lena-in-a-red-dress

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Its always a little daunting to voice a "female characters are more than their sexual relationships" criticism to a male author, but this morning our guy took it on the chin. Dunno if he'll implement anything about it, but at least he didn't try to explain himself, or worse, justify it.

Just take the note-- that's all we ask.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

I need jeans that will last more than a couple months. Do any of my curvier ladies have recommendations for good, sturdy brands? Lately I've been wearing out the corners on the butt pockets (which I don't even use??), the belt loop anchor points, and of course the inner thighs.

I think it might be that they've all had some stretch? So maybe I just need the search terms to eliminate stretch?

Any help is greatly appreciated.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Portal Children AU, Pt 3

From that moment on, Kara gets her wish-- she and Lena are fast friends. Rarely is one seen without the other, even when Lena takes to the fields to run, or climb, or shoot her arrows. Kara tags along, not just allowed but truly welcome. And when Kara begins asking questions about archery, or staffwork, or swordplay, Lena finds an unexpected love she's never had a chance to indulge in-- teaching.

She teaches Kara as much as the girl is willing to learn-- which is everything. By the end of their first year as roommates, they spar on near equal footing, with Kara diligently acquiring and adjusting to the techniques Lena gives her.

In turn, Lena helps Kara understand how best to utilize her muscles-- something Kara never had to think about when flying through the air fighting monsters and aliens. There, it had simply happened, but here-- here she has earthly physics and human anatomy to think about, and Lena helps her with understanding both. With Lena's help, Kara shifts her focus from sheer strength to true function, increasing her range of motion and flexibilty, until Kara almost, almost feels as powerful as she did in her home world.

Kara tells Lena all about her nonsense world, about the joy of flying and the satisfaction of punching an alien back to Mars. She tells Lena about the sister she'd met, the friends who had become her family. She promises Lena that she would have loved them all, if she had been there.

And little by little, Lena shares her own experiences in return. Kara is shocked, to hear just how long Lena had spent in her world-- doors rarely re-opened for children after their eighteenth birthday. That Lena had been almost thirty when she was shoved back through... Kara can hardly imagine the horror of being shoved back into a child's body after living so long as an adult.

She's appalled to hear how Lena's brother had exploited their world instead of saving it, and outraged on Lena's behalf when she learns the Lena's return had been neither accidental nor by choice, but instead a cruel punishment enacted by Lex when Lena was needed most.

Kara understands then, Lena's single minded focus on finding the door back to her world.

But try as Lena might, she makes no headway on finding her door. By the time their 17th birthdays come, and graduation looms before them both, Lena has a new plan.

"I'm going back to my family," Lena tells Kara one night, as they lay in their respective beds, a shaft of moonlight cleaving their room in two. "My father wants me to join him at his company."

Kara frowns, rolling to face Lena. "But that would mean going to college. It would mean going to the city. You *hate* the city."

Lena doesn't deny it. "Lex opened the portal back here by magic," she states bluntly. "Magic is simply science we don't understand. Which means I can open the door from here."

"Does LuthorCorp have that kind of technology?" Kara asks, amazed.

Lena glares stubbornly at the ceiling, twisting her blankets with her fists.

"They will."

Kara considers the declaration, and studies Lena's profile. They've been friends for years now, and Kara knows Lena better than anyone else in the world. And she knows that if Lena says she'll do something-- she'll do it.

"Okay," Kara accepts finally. She flops back on her back. "Then I'm coming with you."

Lena's head whips towards her. "What?"

"You don't think I'd let my best friend brave the unknown alone, do you? Besides-- it's about time I go on a proper adventure again."

---

From that moment on, Kara casts herself as Lena's lieutenant. They rent an apartment together in the city, and navigate their own ways through adult life.

Kara is initially ambivalent towards higher education for herself, but allows Lena to talk her into a kinesiology and exercise science degree. Along the way she falls in love with social media, and builds a following creating content centering on body positivity and fitness done right. When she graduates, it doesn't take long to develop enough clientele as a personal trainer to open her own studio.

Meanwhile, Lena focuses on any and all science she can get her hands on, earning double undergraduate degrees and then a masters and a doctorate. Before long, she finds herself on the Research and Development team at LuthorCorp. She continues to invest not only her swordplay and archery, but also takes on new and developing martial arts, spending her evenings in dojos learning fighting styles Lex hasn't even heard of.

The most surprising thing the city has to offer is free-running. Early every morning Lena meets up with a local group and careens around the city, turning every block, wall, and ledge as their personal jungle gym. She stays quick, stays sharp, stays fearless.

