#// But they're Trying to do away with the internalized ableism

[protectthevulnerable]

@storyofwhoiam || continued from here​

[Text: K. Sharma] You don’t think I’m that cruel, do you? [Text: K. Sharma] [IMAGE] [Text: K. Sharma] Do you think I’ve upped my cool factor at all?

[olderthannetfic]

I mean the big problem boblem is that the Dunmeshi """""fans"""""" are freaking out and acting like children because they try to convince everyone and themselves that Laios is canon autistic. The moment the author said "Didn't write an autistic character" people had a complete meltdown and then tried to psychoanalyze and play at baby's first armchair psychologist towards the author because they were mad it wasn't made or confirmed canon, just to discredit her own thoughts on her works, and her intentions and storytelling.

Idgf what headcanon you have, it isn't gonna change canon, and nobody can change what's written anyway. Everyone is going to read a story differently. It's fine, because that's what happens when you publish to an audience, especially if they're not close to you. But everyone has to admit that the reaction by these people is just batshit, just because the author didn't confirm what they wanted to hear.

You see a character as a secret flying unicorn spitting sparkles? Great.

Author says it's not that? Normal reaction: Ehh ok, but I still like that idea, so I'll keep on going.

Batshit reaction: Complete meltdowns, accusations of ableism, and trying to convince everyone that the author is wrong and that she's secretly autistic herself! That she just doesn't understand her own writing! That she's so inept at understanding her own intentions, we should completely do away with her explanations and intentions! Clearly a bunch of randos who's fave past time is bitching about the works of others should tell us the true intentions and story! Throw in some insults and threats, and of course ironically using armchair diagnosis as a weapon against someone to explain why we shouldn't listen to them. And there we go, an absolute shitshow.

I think the extra irony comes from the neurodivergent community, especially the autism community doing the armchair psychology to explain why we can't trust the author with her intentions or her writing. Feels like there's a lot of internalized ableism if you have to weaponize a (self created) diagnosis aimed at a person you've never met and don't know, and say we should listen or trust her words, because she's just too inept and uneducated to understand what she's doing or writing.

--

[drdemonprince]

How do you learn to love yourself if your internalized bigotries makes you radioactive to others?

Ive been learning that, tragically, it's not possible to only hate yourself and be cool to everyone else. Self hate always manifests outwards and hurts others, especially if it comes from a place of marginalized identity. I know this because I've been on the receiving end: I've known people with ED whose judgement makes me feel worse about eating food. I've known trans girls who call themselves cross dressers because they haven't figured out they're allowed to be girls, who make me feel like a crossdresser because of this. And I've known autistic people who are clearly trying to be "not like those autistic people" who leave me wondering if I'm the kind of autistic person they don't want to be like.

I recognize this phenomenon in others, and I recognize the self hate inside myself, the internalized ableism, fatphobia, and transmisogyny. I try my best to love myself, and I believe doing so means I need to surround myself with fat, autistic, trans women, but I'm scared that in my current state, my own self hate will hurt the very people I need to be in community with. Do you have any ideas of how to navigate this? Thanks

The long and short of it all is that it's a multi-pronged process. While you work on healing your self concept, working on your trauma recovery, and finding yourself supportive relationships that accept you as you are, you also have to work on targeting your own behaviors that drive people away, shut them out, shame them, or otherwise make these dynamics worse. The good news is you dont have to eradicate shitty ideas and reactions from your head -- you can accept them as a part of the reality you have long lived in, and focus on changing your actions, which is what actually affects people. Your feelings and thoughts can never be evil and never do any harm on their own.

I hate to be this person but I have a about 20,000 words on this whole dynamic you are describing in my next book, Unlearning Shame! It comes out in Feb but please please feel free to pirate it at libgen.rs if you're not good for the $20-30. lord knows the people most affected by these dynamics are also the most financially marginalized so please grab it for free if you want.

I also have a related piece in my Substack queue, specifically about how unmasked Autistics can better love the still masked and still self hating among us...so look out for that. that will be free to read as all my essays are.

[sophieinwonderland]

i dont think i really get the whole x-punk thing. like for some, yes, its a form of self expression... but also just... use the word punk?

i get a new tag sort of but everyones arguing on whats REALLY punk, and i think many punks wouldn't waste their time arguing about whos excluded from the punk label and would instead, you know, fight for what they think is right in ways that would change things? just going "ew endos bad and fake and not REAL systems" doesnt change the fact that even disordered DID/OSDD systems still need acceptance and to be understood and helped and not be treated as some super rare basically impossible thing that .0001 percent of the population has. maybe correcting people from using "multiple personality disorder" or starting a DID/OSDD support group in your community might be a start.

but all these anti endos just want to have the label systempunk to sound cool while still being exclusive and spending their time arguing against "the endos" because they're "making doctors not listen to us" when newsflash, the doctors are already ableists, and you need to help educate them instead of yelling at other victims. but okay

i swear some of the x-punk things just sound like it's cool and exclusive for only certain punks and all they care about is appearance. looking like a punk and poorly playing the part i guess.

I agree with most of this, but I actually really love the idea behind the x-punk labels.

As I understand, this started with cripplepunk, which is centered around applying punk values to disability pride, rejecting ableist societal ideals that expect people with disabilities to behave one way to be deserving of support, while celebrating individuality and pride in who you are.

Terms like madpunk and neuropunk sprung out of that for neurodiverges.

I know there's debate over whether cripplepunk should be exclusive to people with physical disabilities or if it should be an umbrella for all disabilities, and that sort of gatekeeping can breed toxicity between communities that are both victims of ableism and should be seeking solidarity.

But whatever your stance on that debate is, I do feel these labels are important for people in these groups looking to take pride in who they are and reject both systemic ableism and internalized ableism. Because cripplepunk and its offshoots are more than the sum of their parts. It's more than just punk and it's more than just disability pride.

The problem with Systempunk

With systempunk, anti-endos took a look at an already punk community, Pluralpunk, and decided to make something that was less punk.

Their view of systemhood is based purely on what they perceive as the medical model of systemhood, or what their friends say that is. Anything that doesn't conform to that is bad.

