#does anyone understand or do i sound like im saying words with zero meaning

[risingsunresistance]

wrote up a very personal post and then drafted it bc im trying to Not overshare when it can be taken a bit negatively 🙏

i should overshare more tho, i've been up to so much and just not posting about it on here kjhfkg. my whole room has been redecorated, been getting really into some new games, got that microscope and i've been messing with it for months, saw some cool shit in the city recently... i have lots to say but i keep forgetting to say it

[adonis-koo]

Star Struck

| 1 |

↳ Summary: You’re a creature of habit, you plan everything from each hour to each day, so you can imagine the chaos which ensues after you discover a random guy leaking black goo in a ditch- who just so happens to be an alien.

↳ Pairing: Jungkook/Reader

↳ Genre: lowkey strangers to lovers, alien!jungkook, fluff, smut,

Word Count: 12k

Tags: before anyone asks, yes tentacles are involved because I’m a proud monster fucker, jungkook has separation anxiety from Mc :(, he’s immediately whipped, and he can’t speak any human language at first oops, he like,,,tries it for a second before MC goes 🏃‍♀️ this is unedited and for that im sorry bc yikes

___ | Next

In many cases, you could recall how you got into situations. For instance, when you were late to your mid morning lecture, you had zero excuses- not that the professor cared at all when you walked in with a bag of mcdonalds and a venti latte from starbucks. But the principle of the situation remained the same, you knew your actions would cause you to be late. You understood the consequences of your actions. 

The same could not be said for when you took in the curious male who didn’t understand a word you said.

“What do you mean you just- picked him up off the side of a fucking ditch!” Jimin flailed his hands as you twisted around to face you, the male was examining his hands as if he had never seen them before, not paying either of you any mind. 

You held up your hands as you replied, “I did!” You shouted back, immediately gaining the males attention as his eyes flashed between you and Jimin, “He was just…! Laying there! I don’t fucking know! What was I supposed to do? Leave him, look he’s hurt.” You pointed out the obvious wounds he sported. 

“...He’s bleeding black goo Y/n! Have you never seen a horror movie before oh my god!” Jimin grabbed his head as his voice became dramatic and peril, “You’re practically number one on his kill list! He’s probably here to abduct us and- and butt probe us or some shit!” 

You raised your brows defensively as you crossed your arms, “Look at him!” You pointed a finger at the male making him flinch a little, leaning a little away from you where he sat as his expression shifted, looking as if he was a kicked puppy at your tone, “Does that look like a butt probing alien to you shit face?” 

“Maybe!” Jimin snapped back, “He ain’t human that’s for fucking sure! Just…!” Jimin flailed his hands, “Just look at him!” 

You groaned as you rubbed your face, you knew it looked bad! You hadn’t meant to stumble across a body when you went out for your morning walk which you had been trying to do in an effort to be more mindful and healthy, but it seemed to only lead you to stressing the fuck out. 

You turned to look at the male, he looked anything but alien, well- for the most part. His eyes looked up at you almost glossy like, they were big and doe like, his lips plush and his hair dusted his eyes yet almost looked like a raven blue. 

He looked human, mostly. The part that threw you off was, for one the black goo that trickled down his skin- maybe if you were a photography major you’d scream how aesthetic it was and just take a picture before leaving him to die, but unfortunately this wasn’t the case and here you were. 

The other part of him was, well....the bits that glowed. You would’ve honestly mistook him for a horrible Avatar cosplayer that had a little too much last night had it not been for the black goo, the strip of glow emitted from his body all the way from his hands up his arms, and you assumed back to his shoulders as well. 

Most might have considered it tattoo’s and maybe you could pass it off as such if it weren’t for the constant soft hue purple, it shifted between blue occasionally but remained purple for most of the duration you had spent with him. 

“What the hell are you even gonna tell Seokjin!” Jimin grabbed his head as he began to pace, “He totally won’t let this- this thing stay with us!” 

You glared as you stomped over to the male who straightened a little, the marks on his skin suddenly tinging red as you turned to face Jimin, “Seokjin can shut the fuck up! And so can you! For all we know he’s just into special effects and can’t speak English you xenophobic fuck!” 

“I’m Korean you whore!” Jimin dramatically shouted as he walked across the apartment, for what reason? You weren’t sure other than to make a point and raise his voice, “I know Asian when I see it and that’s not it! I’m headed for class and when I get back he better be back in his fucking UFO.” 

You rolled your eyes as you kneeled down to look at the male, the marks had flared back to it’s constant state of purple once more as he blinked, “I’m sorry about him,” You apologized sheepishly, “He ah...he’s an asshole,” The male only tilted his head a little, “I’m...Y/n.” You felt a bit dumb talking to him. 

You didn’t want to assume he couldn’t understand you but...well...He just seemed so, curious, innocent even. His eyes peered around at his surroundings as if he had never seen them before. Not as if he hadn’t been in your home but, as if he had never sat on a bed, his body would bounce a little as if testing the springs only to find out they’d bounce and his eyes would light up. 

He had been playing with the light switch on the wall of the apartment when you first got home, he didn’t seem to understand you necessarily but he responded well to the tone of voice because when you told him to stop he seemed to understand. 

He had tried to speak a few times, but...Well, Jimin may have had a point, it didn’t sound like any Asian dialect, at all. It didn’t even sound like any language you had even heard of...Even if he looked like some sort of Asian ethnicity, which you supposed was the strangest part about this. He looked human, but he didn’t sound human. 

He spoke in a sort of throaty tongue that seemed frantic at first, but he must have quickly realized you couldn’t understand him and had opted to mute ever since, “What’s your name?” You asked, only to sigh in response as he blinked unsuspecting of whatever you had said. 

Sitting down in front of him you sighed, “Okay nevermind, we’ll figure out a name to give you meanwhile- hmmm, let’s get those fixed up yeah?” You stood up, noticing he wasn’t doing the same, leaning down you went to grab his hand. 

The marks on his arms suddenly lit in a deep maroon red as he jumped back making you screech- whatever thought of you assuming he was human went out the window at the sudden burst of...of....tentacles pushing out of his back and pulling in front of him like some sort of shield. 

“Woah! Woah holy shit, oh my god!” You flailed at the sight of his narrowed eyes and his defensive stance as you held out your hands in sign of peace, “I’m not going to hurt you! I- I just want to fix your wounds okay!” You fumbled out the words, “I’m your friend, yeah?” 

His eyes squinted a little further as he glanced between your hands and your hand, tentacles like you had seen- no you weren’t gonna go there- they looked almost- No. You weren’t gonna say it, you weren’t even gonna think it. They were almost glass like, but looked as soft as silk, probably deadly and something you shouldn’t touch. 

They restricted a little and much to your surprise he parted his lips as he slowly spoke, “...Friend…” As if testing the word on his lips. You raised your brows in surprise, if this man was an alien then...he was a really quick learner. 

You nodded rapidly as you spoke,” Yes! Yes! I’m a friend! Friend’s don’t hurt each other. Just...let me…” You slowly approached him, trying not to watch the four tentacles that emerged from his back keep your attention away from his face, the markings on his arms glowed a dimmer red, as if his initial reaction calmed down, slowly it melted back into a soft purple hue as his eyes carefully watched you grab his hand as you repeated, “Friend.” You gave it a little squeeze, his brows furrowing as he looked at his much larger hand encasing yours, to your face before back to your hand which held his. 

“Friend.” He echoed back tilting his head a little before his eyes suddenly lit up in understanding, nodding frantically he replied, “Friend!” His expression of anger was like the night to the day of his smile, which was bright and almost childlike, as if he suddenly realized what the term friend meant, “Friend!” He squeezed your hand back causing you to squeak at the immense strength he had, the symbol that curved on his hand suddenly shifted to a dark grey as his eyes quickly became worried.

“Friend?” His voice gentler this time as he stood up, practically towering over you as he peered down as if you were a little puppy, concerned he had hurt you. 

“I’m okay!” You nodded, feeling your voice a pitch higher and your face felt hot despite knowing full and damn well you were not going to fuck this alien, yet you had definitely watched too much hentai in your life to at least not let the thought cross your mind once. He was good looking, by human definition anyways, “Lets um...let’s just get you into the living room.” 

Curiously he followed you before you had him sit on the couch, he gave a little bounce to the cushion as his brows furrowed before his lower lip jutted into a pout- obviously realizing this surface wasn’t bouncy….How could an alien be in your house, who nearly killed you with the tentacles from his back….look like this...

You briefly wondered this question as you frowned, grabbing the first aid kit before sitting back down beside him, his marks suddenly glowing purple as his eyes curiously watched you pull out a rubbing alcohol wipe, you paused as you looked at his big doe eyes that looked at you so innocently...If he reacted violently to his hand being held you knew damn well this was going to be a bitch to convince him you weren’t trying to kill him…

“Look…” Your voice drew his eyes to yours as he focused on your words, “This is gonna...hurt...a lot okay…?” You offered a semi awkward half smile, gesturing to your own bicep where it was bleeding on him before gesturing to him, “Pain…” You nodded a little, making him nod, his eyes darting to his own before back to you but you could tell by the look in his eyes he had no idea what you meant.

“Pain.” You pinched his skin making him jolt, his eyes darting between your small fingers and you as he frowned, marks mixing with purple and red, “Pain…?” He mumbled, rubbing a hand on his head, suddenly he began speaking in his tongue, his voice deeper and throater then when he repeated anything in english. 

Maybe talking to himself, he wasn’t looking at you as he sighed, “Pain.” He spoke more firmly as he looked at you, seemingly a little lost, you held up the wipe as you gave a defeated smile, “Pain.” You nodded, knowing he would definitely understand what the word meant once you got this over with. 

To say he reacted violently, was a very poor understatement. 

His marks were lit up a bright red and his tentacles had emerged from his back once and he practically flew to the other end of the couch in defense as he howled in pain as he examined the large wound on his bicep, “Friend!” He cried out in anger, eyes glaring at you and tentacles covering his body as if he was a wounded animal. 

He had ended up destroying a few knick knacks around the house, a chair and a few photo frames while you attempted to chase after him in effort to clean his wound while he ran away like a puppy avoiding a bath. Obviously he knew you weren’t dangerous enough to try and hurt but...it seemed his pain tolerance was...extremely low. 

Eventually you had gotten him to behave and sit down, as he glared at the floor, marks glowing yellow as you felt him wince and jolt with every dab of the wipe, “Friend.” he mumbled with gritted teeth before he spoke in his native tongue, something you assumed was probably not so nice at you. 

“The feeling is mutual pal.” You muttered, not knowing what he said but knowing, deep in your heart, your feelings were most definitely the same to one another. He did little to resist your touch afterwards, eyes furrowing as he watched you carefully bandage his wound, occasionally he’d poke- not at the wound but the bandage, his fingers would pinch the material and he’d cock his head as if examining it. 

“Have…” You frowned a little as you tilted your head, gaining his attention, “Have you never been to Earth?” You were going to be extremely upset if you woke up in twelve hours and Jimin told you that you were on an extreme LSD trip and you just imagined a really hot alien in your head. 

His eyes lit up in the same way they had earlier, “Earth?” He raised his brows, lips parting before he suddenly looked around again, “Earth!?” He suddenly cried out as he stood up, looking around before going to the window and peaking out of the blinds, “Earth…” He suddenly spoke in his native tongue once more as he ran a hand through his hair before turning to face you, “....Human…?” He had said something else you couldn’t understand besides the singular word. 

“Yes…?” You nodded making him almost whine as he grabbed his head, as if in disappointment, you offered a weak smile. You supposed if you were an alien that had seen galaxies beyond imagination you’d be pretty disappointed at seeing Earth too. 

He sighed as he frowned, looking around the apartment before straightening back up as he looked at you, pointing to himself as he spoke, “JK.” 

You blinked a few times, unresponsive as you frowned, “What…?” Your face scrunched as he bounced a little, repeating the two letters once more as he pointed to himself somewhat harsher, your brows raising before your lips parted, “Oh…! You’re JK! That’s your name?” You gave a smile as you nodded.

His smile was like a child as his fists curled up as he nodded rapidly, not understanding a word you said but it looked as if you understood, “Y/n.” You slowly prounicated your name as you pointed at yourself. 

JK had attempted to say your name, multiple times actually, but his brows pinched in frustration, having a hard time with it, but oddly enough it was quite endearing to watch him repeatedly try and say your name, even after you have found yourself on your phone, typing in the nearest place to eat while trying to figure out how to break it to Seokjin that an alien would be boarding with you guys for awhile.

What else were you supposed to do…? Call the police? You looked at JK with a frown, he seemed oddly innocent and you’d feel guilty doing that to him, his brows pinched as he fumbled over your name once again as he puffed a breath in frustration, the marks on his arms glowing a deep hue of light orange. 

“JK.” His gaze snapped to yours as he tilted his head, you offered a dull smile as you spoke carefully, “Eat?” You pointed to your mouth before stomach, JK rubbed his head briefly mirroring you as he rubbed his stomach a little confused. You hummed as you searched around before finding a leftover candybar on the coffee table, “Eat.” You pointed at it before taking a bite. 

“Eat.” JK had an easy time saying that word with a nod before he suddenly seemed excited, bouncing his spot as he nodded wildly, “Eat! Y/n…!” His nose suddenly scrunched at messing up your name again. 

His attention was brought back to you at the sound of you giggling at how cute he really was for someone that nearly killed you twice within the last hour, “Yeah, it’s almost dinner time, we should get something to eat, I’m starved and Seokjin banned me from the kitchen.” You gestured to him to follow you as he cocked his head, not understanding a word you were saying. 

You pulled one of Seokjin’s hoodies from his laundry basket as he handed it to JK who frowned, looking at his own clothes before back at you, as if silently asking why he needed to change. No nevermind the fact he glowed like a fucking lava lamp, “Hide.” You pointed at his arms as he frowned, looking down at them. 

“Hide!” You emphasized as you pointed towards your own arm then to his before it suddenly clicked as he nodded, sighing as he spoke in his own tongue the throat sound of something like mild disappointment and you could understand, but it was necessary. 

JK all of a sudden pulled the shirt over his head nearly making you scream, the sight of compact muscles and tan skin that almost had an iridescent sheen glowed, your body suddenly feeling extremely warm as JK fumbled a little confused. 

He frowned as he tilted his head, why were you covering your eyes? He looked down at himself before back at you, was....was he not supposed to change right here? He pulled the sweatshirt over his head, saying something that made you pick up in relief to see he was changed. 

You grabbed your chest as you groaned, “Don’t do that again.” You were in too much a dry patch and desperation to be alone with an alien that had tentacles and a face like that. 

Now with his marks being covered you just needed something for his hands...You frowned a little before something occurred to you, going over to Jimin’s gym bag you grabbed the finger clothes he always used to lift barbells with. 

His fault he was a pussy that didn’t want to get callouses. 

You handed them to Jk as he tilted his head, first examining the fabric before he slipped them on, looking at them as he snorted as if amused before saying something that sounded an awful lot like he enjoyed wearing these. 

“Eat, now.” He perked up at your words as you nodded and he excitedly followed you as you grabbed your bag and phone before exiting the apartment building. JK was beyond fascination, looking around as if he had never seen anything like this place, even going so far as to wonder off a few times, immediately making you hold his hand once more to keep him next to you. 

Other people also stared at him, but mainly because he was acting weird, you shoved him a little and he seemed to understand to stop. 

But he still took a few peaks before his feet halted, making you nearly yanked back as he stopped, his lips parted and his eyes were all big and doe like in awe as he stared out over the sunset, speaking once more and you frowned. You wished you could at least pick up a few words of his own language, JK was honestly impressive in picking up so much in so little time. 

You smiled a little at how fond he appeared to be looking out over the sunset before you tugged his hand which was still in yours, he looked down at you before pointing towards the sun as you nodded, “Yeah it’s pretty, but let’s go eat, I’m starving.” 

“Pretty.” He repeated before looking back out over the sun as he repeated the word again as you tugged him along. Entering the Panda Express it was nearly empty given it was six o’clock already and the dinner rush had left but that was good, you weren’t sure you could control JK in this type of environment. 

JK only observed you as you ordered for the both of you, watch the mouth watering food slide down the servers before you paid for your meal, leading you both to sit the back of the store where glass paneling was up for JK to keep looking at the sunset as you set his box in front of him. 

Fried rice and orange chicken was never a bad combo for the first time eater. JK observed you as you held up your fork, plowing into your food as you sighed in contentment before a noise of amusement escaped you at the sight of JK pinching his brows as he struggled with holding his fork. 

His eyes darting to you as his lips parted a whine escaping him as he messed up your name again making you laugh even harder, you waved a hand before you set down your fork, leaning over the table as you spoke, “Okay fine, fine, no need to get so pouty. Here, you just...place them like this.” You fixed his long thick fingers that fumbled a little before they properly gripped the fork. 

“Okay? Like this.” You held up your own before scooping up a pile of rice with it, Jk mirrored you, puffing a breath in slight frustration at the sight of the rice falling from his fork a little, “If you’re mad about this I guess it’s a good thing i didn’t get us chopsticks.” You snorted as JK focused on his food. 

You watched in curiosity as he took his first bite, his brows furrowing for a moment and his held tilting as if he was heavily focused on how it felt in his mouth before his brows shot up and almost immediately began scooping more food into his mouth like he was a fucking starved man held captive. You were surprised at how fast he was devouring his food but you only smiled softly as you began eating as well, enjoying the rest of your meal in silence. 

JK had even ate the rest of your food once you were finished, you just sat there in your seat, your knee hiked up towards your chest while you ran a hand through your hair absentmindedly while watching him devour the rest of the food. 

“Good?” You called out, JK’s eyes finally leaving your box of food, rice sticking to his upper lip making you smile a little as he rapidly nodded, looking like he was drunk off fried rice and orange chicken, probably not even paying attention to what you said. 

By the time JK was finished he slumped in his seat, stretching out as a yawn escaped his lips, his eyes closing briefly before he sighed, looking out over the glass paneling as if something troubled him before his eyes darted back to your figure and back to the window.

You wished you could speak fluently in whatever language he spoke so you could ask what he was thinking about, once all of the innocence had melted off his expression in those child-like moments of glee, he was left like this, as if he was tired and maybe even lonely. 

How did he even get here? And did he need to get back? To where he was originally going? You thought back to his disappointment when he realized he was on Earth, and if you could stretch for a reach, you’d say he obviously had another location in mind before...whatever happened. 

“Hey,” you called out, drawing his attention as he raised his brows, “Home.” 

He tilted his head as he echoed the word, “Home?” You stood up as you nodded with a small smile, knowing damn well you wouldn’t be able to avoid Seokjin forever. 

JK stood up mirroring you before you guided him to where you threw your boxes away and he had even helped clean up the table before you both exited the shop, it was now dark out and the walk home was quiet as ever. But you enjoyed it, his company at least, you didn’t really have a lot of friends outside Jimin and Seokjin, who were your best friends since middle school and you all now split rent on an apartment close to campus. 

You opened the door, peeping in as JK stood there mildly confused, Jimin and Seokjin sat on the couch watching a movie much to your disappointment, opening the door fully you pressed a finger to your lips at JK as he tilted his head before you quietly shut the door. Grabbing his hand as you gently tugged it along. 

“Where in the absolute fuck do you think you’re taking him you horny fool?” 

God dammit. 

You grabbed your head with a groan as JK frowned, almost immediately concerned as he looked around, Seokjin stood up with his arms crossed, “He told me all about the goo monster here.” 

“He’s not a monster!” You screeched making Seokjin snort as he raised a brow, “...He’s an alien.” 

“Wearing MY sweatshirt!? That’s balenciaga!” Seokjin cried out, pointing an accusing finger at JK who looked a little concerned, looking at Seokjin then at you who he shuffled a little behind like a puppy with a tail between his legs. 

You felt an immediate wave of protection come over you at the sight of the action as you stood in front of him, despite him towering over you, “Would you stop! I’ll get him clothes tomorrow! Just leave him alone, okay, he’s hurt, he doesn't know anything about Earth and he just…!” 

“He’s not a dog Y/n!” You pressed your lips together as you looked away from Seokjin who glared at you pointedly, “We don’t know what this thing is or his intentions.” 

It was difficult to imagine JK’s intentions being anything but good when he was delighted at finding out your bed was bouncy, or the take of friend rice and orange chicken, or his excitement at the sunset, “He isn’t here to kill us! I can promise you that...just!” You squeezed your fists as you sighed, “Just trust me, okay? He’ll stay in my room and i’ll get everything he needs.” 

“Until what!?” Seokjin shouted at the lunacy of your words and you understood, it wasn’t everyday someone stumbled across an unconscious alien in a ditch, “Until what Y/n!?” 

“Until he’s able to speak enough English for us to know what the fuck he’s doing here, hell if I know Seok!?” You raised your arms, you...you hadn’t thought about his words yet, admittedly, “He just needs somewhere to stay until he understands more about Earth and how it works here okay? Listen…” You shuffled in your spot as you sighed, “The moment he poses a threat….i’ll deal with it okay? We can call the police or whatever and report it, but he’s been docile the whole time…” Okay that was a stretched truth but what they didn’t know wouldn’t kill them. 

“Jesus christ,” Seokjin groaned as he collapsed back on the couch as he sighed, “...Fine, just make him use Jimin’s sweatpants.” 

“Hey! I didn’t consent to this!” Jimin whined who had been admittedly just sitting back and enjoying the fight between you both as he almost always did, serves the hoe right. 

You said no more not wanting to push things further as you grabbed JK’s hand once more guiding him down the hallway as you pushed the door to your room open, his eyes lit up a little at the familiar sight, hurriedly he went to the bed as he bounced on his as he laid down, burying into your blankets and pillows with a content sigh as if he had been aching to lay down all day. 

You felt a little bad at the sight knowing you should’ve probably let him rest sooner, choosing to sit down on the floor you opened up your laptop before you began working on the paper that was due by tomorrow afternoon that you had chosen to ignore since you had came across JK this morning. 

By the time it was late night JK had been in a deep sleep, obviously deducing that humans weren’t that dangerous of a species to keep himself awake over. You yawned yourself as you shut your laptop, rubbing your eyes before you looked at your bed, frowning as you sighed. Grabbing the pillow that had fallen off the side of the bed as you laid on the ground. You had slept in worst places before. 

