#//i made myself........feel things
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
25K notes
·
View notes
Text
The guy of all time (feat genderbent Nightcrawler)
#is it normal for a drawing of butch nightcrawler I myself made to make feel things?#my art#kurt wagner#nightcrawler#x men
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post
#dc comics#dc#damian wayne#dick grayson#talia al ghul#batfamily#dc robin#nightwing#anyway. yes im a self-indulgent ''dick as damians secret third parent'' truther#like i DO think it's way more complex and nuanced than the schmoopy affectionate fan portrayal of it#they're brothers they're father and son they're partners they're the dynamic duo except only in past tense etc etc#but consider! I'm not immune to schmoopy affection in fanworks. it compells me despite itself#anyway it's technically not that crazy when it comes to dick and damian. they hug! often! at least they did#it's not as big a leap to these types of scenarios#also talia ''somewhat absent for complex reasons on both her and damians part but very loving and loved by her son'' al ghul#you will always be famous to me#son of the demon origin...bwahhh#anyway. someone made a comic kind of like this/like a post i made abt this topic#but way funnier bc dick and talia starting trying to beat each other up#so go look at that as well#anyway. it's been a somewhat difficult few weeks so I'm. desperately trying to take it easy#i got some reading with me (first vol of kevin smiths GA run that i found second hand and jaimes BB run vol 2!)#so we'll see how far i get through those. considering there's demons in my head telling me to re-read things (LET ME OUT!!!)#when i finish GA and BB i do plan on rereading robin 2021. as a treat to myself#it's a run I've really warmed up to as time went on#I'm keeping up w/ the current b&r run even though it is. admittedly very slow w/ some weird dialogue#i read it for the damian content more than anything. also nikas back so that's neat :]#idk I have a feeling that after absolute power shakes out we might get some more creative team switch ups#so if anyone at dc is interested in taking over the reigns on b&r...that could be very neat#mine
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
playing around w slightly different hair renders
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#yuuji#megumi#cries megumi fought tooth n nail..... i refused 2 flip the canvas tho >:(#i vastly prefer drawing him facing right bc fr some reason it makes his hair look better silhouette-wise#so having him face left is alr a Challenge#but also having him slightly look down (difficult angle + changes the silhouette) had me bashing my head in2 th TABLE#same thing happened earlier this month w gardening megu middle pose . i did not learn my lesson#but even worse w this one yuuji's head is blocking th main pointy part tht basically carries the entirety of the shape language#u can imagine my distress i am sure#anyway th render made me a lot happier with it thank god. colours hard carry bless <3333#i didn't plan on making it a full sheet but i needed 2 remind myself that im good at drawing megumi#so i threw in solos of each of them n tried slightly different render flavours#idk how Different all of them look visually but th process fr each ws Very different so i am satisfied#fight aside this ws useful i think! got 2 break out some Clunkier chalks n dust off a few of my smoother blended brushes#think i picked up some things i can keep also !! which ws. u kno. the Goal#tbh every time i do art studies i feel like i am kirby#one time i got called an art ditto by one of my fav artist mutuals when i did a style challenge#SUCH high praise from her it lives in my mind i take it out on days when i feel like trash#it doesnt Sound good when u say u r good at copying but real talk it is such a good skill i am very happy 2 have it in my arsenal
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
the wall between us
redraw of this illustration series i made back in 2019. i'd say i've improved lol.
#ml#lovesquare#ladrien#adrienette#ladynoir#marichat#redraw#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#adrien agreste#chat noir#ladybug#marienette dupain cheng#mine#my art#my fanart#my ml fanart#mozzydraws#one of the biggest ways i've grown as an artist since i made the original post five years ago is with backgrounds#now just the quality of the bgs (tho that's obvs also important haha)#but honestly just the fact that i DO bgs like. at all#that was a huge huuuuuge chasm for me to bridge for myself#i lacked knowledge about creating backgrounds yeah#but i think the biggest thing was confidence!#now when i do bgs i go into the piece with a fierce determination#and with the desire to grow and improve with each illustration#so i feel so much more confident calling myself a character ILLUSTRATOR now#because i can put my characters into believable environments#that enhance the audience's experience/emotional connection to the piece#long ramble sorry lol
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
"it must be the caffiene."
