t orbit around planets. And most definitely, you don’t keep in contact with NASA. Nevertheless, a part of you can’t help but relate, because, somehow, even after your mission was ultimately done, you couldn’t stop orbiting around Jupiter.

Well. Not Jupiter, anyways.

you: let’s do some cardio next day

jisungie🎀💫: cardio, you say? 😏

jisungie🎀💫: not even a coffee before taking me to your place? 🤨📸

Jupiter couldn’t even reach to make you feel the giddiness that Han somehow could trigger and make it overcome you. You kicked your feet, but when you entered and found your reflection in the elevator mirror, you clicked your tongue.

“Don’t be such a schoolgirl”, you mumbled to yourself, pressing the button, and heading up back home.

you: tsk tsk, you’re always thinking about food

And you’re always thinking about him, a mean voice in your head snapped back at you. You cursed, damning your own mind for betraying you. But, to spare you, it wasn’t that serious, you thought. You two interacted just the right amount.

He was an idol, for god’s sake. You weren’t catching feelings. That would be dumb on your side, the least.

So of course, when your phone chimes in the specific ringtone that, of course, you hadn’t set just for his contact, of course, you didn’t almost drop your purse when you read what he replied.

jisungie🎀💫: as if, silly

jisungie🎀💫: i ain’t eating no one for free

The text made you dizzy, so you forced yourself to back off from replying the first thing that came to mind.

Hungry? Eat me.

“Think straight for once,” you cursed out loud, passing your hands through your hair. Closing the door to your apartment and knocking your shoes off while your mind went off to other, far more interesting places and memories.

You clearly remembered the moment you met quirky, loveable Han Jisung. How inevitable it had been to just start orbiting around him with the excuse of your mission— producing one of his solos for an upcoming skz-record.

Headphones. It had been such a silly first encounter, yet so fitting for you two that you couldn’t help but cherish it dearly.

Lost in thought, you hadn’t been paying attention to where you were headed. Neither had he, and, which had ended with a little crash against each other. A meteor, not quite as devastating as so to kill a couple dinosaurs, but to leave a crater in your heart and create a small moon out of the pieces that scattered away shyly.

“Sorry!” You bowed your head, then stared at him.

“Hi,” he had said in a sheepish tone, hints of panting that you attributed to how he must’ve run back in hopes of catching you. “Guess you like wave to Earth too?”

And while he giggled, you told yourself you weren’t going to fall, but both Jupiter and Juno knew.

They had said the same thing about Rome.

jisungie🎀💫: entering jyp

you: at 21:43? jeez

jisungie🎀💫: what? i ain’t afraid of success bbg 💪

jisungie🎀💫: come over if you want

What would happen with any other person was that they’d smile and turn off their phone.

Well. Not Juno.

Not you, no.

[🔺☆ 🚀 ☆🔺]

The studio smelled like bubble tea, and that’s how you knew he was still there.

“Oh, hey! I wasn’t sure if you were coming in.” Han smiled.

Sleepiness oozed off of him, and you grinned, cleaning the table from leftover crumbles as you set your bag down. Your heart twirled imaginary hairs when Jisung’s hands —hands with several rings, something that could sometimes be a lot to manage— left the keyboard and settled on his thighs, softly stroking them as he turned the chair to face you.

“Yeah. Wanted to work on a demo I owe to the girls,” you mentioned, taking your jacket and your mask off.

“Actually,” he started, and your hands tingled with the feeling that you’d help him in whatever he needed. Damnit, hands. Damn you, heart. “Could you help me with this demo? Jeonginnie asked me to go over it.”

You sipped from your own drink, as if to fake giving it a bit of a thought. You were going to say yes, of course. But instead, you scratched your arm, frowning lightly.

“Innie asked you?”

“It’s for his solo stage.” He clarified, turning back to face the computer. “We all have them for our tour.”

The way he entered the recording booth seemed distant, and a part of you couldn’t help but wonder why as you fidgeted with your necklace and settled everything on the desk comfortably. Ji turned the light off, something slightly weird. He never did that with you, after all these years, and considering you two were the only ones there, you asked.

“Is it a high register?” You wondered, pressing the button on your left so he could hear you in his headphones. You blinked when you saw his figure slightly jolt in something like surprise.

“Uh, no. It’s just the… style of the song,” he giggled, putting his beanie on and tucking in the hairs that fell over his eyes.

Oh. That’s the one you gifted him.

“Sure. Mind if I give it a listen first?”

“Go ahead,” he replied without looking at you through the window.

Helping him came off naturally. The track for the girls was an excuse, one you had already forgotten. And as he started singing, you weren’t sure you’d remember any time soon.

“T-those are some bold lyrics, huh?”

Hallucination.

Jisung covered his eyes with his beanie, giggling.

“It’s Innie’s fault. He gets it from Chan.”

“What’s Chan’s solo about?” You asked with a laugh.

You didn’t expect Jisung to stare at you and swallow dry.

“He says it’s about trains.” He shrugged, as if he had remembered suddenly that he was supposed to answer your question.

When you both were done, it was late. Really late. He insisted you two grabbed a beer in the convenience store nearby, but you took a juice, claiming you had to drive.

“I’ll uh, I’ll get the bus, seriously,” he raised his hands as you both exited the store, beer in hand.

“Ji,” you deadpanned, finishing your juice. Thank God you liked him, because sometimes you wanted to hit him. Softly. With a pillow. “Shut up. I’m taking you.”

[🔺☆ 🚀 ☆🔺]

“How come I didn’t remember you have a driver's license?” Han smiles sheepishly.

The drive to his apartment is silent, as if you two were submerged in a no-conversation. No words, no nothing, just the sound of the tires against the asphalt and the yellow lights from the streetlights that lightened your way.

It’s late enough that there are little to no cars on the driveway. But weirdly, Jisung sips from his beer and sighs.

“Actually, could to take a left here?” He says softly, his voice surprisingly low.

“That’s not the way to your apartment, is it?” You ask, as softly as him, turning anyways.

“Nah, it’s this place I found and I wanted to show you.”

Alcohol doesn’t get easy to him —not from a beer, at least—, but he’s smiling like silly, and you can’t help but smile too.

You park where he tells you, and surely enough, there’s no one there. It’s a secluded, empty area, far from the center and high enough so that the city can be seen clearly.

“Think I left my jacket here last time I came.” He snickers, and you can’t help but chuckle. His hand travels to your knee and he squeezes it gently. “I’ll come back in just a second.”

One blink. Two blinks.

Hot fucking damn.

Your head falls against the steering wheel as soon as he closes the door.

Get your shit together.

Looking up, the car tells you it’s way past midnight. Your head tells you you’re crazy, your heart giggles at the fact, guilty as charged. Sighing, you raise your face enough to look at the stars. Only to find Jisung’s silhouette, now with a dark jacket on, waving at you as he stands in front of the car.

You’re blushing, but you wave haphazardly, smiling, and still frown when instead of getting back to his seat, Jisung goes and opens your door instead.

“Hey,” he giggles, and your grin matches with his.

“What are you doing?”

Jupiter can sometimes be seen from Earth, when the Sun’s light hits it just right and the night is dark. Still, its shimmer doesn’t compare to that of Jisung’s eyes when he rests his forearms on the car’s roof and bends down to your height. You haven’t moved, your own eyes fixated on how he licks his lips.

“I think I’m being stupid,” he chuckles. You’re a goner, not even noticing how his hand slides in for a moment and turns the headlights off, leaving you two only illuminated by the shy light in the car that indicates that the door is open and by the moonlight, who cheekily shines at the both of you.

Instead, you blink. Normally you just get him, just as he gets you, but you’re almost as lost as how you feel when you stare into his dark brown eyes.

“Stupid?” You smile lightly. “Why?”

At your tender tone, Jisung lets his head fall down, shyness getting the best of him. And yet the little alcohol he’s had boosts him back.

“I, uh, had a dream. Been having these dreams for like, a bit over a month,” he swallows dry, much like he did at the studio, and his eyes suddenly feel darker than before, maybe because his gaze stops avoiding yours for longer than a minute.

A meteor shower threatens to fall over your heart.

“You were there. And I was there, too.”

For someone who composes and uses words for a living, he was struggling a lot to piece together what he wanted to say.

“This… there was… this… feeling, like, inside of me. Here.”

Not only does he not use his hand, but he takes yours from the steering wheel and settles it over his chest. His heart.

You’re frozen. Completely out of it. Is it possible that maybe you fell asleep in the studio and that none of this is real? Could that be it, you wonder, until Jisung groans and leans his forehead against the roof of the car with a thud.

“I’m being an idiot, am I?” He snickers, with an undertone that lingers in something that resembles resignation. “I just- I saw you the other day, and I was… you were with Hyunjin, and I…” he clenches his fist, and he tries to back off, rubbing his face and passing them through his hair.

“No, Ji, wait.”

He chuckles breathlessly. “I made it awkward, right?”

“Ji.”

Your hand pulls him back closer by the zipper of his jacket, and only the crunchy-like sound of the gravel beneath him as he walks echoes through the night and follows how you move your hands toward his wrists. Towards his own hands, stopping him from picking on his nails further.

“Tell me, Ji,” you mumble. “What were you saying?”

His voice threatens to tremble before he speaks. His eyes don’t move from yours, and you think you’re completely out of your mind, just as much as he thinks of himself too.

“I keep having these dreams where I see you and the ache of wanting you swells up in me, like I’m on a raft that’s sinking and I just can’t even escape thinking about you when I sleep because I-”

He’s rambling, but with a sudden move from your side, he’s not anymore.

The cold of November doesn’t hit you when you stand up bluntly and you link your arms behind his neck and kiss him like you have been wanting to do for years.

His lips crash against yours like the sea crashes against the sharp rocks against the shore, even if the coast is much further away than you think, but you don’t mind, because you can’t think.

