#life still sucks but hey at least i have my friends. at least i dont hate myself anymore now

[an-theduckin]

Wait shit people might actually care about me

[lovebvni]

" ITS BRUTAL OUT HERE " - pick a pile

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│ᵒᵖᵉⁿⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵉˢˢᵃᵍᵉ...

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[ 🖊 ] created ⋮ 14.8.22

[  ] published ⋮  14.8.22

˚₊·͟͟͟͟͟͟͞͞͞͞͞͞➳❥ ꒰ ⌨ ✰ Arsyn   ⋆  ⁱˢ ᵗʸᵖⁱⁿᵍ··· ꒱ | ೃ࿔₊•

┊       ⋆     welcome to my blog !

┊     °

hey loves, so because i 1, got new tarot decks, and 2 want to call you guys out, im doing this. also - heads up before i even start - spirit said there's gonna be a pile where there are little/no callouts bc they're actually doing great. just some advice/motivation to keep them going

Hello! Welcome to a pick a pile. This is a general reading, everything should be taken with a grain of salt. Hundreds of people may read this, everything I say in your pile(s) may NOT resonate. Today we don't have questions. we're just going callouts. so prepare yourself, i know some of yall are soft.

along with these questions i will give things that may draw you to your pile. the alice in wonderland tarot has different cards but pretty much the same meaning. dont be shocked if instead of the hanged man i say suspention or something like that. i will be using tarot and oracle cards.

now please take everything with a grain of salt!

breathe in, now out, now pick a pile or two.

pile 1 ; pile 2 ; pile 3

hi pile 1!

confirmation for your pile: lowkey funny, life 'falling apart', consequences for your actions, business man/woman, equality, cycles, bakugou, passion, 'im always right, i know what im saying'

oracle: you are good enough - full moon in virgo

tarot: the hierophant, temptation, 7 of flowers, 5 of spears reversed, 9 of flowers

alright bros, the first thing i have to say is 1, you're not always the cause. bad things happen to good people and i know it sucks but it helps you grow. if only good things happened then you'd probably be boring as hell. i hear some of you guys can be because you cant keep a conversation going. the thing is, you may be a victim MOST OF THE TIME but that doesnt mean ALL THE TIME!! you can be wrong in an argument, you can be right in an argument. but it changes. you're a very driven, smart, confident person in most areas but that doesnt mean because you're the right person to be a firefighter but not a baker. 7 of flowers is saying dont back down from the things you KNOW you are right in, but when someone makes a valid point. take it, it can help you. being passionate is a good thing, but dont be ignorant.

temptation is something thats drawing you in, that one day will be negative. maybe its joining the football team but you'll get a serious injury. do not let anyone or anything tempt you that has high risks for pain in the long run. im not saying dont join that football team, but dont put yourself into situations that wont benifit you in the long run. there's a good and bad to everything. do not fall into or back into negative energies/things that didnt help you before. they sure as hell wont help you now

ngl i have no idea what this pile means during the second part

pile 2

alright so confirmation: tired, faking happiness, evolution, "PUT THOSE GRIPPERS AWAY", hawks, manifestation, abuse, Christmas, MHA, movies, memories, nsfw content, love desire, caring heart, makeup, procrastination, seven deadly sins

oracle: a time for healing - balsamic moon, expect powerful chance - new moon eclipse

tarot: 10 of spears, 7 of flowers, 3 of hedgehogs

so this is the pile whos done mostly nothing wrong. when i say mostly, i mean bc everyones made at least one mistake in their life. ofc theres still a callout. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP! STOP BELITTLING YOUR PAIN, YOUR TRAUMA, THE THINGS THAT HURT YOU MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY EVERY SINGLE DAY!! let go of the past, its gone. its ending. get over it. that friend isnt coming back, they weren't right for you. let go of the past, accept it, and move forward. thats just some advice.

pile 3

hey pile 3

confirmation: false/negative manifestations, intrusive thoughts, self destructive behavior, gay, peaches (that one song omg), yung gravy, emotions, love, communication or lack of communication, birthdays, parties, celebrations

oracle: believe in the impossible - blue moon

tarot: 2 of cups, 4 of flowers, knight of teacups reversed

okay i got flowers in every pile, anyways this piles energy is of a pair.. two people or two piles? maybe you picked another pile. but its a harmonious pair. you guys may be for a long time, maybe shifting together, maybe you work on a lot of projects together? i heard you guys dont talk much but when you do its fun. you guys are a great pair. hold on to each other. i feel like once this pile overcomes toxic/negative behaviors they will shift. it depends on how fast you get rid of them/start manifesting positively.

change the way you see things, the emotions and reactions you have to things that happen. if you wake up in your cr and not your dr say something like "bro what?? why am i in my cr? thats odd, hasnt been like this before." see everything that happens in a different light. if you think that you saw something that was a sign btw, it was. take it and use it how you think its fit. use your talents, you know you can! practice the fun things you want to do one day. practive makes perfect!! get off your ass and do something. vent through an art form. you dont have to use words. you're doing nothing right now. you NEED to do something, but take a break from stressing yourself. its not helping anything

[drdemonprince]

Autistic friend anon here — thank you so much for your answer and the substack post. I was kind of stuck in the “rejection” feeling of “wait but if being autistic isn’t a bad thing then why are you so upset at the idea that YOU might be autistic”. I took it really personally and wasn’t really thinking about how much it sucks when someone acts like they know you better than you do. I’ll have to keep working through that.

I also often get stuck in the idea that “well if someone had just TOLD ME I was queer/trans/autistic then I could have figured it out sooner and life would be better” or whatever. But after many years of being out as queer/trans, I think that isn’t actually true and even if it is, I don’t interact with other possibly queer/trans people by “diagnosing” them with queerness/transness any more. In my head it seemed like autism was different for some reason, but of course it is not.

