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remimibanana · 10 months ago

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A bit about Shattered!

I wrote a story about Robin and Sunday!

It's about what may have happened during their past, their present and what the reality during and after the never ending dream held for them.

You can find it here!

I wanted to write a bit about my thought process behind writing this, since I have a lot to say and it might interest some people! I also didn’t want to make my notes section way too long and make it hard to leave a comment or kudos.

All under the cut!

Conception

I started writing this story after 2.2 released, but I didn’t finish it until now. It took me so long but it’s finally here! 30k wasn't the amount I expecting but I am all for it.

It originally was meant to be a love letter to 2.2, but it soon became a love letter to Penacony as a whole since there’s spoilers for everything. I had to rewatch the quests often to make sure I didn’t mess up the lore.

I remember I spent a whole day on the 2.2 quest, a Thursday where I sat down on my phone reading through the dialogue and playing the game while wondering when it was going to actually end at one point.

It was way longer than I expected, but I cried by the end of it all while pacing around the kitchen like a crazy person. Seeing Robin jump for Sunday as he fell, I couldn’t help but tear up. It made me love Robin and Sunday way more than I did before!

It was an incredible quest. It was worth all the hours I poured into it, thanking everything that no one was home when I let out noises and screams like a maniac in the kitchen out of all places. I'm a very expressive person.

I also jumped like a maniac when Acheron said Mei, or Yayi since I play with the CN dub! I love Honkai Impact 3rd a lot, if you didn’t know. I mean, everyone knew beforehand but it felt super validating for it to be explicitly said.

I knew immediately that I had to write something for this wonderful story. I’m always inspired to write after a quest, especially one like this. Shaoji cooked with Penacony and he needs to come back and write more for Star Rail.

I had to write Robin and Sunday, because there was so much I could write regarding these two doomed siblings. I did alternating point of views with both of them, as I wanted to tell both their stories.

I also knew that I wanted angst to the max, especially after hearing what the heck Robin went through and the fact that the game barely touched on anything in her point of view. This is the same case with Sunday.

I’m sorry for the pain I have inflicted on you all! I will write a happy story at some point, I promise you. Then again, I've said this before and I still manage to write angst…

There wasn’t much planning for this, aside from a few things from the quest that I wanted to write into it and use…and yet it looks like I’ve meticulously planned it all out doesn’t it?

I amaze myself sometimes. I quite literally surprised myself actually at times, I made stuff connect and I didn’t mean to really. Is this what they call being a genius?

Let’s take it from the top!

The Past

The first thing I knew I wanted to write was how Robin was shot in the neck.

That sounds terrible, damn. I don’t know how else to word it, I’m sorry!

It was mentioned by Sunday so briefly, and then never brought up again by anyone which is insane to me like what do you mean that Robin was shot in the neck in a war she went into?!

We got to see how he was informed by the Dreammaster about it after showing Robin’s letter and how he was going to pack his bags immediately for Kasbelina-VIII but that was honestly it. This gave me the perfect base to write my rendition of how it all happened.

I structured this part by writing out two letters, the one that Robin sent to Sunday and one that Sunday would have written back if he received it first. I then wrote the actual happenings underneath each paragraph that contradict the letters.

My goal was to make this as interesting as I could since it’s the first thing you read in my story. I needed to hook you all in, and keep you wanting to read on until the end.

There is a lot of story building here, describing the conditions of Kasbelina-VIII and some of the messed up stuff that is happening there. It’s rather realistic, because I wanted it to be. If I was going to talk about a war, I would do so properly without downplaying anything.

I first found it strange that Sunday didn’t know about the war at all. I figured, wouldn’t a war be at least broadcasted by the largest government body, the IPC themselves?

That’s when the idea that the IPC was intentionally covering it all up came to me. It seemed like the most logical explanation, and a very interesting one that I could build upon.

Despite Robin’s letter being in her point of view, we see another being shown. The soldiers who she was staying with this whole time, their thoughts regarding the war and Robin herself.

I had to make a reason as to why she would be shot, because she had to be right in the middle of the battlefield for that to happen. If the IPC was covering everything up, they would also stop supporting the poor planet.

These poor soldiers she’s staying with had no new supplies delivered to for weeks, and yet they still gave what they had left to her, showing that there is still kindness in such a horrific situation.

Based of what I could see, Robin wouldn’t let them suffer like this when she learnt about the supply issue by what I assume was on accident generally. I wanted to give the soldiers some character, so I made them lie to her for her sake about how long they didn’t have supplies for.

We have a lot of lying mentioned in this story, since it’s the main premise for both Sunday and Robin. They both lied to each other for the other’s sake, thinking that it was the right thing to do. Lies after lies pile up, and we see what happened when they all came falling down.

I've never been shot before (god forbid) but I tried to imagine how it might have felt for Robin, the way it would make her feel. It did hurt to write this part, the way she still tried to deliver those supplies...the way she belittled herself for lying...

I wanted to make you all suffer, pretty much. That also sounds terrible.

Now, we go into Xipe and THEIR role. The Dreammaster mentioned how Harmony had blessed her by missing her vital arteries, so I made THEM interfere despite the fact THEY usually only observe and watch everything unfold.

THEY said that the bullet was not meant to hit her, but it still did for some reason that eluded them. This was such a major foreshadowing point that doesn't make much sense until later on, I am such a genius for this!

The same case when it is mentioned that someone could try to calculate their reasonings by forsaking their humanity, I was intentionally foreshadowing what Sunday does later on when he tried to.

You seriously would think I planned all this but it sort of came out this way.

Sunday's letter on the other hand, is much more of a character study of himself if anything. I wanted to explore how he would feel about all this, the way he would handle such a situation of his beloved sister being shot.

We know that Sunday uses puppets, but it's never stated why or how he had them in the first place. We can also see how he can manipulate them, making them act out scenes and characters during the time when we are stuck running through those Memory Zones before his boss fight, which I took and built upon the idea.

Sunday is a very complex character, so I made him a little mentally unstable when concerning his sister. The way he lashed out at his puppets, destroying them all over and over while making up scenarios of her shooting in order to cope. He even thinks that a puppet is Robin for a second.

If this is out of character or not, I don’t know. I wanted to give him more character than we see in the actual story, and naturally my thoughts went to this. It is mentioned how much he loves Robin (as a sister obviously), and so I wanted to see how far he would go for his only family left.

I took the concept of Harmony and expanded on it. We can see that Harmony can alter the mind's state, so why not make it so they can control others by altering their thoughts? I often like adding additional powers for the plot that still make sense in the realm of the game.

For Robin, it was mostly subconsciously done. For Sunday, he does it intentionally for his own reasons. Both use Harmony to alter minds without asking if the intended victim wanted it, making them both in the wrong.

We have these whispers present, the choir above that Sunday can hear because of how attuned he is to Harmony, alongside Robin that he rejects often. I don't think this is a thing in game, but I thought it would make everything so much more intriguing!

His distrust in Harmony grows and the rejection started from the first seed of doubt planted by Mr Gopher Wood. I imagine that his manipulation started young, slowly introducing the disharmony into Sunday's ideals.

This whole section quite literally foreshadows the rest of the story, it's great.

The Present

The major part of this story is when Robin is in Sunday's consciousness.

We have no idea what happened to her there, only that they were “put” to sleep. In Ena’s Dream, apparently it is called Tuning that she went through alongside Welt Yang by Sunday, who mentioned that nothing too bad happened to him there.

Then again, apparently it was Jing Yuan who saved Welt from Sunday’s subconscious???? I don’t really know how that works but point is, I had a lot of playing ground for what happens to Robin in there.

Here, we are introduced to the idea of Memory Zones (every time I read this, I think of Mystery Zones from Pokémon Diamond/Pearl/Platinum), areas of Sunday’s subconscious that he made to house his manifestations.

The first zone that Robin enters is incomplete. I imagine that Sunday never prepared for the possibility that Robin would ever enter his mind, so she was thrown into a zone that was quickly conjured up to keep her.

Since Robin too is attuned to Harmony, she can affect the Memory Zone to an extent. The colours you see on the ground is from her own power, as you can tell by the fact it originally came from her every single time it is mentioned.

As to why this is happening, I think it’s more of a subconscious thing once again. Robin doesn’t truly mean to use Harmony here while stuck in a random zone.

She can also hear the whispers, although they are trying to help her unlike Sunday’s ones. This is clearly a major foreshadowing point that you realise later on that these aren’t the same whispers.