You sighed in contentment as you rolled over on the nice soft surface, warmth filling you and sleep had been particularly forgiving to you last night. Man what had been so forgiving today to let you sleep this good?

The memories of yesterday had filtered to your mind too quickly making your eyes snap open, you had fell asleep on the floor how did you get in bed!? You searched frantically for the puppy like alien who was absent from where he had been collapsed here last night.

Fuck this better have not been that bad LSD trip! It would have you fucked for months that Jimin would really let you believe there was a hot alien guy you made up in your head. You quickly padded down the hallway almost frantically before your eyes were met with three heads of hair on the couch. 

“Die! Die!” Your mouth moved multiple times but you couldn’t form a single coherent sentence at the sound of JK’s nose wrinkling and buttons being mashed as the three boys were sitting with controllers in hand. 

“Which one of you fuckheads taught him that word!?” You growled finally, knowing JK was your age and probably even hundreds of years old depending on how his species aged and he understood the concept of killing but shit! You didn’t like hearing him say it like that when he seemed so naive and innocent about everything else on Earth. 

Seokjin and Jimin both whipped around sheepishly at the same time before they started immediately blaming one another as you gritted your teeth. You would’ve continued to glare at them both if it not been for JK’s cheeriful voice, he had immediately perked at the sound of before hurrying over, “Y/n!” His pronunciation had gotten better and it was difficult to not smile at the triumph in his voice as if knowing he had improved before stating your name again, “Game…!” He pointed at the TV before his controller. 

You nodded, “I can see that…so I guess he’s suddenly not a threat anymore?” You sneered at both of your bestfriends, JK frowned a little as he looked between you three, obviously confused as to what was going on. 

Seokjin looked mild, pretending as if he hadn’t heard what you said, prideful bitch, “He’s okay. Better at Jimin in Overwatch if you can believe it, maybe I’ll just let him be my duo instead.” 

“Hey fuck off!” Jimin glared at him, brushing his shoulder in somewhat offense before he spoke, “He is good though, wouldn’t stop saying your name this morning though.” 

“He couldn’t say it yesterday,” You explained before turning to JK again, offering him a weak smile, “Play.” You pointed at the TV in encouragement, who were you to tell the man what to do? You just rolled out of bed and needed something to eat before you interacted anymore with those two idiots. 

JK looked excited as he ran back over to the couch before he spoke, “Play! Y/n play!” Your lips parted at the way he strung the two words together so easily, he was catching onto the language...fast...like extremely fast. His species was obviously intellect enough that this was a skill of theirs, or so you assumed for him at least. 

“No play. Eat.” You pointed at yourself before the tiny kitchen as you walked away hearing a noise that sounded like a whine from him. 

“Hey you're making breakfast for all of us right?” Jimin called out, making you glare him down and if lazerbeams could shoot from your eyes he’d be a pile of ash, he held out his arms as he spoke, “Damn fine, so much for sharing is caring in this household huh.” 

You rubbed your eyes ignoring him as you yawned, immediately making a cup of coffee before turning to the fridge only to jump at the tall boy standing in front of you peering down wide eyed and curious, “Eat.” He said singularly before he offered the world's cutest smile that you couldn’t begrudge as easily as you could Jimin. 

Fuck! He was asking you to cook for him and he had a cute almost bunny-like smile and he looked so endured and hoping you would make him something as good as Panda Express, which there was no way you could but jesus you were willing to try. 

“Breakfast,” You pronounced slowly, knowing this was a bit of a harder word for him as he tilted his head and repeated ‘Eat’ once more before you shook your head, “Eat, breakfast.” You tapped the clock on the stove that ticked away, showing it was ten in the morning. 

JK only rubbed his head in confusion before shrugging, he sat patiently in the stool at the counter as he happily watched you cook away. You didn’t make anything too fancy, just breakfast sandwiches for you both before you set his plate down in front of him, a happy smile on his face as his nose crinkled. 

Not even hesitating before he dug into the meal which you had purposely made him two given how big of an appetite the man had, something akin to pride swelled in your chest though at the sight of JK nearly devouring the sandwiches happily, Jimin stepped into the kitchen looking offended as he sputtered, “Oh so you’ll make breakfast for the hoe that can hardly speak but you won’t for your best friend, I see how it is. Is it because you know I won’t fuck you and he probably will?” 

“Shut up!” You hissed immediately, unable to even enjoy your own food because of your head ass best friend who only smiled viciously at how flustered you were. JK was naively munching on his food not understanding a single word either of you were saying and not caring either when his face was stuffed with food. 

 Seokjin entered the kitchen making himself something to eat as well, “Hey, are you guys going to that party tonight at Beta Tau?” He tilted his head as your nose immediately wrinkled, you used to do frat parties back when you were a freshman but since then you just couldn’t keep the high pace anymore or the sleazy guys. 

“I’m going!” Jimin called out, before tapping his chin as he looked towards JK before you, “Hey, we should bring JK along, give him some good socialization!” 

“Uh no, that’s a horrible idea,” You shook your head immediately, “And I never said I was going either, and if I don’t go he’s definitely not going.” JK tilted his head in curiosity, knowing his name had been brought up before he between you both. 

“Boo you whore,” Jimin tossed a piece of bagel at you as you dodged it, his nose wrinkling as he pointed his butterknife at you, “You’ve just been nursing your wounds ever since Mark dumped you. You know it’ll be good for you and him.” 

“I am not nursing wounds!” You hissed out, feeling like a black rain cloud was piling over your head as you crossed your arms, “And it is a bad idea, JK hardly knows anything about Earth, taking him to a frat party is like tossing a baby into the ocean.” 

“Umm all I hear is bullshit babe,” Jimin scoffed as he rolled his eyes, “Besides, a little party never hurt anyone, it’s our job to show off what Humans are capable of after all.”

“At a frat party…?” You frowned as you sighed. 

“He’s not a baby Y/n,” Seokjin frowned as he looked between you both, “Just because he can’t speak english and he’s unfamiliar with how we live doesn’t mean he isn’t intelligent, i’m sure they have parties where he’s from. If this is about Mark that’s kinda selfish to hold him back.” 

You weren’t…! You weren’t babying him! And this wasn’t about Mark! You just…! You weren’t in the mood to see him, especially attached to Lisa, who you had already thought was hot as it was but instead of going for you she went for your boyfriend and now they were together, 

It had been a pretty big blow to your ego. 

“Fuck fine! We can go what the fuck ever. I have to go get him clothes today though if you don’t want him bumming off you guys though.” Jungkook was still wearing his clothes from yesterday and he didn’t look the least bit concerned though he watched you guys curiously. 

Jimin pumps his fists in victory as he shoved the bagel in his mouth, “You guys do that then, it’ll be a good bonding session, anyways I have a lecture I’m already late for peace.” He threw up a peace sign before quickly exiting as you huffed, you thought it was weird he was here at 10am on a friday morning. 

“Bond?” JK perked up looking at you in excitement as your brows furrowed a little, how could he pick up random words so fast? Jesus, he’d be enrolling in college just to see what it was about within the weeks if he didn’t chill out. 

“Something like that,” You muttered, “Finish your food though,” You gestured to his sandwich before you picked up your own taking a bite, “I need a shower first but afterwards we can go out and get you some new clothes.” 

JK frowned as he looked down at his clothes once more, obviously slowly beginning to understand you more and more as his lips jutted a little, clearly he liked his clothing he was wearing. 

Maybe they just didn’t change clothes where he was from? It was difficult to say, regardless you shook your head finishing up before you went to your room. JK followed you around like a lost puppy as he had finished eating before you. 

You had paused at the door to the bathroom as you frowned, JK looking as if he’d totally come in if you’d let him, “Go play.” You pointed towards the living room where Seokjin had resumed Overwatch. 

JK frowned as he looked between the living room and you, “Bond.” He pointed at you making your pupils widen a little, what was that supposed to mean? He shuffled a little more, nearly chest to chest with you as you craned your head to look at him, jesus he had to be 6’3 in the average pool of 5’9 men, “Bond.” He said more firmly. 

“No.” You shook your head, your smile became awkward and your body movement became flustered, what was he talking about, “You are gonna go play with Seokjin.” You pressed a hand on his chest, pushing him back a little, his lips quivering a little and hurt in his eyes as he looked down at your face as if in search, “And I’m gonna go shower.” 

You couldn’t stand to look at it any longer before you quickly shut the door, locking it as you groaned, pressing your back against the door. Why did he have to look at you like that…?

“JK! Stop wandering off,” You lowered your voice a little as you tugged him along, your hand in his again as he had been exploring the store, “We’re here for clothes,” You held up the hanger you had in your hands as he frowned. He had been moping ever since you wouldn’t let him shower with you this morning. 

Or whatever his intention was. Regardless it didn’t change the fact that he needed clothes and despite being poor you were willing to throw out some money for him, but only because he was so cute. 

“Come on, let’s go to the dressing rooms, my arms are getting tired.” You tugged JK along who only pouted, obviously wanting to explore more than get things, but this was kind of a necessity. You gently pushed him into the dressing room, handing him the clothes as he frowned, his eyes looking down at the clothes then at you. 

Sighing you groaned, stepping into the small room with him before shutting the door, it wasn’t too cramped but you were uncomfortably close with him, “Okay….umm you obviously don’t understand the concept of trying on clothes so…” You flailed a little before tugging on his sweatshirt, he frowned before his eyes brightened a little. 

Understanding the message he pulled the sweatshirt over his head, your face immediately heating as you tried to not ogle his sculpted body which was muscular but slim, his shoulders broad but it suited his delicate small waist. 

You now had a good view of the marks that ran up his arms, they curved into a crescent at his hands and ran all the way along his arms, up his shoulders before curving to his back. You had changed his bandages this morning after you got out of the shower and admittedly they had healed a lot faster then you had assumed they would. 

 Whatever thoughts about his wounds however left your head as you nearly squeaked at the sight of tentacles immediately protruding from his back. Four to be exact, they were of a clear substance for the most part until your eyes followed further to their base where you noticed it matched the glow of his marks. 

A subtle pink and JK’s eyes a little bashful as he mumbled, “Bond…” His tentacles stretched forward a little as if in search for you before you squirmed towards the wall, trying your best to not let your horniness get the best of you in this situation. 

“U-ummm if you’re asking me to marry you the answer is gonna be no.” You held out the shirt in front of you to act as a semi shield to his advancement. Despite the language and cultural barrier JK seemed to understand your rejection as his lips quivered, his eyes dimming as he lowered them in acceptance. 

The tentacles immediately retracting back into his back as delicately took the hanger from you, fumbling to get it off and wow, way to make you feel like a dick. He wouldn’t even look at you as you sighed, relaxing a little as you grabbed the hanger pulling it off for him, “I’m gonna just let you do your business in here if you understand.” 

You exited as you grabbed your face, why did you feel so bad for rejecting him? You groaned as you leaned against the wall opposite of his room. Probably because you didn’t fully understand what he was trying to do if you could just speak the same language, and understand why he was here, maybe you wouldn’t have felt so bad. 

Seokjin kept saying he wasn’t a baby but...he was just so clueless as to how Earth worked, you couldn’t help it....You sighed as you rubbed your face, you just wished things could be easier. You had an afternoon lecture you needed to go to and you weren’t sure how JK would fair on his own and it admittedly gave you anxiety just thinking about it. 

He was curious by nature and you wouldn’t have a doubt he’d get bored easily just stuffed in your little apartment. JK opened the door to the dressing room, his gaze still cast on the ground as he handed the stuff back to you and you could only assume they all fit. You made sure they did because they were all at least two sizes too big for him but hey, they had to be comfy at least. 

Neither of you spoke as you paid for his things, holding the bags as you began walking back home, you didn’t like how quiet it was between you both and JK didn’t wander off not once as he let out what sounded like a sad sigh, his eyes looking up towards the sky as he mumbled something in his own language before back towards the ground. 

You felt like you kicked a puppy. 

You set his things down on the table as you looked towards the clock, you needed to get ready for class and honestly, you were gonna treat yourself to some starbucks after all this crap, “JK,” He peered up at you a little before his gaze became downcast, not looking at you but you knew he was listening, “I have to go to class…” You pointed to yourself, “You...need to stay...home.” You worded it carefully, his lips trembling now and you weren’t sure if he was going to cry or not, “I’ll be back!” You rushed, hurrying to the couch where he sat as you grabbed a remote. 

Pulling up Netflix as you shuffled around, deciding to put on a documentary for him on the ocean to keep him busy, maybe his language would improve meanwhile or...or he’d learn something, hell if you knew. 

JK frowned, sighing as he lowered his gaze in acceptance, reaching out you sighed, grabbing his face to make him look at you, “I’ll be back.” You spoke, your thumbs tethering over his skin which felt so soft and subtle, almost even more soft than any other person you had ever met, the glow of the TV made that iridescent tone reflect just a little. 

He really was the prettiest thing you had ever set your eyes on. 

He said nothing before you gave his face a little squeeze before letting him go, pressing play on the TV as he turned to watch, his expression slowly melted from sadness to that curious expression as he tilted his head, a purple glow from the crescents on his hands as he watched in fascination. 

You smiled a little before you grabbed your bags and slowly closed the door. You’d just hope he could figure out how to use the remote if he wanted to watch something else. 

Class was slow and you couldn’t help but wonder what JK was doing the whole time much to your frustration, you needed to focus on taking notes as midterms were coming up and you would absolutely fail if you didn’t pay attention. 

The whole class dragged on for two hours and in order to try and do damage control for your lack of attention you ended up going to the library to study more and make flashcards as you had originally planned before your life fell apart due to an alien binging on netflix back at home. 

You eventually got a peace of mind when you pushed your earbuds in and put on music to help you focus. Proud of your work you leaned back in your chair as you sighed in contentment before your eyes finally landed on your phone, not thinking much before your eyes nearly popped out of your head. It was almost seven in the afternoon! Fuck! You���d be leaving within the hour to get to the frat. 

Shoving all of your shit back into your bag you hurriedly zipped up before running out of the library, fumbling the whole way home before you entered the house in a rush. Much to your surprise though Seokjin and Jimin were already ready and JK looked happy to be around them both. 

What you didn’t expect for what you had bought him to look so good, he was wearing a fitted shirt and jeans, Jimin must’ve let him borrow his leather jacket and those fingerless clothes adorned his hands, “Hey hold still!” Seokjin spoke as he kept combing his hair, obviously styling it up, “I should’ve gone into cosmetology for being this good at turning trash to gold.” 

“Not everyone wants to look like Tinky Winky on steroids Seok.” You called out as you plopped your bag down in the ‘study corner’ which you and Jimin invented as a way to justify your laziness and Seokjin had said you both were on thin ice but he’d allow it because he also was lazy. 

Seokjin whipped around, those bratz lips of his parting in offense as you shrugged, holding up your hands, not about to apologize for the healthy dose of truth he needed at least once a day. 

“Y/n!” JK cried out, immediately running over to you making Seokjin groan as he grabbed your shoulders, frantically checking over you as if making sure you weren’t hurt. You frowned as you looked down at yourself. 

“I think he was worried about you.” Jimin was licking a drumstick at the moment while sitting on the handle of the couch, “He wouldn’t stop saying your name when I first got in and he looked like a scared puppy. Had to convince him that it was not a good idea to go look for you like he first suggested.” 

“Suggested?” You frowned as you looked back up at the tall boy who immediately cupped your face making you squirm a little, perhaps startled and a little touch starved, “Umm I told you I’d be back…” Not surprised he didn’t understand you but still. 

You gently grabbed his wrists, tugging them away from your face as you smiled awkwardly, trying to not think about the fact that this man looked even hotter then before, if that was even possible, “I need to go get dressed.” 

“Nope, nu uh, I’m not finished with you.” JK was yanked back with a whine as Seokjin grabbed him by the collar as he had attempted to follow you, much to your relief because you didn’t need another episode of earlier today. 

You didn’t take too long to get dressed, choosing to stay casual as you typically would given you didn’t plan of staying long and hey, if all hell broke lose maybe you’d get yourself and JK mcdonalds on the way back. 

Pulling the flannel over your shoulders you stepped out of your room, Jimin incessantly jingling his keys as he spoke, “You took too long, we’re gonna be late!” 

“You’re late everywhere we go you whore.” You rolled your eyes, grabbing JK’s hand as you all left the apartment, he still seemed a bit confused as to where you all were going but had no complaints as you both sat together in the back of the car which he inspected.

Pressing the button on top of the ceiling only to immediately squint with a whine at the light, you pressed it again turning it off as you looked at him, “Stop touching things.” He pouted a little, choosing to grab your hand as he mumbled something in his own language. 

The ride was short and you couldn’t stop dreading what might possibly happen at the party, one scared with JK and it was over, the police would get involved and they would take him off to some lab where he could get tested and poked and prodded and the idea was upsetting to think about. JK hadn’t been here for more then a day and somehow you decided taking him to a party was a good idea? 

You crumpled in your seat, looking outside the window as you watched the party rage on in the house. Of course you wanted to avoid your ex but that wasn’t your main worry for the night. Opening the door you stepped out, JK quickly following after you as you called out, “JK...stay with me okay?” 

He nodded though you weren’t quite sure if he understood, regardless he seemed happy enough to hold your hand as the three of you entered, the music was blaring and the crowd was big tonight given it was a friday and everyone could cut loose. Not the wildest you had seen but certainly not the smallest. You looked at JK in concern but much to your surprise he only looked around in curiosity as he nodded, “Party?” He asked as he raised his brows. 

You nodded, “Yeah, it’s a party.” You called back over the music, looking around for somewhere a little more quiet but Jimin cut in, grabbing JK’s arm, “Hey, we’re playing beerpong and I need to know if he has good aim.” 

JK was immediately tugged from you as you glared at Jimin his smile cheeky, “Chill, he’ll be fine, looks like he’s used to this kind of scene. Maybe he’s a space fuckboy. We’ll watch him go relax.” JK looked back at you mildly concerned but you gave him a reassuring smile as you nodded, despite not fully agreeing with it. 

Could JK even drink? You felt stressed but then again you did pour rubbing alcohol all over a wound that could have reacted like acid to him, you supposed if he knew something was dangerous he would avoid it, or so you could only hope. 

“Bitch! Why haven’t you been answering my messages!?” You jumped at the sight of the blond looking ready to mow you over, Solar’s heels clicked against the ground as she nearly ran for blood at the sight of you. 

Cowering a little your lips twisted into a sheepish smile, your best friend glaring down at you and a pout adorning her lips, you hadn’t meant to ignore her texts the whole day but other things had obviously taken precedent. Should you tell her? 

“It better be for a good reason.” She pointed at you accusingly before you made your way to the buildable table set out with drinks on it, purposely avoiding the jungle juice you knew for a fact probably had that shitty bang energy in as you grabbed a bottle of benchmark, sure it was cheap and tasted like shit but didn’t that sum up your whole personality?

“Well…” You took a breath, your expression contorting a little as you looked up at Solar who waiting expectantly, why the fuck not? If anyone could keep a secret it was her- hence her promise to Kim Jenny in 5th grade that she wouldn’t tell you that she liked the same boy and ended up helping her ask him out. 

Which you only found out about last year in a drunk truth or dare session and you marked your own words that the next time you saw Jenny you'd slap her across the face. Which you ended up not, instead you were still drunk and ended up crying with her because her dog had died earlier that day. 

Still, the principle remained, Solar would keep it a secret. Taking a long chug of the mixed drink a warm burn settled in your throat, “I discovered an alien and- he has tentacles that literally fucking explode from his back.” 

Solar nearly snorted out her drink as she began laughing, “Girl you watch too much hentai. Seriously, what’s up?” Her laughing died down before an uncomfortable silence sat between you both, your lips quivered only a little as you looked up at her, her expression immediately dropping, “You’re joking…” 

“I wish I was Sol…” You took another long drink. 

“You’re joking!” She shouted, her lips dropping, “Okay no, tell me everything! Where is it? What does it look like? You better not be pranking me right now…!” 

You waved a hand, walking as she quickly followed as you recalled the events of how you found JK and what had ensued in the last 24 hours before you paused at the beerpong table, pointing at JK. Your face warm at the sight of a cocky smirk on his face, obviously his team winning as he landed yet another shot assuming by the sound of the other teams groan. 

“That...Y/n…” She turned to you deflating a little at the sight of him, obviously hoping for something a little more...alien like, “You’re such an ass!” 

“He is! You just can’t see the shitty avatar cosplay beneath all the clothes! He does have tentacles again, by the way...I am not crazy!” You grabbed your chest in offense, “You wanna know what I’ve been doing the last 24 hours, there it is! Trying to figure out what to do with an alien that keeps trying to bone me.” 

“Bone you?” Solar raised her brows before she scoffed a little, her brows raised as she took a sip from her cup, “Thought being a monster fucker was always your thing?” You shoved her a little, making her snort in amusement, again, if you could just figure out what his motive was and...maybe have a decent conversation, “Let's say he is an alien...not that I believe you but let's say he is...what are you gonna do about it? I mean really….?” 

You rubbed your head as you frowned, “Well...I don’t know.” you confessed with an awkward expression as she sighed, “I just…! I’m assuming he probably has his own plan…! But generally I’m hoping as he learned english- which is extremely fast by the way- that he’ll eventually tell us what happened and where to go from here I mean…” 

You frowned a little, something sad stirring inside you, there was nothing holding JK back from just leaving you all one night when he’s found what he needs, or figures out where to go or...whatever it is he’s doing here, “If he even stays here long enough…” 

Solar hummed before tapping her cheek, “That’s it, I’m playing against him, he hasn’t missed a single shot.” You tried to call out to her but it was useless, when Solar was determined, nothing would stop her.

You sighed as you turned away, feeling too much anxiety from watching JK to try and come in further especially if he caught sight of you. JK surprisingly enough seemed as though he had fun a lot of the night, you had stayed curled up in a corner on your phone most of the time brooding while nursing your drink which had admittedly helped you relax a little. 

Eventually though, good times always come to an end, this being no exception, “Hey babe, long time no see?” You stared down at your phone, scrolling through instagram as you ignored the sound of Mark’s voice, “Awwh c’mon, don’t ignore me.” 

You inhaled sharply, closing your eyes before you put away your phone, looking up at him as you raised a brow trying to ignore your heart racing just a hair, “Can I help you?” You asked, trying to act as if this totally wasn’t freaking you the fuck out. 