And their values aren't based on fighting against an ablesist society or psychiatry or anything of the sort. No, because to them, the real problem is this other group of plurals and so-called "fakers".

And their problem with pluralpunk was that it was too individualistic.

It celebrated people who were too different and too weird.

It was fundamentally too punk for them.

So anyway, yeah. I like a lot of other types of x-punk labels. I don’t like ones that try to strip away the punk from them though, and are only interested in using punk as an aesthetic.

[rjalker]

id call myself cpunk but i am scared the disabled community wont think im disabled enough even though i have chronic pain that affects my ability to live and do basic tasks......

im in denial lol esp w/ the discourse

You are 100% welcome, the Cripplepunk community is welcoming to all physically disabled people (it's just the ableists and ablebodied jackasses anyone has a problem with), and if you have chronic pain, you're physically disabled.

I'd suggest looking through Cripplepunk blogs who post about chronic pain, or just checking out the chronic pain tag, if you want to see what people are talking about.

Chronic pain is a physical disability, even if the rest of society makes it seem like you're just being lazy or a crybaby. The normal level of pain for ablebodied people is none, and especially if it's impacting your ability to function, you're definitely physically disabled, and you'll be welcome in the Cripplepunk tag :)

The "discourse" is people who aren't physically disabled in any way by any definition, who think that they can just "loophole" their way into calling themselves physically disabled, by pretending that physical disability is like...

Like, a riddle or something, and they're trying to be Extra Clever™ in solving it in the most obnoxious way possible, so they come up with "Well, I'm autistic and ablebodied, but the brain is an organ, and autism comes from the brain, so therefore, my brain is disabled, so that means I'm technically physically disabled! Ha! Checkmate, cripples!"

And completely ignore the actual meaning of the words being used, and ignoring the fact that physically disabled people can't "Well, actually--" our disabilities away. Physical disabilities don't stop existing because of a technicality in language that's purposefully ignoring the context.

You can't tell your chronic pain, "Well, actually, you're just a product of my brain, so you can stop now". Talking about your feelings and learning coping mechanisms for when you're feeling upset isn't going to stop your chronic pain, because it's not an emotional problem, it's a physical one.

But these people think that they should get an award for "loopholing" their way into claiming they're physically disabled, while suffering none of the drawbacks of actually being physically disabled. Like chronic pain, and the kinds of systemic ableism that only impact physically disabled people, like lack of access to 90% of society via lack of ramps, no sidewalks, no elevators, doors that are too narrow, and so much more.

Physically disabled people are welcome in Cripplepunk as long as they're not ableist, and if you have chronic pain, you are welcome. No one who belongs in the Cripplepunk movement is going to judge you or tell you you're "not disabled enough" by comparing your chronic pain to theirs, or anything like that. And anyone who tries is gonna be the one who's not welcome in the community.

Here I've copied the original principles and rules of Cripplepunk:

Principles of Cripple Punk:

Cripple punk is exclusively by the physically disabled for the physically disabled

Cripple punk is about solidarity & is open to all physically disabled people

Cripple punk rejects pity, inspiration porn, & all other forms of ableism

Cripple punk rejects the “good cripple” mythos. Cripple punk is here for the bitter cripple, the uninspirational cripple, the smoking cripple, the drinking cripple, the addict cripple, the cripple who hasn’t “tried everything”

Cripple punk fights internalized ableism & fully supports those struggling  with it

Cripple punk respects intersections of race, culture, gender, sexual/romantic orientation, size, intersex status, mental illness/neuroatypical status, survivor status, etc.

Cripple punk recognizes that there is no one universal disabled experience

[originally italicized for emphasis] Cripple punk does not pander to the able bodied

Rules of Cripple Punk:

Cripple punk is not conditional on things like mobility aids & “functioning levels”

Always listen to those w/ different physical disabilities & different intersections than yourself. Do not speak over them

Disabled people do not need to personally identify w/ the words “cripple” or “punk” individually to be a part of cripple punk

Able bodied people wishing to spread the message may only ever amplify the voices of the disabled

Able bodied people may never use uncensored slurs themselves, but never censor our language

Able bodied people must always tag things like reblogs with “I’m able bodied”

Physically disabled people wanting to be a part of the movement who are uncomfortable using the slur may refer to it as “cpunk”

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

Shit i think i might be a narcissist what do i do

I’ve been told my whole life being a narcissist is bad and my bro and mom are both diagnosed narcissists but they’re also abusive n i was told its bc of their npd but im trying to get away from that mentality

heyo! first of all, take a deep breath, you're going to be okay. a lot of people can tend to panic or spiral when they first find out they have NPD because of society's stigma surrounding it, but please remind yourself that NPD is not a death sentence and having it says nothing about if you're a good or bad person. having a disorder is not a moral statement, it's something out of your control.

similarly, you and your abusers sharing a disorder in common does not mean you're automatically going to turn out abusive as well. a lot of abuse victims in general tend to worry that they're going to turn out like their abusers, but rest assured that doesn't have to be the case and acknowledging your disorder + getting the help you need when/if you can makes it even less likely that will be the case.

in reality, your mother having NPD and you + your brother also developing NPD most likely means you were genetically predisposed to it. PDs in general develop from a mix of environmental and genetic factors, meaning some people are more likely to develop them when exposed to traumatic events in childhood.

for example, both my parents are most likely cluster b (my father having NPD and my mother having BPD) so when i experienced trauma in childhood, i was more likely to develop those disorders and similar ones. none of this means you or me are automatically going to turn out to be abusive like them, having the disorder is once again something completely out of our control.

there is nothing inherently wrong with having NPD or any disorder for that matter. it doesn't make you bad, or morally wrong, or inherently abusive. undoing internalized ableism and stigma you've learned can be hard, but it's important and you will get there eventually. attempt to be patient and kind with yourself through that process. again, you're going to be okay and you're doing great.

[arecaceae175]

Autistic LU chain headcannons!