We see the Charmony Dove from their childhood flying around and giving Robin a bit of trouble. This was definitely Sunday’s doing, who finally decided what he would do with her.

I wanted Robin to sing here because I thought that it was the best way to calm down the little bird, and symbolize how important her singing is to her and the world around her.

As she keeps saying, it’s the only thing she is good for at the end.

It was Sunday who made the bird fly away like a puppet with feathers, and Robin ran after it. I feel like she’s very selfless, to the point that she would run into a trap knowingly.

A zone just for her.

I knew I wanted to use that story with the Charmony Dove since it’s pretty prominent in 2.2. The Memory Zone she runs into is a replica of the bedroom the siblings stayed in, with the Charmony Dove now in the cage they kept it in.

This bird isn’t the same one as before as you can tell, since this whole zone is Sunday’s memory of how he released the small bird to its death. Robin helps it to fly, but it only shattered its wings when it fell as Sunday explained.

That’s when she learnt that this was all her fault, and we learn why that bullet that wasn’t meant to hit her did back then.

It was karma. They do say that karma’s a bitch, and for Robin, it took form with that bullet. It sounds like I’m quoting Jojo Siwa but I’m not, I swear ;;

Point is, I AM A GENIUS FOR THIS.

I didn’t intent for it but I wrote down that sentence “Perhaps, Robin was shot in the neck because of what she did” and my brain connected the dots immediately with what I wrote with Xipe earlier.

Sunday finally makes an appearance in person. This whole sequence is interesting because we have him hurting Robin, as if she was one of his puppets. I intentionally made it this strange, with Sunday mentioning after that the zone fell out of his control later on.

I described how his arms were out like an overseer, that’s a very obvious reference to Otto Apocalypse from Honkai Impact 3rd.

The lullaby part is from 2.3, where Robin mentioned how Sunday used to sing a lullaby to her when she was restless at night. I thought it would the perfect final blow.

It isn’t Robin in that zone. But it is at the same time. It’s interesting, isn’t it? Would it be too farfetched to say that it was Robin's consciousness who transferred into that puppet? Who knows.

Robin “wakes up” from that Memory Zone, completely nauseous and disoriented from the sheer amount of Harmony, or Order she was subjected to. We saw this with that doctor earlier with only a small amount of it used.

It was too much for her to handle. It was only when Sunday appears again to cut through it all, does she snap out of it out of his sheer grace. What a kind person he is.

We learn that Robin is in a cage. This is the same cage we see in her splash art! I like to try to integrate them into my stories, like I did for one of my previous stories with Black Swan’s one!

The two siblings share a conversation that doesn’t end well, with him leaving her. It was the only logical outcome for our doomed siblings here. I feel bad for them.

The cage breaking and Robin singing is also based on her splash art, as I needed a way for her to escape the cage that made sense to her and the story. I think it signifies how important her singing is to her and how Harmony interacts when she does.

We see Robin running around all the various Memory Zones Sunday has, noting how there are many puppets in them. I was alluding to when we go through those Memory Zones in the Grand Theater where Sunday tells us some stories using his puppets.

In one of them…we find her companion that was forced to sleep alongside her.

WELT YANG IS HERE.

I just wanted to write him since he is one of my favourite characters and I had my chance to finally in a story!

You can probably tell how much I enjoyed writing him based on how long his part is. If you have played Honkai Impact 3rd, or know Welt’s backstory, this is my little treat for you. If Hoyo won't make him do things, I WILL.

I made Welt finally use his powers. He’s the Herrscher of Reason, he has the freaking Star of Eden (the 9th Divine Key itself), AND HE BARELY DOES ANYTHING PLEASE DO SOMETHING I WANT TO SEE—

Ahem.

Making a bench is child’s play for Welt. I thought it would be kind of funny if he did.

Welt is more childish here since he wanted to cheer Robin up, who looked clearly sad. I think he probably used to do something similar with his adoptive son Joey when he was upset. He couldn't help but do so for his companion.

The idea for him making himself have wings like hers is from this one comic I saw on Twitter that lives rent free in my mind. I thought it would be a great way to cheer her up while also using his power more!

(It took me so long to find this, it wasn't funny how much I scrolled)

His wings smack right onto his face rather comedically and I took that from the official emojis where you can see Robin hiding her face. I imagine that younger Halovians struggle with their wings moving around and his wings are practically akin to newborn ones.

The power of Reason.

This is where I had to make things painful. Welt talks about his experience, the memory that Sunday chose to use against him. I was thinking about what would be the best memory, and of course I went for the jugular for that pain factor.

This is where Welt Joyce, the former Herrscher of Reason died in the city he was protecting. This was where Joachim Nokianvirtanen, who we now know as Welt Yang received the Core of Reason, the name Welt and a mission from Welt Joyce, before passing away.

It’s a very important memory to Welt, and one I would see Sunday exploiting. Only those who know of Welt Yang’s story would know that the man he mentioned was Welt Joyce since I intentionally didn't mention his name.

For Welt recreating half of the town, I was spitballing about the energy part. I don’t know if Memoria would be a good substitute for Honkai energy but I’m just rolling with it. Don't quote me on that.

The main role of Welt here is to reassure Robin, give her the will and inspiration to keep going despite everything. She even tells him all about her experiences, a connection between the two already facilitated by simple communication.

I feel like Welt is such a father figure. If only we all had him in our lives.

Reality

Sunday has now merged with Dominicus and has fallen to those whispers above, as the never ending dream is taking form.

The Dreammaster, Mr Gopher Wood himself makes an appearance as his former form. In 2.2, all his ravens die and he is never seen again, making it pretty clear that he's dead. However, I assume that he joined the Dreamscape and is now an entity that can oversee everything.

Dead only physically, as you will.

The Embryo of Philosophy is named by the Dreammaster here, since I was wondering how Sunday was named that during his boss fight, although it could have been from the whispers THEMSELVES. I also made Mr Gopher Wood show his true colours, to show that manipulative side.

There was a reason for this. He didn't want his son to start rebelling or second guessing his choice, so he used Robin as a way to keep him ensnared in his deception. Evil, isn't he?

I honestly think that Sunday knew that he would ascend to Aeonhood, as smart as he is. At least, he would have had an inkling of Gopher Wood’s true intentions.

Those whispers were Ena this whole time inside of Xipe as we learn. If Xipe absorbed Ena, wouldn’t Ena still be there? I think Mr Gopher Wood and Ena were in cahoots, scheming together. Perhaps even more than that (gets hit).

How…how dare he?

How dare he glimpse Heaven’s will? How dare he change people’s fate?

How dare he decide the life and death of other beings?

How dare he represent the will of all beings? How dare he control the greatest secrets and riches of the world itself?

How dare he…hold the fate of the entire world in his hands?

These lines are from HI3, particularly from Chapter 3 of Part 2 but slightly edited. This is what Baiji thinks of his actions to save everyone, and I feel like it also applies to Sunday.

We have many HI3 references here. I couldn’t help myself.

We now go back to Robin's point of view. This is after she awakens from Ena’s dream.

I don’t know if any other people woke up aside from the Astral Express + Acheron, Boothill and Black Swan, but for plots sake, there was. Just some random people we don’t care about.

We have Acheron! I wanted to write her since she played a huge part in Penacony and it would be a shame not to after I read this:

The bloody sacrifice becomes the sweet dreamland. The real world will lose meaning for them, while the eternal dream will become their only reality. They will no longer think with time. Their dreams will be connected, which will create a true miracle that transcends finality.

This is also a treat for the HI3 players. The words here are the words that Raven tells Mei before Project Stigma takes place. I was playing through that chapter at one point and thought that the words fit perfectly for this story.

I rewrote Acheron’s part because I disliked what I had initially. I was writing about Finality and how it was the same as transcending Order but it didn’t fit well so I changed it. I wanted to say how Finality governs time and how it can change reality if you had the authority...but perhaps another time.

As we know, Acheron was the only survivor who defeated End, referring to Kevin Kaslana all by herself without her companions unlike in HI3. I had to mention this and highlight the difference between their cases.

She doesn't show up again in the story, but she also impacts Robin in a way.

Miss Firefly takes the stage!

We have a bit of Robifly because I do ship them and I couldn’t help myself when I had a chance to write an interaction between Robin and Firefly. I wanted something a bit more lighthearted to break between all the angst and pain.

