#you know how aphobic you have to be for ME to notice?? i mean i dont go digging through anyones blog for hashtag receipts ever

[aspec-vents]

an open letter to aphobes and alloromantics:

what the fuck is the deal with you guys equating romance to empathy

i am one of the most empathetic people i know

but i dont feel romantic attraction

and all of the sudden i am cold and heartless

it does not matter that i go to every food drive i can to help distribute food

or that i have told my mom about some things that are often overlooked (IE: homeless ppl, education quality, suicide rate, etc.) and begged her to use her political influence to do something about it

or that i always treat everyone with the same level of respect and give them equal opportunity in almost all situations (not like murderers or rapists cus fuck those guys)

or that nobody had even noticed that i was aro and i was always told that i had "the biggest heart I've ever seen" by others who then turn around and call me cold and heartless when i come out to them instead of giving me even 1% of the respect i gave them

why are you so insistent on oxytocin's being released in certain scenarios being the only thing that matters in this world

when you donate to a charity, you don't need to want to marry the recipients of the funds to go through with it, but when i don't want to marry them or anybody for that matter i am incapable of empathy???

and then when they realize that i did not come out as ace and am an aroallo they get even worse

one person (online thank god because otherwise i would be in jail for beating them to a pulp) said that because i wanted sex but not romance i was basically a rapist

how in the kentucky fried fuck does my not getting crushes mean that i am a rapist

I am friends with some victims of rape and the fact that people would think of me so lowly just because i was not like them to assume that i would do that to somebody, that i would make them feel that unique pain that i had to see my best friend's brother go through and never quite leave behind, all because i was different

because i felt enough trust and comfort in them to allow them to know this

because i am me

to any allos reading this, please please please never do any of these things to someone

i really wish i were one of you guys because it seems soooo nice and the idea of being in love looks like drinking ambrosia to me, but if this is what it does to people, then maybe i should be glad that i dodged that ICBM

i did not choose to be like this, and i would not if given the choice, so please, treat me with some basic human decency instead of treating me like scum

this this this this

[cosmicredcadet]

As another non-split aroace, you're so correct for saying that we're treated as the punching bags of both aro and ace communities. Like if y'all can accept and support straight aros and aces but are hostile towards aroaces, you're just aphobic. Yes even if you're aro/ace yourself. Aro spaces nowadays literally have the same attitude towards aroaces that exclusionists used to have towards asexuals, that we're weird freaks bringing purity culture into their "safe" communities just by existing and therefore need to be pushed out. And ace spaces still act like we're the bad guys and need to be pushed out of their "safe" communities because we can't romantically love other people, which makes us heartless monsters apparently. It's just exhausting. I've never seen aroaces being so hostile towards non-ace aros and non-aro aces, we're always trying to uplift their voices and bring awareness to their issues. But the moment we try to talk about our own issues in aromantic or asexual spaces we're told to shut up and let them speak over us because we somehow have it better than them. Not to mention the pressure to split your experiences into aro vs ace and prioritise one part of your identity over the other if you want to be taken seriously in those spaces. Like sorry but for some of us our aroaceness is interwined not split. But we're still aros and aces, still a part of your community. Stop trying to push us out of our own communities on the basis of aphobic stereotypes.

Honestly I've been kinda biting my tongue on it for a while because I understand why Aro and Ace ppl have been trying to separate the communities. it can be frustrating to constantly be paired with an identity that you don't relate to - but i feel like so many ppl have taken it way to far. They've taken the relatively understandable stance of "Aromantic and Asexual are not the same identity" and pushed it to the extreme of "Aro and Ace are so completely different they have nothing in common and NO overlap" and the worst part is i don't think anyone has particularly noticed.

Idk I was most active in the aro and ace communities when we still kinda shared communities. the idea that aro and ace were separate was still a thing (hell, aroaces were the ones helping to push that distinction. we wanted people to recognize our aro identities too, yknow.) but we recognized the overlap and similarities and supported each other... now it just feels like im seeing post after post reminding people not every aro or ace person is aroace and that people shouldt tag aro posts as ace and vice versa and "no ace people cant relate to aro experiences" "no aro people cant relate to ace experiences" because "They are so different they are completely not the same and don't have any overlapping problems at all" and as an aroace it sucks!

it sucks feeling forgotten in my own communities.

It's almost feeling like they are blaming us for there being this idea that people are are Ace must also be aro and people who are aro must also be ace. Like they know they cant get mad at the allos so they get mad at aroaces and act like we are the reason allos think this way. It's like aroaceness is only brought up to talk about how "Not everyone is aroace" or "aroace characters are so much more prevalent in media (Proceeds to only talk about ace characters)" or how aroace ppl must have an identity that means more to them - how their aro or ace identity must be more important or effect them more because they can't possibly intertwined and overlap and "hey you tagged your post with aro and ace tags but obviously its only about aromanticism/only about asexuality so remove some of those tags because it's annoying me" or worse I see aromantics being acephobic or asexuals being arophobic and it's like.... where do i fit in?

people think aroace ppl ran both communities as 1 community and they say it was bad and that we need to separate - but from my perspective it was two communities who worked together. the only difference now is that aroace ppl are getting pushed to the side. thrown under the bus. "you dont need rep you have tons of rep. society loves giving aroace rep!" and "not everyone is aroace. you're experience isn't universal and so you shouldn't talk about it" Aroace voices just got smaller. we got quieter. because our own communities decided we were privileged. we were more accepted than they were. or worse that we were actually the real freaks for not feeling both sexual and romantic attraction. we weren't palatable enough - there was nothing that could be used to normalize us. and besides, it was easier to just only fight for one set of rights, right?

and part of me understands it. it sucks. it sucks to always be a footnote. but guess what - aro and aces and aroaces are footnotes of the queer community. we're stuck here together and instead we're fighting over who's the more important footnote. we are all in the same boat and we're acting like we're not and trying to sink the ship forgetting we're all on it together.

[alex-the-bringer-of-chaos]

Oh great, my mom just decided to open her mouth and spill the usual bullshit of her denial regarding my gender and sexuality. Ffs, the only reason why I don't call it transphobia/aphobia (and also biphobia even though I'm not bi) is cause I don't wanna despise her.

She's always trying to find whatever the fuck could be the imaginary cause of my confusion such as: the bipolar disorder (even though I've been stable for over a year now and my mental health is the best my psychiatrist and therapist ever seen), other people are manipulating me, content I watch, a trauma that either I or someone in the family went through (and it somehow passed down to me).

This time, along the usual questioning just to try and sway me out, she decided to go with the "what would changing your name and possibly having top surgery be good for you?", "what friends even sticked with you? do they really, or are they just pretending? your therapist, psychiatric, and friends don't really care about you! only your parents do and what you do affects us, you should think about that", "I see your not exercising, taking care of your food and psychical health as a whole, you should focus on that instead of your name! what is changing it gonna do?". Overall, we know better attitude sundue with the cherry on top of you are abnormal.

Yeah, you can say she's transphobic, aphobic, queerphobic as a whole. I BELIEVE YOU! But I can't accept it because how could I look at her in the face after that! I know I'm not taking care of my physical health, but mental and emotional are important, and while exercise and eating properly and sleep help, so does not hating yourself and trying to be someone your not. So shut the fuck up, you never noticed when I was doing bad, when I wasn't being myself while growing up you still loved me, but now that I trusted you with who I am you do this! I want to trow up every time you open your mouth, I want to be away from you, I tried to be vulnerable with you so many times and you always do this yet I'm in the wrong! And I can't even say all this because you will make yourself the victim. I know I depend on you, financially, but that doesn't mean you get to talk to me like you know me, you don't know shit, you never do, and it's not because your older that your wiser about everything you dumb fuck!

And the last fucking paragraph is why I can't think of her as all those phobics, how am I supposed to look at her and not spill all of this out? I can't leave yet, I don't have the money. And even if I did my sister still lives with them. And my dad, oh poor dad, he just stays in the middle and tries to be the only fucking person in the house that was never mentally ill, yet he does not call me by my chosen name and thinks I'm confused. I don't even know where he is with all this.

Also, my mom is real into pseudoscience. I don't know when it started, but I should've seen all this coming. I should have only told them after I changed my name, I should've known better than to think I could be vulnerable with them.

