#and im just reminded of this by a recent conversation with a friend. i also dont think of my struggles as being especially profound but i

[raspberryjellybrains]

I always feel weird saying I'm disabled, even though I literally am.

it's like "yeah here's a list of things which actively and often make it difficult to socialize, inhibit my ability to perform important tasks in all spheres or life, and generally worsen or alter my overall experience. they aren't disabilities though, they're quirks and I need to cope better. I am a well-adjusted person."

and I realize it's just internalized ableism. I know it's that I'm used to having to downplay and compartmentalize my negative feelings and experiences, and having what I can't help but express be dismissed, but it still feels weird and wrong to say. it's also like... for the most part, I can push through. I'll be miserable and inevitably drop more minor things just to survive but I'll make it through. and sometimes I won't even struggle, sometimes I'm totally fine and can do everything with relative ease, and it feels like that negates the fact that sometimes I can't do anything. if it can be better, it should be all the time, right? I just need to try harder.

but it's so hard to talk about this irl because it's such a heavy, tricky conversation to have and I always feel like I'm five seconds away from having someone tell me I'm dramatic and full of shit. as I type this, my legs are going numb from the way I'm sitting (leaning forward cross-legged) and I know when I sit up, it will hurt intensely to get feeling back, but it's the only sustainable way to sit on the floor without hurting my shoulders and neck. I have a long essay to write and a dorm room to clean because I've been horribly depressed all week.

i am disabled. it's just hard to say it.

[taesanrot]

[heavy] sunghoon x f!reader | 2.1k words exes to lovers, second chance, angst syn. ever since you broke up with your long term boyfriend, park sunghoon, he's been heavy on your mind. foolishly, you try to move on, but seeing him at a party reminds you why you can't let him go. note. i've been wanting to start a series based on songs i've been listening to recently! this is the second and hopefully not last fic in this collection lol. also this was kinda supposed to be a implied college au but im now realizing the setting is kinda vague so imagine it as you like :)

now playing: heavy by the marías

"cause i don't wanna be in love with another, even in another life."

sipping your drink, you wished so dearly to drown out the memories that played in your head like a broken record.

you were fine. everything was fine. you told yourself what you told everyone.

you were done with park sunghoon. it was for the better.

but even the loud drunken screams from your friends and the even louder music at this party couldn't make the words in your head stop playing over and over. you closed your eyes and tilted your face to the ceiling.

...

"let's go our separate ways." your emotionless voice contrasted with your tear streaked cheeks.

"y/n, what? what do you mean?" sunghoon's voice shook with confusion.

"i mean, let's break up."

"break up? baby i'm not breaking up with you over this." he stepped forward to grab your hand but you just crossed them in front of your chest.

"i'm tired of fighting! we're clearly not right for each other." your voice almost broke at the end, making sunghoon want to cry.

"couples fight all the time, you know we've both been really stressed lately, let's talk about this another time. when we're both feeling better." he tried and tried to reason with you, but your mind was set, and both of you knew that.

...

you felt stupid, then and now. it had been one month since you'd last seen your ex boyfriend, and you were a wreck. foolishly, you'd blamed everything going wrong on him, thinking that getting rid of your relationship would alleviate your stress. but sunghoon left a gaping hole in you, and suddenly it was like you were frozen.

the pain was unbearable, bu you were stubborn. you kept your head up, moving through night and day. you were a shell of yourself, but you were still standing.

you began to go out, your friends dragging you out of your apartment in an effort to cheer you up.

you tried and tried to move on. but talking to other guys made you feel sick. they didn't have his fluffy hair, his cute and pointy smile, or his pretty voice.

tonight was the same, you nursed a drink in your arms as you tried to forget everything.

"what are you thinking about, pretty?" you opened your eyes, nearly dropping your drink in shock as you turned towards the voice. you were face to face with a taller boy. he had dark hair and even darker eyes.

"nothing." you weren't going to get into your ex with a random guy at a party.

"i'm jisung, by the way." you smiled slightly as he introduced himself, trying to be polite. he seemed sweet enough, but you wished you were doing anything but talking to a flirty guy right now.

"i'm y/n." you replied, struggling to maintain your sanity and composure with the alcohol flowing in your veins. you kept up conversation for a bit longer, making an excuse that your friend was sick so you could finally make your escape.

finding your best friend, yunah, you tapped her shoulder to get her attention away from the music.

"y/n? what's up?" she grabbed your hand as she spoke, swinging it back and forth drunkenly. you smiled, gesturing to the back door.

"gonna go sit outside, need some air." she nodded and waved as you walked away.

what neither of you saw was sunghoon. he'd arrived not more than 15 minutes ago, with his friends jake and heeseung.

"dude, is that who i think it is?" jake blurted the moment they walked through the door. the 3 boys watched you talk to some taller guy with dark blue hair. sunghoon wished he didn't care, but truthfully he couldn't look away.

you were beautiful, wrapped in a black dress. you always looked angelic to him, always making his stomach burst with butterflies.

looking at you right now, his stomach was burning with a different emotion. he was green with envy watching another guy flirt with you when you should've been with him. the only thing that quelled his dread was the look on your face. he could see from miles away how uncomfortable you were, arms crossed tensely and face painted with a fake smile, one that didn't reach your eyes.

sunghoon wanted to be a respectful ex-boyfriend. he didn't contact you. he gave you your space after your breakup, even though he knew how stupid your fight was. he loved you, enough to respect what you wanted.

but watching you duck away from the blue haired boy and walk out the back door, sunghoon couldn't stop himself. he downed the rest of his drink, wincing at the burning feeling his throat before pushing through the crowd to get to the back door.

the night air soothed the growing dread within you a bit, but you were still left with a nauseating feeling. the same one you always felt when you talked to guys that weren't him.

slumping against the fence, you held your head in your hands, combing your fingers through your hair roughly. dizzily, you crouched on the ground, wishing you could just disappear. or even better, teleport to your bed.

“y/n?” your reaction was delayed as you slowly searched for the source of the voice.

in all his glory, park sunghoon stood before you, looking down at your crouched figure with concern.

“god, sunghoon. what are you doing here?” you groaned, sincerely wishing you were just hallucinating all of this. wishing that the first time you were seeing your ex boyfriend since the breakup wasn’t when you were a drunken mess.

god, today was seriously the worst.

crouching next to you, he reached out a hand to move some of your hair from your face. he leaned in front of you so he could see your face, while you stubbornly trained your eyes at the ground.

you were scared that if you even made eye contact with him for too long, everything would fall apart.

“are you okay? how much did you drink?” he spoke softly, his voice melting in your ears and warming your chest.

you wanted to cry, throat tightening at the feeling of him doting on you. you didn’t say anything, just nodding.

sunghoon could tell you didn’t want to be there just as much as he didn’t. normally, on a night like this, the two of you would be watching a movie together or baking or just laying in his bed and scrolling through one of your phones.

“do you wanna leave?” he asked, hand falling onto your shoulder and rubbing small circles. you nodded again, pushing your hands on the ground to stand up. you didn’t let sunghoon help you as he stood up, stumbling slightly as you stood up fully.

as the two of your walked out the back entrance, you looked at the boy in confusion as he began walking in the same direction as you.

“i’m not leaving you alone out here, let me make sure you get home.” you looked back at the ground, mumbling back a small okay and thank you, trying to ignore the words threatening to spill from your lips.

the walk to your apartment was filled with a thick silence, the only audible noises being the hum of the streetlights. A rough gust of wind caused your skin to fill with goosebumps, the cold breeze hugging your frame.

sunghoon noticed, almost quicker than you did. wordlessly, he dropped his leather jacket over your shoulders. you knew you should protest, but to be truthful, you missed him more now than ever.

when you didn't say anything or move at all, sunghoon stepped in front of you, gently unwrapping your arms and putting them into the sleeves of his jacket for you.

you stared at the cracked sidewalk, heavy tears threatening to fall from your eyes. his jacket was warm, and so big that you were practically swimming in it. his hands were warm too. and so was his voice, as he softly asked you if you were feeling less chilly.

you still refused to utter a word, not out of stubbornness but out of fear that your voice would betray you. after everything you did, after how bad you hurt him, sunghoon was still here, walking you home and taking care of you like he always did. like nothing had changed.

"y/n." sunghoon spoke a little louder, tilting your chin up so you looked him in the eye. "i said are you cold?"

the end of his question died in the back of his throat as your teary eyes came into view. he dropped his hand, eyebrows furrowing with worry.

"hey, hey, what happened?" his voice instantly softened. you couldn't do anything but shake your head, the tears finally trailing down your cheeks. sunghoon's thumb made contact with your cold cheek, wiping away the tears as the fell.

"y/n, please, tell me what's wrong." he almost sounded defeated, voice laced with concern that made you want the earth to swallow you whole. your chest ached.