I saw how Firefly mentioned that she can't dream, and so I just wanted Robin to tell her otherwise to cheer her up. She’s following Welt’s lead, being that kind and inspirational person!

I’m sorry for making you the third wheel…

Speaking of him, we have Welt again appear! I couldn’t help myself, I just wanted to write more of him and I felt like Robin would try to seek him out first.

Did you know that it was called a Dream Pool, that bed in the Reverie? I had to rewatch 2.0’s quest because I didn’t remember the name for the life of me.

This time, we have Welt suffering yet again…I'm sorry that I only write you like this. He mentions in 2.3 that he dreamt about returning to his homeland and seeing all his old friends. This poor man, imagine waking up to find that it was all a lie.

The yelling mention was obviously a nod to Tesla who I would imagine yell at him for taking this long to return without a single word.

I hope Welt does get to connect with his homeland eventually, I want to see them or hear them!

We then go into the battle against Sunday! I purposely chose Sunday's point of view here, since we never receive it in the game.

I was rewatching the fight, and noted how sudden the switch from the question Sunday asked to mentioning how it was their final talk felt like it wasn’t him talking anymore, which I made the case here since we have my wonderful whispers.

We learn more about how Sunday felt during this, and what may have happened after their fall. Robin mentioned how she woke up by herself, which could only mean that Sunday left her there.

I think he genuinely was upset by the failure, but most of all…failing Robin. The feather falling down is a reference from how there were feathers flying around when Robin appeared and how the Trailblazer took it into their hands.

It clearly has the power of Harmony, and that’s what Sunday can feel when he holds it tightly. I imagine that he would keep that feather with him, as a reminder of what he lost.

The ending is based off 2.3, where we learn that Sunday is captured and will face trial. I didn’t go into much detail since we really don’t know much about how he was caught.

It won’t be the end.

It will be the end of all the suffering.

I will realise my dreams.

I will make my dreams come true.

I won’t fail again.

I will never fail.

The poison to Penacony still lingers.

I am a traitor.

These are Robin and Sunday's thoughts respectfully. As you can see, they are both the same fundamentally. That goes to show how they are both traitors in a way, aren't they?

We have a little ending about the siblings, alongside a story with a snake.

The snake is Miss Jade herself, where Robin went to her to make her greatest desire come true...to let Sunday go free. I wanted to reference the end of 2.3 where we see Jade talking to Sunday, how he was free but he refused her.

I repeated the words Acheron spoke for the very end to tie it all together. The perfect words to end a story filled with so much!

End

Thank you for reading all this! I’ve spent way too long on this story and I’m glad it’s finally out there for everyone to read!

I feel like in terms of storytelling, this is my best story so far! I'm proud of all the elements I was able to merge into this!

- Miku

#Robin #Sunday #robin hsr #sunday hsr #honkai star rail #honkai star rail fanfiction #I finished itttttttt #yayyyyy

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sofmoth · 1 month ago

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moth lore drop

thank you for the full pressure tag @strang3lov3 i’ll do my best because it’s been a long time and i have a terrible memory

LONG POST AHEAD BEWARE!!!

i first got into the idea of fandom around 2010 after reading every available maximum ride book (my fourth grade teacher read us the first one). after that i picked up TITHE off the $1 dono cart at the library and become fully obsessed with the fae (also beginning my spiritual witchcraft journey).

my first fandom that i was truly active in was … black veil fucking brides. by 2011 i was MEGA into BVB, and i still have the CD my friend burned for me. i got super into the fandom space on facebook and ended up getting my very first tumblr account shortly after at the behest of a dearly beloved friend (i miss u ziggy and i hope you’re well♡)

it’s a little different with MCR because i was first starting to get into them on the tail end of the black parade right before danger days came out, but when danger days came out i was HOOKED. i got super into the emo trinity fandom and i was a little fucking menace.

you want to know my first ship, do you???

FRERARD.

i was sooooo deep into it. fucking frerard. that’s the entire reason i started writing fic actually. i started with frerard and branched out into BVB and the other emo bands that the alleged “emos” i went to school with were afraid of like motionless in white and of mice & men also regrettably including falling in reverse but we don’t fucking talk about that anymore.

i stayed extremely active in various emo bandoms for several years, going on to write some absolutely awful smut on wattpad that i’m sure if you dug hard enough you would find. for a hot fucking minute i was super into doing danger days killjoy RP on instagram and i’m still proud as fuck of my killjoy you can pry her out of my cold dead hands.

around about 2014 i got EXTREMELY invested in homestuck. and i mean INVESTED. i was starting fights online over that shit, drawing up little trollsonas, i was going to WAR for taureans. shockingly, i never wrote homestuck fic, but i did read the hell out of it.

by 2018 i had sort of fallen out of fandom, i wasn’t reading much fic and i hadn’t written anything in about 2 years. fast forward, i drop out of college, blow through a few shitbag exes, and then in february of 2022, i met my husband.

hubbin is SUPER into horror, all of it. i casually enjoyed it, didn’t know much about it, but i had a few movies and characters i really liked. he took me to my first horrorhound weekend in march ‘22, five days after we started officially dating and i’ve only missed one since then.

god i don’t even look like myself in those pictures ANYWAY

you know what else hubbin enjoys? video games. especially horror video games. he got me WILDLY into resident evil, and that’s when i rejoined tumblr with a new name and vibes.

overall 2022 was a really horrible year for me, and i truly don’t think i would have survived it without all of the support and friendships i had already begun to form at that point. MOVING ON

i very very quickly got into the leon kennedy/resi fandom after finding such wonderful fic writers as @lipglossanon, @venomvalley, and of course mi amor @tulipsbymybed♡

i’m not sure exactly what the progression was, but after a while i ended up in the pedro fandom after finding a few truly wonderful fic authors who have since left this site and some even the fandom entirely. i will miss them literally forever.

i started engaging more and more with pedro fandom content (esp TLOU), and found even more wonderful authors like @toxicanonymity and @strang3lov3, both of whom i am so glad that i now have the privilege of calling my friends♡

hubbin and i got married on october 13th, 2023 (a friday the 13th in october like i’ve always wanted♡) at a fucking PUMPKIN PATCH COULD THAT BE ANY MORE PERFECT

sometime in 2024 after i went and saw the strangers chapter 1 with hubbin, tox and i got to talking about sackhead. you’ll never believe this, but my first completed fic in EIGHT YEARS was not only about sackhead, but it was also x reader, AND smut!!! i didn’t think i could do it. but god dammit i did it.

i was still more into the resi fandom than the pedro fandom at that point, so a few folks will know i have a couple of leon fics in the works that i am beginning to fear may never see the sunlight. but who knows maybe one day you too can fuck leon kennedy.

when i started writing for TLOU i was actually way more into tommy than joel, and if i’m being honest i think i might still be. that’s when i wrote good men die too, followed by do you think of me, too? and i promise i’m working on more for that series i just got hit in the writer’s balls with a baseball bat and lost inspo.

but now here we sit, in 2025, and i am actively writing a joel series. please check it out if you haven’t already, it’s called ritual and i should have a masterlist up soon. you can find it and me on AO3, @sofmoth. shameless plug.

YEAH I THINK THAT’S IT THAT’S MY LORE

i’ve absolutely forgotten so many things. just now i just remembered how deep i was into fucking gravity falls in high school, and i actually did read and write fic for that. anyway, i hope you enjoy this weird little window my life.

#lore drop #moth lore #moth lore drop #tag game

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imagobin · 2 years ago

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⚪Johnathon Ohnn/The Spot Dad HCs⚫

Currently writing this while feeling horrible cause low blood pressure's a bitch. So to comfort myself, I decided to try and imagine what it'd be like to be The Spot's adoptive child, enjoy my sillies.

Pre-Collider

A Change of Opinion:

Johnathon always said to himself he wasn't a children man, he wasn't made to be a father; not to mention how anxious kids made him. They're too unpredictable, too hard to read, and what if he ever made one cry accidentally?! He couldn't handle that embarrassment, not at all.

That was until you came into his life. It felt like a switch immediately flipped in his brain and his dormant fatherly instincts just awakened, and since you had nowhere else to go back to, he decided to take you in.

Parenting:

Despite always being swamped with work, Johnathon does his best to take time off and take care of you.

He pays a lot of attention to what you like, and makes sure to surprise you by buying your favorite games/toys/books etc. or cooking your favorite dish.

