#“when i do that you dont even notice and i actually love you?”
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
It had been a rough week for you and it was getting a lot. On Monday you had completely forgotten a friend’s birthday, which made her mad and yesterday you had found a picture of your boyfriend kissing another girl. It had been on your mind and you wanted to speak to Chris about it, but you were scared. You were scared for his reaction, because what if it was fake? Would he get mad at you?
Chris had invited you to a party, which he hosted with his 2 brothers Nick and Matt. It was all fun and games until you really felt the need to break down. You tried to hold it back, but the tears just started to stream down your face. Chris noticed and immediately rushed over to you.
“I-i dont know why i’m crying.. it’s just hormones i guess.” You said as your hands were slightly starting to shake. “No no, dont even start with me,” Chris protested. He knew about your hormones, and how they were a rollercoaster, but you would normally tell him when you were upset, and he definitely would still be able to help. He gently tilted your chin, forcing you to look at him. “I know its more than that. You’ve been acting off all day, and you ain't fooling me, so tell me what's actually goin' on,” he said, voice gentle but firm.
You take a deep breath before speaking. “I saw a photo of you kissing another woman..”
Chris felt like the world just crumbled underneath him. He was speechless, staring at you. He didnt know what to say, he didnt even know how he could even begin to explain himself when all he could focus on was how much he hurt you. He was sure he didn’t do anything.
“Is it true?” You ask, looking up into his big blue eyes. Chris hated this, knowing you’d thought he would ever cheat on you. He would die before he did, he would die before he’d even look at someone else. “No ma, it’s not true! I swear it’s not..” he tried to keep his voice steady, tried to calm the panic in his own racing heart. It was hurting him hearing how broken you sounded.
“..I swear to you, i would never, EVER cheat on you. I would never hurt you like that. You’re my everything, my person, you’re the only one for me. You’re the only one i’ll ever need. Please, please believe me, i am NOT cheating, i don’t have, and i don’t want anyone else, okay?” He spoke to you softly, pleading and desperate. He didnt want you to doubt him, he wanted, needed you to understand him. He’d do anything.
He searched your eyes, searching for even a hint of belief. Just.. any indication that you knew he wasn’t lying. He was so serious, his heart hurting more and more the longer the silence went on, his hands gently cupping your face, his breath coming out shaky, “Please, believe me.”
“I believe you, baby.. im sorry.. i was stupid enough to believe those pictures online..”
Chris let out a shaky sigh of relief, feeling a small sense of weight leave his chest as you said that. Thank god. He gently pulled you into his chest, holding you tightly against him. He held his breath, closing his eyes. He was so relieved. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he said gently, his voice still a little shaky as he rocked you slowly, “You weren’t stupid for being hurt, i get it, but i promise you now, those pictures are a bunch of bullshit.”
He slowly calmed down, his body losing the tension it held ever since you’d dropped that bomb on him. He gently pulled away, looking down at you and seeing the tears on your face, “No more tears, alright?” He said softly, swiping a thumb underneath your eye, “There’s no need for them.” He leaned down, placing a kiss on your forehead.
“I love you, ma.”
“I love you too, Chris.”
#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#chris sturiolo fanfic#matt sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo imagine#sturniolo x reader#blurb
94 notes
·
View notes
Text
exhausted was an understatement. you were absolutely drained. you’d been up on your feet waiting tables since the sun practically rose until now—9pm.
and on top of all this, you still had to clean up your apartment, make a dish for your family reunion tomorrow, and go to the grocery store. it’d been an exasperatingly long day, and it was about to get even worse.
to add to it, you hadn’t seen matt in 3 days. you’ve both been so busy and you so tired, so there was never really time. you’d both agreed you probably weren’t hanging out tonight, either. so with that being said, when you’d finally sat down for 15 minutes before you’d planned to go to the store for groceries, all you could think about was matt. so, of course, you shot him a text. but, of course, your apartment’s cell service sucked, so you had to text him on snapchat as if you were 13 years old.
you
im so insanely tired today was way too much
i think my legs are going to melt away
you hit send with sigh. of course, you get an immediate response.
matt🤬(💞)
is my angel tired :(
do you want me to come over baby?
you
i dont wanna bother you
matt🤬(💞)
never.
be there in 10
you
i love you ☹️
matt🤬(💞)
i love you angel
actually make that around 30 i gotta do something
weird.
you set your phone down, and began to relax some more, getting comfortable under the throw blanket. and as expected, around 30 minutes went by before you heard someone unlocking your door and stepping in. it was matt, of course.