"...? we didn't have anything caffinated?"
//
CHILAIOS WEEK DAY 2 : Changeling
HI THIS IS SUPER LATE BUT ART HAS BEEN. HARD. AND YES I SKIPPED ONE DAY THAT ONE IS GONNA GO LAST BECAUSE ITS TAKING SO LONG TO MAKE.... ill get to the others when i find the time.
Bonus :
#its been soooo long since ive made a finished artwork... or at least it FEELS like so long#i just keep starting new things and dropping them that i cant remember the last time i did something finished even if its recent#anyways. deadlines always make me stressed so i had to give myself/get 5093839 peptalks to finish this#ANYWAYS ANYWAYS.#look at these disasters#the 'half-foots can hear heartbeats' headcanon is one of my favourites of all time#i think about it alot....#also by the way. yes they imagine themselves here as normal but with the other's clothes.#i dont know how to explain my thoughts on it so just take it as you will#GRRGHHKKK IM OBSSESSED WITH THEM#chilaios week#chilaios#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#laios#laios touden#aaaand im not tagging anything else out of embarassment
833 notes
·
View notes
Text
PANIC! PANIC! PANIC!
#zoeposting#scrapbook#collage#collage art#technology#made for a zine using the theme rat race#maybe I will post the zine. if I feel like doxxing myself.#*LINK TO THE ZINE. it was a group thing#though long timers already know where I live#bottom left is not fair use oops credits to#Robert crumb’s zap ……#I need to edit and replace that bit
530 notes
·
View notes
Text
#spiderman#deadpool#spideypool#comic#I did this for a class#an ENGLISH class#but we're learning about comics as literature and for the most recent paper we had an option to make a comic#and the main theme we're studying this semester is power so i made this#anyway I forgot how goddamn hard these two are to draw#I hate how complicated their costumes are like its so unnecessary#but I also think this is the most accurately I've drawn them#and they looked consistent through this whole thing#so I'm really proud of myself#and yes this is gay but i'm imagining that in this scene they don't realize they have feelings for each other yet hee hee#some of these were fuckin hard angles too what was i doing to myself!!! this was hard af!!! wtf!!!#and to be honest i drew all of this yesterday and today!!! that was so much drawing!!! og my god!!!#but it was fun he he#except i will always hate the webs on spideys costume. hell world#they have to look such a specific way and it is not easy#enough rambling. enjoy#also sorry im reuploading this because i had accidentally colored in one of spideys speech bubbles as yellow
924 notes
·
View notes
Text
wanted to make a render to get back into the hang of things
#no sim in it because i really didn't want to open the game 😭#i recorded myself making this and made a speed render#but i've gotten an error all 3 times i've tried to upload it so when i figure that out i'll post it in a reblog#but it's 2am and i'm wrecked lol#anyways hi its been a month#sorry i've been so absent#having one of those weeks where the smallest things either have me in tears or a fit of rage#and these kind of weeks have been coming consecutively since like.. march 💀#feel like shit but nothing to do besides get over it and move on#here's hoping it passes 🤞#goodnight friends#edits
464 notes
·
View notes
Text
IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder
╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher
#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies#(more thoughts at the end of the tags)#shameless#shamelessnet#shamelessedit#ian gallagher#cameron monaghan#*macygifs#bipolar disorder#hello pals how are we doin#i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags#and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes)#i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation#that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day#world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder#which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life#while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life#and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines#over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful#i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended#hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles#world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder#and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized)#it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all#it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen#so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can.#we are worth it#i promise#anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder#go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives
774 notes
·
View notes
Note
You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.
