#[ when something goes bad I mean ]
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FORGETTABLE-AU (Page 61-64)
* I-I don't think we were talking about the same thing...
[BEGINNING] [PREVIOUS] [CONTINUE]
#FINALLY FINISHED THIS WOHOO#Okay so#I have been keeping this small part of info secret for SOOOO long and it was so funny that JUST this week I got a ton of asks about#Wingdings' voice and I was SO tempted to talk about this little detail#BTW I DIDN'T FULLY MAKE THIS UP#i mean#Yeah I did#BUT IT IS BASED ON SOMETHING I NOTICED!!!!!!#When redacted talks in Wingdings the sound is clean#but when we listen to entry 17 (which is most likely a recording)#There's a VERY loud overlay of garbage noise#And so I was like#I could use this.........#like yeah a sound based on symbols?? we can't understand it! but our brains might do the work for us and maybe try to understand it?#but recording it goes very bad.....#I thought it was fun so I made it a hc for Gaster#and then I applied it here :D#lol#I think the pacing of this one is also a bit too fast but ehh#I hope it's clear#I am so proud of how I drew Alphys in these pages I feel like I am finally understanding her shape and how I want to stylize her#Sans is very good at reading people#He can tell when people are lying#that's why Wingdings didn't lie! he just conveniently forgot to tell him some details about what they found#okay yeah that's enough#TIME FOR THE TAGS#undertale#forgettable-au#forgettable-au-comic#sans
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Cold sores are thought to be best addressed by lancing the sore to remove polluted blood, washing with vinegar, applying a paste of honey + tansy + horsefat. In frequently recurring cases, it's considered best practice to also shave the face to eliminate any lingering traces of infection. This is the most psychologically devastating thing that Brakul has ever experienced in his life.
#A while ago I said that shaving facial hair was performed as part of purifications but that's null it makes more sense for it to#figure into the medical model as a means of attempting to address illnesses in the skin (along with shaving other parts of#the body as applicable)#It would be assumed that infectious dagi can hide themselves in the hair. Routinely trimming head and beard hair in general is#considered good hygiene in this respect and shaving would be seen as a drastic means of elimination (but not something to be#performed on a regular basis as most body hair is regarded as having a positive function + is Wanted on men. And especially#not with head hair as keeping it long is a strong cultural standard and under normal conditions only cut short in mourning)#(Shaving the head for medical reasons would typically be reserved for attempts to treat potentially fatal skin diseases)#Also the majority of the adult population has herpes (also true in 21st century real life). Brakul just had a really bad year of frequent#outbreaks when he first got it. Has refused to shave in the less frequent outbreaks since because LOOK the bloodletting and#pastes work it goes away after a few days it's FINE do not FUCKING SHAVE ME
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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Ppl: Destigmatize mental illness!!!
Ppl when some1 is selfish: OMG a fucking filthy narcissist
Ppl when anything mildly weird happens: Schizo moment. Absolute sociopathic behavior. You're so delulu LOL. U should be put in a rubber room
Ppl when some1 they personally don't like exists: Let's armchair diagnose them with a personality disorder for no real reason other than I don't like them
#going to become the sociopath stereotype & fucking stab u to death if u ppl dont stop saying shit like this#just like gaslighting u ppl should never have learnt words#amazing thought: not everyone that does something bad or weird is mentally disordered#amazing thought: weird behavior thats harmless to others aside from being cringe doesnt mean some1 should be institutionalized#i have aspd. when ppl use the word sociopath in settings where it doesnt even fucking mean what sociopath means it makes me sick#a sociopath doesnt mean some1 that goes around killing ppl it just means some1 that cant form connections/feel empathy like other ppl can#plenty of sociopaths just go about their day while “mentally normal” ppl kill & torture sociopaths just 4 existing the way we do#I'm tired
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Regarding the isolationism post‚ I looked at the hopes datamine to double check‚ and 2 out of 3 countries trade outside Fodlan. Aegir to the east (e.g. Morfis)‚ and Dominic with Albinea. Leicester is a bit iffy since Edmund has islands and is a hub for merchants (but I'll give the benefit of the doubt and say that it's trade with the other countries). Unless this is a different type of isolationism that I'm not familiar with.