"i'm sorry, i'm so sorry, hoon." his head tilted in confusion at your apologies. he opened his mouth to respond.

"why are you apologizing?" you sniffled, tears still wetting your pink cheeks.

"im so stupid. i pushed you away because i just hated fighting and i thought that was the only way to make things better. but i can't-" you voice broke slightly and you took a second to breathe in. your eyes were screwed shut, refusing to look at sunghoon.

"i can't see myself with anyone else. i don't want to see myself with anyone else. any guy i talk to i just compare to you and it makes me feel sick. i know i can't but i've been trying so hard to move on because i'm scared that you hate me for hurting you and being so dumb." when you slowly opened your eyes, sunghoon pulled you into his chest.

your cheek was pressed against his white shirt, tears wetting the fabric as he held you tightly. he shoved his face into your hair, breathing in and relishing the feeling of you in his arms again.

"sunghoon?" you asked, voice muffled by his chest.

"i could never hate you." he mumbled into your hair. he pulled away and you saw him smiling, eyes crinkling as he tucked a strand of your hair away and wiped the last of your tears. your nose and cheeks were red both from the cold and from crying; sunghoon thought you looked adorable.

"for the past month haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. about us. how i should’ve fought harder to make you stay.” he laughed dryly as he spoke. “the only reason i even went to that party was because i might get to see you again.”

more than anything, it warmed sunghoon’s heart to see how much you still cared for him. all this time he was scared he was the only one still hung up on your relationship.

“i love you so much, i don’t care if we fight or if we go through a few rough patches. i only want you.” his voice softened slightly and he looked at you like you were the only two people in the world.

“you’re not mad at me?” you mumbled, hand crinkling the fabric of his tshirt as you clutched his side. shaking his head, he grinned.

“why would i be? you came back to me.” you smiled for what felt like the first time that night, hand instinctively covering your face. sunghoon pulled your hand down, wanting to see your shy smile. he loved when you were like this, shy and bashful. it made his heart nearly explode in his chest.

“can i kiss you?” he asked, intertwining your hands. you nodded gently, closing your eyes as sunghoon leant closer to you.

his lips were warm and soft, just like you remembered. your mouths fit together like puzzle pieces, molding to each other perfectly. sunghoon’s arms slipped under his jacket that you were still wearing, hands wrapping around your bare waist.

you were flush against his chest, feeling his heartbeat against your skin and his teeth sink into your bottom lip. as your fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt, you swore to yourself that you’d never let park sunghoon go again.

[chiiyuuvv]

the stealer ★

roommate!nico 1k words

notes! nico is very cocky but gets shy in the end kekekeke... im so sane for him, uhh you have a girl bff that feeds into your delusionals. like one curse word but its only to describe something. also, first time doing all lowercase :)) it felt weird ngl but wtv ALSOO new post layout bc i don't like the old one anymore yayy

inspired by nicholas's recent live

▸ 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺?

“..and I swear he unbuttons his shirt on purpose,” you let out a breathy sigh, leaning your head against your bedroom wall to conceal your smile. it didn’t help that you could see your ridiculously hot roommate when you shut your eyes, visions of him walking around your shared apartment with peeks of his shirt visible, his bare arms exposed. you’d like to believe he was clueless of his actions, but the phone call with your best friend made you see things differently.

“he wants you so bad, girlie,” her teasing voice brings you back to your senses, an incoherent sound leaving your lips in denial as she laughs in return.

“we’re just roommates-”

“he doesn’t treat you like one,” your friend snaps. you could hear the shit eating grin plastered on her face as she goes about her weekly rant to prove how nicholas likes you more than a roommate. “he always finds excuses to sleep in your bed instead of his own-”

“my bed is probably comfier than his-”

“-and you always wake up cuddling,” she finishes her sentence despite getting cut off, “hm.. what did you say he does again?”

“okay.. I get it,” you plead, but to your dismay, she continues.

“no.. don’t leave yet,” your friend mimics nicholas’s hushed tone, his arms wrapped around your waist to pull you closer into his chest. 

“okay-”

“and do you see how the man looks at you?!” you hear her exclaim, endless sighs leaving your mouth in embarrassment. “he looks at you like you’re the only girl in his world – which you are. there's hearts in his eyes-”

“okay!!” you successfully shout over your friend, your ears shot red from her teasings. besides her giggles, the conversation pauses with a comfortable silence, your fingers mindlessly tugging at the blanket draped on your bed. “he loves to steal my heart at night,” you mumble as a joke. your friend snorts, breaking the placid quiet.

“that reminds me.. last time, when we were talking, I heard kissing sounds?? maybe you could expla-”

“okay, bye!!” you hurriedly end the call, slamming your phone on your bed in the process. you bury your head into your pillow to let out a scream, before promptly standing up and dusting off your pants, composing yourself. you can’t look like a maniac when dinners almost ready, heh.

grabbing and tucking your phone into your pocket, you open your door and exit out of your room. you would have beelined to the kitchen if it weren’t for nicholas standing nonchalantly beside your door, his head down as his hair covers his eyes. you would have shaken the thought of your roommate hearing you gag over him – as the bathroom was right beside your room – if it weren’t for the huge smirk glued to his face. you felt your heart drop. 

“so I can only steal your heart at night? why not during the day?” it finally happened; your worst nightmare came alive.

“I- oh my god!” you shout in disbelief, your hands over your ears to cancel out nicholas’s teasing sounds. “shut up, weirdo!” 

“weirdo?! how am I a weirdo?”

“why were you listening to my conversations, you weirdo?!”

“why were you shouting about your “super hot” roommate, you weirdo?!” nicholas playfully sticks out his tongue, still tension overtaking the living room. it’s like fumes were steaming out of your ears, anger at your brain for failing to come up with a response in a timely manner, and at the boy staring at you with a smug look. without thinking, you grab the nearest object within your reach, luckily a pillow, and launch it at your victim.

the outcome made you want to cry.

not only did nicholas dodge your attack, he grabbed your arm just as you were about to lose your balance, the impact causing him to fall back onto the couch with you straddled on his lap. 

his head lands on the cushions, nicholas’s neck on display as his adam's apple bobs to the rhythm of his laughter. oh, were you glad he was enjoying this, kitty punches arriving on his shoulder as you frown deeply. the boy keeps your hands on his shoulders when you're about to remove them, his own moving to rest on your thighs. 

“well, isn’t this all you ever dreamed of?” nicholas gives you one of his stupidly handsome smiles. 

“just forget about what I said,” you look down in defeat, a whine leaving your roommates lips.

“why?” 

“it’s embarrassin-” 

“cute.” nicholas corrects you, using his finger to lift your chin, brushing the hair away from your eyes. “it’s so stinking cute,” he whispers when your gaze locks. you notice how he glances at your lips ever so often, biting his own to hold him back. from what? “you know, what you said really upset me.”

“what did I say? I’m so sorry you felt uncomfor-”

“I can only steal your heart at night?” a sigh leaves your lips, in relief he wasn’t actually mad at anything you said, and in disappointment because he was using your words against you. “why not during the day?” nicholas repeats, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“you don’t do anything heart throbbing during the day, I guess,” you shrug, knowing that was a massive lie.

“nu-uh,” he shakes his head before saying in a husky tone, “I can steal your heart anytime I want.” 

and it happened. 

nicholas lips pressed against yours, your hands tightening their hold on his shoulders. the loving strokes he gave your body didn’t help the swarms of butterflies fluttering in your stomach, the pads of his thumbs rubbing slow circles on your sides as he swallowed your gasps. his lips were languid against yours, the softness wanting you to melt. you could feel him smile as he broke the kiss, a huge grin painted on his face.

he was shy.

his eyes, which were in tiny crescents, avoided yours as he laughed. his ears were blood red, the color traveling to his neck. he looked so flustered. 

“kawaii~” he giggles under his breath. apparently you were pretty red from the kiss too, his hands intertwining with yours as he pecked the back of them, whispering to himself, “I can steal your heart anytime I want..”

︴bonus! somehow a drabble turned into 1k words.... heh. dude my husband yes he is my husband, yes i am delusional decided to go live when i was in school?? luckily i could still watch him as i worked and i heard him say "i can steal your heart whenever i want" and i went oh.. ohh. it also didnt help i felt so fluttery (?) at the time so i immediately opened a google doc and started typing 💀 honestly did not expect me to spend 4 hours ACTUALLY writing this instead of giving up. i need some w's in the chat pls

▸ taglist 📬 @cherrycolaberry , @wtfisgoingright , @slytherinshua

🎬 navi

@chiiyuuvv on tumblr . do not steal works/headers/line dividers

[coeurify]

I have no idea how this would fit into an storyline but I am a hoe for fake dating. Imagine fake dating with abby and it slowly becoming too real

UGH YOU GET ME FAKE DATING IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES!!