-Shrimp Anon
The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.
Get ready cause this is a yap session:
Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.
I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.
The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.
This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.
Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...
These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.
I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.
Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.
It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.
I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.
It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.
There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.
End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.
#i also think it is because mouthwashing is first and foremost a game about rape culture and the patriarchy especially in work spaces#regarding women and centering conversation around Curly a man rubs people wrong because it does overshadow that commentary#but it still mixes other topics into its initial theming and message on how abuse conditions you to accept certain things that are harmful#and how getting used to a culture/enviornment does not mean you are happy healthy or most importantly safe in it. I personally like to#explore those aspects where it mixes all the themes so we can discuss the ways you have to watch out for things because there is a differen#in the idea Curly enabled Jimmy just because they were bros and because he was an example of another man afraid to step out from what#is a still oppressive system that does try to punish those who act against it even if they fall in the category of those who would benefit#from it as Jimmy and PE 100% represent that sort of misogynistic system where men that would be “good” are altered until they follow line#in a way both on the personal and professional level as PE is the corporate lock out and Jimmy represents the social and its just the issue#that the discussion of it sounds like “in defense of men” when I am more so trying to discuss how it is much deeper than men being scared t#upset other men but complacency is rewarded by not becoming another person subjugated hence as all the moments Curly does try to do#something we can tie it back to how Jimmy reacts and a possible penality from PE where we now need to address the ways to combat those#two concepts so we dont get cases like Curly or Daisuke or Swansea where male avoidance of the issue is considered neutral or even good.#i think most of this boils down the perfect victim mentality to where if someone who underwent or is being abused is not a perfect example#or accpetible type than their abuse can not be considered a valid or substantial reason for effects on their behavior compounded with the#fact that Anya's abuse at the hands of Jimmy is a systematic issue that Curly is a part of even if unwillingly and was more physically#violating and topical cause sometimes i have to remind myself that all media is still critiqued through the lens of the culture it came out#in cause i do think about what if this game came out inlike 2014 like the conversations would be sooooooo different could you imagine it?#but back the before statement Curly isn't perfect but I feel like boiling it down if hes a good person or man is not the point of the game#but more so good people can still be part of the problem and the idea of condemning a person for one act creates a false sense of#rightouesness and justice that does not aid the victim and in fact aids the abusers in escaping blame for their mulitple behaviors as we se#how the men on the ship tend to blame Jimmy for just one act against them including himself while there is a plethora of things Anya is#concerned about with Jimmy#and its not that Curly just made one mistake with Jimmy but more so we consider his actions more damning because he didn't stop Jimmy#instead of focusing on the fact Jimmy did what he did regardless of Curly and the consequence because we already know he's bad n maladjuste#which is problem in the conversation where the individuals are blamed but the system and perputrator are overlooked in a sense of acceptiab#complacency as we know how they are and the lack of tangibility to personally affect them on a larger scale like I should just make a post#on like cutting out the face when it comes it confronting systems of oppression rather than tag talking but just ask me to clarify if#you want that like im jus trying to say we avoid talking about Jimmy and PE so much cause it is obvious what they do wrong that we make#the initial and inherent problem out to be one aspect someone in this case Curly does and the the constraints they use to force actions
241 notes
·
View notes
Text
uh oh
#art#obey me#obey me raphael#jtta ik#forcing myself to have a go at shading things. if i never try i will never get better!!!!!!!#mind if i brain dump real quick bc i've been thinking lately about how i refer to myself as a writer but never an artist#whenever i mention it i always say 'i draw stuff' or 'illustrate' instead#it's not like i feel particularly inferior about how i draw bc of course! i haven't gotten around to even touching an art course!!#but to me 'artist' encapsulates a sort of abstract skill and i always feel like i draw much more objectively#it is just The Thing That I Am Depicting and that's prob why i have such trouble with shading and any non-literal colouring#the best thing i've made so far is that one satan thing and i have yet to remember how i managed that#anyway i've been trying some new stuff out!! slowly but surely#that's all mostly stuff i'll keep to myself though#anyway if you actually read through all that Thank you i love you
656 notes
·
View notes
Text
One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
224 notes
·
View notes
Note
It's summer for you, winter for me. Warm me up with strawberry fluff! As always, my muse, your muse, the one and only, Eddie.
