#“when i do that you dont even notice and i actually love you?”

[honeytonedhottie]

decentering men and recentering urself⋆.ೃ࿔*:･💅🏽💓

the secret to decentering men and not having ur entire world revolving around them (bcuz it should be revolving around you, duh) is having a fulfilling life. it makes me ICK so bad when im watching a video or reading a post and im rly loving it, and then it'll find SOME way to make it revolve around men. like can we not?…💬🎀

WHY WE CENTER THE OPPOSITE SEX ;

a lot of people find themselves centering their lives around the opposite sex in an attempt to fill a void within themselves. they do it because they aren't happy with themselves or their lives, or maybe its learned behavior. whatever the reason is, its NOT hot.

some things that someone who centers men might think are "oh my life is so boring, maybe it would be spiced up if i got with a man" or "maybe it'll bring some excitement into my day" like EUGHHH. obviously the solution is to find ways to make our lives fulfilling but how do we do that? and how do we get to the root cause and squash this self sabotaging behavior?

SELF AWARENESS ;

if u have nothing going on for u, ofc ur gonna be energetically desperate and accepting anything and EVERYTHING. practice self awareness and try to get to the root cause of why u center men through things like shadow work, therapy, or just straight up having an honest conversation with urself cuz i swear it helps.

when you make the conscious effort to build ur dream life you'll notice that people that are on the same mindset as you will vibe with the REAL you. the need to fake/adjust urself to fit in with other people will dissipate because ur fitting into ur own standards and ur connections will be more meaningful because of it.

TAKE UR POWER BACK ;

no ones actions should ruin ur day or make u upset for more then a day (even less) cuz its YOUR world. 💕🍰

make time for YOU, doll. plan self care routines for urself every week. doing face masks, journalling, vision boarding, WHATEVER U LIKE TO DO. making time for urself reminds u that ur the main character of ur life so u dont have to settle for crumbs.

stop giving that power to someone else and dictate how u feel, NOT the actions of a significant other or the opposite sex or anybody. the reason why its important to make sure that ur the center of ur own life is so that you can be happy and fulfilled regardless of if there is a man or if there isnt a man present. so the objective is to decenter men -> and then put yourself at the center

GET A HOBBY ;

find something to make ur life fulfilling. pursue ur OWN interests and try out different hobbies if ur unsure of what ur interests are yet. cultivate ur world to the point where it GLEAMS with perfection and then do a little extra. build a life that u love so much that whether u get male attention or validation doesnt even matter cuz their opinions have little to no relevance 💀

challenge yourself: next time you catch yourself thinking, ‘would a guy like this?’ flip it and ask urself "hey, do i like this?" start checking with yourself first instead of checking with others.

MAKING THE DECISION TO DECENTER MEN ;

decentering men simply means that ur deciding to no longer think, feel, act, dress, or plan ur life around a man or for the validation of any man…💬🎀

relationships will actually get BETTER when u decenter the opposite sex. cuz ur not looking for someone to compete with and ur whole on ur own. this sets the stage for balance and mutual respect and THATS hot.

you can be in a relationship and still decenter men. decentering men simply means that you are the priority, not the relationship. how can we tell if we're decentering men or not? here are a few questions to help you know if u are ->

if i did not care about looking good to the opposite sex what would i actually like to wear?

if i did not get married, how could i create the best and most abundant life for myself?

what hobbies/interests do i have that dont involve being around men/have male attention as a component of it?

[bestlilithian]

My experiences with synastry

8th house synastry

By far, my favorite. Intense, transcendal, deep. It goes beyond the physical and mental, reaches straight into your soul. The sexual tension is palpable, and at the same time it feels like home.

( do note that i have pluto influencing my ic and moon so your and my idea of 'home' might be a bit different ♡ lmao )

Moon in 8th house:

- absolute favorite. the connection runs deep, if you let it. when you meet this person you will know pretty early on that the potentional for intense bonding is immense. for every person i met with this, after a while i look in their eyes and think 'we could absolutely ruin eachother in the best way possible'.

- the sexual tension breaches the physical and turns almost emotional. like, 'i want to fuck you so hard that you cry' type shit. of course, every 8th house connection has some kind of sexual electricity constantly present, but i've found that w this placement, it's .. profound.

- so far , i've only been the house person, and i've found that the way the moon person looks at me is like nothing i've seen before. i mean, the eye contact being intense is a given w any 8th overlay but w this one it's ... wow. it's a simultaneous pleading to 'come closer, enter my world, feel my essence' and a threat to 'stay away, you see to far into me, you know too much'.

- it's obsessive. on my side (house) at least. by obsessive i mean ... obsessive. one of them is a crush that i haven't been able to put out for a fucking year, even with no contact. in fact, funnily enough, when i thought i was totally over it, all it took was to see her again and make eye contact - immediately, i was thrown for a loop. we didn't even exchange words directly, it was a group setting .. but the eye contact was absolutely enough. crazy.

- as the house person, i feel like the moon person can feel that i see straight through them. another thing i've noticed is that the moon person usually seems a little intimidated/nervous around me, especially at first.

- the thing with this overlay is that it can get hard to take real action on the connection because it's anything but lighthearted. you can clearly tell that if you pursue it, it's gonna get deep and that can range from inconvenient to uncomfortable, or even scary for someone who's not used to 8th house/pluto/scorpio energy.

Lilith in 8th house

- the sexual tension. is. insane. i'm talking .. concerning. i've had this w a friend, a guy who's not my type in the slightest (and i dont really like guys in general, mind you), but there's this kind of ... sexual energy in the air. like, we're not gonna do anything about it, but it's there. and it's not even physical, for me at least - i dont find him attractive physically its just .. a compulsive feeling.

- now, when i have it w someone i actually find attractive, even a little bit, it gets scaled up to the extreme. the moment i see this person, i'm immediately attracted to them. instant. they don't even have to be my type, but if they are - my god, if they are ...

- i am usually lilith in this overlay, and i often find myself wanting to corrupt the house person, to pull them into my dark erotic world. this synastry really brings out my lilith energy even more.

- as lilith i love teasing the house person & i want to see them squirm. i wanna dominate them & see them fall apart beneath me (in the best way possible)

- this is very much a 'i can ruin them' type connection (not in a malicious way)

- i automatically feel confident around this person, no matter if i felt insecure the rest of the day; its like the house person awakens my dark feminine energy just w their presence (and thats a damn good feeling)

Sun & Mercury in 8th house

- honestly this ones interesting; if your connection is platonic, it wont add weird undertones, if its not , it will heighten the attraction significantly.

- it will be really easy and satisfying to talk about your secrets, your past, your traumas, your pain, as well as your kinks, sexual preferences & sexual experiences w this person.

- you will be able to tell this person the naked, blunt truth about them to their face, and vice versa, esp eith mercury in 8th overlay

sun conjunct lilith

- i was lilith and its .. fun. sun brings out my 'bad' side. the fun one.

