#muse. lena luthor

[protectthevulnerable]

Like this for a starter from Lena!

[protectthevulnerable]

@storyofwhoiam

          Lena honestly hadn't known what to write when Catia suggested that she write a letter to Santa. If she'd been any closer to her adult headspace, she probably would've refused, but she was learning to enjoy so-called childish things and she really did want to do it. She struggled with it for ages before finally deciding on what she wanted to write.

          Once she was finished, she stood up from her spot on the floor next to the coffee table. With wide, nervous eyes, she passed off the letter to Catia, hoping she did okay.

[protectthevulnerable]

@storyofwhoiam

          Lena openly fidgeted with their hands, knees pulled up to their chest as they sat on the couch. They really could go the rest of their life without mentioning it. It was weird. Catia probably wouldn’t understand and they kind of didn’t either. It should make absolutely no sense. But it did. It made just enough sense, that they had to consider that it might be helpful.

          “I was...” she swallowed and attempted to stop fidgeting, trying to get some confidence back into her voice as she turned to face Catia. “You know, I read something the other day.” It absolutely hadn’t been ‘just’ the other day.. She’d heard about the whole... mommy thing ages ago and she’d done far too much research on it. “About how kink can sometimes help you heal from past trauma and let you... reclaim those experiences.” They weren’t sure if that was exactly what they wanted to say, but it sounded smart and seemed like a good way to lead into what they really wanted to say.

[protectthevulnerable]

hey, i need you to look at me and tell me if you’re okay. Catia - Lena

@storyofwhoiam

          Lena's eyes had shut tight in attempt to shut out the visual input and focus solely on the pleasure Catia was trying to give her to try to lessen the overwhelming feeling, fingers curling around the sheets with white knuckles. When Catia spoke, they opened their eyes, revealing just how watery they were.

          They sucked in a large breath, realizing that they'd been holding it without meaning to. They wanted to tell Catia that they were okay, not wanting to ruin the moment, but they tried to ignore that instinct and they shook their head. "I tried to..." The words felt sticky in their throat and a mess in their head. "hold out. Relax into it... didn't work. " Her lips tugged down into a heavy frown. She felt guilty and ashamed for how their body sometimes reacted to sex.

          "I'm sorry," she whimpered, pressing a hand to her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut to prevent herself from bursting into tears.

[protectthevulnerable]

[ HIPS ]: sender pulls receiver in closer by the hips. Kalinda - Lena

@storyofwhoiam

          Lena sucked in a breath, eyes widening as they were tugged into Kalinda. They really wanted to let this happen, but they knew where this road stopped and they were not a fan of that side of town. "Kalinda... we can't do this. I can't do this." Part of her was worried that it would end just like last time, but she didn't care that much about that. The problem was... Lena had feelings that Kalinda didn't (or if she did, she'd probably never admit to that) and Lena really wasn't in the headspace to be able to navigate such a complicated relationship. They would just hurt each other and Lena would lash out and hurt Kalinda worse than she had hurt them.

          "You and I both know this is a recipe for disaster." That was just their personalities, but Lena wouldn't let the real reason out. It made it all too vulnerable.

[protectthevulnerable]

“Do you need someone to talk to?” Iona - Lena

@storyofwhoiam

          "I need someone to have a drink with me," they replied, not an ounce of amusement in their voice. "But I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't... fall back on old habits." That would be the last thing Kara would've wanted.

          "It should have been me. The world needs Supergirl. It doesn't need a Luthor." No matter how much therapy they received or how much everyone in their life told them that they were wanted and needed, it was still hard to accept. Especially now.

          Kara was dead and the world was in morning, but so was she.

[protectthevulnerable]

if you like things easy, this isn’t for you. chummy (probably not realising she's talking to a legit genius lol) @ lena

@storyofwhoiam

          Lena couldn't help the way she smirked. She wouldn't presume that she'd done things harder, but nothing she'd ever done had been easy. "Oh, I've never backed down from a challenge." Considering they had ran two companies, essentially worked part time as a superhero (they still wouldn't accept that title, no matter how many times Kara had insisted on it), and had improved the process of ivf (while also getting themself pregnant) all at the same time... she definitely liked a challenge.