“hey, baby” matt said, kicking the door shut behind him and setting something down on your kitchen counter. you turn around to say hello, only to notice the tons of grocery bags sitting on the counter in front of him. he’d gone to the store for you.
“matt…you didn’t…” you say, getting up from the couch and making your way over to him. you weren’t the greatest at accepting help, and matt knew that. but he was never the type of person to not help you out when you clearly needed it.
“do what?” he asks, feigning obliviousness.
“go to the store! publix! they’re so expensive, matt.” you reply, gesturing to the publix bags filled to the brim.
matt laughs. laughs.
“i know you’re pretty tired, angel. but, i’d never let you go shoppin’ with your legs about to give out.” he teases, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.
“well…how much were they?” you ask, feeling guilt settle in. matt hums, glancing in the bags. “probably like…95 bucks.” he answers, turning his gaze back to you. your eyes widen. half the time you would deny him spending even 20 dollars on you, let alone 95.
“oh gosh…hold on, let me go get some cash to pay you back-“ you set off to your room to grab your wallet from your purse. yet, as soon as your journey started, it was ended by matt grabbing your wrist and pulling you back over to him.
“absolutely not, angel. you don’t need to worry about that.”
“but-“
“no buts.” he gently presses a finger to your lips, shutting you up. you sigh in defeat. “good girl.” he murmurs with a soft smile, ruffling your hair.
but, you’ve gotta stand your ground somehow.
“i’m paying you back at some point!” you cross your arms. you notice ingredients for mac and cheese in the bags. matt knew you always made it for family events.
he shook his head, his hand moving to your shoulder and rubbing it. “no, you’re really not.” he protests. “but, what you are gonna do is go sit your pretty little ass on the couch while i cook up this mac and cheese.”
“what?”
“you have a family reunion tomorrow, no? you always make mac and cheese. it’s my turn. so go on and relax.”
God, you loved this man.
cutie little blurb cause im lazy 🤩 hope you enjoyed sweet soft bf matt causeeee i have some silly things cooking for him and chris!!!! yayyyyyyyyy
cutesy divider: @bernardsbendystraws
love u and remember to love urself💞
#cayleeuhithinknott#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#fluff#cute#bf!matt#so cute hello#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#blurb#fic#cutest omg
100 notes
·
View notes
Text
Viktor is under some kind of influence, but at first glance it's hard to tell the exact nature of it.
But I believe its more simple than one would think.
The core is basically jingling keys in front of him and telling him to look at them.
But I believe its more simple than one would think.
The core is basically jingling keys in front of him and telling him to look at them.
Firstly, why is the sky hallucination sus? could it just be his own mind?
Her guiding him to her book and later showing up next to the shimmer addict could be explained as just his conscious.
However, he also woke up to her screams and it was her voice that guided him to the addicts, both things go beyond what could manifest only from his own perception of things.
Not only that, this is the exact place where he later cocoons himself again. So it's no accident he ended up here.
It's also good to note how Viktors saw her differently then how she was, he sees him as a more idolised version of herself, which is als a good indication that she is not real.
But then in act 2 she appeals completely harmless, she doesn't push him into anything, and it looks like she offers some sense of emotional support.
And that's the point, it's feeding into viktors weaknesses as a person, all it needs to do, is give him the illusion of company, and keep him in his head.
Viktor was always a loner, but he also seeked out second opinions and he was in fact very lonely and wished for company.