Midsummer's night, because I don't have a lot to inspire you with. I'm thinking something cute but weird? Maybe some human body softness where Eddie is a bit of a freak and we love him for it. And we're told our bodies are lovely, even when they're doing weird shit.
I lalalove youuuuu. xo Rhi
RHI!!!! <3 i adore you. thank you for this prompt - i had far too many ideas for it, but ended up on settling for this one, which coincidentally feels like the most subtle of them all? either way, it definitely turned out being the softest. give me an eddie munson who just wants to sniff me like a dog. this definitely got a bit long but i hope you enjoy, my dear <3
the smell of you
warnings: weirdos in love? idk. i have a skewed sense of what is actually weird i think. mentions of death and coffins jokingly. eddie 'manhandles' reader sort of. not edited.
wc: 2.2k+
come enjoy a sweet summer treat with me <3
“Eddie?”
The entire apartment is quiet – too quiet – as you drop your keys into the old crystal bowl on the counter. The clink resonates through the air, louder than the soft murmur of the stereo static you can hear from down the hall.
“You dead?” you call out again, slipping off your running shoes and tossing down your headphones onto the counter as well now, “Do I need to call the coroner?”
Your tone is lilted, teasing with airiness as you continue to wander deeper into the apartment and head straight for the room you know Eddie has to be in. Like the waves pulled by the moon, there’s an incessant string tied around one end of your soul that connects you to his, and you follow it all the way down the hallway. The bedroom door is wide open, and you can hear his mumbled yell of a response without clarity before you even cross the threshold.
You wouldn’t have even needed him to verbally respond to find him in this tiny apartment. You two could get separated on the streets of a bustling city, of a buzzing New York sidewalk, and you still wouldn’t properly lose him. It’s more than just soul ties and his gravity that keeps you pulled to him.
Something unspoken. Something homely.
“Sorry, what was that?” you hum as you spy him face-down in the bed, pillow muting him by the mouthful, “Say it one more time, and this time not into the pillow.”
When he finally properly turns over, he’s a vision. Sleep lines folded into his skin and a bit of drool in the corner of his mouth, eyes squinting in irritation not at you but the sunlight flooding in through the bedroom window. Messy hair, messy shirt, messy everything. A kind of mess you just want to collapse into currently, curling up in all that he is from the day’s exhaustion.
He’d mentioned wanting to take a nap before you’d left for the gym. Something about the summer heat draining him, trailing off as he’d rambled about how he’d probably thrive as a vampire.
“I said,” he huffs, sitting up, the frizz of his hair becoming a makeshift halo, “If you call the coroner, request the comfiest coffin possible.”
“Why do you need a comfy coffin if you’re already dead?”
“You dare deny me of being buried in tempurpedic memory foam? In my hour of need?”
You roll your eyes as you huff out a little laugh, forcing yourself to turn away from him long enough to strip out of your socks. But just as you reach down for the pieces of clothing, you catch sight of the source of that stereo static flooding the room.
Your shared record player, spinning a blood red pressing of one of your more recent vinyl purchases. The album has been played through, but the player no longer had an automatic stop mechanism, probably from years of use.
The center of the record is probably scratched, and Eddie knows it, from how sheepish he looks when you glance over your shoulder at him.
“Speaking of death,” you walk over quickly, purposefully, before carefully lifting the needle and cutting the static finally, “Care to explain why you’re burning scratches into my Momento Mori vinyl?”