Kara occasionally joins her, adept enough to keep up at a moderate pace, but her work with busy professionals trying to squeeze their fitness in before work means that the parkour remains predominantly Lena's. In the autumn, when the air is chill and crisp with the smell of turning leaves, she can almost believe she's home in the forest, her fauns and deerish friends thundering along just behind her.

But even as they build their lives, neither Kara nor Lena forget their mission. Neither of them lose the longing for their homes, nor their intent to return. Lena spends long hours in her lab, often working solo on her pet project she describes as a transmatter portal to her supervisor (and her father), but in truth will hopefully one split the fabric of reality, and admit her back to her world.

It's years before it happens. Before one night, just as Kara enters Lena's lab with dinner in one hand a keycard in the other, Lena presses a button and a tear opens. It gapes wider and wider until it truly looks like a door, a broad, tall window into another world. She knows Lena recognizes it from the way her friend's shoulders finally relax in relief, and from the immediate step Lena takes over the threshold without so much as a glance behind her.

"Lena!"

She knows the risks. The school for wayward children warned what might happen if they enter a world that wasn't their own. But Kara doesn't hesitate. She pitches herself towards the portal, squeezing through just as it begins to close, Lena already far ahead, the distance between them warped by the shifting realities.

Kara stumbles into the wooded grass on the other side. Catching her balance, she whips around to glance behind her for the door, but sees only endless forest stretching beyond. To her horror, when she turns forward again, Lena is nowhere to be found.

"LENA!!"

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

What's funny about my portal children supercorp au ideas is that it kind of highlights that CW Supergirl as a whole was a high nonsense world.

Accurate, no?

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Portal Children AU Pt 2 - Supercorp

At the age of 12, Lena earns an expulsion from her fifth boarding school. By that point, her parents are at the end of their wits with her, and when they learn of the Home for Wayward Children, they're relieved to dump Lena there and leave as swiftly as their car can manage.

Who can blame them, when their darling little girl returns from an afternoon walk in the grove bitter and bereft and uninterested in the world around her? How can they hope to salvage a relationship with a daughter who glares at them with far too much resentment than an eight, then ten, then twelve year old should contain?

They leave her, and Lena doesn't give their trail of dust a backwards glance. She has work to do, and the Home for Wayward Children-- in truth a refuge for children just like her-- may just be the place to get it done.

Any time she's not in class Lena is outdoors and in motion. She runs across the acres of land the school is situated upon, from fence to fence in every direction. She climbs trees, hopping between them across bending branches, on nimble feet. She boxes with shadows, throwing jabs and elbows with sharp, precise blows.

She harvests a thick fallen branch, and carves it down to a smooth staff, swinging it around her body and over her head in a violent single person dance. The headmistress of the school tries to scold Lena when the paring knife reported missing by the school cook ends up on Lena's belt. But no matter how many times it's confiscated, it always ends up back on Lena's person, until one day the headmistress (once a wayward child herself) gifts her a proper dagger with a chide to stop stealing from the cook.

When Lena's not moving, she's strategizing, studying, plotting. She's spent 20 years as a general, leading her fellow freedom fighters in sabotage runs, blitz attacks and full frontal assaults all. She has negotiated with royals and peasants and everyone in between, with the fate of an entire world solidly on her shoulders.

Even five years after her return to her childhood body, that responsibility has yet to release her. Her thoughts tumble with catastrophizing what ifs, wavering between wondering what happened to her friends after Lex banished her and knowing that he's already executed them all.

Her entire existence now focuses on finding a way back to her world, and being ready to resume the fight as soon as she does.

The students at the school are used to oddness amongst their peers. But even among children all individually shaped by their specific circumstances and worlds, Lena is considered odder than most. She shows no interest in making friends, and even if she did the other children find her intensity unsettling.

Except for her roommate, Kara.

Kara fares better than most. Coming back with the knowledge that the journey back would be a long one helps, even if it can't totally dull the pain of missing her chosen home. Her return had been voluntary, and she knows that however long it may take, she *will* make it back, and that her friends will still be there waiting for her when she does.

So she doesn't understand what drives Lena's unhappiness, at first. Lena doesn't share in group therapy, so no one really knows what her world or her role in that world truly was. But where they see a girl removed from the world, Kara sees only a friend she hasn't met yet.

Kara also likes to be active. Or rather, she likes to be strong. Where Lena moves and moves and moves, Kara is perfectly content lifting weights in her little fitness corner. She exercises for strength where Lena exercises for survival. Even so, Kara sees the value in Lena's movment, the lightning quick economy of motion. And Kara adores it.