[fite-club]

seriously though it’s so funny to me when someone is arguing that identity (not labels) are a fluid and changing thing. nobody suddenly becomes trans, they just realize that they are trans. nobody suddenly becomes a different sexual orientation, they just may notice that they experience attraction to the same gender. there are plenty of things that affect your own personal perception of your identity; you may think you only want a certain kind of relationship but understand after you transition that you actually want something else, you may have bad experiences that prevent you from doing introspection or experimenting, you might not be emotionally/actually ready for things that you hypothetically do want. none of these things are your identity changing, they’re just your perception of your identity changing. this is why i make the distinction between identity and labels— it’s a normal part of the process to try different labels! but the labels are for the outside. the inside, your identity, that is something that will always be part of you and cannot be changed.

i don’t know if it’s any different or if i’m just older now, but it kinda seems like there’s a bit more pressure on teens to figure themselves out. you actually DON’T need to pick a pride flag to make your phone background! you don’t have to list all your labels in your bio, even! and i especially need minors to know that just because you haven’t experienced sexual attraction yet, doesn’t mean you never will. i get that stuff like that gets dismissed as “aphobic” because of how often people tell aces “you just haven’t met the right person yet”, but this is actual teenagers we’re talking about here. it is so, so, SO normal for anyone under the age of 18 (or even 20) to not really be fully comfortable with the idea of fucking someone else. that doesn’t make you asexual.

[pan-magi]

Heads up that I won't have much to post for a while. I'm moving! Back home for a bit while I'm figuring stuff out (like not being broke). Before, when I mentioned my slow activity I left for a few years. Don't worry, I'm not planning on doing that. I have a backlog of... shitpost ideas, which I will post when I have time. If I have the sudden urge and energy to get some of my longer text posts done then I'll try to do them. Any edits and gifs though will be on the back burner for a while.

(That's the gist of it. If you want a mental health discussion and my general thought process on tumblr, read more if curious. It's more of the vein of "tumblr is an addictive website for me" than "this site is destructive and damning." jsyk)

I know I have it in my blog description that the blog is semi-archived. I have been doing my best though to at least post somewhat regularly. The rate for posting may not be fast per number of posts but for me working on them it is very time and energy consuming (yay executive dysfunction and undiagnosed ADHD woo). It doesn't help either not using Photoshop anymore making gifs is lot less streamlined (get all my necessary screenshots frame by frame and organize them -> edit each individually -> put them together with final edits to make a gif. All in 3 separate programs). My wallet appreciates the decision at least.

The thing is I put that in the description not for the lack of time I have to do stuff but the opposite. I have a lot of empty time to fill. Tumblr is one of the few social media sites I actually use and even with the ability to curate your dash (maybe in part because of it), it is easy for tumblr to be addictive without noticing it. That's with me not bothering with the app. I do check a lot with the mobile browser though. I knew with my attention span and how I tend to do or not get things done that being consistently active would not be the best for me personally. Not bad, per say, but not great.

I love you all. It's been great to see a few of my older followers still interact with my posts from time to time. It's nice to see new ones and the Magi fandom in general getting new people coming in, maybe just for the tumblr side or maybe new altogether, when the series has been complete for years. When I say tumblr is not good for me, I don't mean you. Lots of love for everyone /platonically, my aroace ass wants to clarify and add on a giant thank you for no aphobic hate by anyone here either. I would not have trusted to come out on tumblr even if I had my identity figured out when I was active before.

I do want to keep people satisfied. Analytics shouldn't matter on this hellsite, and they don't, not really. I don't care about what the number is but seeing any notes on my posts is a quick dopamine rush. "Yay, I made someone smile." If I have a free moment, I'm like "I should check tumblr," or "I should work on post for blog." I enjoy what I make and enjoy doing it. However, it's become more attempting to be active and getting something out there despite saying I will manage juggling all sorts of different stuff better. I'm not doing other recreational stuff I want to do. I'm behind on games, movies, books, creative shit outside of tumblr, watching Magi for at least the fifth time... If I have a free moment I'm "work on tumblr post."

It's dumb. I should be able to manage shit better. Again, ADHD. Or maybe it's something else. IDFK.

All this to say that I'm taking the excuse of moving to force myself out of the tumblr sphere. I won't have the time or energy to get larger time-consuming posts done. I might as well focus on something else when I have the opportunity.

I am not planning on disappearing. I do like it here. Stayed too long at the spa though and need to get out and get cool, fresh air. I have short, borderline/actual shitposts I want to get done, as mentioned up top. One may be up in the next week. Who knows though? I don't. What I do know is that if I post something over the summer it will be because it is something I want to get done, when I want it to get done. No rushing myself pointlessly. It will be little things though. Bigger edits and gifs aren't hard yet tedious and draining when I'll be buried in boxes and working on home repairs for the immediate future.

Everyone take care of yourselves out there. If you read all this, thanks! Now, I've spent over an hour working on this when it was supposed to take me 15-20 minutes, and I need to sleep lol.

[krogerkryptid]

The rampant aphobia I have noticed in my irl university spaces is shocking for the small part of me that assumes peoples understand and overall incredibly depressing. I live in a conservative place for university which isn't ideal but overall it's ok! Most people don't blink an eye when I mention I'm queer in casual conversation...but. In general I'm mentioning aphobia for the whole aspec community ace and aro people here's my little rage post.

I AM NOT IN ANY WAY INTERESTED IN YOUR PARTNER STOP ASSUMING. I have recently learned that I have been perceived to be flirting, which can simply be untrue since I do not want a relationship nor am I attracted to anyone. I'm out and I talk about it a decent amount because it's starting to get into the 'dating for marriage' era of life which I will not be participating in. I am nice, I have a personality and play off of people very well, it's just how I am and in none of this am I showing romantic or sexual interest. I understand that perceptions from outside people will always be there but if you know how I identify and how I feel move along don't disrespect me and my sexuality by making assumptions that are fundamentally aphobic and then hating me for your perceptions in silence without speaking to me. If you partner showed interest in me because of a conversation I had with them that is not my problem I was speaking to them as I would anyone else, check your insecurities and biases at the door before you decide I'm scum of the earth.

I AM NOT INTERESTED IN EVERY PERCEIVED OPPOSITE GENDER PERSON I SPEAK TO. I used to hate hate hate this when I was in high school people would say things like 'oooo you like him' if we were friends and we got along. I wasn't out to as many people and that's a high school thing™ which isn't ideal but I was less secure than I am now. I do a lot better when people make these comments but it still makes me overall uncomfortable and I thought we all grew out of that. However some people *cough* aphobes *cough* find it rational or funny to mention that I am interested or flirting with someone. DONT DO THAT. It makes a fun conversation awkward and me feel like you are ignorant of my sexuality and feelings. Ok you think I'm flirting with someone I know and am speaking to? Awesome keep it to yourself if it doesn't affect you. Just because I am speaking to someone and engaging with them does not mean I am interested please for the love of god don't make those jokes or passive comments that's on top 5 microaggressions towards ace and aro people I swear to god.

PEOPLE IN QSA PLEASE PLEASE INCLUDE ACE/ARO PEOPLE IN YOUR AWARENESS!! I have a lot a lot of beef with the one on my campus and feel that it is run incredibly poorly. What devastates me is it's an incredibly sexual place which makes it very difficult to attend events and find people you feel comfortable with in spaces where you are new or questioning. I have only been a few times and the people I met there were awful as well as the general experience. There were no ace, aro, or agender pride pins, no flags up to indicate I was welcome at all. At no point did I feel that I could be there as a part of their community as they made it incredibly alienating to feel the way I do. That isn't to say all queer spaces are like this but I think for many of them there is a lot of work to be done for them to be places where -everyone- can feel comfortable there. Make sure you aren't isolating others and making them feel as though they don't belong, welcome them try to understand them it's the bare minimum.

Anyway I just thought I'd make a little rant/awareness post because I feel like a lot of these things aren't talked about on a large scale! Y'all are valid and lovely and should be able to exist in the world just as you are I will physically fight anyone who says other wise.

[chemicalarospec]

i saw your post about chandler legacies, and unfortunately, i fail to see how it is aphobic. within a single book i think it is alright for all characters to have romantic interests. it is not put up as any sort of implicit objective by the author either, it's just how the course of the book went. it's a typical drama book, at the end of the day. i just don't know how it's against us on the aspectrum. could you elaborate?

It's not a major theme or anything, so I can see how you missed it, anon! But it's definitely there, once you notice it.

I'm not going to directly address anything else you said because it honestly sounds like you said it in bad faith to make me look like a petty asexual strawman who can't stand any media with relationships. I don't want to accuse you of lying about being on the a-spectrums though, so that's probably me assuming too much. (It's only been a few minutes and I feel bad about this, so I want to apologize in advance for doubting you... Situations definitely getting to me.)