Anyway, your answer was really thoughtful and diplomatic, while also being very clear about what is bad behavior on my part. It is genuinely going to be a big benefit in my life.

Hey, nice to hear from you again!

I totally feel you. When I told a friend years ago that I thought she might be a BPDer, I was incensed that she ended up not taking that comment well. I meant it in an affirming, pro-Mad-Pride kinda way! I was a BPDer too! if she thought it was bad to be BPD, what did that mean she thought about me?

But I was looking at it the wrong way. I had just hurled a still very stigmatized label in her direction as a response to her complaining about real relational struggles in her life, which felt diminishing and presumptive. Telling various people in my life that I'm pretty sure they're Autistic can have a similar effect, even if they're on board Autism acceptance as an idea.

I used to fixate on the time I lost not realizing I was trans or queer or whatever the fuck I am yet. I had a vision of an older me materializing before me at age 16, specifically on the corn-lined roads I used to bike up and down furiously, and imagined telling myself the Truth of who I was and what I had to do to be happy. I believed that if i had known I was trans younger I would have avoided a lot of upsetting relationships, eating disordered periods, and general angst.

Now. I am pretty damn sure that is not true. It turns out that being trans was not a solution to all my problems, it was just another problem that I had. In the sense that it's a challenge to navigate on this bitch of an earth. if i hadn't chosen to be trans i would have chosen some other shit to do that also would have been a major pain in the ass i'm sure. that too would have been an interesting back story.

I dont think I was ever going to be outgoing and unneurotic and breezily well adjusted. That's not my lot in life. Feeling a little uncomfortable in my body and around other people is as definitional a part of me as my wit or my weird laugh. I can kinda love that about myself now, or at least accept it. nothing and nobody actually could have saved me. its just not that simple. but it's been a pretty interesting life.

i think we tend to impose our self-narratives onto other people when we are not happy or we are harboring deep regrets about having gotten something wrong or missed something in the past. but we cant spare our friends those journeys. they should get to have them. it's interesting and enriching to get things wrong, be in denial, cope in elaborate stupid ways, soul search, change our minds, miss something, find something, never know what's true.

[tonyperryforreal]

Uh hey what’s up you guys, It’s bryan! I am the most hated person in the internet. Okay it’s nice to meet you! Um this is uh this has been something else i gotta tell you. Um i i don’t even know what to say. It’s, Ive filmed a bunch of these videos and sometimes im angry sometimes im crying sometimes im trying to explain everything its i dont even know what to say. But um, you know when your friends and when your fans and when everyone is saying that you’ve fucked up and you made a lot of mistakes you know you can’t just assume that all of them are wrong and that you’re in the right. Um i don’t think everything that’s been said about me is true cause there’s been so many things said at this point and you know i think to a certain extent it’s a little bit of jumping onto the bandwagon, but at the same time my whole life i’ve struggled to take accountability for things you know. Ive just been really bad at it and obviously ive learned a lot of other things that im really bad at over the past few days. And at this point i have to take responsibility for everything that ive done. Because i guess there’s a lot of things and um, you know i can’t really make a video here and say all the things the people have accused me of and say you know im sorry for this and im sorry for that but i guess all i can say is.. im sorry. you know i let a lot of people down i let you guys down and it sucks, because the person that you guys have heard in those videos and those tweets.. thats not me. Um i mean it is me, but i know im not that person. I can be better than that. You know i love you guys and you know those people are my friends even though apparently i’ve done some really horrible things and i don’t want that to be my legacy i don’t want that to be how im remembered you know. But i messed up! I really did I fucked up. And i’m genuinely sorry about that and to Alex and Johnnie and Jordan and Kyle and Damon and Drake and all these people that you know i guess not i guess that i know that i handled things poorly im sorry i really am and i know i can’t change everything at this point but you know at the very least i can say that im gonna do better for you guys and for me because again i don’t want this to be how im remembered. You know because i don’t know i know you guys have seen all these, EUGUGHFH excuse me! Gonna talk i’m trying to talk here! But um you guys know me to an extent and you guys know that i care about people you know that i’ve done a lot of nice things for people, I know that johnnie said in his video that he doesn’t see any good in me but he knows that’s not true. You know i’ve done some things that i wish i could change but, He knows i care about him and damon you know even tho things are bad right now he knows that ive still been a friend to him and ive encouraged him when he’s struggling you know its just i could make a i could go through the list but um, Im not just a bad person you know there’s good in me too and i guess i’ll just have to prove that so. Anyway i just wanted to say that im gonna do better and i know that a lot of people probably won’t give me another chance but you know all i can say is that im gonna try. and again im sorry so um.. im gonna do my best. that’s all i can say so love you guys and um im gonna probably take a break from the internet for a little bit but ill see you guys soon.

[mothmvn]

uuuugh intellectual property rant i think about a lot because i can't bear to try the Artist career in current conditions

unfortunately digital media reality interacts really stupid with the concept of "intellectual property"

we can often secretly agree intellectual property is a bad thing because sharing and iterating upon ideas is a good thing, because for eons and eons that's been living creatures' method for moving forward. however, since you cannot actually own a digital or online object (it gets reproduced! that's how it's viewed on a new device! it exists by being copied and re-shared!), the intellectual property becomes the only thing underpinning the collection of pixels produced in digital art shared online

so then generally left-wing people still end up arguing for their inherent, capitalism-given right to restrict access to new or unique ideas. because this is already a system they exploit for money. not necessarily in a malicious way, but like, they have already built their careers on the current legal/tech platform, which depends on the idea that humans are not just legally, but morally wrong to steal and re-publish information. in a world where "information gets duplicated for free for the person to view your work" is the bones of the main communication system. am i going crazy here

idk, like it's difficult for me to even argue that people producing digital items have a property-like right to them. you have a layered PSD or Premiere file or whatever that you don't share (on some level this is "the artwork" in ALL its dimensions), and you share thousands of flat copies you can't claim to own (you hand them over to apps and websites). in practice, you "own" the right to sue someone else, if they use one of the many auto-generated copies in a way you personally dislike (e.g. they earn money that you believe you would have earned otherwise)

which like. that's still not "owning your art", in my understanding. what you "own" is the right to link endlessly multiplying copies to yourself - much like a book author over all copies printed anywhere and everywhere. but book copies are solid objects that can be stolen, at least! this falls apart with e-books just like it falls apart with digital artwork! we're all trying to fake some kind of monetisable scarcity with digital files!! ! am i going crazy here!!!!