This is exactly what the core is giving him the illusion of. A second opinion and company.
By herself “sky” does not offer any new information to viktor, she is either stathing things he is already aware of, things viktor thinks she would say, or reassures him.
“She liked me, she would be concerned about me!”
“I remember telling her that once!”
“She was caring, she would be upset at someone's death!”
In fact, it might even try to distract him from the important things, we don't see a lot of it, but the moment Viktor starts to wonder what's up with Jayce, she attempts to move his thoughts elsewhere from thinking about what is wrong with him.
Viktors perception of the world is fundamentally changed, this is already pretty isolating but now he has a mind buddy! He's Not alone anymore, there's someone who talks to him, who cares about him, who he can share ideas with,
someone who loves him.
I'm going to concede, I do think their relationship has a romantic undertone, if for nothing else it's because viktors perception of sky is pretty heavily defined by her love letters to him.
Regardless of your reading (how much do you think he reciprocates that), it is giving him the company he wished for.
Why is that bad?
It's because it keeps him docile, and so far up his own 4ss that he doesn't realise how messed up what he is actually doing is. He is stuck with his own regurgitated thoughts.
The only thing he ever gets is reassurance that what he is doing is in fact good, he doesn't have an outside perspective on what's happening with him or around him.
He doesn't have the head space to self reflect cuz something always chimes in, always keeps him thinking, solving problems, solving puzzles.
We never once saw him actively trying to talk to any of his followers, the only people who he does are not affected by him, and come to him directly, he didn't even bother seeking out Jayce himself.
The only way he communicates with them is when he wants to do his creepy puppet thing and if the only thing left in his followers head is gratitude towards him and he never examines what it did to them as people, no wonder he doesn't notice a thing.
He just unquestionably spreads the core's influence.
No wonder the first awful idea anyone gave him in who knows how long that isn't his own stuck with him.
He always had a tendency to get sucked into his work and dont bother with people (ironically that is one of the reasons sky got dusted) and don't bother with anything else, and now the conditions are orchestrated for this to basically keep him in his own head.
He doesn't really care about his followers either, he watched one of them get smashed and didn't give a damn.
He doesn't care for them as people, they are more akin to problems he can solve and move on. He was barely even bothered about Jayce's condition, probably assuming he will come to him and he can fix him right away.
We can see this in his visions of how he conceptualizes himself, he looks very human, and yet he got these unsettling yellow eyes. He is blind to the ways he changed, just look at how he acts in them.
At first glance he appears a lot more emotive and it also tells us that he is fairly enjoying himself and his new perception of the world but also the main thing we see of him is his endless curiosity about things, not his empathy towards them.
He is well meaning of course, but he doesn't/cant reflect enough to see what he is really doing. Namely taking away the things he saw in these people, their dreams.
And he constantly has problems to solve, we saw how many people went to him, he always has something to think about, and he always has someone to talk to about it without needing to waste precious time on seeking out a second opinion.
In s1 he barely reacted to the beginning of a civil war going around him, now people depend on him and in the middle of a civil war he doesn't have any way of protecting these people.
He barely gives a damn about him slowly deteriorating. He doesn't live in reality anymore. He cannot see the forest for the trees. (though he might have had some plans we don't know of, since Salo was gathering materials for him.)
And his guilt just amplifies this.
From s1 one of his strongest traits was how much he believed if he gets the right tools, and the opportunity, he can help people.
“Do you think my life ambition is to be an assistant?”
“If you are going to change the world don't ask for permission.”
“All I did was believe in myself.”
This is what skys death puts into question.
This is why he almost jumped afterwards, this fundamental belief in himself was put into question. He got the chance to do what he wanted and someone died.
This is where his guilt comes into play, he isn't making his own dream a reality, we saw that what he really wanted is to give people tools that they can use to create, but that's not what he is doing.
He is doing what he believes Skye's dream was.