I read it again and think my first post is extremely clear about the evidence and why I felt there was an aphobic message after reading, but here's it with direct quotes:

In the first chapter, Beth mentions she would like to “maybe even date [a Chandler] girl.” She is a lesbian in the rest of the story, she says so by the end. In the 3rd chapter, Ramin thinks about his ex-boyfriend, Arya. Ramin is gay. He comes out as such later in the book, tries to kiss Freddie, and is dating a man in the epilogue. In Freddie's first chapter, he thinks about liking both girls and boys. He's bisexual, he says so later on. So it's fair to assume that the character's sexualities are established in their first chapter, right? Now read this paragraph from Amanda's:

She thinks about the things that don’t appear broken that she’d love to fix. Like her inability to fall in love. Everyone on campus gossiped endlessly about the reason she broke up with Chip Whitney last year, concocting absurd stories. But the reason was simple. She just didn’t love him. And she suspects she just might not be capable of feeling that for anyone.

This book was published in 2022 and every other main character is queer. The language used here is EXTREMELY specific, not just a general "that she hasn't been in love," -- "inability to fall in love" and "she suspects she just might not be capable of feeling that for anyone." This is literally the definition of aromanticism.

I was actually excited when I read this passage! I thought, I should make an 'aromantic' shelf because I didn't see this book described as aromantic! So what happens with this during the rest of the story?

Well, Amanda never talks about thinking she can't feel love again, but she does say....

“I also told myself I wouldn’t date anyone my senior year," she says. "Oh, why?" he asks, genuinely curious. She signs. "For starers, most guys are sex-obsessed jerks." Freddy laughs uncomfortably. "But also," she continues, "no one here really gets me. But with you… I don’t know, I think maybe you do get me.”

“The thing is," she says, "I’ve had three boyfriends, but I didn’t really care about them." "You just dated them to be nice?" he jokes. But it doesn’t sound like a joke to her. It sounds like a sliver of truth. "Honestly, kind of. I mean, yeah, I can be a people pleaser. I guess I stayed with each of them way too long because breaking up with them would’ve made me the bad guy.” "That doesn’t sound fun," he says. "It really wasn’t. It was like I was waiting for each relationship to runs its course, like a bad cold or something." He laughs. "So the guys you dated were like viruses." "Basically." She stares into his eyes when she says, "But you feel different.”

This? How she talks about her past relationships? Not at all continuous with her original setup on dating-relationships. Her "inability to feel love" is changed into a "wrong person" thing, a "not yet thing", and "but you're the first, you're special" thing.

Her relationship with Freddie is explicitly a romantic relationship: On page 282, they say “I love you” to each other. Amanda notes “I’ve never said that to anyone else before.” And in the epilogue, on pages 320 to 321, Spence is dating someone else.

Given that there is an entire paragraph about Spence not falling in love (unlike Beth and Freddy's single sentence allusions), you are supposed to remember that she thought that way. So what do you take away? She was immature, she was overdramatic, she hadn't found the right person yet -- all things constantly used to discredit aro people, especially young aromantics around the age Spence is.

If this was an intent to portray an aromatic-spectrum story, it was a colossal failure, because that first paragraph is NEVER addressed again. There is already an epilogue set 7-8 years later! The author could have pushed it back a few more and had Ramin say, “Funny how it turned out that we were all [queer/not straight]. Spence emailed us just the other day explaining [the term “greyromantic"/"demiromantic”/the aromantic spectrum] and how a lot of things in her life fell into place after learning about it. I'm glad she figured that out.”

So, either this is an "accident", with unintentional aphobic messaging (because whether it's intentional or not, you cannot argue that the book does not have an aphobic message in Amanda's relationship arc), or the author purposefully wrote and designed these scenes so readers would take away the idea that if someone says they can't fall in love, they just haven't found the right person yet.

Why would I even think of the second possibility? Look, I've been around a very manipulative person lately who does stuff like this, and I encountered a very insidious aphobe online. (This is why I also had a very suspicious read of your ask, which is in all likelihood is innocent as on first appearance.) There are people out there who absolutely would do such a thing. I am not making the claim that the author is one, but I am saying it's a possibility.

Whatever the reason for writing Amanda's love arc this way, it will certainly sow unneeded doubt in many young questioning aromantics and encourage others to doubt any they encounter. Hench, aphobia, especially arophobia.

extra acephobic scene + analysis under the cut:

“You know why I want to stay in bed." She changes tone, speaking more seriously. "But we don’t have to do it if you don’t want to." "Of course I want to," he says. "It’s just, you said that you didn’t want to date most guys because they only had one thing on their minds. And I guess I didn’t want you to think that I only want sex or anything like that." She laughs. "You really are too sweet for your own good, Freddy. I didn’t mean that I never want to have sex.”

I actually thought this scene was really sweet when I first read it! I thought it was a great portrayal of how people can have different wants in different relationships, and not want a relationship centered around sex but still want sex. But after realizing how arophobic the book was, this scene gets a lot more icky. It basically reads as, "Don't worry everybody! If your parenter says they don't want sex, you just misunderstood, or they're lying, or they're come around eventually, because everybody wants sex!" Respecting and not pressuring your partner when you think they don't want sex is "too sweet for your own good." Like, what?

In short, this book is trying to get its young readers to NOT believe or respect any future aro and/or ace people they may meet/become interested in.

[smosh-fessions]

you want me to ignore "what I heard" and focus on what he said, and I'm already doing that, because what I heard IS what he said. it came out of his mouth. I am focusing on what he said. and he's said conflicting things. pointing that out doesn't make me aphobic and it doesn't mean I'm attacking the community. it means I noticed something. if anything it feels like you've been attacking me and projecting some insecurity, not that the insecurity isn't justified. I know it is, I very much agree with you on principle, but it's just not what's happening here.

He didn't say he liked men in a hetero way, which is what you said you heard. So no, you are not hearing what he said. his generalizations about himself have been explained to you, and you wanna argue about him giving the in depth explanation of the finer points of his orientation.

just like i can say i'm gay, but then if i give you the finer explanation of my orientation, i got told that i wasn't strictly gay enough to call myself that, so now i've switched to blanket queer to shut people who do the shit you are doing right now up. you see how this works?

if you don't get it just say you don't get it and go away. nothing else you send me is getting posted.

people have conflicting labels sometimes. get the fuck over it.

[gammija]

i know its been said before, but, emphatically, i cant believe there are still acephobes in the tma fandom

[misskatebishop]

kate x yelena, fluff, yelena steps in when an uncomfortable kate is being hit on at a frat party

pretty please :)

Word count: 684

Pairing: Kate Bishop x Yelena Belova

Warnings: Fluff. Awkward flirting.

Summary: Kate didn't expect Yelena's apology.

A/N: I just have a lot going on rn. Sorry for taking so long. I'd love to write a proper sequel in the future.

By the way, I didn't forget Yelena is ace, I'm well aware. You guys stop being aphobic in your own community and remember that ace people (and aro people) sometimes still want to be in a (queer-platonic)relationship.

Yelena was known for being subtle. She’s petite and fast, which means that she doesn’t call much attention to herself, so Yelena could easily blend into crowds. She was really useful in spying when she was still controlled by the Red Room, but now, Yelena uses her skills to sneak into fancy parties, like the one promoted by Bishop Security at the end of another year.

In her defense, she was here to see a pretty girl whose circumstances where they met were not the best. It wasn’t hard to find Kate Bishop when her last name is stamped on a building in the middle of New York City. Yelena just needed to google it to find that the place belonged to Kate’s mother.

Yelena looks around, admiring the Christmas decoration but at the same time attentive to the people talking and walking around her. It takes her a while, but she finally spots Kate being cornered by a guy next to the bar. He gestures too much and is leaning too close to her and by Kate’s face, she can imagine the subject of the conversation - or better say monologue.

The widow needed to talk to her anyway, so she supposed that she could intervene in the situation, a nice way to start apologizing after having pushed her from the building. Yelena strides quickly through the hall. Kate doesn’t seem to notice her approaching and the guy was just too focused on flattering her to notice the short blonde. The man raises his hand to tuck a lock of hair behind Kate’s ear, and Yelena steps in, wrapping an arm around Kate’s waist which makes the young one startled at the unexpected touch.