- as lilith, i find sun really cute, and i try to figure them out, cause i feel like they arent really as naive & innocent as they seem to be.

- sun may be a little scared of lilith here. :)

pluto conjunct lilith

- i have yet to experience this but from what i've heard i love, love, love .

- think bonnie n clyde, mr and mrs smith. they can appreciate eachothers shadow and its very exciting

- hearsay says the sex is mindblowing but i cant confirm or deny

pluto conjunct ascendant

- my mothers pluto is conjunct my ascendant and she literally fucked me up royally soo be careful w this one yall

- pluto will try to control the ascendant and have power over them

- pluto tries to control ascendants behavior, appearance, mannerisms, social etiquett, even food intake sometimes

- i have never seen this be a healthy dynamic but i would love to be proven wrong

lilith square ascendant

every time a man's lilith squares my ascendant, an angel dies. i swear to fucking god, this synastry is a hot, headache-inducing mess.

now, ive only ever had this with men so take it w a grain of salt.

whenever a mans lilith squared my ascendant, the situation was the same:

he had a crush, and then there was .. me. he loved one girl, truly, but had an intense, weird, sexual obsession with me (that often scared him).

he was extremely attracted to me, but reluctant to admit it directly. wanted to 'tame' me, make me 'well-behaved'. we argued at least once within 24h of knowing eachother.

heavy sexual tension, but in a irritating, conflicting way. reallyy intense eye contact, but almost forbidden.

they all, at some point, iced me out in one way or another, deliberately avoided me, seemingly for no reason.

lilith in 7th house

this ones weird.

- we kinda have beef, but not really

- we either completely agree with eachother or utterly disagree

- mixed feelings

- switching between liking and disliking eachother

- sexual tension, but in an annoying way

[birdyisthewordyy]

hii!! i wanna start by saying i really enjoy ur work & i love ur writing 🫂🫂

i saw ur hcs about jimmy x reader w self harm scars and as someone who struggles with self harm i felt very seen!! i was wondering if u would write the same hcs for the rest of the crew because it would make me very happy 😼

feel free to ignore this if u dont want to do it ofc!!!!

A/N: absolutely I will! I’m so sorry I’ve been dead for a bit but I’m back!

Crew with a reader who has self harm scars

Warnings: self harm scars mentioned but no actual self harm takes place

Curly

He didn’t think you’d be the type to self harm at all

You always seemed so full of life

Whether you were joyful or not you just seemed so self assured and passionate

So when he sees you crying one day and asks what’s wrong and you SHOW him what’s wrong

He feels awful

Hugs you instantly

Lets you wet his shirt with your tears

Eventually he lets go and he pats your back

He talks to you about life

And how you’ve gotta roll with the punches

Curly pep talk trademark

Copyright

Spends the night with you

Stays up as late as he can watching over you

And then falls asleep beside you

Wakes up and acts like nothing even happened

You’re like “what are we”

And he’s like “that’s what friends are for don’t worry about it”

Jimmy

Click here

Swansea

Swansea knew something was up with you

He wasn’t sure what but he knew something was up

So when he sees clusters of little scars on your arm he can’t help the sharp inhale he takes in

He knew it

He’s been around his fair share of angsty teens

He finds a way to pull you to the side and talk to you about it

Puts a hand on your shoulder all fatherly

He wants to help any way that he can

So he lets you talk about your past and how you recovered

Tells you he’s proud of you

Might get a little misty eyed

MIGHT

Big might

Daisuke

Doesn’t even notice until you trust him enough to tell him

He immediately hugs you and cries a little for you though

He cares so much about you and wants you to be okay

It doesn’t matter if they���re 3 years old this man will BAWL

kisses your scars

Platonic or romantic he doesn’t care

He will maybe buy you some creams or lotions if you mention that you don’t like the way they look

If you’re confident in them though he says they make you look gorgeous

Says that anyway actually

Thinks you are gorgeous all over

He doesn’t care what your past is

He loves you all the same

Anya

Click here

[jaggedamethyst]

that will be enough (matt murdock x reader)

pairing: matt murdock x reader

content: reader has holiday anxiety (me lol), angst, some fluff if you squint

notes: I have missed matt honestly...but this is something short while I work on some other things. if you also have holiday anxiety...sending love. as always, I dont believe in proofreading.

full masterlist linked here

For Matt, the holidays were yet another reminder of the love he had in his heart—most of all for his dad. The love he had for you was intense, yet differed from the emotion held for his late father. While having laid the great Jack to rest, the feeling of doing so always persistent in his mind, he could forget it was there. With you, the warmth consistently filled his body. It made sense, then, that he was exceptionally in tune to your every action. 

Matt dreaded his somber mood during this time of year. He quickly noticed, too, your feigned enjoyment. Whether it be a mindless repetitive tapping, or a grimace at the sight of even more holiday decor—the disdain was clear. 

You’d forced yourself to accept invitations, RSVP, and show up to events this year. With each one, you were reminded of how little you actually had. Not financially, per say, but the lack of family. It was easy to say that that intimacy could be found anywhere, but people sucked. It was officially true that with your low tolerance for bullshit, you had girl bossed your way into having no friends, no family to see, and nobody to love—besides Matt. The thought made you pull away from him. The thought of placing all of this onto Matt alone—to be the only important thing in your life—was a lot. So when you found yourself at another winter soiree, Matt attached at your hip, it was easy for him to notice you weren’t okay. 

He tried to talk to you a few times, you hadn’t responded. Not purposely ignoring him, he noticed, but regressing into that state you would sometimes when you were overstimulated. There was so much happening, you couldn’t process everything. The music was meant to be the obligatory party soundtrack. You let out a huff at the ambience seemingly blaring in your ears. Your head was pounding. There were too many people. Too much talking. Not enough quiet. 

You felt a hand on your back. You turned to see Matt there, as always. You tried to hide the immediate response your body had to him, but you both knew that he was aware. 

“You okay?” His voice the only thing making sense was common for you. He’d say the same about you. When you didn’t respond, he continued, “How are you feeling?” He rubbed a few circles into your lower back, before resting his hand on your waist. 

You nodded, a hesitance there, “I’m o-okay.” You turned your head away, embarrassed by your inability to say two words without choking up. 

Without a word, Matt grasped your hand and pulled you from the table you’d be standing at. You followed him, always willing to do so, you’d go wherever he went. Shut up. You quieted your own thoughts. How pathetic it was to be so incapable and reliant on a man. Your lip quivered. Matt turned to you, again, sensing it all. He moved to grab your coats—sliding on yours, then his. 

“Come on.” 

Your feet were moving on their own. You let the feeling of his arm pulling yours lead you into the elevator. You sniffled, still not much on your mind other than the immense failure you were. 

“Hey,” Matt turned to you as the doors closed. “Whatever it is, it’ll be okay.” 

You felt the tears building, the pressure burning your eyes. “It won’t.” 

