#you cannot know everything all the time
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Thinking so sadly about people who thought doing research papers in high school was stupid and now they can't be bothered to fact-check literally anything on their social media feeds so they're falling down political rabbitholes or gaining other bizarre untrue understandings of the world because they legitimately just don't know the basics of double-checking a claim.
#i got into an argument irl with a semi covid denier recently and it blew my mind how much he was just like#'yeah well literally any outside source i encounter could be lying so obviously my own judgement is the one true metric'#like thats. thats not how it works.#you are fallible you are ignorant#thats not an insult thats just the reality of what it means to be human#you cannot know everything all the time#stay skeptical bc yes hypothetically anyone COULD lie#but many many people just want to teach you the truth and you deserve to learn it#it speaks
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Family Dinners - dpxdc
"Holy shit, you're Bruce Wayne!" Danny gaped, jabbing a finger at the man sitting at the head of the table.
The bustling dining room goes silent as everyone turns to look at him.
"Danny, who did you think was going to be here?" Tim asks, disbelief plain in his voice and Danny feels his face flush red.
"Sorry, I, uh, I guess I just never put it together. Tim Drake-Wayne. Wayne Manor. It, uh, makes sense now." He laughs sheepishly and scrubs at his neck before slumping back down into his chair.
"Well," Tim says with an indulgent sigh, "at least I know you're not just friends with me for my connections."
"Yeah, I'm really sorry, I just never thought about it, I guess."
Danny sinks lower as everyone around him laughs. Come to dinner, he said, the food is the best, he said, ignore the family, he said. Danny really wishes he'd listened to Tim and just ignored them—almost as much as he's regretting accepting the offer in the first place—but... he's having dinner with Batman.
Ancients, that's so weird!
The last time he saw Batman was in the future and, suffice it to say, it was not going well. There hadn't really been time for family dinners there.
Wait. Family dinners?
He peers around the table, openly gawking at everyone as it all clicks into place.
"Everything alright, Danny? Now realising who everyone else is?" Tim asks with a roll of his eyes.
"Uh... something like that..." Danny mumbles as everyone laughs again.
From further down the table, the smallest Wayne scoffs and clicks his tongue.
"I thought you said he was smart, Drake?"
"So, you all do it, too, then?" he asks, ignoring the jibe. Danny's only a little bit jealous as he thinks of how much easier they must have it, how much easier it'd be if his family had been on his side, too. "You all work together?"
"Nah," Dick says from across the table with a brilliant grin. "Tim's the only one that works with Bruce, we all have different jobs. I'm a police officer in Bludhaven."
"Disgusting." Danny blurts out without thinking—because seriously, what kind of self-respecting vigilante would also be a police officer?—before clapping a hand over his mouth. "Sorry."
The whole table laughs again, the loudest being the blonde girl a few spaces down from Dick. Look, Danny wasn't really paying attention to names when they were all paraded in front of him. Dick only gets remembered because his name is a joke.
Come on, Danny, recover!
"That's, uh, not what I meant, though."
"Oh?" Dick asks, cocking his head slightly to the side. Is it Danny's imagination or does his smile tense slightly?
"Yeah, I mean like, you know, in costume. It must make it so much easier to have everyone together like this."
"Costume? What do you mean?"
Yeah, Danny's not imagining it, everyone tenses up at that. It's really only now that he's realising that this probably isn't how he should bring up that he knows about their... night time activities. In fact, he probably shouldn't be bringing it up at all.
"Uuhhh..." Danny looks wildly around the table as he continues making his stupid noise. Think, think, think! There must be a way out of this!
"Danny?" Tim asks, looking concerned.
"Oh, Ancients, this isn't how I wanted it to go at all," he mutters, slipping even further into his chair. He's almost on the floor now and he so, so wishes it could just swallow him up.
His real first meeting with Batman was meant to be cool! He had planned to be Phantom, maybe save them from a tight spot, prove his worth as a mysterious and powerful ally as thanks for the help Batman gave him in the future.
"Danny, what are you talking about?" Tim starts tugging on his sleeve in an attempt to pull him back up from his pit of despair.
Eventually, Danny relents and sits up straighter, hiding his face in his hands and whining all the while.
"I'm sorry, I just didn't expect him to be here and it threw me off so now I look stupid and it's so embarrassing!" he wails, flailing his arms wide. "Why wouldn't you warn me that Batman was your adopted dad, Tim? Couldn't you have let me know?"
"I'm sorry, what? Danny are you alright? There's no way Bruce can be Batman, look at him!"
"Yeah," the blonde girl laughs from the bottom of the table, "look at him! That's a wet noodle of a man! Batman can actually do things, B is incapable of pretty much everything."
"Thank you, Stephanie," Bruce sighs, massaging his forehead.