⋆˚✿˖° now, abby anderson had a problem. specifically a blonde, brown eyed loud mouthed man of a problem. owen fucking moore. she had broken up with him in the summer time, little explanation given to the ass of a boyfriend other than that she needed to “find herself.” (not that she needed to give any.)

⋆˚✿˖° but owen? oh owen didn’t accept that. so from the very moment abby had broken it off, to when the air began to smell like fall.. he pestered abby. asked for a reason, begged for another chance (despite HIM going around with damn near every girl on the WLF compound.)

⋆˚✿˖° things came to a head at a get together in one of abby and owen’s mutual friend’s apartment style quarters. mutual friend who also happened to be your roommate.

⋆˚✿˖° abby and owen fought all night, abby’s cheeks red from embarrassment and anger, eyebrows furrowed together. “why can’t you just take no for an answer owen?“ the cup in her hand crackled a bit under the pressure when the man scoffed. “because you never give me a real answer!” abby’s arms crossed at that, searching around the room. quickly, and maybe a little impulsively, she shrugged. “i’m into someone else now.”

⋆˚✿˖° owen just couldn’t accept that, his arms thrown around dramatically. “so you like another guy? that’s why you wont give me another chance? you know i can treat you better.” that sentence alone reminded abby just why she hated being with him so much, but again that fast moving brain of hers spoke before the thought could finish, finger pointing in the direction of the first person she found.. you. “it’s not a guy. it’s a girl. im not.. into your..” abby made a motion, “species anymore.” sure, it was sort of true. abby recently realized she probably had a thing for girls, but you particularly? she couldn’t count on her fingers the amount of conversations she had with. “i like her.”

⋆˚✿˖° you, who’s head poked up, mouth full of slightly stale chips, having heard the whole conversation. abby anderson, beautiful, funny, madeyouweakintheknees, abby anderson was into you? and not straight? surely not. you swallowed harshly, deciding to play into whatever game abby seemed to have set on the floor. you made your way over, an award winning smile on your face as owen’s mouth dropped open further than a damn infected. “You like her? as in girls?”

⋆˚✿˖° honestly, you probably caused more trouble when you stood near the two, “abs!” you grinned, “you forgot your jacket here.. cmere ill grab it for you.” and then your hand is wrapped around her tensed bicep, the stiffness likely caused by her pure shock you even played along. still, she used it as an out from the devil with blonde locks, shrugging almost apologetically at owen before letting you whisk her away.

⋆˚✿˖° and that night, after everyone but you and abby had stumbled out of the cramped room, which was still humid and heavy, you made the plan. with a pen that had little ink left, scratching against the water damaged pages of the notebook you tucked under your pillow, you wrote the words “project get rid of owen moore.” which ok, in retrospect sounded really bad. but you were a little tipsy.

⋆˚✿˖° the plan was easy. play the role of abby’s first girlfriend, convince owen she was totally not into him or men anymore. what did you get out of it? a spot on the top dog abby anderson’s patrol team. something you had been vying for this year. abby agreed, although a little hesitantly. she promised she had picked you only because its who her pointed finger found first. not any actual attraction. you swallowed down the hit to your ego that brought.

⋆˚✿˖° and honestly? the plan went on pretty steadily. you were a damn good fake girlfriend if you had to admit it, and abby didn’t hate being around you. in fact, she really enjoyed being around you. she enjoyed how easily your fingers reached down, tapping on her palm to fing a way to hold her hand whenever one of owen’s posey was around. she enjoyed how you leaned in whenever owen passed by, your lips on her ear, whispering anything you knew would have her smiling. a fake smile of course.

⋆˚✿˖° you two had some pretty strict rules. no kissing, no extreme touchiness, absolutely no spilling to anyone this was fake, and the most important.. no real feelings. you had come up with a backstory, one you two had studied together. (you two met in the training room after your roommate introduced you two and totally hit it off. abby got you a spot on her team next to her and manny, and feeling bloomed from there.) abby added in a few details she knew would piss owen off.. and you sealed your lips shut to follow the rules.

⋆˚✿˖° the first few weeks were easy. you liked spending time around abby. you enjoyed how she smiled, you laughed at all the jokes she cracked (for the fake dating points of course..), and you loved training with her. you had to ignore the shiver her hands on your shoulders or waist gave, knowing it was just to help your position. “you have to fix your stance if you plan on fighting scars..” abby huffed.

⋆˚✿˖° the problem started in october. a month and a half into your fake dating plan. tens of lunches spent alone together, a handful of new hair styles you begged to try on abby, and around 5 missions out of the base, in. there was a party, one you demanded the two of you go to one day as you lounged on abby’s bunk— watching as she cleaned up manny’s mess across the room. “if we dress up together, owen will totally finally get off your case,” you assured, bringing a loud sigh from the blonde. “oh my god.. fine.”

⋆˚✿˖° you went as a angel and devil, simple enough to easy stitch together some devil horns for yourself and an angel halo you found in an old broken down store in the city for abby. no way did you admit the trouble you went for to find it to abs, especially not as she easily pulled her shirt off in front of you, totally clueing you in to where the nickname came from as she shoved on the white teeshirt.

⋆˚✿˖° see, the no kissing rule was an important one, but vodka made everything seem less important, and owen was awfully loud that night, scoffing any time you smiled and leaned into your angel, head band tilting off your head, which abby fixed with a grin. “you two act more like friends than people fucking each other,” owen scoffed as he pressed by you two, the words pounding in abby’s ears over the loud mingling voices.

⋆˚✿˖° “kiss me,” abby called over the old cd that played on the speakers, her cheeks red with anger— blue eyes flicking around. “what?” you laughed, thinking back to rule number 1. “i know we said no— no kissing but i just.. oh my god just kiss me,” abby muttered, her large hands gripping your cheeks and pulling you in for a kiss, one she was sure owen was watching on to. one you melted into, sucking her lip in between yours.

⋆˚✿˖° that had been a breaking point, ragged breaths and heated necks as you pulled away. it lead to more excuses with less validity being used when the two of you stared at each other’s lips. stepping down the stairs of the base, eyes catching on someone who just looked like owen. “kiss me,” abby muttered quickly, and you wasted no time to turn your head and fill your nose with the scent of pine as you leaned in.

⋆˚✿˖° the no kissing rule crossed off right before the no touchiness one did, that one had been scribbled off completely when abby began pulling you into her lap in group functions, one soft hand rubbing up against your side as she whispered in your ear, “jus’ for show.”

⋆˚✿˖° just for show of course, but you screamed into your pillow for so long that night you almost thought the walls of your room would crumble down along with the barrier you put between you and the blonde.

⋆˚✿˖° kisses and touchiness turned to nights spent in abby’s room, mornings waking up and having abby’s shirt thrown at your face. “wear that, owen got it for me when we were dating.” sure, you probably should be ashamed to be wearing the clothes of a girl who didn’t like you, but the frown on owen’s face made it worth it.

⋆˚✿˖° that last rule, the one that didn’t have pen strokes over the letters, the one locked behind awkward coughs and side glances, well you weren’t sure who broke it first. you dont know why feelings came into play, but you sure do know it happened.

⋆˚✿˖° you felt it first when abby didn’t talk to you for a few days. you saw her across the stadium with nora, her head tilted back lightly in a laugh at something the other girl said. that was the first time you felt the needle sized ache in your heart, one that only ripped further when owen shoulder checked you on his way by, “better get your girl. she slips away easily.”

⋆˚✿˖° maybe that rule had been broken when abby stormed into your room, met with the sight of you on the couch with some other blonde girl, an old tape of a southern movie mid way through when anderson scoffed and demanded the girl get out. she did so in a hurry, scrambling for her sweatshirt as a frown grew on your lips. “abby what the fuck?” you scoff, watching her eyebrows unfurrow lightly. “you can’t have other girls over! it fucks with our plan,” she accused, though she stumbled lightly over the words. “she’s just a friend, abby.”

⋆˚✿˖° however, the night you sat in your bed, breath heavy and eyes stinging as you broke through the paper with the pen, scratching over the words “no real feelings,” that came in the end of november.

⋆˚✿˖° your head was pressed into abby’s shoulder, yawning and closing your eyes as the movie played on a big sheet, a biweekly occurrence in the WLF base. abby had pressed to your cheek, placing a kiss to it that had some sort of butterfly attack take fruition in your stomach. you two didn’t even know if owen or his friends were around, and they for sure were not the reason of abby’s hand linking into yours as you two walked toward her room later that night. you both seemed to realize that when you reached her door and she leaned forward just lightly, as if to kiss you.

⋆˚✿˖° she cleared her throat, licking over the lips you wanted to capture again. “i think-” she said suddenly, squeezing her eyes closed. “i think owen really believes it now.” you could feel your heart sinking to the empty stomach that laid below your chest, knowing what came next. “i think we should break up.” abby finished, quick to add, “fake break up.”