[protectthevulnerable]

❝ one step at a time. ❞ kathani @ lena

@storyofwhoiam

          Lena took deep, heavy breaths through her nose and clung so tightly to the parallel bars that her knuckles were white, trying to keep calm but far too determined and frustrated to. It should be easy. She used to be able to walk without thinking much about it, but now she couldn't even take a single step. No. She was going to. Even if it metaphorically killed her. She slid a single foot forward and before she could even try to stop it, her legs crumbled beneath her and pulled the rest of her body with them.

          A noise of pain pushed out of them as they felt their elbow pull out of its socket, but it quickly shifted to angry yelling. "Fuck! Goddamnit! Useless!" Their uninjured arm hit at the parallel bars, as they continued to yell out obscenities and insults at themself before sobs took over.

[protectthevulnerable]

❝ look, i think we got off on the wrong foot. ❞ kate @ lena

@storyofwhoiam

          "You think?" Lena laughed bitterly. "No, arresting me on the word of a narcissistic liar was a great way to start."

[protectthevulnerable]

❝ but it was your home … ❞ john @ lena

@storyofwhoiam

          "That place was never my home," Lena growled. "The Luthor house was lonely and full of misery. I left that cesspit as soon as I got the chance." Her home was with Kara and the rest of her friends. It had never been a single place. Just a collection of souls and she'd never had that before.

[protectthevulnerable]

❝ you’ve got to tell her. ❞ clance @ lena

@storyofwhoiam

          A laugh burst out of Lena and she quickly pressed a hand over her mouth to shove it back down. “I don’t have to do anything,” she replied, still smirking with amusement. “All I have to do is... try to gain back her trust. That I broke, I’ll remind you.” Her face got serious and sad with the reminder that Kara still hated her.

[protectthevulnerable]

“ isn’t that what you want ? isn’t that what you’ve wanted all along ? ” max @ lena

@storyofwhoiam

          “What?" Lena asked, confusion and disbelief lacing her voice. "I never wanted to kill Supergirl. I just want her to feel how she made me feel." That anger, that desire to hurt, was strong and all consuming, but they would never kill Kara. They weren't a villain. They just needed to get back at her and get rid of all the betrayal and hurt that stabbed incessantly at their insides.

[protectthevulnerable]

praise kink

          "I..." Lena faltered, not entirely sure how to answer. "I don't have much experience with... genuine praise, so I wouldn't know. But... someone telling you how good you've done? Recognizing the work you've put in for them? And actually meaning it?"

          They let out a wistful sigh, a smile tugging ever so slightly at her lips. "Who wouldn't like that?" she asked with a chuckle, trying to downplay their reaction.

[protectthevulnerable]

“ now and then we fail and we admit defeat. ” bridget @ lena

@storyofwhoiam

          Their head shook, revealing their true feelings despite their next words. "I know that, but... it's like some personal failing on my part if I can't make something work. If I can't do what's needed of me... what's to keep them from finding someone better? More capable?" They let out a heavy exhale, trying not to cry. It was the logical path, getting rid of something when it no longer worked; when it did more harm than good. But she couldn't handle being tossed aside again. After the last time and all of the times before... she was sure she'd be irreparably broken, if it happened again.

[protectthevulnerable]

@storyofwhoiam

          “J’onn, wait up!” Lena called out, carefully speed walking in their heels up to the older man. A bright grin brought up her lips when she caught up to him. “I wanted to say thank you for the other day. And apologize for how abruptly I left. If it wasn’t for you, I might not have made it out of there. So thank you.”

          “Would... would you like to come over tonight? I could make dinner? Sort of a thank you meal.”

[protectthevulnerable]

@storyofwhoiam

          “I need you to help me.” Without much of a greeting, Lena stepped into Bridget’s office, practically pleading for help. Kelly may have been a psychologist, but she was too close to the issue and Bridget worked for the DEO too. Close enough but not too close. Not quite friends with the person Lena hurt.

          “I... hurt someone I really care about and I... I can’t go on like this. Hurting others when I get hurt. I-I have this pattern of... blowing things out of proportion and lashing out to... extreme degrees. I refuse to let my past control me anymore. I won’t be what everyone thinks I am.” ‘What I think I am’, they didn’t say. Even if Kara never forgave them, they had to try. If not for Kara, for everyone else in their life. And maybe even for themself. Because it was hurting them too. They couldn’t keep being so angry all of the time and if they couldn’t program the anger out, maybe they could learn how to diffuse it and live with it.

          “Will you help me?” Her tears broke her voice. She was desperate.