You’re kissing him. Finally.

You’re kissing Han Jisung.

And then, just a beat after what you’ve done —what you’re doing— sinks in, he reacts. His hands travel underneath your jacket and in the blink of an eye, he’s letting you push him against the car. No words, no nothing, only the scent of his cologne that suddenly fills you.

You tremble beneath him, and he pants.

He’s not blinking, his eyes glued to you. He can’t think either.

You should say something. What should you say? ‘Me too’? That’s lame. How come your brain can’t work when you most need it?

As if to answer your question, Han kisses you this time. Of course you can’t think, not when his hands travel underneath your clothes and he twists you in a way that somehow it’s your back against the car now. He’s not breathing, and neither are you, because you’re not kissing anymore, not when your lips can feel the teasing dent of his teeth nibbling on them and when the only thing you can taste is his tongue.

You’re not against the car anymore, because he closes the driver’s door with a kick and he opens the one to the backseats while he keeps kissing you.

Crazy. You’ve gotta be, because dreaming something as wild as this and for it to feel real, as real as it gets, as real as it could ever be, it has to mean you’re crazy. And you’d die on that hill if it means you get to keep dreaming how Jisung takes his newly-found jacket off and throws it to the front seat, in the same foreign path as where he throws his shirt, or how you two barely fit in the car and so he settles his knee between your legs to help you move back enough so that he can close the door.

And now you’re there. Alone together.

He gasps against your neck, as if he remembered that he had to keep breathing to live, and you don’t lose your opportunity, taking your sweater off and throwing it towards the trunk.

You lean your head back, the car feeling heavy with only the sounds of both him and you panting.

“I… fuck, I need you to tell me you want this.” Han swallows dry. “I need you to say it. Please. I want this too much.”

A meteor shower? Scratch that. This is a meteor storm.

“I think this is a dream, but still, I want you. Please.”

No words, no nothing, just the sound of the leather against your sweaty skin when you sit up straight and kiss Jisung like you mean it. It’s all nasty, teeth and tongue and a string of saliva that lingers when you break the kiss to fumble with his zipper.

“What if it is a dream,” you gasp, out of breath, out of control, completely and irrevocably out of it as your eyes stare at his. “I want you. Even if I wake up right now.”

Your shirt is discarded as fast —if not faster— than the rest of your clothes before.

“So if it is a dream, let’s keep going until we wake up.” You swallow dry too. “Until the stars can’t be seen.”

The kiss is like a heroin kick, although it is one that seems familiar. Or maybe it’s that your lips have become used to kissing his, considering that breathing has become a second priority with how raw is the need to consume him. A wave of pleasure takes claim inside of you with each caress of his tongue, with every touch of his fingers on your back, with every eager breath next to your jaw. He pulls you closer and moans with his mouth buried in your skin unfinished phrases that drive you crazy little by little —more than you already were.

“It may end right away,” Jisung says in a hoarse voice, clinging to one of the headrests that are closest to him. “But I’ll make it up to you. With my mouth. Or with my fingers. Or both. Yes, fuck...”

It’s a mix of quick and ruthless kisses, mouths open. Wet and urgent, almost in bites, as if you’d want to eat the other alive as he takes his pants off and helps you with yours, going down to kiss your neck.

“You’re so... f-fuck, ah...” he mumbles while he runs his tongue down your throat and to your collarbone. “I never want to wake up.”

His lips taste like the feeling that overcomes you when you look at the sky on a starry night. Emotion. Ecstasy. You want to drink it whole until there’s not a single drop left. Drink him.

Jisunh squeezes your ass, while your mouths are a mess, while he bites your lip and pulls it, smiling like a cheeky bitch, while your mouths fight for the control of the kiss and your tongue caresses his, and before you can piece together that the windows are foggy because of the two of you, he’s sliding inside, his hand lacing with yours.

God, you want to moan. Moan so loud. And so you do, because there’s nothing in this dream that could stop you.

And he moans, too, because you are like a dream come true.

Juno and Jupiter.

[🔺☆ 🚀 ☆🔺]

~kats, who accidentaly went full autism, space and mythology on the meaning of ‘juno’ by Sabrina Carpenter.

catiuskaa, november 2024 ©

294 notes · View notes

03jyh23 · 7 months ago

Text

— shooting stars! || park seonghwa

loosely inspired by the drama shitting stars!

Most people aren’t interested in the truth. They just casually gossip to entertain themselves. No one takes responsibility for the caused pain.

idol!seonghwa x prmanager!reader

genre: angst, fluff, smut

trigger warnings: vanilla sex, honestly there's not much just kissing, touching, and... lovemaking. really soft smut. it's embarrassing, jealousy, argument, emotional distress, career-related stress, and difficult decisions

words: 8.2 k

reminder: what you're about to read is purely fiction, so let's keep it separate from reality.

!minors do not interact!

— hi there! this is my longest story so far! i've been working on it like crazy for the past few days and here we finally are. so the smut... it's not really a smut but still? i tried oh god, i feel so embarrassed but yeah i just decided to go for it. it's again requested work but i actually changed some of it to fit into my idea... anyway thank you so much for requesting!

love, monika. ♡

if you enjoyed this post, i'd be so grateful for a little love – a like or comment would truly make my day!

The office in Mapo-gu, Seoul, felt stiflingly hot, despite having already downed three cups of iced coffee. With the air conditioning out of order and repairs not scheduled until two days later, you found yourself drowning in a sea of work. Who would have imagined that working at a medium-sized entertainment agency would entail such an overwhelming workload? You should have felt grateful for landing this job, considering the effort you had put into securing it, but at times, it felt overwhelmingly demanding. Being the head of the PR department at KQ Entertainment was certainly something to boast about, especially after ATEEZ's success. You joined the company a few years back when you were the sole member of the PR team. If you claimed you believed in the company's success from the beginning, you'd be lying. When you first entered, fear outweighed optimism regarding the future. Indeed, it was no small feat for eight teenage boys to shoulder the weight of an entire company, but ATEEZ rose to the challenge with unwavering determination and passion. Now, with two active bands under KQ's wings, you find yourself constantly occupied.

Managing the members of ATEEZ was undoubtedly a challenging task, and surprisingly, it wasn't due to any misbehavior on their part. Despite their young age and the temptations that come with fame, the ATEEZ members remained remarkably grounded and focused on their careers. You truly admired that. But when a band from such a small company starts gaining momentum, rumors are bound to circulate. Your main priority was to prevent those rumors from leaking. Which wasn't easy, as people can be cruel when they're envious. But still, to this day ATEEZ has not been involved in any major scandals, which made you proud.

In a small company like KQ, everybody knows each other. Initially, stepping into that environment, you couldn't help but feel a bit nervous around the members of ATEEZ. Their presence seemed to exude a magnetic energy that was both captivating and intimidating. As you interacted with them more and more, you realized that their aura was indeed something special. Each member brought their own unique charm and personality to the table. You and the members of ATEEZ grew slightly closer than others, due to your similar ages, but it was Seonghwa who stood out to you the most. His effortless humor, kindness, and genuine care for others made him a favorite. Right from the start, you felt drawn to him. However, you maintained a professional demeanor, knowing all too well the potential consequences of getting too close, especially considering his status as an idol. But at some point, company dinners and parties became regular occasions, where you celebrated each of ATEEZ’s success together. And as the alcohol in your system increased, your professionalism decreased. Your bond with Seonghwa deepened, you found yourself drawn to him more than ever before. Whether it was sharing drinks, engaging in playful games, or simply relishing heartfelt conversations over company dinner, you cherished every moment spent in his company. With each passing interaction, your admiration for him grew, and before you knew it, you were falling head over heels for him. Despite the looming fear of crossing a line you couldn't return from; you couldn't resist him. What started as a professional relationship evolved into something much deeper and more profound. The shy touches and lingering glances exchanged between you spoke volumes, conveying emotions that words alone couldn't express. In the midst of loud music and bustling crowds, you found yourselves leaning closer to each other, seeking solace in the warmth of each other's presence. His hand naturally gravitated to your waist whenever you stood side by side, a silent yet undeniable declaration of the connection you shared.

The day had been long and exhausting, and you were just about ready to call it quits when the sudden intrusion of your boss jolted you from your thoughts. Startled, you looked up to see him standing in the doorway, a look of excitement and urgency written across his face.

"Y/N! Have you heard?" he exclaimed; his voice filled with anticipation. You blinked in surprise, your exhaustion momentarily forgotten as you leaned forward in your chair.

"Heard what?" you asked, curiosity piqued. Your boss couldn't contain his grin as he delivered the news.

"ATEEZ just sold out an entire US Tour!" The words hung in the air, sinking in slowly as you processed their significance. And then, without warning, a surge of elation washed over you, and before you knew it, you were on your feet, a joyful scream escaping your lips.

"What?" you exclaimed, unable to contain your excitement. Without a second thought, you rushed forward, enveloping your boss in a tight hug, overcome with happiness at the incredible news. It was a moment of pure exhilaration, a testament to the hard work and dedication of everyone involved in ATEEZ's journey. The exhaustion of the day melted away, replaced by an overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment. The excitement in your boss's voice was contagious as he patted your back, a wide grin spreading across his face.

"We are celebrating tonight!" he declared with enthusiasm, his words echoing through the office. A surge of anticipation raced through you at the prospect of celebrating ATEEZ's incredible achievement.

"Absolutely!" you replied eagerly, already picturing the party ahead. With a playful wink, your boss continued,

"So go back to your place, doll up, and I'll see you here at 7 sharp!" You nodded enthusiastically, a smile stretching from ear to ear.