“You sure can,” Mark flirted, sending you that wink that was the very reason you had spun out in the first place with this guy and god you couldn’t deny his flirty nature always got the best of you, “Me and Lisa were hoping for a third in bed tonight and I thought, what girl would be better than my main girl.” 

He smiled, delicately holding your chin with a proud look and for a half a second you had forgotten how much of a bitch he was, that was until your mind lingered on the word ‘main girl’ to which your lips curled slowly, “...Main girl?” You scoffed immediately slapping his hand away as you shouted, “Main girl!? Since when was I the main girl!?” You watched Mark groan as you shook your head, “Uh no! You came up to me! You don’t get to act like this and you were the one that left me in the first place, why don’t you go back to your main girl!” 

“God you’re so over emotional-” You didn’t even let the little gaslighting fuck finish before you splashed him with your drink, a scoff escaping him as he raised his brows, “Are you fucking serious Y/n?” 

“Yeah, fuck you.” You shoved him before walking out of the kitchen, what a piece of shit! How dare he act all put out when he was the one that approached you, in a total douchebag way at that! You weren’t sure where everybody had went and at this point it was almost ten o’clock and you didn’t care! You just wanted to take a warm shower and go to bed!

You stepped down the stairs of the frat house and into the cool night as as you heaved a breath, scoffing as you rolled your eyes, this was exactly why you hated going to frat parties at Beta Tau now because you almost always ended up in an argument with Mark. 

Stupid little fuck. You muttered it to yourself as you wrapped the flannel around you, your eyes warily finding that of a drunk elderly man who definitely appeared in his forties, alone and his eyes immediately finding your lone figure. 

You kept your eyes on your phone as you slowly approached in hopes of walking past him, you hated parties, you hated going out at night, you hated the fact that you let yourself get so heated in the moment, “Well aren’t you just looking pretty tonight sweetheart.” You sighed in exasperation at the sound of his voice calling out to you.

“Thanks.” You offered dryly, not even attempting to smile because you knew it would just sound like that much more of an invitation to him and yet, even your singular dry word was enough of  a green light to him. 

A hand suddenly wrapped around your upperarm yanking you over as you squeaked out, “How about I take you back to my place? Show you a good time yeah?” He reeked of beer and your nose wrinkled as your expression twisted and your hands trembled. 

“Sir- I..I really need to get home…” You mumbled, not wanting to provoke him but your fear was getting the better of you by the second as you tried to keep yourself from panicking. You’ve never gone out tonight and you should’ve stood your ground regardless of who went were. 

His hands squeezed on your arms eliciting a noise of pain from you and you couldn’t even look at the guy as he growled, “Or I could go home with you sweetheart, or better yet. Why don’t we go over here…! Ow you bitch!” You had smashed his foot with your own but it wasn’t enough for him to let go of you. 

Instead his grip only got tighter making you cry out in pain as your eyes stung with tears, wishing he could just let you go...Within seconds though the man was nearly ripped away from you and a larger figure had wedged between you both, “Leave.” It was a one word command that was clear and demanding from JK, you couldn’t see his face and you weren’t sure you wanted too. 

JK was shoved back from the guy and taking this as an offense, you nearly jumped back at the sight of tentacles bursting from his back, your eyes bulging at the sight, not a single rip in his clothes as if they were transparent yet a lightening of bright fiery ran streaked through him. Your lips nearly dropped though because they obviously weren’t too transparent as JK used them to slam the guy into a wall with enough force to drive him unconscious. 

“JK! Hey! Woah holy shit!” You grabbed your head, JK whipped around, anger still evident on his face but his concern had taken over as he called out your name, what he hadn’t expected as for you to drag him into the alleyway. 

Tentacles still gracefully flowing behind him as if they were underwater, your eyes darting everywhere and anywhere for anyone to have possibly seen and yet…! “Don’t you ever do that again!” You hissed, grabbing your head in stress, if anyone saw that…! Anyone it was over! “Someone could’ve see you!” 

JK might not have fully understood what you said, but he could understand a few words here and there and your tone of voice, his expression darkening and his lips twitching in anger and disagreement, “Hurt!” He growled back pointing at you. 

“I don’t care if I got hurt!” You cried out, running your hands through your hair, anxiety shot through your veins, “You can’t do that!” You pointed at his tentacles, “You aren't human! Humans can’t do that!”

“Hurt!” He growled even louder, now grabbing your forearms in demand, firm enough that you couldn’t pull away but gentle enough that it didn’t hurt, “Y/n hurt!” He emphasized as best he could, his nose wrinkling in frustration as he spoke, “Protect!” It was spoken a little word but you understood overall what he meant. 

“Yes you can protect me that’s fine! But you have to act human!” You pointed at yourself, shaking his arm away before forcefully rolling up his sleeve, the marks which were burning red, “Human!” You snapped as you pointed at your own bare arm compared to his, “Not human!” You pointed to JK’s, “You can’t be that careless!” 

You were just lucky that the guy was drunk and hopefully wouldn’t remember any of this, JK’s lips twitched as if he still didn’t agree with you, snapping something back in his own tongue as he roughly shoved his sleeve back down before he went on what sounded like a long rant, the tentacles retracting into his back once more as he threw his arms up and you stepped back a little. 

You had never heard him so...vocal...or angry before...Which you had brought on yourself, you understood he thought it was the right thing to do and it would’ve been fine had he not decided to get his four other tendons involved. You above anything else, didn’t want JK to be taken from you. JK kept going though in his tongue, directly all of his- what sounded like unpleasant words at you as you crossed your arms, looking at the ground with gritted teeth and ignoring the way your eyes were attempting to blur in tears. 

Even if you couldn’t understand him you were positive you didn’t like or agree with whatever he was saying. You fixed your flannel that had been ruffled from the man as you sniffled harshly, trying to ignore the wet warm tears that began trickling down your face. JK had paused from his rant before frowning, watching the liquid trickling down your face as you closed your eyes. 

Puffing a breath he sighed, figuring it wasn’t any use in trying to talk to you anyways, Orion tongue was beyond ancient to human civilization which is why he hadn’t bothered trying to say any sort of phrases in his own language. 

JK couldn’t stand seeing you like this, from what he observed on- if he assumed he was correct- the TV, humans often depicted this as sadness. Unable to stand this gesture JK did what he had watched, wrapping his arms around you in a form of human affection as he set his chin on top of your head, wetness staining his shirt and he held a silent victorious moment at your reciprocation to his affection. Trying to bond with you had been such a pain in the ass with the language barrier and you almost always looked uncomfortable any time he tried to initiate a bonding session. 

True the locations might have been inappropriate but he was excited, he wanted to find a mate and soon, after all that was part of the original plan, even if it wasn’t supposed to be on earth. You had mumbled something he couldn’t quite figure out until you had mentioned the word Home, as in the place you slept. JK nodded, assuming that was where you had intended on going in the first place. 

He had caught sight of you leaving the house extremely upset and he wanted to tag along in hope that maybe with some alone time at the house, you’d both finally be able to properly bond, he could feel his scaling warm a bit and he could even spot a tint of pink from beneath his gloves much to his embarrassment. 

Knowing this was a human affection JK kept his arm wrapped around you as you both walked home, your hands on your eyes as you sniffled a little and you hadn’t spoken the entire walk back making him a little sad. Your voice was soft and pleasant on his ears which often picked up too many odd and miscellaneous sounds. 

Pulling off your flannel you sighed, muttering something that he leaned in a little to focus on understanding, knowing it sounded something like an apology. JK only offered a small smile, “Friend?” He spoke softly, he liked that word, it was the first one you had taught him after all. 

You nodded, looking severely tired as you repeated the word back before padding to your room to get changed, little by little JK understood more and more about humanity on Earth which wasn’t exactly new, but rather...a bit archaic by Orionia’s standards.

JK had made sure to go into the room with the odd looking boat to change into clothes, knowing it always elicited an odd reaction from you whenever he changed in front of you. Getting into something more comfortable he could appreciate the human need for comfort. 

Feeling a bit timid he peeped into your room where you laid on your bed, looking half asleep but you gestured him in much to his excitement, understanding bonding wouldn’t likely happen now that you were too tired but he appreciated your company, you made things much easier for his stay on Earth. 

Pulling out your lap held device JK tilted his head, oh…! This was like the mainboard back on the ship, just a smaller version of it, a computer? But a lap verison? He furrowed his brows a little, the name on the tip of his tongue as his nose wrinkled. Much to his delight though you typed up the same place where he had been watching educational videos earlier today. 

He only hoped you’d stay this time, he had been extremely worried the Arbitrator's had found you, your friends however had said multiple times you were just at ‘Class’ whatever that was. And they seemed calm enough and if they knew your routine then...he had no reason to assume they were conspiring with the enemy. 

Much to his happiness you laid back down as you stretched out before curling up, your eyes closing as he clicked onto the video of the ocean, as he had learned Earth held quite the exotic lifeform in the sea. 

It was nearing 11:30 which you had pointed at the clock earlier today except now it was dark out, JK could only deduce there was certain names for eating at certain times of the day, he tapped on his chin, scrolling down the assortment of human entertainment. Wanting something to figure out how to win your affection to be his mate. A loud piercing screech nearly jolted him out of bed, holding his head as he frantically looked towards you before feeling relief fill him. If you couldn’t hear this then…! 

He fumbled as he hurried to the window, pushing through the blinds as he peered out, seeing a large flare being shot up into the sky in a deep hue of blue and purple, that acted as something he saw on a video. A firework, if he remembered correctly. JK perked up, Taehyung and Namjoon must be okay, this was what…? At least ten miles south, in human terms? He remembered that much from the academy. 

JK nearly ran out the door before he paused, his eyes looking over your sleeping figure he...he couldn't just leave you here...and…! He perked up, “Y/n!” He called out, jostling you awake as you rolled over with a groan, “Y/n! Home!” He spoke determined, if he could get you to go with him then he could explain everything. 

“What? JK seriously? This better be important.” You groaned as your eyes tiredly cracked opened at the sight of doe eyes looking at you urgently, he nearly ripping you out of bed with a squeak, “Home!” He spoke as he brought your shoes to you before pointing out the window, “Home!” 

...Oh...oh god, this was going to be a long night, wasn’t it…? 

[txbbo]

I've been debating making this because this is definitely not what my blog is known for and I was worried that people wouldn't want to see it, but with the amount of shit im seeing on twitter it's compelled me to make this because I'm so frustrated.

I feel like I could make 100 posts about 'Cancel Culture' and it wouldn't be enough, so I'm just going to focus on what caused me to write this tonight - the Tommy situation. *Warning for a VERY long post below*

To be clear, Tommy has been in 'hot water' on twitter for the past couple weeks, roughly starting with the KSI collaboration where he made a joke about dream stans.

Last week, when the SBI 'exposing account' got made and twitter hyped it up, someone made a Tommy account and made a thread of things he needed to be '''educated''' on: https://twitter.com/idktommyinnit/status/1379158964148002821?s=20

I'll let you read it for yourself (and come to your own conclusion) but to me.... half of this stuff does not require a twitter thread? Breaking it down accusation by accusation:

1) 'The Mexican accent' - the clips show he is clearly only doing it when copying big Q (who famously exaggerates his own accent) and there is zero malicious intent (Big Q is also IN the 3 clips mentioned in the thread, and obviously didn't tell Tommy it was offensive). There's debates in the comments from people who think it is offensive and people who don't, so I'm not trying to pick a side. To avoid accidentally offending anyone, maybe it is best for him to stop, but the way twitter acts as if he was purposefully doing this to offend people is just not true.

2- 'Making a slave joke' - Even saying that feels wrong, because it suggests Tommy is doing something awful. Instead, they are referring to the 'bit' that Tommy, Techno, Tubbo and Ant were involved in, when Tommy and Techno took Tubbo and Ant as their slave. People are taking this vod and using it to accuse Tommy of being insensitive to Black people, but I think people are just assuming the worst. Slavery existed long before the transatlantic slave trade and still exists today. This is a role-play server - Tommy 'forced' Ant to work for him and used the word slave, which to me is exactly what was happening? People 'murder' others on the SMP, people 'kidnap' on the SMP, people are 'terrorists' on the SMP, and all happen without issue. To add, Ant is a WHITE man. Tommy taking a WHITE man as a slave is not something uber problematic.

3- 'His reply to Techno's 'murder is bad' tweet'. - I get people saying that Techno's initial tweet was insensitive, but saying Tommy's agreement to this from almost over a year ago is something notable and worth addressing is just super nitpicky and is clearly only in there to pad out the thread. It also makes me wonder what other CC's interacted with it and if THEY should be cancelled too (according to twitter).

4 - 'The saying slurs' tweet / jokes about 'whats the worst word you know' - This one I can kinda see how people might not like it. However, it's clearly a 'poke' at his friends, making them seem like bad people. To me, its in the same vein as 'Tubbo is a Tory' or when Tubbo shoots back that 'Tommy is a Nigel Farage fan'. They're obviously not, but its making fun of your friends by saying they are, and mockingly making them out out to be bad people.

5- 'Covid jokes' - People are taking jokes he made about him 'having covid' and saying he shouldn't joke about this, even going as far to linking it to asian hate crimes. I don't even know how to explain that that this is just? not a 'cancellable offence'? I'm sorry but if I hear anyone in my family coughing I make a little joke that 'they better not have covid' and I know other people do. I have someone in my family who is extremely vulnerable to Covid and if they caught it, would quite literally die, but I can understand that jokes like these are harmless. The whole internet had a running joke that we were in a 'panoramic' or 'Panera' or 'insert any word that sounds like pandemic.

This thread got a lot of attention and anything he tweeted afterwards was spammed with the link and there were so many people upset that he hadn't addressed it. I saw so many people say how 'upset' and 'disappointed' they were in him.

Going on to today, this happened: https://twitter.com/khasiid/status/1380611890104139776?s=20

I get it, it looks bad. But for context (which the tweet doesn't give), the reply was only up for less than a minute. It was obvious to me, even BEFORE Tommy addressed it in his stream (clip here: https://twitter.com/cowrpse/status/1380640046202593283?s=20 ) that it was a mistake. In the clip, he clearly acknowledges his mistake and seems embarrassed. To me, this situation should just be laid to rest because a mistake does not need this much attention, but twitter disagrees.

In case it wasn't obvious by now, the tide is turning against Tommy and people are less willing to ignore genuine mistakes and assume the worst.

Today, during his birthday stream people were clearly already waiting for him to mess up. Around half way through, he started saying 'finna' out of context and Tubbo joined in. This led to tons of tweets telling him he was misusing AAVE, and while there were plenty of people willing to be patient and educate, there were also people seeing this as an example of him being a 'bad person' and someone who should be 'without a platform'. I think people forget that not everyone has the same internet upbringing as they do. In general, I think its noted that the misuse of AAVE is something that has just recently been brought to attention. I learned about it through tiktok and stan twitter, and I don't think it's unimaginable that a British 17 year old boy (who is not active on either) has never heard of 'African American Vernacular English'.

Just for a fuller picture, today has also brought about another 'criticism' that I just had to address.

1) 'Tommy made a KKK joke' - Like the 'slavery' point, saying this is extremely misleading. It makes people think the worst. Here's the clip: https://twitter.com/ghostburz/status/1380673589612011522?s=20

Here, Tommy and Tubbo are both joking about Tubbo's 'bit' of naming his alt streams 'aaaaaaaaaa', 'bbbbbbb', 'cccccc', etc and how it would've been bad if it was 'kkkkkkkk' (for obvious reasons). That is literally it. It is a less than 20 second clip. Acknowledging that people woulda thought about the 'KKK' is not him 'not understanding Black issues', its a throwaway joke about the obvious.

Lastly, someone on twitter has made a tommyinnit (address asap) doc - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tZEZtBzikS-EYYkssfFtwVOoFqOwCK0zhStLe6H1wCc/edit

I've basically already covered everything in this document, but I wanted to mention how extremely 'guilt trippy' the whole thing is. I struggled to come up with the perfect word for the situation, and I am open to hearing other peoples opinion, but as I have mentioned none of these things Tommy has been accused of were done with malicious intent, and some I believe don't even need addressed at all.

'slavery is a source of astronomical trauma for black people, and isn’t something to be taken lightly if you’re to look into the horrors of the slave trade."

and "Oftentimes they are the last words we hear before we die and it really is not Tommy’s place to joke about words that affect us so negatively."

Are extremely emotional words for a 17-year-old boy to hear on his birthday, for stuff that I believe has been taken out of context and blown out of proportion.

I really feel bad for him, because such a large proportion of twitter (which ofc is the loudest side of the fanbase) is angry at him and is demanding (as the document says) ''either a stream or twitter thread/twitlonger to addressing this' and 'a long and serious apology instead of a short statement pre-stream'.

We all know how twitter works, and unless his apology is perfect (which to me means apologising for stuff that he should't have to, as explained in the thread), twitter will continue with this weird hyper focus on everything he does, and it's not going to end well.

Twitter's mentality of 'putting everything this person has done that could ever be considered problematic' into one neat little thread is so unhelpful and counter intuitive. I got overwhelmed reading some of the stuff people were saying about him, I can't imagine how he feels.

I feel like I have more to say but at risk of writing an essay longer than my actual work I have to do, I'm going to end here.

[elias-veturius-laia-of-serra]

Why Elias And Laia Mean So Much To Me

Okay so I’ve been wanting to write this for a while but knew it would be long and that I’d need some time to get my thoughts in order. So without a further ado here is my attempt:

Why is Elaia so important to me. Well to start off, Laia Of Serra in particular is very important and inspirational to me. She is not only a brown girl who is a hero but she is the most realistic hero I’ve ever had the honor of meeting. I’m so used to white female main characters that are badass warriors who are smart, beautiful, strong, special, that everyone is attracted to, and who fight for their people. I grew up on books like that. In which don’t get me wrong I still greatly enjoyed those stories and some of them are still my favorite to this day.

However I could never relate to those characters and it really solidified the belief that I most likely could never be a hero cause I could never fit that mold. And for the longest time I thought I was okay with that and I never really understood how much physical and emotional representation could mean to me until, Laia Of Serra.

Laia is a brown girl that is afraid, insecure, oppressed, sheltered, poor, weak, with no fighting experience, kind, emotional, girly, and self deprecating. She’s scared and second guesses herself all the time. It’s hard for her to phantom that she’s good enough to make the right choices or save anyone or anything. Which is exactly what I struggle with on the daily let alone in the middle of a war. I first read aeita when I was 17, the same age as Laia. So meeting a heroine that made mistakes, berated herself, cracked under pressure, had no clue what she was doing, let herself cry, understood that in a place filled with skilled deathly warriors she was weak, and let people trample over her. It was so relatable and heart wrenching. Especially when I’ve been wired to think girls like her are useless and typically the first to die or used as a stepping stool for the real hero.

Seeing her continue to fight with what she can and however she can made my heart soar. There were so many times she wanted to give up and feared death. However in time she grew and instead of fearing death she embraced the possibility of it in order to fight for what is right and for the people she loved. She stayed true to herself and became a badass without the need of having to kill people. Laia detested killing people especially after having to see how her people got killed all the time. She’s filled with understanding, love, forgiveness, sensitivity, kindness, and determination. No matter how many times she got knocked down she kept getting back up.

She gave and still gives me hope. Hope for who I am today and who I can grow into the future. She’s a symbol that you can be strong in other ways. That physical strength isn’t the only way to be a hero. Her bravery to face things head on, her compassion towards everyone, her determination to reach her goal, and her heart always willing to accept others is what makes her a hero. Even when it came to the final battle. It wasn’t her powers or weapons that got her to win the war. It was her kindness and understanding and love.

I understand people are disappointed that she wasn’t as “brutal” or stabby as other heroines. I love stabby women as well! But I think her depiction of strength and heroism is so important. It really shines a light on the meek and shy and scared and shows that it’s okay to feel like that. How that doesn’t automatically make you weak and how you can be just as important in the world.

I also love that Laia isn’t reduced or or shown as “not like other girls”. Laia loves to dress up, she likes to look pretty, she does think about boys, she is bossy, she is emotional, often has break downs, and she’s just so human. I find that a lot of the most badass heroines are always the ones that don’t like dressing up and finds it a waste of time, doesn’t fit in with other women, is stoic, cold, good with swords but not with words, and violent. Im not saying that these characters shouldn’t be allowed, but I feel like it reinforces the idea that the normal things a woman feels or behaves is considered weak. Not saying that all women are emotional, but we do feel. We do stress and some of us do love to put on make up and dresses. That shouldn’t be demonized or looked down upon.

That’s why I adore Laia. She’s a normal teenage girl that IS like most girls. And she gets praise and stronger because of it. Also people need to realize that at the start of the series Laia is a 17 year old girl with zero survival training skills. Elias and Helene have been training since they were literal children. Their whole lives revolves around fighting. Laia’s didn’t. So it makes sense and is realistic why she isn’t as “strong” or “skilled” as them.

To expect her to be at their level within the three year timeline between these books is impossible. I feel like people are so used to heroines that know how to fight or learn to become the most badass fighter through mere chapter montages that seeing a realistic depiction of a teenage girl that’s never fought in her life is displeasing. But I love that about her. She always becomes stronger in spirit, braver at heart, but at her core she is still Laia. A teenage girl trying her best.

Her needing help or needing a team to fulfill her goals shouldn’t be looked down on. It’s shown through even real history some of the best fighters or leaders needed a team. Needed support, right hand man, etc. Which is why I feel so connected to her and wish she wasn’t so underrated or looked down upon. Cause I feel like she’s a voice for girls like us that so desperately needed a way to be heard. She’s someone I can look up to and remember and find comfort in when times get stressful or dark.

Now as for why Elias and Laia’s relationship mean a lot to me. It’s simple. They’re a healthy brown couple and I love finally seeing a girl that looks and acts like me get praise and love. I love that Elias sees her strength and admires her for who she is. And how he actually finds comfort in a person like her. How he views her at times even stronger than him and everyone else.

Girls/characters like Laia are always reduced to a side character, the best friend, the second choice for the love interest, the death that motivates the main character, and or the character that pops in and out to give moral support. However under Elias’s eyes she IS the main character. She IS the only girl for him. He loves everything about her and was the first to believe she’s strong. He chooses her above all. Above anything and anyone else.