One day, Kara leaves a gift on Lena's bed, then crawls into the tree outside their window to wait for her roommate to return. When she does, Kara sees Lena freeze in place, her eyes jumping swiftly from the oddly wrapped package on the coverlet to scan her surroundings, searching for any sign of a threat.

Realizing her error, Kara makes a point of rustling the leaves around her before poking her head through the foliage.

"It's okay!" she chirps brightly. "I left it for you."

Lena's gaze narrows on Kara, mouth twisting to something just shy of a frown.

"Will you open it?" Kara continues, then adding, "please?"

Slowly, Lena eases her book bag from her shoulder, and finally sits on the edge of her bed, lifting the awkward bulk of the gift into her lap. When the wrapping paper falls away, Kara hears Lena gasp.

An unstrung bow glimmers in the afternoon light, it's surface smooth with untouched polish. Kara knows from wrapping it that the wood is dense, strong but flexible in a recurve shape, perhaps a little large for Lena's frame. But the way Lena stares at it, Kara has no idea if she'd made a huge mistake or not.

"I saw you trying to find a suitable branch in the woods the other week," she says quickly. "I think I got the size right, based on what you seemed to prefer, but if it's not I can let my parents know. They helped me get this, and--"

Lena stands sharply, gripping the bow shaft in one hand while the other scoops up the loosely coiled string. In a single fluid motion she strings the bow and draws it back to the corner of her jaw.

Kara stops and stares, amazed and dazzled by the efficiency of her roommate's movements, and the laser focus of a hunter, a warrior, on Lena's features. Then, as quickly as she drew it, Lena relaxes the bowstring, spinning to face Kara where she's perched outside the window.

"It's perfect," Lena breathes.

Then she smiles, a bright dazzling beam of delight that no one in this world has ever seen. In that moment, Kara knows she'll spend the rest of her life collecting as many of those smiles as she can.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Anyway, here's some initial thoughts on Supercorp being Wayward Children:

Both would belong to high virtue worlds, but that's where most of the similarities would end.

Kara's would be high whimsy, I think. A world powered by wishes and wonders. A world where she could be strong, stronger than anyone else in the world, and could fly, and shoot lasers from her eyes.

She would have fun, so much fun, and build happy memories and make good friends among the other superpowered people of the world. She has adventures and battles cartoonish villains, and emerges victorious every single time, until one day she's given then chance to remain permanently.

There's nothing she would love more-- but she asks for the chance to tell her family goodbye first. And so she steps back into the mundane world, knowing the journey back may be long and hard, but that she would one day succeed in returning to her chosen home.

Meanwhile Lena's world would be high logic, something like Narnia. Maybe exactly like Narnia, where a portal child is foretold to come and save the world from the tyrannical queen who oppresses a realm of magic and talking animals.

But Lena wouldn't arrive alone.

Lex and Lena BOTH step through the portal, hand in hand. Being younger, Lena basks in the attention of the animals fawning over them, connecting with them instantly and cleaving to their plight. She is ready to help them.

Meanwhile Lex is more skeptical, more cunning. He sees the power wielded by the evil queen, and when he pulls an Edward and betrays his sister and her new compatriots, he never once feels shame for doing so. He plays the dutiful crony, highly valued by the queen, until he finally betrays her, killing her and assuming her power for himself, and becomes the tyrant.

Throughout all of this, Lena may hope that her brother may one day see reason, but she doesn't let that hope keep her from helping. As the years pass, she becomes an insurrectionist, a champion, a general in the war for freedom. By the time she's an adult, Lena is fierce and battle-forged, ready to do whatever it takes to stop her brother's cruelty.

During the final battle to decide the fate of their world, Lena and her people storm Lex's castle, intent on ending his reign once and for all. But Lex is armed with the last thing Lena could ever anticipate.

As swords clash around them, and Lena battles her brother, she sees his hand flicker in the shape of an arcane sigil. She doesn't see the portal open behind her, but she feels the poff of displaced air, and then Lex's boot catches her in the chest, sending her falling backwards through the door.

She falls hard on her back, the impact driving the air from her chest. She coughs and chokes for long moments, until she's able to open her eyes and see that the castle has disappeared, replaced by a copse of trees she hasn't seen in decades.

Realization hits her like a physical impact, and she screams. She screams and screams as she tears at the gnarled roots that had admitted her so many years ago, but they stubbornly remain nothing but wood and dirt. She digs until her hands are torn and bloodied, and her energy is wholly spent. She sobs, cradling her hands in her blood-stained lap.