“I’m sorry,” he quickly apologizes, nearly flinging himself off the bed as he scooches quickly to the end, clearly fully awake now, “I put it on and thought I’d just lay down for a quick second, but then the bed was so comfy, and I thought it wouldn’t hurt to take a quick nap, and then…” he trails off, looking up at you through his lashes with big eyes already pleading for forgiveness, “I’ll buy you a new one. Swear it.”
It’s impossible to be mad at him when he’s looking like this, inhumanely soft and easily forgiven, “You’re lucky you’re cute, or you really would be dead.”
He doesn’t respond with words, but instead the outstretch of his hands, fingers flexing as he beckons to you. The needle rests on its perch, the vinyl left behind to gather dust for a few extra moments, as you go straight to him.
When his palms slip beneath your old t-shirt and meet your skin, they’re pleasantly warm.
“You were right,” you admit as his knees spread, delegating even more room for you to stand in front of him as your hand wanders to cradle the side of his face, fingers tangling in sweaty curls from his rest. Your thumb mimics his on your own skin instinctively, tracing a large arch right up over his cheekbone, “It’s hot as balls outside.”
“Told you so,” he murmurs, smiling softly in satisfaction as he leans lazily into your touch.
“You did,” you agree quietly, half-entranced by his relaxed face, no sight of pride in the room currently.
He resembles a cat as he continues to preen under your gentle hand, and you almost expect him to start purring right before you find the strength to pull away, removing his hands from where they'd wandered to your lower back.
One swipe of his finger along your sweaty spine, and you’d remembered what your original intentions had been immediately upon getting home.
“Wai- Where are you going?” he’s seemingly brought back down to Earth the moment he loses the pattern your thumb had been tracing, the press of your fingertips into his scalp. When he reaches back out to latch onto you again, you take a step back, “Get back here-”
“I need to shower,” you laugh, shaking your head and smacking his hands away as he continues to barter, “I’m all sweaty and smelly, let me go clean up and then we can nap togeth-”
“You can shower after we nap,” he nearly whines, finally catching your shirt between his fingers and tugging, uncaring for if he stretches the fabric. A small price to pay to have you close to him, “C’mon, sweetheart. I know you’re just as exhausted as I am.”
You swear you meant to take another step backwards, but somehow, you end up back between his knees, “Did you not hear me, Munson? I stink.”
“Good.”
He doesn’t give you any time to react – in an instant, he’s throwing his face forward, burying it against your stomach as you let out a gasp and immediately try to pry him away with far too gentle of hands in his hair.
“Eddie!”
If it were anyone else, you’d probably be mortified. But Eddie just takes a dramatic deep breath in, nose buried just shy of your belly button, and when his shoulders start to shake with muted laughter, you can’t stop the smile from breaking. Your fingers are still twisted in his hair, still pulling back in an attempt to get him away from you, but he’s resilient.
And all your faux resistance is weak in comparison. Soon enough, you’re back to melting into him.
Only once you’re relaxed once more, no sign of trying to pull away again any time soon as his hands once more evade the space beneath your shirt to wander up and down your sticky skin without a care in the world, does he lift his face away from you long enough to breathe and speak, “I’ll have you know – I love your stink.”
“Shut up.”
“I’m serious.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“I’m your idiot.”
The game of banter is cut short when he goes back to pressing his nose into your clothes that surely can’t smell good. No amount of deodorant or perfume could erase that underlying stench of sweat. Hell, the shirt is still a bit moist from it all: from the walk to the gym, from your workout itself, from the walk home. It’d been through the ringer, and you’re back to tugging him away from you.
“I refuse to believe you like how gross I smell right now,” you reinforce, eyes darting towards the bathroom connected to your master bedroom, “I promise I’ll be quick with the shower.”
“Baby,” he fights back, wrapping his arms around you securely, no intention of losing this battle, “You remember that time we went to the fair, and you were complaining about how you were sweating, so I tried to lick your face?”
Your nose scrunches quickly at the memory, “I do, unfortunately.”