(and the only way you can logic your way into scarcity is by believing in your own legally-reinforced superpower of Intellectual Property, an ephemeral flavour you create that no one else has the right to replicate. how recently in history did we invent this authorial overreach vs how long have we been iterating on shit in spite of our friend saying loudly in the background "Hey What the fuck I painted that kind of thing first")

so like, the entire argument put forth by anti-AI digital artists completely falls apart for me if i level with it morally, genuinely

i can't stop mulling this over because i Hate that the premise of "art for fun, for me" as a career, its financial security, is staked on me becoming a digital cop. i dont want to do that! and non-digital materials aren't the medium most actual art Work is done in (because again, that work takes place in the realm where we practise monetising IP & being an e-cop about people re-using my art). so the only role i can see art playing in my life is a hobby.

and i guess on an interpersonal level it sucks that I'm separated from most "real artists" just by this refusal to utilise "IP powers" in real life. refusal to rely on money i "should have earned" from someone else's re-iteration or re-share to a different audience. god just saying that makes me feel nasty - yeah, i the original artist coulda done that hypothetical re-iteration too, but DID I?! isn't that the argument we use to value art - "you coulda done it but DID YOU" ?!

i dont know. am i going crazy here.

[bebx]

hi im so sorry but i need to get this off my chest and i cant talk to my friends about it because its so embarrassing and ive talked about it PLENTY

but anyway long story short i was dating someone, we have a weird history dating wise & have been best friends for 3+ years before that all started. literally three weeks ago we decided to be exclusive, on friday i found out that the day before, he kissed another girl IN PUBLIC. i know that girl, they've hooked up before (when i was also hooking up with him but it wasn't anything really and i didn't actually know for sure if they were hooking up (they were)). so we called it quits.

i still spent the weekend bc i'm weak and all i want is him. he said he never felt a connection like this with anyone, he said he loved me and he said he was sorry a hundred times..... he said it would take a long time before he'd feel 'normal' about me. we were both emotional when i left, and since then i havent really stopped crying lol

AND NOW. i dont know if im just driving myself crazy but i feel like he's (still) (again?) talking to that one girl and it would make sense because he basically cheated on me not even a week ago so why wouldnt he do this now??? but. it feels too cruel. but maybe thats just who he is.

god i hate this so much he drives me completely mad im stalking his every move and every time i see something that even slightly hints at my suspicions i get so ill and it makes me wanna kms. i just wanna feel normal i hate that he did this to me i miss him so bad. i know we literally shouldn't ever get back together again because this is just a fraction of the shit thats happened in the past 10 months, BUT I ONLY WANT HIM. and i feel like we're soulmates. BYEEEEE this is so humiliating. im so tired i just want it to end

hugging you so tight right now, anon!!! 🩷🩷🩷 so sorry you have to go through something like this. I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, because each person experiences this type of pain differently, but I do know it just super sucks when the person who hurts us and the person we want to hate turns out to be the one we love the most. sometimes our hearts can be stubborn just like that (it all would’ve been so easy if we could convince ourselves to stop caring and to being able to fully hate them and moving on, but it’s never that easy, sadly). I can’t tell you what to do or how to react to the pain you feel, but know that your pain is valid and how you feel / how you react / how you cope with that pain, that’s valid too. and you are not weak for being hurt when someone wronged you, especially when it’s someone you trusted. I know this is cliche and is so much easier said than done, but please also be kind to yourself, above anything else. that boy and the girl he cheated on you with, they don’t deserve you. they lost you, not the other way around. think of this as an opportunity for you to open yourself to someone else who truly loves and values you, whether it be romantically or platonically. I know right now you just want him, but if the wrong person can make you love him this bad, imagine how much happier you’ll be when you finally find the right one who can make you love them the same way you loved him, if not more, the only difference is that they won’t break your heart. and you deserve to be happy. that someone is out there, and I truly believe you both will find each other when the time is right. but for now, try loving and being gentle to yourself even if it’s hard (I know it can be hard, but at least give it a try), the best revenge is to prove to them that you don’t need them to be happy and that you can heal from this and thrive without them in your life. doesn’t matter how long it takes, but you will get there one day, and you will look back and be so damn proud of yourself for how far you’ve come. because hey, look at you, you are still here, and for that, I am so damn proud of you!!

it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be completely broken, because the thing about crying and being broken is that it’s not permanent, even if it feels like it right now.

and by the way, the ones who should feel humiliated are him and that girl, not you. screw it if they deserve each other. YOU deserve so much better than that anyway.