⋆˚✿˖° you nodded along silently to the story she built still standing in her doorway. miscommunication, arguments, differing plans, the whole shebang— anything to make the breakup believable. you agreed, but the moment her door shut, a half smile and thank you sitting on her lips as the door locked, you felt the tears prick your eyes.

⋆˚✿˖° you wiped quickly at the tears, your hand slapped over the aching chest you swore betrayed you. you sucked in shallow breaths, shaky hands finding your own door as your vision went blurry.

⋆˚✿˖° as your pen broke through the white sheet of paper, you cursed your own heart. you cursed it for being so easy to rip from your chest, presented on a platter for a blonde who only saw it as a fake replica. you threw the notebook across the floor, hand slapping over your mouth so your roommate wouldn’t wake as you sobbed into it. surely you had been the only one to break that rule, but that didn’t matter now.

⋆˚✿˖° but you were wrong. not that you could know that. a five minute walk away, abby breathed out slowly as her fingers scraped though the braid she was undoing, an odd stinging pricked at the corner of her lashes. she knew she did the right thing. she knew it as soon as her lips searched for your own at her doorway tonight. so why did it feel so bad? why did her hands tremble as she pulled out her blanket and climbed under it, squeezing her eyes shut.

⋆˚✿˖° if this was all fake, why did the break up feel so real?

[vmlnrznotfound]

Hello hellooooo first of all congrats on 300+ followers! I’ve been seeing ur fics all over recently and they’re so scrumptious omg ur writing <333

Saw that ur requests r open so i wanted to ask if u’d be willing to write sth for Hiori? Maybe like childhood friends trope where reader also has strict parents and they care a lot about academics/a certain extracurricular etc.

Congrats again and thank u for feeding the bllk community!!

maps we draw ourselves.

hiori yo x reader

a/n: thank you so much anonnie, im legit BLUSHING! i try my best!

the sun was bright and warm on a afternoon. at just seven years old, you and hiori were playing in the small backyard of his house, which had become your favorite hangout spot. the grass was freshly cut, and the scent of it mixed with the smell of the nearby barbecue your parents were preparing.

hiori had set up a makeshift fort using old sheets and a few wooden sticks. inside, it was a cozy little hideaway where you both could let your imaginations run wild. today, you were playing pirates, with hiori proudly wearing a pirate hat he’d crafted from cardboard.

“arrr, matey!” hiori declared, holding up a plastic sword. “we’ve got to find the treasure before the other pirates do!”

you giggled, playing along. “aye aye, captain yo! where do we start?”

hiori pointed towards the far end of the yard. “we have to sail through the wild jungle and avoid the dangerous traps!”

as you both pretended to navigate through the jungle of your backyard, you noticed hiori’s face turning serious. “hey, y/n,” he said quietly as you paused for a moment. “do you ever get tired of all the stuff we’re supposed to do? like school and... you know, everything?”

you looked at him, puzzled. “what do you mean?”

hiori sat down on the grass, “well, my mom and dad are always telling me i have to practice soccer. it feels like i don’t get to just play and have fun like this.”

“my parents keep saying i need to study hard to become a doctor. but i just want to play and not think about studying,” you explained.

hiori shrugged and picked up a small stick, pretending it was a treasure map. “maybe one day we’ll get to choose what we want to do, and we won’t have to worry so much.”

you smiled, feeling comforted by his words. “yeah, and until then, we can hunt for treasures, as pirates!"

hiori grinned, clearly pleased with the idea. “yes! and we’ll make sure to find all the treasure.”

the carefree days of pirate adventures became cherished memories. the small backyard fort was long gone, replaced by the responsibilities that came with growing up.

at seventeen, you and hiori were sitting on the front steps of his house, watching the sun dip below the horizon.

the conversations you used to have about treasure hunts and wild jungles had been replaced by talks about exams, future careers, and the weight of expectations.

“remember when we used to play pirates in the backyard?” hiori asked, a nostalgic smile tugging at his lips.

you laughed softly, nodding. “yeah, we really thought we’d find some buried treasure back there.”

“i wish things were still that simple,” he admitted, his voice tinged with the same seriousness you’d first noticed all those years ago.

“me too,” you agreed, leaning back on your hands. “it feels like everything’s been decided for us, like we’re just following a map that someone else drew.”

hiori glanced at you, his expression thoughtful. “but maybe we can still find our own treasure, you know? maybe it’s not about what everyone else wants for us, but what we want for ourselves.”

you looked at him, surprised by the familiar words. it reminded you of that day in the backyard, when he’d said something similar about choosing your own path. “yeah, maybe you’re right,” you said, feeling a bit of that old excitement returning.

“so, what do you say, y/n? one last treasure hunt before we head off into the real world?” hiori asked, his grin widening.

you smiled back at him, feeling a surge of determination. “let’s do it, captain yo. we’ll find our treasure, no matter what.”

tag list: @fishii28 @someprettyname @ikuaiku

[jaidens]

JAIDEN I BEG OF YOU I AM IN WITHDRAW OF BRADLEY BRADSHAW CONTENT THE WAY YOU WRITE IT, I NEED MY HAWAIIN SHIRT LOVIN, SASSY MAN <333

summer sand & strawberries

a/n : i want to apologize for my absence, and i just havent been looking at tumblr at all! im backkk now! also, i consider beautiful an everyone term! so this can be read from anyones pov! also this is trash 😣

He knew you as Hangman’s friend.

That’s all he knew. He knew you were neighbors with the pilot until he left for the academy. Bradley knew small details, and whatever Hangman had told him about you. It never occurred to him that you were beyond small mentions and a game of pool.

The first time he saw you was at the bar, sitting next to Jake with a drink in your hand as you hold a conversation about your career with a random pilot. Bradley couldn’t say he wasn’t listening in as he sips from his cheap beer. Jake excused himself for a invitation to a game of darts. Bradley swears his legs move on their own as he walks up to you, his hand extended for you to shake.

“Bradshaw. Bradley Bradshaw.” He says with a smile, and you return it with a shake. You tell him your name in the same order. Bradley walks away in a sort of embarrassment. That ended the introduction with a confused look on your face and a hand left in the air.

The next time he sees you is an outing with the team. Everyone had brought a plus one, excluding Bradley in his lonesome. Through the night, Jake had found his new dancing partner for that night, and you were left sipping on punch and standing against the wall. Once more, Bradley’s legs take him to where you are.

He’s left in front of you, an awkward smile and his hands in his pockets.

“So.., nice night..?” He fills the awkward silence.

You give him a small laugh and a nod of your head. “Quite nice, why haven’t I seen you recently?”

Bradley laughs. “I’ve been pretty busy. Can I get to know more about you?” He responds.

“Yeah, I get it. I wanna know more about you too, Bradshaw.” Maybe it was shameless flirting, but how could you not? You thought he was quite cute that night at the bar, and seeing him outside of his uniform made it even better. “Ask any questions you want, I’m an open book.”

“So, what’s your favorite fruit?” Bradley asks.

“Strawberries. What’s your favorite season, Bradshaw?” You respond.

“Definitely summer. I love going to the beach and just sitting out. I hate staying inside.”

The rest of the night was filled with random questions and stories until the outting had finished with. You said bye to Bradley with a wave and a smile as you entered d into the Uber you had ordered.

Eventually, you saw him for another time on the beach. He was sitting on a towel with his eyes shut, beach air pulling through his hair.

“Hey.” You say quietly, holding a basket and looking down at him.

“Oh, hey! What’re you doing out here?” Bradley asks, looking up at you through his Ray-Bans.

“I was gonna have lunch out here. I packed a lot.” You responded, a soft laugh escaping you.

“Well, hey! Come sit, I have an extra beach towel.” Bradley grabs it from his bag and sets it out against his. You sit down, putting your bag in the middle of you two. You take out a box of strawberries, opening it and taking one out and taking a bite of it.

“How have you been doing? How’s everything treating you?” Bradley asks, taking a strawberry out and having his own bite of one.

“Everything is going really well. I’ve enjoyed my vacation here!” You smile, and grab another strawberry.

“You’re really beautiful.” Bradley says as he looks at you. “I mean, truly you are.”

He caught you completely off guard.

Your eyes widen, and you almost choke on your strawberry. “Bradley, what?” Whether you felt your cheeks heat up, Bradley ultimately made you feel better than anyone had only after a few interactions.

“You heard me. You’re beautiful.”

Bradley only reminded you of salt air. With his coconut shampoo he told you was his favorite, or his obsession with living near the beach. You had thought about him more than anything. Or his favorite type of shirt being a button up Hawaiian one, he was definitely a silly person.

“Sorry, crap. I just had to tell you.”

You shake away his apology, a soft smile on your cheeks. “You’re beautiful too, Bradshaw.” You take a bite of your strawberry, giving him a bright smile. Bradley’s cheeks are a light dusting of pink.