Only then does she see the soft edges of her fingers, their tips blunted and round like those of child. Only then does she see that the bloodstained fabric of her lap is pink and dotted with even pinker hearts-- the dress she had worn when she had first stepped through her door, at the age of eight.

Lena's sobs turn to deep-chested howls of anguish. She has lost her world, her friends, her cause-- years of her life, gone as though they had never happened.

But they did. She feels them in her chest, too big and too heavy for her tiny body to contain.

Lena screams and screams and screams, until a landscaper hears and comes running.

She has lost everything.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Not me taking this to absolute extreme and filling my blog with ONLY half-baked ideas and single-scene snippets rather than buckling down to write the whole dang thing like I keep wanting to....

me as a writer

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Greys Anatomy AU - Lilliana at Seattle Grace Pt 4

What Lena doesn't know, however, is that Meredith overheard what Lena had told Lexie. About Lex, about Lillian, about the slap. The similarities to her own experiences rile her up, to the point that when Lexie tells her about Lena's resignation, Meredith storms into the chief's office the very next day.

"I quit."

Webber stares at her, then frowns. "If this is about Dr. Luthor..."

"If you hire that woman, I'm gone."

That's all she gives before blowing out of the room in a cloud of steaming anger. And then, as word of Meredith's ultimatum spreads, the dominoes start to fall.

One by one, the residents closest to Meredith deliver their own intent to resign if Lillian were hired. Even Christina, as much as it pains her, joins the movement.

"Let me guess, Yang," Webber drawls when Christina shows up in his office. "You refuse to work with Lillian Luthor."

Stiff and patently uncomfortable, Christina nods. "Yes."

Webber scowls. "You don't seem the type to sacrifice you career for an intern."

"I'm not," Christina says sharply.

The chief studies her for a long moment, then sighs. "Then this is about Grey, now."

Christina neither confirms nor denies, and Webber senses an opening.

"What is this really about?" he asks, leaning his elbows against his desk. "No one so far has been willing to give an actual reason I shouldn't hire Lillian."

Christina hesitates. "It's not for me to tell, sir." When Webber continues to pin her with a hard stare, she relents.

"Knowing what you knew about Ellis Grey, would you have offered her a job at the same hospital as Meredith?"

Webber's glare deepens. "Lillian Luthor does not have Alzheimers."

"I'm not talking about the Alzheimers, sir."

A punctuated and heavy silence fills the room, prompting Christina to escape as quickly as possible.

"I have a surgery to get to. Sir," she tacks on, hastily, before turning on her heel and disappearing out the door.

---

The next day, the chief's door opens again, this time admitting Lillian Luthor herself. Chief Webber turns from where he'd been staring out his window over the lobby below, and faces his prospective hire with a solemn expression.

"You run a good ship here, Richard," Lillian delivers pleasantly. "I admittedly had some concerns, giving Seattle Grace's recent dip in the rankings. But it seems they were unfounded; I'm actually rather impressed."

"I'm sorry, Lillian," Webber says solemnly. "I'm afraid I have to rescind my offer to have you join us."

Lillian stops, her smile freezing in place. "May I ask why?"

"I was ready to offer you any amount of money to convince you this was the right place for you," Webber continues. "Any equipment, grant funding, whatever it took."

"And yet."

"What I cannot do is replace an entire surgical resident class. Nor an intern who I'm sure you would agree shows great promise."

At that, Lillian's brow creases in consternation. "Excuse me?"

"How you and your daughter relate outside of this hospital is none of my concern. But this is a teaching hospital, Lillian, which means that we need students to teach."

Lillian levels an even gaze towards him. "I see."

"So as much as I would love to have you on this team," Webber, clearly having prepared an entire speech, continues, "if doing so comes at the cost of Seattle Grace's next generation of surgeons, I will have failed not only as Chief of Surgery, but as a teacher, and a mentor.

"It is my job to look to the future, Lillian. And we aren't the future anymore-- they are."

After a long, long moment, Lillian finally smirks.

"You always were a romantic, Richard."

"Hah!" Webber laughs. "I suppose so."

"Well, as disappointed as I may be, I won't fault your judgement. Not when that judgement accepted my daughter into your program."

Webber shakes his head. "Lena wasn't accepted into the program as your daughter, Lillian. She's a gifted doctor in her own right, and I'm certain she'll make an outstanding surgeon."

"Then I'm sure you'll shred her resignation letter?"