Johnathon is always careful not to leave any dangerous devices or projects he might be working on around; he could never forgive himself if you were to get hurt because of them.

However, he also loves showing you how his inventions work, and he loves even more how your eyes sparkle with curiosity and wonder whenever he shares his passions with you. He feels proud.

One thing Johnathon always refuses to do however, is taking you to his workplace, deeming it too dangerous for a child, even if he knows you're a good kid and would never wander off on your own and disturb other people's work. When he needs to be at Alchemax, he hires a babysitter to keep you entertained while he's gone, and always makes it up to you later by buying you something he knows you'll like.

Post-Collider

Panic:

After the collider collapsed and Johnathon was turned into The Spot, his first thought was how you'd react to that. It sent him into a panic, what if you couldn't recognize him? What if he scared you? But he couldn't abandon you, that was absolutely out of the question.

So he came back home, like any normal evening, trying his very best to hide his face, but against all his best efforts, you noticed just how different he looked.

Against all odds however, you weren't scared of him. You could obviously tell he looked different, but he was still the same person who took care of you like a child of his own for all that time, so things did not change all that much.

He was extremely relieved about it, and was even more surprised when you started calling him a superhero since now he had very cool and funny powers.

Present day:

He's managed to find a job that he can work remotely from, hitting two birds with one stone: firstly, he doesn't have to deal with people judging him for how he looks now, and secondly, now that he works from home he's got a lot more time to dedicate to you.

Johnathon is also a lot more confident with his powers, and likes bringing you to all your favorite places since it literally takes him no time.

Johnathon is firmly convinced you're the only reason he didn't turn into a villain. Your happiness and how pridefully you like to announce to anyone that he's the coolest super-dad ever just fills his heart with joy.

---

#the spot #jonathan ohnn #it was only a matter of time before i did this #my daddy issue brain could never resist #across the spiderverse #spiderverse the spot #johnathon ohnn #the spot headcanons #headcanons #wholesome headcanons

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psylunari · 1 year ago

Note

For the ship ask game: kunikidazai, suegiku, atsulucy

NOTE: the post will be long as heck. I'll keep reblogging for every ship addition till I finish.

I'll preface this by saying, yes! I do ship all of these!

Kunikidazai

(nervous chuckle) buckle up, buttercup.

1. What made you ship it?

TL;DR: ironically enough, writing it made them take over my brain.

Mid-tier answer: It wasn't one specific thing. I watched the show and had 1 (one) plot bunny one year later (my most-read BSD fic). I was writing a MHA OC/canon thing at the time. While passionate about that OC/canon, it was a difficult fic, and I put it on hold.

Writing that knkdz fic proved itself easier. It was flowing. It forced me into a deep dive in their dynamic. The result is what you see.

Long answer: it took me 10+ years in fandom (legit) to like m/m ships. So it's kinda hard?? To watch things with m/m tinted glasses. AKA deliberately looking for m/m chemistry, or interpreting it always that way, or making it up in my head if I can't find it. If I come across a ship, I came across a ship. And I'm the same for any ship.

During my first watch of bongo straycats, I didn't ship much of anything. I looked at those two and went, “yeah, they're haha funny, if I were to ship something it'd probably be this”. I was done with the three seasons out, then, I “forgot” BSD.

I mean. Not that I forgot. I was in-between fandom phases with other stuff. So I didn't pay “the popular ships” much mind. They were there. A thing that existed. I didn't care for them.

Then it went like:

“Hey, I could use some change in my life, lemme style my hair like this anime twink.” “Fic idea for haha funny ship. What if instead of disappearing to commit the die, the anime twink was sick and didn't tell anyone?” ?????? “It is a CRIME that THIS dynamic is on the unpopular side, I'm declaring myself in knkdz hell till further notice and will do something about it.”

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

TL;DR: they are multifaceted, their relationship is a deep rabbit hole of symbolism, and a blast to write about.

Superficial answer: complementary personalities + look good together + attractive + hilarious banter + suspicious moments + annoyances to lovers.

Heartfelt answer: I look at them from a complete perspective. Never one without the other, never caricatures of themselves. There's the caring domestic side, the dumb disagreements, the synergy and mutual respect, the defiance of internal values, the angst past and present… They are complex. The more you dig, the more you find. It's entertaining. It made the brain go brrrrr.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

It isn't often I come across interpretations I disagree with. Dedicated knkdz shippers and I are mostly in the same wavelength. My unpopular opinion, however, boils down to “I interpret both as some flavor of bisexual, not gay” and “mischaracterization”.

Will elaborate on the latter.

On Kunikida: headcanon as the fandom might, IMO, this guy isn't confident about love and sex. Let alone super liberated.

Picture this. Inexperienced + perfectionist + “dear diary, today I dreamt of my perfect wife” + “do girls not like me because I'm a nerd?” = pretty romantic, huh? And out of touch with reality.

Don't get me wrong. He does have carnal desires or kinks, I feel. I see him as shy and easy to fluster in the beginning. He takes time to relax and do his thing, being his own biggest critic.

On Dazai: he isn't helpless and definitely has an edge. I have a catboy agenda to set. Think like a cat's claws. Can and will scratch if unhappy, they're part of him, do not declaw the catboy. The feetsies are soft and adorable. They're also a part of him.

In the love aspect: when he LIKES someone, Dazai goes “brain.exe has stopped working” and does/says the stupidest shit. I think he orbits them out of no idea how to deal with it. Staying in the same space, wanting closure, not asking for it. Literal cat behavior again.

Now, in sex matters, he's shameless for… the most part. Not vulnerable all the time. He can flirt when it's for meaningless flings. What IMO WOULD make him cry is emotional stuff. Which may be tied to a sexual moment. Just not necessarily.

#kunikidazai #kunidazai #kunizai #knkdz #kndz #kunikida x dazai #dazai x kunikida #国太 #太国 #bsd kunikida doppo #bsd dazai osamu #psyluna.ask

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theshepherdshound · 3 months ago

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Oh my turn! 16, 3, 4 and 17 for your lamb and 2, 13, 4, and 19 for Narinder. 20 in general for your Au

OO MANY okay

#3 What was the first thing you decided on, the character's name, appearance, personality or their role in the story?

the lamb was fully just named Lambert and was basically nothing in particular for a long time- they didn't have a ton of personality until i drew them. they used to be a lot more gentle and are now a lot angrier

i said this in the other ask but appearance is usually what comes first so the fact i had about 75k words about this character before they looked like anything was WEIRD and unprecedented tbh

i have a terrible habit of lack of planning and will often just write until it stops making sense and then go back and try and fix it. i wrote a game this year that i decided would be recursive about half way through the 2 week jam which was... not great. i also wrote it fully in my IDE which i would not suggest anyone do but??? i guess it made sense to me

#4 And reverse, which one of the four things did you struggle with the most?

i always find names hard. i really didn't want to name the lamb so i took Lambert and was like cool that's fine. it is no longer Lambert, well like it is but it's their outsider name for non-sheep, though i am not entirely sure what it is or if i will ever really decide or simply give myself an out on it so i don't have to

#16 Is there any memes or running jokes associated with the character, both in- and out of universe?

internally yes, narinder and them bicker about definitions of things bot in nice ways and not so nice ways. i don't think they do yet though. they also juggle things which doesn't come up for a long time but they fiddle a lot

externally i don't think so? tbh no one i know really plays cotl (one friend did and she was like i literally never think about lore) so for about a month i just sat down and wrote a fan fiction for the first time since i was like 11 because i got very sad about someone dying and needed to like externally process a bunch of it and also played post game. i kind of just sat down and wrote for 6-10 hours a day depending on if i was working that day or not filled with art ghosts

i've never been part of a fandom so i don't really have any meme jokes about any of the characters beyond what i have posted-

#17 Are there any motifs or symbols associated with the character? How are they represented, in their design, personality or in some other way?