“Hey, there you are,” Yelena smiles. Kate seems to raise a brow. “I’ve been looking for you all night.” Then, Yelena does the most unexpected thing, she tiptoes and kisses Kate on the lips.

The man backs off, looking uncomfortable with the whole situation before Yelena pulls apart. That’s just when she pretends to see the man.

“Who’s it?” Yelena frowns, looking back at Kate.

“Uh, I–I don’t–k-know,” Kate stutters, still in shock because of the kiss.

Yelena huffs, wrapping Kate’s arm around hers, and pulls away.

“No one important then,” Yelena assumes, walking away as if she knew every place in Bishop Security, which she probably should right now.

Thankfully, Kate goes with her without putting up a fight. Yelena takes her outside, to an open area where they are less likely to be heard by someone else.

“What was that?” Kate says, loosing the tie around her neck.

Yelena puts a hand on her own waist, lifting a brow.

“Oh, you’re welcome,” Yelena shrugs.

“I was handling that,” Kate argues.

“Sure you were.”

“What are you doing here, by the way? How did you even find me? Didn’t you try to kill the last time we met?” Kate spits question after question.

“Your name is on the building,” Yelena points to where a poster was hanging with the name of the enterprise. “First, I wasn’t trying to kill you, specifically. You were just in the way. Second, I already talked to Hawkeye. Third, I came here to apologize and to thank you for not shooting that stupid arrow,” Yelena’s accent sounding stronger than ever.

“Oh,” Kate lets out. “Okay. Uh, apologies accepted. I–” Kate’s gaze drops to the blonde’s lips.

“What?”

“I–uh–”

Kate doesn’t know what possesses her, she only knows that in a minute she’s looking at the cutie blonde in front of her while Clint’s words run through her mind. The best shot was the one I didn’t take. Yep, it seems right. Then, in the next minute, she’s leaning, cupping Yelena’s cheeks, thankful that she doesn’t back off as Kate brings their lips together once more, warming those cold lips.

Yelena wraps her arms around Kate’s neck as she pulls apart.

“This party looks boring as fuck,” Yelena states. “Do you wanna go eat somewhere else so we can talk properly?” Yelena blinks.

“Sure thing!” Kate agrees excitedly.

That’s just the beginning of something else.

[wolf-queer-discourse]

Adventures in Aphobia #1

So I was scrolling through Tumblr the other day (a regrettable mistake as always), and I had the great pleasure of seeing this joyous post.

*deep breath*

Not gonna lie, posts like this make me real pissed. Pissed because the person who posted this exists in a space where they feel comfortable enough to post this online. Pissed because these posts are so common and often face little backlash. And pissed because there’s nothing better than allosexuals condescendingly explaining to asexual people why they’re dirty attention whores who invent their own oppression. Ace people deserve to be defended against this horseshit. Young people see these posts, and it’s extremely damaging to have your identity be nothing more than fuel for people in discourse to mock you and demand you bled in order for them to notice your pain.

Anger aside, many people do not see why this post is wrong, so why is it? Let’s unpack this clusterfuck of bigotry:

“would love to see substantive evidence of systematic “aphobia” that isn’t actually just misogyny, toxic masculinity, or rpe culture.”

God damn, we are not mincing our words here XD. A few things: systematic in bold, which tells you if you do not make a blood sacrifice on the altar of queer pain you will not be taken seriously. Potential nitpick, but systemic and systematic are not the same thing. I believe systemic is the word they’re looking for. Systematic implies a lot more intentionality that can be hard to prove. Systemic merely means that systems, in their current state, do aphobic things, which they absolutely do.

“Aphobia” in quotes is absolutely rich. Not only will this person refuse to acknowledge systemic aphobia, which is only one type, but this poster casts clear doubt upon the mere concept of aphobia in and of itself. We love to see it.

There’s a lot to unpack here. The statement, as clearly condescending as intended, is sort of correct, though it doesn’t mean a whole lot. Systemic oppression is about the systems in a society (government, healthcare, etc) discriminating against people. Systemic oppression is not bigotry faced on a person-to-person level. In short, systematic oppression is something a person experiences in their overall life, while personal discrimination is experienced on a personal level by people who are not singularly in control of the systems. This post boils down the negative comments ace people face into being called “weird”, which is an understatement for sure, but calling a gay person weird isn’t systemic oppression either.

It’s still bad and discriminatory.

This is such a snotty way to dismiss aphobia as some mere, insignificant comment with no meaning as if it doesn’t reinforce society’s painful aphobic views in the same way casual homophobic comments reinforce heteronormativity and society’s hostility toward gay people.

Ace people face discrimination in healthcare, most notably, which is systemic discrimination, but the systemic discrimination of asexuals really ought to be its own post if I’m to nosedive into it. Even if ace people faced no systemic discrimination, it wouldn’t make this point anymore correct. Discrimination is a perfectly valid reason to feel disregarded by society, and often only ace people are denied the right to feel this way and are instead gaslit into admitting what they face is no big deal and they’re just making it up for attention.

The experience of being pressured to have sex when you’re allo vs ace is very different. The vast majority of allo people do not plan to be celibate their whole lives. Many ace people do not want to have sex, ever. “Waiting for sex” in much of western society and in Christianity is seen as pure and honorable. Yet being asexual and never wanting sex is seen as a deviant disorder and people are accused of robbing their partner of sex forever.

There’s really a specific flavor of sexual pressure that is unique to ace people. Sex being to “fix” someone or because they “just need to try it”.

In this respect, aphobic sexual pressure is better compared to that faced by gay people and lesbians. Lesbians especially often can face this same struggle, men pressuring them to have sex because they think lesbians just need to “try it” or to “fix them”. I can imagine this poster would have no issue acknowledging lesbophobia being the root of lesbians coerced into sex with men, yet she does not give ace people the same.

Imagine if someone said (and knowing our fucked world, someone probably has): “Lesbophobia doesn’t exist. It’s just misogyny. Straight women are coerced into sex too!”

It’d be pathetic bullshit. Toxic masculinity, misogyny and many other issues can all tangle into combined messes with other forms of bigotry. Lesbophobia is an experience that deserves to be recognized apart from misogyny, even if the two are linked. Please stop erasing ace people’s experiences with this when it’s not the same thing.

Honestly, though, this post, as trashy as it is, if anything, is perhaps, really asking: Is there any type of aphobic experience that’s inherently exclusive to ace people?

I still wager to go say, yes, yes there is, but I must make an important point first:

Most experiences of queer discrimination are not limited to queer people.

Homophobia and transphobia are both experienced by cishets in certain instances. Feminine straight men can be victims of homophobic harassment. This does not disprove the fact that it’s homophobia just because a straight man is the victim of it. A tall cis woman with broad shoulders and a lower voice may be the victim of transphobic remarks or comments. The basis of these comments is rooted in transphobia, however, so the fact that the victim is cis does not erase the transphobia.

People who argue that experiences ace people complain about can be experienced by allosexuals are not poking a legitimate hole in doing this. Certain experiences related to aphobia can and are experienced by allosexuals. If you do not acknowledge this, then homophobia and transphobia aren’t real because cishet people have sometimes experienced them.

Despite cishets sometimes experiencing queerphobia, most of us acknowledge that their experience of that bigotry, however unfortunate, is not the same as that experienced by actual queer people. It’d be quite homophobic for a feminine straight man to claim he knew just as much about the gay experience as an actual gay man. Similarly, when allosexual people relate experiences that were rooted in aphobia, it’s overstepping a line when they claim asexual discrimination isn’t real because they experienced elements of it too.

Cishet (cishet including allosexuals) people do not experience their doctors telling them their sexuality might be a disorder or caused by trauma. Allo queer people can experience this with their sexualities too.

“using sex appeal to sell products is misogyny, it is not engineered to gross sex-repulsed people, it is meant to objectify women.”

This is a strawman thinner than my last nerve. Uh, what? What ace people are you seeing that literally think sex appeal was engineered to gross-out sex-repulsed people?? I don’t think this is a core argument??

Yes, sex-repulsed ace people sometimes complain about sex appeal in media being uncomfortable. But that’s it. Every time an ace person shares a discomfort of theirs doesn’t mean it’s the entire basis of their oppression. For the love of God, let ace people discuss their experiences without being blow-torched over not being oppressed enough with an individual discomfort. 

BONUS ROUND

(This was in the tags)

“Completely vilifies celibate individuals” 

...no…? What…? Huh…? 