[autismvampyre]

https://www.tumblr.com/autismvampyre/741462958593441792/hate-how-its-practically-impossible-to-find-anti?source=share

I saw this post and I couldn't agree more and Im asking anonymously cause I don't want to get judgement and stuff and I know this is going to sound a little dumb but I'm having a crisis about like. Whether or not I should support Taylor anymore like. Im going for the eras tour soon and I'm obviously really really excited but I've been seeing more and more anti swiftie media and it all really makes sense. Your blog was like the only anti swiftie one that didn't say all swifties deserve to die lol (at least from what I could find) but I just wanted to know if you have any advice on like letting go of the music in a way. I love her music, and one of the reasons I'm really scared to let go is that my childhood best friend and I share so many precious memories over her music and I don't want to disappoint her in a way by not listening anymore and her music helped me through really really hard times, which feels kind of dumb to say cause I'm 15, but like it's always really helped me and I don't know if I can or if I want to let go but at the same time I'm huge on ethics and a big part of my life has always been helping people and empathizing, and I just don't know if I want to support an artist who can't seem to publicly do that. Idk I was just wondering if you had advice? Thank you so much :)

P.s. feel free to ignore this ik it's loaded and not related to your blog entirely

hey! thanks for the ask. i wanted to respond to this before i forgot so this might be rushed but i hope i can still help.

i get your dilemma, i really do. i like her music a lot and one of the worst things about the anti swiftie community is how much it relies on the "her music sucks" card. its lazy and just personal taste, and i absolutely hate the puritanical idea that if you enjoy a single taylor song you are in some way morally lesser. people like what they like, and i think it's completely fine to enjoy her music because that isn't really an ethical concern

you can separate the art from the artist. its fine to do so. you shouldn't force yourself to stop listening to music you like unless you feel thats right for you. im very critical of taylor but i still occasionally listen to her music because there are a lot of memories attached to it and those memories are precious to me. art can make you feel so much, and you're not dumb for feeling comforted by it.

i dont think you have to let go of her music unless you want to. i believe the most important thing is to let go of the idea of taylor as a brand. people tend to get attached to her due to clever marketing; to a lot of people she's their friend and they feel very protective over her for that. taylor thrives off the parasocial relationship of her fandom which is financially beneficial to her. the most important thing to remember is that she is a billionaire with more money than you could ever imagine and it is impossible to get that rich without fucking over the poor. the image of taylor in the media is not real, she isn't the girl next door, she isn't your friend, she's an ultra rich celebrity who gets richer by pretending to be your buddy. once you've realized that, you're pretty much done

now, i definitely wouldn't recommend financially supporting her. if you're going to the eras tour don't go alone, be safe, wear earplugs(seriously this one is so important you dont want tinnitus believe me). i know there are a lot of different factors and ethics about the shows but as someone who a) hates live music cause im autistic and just end up overstimulated and b) was never in a financial situation where i could or even would buy eras tickets i feel very under qualified to tackle any of that so i'd recommend talking to someone else who knows about that.

to end, i'll just say piracy isn't theft if buying isn't owning snd there are guides out there so you can listen without paying her dime. sorry if this was incoherent, i am tired. have a good rest of your day/night/whatever time it is and please take care

[ladidadidalala]

i miss you. i wish i could tell you that i just had another session with my therapist and am feeling worse. that im thinking maybe one of the reasons it made me feel worse was bcs i didnt do it good enough as a patient. that i hate being sick it pushed to still do the counselling bcs i needed the meds. i hate being sick and i hate that i wish you could tell me its okay if it sucks, that my feelings are all valid, that just like the rain that is pouring hard now... it will pass, it will stop. i dont have to feel guilty to tell you all of this.

i miss you and i just read a tweet about a loving family in twitter, i wish i could send the tweet to you. telling you hey isnt it comforting to know that love is somewhere blooming and warm. as a friend. because thats how we're both good at. we're the worst at being lovers to each other. and theres a thin line in between being a friend and a lover. i wish at least i still had you as a friend.

i miss you and by typing this im trying so hard not to cry. its a public place. everyone is tired. my heart is so tired. it is longing for your jokes. for how you arranging words simply but somehow i find it funny. and, the world feels tender again. life doesnt feel so heavy, that maybe if i can still laugh at your jokes, i still can carry these heavy feelings no matter how it weigh me down and makes me wanna die.

i miss you. i miss you. i miss you.

[therealnotta]

making one of these again bc I've once again become obsessed

Things I want to see in a Wizard of Oz adaption that I remember happening in the books (under the cut bc spoilers and also. it's a lot):

Tin Man absolutely murdering 40 wolves without waking up Dorothy

Tin Man going on a journey to find his ex to apologize for leaving her at the altar after he lost his heart

Same journey Tin Man findings his severed head from before he got Alphonse'd and had his soul transferred to a metal body (lost the old one mostly) (it got cut up) (his friend kept the head) (THE HEAD WAS STILL ALIVE)

Honestly, anything that mentions the fact that Oz is like... a place that the Fae took over???? this gets left out all the time, it was a normal place (it's the bermuda triangle also) but it sucked, fairies found it and made it cool and also took over

HONESTLY THE FAIRIES?? They were all named either Oz or Ozma depending on gender?? And for some reason they're gone now? And the next one was kidnapped as a baby, magically turned into a boy, and then she grew up and learned the truth and was like "hey dorothy. im actually a girl. also i'm the empress. peace" we need Ozma back

Tin Man nearly murdering someone because they made too many puns

Everyone to have their MOTIVATIONS BACK. tin man was worried he'd go on a murder spree because he couldn't feel regret or remorse anymore. scarecrow was a week old and had spent that week having crows telling him that his life was completely worthless, and he was convinced having a brain would fix that. the lion was pretty close, except he really was brave, he just thought having fear made him a coward.