"If she's willing to return," Webber allows.

Lillian nods, content. She adjusts the strap of her bag, ready to leave.

"Keep doing what you're doing, Richard," she says. "You're doing an excellent job."

And then she leaves, as poised and elegant as she arrived.

----

Lillian doesn't return to her hotel. Instead, she heads to Lena's apartment. Lena answers her knock with a smile on her face, which disappears abruptly at the sight of her unexpected visitor.

"Mother."

They stare at each other for a long moment, until Lillian glances around her. "I'm more than happy to talk here in the corridor, however..."

She knows Lena wouldn't be. Lena has always been quiet, too reserved for a public spectacle-- which Lillian may or may not have attempted to exploit in her own favor at the hospital.

Lena steps aside, and Lillian enters the apartment with an appraising eye. The place is tidy and clean, though lived in, evidenced by the coffee mug forgotten on a side table and a book half buried under a rumpled blanket on the couch.

Lillian drifts to a stop at the threshold of the kitchen area, turning back to face her daughter where she hovered just inside the front door, now closed. Devoid of any medical charts to hide behind, Lena hugs herself, her gaze askance, refusing to meet Lillian's.

Faced with her daughter's clear discomfort, Lillian realizes with a pang that somewhere along the line, she has made a grave mistake.

"Why are you here?" Lena asks in a low, tense voice.

Lillian takes a breath, softening the set of her shoulders.

"I came to Seattle for you, Lena," she says gently. "I realize I haven't been as diligent in checking in with you as I should have been--"

"So you ambushed me at my place of work?!?" Lena snaps, her uneasiness snapping to anger in an instant.

Lillian almost flinches under the sudden heat of it. "Lena..."

"God! Where do you get off?? You ignore me, for *years*, and then expect us to be *coworkers*?!"

"How else was I supposed to connect with you, Lena?"

"My phone number hasn't changed, Mother," Lena hisses scathingly. "You could have tried picking up the fucking phone!"

"Would you have answered?"

Lena stops short, her cheeks reddening. Her jaw tightens stubbornly, but the way she looks away tells Lillian her concern wasn't entirely without merit.

"I know I haven't been the most attentive mother to you, Lena. What, with your brother's condition, and your father..."

Lena visibly stiffens, and Lillian swiftly steers away from the topic.

"Your brother needed me more than you did, sweetheart," Lillian tries again. "You know that."

Lillian sees the flicker of an eyeroll, before Lena closes her eyes in frustration.

"But I see now that our relationship has suffered for it. And now that your brother is doing well, I want to fix that."

Lena's eyes open, giving Lillian a suspicious glance.

"I want to fix us," Lillian repeats, more fervently. "Please, let me try."

As she watches, Lena's lips pull into a frown, shaking her head doubtfully. Still, Lillian persists.

"I declined Richard's offer."

At that, Lena blinks in surprise. "What?"

"It was not my intention to disrupt your life, Lena. Seattle Grace is the right place for you; I won't take that away."

Lena peers at her, plainly suspicious.

"But I'm not ready to give up on this chance to reconnect," Lillian clarifies. "Mercy West is also looking for a cardio-thoracic surgeon, and I intend to accept their offer."

Still, Lena says nothing.

"I won't force you into spending time with me, sweetheart. But I intend to stay, in event that you may be willing to."

When the silence stretches on, Lillian accepts that she won't recieve an answer tonight. That's all right: she's accomplished what she's come here to do.

"I'll let you get back to your evening," she offers gently. Still, she takes out the business card she'd tucked into her pocket earlier, and leaves it facedown on the counter, leaving the handwritten phone number clearly visible.

"My cell," she explains simply. "For whenever you're ready."

With that, she moves towards the door, pausing only long enough to give Lena's arm a small rub as she passes. She closes the door behind her, and takes a deep breath before continuing towards the elevator.

When the doors open, a familiar woman steps out with a pizza box in one hand and two-liter of soda in the other. One of the Grey sisters, Lillian recalls.

The younger woman only pauses long enough to deliver a curt "Dr. Luthor" before moving past Lillian. It's Lillian who turns and calls softly after her.

"You and my daughter," she begins, causing Grey to slow, then turn back. "You're close."

The younger woman says nothing, keeping the truth guarded close to her chest. Lillian nods.

"I'm glad," she says. "Lena deserves good friends."

"Yeah," comes the reply. "She does."

Clearly, this woman was one of the many who apparently had little respect for Lillian. Rather than invite any further condemnation, Lillian gives a nod of farewell, then turns back to the elevator.