He was in front of you now, the twinge of salt in your tears hitting the air and his lips. Matt turned swiftly, hitting the stop button. You stumbled at the jolt and grasped for the wall for support. 

“Matt! What are you doing?”

“What are you feeling?”

“Nothing, I’m good.”

He tilted his head as he did, “Lie.” 

“I hate you,” 

“Another lie.” 

You turned to face the elevator wall. You sucked your teeth at your reflection. He was always so in tune, whether good or bad you still were not sure. It was times like this, where you let as if you were crawling in your skin, that the thought of explaining that phenomenon made you feel ill. 

He interrupted the thought, “It’s okay.” Don’t get yourself worked up. 

A split second later you spoke frantically, “I don’t think I can live without you.” The words blended together, the embarrassment increasing with every letter that left your mouth. 

He smiled a bit, nodding, “Thats good to hear…seeing as I don’t really plan on going anywhere.” 

The sound of you inhaling and exhaling slow filled the elevator cart. You looked at him, then. “What I mean…meant…is that…I am overwhelmed right now.” 

An arched brow and a nod encouraged you to continue. 

“I have nobody,” He opened his mouth to interrupt. You quieted him with your hand up, “…except you. Which isn’t…ideal.” There was sympathy, but silence still. He allowed you the space, here, to say everything. “Whenever we’re out…when I’m out…I feel so lonely. It’s like this time of year just heightens that feeling I have that everything should be perfect. But nothing is. Nothing can be.” You paused, “But I want it to.” 

“I miss my dad.” Matt stated plainly. “And I don’t really talk to my mom.” It was your turn to nod this time. “I have a few people I care about, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough. Especially during Christmas.” He went to lean on the opposite elevator wall as you were standing. “I imagined myself having years way beyond what I had with my dad. In church on Christmas, or maybe watching movies with him…I didn’t get much of that.” He stabilized himself, removing his red frames with one hand. “I don’t want you to feel burdened by the expectation of what a cookie-cutter life should be. Sometimes there’s other plans for us…and honestly…if we only have each other, forever, that will be enough for me.” 

You nodded aggressively, trying to make sense of that. You tried to drill the words into your mind so as to never be in this state again. 

“I hate Christmas.” 

Matt moved to hit the button, “Me too, babe.”

There wasn’t much said on the way to his apartment, nor when you’d both crawled into bed. After a while, Matt grabbed your palm and kissed the back of your hand. He spoke into your now intertwined fingers. “I can’t live without you either, by the way.” 

“Good to know that we’re both extremely helpless individuals.”

He chuckled, “We truly belong together”

You hummed. The intense feeling hadn’t completely left you, but rather been satiated by the knowledge that despite its existence—Matt would always be there, too.

[mymoshangthoughts]

oki look im back on my "binghe and airplane are similar and i love it" bullshit

except this time i want these two whiny cut-throat bastards to run a cafe together

like binghe is the chef, obviously, and airplane handles the business side of things, and between the two of them, they absolutely make the cafe succeed through underhanded means

like

could they succeed as a business with just binghe's talents as a cook and qinghua handling the bills while the both of them charmed their way through customer service with their fake ass smiles? abso-fucking-lutely. but would they? oh no

qinghua is like releasing rats into the neighboring cafes and salting their sugar in espionage to make sure that everyone knows that the surrounding coffee is shit and the only place for Good Coffee is their cafe. he's making multiple alts online to just destroy their competition through online reviews and switching out the labels on dairy milk with non-dairy milk so that all the lactose intolerant customers are throwing fits on the regular because look, qinghua knows that a small lil cafe cant stand up to the big chain restaraunts, but he CAN destroy the reputation of all the closest chains to him like an absolute bastard

and oki, maybe binghe doesnt NEED to mansplain, manipulate, and manslaughter his way through everything, but gosh darnit, it's second nature to him. he is absolutely gonna hunt down any threats to their establishment and break their arms. and literally everyone who looks down on his establishment or leaves a bad review or otherwise gets in the path of his vengeance trail? loooookk, he cant be blamed for the way he smiled to their face while stabbing them in the back. they had it coming! they insulted his mothers lemon square recipe and thats an arm breaking offense oki

between the pair of them, they have the entire area quaking in confused fear. cuz okay, something i wanna talk about, the pair of them are two-faced and terrifying but like... 99% of people dont know that lmfao

(off topic but a personal pet peeve of mine is when fanfiction has characters immediately notice that binghe or qinghua are lying liars who lie. like "he smiled but it didnt meet his eyes etc" and im just guys. it's VERY established that the pair of them are VERY GOOD lying liars who lie. binghe's main character trait is that he can lie so convincingly that even shen yuan isn't always sure when he's sincere or not. and qinghua was literally a double agent for HOW LONG without getting caught? dude HAS to have a convincing fake smile. so all im saying is that people wouldnt immediately be able to see through that)

so like, yeah, all the bad luck and shit started happening when these two chuckle-fucks opened up a cafe in the area so like, logically it has to be SOMETHING to do with them but binghe and qinghua are literally the two most harmless and charming lil dudes ever? qinghua looks like a harmless pathetic hamster and binghe will thank you tearfully if you like his lemon squares and these two are literally the most wholesome and sweet business owners in the area so clearly they're not behind it

like i just need people to losing their minds a little bit because bingplane have gaslighted them all into submission like the evil cut-throat two-faced fuckers they are.

i honestly cant decide whats better tho. the pair of them having a drink after work together where the vibes are "lmfao we're so evil lets bask in our victory" glow OR the two of them actually only have a faint idea that the other is ALSO an asshole x'D

oki i think i lean toward the latter bc i think thats funnier.

like binghe doesnt pay much attention to airplane bc, as stated, airplane is a pathetic lil whining worm and he legitimately could not care if the twerp lived or died so long as the taxes are filed on time. but tbh, even then, he's competent enough that he doesnt /need/ qinghua around. it's just kinda convenient to keep him around. so mainly he's just apathetic and ambivalent to qinghua, but like, he does sorta notice because they spend so much time together that theres a distinctly... ratty quality to the dude. like, qinghua disappears for an hour and no less than five minutes after his return theres a roach infestation found in their closest competition? sus as fuck. and theres a little bit of a game recognizing game type of energy, but bc binghe could not be paid to care about qinghua's existence, he doesnt really look into it

similarly, qinghua is like 80% sure that pathetic crybaby of a chef is just that, but also, look, he's not dumb and the last three customers who insulted his lemon squares came back to the cafe in casts and binghe is a little too quick to turn off the customer service charm sometimes. and qinghua has basically decided "i actually really dont wanna know". ignorance is bliss, whatever level of psycho his coworker is, he honestly does not care so long as the crazy fuck continues to bake like a god. he absolutely 100% does not get paid enough to know whether his coworker is a serial killer and he also has the self preservation to understand that the less he knows, the better

so they both kinda have vague hints that the other is a two-faced motherfucker, but it's something that they figured out over time. there was no immediate meeting and "oh i know what you are" it was like "oki we've been working together for a year and yeah, im starting to think this guy isnt what he seems". slowburn them into realizing that they have similar personalities, if you will

now as tempting as it is to taking this au in a bingplane direction bc im ngl, i am multishipping trash, i am much more interested in slowburning this as a friendship. or like, grudging companionship LOL because also that gives the opportunity for:

"i just had to ask the worst person i know for love advice" shenanigans

followed by "the worst person i know gives good love advice, fuck" shenanigans

maybe they're having a drink and it's friendly and binghe kinda jsut wants to go home because again, he does not give a fuck about the fact that qinghua is alive, and qinghua also sorta wants to go home but they've both sorta committed to the "we're friendly coworkers" bit so here they are at a bar and trying to map out the Soonest Possible Good Time To Leave when binghe unthinkingly asks

"how do you get someones attention?" because he kinda ran out of pointless weather-related topics and it was on his mind and he really didnt expect qinghua to give him a half decent answer but then qinghua DOES and also knows who binghe's crush is and also is tactfully NOT saying that he knows who binghe's crush is with the casual "look, as an example, that specific person might like~" type of thing

havent decided on a binghe ship tbh lol. like bingyuan is obvious but also would be fun to do some bingliu or bingmo instead lmao maybe bingning? look im a happy multishipper and binghe is shippable with Many Characters. tho for the purposes of this freeform au thoughtless drabbling, the binghe ship doesnt actually matter so i'll keep it vague lol

the point is that qinghua gives really good fucking advice and binghe is just Not Ready for that because he's absolutely seen what a Nightmare scene it is when qinghua tries to flirt

which is somehow how the two segue into a relationship where they talk about flirting and love interests and that sort of shit in the most "we are two stereotypical gossiping middle school girls on the planet who are giggling and playing truth or dare about our crushes" type of way lmfao

because yeah, they're both cut-throat two-faced assholes, but they're also both utterly Weak in love

might be fun if they cycle through a few different failed crushes, but still kinda have fun at each others houses in like pillow forts with martinis that binghe made and gushing about "omg he was like so cute, did you see the way that he brushed me off? ahh imma die, so hot" because also they realize that they both share a Type. they are both absolutely into the Cold Beauty type, altho luckily they haven't crushed on the same person at the same time Yet, but like, it's only a matter of time okay and they know it and they are fully planning to Destroy the other when the time comes bc it's not bros before hoes for them, ohno, it's "to get that hoe, i will bury my bro in concrete" between them and they both lowkey know it LMFAO

and look, mobei jun did not ask to be the culmination of that particular building battle between them. he just came for coffee okay. what the fuck is happening. why is this is life now.

because okay when the pair of them were crushing on individuals who popped into the cafe or people they met outside, there wasnt any sense of urgency to it because they'd just shoot their shot and usually it wouldnt work out, well, it worked out for binghe whenever he went after chicks but he quickly figured out that he was like Cursed with "women simp after me" virus and while it can be flattering to have a simp, it really isnt fun to DATE a simp, ya know? so those relationships usually ended badly. qinghua just has no game with men or women lol

but see, when they realize that they're BOTH after the same guy, then theres the realization that if they fail, theres actually the chance the other one will Succeed and that would be Bad because then they'd have to see the object of their affections dating a coworker and NOPE NO CANT DO IT, WOULD MURDER HIM, I NEED TO GET THAT MAN JUST TO SPARE MY COWORKER FROM BEING MURDERED. THIS IS REALLY ALTRUISTIC OF ME ACTUALLY

so now they're just A LOT more persistent than they've ever been before lmfao they are pulling all the stops, they are using every weakness, they are ready to fucking WRECK the competition

maybe i should aim for a bingyuanmoshang ot4 endgame lmfao. mobei jun and shen yuan are just a happily married poly couple and shen yuan is having the time of his life laughing his ass off every time his husband comes home from the coffee shop like "i dont know whats going on but im scared and weirdly horny" and when bingplane realize that the solution is that mobei jun has two hands (and a very attractive husband), things calm down lmfao

or alternate route for this path, instead of them both thirsting after mobei jun, shang qinghua just has the most pathetic crush in the world, so luo binghe decides to have mercy on his coworker and be a wingman. only he Very Accidentally catches mobei jun's attention instead and now airplane is actually kinda lowkey ready to kill him bc he thinks that binghe snaked him but for once binghe is innocent! he didnt mean to do it! and it's moshang endgame when mobei jun gets over his crush on binghe and notices the angry hamster desperate for his attention

OR OR OR WAIT I THINK I THOUGHT OF THE VERSION I LIKE BEST

oki instead of bingplane actively seeking out love at every corner, what if they're just not. like they do bond over crushes and stuff but actually they're kinda too busy with the cafe and life and hobbies to really think about romance more than a "omg he was so cute~" kind of way. so neither of them notice when they have customers who are just Actively trying to ask them out

like mobei jun has been desperately trying to flirt with the oblivious barista for MONTHS now and he's actually dying because qinghua will just say shit like "wow you're literally the most handsome guy ive ever seen" but then brush him off when mobei jun tries to ask him out bc qinghua just assumes he isnt serious and he's busy with the expresso machine and he has no idea that this man is just PINING behind him while he sighs pathetically to binghe later abt "man it's fun having crushes but dont you just wish someone could like you instead?" and binghe just like "look im actually desirable, cannot relate"

thinking bingliu route for this version bc i feel like liu qingge is just a lot more fitting for Uselessly Pining After The Barista than shen yuan is lol. also his attempts at flirting are basically just picking fights with binghe and he always loses and binghe has absolutely no idea how far gone qingge is for him LMFAO

also now that i think about it, mobei jun should be kinda bad at flirting as well LOL so shang qinghua is like 90% sure that mobei jun sorta wants to kill him

bingplane having their weekly gossip sesh in a pillowfort like "man oki idk why they keep coming to the cafe if they hate us so much... but also man they make for good eye candy, if they werent such assholes, i could see having a crush" and then maybe a terrible game of truth or dare results in both of them daring each other to flirt with the Mean Eyecandy Man and now moliu are about to get Wrecked LMFAO

look basically i think that this sort of au could go in multiple very delicious directions but at the base, i just want evil comrades bingplane running a cafe together with all of the gap moe in the world LMFAO