It doesn't even look like he invents things anymore, he just mostly uses his powers and studies botanics. (tho we saw Salo steal some stuff for him so he might have some plans that we don't know yet?)
This is even the context he brought her up to jayce: she had such dreams.
From her notes we can assume she hoped to help make a zaun that is cleaner and more connected to nature.
This is the reason why he is so receptive to skyes positive affirmation, its because in his head he is correcting his wrong, her affirmation and forgiveness gave him back the belief that he can still do good.
Now he has the right tools and the opportunity to do it, so he won't fail again.
He is literally wearing her symbol on his clothes.
He is doing this out of some kind of repentance for his sins.
So the way he sees it: he is helping these people, who on they own free will just happen to stay here cuz its nice and he conveniently can puppet them if needed, he doesn't question that cuz he never bothers to talk to them and skys happy and she talks to him so why bother when no one sees the world like he does.
What he doesn't realise is that he is pretty much meant to die there.
There's a reason why his palace was builded here, he literally got told to build it there. It was there so he could die and cocoon himself again.
When he first saw jayce and encountered the singularity, he was literally describing himself.
“self annihilating and replicating” That's him, this entity is connected to him, he is meant to die and be reborn over and over again. He might not completely embody it yet, but he is a product of it. (and he will probably gonna try to harness it, that's what the beginning of ep 6 set up.)
I don't think he expected jayce to shoot him, when he saw what he was going to do he looked pretty shocked, but he was intentionally kept docile by the core basically guaranteeing that even actually he will die out.
And then he had the audacity to conclude it must have happened cuz people just suck.
He tried nothing to prevent this and he is already out of options.
To his defense he was probably really lost in the sauce at this point.
This is also why he was making his following, he was supposed to draw power from them after he dies so he can be reborn again.
This also means that singed and ambessa are probably interfering with this process.
It would explain why he looks so wrong in the poster.
In conclusion, the core keeps Viktor in a mind state where he is docile enough not to question what's happening around him using his already existing flaws against him in order to spread itself.
One last thing I would like to add is that I don't think this will be his final transformation, I believe the final one will either happen at the top of the hex gate or at the bottom of it.
#arcane#viktor#arcane season 2#derpythoughts#jayce#league of legends#viktor arcane#jayvik#jayce arcane#arcane meta#arcane theory#if ya have any questions or want my take on something feel free to send an ask
49 notes
·
View notes
Text
The only way for her to love me is if im wilbur so watch out for cosplay
#Shes currently screatching while the man who doesn't know she exists whores himself out on stage#And im sitting here like#“when i do that you dont even notice and i actually love you?”#And she goes#“AHG GAJDMDMS LOOK AT MY WIFE JFSKS”#(side fun fact: when I started typing on my phone she got mad and read the first half (pinned me down in the process of taking my phone))#wilbur soot#wilbur mcyt#wilbur
0 notes
Text
learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
138 notes
·
View notes
Text
#boink#oh instagram reels#btw in this video she had a “glow up”#which was basically having aged a little#like regular young adulthood early 20s type you're not gonna look the same as time goes on#like she got bangs and new glasses#i didnt even notice the first two times the video looped#like what#like cool!#yeah!#having a partner who loves and supports you will probably make you look happier! since you feel happier! ok!#also everyone looks different after a year when they're like twenty one!#what!#that's not the boyfriend effect that's just! being human! what the fuck!#also--- divine femininity??????#oh brother#for pete's sake#if you will#look for the most part i think that in general the women and girls and ppl that go with this kind of thing#the divine femininity and girl math and girl pretty and boy pretty etc etc etc#like i hate this kind of stuff but im not about to say that theyre at fault for it#like this is not helping anyone#and it just#god#it makes me upset!#maybe im overreacting but also i kind of think that we're collectively underreacting about this#like i dont wanna see it all over tiktok /let alone/ from my actual real life friends!#earlier this year my friends (women! women friends! staunchly feminist friends!) were joking unironically about girl math#like do we not see how that's harmful. when we talk about poor financial decisions and completely seriously call it girl math.#how do we not see a problem here
80 notes
·
View notes
Text
last scene of the bikeriders is absolutely fascinating me rn bc
it became even more clear to me on second watch that kathy is not necessarily a reliable narrator all of the time because she states outright, in the 1973 interview, that benny has no feelings and never ever cries, not ever. and then you see it happen when he comes home in 71; you see him sobbing in her arms after johnny dies, and she just doesn't tell danny. you could say she's protective of benny's pride, and i think that may be true, but she had no problem being honest about every other part of her relationship with him. i mean god bless the woman, i think she's still jealous of johnny even after he's gone. she's so possessive of benny that even after johnny dies, she still won't admit to anyone, including herself, that benny loved him back, that johnny's death brought him home, that losing johnny made him weep like he'd lost a spouse (which recalls to mind kathy speaking about only seeing her father cry twice, once when his wife nearly died), that he completely quit riding after that, the one thing it had always been clear that he loved doing, and never looked back.