Even without that, Almyra, the place that keeps trying to fuck over Fodlan for literal shits and giggles, has some form of trade be done with it because Fodlan manages to get shit from eastern Almyra (Almyran Tea Blend). And that's without mentioning all of the other foods and teas and shit they get from foreign countries! Plus the entire existence of a set of traveler's journals that detail someone's personal experiences with foreign countries that is readily available in the biggest religious center of Fodlan also swerves Fodlan away from being this isolationist nightmare some folks claim it to be.
Like I'm not going to sugarcoat it Claude was wrong. Incorrect. Not right. He himself directly alludes to his own incorrectness in 3H. It's not about lying it's not about being sneaky it's not about trickery and obfuscation and schemes the guy was wrong. Like oh my god can we please just let characters be wrong sometimes none of us are five we should be able to handle a character being wrong sometimes
#ask#anon#like Clyde's BS about ''no foreign relations allowed bc Church Bad!!'' is disproven by both Duscur AND SRENG#because Sylvain VERY OPENLY SAYS he wants to make peace with Sreng and have talks with Sreng#why tf would he think he could do that with the Church being RIGHT THERE if this shit was ANY KIND OF CORRECT#and again why would NO ONE bring this up to Claude in 3H when he says what he does to Lorenz#(it's almost like Hopes was. shittily written and repeatedly goes against shit in 3H. or something)#how could Fodlan trade with foreign countries without SOME form of foreign relations#why would the Church encourage learning about foreign countries to SOME degree if it wanted Fodlan to be isolationist#wow it's almost like just because a protagonist says something that doesn't automatically mean they're right LIKE. BRUH#Claude: I was wrong about something#Fandom: he can't be wrong he has to be lying about being wrong
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something very horrifying about the concept of Thor but not Loki being told that Loki is Jotun when the brothers are old enough to understand the importance of the secret
#so he gets to watch Loki be unfavoured or try to do things and HE KNOWS WHY#but Thor can't SAY anything about it bc he's not supposed to#and Thor obviously has no way to reconcile that Loki is Jotun which means Jotun can't possibly be plain monsters#so Thor and Loki both keep badmouthing the frost giants#Thor gets to watch Loki hate on the frost giants while knowing Loki is one and idk something about that doesn't sit right with him#Thor basically gets to watch Loki fail at things and to Thor it's like 'oh yeah of course he's not as good or doesn't fit in'#he gets to watch and learn bad war stories and that's just how they learn about how horrible the Jotnar are#and i think occasionally Thor would stop to really process that fact#but most of the time Thor is just like. yeah that's a thing but it's not like it matters#even tho Loki being Jotun totally IS an important thing#he's just used to ignoring that it's not since he'd been told pretty far back#and it was apparently never relevant to their parents to inform Loki so *shrug*#ALSO ALSO Loki finding out so long after and being devastated and ''they told you of my parentage did they not?''#but make it Thor 1#make it happen when Loki goes to Earth to visit Thor too hjsvfdsh#Loki: I have reason to believe I'm not related to any of you by blood.#Thor: uh well that'd be a little hard wouldn't it#Loki finds out that Thor knew he was adopted/Jotun before him too#lets get that breakdown moving along
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Ladd: but why would you kill me when I'm willing to kill for you?? Lass: omg you can't just say you'd kill someone, Ladd. that's murder and it's frowned upon.