[seo-m-e]

for some reason they start arguing abt who would get pregnant if they could (cameron would be talking abt pregnancy bc of a patient and house would end up saying something about how much pregnancy sucks (huge L women). someone else (not sure who) points out that surely sometime in the future it would be possible for men to get pregnant instead of women. house and wilson are not actually dating (??🤨??) i could see this happening in the show)

at first they both fight that the other should be the one to get pregnant (i can figure house's argument to be something along the lines of how wilson loves to take on burdens or whatever. this could also be a sex joke. not entirely sure what wilson's argument would be but he's definitely smart enough to think of something)

eventually wilson would be like "ok ok fine i- if you're really that uncomfortable with it i'll do it!" but then house would do like with the furniture and like "no! you always do this thing!!!" ("what thing?" says wilson entirely seriously even though house has had this argument with him ten million times and everyone else knows what house means) "you always just do whatever anyone thinks you should do and never what you want to!!! if you want me to get pregnant then say that!!! fight me!!!" or something (im thinking thirteen foreman and cameron were working with house on something and are now falling out of their chairs (beating each other up so nobody laughs). thirteen is struggling the most. chase goes looking for cameron. sometime during the argument opens the door (shock) stays standing in the doorway (house and wilson havent noticed him yet). locks eyes with cameron who tells him to get popcorn. he goes off to go get popcorn. i dont know what taub is doing. maybe working with a patient and when he gets back wayyy after the argument is devastated to find out what he missed)

anyways i dont have a solid way i think the argument would end. funniest possible outcome? they go to cuddy to settle the argument. cuddy decides... "what the fuck?" (dissapointed sigh) "i have a meeting i'm already late for. i want my office to be empty by the time i get back" but on her way out she stage-whispers or otherwise implies in such a way that house very obviously can also hear it that house would be the one to get pregnant. she walks away. house stares after her betrayedly (totally a word.) (mock or not? you decide). wilson is smug in the way that wilson is smug (and therefore much more subtle than house). if we are figuring that at this point amber is around wilson would tell her and she would laugh at house (he would never live it down as long as she did (sorry). every time he does something she considers pick-a-fight-with-house-worthy she brings it up (but only if she's obviously winning. to rub it in))

ty to the instagram comment section for this gem

[darklcy]

I know the aot headcanons u posted were written kind of a while ago but I’d be interested in any hcs u have about jean and Connie!!

☆ 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐧! 𝐚𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐩𝐭 𝟐 ☆ | attack on titan masterlist

hey anon!! im glad you asked i actually have playlists for both of them if you're interested >:)

≫ jean

≫ connie

𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐍:

pining god. a yearner. a piner. the eyes chico they never lie

when he has a crush on someone, its obvious to everyone else 

he tries to be funny but he just looks sweaty. constantly staring at you but when you meet his eyes he blatantly looks away. 

ofc you don’t notice

When you two do get together, you had to be the one to ask him out.

he really tried his best, but when he approached you privately with his face looking like a tomato, you smiled and pecked his cheek, and he just about exploded

SIR PENTIOUS FROM HAZBIN. THATS BASICALLY JEAN

he is a sweetie tho :,) opens the door for you, hand on your lower back, puts himself between you and the street.

Whenever you compliment him hes the same as eren where he tries to act coy 

"pfft. nahh."

meanwhile his face is beet red

unironically into harry styles, 1975, arctic monkeys

gets really mad at iphone games like flappy bird lmfao

“I dont even like tiktok that much” (always scrolling through his fyp)

“Hey jean, can you pass me my phone?” “No,” while passing you your phone.

cheesy pick up lines like: “How are you, Jean?” “Better now that you’re here.” 

The trend of “whos your celebrity crush” cutting to “no one is more beautiful than my amazing partner” except hes serious

when he sees you trying to lift something heavy, he goes “here, i got it,” and takes it from you without asking.

Dont try to fight him either, he really, really insists

And i KNOW THIS MAN CAN COOOOOK. 

You wake up and hes making eggs or pancakes, whatever u want with a smile. UGHHH

Listens to music while he does it

More than a woman by the bee gees i know yall remember

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐄:

simp.

simp simp simp simp

constant “DAYUUUUM”s from him

I dont think he’d have a confidence issue with flirting. If he likes someone hes straight up

“Hey, you’re really attractive. Can i take you out?”

he's direct and up front, but that adds to the appeal honestly

loves to ask questions about you, your life, your hobbies, wants to know every little detail about you

not really into people asking about his life, but he's not closed off either, so he’ll open up

Also has a vape LOL

I think he’d have one tattoo maybe behind his ear since his hair is buzzed, but only one

also one earring, a silver hoop

drives a car that has a loud engine because of course he does

I feel like hed drive a B&M or a dodge charger

anyways hes really sweet also

but just because yall are dating doesnt mean he wont be silly. he's constantly annoying you

“Babe what are you doing” “babe whats that” “babe how much longer”

pokes you. a lot

would jokingly burp and blow it in your face

“Eww, god connie.” “I’m just showing you my love, do you not want my affection?”

Rage gamer to the MAX

If anyone of you watch jake webber:

Hes in the kitchen streaming, while carrington his roommate can be heard screaming from the other room

YOU AND CONNIE FR

you love him <3

[i-love-dopamine]

The only way for her to love me is if im wilbur so watch out for cosplay

[puppyeared]

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

[justagaymoth]

It's out

I'm not finished but here it is so far

I don’t want a man or anybody I just need a warm body to hold. I don't want love of any kind. I don’t even love my friends its not like a hate them. I just don't love very often. That doesn't mean the people I love are any special. The main person I love is not “the one” whatever that means. If they were, it would be incsest. The only person I truly love constantly is my sister. This is not to say i dont care about humanity or the people in my life i just dont love them. I dont feel anything in my heart for them. Not my parents, not my friends, not the guys that ask me out because i'm pretty. I hate it when anyone says they love me because i can't love them back no matter how badly i want to. The guilt and disgust I feel when I hear the word love aimed at me like a missile that could kill a hundred men or more.

My life is pretty okay right now. Im in my first month of my semester of college and three boys have asked me out and two have asked me to parties. I like to think they asked me out because of my smart and witty comments in class but in reality its because of my face and boobs. I hate collage boys. Well most of them one is pretty alright he is in my biology 101 a first noticed him when I accidentally saw his test score on a pop quiz. I just happened to be looking that way. I was staring day dreaming about my sci fi fantasy world i've been thinking about since I was 5. The main thing that pushed me to try so hard to learn to read was that world. I needed to write it down and publish it one day. Maybe some other bullied kids would find as much comfort in that world as me. Anyways he was one of three people who didn't get a D or below on that test and this girl I didn't know were the only ones who got a decent grade.The third person who got a decent grade was me.I know this because everyone else growed or looked very sad or angry. The girl was so excited she passes she let out a tiny shriek. He got an A+ I got an A.

“Congratulations on your grade, that was a difficult quiz,” was the first thing I ever said to him.

“Thanks, hopefully you didn't do too bad.” I chuckled. I still don't know why I did that.

“I got an A. I figured I would get a B or C,” I said i was surprised i told him that last part.

“Why would you suspect a C you always make amazing comments in class. Sometimes it seems you know more than our professor.”

“You notice what i say in class? I thought no one payed attention to the professor much less me." Wait, I didn't mean to say that out loud.

“Sometimes your comments in class teach me more than Professor Browns,” he chuckled after he said that. His chuckles are like music. I don't love him. Don't get this twisted, this is not a love story. And this is definitely not one of those love stories that says that it's not a love story in the beginning of the movie but by the end they are in love.there was a short pause then he spoke again.