YES, many! visually the lamb's is the distinction between their 'tired' and 'bright' eyes being X, the colour blue, and their transparency. largely they don't see themself as being a person anymore, so especially their skin tone being the same colour as the background is them not really seeing themselves, the eyes are just fun and a simple visual metaphor

BUT- the colour blue is distinctly not narinder's red and that is very important for lore reasons

they are associated largely with being a beast of burden, they take on others' problems long before their own. when they first take care of narinder they have to be told to go clean themselves after spending time thoroughly making sure he'd be comfortable sleeping, they don't even think to wash the blood from their hands when they drag him back from Anura even though they dress him. they take on everyone else's problems and refuse to deal with their own

while not super distinct in writing, their eldritch eyes appear near their eyes because they refuse to see what's in front of them and it is causing a lot of problems for those they're supposed to be caring for. they've a pattern of denial

#2 How long was the process before the character reached its final version? (or a version that would be clearly recognizable as the character?)

i think narinder has always kind of been the blackhole the whole au orbits; i find it really fascinating how folks interpret why he's angry. to me a few things inform why i think he's a tragic character and it started with simply you betray him. he promised you nothing, only to sojourn the lamb's life and it's pretty clear the entire time you're expected to sacrifice yourself at the end. i could ramble about that dynamic forever and the design choices therein tbh

but like... why? why did he attack his siblings? why did he develop a resurrection ritual? there's all the tiny single lines that sort of point at interpretations and the dynamic between shamura, narinder, and aym and baal wormed into me (and the other siblings but to a lesser extent). i had been having a lot of extended discussions about intergenerational grief so the trickling down of trauma rolled into narinder's development pretty immediately. there's a scene near the end where he and shamura talk about something it's like... one of The Ones that existed in the beginning but is really so hard to write because of how real it is in terms of being like... life isn't like stories? i don't know if that makes sense

his bleeding heart motif added a lot i think; the simply addition visually buffed a lot of the sharper edges around him while the lamb became more spiky. but overall he kind of walked out similar to how he is now

#4 And reverse, which one of the four things did you struggle with the most?

making him like... distinct? he definitely has a personality; a level of entitlement, an intentional ruthlessness, previous relationships. so i guess taking that in a direction that felt honest to what i thought it would be like to trapped like that for an unknowable amount of time. that holding both this doll character and the original pieces of him was weird and then it connected to my undergraduate thesis interpretation of Hermes and he became a bit more clear in terms of motivations

like- he did all those things, all the bad ones hinted at. he hurt a lot of people, killed a lot of people, he has to live with that once he walked out of being in constant agony and tried to be a person. that journey has a lot of pieces that were hard to work out

#13 Do you have a voice claim for the character? What do you imagine the character sounds like?

for a long time it was Cook Boss88's voice! i also think of okkoto's voice from princess mononoke, so keith david. in another version of himself i think narinder is a lot like okkoto- stoic, a bit self-important, and desperate to survive in the end no matter who it kills- but won't back down in a fight

narinder also does, eventually, sing! ebucs is kind of how i hear his voice

#19 What is your general favourite thing about the character? What is your least favourite?

i like that he is actually desperately sweet and romantic- but also has no idea that he is. he just kind of... never had a nice time in relationships, and his familiar ones didn't give him the space to be kind. there's little scenes we've already seen where he loves talking to heket, or reads kallamar to sleep, or plays with leshy- while we haven't seen it yet the lengths he goes for shamura. he likes being wanted and needed, but never learned what a boundary was and that didn't work out very well for him. i think the fact that he has so far to go and relapses into old habits a bunch, but gets to be happy in the end

while the lamb knows it he doesn't yet but they treat each other how they wish they'd been treated. all he ever wanted was someone to help him figure out THE STUFF with heavy gestures to lore, but even though he tries so hard to deny them he can't help but let it bleed through. he doesn't want them to be scared of what's happening to them like he was- and he doesn't know that about himself

i don't like the sticky hurt part of him; the one that is sharp, and schemes, and attacks. i don't like the part of him that's manipulative, that laughs along with abuse, that calculates the ways he can build advantage- the part that is dead and numb and he had to strangle. the fact he accepted that he's just a thing and nothing else. and i know why it exists- i made it so; he had to survive. and he has, a lot of things, a lot of unpleasant ones that required him to build that skillset. but that's the point of the two of them- they did what it took to survive. and surviving isn't always clean, or nice, or kind, and both of them did so... they have to live with it

5 songs that i think are most representative of him;

bright lilli furfaro mind brand kuraiinu dj-jo story one the narcissist's cookbook codeine coca cola by amélie farren cocaine and abel by amigo the devil

#20 Bonus question: share any additional thoughts, art, favourite scenes, anything you've been waiting for a chance to ramble about

A MILLION THINGS- it is a super fascinating process for me who has largely worked on the other side of this type of thing and never get to talk about what i am working on because games is super cagey (and tbc, with very good reasons), but it's really cool to work on a thing i can like put a poll up and be like hey what do you think, does this make sense? that is immensely cool, and while i wouldn't say i regret not joining a fandom before this it is very lovely

i'm still unsure on how it will end- there's at least 2, but i think 3. i don't really know what to do and so maybe i will simply leave it up to interpretation or write all 3, i'm not sure. one of them is definitely enemies to friends to lovers to friends to enemies but i think that one is mostly silly. i think if i were to rewrite thing i may not make it narilamb because i do think they're better friends, but writing their cozy scenes also makes me very sad in a nice way so. they get to happy

i wish i could know what breadcrumbs people have picked up on- or what is clear or not. if i could i'd tip all they thoughts out and they could all be written but the ghosts calmed down and now i just need to finish lololol

they're really kiki and bouba! narinder is spiky visually but has a soft doughy heart, and the lamb is puffy but internally sharp. i think that's really fun, and something i like about their designs a lot. i do think i will steal them for ocs in monster game, but the way they appear in the narrative is likely going to be different from the outline i made because no narinder spot exists- a lamb one does quite neatly so. i'll file off the serial numbers whenever this is done

enjoy this pre-vis dev never posted picture of them where i did in fact try and draw clothes and i don't like;

(it's fine, but i am glad i got looser on drawing again and gave them a lighter and easier series of designs) ((but they have been sad the whole time LOLOLOLOL))

tyty for asking me many questions- i appreciate being able to ramble

#ramblings #answers to stuff #cardinalau

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getvalentined · 6 months ago

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★ what was the scene you most wanted to write in [whichever fic you are most happy/satisfied with]? what was the hardest scene to write?

☉ what do you do when you get stuck writing?

★ what was the scene you most wanted to write in [whichever fic you are most happy/satisfied with]? what was the hardest scene to write?

We're gonna go with Smoke and Mirrors on this one, because I'm still super proud of it. Although a lot of that particular fic was written out of order, so this is a little hard to say; the first scene I wrote for it actually doesn't happen until chapter six, and the last scene written for it is actually in chapter seven, not the epilogue.

The scene that I most wanted to reach in the story was probably when Sephiroth and Genesis finally meet back up? The whole fic was kinda gearing up toward that moment, and even though the actual climax of the story (ha. climax.) is after that, it's the scene that felt most pivotal to me. (Cloud going to tell Sephiroth that he had information on Genesis' whereabouts is the runner-up here, though, for the same reason. Pivotal sequences.)

The most difficult to write were definitely the two sex scenes. I don't write a lot of explicit content because I'm always quite worried about it coming off as either cringe or nonsensical. As a person with synesthesia, the way that I personally parse and describe sensory input is different from most people, and I know that definitely shows in how I write—I can only imagine that's doubly true in scenes as sensory as those. It took a while before I could go back and reread them, strictly out of fear that they were actually really bad and I'd just deluded myself in order to finally get the fic finished, but I'm still happy with them so hopefully they pass muster for readers too.

☉ what do you do when you get stuck writing?

Mostly I just stop writing for a while. I've been in that boat with Rattle This Ghost Town recently, where I set it down for about a month and only just got back to feeling like I had any kind of handle on it last night. Even that still feels pretty hit-or-miss, to be honest. I'm trying, though.

If I really want to write something and I feel inspired to write something but literally just can't make the words happen, I'll sometimes go on a sort of music search and either assemble a playlist for the fic, or expand the one I already have, so that hopefully the music can give me enough serotonin to get started again.

I'll also talk with friends about it! Getting input from people whose opinions matter to me helps a lot, but obviously this shouldn't be anyone's go-to—I don't want to pin the responsibility for making me write on other people, so I really only do this with any level of intensity when I'm at the end of my rope. (I share WIPs pretty often, but that's different than talking about where I am stuck in a fic.)

[ for the fic ask game ]

#ask game #nashi writes #fic: smoke and mirrors #fic: rattle this ghost town #fic ask game

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ceilingfan5 · 4 months ago

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2 8 27 29!!