"You got it!" You exclaimed, already mentally planning your outfit for the evening. As you made your way out of the office, the excitement of the impending celebration filled you with renewed energy. With a spring in your step and a heart full of anticipation, you packed up your belongings and bid farewell to the office for the day. The thought of celebrating ATEEZ's success and the prospect of finally seeing Seonghwa filled you with an infectious excitement that bubbled within you. As you made your way through the bustling streets, the anticipation only grew stronger. The familiar sights and sounds of the city seemed to fade into the background, overshadowed by the promise of the evening ahead. Tonight was a night for celebration, a chance to toast to ATEEZ's success and revel in the joy of being surrounded by friends and colleagues. But above all else, it was a night to be reunited with Seonghwa, and you couldn't wait to see where the evening would take you. With a smile on your face and excitement in your heart, you pushed open the door to your apartment.

After a quick shower to freshen up and wash away the cares of the day, you set about styling your hair and applying my makeup with meticulous care. With the luxury of extra time on your hands, you paid attention to every detail to ensure that you looked and felt your best for the evening ahead. After finishing your make-up, you reached out for your phone resting on the nightstand, your heart skipping a beat as you saw Seonghwa's name flashing on the screen. A surge of excitement coursed through you as you answered the call, eager to hear his voice after what felt like an eternity apart.

"Hello?" You said, your voice tinged with anticipation as you brought the phone to your ear, butterflies dancing in your stomach.

"Hey, it's me," Seonghwa's voice came through the line, warm and familiar, sending a rush of warmth through you. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you replied,

"Hi, Seonghwa. I was just thinking about you." There was a pause on the other end of the line, followed by a soft chuckle.

"Funny, I was just thinking about you too," he said, his voice filled with warmth and affection. "I will see you tonight, right?"

"Absolutely, I wouldn't miss it for anything," you replied without hesitation, "We definitely need to celebrate!"

"Honestly, the only thing that matters is that I will finally see you," Seonghwa's voice came through the phone, filled with warmth and affection. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you replied,

"Same here, Seonghwa. I've missed you." And as you exchanged a few more words of affection and excitement, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the opportunity to be reunited once more. With a renewed sense of anticipation and joy, you ended the call, a sense of warmth and happiness lingering in your heart. Tonight was going to be a night to remember, and you couldn't wait to see Seonghwa's smiling face once more.

Choosing the perfect outfit for the evening was challenging. On one hand, you wanted to look your best – to make a memorable impression on Seonghwa after being apart for so long due to his overseas schedule. But on the other hand, you didn't want to appear overdressed or out of place at the party. After rummaging through your wardrobe for what felt like an eternity, you finally settled on something. Opting for a timeless and sophisticated look, you selected a classic black shirt for the evening's celebration. Deciding to add a touch of allure to the ensemble, you opted to leave the top few buttons of the shirt undone, revealing a hint of skin. It was a small gesture, but it added just the right amount of intrigue to the outfit. Paired with a simple black skirt that hit just in the middle of your tights, the combination was effortlessly sexy. The monochromatic palette created a sleek and cohesive look that was eye-catching. With a few carefully chosen accessories – a delicate, gold necklace, a pair of understated earrings, and a sleek clutch – you completed the outfit. As you admired your reflection in the mirror, a sense of excitement washed over you. Tonight was going to be a night to remember.

You entered the company building, the air was filled with electric energy, a tangible sense of excitement pulsating through the air. Everywhere you looked, you could see signs of preparation – colorful balloons swaying gently in the breeze, banners hanging from the walls, and a festive atmosphere that filled the space with warmth and joy. A smile spread across your lips as you took in the sight before you, feeling a surge of excitement building within you. It was clear that everyone had gone to great lengths to ensure that tonight's celebration would be a night to remember, a fitting tribute to ATEEZ's incredible achievement. With each step you took, the anticipation continued to build, fueled by the excitement of finally being reunited with Seonghwa and the rest of the ATEEZ members. After exchanging greetings with everyone and soaking in the festive atmosphere, you found yourself nestled in a cozy corner of the room, a drink in hand. As you scanned the bustling room, your heart skipped a beat with each familiar face that passed by, hoping to catch sight of Seonghwa among the crowd, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Y/N!" As you heard your name called from across the room, you turned your head in the direction of the sound. Through the sea of people, you spotted a familiar face.

"San!" You greeted him enthusiastically as he approached, a genuine smile spreading across your face at the sight of him. San was always such a warm and friendly presence, and you were genuinely glad that he had come over to you. "Congratulations!" you exclaimed as San pulled you in a warm hug. With a smile, you pulled back from the hug, meeting his gaze with genuine happiness in your eyes. "I'm so happy for you, San," you said sincerely, knowing that his success was well-deserved.

"It's truly incredible," San replied, a smile tugging at his lips as he raised his glass to clink it against yours. The sound of glass meeting glass echoed through the room, a toast to success. "It's moments like these that make all the hard work worth it," San said, you nodded with agreement. "Here's to many more successes and celebrations to come." with a smile, you took another sip of your drink, savoring the moment and feeling grateful for the opportunity to share it with a friend like San.

''Y/N! You look amazing!' You didn't notice when Hongjoong approached you,

"Thank you!" You replied, feeling a rush of warmth at his words. Before you could react, Hongjoong took your hand and spun you around gently, causing laughter to bubble up from within you. His eyes scanned you appreciatively, and you felt a blush rise to your cheeks under his gaze. It was a simple gesture, but it filled you with a sense of happiness.

"Am I interrupting something?" As the question hung in the air, you turned your gaze away from Hongjoong and met Seonghwa's eyes, feeling a rush of emotions wash over you. His presence seemed to fill the room, drawing you in with an intensity that was both exhilarating and unnerving. For a moment, time seemed to stand still as you locked eyes, a silent exchange passing between you both. In that moment, it felt as though the rest of the world faded away, leaving only the two of you standing there, caught in a moment.

"No, not at all," you replied, as you tore your gaze away from Seonghwa's, turning back to face San and Hongjoong. "We were just catching up." your mind remained fixed on Seonghwa, unable to shake the feeling of his presence lingering in the air.

"I was just telling her how amazing she looks tonight," As Hongjoong's words filled the air, a warm smile spread across your face at his kind gesture. It was a small reassurance amid the tension that lingered between Seonghwa and you,

"Thank you, Hongjoong," you replied with genuine gratitude, meeting his gaze briefly before turning back to face Seonghwa once more. His eyes bore into yours, and you couldn't help but wonder what thoughts lay behind Seonghwa's gaze.

''We will leave you two alone and say hi to the rest of the team.'' San spoke, as he took Hongjoong by his arm, and pulled him behind.

"Of course," you replied, nodding in understanding as San and Hongjoong made their way towards the rest of the team. They disappeared into the crowd, leaving you alone. For a moment, neither of you spoke, the silence between you filled with unspoken words and unresolved tension.

“I don’t like the way they look at you” Seonghwa's words hung in the air, breaking the silence with a weight that you couldn't ignore. His voice was soft, tinged with a hint of concern that sent a shiver down your spine. You couldn't help but feel a mix of surprise and curiosity at his sudden confession.

"What do you mean?" you asked. There was a depth to his words that hinted at something more, and you found yourself holding your breath, waiting for him to elaborate. Seonghwa sighed, his expression troubled as he struggled to find the right words.

"I mean... I just don't like the way they look at you," he confessed, his voice strained with emotion. His admission caught you off guard, and you were at a loss for how to respond. "It drives me crazy." As he downed his drink in one swift motion, you could see the tension in his shoulders easing slightly.

"Seonghwa, are you... jealous?" you asked tentatively, your heart pounding in your chest. His eyes widened at your question, and for a moment, he was speechless.

"Jealous?" Seonghwa repeated, seemingly taken aback by your question. He looked at you, his eyes searching yours as if he was trying to find the answer himself. After a moment of silence, he let out a soft chuckle, his gaze dropping to his hands. "Maybe I am," he finally admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. The intensity of his confession made your heart flutter, and a blush crept up your cheeks. You watched as he ran a hand through his hair, a sign of his nervousness that you had come to recognize.

"I just... I care about you, you know?" He looked up at you, his eyes filled with an emotion that you hadn't seen before. It was a look of protectiveness, of possessiveness, but also of vulnerability. And in that moment, you realized that perhaps Seonghwa's feelings ran deeper than you had initially thought. Your moment was abruptly interrupted by someone calling his name from across the room. Your heart sank slightly, realizing that you wouldn't have the opportunity to delve deeper into the conversation. Seonghwa glanced at you apologetically, his expression filled with regret.

"I'll be right back," he promised, his voice tinged with disappointment. You nodded in understanding, offering him a reassuring smile despite the lingering questions in your mind.

"Take your time," you replied, watching as he made his way through the crowd, his figure disappearing into the throng of people. Left alone with your thoughts, you couldn't help but wonder about the true meaning behind Seonghwa's words. His confession had stirred up a whirlwind of emotions within you, and you longed for the chance to delve deeper into it. But for now, all you could do was wait, hoping for the opportunity to continue your conversation when the time was right.

As the night wore on, you found yourself swept up in a whirlwind of conversations and celebrations, the opportunity to continue the conversation with Seonghwa slipping further and further away with each passing moment. Seonghwa seemed to be caught up in the festivities as well, pulled in different directions by the demands of the evening. Despite your best efforts to find a moment alone with him, the bustling atmosphere of the party made it difficult to carve out the time for a private conversation. Seonghwa was constantly surrounded by friends and colleagues, and you found yourself pulled in different directions as well, engaging in lively discussions and catching up with the rest of the team.

The atmosphere in the company was quiet, with only the faint echoes of the recent party lingering in the air. As the party slowly wound down and the last of the guests trickled out of the door, you found yourself alone in the room, left to clean up the aftermath. Suddenly, the sound of footsteps approached, and you turned to find Seonghwa lingering in the doorway.