It's... Those are the first words Danny's heard Batman say since everything went down and it's enough to knock him out of his embarrassment.
It's really good to hear his voice again. Especially now, when it's strong and healthy and full of personality—even if that personality is little more than a tired father right now—far better than how it had been, at the end.
Danny sits up, back straight, and grins. He's got this. He remembers it perfectly. Some people count sheep to fall asleep, Danny repeats his mantra to be certain that he'll never forget it.
"Gamma alpha upsilon tau iota mu epsilon, 42, 63, 28, 1 colon 65 dash 9."
Once again, the whole table falls into silence.
"Holy shit..." breathes the other D name (Duke? Danny's pretty sure he's Signal) from opposite Stephanie. "Isn't that...?"
"The time travelling code." The littlest Wayne says stiffly. "We have met in the future?"
"That's not just the time travelling code, Dami." Dick says, looking between Danny and Bruce. "That's the family time travelling code."
Danny's grin freezes in place.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"1 colon 65 dash 9." Dick explains, still flicking between him and Bruce. "It means you've been adopted into the family and we should all treat you as such, no questions asked."
"Tell you what, I'm about to ask a question." Danny says, dumbstruck. "You just told me it was a code to identify time travellers, not anything about being adopted! What the hell, B?"
Bruce looks about as shellshocked as Danny feels.
"We must have been close," he says finally, after opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water a few times.
"No! Not that close!" Danny reels back, taking a deep breath ready to refute it all, but... "Well, I mean, you found me when I first got stuck, and you helped me get better despite being... And then we fought together against the, uh, bad guy, before he, um, he... before you couldn't."
An uncomfortable beat passes while they all pick up on what Danny tried so hard not to say.
"So, you're not from the future, then, you travelled there and came back?" Tim asks, breaking the tension and leaning forward with a glint in his eye.
"Yeah, it was a whole end of the world thing, but don't worry about it," Danny says with a hand wave, "It's all kosher now, won't ever happen."
"What did happen?"
"Seriously, don't worry about it, we cool."
"How long in the future was it?"
"About ten years? You were pretty spry for an old man, B," Danny laughs, wishing they'd get off the topic of what happened and get back to the adoption bit.
Everyone shares degrees of a cautious smile as they relax out of the shock, and Dick—whose grin is the biggest—says, "No wonder you got the family code, you're already riffing on him like one of us. How long were you there for?"
"A week, before I managed to get back to my present and stop him then."
"A week? Jeez, B, that has to set some kind of record, seriously."
"Oh!" Danny says, sitting bolt upright and blinking in surprise before pointing at Dick and bouncing in his seat. "You're Nightwing!"
"What?"
"That's exactly what Nightwing said when Batman told me the code! Makes so much more sense now."
Dick laughs and claps his hands, delighted.
"You were not formally adopted?" The grumpy small one—Dami?—asks, his face pinched.
"I didn't even know I was informally adopted."
"And your parents? Are they alive or dead?"
"Damian, stop—"
"They were dead in the future, but they're alive now." Danny says, looking down. He fiddles with the tablecloth, twisting the fabric around his fingers as he fights down the pang of sadness that he always feels when he thinks of them now. He forces a bright smile on his face and hopes it doesn’t look too strained. "I just, uh, can't talk to them much, anymore."
"Damian," Dick warns, "1 colon 65 dash 9. Treat them as family, no questions asked."
"This is Damian treating him as family, the little turd has no manners." Tim scoffs, rolling his eyes, but he gently bumps shoulders with Danny to knock him out of his funk. Danny can't help but send him a watery smile.
"I have the most exemplary manners, Drake, unlike some people." Damian spits, crossing his arms with a pout. "I was merely ascertaining his status to see how he could possibly fit into the family."
"I know this is all a bit sudden, Danny," Bruce smiles, ignoring Damian and reaching out to lay a warm hand on his arm, "for all of us. But if I felt strongly enough to give you that code after spending a week with you in the future, then you are more than welcome in this family, if you so choose it. I think I can speak for all of us when I say we'd like to get to know you a bit more."
"I know a threat when I hear it, Bruce." Danny snorts. "But, yeah, I get it. I'm sorry this is all so weird, it really wasn't how I wanted to find you again, but... I'm glad I did."
"So are we, Danny." Dick says, with a warm smile. "And formally or not, 1 colon 65 dash 9 means you're family. Welcome to the fun house! No take backs or refunds, sorry. You're stuck with us."