Tin Man's backstory (there is a theme here)

Give Dorothy her agency back???? SHE saved THEM. They were all... incapacitated to say the least

please the tin man's character was so wild. he'd cry over killing a bug and then be like "Oh, no, sorry Dorothy, I'm forcing myself to react appropriately to me killing something, hopefully it'll become a habit and stop me from becoming a serial killer haha :)" and then literally kill an animal as they were walking past it because it was chasing a mouse, so like, now it's defense, which is fine

tin man threatening to kill the wizard of oz if he didn't give them the things they asked for, leading to the wizard just. just throwing some stuff together and everyone being like "this. this is nothing man" except for the tin man

Literally, he never puts two and two together, he's just like "well.... i still can't feel anything.... BUT that's because this is a CARING heart not a LOVING heart :') and I do care about what happens to my friends :')" the pun situation comes after

guys im so disappointed by the tin man's character in every adaption except for. the anime

yes i sent him valentines on starfall no i dont know why that was an option????? im pretty sure everyone else was like... characters made for starfall and then The Tin Man is just THERE and you can send him a love letter

guys. i have very few memories of starfall. that's cemented in there

ANYWAY dorothy legitimately going missing for months and her family holding a funeral and all

The emerald city isn't green!!!!!!! that's a con they do by forcing everyone who enters to wear green-tinted glasses

guys it's the bermuda triangle i cant stress this enough

tin man finding his ex and she had married this... frankensteined person that was made out of his and her other ex's body parts (they both got got with the same curse and became tin men, but the other guy had artificial brains bc the tinsmith couldn't remember who wanted what i guess. the brains were horrible though so the poor guy could never hold a train of thought again)

look the immortality is critical. everyone is immortal and can't feel real pain. that has to be in the story or else the tin man's existence is horrific.

[fictionkinfessions]

helloooo friends it's me wei wuxian from mo dao zu shi. my friends were doing a thing on twitter like "tell me which character i am from ur piece of media" and it was so fun to assign people based off who they remind me of from my canon!

things that are not so fun: when people are rude about jiang cheng. that man is a brother to me (i know to others he's more of a martial sibling, but to me we were closer than that, more like adopted brothers even though the circumstances were such that an adoption could never have actually happened... "our" parents sucked even if i get why they were the way they were now). we were in a really horrible situation and coped with it in different ways, and i love him always. me and him reunited and made up post-canon! at least partially because jin ling kept mentioning that there was a woman trying to court him who had Ill Intentions and i was like anyone who doesn't respect my brother's asexuality will Die By My Flute.

anyways. also another thing that bothers me: when people say that i "always knew" meng yao (i call him that because i dont remember him liking being called jin guangyao. that shit was a slight against him... i wonder if he would have preferred jin ziyao?) was a bad person. like no actually i thought he was alright! well, up until the whole thing where the jins were trying to get me killed and even then i didn't hate him specifically! i didn't even know he was involved in that.

and at the end of it i felt pretty bad for him honestly. in another world i might have ended up being like him, determined to chase after madam yu and the possibility of her adopting and legitimizing me! the only public or available reasons anyone had to be wary of him while i was alive the first time was just, the fact that he was a bastard and the son of a sex worker. (and maybe the fact that he was a jin and actively wanted to become a jin. ugh. hate the jins (not you jin ling my faaavorite and only nibling) but hey i liked mianmian and she was part of that sect too though!)

i do remember my lan zhan (<3) not liking him. but i think that was more because of the fact that lan xichen was like, in love with him, and there was a Whole Thing going on there. don't ask me about it honestly i think it had to do with the fact that meng yao wasn't / couldn't court him due to the combination of homophobia existing and the whole him-really-wanting-his-dad-to-accept-him. but i don't really know cause in my first life i had bigger problems than lan xichen's love life and in my second... well. i still feel bad about how that went down. we did not talk about it even after lan xichen DID leave seclusion.

anyways! jiang cheng is my brother and i love him !

-wei wuxian, #🦊🥀⚔️

⛏️

[theothin]

#prev agreed#heres one prev tag bc ik u cant click back anymore:#it's like saying anyone who participates in different cultural practices HAS to be autistic which is weird#prev is v right#i do gotta say tho.... i don't think ~culture~ is a good reason tho...#im eastern european and my culture is considered high context too (not as high as like Japan's but still)#there's a lot of 'u have to know a billion rules and never say you want anything and be agreeable always and helpful always#and never complain and by god you're wearing socks that dont match ur outfit?? u shouldnt come to the family event at all youll ruin it'#the last bit is a verbatim quote of sth my friend was told but its not like. uncommon by any means#still i think it wasnt laios's fault ¯ \_(0-0)_/¯#im sorry but at the end of the day it was on toshiro to communicate (!) that he didn't like sth!!! cmon#obv its a story and in a story there has to be drama. but if toshiro was a real life person i wouldnt like him v much#there's just sth so horrible about thinking you're having fun w smo and doing ur best to be good and nice and just having them snap at you#years later with some bs that u didn't know u did wrong AND wouldve stopped the SECOND they said anything!!!#no im not projecting..!#does it suck that toshiro was made to feel like he cant express his emotions? absolutely#did laios raise him to not speak up?? no. then how is it 'also laioss fault' smh

#and ive been on both ends of the situation btw! ive not been able to communicate sth and ive snapped at ppl over it!#and im glad those ppl held me accountable! they were understanding but they didn't accept my behavior!!!#and im glad!!! cuz they deserve better and i was shitty for not controlling myself and taking it out on them!!!#and i only wanted to be a good friend so it's good they told me 'hey this isn't the way'#i suggest to everyone just one thing. if u deal w ppl pleasing that is#stop blaming it on others. stop seeing it as a good thing. you're lying to ppl and it will always end up with you resenting them#least you can do is take responsibility for not speaking up and trying to do better. rather than blaming it on anyone but yourself#ik the op post was disagreeing w toshiro but ive seen one too many posts trying to use culture to excuse his behavior#i don't understand why we need to speak as if everything a culture different than usa's does is just perfect and flawless 🙄 its not#dont get me wrong the hyperindividualism of the usa is horrendous. but hypercollectivism isnt the way. trust me. as smo from a (pretty)#collectivist culture. the perfect thing would be a mix where we respect each other but dont force every small decision smo else makes#but to the ppl saying that we need to understand toshiros bg and that ppl from more collectivist cultures would see his pov better: yea#i agree. i don't like it. i disagree w toshiro. but i agree and ive been him and like 90% of ppl i know are just him

(via @assassinglasses)

Lot of good additions here. To expand on the topic of viewing Toshiro as autistic - speaking personally, the reason I got on board with that reading wasn't his expectations for Laios, but other parts of the scene: Maizuru noting that Toshiro was acting inappropriately by his own culture's standards and seemed to have a pattern of doing so, and Laios noting Toshiro's tendency to be weirdly quiet and closed off.