Including some gender and sexuality bc for me those are very tied to my autism. Most of this is rooted in their personalities, but some of this just appeared in my mind and didn't go away XD. Infodump incoming!!! :D

Time

Time uses they/them pronouns bc they literally have no idea what gender is

Has a lot of verbal shutdown episodes. They're able to communicate with sign language most of the time

Almost completely nonverbal as a child (Mask era)

When they do speak it's very monotone

More shutdowns than meltdowns

Time does really prolonged eye contact (to the point of awkward for allistics) bc it's all or nothing for them

Favorite stims: humming, playing ocarina, tapping their chest/collarbone

Lots of verbal stims, so nonverbal episodes and shutdowns can be hard to recover from since they can't do their favorite stims

If given the opportunity, they will only drink milk. No other sustenance.

Must be reminded to eat, can't interpret their bodies' internal cues very well

Very confrontational - will absolutely throw hands at ableists

So incredibly loyal. Once they think you're family, they will never, ever, ever let you go or let anything happen to you

Special interests: cows, masks (as a child, not as prominent anymore), and Time has memorized every single "dad joke" they've ever heard and LOVE telling jokes to break tension or cheer the others up

Asexual, biromantic, sex-positive

Warriors

Highest masking because of his time as a soldier

Hard for allistics to identify as autistic bc he's so good at masking

He has a lot of anxiety surrounding unmasking and showing his autistic traits, so he simply does not

That obviously doesn't work, so during the war he was constantly stressed and had meltdowns or shutdowns very frequently

Zelda and Impa tried to help, but there was so much going on that they couldn't do much

Mask and Wind helped a LOT during the war. Warriors wanted to make sure they were taken care of and could show their autistic traits, so he became a lot more comfortable with his own and created a more accepting environment

SO good at people reading, because he just memorized everything and watched everyone's every move

That gets quite overwhelming and causes shutdowns a lot

Doesn't have verbal shutdown episodes super often, but when he did in the war Proxi would copy his voice and speak for him. He's able to communicate with sign

Scarf is comfort item

The most ritualistic of the whole chain. Wars has very specific routines for most things that he does, and breaking routine is the biggest reason he has meltdowns

His meltdowns are very internalized, and he just likes to be left alone

He is now very confrontational about ableism

Also very very very loyal

He also has a lot of black and white thinking, and a strong sense of justice

Favorite stims: swaying while standing, shifting weight from foot to foot, spinning

When he's really happy he'll bring his arms up and like shake them back and forth in front of himself? Like his hands are flapping/shaking back and forth, but in fists, and his elbows are bent to his hands are almost in front of his face (I can see it in my mind but I'm having trouble explaining it)

Special interests: battle strategizing (could tell you very specific facts about any battle from any point in time that he's studied), loves to sew

Asexual, aromantic, sex-neutral

Wind

He has never once sat still in his entire life

Has never finished anything in a timely manner, ever

Always asks a lot of clarification questions, and he gets confused when allistic people get offended by his questions

Also has ADHD

Little to no voice volume control

That becomes an issue with the Links that are more sound sensitive, so it's something they're all trying to work on finding a compromise for

Favorite stims: rocking, chewing

He has a chewy stim toy that he wears around his neck. Grandma made it for him so he would stop putting things in his mouth

Loves the sensory aspects of being underwater

Always walking on his toes. As a child he was always toe walking, but his Grandma didn't know to correct that, so now Wind physically can't stand flat footed for long periods of time

He has a lot of trouble with routine. The autistic part of him wants the routine, but the ADHD wants spontaneity and usually wins

Has a lot of trouble keeping his things tidy and with personal hygiene (Wars helps with hygiene bc he is excellent at it due to his routines)

He doesn't really have shutdowns, just meltdowns

They involve a lot of loud screaming and self-injurious behavior

Biggest sensory issues: FOOD (bc he wasn't introduced to a lot of different foods and textures on Outset Island), under-stimulation

Special interests: sailing, pirates, also characters from a storybook his Grandma used to read to him and Ayrll every single night (at Wind's insistence)

Hyperverbal

Most likely to infodump

Asexual, aromantic, sex-repulsed

Wild

No gender. What's gender. Genderfluid, changes pronouns based on mood, and usually sticks with one set for long periods of time

Lost the ability to mask when they lost their memories

So they're the easiest for allistics to identify as autistic

Most people in their world don't care, but they have experienced some ableism since they can't mask

Entirely nonverbal. They use the sheikah slate as an AAC device

Cloak is comfort item

Favorite stims: hand flapping and bouncing on their toes

They walk almost exclusively on their toes and always have the dinosaur hands

Even mix of meltdowns and shutdowns

SO so so bad at understanding body language, sarcasm, etc.

They have a lot of trouble existing in a group. Like they'll wander off or do something dangerous and then not really understand why what they did was wrong (BUT they still love the chain of course)

Biggest sensory issues: crowds, lots of voices talking at once

LOVE deep pressure

Special interest: cooking, horses, cataloguing plants in the sheikah slate

Pre-calamity one of their special interests was sheikah tech, so they secretly LOVED going around with Flora researching sheikah tech

Asexual, panromantic, sex-repulsed

(Despite these being my autistic wild headcannons, I use almost none of these in Authenticity lol. Wild's autistic traits in that fic are primarily based on my own)

Legend

Gender?? Who's she?? Genderfluid, similar to Wild, but pronouns change more frequently

Not very good at accommodating themself

They often push themself WAY past their limits and then have long burnout periods

But they've gotta save the world, so it's fine, right? (Answer is no. It is very bad)

Must be reminded to sleep, and they have a lot of issues with sleeping

They often come across as rude to allistics, but that is generally not their intention, they're just bad at (allistic) communication

When they intend to be rude you'll KNOW

They have a really hard time communicating feelings and emotions, which frustrates them a lot and is hard for people trying to help them

This is especially an issue for the chain bc most of the time none of them can "read between the lines" and figure out what Legend is trying to say

Has never once gotten rid of anything because what if they need it? And also it is a part of their stuff and it has it's very specific place, so if it was gone then that place would be empty and then what would they do??????

Everything has a Place and they HATE when people touch or move their stuff

Biggest sensory issues: clothing, textures

Pants are a battle. People have given up.