(and then Ladd does kill for her but it's fine and part of the job)
#my characters#the two as kids are playing in a park and ladd wanders off and gets uhhh abducted kinda#basically a siren lures him so he goes physically willingly not knowing its a siren singing to him and it leads to his disappearance#for a couple weeks and lass blames herself and when ladd shows back up with no memory of the weeks gone#she just gets so scared and refuses to talk to ladd bc what if she hurts him or gets him hurt#so she goes to therapy for it and then they both get employed at the supernatural bureau of investigations#and then ladd proceeds to be an absolute asshole to everyone without trying hes just really not good at socializing#and so lass and one of the main characters are like... i want to kill ladd so bad hes so annoying#while ladd is like ???????? I AM LITERALLY JUST EXISTING THATS MEAN#then he gets wind of a case the main duo is working on and it feels familiar so he asks to help bc it takes place near where he grew up#and its kids getting abducted and he ends up finding the siren and the memories come back#and so he tells the other two where the kids are most likely bc thats where he was kept#and its just a siren who wanted to be a mom but instead of having her own kids she just lures in kids to take care of#until shes bored and ladd is like ok well that answers a lot and while id love to forgive you and take you in alive#you ruined my sisters childhood and thats something i cant give leniency to#and kills the siren which ends the abductions and then he gets back to work and hugs lass and says nothing about it#and she just writes it off as ladd being weird again cause whatever#anyway thanks they're side characters
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wrote up a very personal post and then drafted it bc im trying to Not overshare when it can be taken a bit negatively 🙏
i should overshare more tho, i've been up to so much and just not posting about it on here kjhfkg. my whole room has been redecorated, been getting really into some new games, got that microscope and i've been messing with it for months, saw some cool shit in the city recently... i have lots to say but i keep forgetting to say it
#im not doing bad im very good actually. but im worried it comes across as bad#like when you went through something bad and everyone goes ''oh my god im so sorry'' but you're just trying to Talk About It ya know#i dont need all that i was just trying to talk about my day. i know it was bad but it's not about it being bad it's about it happening#two different things#does anyone understand or do i sound like im saying words with zero meaning#chat
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y'know. had a thought.
so like. Dave's nonbinary to me. he just gives the vibe.
i headcanon that Henry's transmasc, just that no one can Tell and he never really brings it up unless it's in passing.
so like. here's the headcanon i have:
in their earlier days of working together, Henry kinda realized that Dave had like. no legal documents. none. not a driver's license, not any ID in general, nothing.
Dave just mentions that he might have a birth certificate out there somewhere, but even then that might be a MAYBE. and if he does have one, he has no clue how to access it, or where it is.
so Henry just...decides to get him some. (mostly by forging them, but hey, he's good at doing that)
it's only when they get to Gender that Dave starts having questions. it's at This Point Henry realizes that, despite Dave having a masculine name and all that, he kinda. doesn't really Have a gender. nor cares what it is. because he's mostly just gone along with whatever people called him on the streets up until this point (he's mostly been referred to as an 'it' for most of his life...not that he's ever fully minded those pronouns, either. he Has been referred to like a girl a few times, due to the long hair, though!)
unfortunately, they've gotta put something down, and they've only got two options. Dave finds this stupid, as does Henry. eventually, Dave asks like. how do humans determine gender? like what standards should he go by here? Henry responds "generally at birth, they determine your gender by whatever your genitals are. it's a rather simplified version of it, but that's mostly how it is done."
so then Dave asks (in a rather Dave-like fashion): so what's his gender if he happens to have a dick, then?
so Henry just kinda pinches the bridge of his nose and goes "you'd be considered male, then."
so that's what they put on there, but only because they had to put something down.
just y'know. a weird headcanon i had because like. i thought about it, and i realized that when Dave started working with Henry he likely wouldn't have like. Any sort of real identification on him. and he'd likely need to get some at some point. and he Obviously wouldn't know how to get documents the Normal Way (made more difficult by the fact he's a cryptid), so Henry goes "well. i did once, i can do it again."
