#imagine being starved and then you hang out with two guys who make food dangerous

[triglycercule]

horror having crazy irrational thoughts about food,,,,, like bro thinks there's poison in the cupcakes. someone snuck razor blades into the bread and once he takes a bit it'll cut him up. somehow there's mold growing inside the bananas and when he eats it the mold colony is gonna start growing on HIM and then he'll become a moldy skeleton and oh god and oh god and he is paranoid but hes so hungry.... BUT WHAY ABOUT BUGS IN THR FOOD,,,, BUT HES HUNGRY.... a struggle it truly is

probably doesnt help that dust and killer could feed into it. killer could make off hand remarks on how he snuck razor blades into the meat horror's attempting to eat (to fuck around with horror. just some eeeever so slight psychological anguish. and also because killer would just be the type of casually carry those around. what for you may ask well decide for yourself) and then immediately horror's mood drops and he storms out of the dining room. dust and horror go on a sweet little picnic in a beautiful field and its all beautiful and inconspicuous but dust made the food and horror knows that look in his eyes. horror knows dust was muttering something about chemicals a day or 2 ago. the food is poisoned isnt it??? and dust just smiles and motions for horror to eat it

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

watched s11ep1

i will provide you with a quick review before i disappear back into the ether of twd avoidance

lots of spoilers under the cut. also i wrote way too much and i worked all night and haven’t slept so i didn’t bother to reread literally any of it, so it might be completely nonsensical, tho if you don’t expect that from me by this point idk whose blog you’ve been reading

enjoy:

hokay, first off, i’ll start by saying that i enjoyed it more than i expected to. i’ve been avoiding any sort of discussion about stuff, but my google algorithm is so fucked at this point that i still get recommended articles and stuff every now and then, so i was already pretty aware of what i was walking into, and was expecting it to be eh, but actually i prob enjoyed it more than i enjoyed the finale

(don’t get too excited tho, the finale was rly boring lmfao)

anyway

episode starts off with a tense scouting mission

it takes .005 seconds into the episode for caryl to exchange a look of longing, establishing that they are still having weird conflict and are both too fucking stubborn to do anything about it even tho they hate it desperately

i imagine that will continue for a while

rosita, kelly, carol, maggie, what’s her face with the bad hair, and lydia (i think that’s everyone?) lower down to some army bunker or something, where a bunch of walkers are taking a snooze, and the girls are very respectful of walker naptime, and do their best not to wake them up

obviously they eventually wake up, but i’ll get to that in a sec

as they’re tiptoeing through the walker tulips, there’s this split second where carol spots a machine gun, and looks at maggie with a face like, “can i plzzzz, i am mad horny for that machine gun,” but maggie tells her no. (i 110% expected her to defy orders and accidentally wake up all the walkers, but she actually behaved herself for once. well. mostly)

never fear, tho, after the girl gang collects a bunch of MREs they go back to wait for the dudes waiting up top to pull them up, and bc men ruin everything, one of the ropes break, and daryl catches it before it falls, but then a slow motion drop of blood falls on a walker’s face, and just like that, walker naptime is over, and carol uses her bow and arrow for two seconds before she is like “fuck this” and whips out the machine gun

yes, she is super hot using it

yes, daryl watches her do it

anyway, all the other girls get rescued, and carol is about to be pulled up, but bc she is a #girlboss, she first makes a beeline for one more crate full of MREs. daryl covers her while she gets the loot, and when she gets back up top they have another charged moment as carol hands him back his knife

just fuck already, jfc

titles!

cut to alexandria where everything is still not smilestimes

BUT, we do get to see uncle daryl run and hug rj and judith (and dog), and FUCKING HERSHEL JR, LIGHT OF MY LIFE is also there

istg, they could not have casted a better child, i a d o r e him

oh, and some friends of maggie’s show up too, idk

cut to a staff meeting where everyone is like, whomp whomp, we’re all gonna starve to death unless we figure out something quick

cue maggie going, “oh, i know where food is, but it requires me to tell you my tragic backstory, in case anyone didn’t watch my bottle episode”

she tells her dramatic backstory about all her friends getting slaughtered by the reapers for no apparent reason, and then she’s like “anyway, let’s go back there!”

no one thinks it’s a great idea, but a group of people decide to go anyway, including daryl and gabriel. rosita is super pissed that gabriel is going, and carol doesn’t go, probably partly bc it’s a shitty fucking idea, and also bc they have to keep caryl apart bc otherwise they’ll fix their problems ahead of schedule and they won’t be able to drag out the needless angst

daryl looks kind of annoyed that carol doesn’t volunteer to go 

bitch, i thought you wanted her to stop putting herself in the line of fire! make up your damn mind!