The most charitable interpretation of this vague accusation is that the poster means celibate people face aphobia as well, due to not wanting to have sex. I have no idea how this “vilifies” anyone, but that aside, as said before: people who are not queer can face aphobia. Also worth noting that society treats celibate people way better than ace people, which is really another example of aphobia. Celibate people can be told they’re missing out (which could be at very least related to aphobic ideals), but they’re rarely called broken. Celibacy is seen more as a respected, controlled ideal in allo people, but when ace people want to do it, they’re just mentally ill.

Anyway, the post was aphobic trash, and it needs to be debunked more often. Mocking ace people online is not a good look anymore, guys. Don't be ugly.

[azulapropaganda]

Hello everyone. Today (August 2nd 2020) I noticed a blog who earlier tried to accuse me of being a terf has once again made another post about this. This time she accused me of some other things and since her post suddenly started gaining attention, I decided to clear some things up and reply to every single claim she makes in her post.

I’m genuinely tired of all of this.... So, there’s a insanely popular atla TERF (@what-would-azula-do) blogger that’s been attacking me and my friends, and she worked with a group of TERFs to ban my og spop blog. I literally just made this blog but I’m tired of getting attacked by TERFs, so I’m making a call out post (ew ikr) to end this.

I am not a terf. I did not work with a group of terfs to ban your blog, you did this to yourself by tagging your post with “terfs please interact”, “terfs do touch” and other tags. You’re attacking a minor with false claims that are easily debunked. I have not been attacking you or your friends, I don’t even know who your friends are. I specifically added the “please do not send op any hate” tag when I called you out so my followers wouldn’t harass you.

First off, what-would-azula-do is a pretty obvious crypto TERF. She reblogs and creates a ton of TERFy posts that might flow off the radar of cis people, but directly harms trans people. She constantly reblogs and makes exclusionary feminist posts that exclude trans women, and use TERF rhetoric, and she doesn’t have any trans or non-binary mutuals. She also just posts full on TERF shit a lot, and whenever she gets called out she gets defensive and deletes the evidence. I got this info from an anonymous trans woman that pmed me, but she also used to just be a full on out TERF in 2016, and posted transphobic slurs and memes regularly, and also was a SWERF. Allegedly she deleted the blog and remade with her new main and the what-would-azula-do sideblog. Again this is just an alleged anon tip but I believe it. She also ships a pretty TERFy atla ship (tyzula) that à ton of TERFs on tumblr ship. Now I’m going to go to a huge pile of shit already, ONE OF HER MUTUALS IS LITERALLY AN OPEN TERF.

You say I reblog and create a ton of terfy posts. Which ones? I only talk about atla on this blog and actually make an effort to tag anything else as “off topic”. I don’t think I even made a post about feminism on my blog. You also say I don’t have any trans or nonbinary mutuals, do you have any proof of that? You contradict this claim further in your post (“Has trans mutuals even though she’s a TERF”). You say I post “terf shit” a lot, could you provide screenshots of that please? And according to you, “whenever” I get called out I delete the evidence. I got one anon once when I accidentally reblogged something from a terf I wasn’t aware I was following. I personally wouldn’t call my reply to this anon “defensive”. You say you got info from an anonymous trans woman that I used to be a full on terf in 2016 and that I posted transphobic slurs and memes regularly. In 2016 I was 13-14 years old and I didn’t even have a tumblr blog. I don’t even know how to address the tyzula thing. How is a ship “terfy”? And just because I reblog art, doesn’t mean I actually ship it? I reblog art of several ships just because I like the art.

Unholy-lesbian is one of what-would-azula-do’s TERF mutuals (she has about three crypto TERF mutuals too) that’s just a full on TERF. She was really into the TERF sphere a month ago but went crypto when she became mutuals with what-would-azula-do (probs to protect her crypto TERF identity) she said she’s not a TERF anymore, but she still reblogs TERF rhetoric and all her mutuals are TERFs. She also put TERF in quotation marks which means she probs thinks it’s a slur, which is TERF rhetoric. She’s also a gold star lesbian which means she excludes trans women from her dating pool. I’d go into this bitch more, but this callout ain’t for her.

Could you please give me the usernames of my three cryptoterf mutuals? Look I’m not going to deny that unholy-lesbian was a terf a while ago. She told me this yesterday or two days ago when I talked to her about your post. She also told me she was done being a terf because the community was so hateful all the time. She’s 15 years old, don’t pull her into this.

I’m friends with her so she can find a welcoming and nice community in the atla fandom. She’s on the right path now, do you seriously want to go hate on her for this?

This is a lighting round of all the shit she did, and also her track of aphobia and ableism, so here we go:

I literally have autism and adhd myself.

Used the t slur on her old blog (alleged)

No I haven’t? Could you provide proof of this please?

Has trans mutuals even though she’s a TERF

You contradict this earlier in this post, once again without any evidence.

Misgendered an artist on what-would-azula-do and didn’t apologize

Who? I use “they” whenever I don’t know the gender of an artist. I wasn’t aware this ever happened and I’d like to apologize to said artist of this claim is true

Liked an aphobic meme

Which meme? Also my likes aren’t even visible.

Mutuals with an aphobe that bullied an ace kid off tumblr

Who?

Uses her queer followers as props to denounce her being a TERF

This is ridiculous. My followers know I’m not a terf so of course some of them are going to defend me and support me.

Gaslight her former nb mutual

Who?

Reblogged from a TERF with TERF in her username

Yes and I addressed this already. Someone sent an anon about this, I deleted the post, unfollowed the user I wasn’t even aware of following in the first place, and thanked the anon for telling me about this.

Said the r slur on her main

No I didn’t? Do you have a screenshot of or a link to this post? Also I literally have autism, as I have mentioned earlier on this blog.

Slandered a queer artist on what-would-azula-do

Who?

WORKED WITH TERFS TO DEPLATFORM ME (A NB LESBIAN OF COLOR)

I reported your post once because you were accusing me of untrue things and harassing me, a minor, and you were threatening to murder my followers. I didn’t work with terfs at all, they came to your post after you tagged it with “terfs please interact”

And what does your sexuality and gender even have to do with this?

Even if she wasn’t a TERF (which she is lol) she worked with TERFs to ban my blog that exposed her, which is violently lesbophpbic and nbphobic.

Your blog was banned because you were harassing a minor and throwing around false accusations, not because you are a lesbian or nonbinary. I did not work with terfs to ban your blog, as I have mentioned twice earlier.

So y’all really shouldn’t follow or support her anymore, unless you’re a TERF just like her. (Dm me for screenshots, I didn’t want to post them here since she’d just gaslight me)

Please post all of the screenshots you have in a reply to this post.

Also, could you stop harassing my followers. This is just incredibly gross behavior.

PREVIOUS POST

[homeofhousechickens]

Noticed an influx of terfs harassing fellow agriculture blogs. And i want to talk about something pretty heavy, if you are one of those “terf” people or maybe you have found yourself following those types of blogs while also following mine please give my words a read. I know some people look up to me but to be honest I am not the most eloquent person but maybe i can convince you to look more critically at your world view.

Tw: Transphobia, abuse, trauma, Aphobia, Terf rhetoric

I will be honest and say that I also once attacked people who were different from me to, i used to be what i think is called an asexual exclusionist due to some of my own trauma and because of that i took it out on the asexual community as an angry autistic teenager. I was frustrated at my hypersexuality which was a symptom of my sexual abuse being treated like a normal sexuality so i projected those feelings of hurt back out into the world when their was better coping methods. I was frustrated at the well off asexual kids in GSA that couldnt understand why their fellow member was having a panic attack due to being kicked out of the house for being a lesbian, when i could have been just as frustrated at the other LGBT kids that had decent parents, i was just targeting them because they were different from me and it felt safe to.

Obviously as an adult I educated myself and no longer hold those ideas. I read stuff from outside of my own point of view and stuff that directly challenged me over the years, I know not everyone has the privilege to be able to do that but i did and the reason is is that i was tired of hurting and i was tired of hurting other people, I never harassed anyone but it did influence how i treated people when i was younger and i am sorry for it.

I know alot of terf rhetoric centers around the concept of women (specifically white women usually) being victims of the “other sex” or being them being the “better sex”. (i know because aphobic rhetoric is very similar) Due to this they genuinely believe that other women want to come into their spaces and “steal” this ideal away from them. Thats why they get so furious about the idea of functional uterine transplants. To them, their uterus or vulva is what defines them as “better” or the reason they suffer trauma but when the science is moving so where typical reproduction may not be the only pathway to child bearing they become enraged because they are no longer “special” to themselves. Their is no longer a reason for their trauma and pain.