#dpxdc#dcxdp#dc x dp#dp x dc crossover#batpham#hailsatanacrab🦀🦀writes#look. this has been in my mind for so long guys so long - and idk if its canon that the batfam have codes for time travel situations or what#but i feel like ive seen it before and if its not canon it should be#so here - how i think that would be funny to go down#i have so many thoughts about TUE and its place in a dpxdc crossover like holy shit there's so many ways it can go!!#i have another wip in the works thats kinda similar to this but with superman and i cannot wait to work on it again#there are so many ways i wanted this to go but i just couldnt get there - i wanted to keep it on the shorter side but like#perhaps ill have to expand#i just love the idea that like. theres a stranger at your table who knows you and knows you well. who knows the secret that youd die to keep#there's a stranger at your table and he says something and you know he's family. you know you're strangers but now...#now you have to be something more#oh man theres so many juicy ways it can go and I KNOW I DID NONE OF THEM#i want to write this whole plot again and make it angstier#(me with everything)#anyway! sorry love you all hope you enjoy it!!
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Sans do you ever feel that something might be missing?
Maybe he felt like that at some point, maybe for a long time. In the present, I think he's made some kind of peace with it.
Also, I really like the ask blog format, but I don't really mean this to be an ask blog.
So when writing questions, try to refer them to me instead of the characters. That way, they don't have to break the fourth wall lmao. I really wanted to answer this one tho
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#forgettable-au#YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT TAKES ME THE MOST WHEN MAKING THSES THING#I CANNOT WRITE#Everythings so clear to me and then I have to write it and I get stuck#illustrating it all feels so much easier even when it takes more time#maybe it's just because english isn't my first lenguage#but I'm always checking my orthography and punctuations are correct alsjsdk#papyrus!gaster#papyrus#undertale au#sans#papyrus is gaster#alphys#undyne#toriel#undertale comic#undertale#I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT TO DRAW FLOWEY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#my boy...#answered ask
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pick your battles
#my art#my stuff#art#comic#original art#pride 2024#pride month#trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr#i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe#so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles#this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat#my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc#i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14#but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020#from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember#and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery#and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far#and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community#that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean#that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else#so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes#about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves#you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you
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Actually so tired that people mainly focus on the bdsm when they talk about La Pianiste when we literally have this dynamic right here. Like, that's insane.
What if you were a little girl in her 40's who couldn't grow up because of your mother-wife who made you sleep in her bed and forced you to repress every sexual desires and thoughts of becoming your own person just to keep you close to her ? What if you fought back and yearned for dangerous things out of her reach ? But also, what if you let her because it's all you've ever known and been taught to want ?
#these two are so entangled with each other and in the roles they play#(mother and daughter. husband and wife. prodigal or ungrateful daughter. adoring or mocking mother)#that they cannot handle it when something else is thrown into the mix#There's no space left because they fill all the roles in each other's lives.#but at the same time they never give the other exactly what she wants#The fights never last. Erika will never live up to her mother's ambitions. And her mother will never give her any form of affection which#might satiate her hunger for love. And so on.#They are deeply imperfect- Love and Despise each other but they could never bear the thought of being separated#When I read the part in the book where Erika talks to Walter for the first time and all she wants is to go back into her mother's womb...#you can't make that shi up#when people talk about toxic yuri that's what they could mean but unfortunately we live in a society#gradually learning to accept the person I'm becoming who would've been burned at the stake by my younger self <3#been having so much thoughts about this film once again. And I know that nothing written here is new but I'm a little sad no one really#talks about this relationship online since it's really the heart of the story for me#Of course everything happening with Walter is important. But none of that would be there without the mother-daughter situation#la pianiste#the piano teacher#haneke#sheep stuffs#isabelle huppert#also I'd kinda get it if it was another film and it made people too uncomfortable to talk about it. but I mean this is literally La Pianist
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If I'm honest, the whole "love in every stitch" saying for fiber artists does not apply to me, like. I'm trying to get this fucking hook into stubborn yarn and I'll be stabbing it like it owed me money. Is that love because I hope not 😭💀
#art#crochet#honestly the closest thing i feel to love when crocheting is this feeling that this is bigger than me if that makes sense...#...i think it'sthe feeling of knowing how old the craft itself is and knowing that millions of people have done the same as you...#...millions of people have stabbed their crochet hook into the yarn because it's stubborn but so are you...#...millions of people in the past have sat and devoted their time and effort into all of this...#...millions of people have passed on this knowledge and kept this thing alive...#...and it's the feeling of knowing that humans across millenia aren't THAT different#to our core we are more or less similar - across the ages across the colours across everything. that really comforts and humbles me#have you looked up ancient textiles? because that also sparks these emotions in me#it makes me think about the tupes of people to make the textile but also about who wore it#and so many of them are still beautiful and colourful and it shows you SO MUCH about the people who made them#even the ones that are tattered and faded and stripped of colour still feel beautiful...#...because it has SURVIVED. it is evidence of a people who made it and a people who had technical skills#and THIS is why i HATE HATE HATE the idea that ancient people were just 'dumb' and 'uneducated'#that is so unfair to them and cruel and just. wrong. (and often it reeks of white supremacy)#i'm sorry i rant and rave about this so much but i canNOT be normal about this. i can't be normal about humanity#i am learning to love humanity and learn about us and learn everything and it'll never be enough - i will never know enough#i will never know everything about everybody and it will be the death of me#okay the only thing i liked about the greatest showman movie was Never Enough because that is me thinking about all this
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Why do the FEH devs insist on ignoring Nabatean lore so much?