"Can I help you clean up?" he asked, his voice gentle and earnest. You nodded, appreciating his offer of help and the chance to speak with him once again.

"Of course, thank you, Seonghwa." You replied, welcoming his company. Together, you started to pick up the scattered cups and plates, the silence between you comfortable yet filled with anticipation. Seonghwa worked diligently, making quick work of the mess. You watched him out of the corner of your eye, admiring his focus. When he finished, he looked up and met your gaze, a small smile playing on his lips.

"It's much easier with two people," he commented, breaking the silence. You agreed and thanked him again for his help. The room was now clean, but neither of you made a move to leave. Seonghwa finally broke the silence.

"About what I said earlier," he began, hesitating slightly. You nodded, indicating that you were listening. He took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before he continued. "I meant what I said. I care about you... more than I probably should." His words echoed in the empty room; the atmosphere suddenly heavy. You looked at him, surprised by his confession but also relieved. His feelings mirrored your own, and you found yourself smiling at him.

"I care about you too, Seonghwa," you replied, his face lit up at your words, and for the first time that evening, you felt a sense of peace wash over you.

"Can I kiss you?" His words sent a thrill of anticipation coursing through you, and without hesitation, you reached out to gently cup his face in your hands.

"Yes," you whispered, Seonghwa’s eyes twinkled with happiness at your answer. You could feel your heart pound against your chest in anticipation. Seonghwa’s touch was gentle yet commanding as he pulled you closer by your waist, drawing you into his embrace with a magnetic force that was impossible to resist. As his touch sent shivers cascading down your spine, your body reacted instinctively, responding to the electrifying sensation with an intensity that took your breath away. Every nerve seemed to ignite with a fiery spark as his fingertips grazed your skin, leaving a trail of tingling sensation. Seonghwa's lips were warm and soft against yours, each gentle brush sending sparks of electricity dancing across your skin. The moment his lips met yours, everything around melted away. All you could feel was him; his lips on yours, his heartbeat echoing your own. The kiss was soft, tender, filled with all the emotions that had been building up between you. With each press of Seonghwa’s lips against yours, you felt yourself melting into his touch, losing yourself in the intoxicating sensation of his embrace. Your heart pounded furiously in your chest, a steady rhythm echoing the urgency of the desire that coursed through you. With each caress, your senses were heightened, attuned to every nuance of his touch. It was as if a spark had been ignited within you, setting your entire being ablaze with a fierce longing that threatened to consume you whole.

"Seonghwa, we shouldn't," you whispered breathlessly against his lips as you pulled away, a pang of hesitation gnawing at your heart.

"Why not?" He murmured, his breath hitching as he stared at you with a look of surprise and confusion. His words resonated within you, forcing you to confront the fear that had been lingering at the back of your mind. You swallowed hard, your mind wrestling with the feelings that had been building up inside you.

"You're an idol, Seonghwa, and I... I work for your PR team," you started, your voice barely a whisper. You watched as the confusion in his eyes shifted to understanding, his grip on your waist loosening slightly. "The rules... the... the consequences," you stuttered, your heart pounding as you tried to put your fears into words. "We could get caught... I could lose my job... and it could ruin your career." For a moment, Seonghwa was silent, absorbing your words. You could see the struggle in his eyes, the battle between his feelings and the harsh reality of the world you both lived in. But then, he pulled you closer, his eyes never leaving yours.

"I understand," he said softly, his voice barely audible over the pounding in your chest. "But I can't help how I feel about you. We'll figure this out... together." You tried to say something, to voice the concerns still swirling in your mind, but Seonghwa shook his head and placed a finger on your lips.

"Shhh... I've waited too long for this," he murmured, and before you could respond, he leaned in once again, capturing your lips in a passionate kiss that left no room for argument. His touch was electrifying, his lips hungry and insistent against yours, and you found yourself returning his fervor with equal intensity. There was no gentleness, no tender caresses. Instead, your kiss was raw and unbridled, fueled by a primal hunger that threatened to consume you both. With each brush of your lips, the barriers that had once held you back crumbled, giving way to an overwhelming surge of desire. In the heat of the moment, there was no room for hesitation or doubt. All that mattered was the fiery connection that blazed between you, igniting a flame that burned brighter with each passing second. And as you lost yourselves in the intoxicating rush of passion, you knew that there was no turning back. As the world around you melted away, you found the courage to voice the words that had been on the tip of your tongue.

"Let's go to my place," you breathed out, your heart pounding in your chest as you waited for his response. Seonghwa looked at you, a slight surprise in his eyes. Then a slow smile spread across his face, transforming his features into a look of pure happiness.

"I'd love to," he replied, his voice husky. You reached out, gently grasping Seonghwa's wrist and pulling him to follow you. His eyes widened slightly in surprise, but there was a glimmer of excitement mirrored in their depths. With a sense of urgency, you swiftly took your purse. Every movement was propelled by a heady mix of anticipation and desire, your heart pounding in rhythm with the rapid pace of your thoughts. As you made your way to the back door, Seonghwa paused for a moment, reaching for his jacket, glasses, and a mask before stepping outside. You were struck by his thoughtfulness and attention to detail. In that simple gesture, you saw a glimpse of the considerate and caring person he was beneath the surface. With a soft smile, you followed, grabbing your own jacket and slipping on a mask before joining Seonghwa outside. The cool night air greeted you as you stepped onto the pavement, wrapping you in its embrace. Feeling the warmth of Seonghwa's hand intertwining with yours sent a jolt of electricity. With your fingers intertwined, you set off together, following the familiar way that would lead you to your apartment. You couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude as you made your way through the quiet streets, it was a relief to know that your apartment was only a short distance away from the company.

As soon as the door to your apartment closed behind you, Seonghwa pulled you hard into his chest, your bodies pressing on each other. His kisses became more urgent, his grip on you tighter as if he was afraid you would disappear. His lips found yours in a passionate kiss that left you breathless, his taste intoxicating, leaving you wanting more. In this moment, there was no room for remorse or second thoughts, only the overpowering need for each other. You were lost in him, in the overwhelming sensation of his touch, his taste, his scent. As the intensity of your shared passion escalated, Seonghwa moved to unbutton your shirt, his fingers trembling slightly with anticipation.

"Wait," you murmured, pulling back just enough to meet his gaze. His eyes were dark and filled with desire, but he stopped at your words, his hands coming to rest on your waist as he waited for you to continue. "I... I just want to make sure we're both on the same page," you said softly, voice trembling slightly with the weight of the moment. "I care about you, Seonghwa, more than I can put into words. But I want it to mean something, for both of us." As you spoke, you searched his expression for any sign of hesitation or doubt, but all you found was a profound sense of understanding and respect. In that moment, you were sure that Seonghwa shared your desire for something deeper, something more meaningful than just physical intimacy. His lips curved into a tender smile, and he reached up to gently cup your cheek in his hand.

"I understand," he whispered, his voice filled with sincerity. "I want this to mean something too, Y/N. More than anything. I’m not leaving you." With those words, the last of your doubts melted away, leaving only a sense of trust and connection between you. His touch, careful and loving, trailed down your body, taking the time to appreciate every inch of you. Seonghwa’s fingers traced over your skin, leaving a trail of warmth and desire in their wake. He took his time, his hands exploring you as if he was memorizing every curve, every line of your body. Your hands found their way to his hair, tugging gently at the soft strands. He let out a soft groan, his hot breath fanning against your skin, sending shivers down your spine. His lips found yours again, stealing your breath away with the intensity of the kiss. His hands moved to the buttons of your shirt, unbuttoning it and tossing it aside. His gaze was full of admiration and desire as he looked at you, his eyes taking in your form.

"You're beautiful, Y/N," he murmured against your lips, his voice low and filled with emotion. You blushed, a smile spreading across your lips at his words. Seonghwa leaned in, pressing kisses along your neck, collarbones, down to your chest. His hands finally moved to unclasp your bra, letting it fall to the floor. His touch was electrifying, each kiss sending waves of pleasure through your body. Seonghwa was patient, taking his time to make you feel loved, and cherished. He moved lower, his lips trailing down your stomach, making you gasp with anticipation. You arched into his touch, your fingers tangling in his hair, guiding him closer to where you needed him. "So impatient," Seonghwa commented as he moved back up, capturing your lips in a heated kiss. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer. Craving the feel of his skin against yours, your hands moved to his shirt, unbuttoning it and pushing it off his shoulders. You took a moment to admire him, your gaze trailing over his muscular chest, and the defined abs. Seonghwa was beautiful, every inch of him perfect. You reached out, your fingers tracing over his skin, feeling the warmth radiating from him. Seonghwa’s hands roamed your body, the touch igniting a fire within you. He moved lower once again, his lips trailing down your stomach, making you gasp with anticipation. His hands moved to your skirt, unzipping it and sliding it down your legs. Seonghwa’s lips found the skin on your thighs, his hands gently creasing them, each touch sending waves of desire coursing through you. His lips moved up your tight, his lips finding all your sensitive spots, making you arch your back and gasp out his name. You felt his breath dangerously close to your panties, which by now were soaked completely with your arousal.

"Seonghwa," you moaned, your voice thick with longing as you arched your back, surrendering to the intoxicating sensations that washed over you. "Not here," you murmured, your voice trembling as looked down on him with a mixture of desire and urgency. "Bedroom... Let's go to the bedroom." Seonghwa, with a deep and magnetic gaze that held you captive, guided you gently towards the bedroom. He led you to the edge of the bed, his hands never leaving your body. Carefully, with an affectionate touch, he laid you down on the soft sheets. Seonghwa's gaze was intense but tender, as if he was committing every detail of you to memory. The look in his eyes held a fervor that was both thrilling and comforting. The last piece of your clothing was slowly discarded, your lace panties landing softly on the floor. His hands, now free to explore, traced a path of heat down your bare body, each touch igniting a spark of anticipation. He kissed you deeply, a promise of more to come, before his eyes met yours once more. Seonghwa's gaze was full of adoration and hunger, a testament to the intimate connection that was about to deepen. Slowly, Seonghwa began to undress himself, his movements unhurried and deliberate. As the last piece of his clothing dropped to the floor, he positioned himself atop you, his bare skin against yours sending tremors of desire coursing through your veins. His eyes continued to hold your gaze, their depths reflecting the shared anticipation of the intimate moment that was about to unfold.