This fundamentally is the basis of the hate they put out into the world. This is also why they attack cis women who do not conform to typical femininity. This boiling down of their worth to chromosomes or anatomy is literally just a rehashed version of the own misogyny they were likely fed as a child and it makes me sad. They say the same stuff my shitty relatives did about women but now terfs are the ones saying it about whoever they decide is the “other” sometimes that other is transgender women sometimes its intersex women and sometimes its women who just dont conform to their ideals. When you picture yourself happy, is it when your standing with your heels dug in on top of the people you deem “other”? Or is when your helping out your fellow human? When you tear down another person does it really build you up? When you see others tear someone down because of their appearance do you not care how it may affect the people you care about and the people who care about you? How many terfs have i seen brag about “hate saving” transwomens photos so they can make fun of them later? How does that sound when you say that out loud? Imagine going to the person you care about the most someone you deeply respect and saying “in my free time i save/take pictures of people i dont know and then i make fun of them and show them to a bunch of strangers so we can make fun of them together” like really say that out loud.

I would be ashamed. I want to make people happy not hurt them. I want connection and i think thats a base need for most humans. I want to connect with people who are kind to me and kind to others, if someone told me they were doing that i would feel ashamed for even talking to that person. Sexual abuse and trauma are no joke and there isnt an argument to say that women suffer gendered violence that cis white men simply never really will ever understand. But true of the matter is our trans brothers and sisters are treated just like woman are and worse. I feel like so many of us end up holding hate for a group of people due to bad experiences with individuals so our dumb brains start shoving people into boxes of “bad” and “good”. But a trans person can fear rape, abuse, trauma just as much as you do and they suffer from very high levels of it and thats a fact. They are not your enemy, hateful individualistic thinking is! and its that very same way of thinking that is killing the planet. I want to iterate that every single person you have interacted with on this website is a living breathing person. They have their own emotions, their own thoughts, their own dreams, and their own world view. When you say something mean or harass them you are actively hurting another person. Me typing this out right now, i am a person with my own flaws and aspirations. I think sometimes people forget that people are people not just faceless emotional less words on a screen. Trans women are women and this blog will always support that. If that makes you upset think about why, on your own at first, no social media to help you.

Maybe see a therapist who is well versed in gender and the lgbt. Therapists arent just their for when your depressed or anxious they are here to talk to. There is people you can read about or talk to, the worst thing that can happen is that you could change like i did. There is nothing shameful about changing and admitting mistakes. Sorry if i said some things wrong i just wanted to get it off my chest

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Ok so TOS S3E5, Is There in Truth No Beauty? is like???? So good???? So good for us aros????? It's late and this post is a mess but I needed to say it

So Spock and Miranda are set up as parallels right, and Miranda is one of the most well-written and developed women I've ever seen from Trek. She's super competent and honestly a queen but also has flaws so you know she's like actually round and can grow??

And she is 100% ARO. Like there's someone in the beginning section of the episode (another surprisingly well written character) who is super needy and says he loves her and she explicitly says, "I can't love you like you want me to love you." (WHOA big props for distinction between types of love!!) That person responds by basically calling her frigid, but when he starts thinking of murder, she (a telepath) doesn't judge him, but just tries to help him work through his feelings. He takes a jab at her for this too, but the point is she's framed as a very empathetic and caring person, although she follows the Vulcan philosophy in many ways as well (again, parallel to Spock) so she doesn't come off as exceedingly emotional.

Also when she's at dinner with the triumvirate, Jim is kind of coming onto her by saying "How did the men at the base not stop you from leaving? ...Well I'm glad they didn't, otherwise I wouldn't have met you," and then Bones says "How could someone so beautiful choose to spend her entire life being with someone so ugly?" (She is the companion/representative of an ambassador who is a very good being, but is so ugly that it drives anyone who sees it insane.) They then toast to her beauty (Spock refrains). And she says to Bones, "How can someone so full of joy and the love of life like yourself choose to spend your entire life being surrounded by death and disease? Eh, gentlemen?" ROASTEEEEEEDDDD anyways she makes a toast of her own (I think to progress?) and then Bones responds with, "To whatever you want, Miranda" in the most respectful tone and it's great.

ANYWAYS, Miranda eventually gets approached romantically by Jim (kind of as a ploy but kind of not), but she rejects him, and he proceeds to say what all aros have heard before: "You're young!", "Eventually, you'll want someone to love," "You're attractive. You want to spend your life with someone so ugly?" etc. and she just OWNS him and says no, she isn't interested in that, and anyway what right does he have to determine whether someone is too ugly or beautiful to be worth spending time with?

And then the issue between her and Spock is she doesn't want Spock to meld with the ambassador, because she's jealous and protective of the connection she's established with the ambassador and doesn't want him to take her place--which is a huge aro mood--but this jealousy is NOT because of some romantic motivation from her towards the ambassador!! And this is confirmed several times!!

Bones is trying to explain to Jim that Miranda wants to help Spock, and Jim is not buying it because "they're rivals" and Bones says "But not rivals in love!"

When the Ambassador is sharing Spock's body I was full-on ready for them to do the whole "I have a body and can kiss you now!" schtick but they DIDN'T and instead he just comforts Miranda and briefly takes her hand in a reassuring way (which he does in part because she's blind! So even cooler!!) and they are clearly close but they are friends!

And at the end she leaves with the ambassador, having gotten what she wanted (there's a cool moment about it when Bones is saying goodbye) which is a sense of security in her role/friendship with the ambassador. They DIDN'T DO THE WHOLE "I know how to love now!!" bit at the end!! We stay winning!

(Also Bones was written super well this episode because he noticed that she was blind and kept it private to respect her, and when Jim asked why Bones didn't mention it he said, "She'd have told you if she wanted you to know" so the respecting women juice was HUGE here.) She hadn't wanted to tell anyone she was blind because she hated being pitied, and she told this to Jim in their conversation as well, which means she intended it to be a comment not only about pity for her blindness, but also pity for her lack of romantic interest. She didn't want to be pitied for not wanting that with someone, which is a HUGE mood!

I was also ready for them to try something with shipping Spock and Miranda since they were so similar and they were having many other characters be interested in her, but NO they didn't do that either. She actually takes a jab at Jim about that, because as Spock is lying there comatose, she says, "You'd probably try to tell me to wake him with a kiss," and I'm like OWN HIM QUEEN bc he basically responds by calling her inhuman (rip aphobic Jim...he does this every once in a while). But no instead of having there be something romantic between her and Spock, she just saved his life and they had nice platonic conversations and respected each other greatly!!

But ALSO also what is great is (not to make this awesome woman-centric post into being about a man but):

Clearly all of Spock's interactions this episode were platonic, since he parallels her and that's certainly how they intended her interactions with him to be (and can I say how nice it is to see Spock interact with an intellectual equal--he even admits her telepathy is more advanced than his--and just have that respect there without that undertone of "are they trying to ship them...?" It's SO nice). Also a great moment at the start of the episode with Spock saying he declined the position Miranda has because "My life is here" (on the Enterprise) and thus reaffirming that Jim and Bones and what he has is more important than anything else

Because they are so similar, Miranda's aroness can easily extend into Spock being perceived as aro. Notably, Spock (unlike Jim and Bones) shows no (implied or not) romantic interest in Miranda, but simply demonstrates the deep respect which they both show each other. Also, both characters have moments this episode (explained above) in which they put their friends/platonic connections as higher priorities than romantic connections, and Miranda's connection with the ambassador is very similar to Spock and Jim's relationship. Really, we're supposed to look at them and go, "oh, they're the same type of people." So by Miranda being aro, it implicitly backs up the view of Spock as aro!!

Anyways yes I left this episode not only feeling validated as a woman because Miranda was frickin EXCELLENT writing, I also felt validated as an aro on multiple sides. And I needed to express that to y'all other starved-for-rep aros! So here ya go lol 😂

[thedreadvampy]

Hey Ruth! I noticed you've talked in the past about asexuality in quite a negative manner. As an ace-person (who has received backlash for it) I was wondering: do you still uphold these opinions?