#the bikeriders#favourite films#spoilers under the cut obv#the johnnybennykathy triangle is just soooooooo good. mwah#and i love kathy so much like!!! oh my god!!!!!! what a woman#shes actually kind of mean and vindictive and hypocritical and a little bit of a fibber but shes so fuckin likeable you dont even notice#and you forgive her instantly when you do. at least i do#kathy#benny#johnny#bennykathy#johnnybenny#johnnykathy#johnnybennykathy
61 notes
·
View notes
Text
i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
another weekend, another job rejection!
#and now no more positions are open to apply to! for now at least. some more will probably drop soon. fuck i hope so.#love just. being fucking unable to even make it into the interview phase for my extraordinarily lofty career goal#Of Working In A Fucking Library#just. so thrilled.#kazoo noises#anyway tomorrow morning i have to find a time to talk to my rabbis bc if i dont figure shit out i have to pick between becoming jewish or#graduating on time and i have fucking NO ONE i can talk to this about and ive used up like all of my good will in all of my personal#relationships already and i am So Fucking Sick of feeling mean and petty and evil all the time but my options are either fucking smile and#be noticeably fake optimistic when i get called on my bullshit or burn like all three of my last remaining bridges#i just dont see why i cant even make it to interviews. like i can accept not being the right fit or whatever. but like. it really kinda is#everyone but me whos employed by now.#man. like listen. its not my professors fault. i get that i've got her in a bad position.#but she said ''sometimes we have to pick between sources of joy'' like MAN--#do NOT speak to me about that. absolutely the FUCK not.#you! are employed and have been in this field for over a decade and i work in a grocery store with no sign of luck changing.#i need to be in this section bc 1) im not fucking doing academia with a gun pulled on me#2) i need to actually get some kind of professional experience since its clear i can't actually get a job on merit so i guess i will pay to#go further into debt#anyway no one is around to talk to me about this and i hate bitching to my friends about how fucking hopeless i feel all the fucking time s#everyone please look away from my diary posting and think of me as sexy and fun and bubbly <3333#like. its literally no ones fault so i should not be this fucking resentful.#and yet.#yeah im probably not getting classed as a good person for another several years. shame. ive always wanted to be good.#library travails
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Wait shit people might actually care about me
#sorryyy for the personal posts lmao just not having a great time lately . ill go back to posting abt fandom stuff soon dw#hopefully the self loathing phase is over now cuz i really didnt enjoy that!#mf got me thinking thay everyone secretly hates me n itd be better if i was dead ahahaha#but like. my friends talk to me daily. my mutuals love me. i didnt go to school for like 3 days and my classmate who im kindaaa friends wit#texted me saying. and i quote “Hi [name]. I know its late but i hope your doing well. Hope to cya tmr.” (the full stops symbolize each text#cuz she sent three seperate texts)#and i was just. so flabbergasted at that#i didnt rlly think anyone would really notice if i was gone#i didnt think anyone cared me enough for that#i thought theyd just be indifferent to it#also i sound pathetic rn but i reread that girl's text over n over again when she sent rhat. was literally on the brink of tears#and i just. wow.#people might actually care for me. they might actuallynotice when im gone. they might actually miss me#ive been so inside my head n thinking allat bad stuff about myself that i. didnt think that people might see me differently than the way#i saw myself#really and truly i love you guys so much#even if we've never talked to each pther before or interact very little. i appreciate all of you. you guys rock#anyways aha i should stop rambling now loll. as for now i think im doing a bit better#life still sucks but hey at least i have my friends. at least i dont hate myself anymore now#at least now i dont believe that everyone was being friends with me out of pity#thank you all for everything :')#man i need a hug rn lmao#tw vent#tw sui implied#tw sui ideation#tw self loathing#tw self destructive behavior#<- dw about the tags i dont feel/do those anymore#if you wanna talk to me abt this or just talk in general hit me up!! i love talking to ppl i dont like being alone xd#love youu <33