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go? ........................listen. listen.

sssorta? grimaces loudly. it depends on the fic. some have a semi-decent outline. the one i am currently rotating (supers au) has an outline that is. maybe not USELESS but almost entirely unhelpful with regards to, uh, organization, or, foresight, or, connecting point l to m to n to o...... i sort of threw some shit at the wall, then came back and threw entirely different shit at the wall, played pretend with other shit entirely, got distracted, took a long break to return to a different other fic with a WORSE outline (youtube au, which, to make matters worse, is the FIFTH iteration of this idea and was started in 2 0 2 0. i need you to understand i have a degree in teaching with a [minor] in english and i was a writing tutor for years and i am fully capable of a good and proper outline and yet every goddamn time i open a new document it is a CRAP SHOOT to see if i USE THESE CAREFULLY PRACTICED SKILLS to help LITERALLY ONLY MYSELF-

sometimes this outline is so counterproductive i get mad and Don't write bc past me was so unhelpful.

BUT on the flippy dip: i really enjoy kind of. discovering the fic As I Write It. Like, it is as much of a discovery to me how the events pan out as anyone else. and it's so fun, it's a game of pretend with myself. im digging for gold and shit there sure is a lot of dirt and maybe i could have brought or different more tools but i found a garnet and a sapphire and a fossil of a fishie. and also my keys, which i do not remember dropping, and there's something big here, i swear, but i gotta keep going to find out if it's a dinosaur or what this also means i write almost entirely chronologically, because i don't actually know the finer details of things until they come out, and that makes it hard to rearrange bits done out of time?

breaking news: fool gets away with behavior yet again, no change expected. more at ten good thing it's a hobby. don't even get me started on how i name documents. good lord

8. Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story? truly my favorite part of a fic is livin in it, i love discussing it to pieces with my Friends and daydreaming and playing in the sand and thinking up side bits that may not ever come into play but sure do make the world feel lived in and that rules, that's the best. there is so much, of every fic i have ever written, that i was orbiting around my head, and you may never know, but you feel it in the pulse of the thing 27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing? aaaaauhhhhhhhhhh uh. i love locking into the flow and the wild nonsense and deeep feelings just happening out of my fingers. i love yapping about my ideas and i love when people give me reactions to the words i did and the order i did them in, especially line by line live reactions? there's esp this phenomenon i see where the reader will be picking lines here and there and then Get So Absorbed that they end up at the finish line all disoriented and delighted and have to tell me and I love it. hard parts: starting, especially after a long time. giving myself grace to see if something is shit garbage or im just moody/hungry/need to sleep on it. the moment-hours after posting and fuckin' waiting for the acknowledgement of my efforts, we all know. man. but maybe the worst bit is when you ARE in the flow and do have so many ideas and it's great and THEN you look at the time and it's fucking after your bedtime and you, an adult, employed, must extricate yourself from the ecstasy of fiction and do chores like dental care, and getting in bed and not doing math about your alarms. 29. What’s your revision or editing process like? man i used to have a beta yeeeears ago, but between like. ships passing in the night and all. + the realization that this is a fan thing i am doing for funsies. and like. the passability that comes with crazy amounts of experience and practice. the knowledge that i am not going to be Published and if i reread and see a typo, i can pretend i didn't, or edit it anyway. the forgiveness of mainly doing it for myself.... it doesn't get a lot of strenuous review. probably the most editing happens, once im happy with the order of events, and so on, when i am pasting my goddamn document into ao3, and because i use google docs and want my stupid rich text, i go line by line and reread to keep myself entertained while deleting extra paragraph breaks. which i believe there is a fix for but ironically that is in fact a good way to catch bullshit in the eleventh hour. i do have a few readers, give or take my most devoted minions, who will catch like, major sense making issues, but also do not actually give a shit if i fumbled a word or spelled stupid + are mostly along for the ride playing pretend with me

hopefully this wasn't too honest and you are instead bolstered by the fact that i am just. playing here cause it's fun, it's all made up and the points don't matter. let's go have fun

#ask game #thank you!!!!!!!#i'd give up my kingdom in a heartbeat for thie and noodyl but. they are my kingdom #💕😽

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domokunrainbowkinz · 4 months ago

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off the top of my head I think my fave reads of this year would be:

turning (webnovel)

little mushroom (danmei)

concubine walkthrough (manhwa)

orv (webnovel)

on the other side, these were the reads that pissed me off the most (put under a readmore bc I got Thoughts that have already been expressed before BUT. I need to yap more)

painter of the night (manhwa): god. I wish I dnf'ed this but the hype was so high I held out hope. the art, atmosphere and general dreamy joseon vibes are 10/10 no notes but the STORY....the CHARACTERS...bruh if this had a decent story with well written characters. we could've had it all. THE PREMISE IS INTERESTING TOO...like idk maybe I'm being too mean and just projecting my personal likes on this but the story could've been so much more interesting if nakyum wasn't written Like That. idk man. I'm a hater.

how to refuse the route (manhwa): THIS ONE BROKE MY HEART. IT LITERALLY STARTED OFF SO STRONG AND I THOUGHT THE LATER CHAPTERS WERE BUILDING UP TO SOMETHING, BUT!!!!!!!! THEY RUSHED THE ENDING. the ending was like "ok lalalala he got over his issues he actually likes ilya they got married wahoo!!!" NO. U GOTTA EARN THAT SHIT. U CANT JUST SELL ME THIS HANDWAVEY SHIT AND EXPECT ME TO BUY IT. I thought there'd be at least another season fleshing out the consequences of ilya being able to see the system, Jerry realizing he needs to stop thinking about this as a game, also the thing about his mana leaking out??? sooooooo many loose threads...NONE tied up....I'm so bitter.

why ophelia couldn't leave (manhwa): SO many ppl were like "ooooh they're both red flags oooooh they're manipulating each other" gurl did we read the same manhwa....like in the beginning it was true and I was like "ohohohoho" rubbing my hands but then they got together. and it went POOF....I guess I was expecting it to be more toxic but it honestly lowkey got boring for me. also the ML wasn't even that manipulative he just has a 1 track mind that was honestly very bland to me. I was expecting spice...and I got...bread...

red limit (manhwa): I will FOREVER be bitter about this one. misunderstanding trope my beloathed...and it wasn't even done well. like it was the most hamfisted, clunky and awkward conflict that they stuck in near the end just for the sake of angst. like im sure there are a myriad of diff ways they could've done something like this. I'm so surprised it took such a big nosedive bc the rest of the manhwa was so beautifully written with maturity and care....wha happuh....did the writer pass it off to someone else to write the ending....if it weren't for the ending I would've easily recced this. But. here we are.

necromancer survival (manhwa): THIS ONE...MAY BE...A SPICY TAKE...and I tried so so hard to like it but it just did not click for me. I almost wish it didn't have romance bc imo it just was not well done at all. maybe I just read it too fast or something but the rship felt like it wen from 0 to 100 in a really short period of time, and a majority of the time it felt super unbalanced feelings-wise. i felt like the MC had super strong feelings for the ML but the ML like. didn't give a shit?? and the way the MC kept angsting over unrequited feelings got me like "ok that's enough. Stand Up". idk I was really mad that I didn't like it. not sure if I was mad at myself for having unreasonable expectations or mad at the story for being mid or mad at the community for hyping it up. everyone recs this as a good BL dungeon crawler but it just was not for me.

#domo rambles #yeah ive been reading High Literature this year #and i will continue to do so next year #altho i rly should sit down and read like a Proper Book soon lol.....dont wanna get too brainrotted #anyways these are my Opinions. i used to think i was incapable of hating but i was proven wrong this year

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j2zara · 9 months ago

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for the ask game!! 📚 💭 👖

Sorry these took all day i've been out and Tired as hell but thank u!

📚 Do you read your own fic?

I try to not feel embarrassed that the answer is yeah bc like I think if other ppl reread their own work it would make sense!!!! Like I would not judge at all and honestly co-sign rereading ur own shit. I literally tell ppl that the reason I write is bc like. It’s basically the chance to craft your own perfectly tailored special interest to share with others. So like. Why wouldn’t I like it? (And this was especially true when I was trying to write original stuff which is why it’s so frustrating I never finish anything. But also a little true now too. This whole weird cloneverse was the product of my dumb thought experiment “what if the clones were people who had the capacity to be just as tragic as Jace). It’s got everything I like in it. I try to tell myself anyway. In practice it’s like. Argh.I kinda go through periods where I like. And this is usually after I JUST posted. Wanna do other things but end up distracting myself by rereading the thing I just made over and over. And then I forget it exists and often in my mind it’s like. Oh I don’t wanna read that i think bc I have residual feelings of like. Idk embarrassment I guess? Like I convince myself it’s old and probably bad but sometimes when I’m glancing at old things I write for. Refresher purposes (usually on cloneverse lol) I end up getting suckered back into rereading it like oh hey is this actually. Good?