moving on

cut to a thunderstorm, where, if you look closely, you’ll notice daryl is wearing the STUPIDEST hat i’ve ever seen. just get an umbrella, jfc

for some reason negan is with them, bc ig he knows his way around washington dc, and no one in six years has bothered to figure out how to get around the city and/or get a map, and he is like “hey guys, maybe we shouldn’t try to walk in this fucking hurricane,” and everyone is like “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” 

this will be a common occurrence 

but eventually daryl is even like “actually, it’s rly unpleasant out here, and my hat is mad stupid, can we go inside plz?”

so they go inside an old metro station, which is actually a rly cool cinematic choice. i rly like the idea, and they executed it rly well

speaking of executions

there are some fucking RULL CREEPY walkers. idk why they bothered me so badly, but they were what they at first assumed were corpses wrapped up in tarps, but turns out none of them had been properly put down, so they go through killing these rotted bodies that had supposedly been there since The Fall, and it’s very gross and cool

this entire time, btw, negan is like “hey, i know i’m a shitty person, but i have some rational arguments about why we shouldn’t be doing this right now,” and everyone is like, “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” and he’s just like “god fucking damnit”

(i forgot to mention that at one point, when they’re headed into the metro station, negan is trying to warn ppl of the potential danger, and everyone is ignoring him, and he tries to talk to daryl, and daryl is like “fuck you, you think we’re BUDDIES?” and negan is like “oh, ok, so you’re gonna be like that too? fanfreakingtastic” and it’s very funny)

anyway. a fat monster zombie escapes its tarp at one point, and tries to eat some npc, and negan saves him, again is like “hey, anyone else realize that this is a FUCKING BAD PLAN?”, and everyone is like “we don’t care, you’re still shitty and we’re not listening to you, and you don’t actually care about random npc i would literally not be able to pick out in a lineup bc his face is so generic, you’re not the boss of us!!!”

it’s at this point that negan finally is like, “why am i even here? bc i know how to get around washington dc? do none of you have a map?” and i was like, “right?! that’s what i said!” 

it’s then revealed that maggie only brought negan along to murder him under the guise of “oops, he got hurt in the line of duty, it wasn’t my fault,” and daryl has this look on his face that says, “i seriously need to stop hanging out with lethal women bent on revenge bc it’s gonna give me high blood pressure,” and maggie has a badass moment where she points a gun she has for some reason at negan and is like “i have like, one shred of human compassion left inside of me, and if you keep pushing me i will fucking kill you without a second thought, so shut the hell up”

(in her defense, negan had just dropped glenn’s name to purposely antagonize her, which was rude as hell)

(for the record, i’m completely on maggie’s side here, but negan still is right that trapping themselves in a metro station is a bad call)

anyway, moving away from that briefly

i think this jump cut happens sooner, i don’t actually remember, but whatever who cares, point is, we get to the part of the show that actually matters, and that’s anything involving my love, juanita “princess” sanchez

and also eugene, yumiko, and ezekiel

they are being asked increasingly invasive questions by commonwealth ppl, some of which i wish they actually would of answered (what do they use to wipe their asses with?? surely toilet paper has long since become extinct)

zeke, who is so much more tolerable as a character now that he’s not larping as a king, has this incredibly weird and sort of sexually charged moment with a dude in an orange stormtrooper costume, where he’s like, “i bet you were an asshole cop back before The Fall, you stupid fascist, #fuckthepolice, mb literally? idk, this moment has a lot of pent up aggression that could easily translate to hate sex, it might just be the intense eye contact, but w/e, let’s just move along,” and then he has a coughing fit to remind the audience that he’s currently dying of cancer, and orange stormtrooper is like “lolz, loser, drink some water you dumb piece of shit”

cut to the wholesome foursome sitting at a picnic table in a guarded courtyard eating gruel, and yumkio, who finally has a personality, and princess are like “hey, this place fucking sucks, can we leave?” and zeke is like, “yeah, i met this orange stormtrooper who i think might be dtf and/or murder, so we should probably bounce”

but eugene is like, “but i want some hot stephanie ass, and also some bullshit excuse about how mb commonewealth will save alexandria” which, they left before things went super downhill, right? idr. it was after hilltop fell, but they don’t know alexandria got fucked either, if i recall? w/e, not important

two seconds after he says this, they talk to some people who are like “we’ve been here for four months, or maybe it’s been nine, i don’t actually remember, i’ve stopped processing the passage of time,” and the wholesome foursome takes this as a bad sign, tho that’s just the life i’ve lived as a night worker during a pandemic, so i was like #mood

but then they watch some guy get dragged away screaming to get “reprocessed” and eugene is like “ok, nvm, let’s bounce”