“I forgot to tell you my name, I'm Bayley but my friends call me Bark. I have a feeling we will be friends,” after he said that he grabbed my purple pen and started writing something a the straw rapper from his pesi. “Here is my number. I need more smart friends,” he said smiling and handed me his straw rapper.

“My name is Sophia but I hate my name so call me whatever you like.”

“Well I better get to my next class bye So-” he stopped himself from saying Sophia and just waved and smiled.

I kinda hope I see Bayely again. Something about him

seem different from the other guys who gave me their numbers. I think I might actually message him. I hear a ringing sound from my phone it's a phone call from my sister.

“Hey Sophia, how are you? We haven't talked on the phone in so long. I apologize for that I've been busy with school.” I could not help but smile it makes me happy when my sister calls me. She is the only one who I actually don't mind calling me Sophia.

“Hey Emma, I'm doing pretty well. Speaking of school, another guy gave me his number.”

“Wow, isn't that like the 5th guy or something? Do you think you are gonna go out with him? Is he hot?”

“He is the first guy to give me his number and not ask me out I think he wants to be friends or something. He said he needs more smart friends. It's weird a guy wants to be my friend and doesn't see me as just a hot body.”

“So Sophia, do you think you are going to text him?”

“Yeah probably he has a rare combination of brains and being attractive. He actually made me chuckle I don't know how he did that.”

“Does someone have a crush?” She said that in a sing song voice she is clearly in her romance obsessed high school phase.

“No but if he asked to fuck i might say yes.” I probably shouldn't have said that. It's okay Emma is a senior in highschool. She lost her virginity last summer to her now ex girlfriend.

“College must be wild.”

“It's really not especially compared to high school which is probably for the best.”

“I have to go Sophia, I still have some homework.”

“Okay Emma if you need any help with your homework call me back cause I'm kinda a huge nerd.”

“Okay bye I love you sister”

“Love you too Emma” I mean it's true I love my sister and myself are the only ones I really love in this world.

I begin to type out “hi this is Sophia”. Remembering when Bayley was about to call me Sophia but stopped himself I really liked when he did that. I press send hoping he doesn't ask me out. A few minutes later I hear I ding from my phone. It's Bayley. “Hey this is Bayley. How are you?”

“I am okay just bored I finished my homework ages ago. How are you Bayley?”

“This is a weird question but can I call you?” Bayley texted

I didn't text him back, instead he called me himself.

“Hey Bayley, why did you want to call me?”

“I just want to be closer to you.” Oh fuck he wants me doesn't he?

“I'm sorry Bayley, I don't want to go out with you.”

“I don't want that either I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that I just really need someone to talk to it's getting boring. I hate being alone and I am not on good terms with my family. Oh shit I didn't mean to say the family stuff out loud. I literally just met you. I am just really awkward.”

“It's okay Bayley. I need people to talk to as well my friends from high school were shit I only have my sister and she is 2 years younger than me.”

“How old are you So-” he stopped himself from saying Sophia he remembers I don't like that name how sweet. I still don't love him.

“I'm 19. How about you?”

“I'm 20 I turn 21 in October. I don't know what I'm going to do and who I'm going to hang out with. All I know is I don't want to spend my birthday by myself.”

“What day is your birthday, Bayley?”

“It's October 20th”

“Okay,” I said looking up how many days till then on Google. It's 21 days till then. Woah I can't believe it's September 30th already.

“Do you want to hang out this weekend? There is an orchard right by my house where we can go there.” I asked hopefully he says yes. I really need something to do.

“Yeah that sounds fun. I mean how could it not you are witty and pretty.” I laughed loudly when he said that.

“Shit it's already 7:30. I need to eat dinner.” I feel a little sad to end our phone call.

“Alright bye So” he said it just like he was saying someone's name. I think I like So better than Sophia.

I hang out every weekend till his birthday. Those 21 days were some of the best of my life. I still don't want to date him or anything. However every time we hang out he gets hotter. I really want to fuck him but I don't want to ruin my only friendship I have. So I resit the urge to tell him how handsome he looks every time I see him. The more I see him the happier I feel. Hanging out with him is good for my mental health. I like his jokes. He has called me pretty a couple times so maybe calling him handsome wouldn't be so bad. It's not like it means I want to date him or anything.

My alarm rings at 9 am on October 20th. My first class starts at 10:30. The first thing I do after seeing that it's Bayely’s birthday is I texted him a message that reads “Happy birthday Bayley I've really enjoyed getting to know you. It's really nice to have something to do on the weekends besides homework, job and watching New Girl.” I could help but think Maybe I could do you sometime. Of course I didn't send that. I made him a card already and drew him. I'm not very good. It was the first thing I drew in a year. I was depressed so I stopped drawing a year ago and I just never started up again. I might as well start now. Anyways the card has two paragraphs in it describing how I felt on our adventures with him. We have been hanging out every weekend for the past 3 weeks and we have coffee and do our homework for our biology 101 and help each other.

He's leaned his head on my shoulder a few times it usually stays there for hours. It's like my shoulder is the place his head has been searching for all his life. What am I even saying? I really should be in love when I'm with him I feel happy but not in love. When he puts his head on my shoulder my stomach settles. I feel so relaxed I feel like falling asleep. That's not how I felt when I was in love at age 16. I felt energized and my heart would swell up and fly. I don't feel that way with him. I don't know if this is what people feel for their friends because I don't remember the last time I loved any of my friends at the time. I just feel comfortable, happy and horny when I'm with him. I don't know if this is love. I don't want to date him because that would be a change. I like how it is now. The only change I want is for me to fuck him.

My phone rings. It's 20 minutes till my class. I'm driving there now. My phone is hooked up to the speakers I'm playing She And Him. Zoe Dechanel is so amazing. Sometimes I think I'm in love with her but that's not how it works. She is a celebrity. I don't think I've ever been this excited for biology 101. I really like science but that's not why I'm happy. Augh I'm so fucking horny right now. I'm also nervous because I sorta wrote that fact on the card. I don't remember everything I wrote because if I memorized it I would not give it to him. I'm so afraid I'm going to ruin his birthday with this card. I want him to have the best birthday possibly. If he wants to I plan to take him to his favorite coffee shop this weekend and then my house if he wants. I have so many things to show him at my house. I don't want to ruin what I have with him. I don't really want friends besides the casual ones I see once a month for science club. I just feel overwhelmed with too many friends and too many people. I don't know.

Oh shit I'm in the class he is standing next to me. We both arrived 30 or so minutes early to make sure we could review the notes we took yesterday. He is just standing there with A huge smile on his face. Shit he sees the card.

“Uh happy birthday. I made you a stupid card and I'm not very good at writing or drawing. I mean not when it comes to non science stuff. Well…” I say awkwardly.