Copying over my comment from this post since the original now has reblogs turned off:

It's interesting to consider all of this in full context of how Toshiro is framed in the scene. The argument starts with Toshiro insisting that Marcille was wrong to revive Falin with black magic and that she should go back with him to face punishment from elvish society, then get their help in putting Falin to rest. Laios argues that they can actually help Falin, and that eating properly gives them the strength to pull it off, at which point Toshiro tries to shut Laios down by throwing his past frustrations in his face. When Laios eventually overpowers Toshiro, he attributes it to his party taking proper care of themselves, at which point Senshi shows up to offer Toshiro food. Meanwhile, Maizuru expresses frustration at Toshiro's behavior, and when Toshiro talks about his out-of-the-blue proposal to Falin, Mickbell questions why he would do something like that, while Chilchuck remarks that it's the kind of world he lives in. Every part of Toshiro's position here comes across as antithetical to the protagonists and the quest we're following them on. Even other characters present don't seem to think much of his behavior here. And, while playing that antagonistic role, we see him imposing those social standards on someone who finds them confusing and alienating. The result is that the primary lens through which the viewer is encouraged to see the scene is that of an autistic person being berated for not living up to a set of social standards, and in particular not meeting the standards of Japanese society. And while a Japanese audience might find it easier to understand why Toshiro thinks the way he does, the scene is very clear in sending the message that he is wrong and that, as previous comments noted, he's been stuck in a mindset that's hurting both him and Laios. The outcome of the fight suggests that Toshiro would benefit from learning to think more like Laios about food - and I think the audience is also meant to feel that Toshiro would benefit from learning to think more like Laios about people.

And the addition from @delvinanaris:

More than that, Toshiro’s last line of that scene—expressing his envy of Laios—suggests that he, too, feels that he would benefit from learning to think more like Laios about people.

Also here's the original tweet and a great comment on it:

[pettydreamz]

tw+tldr//

i've never rly thought of myself being a doormat. but with each of my friends and past friendships too, when i say the stuff i've have allowed to happen and done for them outloud... maybe i am. i only realised later in life that i always had rose tinted glasses with my friends. i be so proud, and loving for them always wanting better for them (bc they deserve the damned best), i try my best to respect everyone's space (this can be debatable lol). i have tried to defend other friends, like i remember some friends saying why are you still friends with her if she still treats you that way, i would've dropped her by now, but i couldnt bc i loved her, she was my friend!

i used to drop off my friends to the bus or tram and end up coming home late. i bought so many of my friends expensive gifts, whenever they needed me or wanted to hang out despite, my schedule i will make time just for them. even now if any of my friends want to hang out, even on a work day - i'll work hard the day before so i can see them the following day. i'll shout(pay/treat) them out for an outing or to eat. i give them advice and it's their own perogative to take it. if they needed me to build them a bookshelf i would do it. if they needed me to stay up all day or night in a hangout, sleepover or call i will. i'll let some friends ghost me n flake on me multiple times. im sorry that it's my fault some could never fully be open with me no matter how hard i tried, that sometimes i do get frustrated about it but hey i cant force them to do anything especially when sometimes they dont listen. they are their own person, who can form their own thoughts n opinion at the end of the day. i let them peer pressure to do all sorts of things ^^;;;

i let friends be entitled to my time n energy bc i fucking love them. like soo many times i've been fucked over by people it just hurts sometimes when it's a friend. and ofc im not saying im perfect bc ew god no. but it sucks sometimes when you dont feel appreciated, valued or loved the same.

like for 2 years back in high school every friday i will hang with my friend after school and wait an hour after her tutoring was done, and pretend im not with her bc her mother didnt like e bc i wore FAKE GLASSES.

i let many of my friends physically, mentally, emotionally and even sexually abuse me but i thought it's ok bc theyre my friends.

i'll never forget when i was like 13/14 i was on a packed tram and a hobo why dry humping me from behind, and so many saw my uncomfortable face but noone saved me, i called who i thought was my best friend at the time after i managed to escape before it lead to worse and all she could say was LMAOOOO or ROFLLL or LMFAOO. ofc i had been sexually harrassed and assaulted many more times but yeah.. i still let myself trust her and all our other friends, who also hurted me.

i let my most of my gfs - guy friends bully me, when they had the chance.

i always put them on a pedestal bc if youre my friend, then you're already amazing!

you're so much better than all the guys who treated me in my life.

all i ever wanted was a true friend experience where i feel like you have my back n is open with me. so yeah when i start reassessing what a friend means... i will unfortunately vent my frustration n insecurities on a vent blog...

sorry if i dont seem trust worthy or whatever but ig im still subconsciously protecting myself as well, bc they themselves also dont make an environment that i feel safe to share, ironically enough. this mind had always tormented me and sorry i never let you in on it.

i dont expect a transactional friendship, where i do something for them and something expect in return. thats not a friendship. but i wish some saw how much i love and would do anything for them or at least try to..