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
having funnn im having fun
#yaz starting this breakdown by going 'and i think im angry'#actualy i mightve edited that out i think she just says 'i hate him sometimes' now ghjfkghjg#cant have your characters say what they meannnnnnn#this is already very direct#but you gotta let them yell sometimes#especially yaz#the doctor opening this scene calling her co-pilot and telling her not to jump out of the tardis#yaz ending this scene by telling her to jump out of the tardis gfhjkghgj#'i love you dont kill yourself' -> 'i dont believe you and actually you know what. do kill yourself'#dhfkjhfgjh <3 girlies#15 in the background like fUCK#hey wait im having a language realisation here#You Who Calls The Shots. the verb agrees with........'it'. right? yeah. you is the.......i have no idea. but not the subject#fun bc i dont even notice these things..............anymore#but in french it's like 'c'est moi qui ai' and im like heyo wtf are you doing 'ai'?? fghkghj#anyway 'if im not who i thought i was'#i dont think yaz ever really bought into........like the flat team structure. bc i think she always felt that her position wasnt equal#or she wouldnt have been so angry abt it in halloween#so i dont think thats a crisis necessarily in terms of identity or position#but i do lately have her ask 'what am i' a lot to the doctor in different words#not from a place of 'i thought i was your equal and now i realise im not'#but more 'i knew i wasnt your equal but jesus am i even WORTH anything to you?'#she knew she was human vs the doctor's superhuman or supernatural a little#but now it feels like. or she feels like. maybe theres a relegation from person to.........toy :/#she knew she wasnt equal but she didnt feel replaceable necessarily#i think now she feels replaceable#not just not a friend in the doctor's eyes. but not a person in the doctor's eyes#and idk maybe thats true#idk how the doctor really thinks abt humans. i think it'd be hard for me to keep thinking of people as people when...youve known so many#maybe they become Friends instead of people
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
#idk how accurate the source is [formu1a__uno] bc ive heard conflicting opinions about them and their reliability#but either way that's just really fucking disrespectful if true?#like this isn't even xavi had to go because bono was available to be charles's engineer#you just axed a man that worked with your driver for almost 5 years and gave the job to a guy who's afaik never been a race engineer before#without consulting said driver or yknow even making him aware before/during the miami weekend#so he could have some closure and say goodbye to his long-time race engineer and trusted confidant in whatever way he saw fit#which would've like. the bare minimum decent thing to do just on like a human level???#and you're telling me with your whole chest this is an upgrade. um. pass 🙅🏻♀️#and if it was xavi's decision (hearing this i highly doubt it was tbh) then i dont see why he wouldn't have told charles beforehand?#this is so messy#i love how when the news was made public so many people defended & justified it#saying this was something either charles wanted himself or at least was consulted about and approved of#lmao tell me you don't know how ferrari moves without telling me#just like they praised binotto for as long as they could until it became obvious that his relationship w charles is strained#and then suddenly people started noticing that oh maybe he's not actually fit for the tp job after all...#like im sorry but if we heard that charles fought to keep xavi as his RE when binotto wanted him gone#and now fred's basically done exactly that without taking it up w charles or letting him know in advance#then uh. :)#xavi marcos#ferrari
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Romance manga with a fat mc/love interest: :D
They were only fat because of trauma and now that theyre in a relationship theyre skinny: :(