"Is this alright?" Seonghwa whispered against your lips.

"Yes," you murmured, your voice barely more than a whisper, "Yes, Seonghwa... I'm yours." Your affirmation seemed to ignite something within him. A slow, intoxicating smile spread across his face, his dark eyes twinkling with a mixture of love, desire, and a hint of possessiveness that sent shivers down your spine. His gaze never wavered from yours, maintaining eye contact as he leaned down, his lips meeting yours in a searing, passionate kiss. One of his hands, tender and firm, cradled your face, his thumb gently brushing against your cheeks. With the other one he steadied himself between your legs, and you finally felt him entering you slowly and gently, his movements measured and full of care. The feeling was intoxicating, overwhelming in its intensity but filled with a tenderness that only Seonghwa could provide. As Seonghwa moved, you felt a surge of pleasure that left you gasping, your fingers trailing over his back, your nails gently digging into his skin. His name fell from your lips in a breathless whisper, the syllables intertwining with the soft moans and gasps that filled the room. Each thrust heightened the pleasure, building up tension that had you moaning his name louder. He responded to your every sound, his movements shifting and adapting to your responses. It was as if he was attuned to every part of you, each touch designed to elicit the maximum pleasure.

"Seonghwa," you moaned, as he continued to move, his rhythm steady and deliberate. He looked down at you, his gaze filled with love and desire, his expression mirroring the pleasure coursing through you. "I’m close" you whimpered as the pleasure started to overwhelm you.

"I know, baby," he responded, his voice low and soothing. His eyes never left yours, holding your gaze as the room around you both seemed to fade. Each of his movements were measured, calculated to draw the maximum response from you. He knew exactly what you needed, when you needed it, and he wasn't afraid to take his time in delivering it. Seonghwa was completely in tune with your body, knowing just how to touch you, how to move, to bring you to the edge. A gasp escaped your lips as his rhythm increased, the intensity building as he moved. His name was a whispered prayer on your lips, the only word you could manage as you clung to him. The world around you narrowed to the feeling of him, the sight of him, the sound of him, the scent of him.

"Let go baby," he murmured against your ear, his voice a soothing balm, grounding you in the moment. With a few more deep movements, he guided you both to the peak of your shared pleasure. The feeling was indescribable, a release of tension that left you both panting and gasping for breath. And through it all, Seonghwa was there with you, his gaze never leaving yours, his love and desire for you clear in his eyes. As the waves of pleasure subsided, Seonghwa collapsed beside you, pulling you into his arms. He held you close, his heart beating in time with yours as you both lay there in silence, the echoes of your shared climax still reverberating through your bodies. Seonghwa’s fingers traced idle patterns on your skin, a soothing gesture that eased the lingering tremors racking your body. His lips pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, the tenderness of the gesture making your heart flutter.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper. His concern was palpable, his eyes searching yours for any sign of discomfort. You nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips.

"More than okay," you assured him, reaching up to brush a stray lock of hair from his sweaty forehead. His answering smile was warm and genuine, a sight that never failed to make your heart skip a beat.

"Good," he murmured, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. His breathing slowly became more regular, his body relaxing as he basked in the afterglow. You laid there, tangled in each other's arms, your heartbeats syncing in the quiet. There was no need for words now, the silence between you was comfortable and familiar. As you drifted off to sleep, his arms tightened around you.

You were suddenly awakened by the sound of Seonghwa's voice, harsh and irritated, a stark contrast to the gentle tone you had grown accustomed to. His distressed voice pierced the calm tranquility of the early morning as he was on the phone, pacing around the room with furrowed brows, clearly in frustration. As you sat up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you noticed your phone blinking on the bedside table. Forty-three missed calls. A wave of chilly dread filled you as you unlocked your phone to see the flood of messages and notifications. The first one you clicked on made your heart drop. Pictures of you and Seonghwa, walking to your apartment, your hands intertwined, were plastered all over various media outlets. The headlines screamed about Seonghwa's secret relationship, a shocking revelation that seemed to have hit the fandom like a lightning bolt. The comments section was a whirlpool of emotions - shock, betrayal, and surprisingly, support. As you scrolled through the articles, you could barely register the words. This was your worst nightmare coming to life, the very reason you hesitated to start a relationship with Seonghwa in the first place. Seonghwa finished his call and turned to you, his face unnaturally pale.

"It's all over the news," he said, his voice barely a whisper. The room felt suffocating as a heavy silence descended upon it, both of you too stunned to utter a word. The reality of the situation was sinking in, unfolding a terrifying scenario that you both had dreaded. Your mind was racing, scrambling to make sense of the situation. All your worst fears were coming to life - the fear of getting caught, of losing your job, and of potentially damaging Seonghwa's career. This was the adverse consequence of your secret relationship, the one you had feared and tried to prevent from the very beginning. Yet, amidst the turmoil, you couldn't help but feel a pang of regret. Your anger flared as you dialed your boss's number, your hands shaking as you held the phone to your ear. He picked up on the second ring, his voice tense,

"You need to do your job and stop this information from spreading," he demanded, his tone cold and unyielding. You felt your heart clench at his words, a bitter laugh escaping your lips as you fired back,

"How am I supposed to do that when I'm the one involved?" The line crackled with tension as you braced yourself for your boss's response, knowing that your conversation was about to take a heated turn.

"You're involved!?" His voice was sharp, laced with disbelief and a hint of anger. "How could you let this happen, Y/N? Do you have any idea what kind of mess you've gotten yourself into?" His words hit you like a slap in the face, and you felt a surge of anger rising within you.

"I didn't 'let' anything happen," you shot back, your own voice rising with frustration. "This isn't something I planned or wanted. And as for the mess, believe me, I'm well aware of it." There was a tense pause on the other end of the line, the silence filled with unspoken accusations and bitter recriminations. You could practically feel your boss's disappointment radiating through the phone, a heavy weight pressing down on you with each passing second.

"We need to contain this," he said finally, his tone clipped and businesslike. "Handle the damage control on our end, write a press release. Stay out of the public eye, keep your head down, and for god's sake, don't make things worse." You clenched your jaw, struggling to keep your emotions in check as you listened to his instructions.

"And what about Seonghwa?" you demanded, unable to suppress the edge of desperation in your voice. There was another pause, longer this time, as your boss considered his response.

"Seonghwa knew what he was getting into when he chose this life," he said finally, his voice oddly cold and unsympathetic. "He's a public figure, and he needs to accept the consequences of his actions. Just like you do." The words hung between you, a bitter reminder of the harsh reality you were both facing. As you hung up the phone, a sense of resignation settled over you, knowing that no matter how much you wanted to protect Seonghwa, there were forces at play far beyond your control. Seonghwa, who had been a silent witness to your conversation, finally broke his silence. His sobs filled the room, each one stabbing you like a knife to the heart. You turned to him, your eyes filled with regret and sorrow.

"I was supposed to be the one protecting you," you said, your voice choked with tears. You could see the pain in his eyes, reflecting your own as you confessed, "This was a mistake. I'm going to get fired, Seonghwa. There's no future for us." His face crumpled at your words, a look of utter devastation replacing his earlier confusion.

"No, Y/N, please..." he pleaded, his voice cracking with emotion. "I can't lose you." he retorted, his voice filled with a mixture of anger and despair. His words hit you like a punch to the gut. As the silence settled in the room, you felt a lump forming in your throat. The harsh reality of the situation was too overwhelming to comprehend. The words that had been exchanged between you two still echoed in your ears, haunting you. The room, once filled with love and warmth, now felt cold and distant. The air was heavy with unspoken words and suppressed emotions. Seonghwa, his eyes red and swollen from crying, looked at you. His usual cheerful demeanor was now replaced with a look of sadness and despair. He seemed like a completely different person. Seeing him like this broke your heart even more, the reality of the situation dawning on you.

"I... I need some time," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He got up from the bed, picked up his clothes from the floor and walked towards the bathroom, leaving you alone with your thoughts. You sat there, numb and silent, as you processed everything that had happened. You felt a sense of guilt wash over you, realizing that your actions had led to this mess. Picking up your phone, you answered the incoming call from one of the reporters.

"This is a delicate matter, and we are currently fact-checking all the information," you replied, maintaining a professional tone. "We will be releasing an official press statement soon regarding the matter. Thank you for your understanding."

For the next several minutes, you found yourself answering a seemingly endless stream of phone calls, bombarded with the same questions over and over again. "Who is this girl?" "Is it really Seonghwa?" "Is it official?" With each call, your heart ached a little more, the reality of the situation sinking in. You were the reason behind this mess, and with each question, the weight of your actions became increasingly clear. Seonghwa finally emerged from the bathroom, he was fully dressed, his hair neatly combed back, and his face, although still showing signs of distress, was more composed. He settled down next to you, the distance between you heavy with unspoken tension. You could feel his gaze burning into you, his eyes searching for answers in the depths of your own. But as he heard you denying what happened during countless phone calls, a flicker of hurt flashed across his features, overshadowing the mask of composure he had worn moments before.