I recently had a surprisingly cordial discussion on redshit with someone about the "nabateans = colonisers" take, and one of the main points raised was that the game was purposedly foggy around Nabateans/Sothis/their story because it would obviously favor a certain narrative (and thus make another narrative look, uh, not that marketable anymore).
To be honest, we still ended up with a product that had a lead go "this race and its blood* is the reason why the world sucks" and yet that lead is still marketable enough to have raunchy cipher cards and 5 FEH alts, so I actually wonder if, while pissing on that lore had that purpose, it was ultimately pointless since Supreme Leader can still sell goodies despite her incarnation in FE16.
And not only Supreme Leader - but the entirety of WC where we basically have 70% of the cast crying/complaining about their "mixed blood" or lack of and basically adding their 10 cents to the "this race and its blood is the reason why the world sucks".
I mean, can you imagine Sylvain selling any goodies and alts if Flayn replied to his "wah wah people only are kind to me and want to fuck me because I have Nabatean blood :(" by some uncharacteristic "good for you, I have to hide my ears, had to dye my hair, have to lie about my family because if the truth is found out about my identity, I will be hunted and vivisected like an animal and harvested for parts by people who call my kin abominations - just like what happens in the game where the same people who call my kin "abominations" ally with a classmate who calls me a creature and pretends I am incapable of human feelings based on my race".
FE Fodlan's main selling point is its cast of students, for various reasons, but even if I tried to kid myself, Nopes and FEH made it clears : students are the main selling point.
If you spare more time and attention to the Nabatean plot/lore, the students either grow from "likeable" to "despicable" or worse, you won't gaf about them because yeah sure, Hilda might be upset because people expect things from her due to her crust, but it would feel like a "peanut" compared to Seteth's irrational (granted, it's not so irrational since GW exists) fear that Flayn's newest friends would dissect her if they learnt she was a Nabatean, and being conflicted by finally letting her have human friends and form bonds she crave, or protect her due to the trauma from the genocide of their species.
Don't get me wrong, I love peanuts, I mean, not everyone can have a tragik of loaded backstory!
And yet, given how this verse's DNA is "can you fight against the red emperor who uwus about you", they had to add copious amounts of Earl Grey to their games so there's no clear-cut factions :
The "Your alien blood and its influence on the world corrupted it, so I want to reform it under my command" vs "I don't want to die and you oppose me due to my race and side with the people who genocided my kin"
is turned to :
"Your alien blood Crests and its your church's influence on the world corrupted it, so I want to reform it under my command"
"I don't want to die and you oppose me due to my race and side with the people who genocided my kin"
Sprinkle with the cast's hammering here and there that the "reforms" might be needed - but never develop on what they are - and add a few baseless and groundless takes as a toping (basically everything Claude says about tolerance and the general "isolationism/foreign policy" stuff) and you get FE Fodlan where the Red Emperor's war isn't seen as the catastrophe it is in the other entries from the series!
Now, for FEH...
FWIW, the F!F!Billy's trailer had them try to explain that Sothis was a bit pissed about her slaughtered/massacred children when Nopes never gave any reason about why she was pissed - maybe on Billy's behalf bcs Jerry's dead, but come on, she would indeed deserve the medal of the worst parent in the franchise if that was the case, since Billy can murder her daughter without Sothis taking over ! - but given that they cannot write/go against the source game those characters are from.
They tried a bit, with B!Supreme Leader and Hegemongard's FB, but then it stopped (because she had no "new unit" released since then lol) and I can understand why : Hegemongard came out before the Supreme Emblem, and Hegemongard hates dragons who are seen/perceived as gods by some of their human followers. Come FE17, and now Supreme Emblem accepts Alear because they are "one of the good ones". We can come up with HCs and details and talk about what are emblems or if Hegemongard's views were only hers at the end of AM all day long... But imo, Doylist wise, it still feels it's a retcon because the devs from the main games tried to scrap and remove the most "controversial" traits she had.
For the other characters... Well, you see what Marianne is in FEH (but even in her base games), she's one of the few characters who reacts - in a way - to the partial history about relics and demonic beasts and all... only to give sad uwus to Maurice.
FE16 (and Nopes) refused to have any "student" character react to the Nabatean lore/reveal, about what are relics and all. There are no lines, Claude shared some knowledge in the explore section of VW's last chapter, but we don't have anyone muse or think or even talk about what are relics, what are crests, and what kind of fuckery their ancestors or the ancient humans of Fodlan did.