Pants make Legend's legs THROB and feel like thousands of tiny knives are stabbing their skin. So they simply do not wear pants

Favorite stims: twirling their rings and other jewelry, rubbing good textures, humming (Marin's song)

Harmful stims: hitting things or themself (usually hitting their thighs)

Special interests: magical items, jewelry (jewelry with magical properties are the COOLEST SHIT)

Pansexual, polyamorous

Hyrule

There is no gender here. Gender makes no sense. They/them

They also have ADHD

Love asking questions because they want to understand every single detail of all these new exciting eras

Absolutely can't tell what tone they speak in

Really bad at paying attention to their surroundings

Attention span is practically nonexistent

They often wander off without even meaning to and don't realize until they're completely lost

Sometimes need to be reminded to do self care tasks

Have frequent verbal shutdown episodes that last for a long time. They can communicate with sign, and they also sometimes stick close to Wild and use Wild's AAC slate function

Favorite stim: running their hands through their hair (their hair is almost always dirty bc of this), shaking/twisting their hands

Harmful stim: skin picking

The skin picking is an ISSUE because it sometimes causes blood, and the blood curse is a thing

Biggest sensory issues: crowds and voices and also bright lights

Tendency to freeze and shut down when overwhelmed (this was an issue a lot during their adventures, but not so much now that the chain has their back)

Special interests: biology/anatomy, and there's a series of books they once found in an abandoned town that they LOVE. Books are hard to come by in their era so those are their absolute most prized possession

Asexual, aromantic, sex-repulsed

Sky

Bi-gender, he/she

Comfort items: sailcloth, Loftwing plush toy from Zelda, Master Sword

He carries around the loftwing plush absolutely everywhere he goes. She has a special protected pocket in his bag for when it isn't safe to carry her in his hands. Her name is Brenda (because my favorite stuffed animal friend is named Brenda and I'm in charge XD)

Favorite stims: jumping/bouncing in place, flapping his arms like a loftwing, humming, moving his fingers in the motions of playing his harp

Harmful stims: pulling her hair, hitting his ears when overstimulated

Eye contact???? Absolutely not. She will look everywhere except the person speaking to her

His biggest sensory sensitivity is sound

There was never much going on in Skyloft (other than things he was used to) and it's pretty small, so he got VERY easily overwhelmed on the Surface when he first started his adventure. Fi often had to guide her to a safe spot where he could get through a meltdown or shutdown

She still gets really easily overwhelmed and usually is nonverbal for the first bit of time after a portal shift while he adjusts to his surroundings

He's not great at communicating at all during his verbal shutdown episodes

When she gets overwhelmed she freezes and shuts down. He's more likely to have a meltdown once he's in a safe place

Since he gets overwhelmed so easily, Sky needs a LOT of sleep. More so than the other Links. Sky is banned from taking middle watch

She loves doing tasks that require intricate detail, like woodcarving and embroidery

Special interests: loftwings of course

As a child Sky related much more to her loftwing than he did any people, so his relationship with his loftwing is one of the most important things in her life

Bisexual, polyamorous

Got SO confused when people say he isn't supposed to have more than one partner

Like why??? He likes them both??? The more the merrier???? Makes no sense, does not comprehend

Twilight

Very good at routines. He loves routines. They're so great

Also, similarly, patterns. Twilight can pick out patterns in anything

He gets really irritated when something breaks pattern or is slightly uneven

He loves being on a farm and doing morning routines of feeding the animals

He's always always always related more to animals than people

Animals make sense, people don't

He's still not very good at allistic "social standards," so he's among the easiest for allistics to identify as autistic

Hyper-empathetic

But he doesn’t always know how to help. Wolfie is great for this

He has trouble with the sensory changes that come with shifting to/from his wolf form. Wolves and Hylians have very different sensory experiences, so adjusting between the two takes him a while. Once he's adjusted it's fine, it's just the adjusting itself that's hard

Has verbal shutdown episodes after meltdowns. They don't last super long, and he can usually talk again after a good night's sleep. He can communicate with sign during the episodes

Wolf pelt is comfort item

Favorite stims: touching good textures, rocking, humming

Harmful stims: biting his knuckles

Absolute favorite stim is rubbing his soft wolf pelt on his face, specifically over his mouth and on his upper lip

Special interests: goats, wolves. He knows every. Single. Fact.

Second most likely to infodump

Asexual, biromantic, sex-positive

Four

Too much gender to pick just one. They/them

Comfort item: a little wooden action figure toy thing their grandpa made for them. Four's had it their whole life and never ever goes anywhere without it. It's usually in a special pocket on the inside of their tunic

Most black and white thinker of the group

Four can't grasp or comprehend any nuance or sarcasm or anything in the abstract

They ask SO MANY questions, bc that is their way of understanding the world

They don't really understand most of Time's dad jokes, but they like it when the others laugh

Must be reminded to eat and drink water

Does not like touching other people or being touched by other people

Has more meltdowns than shutdowns

Their little body can't contain all the big feelings and the feelings have to come out somehow

Like Legend they also have a lot of trouble communicating feelings and needs

Biggest sensory issue: sensory symmetry. Everything must be even!!! Also big feelings ^

Favorite stims: they really like the smell of metal, bouncing on toes, spinning, love stim toys

Four never really stops stimming, but they've learned to do it discreetly (bc masking)

They love tinkering, and they love stim toys, so they've made themself a LOT of stim toys. They also love making stim toys for the rest of the chain. (They made a perfectly silent and very discreet one for Wars bc he has the most trouble unmasking)

Harmful stims: head banging

Special interest: tools. Four wants collect every tool in existence, and wants to know exactly what it does. Especially blacksmithing tools, bc Four also really likes blacksmithing

Demisexual, biromantic

Disclaimer: every autistic person has a different way of experiencing the world. I am only one person, so my experience is largely limited to myself. I tried to have links be very diverse in their experiences :)

Feel free to add some of your own autistic or otherwise neurodivergent headcannons!!!!!