(my theory on what “reprocessing” is, is that they’re stuck in a room and have to watch hours and hours of customer service training videos on vhs from the 90s)

i definitely got my jump cut scenes mixed up bc i think the negan accusing maggie of a murder plot thing happened in between this scene and then the next commonwealth scene, but w/e, i’ll just finish what happens in the commonwealth arch

the wholesome foursome are trying to hatch a plan to escape, except princess, my love, is distracted watching some stormtroopers flirt, and the other three are like “wtf, dude, how can you even tell any of them apart?” and princess then tells them every stormtroopers backstory bc she is brilliant and pays rly close attention to shit, and the other three are like, “this is useful information, thank you for being an insane person”

their plan involves yumiko and eugene dressing up as stormtroopers and leading princess and zeke out of the place, which works fine actually, except on their way out they come across the Depressing Wall of Probably Mostly Dead Missing Loved Ones

they’re about to leave, when princess is like, “wait, yumiko, you’re on here, that’s weird huh?”

sure enough, yumiko  is on the wall, with a note from ig her sister 

the scene ends with yumiko going, “guys...i can’t leave...i have tragic backstory to unveil”

tragic backstory to be continued ig

back in murder metro town, npc and some other npc have stolen all the supplies, there’s a train blocking the track, and a horde of walkers are coming towards them, so things are not going fantastic

they horde is too big to take down, so they start to climb on top of the train car to get away

but dog runs away!

and daryl, being every pet owner ever, is like “gotta go get my dog, guys, try not to get killed while i’m gone, c u soon!” and he ducks under the train and disappears

#priorities

the episode ends with maggie climbing up the train car but getting grabbed by a walker and dangling off the edge, and negan is there and they have a lion king moment where maggie is like, “scar! help me!” and negan is like “long live the king, bitch” and walks away into the shadows, leaving maggie to a potential death

which, while i know isn’t actually going to happen, would be a really fucking funny move on the writers’ part

like, “look, lauren’s back! and now she’s dead, bet you didn’t expect that!”

anyway

my assumption is negan will actually end up helping her up or something, continuing his ambiguous morality bullshit that actually isn’t ambiguous bc he BEAT GLENN TO DEATH WITH A FUCKING BAT WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE IN FRONT OF HIS PREGNANT WIFE

the maggie/negan arch is kind of dumb, but whatevs, i’ll tolerate it, as long as my boy glenn gets justice in the end

anyway, cue credits!

final assessment: good episode. i’m much more interested in commonwealth than the reapers, tho i am hoping that daryl’s personality-less ex turns out to be a monster killing machine with no conscience, that’ll be fun. princess is a gift from god. hershel jr needs his own tv show. needs more carol (and caryl)

the end! going back into my walking dead free chamber! see you next episode!

-diz

[writingindulgence]

Illumi x F.Reader - Expectation

Pairing: Illumi x Female Reader

Story tags: Arranged marriage, typical Zoldyck behaviour, angst-ish, heavy manipulation, ILLUMI, unhealthy one-sided dependence : ) my guy just toxic

3,200+ words and why? I don’t even like the dude. Also, two points of view.

The sound of fancy porcelain tea cups clinking against the glass table is soothing, along with the warm rays shining on your face. Times like these are what you are thankful for. The smell of purposely picked flowers, arranged to please the eyes. Not the stench of trash dumped for the sole convenience of other countries. Colourful butterflies and bees, instead of flies and disease ridden rats. A home cooked meal ready for your consumption rather than scraps of rotting food that you more often than not nearly died for.

Kukuroo mountain is infinitely more beautiful compared to Meteor City.

“(Y/n) dear, it’s unbecoming of you to make noise with your tableware,” a powerful feminine voice chastates your mistake. The woman sitting opposite you is none other than Kikyo Zoldyck. Or as she forces you to call her, mother.

Your heart flutters in relief, an apologetic expression weaving onto your face. She must be in an agreeable mood since her fan hasn’t struck your hand. Sometimes you are let off with a warning if she spots a blunder on your part. Sometimes, she resorts to physical punishment. It always depends on whether or not a family member said anything to ruin her day. In fact, any matter concerning Killua will set her off in a positive or negative direction.

Just like Illumi whenever you bring up his younger brother.