With that in mind, FEH can't do much : either they write Marianne in a retcon-y way like what happened for Hegemongard (and they're not afraid to piss on characterisation, look at Lyon!), or they flanderise her "character" and develop her around 3 lines she had in the game in her paralogue, and continue to give sad uwus about Momo when he was at best a guy who slaughtered and murdered so much that he abused the Nabatean turned into a relic to the point where he turned in a demonic beast even if he had a matching crest, or at worst, had been part of Nemesis's piñata party in Zanado and was something of a genocider.
Tldr :
Why FE Fodlan never gaf about Nabateans : earl grey + the marketable cast has to stay marketable and you can't sell peanuts at the same price you'd sell swordfish
Why FEH dgaf about Nabatean lore : they can't afford to retcon characters + they have to sell peanut alts with the same seasoning they had in their base game.
For what it's worth though, I think FEH is more daring than the base game(s) given how they gave more lines and screentime to Rhea - through her different alts - than GW. And they even designed her Halloween!alt's lines to piss on some of Claude's assertions, while the various FB involving members of the church also - indirectly - reply to some accusations thrown their way in FE16 when, FE16, never gave them an opportunity or lines to explain that those takes were full of dung.
*"but random, maybe she doesn't know that the crests she often decries is "dragon blood"!"
It's highly debatable, especially given what she and Hubert throw to Billy in CF - but even if she doesn't, Doylist wise we still have a character who, knowingly or not, says "this race and its blood* is the reason why the world sucks" and who is never called out on her prejudice. That's more of an issue regarding the general writing though, she has to be a red emperor and took pages from Ashnard's book, and yet, the player must still feel bad and want to romance her, so her mindest/goal cannot be looked at too closely, because, I guess, even the devs thought it would be difficult to romance her (thus sell goodies!) if more light was shed on the "blood from this race corrupts our people" schtick -> which in turn would also make characters whose backstory and gimmick rely on "crying about crests" be way less likeable, thus marketable and able to sell goodies.
#anon#replies#heroes salt#fodlan nonsense#they can't develop stuff about nabateans else the people would wonder if this thing existed in FE16/Nôpes#and we all know people siding with the Agarthans would have like#a harder time justifying being allied to the Agarthans even if they don't know everything that transpired between them and the nabs#and yet Pelleas is accused of being a moron for listening to Izuka when he didn't even knew Izuka was the one who#developed the feral subhuman drug and earnt a PHD so#in the end everything's always about money#I'd buy in a heartbeat any Hilda (fe4) figurine#but i guess thes devs/money makers believe that antagonists at least in this franchise don't sell as well as marketable characters#like prime waifus#hell even UO started to print figurines of the main heroines but none as of yet of Alcina#can you imagine if the uwu overprotective dad joke#that is basically the crux of the Flayn'n'Seteth's relationship#was more developed in the lines of Seteth being afraid that Flayn would trust humans too much and reveal the truth about her#in a gesture of friendship and trust! and it would turn against her#I mean isn't it basically why the nabs are pissed at Adrestia??#Rhea trusted Willy about her pointy ears and now Willy's scion wants them out of Fodlan because their ears are pointy#or Flayn really getting along with people but ultimately not being able to trust them fully because she cannot tell them the truth#and maybe her support friends and all either pulling what everyone does with Marianne#or have the issue resolved in a more meaningful way like Nabs finally accepting to trust humans again in a plot relevant cutscene#and Flayn's final supports only being available after that cutscene#but we couldn't have that at all because again#Earl Grey + peanuts#can you imagine Sylvain getting a convo with Flayn post reveal? Where he feels like trash for wahwahing about his crust?#that's not the route the games wanted to walk on#so FEH can't walk it either#I swear this isn't a post asking for a new rhealt lol
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went to post this on twitter but i didnt wanna get banned . crazy that u can scrape my entire lifes work and i cant even tell u to die over it <3
#im just so ........#grips fists#i feel Helpless#i hate feeling like the people i know are receding further and further Away from art communities and the public because its so#painful right now#to be posting art :(#it just IS.#and to the motherfuckers in Toyhouse doing this like... i cannot stress enough how much if u called me rn i would tell u to die 2 ur face#i just... cant pretend like im Okay with u being anywhere Near the same space as me anymore <3#there are people i Hate on an individual level and#i still want to see them eat. just not at my table#but to everyone who Scrapes Art. I want you to Die <3 ....#you value having pretty little image and serving yourself over the grief of millions of artists#to the point where you break into Our spaces where we trust that we're at least safe from *you* motherfuckers#and take Even More ...#youre fucking#selfish and greedy#truly an embodiment of every fucking sin#unable to fucking Help Yourself ?#imagine if all of these people were like. contributing to society.or. idk. DRAWING#the Waste it generates stresses me out to no fucking end too#like you will literally harm the entire human race for Yourself#i Hate you . I Hate you so Wholly#I hate Everything you are and Everything you have done to me and Everything you have done to my community and my peers#yeah. i want you to Die. The same way i want a politician to die.#no human Deserves death <3 but i still want you to <3#annnyyywaayyyyyss#i wont tag this as my art LMFAO its basically a fucking#vent post#i just HAD to get my feelings out cuz genuinely every time i talk about this with my friends it
