#you find what you seek

[untilfajr]

In retrospect, everything becomes clearer. You didn’t know any better while you were navigating those experiences, you had to figure things out as you walked the path. It’s only now, with a broader perspective, that you can fully understand it all. So, don’t be too hard on yourself. Instead of feeling upset for being naïve then, take pride in the maturity you’ve gained now.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[heph]

05x05

Remember the episode where Wilson pretended he was doing drugs and dating a sex worker after he realised that House was spying on him 😐

[partlyironic]

hey guys. remember this.

[ruhlare]

i don't like it when someone is easy to reach. when someone is open to everyone, when literally anyone can get their attention. it is a question of values ​​and principles not to be open to everyone and not to have the need for everyone's attention. people who are easily available won't value soulful connections.

[screamsofanoutlawbrain]

Neo Metal Sonic is cool because they become a dragon and have hella cool style but also sad because it's the closest thing we've seen to Metal Sonic showing their own individuality, separation from just being a metal(adjective) sonic(noun) instead being Neo(adjective) Metal-Sonic(noun), and that they lose their freedom of choice once eggman comes back and don't even have the voice to complain about it.

Neo Metal Sonic is self-destructive in their individuality, but when they were standing atop the world, do you think they could see the stars through the storm?

[thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname]

[maulfucker]

So fucked up that obimaul is a rarepair. What do you mean not everyone is obsessed with enemies to lovers with a Force connection, where one side is completely obsessed with the other who barely acknowledges him (but is just as affected)

[mamawasatesttube]

kon & nat's conversations in steel #46 hit sooo good if you think about it as a closeted gay guy talking to a closeted lesbian...

[angels444yuri]

๑ ︵︵ ꒰ঌ who am i ? ໒꒱

♡ call me yuri,, himmel or law— i have no major preference among these but most people use yuri (though i've been leaning towards himmel these days). i'm 18,, west african,, and currently living out my shoujo girl dreams

♡ i'm also a manhating lesbian and that means ALL men dni + don't tag any of my posts w anything related to them

♡ if you want to know more,, you can either look at my carrd or follow my sb @hearts444himmel

๑ ︵︵ ꒰ঌ my tags ໒꒱

🪽 — just angelposting ༉‧₊˚. // for my general yapping

🪽 — giggle with me ༉‧₊˚. // for my sillier posts

🪽 — for the girls ༉‧₊˚. // for my active lesbian behavior

🪽 — seek and you shall find ༉‧₊˚. // for asks

🪽 — tidbits and such ༉‧₊˚. // for posts about my lore

🪽 — the dream team ༉‧₊˚. // for my mutuals

🪽 — the dossier of an angel ༉‧₊˚. // for all my posts

[iguessitsjustme]

I love Monster Next Door but they are not going to make me feel sorry for Jane. I mean it's obvious that those girls aren't actually her friends but they also aren't wrong. But she hasn't done any self reflection and she has been nothing but cruel to Diew. I'm glad he stood up for himself and he unintentionally really hit her where it hurt.

[damnation-if]

hey!! can i ask for a color palatte description for the ro's? like what their hair/eye colors are?

hope you're having a good week 💙💙💙

Hi!

I spent a long time putting together a graphic for this before I realised that you asked for just a description haha... oops. well. here is the graphic anyway XD

If you're looking for a link to the page with more general descriptions, there are some on the RO's page.

Very sorry for the delay in replying! My life is. hectic. smdnfgbsfgf

[p1x1x]

[thegreatyin]

this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail

sorry got in character for a second

Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though

congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)

[liusumeowhua]

i would really never have guessed that between svsss and tgcf, tgcf is the one with the virgin detecting sword

[purpurussy]

idk why but I was thinking about how incredibly fun it is to be a dan and phil enjoyer at the moment and then I suddenly started thinking about how Phil almost died in June like... he really almost died it just suddenly hit me that we could be living in a very different reality right now. idk why my brain does this. every time I'm happy about something my brain goes "oh but what if things had been different. what makes you think you deserve for things to work out fine?" and I'm trying to live by Phil's mantra of choosing not to take any personal trauma from it but I'm kinda spiraling all of a sudden. I remember seeing a post a while ago about how dan could've been planning a funeral instead of a tour and that shit fucked me up so bad I'm gonna fucking cry this is like genuinely upsetting me ... I need to watch the video again and especially the part where dan is like "but if we didn't decide to go to hospital..." and then Phil is like "but we DID and it was FINE 🤫😛" I'm so parasocially invested in these people it's so fucked. anyway can I get uhhhhh quarter pounder and medium fries. ketchup is fine. no drink thanks I have water :)