"I overheard your son was feeling better," Grey calls. Lillian pauses. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how long has it been since his last hospitalization?"

Lillian frowns at that. Even so, she reaches back into her memory, if only to appease a woman her daughter clearly feels deeply for.

"Almost six years ago."

Grey's head tilts thoughtfully. "That would be... around the time of Lena's first year of med school. Which was about the last time you heard from her, wasn't it."

It's less a question, and more a statement. The younger woman holds Lillian's gaze, undaunted.

"Odd, don't you think?"

Lillian's gaze narrows, but before she can respond, the moment ends.

"Have a good night, ma'am."

Grey continues her way down towards Lena's door, leaving Lillian to step into the elevator, uncharacteristically off-kilter. But by the time the elevator deposits her on the ground floor, Lillian puts the exchange from her mind.

After all, what would a stranger know about it?

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Greys Anatomy AU - Lillian at Seattle Grace Pt 3

In the following days, Lena's apprehension about her mother filling the vacant position solidifies more and more into reality. Lillian gives no indication of leaving, and the chief's increasingly cheery mood tells the whole hospital that he believes it's a done deal.

When Lena requests a meeting with the chief, he's oblivious to her discomfort, and begins their conversation raving about Lillian, and her accomplishments.

"With your mother on the team, Seattle Grace is going to have a mighty comeback, you'll see!"

Lena gives a hollow smile. "I don't doubt it, sir," she says. "And I wish you and the hospital the best."

Only then does the chief pause and blink, fully taking in the sight of the nervous woman before him.

"Dr. Luthor?"

Lena leans forward, sliding a single slip of paper across the desk towards him. "My letter of resignation."

The chief frowns. "Lena..."

"Sir, I don't blame you for wanting my mother on your team," Lena says softly. She scoffs. "You'd have to be stupid not to. She's brilliant, and innovative, and everything you could hope to find in a surgeon. But I can't work in the same hospital as her. I won't."

"You've earned your own spot here, Luthor," the chief says, incorrectly assuming the nature of Lena's discomfort. "Your peers may not see that, but the people who truly matter do."

Lena presses her lips together for a long moment. "Be that as it may, my decision stands. As cliché as it sounds, it's her or me... and I don't expect you to choose an intern over a surgeon who's won the Harper Avery Award, thrice."

The chief gapes at her, earning himself another mirthless grin.

"I appreciate the learning I've gotten here at Seattle Grace, Dr. Webber. You have an amazing team. I look forward to seeing what new heights you'll achieve without me."

With that, Lena excuses herself, closing the door softly behind her, and leaves Dr. Webber staring after her, wondering what in the hell just happened.

---

Lena goes home after the meeting, without a word to anyone. When Lexie doesn't see her for the rest of the shift, it's not a long leap to connect the dots. When Lexie makes her way to Lena's apartment later that night, all she feels is sympathy.

"You resigned," she surmises when Lena answers the door.

Lena nods, then leans into the door as she looks beseechingly at Lexie. "You mad?"

Lexie sighs, then steps across the threshold to cup Lena's face in her hands. "I'm proud of you," Lexie counters. She kisses Lena softly. "For doing what's right for you."

Lena nods, relieved. "I'm going to apply to Mercy West," she murmurs. "We could still--"

"We don't have to worry about that tonight," Lexies assures her. "Tonight, it's just us, in this moment, okay?"

A sigh answers her.

"Okay."

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Greys Anatomy AU-- Lillian at Seattle Grace Pt 2

As Lillian's guest stint at Seattle Grace continues, Lena does her best to avoid her mother in both the halls and the operating room, and limiting their inevitable exchanges to relaying patient information.

To her surprise, though the other interns continue to bully her, the residents actually rally behind Lena. Meredith, of course, understands the pain of an inattentive mother, and once she gets behind Lena, the others do as well. They remain courteous to Lillian, perfectly professional, but never engage beyond that.

Lena keeps increasingly to herself, rarely seeking comfort from Lexie and the residents, and never doing so at work. Still, Lexie keeps an eye on her, especially when Lillian corners Lena at the nurses station, while Lena and Lexie are updating their patients' charts.

Lena makes no move to greet her mother, not even lifting her gaze as the taller woman starts making notes in her own charts. The nurses all stare surreptitiously, but Lexie thinks she might be the only one to see the stiffness of Lena's posture.

"You'll be glad to know your brother is doing well," Lillian delivers succinctly as she scribbles notes with an elegant hand. "He's even taken over your father's role in the company. Not that you've bothered to ask."