You lean over and your head lies against his shoulder. The ocean was beautiful, and the strawberries had been gone quite fast. Maybe Bradley ate his slower to better savor the moment a bit longer.

[genderkoolaid]

hi! your blog's been encouraging to me as a trans guy, but i've recently felt that i should no longer call myself that/should just "go back to" being a girl, and idk if my train of thought makes any sense...so i just wanted to ask someone w more experience (but feel free to ignore this rant/call me out if im not making sense btw)

so yeah, my cousin's been out to me as a (binary) trans man for a few years now, and in trying to find understanding, i came out to him a few months later, but got a very flat/kinda disgusted reaction. despite my consistent support for him over the years, he has continued to "joke" about my looks/short hair and dismisses any attempts at serious conversations or even just jokes about gender/being a guy too. he also calls me things ive told him makes me uncomfortable (gender-wise) and then acts like it means nothing. he generally brushes me off by telling me to stop trying to compare myself to him, and is either prickly about it or just in-your-face "idgaf what you're talking about and i'm tired of you." it barely hurts me anymore, but ive felt connected to trans-ness for so many years (longer than id even known he was too) and his reaction to this part of me has honestly made me wonder if i'm just making it up/am trying too hard or something,,,like maybe i'm just trying to cover for being a gross 20-somethings woman ?? idk ?

i'm probably just being over-sensitive, and i dont feel it's outright malicious or anything (maybe he just doesn't think/care about it as much as me?), but i have nobody else to ask (no irl friends/people im out to) and i'm currently renting/living with him, which has brought these worries to the forefront. thanks if youve read this far, but please don't feel pressured to respond!

Your cousin sounds like he has a lot of internalized transphobia he's directing at you. Unfortunately there are trans people who try to prop themselves up and make themselves feel more confident in their transness by tearing down others. You are not being over-sensitive, and regardless of what he thinks he's doing, he's actively being cruel to you. You are well within your rights to be hurt by his actions. Living with someone who is constantly being transphobic to you is traumatizing- detransitioning can be a coping method for those who have to constantly defend themselves from transphobic abuse.

If its possible, I would recommend trying to see if there are any queer orgs in your area you could connect with (physically or online). At the least, you may find some people who can give you emotional support, and they also may be able to find you a better living situation. Even if that's not possible right now, keep reminding yourself that his behavior is cruel and you are allowed to be upset about it. You do not need to take any of his opinions on your gender seriously. You are not making up your transness or trying too hard. You are not over-sensitive, you are being hurt.

[aroace-poly-show]

OK so I know it isn't a vocaloid song but I've recently been thinking... and "Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men is a h☆w song to me...

Like. Hear me out. It's a conversation between h☆w members trying to comfort each other

(The second lines – the "replies", I'm putting them as the other hw member I feel would work the best for that, but it could be full unit or member + vocaloid too)

I don't like walking around this old and empty house

(So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear)

So the first line could be both Emu and Tsukasa but... if u think of the Wonder Stage as a place Emu felt at home at, and the fact that now it's old, broken, in need of repairs and, most importantly, empty. Because no-one is performing there anymore and it's abandoned and closed down. So while Emu loves this place so much, it must still pain her to be there and see the state it's at

But then h☆w come and oh. there's someone actually at her side telling her it's OK to be upset over that and are willing to be with her and comfort her and fight with her for her dream. I put this as tsks because of - as i understand it - his involvement in reclaiming the Wonder stage later and him being the one encouraging hw to try again and being there for them constantly if uou get what I mean. Like he's holding their hands and saying to keep going, I'll be here with uou to support you

The stairs creak as you sleep, it's keeping me awake

(It's the house telling you to close your eyes)

Hngnhhh imagine if tsukasa, aside from the normal hw night activities, has trouble falling asleep if he hears any noises at the house at night becsuse he instantly feels this anxiety rise up in him that Something happened again and that in a second he'll hear rushed steps and painful breaths and it'll be another late night hospital visit and–

Also smth about the house being so quiet u can hear these sounds and that making him feel like he's alone bc it's so silent

But then he's reassured and reminded that. It's okay now. He's not alone and there's nothing wrong (and also to take care of himself and get enough sleep hshfh) I like to imagine this line as emu because she seems like the type who would say something so sweet and also whimsical like "it's the house's lullaby!" about the creaking or smth if she ever hears him maybe complain about it on call or something

And some days I can't even dress myself

It's killing me to see you this way

OIYHHH HW RUINENE.... Nene struggling with her appearance (I imagine she has trouble looking in the mirror sometimes... especially with the hair and all... maybe its unbrushed often because she doesn't want to think about it...)

And also her being so demotivated and with so much anxiety that she switched to homeschooling and sometimes just having the same clothes for days, maybe even not dressing up at all, staying at home all day because she's too scared of going out and meeting people and being judged... especially during the worst days

And oh rui who's been there for her the whole time and who sees all this and there's nothing that pains him more than seeing his best friend like this and who doesn't know how to help much and just wishes so much he could do something to comfort and help her out yknow...

'Cause though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

This is just. All of hw. They're each others' safe space and they carry and support each other when one isn't strong enough to handle their struggles and no matter what might happen, this one fact doesn't change

There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back

Well, tell her that I miss our little talks

AND THEN RUI with his whole villanising himself because of all the rumours about him and what everyone around calls him, thinks about him that's made him give up shows because he's so scared of hurting someone else (im looking at u hw wonder halloween), so scared of dragging others into his mess, so scared of someone being treated wrong just because they're with him. Again. And he can't help this thinking and it's just completely freezing him

And again Nene. Who's also been there the whole time. Who remembers putting on shows together as kids and how happy they both used to be, how free rui was about his inventions and ideas, how fun it was just to talk and discuss their little plays and how she misses that. How she misses that Rui. But still she feels so guilty bc she blames herself for how he is toox and yet also wants to help him so so much too

Soon it will be over and buried with our past

HNNG.... WONDER STAGE... EMUS DREAMS AND HER GRANDPAS BASICSLLY BEING LEFT BEHIND WITH IT SHUTTINF DOWN...

We used to play outside when we were young

And full of life and full of love

Again ruinene kind of... looking back on how free and unbothered and they used to be in the past but how hard and empty it is now...and how much closer they were but now there's this rift between them because of this guilt they share and self depreciation and thinking they're at fault for everything and oughdhjh....

Also something about Tsukasa's dream – and himself tbh – being more "full of life & love" when he was younger bc he remembered the reason for his purpose. And his acting being more to play and make others happy than about not failing another audition and finally succeeding and being famous. And so he was more sincerely determined. And because he didn't experience all that failure yet so he was brighter. He didn't have all those darker thoughts and broken hopes and deeply etched loneliness making him unwilling to let himself open up about his struggles and let himself be loved too

Like he's still his enthusiastic self but. It's not the same as when he was younger. Am I making sense

Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right

Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear

I honestly can't decide

It could be. And this is the most fitting to me? Emu with the Wonder stage worrying if she's even right for trying to fight for it and grandpa's dream becsuse that's "not right for the business" and "stupid" and "childish" and all but then hw joining her and making her realise its not just OK, it's worth it

It could be tsukasa with his dream? And the whole "u don't have what it takes to be a star" thing making him doubt himself and if he's even right for this and what else is his purpose even and was he wrong for fighting for all of this. And then rui woukd be replying bc of whatever the ruikasa scene ure planning for main story is

Could also be ruinene and their whole thinking they don't deserve the other and were they even right to do what they did foe the other in thr past? Nene agonising over inviting rui to that troupe which ended terribly and he was just ostracised more, rui over "rubbing off" his bad reputation on nene and ruining her relationship with the troupe bc he tried to protect her. Yknow. And idk how u plan for them to deal with all that but I'm guessing emukasa somehow help so they could be the reply. Or they could be replying to each other really bc they both feel guilty but also both try to reassure the other they did nothing wrong

The chorus is mostly vibes and could be sang by all of them but

Don't listen to a word I say (Hey)

The screams all sound the same (Hey)

These are just. ALL OF THEM being Physically Unable To Talk About Their Issues and brushing off the concern of others and thinking the others have it worse and they don't need help and everything. I hate them so much

But then

Though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore (hey, hey)

Already covered this but. Even despite everything they're still trying to support each other however they can and slowly helping others and also letting themselves open up and accept help

You're gone, gone, gone away, I watched you disappear

All that's left is a ghost of you

EMU 👏 AND 👏 HER 👏 UNPROCESSED 👏 GRIEF 👏 and pxl and the Wonder stage being the only thing that's left of her grandpa but all that still being taken away from her and on its way to disappear too. Like a ghost she can't touch or feel and almost doesn't feel real bc of how it's almost dead

Now we're torn, torn, torn apart, there's nothing we can do

Just let me go, we'll meet again soon

Just. Ruinene. And their screwed up relationship. And both thinking it can never rly be fixed bc they'll always feel too guilty themselves and like they'll just ruin it again bc they don't deserve the other and HNNDNFJKFOUTGHHJJFJHH

But still the last line makes me think like. That they'll "meet" again soon with like. Their true feelings. They'll face each other with what they really feel and learn how to mend it all and they'll focus a bit on themselves too. Learn to also let go of the other a little bit to also think about themselves and what they need too yknow. Am I making sense

Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around

TSUKASA. Tsukasa who hasn't given up on his dream as the last one. Tsukass who hopes to tell them "don't give up on your dreams yet", tsukasa whos trying to say "if you wait I'll show you it can be done" but he needs time, he just needs to succeed for once, so please hang around and I'll show you and give you your hope and dreams back (also again smth about not wanting to be left alone. "Please wait for me (don't leave)" even when he fails again and again even though they dont know that)

I'll see you when I fall asleep

This isnt anything special really its just. Hw meeting at night HAHDHAH... maybe it could work for their sekai too as a metaphor or smth...??? but anyway basically just that. They all sing it

Then the chorus just repeats and I already talked about it so... yeah...