As a brown girl as shallow or dumb as it may sound it really does feel touching to see us described as not only just strong and desirable but loved and wanted by the warrior. The main love interest. That in his eyes this brown girl that others deem as weak, useless, boring, and a waste of time. To him she is everything. She is brave, smart, powerful, beautiful, admirable, and perfect. It means the world to me. Especially with how characters like her especially in fantasy is seen as never good enough or tossed aside.

I also love that Elias shows the struggles on what it means to be “strong”. How a lot of learning to be the best fighter happened through a lot of trauma, shame, and guilt. He does show how physical strength isn’t the only way to be strong. Which is why Laia is his balance. She is the peace and freedom he yearns for while Elias is the strength, power, and love she’s always yearned for. Where she falls in believing herself he is always the first to count his vote on her. They compliment each other perfectly. Countermelodies. True loves.

They show me a healthy version of love. One of the purest and sweetest kinds of love. Elias is always soft, kind, and patient with her. He’s proud of her even if she feels like it’s undeserved. She sees the good in him even if he feels like he’s a monster. They see each other for who they are and love that about each other. They love each other so much and I’d never seen two characters be as in love as these two are. They are utterly devoted to each other and constantly fought for their way back to each other. It’s been five years and rereading their scenes still makes me smile and feel butterflies, like it’s the first time all over again.

Even now seeing any content of them is like a shot of straight up serotonin. They are my comfort ship. Despite the stress these past five years of being with them and shipping them has brought me. They also bring me great happiness and excitement and I wish I never had to say goodbye.

Though here’s to hoping that maybe we can have an Elaia novella, at the least, in the future 👀🤞

♥️♥️♥️ Elaia Forever ♥️♥️♥️

[creepypocky]

hellloooo may I request a matchup please? Both romantic and nsfw if that’s alright with you. Im bisexual, my pronouns are she/her, I’m an INTP virgo and I’m 5’8”. My style is constantly changing but I adore 70’s type fashion, I tend to wear a lot of jewelry like many rings, multiple necklaces, I adore collecting earrings and so on. I have five piercings and I absolutely want to get more!

My hobbies are definitely two totally different things: on one hand I love baking, I usually give the baked goods away because I actually don’t like sweets, and my other hobby is a little more on the weird side but I love finding people. I know that sounds a little spooky, but a lot of my family works in the government and my dream job is probably private investigator. I’m exceptionally good at finding people and things, and I love snooping around where I don’t belong. I’m super passionate about exploring abandoned buildings and while I’m average at photography I really enjoy taking pics of the places I explore.

My love language is definitely gifting people things and being able to just *exist* comfortably in the same space as others. I’m not very affectionate verbally or physically but I welcome people who are and I’m pretty used to it. I have a problem called I love arguing with people. It’s definitely a toxic trait but I love debating with others and I’m always expecting to come out on top. Of course playful banter is welcome too, a relationship wouldn’t really be healthy with constant arguing but I really appreciate people who can take teasing and dish it out just as well.

As for nsfw stuff: I definitely love being scared and just the kind of thrill that comes with being chased (I mean why else would I be here lol) I’m a switch leaning sub (tho if my partner was someone who’s submissive I could take control) and with my love for arguing definitely comes a more bratty side. I would love someone I can rile up and I love being bossed around. I don’t mind being roughed up a little bit, including manhandling and leaving marks.

Hello mortal~ :)

Hehe, I'll get to this <3 it took me a little bit to know who to match you with but I'm sure about this now. <3

|| I match you with: Jeff The Killer! ||

Hon, he thinks your jewelry is super cool and pretty and he will even buy you more jewelry without you even asking for it. Let this jackass spoil you. He loves to see your piercings and watch you get more, he thinks you just look so beautiful with them and will take you to get more if you ask him to. He won’t admit it but he mostly just adores the smile you have when getting them.

Pleaseeee, Jeff LOVES sweets. Bake all of the sweets you want for this man he will happily eat it all up, especially if it’s your baking. He just breathes in your essense as he practically drowns himself in the sweets you bake for him.

You like finding people? Babe, this guys job is literally to stalk and kill people. He is practically the KING of finding people aside from Hoodie and some of the other creeps. If you ever need help finding someone he’s got your back and will most definitely help you, otherwise he’ll just have fun watching you do it yourself.

Jeff is really a “fuck you” guy so he also snoops around where he doesn’t belong. Will do it even just to piss whoever told him not to off. But if you ever want to go investigate somewhere private and not allowed, he’ll definitely help you get in there and out without getting caught. Of all of the creeps, he’s basically the guy who can smuggle anyone in anywhere aside from in public because, well, his face isn’t exactly normal.

Jeff is also not the best at expressing his love or affection verbally, but he very much does love you. He’s just super aloof and/or awkward about love, but when you give him gifts he appreciates them a ton even if he doesn’t say it, he will cherish everything you give him. He also appreciates you being around him in general and is pretty good at taking signs, he understands you have feelings for him even if you don’t outright say it. He’s good at just pulling you against him though and holding you tight. He’s a lot better at physical affection than he is at verbal affection.

Broo, he loves arguing with people too and just debating. He can be the biggest asshole ever in an argument and will sometimes even just talk out of his ass and start making claims that make zero sense just for the sake of it, and will somehow win an argument with just that because of his way with words. Would probably have a harder time debating with you though.

He likes to tease you a lot and just be a dick in general, he wouldn’t ever go too far or hurt you seriously though. He loves you way too much to treat you like that. He will tell others that tease you to fuck off though because it’s like a, “Yeah no, only I’m allowed to fuck with her.”

NSFW:

Ooooo~

He will definitely chase you down, little lady. He has a bit of a fetish himself where he’ll just randomly make you his prey and will want to hunt you down, and when he catches you he can be ruthless.

He’s a bit of a dom but would sub for you if he was having a bad day or feeling depression/out of it. Otherwise, he’s definitely into topping you and putting you in your place. Likes that you’re a bit of a brat because he will most definitely force you into submission and will love it when you fight back, he’ll leave all kinds of marks on you and will hold you down and he rams his cock in you from behind.

He’ll manhandle you too, he’ll grab you by your neck and force you to stay still as he pounds into you. Will make you ride him, he’ll grip your hips and maybe even dig his nails in them as he forces you to bounce on his dick.

He will also call you names if he’s enough in the mood, if you’re being extra bratty will do all kinds of degrading names and will slap you around.~

He doesn’t know how he feels about aftercare, but once the deed is done he will light a cigarette and will lazily hold you against him. Maybe kiss your forehead and just whisper loving things to you if he’s tired enough and not paying attention to what he’s saying.

All in all, you’re precious to him. <3 Pls never leave or break his trust for you baby. <3

I hope you liked this, honey. :) Make sure to take good care of yourself and have an amazing day/night.

[daaziscoolbesties]

[REPOST] MY 2K WORD COMMENTARY/ANALYSIS OF RANBOO’S LORE STREAM

‼️‼️This post contains lore spoilers from Ranboo’s 4/23 stream, “The Enderwalk Saga. Chapter 1: The Lessons”. If you haven’t seen that stream don’t read ahead unless you want spoilers‼️‼️

disclaimer: this isnt really an analysis as much as a bunch of commentary and half-baked theories.

-on the way to the mansion he was sort of talking to himself saying stuff like "i'm good i'm good" which m a y be a normal thing but also maybe it's not and it flew over our heads cause he talks to chats and donos like that so often

-again, this one may just be a normal thing but when he was climbing up the stairs in the mansion looking for foolish, he repeats some of his words like down to the exact same tone of voice and everything. 12:42,  "this mansion is way too big actually. this mansion is way too big actually." (why the repeated actually? seems odd to me but again it might just be a normal thing that i haven't picked up on). (right after) "okay okay lemme find him lemme find him" again repeated words in the e x a c t same tone.

-does everyone know about ranboo's silk touch hands ability thing? or was that just a techno and ranboo main character moment. bc if it was, how would foolish know that ranboo could pick up the full cake after it'd been partially eaten. unless everyone on the sever knows about that in which case this means nothing. but if they d o n t know... how would foolish know? ranboo wrote about it in the do not read book so maybe if it's not a publicly known thing maybe foolish got his hands on the book and read it??

-14:53-ish, they're talking about the war room and how it was for tubbo or whatever and ranboo says, and i quote "he prepares for lore but he's never gonna do it." now funny thing is at first i couldn't tell if he said "war" like in reference to the war room or "lore". but after playing the clip over and over i can say with ALMOST 100% certainty that he said lore. there is a definite L sound at the beginning of the word. which either means a) this was a slip up (doubtful bc he said later that there were no mistakes), b) he broke the fourth wall because they were supposed to be rping at that point, or c) i'm completely wrong and he said "war" which leads down an entire other road of possibilities

-15:17 "are you a book reader?" "*checks inventory for do not read book* uh yeah i'd say i'm a book reader-" dunno how i didn't catch this the first time I HATE THAT DAMN BOOK

-15:18 there's blue in his hotbar. where did he get the blue.

-16:40 "it's like a metaphor- i have two minds: i have my normal self, my normal little shift-dancing self, and then the builder one. the builder one is demanding. it's a very demanding mind." ranboo then lets out a weird sigh after this. i feel like what foolish was talking about was an indirect(?) parallel to ranboo in and out of enderwalk, there's how he normally is, trying to do best for others, and then there's enderwalk, meeting up with bad guys and "demanding" things (its very late as i write this i really don't know what i'm talking about)

-17:11 "you have your panic closet" i'm sorry his what now 😀 no but seriously how the hell did i miss some of these

-18:04 "you're asking me if i remember?" very funny ranboo thank you for making jokes in these trying times

-18:25 WHY DID HE GET OUT THE AXE WHEN STARING AT THE BEE

-19:38 why did foolish hold the grass block- most of these observations probably mean nothing but- h u h - is that- i'm too tired for this

-19:54 "i never properly thanked you for the deal you made with me" so foolish got something out of this deal, we're not sure if ranboo did. "the green cardboard box" again do you mean dream's house- but seriously the only people i can think of on the server that are associated with green are dream and sam. and i have no idea what cardboard box could be referring to.  foolish got a lime colored shulker from drista

-20:30 "we're supposed to only talk about it at a certain location" hmm now where would that be? panic room maybe? cause like usually after doing a big thing in the enderwalk state ranboo wakes up in the panic room so maybe?  the deal was that they only talk about it in his house

-21:52 how does ranboo receive(?) the lessons? like are they whispered to him in his mind or is he seeing them as words in front of him like we see? hmm

-"Lesson 14: If you have the opportunity to gain a favor, take it." "gain a favor" don't you usually ask people for favors though? how does one "gain a favor"? anyways i'm pretty sure lesson 14 has to do with the deal foolish was talking about. (the deal explained because i now have info: at some point a bit ago foolish met up with ranboo and asked to make a deal, he'd gotten a shulker box from drista. the deal was that ranboo would have ownership of the box, it would be under his name but foolish rents/borrows it indefinitely. ranboo negotiated that if he took ownership of the box he would get a "war favor"  from foolish where if something happens that creates sides, ranboo can ask him a favor that could change his side. but why would foolish want ranboo to have ownership of the shulker you may ask? well i have an answer for you. a theory actually but still. basically since drista technically isn't supposed to give out shit on the server if someone where to have that stuff then they may get in trouble. foolish wants to be able to use the shulker but if it gets found he doesn't want to get in trouble, so he can blame it on ranboo seeing as it's under his name.)

-22:16-ish "i still have this from when you *can't understand whats said here*" well i guess that sort of explains why he had the grass block? idk man (info update: he had the grass block from when ranboo threw it at him telling him to calm down like what ghostbur does with blue)

-31:35 "i figured out how to cause it" how to cause the enderwalk state

-38:30 "ninety three lessons" I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE KEPT SAYING NINETY THREE AND NOT NINETY FOUR AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY LMAO

-39:01 "it's all for the greater good" okay well when are you gonna start thinking about yourself and not everyone else for once huh. self care bitch.

-40:31 he started holding the axe when he was looking at sam- gonna say it i really don't like that axe ahahah- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE THE AXE IS NAMED "axe of ender" I DONT LIKE THAT I DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL

-41:53 is there something?? physically keeping him from telling sam??? or maybe it's sort of like his enderwalk state taking control to make him shut the fuck up??? so many questions and approximately zero answers

-43:18 ranboo raising his voice legitimately scares me 😀👍

-"Lesson 27: Do not reminisce on what you have lost for it will weigh you down." showed up when he was thinking about and REMINISCING about the community house 👀👀

-"Lesson 53: Never fully trust anyone." showed up literally after he said that he thinks he can trust the other people on the server enough to tell them about what he did

-"Lesson 67: Leave no evidence of what you have helped with." this is different from the others because there doesn't seem to be at least a semi-direct connection to it? unless maybe at the time ranboo was near something he may have "helped with"? not sure about this one

-"Lesson 94: DO NOT LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE" yeah yeah i get it i get it he's fucked up some shit in enderwalk i don't feel like analyzing this thanks

-OH OH NOTICE HOW HE SAYS "REMEMBERING" WHEN THE LESSONS SHOW UP. IMPLYING THAT THIS ISNT A NEW THING, ITS HAPPENED BEFORE AND NOW HES REMEMBERING IT. MAYBE HE WROTE DOWN THE LESSONS WHEN HE WAS IN ENDERWALK AND NOW THAT HES BEEN EXPERIMENTING ITS BEEN EASIER FOR HIM TO REMEMBER THOSE ENDERWALK MEMORIES

-okokok the experiments are that he's been e x p e r i m e n t i n g on how to purposefully induce the enderwalk state. and we know now that it wasn't from the pain of the water because on the stream afterwords he said that it's caused by the intense fear of something happening. and so the "side effects" of the experiments is that since he's in enderwalk more often(?) he starts remembering more things from it

-OH MY GOD WAIT "there is a reason sam, there's so many reasons, theres ninety three of them" (44:47) WHAT IF EVERY LESSON IS TIED TO A QUOTE UNQUOTE "reason" THAT RANBOO THINKS HES A BAD PERSON/NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP BUT HE SAYS NINETY THREE INSTEAD OF NINETY FOUR BECAUSE THE NINETY FOURTH LESSON DOESNT HAVE A REASON YET/HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT HAVING A REASON

-dude honestly the whole sam part hurts so much this man is scarily good at acting

-46:46 "i cant put you in the prison you wouldn't be able to see michael anymore" bestie that's the point he doesn't want to accidentally hurt michael or tubbo in the enderwalk state—

-okay but there's no way that sam couldn't tell that ranboo was at least TRYING to confess to something- i feel like he definitely knows more than he's letting on because usually like when people do bad shit or admit to doing bad shit he's like in Prison Guard Mode™️ (he literally cut off ponk's arm because he stole some keycards or something) and whatever and idk what he knows but he definitely knows something and is trying to protect ranboo. or he's trying to manipulate him or smth either one works—

-50:38 "you are a good person" "i am?" you can hear my heart shatter. "yes you are" "i don't think so sam" "i do, even if you don't" "i really don't think so" and there it goes again

-51:25 hello badboyhalo i see you to the left of ranboo

-52:44 "but then my curiosity got the best of me" curiosity killed the cat, bitch

-52:54 "there's ninety three, ninety four, ninety- theres so many reasons!" SEE!! NOT ONLY ARE THERE THAT MANY LESSONS THERE ARE REASONS THAT CORRESPOND IM S O SMART—

-52:56 "i don't want to remember anymore!" *quietly brings forth my theory that when ranboo loses a canon life his memory gets wiped*

-53:13 "ive opened pandora's box" isn't the prison?? literally called pandora's VAULT??? so this m a y be a stretch but i'm thinking that maybe this could be taken in the literal sense that he "opened" the prison and let dream out (the sirens at the end of quackity's stream confirm that dream is indeed out)

-53:42 mans just straight up walked through a ghost i—

-55:37 so are we just gonna ignore the eleventh page of the book? "he's alive, but hopefully soon dream won't be"??? alright nevermind it's most likely bc when tommy came back he recruited ranboo in his plan to kill dream

-55:47 notice how he writes "what am i?" as opposed to "who am i?" no elaboration here idk what it could be

-56:08 just so it's clear for anyone who doesn't know- he's wearing armor at this point, and i'm like 90% sure that when he wears his armor water can't hurt him. and i saw someone say somewhere that like with splash potions when thrown it turns into a gas-like thing? so again, it didn't hurt him, he didn't get hurt. he said in the chill stream that he wasn't comfortable making it where his character had to hurt himself to do that. the thing that causes the enderwalk isn't pain, it's intense and sudden emotions like fear and stress. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

[miniyrds]

Honestly, I'm just tired of seeing Kevin being shipped with random ocs.

gonna be honest, the most I see about Kevin is from what gets put in the main aftg tag. (I dont know if that’s a lot or what, but that’s where all of my Kevin intel is from lmao). I have seen him shipped in multiple pairings but I typically scroll past because I have my own thoughts about Kevin. actually, most of my Kevin thoughts typically avoid him being in relationships. I honestly have zero opinion on him being shipped with anyone other than it’s not for me and how I imagine the character

anyway, now im gonna word vomit about my thoughts on kevin lmao

also!! these are merely my musings about his character, please continue to write what makes you happy and what you enjoy! this is what I enjoy :)

unpopular opinion, but I kinda dont mind that Kevin stays with thea. in my head, Kevin is aro and all he really wants is a family. (thanks to @sinistercacophony I am now deeply invested in Kevin’s family relationships bc we had like 2 convos about it)

I literally only talk to one person about weird fox headcanons so if anyone wants to bring some to my inbox or messages feel free, I love talking about them bc their lives are more interesting than mine

anyway, aro Kevin. both he an neil are on the same wavelength of “why tf can’t exy be enough” but I think they come to different conclusions at different times. neil realizes that having a found family and friends through exy is really important to him, and the fact that they don’t disappear when they leave college is very important to his outlook on things. Kevin, on the other hand, (in my head) is forced to reconcile his dedication to exy with his desperation to seem close to his mother. by nature, Kevin’s personality is obsessive to the point of desperation. if he doesn’t do well at exy, he loses the last connection to his mother (you can thank the nest for stripping Kevin of literally all other coping mechanism). eventually, he realizes that is not true because wymack is a huge connection to her even if it takes Kevin a moment to realize it. once he comes to that conclusion that he has more means to keep connected to his mother, the Kayleigh shaped hole in him looks less like an exy racquet and more like a family. he has Wymack and abby and neil and Andrew and by extension, the rest of the foxes and thea. I don’t think he holds on to the found family aspect as much as neil does, but he certainly holds on to wymack, abby, and thea. 

so what does that word jumble have to do with Kevin being aro? good question lmao. basically, I think Kevin really wants a family of his own. but, I don’t think in the traditional aspect, that could really work with the way Kevin functions (and not in a bad way, ya know?). Kevin and thea had a thing back in the nest that evolved from quick fucks to note passing. to pretty much nothing when thea graduated. they were never really *together* but they did on some level understand each other. they weren’t dating when all the shit went down with the ravens and foxes and I think that’s a good thing. I don’t think their (platonic) relationship couldve survived had Kevin been openly telling thea everything. (plus, Kevin kinda wanted thea to forget about him, despite her still being interested in him). however, with nearly everything out in the open, thea showing up to “check on” Kevin says something about them. they may not be cut out for traditional relationship stereotypes, but they kinda work as a unit.

for pretty much the rest of his college career, I see Kevin trying to forge his familial/friend relationships with wymack, abby, neil, and andrew. wymack and abby are integral in getting him through riko’s death and that really helps Kevin realize his “bigger picture.” he can’t play exy forever, but he can pass on his skillset and continue the Day bloodline (dramatic as that sounds). he can keep Kayleigh alive in the sport she co-founded by having a child and a family of his own

thea works out in this respect because she is down with having a kid and raising them on exy. her and Kevin kinda just work as a unit (I'm avoiding partner here because they aren't the same as raven partners. they’ve had enough time in the outside world to kinda work through the codependency to an extent)

Amalia doesn’t grow up with two affectionate/romantic parents but she grows up with love and support and a dad with a perfectionist tendency (but that’s okay because paired with Thea’s determination, she can keep her dad in check and still be amazing at exy)

[cottoncandy-jester]

✨lay down now darling its time for a dream✨

Little Cucciolo (leone abbacchio x male reader)

Yay my first jjba story! There are many many more in the works and as always requests are open

Honestly Im a fan of writing reader as a literal dumb feral beast cause it reminds me of one of my ocs and they are fun so expect more fics with this type of reader

This story contains: pet play, anal sex, use of the word master, degrading, praise kink(if you squint), reader being a dumbass feral animal, dumbification

Cucciolo= puppy

"whose such a good boy? Whose such an obedient pet?"

" ah- me! Me me me master, it's me!"

Your excited squeals as you sat on your knees under the table made leone chuckle before running his hands through your hair. As he poked his fingers through the muzzle you wore he had to pull it back fast since you tried to bite him with your sharp teeth. Usually he would punish such actions but he allowed it since you were whining about food before you all got here.

Honestly you were more animal than person but that was okay, abacchio was the one to find you in an alley way eating rotten meat. At first he was going to leave you be but when you reached for him and let out those helpless little whines he couldn't help but take you home. With lots of training, care, and love you became the perfect pet you are now.

"is the puppy hungry? Hmm? If I take the muzzle off you can't bite anyone okay? Understand?"

The male's stern tone made you nod before you nuzzled your face against his thigh clearly wanting to get your face in-between his legs but Leone quickly stopped you before giving you a light glare.

"not that, not now..later if you are good you can have a taste"

Leone sighs as he unbuckled the muzzle and placed it on top the table only to put a plate of food onto the ground watching as you ate messily as if you were some starved beast.

Leone glanced down at you with a smile before focusing on calmly drinking a glass of wine, wrapped around his hand was a black leash attached to a black leather collar with a shiny purple heart tag with the words 'belongs to leone abbacchio' carved on it in black letters. You were his and everyone knew, hell the others would rarely touch you besides giving pets on your head or quick pats on your back

Well everyone besides giorno who had no fear of abbacchio's rules and would often praise and pet you whenever you were close enough, like right this moment when he reached under the table and softly snapped his fingers to gain your attention which worked.

Leone felt a faint tug on the leash so he looked down to check on you only to see you were on the other side of the table your body settled between giorno's legs as he seemed to be feeding you cake lovingly while softly giving you praises such as 'good boy' or even beckoning you to eat more.