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I’ve been cursed by a dark force (college) and now I can no longer experience joy (reading books that tear my heart out and make me sad)
#cant a girl want just want something#even if it hurts#i just want to read my silly little stories that make me want to cry#they are all so tragic my goodness#but its so good#but alas i cannot#because i have to draw for my drawing class 😨#who would have thought#Im going to be real with you all I’m only going to tag the ones Ive read some chapters cause if I tag everything I want to read#we’ll be here all day#the husky and his white cat shizun#erha#2ha#the disabled tyrant and his beloved pet fish#tdtbpf#tdtppf#clear and muddy loss of love#jwqs#I think I started Ballad of Sword and Wine but a lot has happened since then so I could have been hallucinating#i’ll tag it just to be safe#ballad of sword and wine#qjj#I started orv im like 10 chapters in#so hardly a dent#I should have read it earlier or waited until i graduated college cause i want to know what happens but I have no time#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv#someone save me#from schoolwork#please
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i learned at a young age that there is no help in society and that asking for help only makes people irritated with you, and that if you tell people things they won't believe you and deny your pain even exists. this is why it is fkn baffling to me that there are adults in this world who walk around thinking that this magical asking for help thing works and that anybody gives a fuck about anyone. like what fkn world do u live in???? if u tell ppl how others hurt you u are a liar, it didnt happen. if u ask for help bc you can barely function, they'll slap your hand away and say that u're fine stop whining. "DaRE tO aSk fOr HeLp" what fkn help are y'all talking abt?
#anyway im so angry and i hate society and people so much when i think about my life#i think of that little girl asking grown ups for help because thats what everyone said you should do#and all they did was to teach me that nobody cares nobody believes you#asking for help only brings more pain as they ignore you#it is better to not even give them a chance and keep it to yourself#also i wake up with rage towards the healthcare system#i HATE them and i HATE everyone who works within it#yesterday i got a fkn bill for smth i dont even know what it is#i think bc this dumb ass bitch with a worthless job there#called me a few times and i didnt pick up#bc i have told this worthless idiot that I DONT WANNA FKN TALK ON THE PHONE MESSAGE ME INSTEAD#and ig they counted that as an appt and gave me a bill for a call i havent even had#i hate hate hate them sm they only give me more stress and anxiety#i hate that im fkn mentally disabled and cant live an function but they wont help me#i dont know what to do and im freaking out and my family is slowly leaving me and imma end up homeless lmao#i just fucking hate everyone and everything so much i cannot even describe. this hatred is so painful too bc it is so so so intense
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I have been thinking on the nature of mdzs as a deliberately vague text that leaves many things up to interpretation, and how i've slowly come to understand "up for interpretation" less as "there is One True version of this story i must find" and not even as " Everyone has a different One True Version of this story inside their head be based on their interpretations and the differences don't make one wrong and the other right" but as "There is no One True Version. Even in my own subjective interpretation of the text multiple things can be true at once" specifically, in regard to Jin Guangyao and the many things which are left up in the air as to whether he did them or not, most notably killing his son.
There's evidence for this, but it's non conclusuve (jgy saying he killed him while also saying he killed Qin Su, who very much killed herself. The speculations on how he'd have killed him being sect leader yao just saying shit. ) it is, esentially, just up in the air enough that if you decisively fall on one side of the debate is probably says more about you and your general opinion of jgy than it does about the "true" events of canon.
I have, as a proud apologist, always fallen on the "he didn't kill him but felt in some way responsible for his death." Side but recently have become more okay with the interpretation that maybe he DID kill him, and that at the very least, that when he tells Qin Su their son "needed to die" he is being genuine. Which, once you look at it beyond. "Is jgy a poor lil meow meow who it is Okay to Like or an irredeemable baby murderer" becomes both INCREDIBLY tragic and deeply interesting. Because here is a man condemned for who his parents were and who wants nothing more than to live, saying that it is possible to be so cursed by your heritage that you need to die. There is no existence for you. The exact same thing that has been said to him.
Of course being born out of wedlock to a sex worker and being a product of incest are different things, but that begs the question: where is the line? What crimes of the father can mean death for the son? How cursed can you be until your existence is so incompatible with society it is you who needs to give? And if there is... where is it? Qin su clearly thought she was past it. Was his son really past it? Is he?