That's it hdhshd it's been on my mind a lot I love this song and it's just so comforting when u think about hw... them all supporting each other....

I love your au so much thank uou for making it sorry for the long ass ask HASHH

i am going to explode /pos KERI THIS IS SO GOODDDD URBEDBAHBDBANA i dont have like. additions here really. this is great ty. although. something abt the “now wait wait wait for me please hang around” line and hw being Abandonment Issues: The Unit JNFKSNDKANJDJWK

[remcycl333]

Rem, I need a friend. I was recently diagnosed with BPD. I mention it because I think this issue has to with my condition, and I don't know if I'm wrong but I read a post from you once where you said you had BPD and ADHD –correct me if I'm wrong– and I thought maybe you can understand me.

Anyways, my issue is, I struggle deciding what I want. Recently I had a situation with a guy, he has ADHD and him being forgetful, triggered me and had me begging for his attention. He was very kind and never reacted badly, but then he ghosted me, which triggered me again. My mind keeps telling me maybe it was his ADHD and maybe he now just feels guilty and feels like it's too late to answer (it's been weeks). I planned on texting him again but I don't want to fall into this dynamic.

I was thinking, "if I want to date him I should just go to the end and focus on that". Then I was like "Do I really want to date him?" Then I had another thought of "Maybe I should move on" and then "Wait, I actually do want to date him" and then "No, I just want validation" and then "Nope, I don't give a damn about validation he ain't even that good" and then "I do like him, maybe we should date" and then "I don't even want to have a conversation with him" and then "I want to know more about him" the point is, I always start a process of manifesting something and then the next day (sometimes not even a day) I want something else, and it's a mess because I end up manifesting NOTHING, only more frustration.

Tbh, if I wasn't triggered, I would 100% like to date him. I mean I met him 6yrs ago and liked him for months (we never talked but we were classmates in uni and he was super hot), then never saw him again until this year and when I saw him I was so happy and excited, and the crush I had on him resurfaced and it felt like a new chance to try. Until now that I am feeling so confused, and when it seems like I made up my mind, I then remember why I'm triggered and slip out again, and when I have "given up", I want him again, and it's exhausting.

omggg yes, i do have bpd and adhd and this was so crazy to read cuz it was like i was talking to my younger self! i went thru the EXACT same situation with my old sp. i manifested him back after he broke up with me (and before he broke up with me he'd forget to text me back all the time bc of his adhd) and it would trigger me so bad and i'd start doing the most outrageous things. and then when i was manifesting him back, i'd also constantly go from "fuck him im better than him" to "i want him so bad i need him" to "he's just gonna ignore me again i hate him" and then "no he's the love of my life" to "if he texts me im not even gonna respond bc he doesn't deserve me." and i was in a cycle of that for MONTHS. but like you said, i knew that if he had never rejected me in the first place (and therefore triggered me) i wouldn't have felt like that and i'd still want him and see him only in a positive light.

i think that what really helped me was just going straight to the end, like you said. whenever i'd start overthinking about whether or not i actually wanted him, i'd take some deep breaths and just go to my imagination and experience a reality where my sp never ignored me and he treated me how i wanted to be treated. i also reminded myself of how long i had wanted to be with him, and that when all was said and done, even if i had made up my mind that day that i didn't want to be with him anymore, the next day i would be upset about not being with him again. i wouldn't have been stuck in the cycle for so long if i didn't actually want to be with him. i was just feeling hurt and lashing out.

i also found comfort in knowing that i could create a new version of my sp where he was attentive and gave me the amount of attention i needed and wanted. i didn't want to manifest his adhd away or anything, but i wanted to create a version of him that was able to remember to reply to me lol. i knew that as long as i imagined my sp to be the version that i wanted, he wouldn't show up in my 3d as the old version anymore. the only way he could ignore me or ghost me again was if i imagined that he would. if i focused on the version of him that didn't, however, he never would! so whenever i felt worried or anxious that he'd do that again, i'd retreat to my imagination and experience the version of him that i wanted.

another thing that really helped me was to forgive him. i was always angry at him and imagining getting into arguments with him about our break up and imagining what i'd say to him when i manifested contact. but the thing about that was i was manifesting "the end", and the end was us already being in a relationship together. so if we were already in a relationship together, we would have already talked through our past issues and i already would've forgiven him. so i couldn't manifest us being happy together and forgiving him if i was constantly imagining scenarios where i hadn't already forgiven him. if that makes sense?

these thoughts still naturally popped up all the time. "what if he doesn't change" "what if he does it again" etc. and then when we were back in contact again, "what if i say something wrong and he stops replying" etc. but i just kept persisting, and every time my minded wanted to go back to scenarios like that, i'd shift back to my desired state and tell myself that we were already together and there was no reason to worry about stuff like that anymore.

anyway i hope this helped!! if u have more questions feel free to ask <3

[scoops404]

i feel horrible. I feel betrayed and I’m depressed but strangely not surprised?

Its not even, not even about who is worse or whatever, i just- I heard connor eats pants talk, he said how george and the dream team, (even if they don’t acknowledge it,) have a large young girl audience. That’s the part of the audience that helped them grow.(And id say the audience who was the most emotionally, young girls or queer people who a lot of the time grew up presenting female or queer people in general, who are also at higher risk of getting used or assaulted ) and how its disgusting and disappointing to see them drop these weird points about consent and i (as a part of that demographic myself) - that really hit me in some way. That really hit me and something about it rings in my chest with hurt an realisation. It makes me incredibly sad, and yet it makes me realise stuff.

That point to me seems incredibly important.

That fact makes their statements seem ignorant..

Im slowly coming to terms with how I personally want to move forward with acknowledging their content, the content that was genuinely helping my depression and was part of my routine. So I didn’t formulate this to be some sort of statement, but more of a “oh” moment that i wanted to share

These men don’t feel like they care about the large audience they hurt.. young girls, and how their respective statements about consent could affect idk their world view? :/

Something i got reminded of when reading tumblr after watching that connor tiktok clip of his stream.

I see where you're coming from and what you're feeling is valid and it's entirely up to you if you want to stay or not

I just think that we've seen a lot of examples of them being good to women, in a professional sense as well as personally (as recent as Sapnap's birthday stream we saw George direct the camera away from Sylvee's skirt while she was climbing the wall). This is not a defense of George's behavior regarding the Caiti situation in any way, shape, or form, but we also can't erase the good behavior that we have witnessed, you know?

Like, I've left fandoms for petty reasons and big reasons (i used to love shane dawson, I used to love david dobrik, i went on a weird hate watch spree for a couple depressing months in like 2018 for the paul brothers--i'm not proud) and when a cc's behavior becomes clear, I drop their ass. Even through the drituation, I've never seen behavior from the dreamteam that I thought was hateful against anyone and I believe they've always shown that they want to do what's right when they do mess up.

Do I think they have room to grow? Yeah, absolutely. But I don't think they secretly hate women or are exploiting us. ((no matter what Hannah is saying now, they have had many close female friends for quite a while--Puffy, Sylvee, Gia--and I feel like those people wouldn't have stuck around if they were shitty to women constantly when off camera))

I don't think this incident with Caiti is just another in a long line of dubious consent situations (not that I can know). If I thought they were doing this behind the scenes all the time, I'd nope out. I'm hoping that they can take this as a learning moment and find greater nuance in consent. We are always learning and Dream, the most, has always shown he's willing to take criticism and realize why something was wrong and not do it again. We've seen this from George too when he apologized for old screen shots with slurs. They aren't perfect, none of us are, but I have hope that they'll move forward with a clearer idea.