also, someone teach Dave about what being nonbinary means, he'd have a heyday. (< aka Finally Has A Word To Describe His Gender)
#dsaf#dsaf dave#dsaf henry#have a headcanon that i think Only makes sense to me#yes i Did imply in here that Henry knows how to forge documents So Well because He Had To Do It For Himself-#-at one point.#he goes to the army with his Totally Legal Documents and goes 'yes yes i'm a Regular Young Man. nothing weird about me'#and he forged them well enough that No One Fucking Asked#so then when it comes time to do it for Dave (William at the time) he knows what he's gotta do so No One Will Ask#also yeah Henry WAS abusive. but it's like i've heard before: if it was all bad all the time with like. nothing good there.#why would Dave had stayed? what real incentive would he have?#so like. Henry was Nice on occasion. whether it was manipulation or Somewhat genuine. He Was Nice Enough#so this is one of those Somewhat Genuine moments. i mean it's more or less something Henry KNOWS they'll have to do at some point-#so y'know. Why Not Go Ahead And Get It Over With?#but he Does fully agree with Dave on the 'Gender Is Stupid' stuff#like he's got other More Important things to be dealing with. Why The Fuck Should The Gender On The IDs Be Important??#anyways take my weird ramblings#a prologue (the fic)#(< technically relates to this)
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headcanon I have based on nothing but Frank's body language and attitude around Radar specifically whenever Hawkeye is within earshot is that like a week into Radar being stationed at the 4077 Frank said something characteristically out of pocket and nasty and Hawkeye just whirled around and flattened him
#mash#I am also using Hawkeye getting progressively less inclined towards physical violence as the show goes on#to fuel my headcanon that he was a lot scrappier before the start of the series#it is kinda funny that he really drops off the physically attacking train after Frank leaves#there's a few exceptions to that but he's a LOT more inclined to start swinging when Frank's still around#but yeah Frank is nasty and mean all the time but I always got the vibe he held back a bit on Radar only when Hawkeye was around#and im like ohhhhhh he so punched you over something you said to Radar#there had to be a period early on with them all being stationed there#where nobody knew yet that sometimes you had to grab Hawkeye before he started biting someone#Trapper learned quickly to just throw Hawkeye over his shoulder and walk off with him#Henry would just grab him by the collar and go 'NO' like he's talking to a bad dog
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...
#ho hum. goodbye to 2024. good riddence i suppose. probably my worst year yet haha#but it wasnt all bad. i learned a lot. experienced a lot.#im doing probably better than i ever have been. probably from the treatment for over controlled coping. along with an awareness#that something has to give or i will literally die. also probably the medication. probably a lot the medication.#and its weird because everything mostly feels normal.#im only sometimes paralyzed by the terror of what it means to die.#even when im living in the shell of a ghost and breathing out haunted words. her phrase are woven within my speech and im wrapped in her#clothing. we're going to erase the data on her locked phone and it will become mine. and my life will be held in the same divice that hers#was held in. and she will dissolve away into the future. seeping away with every second without a body to hold her in thr present#anyway. heres to hoping 2025 is better. heres to hoping i can remain in my program. heres to hoping i can avert my compusive striving for a#perfect that doesnt exist.#and that all our tragedies are behind us. an impossible dream but so it goes.#unrelated
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If you're curious what else was going on in Asheville when we all lost access to the outside world, please see this stick holding up a powerline at the entrance of a neighborhood. You must drive under the Death Prevention Stick to escape your home
#yes I said something#Asheville#Hurricane Helene#that stick is an official valued member of the neighborhood and shall be honored when this is over#half of me is trying to not dox myself but also please fucking donate to Asheville charities#I'm one of the lucky ones who prepared more than the average person for a storm we didn't think could possibly be this bad#we're in the fucking moutains! hurricanes shouldn't be able to reach us!!!#and extremely lucky that I have family able to house me indefinitely and they were accessible by the one highway we got open#everyone else still in the area is still dealing with sporadic texts only as a means to communicate so more pictures like these#are probably going to come out as we all slowly get access again#hopefully they get cell service working consistently again at least even if no internet#don't clown on our stick#whoever put it there risked down powerlines so that we could get out of the neighborhood#and whittled the end that's stuck in the road so it's secure#would have taken more pictures except#ya know#all the down powerlines#other entrance to the neighborhood is a twisty little moutain road that is now covered by trees#and it goes down the hill to a road next to a stream#that stream did not stay a stream#there was no road there#so yes our good buddy Death Prevention Stick let us get out so we could go find cell service and let friends/family know we were safe Friday
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WAIT going through my old blog's likes reminded me of that one Yuri manga I read last summer called gunjō by ching Nakamura!! Most insane toxic yuri ever it was so good. For the toxic gay stories website people don't talk about it here enough!!!