Anything older I mostly haven’t looked at in a while bc idk. I’m very hard on my old self. I did reread my Reddie sky high au thing and went. Hm this is actually fun I like this. Most of my IT stuff is like. Ok I think? This is kinda related but I JUST got a comment on a talent swap I wrote for DR and I literally haven’t updated the thing since 2018 and I feel so bad for abandoning it but. Part of it is bc I think if I were to come back to it I would wanna redo some of the old chapters and I feel so pained looking at the early chapters. I keep telling myself I’ll get to it. My Mukuro and Hiro proxy sibling agenda deserves it, they deserve to be best friends so bad, I’m sad I abandoned them.

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

This is such a funny question bc I’m such a goddamn blabbermouth so I feel pretty confident that I’ve already posted so much cringe abt the headcanons for cloneverse. Like. Technically J3’s personality started as a headcanon in that i was like “oh, Porter was flirting with J3 the entire time he was falling in love with J2”. 99% of the time if i feel compelled to say it i will just say it? Actually you know what? I just thought of one that might be kinda schmaltzy and i feel bad for not saying its a 100% certainty but in my heart Ankarna grants all the clones some form of true life but it would probably be some fucked genie deal where its like there’s a reincarnation au or something. Like they have to find each other again or something. Very Hadestown Orphydice anybody got a match coded. Genuinely b/c J4 wishes she was never Of Jace she gets what she wants and its like good/bad. Bc i can never stop putting the clones in the torment nexus I don’t know if that’s completely stupid

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

I try so hard to be a planner bc I’m so frustrated by my pantser process. Like. Idk i tend to just ride momentum but without foresight you end up going in directions that can be kinda formless and completely wrong and idk. I have such hard time finishing things b/c of this i think. But when I try to plan I’m also so bad at it i don’t think I’ve ever finished a real and true outline before I start. I want to be the kind of person that has clean outlines but. Idk. So by default I guess I’m a plantser bc I do have docs full of notes but my notes are always super messy and like. Idk what I’m doing evolves so much while I work that half the time the notes end up not even accurate to what I’m aiming for. Worst of both worlds life

#jan.ask

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crow-raven-crow · 2 years ago

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𝟐𝟎 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

Tagged by @weemssapphic - thank you, dovey 🤍

𝟏. 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐎𝟑?

16.. I cross-post everything, but i also just started like three months ago now SO

𝟐. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐀𝐎𝟑 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭?

79,333 (i've been seeing this damn angel number everywhere)

𝟑. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐬 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫?

Mostly Wednesday right now. I'm getting into Game of Thrones and there are Resident Evil 8 fics in the works ! I want to get into RE8 writing more because I miss our Lady Dimitrescu ;)

𝟒. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝟓 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬 𝐛𝐲 𝐤𝐮𝐝𝐨𝐬?

The Protector (series)

I Know You Will.. (lyric fic)

Slow Down, I'm Not Going Anywhere

I'd Hate To Repeat Myself

Monser (series)

𝟓. 𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬? 𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐧𝐨𝐭?

Yes! I try to respond to every comment I get on all platforms. I remember when I would comment on works before I started posting my own. It would feel so cool when I got to talk to the writer/artist about the work or anything to do with their process. It feels amazing being on the other side of that now. Like someone read something I did or saw something I drew and took the time out of their day to say something about it.. It's crazy to me and keeps me eternally grateful

𝟔. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠?

Monster Ch.3 - Retrograde (~4.1k words) - THIS CHAPTER HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER DUDE. The flashbacks, the hopelessness, the deep emptiness that I felt while writing everything in Larissa's point of view literally made me cry. This whole series is just a miserable slap in the face with angst. The final chapter of this fic is a little over 10k words, and I wrote it all in one sitting LMAO. I went insane, but there is angst all over it.

𝟕. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠?

Most of my fics are happy endings because even though i LOVE angst and I'm so drawn to dark fics and things like that, they're so painful to read and write. The pain in angst fics is not for the lighthearted, especially hurt/no comfort. The happiest I think would be the last chapter of The Protector - To Be Found.. This whole series is a bit of a cliche, but it was my first series and post on here.. It's got a special place in my heart

𝟖. 𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬?

Thankfully, no! It was definately something I was nervous about. I think that my writing isn't the best every now and then;;;; But I know that I'm only growing and challenging myself to improve with each step. It pushes me back up and makes me so grateful to everyone who does like what I put out, especially when they're not as popular categories or a bit of a different idea than what has been seen.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do, yes. Always wlw. They're mostly due to the requests I get in my inbox, but that doesn't mean I enjoy them any less. I dip into most things now and probably more as I get more comfortable writing them. I have no issues with it, I just want to translate it well if you know what i mean ;)

𝟏𝟎. 𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬? 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧?

I'm not a big fan of writing them.. I don't think I'd really know what to do if I were to write one. They can be a really hard thing to write, but it makes me look up to the ones who can write them super well. If that's your thing and you love to read them, I'd check out @daydream-cement if you haven't already. They did a really good crossover with Gwen's characters called The Road Trip

𝟏𝟏. 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧?

Not that I am aware of, no.. If this ever happens, please bring it to my attention. I spend hours creating and it's always like a punch in the gut when something so personal and meaningful to me gets stolen

𝟏𝟐. 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝?

Nope

𝟏𝟑. 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐨-𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞?

Not yet. I haven't been asked about it before, but my current schedule is too packed for me to even contemplate the idea. One day!

𝟏𝟒. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥-𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩?

I'm very much on the x reader train. I basically only write and read that as well. Don't know if I'd write anything else, but there are a few Lady D x Larissa Weems ones that I've seen a bit ago that caught my eye

𝟏𝟓. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐚 𝐖𝐈𝐏 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥?

Lover Academia.. Literally my next series LMAOOO. Guys.. It's been sitting in my notes since I wrote The Protector....... I changed a big part of it in early September and basically merged two ideas, but I haven't had the motivation to go in and rewrite them to fit together. It's like pages of notes.. AND I DON'T KNOW HOW IT'LL END SO THERES THAT TOO AHAH

𝟏𝟔. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡𝐬?

Setting of time and place. I've always loved describing things. I could write pages to just describe a room alone. I always loved reading stuff like that because it really helped me visualize what was happening, so I guess it translated into my own writing.

𝟏𝟕. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬?

I'm much slower than I would like to be. A big part of that is now balancing school, work, and a social life. I'm thankful enough to consider doing this and interacting with my mutuals as a bigger part of my life. It's crazy to think that I followed these people months ago, and now I talk to and write alongside them. I do so much with school and work that there are days where I could write but I allow my body to recharge for a bit and then pick it up later in the day.

But this also taught me a good lesson because I am not a consumable artist. I don't want to push out mediocure works, I don't want to operate like a machine, I don't want to put works out only for them to be swiped over everyones heads. I want my work to be savored, to be reread, to be saved in folders because "ohmygod that was amazing." As artists in this social world, we are pushed to create as much as we can, but I don't want to be lost within that.

𝟏𝟖. 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐜?

I've never done this before? I think I would when it comes to anything related to Lady Dimitrescu or Donna Beneviento, but I would make sure to get it checked before releasing it. It's a risky game to play sometimes.

𝟏𝟗. 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫?

Wednesday (Larissa x Reader)

𝟐𝟎. 𝐅𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧?

Monster (series) - It's the way I loved breaking my own heart. It's the way I loved making you all suffer along with me. It's the way the ending was so long but provided closure after the shit show that Larissa and Reader had gone through. I'd love to write one-shots for this universe. I loved it so much and feel like I can write their happier moments that way.

I Know You Will.. - THE LYRIC FICS YOU GUYS REQUEST LITERALLY HAVE ME IN A CHOKEHOLD. This one hurt so good. This is a part of Larissa that I will always want to love and protect. She needs to be reminded of how amazing she is - we all understand this part. But being allowed to feel those emotions and have someone stick with you through them is also oh so special.