"Y/N," he began, his voice tinged with a mixture of frustration and disappointment. "Why are you doing this? We can't keep pretending like nothing happened." His words cut through the silence like a knife, leaving you speechless in their wake. You could feel the weight of his gaze bearing down on you, demanding honesty in the face of your denial. But as you met his eyes, you saw the pain reflected in their depths, and a pang of guilt surged through you. You had hurt him deeply with your words, and now, as you continued to deny the truth, you were only adding to his anguish. Tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision as you turned away, unable to meet Seonghwa’s gaze any longer. In that moment, you felt more alone than ever, trapped in a web of lies and deceit from which there seemed to be no escape.

Once the calls ended, with a heavy heart, you began to draft a press release denying the rumors. As you typed, your mind raced with thoughts of how to properly word your denial, how to ensure that it would put an end to the rampant speculation. Seonghwa, who had been observing silently, finally spoke up, his tone filled with discontent. "Why are you denying it?" he asked, his eyes filled with a mixture of confusion and frustration.

"Seonghwa, we have to," you tried explaining,

"No, we don't," he retorted, his voice steady and determined. "We don't have to lie. We don't have to hide."

"Seonghwa, we can't just admit to this. The backlash... it could ruin your career," you argued, your voice tinged with desperation.

"And what? We lie? We hide?" Seonghwa countered, his voice filled with frustration.

"We need to think about the consequences. The fans, the company... it's not just us we have to consider." you countered, trying to maintain your composure.

"I don't care about that," he said, his voice softening. "I care about you. I care about us. I don't want to lie about that."

"But this isn't just about us. There are other people involved. Our actions have consequences." you responded, your voice breaking slightly.

"I know that" he said, his tone resolute. "But isn't our relationship worth fighting for?" he asked, his voice filled with concern. As the weight of your situation bore down, you felt the sting of desperation clawing at your heart, driving you to speak words you knew would hurt Seonghwa deeply.

"What relationship are you even talking about, Seonghwa? We hadn't even had a 'what-are-we' talk, and everything is ruined," you spat out, your voice laced with bitterness and regret. "We kissed less than 24 hours ago, and now we're all over the news." The words spilled out of you like poison, each one laced with the bitter taste of reality. You could see the pain flicker across Seonghwa's face, his eyes clouding with hurt and confusion. But you couldn't stop yourself, couldn't hold back the flood of emotions threatening to consume you. "We need to protect you," you continued, your voice trembling with emotion. "There's no 'us' in this, Seonghwa. It's just you, and your career, and the future you've worked so hard for. I won't let you throw it all away for me." Tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision as you turned away, unable to bear the weight of Seonghwa's gaze any longer. In that moment, you knew that you had hurt him deeply, but you couldn't bring yourself to regret those words. For better or worse, they were the truth, the raw, unfiltered truth that lay at the heart of your impossible situation.

"You don't get to decide that" Seonghwa replied, his voice steady despite the turmoil beneath his calm exterior. "You don't get to decide what I throw away or keep. It's my life, my career, my future. And you... you're a part of that, whether you like it or not." His words hung heavy in the air, an undeniable truth that weighed down on your heart. "We're in this together, and I'm not letting you walk away just because you're scared. So, let's face this together. Let's fight for 'us', for our future. Because, in my eyes, there's no 'me' without 'us'." You stared at him, your heart pounding. His words echoed in your mind, raw and powerful. The intensity in his gaze was almost too much to bear. Could you really fight for this? For him? Suddenly, the weight of your decision seemed more significant, more daunting.

"I... I don't know, Seonghwa," you stuttered, your voice barely a whisper. "I don't know if I can do this. If I can put you at risk like that."

But Seonghwa just shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. "That's not for you to decide," he countered gently. "I'm ready to face whatever comes our way. And I want you by my side. So, will you fight with me?"

#ateez x reader #ateez angst #ateez fluff #ateez smut #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa x y/n #seonghwa smut #seonghwa angst #seonghwa fluff

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lieslab · 2 months ago

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Are you with me?

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Chan X gn reader

Summary: After struggling with being underweight, you binge out of desperation to gain weight and that's when your boyfriend finds you.

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 1.6K

Trigger warning: Insecurities, implied underweight reader, mentions of weight, weight loss, binging, calorie counting, and a mention of nausea.

A/N: I believe that this is the final request I had. I'm so sorry for making you wait forever, life has been hard and this topic is a bit too real and relatable. Please know that your weight doesn't define you. Whether you are thirty pounds, three hundred, or three-thousand, you still deserve love and respect. You are allowed to love yourself no matter what you look like.

Society can be really fucking shitty and harsh. Don't let it tear you down. This is your life and maybe we do only get one. Eat the slice of cake on your birthday. Indulge in your favorite coffee. Weight can fluctuate and be lost or gained, but good memories last a life time. Don't let yourself miss out on experiencing them because you think your weight and the way you look is holding you back. It's easier said than done, but it's entirely possible <3

_ _ _

The brain is a chamber and each thought is a bullet. A complex system full of neural pathways that define who you are. The brain controls your entire being. Your personality, your motor skills, the cognitive ability to retain information, and pull it out later.

Beneath the skin, we’re all just bones. Chipped and withered skeletons that will one day disintegrate into nothingness. They say life is a blessing. We should cherish it to the best of our ability. We only get one life, supposedly. If that’s true, then why is it so hard?

Bodies. Bodies. Bodies. Bodies. Thick and thin. Taut skin stretched over hollowed cheekbones. Round cheeks full of facial fat. Sharpened and softened jawlines. No matter what yours looks like, you only get one.

A random genetic lottery thanks to your parents. You might hate yourself or you might love yourself. No matter which one wins, there always seems to be hiccups. Those times of turmoil where you just can’t seem to go on another day because you are trapped inside your body. The machine that causes you to breathe, it feels like a burden to some.

You cannot control how the outside world perceives you. You cannot make everyone like yourself. Chasing idolization and devotion is a great bomb of self-destruction. Feelings can be fatal and if you’re not careful, they will be. Drowning in insecurities and letting them weigh you down while the days pass you by isn’t a good way to live.

Yet…you just couldn’t help it. The way you looked was just overwhelming. You were a mess. Physically, nobody could see it. Mentally, you were overwhelmed and falling apart. Unraveling at the seams and spiraling out of control.

The whispers of your insecurities had turned into a sympathy of screams. Scorching hot tears streamed down your cheeks in the kitchen. Your weight has always been an issue. People don’t second guess the things they say at times.

“Gosh, you’re so skinny, you need to put some meat on your bones.”

“Is that really all you’re going to eat?”

“One blow from the wind and you’re going to fall over at this rate.”

Some people are blessed with rapid metabolisms and some are cursed. No matter how much you consume, your body works it off. Over and over and over and over and over. Just when you think you’ve gained a pound, the scale says you’re down another half of a pound.

What does your boyfriend think about it? He always says you look wonderful, but does he really mean it? What if he’s lying? Members of your family have stated that you look like you’re on your deathbed.

What if you’re not good enough? What if this body isn’t great? What if nothing changes? What if you’re cursed to be this weight forever? What if? What if? What if?

It was a spur of the moment decision. Ever since you lost another two pounds within the last week, something inside of you seemed to snap. That’s when you found yourself tearing through kitchen cabinets.

Thoughts were swirling as you ripped open the package of oreo cookies you bought. It was one and then it was two and you blinked and half the row was gone. Crumbs caked your lips and all you could do was wipe them along your sweater sleeve.

As much as you were spiraling, you were desperate to gain control. Surely, if you ate enough, you could put on a pound or two, right? Right? You had to.

Crinkling filled the air as you opened a bag of brand new chips. The kind that were too salty and you knew they weren’t healthy, but you did it anyway. Life felt better with the occasional unhealthy snack. People weren’t perfect and neither were you.

Staring at the back of the calorie contents, you lost track of how many chips you placed in your mouth. People didn’t seem to binge on the fruits and vegetables.

It was the sugary sweetened foods that stuck to your sides. The salty chips and pretzels. The kind of food that was full of empty calories, but you didn’t care. You were desperate to gain a pound.

People don’t understand what it’s like until they’re there. You will never understand what it’s like to be skin and bones until it’s all that you are. You will never understand what it’s like to carry around a pudgy stomach that bounces with every step until you are there.

Weight fluctuates and bodies are different. We only get one, but it’s so easy to abuse it. To never eat enough. To over consume and eat too much. You didn’t think you were doing anything wrong with your body.

You ate your food and that was that. It wasn’t a ton of food, but it wasn’t like you were starving yourself either. Yet, at the exact same time, your body seemed to stay thin.

The more you spiraled, the more you lost track. You didn’t remember what you put in your mouth. Everything tasted like defeat, even the oreos.

It kept going and going. Your stomach began to ache with the amount of food you consumed, but you couldn’t stop. It was overwhelming and all too much. Everything hurt and you just wanted to break down and sob.

When you caught the reflection of yourself in the microwave, that’s exactly what you did. The lump in your throat pulsed and the tears welled up again. The box of crackers in your hand dropped to the floor and you grabbed the counter top for support.

Your body caved and slumped over the cold marble top. With a forehead pressed into the marble, you cried. You cried because it wasn’t fair. You cried because you hated what you were doing to your body. You cried because you were worried about how you were perceived. You cried because everything was overwhelming and too much. You hated yourself and it hurt like hell.

Piercing sobs racked the empty kitchen and bounced off the walls. They reverberated back to you and you were left alone with the heart-shattering reality of what you were doing. You ate so much, you were nauseous.

Your stomach twisted and churned. A fresh layer of saliva coated your tongue. The queasy feeling caused you to squeeze your eyes shut. All you could do was just cry harder.

Your sobs were the first thing that Chan heard when he unlocked and pushed the door open. Fear struck his heart and he ripped off his bag. Not caring that his laptop was in it, it dropped to the ground with a heavy thud.

He rushed into the kitchen and found you slung over the counter. “Baby? Baby?” His hand went to your back and he tugged you into his arms.