Lena closes her chart with a snap sharp enough to make Lexie and the nurses jump. Without looking at her mother, she grinds out a terse "I have rounds" through a clenched jaw before turning on her heel and stalking away.

As the days pass, and Lena's tension and anxiety around her mother starts to build, she starts sharing more with Lexie. About her family. How her father had been a raging alcholic, and how her mother had always been brilliant, had always put her career first, and her son second. How Lena had always seemed to fall off her list of priorities.

Lena never truly blamed her, she tells Lexie one night. When her older brother was diagnosed with cancer, it made sense that Lillian's attention would be focused on Lex. She practically lived with Lex at the hospital, leaving Lena to be raised by nannies and other staff. Even when he was home, Lex's condition seemed to consume everything.

There isn't a single happy memory Lena has that isn't punctuated by Lex and his health. Piano recital? Lex's first seizure. Honor roll ceremony? Lex collapsed halfway through congratulating her, resulting in an ambulance ride to the hospital while the driver took Lena home alone.

Even when his cancer went into remission, something else always seemed to pop up in it's place. Lena can't remember a single time Lex has been healthy and pain-free. But even as she says it, a darkness creeps into Lena's voice, the tone of a secret.

"What is it?" Lexie asks.

"On my fifteenth birthday, we had dinner together, as a family. By that point, it was rare for us all to be in the same room, and I was so, so happy. No one was angry, or worried. Everything seemed like it would be all right for once."

Lexie takes Lena's hand, giving it a squeeze. "But..."

"But," Lena confirms, "right as I was about to open my first present, Lex had another seizure. It-- it was a bad one. He fell out of his chair, and hit his head on the way down."

"Oh, Lena...."

"That's not-- that was normal, by then," Lena explains with a shake of her head. "We all knew what to do. When it was over, I was holding Lex's hand while our mother called the hospital, and he..."

Lena trails off, her gaze unfocused, lost in memory. Lexie waits, letting Lena set the pace.

"He smirked at me."

Lexie blinks. "What?"

"He smirked at me," Lena repeats, so quietly it's almost a whisper. "He was usually groggy after a seizure, but before Mother returned, he looked me dead in the eye, and smirked like he had won something."

Lexie watches Lena carefully. Only one thing comes to her mind at this revelation, but she hesitates to voice it out loud. Munchausen.

"I know what you're thinking," Lena says quietly. "And the answer is, I don't know. All I know is that on that day, in that moment, Lex faked that seizure."

"Did you... talk to your mother about it?"

At that, Lena frowns, her gaze darkening. When she nods, the movement doesn't quite hide the quiver of her chin.

"She, uh..." Lena looks down into her coffee cup. "She smacked me, accused me of being selfish, and cruel for even thinking such a thing, and then just... went back to Lex's hospital room."

Lexie leans into Lena's side, offering comfort without interrupting.

"I didn't see her again until my dad's funeral three weeks later. I don't remember much about that day, but... I don't think she looked at me even once."

"So when she missed your white coat ceremony..."

"I didn't need to ask what happened," Lena confirms. "Real or faked, Lex had some sort of episode, and she stayed with him. Just like she always did."

When Lena takes a deep breath, Lexie can hear the heartache and exhaustion.

"I don't know why she's here," Lena whispers. "All I know is that if she stays... I can't."

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Greys Anatomy AU-- Lillian at Seattle Grace Pt 1

Perhaps Lillian and the chief were classmates or something, because they go way back, and it's evident to everyone that he's pulling out all the stops to try and engage her interest in Seattle Grace.

Inevitably, Lena starts getting the kind of attention she hates.

Her fellow interns suddenly start speculating that maybe she didn't earn her spot in the program as organically as everyone else. Lexie doesn't join in the ribbing, but she doesn't stop it either. Lena doesn't engage past the occasional searing glare at the interns as she excuses herself from eqch exchange, and makes no effort to defend herself.

Until one night after a particularly bad day of challenging patients, aggravating interns, and dodging her mother, Lena storms over to Meredith's with a stack of files in her arms. Meredith takes one look before tilting her head towards the kitchen, where Lexie is munching on a late night snack.

Lena smacks the stack down on the table in front of Lexie, who stares first at the files, then up at Lena. "What is this?"

"My records," Lena clips with a glare. "Every transcript, every internship and letter of recommendation. From secondary to undergrad to med school. I thought you might want to see them, since you don't seem to believe I earned my spot."

Lexie gives an appeasing, exculpatory grimace. "I didn't say that--"

"You haven't defended me either!"