#warning: canon typical incest and suicide#mdzs#mdzs meta#musings on the nature of unreliable narratives or whatever#meng yao#jin guangyao#jin rusong#i know this is a controversial take#i just think! that once you let go of the idea that killing rusong is some load-bearing sin where if jgy has done it you can't like him#that there is interesting stuff to look at here!#obviously. child murder bad. jiggy has done many had things but this one is. particularly bad.#so i get it if you feel uncomfortable with it being done character you view as symapthetic despite other bad things he's done#and again! multiple things are true at once! i STILL operate from 'he did not kill him it was a secret 3rd thing' modus 90% of the time#it's just that in this one instant i find the other option really interesting#i just. non-identity problem my beloved. if rusong's suffering cannot be erased without erasing his existence is he destined to do so?#if he'd been a teen when everything about jgy got uncovered and both his parents died is there... a place left for him to go?#i just. hhhhh this poor child. we know nothing about you beyond your shameful birth and your death. is that really all you were meant to be
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Congratulations to OMITB on boldly going where no one else has gone before. It's about time we got a rude, creepy, money-crazy, sexist, vulgar, full of shit, ethically questionable Hollywood exec who is a woman. A woman named Bev Melon. God I love this show
#THEY HAVE DONE IT AGAIN FOLKS#this premiere had everything. suspense. humour. character work. exceptional acting. eva longoria being gorgeous in her orange dress.#meryl streep wearing an EVEN MORE GORGEOUS black off-the-shoulder dress#philosophical questions about what one's identity really is and what the future means and what it means to know one's self#all seen through the lens of cinema and the camera. that opening quote is going to live in my mind RENT-FREE FOREVER#and the ending that parallels once upon a time in the west??? when i tell you i was ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT#the way i GASPED. REPEATEDLY. HOLY SHIT. the whistle (which i figured out) and then the DOG and then the INCINERATOR and then the TEXT!!!!!#i somehow lost the line about the incinerator at the beginning so let me tell you. my WIG was SNATCHED#I!!!!! HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!#my money is on miss hollywood exec atm but we don't know enough about everyone yet to actually draw conclusions#it might have been eva longoria for all i know#BUT STILL!!!! OH MY GOD WHAT A PREMIERE!!!!!!#i cannot WAIT for next week i am so seated!!!!!!!!!!!#omitb#omitb s4#omitb spoilers
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horror having crazy irrational thoughts about food,,,,, like bro thinks there's poison in the cupcakes. someone snuck razor blades into the bread and once he takes a bit it'll cut him up. somehow there's mold growing inside the bananas and when he eats it the mold colony is gonna start growing on HIM and then he'll become a moldy skeleton and oh god and oh god and he is paranoid but hes so hungry.... BUT WHAY ABOUT BUGS IN THR FOOD,,,, BUT HES HUNGRY.... a struggle it truly is
probably doesnt help that dust and killer could feed into it. killer could make off hand remarks on how he snuck razor blades into the meat horror's attempting to eat (to fuck around with horror. just some eeeever so slight psychological anguish. and also because killer would just be the type of casually carry those around. what for you may ask well decide for yourself) and then immediately horror's mood drops and he storms out of the dining room. dust and horror go on a sweet little picnic in a beautiful field and its all beautiful and inconspicuous but dust made the food and horror knows that look in his eyes. horror knows dust was muttering something about chemicals a day or 2 ago. the food is poisoned isnt it??? and dust just smiles and motions for horror to eat it
#imagine being starved and then you hang out with two guys who make food dangerous#imagine the dread. the rational part of his mind telling him not to eat it but his instincts are so so so hungry#horror eats the food because it genuinely looks so good but he knows he just fucked up#they make eachother so SO worse........ they are SO bad for eachother its amazing#and horror probably can't cook all that well too so he definitely needs to learn which is a whole other struggle with his eating issues#MAKE THEM BREAK UP ALREADY THEY CAUSE TOO MUCH SUFFERING FOR EACH OTHER 💔💔💔#sorry triglycercule but no 🧡 they deserve to suffer together as retribution for everything they did#sometimes i feel like this angry torturous mtt that all hate eachother is a bit too ooc#but then again..... god is it so fun to come up with ideas for the mtt to hurt eachother#its so delicious 🧡 like dust's poisoned food! horror eats more because it tastes so good#but he can feel the poison kicking in. he can feel his body slowly start to ache and his movements slow as he eats more and more#and soon he can't move. he's paralyzed and in pain in this flower field with dust#and as he starts to pass out he reaches his hand out a bit for dust. just for the smallest bit of comfort#horror's absolutely furious at him for poisoning him but dust still holds his hand back#dust holds horror in his arms with a smile as they lay in the flower field enjoying the moment#as if you didn't just fucking poison the fuck but whatever that's horrordust for you!#dont worry horror gets him back by stealing papyrus's scarf and ripping some of it off to wear in front of dust#he sews a little patch of the scarf onto his jacket and dust is staring at that shit. that is a TAUNT#yeah this is papyrus's scarf. what are you gonna do about me ripping some of it huh? poison me AGAIN???#theyve all grown tolerances for different poisons because the mtt genuinely cannot stop trying to kill eachother#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#tricule hc#god i struggle to differentiate because hc and rant so much because i swap around and change hcs so frequently that there isnt consistency#ive now decided that rants MUST be substantially longer and less put together to be a rant and not a hc. and that shall be DECREED#utmv#sans au
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tell me why i can hear another tenants fucking music from my flat. HE DOESNT EVEN LIVE IN MY BUILDING. HE LIVES IN A COMPLETELY SEPARATE BUILDING ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND I CAN HEAR HIS MUSIC FROM MY FLAT. MY FLAT WHICH IS IN A DIFFERENT SEPARATE BUILDING.