“You really think I’d be willing to lick the sweat off your body but be afraid of you smelling a little bad while we cuddle?” his shoulders drop as he looks up at you, head tilted, almost as if amused with the conversation, “What kind of man do you take me for?”
“The kind that gets off on annoying me.”
His jaw drops, putting on a fake look of offense before he dramatically throws himself back onto the bed, laying flat as he makes a fist to mimic stabbing his chest, “You wound me.”
You’ve heard those words a thousand times in a hundred different ridiculous voices. You’ve seen this scene enough to have it mesmerized at this point, down to the over-exaggerated pout of his lips and the lingering of the fist against his sternum.
You never grow tired of it. You never will.
“Need me to kiss it better?” you joke as you prop a knee up on the bed, following the same script as always.
And he hits his queue perfectly when he lifts his head eagerly at the expected response, wiggling his brows a bit. “Absolutely. Doctor’s orders, in fact.”
“Great,” you see an opportunity, and take it, “I’ll get right to it, after my showe-”
You don’t even get the final syllable of the word off your tongue before he’s clenching his thighs around your own, knees pressing hard before he wraps his legs the rest of the way around your waist to pull you in. A squeak of surprise leaves your lips as you begin to fall forward, but Eddie is quick to break the fall with ease. Catching you with his eager hands, maneuvering for you to half drop to the mattress while some of you still lands atop of him.
He has you right where he wants you, turning his head to be face to face with you, noses nearly brushing, “Unfortunately, the doc said you have to kiss it better now, or else you’ll be comfy coffin shopping.”
“A fatal wound?” you gasp, nearly mocking him. It doesn’t offend him – if anything, his boyish grin only grows wider, “First, I’m smelly-”
“Again, I like when you’re smelly.”
“-And then I inflict a fatal wound upon my lover? Oh, how dare I.”
Slowly, all your insecurity of how you currently smell is simply fading. The entire ordeal has become an art of childlike, whimsical jokes – and Eddie is an artist. A professional at the dance, locked and loaded with his incomparable skill set equipped for disarming you this way. The ability to make someone feel loved, imperfections and weirdness aside.
He likes you, even when you claim you don’t smell your best. And you like him, even when his hair is tangled beyond recognition and one of his socks is half-hanging off his foot from a nap.
You like him when he’s embarrassing you in public, tongue chasing after you with the threat of licking your sweat away, and he likes you when all you can do in response is a weak palm to his chest (that isn’t even making an effort to push him away) as you giggle relentlessly.
You like each other on the good days, the bad days, the weird days.
Disarmed entirely, you don’t even notice when his face conveniently slots itself far too close to your armpit as you two scooch further up into the bed. You’re more occupied with the way your legs tangle up, toeing each other’s socks off properly as he slings a heavy arm across your torso.
“We’re gonna have to wash the sheets,” you mumble, exhaustion catching up as the two of you finally settle.
He hums absentmindedly, nuzzling into your skin a bit further as he makes himself comfortable. “And wash away your sweet, sweet stink? I don’t think so, sweetheart.”
“Oh, fuck off,” you laugh, unbothered as your fingers start to trail up and down his back over the t-shirt, smoothing out wrinkles along the way, “I’m serious. We need to change them soon anyways, I think I got crumbs in the bed the other night with those crackers.”
“Bury me in the crumbs of all your midnight snacks,” he almost slurs, clearly drifting back off.
You snort in response, relaxing and letting your own eyes shut. Matching all your deep breaths with his own, a million different last words crossing your mind to whisper to the boy you’re sure is once again asleep.
I love you.
I adore you.
I would like to spend the rest of my life with you, if you’ll have me.
And maybe some of those unspoken thoughts slip out without you realizing, because he squeezes you just a little bit tighter, presses his face just a little bit deeper into your skin as his scruff tickles you.
The only actual thought you can know for certain that you say, though, is, “Do you think they actually make coffins with memory foam inside?”