“I can't believe you remembered!” He says excitedly opening the card. I want to disappear. This is so embarrassing. I just stand there staring at him. After what feels like hours but can't be more than 5 minutes. He hugs me. I'm still in shock. I feel nothing but fear.

“I love it. You are so pretty don't worry I don't want to date you either. I kept trying to give you hints that I wanted to sleep with you, this is the best way to tell me.” he whispers so quietly I can barely hear him. I've never heard him whisper and it's so hot. My weekend plans are so happening! I look to see if anyone is in the hallway when I see no one I kiss his check them whisper. “I have several birthday surprises planned for you this weekend.” He smiled in the hottest way possible. Not the same smile as when he was waiting for the card. I think he knows one of the surprises is sex he is clueless about the others.

I can't pay attention to the lecture today. I'm just thinking about sex and Bayley’s birthday. I can't stop replaying what just happened in my head. It was perfect. Maybe this wasn't so impossible afterall. I hope he doesn't find a girlfriend. I don't want to be his girlfriend but if he found one we could never talk. most people I talk to I don't want their partner to speak to someone they used to fuck or date. I hope this lasts longer than a few months like all the others. Most people don't want what I want or they do at first then they change their mind and I never speak to them or they call me when they get drunk or lonely. It's annoying.

I snap back into reality when the teacher asks me what is a difference between cells and animal cells.Thank god we were learning about something I already know today.

“Plant cells have cell walls which add an extra layer of protection. Plant cells also have Chloroplasts which play a major role in photosynthesis.”

“Thank you Sophia, see someone was paying attention.”

I quickly glance at Bayley. He is starting. I should probably help him review the slides this weekend. He is not paying attention just like me. The only difference is he is not going into science as a major.

update!!

I started writing a story about a loveless aromantic aplatonic allosexual nonbinary person. They met a guy named Bayely his nickname is Bark. they meet in a collage biology class and they don't fall in love or get into any type of relationship. They after a few months of being friends he develops sexual feelings for the main charter. and they become friends with benefits but the benefits are sex and cuddles. he has never cuddled anyone besides family because all of his romantic partners have just wanted him for his body. their story focusses on their abnormal friendship but its not a queer platonic relationship. eventually the main charter wants a kid and has the awkward conversation of asking Bark to help them explaining that he does not have to have a father role in the kids life if he does not want to. he says yes after a month of thinking it over he says he wants a more uncle like role in this kids life. after a year of sometimes helping out with this kid he wants a more fatherly role in this kids life. a few months later he moves in with the main charter to take care of the one year old. Bark and the main character have separate rooms they are pretty much friends with befits roommates who are raising a kid together. I have not written all of the story yet I only started writing it today I have 692 words so far. I got the idea for this story while daydreaming about what I want. I might call the main charter Soe (pronounced like the word so) as a shortened version of the charters birth name Sophia. Might post somewhere if anyone wants to read it when its finished comment or like this post if this sounds interesting to you

[halfdeadwallfly]

[hookechoes]

last scene of the bikeriders is absolutely fascinating me rn bc

it became even more clear to me on second watch that kathy is not necessarily a reliable narrator all of the time because she states outright, in the 1973 interview, that benny has no feelings and never ever cries, not ever. and then you see it happen when he comes home in 71; you see him sobbing in her arms after johnny dies, and she just doesn't tell danny. you could say she's protective of benny's pride, and i think that may be true, but she had no problem being honest about every other part of her relationship with him. i mean god bless the woman, i think she's still jealous of johnny even after he's gone. she's so possessive of benny that even after johnny dies, she still won't admit to anyone, including herself, that benny loved him back, that johnny's death brought him home, that losing johnny made him weep like he'd lost a spouse (which recalls to mind kathy speaking about only seeing her father cry twice, once when his wife nearly died), that he completely quit riding after that, the one thing it had always been clear that he loved doing, and never looked back.

[faaun]

i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao

[derww]

gnome, im so fucking happy youve spoken about chat being a character and member, ive been thinking about for so fucking long and seeing our ideas merge and respond to each other is just so awesome. <3

for me zams chat just was a character in some way or another, even if muss less formed, from the team awesome breakup and further. yes, princezam is a very anxious and uncertain guy, but would he actually be so constatly changing without listening and wanting to please a chat divided by opinions and therefore always unhappy with him? he got his breakdown few days before the wormhole about how chat is the reason he is in such a bad position, because he wants to please everyone and he can't, and i see it. in some way, eclipse!pz chat was a second planetlord, always making him unsure and asking questions and saying to leave, and i really dont think wed got even close to the plot we got in the end without chat. i started thinking about it for the first time when writing my lifesteal retrospective (tldr i briefly and not too accurately retold plot of s4 with pz focal to nivalu, its like +- 350 pages i think) and really fast got into the point where i was not able to write princezam at all not explaining how much had chat influenced him. in my head, at some point, most active chatters even became a characters on their own, being not a hivemind, but their own personalities with a vision and way to show it, and for the while seasons they were not only influencing pz, but they formed alliances with each other, changed their opinions and ways of influencing what was happening. and many of it actually mattered in the end, and if it wont, pz wont be so angry for all the voices in his head. while he has a character and his vision, over the past month, I've been discussing how driven he really is by the narrative and the world around him, and in general, he's reactive, and chat is part of it. it is a part of a reason why i stopped writing in chat, actually.

while zam had said that hes trying not to be influienced by the chat while making his decisions now, and i believe that hes doing his best, he really still is. loved that you mentioned your and zy theories and how it was not only presented to zam but influenced him and turned out to be completely true (I owe you and zy for not wanting to believe yall, you're incredibly smart and you were right!). before chat had mentioned it, he didn't even think about it, and initially completely dismissed the idea, but continued to reason, and by the time of the conversation with mapicc he perceived it almost as an accurate fact. there is much more less impressive but still noticable moments like that, when a chatter brings quote or idea from tumblr and it influences him, and i think while the basis of the conclusion does not include any info from others streams (staring at derapchu chatters), its awesome. its not entirely fair since we are still influenced by the knowledge, but its sorta a consequence of chat being the only lifesteal character existing out of the server. we can have no body, but we surely do change things, how any important convo can change many things in a person.

i really love it, and i also think that other chats are also partially like that, even tho less formed than zams, but still obviously changing things (even just helping the streamer, with the farms, with the riddles, how is it different from having a cool teammate who cant come right now but can explain?), but it is also a reason why i actually almost stopped writing in chats. because, while i like having the chat as a character, i dont want to be part of a lifesteal that way. but its actually so, so awesome that we have all of this. technoblade had made his chat in a part of his character as something that makes him want blood and death, but he rarely heard distict voices just because of how much of them were. zam has much less of them, and important part of them grew up with his character and gets how exactly to not just discuss a lore, but to be a part of it. not-quite-a-hivemind, but definetely a character that cannot be ignored. another reminder of how much can be done at lifesteal without spilling a drop of blood (except for the blood of the chatters who had died in !lifesteal chat pvp, of course).