"say ahh.. careful not to spill cream on you would hate to get you all messy"

Giorno's hushed dominant tone seemed to piss leone off but it only got worse when the male saw the blonde gently pull you up before slowly leaning down to lick cream off your cheek while glancing at your so called master.

Leone snapped and yanked the leash roughly seeing you fall back to the ground along with hearing a gagging sound from you before you looked at the source of the tug flinching at the sight of a very angry leone.

"come here, now"

It didn't take long before you were crawling under the table returning to leone's side and gripping his leg kissing it and his shoes as a way to apologize. The male glared down at you in disgust before simply scooping you into his arms before eying giorno he will deal with that asshole later.

Leone calmly walked into the bathroom before locking it and dropping you to the ground. He yanked your leash tightly as he pressed his heel against your bulge, he could feel how hard you were and just the sight of you like this drove him crazy.

"tell me slut, what the hell was that?"

"i-i wanted cake..you were busy so giorno offered to share"

Your soft voice was one he rarely heard since he was far more used to your random feral squeals and squeaks but it made him feel special since you only spoke to politely to him.

"when the Cucciolo needs something..who does he come to no matter what?"

Leone leaned down glaring at you as you kept your head down now sitting on your knees avoiding eye contact, you bit your bottom lip only to feel leone softly pull your lip from under your teeth

"speak, pet. Who do you go to when you want or need something?"

"m-master..I go straight to master and no one else"

Leone gripped your face with his hand now squishing your cheeks together and forcing eye contact, he wanted you to know that he was angry with you that what you did was wrong.

"then why would you even dare go to that bastard?! It's like you want to be punished"

After speaking leone pulled back before unhooking the leash from your collar and forcing you to stand. He glanced at the bathroom counters before giving a short whistle motioning you to bend over, a motion you are fairly familiar with.

It took you less than a second to bend over on the counter before you got to work on pulling down your pants only to feel leone roughly grab your arms and tie them behind your back using the leash as a rope.

"did I tell you to do that? You are just being so fucking bad today"

With an annoyed click of his tongue leone simply yanked your underwear and pants down in one swift yank. Your ass was already still red from the spanking you had gotten a few nights prior for biting leone and the sight made the male suck in a sharp breath

"spanking is far too good for you, no no a slutty boy like you deserve a punishment that will make you think twice about even being near that stupid bastard"

The Anger in leone's voice gave you shivers but then you heard a ripping noise and before you could question it you felt something shoved into your mouth. You recognized this fabric..it was your very own underwear

"now, here's what's gonna happen whore I'm going to finger this slutty little hole and see just how many times you cum just from that, is that understood?"

Once he saw you nod leone licked two of his fingers before he shoved them both in with zero warning, the feeling made your body twitch as you shuddered and squirmed lightly now feeling precum dribble down your cock as you waited for leone to move his fingers with a needy whine escaping you.

When leone did move he showed absolutely no mercy, his thick fingers shoved deep into your hole before he scared to do a scissor motion while pumping in and out deeply enjoying your insanely slutty squeals and moans.

"you slutty mutt, I bet you wanted this eh? You wanted to piss me off so I would punish you. You're always so eager for my fucking attention even if it means me ripping your hole open like this!"

His cold words ended with him adding a third finger inside if you now roughly pumping his fingers in and out spreading them as far as they would go. Your muffled who and feral bucking of your hips as you cummed only made leone hard but he needed more, he needed to feel you climax more. It was like an addiction watching your lewd face from the bathroom mirror the way your eyes rolled back as you slobbered all over the underwear in your mouth was enough to give him shivers.

His gluttony to make you cum went on for so long that you were already slurring your words and acting like a total idiot. Your body shook as your babbling was just you begging for his cock to rip you apart, the underwear dropped from your mouth but leone didn't seem to mind and actually adored your sobs and crazy babbling. leone finally gave into your sobbing pleas since he himself was so hard he thought his cock would rip his pants.

"alright slut, I hope you're ready"

As you heard him unzip his pants you were practially wiggling your ass from excitement as your brain was already dumb just from leone's fingers. As you felt leone untie your arms you couldn't help but squeal and whine

"master's cock! Ah! Gimme gimme gimme gimme! Need it need it! My slutty boy parts are tingling! Nghhh-"

Your high pitched squeals were silenced by leone slapping your ass before he pressed his cock against your eager asshole. He was going to give you a second to relax before he pushed in but he gasped when you slammed your ass back forcing him inside you.

"ooohh~ m-master's thick sweet cock is filling me I'm gonna ripppp~"

Leone gripped your hips with a low growl as he started to roughly thrust in and out of you.

"fuck- you're so fucking hot when you are stupid and horny like this so..damn..stupid all you can think about is cock"

His low growling in your ear seemed to only excite you more as your loud rabid moans filled the room. You were drooling with your eyes rolling back as you excitedly stroked your cock with one hand while your other pulling at your own nipples before you pressed your face against the counter getting drool all over it.

"faster! Faster! Faster! Harder! Harder! Break me break me break me!"

Your dumb squeals only got worse as leone did exactly as you screamed. You started to trail your tongue along the counter now not even speaking a proper language and just making random sounds.

"fuck- you are really going crazy there eh Cucciolo? Who owns you?! Who is the only one who can fuck you like this?! Speak!"

It was pure sadistic for leone to demand you to speak knowing you were already too brain fried to form proper words but hearing you squeal what sounded like his name over and over was enough for him.

When it came time for his climax leone digged his nails Into your hips as he slammed his hips harder before he heard a gasp coming from you, you knew exactly when he was going to cum and now came the point where your crazy begging for his cum started.

"need cum..! Insideeee! Dooo it inside! Fill fill fill fill!"

God leone loved how dumb you got cause of him. It was absolutely beautiful and was enough to make him slam his hips and fill your needy hole with his hot cum.

This action caused you to cum for what you think is the 5th time, your hips slammed into the counter as you cummed all on the floor and your body twitched and spasmed with the purest of bliss and euphoria before going totally limp.

Leone slowly pulled out and quickly held your waist so you didn't fall, he softly sat you on the found before pressing soft kisses onto youe face and sweetly, your eyes were drooped as your expression was zoned out, drool dribbled down your chin and you lightly swayed side to side.

He chuckled as he helped you get cleaned up and dressed before placing a soft kiss on your lips. He knew you more than you knew yourself so seeing you like this was nothing new though he did like to make sure you can somewhat talk.

"puppy, I love you"

"yummmmyy..cockkk~"

Yup.

He definitely overdid it.

leone calmly hooked your leash onto your collar before fixing his own clothes and scooping you into your arms feeling you nuzzle your face into his neck while still drooling so he softly rubbed your back now walking out the bathroom only see a line of people who urgently had to pee.

Leone simply smirked as he walked back to the table and calmly took a seat while you slowly took a nap cuddling into Leone while he petted your hair and planting sweet kisses onto your sleeping face.

"my sweet little Cucciolo, I love you more than life itself"

His sweet whispers into your ear earned him a sleepy coo as you felt into a slumber clinging to the man you love.

[katsukikitten]

Bakugoxreader is a USA transfer. Shes really sweet but doesn’t put up with bakugos shit. He tolerates her because she puts up a good fight and low key thinks her accent is adorable. one day their class has a tea and shes bummed because she likes iced sweet tea. Everyone thinks that’s weird but later that night Bakugo shows up with a pitcher and a little embarrassed because he doesn’t know if he used enough sugar. Then she jokes about in the south sugar could also mean kissing. And then they do.

Sun Tea

A/N Hopefully this is close to what you had in mind lovey! Enjoy! Thank you for your patience while I wrote this!

Three sets of eyes stare down at the pile of cards atop the circular coffee table, each of you sitting cross legged while a few of your other class mates sit among the couches.

"Draw six Y/N." Kirishima wears a rare devilish smile as he places down a yellow draw two card atop two other hellish cards.

You return his smile holding eye contact with Bakugou as you dramatically produce a red draw two.

"Bless your heart Bakugou doll, you've gotta draw eight." You take much satisfaction in placing down the card that will screw him over.

A little too much actually, it's not very hospitable of you to enjoy another's misfortune.

It all boils down to when you were first transferred here, mostly against your will, from America Bakugou hated you with every fiber in his being.

And you hated him in return, which was quite unlike you.

But he had aired all your dirty laundry about your delinquent behavior that you had done in America.

What he didn't know was you had to do those things to survive.

You absentmindedly brush against the tattoo on your neck and two sets of red eyes follow.

Believe it or not he was beginning to see that now.

Could really see how much that lifestyle was thrust upon you.

"This is a stupid fucking game! Why'd I let you talk me into playing hair for brains!?" Bakugou snarls, snatching at the deck on the table counting out eight muttering fuck you beneath his breath.

Kirishima laughs in response as he places down a red eight, Deku places down a red six before you place down a skip.

"You're fucking working together huh?" He snarls darkly and you laugh.

"Ain't his fault you're as lucky as a June bug in November." Your laugh echoes in the room. Pulling at the ash blonde's stomach. Although he doesn't know what the hell you're saying he knows that your voice is just too God Damn cute. You notice the dusting of red on his cheeks and chalk it up to his temper.

To which he adds validity to your assumption by adding harshly.

"What in the fuck are you saying?"

It's a question you hear often.

"I believe she means you're not lucky at all." Todoroki chimes in, heterochromatic eyes peering over his book. Momo nods in agreement as she writes down the expression as she has been these past few months, every now and again she'll try to use the English expression in everyday conversation to you.

And honestly you don't have the heart to tell her that not ALL Americans will understand what she's saying.

You pray to the good Lord that she'll run into another decent Southern belle who would get a lick of what she's saying.

Kirishima takes sympathy and places down a reverse for his friend.

Bakugou smiles from ear to ear and plops down an angry looking black card.

"Draw four bitch." He snarls close to your ear and you narrow your eyes. You draw a blue zero, a red two, a green six and the very card that first scorned you.

A draw four that may be your saving grace.

"Don't be gettin too big for ya britches now Suki, Im fixin ta win." You drawl out real heavy because you're excited and again Bakugou's cheeks begin to heat.

You smirk a deadly smile to him that he returns ten fold.

His smile sends your stomach into a tizzy and you try to talk yourself from the edge.

The two of you had just gotten over absolutely loathing each other and transitioned into hard frienemies.

So why the hell were you fighting off a crush?!

It was bound to happen since Aizawa paired the two of you together and only because Bakugou had the highest score in English.

But damn if you weren't hard to understand sometimes. It was like you weren't even speaking English!

At least not the english Bakugou was taught.

Depsite your past, time showed those harsh scarlet eyes that you weren't a total lost cause, an extra undeserving of a second look.

You more than proved you were a worthy rival and it all came after the phrase.

*"Oh I'm finna kick ya ass to high heaven."*

He has never seen you so flustered before and damn did you keep good to your word.

Forcing him to actually try against you. Never admitting that he enjoyed that part of you.

Narrowed eyes, flushed cheeks and pouty lips pulled past white teeth looking "madder than a wet hen."

Or whatever the hell it was you said.

He just hadn't known he would enjoy that odd ass twang you had too.

But you'll never know that it wasn't really Kirishima who convinced Bakugou to play this stupid idiotic game.

No, it was you, when you wore that devilish smirk before adding

*"Guess you're too scared you'll lose!"*

Katsuki sat down and actually dealt the cards himself then.

"Does anyone want tea?" Mina asks, peeking out from the kitchen.

"Please dahling!" You shout and she smiles your way before making her way back to that amazing smelling dinner.

You have two cards left in your hand, you feel lucky but at the same time you're relying on Bakugou to set down a card that will benefit you.

Please God let it be either a blue card or a zero.

You really didn't want to have to use your ace in the hole or have to draw.

Bakugou places down a red reverse causing Kirishima to draw a few cards before he slaps down a red eight.

"Oi Deku. Make yourself useful. Y/N only has two cards." Bakugou snarls, Izuku gulps avoiding eye contact.

He looks over his cards with nervous eyes muttering to himself with each passing second Bakugou gets that much more agitated.

"OI! PUT DOWN A CARD!" He yells and Deku does hastily.

And the Uno Gods have blessed you as a red zero stares lovingly up at you.

"Its about to go to hell in a hand basket for y'all! Uno!" You exclaim as you place down your card, switching it to blue.

"What?!" Kirishima laughs while Bakugou snarls.

"Means you're about to have a bad time." This time Todoroki doesnt even bother to look up from his book. He flips the page and Momo flips through her own notes.

She must spy the phrase and puts a tally by it. She figures the more times you've said it the more common the idiom.

Little does she know there are some phrases in their you'll most likely never utter again having been quick witted when you made the Southernism on the fly

"How the hell do you know what she's saying?" Denki asks looking up from his switch, trying hard not to move as Jhiro naps on him. Dead to the world with her head phones plugged in.

Todoroki shrugs flipping another page before he eyes the game.

Bakugou sucks his teeth, he doesnt have anything to use against you, you clearly don't even go after him.

And to make things worse he doesn't even have fucking blue or a damned zero. He draws seven cards before blue shows up. He places the blue nine down harshly, Kirishima places a green nine over top of it and all eyes fly to Deku.

Who again begins to murmur and mutter as he thinks of his next move.

All the while your smile grows wider and wider.

There isn't much of a card out there that could stop you.

Deku hesitantly lies down a red nine hoping that changing the color so rapidly would cause you anxiety.

When he see that it doesn't he begins to watch in horror as you place down that little black cars with the +4 in the corner.

"No..." He gasps.

"NO!!" Bakugou shouts slamming his fists agaisnt the table, "Rematch!"

"What's the with all the fuss?" Mina asks carrying a large tray of drinks. She makes her way around the room setting down a scalding cup to each person.

"Y/N won and Bakugou's mad." Kirishima explains kissing Mina's cheek and tapping his lap, "Thanks babe."

She sits cozily picking up her cup.

The whole class, aside from yourself and napping Jhiro seem to take a sip of the tea in unison.

Everyone holds the cup just in front of their chest as a smile spreads on their face.

Even Bakugou looks joyful and you look to the steaming liquid in the gray cup before you.

Heavily missing your favorite sweating Mason jar clinking with ice as you watched summer storms a brew.

Scarlet eyes notice how your drink goes untouched, he nudges you harshly before shouting.

"Oi!" He hates the long face you wear, "Drink it before it gets cold."

"I uh... I keep forgettin the tea aint iced or sweetened here." You say sheepishly keeping your eyes down, "Thank you Mina."

"What? Iced? Sweet?" Bakugou sounds baffled as he tried to understand.

Tea was fucking tea. It didn't need ice and it didn't need sugar.

"Yea! It's a staple in the Southern states. Can't throw a rock where it ain't served." Your face brightens as you speak, that drawl even heavier, "And sweet enough to rot your teeth!"

"Why?" Bakugou asks borderline nasty while you have the attention of everyone in the room.

"You see it gets hotter than Hell in the South, humid enough to make ya melt faster than Frosty in July. So sweet tea keeps ya sane. It's cool and of course sweet, keeps us southern folk from being bitter about how hot it is." You stare into the liquid in the cup, almost imagining it to be different.

"Oh! And if it's hot enough in the summer, which it always was where I was from, yall can make sun tea."

"Alright you're making shit up now." Bakugou shakes his head before taking another sip. He closes his eyes when he sees that his comment has struck something in you.

Your face flashes from angry to almost hurt.

"I used to make the best sun tea every summer." You say longfuly before adding, "Anyway I'm tired. Imma head to bed."

"But dinner is soon!" Kirishima and Mina express their worry in unison.

You smile to mask your hurt. Although it was extremely hard for you in America there were somethings you missed greatly.

Sweet sun tea was one of 'em.

You could take the girl out of the South but not the South out of the girl.

"I'll be fine. I'm full as a tic from that late lunch. I'll see y'all when the roasters sing." You wave as you head towards the stairs.

All the while crimson red eyes bore into you.

Before the bore into space through dinner and now into the ceiling as he lies in bed.

Why did you look like that?

Where you that upset?

Had his comment been too far?

Were you madder than that stupid wet hen you kept mentioning?

No, he knew you weren't mad he knew you were feeling "blue" and that he needed to some how make you "right as rain."

That's how you said it right?

He snarls as he snatches up his phone looking up this and that before settling on doing the ultimate thing for you.

He bares his teeth when he sees JUST how long this will take and that he may have to move it depending on the sun.

But he rises early from bed anyway and gets all of the things needed for what he's fixing.

Soon the morning melts into night and Bakugou was lucky that it was in the dead of summer.

Katuski notices that you announce that you're going to"hit the hay" sooner than you normally do when you're not feeling yourself.

Nervousness begins to escape him through beads of sweat on his brow as begins the finishing touches.

You lie on your bed, scrolling through the old photos on your Insta. Longing for those flashes of lightning, corn fields brightened by the moon's light and those old winding backroads.

You open your window to let the warm air in, at least Japan and the south had one thing in common.

Even the bugs would scream late into the night about how hot the day was.

You lie back again, sighing as you scroll, longing for those times once more.

You missed the stars, you missed the barn cats, the hens, the long trips to the beach.

You scroll down a bit further and spy a picture that brings tears to your eyes.

"You're dumber than a box of rocks Y/N pull it together!" You whisper to yourself as you wipe your eyes.

It was only a photo of a large glass container absorbing all of that summer sun and a wide mouth quart mason jar filled with ice.

Ready to be filled.

Still tears fall and for the first time you cry.

Cry for the lost memories.

The lost time and most importantly your lost childhood.

That place took everything from you, forced you to the cities to sell and steal.

But here you were crying like a baby over some tea and the moon.

A harsh knock comes at your door that has your heart in your throat.

You toss your phone as if you were looking as something bad before clearing your throat.

"Coming honey. Gimme a sec I ain't decent." You say, not really lying as you look yourself over in the mirror.

It really wasn't decent for a Southern Belle to cry over some spilt sweet tea.

You open the door to be met with burning scarlet eyes.

"Honey really?" He asks with a smirk.

"Had I know it would have been you that the cat dragged in I would have said vinegar instead." You cross your arms, far from in the mood to deal with Bakugou of all people.

He gives you a pointed look, half knowing what you mean before he sighs heavily.

"I've got something for you now sit down and close your damn eyes." He snarls and you look at him suspiciously.

"Last time you 'had' something for me we scrapped with our fists." He rolls his eyes and gently guides you into your room. He ushers you to sit on your bed making his way back to the hall.

"No peeking damn it!" He growls. Now it is your turn to roll those gorgeous eyes before you close them with an exasperated sigh.

What in Sam's hell was he up to?

You hear an odd sound of clinking before he kicks your door shut.

A long silence stretches between the two of you before courage returns to Bakugou.

Something cool is pressed against your palm and you grab onto it quickly letting your eyes flutter open.

When you spy a mason jar filled with ice and sloshing tan liquid you squeal as if it were a wedding ring. Your reaction alarms Bakugou before he sees the smile forming on your kissable lips.

He swallows his hot desire as you jump up and down on the bed.

He swallows his hot desire as you jump up and down on the bed.

"Is this what I think it is?!" You bring the jar to your lips and taste.

Your body relaxes and your head tilts back, eyes fluttering as it brings a rush of memories.

How did he get the tea to sugar ratio so...so fucking perfect.

You dare not ask who made this tea because it was made right.

Your heart pounds in your chest as you take in all of the context clues.

Bakugou had been going outside every hour or so today. Making some sort of excuse not to leave the dorms today.

Then he holed himself up in the kitchen just before you had turned in for the night.

Lastly his cheeks were red, burning hot and it finally dawns on you that it isn't from his temper.

But from something else.

Your heart pounds in your chest.

"Is...is that enough sugar for you?" Bakugou asks hesitantly, scratching the back of his head.

You laugh aloud wondering if he realizes the double meaning to his words.

"What?! What is so fucking funny? Is it fucking laughable how bad it is?!" He growls standing as you set down your tea as your laughing fit sets in.

Finally you wipe away a stray tear before regaining your composure.

"Oh no. Bakugou it's great. But sugar has another meaning in the south." You giggle again before adding, "Sugar can mean kissing.

Bakugou stares at you for a moment, he watches as you brush you hair behind your hear. He drinks in the blush that burns in your cheeks seep down your throat as you realized what you've just said.

And he breathes in the sweet smell of summer air carried in on the breeze of your open window.

All day while he tended to that sun tea, moving it into direct sunlight he caught wiffs of smells that reminded him of you. Wild flowers, lilies, sunflowers, honeysuckle, all swaying in the wind watching as he worked and every time he opened the top to that tea he would smell that sharp black tea, combated by the sweet smell of sugar.

He slides his hands past your cheeks, wrapping fingers into hair as he pulls your face to his.

Capturing your lips with his own, and like every spar you've had with him you fight to be the winner. Pulling at this bottom lip with your teeth, demanding entrance the he allows but only for his tongue to win in the end.

He kisses you until you become putty in his hands, melting into his touch as your hand grips tightly onto his black skull tee shirt. A moan escapes your lips as he kisses you impossibly sensual and slowly.

He pulls away and you actually whine but he does not move far, pressing his forehead to yours.

He stares at you before a deadly smile crosses his slightly swollen lips. His voice comes out dangerously husky as he says

"Is that enough sugar for you?"

[nad-zeta]

Match up (◕‿◕✿)

nAdDy sEnpAi if you’re still doing ikevamp matchups, could you do mine pleaseee 👉🏼👈🏼, school’s been really hectic and i need a pick me up 😔😔 here’s my updated info hehe 😚

I’m a female on the libra-scorpio cusp and a Slytherin, I used to be an ENFP but now I’m an INFP. Appearance-wise, I’m 5'2, i’ve brown eyes and caramel brown hair. I also wear glasses and I’m also quite tanned from being out in the sun all the time.

Personality-wise:

- I can be really enthusiastic about stuff I’m really interested in, such as history (especially world war history), sciences (but physics is trash to me) and anime (I’m a closet nerd hehe) .

- I can be really ambitious and competitive, and I would sometimes place unrealistic expectations on myself, leaving me mentally exhausted and stressed, but like i place these unrealistic measures on myself to strive to be the best

- I do try to chill and take it slow, but you know, sometimes i just can’t 😅

- I’m quite an open book to all my close friends

- I also tend to be really possessive, like I dont like people purposely trying to steal my friends (it happened a lot of times before) and i hate it when someone randomly butts into a conversation i’m having with anyone, especially if it’s a deep conversation

- I can be really awkward around people i don’t click with, but around people i click with, i can be pretty wild and will be able to hold conversations with.