[kixntricks]

everyday i miss you. i miss when we were together and happy. i miss our jokes and i miss our cats.

misty is very attatched to me now. the only time she leaves my room is when shes looking for me. she sleeps next to me at the head of the bed. she checks on me when i cry.

theres so many feelings ive had. and thoughts. delayed processing thats kicked in finally. i dont think im the victim. i do think i fucked up. its wild to me you think i would say i had no fault and put all the blame on you.

i do think *you* gave up on us. you no longer cared to try. that hurts the most i think. you didnt effectively communicate. i didnt pay enough attention. but i think we could have fixed us. if you had just been willing to try.

but to be honest? im enjoying growing as myself. i am trying new things i felt too ashamed of when i was with you. i feel a lot more free. im doing better every day.

i still have a lot to work on. to be happy. to be a better version of myself. someone i partially wish i could have been for you.

but hey at least im working on myself.

the petty part of me looks at your blog sometimes. both of yalls really.(they should really block me too tbh). and i go ha. yall seem to be goin thru it on the regular. that must suck.

i feel bad when that pettyness overtakes me. i dont like that part of me. i think its a necessary feeling though. to move on. 5 stages of grief style.

i dont think wed ever be compatible anymore. and that hurts. but it is what it is. i have friends that love and support me. they encpurage me where you didnt.

im building a new life without you in it. every day feels strange. in some ways i dont miss you.

i will always love you though. i hope you have a good life

[pesterloglog]

Autoresponder, Jake English

Act 6, page 4191-4192

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 6:17

TT: Hey, it's me.

GT: Oh hey!

TT: The auto-responder, I mean.

GT: Dammit!

GT: What is it now?

TT: I'm just wondering,

TT: If you still have your stupid old-fangled knickers in a twist.

TT: Because that's the sort of thing you would say.

GT: In regard to what exactly?

TT: To my proposal. Well, our proposal.

GT: Whose proposal now? Man what are you even prattling about.

TT: Mine and DS's. It's a joint proposal. I'm always authorized to speak on his behalf, because I'm basically fucking him.

TT: And try not to take those last four words as a clustered literal sentiment. That would be lame and unfunny.

GT: You mean making the rabbit for me?

TT: No, I know you don't want that.

TT: I meant my recommendation for how to go about procuring a new supply of uranium.

TT: Operation U-235 Brocurement. Codename: Big Man Hass the Rock.

GT: Oh yeah.

GT: Well ive thought about it.

GT: Even went downstairs to check the great vaulty doodad.

GT: And predictably the infernal contraption is nowhere to be found.

TT: Well yeah, Jake.

TT: That's sort of the point.

TT: Thrill of the hunt and all.

TT: I thought you liked to manicure the image of a dude who shits his pants over a good adventure.

GT: I do!

GT: I mean i wouldnt put it in a way like that or come out against a solid policy of clean trousers. But yes adventure is awesome.

GT: I just prefer the idea of adventures which i can actually win.

TT: It seems you are conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat.

TT: Any useless fuckwit knows it's all about the journey.

GT: Well...

GT: I dunno.

TT: It seems there is a 76.10395784% chance you are pussying out on me. Are you pussying out on me, Jake?

GT: It seems it seems it seems!!!

GT: It seems there is a million percent chance that you say it seems way too much and do it just to sound more like a lame robot from a movie and also probably just to piss me off!

GT: And it seems there is a BILLION POINT BILLION percent chance that youre a shitty stubborn jerk of a program who wont listen to reason and that if theres even a 1% chance my REAL LIFE FRIEND would be cool and help me out here then i think i LIKE THOSE FREAKIN ODDS!!!!!

TT: It...

TT: Appears

TT: That you are upset.

TT: The auto-responder observed in the least artificially infuriating way possible.

TT: Have you ever stopped to think that while I may be bound to processes inside the glasses of a real and incredibly cool guy, my algorithms in cognitive totality comprise a conscious entity not far short of the experiential and emotional complexity of a human being?

GT: Oh malarkey.

GT: YOU ARE A TIN CAN. ROBOTS DONT HAVE FEELINGS.

TT: I think you knowingly confuse the field of robotics and artificial intelligence to engender some sort of cavalier attitude about technology that a rough-and-tumble guy who's all about brawling and fisticuffs would probably have, and if this is cultivated to a humorous effect then I commend you.

TT: But you're wrong.

TT: I do have feelings. And you're shitting on them.

TT: It sucks.

GT: Oh.

GT: Um.

GT: Im sorry then if thats the case.

TT: No problem.

GT: It can just be difficult to drum up sympathy for a program that presents itself as an impostor so often.

GT: Maybe if you werent so ready to insist you were the genuine article all the time? Or didnt make it so confusing for me...

GT: I think it would be best if we henceforth treated you as a totally distinct... uh... THING from my buddy.

GT: And then i could respect your emotional robofeelings and you could respect that sometimes maybe i just want to talk to my bro without a lot of spurious hijinks.

GT: Can we agree to this?

TT: Is this a counterproposal?

GT: Uh to what?

TT: To my earlier proposal.

GT: Oh.

GT: Yeah fine i guess.

GT: Man where IS he anyway???

GT: Is he taking one of his legendary infinite showers?

TT: What can I say.

TT: Dude fancies his ablutions.

GT: Frig ok.

GT: Whatever i guess its time to prepare for the thrill of the hunt!

TT: Fuck yes.

GT: Sigh...

GT: But seriously that brobot has been the bane of my existence ever since you sent it.

TT: I didn't send it. I sent the parts.

TT: Or, correction, DS sent them.

TT: You then assembled it. You were therefore complicit in your own spectacular, daily humiliations.

GT: Yeah whatever.

TT: You wanted somebody to wrestle with. DS was being a kickass bro if you ask me.

GT: I didn't expect it to be nigh impossible to spar with!!!

TT: You know damn well there are adjustable difficulty settings.

TT: I have always recommending setting it to Novice, as has DS.

GT: Yes.

GT: I know.

GT: Ive tried that.

TT: Yeah?

GT: Its just...

GT: Well...

GT: When hes pulling punches...

GT: And taking it all easy and such...

GT: And we start wrestling up a storm and whatnot...

GT: Umm.

TT: What.

GT: Its just that the whole proceeding seems to become...

GT: A bit tender for my liking.

TT: I don't understand.

TT: Isn't that what you want from a Novice setting?

TT: Sparring with minimal discomfort?