[raspberryjellybrains]

I always feel weird saying I'm disabled, even though I literally am.

it's like "yeah here's a list of things which actively and often make it difficult to socialize, inhibit my ability to perform important tasks in all spheres or life, and generally worsen or alter my overall experience. they aren't disabilities though, they're quirks and I need to cope better. I am a well-adjusted person."

and I realize it's just internalized ableism. I know it's that I'm used to having to downplay and compartmentalize my negative feelings and experiences, and having what I can't help but express be dismissed, but it still feels weird and wrong to say. it's also like... for the most part, I can push through. I'll be miserable and inevitably drop more minor things just to survive but I'll make it through. and sometimes I won't even struggle, sometimes I'm totally fine and can do everything with relative ease, and it feels like that negates the fact that sometimes I can't do anything. if it can be better, it should be all the time, right? I just need to try harder.

but it's so hard to talk about this irl because it's such a heavy, tricky conversation to have and I always feel like I'm five seconds away from having someone tell me I'm dramatic and full of shit. as I type this, my legs are going numb from the way I'm sitting (leaning forward cross-legged) and I know when I sit up, it will hurt intensely to get feeling back, but it's the only sustainable way to sit on the floor without hurting my shoulders and neck. I have a long essay to write and a dorm room to clean because I've been horribly depressed all week.

i am disabled. it's just hard to say it.

[stormy-talks]

Hello. I am the anon that sent that ask to @/our-queer-experience about otherkin being insane. I was going through the responses and saw your comment, inviting me to ask anything.

I wanted to thank you.

And. Well.

I wanted to ask, why are you all so sure that this is not a mental health condition? Because after seeing the responses from different people, I'm still not at all convinced that you all are not insane.

Someone else answered with their experience and feelings about the topic and asked me to take a moment to consider if I believe that "you all being actually insane would mean that it is alright for me to be mean to you" or something like that and, honestly? No. I do not believe that. I would never be mean to someone for being otherkin, I am not going to argue with you or try to convince you you are human, I know you are not doing anything wrong, you are not putting yourselves nor anyone else in danger, you do you, it doesn't affect me. (but I'm still going to check myself for internalized ableism anyways.)

I sent another ask after that one, I don't know if you saw it, explaining this. The thing is that I don't want to just go on with my life thinking that you all are just clinically ill people. I want to at least try to understand, at least take a moment to ask questions and listen to the answers.

I know that there is a possibility that there is not something wrong with you, maybe it is something wrong with me. And I do not like being wrong. So if that's the case, I need to know so I can fix it. Acknowledging that I am being stupid is the first step to stop being stupid.

Also like I know it is not anybody's job to educate me and it doesn't matter what I think about you and your experiences. I am nobody and you all are still worthy of respect. Me not understanding something doesn't give me the right to be an asshole about it.

I am defending myself too much lmao sorry. This ended up much longer than intended.

I just want you to know that I appreciate you wanting to take the time to answer to me and explain this stuff to me, and that I am not coming from a place of hate and I don't pretend to "win an argument."

Well, anon. If you were concerned it's a mental health condition, I would hope you'd be an advocate for people with such an experience. But, with your use of the word "insane" in conjunction with "mental health condition", then I can only imagine you do not actually choose to be an ally to people with such conditions.

Bigotry in secret is still bigotry. On the outside, you'll be accepting and amicable. But you see us as insane behind anonymity. I also wouldn't call the use of "insane" internalized ableism. You did not internalize that.

There are a number of otherkin experiences ranging from psychological to spiritual to many more. There isn't really one way to explain otherkinity and invalidating one experience invalidates them all. So I won't spare you with "But some of them aren't psychologically otherkin at all! Sometimes it's a spiritual belief!" They're all real and valid experiences.

It's no different than plurality. In fact, it all fall under the same label of alterhuman. Sometimes it's something clinical, sometimes it's something more. We all have varying experiences with our bodies and our minds, and it doesn't always feel right to consider ourselves human. Something else pulls us away from that. There's a nagging feeling that our bodies and minds just aren't suited to the human experience.

Humans are complicated, but we don't always choose to be complicated.

You had the right idea by saying that we're not hurting anyone or putting ourselves in danger. You are so very close to being on the right track. Even if for some reason it's true that we are "clinically ill", how does that change the validity of our experiences? Yes, a number of otherkin are actually otherkin because of delusions, but they are still very much welcome in the community with open arms because they have very real experiences not unlike any other such identity.

Knowing why we're otherkin, not knowing why - it doesn't have any real effect on you. You can go about your day. But for us, we don't get to just stop being us. Instead, we have to fight to explain why being human just doesn't always work. We have to explain an identity not everyone fully understands. We don't know why it happens, but it doesn't hurt us. I think if anything, it helps us better understand ourselves by leaning into it.

[navree]

I remember one of your answers you said that the most similar characters to Aegon are Tyrion,Theon,and Aeron why these three specifically ? I'm curious

So for those who don't remember that, this was specifically about who I would compare show!Aegon to in response to all those people who were like "omg new Joffrey" even tho he's not like Joffrey at all (there's an ask about that somewhere but I can't locate it at the moment), and I do believe I said that show!Aegon reads more to me as an amalgamation of Tyrion, Theon, and Aeron.

All three of them share a common trait in that they have used or still do use debauchery as a coping mechanism for deep internal wounds. Tyrion drinks way too much and frequents sex workers because of the ableism he's endured all his life and the abuse he's suffered at the hands of his family, Theon is vain and unserious and cocky to make up for his feelings of otherness and displacement due to being a hostage at Winterfell, Aeron very likely was using drinking and whoring and playing around to try and deal with the lasting trauma from being a victim of sexual abuse, and Aegon, as I've mentioned numerous times, is clearly a wastrel who hardcore abuses susbtances to deal with the fact that he feels not only unloved but genuinely unlovable. Each of them developed unhealthy and negative coping mechanisms to deal with feeling pained deep inside in ways that they feel cannot be alleviated, only medicated and steadfastly ignored, and this has negatively impacted how they're viewed by others, including by members of their own families, which only compounds the feelings of isolation that they all deal with (Tyrion again due to being the undesired dwarf son, Theon due to being sent away, Aeron due to just having consciously separated himself and devoted himself to the Drowned God, Aegon due to being seen as a disappointment by his mother and his siblings in spite of their love for him).