- I tend to procrastinate a lot, and people say i look intimidating but i don’t feel like I’m intimidating.

- I can be really sensitive to other’s emotions and i tend to put others before me, so like my close friend always told me that i’m too much of a giver, like I try to please everyone else and ignore myself

- My love languages are physical touch and quality time

- I can’t stand people who are attention seekers or just aim to be public nuisances as i feel that they’re just really irritating and it gets on my nerves, especially those people who are just doing stupid things to be popular (which is lowkey why i think tiktoks dances are dumb, like seriously i dont get the hype, but i do like tiktok meme videos tho)

- I listen to a lot of different genres of music, but i especially love classics (mozart and chopin are my favourites) and pop.

- I can really insecure at times, because i always feel that every other girl out there is better than me and i’m just a plain and ugly, and partially because i got bullied when i was younger about my appearance

- I like dressing up and putting on makeup occassionally, but i do act like a tomboy most of the time (ie. I hate skirts, like i really dont like them and i have no idea why, but jeans are supreme).

- I also love playing the piano and singing as well, even though i’m not that good at it :D

- People tell me that I’m very curious and persistent, constantly pushing until i get answers, but i do know my limits.

- I’m also very passionate about things I love, and i would do anything to protect people that i care and love.

- I’m also very affectionate and supportive towards my close friends and people i love. - I do have trust issues and I often feel like i do not deserve love and that I hate people who betray my trust.

- I’m ok with pda, but not anything overly affectionate, like hand-holding and kissing is ok, but not making out 😳😖

- I also tend to be pretty forgettful, and i’ll not eat for hours to get my work on hand done (whoop pretty unhealthy but :0)

- I’m also really sarcastic when i want to be, and i can’t hold a poker face to save my life (i swear i always start laughing like 2 seconds in) and I tend to sass people a lot, especially if I’ve had a bad day

- I’m also pretty fiesty and I hate people stereotyping me for my gender (i.e like when someone says that “oh you’re pretty good for a girl”) like what does my gender have to do with my ability? Like there is zero correlation

- My sense of humour is kind of twisted at times but i really love memes and i tend to crack inappropriate jokes sometimes

- I’ve been told that i come across as really flirty to some guys but it’s because i can be really touchy feely to my friends

- I’m also quick to anger, especially if i have a bad day, i hate people who nag and i hate people who put down others

- I’m kind of touch-starved, so i really like hugs and cuddles, but I’m also ticklish so my friends tend to tickle me when hugging me

- I can be a daydreamer at times, like I would get stuck in my own fantasy world when i shouldn’t 😂😂

- I’m also a drama queen around my friends, I dont have a lot of them in real life because of some rumours that others spread, so i only have a close circle of friends i really treasure and would do anything for them

- I also tend to bottle up all my anger and negative thoughts, and would sometimes like explode on others even though I don’t mean to

- Sometimes I don’t really think before I say or act, which is why sometimes I can come off as a bit rude or unfeeling but it’s just me and my impulsiveness 

Fun Facts:

- i really love food, especially sweets (dark chocolate and dango is my life)

- i really hate horror movies (I’m usually pretty brave, but horror movies just get to me so much ergh) but i love chick flicks and adventure flims

- I’m also a hopeless romantic, which is why even little romantic gestures can make my heart flutter

- My hobbies are reading, writing and shooting (only air-rifle though)

- I used to be pretty athletic, I still am, but to a lesser extend now, because i injured my left knee playing volleyball in the past. It’s on it’s road to recovery, but it still hurts quite badly when i overexert myself.

- I love artic foxes and cats, dogs are too energetic for me 😅

- I’m also a sneaker hoarder and I love collecting and wearing sneakers hehe, heels are like torture devices for the feet i dont care even if they make me taller

- Coffee over tea anyday, no offense to peoples who like tea, but a fresh cup of brewed coffee is one of the best things in the world 😚

- I’m really terrible at drawing, I’m not gonna kid you. When i was younger, my art teacher threatened to fail me because im really terrible at drawing. 😂

- I’m also very injury-prone and a bit clumsy, which caused me to have bruises occasionally

- I’m kinda bad and math and physics, but like if you take your time to explain to me then I’ll understand a bit more lol, my best subject is like chemistry

- my ideal date would just be cuddling with my boyfriend, and either watching a movie together or bookshop date hehe

uwu i would be super grateful and happy if you did my matchup uwu thank you sm sending you all my love and hugs and cuddles 🥰💖💕

Hi hi, lia! ❤I’m so happy ya requested! 😆Hehe, I hope you enjoy it love, and I hope this cheers ya up! Love ya lots, and I hope you enjoy it! ❤😊

So I match you with……………. Isaac

Oh, the first time Isaac spotted you in the dining room, introducing yourself to everyone, he was paralyzed with fear. You quite possibly looked more intimidating than anyone he has ever met in his whole entire life, and that’s saying a lot considering you were standing right next to his pure blooded vampire, sire. Comte spotted Isaac hiding behind the doorway of the dining room, peaking in to catch a glimpse of their new guest. You instantly turned around when you heard the blond vampire beckon, someone closer, whose name you know all too well. He had been the cause of endless amounts of math and science homework over the years. 

Your eyes locked with his for a split second, but moments after you met his rosy eyes he darted them to the ground. “I-s-saac Newton, n-nice to meet you.” You gave him a shy smile and took his outstretched hand and shook it, before you could even say a word, Arthur budded in and interrupted. An action which caused you to feel slightly irritated, Isaac looked up at your face and saw that you were starting to become awkward with being the centre of attention. The two of you still held hands when the physicist decided to pull you into the kitchen with him to give you a moment of peace. You smiled when he is a very soft meek voice confessed that he didn’t really like crowds or loud people, a little fact that the two of you bonded over. And before you knew it, you and Isaac were now sitting in the kitchen chatting away in a deep conversation about your mutual dislike of overcrowded places, bullies and plain old public nuisances.

The next day you decided to curiously explore the mansion. You came across a great big library, and you felt as excited as a kid on Christmas day. They had every and any book you could possibly wish for. You decided to spend the day doing something you absolutely loved, and that would be... reading. You had found yourself an old outdated science book, and you were honestly so fascinated at how little had changed in terms of scientific principles over the years. You were so invested in the book you were reading you didn’t even hear Issac walking in. He was on the hunt for his little hedgehog. 

You were awoken from your book reading trance when you heard the sound of a vase smash against the floor. Startled you turned your head towards the loud crash only to see a very distressed looking Isaac. You are naturally sensitive to other emotion, and very much a giver, so it only took one glance at Isaac’s troubled face to prompt you into action. You noticed that he had cut himself on the fallen vase and he was now down crouched on the floor trying to retrieve his terrified hedgehog, who had gotten himself caught at the bottom of one of the large bookcases. 

Wordlessly you laid on the floor beside Isaac and peered under the bookcase, when you spotted little Harry cowering in the dark corner tangled in a ball of wool. Your hands and arms were much smaller than Issac’s, so you were easily able to reach under the bookcase and secure the little hedgehog. Both of you sat up as you cradle the scared little animal in your hands, trying to untangle the wool that was wrapped around his body. “My God, Harry, I was worried sick about you, please never disappear like that again.” both you and Isaac breathed a sigh of relief at the now rescued critter.

That is when you looked up and noticed that Harry wasn’t the only hedgehog who had been injured, “Isaac, your hand!” You stood up and offered Isaac a hand up, you then gently took his hand in yours and led him to your room. You sat him down on your bed and gently started treating the injury as Harry had made himself comfortable, now sleeping on your pillow. While treating Isaac’s injury, you started chatting away with him. You could see him blushing profusely from embarrassment so you decided to tell him about the book you were reading before the whole fiasco. At the mention of the science book, Isaac instantly perked up and met your enthusiasm ten fold. After his wound was wrapped and treated, the two of you sat in deep conversation for the second time that week, chatting all about science and your mutual love for the subject. And that my dear friend is how you and Isaac had become good friends

Since that day, it wasn’t uncommon for the two of you to be sitting across from each other in the library, reading away. Usually, Harry would be nestled in your lap as you and Isaac enjoy a quiet afternoon together. Some afternoon the two of you would just simply sit in silence and read while other afternoons were filled with laughter and conversation between the two of you cuties. 

As the days went on Isaac had noticed a very curious fact about you, and that was how forgetful you were. He had noticed that you would go hours and hours without eating or drinking something which strangely enough, was the exact opposite of him, who required minimum routine of five meals a day. It was this curious observation that had started the habit of the two of you dining together every day. Something which both of you really enjoyed, especially now that the two of you were determined to find the best sweets in all of Paris. Every day without fail, at lunchtime you and Isaac would go out to town to try a new cafés for lunch and sweet. These café crawls usually involved Isaac showing you around Paris, visiting book stores together and leisurely walking beside the Seine. You honestly loved spending time with this hedgehog, who had seemed to have completely opened up to you. 

Isaac loved your inappropriate jokes and twisted humour and would bust out into uncontrollable laughter whenever you would crack a joke. One time as the two of you were sitting on the fountain’s edge eating some ice cream, you saw a man falling up stairs. As hard as you tried, you couldn’t keep a poker face, it just wasn't in you, especially when Isaac had just witnessed the exact same scene and was now looking at you and snickering. Of course, being the sweet angels you were, you rushed to see if the man was alright, however, your walk home with Isaac was filled with jokes and endless laughter of the days events. 

Ooh how Isaac had fallen head over heels for you, his favourite thing in the world was to hear you sing and play the piano. He would silently walk into the piano room whenever you played, and just let the beautiful sounds wash away his weariness of the day. He would shower you with endless compliments, even more so, when you would deny them, saying that you aren’t that good. These playful little banter fights usually end with him tickling you. He usually won’t give up until you admit that you are the best singer and piano player in the whole mansion. Cue Mozart walking in like challenge accepted.

The night Isaac finally confessed his feeling for you was on, one warm summers night. The night started of with Isaac taking you out to watch a musical concert. He knew just how much you love music. Before he had met you, he had never really bother taking the time to listen to music, as he had always been far to absorbed with his own work, to stop and smell the flowers. However since meeting you, he found himself utterly enjoying going to the opera and musical concerts and letting himself just get absorbed by the sound of music. He loved the way your eyes gleamed as you watched and listened to the performance. 

After the concert, he lead you out into the garden, where his telescope had been all set up. The two of you sat together and stargazed while Mozart played some romantic classical music in the background, which was arranged by the resident hedgehog himself. Somewhere between the beautiful sight of the stars and the gentle melody playing in the background. Isaac build up the courage to finally reveal to you just how madly in love he was with you. He then produced a bunch of red roses out of thin air and resting in the roses was a card with a hand-drawn meme ( courtesy of Sabastian) asking you in the most hilarious way to stay in the past with him. The two of you met in a sweet kiss and the rest of the evening was spent cuddled in each other’s arms under the stars.

Both of you are pretty touch starved creatures, so expect to be cuddled, snuggled, kissed and hugged whenever Isaac comes across you. Like if Isaac spots you in the garden hanging laundry he will give you the biggest hug from behind, kiss your neck and then tell you how much he loves you, before he is off with Napo to teach the children.  

Don’t worry about your impulsive behaviours, bottled up emotions or a quick temper. Isaac might be new to the whole human behaviour thing but he is very in-tune with your emotions and he will instantly pick up when you are feeling upset or angry. He will aim to fix every and all problems immediately, especially if it is causing you hurt or upset. This also counts for when you are over stressing yourself, about putting too high an expectation on yourself. If he sees you getting angry, stressed or frustrated, he will pull you into his arms and gently stroke your hair, you can’t be angry when you are being so gently held and loved. Isaac will sit an listen to all your troubles. 

He always encourages you to communicate whenever you are having negative emotions so he can help you through it the best way he knows how, with cuddles. He would usually make you a cup of coffee and pull you into his lap and cuddle you, as you unpack everything and anything that had upset you that day. He will patiently listen and leave small little kisses on your cheeks to remind you that he is there for you and will support you no matter what

He loves your competitive side, even more so when you use it to win a bet and beat Arthur. HE also loves how open-minded you are. The two of you often teach each other new skills, for example, you have been teaching Isaac how to shoot while Isaac has been patiently teaching you maths and science.

He low key loves how possessive you are and is just as possessive over you. He absolutely adores you and will remind you of that every single day. 

He loves holding your hands and giving you small kisses on the cheeks whenever the two of you go out together. He honestly can’t believe it when you feel insecure about the way you look, “You are honest to God, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.” Will tickle you and shower you with kisses and loving words whenever you are feeling insecure about yourself. 

He will always snicker when your feisty side comes out. Like whenever you sass the men at the banquets for spewing gender based stereotypes and being ignorant. Once they have been put in their place, Isaac while still laughing at the hilarious smack-down you just gave the ignorant men will always give you the sweetest kisses, “God, I love you so much.”

Isaac legit loves everything about you from your quick temper to your clumsy streak. You best be sure this hedgehog is ganna be right by your side whenever you clumsily injure yourself. He will legit sweep you off your feet and nuzzle into your neck, all while making sure you didn’t injure yourself too severely. 

This boy loves you to the moon and back and would do anything to make you happy. If you are overexerting your injured knee you best be sure he will piggyback you to his room and do everything in his power to ease away the pain. Even if that means taking a soothing hot bath with you.

Often the two of you cuties can be found cuddled together, each reading their own book. Both your love languages are physical touch and quality time so Isaac is happiest when you are nestled near him simply spending some good quality time together.

Other potential matches…………. Comte 

I hope you have the best day lia! Sending ya all the hugs! ❤❤🌻 @i-sleep-like-napoleon

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

anon whom u asked to elaborate

(I'm a girl 17)I've had guy crushes bit i never wanted to be physically close to them or wanted to be in a relationship with them, not that that situation would've ever arised

but I've been questioning my sexuality for over a year and half now and i THINK i like this girl but i feel like it's not real and i want to be in a relationship with her and want to be close to her but idk if I'm REALLY attracted to her like 'butterflies in stomach' thing didn't happen but i was excited(maybe coz i know she's straight but idk)

and even in future I'd like to be with a girl(physically and emotionally also im pretty sure that im sexually attracted to them) but idk if I'd ever be attracted to them in a way they deserve and with boys i don't think it's physical atleast, idk about emotional cause I've had crushes and all

and i read your last reply and u said if in theory i think i am attracted to them thing but then every bi curious person is bi and so on?

and i think i have the potential to be attracted to women in future but it seems fake( this can also be because of the fact that i know zero lgbt+ people in real life and probably never will because of the situation in my society)

and ik you'll probably say it's internalized biphobia nd like yes maybe but it's been such a fucking long time it's frustating and i still haven't reached a conclusion and i just can't overcome it and I'm exhausted

Thanks for elaborating. And sorry if that’s not the magic epiphany you want to hear but yeah, a lot of that sounds like internalised biphobia/lesbophobia to me.

I would urge you to reread your own message again and maybe imagine it was someone else, maybe a good friend of yours, saying those things to you. What would you think or say to them if they said something like:

“i want to be in a relationship with her and want to be close to her”

“in future I'd like to be with a girl (physically and emotionally also im pretty sure that im sexually attracted to them)”

“i think i have the potential to be attracted to women in future”

Do any of these statements sound to you like something a heterosexual woman would say? To me they don’t. You are literally saying in various different ways that you are attracted to woman and desire them romantically and sexually. Straight women do not desire romantic and/or sexual relationships with other women. Straight women do not have the potential to be attracted to women - by definition they don’t bc they are heterosexual = exclusively attracted to men. Everything you say confirms that you are attracted to women = that you are NOT straight.

And all the doubts that you are having are internalised crap that’s holding you back. And yes, sure, living in a queerphobic environment where other LGBTQIA+ people are erased (I’m sure they exist around you but have to be closeted), puts you in a very tough position to explore and accept your sexuality. If you cannot connect to the queer community offline then at least try it online, try to talk to people here.

I also want to get into something you said regarding girls which was “idk if I'd ever be attracted to them in a way they deserve”. What do you mean “a way they deserve”? You don’t owe anyone attraction one way or another. Either you are attracted to someone or not. And there are probably as many different ways to be attracted to someone as there are different people. To some you may not be attracted at all, to others a little bit. To some the attraction might be purely sexual or purely romantic or something else entirely or a mix between all of it. And maybe after some time you realise there’s a pattern, for example that whenever you find yourself attracted to men it’s only or mostly sexual without any desire to pursue a romance there; but when you find yourself attracted to women there is more romance involved. Or maybe there’s a different pattern or none at all. But attraction just ~happens~ and it’s nothing that you are obliged to feel a certain way.

If you want to identify as bi then you can, even if those “attraction patterns” aren’t the same for every gender. It’s fine to be bi while having different desires for different genders. And for some bi people, romantic and sexual orientation don’t align perfectly, so you could also see if the split attraction model suits you (for example: bisexual/homoromantic). But to go back to that statement of yours: nobody “deserves” to be attracted to at all. You got that wrong here, my friend. You don’t owe it to anybody that you are attracted to them one way or another. If you have feelings for someone and you are afraid that they aren’t “strong enough” or aren’t of “the right kind” that’s for you to decide and I would always recommend to play with open cards and be honest to the person about feelings and fears and all that. And then they can decide for themselves what they want to make of this information. But nobody ever “deserves” to be the object of your desire in a certain way. Scratch that! It’s a very unrealistic and unhealthy way to look at attraction.

I understand that you are exhausted, that this seems like it’s not going anywhere. But then also consider how far you’ve already come. Think of yourself a year or two ago or even further back and see how much you’ve already learned about yourself. The fact you’re able to reflect on your sexuality that much is an achievement and you can be proud of it. Asking for help and advice is also something to be proud of. I do have my usual “getting rid of internalised biphobia” post here but in your case I would like to primarily advise you to be kind and patient to yourself. And start believing yourself! When you find yourself thinking “I have a crush on this girl/I am attracted to her/I want to be in a relationship with a woman” then remind yourself that those are not the words of a straight women. Try to kill those doubts with pure logic. I can guarantee you that no heterosexual woman desires sex or romance with another woman - if she does then she’s gonna realise sooner or later that she’s not really been straight after all. And furthermore: don’t waste too much energy comparing your feelings for women to your feelings for men. It can be interesting and for some people it’s helpful but for others it isn’t. If it doesn’t get your forward to compare that then just don’t and remind yourself that bisexuality doesn not mean you have to be equally attracted to all genders. It can be different and you don’t need to pick it all apart in detail if you don’t feel like that helps you at this point.

Maddie

[saeyoungs-sunflower]

Matchup for @nad-zeta! (Milestone Celebration)

Zeta, my sweet sweet Zeta, here’s your matchup! You have been such an angel, both in your patience and your general loveliness.💛 I’m sorry it took a little longer than expected, but I hope it was worth the wait! It’s pretty long (~3000 words lolllll) so it’s all under the cut. Sorry, I got carried away! :’) xx

So, without further ado, based on the information you gave me I matched you with...

Saeyoung!

take care of my bby pls

I feel like I need to say that I kept going back and forth between him and Zen. Zen was a VERY close second, so I kinda half match you up with him too. That being said, there were some things you mentioned that made me lean more towards Saeyoung, which will be explained below :))

~

Reasoning & General Headcanons!

“🥰 i am a aries, infp, ravenclaw female 🦊”

An Aries you say...?

Need I say more? Absolute chaotic duo. The energy is buzzing, and the people you hang out are always amused by your shenanigans.

As an INFP, you are caring, loyal, and sensitive, which are traits that I believe Saeyoung would benefit from in a partner. He also hides his true emotions well, so someone with your personality type would be able to pick up on the signs that he is feeling low, even if he tries to hide it. Your loyalty and devotion also helps him feel secure, which considering everything he’s been through, is something I feel he would struggle with, particularly in the early stages of a relationship.

On the flip side, Saeyoung is also incredibly loyal. And whilst he does joke around and tease, he knows how sensitive topics and comments can affect someone, so he is never careless, especially since (as an INFP) you often take things to heart. As a team, you work well together because you view the world slightly differently. You’re an idealist, whereas he’s a realist; you focus on the big picture, whereas he has an incredible attention to detail. This is really helpful in difficult conversations, big decisions, plans for the future etc, because whilst your opinions may differ, you offer the other a different side of the story. You get the best of both worlds!

I don’t know my Harry Potter houses very well, but from my memory and a quick Google search, Ravenclaws value knowledge and are wise, intelligent and witty. Sounds familiar? ;) i mean wise is debatable lol. Your conversations are sooo interesting and natural, because you’re both very intelligent in many ways.

“i am pretty shy and difficult to get to know (apparently it took me 2 months to start opening up to my friends, ooops), i tend to bottle up my emotions, my friends would likely describe me as incredibly stubborn, gentle, kind, over dramatic, goofy and fun loving. I am pretty aloof and blunt, like i will 9/10 times tell you to your face how if feel about you if you ask 🙈once u are part of my inner circle i am playful, teasing, i am an extremely sarcastic person that makes snarky remarks under my breath and my kind of humor is a bit of dark and self deprecating.”

Okay, this was one of the key things that made me match you with Saeyoung. A huge reason why I love Saeyoung so much is that there is a high level of comfort in a relationship with him. By that I mean that he is so open and fun that there is literally zero judgment. Judgment is such a foreign concept to him in this kind of situation. He makes you so comfortable that it’s so easy to be yourself around him, and it doesn’t take long for him to get to know you.

GIRL HE’S THE SAME. The king of bottling up his emotions. This means that y’all know when something is up, you can see the signs. You are understanding of each other, so discussions happen and actions are put into place before things become too much.

Saeyoung sometimes just needs to be told when he’s being a lil prick. You are kind and gentle when he needs it, but also can be blunt with him when it gets silly. I mean, if MC was like you towards the end of his route, we would have got through the whole “i’M tOo dAnGeRoUs gEt aWaY” thing SO much more quickly.

Once you’re comfy with him, you become an absolutely unstoppable force. When he teases you, you tease him back. When he’s being playful, you’re his partner in crime. Y’all are so goofy. Your life is full of laughs and joy with Saeyoung.

Sarcastic comments, dark humour and self-deprecating jokes? Yep that’s also very Saeyoung. Sometimes you two have to reel it in a bit when you’re hanging out with others because YOU’RE OUT OF CONTROL TOGETHER.