#and staff just say ‘oh we can’t do anything bc its not 11pm yet.’#ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.#i am autistic person who has just spent a full 12hrs in extremely overstimulating public spaces#i am exhausted and i have had to wake up at ass o’clock in the fucking morning#every day for the past like week and a half and will be expected to do so for the forseeable future#i am extremely sensitive to noise and have no ability to zone things out#like everything is always at the same volume for me#all the fucking time no matter what#and they say like oh well in the community there wouldnt be anything to be done so we cant do anything here#BUT WE ARENT IN THE COMMUNITY. ARE WE. WE ARE AT A SUPPORTED LIVING ACCOMMODATION WHERE I HAVE BEEN PLACED#BY MY LOCAL AUTHORITY WHO ARE PAYING TWENTY THREE GRAND A YEAR#AND I AM PAYING FIVE HUNDRED A MONTH#IN ORDER TO RECIEVE SUPPORT FOR MY DISABILITIES. A BIG ONE BEING MY FUCKING AUTISM.#YOU KNOW. THE ONE WHICH IS BEING DIRECTLY IMPACTED BY THE BEHAVIOUR OF ANOTHER TENANT.#WHEN I AM BEING PUSHED TO MY LIMIT ALREADY. LIKE IDK FEELS KINDA CRAZY THAT THIS ISNT SOMETHING THAT CAN BE SORTED.#i fucking hate men there is just literally no fucking respect or consideration like its genuinely disgusting and so fucking infuriating#and like he says that staff (women. btw) are being too naggy about it. but never fucking stops to consider that maybe.#maybe people wouldnt have to ‘nag’ you about it IF YOU JUST. DIDNT DO THE THING THAT IS ACTIVELY CAUSING OTHER PEOPLE STRESS.#IDK FUCKING WILD IDEA JUST THOUGHT OF IT.#literally die i want everyone involved to die like I CANNOT DO THISSSSSSSSSSSS
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i giggle so hard whenever i see one of my posts on someone else's blog like omg..... i'm actually liked by people..... blushing rn
#just happened to me and every time i smile so hard#i am filled with an overwhelming gratitude today#ilysm guys </3#my babiiiiiiies#i cannot explain the comfort this little blog brings me#i've met some of my best friends here#and i'm so grateful ☹️☹️☹️💞💞💞#thank you so much truly😭🩷🫶🏻#not to be sappy. but#i have never felt as valued and grateful for everything and by everyone i have in my life before this silly little blog#i love u sm#thank you 🫶🏻#i think at my core i am a very selfish person. i often do things for myself and myself alone#even the nice things are for my own benefit a lot of the time#i want to help people but most of all i want to help myself and it makes me feel bad sometimes#because i know a lot of people in my life online and irl see me as this kind selfless person#but only i know it doesn't always come from a place of kindness for others#i think there's some underlying problem there i need to look into genuinely. but i am so grateful for u guys genuinely#i love you all w my whole heart 🫶🏻#ok ill shut up now#thoughts ୨𖹭୧#girlblogging#it girl#wonyoungism#girlhood#pink pilates princess#girly tumblr#this is what makes us girls#girly stuff#girlcore
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taylor like: i know you know, you know i know you know, so i might as well play the songs about that fateful night, you know?
#got online just to see if she did the thing and SHE DID!!!!#and honestly i'm not surprised at all#she is in the era of owning her art her life and her truths and experiences as fully as she can#even sometimes despite everything else and i love that for her#thrown out speeches#do you really wanna know where i was april 29th#you're so gorgeous i can't say anything to your face#she has been through so much since that night seven years ago and she deserves to own it#eras tour#literally cannot use my sprained right hand for more than five minutes at a time again 😭
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