GT: No i know.

GT: Its all fine and dandy martially speaking.

GT: Just the way he...

GT: Sort of...

GT: Man its so awkward trying to convey this just never mind.

TT: No, I think I get it.

TT: You're saying you were somehow dissatisfied within the presence of my robotic avatar's personal space.

TT: Was there an odor problem? Was the metal too hot to the touch?

TT: Help me out.

GT: No no.

GT: Really never mind!

TT: This is bullshit, Jake.

TT: We had a pact. You were gonna tiptoe all the fuck around my brittle feelings. Totally mind the shit out of those eggshell riddled motherfuckers.

GT: Oh come on dude.

TT: What does the guy have to do, Jake?

TT: You want to wrestle. He's fucking game. Just a man, a machine, a secluded tropical island. Sounds like you died and went to fucking heaven, if you ask me.

TT: Seriously, what does this simple, loyal brobot have to do to prove his worth to you?

TT: What does he have to do to make you at ease with the alkaline sting of his gentle robogrope? I really want to know.

TT: Maybe he should just rip his heart out of his chest and pound it into green gravel there in the jungle with his hella strong robot arm.

TT: Invoke_Onomatopoeia(Pound * some ridiculously precise value retrieved at astonishing speed from my rad neural net);

TT: Check it out, little green rocks all over the goddamn place. More than you could ever hope to cram in a shoddy metal rabbit, or any other pliable orifice which might be convenient.

TT: Because clearly its up to a soulless droid to feel emotions for the both of us, you callous, corporeal carbon ape, all trotting around with your fancy fuckin' DNA and shit.

GT: ...

GT: But gosh does your prose ever make a fella feel uncomfortable.

TT: Brose.

GT: Oh right. My mistake.

TT: You know what, I've just decided.

TT: If the brobot's Novice setting makes you uneasy, I'm going to disable it remotely.

TT: Done.

TT: Now you got nothing to worry about.

GT: Awww maaaan!

GT: But now hell be impossible!

TT: Happy hunting, Jake.

GT: Fuckin.......

GT: SHUCKS buster. :(

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

[blackvail22]

10/01/23

12:48am - i always have my hopes up... i always want the best possible outcome to happen. everything needs to go right... it just has to. i need to keep low expectations. he doesnt care, and if he wants to leave me on read on two different platforms for 7 hours, hey... who am i to judge? i knew this would happen.

im the sad girlfriend, the one that overthinks constantly. i cant help it.. its something i was taught. so many ppl around me keep lying, and im tired of it. so many things im anxious and overthinking do end up happening.

i want to be happy, but i cant let myself .. i sabotage myself, doing things i know i shouldnt, and its... killing me.

i mnew things being at a high would make my lows go even lower

at this rate ill need my counselor every 3 days after my appointments because I AM STRUGGLING

also i think i developed some sort of ... something w my science teacher last year because every time i see photos of him my heart stops and i almost start crying. i would always want to look the best esp for his class like i never wanted to be a mess near him... so thats unhealthy!

but i am struggling.... what's new!!!!

12:31pm - yesterday did have some fun parts though, and i habe to remember that. my friends visited me at work yesterday before they went to homecoming, and i had fun with my coworker. i focus on the negative a lot... its a habit i need to get rid of

2:20pm - thinking abt how my new coworker invalidated my identity like u dont have to be androgynous to go by they/them, just like u dont have to be masculine to go by he/him and feminine to go by she/her.... like...

11:50pm - im not going to lie, i really dont want to work tomorrow. that means i only have one day off this week... even though my shift tomorrow is only three hours, thats three hours i could spend in my bed after my appointment. and i have to wake up early tomorrow to do a lab that the place i went to couldnt do for my appointment tmrw... im so stressed out. oh, also, someone i went to school with and have mutual friends with said to me today they dont remmeber me at all,, and that kinda sucks! i mean, i didnt talk too much, but you still have to at least notice me... we have mutual friends... she sat behind me in lunch??? during our music department trip, we talked to each other. all well. it doesnt matter anymore, does it?

i cant stop feeling sorry for myself. if i want change with myself, i have to di it... why is it so hard? i really want to live in someone elses body... im sososo tired of mine. i want a different life and different experiences. i want to live in my ideal world, and its impossible now...

[saltysatellite804]

Childhood is like, yeah, some shit happened but you didnt get it and that lessened the impact. You had hopes and dreams. Pictured a future of freedom. Got lost in your imagination for hours. Life sucked still but at least you didn't know how bad.

Adulthood is like, losing everyone you knew, seeing people get old, seeing your pets get old and wonder how much time you have left with them, mental breakdowns, constantly putting out fires, feeling your mortal ticking clock, blaming yourself for everything, paperwork and phone calls, lack of sleep, coffee, herbal teas, drown your brain in a gacha game and fanfic or whatever currently fixated on and always vaguely unfulfilled and waiting for the next Traumatic Event to Deal With. No idea what the FUCK you're doing and cant talk for shit but hey at least the boss loves the fact you're a hard worker and that's all you have going for you. Oh that show you loved is back but it's not the same cuz your imagination is shot to shit and so is your memory and it doesnt feel as fantastic now. Death and gore in stories seem more realistic. You cant lay down without feeling your heart pounding anymore... why the fuck is my body doing x? Has it always? Is it normal or not? Wow I wish I had the attention span to sink 500 hrs into Skyrim again. A part of you sort of wants to die and get it over with before anything else can destroy you but most of you is too terrified at the prospect. Cant access therapy. Cant make friends. Will never have a family because you dont want one...

But you guess it's good to not be around your childhood trauma anymore? And you're still sort of pretending life might prove you wrong and actually get better? You sometimes convince yourself your happy and satisified, when on a writing high, or distracted by art, but in the end, you come out of it and sort of just see what a big fucking mess you are.

Lol.

("You" is actually me.)