#i wasn't active on tumblr by this time last year but I did like a bunch of stuff related to it#i do remember some things i didn't like about it though. 1 chiyomi's groomer girlfriend and their entire relationship wasn't showed#as something bad?? i felt like the writing kind of normalized and showed her as a sympathetic character specially when she died#i mean it's not like i need the story to handhold me and explicitly say “this relationship is weird and pedophilic they meet when she was#like 30 and chiyomi was 17“ is just that it's not shown as weird or bad for chiyomi! it's kind of justified with a cheap#'oh but they actually got together when chiyomi was an adult so it's cool' ??#now that i think of it i think there was this one panel near the end in which chiyomi was like 'more than a girlfriend she felt like a mom#or an older sister' and i was SO glad the weird age gap was at least acknowledged. but still#and 2. soko's insistence during THE WHOLE THING that she was straight and 0 attracted to chiyomi like c'mon 😭#i know internalized homophobia is a thing but it annoyed me so bad lmao#*that one meme of the thick book next to thin book* gunjo vs gunjo if soko knew bisexuality was a thing that existed#ALSO i felt so vindicated near the end when they have sex and soko casually goes “well getting you off turns ME on actually'#and then she's like. my hand hurts tho. LMAOO professional chiyomi hater from begging to end you have to give her that#generally though it was v v good. a tough read. the subject matter was very grim it made me felt really hopeless at times#their relationship was so deliciously complicated they both had such hard lives and were not perfect victims. they were ugly and angry and#very real. every time they physically fought and yelled at each other i was like woa. they were in love here <3 but seriously though it ama#amazed me how strongly i felt for this story and these characters.#💜#yes this is going into my gay tag obviously<3#gunjou#z
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My current favourite crackship that I just created myself is Hiyori×Alive!Kuina. Just because if she can't get Zoro she'll just go for his cousin instead.
You're a genius. Your brain is huge. Please, let me kiss your brain. This is just amazing. I love lesbians. You're SO real-
Hiyori is easily one of my favorite characters and I love her SO much and people won't stop reducing her to her ship with Zoro. I think she doesn't need anybody and if she did want somebody it should be a girl. Because I say so. And Kuina is just,,, She would've been such a great character. Can't stop thinking about this fanart I found because it has changed my life for the better. She's in Wano to train to become the world's greatest swordsman and I'm just thinking about what if Kuina had been there to help them out too and she had been the one to save Hiyori all those times instead of Zoro.... Thinking thoughts. Like, of course, Hiyori and Zoro also have their moments because I do actually like their dynamic and I think she admires him a lot!! But you know. Kuina saves Hiyori a couple of times (when Zoro was going to do it, actually, she just appears like a second before him and ruins his moment) and Hiyori just melts. Because who wouldn't? Kuina would be so tall and strong and a sizeable woman, and I would personally die if she helped me save my country. Besides, I think they'd understand each other because both are women that have been reduced to that role specifically instead of their ambitions and their power and they're so much more. Hiyori was helpless when she had to see her country turn into this mess and she couldn't so anything else but to pretend,, Like-- If somebody knows how being a woman in the world works is Hiyori, and Kuina would understand. She'd admire Kuina so much for her abilities and her personality and ambitions!!!!!! And Kuina would absolutely love Hiyori's kindness and strength for being able to put up with so much!!!
Not to mention that Kuina would be taller than her,,, And bigger,,, And Hiyori would have to look up,, And this is now just the aesthetic part but God they'd look so different. That's Hiyori's guard dog. Wouldn't it be funny if Kuina were all serious and teasing with Zoro and like "*raises eyebrow* seriously?" type of masc girl, and the second Hiyori is around she turns into the happiest person in the world and extremely protective of her? Zoro judges her but he can't say shit because he's literally the same with Luffy (and Kuina teases him even more because she always has the upper hand and it makes him so angry). They're both down bad. Hiyori is just so nice to her and keeps saying she trusts her to become the world's greatest swordsman but even if she doesn't, she'll always have her heart and a place to stay in Wano. And I am weak, guys, I am so weak for lesbians.