Hey! I have in the past said I don’t really...like people popping up in my ask box asking me My Opinion On Asexuality, but I do appreciate you asking me as someone I kinda know and with your face turned on, so I’m gonna aim to answer in the macro. Though I mean it depends on what the opinions...are? I have had a lot of opinions over the time I’ve had this blog and I don’t necessarily know what all of them were or which ones have concerned you. I can give you a top-level view of how I see my views, though (however, since I have been largely holding off on answering this kind of ask for Literally A Year Now this is less an answer to your specific question and more an answer to the last year of asks)

(also if I get dogpiled in my inbox for Having Bad Asexuality Opinions which I do every time I talk about asexuality regardless of what I actually say then. my phone is broken I won’t know about it :) so I feel untouchable)

I don’t think I hold a negative opinion of asexuality as an identity (I say I don’t think bc we all have blind spots)? I have a lot of very important people in my life who are asexual, aromantic or aroace and. I mean it feels pretty condescending to say ~uwu it’s valid~ bc like. ace and aro people don’t really need my input to validate their identity. but a) it seems like a pretty accurate way to describe their experience and b) I know a lot of them have had a really huge boost from finding a name and community to fit their experience and have found that really helpful, and I’ve seen that make a huge difference in people’s lives and I’m really happy to watch my friends come to understand themselves and feel comfortable and accepted in a part of themselves they had felt really alienated or stigmatised by. In a broader sense, I think there’s huge value in decentralising romance and sex in our assumptions of What Human Happiness Means and for some people that’s not the most important thing, and for some it’s just not interesting. 

So like. I find it difficult to really express these opinions in any meaningful way because my opinion on asexuals and aromantics is much like my opinion on trans people or idk like people of colour. like very obviously those people exist and very obviously those people don’t deserve to be marginalised or stigmatised but it would feel. weird and performative to just make a post saying like “Asexuality Is Good And Valid, I Am Pro It” bc again like. who needs my permission or cares about my opinion. it’s not a Good Thing To Do it’s just. a thing you are that shouldn’t be treated as a bad thing.

however. and I suspect that this is what you’re referring to. while I love and appreciate ace and aro people, I think building communities and active support for ace and aro people is valuable and needed and, as above, I think Asexuality Is Good And Valid I Am Pro It, I do take some issue with elements of how discussions around asexuality are framed online (pretty much only online, I really haven’t run into the kind of black-and-white thinking in in-person queer spaces) 

and I also. think there are some issues with people extrapolating their experience of their own sexuality onto the world in a way which. I’m just going to say a lot of the time when I talk about The Ace Discourse in a negative way it’s around people assuming that the world is split into a binary between ace and allo people, or assuming that only aspec people experience a nuanced or complex or fluid relationship to their sexuality while pigeonholing allosexuality into a pretty flat image of sex and romance focus. and I have always felt like this does a massive disservice not just to people who don’t identify with aspec labels, but also to the general hope that we could work against the expectation that there’s a Standard Amount To Value Sex/Romance - I think that the assumption that there are aspec people and then Everyone Else Has The Normal Type and Level of Attraction just. reinforces the idea that there’s a “Normal” type and level of attraction. which is ultimately pretty self-defeating and also just. observably untrue. 

and this division of the world into Aspec People and Allo People also has some other weird knockon effects - I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically wrong with identities like gray ace or demi or other aspec labels beyond asexual and aromantic, but I do think that the way those labels are used is often. unhelpful. and they’re defined in such personal, subjective ways that you get weirdnesses sometimes like people Diagnosing Each Other With Demisexual or people saying ‘you can’t talk about this experience you share because it’s an Aspec Experience’ and again. there isn’t a concrete material experience there because the whole experience of romantic and sexual attraction, what that feels like and how sharply divisible it is is very, very personal and subjective. and everyone has different experiences of those and will name those experiences differently.

there’s also. historically a minority of Big Ace Blogs that kind of sneer at allosexuality or who would hijack posts about other issues to derail them to asexuality. but I don’t think they were ever representative of the community as a whole and I certainly think that inasmuch as those blogs remain around they’re a legacy of the Long-Ago (and a lot of them are trolls imo)

but there is. an issue I take that does seem to be more currently live which is the question of allo privilege. I think personally that framing all allosexuals/alloromantics as privileged over all aspec people on the basis of feeling sexual/romantic attraction is provably untrue in a world where people, particularly queer people, are actively oppressed and marginalised for expressing non-normative sexuality. it isn’t that I don’t think asexuality and aromanticism isn’t marginalised and stigmatised, because it visibly is, but it seems pretty reductive to boil it down to a binary yes/no privilege when both sexualisation and desexualisation are so actively tied into other forms of marginalisation (this is what I was trying to express in the argument about Martin a while ago - sex and sexuality are so often disincentivised for fat, queer, disabled and neuroatypical people that it doesn’t...feel like a reclamation that those tend to be the characters that get fanonised as ace where slim, straight, able-bodied and neurotypical characters aren’t. like it’s more complex than a binary privilege equation; sex and romance are incentivised and stigmatised differently at the intersection of oppressions and. for example. in a world where gay conversion therapy and religious oppression of gay and SGA people is so often focused specifically on celibacy and on punishing the act of sexual attraction, I don’t think it’s a reasonable framing to say that a gay allosexual man has privilege over an aroace man on the basis of his attraction) 

so those are like. things I would consider myself to feel actively negative about in online discourse (and again. in online discourse. not in how I relate to asexuality or aromanticism or aspec identities in general but in the framing and approaches people take towards discussing it in a very specific bubble).

but also. um. the main criticism I have of the online discourse culture of asexuality is that there are things I don’t have experience of that I have mentioned, when asked, that I don’t personally understand the meaning of but I don’t need to understand them to appreciate that they’re useful/meaningful to others. things like 

the difference between QPRs, asexual romantic relationships and close friendships

how you know the difference between romantic attraction and friendship

the distinction between sexual attraction and a desire to have sex with someone for another reason

and I hope I’ve generally been clear that this is. honest lack of understanding and not condemnation. I personally have a very muddled sense of attraction and often have difficulty identifying the specifics of any of my own emotional needs so like. it’s a closed book for me at the moment, how you would identify the fine distinctions between types of want when I’m still at step 1: identify That You Want Something Of Some Sort, Eventually, Through Trial And Error. but I think I’ve always been explicit that this isn’t a value judgement it’s just a gap in my own knowledge and yet. every single time I’ve said anything other than enthusiastic “yes I understand this and I love it and it’s good and valid” (and again. I have not gone out of my way to talk about it I have mostly only mentioned it because people keep asking me to talk about it) I have got a massive rush of anger and accusations of aphobia and “just shut up if you don’t know what you’re talking about but also answer my 30 questions to prove you think Correct Things about asexuality” and. I understand that this comes from a place of really unpleasant and aggressive backlash towards the ace community so it’s a sensitivity with a lot of people but like. it doesn’t seem proportional.

also I feel like ever since I hit like 700 followers my Tumblr life has been a constant cycle of people asking me Are You An Ace Inclusionist Are You An Exclus Are You An Aphobe Justify Your Opinion On Asexuality which. eventually yeah I’ve got pretty snippy about the whole thing. but you know. fuck it I’m just gonna lay it out and if you or anyone else is uncomfortable following me based on those opinions then I’m sorry to hear that and I will be sad to see you not want to engage with me any more but I also think that’s absolutely your prerogative. however I will not be taking questions at this time (and not just bc my phone’s broken) - demands for an argument about this Are Going To Be Ignored so if you want to go then go.

so like the big question I reckon is Do You Think Asexuality Is Queer and

yes. no. maybe. I don’t understand the question what does it mean for an identity to be queer? 

there are spaces and conversations where any form of aromanticism or asexuality makes sense as a relevant identity. talking about hegemonic expectations of normative romance. building community. combatting the idea that heterosexual missionary married sex between a man and a woman is the only rewarding or valuable form of relationship or intimacy.

there are spaces where I think heterosexual aros/heteromantic cis aces don’t. have a more meaningful or direct experience of the issues than allo cishets. because while being aro or ace or aspec has a direct impact on those people on a personal and relational level, disclosure is largely a choice, and the world at large sees them as straight. they don’t have the lived experience of being visibly nonconforming that SGA people and aroace people do. they may still be queer but there’s a lot of conversations where they bring a lot of the baggage of being Straight People (because. even if you’re ace or aro you can still be straight in your romantic or sexual attraction and if your relationships are all outwardly straight then you don’t necessarily have an intimate personal understanding of being marginalised from mainstream society by dint of your sexuality). this doesn’t make you Not Queer in the same way that being a bi person who’s only ever been in m/f relationships is still queer, but in both cases a) you don’t magically have a personal experience of societal oppression through the transitive properties of Being Queer and b) it’s really obnoxious to talk as if you’re The Most Oppressed when other people are trying to have a conversation about their lived experience of societal oppression. and they’re within their rights to say ‘we’re talking about the experience of being marginalised for same gender/non-heterosexual attraction and you’re straight, could you butt out?’)