To your surprise, even despite the almost-snores that had been escaping him, he answers in a heartbeat.
“Oh, definitely. We’ll order two.”
#ghost's stories#summertime sweetness#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson fluff#stranger things#peep me making fun of myself in there about the way i constantly like to write him doing the whole mock stabbing himself thing#i just want to find me an eddie munson to be so comfortable with that afternoons like this would be a regular thing ya know#give me a man who likes my stink#a man who offers to order us matching tempurpedic coffins#i don't think that's how you spell that word if i'm being completely honest#it's canon in my head the two of you would go 'coffin shopping' just cause you both wanna know what it's like to lay in one#also in my process of brainstorming and writing this i realized i really do not understand the concept of being weird because#halfway through writing this#i questioned if it was even weird/weird enough?#this doesn't feel weird to me this just feels like the normal progression of getting comfortable in a relationship#it was this or eddie being unbothered by sounds of indigestion or however you spell it#ANYWAYS im rambling my bad <3#i hope i made you proud rhi!! <3
261 notes
·
View notes
Text
have a transparent Loop because I actually put efford into this one out of allllll the sprites I did today just because.
#fanart#my art#artists on tumblr#isat loop#loop#isat#in stars and time#isat fanart#I just CAN'T draw them without rendering everythingggg#also I literally took on myself to write a game (not like SUPER HARD one just a visual novel type) in just this night#because... well it was a class assignment but like it wasn't SPECIFICALLY told to do this#but I can draw and I can code basic things#so it was a match made in heaven and stuff#also it's like a pair project because I didn't do the writing on my own#coding and drawing yes tho#it was a cool challenge for myself and I feel how I grew#but god#i'm super tired#and I'm still not done with Loop sprites for this silly crossover thing
131 notes
·
View notes
Text
pygmalion and galatea for aroace people
you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.
#fantasy high#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#riz gukgak#baron from the baronies#fh class quangle#class swap babeyy! bard!riz that's whats goin on!#I really need tags for these now I think lmao#ask to tag#I feel like this should be tagged something. but I dont know what#in my brain after the initial kidnapping class swap baron's thing is every time riz keeps his story abt them up in front of his friends#they get a little bit closer. they send him pictures of where they supposedly are n stuff#theres a scene in my brain only of kristen and riz on top of the van and kristen is like everything kinda sucks rn can u tell me abt baron#cause what you guys have is so nice and beautiful. and riz almost doesn't but he ultimately can't deny kristen a little peace#lmao I feel like dipping into baron stuff with the class swap is like showing my whole ass online again I just. I'm a#horror person before all else... I cant stop myself. canon baron is Great and Cool but that is kind of the thing. for a horror thing theyre#Too Cool. I think cool is kind of the neutralizer of scary. when a monster is a certain amount of cool it overrides the scary#and now u just have a Cool Monster#its so fucked for bard!riz this year bc he doesn't have an office (he's mooching off the school wifi from the AV club room lol)#so there's no buffer between adventure and home life. so baron just shows up in the strongtower apartment lmao#sophomore year bard!riz looks like a slasher protag so I just leaned into it I guess. he gets a mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon kennedy#well. its worse actually. they can show up where he is at any moment theyve proven this. but they dont#they choose to punish him slowly as he lies to his friends instead. baron is mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon and also a bitch#I think its gonna pop up if class swap baron ever speaks in a comic I do but their voice comes from like. inside their hollow face#it sounds like it's a lot deeper in there than that skull should be#tbh what I have rn is kinda like a bag of loose pieces that Can fit together into something great but I dont have the energy to#really sit down with them yet lol. Im doing this inbetween other things#it comes or it doesn't! it's fine. funny how today's bad comic day also. I wont say this is for bad comic day bc all my comics are#flawless and beautiful and perfect and awesome and beautiful and the best#but u should. if u havent drawn a comic today or at all ever u should draw a comic
289 notes
·
View notes