Aghhh this is SO good. Somebody make them kiss. I- This is great. Oda could just say "ah yes Kuina actually escaped her hometown on her own and faked her death and traveled to Wano" and I'd believe him wholeheartedly because I want her back. I also want Hiyori back. I miss Wano sometimes a lot.
Also, Kuina sees Zoro with Enma and she goes:
Kuina: Oh cool, you got Hiyori's sword. Good luck with that one. Zoro: Do you want it or what? I am not giving it to you. You'll have to fight for it. Kuina: Nah, when I win our fight I want to win against the king of hell. Nothing less. Zoro: Where's the 'I can't win I'm a girl' bullshit now? Kuina: Stayed with the girl. Now I am a woman and I am going to beat your ass.
And Hiyori looking at them having the biggest lesbian moment in the world kicking her feet and blushing and Momo is next to her like "hehe you have a crush-" and he doesn't get to finish what he was saying because Hiyori hits him so fucking hard he faints. Don't tease her. Poor girl. She's in love, leave her alone.
#please i know i am the first one to explain the meaning behind kuina's death but the way op treats women is just not it and i want her again#also hiyori is the love of my life she's precious to me idc she's my princess i am in love with her#i thought this post would be only about a silly crackship but they're actually consuming my brain oh my god#and when kuina has to go away from wano because she has to go achieve her dream and she goes 'i don't expect you to wait for me but-'#and hiyori just holds her hands and says 'my mother waited. i've waited. and i will keep doing it as long as you come back to me'#or something like that. and i want to cry-#i am vibrating in my fucking chair god please i love them now i need more of them so fucking bad#one piece#kozuki hiyori#shimotsuki kuina#hiyoku??? kuiyori???#i have no idea what to call this ship tumblr do your thing somebody should choose the name for me i suck at this thing#roronoa zoro#zolu#bc zolu mention there and in my head it's a very common topic between kuina and zoro okay she won't stop teasing him about it#+
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writing elias is fun for, i expect, the same reason a lot of people find the dark urge fun: I know more or less what's going on with her and she's got no fucking clue. she's a very information-driven person, and as soon as she realises that there is some largely indefinable difference between her and the rest of them she immediately starts trying to catalogue it and narrow it down. it's interesting to write someone who is so deliberately aware of themself and observing themself all the time
#TO BE CLEAR: the 'indefinable difference' that she clocks has fuck-all to do with the biting ripping maiming killing thing#in the beginning of act ii and I still don't think she's realised that that's not normal#she hangs out with folks who do violence all day every day. she doesn't register a difference between murder and combat#it's all killing when it comes down to it. method and reasoning don't seem super relevant to the social acceptibility#which is why she's so blindsided by everyone's intense reactions to alfira's death#like what do you MEAN you think this is disgusting. i watched you behead a guy YESTERDAY#i actually think that the first things she registers are v different and less visible. more relevant to the#divinely crafted flesh sculpture side of things. the behaviours of a girl who was made not born#mizora's visit and wyll's transformation is i think when it really clicks that Something Is Amiss#no. 1 red flag is when she sees wyll being magically compelled to move in that one scene and she goes Oh his legs are walking without him!#he's walking like how i walk :)#... this is the first time that ive ever seen anyone walk how i walk. hm.#+ she watches his transformation and is filled with captivated vaguely envious ecstasy and also deep nauseating fear#first time in her memory that she ever felt scared#she sets those things aside because they don't feel immediately relevant and she doesn't know what they mean.#but they make her aware of a gulf that she can never disregard going forward. and it makes it much easier to compartmentalise#her relationships going forward. and subtly distance herself from everyone but astarion (mutually blackmailing bestie) when (in her eyes)#everyone turns on her with immense distrust for no reason#(so we're back to killing ten hundred sapient creatures a day while we wander around.#but i ask for help understanding the cause of one homicidal somnambulism episode and suddenly I'M the bad guy. sure ok)#bit of a ramble for 1am but#Whatever. NOW i'll go to bed#elias tag#bg3#durge
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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