To be quite honest, I have seen the conversations around consent morph in my lifetime. It's a wonderful thing to see women speaking up and being believed and consequences coming down on men when, historically, that has almost never been the case. We need to keep having these conversations and reinforcing the line, no matter how uncomfortable it can be.

As far as dream team not caring about their audience, I can't really disagree with that right now lol. I certainly don't really feel cared for, but I'm here more for my friends now at this point.

Keep thinking through what this means for you and how you want to move forward for yourself. there's nothing wrong with putting them down for a while. I see a trend of former fans burning the ground as they leave, but like, you can just leave or take a little hiatus from dreamteam, and that's absolutely fine! You can always change your mind and come back, or you can find something else and get super invested in that. No one is going to track what you're doing and judge you, I promise.

As far as content to help you through depression, I can't recommend Brittany Broski and Trixie and Katya enough. I've been listening to Trixie and Katya's Podcast, the Bald and the Beautiful, for my long commutes and they keep me laughing. I'd start with their "Unhhh" youtube series though because it's..... Hilarious

Sorry this got so long. Classic Scoops

[silverbladexyz]

Hiii hope youre doing well! Could i ask for platonic bestie hcs with Poe 😳 maybe a friend who loves ranting about their current reads and giving out unsolicited book recs

Idk im just in the mood for some cute hcs lol

-🎐

Heyyyy bro I love platonic requests too! And I headcanon Poe would be such a great bestie.

The image does not belong to me. It belongs to it's original owner.

TW: None

Best friend hcs with Poe

-Can I just say how cute of a friendship this is? You being the talker, Poe being the listener, and both of you bond over your shared interests in books

-And because you two like books, there’s going to be a lot of book recommendations going around. Poe gives you books in the mystery and crime genres, while you just give him any book you think is good. He likes your taste in books, even when it might not be his favourite, he still likes reading it in his spare time

-He loves it when you just suddenly give him a book. Poe isn’t one to initiate a conversation, and plus he has something new from you which he can enjoy. I headcanon he’ll binge read the book in two nights and come back with dark circles under his eyes, still ready to talk about the book with you

-Poe is more than happy to listen to you talk about your recent reads! He is a listener, and nothing interests him more than your talk. If he has read some of the works that you were talking about, he’d give his own review and opinion on it, sparking an even deeper conversation on the book and analysing it’s text and quotes and stuff

-Being best friends with Poe means that you’re best friends with Karl too. Give Karl a lot of pats and hugs and talk to him too! Karl loves you and always brings you a book to read. He might even perch around your shoulders, or sit on top of your head

-Also write some of your own stories!! Poe is always excited to read your writing, and even when his criticising may not be the sweetest sometimes, it genuinely improves the way you write. But he also reminds you to take breaks if he sees you writing nonstop

-Over time, he might also write stories for you to read! They’re mostly mystery, but Poe would be perfectly happy writing anything that you request. Although please don’t be harsh when you give him feedback, because it might just damage his self-esteem even more :(

-Okay, now let’s focus on the other parts of your friendship. Poe is a big introvert, so you would have to drag him out to do stuff most of the time. Take him to a library or a beach! He’d mostly sit down and read a book, but he’ll also do activities with you too Splash him with some water when he’s not looking

-Poe isn’t as used to platonic affection, so if you are touchy, he might freeze up a little and be stiff. But he loves it! Keep doing it, and slowly he’ll accept those little platonic actions and might start doing it back to you. It’s going to take a very long time though

-He might even take you to meet Ranpo! He secretly wishes that you’ll get along with the world’s greatest detective, but not too well so that you become Ranpo’s best friend instead of his. Please don’t leave Poe, because Karl was his only company on most days before he met you

-Food trips!!! Who wouldn’t want to go out and eat food with their best friend? Encourage Poe to try some new cuisines, because I feel like he only eats two cuisines at the most. One time you put some chili in his food and it was so funny seeing him turn red and chugging down glasses of milk. He got back at you though by trapping you in one of his mystery books (dw the case was easy to solve and you got out safely)

-In much more calmer and softer moments, Poe would probably sit with you on the couch while gazing into the sunset. These times are cherished dearly by him, because it is a signal of the amount of trust and platonic love you had in each other. He would never trade you away for anything, even for beating Ranpo in a case, which shows how much he cares for you

-He probably doesn’t go outside a lot. Take him to different places to let him touch some grass, will you? Poe really needs it

@pixyys @pianotross @the-mourning-stars @nekokinax @i-just-like-goats @yuugen-benni @xxelfmamaxx @lakeside-paradise @yukitomybeloved @irethepotato @arisu-chan4646 @voyagewiththesatan @catzlivedforbsd

[jvpiterstears]

!!PLEASE READ ALL OF THIS.!!

i just want to put out a small note that just because i’m the biggest sour screen fan doesn’t mean i don’t fw other taco ships! if you are anti tacomic or anti paco i suggest you scramble on out because i fw those because i have attachments to those ships for personal reasons.

also, i am a plural/system. almost all of the recent posts you have seen are posts by me, a fictive of taco. and i have very distinct memories and preferences of ships i do and don’t like. i’m a multishipper but i’m a picky one

i’m also going to tell all of you now that taco x trophy is not allowed near me. at all. if you ship taco x trophy you are on EXTREME thin ice. along with tacobulb because i have a very strong sibling attachment to lightbulb and seeing art of taco and lightbulb being anything more than friends or family just. makes me feel icky.

i also don’t fw tacocase, taco x silver spoon, taco x cabby, taco x test tube or taco x candle. or tacoberry. BUT, they don’t make me uncomfortable, they just aren’t my thing. you do you w your rarepairs though! i don’t care as long as it isn’t taco x trophy (i actually fucking HATE trophy in general he makes me extremely uncomfortable)

ALSO. a (not so) friendly reminder to GET. OUT. if you like homestuck. if you’re a homestuck fan please tell me so i can block you.

another reminder: miraculous ladybug fans are on EXTREMELY thin ice!

also, endos/endo supporters (+demosys and tulpasys) fuck off. my blog is not a safe space for you and i will just block you if you interact.

i will not engage in syscourse or lgbt identity discourse, but i do have my opinions, and i freely block.

i believe in typing quirks even if they’re complicated or weird. as long as you’re willing to translate if i don’t understand i literally dont care

i also want to adress something that’s a bit important to me

i’ve seen a few people in my notifications who have reblogged maxphillippa (i think that’s how you spell their name please tell me if i’m wrong) and i want to say that i blocked them last year because they are, from what i recall, anti tacomic. and again, i’m a tacomic shipper. and from what i’ve seen about them they have a general dislike for taco and a lot of taco ships. which is fine, people have opinions, but seeing their content does make me a little uncomfortable as someone who is both a taco fictive but also who’s headmates collectively have a massive attachment to taco. i won’t stop you from interacting with them, but i will tell you that i will avoid conversing about them

something i need to warn people about is that i have a lot of mental issues. i struggle with a lot of things including/especially social interactions and differences in opinions and preferences. i’m getting better accepting that people might have largely different thought processes from me and that people will disagree with things i say. i get easily defensive and angry or upset and it’s a thing i’m working on.

i also need direct communication when you’re upset with me for any reason. the amount of times i’ve had to tell people not to keep it a secret when they don’t like me is frustratingly large. i understand having communication issues, i have them too, i struggle to tell people when i’m upset over things and hide my emotions, but things need to be said. especially if they’re serious.

sorry for all of the text, these are just things that i need to say before anyone actually interacts with my blog, and especially if you’re going to join sour screen hq. because i’m going out of my comfort zone with making sshq and talking to new people

if you read all of that THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ACTUALLY READING I KNOW PEOPLE DONT LIKE PARAGRAPHS. i dont like em much either but this was all really important to me

anyways byyeee…. i need to keep working on sshq im not even done with roles yet🧍‍♀️

[youremyheaven]

https://www.tumblr.com/youremyheaven/752283558503170048/i-guess-youre-the-anon-who-shares-the-same

this was so insightful?? thank you omg 🥹💗

ive always believed in and have been interested in figuring out what parts of me were innately me and which parts of me were just a side effect of the environment i was in but i never considered how spirituality could tie into all this

im not sure if it was you but i remember there was a post about how jyeshta could struggle with confidence and self worth and my atmakaraka AND amatyakaraka both fall in jyeshta so i might look into that

and i never considered the fact that venus influence could have possibly been influential in my chart because of past experiences and because of how you mentioned that most it girls tend to have Venusian influence somewhere so you might be onto something with how i dont resonate completely with the whole “material girl slaying and being an it girl” themes of venus (my other scorpio and ardra placements probably did this to me but anyway)

