#i didnt think anyone cared me enough for that

[diangelodork]

DBDA nightly analysis #25! (sorry i've been lacking lately, i have not been in the right mental state but i am BACK NOW BABYYYYY)

tonight's topic: crystal palace the girl that you are (character analysis bc she's been getting shit on so violently lately and DOES NOT deserve it.)

i will say - i didn't care all that much for crystal for quite a while until i really sat down to analyze her motivations and background, but it is the hate that some people have been spewing about her that motivated me to analyze her tonight.

crystal palace is flawed. of course she is. she is by no means perfect.

the first time we see her is in emma's flashback to her and crystal. she would play in a graveyard, frolicking about and taking polaroid pictures with this ghost of a young child. she was good enough friends with this child for her to seek out professional help to get her back. she was undoubtedly kind to her.

when we see her next she is dazed and confused, and still, she makes a rude remark. this is not because she is inherently bad, but because she still has that memory of being mistreated. now, she doesnt have all of her memories, but she has the memory that people weren't nice to her. she feels she must fit into that mold and that memory. the way she does that is by being a dick.

we see her a bit more in depth in her walk with charles. she expresses that she feels like people weren't the kindest to her and, knowing what we know about the way she was raised, that makes a lot of sense. she was excruciatingly neglected as a child and seeked attention. the best way to do that was negative attention. it was the easiest to accomplish.

she has her spats with edwin, but they are mostly (if not exclusively) initiated by him. she returns his energy. then we see some of the shit she goes through with david. he is incredibly abusive all throughout the series and it is very evident how predatory he is. he chose her because she was unloved. because she was vulnerable. she was easy to take advantage of.

her breaking down in E1 is so, SO important to me. we forget that she is MEANT to be flawed. she is imperfect. like the boys, she is but a sixteen year old and she is so deeply scared. she doesn't know who she is or how to cope with the fact that she doesnt know who she is. on top of that, this fucker that she's with (affectionate) won't stop shitting on her for NO reason. from the start, he was a douche to her (he has his motivations for this as well, but that doesn't mean it's not true) and now shes sitting here and calling her abuser and the fucker that has been tormenting and stalking her is being linked to her ("her demon") and she cant HANDLE that. shes been hanging on by a thread all of E1. shes been dealing with so fucking much, emotionally.

interestingly, edwin is not an emotional character when faced with other people's issues. i say this because he still garners more compassion than her. the way she treats the becky aspen case, especially, is so fragile and vulnerable. the way she immediately starts crying after looking into becky's mom's mind should have elicited more sympathy than it did and it's incredibly interesting that it didnt.

i will be the FIRST to say how important the "it's a lark to you!" scene is for edwin, but i never hear anyone discuss crystal's part in this conversation. shes so desperate and hurting and it's so strange that no one talks enough about that.

except no its not. i wish it was.

i truly think its an issue of her being a black woman and standing in the way of payneland. there is a lot of internalized misoginoir within how the fandom views her character. it is explicitly highlighted within the show how similar edwin and crystal are and a lot of the things she gets hate for are characteristics that are also incredibly prevalent in edwin's character. for example, her brashness and bluntness. it’s okay when it’s edwin, the white, queer twink of everyone’s dreams, but the second it’s a woman who is already on thin ice for the fandom because she’s standing in the way of the main ship, it’s easy to say she’s a bad person for this.

crystal is so unwavering as a character. she has such strong themes of feminism all throughout her story. she is able to separate from her abuser and intimidate and overpower him which is so STRONG. she is able to hone in on the divine femininity of her ancestors and THAT is where her power is derived from. she confronts a goddess of female vengance and justice and stands in front of her, demanding justice for the young girls slaughtered under her watch. she is inherently, at her core, good. she has done shitty, awful things in her past, but that happens when you are abused. it is not an excuse, but she is a CHILD who has been deeply abused. neglect is a form of abuse.

also, could you IMAGINE how it must feel to be such a deeply unloved character who KNOWS they are unloved. she is a psychic. she could see into the minds of her parents. she could always see their apathy. what a lonely fucking thing to go through, my god.

even still, when she was doing these awful things, she took the time to connect with a young girl and spend enough time with her for them to bond and for her to miss her. her first instinct (with the memories of her parent's neglect gone) is to cross an ocean to save a little girl. she is so deeply touched by maren and shelby's stories.

she is a flawed character, but they all are. she gets more hate than all of them and, if you are one of the people who hate her above all else, i want you to ask yourself why? these views are, of course, not held by the majority of the fandom, but it has become a big fuckin issue and i wanted to address it. acknowledge where it’s coming from, if you’re one of the people feeling a bit targeted by tonight’s analysis. love yall <3

[an-theduckin]

Wait shit people might actually care about me

[ciderjacks]

despite Laios low self esteem making him think that if he’d been eaten, Chilchuck and Marcille wouldn’t have helped Falin,

theres a small part of me that thinks the reason Chilchuck stayed with the party and went back in the dungeon in the first place was because he didn’t want to leave Laios alone. That Laios was moreso the reason he stayed.

[glassfag]

trying to relax by writing some tomarry except i think about the political system and economy of the wizarding world for more than three seconds and start spiraling and have no option but to open a new googledoc and start writing the lamest rant-thesis about fictional politics ever.

[saturnsfather]

the thing about mouthwashing is things only could have turned out different if they were different people. and unfortunately they could only all be who they always were. and none of it was enough to stop it all from happening. the point is that nothing could have stopped the events of the game from happening. that is what makes it a tragedy. they were always going to end up here. he was always going to end up alone, scared, in pain, and fully equipped with the knowledge that even if there came a time he wasnt alone again, to the people who found him, he was Completely And Utterly Expendable.

[her-canine-teeth]

bad astrology by flower face

[thetimelordbatgirl]

New school attendance rules (that are stupid as fuck) being published has me learning people didn't even know that the UK fines people for their kids not being in school unauthorized???

[leenfiend]

It’s me!!!!! hi

[chisungie]

aAAAA I GOT IT <3 and right before getting her mission video tape at lv 40 😭 shes so cuteeee!!

[freebooter4ever]

.

[healingheartdogs]

Cardio said my echocardiogram ultrasound, exercise stress test, and week long heart monitor all showed no serious issues, my resting heart rate is fine, but that my heart rate does seem to rise very rapidly under even small amounts of stress (postural changes, taking stairs, casually walking around my house) and rises very high (160+ bpm according to the monitor) so now I get to be put on beta blockers to see if they work and if they do she said that is sufficient evidence to confirm for sure that it's POTS.

Obviously could confirm it as well with a tilt table test but those are TORTURE based off what I've heard from fellow POTSies so I am very thankful that she doesn't think that's necessary and will not be making me do one.

[justablah56]

hmm I think instead of feeling bad I will simply project this bad onto The Character . for funsies .

[citrine-elephant]

leon s kennedy would definitely be the kind of guy to physically overexert himself and take on as much of the labor he can because he feels bad if he doesn't. even if it's fair share, he's gotta jump in and help out.

dead tired, exhausted. who cares if he's being taken advantage of and used because the other party(s) know he'll do whatever he's asked. he feels bad. he feels like he isn't doing enough.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

noooo you can let me describe the doctors body trust me i totally wont be weird about it this time

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[phagodyke]

was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