Complicated relationships with their families is something that they all share, though to varying degrees of toxicity. Tyrion and Aeron have it worse, since Tyrion was put down and viciously abused by his father and his sister, and by Jaime due to his complicity in the Tysha debacle, and Aeron not only doesn't appear to have been close to any of his brothers (with the exception of traumabonding with Urri, who he harbors a lot of guilt for "killing" before his conversion) but was also serially molested by one of them, which has had a longlasting impact in the form of what's clearly severely untreated PTSD. But Theon himself feels outcast from his family due to the time he spent in Winterfell and how they seem to blame him for the crime of being a hostage, and Aegon's feelings that his family doesn't love him in spite of how much he cares is just the vicious cycle of parents and children and siblings fucking each other up until he and Alicent start clearing the air with the "do you love me" exchange and trying to defend each other from Meleys. They've also got complex sibling dynamics that are all messy and not easy to untangle (Tyrion with Jaime and Cersei, Aeron and his brothers even aside from Euron being his abuser, Theon and Asha, Aegon and Aemond and Helaena but particularly Aemond, as I have ranted about substantially in the past) and that are all going to play huge parts in whatever arcs remain to them for the rest of the series.

Aegon's similarities with Aeron himself have already been more firml outlined, such as a tendency to turn to religion when dealing with bad things happening to them and a lack of personal closeness to others, and again, bad coping mechanisms. Theon and Aegon share that feeling of isolation specific to having an otherwise cohesive family unit, like the way Asha is not only so much more at home in Pyke than he is but also how much closer she is to Baelon than he is, and how she views herself as better than him (though not without reason), while Aegon clearly feels at odds with how close his mother and Aemond are, and his own feelings of inadequacy as it relates to Aemond even as he loves him and Aemond's apparent disdain for him, since we know that Aegon is willing to go to the mat for Aemond (ironically not dissimilar to the way that Asha does for Theon), though Aemond himself is willing to also go to the mat for his brother and that relationship is only going to get more codependent as the show goes on. Tyrion and Aegon also share a similarity in how their arcs are going to go, as Tyrion is clearly spiraling further and further into darkness and is likely going to be a corrupting influence on Dany before he's either pulled back or goes all the way and dies, much like how Aegon himself is going to slip slower and slower into darkness and ruthlessness, culminating in how he executes Rhaenyra and how he almost kinslays Baela, both motivated by strong feelings of loss and feeling that there's nothing left (Tyrion killed his dad and feels he lost Jaime due to the Tysha confession and not to mention his entire feelings of hopelessness about Tysha and that tragedy, while Aegon's going to lose nearly all of his family members and the near death of Baela is motivated by his grief over losing Sunfyre). And there's a minor thread in the connection to food and poison, and Tyrion wonders in ADWD if The Mushrooms are poisoned, while Aegon himself does die of poisoning (either murder or suicide).

I think all three characters share similarities with the show's interpretation of Aegon, both as a group and on their own individual merits, certainly more than fucking Joffrey.

[cripplecharacters]

Hi! Do you have any advice specifically about writing a disabled character that wasn't born with their disability but that was critically injured? Like the first few months. The mindset of going from being abled to disabled and figuring stuff out. (I don't necessarily plan on writing from their pov because I can't speak on it but they're still a main character and having more knowledge about it would be helpful while writing!)

Hi there, thanks for your ask!

Keep in mind that the way you write this character will likely vary depending on what the injury is, and what the resulting disability is.

I'm going to answer this as someone who became physically disabled with fibromyalgia in adulthood due to a serious injury (spontaneous pneumothorax/lung collapse with long-term healing complications).

Here are some of the things I experienced that a newly physically disabled person might feel in the first months after their injury:

Some degree of confusion or denial. They might still wonder why they haven't fully healed from their injury and can't live their life the same way, because they've internalized their sense of ability so deeply.

They'll likely push themselves too hard multiple times, trying to test out how far they can push themselves without consequences.

They might initially refuse or be too afraid to ask for help when they need it and instead try to push through.

Experimenting with available treatments, like medications, physiotherapy, etc. These might vary depending on your setting.

They'll have a hard time letting go of anything that was important to them that they can no longer do the same way and search for alternative ways to do them where possible.

Reliance on their support system more than ever before. There will be good days and bad days. They might ask for reassurance more often.

They might feel frustrated and lash out when people try to push them past their limits, make insensitive comments about their disability, or draw comparisons between who they are now and who they were before their injury. Comments like, "Once you get better...," or "Stay positive, you never know what might happen," will make it harder for them to go through their natural grieving process.

They will notice ableism far more than they ever did before, especially if they now have mobility issues. If your story is set in the real world, this will feel overwhelming, depressing and infuriating to them, because ableism is everywhere.

They might re-organize their living space to be more accessible to them, and become more comfortable doing things in an unorthodox or unusual way if it works for them.

Re-evaluating their goals, values and desires. They'll start to let go of things they didn't actually want all that much, and focus more on the things they genuinely love.

Seeking connection with other physically disabled people! This will help them accept the changes in their life more than almost anything else.

Keep in mind that these are all personal, subjective, and dependent on a person's circumstances when they sustain debilitating injury. For example, it's easier to cope with acquiring a physical disability if you're financially well-off and can afford specialized medical care, compared to someone who can't.

Writing a newly disabled character can be very difficult as your instinct might be to write self-loathing, depressed characters. I'd advise to steer clear of this, and instead try to write characters exploring new lifestyles and learning new things about themselves in the process. Don't shy away from writing grieving characters, but that shouldn't be the only thing you depict the character feeling! Sure, my life might have been easier on the surface if I hadn't sustained that injury, but it's taught me a lot and I appreciate the emotional growth it fostered in me and the relationships I've built and strengthened in the process.

Overall, remember that a newly disabled character is struggling first and foremost with losing access to things that are designed to be inaccessible to disabled people. The problem the character is facing shouldn't be that they feel bad about being disabled, it should be the fact that they're now reckoning with societal inaccessibility and ableism in a way that they never had to before.

As always, this ask is open for input from anyone who's acquired a disability after an injury!

-Mod Faelan

[hamliet]

So, I love your meta and your takes and so I want to know what you think about Xie Qing Cheng's noble idiot phase - more specifically why he doesn't see that what he's doing to He Yu is not really much to He Yu's benefit (I have my theories but I never put things into words/analyze as well and as thoroughly as you do.)