“I love my friends and family and will fight anyone who threatens them, although when it comes to me, you can do or say anything to me and i wont do anything (I honestly can't stand up for myself).”

IT’S LIKE HE’S LOOKING IN A MIRROR. Seriously though, he knows the importance of self worth because he knows, firsthand, the damage that can be done when you don’t value yourself and your wellbeing. He makes it his mission to help you see how worthy you are of respect and give you confidence to stand up for yourself. Even if you won’t do it for yourself, he’ll stand up for you. He cares too much about his loved ones to let them be treated wrongly.

He feels how much you love him and your other friends/family which makes him feel so secure, and he also has a phenomenal amount of love in his heart to give and he ain’t afraid to do so.

“I swear like a sailor although I am trying to get that under control, however the road rage is real.”

Finds your road rage and swearing SO amusing. Constantly teasing you about it and winding you up, but it’s all in good fun.

Absolutely has a swear jar for you. No doubt about it.

“You’ve corrupted my good, Catholic ears.” “Saeyoung shut the fuck up.”

“I love nature and animals (i love my lil bunnies and dogs), i love working out/going to the gym #gym is life”

I mean, we know he adores cats, and I imagine he loves other animals too.

I also imagine he loves camping, and I don’t even know why. He just gives me camping vibes. Weekends away spent in nature, sleeping in a tent and sitting round a fire in the evenings are pretty common for you.

I know this is ~controversial~ topic in the fandom, but I am of the opinion that Saeyoung also works out.

Do I think he’s completely ripped? No, probably not. But he’s strong, lean at the very least. Even Jaehee admits it! He makes working out so much fun and it’s always a bit of a laugh.

“i enjoy cooking (i am now officially a chef), wine tasting (fancy way of saying getting very tipsy of different wines most nights), spending time with friends (especially if there is tea to be spilt) although i do need lots of alone time to recharge my social battery”

The first time he tasted your food, he almost cried. Poor boi lived off eating crisps and soda for God knows how long.

“Wait, you’re not meant to constantly feel like you're gonna throw up? Food is meant to have...flavour???”

Help him

Saeyoung is pretty social, but also needs time to recharge like you, though he can go a bit longer than you and doesn’t easily get drained by social interactions. This may seem like a problem when you spend time with friends, but it’s actually such a blessing. If you’re feeling exhausted when socialising, he knows and will “take the wheel” if you will. There’s nothing worse than trying to keep a conversation going or seeming upbeat when you literally don’t have the energy, so Saeyoung is there to help you out. He’s also super good at politely and subtly taking you out of those situations if you are super drained and need to recharge.

He’s also such a gossip so if you got tea to spill he’s ready to hear it, and you know he ALWAYS has tea to spill. Sneaky man

“i like conspiracies, reading, writing (Fanfics and im busy with my Masters in nutrition >“<), rom coms, and  sleeping. As much as i love spending time outdoor i also enjoy lazing around the house being a lazy potato.”

Discussions about conspiracies over dinner lol. He is in possession of some...top secret information, so those conversations are very interesting and eye opening ;)

He LOVES to read your writing. It literally doesn’t matter what it’s about, he finds it truly fascinating. It’s a little glimpse into who you are, and it’s something you created!!! By yourself!!!! HE LOVES THAT. Always impressed with what you write, every time. He’s so proud.

ROM COMS WHILST CUDDLING ON THE COUCH

He’s a cryer, he loves rom coms.

He works super hard, so he’s always down to have a lazy day with you!!

“I definitely zone out and daydream all the freaken time and tend to blush easily which i hate 🙈 i definitely dont like crowds and loud sounds (ie you will never find me in a club). I am a picky eater despite my degree in cooking (i basically only eat candy, carbs and protein)”

He. loves. Making. You. blush. I’m sorry, but it’s one of his favourite things. He thinks it’s so adorable, so prepare for all the teasing, lewd jokes and general flirtiness that’ll get your cheeks burning ;)

He’s not keen on crowds either, so that’s not a problem!! I imagine he occasionally goes on night’s out with the bois (and by bois I mean usually just Zen and Yoosung LOL) but he’s not often out until super late, and he’s super respectful of you. Would never ask you to do something or go somewhere that makes you uncomfortable.

“i love cuddles although i look like someone that wouldn’t. Ive been told i come across as calm and confident, while in truth on the inside i am really scared and insecure.   I am incredibly awkward when it comes to boys and have been told my sarcastic comments are x100 when i talk to them (oops).”

CUDDLE MONSTER. I actually think he’s the biggest cuddler in the RFA. Controversial I know, but damn Saeyoung loves a cuddle. He’s a spontaneous cuddler. Like it doesn’t matter what the situation is, if you need a cuddle or he just fancies one, he’ll find a way.

He sees right through your calmness and confidence, because he’s exactly the same. This puts him in the perfect position to reassure you and lift you up. He’s a great hype man!

He finds your awkwardness adorable, and your sarcastic comments just make him love you even more! He has a good sense of humour and doesn’t take things too seriously if they don’t need to be, so he’s constantly laughing with you and easing your mind in the very early stages of your relationship.

“I am very go with the flow, and i never burn my bridges 🙈 i am very forgive and forget🦊, like no matter how badly you hurt me.”

Based on what happens on his route, it’s very handy that you are a forgiving person hahah

But again, if Saeyoung thinks you are being treated wrongly and being hurt, he will stand up for you.

His dedication to protecting the ones he loves is STRONG. I mean, look at his relationship with Saeran and the way he is constantly looking out for you in ALL routes.

Of course, he won’t say or do anything to that person if that makes you uncomfortable. Instead, he will constantly reassure you of your self-worth and remind you that you deserve better, but will also support the decisions you make.

If you want to forgive and forget, he will respect that, even if he thinks differently.

“What am i looking for in a potential partner?.... well i definitely think i need someone that could bring me out my shell initially, also someone who isn't too sensitive cause like i said i can be super sarcastic and my jokes kinda match that (like in my family we show out affection for each other via playful insults and savage comments)😂😂”

As I stated above, I think Saeyoung is the best person to help bring you out of your shell. There’s no judgment and no shame with this man.

I find that someone being unapologetically themself is SO contagious, and Saeyoung is exactly that - unapologetically himself.

We’ve all seen his humour, he doesn’t seem to be particularly sensitive either so you’re all good there hahaha. Obviously everyone does have their limits, so whilst their are topics/jokes that would probably make him uncomfortable (e.g. stuff relating to Saeran), overall, he’s chill and ALWAYS ready to joke around with you.

The roast battle is so real with you two LOL

“i kinda want someone stable, hard working, decisive, ambitious and who can push me out of my confort zone and vice versa.🦋”

He goofs around, but there’s no denying that this man works HARD.

Once he leaves the agency and starts his new life with you, I can imagine him being super ambitious and also aiming for stability.

His life before had been so restrictive yet so uncertain. He had to do what he was told, but never knew what was just around the corner.

This makes me think that he would crave the stability and certainty that he never had (a ‘normal’ life, if you will), but also he’d want to try so many things that he hadn’t before. He strikes me as a ‘go big or go home’ kinda guy, so I think it’s safe to say that he would be ambitious in many ways.

The only thing I don’t think he ticks the box on is decisiveness, at least not at the beginning. I think he usually knows what he wants, but rarely acts on that.

“It’s up to you”, “whatever you want” and “I don’t mind” are very common phrases for him lol. I think he would learn to be more decisive once he gets comfortable. I also think he has his moments of assertiveness though, when he’s in the right mood.

“Also someone who is family oriented and loving (someone that can cuddle me when im having a bad day)☺ and someone who can make me laugh, cause i love joking around so i kinda think i need someone who could match that🌻”

SAEYOUNG. IS. SUCH. A. FAMILY. MAN.

Again, look at what he’s done for Saeran and how deeply he cares for and loves him. A ‘normal’ family was something that was absent in his life, so when he has his own family (whether that be a found family or one he made) he would cherish that so strongly, maybe more than most.

SAEYOUNG. IS. A. CUDDLE. MONSTER.

He could be working at his desk and suddenly think “you know what? It’s snuggle time” and then he would search the house for you to give you The Snuggle™

Again, he’s also VERY observant and his attention to detail is impeccable, so he can instantly tell if you’re having a bad day and will act accordingly - aka SNUGGLE TIME

I mean, need I say more? If you want someone who makes you laugh, Saeyoung is the guy. There is never a dull day when he’s around, and the house is always filled with laughter!

So yeah....that’s my reasoning :’)) now onto your very own drabble!! This is all yours, so if there’s anything you’d like me to change or add, PLEASE let me know!! I’m more than happy to edit anything to make it more personalised for you, just shoot me a message and I’ll be on it, same goes for anything I’ve said above!!🥰

~

Drabble!

“Saeyoung! Can you come here a second?”

You called out to him from the kitchen, stirring from a pot whilst its contents quietly bubbled away. You could hear the music blaring from his headphones all the way from the other room, with the occasional hum or drum on his desk. Evidently, he hadn’t heard you.

“SAEYOUNG CHOI GET YOUR FINE ASS IN HERE.”

The music ceased, followed by rapid pattering as he darted into the room, nearly skidding round the doorway. 

“I heard ‘fine ass’ and here I am,” he smirked, sauntering over to you and snaking his strong, secure arms around your middle. He swayed you from side to side, planting a wet kiss on your cheek, much to your dismay. Saeyoung merely chuckled, resting his chin on your shoulder, “What do you need, witch lady?”

“Why ‘witch lady’?”

“Well, whatever you’re cooking is giving me witchy vibes. It looks like a potion in a cauldron. Look at you with your double double toil and trouble-OW! Don’t pinch me!”

“Sorry, it’s a witch thing,” you winked, spinning around in his grip so you were face-to-face. “You sure you’re not the witch? You do have the nose for it.”

“I’ve also got the dress and hat in the attic, shall I go put it on?”

“Try this for me first.” You held the wooden spoon out to him as he took a sip, chuckling at the way his brows furrowed in thought.

He smacked his lips a few times, hummed then finally looked back to you, “It’s good.”

“That’s it? That’s all you got?”

“You do realise that my taste buds have essentially been burned off by chips and soda, right? I have no idea if something’s bad or not.”

“You’re right. I should call Jumin.”

“You can’t,” he informed, his smirk growing ever wider as he moved towards the snack cupboard, “Mr Han has a date tonight.”

The spoon clattered against the counter, your mouth agape, “You’re shitting me.”

“That’s another coin in the swear jar.” Saeyoung chucked a packet of candy in your direction, though it only hit you in the face before falling unceremoniously onto the kitchen floor, “I think we need to get your reflexes checked, babe.”

“Tell me everything.”

He took a seat on a breakfast stool and chortled as you leaned over the counter, eyes showing your eagerness to hear the gossip. And he was more than happy to provide, “He appears to be really into her. Like, really into her. She seems to just get him, you know? I could hear his smile down the phone when he told me about her earlier.”

“Earlier? Why are you only just telling me this now?!”

“Do you wanna hear the rest of it or not?”

Huffing, you perched on the seat next to him, stealing a piece of his candy despite his look of horror, “Okay, well where did he meet such a woman?”

“You’re never gonna believe it.”

“Try me.”

Saeyoung was enjoying himself far too much. He couldn’t wait another moment to witness your reaction, “She’s Zen’s co-star.”

“NO.”

“YES.”

The tea had been spilt, and things were about to get very interesting within the RFA.

Your eyes were glued to his as he continued to disclose the details. At some point you had wrapped your arm around his, his other hand encompassing yours. He abruptly stopped halfway through describing the first encounter, causing you to quirk an eyebrow impatiently, “What?”

“Do you smell burning?”

“...Fuck.”

“And another one for the swear jar.”

~

@nad-zeta​ there we go my love, I hope you enjoyed your matchup!! I am so grateful for your support, it never fails to make me smile when I see you pop up in my notifs. You are beautiful, kind, bright person and you deserve the world. Thank you again for all you’ve done and all you do💛💛 Take care of yourself, my friend! xxx

(Note for other readers: I usually don’t do matchups, this was for a special occasion! I doubt I’ll open up requests for them later on, but never say never!)

[kendrixtermina]

Further reactions to "The book of lost tales":

I appreciate that Idril canonically wears armor and does swordfighting.

I feel like I can actually imagine adult!Idril much better now like in armor and with open hair, distraught but ready to fight while babby Earendil does not yet realize the danger...

My first thought is that Earendil was probably cute in that baby chainmail. My second thought is OUCH, Idril and Tuor always made sure their growing baby had fitting chainmail cause they felt the apocalypse might get them at any moment. Imagine that, imagine them having the baby armor fitted every year or so :(

Its fun how much of the basic structure already exists but most of what you'd consider the main characters doesn't exist or is scattered across various minor roles The only Prince anywhere in sight is Turgon - Except for Team Doriath, theyre all accounted for. I suppose Maeglin is kinda there in name only with vaguely the same role & motivation, but looks personality and background all did a 180 since. Luthien is still pretty much "princesd classic" at this point, not quite the fearless go-getter from the final version - markedly this version tells Beren that she doesnt want to wander in the wilderness with him whereas the final one says she doesnt care and its Beren still wants to get the shiny so as not to ask this of her and also for his honor.

I mean in the finished version Id consider the 3rd and 4th gen royals to be the main characters (well, alobgside Team Doriath and the varioud human heroes) and theyre hardly here. Imagine the silm with no Finrod!

Feanor had no affiliation with the royal family whatsoever, and is also generally less super. He's just the guy who won the jewelsmithing competition, not the inventor of the whole discipline. Still seems to have been envisionad as a respected member of the community who gets called to the palace for crisis meetings and is listened to when he stsrts giving speeches. From the first he already has the backstory of going off the deep end (or at least growing disillusioned with Valinor) after a family member is killed by Melkor and theyre still the first to die, but its just some other rando unrelated to the royals

The situation regarding the humans is different - instead of Melkor leaking their existence, its Manwe who explains that the other continents were supposed to be for them eventually. So Feanor goes off on a tirade about weak puny mortals comes off as a more of a jerk unlike in the final version where Melkor barely knew about the humans and described them to the Noldor as a threat. On the other hand in this one, also very much unlike in the finished product, Melkor dupes even Manwe into being unfair to the elves as a whole. In this the final version is a definite improvement, both Feanor and the Valar come off as a lot more sympathetic and though still deceived he's partially right in some things at least, so you have more of a genuine tragedy rather than a simple feud

There is something to the idea of Commoner!Feanor tho. I guess some of this survived in his nomadic explorer lifestyle and how both his wife and mother (who arent mentioned here) eventually were the ones to get that background of being not especially pretty ladies who are not from the nobility but got renown, respect and acclaim for their unique talent and contribution to society, with each having invented things and Nerdanel also being renowed for her wisdom. Hes sort of an odysseus-like Figure in that sense. I suppose later developements necesitated that Maedhros & co. have an army not just a band of thieves, which means they needed to be nobles/lords. That said this being a society where artisans are very respected and half the lords have scholarly/artistic pursuits going, the gap was probably not as big to begin with as it might have been in say, medieval England. Esoecially since Nerdanel's father had been given special honor by one of the local deities and that the social order might have been a very recent thing in Miriel's time. One might speculate that the first generation of Lords started out as warriors during the great journey, or perhaps just Finwe's friend group.

Also found that bit intetesting where the Valar have to deal with the remaining political tensions and effects of Melkor's lies on the remaining population in Valinor... - i guess with the change of framing device it was less likely for news of something like this to reach Beleriand. That, or the existence of Finarfin and his repentance made this go smoother this over in later cannon

Turgon's go-down-with-the-ship moment reaaly got to me. Im half tempted to write a fic where his wife, siblings and dad glomp him on arrival in Mandos. I dont care that none of them exists yet in this continuity i want Turgon to get hugs

I love all the additional Detail that got compressed out in the shift from fairytale-ish to pseudohistoric style especially all the various Valinor magic insofofar as it is compatible with the final version - particularly love the idea of the connection between the lamps and the trees that is now integrated into my headcanon forever

Its actually explained what the doors of night are

If I had not already read unfinished tales or volumes X to XII where this is also apparent, this is where I would say: Ah so the Valar were supposed to be flawed characters. Manwe has an actual arc; by the time he sends Gandalf he finally "got" it. I think in the published silm the little arcs of Ulmo and Manwe are mostly just lost in compression/ less apparent when only some of the relevant scenes got in but not all

It occurred to me way too late that the "BG" chars are the most consistent because theyre at the start and most stories are written from beginning to end. Finwe doesnt get a dedicated paragraph of explicit description until HoME X but my takeaway was that he's described pretty much like I always imagined him anyways/ same vibe I always got from him... charismatic, thoughtful, enthusiastic, sanguine temperament, brave in a pinch but at times lets his judgement be clouded by personal sentiment (though that last bit is more apparent/salient as a character flaw once he became the father of a certain Problem Child) ...i guess this would be a result of jrrt having had a consistent idea of him in his head for a long time.

This means Finwe's still alive at the time of the exodus which is just fun to see/interesting to know... Interestingly he sort of gets what later would be Finarfin's part of ineffectually telling everxone to please chill and think it over first while Feanor simply shouts louder (which is consistent with his actions before the sword incident in later canon where he initially spoke out against the suspiciozs regarding the Valar) - but its not exactly the same, he's more active than Finarfin later in that when "chillax" availed nothing he said that then at least they should talk with the other Kings and Manwe to leave with their blessing and get help leaving (This seems like it would have been the clusterfuck preventing million dollar suggestion in the universe where Feanor is related to him and values him) but when even that falls on death ears he decides that he "would not be parted from his people" and went to run the preparations. I find it interesting that the motivation is sentiment/attachment (even phrased as "he would not be parted from [his people]" same words/ expression as is later used for the formenos situation), not explicitly obligation as it later is for Fingolfin (who had promised to follow Feanor and didnt want to leave his subjects at the mercy of Feanor's recklessness )

Speaking of problem children. It seems the sons of Feanor were the Kaworu Nagisa of the Silmarillion in that originally all they do is show up at some point and kill Dior as an episodic villain-of-the-week. And then, it seems their role got bigger in each continuity/rewrite... probably has something to do with the Silmarils ending up in the title later making it in the sense their story that ends and begins with them. They have zero characterization beyond "fierce and wild" at this point, though in what teetsy bits there is we already have the idea that Maedhros is the leader and Curufin is the smart one/shemer/sweet-talker, though not the bit where Maedhros (or Maglor, or anyone really) is "the nice one". Which I guess explains why "Maglor" sounds like such a stereotypical villain name.

"The Ruin of Doriath" was purportedly the patchworkiest bit of the finished product, but I never noticed and it actually left quite an impression of me upon first reading, the visual of Melian sitting there with Thingol's corpse in her arms contemplating everything thinking back to how they met... she had the knowledge to warn him not to doom himself but couldnt get him to understand it because he doesnt see the world as she does.... After reading this though I wish there was a 'dynamic' rendition that combined all the best bits like, youd have to adapt it to the later canon's rendition of the dwarves, have Nargothrond exist etc. But i mean that just makes Finrod another dead/doomed relative of Thingol's whom bling cannot truly replace, like Luthien and Turin. In the Silmarillion you could easily read it as just an "honoured guest treatment" but here and in unfinished tales I get the impression that Thingol actually did see Turin as a son.

Already you see the idea of trying to make the stories all interconnected but there is less than there will be (the human heroes aren't related yet and there is basically no Nargothrond, which is later a common thread for many of the stories - a prototype shows up in the 'Tale of Turambar' tho complete with half baked prototypes of Orodreth and Finduillas

O boi im not even through yet

[fo-love]

AroAceShipperPride • Day 3 • how did your f/o(s) react to you coming out?

I'm obviously not doing all of them, just some that popped into my head :) also, I would do Denki but I feel like it'd just be "I'm aroace jump" "neat" skkdnxj

Kenma

I just wanted to write hcs of me coming out to my brother bc it didn't specify romantic :)

So we're probably playing some games and it suddenly hits me that I haven't told him yet

Logically, I know he won't judge me but the nerves are still there for some reason??

I, understandably, get distracted from the game and I'm quiet when I'm usually not during games "what's on your mind?" he asks, pausing the game and looking at me

I get snapped back to reality and I'm just "huh? Oh, let's just get back to playing ;;;"

"No, obviously it's important and I should know"

"not really,, "

"You never try this hard to avoid eye contact with me and you're kind of curling up, it's important to you" Kenma stated, analyzing Kai

".... fiNE" Kai huffed, "but you can't judge me, okay? Promise" they held out their pinky for a pinky promise

"do I ever j-"

"just promise, please!"

Kenma hooked his pinky with Kai's and held up his thumb while their pinkies were still hooked "im guessing you want to stamp it?"

"You know me so well" kai smiles and touches their thumb to his then their hands separate and Kai takes a breath to calm down

"well,, uh doyouknowwhataroace-jumpisbecauseimkindaroace-jump" kai said quickly

Kenma, being their brother for his whole life, understood what they said and kai looked like they were about to cry

Kenma pulled Kai into a hug, which was rare for him, Kai usual started the hugs. He patted Kai's head softly, knowing they took as a way to say "I'm proud of you" (actually, now that he thinks about it, he might be the reason for that. He was never good with putting emotions into words or just preferred to talk less so anytime Kai showed him or gave him something he smile a little and pat their head)

"don't cry, I'm so proud of you for telling me, thank you for trusting me with it" he whispered instead of talking since Kai's head was resting on his shoulder. "and I'm never going to think differently of you, especially because of your sexuality"

**few hours later, after its passed*

"look at you, collecting all the flags, huh?" Kenma jokes, referring to Kai being pansexual, aroace-jump, polyam, and genderfluid.

"I only have one more than you!" Kai playfully whines and lightly shoves Kenma's head to the side (I headcanon kenma as Demisexual, Biromantic, and Demiguy/Demiboy [he/they pronouns])

Bakugo

Nerves up by 100%

I realize while talking to my sister, Momo-

Well technically she realized cause we were talking about sexualities and she asked if I've told bakugo about being aroace jump and I'm like.... Oh no,,,

Cause like,,, he's probably not gonna judge me but he might,,, and if he doesn't I'm gonna get an earful because I didn't tell him sooner sjnfsk

So i go and knock on his dorm room door after training

Ngl almost chickened out since he didn't answer immediately

But he answered it as soon as I was turning to walk away

He tilted his head a bit and quirked an eyebrow

"u-uh well i-,, um,, "

"Are ya okay?"