Never in all the time since they've met, has Lena raised her voice. Shock jolts through Lexie at the sound of it, before her guilt does its best to deflect.

"I didn't think you cared what they thought," Lexie points out.

"I don't!" Lena shouts. Lexie gapes at the outburst, causing Lena to scoff. "Fuck those guys!"

That rankles Lexie. "Then why are you here??"

"Because I care what *you* think!"

The silence that follows sits thick between them. Lexie stares, shrinking a little in her seat, chastised. Lena deflates.

"I care what my girlfriend thinks," Lena echoes, softly now. "Because I love you, and... the thought of you thinking any less of me--"

"I don't," Lexie blurts, rising sharply from her chair. She rounds the end of the table between them, but stops short of reaching for Lena, when Lena pulls away.

"I *don't*," she says again, more fervently. She waves towards the stack of folders. "And I don't need those to tell me how brilliant and amazing you are. I already know."

Lena's lips tremble in spite of herself. "Then why?"

"I don't know," Lexie confesses quietly. "I think I was hurt. That you didn't tell me." She looks at Lena beseechingly. "It's kinda the sort of thing you'd tell your girlfriend, isn't it? That your mom is a super genius surgeon?"

A muscle twitches in Lena's jaw, but she doesn't respond.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Lena folds her arms defensively across her chest, plainly uncomfortable. Lexie almost expects her leave, but to her surprise, Lena responds.

"The day I took my oath as a doctor," she says in a low voice, "I looked into the audience, and didn't recognize a single face."

Shame and pity fill Lexie's chest. "She wasn't there?"

Lena shakes her head. "That was the day I went low contact with my mother.... which turned into no contact, when she didn't even notice that I'd stopped calling."

Her voice cracks on the last word, and Lexie can't help but reach for Lena. Lena finally allows the tender touch of Lexie's palm against her cheek. She leans into the contact, as a tear slips from the corner of one eye.

"I don't know why she's here, or what game she intends to play," Lena murmurs. "But whatever it is, I want you in my corner."

Lexie exhales, stepping close enough for their foreheads to rest together.

"I am," she vows. "Always."

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

My watch of Greys Anatomy has sort of paused, but I'm still thinking about my Lena/Lexie AU. For example, what happens when renowned surgeon Lillian Luthor shows up as a potential new hire for Seattle Grace?

None of the doctors or interns recognize her on sight, especially not when she's in her civilian clothes, but when a grand willowy woman starts walking around with the chief, people take notice and start to wonder about her identity.

I imagine that Lena might hear that the chief is courting a new attending to try and bring up the hospital's standing, but doesn't realize who it is until she walks around the corner towards the nurses station and stops short in shock.

"Mother?"

As the crowd of speculating doctors stare, Lillian turns around, chin high with a smile that's not quite kind.

"Hello, Lena dear."

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

First class was today and I fucking nailed it. It felt so awesome to get back to something I love. Definitely the new honeymoon period, it will get harder and more frustrating the more I get back into it, but this feeling is how I know it's worth it.

My win this holiday season is biting the bullet and enrolling in an adult ice skating group class. I've been talking myself out of practicing solo, so I decided the group class would give me the accountability to actually get on the ice and then get my blades under me in a controlled setting.

It'll be scary, but less scary than potentially getting wiped out by a toddler on the public open skate sessions.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Explicit asexual representation for the fucking win!!! Nancy, my love.

Starting Every Heart a Home by Seanan McGuire and I'm already in love. I adore the imagery of the Nancy's underworld, and the chipper yet not annoying nonsense of Zumi (Sumi? idk I'm reading the audiobook).

Also, don't tell the author, but I'm curious to see an AU where Lena and Kara are wayward children who have since grown up. Former roommates at this school of Eleanor's, now navigating the "real" world as adults. And best friends.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Also, I wish my reading wrap up tools would give both hours listened AND words read. Page counts are great and all, but it doesn't really account for text size. And, as a writer, I know the true measure of a work's length is the word count. So why not for reading?

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Starting Every Heart a Home by Seanan McGuire and I'm already in love. I adore the imagery of the Nancy's underworld, and the chipper yet not annoying nonsense of Zumi (Sumi? idk I'm reading the audiobook).

Also, don't tell the author, but I'm curious to see an AU where Lena and Kara are wayward children who have since grown up. Former roommates at this school of Eleanor's, now navigating the "real" world as adults. And best friends.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

There's a new Chequy book by Daniel O'Malley coming July 2025. I am so stoked.