Also, since you've read all three of Meatbun's danmei, which one of her mains is the most screwed up? That one is a tough one for me :P

Ahhhh!!! Thank you; I love your takes too!! I always check out your chapter commentaries because they're so good!

I honestly think it's mostly what I said here: it's not about He Yu at all. It's about Xie Qingcheng lashing out at himself:

Xie Qingcheng is projecting all his internalized homophobia, his internalized ableism over his own mental illness, his own inability to forgive himself, his own immaturity, and his own self-hatred onto He Yu.

As for how he tells himself this is for He Yu's good when it so clearly is not and goes against everything Xie Qingcheng has preached earlier, I think it's twofold, and both of these reasons are rooted in how Xie Qingcheng unconsciously views He Yu as a part of himself, as in many respects a younger him who has the chances Xie Qingcheng doesn't. These reasons are:

Xie Qingcheng hates himself so much that he doesn't think he deserves He Yu, so he's punishing himself by pushing He Yu away; and

Xie Qingcheng views He Yu as a part of himself, so he's hurting He Yu to hurt himself.

Obviously I don't think he's doing this deliberately, and obviously it is contradictory, but the motivations of humans often are just that: we're unable to fully grasp our complexity, and as Xie Qingcheng is someone who is less empathetic than He Yu, he also struggles with getting out of his own head and seeing the world from another perspective.

I've said before, as well, that Xie Qingcheng is very egocentric--in a childlike way. This causes him to see himself in others around him, but that's not actually empathy so much as it is projection. He's simultaneously, paradoxically, trying to save himself by working so hard to save others, and also trying to harm himself because he hates himself.

He really wants to exist. He just doesn't think he has the right to. He's a child struggling to be born, wanting to live but afraid to at the same time.

He ultimately needs He Yu because, strangely enough, He Yu helps him feel alive.

As for her mains... in order from Most Messed Up to Least:

Xie Qingcheng

He Yu 

Mo Ran

Chu Wanning

Mo Xi

Gu Mang 

*sweats* but yeah, that’s my list. 

[fuck-abled-people]

I've been feeling a little petty lately so here's the story of my ablest mother discovering she's disabled! This one's a little bit weird so bear with me here.

Over the past year I've been trying a lot harder to get actual help and diagnoses for a variety of disabilities I've dealt with basically my whole life. I have chronic pain and fatigue and deal with a variety of mental illnesses/neuro divergence but despite the tons of signs literally no one in my family seemed to notice.

And it was a huge struggle trying to get my parents to understand at first. My dad more often than not just couldn't get why "normal" tasks were so hard for me. But my mom and I got into it a lot once I started pushing more for accommodations. She kept getting pissed that I wouldn't just get over my roadblocks and then I'd get pissed that she was treating circumventing my disabilities like a chance to make them "go away".

Well lo and behold, after I started this whole thing of researching my symptoms, my younger sibling started doing it too. And once they started suspecting they were autistic, my mom started asking questions. And wouldn't you know it, guess who else in our family is most likely autistic and didn't know depression and anxiety disorders are in fact disabilities?

My mom!

Tbh, I'm not that mad at her anymore. I know she dealt with a lot of ableism growing up that made her think the way she did and that she really does try. Parents are people too and they're gonna make mistakes. It just gives me whiplash sometimes thinking about it. I had to fight tooth and nail to leave school when the stress was practically killing me only for her to put the pieces together like two years later.

We are making progress now though, and I'm doing a lot better! Simply very tired thinking about the roller coaster of the past couple years and wanted somewhere to complain.

Her internalized ableism might be a great explanation for the way that she's treated you, but it sure as hell ain't an excuse.

[theorangedead]

I think what a lot of people don't get is that being aware of the potentially bigoted and harmful parts of a piece of media isn't about punishing yourself for liking it. It's really, really not. Someone can be aware of the harmful parts of a piece of media without like, bearing it like an anchor. Also, I think you are obligated to be aware of the harmful parts of media, because awareness isn't about punishing yourself or limiting your enjoyment of the media. Casting off awareness of the ways the media you consume isn't just casting off moral Puritanism, because awareness isn't about punishment. It's about how media affects you.

Yes, media affects people. Including mentally healthy adults. You don't have to be a child or "delusional" to be affected by media and I'm tired of hearing those arguments and the weird ableism in then. The whole point of media is to affect us, in a wide variety of complex ways. It's not like hypnotism forcing you to do things, but it's also not like it exists in a complete bubble away from the rest of your personality and beliefs. Media presents the world a certain way and that helps us all build and construct our perceptions of the world. Representation in media directly affects how many people perceive the world. And the easiest way to be in more control of how media affects your perception is to be aware of it.

The thing is, if media defends and minimizes racism and you watch it without being aware of it at all you're really likely to internalize that defense and minimization. And I have seen this. I have seen people defending racism/antisemitism/misogyny in media by literally repeating arguments also used to defend real life racism because those were built into the media and people aren't aware of it. These can be people who are already blatantly bigoted, but they can also be people a little blinded by their privilege who think of themselves as an ally and good person.

One example people repeating stuff like "but they're contented and happy being slaves!" To defend slavery being cool in fiction when those arguments were also used in real life. Just being aware that it's iffy to have slavery being portrayed as totally cool in fiction instead of being unaware and lashing out when someone critiqued it could have not lead to them full-throatedly defending slavery. Just a bit of awareness that the media you consume can be really flawed and wrong, especially if it's clunkily dealing with sensitive issues, can help you to avoid parroting bigotry and stuff like "but it wasn't right to interference in the Holocaust!" for the sake of liking a bit of media. I think if you're relatively privileged some awareness of bigotry and potential bigotry is needed not as some sort of weird moral penance, but just to stop you from perpetuating it.

You don't have to punish yourself or make up for liking something Problematic(tm), but you do have an obligation not to perpetuate bigotry and harm against others. Which means you have to try to not internalize bigotry in flawed media, which takes some amount of awareness. We don't owe each other moral flawlessness and perfection, but we do owe each other a good faith effort not to harm others, especially others who are already hurting or marginalized.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

The English speaking part of the hobby is definitely the worst one I've ever experienced. People constantly bitching and whining, throwing weird tantrums when they don't get their way. People throwing absolutely bottom-tier shade at each other. Constant petty fights between people for dumb shit, and even dumber complaints "Ugh this person on the BJD discord DARES post pics of their BJD!" Complaining about doll diversity, then not supporting diverse artists and sculpts.