The warmth of his chest made you cry harder. You hated that this was who you were. Why couldn’t you have another body? Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn’t it just be different?

“What’s wrong?” His eyes scanned your face. “Why are you crying? What’s going on? Are you hurt?” His hands gently cupped your cheeks. He positioned your face up towards him. “Please talk to me.”

“I-I hate myself,” you uttered hoarsely with a hiccup. “I’m not good enough. I can’t gain weight and I’m a walking skeleton and I-”

His eyebrows pinched together in confusion. “Sweetheart, what are you talking about?” A reassuring thumb ran over your cheek.

“My body isn’t good enough. Not for you. Not for me. Not for anyone.”

Knowing that you thought so negatively of yourself, it stung. It shoved an arrow through his heart and he shook his head. “Listen to me, you’re perfect the way you are. Just because y-”

“You don’t get it!” You snapped angrily. Your hands shoved at his shoulders and he stumbled back in shock. “You don’t get it because you’re perfect! You can gain weight and you can lose weight. You can do whatever you want and I-” Your voice cracked and cut off.

He didn’t utter a word. He knew you were struggling, so he just opened his arms. With a quivering bottom lip, you let yourself fall forward. Sturdy arms grabbed you and he pressed your head against his chest.

The steady lull of his heart made you burst into tears. A weak and hoarse apology fell from your lips. All he could do was quietly shush you as he rubbed your back.

“I know that it’s hard. I know what it’s like to struggle with your self image. Maybe I don’t know exactly what it is, but I’m right here and I love you. Please don’t push me away just because you’re struggling. I might not understand, but we can figure it out together. I’m not going anywhere and you know that.”

That last reassurance was the final straw. Your knees buckled and your fingers dug into his cotton shirt. Down the both of you went and you landed on his lap.

He pressed you against him as tight as he dared. With your eyes shut and your forehead pressed into the nape of his neck. He soothed you softly while rubbing your back.

Even if he didn’t understand exactly, he’d wait here for as long as he had to. He’d be here until the kitchen was pulled into darkness and the sun went down outside. He didn’t care if he had to be here all night.

He’d do whatever it took to remind you that no matter how you saw yourself, you weren’t entirely alone.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

Masterlist

Taglist and inbox rules

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #stray kids drabbles #stay #skz fanfic #bang chan #bang chan fic #bang chan fanfic #bang chan x reader #bang chan x you #bang chan x y/n #bang chan comfort

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dwllie · 5 months ago

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🏳️‍🌈 𓂃 FAG(GOT)FREAK 〰️

— FAG(GOT)FREAK : a gender under the genderfreak gender system related to being a fag(got) and a freak; a fag(got)freak. this gender is only to be used by those in the lgbtq+ community that reclaim the slur fag(got).

coined by us ♡ requested by no one ♡ genderfreak by @losergendered ♡ tagging @accessmogai for a flag id

[PT: fag(got)freak~ fag(got)freak: a gender under the genderfreak gender system related to being a fag(got) and a freak; a fag(got)freak. this gender is only to be used by those in the lgbtq+ community that reclaim the slur fag(got). coined by us. requested by no one. genderfreak by losergendered. tagging accessmogai for a flag id. /END PT]

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ams-puppy · 1 month ago

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being a system is too fucking funny please god

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transbunn-coins · 5 months ago

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TransDID Tips from a CisDID System

Disclaimer: we only found out we had DID when we were diagnosed a few months ago and this post is based mainly on our experience!

☆ Use (self)hypnosis to create dissociative states in yourself! DID systems are highly suggestible as well so by creating hypnotic states (which are dissociative!) in yourself you are also becoming suggestible. I've heard of people making alters and amnesia this way.

♡ Practise different mannerisms for each of your alters, subtle things like the way you walk and even full body language tends to vary between alters.

☆ Act like you have amnesia for what happened when a different alter is out even if you don't have the amnesia- fake it til you make it!

♡ Have you alters have opposing views on things such as radqueers, proshipping, or even minority groups (transhateful) which are very common in DID systems since the environments in which we grow up are racist/homophobic/etc.

☆ Every alter in a DID system exists for a reason and their identity is heavily tied to trauma, work on how your alters relate to your trauma/transtrauma!

♡ Research the subtle ways DID presents both internally and externally and focus on creating those throughout your day.

☆ Read about imitative DID and work on having less warning signs for it. This is especially important if a diagnosis is going to be a part of your transitioning.

I hope these are helpful to someone! I tried to focus on things I don't see often:D

#transplural #transdid #radqueer #transid #endo safe #transabled #transsystem #willogenic #endogenic #transtrauma #transtraumagenic #para safe #traumagenic

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koolades-world · 11 months ago

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Helloooo it's me again back with another obey me request :)

Could I get the Demon bros with a depressed MC? I'm having a rough time rn and I just need some comfort but ofc feel free to ignore if u don't do requests like these!!

Have a nice day/night!! ♡☆♡☆♡

hi! of course! sorry I'm so late on this!!! also love your pfp (huge pjsekai fan)

Part of the reason I took so long is because I just didn’t know where to start

I love the demon bro I wanna squeeze them like a squishmellow and they’ve gotten me thorough some tough stuff

it's hard for me to articulate anything relating to depression just because I struggle to open up about it especially after my diagnosis. I don’t think anyone except my mom knows only because she was in the room at the time, and all you guys now of course haha

sorry if that was worded so weird and if anything below is worded weird but it’s just hard for me to find words to put together how I’m feeling but writing is my therapy so thank you for this request :)

Brothers with a depressed Mc

Lucifer

would def notice something was up right away from the first meeting, not because of how you acted, but just because it's Luci

once he officially found out, he made all arrangements needed right away

you need a few days off school? you got it, he's already talking to diavolo

you need a break from chores? you got it, he distributed the work among the rest of the family

there's only one thing you feel like eating? you got it, it's what everyone is eating for dinner

supportive in a quiet way, and does all sorts of little things to lighten the load

Mammon

as your first and best man, he acts as your knight and is willing to do anything to help you out

he tries his best to correct his own bad habits so you can work together on yourself

like, for example, if you struggle to get out of bed in the morning, he will get up and moving earlier so you can be up at the same time

nobody is perfect! he tells you this all the time because he knows how dark everything might seem sometimes

he partially understands how you feel since being the family punching bag for hundreds of years takes a toll on someone

he’s with you in every step of your journey, ups and downs, no matter what

Levi

he often has his own self deprecating thoughts, so he knows what you’re dealing with

everyone copes in their own ways but he hopes by sharing all the things he loves, he can bring some happiness

he shared everything with you, both his physical possessions and his thoughts

if you prefer to just sit together, he can do that, but if you want to talk about it, he will do his best to also share how he’s feeling

he wants you to be able to use him as a support system and as someone to fall back on

he always tries to bring a smile to your face and to be someone you trust, despite his own flaws

Satan

he shows you the little joys in life, the ones you might struggle or forget to see like sunsets and how the clouds change color with the sky, or how soft flower petals can be, or how a smile can change someone’s entire day

often he invites you out to places, for no reason at all so you can enjoy everything, especially the sun

he takes you on trips to the human world to visit your favorite places and occasionally see your favorite people if he’s allowed

he helps you with school work and takes the load when ever he can

if you asked him, he would do anything for you <3

Asmo

he always helps you out with your personal hygiene since often, that's what goes first

it's much easier to keep a routine if someone is doing it with you, and Asmo would never forget, so he help keep you on track

but, he's also not pushy about it. if you'll let him, he'll do some of the tasks for you, no strings attached

he's with you at your worst and best. he's not going anywhere

he's determined to be your personal cheerleader and will celebrate all the small things with you

Beel

at first, he's a little shocked at the changes in eating patterns, but supports you when ever and where ever you need it

if he knows there's only one food you will eat, he will physically restrain himself from eating it because he knows how much it means to you

exercise helps but he knows it's probably the last thing you want to do, so he helps you though little bits at a time and takes you out to get a reward afterwards

spending time with you makes him happy, so he figures it must be the same the other way around so he makes an effort to just be with you, even if its just sitting together while you do different things

often finds himself seeking you out just to ask how you are by instinct, proving what a sweetheart he is

Belphie

an interrupted or strange sleep cycle is something he would for sure notice

he becomes the biggest cuddle bug and will often give you sleepy kisses

when you're resting, he'll give you sweet dreams that will leave you feeling warm and fuzzy afterwards

he makes an effort to make the bed just how you like it, and before long makes it a habit to join you in your room for naps and bedtime

he doesn't mind if you wake up at weird time and will wait with you as long as you need to get up

thank you again for such the long wait! hope you enjoyed and hope you're feeling better now <333

#obey me #obey me!#obey me x reader #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me levi #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #omswd #obey me shall we date #obey me mc #headcanons #gn reader

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aniesvision · 25 days ago

Text

𝟐𝟒- 𝑰 𝒅𝒊𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖

𐂃 𝚎𝚡-𝚋𝚏 𝚐𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚝 𝚡 𝚎𝚡-𝚐𝚏 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝒈𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆!𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕, 𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏, 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒗𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏, 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒌𝒏𝒊𝒇𝒆, 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒂, 𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒓?, 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉, 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒖𝒓𝒅𝒆𝒓, 𝒋𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕, 𝒑𝒆𝒕 𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 (𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕, 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚, 𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔, 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍), 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏, 𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕, 𝒗𝒖𝒍𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚, 𝒌𝒏𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚, 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒅, 𝒑𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒌 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒏𝒕, 𝒏𝒐 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝚊/𝚗: 𝒉𝒊𝒊 𝒊𝒎 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒊 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 ☹︎ 𝒊𝒎 ��𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒔𝒐 𝑰'𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏 ♡︎ 𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒈𝒆, 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 ☕︎

𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒓

The happiest part of my day is getting off work and driving back to my place. It's annoying sometimes to do the same thing over and over again every day, but at least it pays my bills.