(I very much object to the assumption coming from a lot of exclus that “cishet ace” is a term that can reasonably be applied to non-orientated aroace people though. het is not a default it really extremely doesn’t make sense to treat people who feel no attraction as Straight By Default. when I were a lad I feel like we mostly understood “asexual” to mean that identity - non-orientated aroace - and while I think it’s obvious that a lot of people do find value in using a more split-model because. well. some people are both gay/straight/bi and aro/ace, and it’s good that language reflects that. but I do think it’s left a gap in the language to simply refer to non-attracted people. this isn’t a criticism of anything in particular - there’s a constant balancing act in language between specificity and adaptability and sometimes a gain for one is a loss for the other)

some queer conversations and spaces just. aren’t built with aces in mind. and that isn’t a flaw. some spaces aren’t built with men in mind, but that doesn’t mean men can’t be queer. some conversations are about Black experiences of queerness but that doesn’t mean non-Black people can’t be queer. not all queer spaces will focus on ace needs but that doesn’t mean asexuality isn’t queer, or that queerness is opposed to aceness - sex, sexuality, romance and dating are all really important things to a lot of queer people, especially those whose sexuality and romantic relationships are often stigmatised or violently suppressed in wider society. there should be gay bars, hookup apps, gay and trans friendly sex education, making out at Pride, leather parades and topless dyke marches and porn made by and for queer people, romantic representation in media of young and old gay, bi and trans couples kissing and snuggling and getting married and saying sloppy romantic things. and there should be non-sexual queer spaces, there should be discussions around queerness that don’t suppose that a monogamous romantic relationship is what everyone’s fighting for, sex ed should be ace inclusive, etc. 

I think the whole question of inclusionism vs exclusionism is based on a weird underlying assumption that If An Identity Is Queer All Queer Spaces Should Directly Cater To That. like. aspec identities can be queer and it can be totally reasonable for there to be queer spaces that revolve around being sexual and romantic and there can be conversations it’s not appropriate or productive to centre asexuality and aspec experiences in and we can recognise that not all queer people do prioritise or have any interest in sex or romance. in the same way that there’s value in centring binary trans experiences sometimes and nonbinary experiences at other times but both of those conversations should recognise that neither binary or nonbinary gender identity is a Universal Queer Experience.

anyway that one probably isn’t one of the opinions you were asking about but I have been wanting to find a way to express it for a while so you’re getting it: the Ruth Thedreadvampy Inclusionism Take.

uh. it’s 1:30 on a work night so I have been typing too long. if there was an opinion you were specifically thinking of that I haven’t mentioned, chuck me another ask specifically pointing to what you want me to clarify my thinking on. sometimes I gotta be honest I’ve just been kind of careless in my framing (thinking of the Martin Fucks debacle where I spent ages insisting I didn’t say Martin couldn’t be aroace then read back like two days later and realised that I had said “he’s not aroace” bc I had written the post at 2am without proofreading and had meant to say “unless you think he’s aroace”) so I May Well Not Stand By Some Posts or might Stand By Them With Clarification

[sleepymccoy]

Hello! I wanted to ask you this bc I really admire your work and blog, and I get the sense that you're a person who can tackle nuance well (and I believe this topic deserves it). I've tried wording this as best as I could, and I'm sorry that it's very long.

I've started getting the impression that some parts of the Good Omens fanbase have been sort of contained, if that makes sense. I feel like small creators have a hard time getting attention to their work anymore. As if people are only looking at the same handful of established creators nowadays (and that those creators are only looking at one another). And by extension, content really only gets attention if it's liked/shared by certain people. And then on top of that, it really constricts a lot of topics in fic and art that get appreciated.

I know that the hype for Good Omens has died down in the past year and that explains a major dip in interest, but I still feel there's an imbalance. I see genuinely good work overlooked time and time again, and I worry that my own work has been looked over bc it simply hasn't been deemed a fan favorite. For a while it looked like there was an effort to boost smaller creators, but it's seems like it phased out pretty quickly. I will be honest, it's been a little discouraging. It feels like the Good Omens fanbase is a club a lot of us have been almost excluded from.

I wanted to know if I'm just imagining this whole scenario or if it's a thing others have noticed? If others have noticed, what can we do to spread some love?

I'm sorry if this came off the wrong way or like I'm scolding people. Or like I'm whinging like a needy child not getting enough attention. I'm curious and was wondering if it was worth asking someone else about. Thank you for reading! And thank you for responding if you do!

Hey! Thanks for all the compliments lol, that’s lovely of ya

I doubt i’ll be as succinct as you managed.

Overall, I agree. I don’t think you’re imagining things at all and I’ve certainly also noticed a decline in interest in my stuff since the start

This is a total theory, but I’m gonna put it forward cos it makes sense to me. When Good Omens started up everyone followed a load of people to get at the content and were reblogging and engaging all over the place. Spiderwebs of followers were formed. I think there are blogs who end up being more influential than others, it depends on what youre looking for in the fandom who that is for you, but there are always big sort of blogs that just reblog content to share it. I think they’re the things that change.

Cos what happens is interest wanes. Fans move on and go somewhere else. If you’re following and relying on a blog to show you lots of new art and they’re just not doing it any more, then you’re sort of left just seeing the popular stuff that gets cyclically reblogged.

For example, i was following, with notifications on, a blog that reblogged every bit of poc good omens fan art they came across. total mixed bag of quality, but it was fantastic and picked up blogs that were completely unknown to me. The person running it got tired and moved on, so i don’t have access to that any more. It’s a lost thread in my little spiderweb of access that cuts me off from so much and it’s a real loss

Alternatively, and this is the trap i fall into, you follow creators. Like what you said! So, when I see a post i like very much i go straight to OP and (after checking they’re not a terf or aphobic) i follow. This means i get new content from the source rather than relying on someone elses taste to have a chance of seeing it myself. However, it also means i’m not following many blogs that focus on reblogging a range of content, so i miss newcomers. I’m not ignoring newcomers, i simply don’t see them

Both approaches to who you follow come with the curse of as the fandom gets older, you don’t have a clear way to find new content or creators. There’s an early bird gets the worm element to it all

There’s also tumblr weird bad habit of not reblogging things. People who run personal blogs rather than themed blogs will like something and consider their work done, but that does nothing to help new art or new artists, cos it’s not permeated yet. That kills new content and content creators pretty thoroughly

So yeah, i think there’s a lot going on there, but you’re certainly not making it up and a lack of engagement on your posts isnt an indication that people don’t like it, it just means people haven’t seen it or have fallen for their habit of not reblogging things they really ought to share.

In terms of fixing this? That’s a toughie.

I don’t have a fix, but i agree the lethargy is tiresome. It’s a constant effort to get something to take off, i have to reblog stuff four or five times before it starts moving beyond my immediate sphere of influence. But it makes sense, there are less fans and the fans there are aren’t out looking for new people to follow.

but i don’t like ending on a negative, so i’ll talk about some options or ideas! even though i don’t have the kind of influence someone would need to be heard

In my perfect world (and i repeat this is my day dream, i do not pretend it is well thought out or fair for all) i would remove the like function; either reblog it or you don’t get to keep an access. I would see more blogs that reblog content to a theme. I would see blogs that search out new creators. I would see newsletters that name new creator blogs that have engaged recently. I would see blogs that make it a challenge to themselves to reblog art and fic that has less than 100 notes. I would see more low stress fan events, more prompt lists and less organised zines.

But that’s all a lot of work for individual people to take on (except the likes vs reblogs thing, but that a real personal dislike of mine). I’ve tried to take part, I run @goodomensevents which is a blog where i reblog any general community event on tumblr that doesn’t cost money to take part in. But i don’t really think it has much impact, cos i thought of it too late in the game and no one wants to follow new good omens blogs anymore.

which i understand. i’m happy with my dash, i don’t feel like it’s lacking. I love who i follow. my mutuals talk to me and aren’t cunts. And i have no idea how to find new creators even though i may want to.

But hey, if anyone’s running a blog like what i’ve described, please send me a link! Maybe i’ll make a rec list on good omens events lol, see what happens. I’ll definitely follow you