#STOP DOING THIS LET THEM BE FAT FOR FATS SAKE FAKE PEOPLE DESERVE LOVE ITS NOT A BARRIER TO OVERCOME#KILLING KILLING KILLING#Genetically fat people deserve love fat people who got fat from trauma and STAY fat deserve love#Of course this narrative wouldnt be a problem if it wasnt literally every single one#Even if its not this specific narrative its usually still about fatness and how that hinders a relationship#Why cant someone be fat and it be uninportant to the story#For some positivity im gonna highlight some of my fave fat romance mangas#Minegishi loves otsu#Its always minegishi loves otsu go read it now it does pretty much everything right fat boy wise and otsu is insecure about his weight#But its not like bad insecure its regular insecure like its not a conflict#Confessions of a shy baker#The only influence one of the characters weight has on the story is his boyfriend is baking him healthy treats cuz hes trying to lose weigh#Which on its face i dont think is a bad thing and its not what the story is about its just a facet of their relationship#Its pretty funny and chill also like...if u wanna make healthy treats theres a bunch of actual recipes in it#Mori no takuma#Okay this one is weird and technically does everything wrong to a comical degree and thats why i like it#Also takuma stays fat even after the ending plus for him#It does have the weird 'he gets skinny when its nervous' and it is literally about the girl not wanting to date a fat guy but whatever#You may notice that......all of these are where a man is fat and yeah#I would list one if i had one#For context im a fat lesbian#Attracted to fat women#Anyway if yall have fat romance manga suggestions lemme know id love to read them#animanga#anime#manga#anime and manga
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Love characterising nishikiyama as a booze hound drug hound meth addict high every day body mass 75% alcohol hands constantly shaking literally spacing out while driving fifty over the speed limit using elderly folk as speedbumps one hand on the wheel and one hand free to do more drugs and coming into work while functionally deaf and blind and he is still leagues more competent at his job than kiryu
#Yakuza loveblog#i dont talk about nishikiyama enough because im kazamapilled and hate him a little bit but im also kiryupilled and love him so much so you#see my problem? like i adore when nishiki is just. better in every way than kiryu and nobody ever sees that because theyre all too busy#sucking kiryus cock like okay nishiki had the rest of his life planned out when he was twenty and he was an extremely successful criminal#and getting himself noticed in many many circles then kiryu steps outside and gets into a street fight immediately and the entire tojo clan#surrounds him to throw cash at him like nishiki was actually doing so well for himself before his life was ruined. nothing is his fault#like i love just accepting that nishiki has one hell of a substance abuse problem and nobody cares enough about him to talk to him about it#and kiryu thinks its normal because hes the only one who can see that nishikis doing some great work out there so he must be doing#everything right. inconceivable that nishiki has any sort of ‘problem’ hes the real screwup and kiryu knows he makes life harder for himself#but he refuses to change because hes convinced that thats the only thing hes good at. like i believe that nishiki has a coke snorting#mechanic in game like harry db and without his coke buff he cant do as much damage like with it his output is on par with kiryus whos just#been blessed since birth by the violence gods. anyway kiryu is the only person in the world who thinks that nishiki is great do you get it#nishiki has lived his entire life in kiryus shadow and he doesnt care that kiryu has a natural charisma that he will never have. he has to#get out there every single day networking and socialising and hustling and nonstop landing interviews with cool magazines to get his name#out in the world while kazama takes kiryu out and drags him by the elbow to meet people like this is my son kiryu who has every disease and#everyone claps and cheers like i cannot stress enough how on top of the game nishiki is compared to kiryu. he has a car. kiryu doesnt even#have his own lighter. they are not on the same playing field and yet nishikis always trailing behind him because opportunity is always#knocking at kiryus doorstep whether he likes it or not and nishiki gets fed scraps and nothing else and hes the one with ambition he wants#the view on top and most importantly he wanted his brother there with him but nobody ... likes him ... nobody likes nishiki nobodys in his#corner he onky had kiryu and when he lost him it was quite literally him against the world. it always made me laugh how at the end of yk1#harukas paying her respects at nishikis grave when the only time he ever cared about