After an exhausting day, I gather my things and drive to my house, the sky getting darker each minute. I park on my spot in the garage and grab my purse, throwing it over my shoulder. I wanted nothing more than to take a nice long shower. The path to my room was quiet and full of expectations.

That's when things turned upside down.

My purse was thrown to the floor, a hand covered my mouth and a knife was held against my throat.

-Shh, quiet, you're gonna answer my questions and I might let you live.

The voice behind me sounded familiar, but in my state I couldn't think about anything, I was in shock.

The person behind me pins me against the wall. His hand is covered by a black glove, and he is wearing a mask—not any mask, the town killer's mask—ghostface.

My chest rose and fell rapidly, eyes flicking between the mask and the knife that was against my throat, my reflection showing me how out of guard I looked.

-There's a guy in your workplace who just got transferred. David. You know where he lives, give me the address.

My eyes widen at the request, but I try to think of anything related to the new guy. He tried talking to me a few times, but he always ended up flirting so I rejected him.

-I don't know where he lives, but I can look at the system tomorrow...

My voice was low, but trying to show confidence. The mask guy stepped closer, tilting his head to the side, and pushing the knife deeper against my skin.

-Don't know, huh?

I breathe heavily, folding my lips and feeling the blade almost cutting my skin. Is this really how I'm going to die? Is this the end?

He slowly puts the knife down but stays close. The room was dark, but I could see him clearly, my pupils were dilated and the lights from the street poles were illuminating slightly.

He uses his other arm to cage me in between him and the wall, and I take a look at the small gap between the glove and his arm, my eyes narrowing and eyebrows furrowing at the thought that passed through my mind.

I think he noticed that I saw it and moved my head with the knife, but it was too late, my mind already processed what I saw. It was a tattoo, and I knew who had that exact tattoo.

-Matt? -I ask, nervous.

If I was wrong I could die. But if I was right I could die as well. I was hoping he wouldn't kill me, considering what we were, but maybe he had this moment in mind all along, maybe he wanted to kill me since we met.

There's a moment of silence and suspense that was about to give me a heart attack, but then he steps back.

-Good job, princess. -He says, walking backward until he is sitting on my bed.

He takes the mask off and my heart beats even faster when I see his face. To know he was truly behind the mask, that he was probably the one killing all those people, that he was probably just about to kill me, it was terrifying.

Maybe the worst part is to know that I used to know all the victims, so if it was Matt, he knew exactly what he was doing to creep me out.

-It was you? -I ask, hoping he was just pranking me, that this was just a sick joke.

-Why? Did you like it? -He chuckles, walking in my direction again.

-You're sick. -I whisper, my eyes tearing up.

Matt had that stupid smirk on like he knew he was affecting me. He lifts his hand that was still holding the knife, lightly pressing it against my cheek and sliding it down to my jaw.

-Maybe. -He shrugs, his gaze intense. -Or maybe I just wanted to be your only option.

He lets go of the mask, letting the ghostface persona fall to the floor, and uses his now free hand to grip my waist. He keeps the knife on my jaw, leaning his head to whisper in my ear.

-C'mon, I know you love horror movies, sweetheart.

Matt starts to press light kisses on my neck, my eyes shutting as I try to keep breathing, a couple tears rolling down my cheeks.

-You kept begging for those creepy guys to die in every movie we saw together, I just made it real for you, aren't you happy? I did it for you.

His words made my stomach swirl, the intensity of the situation hitting me hard. Matt is my ex-boyfriend, we broke up two months ago and I was the one that ended things. I loved Matt, but he had this part in him that made me shiver, now I know why.

-Why are you doing this, Matt? -I ask, shaking, unable to understand the reason behind his acts.

-Isn't it obvious? -He pulls away, looking at me with an amused expression. -I want you back.

I furrow my eyebrows, feeling him moving the knife to explore more of my body, even in the dark I could see the look in his eyes, the darkness he kept inside of him, and now he wasn't ashamed of showing me.

-I want you to be mine again, can't stand those idiots trying to get their way into your pants, you're better than that, and you know it, don't you? I was so proud to see you rejecting each one of them, such a good girl.

-You're stalking me? -I ask, in disbelief.

The knife stops against my belly, the sharp blade poking my skin over my shirt, his eyes taking turns between looking in my eyes and looking at the knife.

-I'm just keeping you safe, sweetheart.

I look away from him, trying to think of a way to get out of here. He smiled at me, using his hand on my waist to turn us around and push me to the bed.

-Tell me you don't want me back, tell me you hated what I did and you hate me.

He picked up the mask from the floor and walked in my direction, hovering me with each hand on the bed on each side of my body. I wanted to scream, to shove him away, to take the knife and defend myself, but I couldn't. There were so many reasons I couldn't.

-Tell me you're not turned on.

I knew he was smirking under the mask due to his tone. We dated for a long time, we knew each other for so long, I knew something was wrong with him all along and I never did anything to stop this.

I broke up with him because I couldn't handle being responsible if he ever did anything, but I knew he would, I felt it, I had my instincts yelling at me all the time that something perverse lived inside of Matt.

Breaking up only gave him the motivation, so in a certain way, I was responsible. I did this, he did this because of me, for me.

-Tell me you don't want me to fuck you right now.

The look we shared, even tho he was using the mask, was intense. For some reason he was softening me, his tone, the way he was just waiting for me to give him permission, reminded me of our relationship. Well, except for the ghostface mask, usually it was just his face, but it was him under it, and knowing it was him kind of did turn me on.

With my lack of response and eye contact, he knew what I was thinking, he was always good at reading me, so he ran the knife along my thighs, tilting his head.

I look down at the blade, watching it move further up. I hear his chuckle, his free hand pushing me down so I would lay on my back. He crawls on top of me, using the knife to cut my shirt and bra off. He squeezes my breasts, the gloves giving me a new sensation.

The idea of being in this situation with my ex should be bad already, but my ex that happens to be the one killing people around town? That's obviously a bad, terrible, idea.

-Tell me you want me, sweetheart. -He whispers, in a hoarse voice.

I close my eyes, whining when I feel the knife scratching my stomach and blood dripping down my belly. The combination of pain and pleasure made me lose all my dignity.

-I want you.

It was all that took Matt to keep going, using his free hand to unbutton my jeans. I helped him take them off, bucking my hips and letting him do whatever he wanted.

Matt continued to use the knife on me, taking his time to play with me however he wanted. His other hand draws circles over my wetness, eliciting a moan from my lips.

-Such a good girl for me. -He praises.

The feeling of my blood dripping down my body in different places, trailing a warm path, and mixing with the pool of warmth on my panties drove me insane.

It didn't take long for him to cut my panties too, watching the blood mixing with my arousal. He takes off his pants, my eyes taking in the sight of his hard dick. I bite my lips, looking between his cock and the mask, getting wetter and wetter.

He slides his tip up and down, coating the mix of my wetness and my blood.

-Matt... -I beg, trying to touch him.

He chuckles, pinning my arms above my head and pushing all of him at once.

-Fuck, missed this tight pussy. -He groans.

Matt's thrusts find a pace, fucking me hard and fast, just like he used to. My moans get louder, hips rolling to match his thrusts, hands hurting with my attempts to move. Every time I looked at the mask I felt myself clenching, now that all of this was happening I couldn't help but feel turned on.

-You like that, don't you? I bet you love that I killed all those people for you. You know I would do anything for you, don't you, baby?

My eyes roll back in pleasure, my mouth opens with loud moans and my legs start to shake. I couldn't even think properly.

-Matt, fuck, please. -I whine, feeling my orgasm building.

-Cum for me, sweetheart.

He didn't have to ask me twice. I feel myself coming undone, making a mess on his dick.

-So good for me. -He groans, filling me up with his warm seed.

He rides down our orgasms, taking off the mask and kissing me. When I pull away he puts his forehead on mine and keeps his eyes closed, both of us breathing heavily.

-Please give me another chance, I love you so much. -He whispers, his tone soft, unlike the one he used all night.

I sigh, thinking about it. I'm screwed, in all the ways possible.

-Matt, you killed people. -I say as if I was trying to remind myself.

-And I'll keep killing whoever tries to hit on you, I want you to myself, just give me another chance.

I tilt my head to the side and he smirks, letting my arms go and cupping my cheek. He leans down, capturing my lips in another kiss.

-Please? -He asks, trailing kisses down my neck.

-Matt.

He moves his hips, thrusting in deep.

-Please. -He whispers, a moan escaping my lips.

-Fine. -I give in.

I shouldn't have, but I couldn't resist him, that's what made me date him in the first place, I was never able to resist him.

-Thank you, fuck, I'll make you so happy, I promise. -He presses kisses all over my face, making me giggle.

He pulls out, helping me clean up and taking care of the bruises on my stomach from the knife play. Matt changes the sheets and turns on the lights, pulling me into a hug.

-Now be a good girl and give me David's address.

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒔 ✍︎

➪ @riowritesitall @mattsfavbigtitties @sturniolosarethebest @hyacinthst @deers4luv @sturncakez @watercolorskyy @delooshunalhoe @sarosfilms @blahbel668 @sturniyolo69 @sturniolosl0t @colbsposts00 @fallingforfalll2 @stvrnmc @faithlia @katie-tibo @sturnioloblues @monroesturnns @mattnchrisworld @shaquilles-0atmeal @fratbrochrisgf @dayzeandhaze @sharkcat1928 @phimstarz @h3arts4harry @s1ut4chris @star-yawnznn @asherrisrandom @pip4444chris @jupiter1700 @sturniolo-fann @beansprout713 @conspiracy-ash @sophsturns @sturnsxbitvh @ivysturnss @mattsbitchh

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