All About You

This is about to be the most meta analysis post of my life, but something that has fascinated me the most about lifesteal recently: chat is the 38th member.

As a live stream story, lifesteal is always going to be affected by the live audience, the streamer reading messages, talking back and forth, sometimes doing what chat wants. This is the streamer-chat dynamic. It's natural, it's part of the story.

But something that has fascinated me particularly since season 4, particularly post zam's break s5, and Particularly in s6 since I've started interacting on tumblr, is just how much chat influences the lore and how much we influence each other.

At each of these moments there was a shift in the PrinceZam streamer-chat dynamic.

Season 4 was a lot of anti-lore chatters. People who blah blah blah'ed it up whenever Zam went into a spiral about what he should do. It heightened the feeling of isolation and confusion, especially as some chatters (shoutout van) tried to gently encourage zam in his decision making, giving counter points to the negativity. Unfortunately it often just lead to more confusion as chat was split 50/50 on almost every decision.

In season 5, after the break, there was a reset of the mod team to the team we have now (knowing most of you are here potentially reading this is weird.) These were the best chatters of s4, the ones who became highly invested in Eclipse, and lifesteal in general, and Zam in particular.

In season 5 the hivemind of the mod team getting excited about lore was hilarious to watch. Half the team reprimanded backseating of the rest of the mod team (shoutout meep), the other half lored it up (shoutout chips), everyone loved it. 'Credit to the artist' was born as direct quotes from chat made it into the character.

Read that again: Direct Quotes From Chat Made It Into The Character.

That is weird.

No longer was it simply the mind of PrinceZam forming the character of Zam, as we watched and reacted, but chat itself became an integral part of the lore (these are his amends. make him repent) forming and shaping it, right alongside Zam, into what that season became.

In particular the conversations as the Joker (specifically the Jumper yap in your president doesn't care about you) brought out comparison after comparison to past seasons of princezam as chatters brought up and compared jumper to zam season 3. This sparked a huge renaissance of past season analysis of Zam which became heavily integrated into the final months of the server, with zam to minute, with minute bringing up his own inspiration of season 3 zam, and with zam musing about how each character approaches what past seasons mean to them (concluding, iirc, that they remember it but it doesn't matter to them. tell that to s6 zam lol).

In season 6 the dynamic has shifted again. Credit to the artist has died down, usually in favor of admitting he's reading a suggestion from chat, but the back and forth conversation, reading out specific messages, from often the same few people (shoutout arch and van and citrus (hi citrus)) has flourished more than ever (also shoutout the new chatters. there's been a turnover again and a lot of new names who are consistently affecting the lore)

Right at the end of season 5 I began interacting on lstumblr and writing and reading posts. It came from the end of season conversation about The Mering essay, Barrier Blocks: a breakdown of lifesteal in 22k words about season 4 and conflict. It wasn't the first time that essay and the story of Eclipse Federation was brought up and analyzed on stream as Zam encountered head on that his darkest time on lifesteal was the defacto fan favorite story of the server.

The analysis of the chatters was being shared with the streamer and therefore, the character. These were the seeds of thinking deeply about his actions in s4 and s5 and how he actually felt about them and not just moving on and forgetting.

And then something else started happening. Maybe it happened often before, and I was just not aware of it; I do remember a few times in s5 the mod team referencing and asking zam questions about his character that they had talked about or mused over between each other on discord. So it was happening to some extent, but particularly since starting to hear your opinions and analysis about the story on tumblr, I'm seeing a new trend in s6.

The fandom stream snipe:

When someone in chat innocently brings up something I damn well know was talked about on here just the day before.

Some analysis about a previous stream. Some wishful musing about interactions we hope to see. A tidbit about a previous stream that was unresolved.

And it changes the lore just as much as Planet is known to change the lore by talking to Zam.

The two instances that got me really thinking about chat being the 38th member were recent:

After 4c betrayed there was of course a lot of discussion and the general consensus was the we would love to see another 4c and zam conversation. Especially after 4c gave kab the disc, and zam did the short confrontation of him with derap. Multiple people, I mean it was on everyone's mind, wanted another interaction.

And when the timing was good, chat struck. Or should I say, van cooked. After Zam wrote signs about kab and wondered what to do about his interactions with her, someone mentioned 4c, and the door was opened to talk about what we were all wondering about. Van delivered, nearly single handedly driving the conversation towards talking to 4c, musing that it felt unresolved. When zam got distracted by demi talking about his base, van brought the discussion back around to 4c and the rest of chat started cooking too, innocently encouraging a second conversation. And Zam /msged 4c to talk.

It would not have happened without chat.

The second was yesterday: talking about Leo potentially being a mole. I had analysis, I know zy had analysis, I think others did as well. But until chat started bringing up fandom analysis, zam and derap were not sus of Leo in the slightest. Zam was only partially suspicious about Mapicc wanting to kill Flame, but he only thought of it in terms of letting Mapicc down.

And it got me thinking; at what point are we stream sniping ourselves? It's not really stream sniping (though the 4c one gets very close) because it's based on our own analysis, and usually just based on zam's streams, or doesn't include knowledge that isn't known.

But that Leo analysis was lifesteal spoiler walled. It was, by default, something that was kept hidden from lifestealers on tumblr (though less for zam and more for anyone else), though, as a theory, is it really a spoiler? But as a theory, is it really meant to be seen by the character? Unless we were a member and wanted to tell our teammate we thought something was up?

It's an interesting conundrum. Our analysis is a hivemind of hyperfixating viewers who Think about lifesteal all the time, rewatch streams, watch everyone and know how everyone is likely to be thinking and acting, breaking it down, reading each other's analysis and cultivating a deep web of theories and hopes and dreams about this lovely server of ours.

And that holds weight. All the minds of the viewers pushing together to have an affect on the server. Honorable mentions are our opinions/analysis on lskab that ran rampant in chat for that like month, and, in the opposite direction, mer's rewatch of s4 ending in a "i wish zam could talk to vitalasy again" post which plausibly reignited the deep dive thinking about that season and then culminated in this past saturday's stream!

Would PrinceZam the character ever have wanted to talk to vitalasy nearly half as much without the love of the fandom (not just mer) for eclipse federation that persists to this very moment nearly 2 years later?

We mighteswell be a member on the server asking zam to talk to someone!

Not to give us a big head.

I'm in no way criticizing these actions. I don't have an opinion either way for when it's too much. It's part of the medium to have a chat. Lifesteal would simply not be lifesteal without the audience interaction and this influence is hardly new to the story. One could say the ls story never got started until the audience cared enough about the story as story to have an opinion on where it should go.

And it's the same with the server members: they have to care about the story enough to log on and be in the story. And then they start affecting it and the story is created.

[spinecurlingmice]

didn't realize how bad my environment affected my mental state until i left it . ... november has been suspiciously nice to me and I've been having less thoughts abt how little I matter and wow. I've been like having more collective good days than I've had like all year.

[an-theduckin]

Wait shit people might actually care about me