her was because he wanted her little pendant and he#(actually fucked how alone nishiki was he didnt even have his own fucking men to rely on he was basically working alone with someone he knew#was using him like ??? he was fucking desperate) anyway i really love to think that kiryu being nishikis only friend and the last person in#the world who thought kindly of him (barring like ... kashiwagi) was grieving terribly over his death and haruka being a sensitive and#sweet little girl took the initiative to ask about nishiki and i think kiryu would tell her stories every night of the kind of stuff he and#nishikiyama would get up to when they were her age. he would tell her how amazing nishiki was and how he always looked out for him how he#took care of his sister and how he would always be the one to remind them of impending birthdays and the like. nishiki cared about the#little things .. and he made kiryu want to care about them too but theres just something different between them because nishikis always#been a better person than him .. and he would tell haruka in a voice that sounded like he was begging her to understand that nishiki wasnt a#bad person.. though he did bad things he was a good man and he still wishes with all his heart that he could have done more to save him ...
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
I would umm like to stop finding out things
#like#oh i wasn't going insane there you literally were ignoring me back then cool#see i thought it was my imagination but okay#everyone else noticed you were talking in full sentences to everyone except me#oh also you were super huffy to other people about me wanting to go to a cafe with you?#okay you literally could have just cancelled lol#remember when i was worried about coming off clingy and asking you to stuff#and you said just ask anyway worst i can say is no#that wasnt the worst thing you could do though was it#and i LOVED finding out you intended to break things off for ages before you actually did#remember when i explicitly asked you how long you'd been thinking about it#and you said a few days at most#and i took that as truth because youd never lied to me#thats not even touching on the fact rhattyou DIDNT break it off. I spent days being gaslit by you before finally saying fuck it#obviously theres an issue so talk to me like an adult about it#fuckin. 'no yeah we're fine' my ass#i dont even care that he broke it off i really don't i care that i was lied to and disrepected and brushed off and gaslit about it#and im furious that he'll never realise he fucked up there because hes never fucking wrong about anything#i dont have the patience for him anymore honestly and theres no way to even bring this up because it was months ago at this point#but if he asks whats up im gonna just go a little hit ham#:3c
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
im having so much fun writing cadet because hes just like this every day
#i love the kubrick stare its just the ocd stare to me#also i think in the end making caddy lamb a VN is the right idea because its a little easier to imply things about the characters this way#like you play as cadet so you have access to his journal and you can read it if you want to learn more about him#and when he experiences intrusive thoughts its a lot more personal and you are trapped in his head because he is the protagonist#and it makes the pious route a lot more interesting because you arent in his mind anymore but hes a lot more open about what hes thinking#but you also arent getting the full scope hes just kinda crazy and you deal with this explosive guy who let his anger issues take over#im just very invested in the ways in which i can convey what its like to have this shitass disorder#like making compulsions a thing that you have to actively choose not to do#and even if you consistently dont do them the options never disappear you just always have to say no#or give in and it doesnt make much of a difference#not so much that it ruins the player experience but just to make it apparent that it is an active battle to just be normal for 2 seconds#urgh i really am getting excited about this because it feels like im finally gonna be able to share this story#and actually be responsible for portraying a character with ocd who isnt like. a square who keeps things tidy. or whatever#not that its gonna be a complete game changer or even be noticed at all#i just need to put this story out there for myself more than anything to be honest
2 notes
·
View notes