And the absolute exhausting amount of Americans who in international-doll spaces get huffy about US-politics towards Non-Americans because they don't get there's a world beyond their country, and when told it's a BJD hobby, talking about how NON-US people "Don't care about important things!" Never met an American who gave a single shit about Politics in the rest of the world, but demanded we all know WTF is going on in the US

People constantly trying to tell you how to enjoy your dolls. People claiming everyone steals or copies design for the most basic of bullshit, that even a dog could come up with. People letting scammers get away with scamming, repeatedly because they're too chickenshit to do a PP refund and call out the artist. Absolute insane artist worship for shitty artists, where everyone knows the artist is shitty. The embarrassing state of Ableism in the hobby, openly without people wanting to acknowledge it. Scapegoating, and just all that other BS.

~Anonymous

[irkenheretic]

ok im acting a fool now this has nothing to do with your au at all (i know, big fail and not what u asked) But when u make writings of any kind, given the state of the fandom, do u ever feel like it’s WORTH posting (u can read that however u wanna)

or does it take a lot of convincing internally to get u to do so

(this ended up delving into some pretty dark topics like incest, rape, and ableism so uh just a forewarning so yall arent . blindsided by that)

i ask for Fun AU Content and i get Pain . Suffering, even. youre unvited to my birthday party 😭

but in all seriousness.... i don't.

its like... i put a lot into my fics. even the oneshots already posted, i put a lot into it. and most people dont really.... care much

a lot of people like to claim that this fandom has no hierarchy of "more popular" and "less popular" but the funny thing is, people that say that the most are the popular people. there is a very clear social ladder here where there are people at the top that can do basically whatever and get fawned over, and then theres Everyone Else and they dont get that kind of acclaim.

which, thats not a Bad Thing to observe. this is common in literally every fandom and pretending like we're somehow "above" that is seriously disingenuous- we're not. popular users like i said can do basically whatever and people still love them. its disheartening when "basically whatever" means "put out work i personally dont think is very good." its downright insulting when "basically whatever" means "get away with being a flat-out cunt 'cause people are too scared of you to call you on it."

so its like... is this what im making content for? assholes, and the people that excuse them? why would i want them to read my stuff? for all i know, one day i'm gonna wake up and have my callout strewn about because, and im gonna be honest with yall here: anarchisma has some seriously fucked up plot points. its a dark au. and some of the plot points arent dark, theyre just odd. there's an incestuous couple and its never really made into a Thing theyre just There. its not a Statement on how Incest Is Bad, theyre literally just vibing and thats their Thing and its not seen as a Bad Character Trait to be Fixed And Amended. their main problem is codependency and shoving themselves into the box of "the weird people" at the detriment of their real personalities. at the end of their (background) arc, they resolve both their issues... but they're still in a relationship with each other. most people in this fandom, even the ones that claim they're Not Antis cause they Like The Bad Ship, would at best think this is fucking weird and at worst try to doxx me over it. on the other side of the coin, there's a character that attends a trial for their own childhood rape. and since the trial includes memory playbacks, the worst thing in this guy's life (so far) is being played on The Big Screen. its... im planning for it to be described in-detail, because its supposed to make you uncomfortable. the victim is the pov character in this instance and the inclusion of the detail is supposed to make you, the reader, feel the same bone-deep revulsion and discomfort that they felt watching their own trauma unfold in front of basically their society's equivalent to God. but yk, its commonly accepted that Rape Scene Bad (and yeah there's a good argument for that, gratuitous scenes like that just for the sake of torture porn arent.... good..... but im not gonna get into that here cause thats a more nuanced topic than i feel comfortable tackling on my Invader Zim Tumblr Blog) but the point is like, will the mere inclusion of that scene lead to people hating me? nobody in this fucking fandom has any Reading Comprehension to maybe think about wether the scene is just gratuitous for thee sake of gratuity or if its like.... actually. serving a purpose. hell, am i gonna get angry people in my inbox now, over a scene that isn't even confirmed to be included?

some characters have confirmed mental illnesses; am i gonna get people in the comments explaining to me how An Autistic Character Would Never Do Something Like That or try and excuse the pretty fucking reprehensible actions of certain people because of their autism? would they come after me for making an autistic character immoral? (fun facts: lefy's autistic! hes also one of the most immoral characters in the whole protagonist lineup.... but also, you get why he did what he did. jerkass woobie, remember.) and on the other side, some characters have confirmed ASPD! am i gonna get idiots in my comment section explaining to me that She Can't Be A Sociopath Because She Loves Her Family And Has A Boyfriend? (note for everyone else: i have ASPD.) if i have to have my own disorder condescendingly explained to me in my comments i am GOING to lose my mind

i know this makes it sound like i have a pretty low opinion of this fandom... and i do! kind of? i know there are a lot of smart, talented people here. i admire the work of so many creators and i love seeing certain people in my notes (if you regularly like my original posts, i know your url by heart and i love you)

but no matter how good the good side is, theres always gonna be a bad side. for every fan of my au there's gonna be some dipshit that saw "rapr," didn't read the rest of the tags, gets shocked that the first story is about miscarriage, and tries to take it out on me for writing it in the first place, rather than realizing it was their dumb ass that didn't read the fucking tags.

i have some OC-centric oneshots. they're going to be a part of anarchisma as chapters in a defect-centered anthology. the anthology serves to introduce certain characters or concepts that were too clunky to introduce anywhere else in the text. i have "the worst job in the empire," which i've showed to a lot of people, and they all liked it. i have the "little green candies" fic, which im pretty sure im infamous for among my friends cause its freaked out everyone i showed it to. i have two other fics i think are really good

sometimes i think about posting them.

and then i remember nobody really cares about ocs unless theres art attached. a lot of art, and only if its past a certain threshold of "quality." if i post that stuff to the wider public and nobody cares i'm gonna be really upset, honestly. itd kill my motivation, and id rather live in a fantasy where my au is popular, than post au content and realize that it probably never will be.