"yeah just I wanted to te- I wanted to tell you that i-i'm,,, aroace jump,,, "

Bakugo was silent for a little and Kai panicked before he shook his head as if embarrassed "what does that mean, shorty?"

Kai smiled at the nickname and explained it, basically sweating bullets by the end

"good for you?" Bakugo said, confused "I don't see why you're so nervous?"

Then realization hits nd he's like "?! Did you think I'd be upset with you??"

Kai averts their eyes and nodded

Bakugo sighed and left his doorway going towards Kai, closing the door behind him. He hugged them and rested his chin on their head and closed his eyes

Kai cried out of relief. "don't cry, I would never judge you for this, you can't help your sexuality. Anyone with half a brain knows that, and you know I didn't date you for your body anyway. And tell me when you're on an aro jump, okay? If you're comfortable with either still dating but not hanging out or taking a break all together, it's ok, I want you to be comfortable in, got it?" he said softly, rubbing Kai's back and kissed the top of their head "I love you, this isn't changing how I feel"

He opened his eyes and saw Sero, Mina, Kaminari, and Momo at the beginning of the hallway

"wow, I didn't know you could be all soft!" Kaminari laughed

"SHUT IT, DUNCE FACE!!!" Bakugo let go of Kai facing them letting his hand let of little sparks

Momo ran up to Kai with a smile, picking up their sibling and spinning them in a hug "I'm so proud of you!!" She gushed, setting kai down afterwards. Mina ran over as well and ruffled their black hair with a wide smile "Good Job, Kit Kat!" kai giggled at the nickname, thanking them both

Seriously and Kaminari both approached Kai as well, Bakugo grumbling in the background

"I didn't know that about you! Congrats!" Zero smiled, giving them a fist-bump. "That's amazing! Awesome job!!" Denki smiled brightly and hugged Kai

"what's going on out here...?" Todoroki opened his door after hearing all the noise, being greeted by a shy, blushing Kai, and everyone surrounding them

"I told them I'm aroace jump" kai muttered, scratching the back of their neck

"I'm glad you figured yourself out, Kai" Todoroki smiled softly and retreated back to his room

Kai heard something along the lines of "stay away from them, icy-hot fuck" under Bakugo's breath

Jaehee

Kai sat in the living room, waiting for their girlfriend to get home, trying to calm themselves down

They know for a fact that Jaehee wouldn't judge them but the nerves over took logic. They just found out that they were aroace-jump while she was at work and decided to tell her when she got home.

A few hours, Kai has calmed down, then the door opened and the anxiety came back. "welcome back!" Kai says

Jaehee puts her keys on the hook and sits down beside Kai, turning to them "it there something you need to tell me?" she asked calmly

Kai nodded, their face burning with embarrassment "imaroacejump" they muttered quickly

Jaehee understood and nodded her head, and placed her hand on Kai's leg to calm them down "I'm proud of you, Kai, thank you for telling me this. It takes a lot of courage. I love you, all of you, nothing can change that" Jaehee smiles softly

Light

As soon as they found out, p a n i c

Not because they're worried about Light's reaction

But because they weren't sure if they wanted to tell him right away, but it's impossible to hide anything from Light, he's too good at analyzing people

Kai shows up at his house before he gets there and asks to wait in his room, so now they're sitting on his bed waiting for their boyfriend

Soon enough he enters his room, Kai waves shyly at him while he smiles. He takes of his jacket before giving his lover a hug, Kai is really stiff and basically vibrating

He lets out a huff of amusement "is there something you want to tell me, love?" he asks sitting beside them on the bed

Kai's face burns brighter and smiles at the nickname, it was always nice hearing him call them that, it calmed them down a bit as well

Ryuk was paying attention while eating apples in the corner of the room.

They blinked a couple of times quickly to clear their head "im- I'm aroace jump" they smiled worryingly despite having nothing to worry about.

"what does that mean? Is it a ethnicity?-" Ryuk questioned before getting cut off by Light "it's a sexuality, it's in the name" he sighed before turning back to Kai and holding their hands and smiling

"that's amazing! I'm proud of you" Light tilted his head slightly "tell me when you're on a jump, alright? I want to make sure you're comfortable"

"thank you" Kai smiled, wiping a few tears that fell, they didn't know why they did though.

Ryuk flopped onto the bed behind them, causing Light to look and Kai to turn toward their best friend

"that sounds a bit complicated" Ryuk spoke without thinking "but kind of interesting, tell me more, short stack"

Kai hit him with a pillow "shut up, beanstalk! But fine" they laughed as he hit them back with the pillow "are you trying to start a war?" they asked grabbing the pillow back and hitting him repeatedly with it

@no-romance-selfship-imagines

[echo-inthevoid]

Season 2 q&a and overall reaction

Jonny stealing everyone's names XD 

Is martin going to be ok!? I also need to know! 

He said no;-; 

ok ya, no one's gonna be ok. 

Ya, he must do sooo much research. 

Ya, except for "fatigue" lol.

Eyyy the mechanisms!! 

What's the red string brigade? Ok, I guess a group of fans theorizing about stuff. 

Oh ok so someone else did martins poetry. Ooh, there's more martin poetry out there! *grabby hands*

Ok ya, Alex clarifying that Jon isn't stupid he just makes poor decisions. Probably if he'd paused and thought about it (like I did lol, I had to go do some stuff in the middle of that ep and thought about it a whole bunch lol) instead of immediately going out and buying an axe and further isolating himself and panicking immediately he probably would have figured it out. This is why it's bad to panic in a crisis guys. 

Eyyy! Jonny's parents voiced Gertrude and Leitner! That's so cool. 

XD Jonny grumbling about having to work with his parents. 

Hmm, I hadn't really thought of Gertrude being like a mother figure in the story? She just seems very cut-throat I guess from what Leitner said. Idk so far I've been very suspicious of her. Especially since that one statement where her photo burned a whole bunch of people or something. She just seems very shady... 

Alex chortling over Jonny's pain. XD

Side note, Every time there's a q&a I just can't stop noticing Jonny's voice going in and out of archivist range? Like most of the time I'm just listening along and then he'll say a sentence a bit grumblier and my brains immediately like "ARCHIVIST! That's THE ARCHIVIST!!" 

Martin would be the last one alive in Friday the 13th! It's official! 

(Is it bad that this gives me hope)

Jon likes Nonfiction, documentaries, and probably collects something just a little bit weird. *writes down for use in potential fics* 

also while im at it I remember jon saying he dislikes coffee at one point,  and so many people have him liking coffee in their fics! This has been your daily reminder of that fact because ever since then it keeps bugging me lol. (But also do whatever u want.)

Alex's spluttering sounds so much like Martin.

Yes!! I want to hear jon sing!! Yes! Musical Episode When!!?

Ah yes yes yes! All the characters are so unique!!? How does he do it!! 

Ya, it being in audio format sometimes makes it hard to understand what's happening in the live-action bits. (Live-action is the wrong word but u know what I mean.)

Oh ok ya, how he mentioned he got a pipe was quite clever I didn't realize that that's why he mentioned it at all. 

Ooh, there's a manga where there's something similar to Michael? I'll have to look that up later...

XD Alex and Jonny arguing about apples. 

Ok, so all the statements we're hearing ARE for reals. I kinda assumed but good to have it confirmed.

They used to hang out together!!? Work function curry nights!! ;-; 

Ya Ya! Who made the leitners!?

"You are assuming a book needs to be written" ...ok then. (but it has to have been created somehow??? Did they just spring fully formed from the powers? why? And why take the form of books?)

Alex's mischievous laugh about whether jon has friends *trembles in fear*

Yes!! Micheal is so good! I'm so happy they love him too! Yesyes! His laugh! 

Ah Yes!! Mary kaey was so creepy! 

XD yes yes yes fatigue was written on zero sleep, I knew it! 

Akskdjdkd I love them so much. Also, I've looked up Michaels voice actor luke booys and he does some other horrory type sketches n stuff and I kiiinda want to do a little animatic with some of those but it's Michael like annoying some poor soul lost in his halls... I think that'd be fun. I wonder if anyone's done that yet? If so someone send me the links I neeeed iiitt :3

Season 2 summary:

Uuuuu ya so this season was really good. I kinda listened to it in bursts of about ten episodes every couple weeks and then have been saving up the reactions to post later so these are usually going up about a week or so after I actually listened to the episode just FYI. 

I also do have a lot of spoilers cause I can't keep myself away from fanfic and people don't always tag for spoilers and I kiiinda wana know what's coming beforehand anyway? Idk it's hard man I get very stressed about what might happen and then also listening to too much at a time is too spooky for my poor little heart so I gotta read the less spooky fanfic to fulfill the hyperfixation you see. (If anyone has fanfic with spoilers only up to season 2 that'd be great btw) 

Anyway, I try not to take spoiler type stuff into account unless I'm just so sure of it I can't really not acknowledge that I know about it. 

Also, can I just talk about Michael for a minute?? Cause he's such a unique character? And I guess maybe there are other characters like him but I haven't ever seen one -tho to be fair tma is only like the third horror thing I've ever really got into (the other two are the SCP Foundation in its various forms and Little Nightmares. Hence why I keep making reference to SCP it's really the only thing I know similar to this.) But he's such a cool concept!!? Like someTHING that still has a personality? He's so not human? Like I get what he says but also I don't really? Idk im pretty sure he's an avatar right? Right?? Idk if that means he was a person at some point? But all this to say that he is probably the most inhuman character I've come across so far and I'm trying to figure out what it is about him that's so "other" to me? Like... I don't really know what Micheal's deal is? he seems to want to be sort of a neutral mischief-maker but also it seems like he keeps getting invested. But also I just love the way he talks about himself. Like he's a monster that has a personality and is fully intelligent but isn't just evil but isn't neutral either and certainly isn't benevolent. Like he's so complex and just,,,, the idea of a "thing" that's got a personality?? I love it? Kind of like dryads or spirits of things? Like the idea that after a long time things gain personality just by existing? Not that that's what Michael is necessarily? but that same sort of concept applies to him I think. Like the way he IS the maze and wants to help but wants to just watch but wants to kill them all. He's just so interestinggggggg. (And another vision of what jon could become?)

 also "es Mentiras" is a beautiful name 💕

So are him and not-Sasha avatars? Not-Sasha also seems completely inhuman and I was under the impression that avatars were (or used to be) human? Or are they like personifications of their power? Do all the powers have personifications of themselves. not-Sasha seems even less human than Michael? Like she seems to just really genuinely enjoy causing fear? Tho I guess we didn't really get to hear a lot of her. She just seemed kinda gleefully angry most of the time we heard from her. Was she... Human once!???

Anyway. Also, can I just talk about leitners line about jon belonging to the eye!!? Just..*chefs kiss* hnnnngg I need more jon grappling with that. I just need more everyone dealing with the fallout post all of the finallies ok? I still need more of jon angsting over his worms scars and stuff and now I also need jon freaking out about belonging to a fear god power thing. 

Also Martin! Is Martin ok? He sure did a lot of yelling which he doesn't usually? Look I love him and he actually thinks before he acts (unlike SOME people *looks at jon*) and he writes poetry and it is pretty good poetry ok!! And he cares about everyone and just wants a happy ending and aaaaa😭

Petition to get some statements from Martin's pov tho? I mean that's not gonna happen cause Jon's the archivist but I want more martin pov!! Maybe we can get some of his poem tapes??? Pls????? 

I feel so bad for Tim. It sounds like he's kinda fallen into despair.

Also Elias!!? Is showing his spooky side!!? He can control cameras and beat a man to death with a pipe!!? This is his "place of powerr"!!? I am afeared!!? At least jon knows he shouldn't trust him now. Oh jeez, I wonder if jon will listen back to the tape and know what happened. Thhhatsss rough. Oh dear, I hope he doesn't feel guilty cause Leitner did keep trying to hurry him and now everyone thinks it was him. Even martin thinks he did it? Wich like I kinda want to hear more of his thoughts on that? How much does he believe that jon did it? Tim certainly seems pretty certain but he's a bit biased and cynical right now so. 

And they were in the maze for DAYS? 

Now I need martin recovering from being stuck with Tim in Michaels maze for days being angry and worried and hungry etc... Dksjdksa knowing jon could be dying RIGHT NOW and there's nothing he can do. Please someone give me the fic links if this exists!! I've already written like 5 drabbles based entirely on spoilers/other fics (which I'll probably post (w/ links to their inspirations) once I'm caught up and can make sure I'm not just completely demolishing cannon lol. 

Leitner didn't even scream or yell or anything when he was murdered. Literally the chillest dude ever. F

Overall super great, Elias is terrifying, let's dive into the next season!!! I've got 2 seasons to finish in like, less than 2 or so weeks(?) if I wana be caught up by season 5 hhhh,,,

Better get started I guess. 

[uncloseted]

lately i've been VERY confused about gender and sexuality (not mine, just in general, although more on that later). so i always called myself a lesbian because it made sense, im a girl i like girls. about 2 years ago i had a lot of internalized homophobia and i tried to be as feminine as i could so people would think i was straight. and i remember one time i thought "what if i'm a trans man and i'm doing this because i feel like i have something to prove". +

but then i thought "nah, i can't be a man (or non binary) i like girly things too much". but that's awful too. ellen always wears suits and has short hair and she's still a woman. jeffree star likes girly things and he's a man. but now i don't even know what IS a girl/woman. i mean i didn't choose to be a woman and i never had a chance to be anything else. but i don't think i ever wanted to be. even if i identified as "agender" and i still looked and acted the way i do know, society would still

be seeing and oppressing me as a woman, so at least to me, personally, it feels useless. but also, a lot of nb people (most of them are afab) identify as lesbians. it's very confusing. i never had any kind of dysphoria although i felt uncomfortable with my body, periods, and sex but i always thought it was because of shyness, anxiety, internalized homophobia, insecurities and beauty standards. and i have a friend who's studying psychology in university and she told me dysphoria does not exist

trans girls. i think it depends on, like, how "far" they are in their transition?. i think i could be attracted, physically and emotionally but i couldn't have sex with someone with a penis. and i know even the most trans-positive people will tell you that it's ok to have a genital preference and not want to date trans people. but it still makes me feel horrible because it's like i'm seeing nb people as "more woman" than trans women. but also in all honesty it's very hard to "tell" cis people

from nb people. if you showed me a picture of jeffree star and jonathan van ness (or elena and syd from one day at a time, or amandla stenberg and king princess, or sam smith and harry styles) and asked me which one is nb, i wouldn't know. i would probably say jeffree. so i agree that monosexual (straight/gay) people will inevitably be attracted to nbs because nb is a spectrum, and also some people (I think all of us, in some way? maybe it's a controversial opinion) are gender non-conforming but

but don't identify as nb. does that mean we should change the definitions of gay/lesbian, since any gender could have any type of body and look as feminine and/or masculine as they want? do sam smith, jvn, vander von odd/sasha velour/gigi goode (all genderfluid drag artists) have male privilege despite not being men?. should we change the words feminism, sexism, misogyny, male privilege, etc for something more accurate?. honeslty i think a lot of this confusion is actually intrusive thoughts

and me just being an overthinker in general but it's been causing me so much distress that now every pronoun feels wrong and i can't even masturbate. please forgive the rambling, the buts, the incoherence and the ignorance. thanks in advance. oh and please tell me if this comes through in pieces and i will send them again

So there’s a ton to unpack here, but for the record, I’ve had this exact train of thought, too.

I want to preface my answer by saying that I’m not a gender scholar and I haven’t read nearly as many academic works as I’d like to on this subject, so this is coming very much from my personal opinions and less from an evidence-based/academic place. I also want to say that if pressed, I would describe myself as a pansexual gender anarchist (as in, attracted to people for who they are instead of their parts and I think we should get rid of the concept of gender entirely), but I think that sounds a bit wanky, especially since it has almost zero bearing on my everyday life. So I think the concept of sexuality and gender is maybe different to me than it is to other people, and my perspective on this topic might be unusual in that sense.  If anyone reading this thinks what I’m saying is bullshit or problematic, please join in the conversation! I would love to hear what you have to say.

For me, the more I think about gender and sexuality, the more i don’t really “get” either concept. Gender has begun to feel (to me) like one of those Buzzfeed quizzes where you answer a bunch of questions and they’re like, “you’re rocky road ice cream” and you’re like, “I have no idea what that implies except for it’s the collection of traits I chose from the options above”.  

What I mean by that is that gender is a social construct. No traits are inherently masculine or feminine- things that are considered masculine in one culture can be feminine in another and vice versa. 

Especially now, when we’re really moving towards disentangling gender from our world, I wonder what’s left to take the place of those items to define what gender is.  Gender used to be like “feminine is cleaning, nurturing, creating (or Barbie dolls, dresses, and makeup), and masculine is destruction, being powerful, and being ambitious (or football, beer, and video games)”, but clearly that’s not what it means anymore. Ellen’s suits are feminine suits by virtue of the fact that she IDs as female, even though suits used to be considered a male thing.  Jeffree Star’s makeup looks are male makeup looks by virtue of the fact that he IDs as male, even though makeup used to be considered a female thing.  I’ve heard some people say that there are as many genders as there are people in the world. At that point I think we’re just using the word “gender” as a synonym for “personality”, which is fine, but I think we need to be clear about our definitions and what these words now mean and imply about a person.

Going along that train of thought, if gendered words don’t really mean anything anymore, I don’t see the point as identifying as a particular gender, at last not in the abstract.  In practice, our world still sees gender and cares about it, and other people’s interpretation of our gender has very real consequences.  As you say, even if you identified as agender, society would treat you as a woman because you present in a way society considers to be “traditionally feminine”, and as a result, you would be oppressed in the same way women are.  This is why I said that my position on gender impacts my life zero percent.  I can identify as a gender anarchist all I want, but at the end of the day I still get passed up for opportunities because the way I present is read as female.  Likewise, nonbinary people who were assigned male at birth do have a degree of male privilege (or at least, can access male privilege), depending on how well they “pass” as a man.  Sam Smith likely still experiences some male privilege, because they look (most of the time) like what society might consider traditionally male.  Someone like JVN probably passes less frequently, due to his long hair and frequent wearing of what we might think of as traditionally female clothing (skirts and dresses and high heels).  However, the flip side of that is both Sam Smith and JVN risk being even more marginalized than female identifying, female presenting people when they do dress in a gender non-conforming way, because nonbinary identities are less understood and less accepted than female identities are. 

So now that we’ve considered what gender means in relation to society, maybe let’s consider it in relation to our bodies and sexuality.  This is a bit of a minefield so I’m going to try to tread carefully, but again, feel free to call me out if I say something problematic... 

I don’t think being uncomfortable with your body, especially feminine features of your body that are widely looked down upon (for example, periods) or sexualized (physical features like boobs, butts, hips) necessarily makes a person trans or nonbinary.  As you say, those feelings can be a result of shyness, anxiety, internalized homophobia, insecurities, beauty standards, and dozens of other things.  However, it is something many trans or nonbinary individuals experience.  So the question then becomes, where are those feelings of discomfort coming from?  Are they internal to you (as in, your body physically feels like there’s something wrong/those features shouldn’t be there) or external (you feel shame for having those features because of the society you grew up in)?  It can be really hard to detangle internal influences from external ones, given that people who are assigned female at birth learn to hate our femininity and female bodies from a very young age.

I would say that if those feelings are internal to you, then that’s what referred to as gender dysphoria.  Gender dysphoria is a real, ICD and DSM diagnosable condition, and there’s some evidence to suggest that there’s a neurobiological basis for it.  My (very controversial) hypothesis is that gender dysphoria is like other body integrity identity disorders, where there’s a mismatch between the brain’s map of the body and what the physical body actually looks like.  I want to make it clear here that I don’t think being trans is a disorder.  I don’t think it’s bad or that all people who are trans have a body integrity disorder.  I don’t think you need to physically transition to be trans, or that we should pathologize gender/gender expression, or that gender is a binary (hopefully that last one is obvious).  I just think if society has less stringent gender divisions and a less binary understanding of gender, fewer people would physically transition, but some people would still experience a mismatch between their idea of how their body’s sexual characteristics should look and how they physically are.

So then, what does that mean for our terminology?  I think in the context of a world where the meaning of gender is changing, gay and lesbian just refer to genitals (people with penises attracted to people with penises and people with vaginas attracted to people with vaginas, respectively).  Or perhaps we need to separate it out further- maybe you can be romantically and physically attracted to female and male presenting people, but sexually attracted to only vaginas.  Maybe that would fill the gap between being interested in a person romantically and being interested in having sex with their genitals, where you’re attracted to someone without yet knowing what’s in their pants?  In general, though, I think labels should exist to be useful.  I don’t know how useful it is to have a term for “I'm attracted to you, given that you have the genitals I’m sexually attracted to.”

I think under that framework of centering labels like gay and lesbian on genitals, a lot more people are pansexual than would identify that way if you took a poll right now.  In general, I think a lot of people never recognize that they’re pansexual because they aren’t in contact with nonbinary or trans people that they’re attracted to frequently enough to know they don’t actually care about genital preferences.

When talking about other labels like feminism (the advocacy for AFAB and female-identifying/presenting rights), sexism (prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, generally towards female identifying/presenting people. but also towards gender nonconforming people), misogyny (dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against AFAB and female identifying/presenting people), male privilege (the system of advantages or rights that are available to men and male identifying/presenting people solely on the basis of their sex/gender presentation), etc., I think those terms refer to the societal construct of sex/gender that is still prevalent in our culture.  We perhaps need to start using other words to describe discrimination against nonbinary people, but I think the existing terms continue to serve a purpose and it’s not time to retire them just yet.

I don’t know if any of this is at all helpful or if I’m expressing my thoughts clearly.  Maybe it will just add more confusion to your existing thought process, but I hope it helps to minimize your distress at least a little bit.  Ultimately, all of this is kind of made up, so don’t beat yourself up too much while trying to unravel all these different threads. People spend full academic careers and sometimes their entire lives trying to figure out what they believe on these issues.  It’s okay to not have it all worked out or to not be sure in your ideas.  Even for me, this is just where my thinking is right now.  Maybe in the future it will change with new information I learn or as my feelings towards myself change.  Try to let yourself think of this as a journey instead of something you have to already have figured out.