AND i remember you also reblogged a post about how venusians tend to succeed in higher fields because they know how to charm and please people and honestly i resonated more with not being interested in pleasing anyone at all, but this conversation has made me realise that i do have a tendency of being liked/preferred and “picked” as favourites by higher class or wealthier people, even when i felt like an ugly duckling or black sheep at times, unwanted and ugly and less valued and disgusted by myself— but on the flip side, sometimes people who were racist or naturally more biased and unwelcoming or whatever is unnatural in beauty to them were really mean to me, EVEN as a child. so not sure how exactly venus was working then

but your response was really sweet and insightful and honestly i think ive been needing that reply as a bit of a reminder recently so thank you for that, and i hope you receive various blessing and peace on your path ahead 🪷💗

yayy 🥺im glad you found it insightful 🥰

i havent made a post about Jyeshta but its something ive noticed with Jyeshta individuals overall

i mean not every Venusian is going to fit the stereotype of the "material slay it girl". I have two friends who both have Bharani stelliums (the rest of their chart is very different though lol) and one of them was a proper it girl, pretty much everybody my age in my city knows her name, girls wanted to be like her, boys wanted her, literal YEARS later, people still remember her. i remember talking to her ex boyfriend from 8 years ago and he told me how about 2yrs ago, someone walked up to him at a restaurant and asked him if he knew my friend,,, honestly her impact💅🏻is undeniable. her fame blurred into notoriety and she hasn't had an easy life at all, so the harshness of Venusian influence is definitely there

my other friend is just a regular person. she's not a stereotypical Venusian in this "it girl icon" way but in a harsh Venusian "I don't care about anything other than having a good time" way but I think her 5h stellium amplifies this.

Venus does not really guarantee that you will only ever receive positive treatment from others, no planet can do that. Being human means experiencing all kinds of things. When I said that about Venusian charisma and grace, I think Venusians are naturally sociable and charismatic, they dont really have to try to please anybody, in fact "trying to please" would not be Venusian at all. Venusians are often unaware of their magnetism. Lunars are the opposite, an evolved Lunar individual is fully aware of how to read a room or study an individual and behave accordingly, they're more calculated and sometimes their charm comes across as forced. Also I think people often have a negative reaction to Jyeshta women because of Jyeshta's Alakshmi themes.

Thank you sooo much, you're sooo sweet<333 hope you have a good day<333

[galewingpirates]

Arlong Park Arc

I HATE ARLONG SM OMG

... so i dont have my first reactions to things.

HOWEVER. I can summarize the parts I remember.

Brief reminder that this isn’t an expert analysis and it’s just me giving my basic thoughts on things!!

First of all. The funnies. Hatchan helping Zoro? Great scene. Usopp thinking he’s a ghost at the end of that one episode? Amazing

HOWEVER.

I CRIED SO MUCH DURING THIS ARC. THE EMOTIONAL DEVASTATION OF NAMI’S BACKSTORY- AAAAAAA

I was so devastated when I realized that Arlong came to Cocoyasi Village the same day as Nami got into the argument with Bell-mère- god the pain. And Genzo trying to save Nami???? OUGH. MY SOUL.

THIS PART THOUGH??? OMG. THIS WAS SO COOL BUT ALSO I CRIED BC OMG THE WAY THEY ALL HAD HER BACK & WERE SO WILLING TO HELP NAMI 😭😭😭

Sanji vs Kuroobi

Im gonna be perfectly honest. I almost couldn’t watch this part bc I’m extremely gore sensitive and the implied injuries made me SUPER sick. HOWEVER. Seeing as I am now a member of the Sanji Fanclub™️ however, I watched it bc I think he’s cool and his fighting style is fun.

This fight was AWESOME. I feel like the stakes were super high at this point & so Sanji being forced to act even when the odds were against him was cool. I also think that Sanji blowing air into Kuroobi’s gills was really neat! + every scene of the blue pinstripe shirt is my favorite bc I wish I had that shirt 😭 The part abt water pressure did make me super sick tho

Usopp vs Chew

THIS FIGHT WAS SO FUN!!! I feel like this fight was the first fight where Usopp really got to do a whole lot by himself and he really proved his confidence in going down the path of becoming a brave warrior of the sea.

This fight really proved to me that even though Usopp is very much scared, he’s also got some incredibly brave moments like this. He 100% could’ve died- Up until this point, other than at Syrup Village when he was protecting the town from the Black Cat Pirates, he hadn’t really had much experience fighting, so the fact that he defeated one of Arlong’s officers is amazing considering his experience at the time. Not only did he show a lot of ingenuity and cleverness in this fight, it also was very fluid and not disjointed or staggered, and it had some funny moments, so it was enjoyable overall for me.

Zoro vs Hatchan

I’m gonna be honest, I don’t remember a lot abt this fight.

HOWEVER. I do remember that this fight was really cool to me because it showed 1. Zoro’s resilience. Even with the injury he received from Mihawk, he continued to fight. He knew he’d reopen the wound but he didn’t care, he fought anyways. 2. It really sort of showed more of the fact that Zoro’s a professional swordsman. In contrast to Usopp, Zoro’s been in this sort of business for a while- longer than anyone on the crew currently. He’s not starting from the ground up and he really shows that in this fight. + it was fun. Overall I don’t remember a lot of it tho

Luffy vs Arlong

GET HIM LUFFY!!!!!! 🫵

This fight I feel like wasn’t so much about the fight itself rather than the point it was making- it’s been a super long time since i’ve seen this one too but 1. The part where Luffy bites Arlong is super funny. 2. It was super cool getting Luffy genuinely pissed at Arlong. Like. He’d been mad at enemies before, but this time felt like the most serious (though I might have some bias bc it’s been the most recent fight I’ve seen him get angry in other than clockwork island and the first movie). Also him destroying the room Nami was trapped in (and also Arlong Park) was super cool and showed how much he cares about Nami which I liked

The Aftermath

I am so glad they finally beat up that stupid rat!!!! Hate him hate him hate him. Also the party was very fun, Nami’s tattoo getting changed and the heartfelt conversation between Genzo and Luffy where Genzo threatens to fucking kill Luffy if Luffy ever makes Nami sad, Sanji and Zoro being friends, very fun. Also before the party, Luffy finally getting a bounty??? So cool omg.

[frogndtoad]

8 22 & 28 (if applicable)!! 🎶 also general music q, making up my own, 3 songs that evoke memories a specific place?

8 - three songs that remind you most of summer and vacation

floridablogger to floridablogger communication. floridablogger to floridablogger conversation. im writing little descriptions for these ones bc i can

Margot & the Nuclear So And So's - Broadripple is Burning - feels like melting in july-august sun, the kind that burns you thru your t-shirt if you dont sunscreen underneath it.

New Order - Age of Consent -warm weather driving. rushing promise of the ocean in the distance or memories in the recent past

The Chicks - Give It Up or Let Me Go - yeehaw.

22 - three songs you listen to when you’re sad

wow i was just talking abt this earlier :] i tend to decide on Either a specific musical vibe Or songs to wallow/catharsis Or songs to feel better (but probably still cry through). but its been a feeling better evening so i'll give some of those

Billy Joel - Vienna Haley Heynderickx - Oom Sha La La The Mountain Goats - Cotton

28 - three best songs to get drunk or high to

not at all applicable im sorry 😭😭😭 going to dm you some extremely funny personal lore in return tho

bonus! - 3 songs that evoke place memories

Luis Fonzi & Daddy Yankee - Despacito - awesome song made even better by its deep entrenchment with my last time in the Keys :3

The Lightning Thief Original Cast - Lost! - got lost in the state forest after a pitcher plant hike to this song. which was really funny. also we didnt even see that many pitcher plants cool woods tho

Vengaboys - We Like To Party! (The Vengabus) - maybe a bit of a stretch for a place but kes encouraged this one so. reminds me of my friends car when one night in college he did a massive round to pick people up to hang out. and just LOOPED the song the whole drive.

[saintpetercladinleather]

i miss my best friend. she's not far from me, not really, yet i miss her dearly.

at the moment shes halfway across the world on vacation yet realistically shes no harder to reach than she was a few weeks ago. we message each other almost everyday, share posts etc,. And we hadn't been able to hang out in person much recently so this shouldn't feel much different. yet i think the physical distance simply accentuated the distance that was already there. but that distance is just circumstances, appointments, jobs, busy lives.

i think that rather dwelling on the absence of my best friend and the sadness it causes, it should serve as a reminder of how much i love our friendship. like seeing loss as evidence of having had something worth having. grief as proof of love having existed. yes, i still miss you man but instead im reminiscing about traveling the world together, standing inn parking lots for hours talking, private conversations within a group that makes everyone think were a couple. instead of feeling insecure in our friendship and worrying that perhaps were drifting apart, im just excited to see you when you get back so we can take turns info dumping and telling stories. it also helps that you are one of my few followers which i think only further cements the evidence of our unmatched dynamic yestie bestie. please excuse my overly sappy and sincere sentiment but I've been feeling nostalgic in your absence.

i miss my best friend. she's not far from me, not really, yet i miss her dearly.