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

IGNORE THE FACT THAT I FUCKED UP THIS POST SORRY

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

Tags (no pressure <33) - @sapphos-ode @i-write-sometimes-maybe

consider yourself tagged if you see this

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

~ 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐰

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

#personal #20 author questions #crowravencrow #crowvyn updates #crowvyn answered #tag game

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daisyjonesgf · 1 year ago

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Okay I know like nobody cares but imma tell you anyways. Soooo… the recording for our song went badly (that guy and I) in fact, it didn’t even happen and I ended up walking out of the studio in a very Daisy Jones way. He ignored me the whole time and was texting my cousin the entire time… I don’t stand for that

I believe what I said was “Don’t waste my fucking time, I have better shit to do.” Before walking out.

The thing is is that him and I played leads in a short film where we had to kiss but after mess ups where the kiss was awkward they took it (per my request). Then at a party we went to he was clinging to me and I kind of was starting to recognize my feelings but then at a rave we went to he went off to smoke with this girl who has literally played at Giants Stadium. And my cousin is obsessed with him. I’m feeling very much Daisy Jones right now and my song writing has never been better

daisy jones vibes go hard with this one and I'm obsessed, I care so much, tell me all the tea

ugh men, so annoying, like I need them to give more consistency. but the song and the short film and the girl who's performed for the Giants game, like you're literally in a movie right now and I'm obsessed. I'm so glad it's helped your song writing, I love passion in writing, make yourself a main character and suddenly the inspo goes wild.

Since we're talking about guys let me fill you in on my drama. There's three different men in my life rn bc I'm just a (I forgot what I was saying them bc one of them started messaging me and I got distracted.

anyways one big problem is I'm really attracted to immature guys, not willingly at all. I want to be taken care of, I want a man, but when I get a crush it's always on a younger brother type, immature guy, probably because I'm the oldest daughter.

so number one we'll call, band boy, he's so so immature. I've kinda had a crush on him since we met but he had a girlfriend so I told myself not to get involved, but I had a feeling they wouldn't last long. I ended up hanging out with them in groups and at parties and really just have started to like him more, but she broke up with a few days ago. I just got cast in a show with him and like kind of want to shoot my shot and spend the summer flirting, seeing if it goes anywhere, but I also feel bad because I've liked him for so long and he just got broken up with. he's super immature though, but really so sweet at the core. but literally first night we ever really talked, we spent all night sending voice notes to each other so yeah (after the show we're in, he's in the other show I'm helping out in)

then there's the tall guy, also super immature, but he's in a show I'm helping out with, helped cast. and when I saw him, literal butterflies, and everyone was automatically saying he was my type, we were trying to find out how old he was. I just literally get butterflies thinking about him and we haven't really talked, but he's so talented and hot like idk, so that's another avenue this summer.

or we have actor guy, he's also cast in the show I'm helping out with. and idk the moment he started talking, making jokes, I just felt some sort of feelings/attraction. he seemed a lot more mature and we also didn't talk much but kept making eye contact and I'll be working a lot with him this summer too.

so many guys, all actors, that I'm into and idk what to do, or how to flirt, or if they're into me 😭😭😭😭

#wanda 💋#nomorespaghetti

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chwafl · 11 months ago

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Original song... finished?!

I FINALLY finished writing the lyrics to my first original song. First, I commissioned the full instrumental using reference songs. Then, I tried to write the lyrics myself and asked for help from a songwriter, Rachael! She gave me tips on how to write a melody and... it was hard. I decided to just commission her to write me a topline. That was back near the end of last year. Now, finally, six months later, I'm done writing!

I was planning on finishing writing the song and release it in March of this year, but my time in Florida was more busy than I thought and instead of focusing on writing, I ended up doing two performances and having a lot of fun with my family. Not a bad trade off lol. Since returning back to Korea in March, I tried working on the song, but it was hard to really feel comfortable pinpointing what exactly I wanted to say in the song, and how exactly I wanted to say it. I wanted to do a song with somewhat of a double meaning, but I also didn't want my message to be unclear. BUT, I also didn't want it to be too literal. Hmm, what to do?

Rachael advised me to journal out all the thoughts I had on the topics I wanted to cover in the song. So, I did that and ended up with a three page essay with all the thoughts I wanted to convey, woah LOL. I tweeted about this and shoutout to Phoebe for suggesting that I could use that whole essay for a concept ep/album... perhaps that will happen >:3c The biggest hurdle with writing the lyrics was allowing myself to be vulnerable. I think the song is a somewhat emotional song, but not the kind that's very sad and makes you wanna cry. There are some melancholic parts, I guess? But my aim is to be uplifting and inspirational and maybe even sound... a little bossy? LOL.

See, it's one thing to write out how you feel about something and share it online. It's another thing to sit in front of a camera and speak out loud about how you feel and share it online. But now, this new concept of SINGING how I feel was making me feel super shy. Because not only are people going to judge the actual words of the lyrics, but also, the way it's sung, the way I look singing it, and the way everything sounds with the instrumental. Is it gonna be corny? Is it gonna be cringe? Is it gonna seem fake? Ultimately, these worries were due to my lack of confidence in songwriting. The only original song I ever wrote was a rap to one of the sonic the hedgehog computer game ost instrumentals about... a one piece character.... in 5th grade? LOL. Actually wait, I did also write one more original song... about a mysterious bathroom asian man when I was 18 at my first anime convention... if you know about that song, YOU ARE A REAL ONE HAHA. I've written parody rap songs in high school for my tv production class (and dare I say, got moderately famous at school because of it, let's just be honest here.)

Once I started getting the hang of condensing my thoughts into simple sentences and then re-wording the sentences to match the flow of the top-line, it took me only a few days to finally have the full lyrics completed.

There are a lot of lyrics. The song is very wordy, but I have a lot to say. guess I'm a "yapper." As I sing the song to practice before going to the rental room and record the vocals seriously for mixing, I feel more and more confident and excited to share the finished product with everyone. Sure, there are definitely going to be people who won't like the song, but even if people don't like the song, the effort I put into this is undeniable. If people can't respect me for that then they're just a haterrrr~ Now that I gained some confidence with crossing off one of the most daunting tasks of this original song checklist, I feel so inspired to make more songs and get better at this. I already have... a lot planned >:3c My life has felt so messy for the past few months, but suddently, now that I finished the song, my focus has become super clear and I feel really good about preparing for the release of it along with the aforementioned song ideas (^____^)/// So, Staring in July, I will be super super active online revealing other new things I've been working on, still.... getting my vlog channel up to date lol, and creating a countdown for the song release day.

Before I finish writing this, I want to close on a really personal note. So many have known that I've done idol live covers at cons and events since 2013. I started off as just doing dancing whenever I got the chance to get on the stage at conventions, and then I started singing in 2016 solo and with my group, Citrus Idol Project. At the time, idol stuff was not popular in Florida. There were a few people who got excited to see us/me, but idol events including original concept performers were rare unless I was the one behind organizing things. It wasn't until 2019 when holmat started including kaigai idol groups at the idol fest. After 2020, there has been a huge increase in idol events at conventions and more and more people are understanding the concept of idol, and words like "kaigai idol" and "overseas idol" are a little more well-known amongst the convention sphere. But what also changed since 2020? Me getting a job in Korea LOL. I can't deny that it had felt frustrating finally seeing idol things take off a little more in Florida while I'm not there. I tried to hold onto things by hosting my own events during my vacation, but even then, it seemed like not many people still didn't really know me or were interested in me specifically because, well, I'm not around anymore to introduce myself to people and prove myself to people.

Those feelings inspired me to finally make the jump and work on original music. The idea of making original music had been festering inside of me since 2015, for nearly 10 years, but I just didn't feel like I had a solid enough idea of who I am, what do I want to convey, and what is my goal. After turning 30, I finally have an answer to all of those questions, and while living abroad, I realized that the world is so huge and I can't get hung up on wondering if I'm still relevant in the community I had a big part in starting back home.

My colleages (lol I know it sounds so extra to say that) have gotten a lot bigger stage opporunities than me despite us starting activities at the same time. It made me feel like something was wrong with me. But no, that's not the problem. The problem is that I I haven't been expressing myself to my full potential. I think the reason why I haven't gotten very far is because I'm meant to keep on going, and pushing myself more creatively to really dig into the more authentic side of me that can't be fully expressed through covers. That authentic creative side of me can't be expressed through live performances alone.

So even though I did my first solo idol singing performance in 2016, I don't feel like things have truly begun until now. When I realease this original song and subsequent original music, that will be the real beginning.

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