“I apologise mother, I’m too excited because Illumi is returning,” you proceed to take a sip and this time around, gently settle the tea cup down.

A content hum comes from her direction, her visor flashing for a split second. “Oh (Y/n), you’ll make such a good wife one day.” She picks up a fork gracefully and stabs it into the cake she asked for from the family cook.

The compliment ignites a multitude of feelings in your chest. It spreads out, only one thought in your mind.

How immensely grateful and happy you are to hear it.

Many of your friends from when you were young, starved to death. Some were beaten up by other desperate residents. Others lost their will to fight, a state you threaded on a magnitude of times.

Being taken away by the mafia one day was what gave you back the spark, a life in the city no more out of your reach. Until you figured out what type of work they wanted to sell you and other kids for. Stories from the older girls back in Meteor City came rushing back.

Your bloodlust and instinct to survive are what happened to change your life for the better. Out of all the line-up of children, you were selected by the Zoldycks. Instead of being the pet of some old pervert, you found a home within the assassin family.

There were many times when you felt like giving up. When the training you went through was worse than simply dying. However, you promised yourself to never throw away the chance you received all those years back.

You were indebted to the Zoldycks.

Hearing words of encouragement from one of the people you looked up to the most brought tears to your eyes. You wiped them away with your thumb.

Mother is a role model to you. It helped when you found out that she originates from Meteor City too. In a sense, it is easier to place yourself in her shoes and strive to achieve what she did. Being an amazing assassin, wife and mother.

A sudden scraping of a chair brought you back to the presence, startling you into a defensive pose. The knife under your sundress clasped in your hand.

Out of the corner of your eye you notice Kalluto coming out from behind the bushes, his paper fan also ready for action.

“My Kil, what is he doing?! Quick, we have to stop him. Kalluto go call for Milluki right now!,” she orders shrilly before running into the mansion.

Without hesitation, you rush after her. It is expected of you. A nagging feeling in the back of your head also foreshadows that whatever is going on, it will have dire consequences if not stopped.

Killua is in the foyer, being kept idle by the servants. But not for long. You can see the irritation growing on his face, his muscles tensed.

You’ve known Killua since he was a baby, having been inducted as a future family member when mother was pregnant with him. There’s no doubt that if something wasn’t done, it would lead to a messy aftermath.

A few seconds after you make it inside, Milluki shows up and the servants are all dismissed.

“Kil, my little Kil, what’s wrong? Why did I hear that you’re leaving to take the Hunter’s Exam?,” mother’s voice is aghast, the idea of her favourite child abandoning the nest filling her with pain.

You too are taken aback at the news, a protective sensation coursing through you. Your fingers flex at your side.

“It’s boring here and I heard that the Exam is difficult so I’m going to test my skill,” he shrugs her worry off and spins his skateboard. Your heart begins to pound uncontrollably.

Hearing the disrespect, Milluki steps up and lashes out at Killua. “You brat, what’s with that arrogant attitude you-,”

“Stop that!,” mother’s voice sharply cuts him down.

She begins pleading with Killua to stay, her voice cracking multiple times. It pains you to watch someone you respect growing so desperate.

Killua is too young to understand what he’s putting the ones around him through. Of course, a rebellious phase is healthy-

A prickly discomfort surges through your head and you clutch it. Your unexpected movement grabs everyone’s attention. You try to brush it off, not wishing to be a burden.

It isn’t expected of you to be one.

“Killua, you should stay here. The world is a dangerous place,” your words try to reach him. “Illumi is coming home today,  why don’t we-”,

“I don’t want him around! Just leave me alone,” he angrily interrupts. The air grows heavy. Heavier than it’s been since the beginning.

Mother gasps in shock at his behaviour since Killua never really yells at you. Yes, he gets annoyed as much as any other kid but when he shouts, he doesn’t really mean it.

It’s expected of you to coerce him into calming down.

“You’ve changed during the past few weeks (Y/n), after Illumi came back before leaving again. Anyway, I will kill you all if you try to stop me,” Killua promises in a cold voice, his blue eyes a piercing ice.

This rouses an onslaught of insults from Milluki and a mix of agony and happiness from mother.

However, you’re currently stuck in your own mind, reflecting on Killua’s comment. It is true that during the past three weeks you doted on him more than ever before. Usually you try to split your attention between him and Kalluto when you have free time. What changed?

Nothing should have changed, Killua is the priority of the family.

A high-pitched scream echoes around the foyer and your clouded head awakens. The sight in front of you freezes your blood and it takes immense strength not to bite your tongue.

Mother is kneeling down on the ground, her hands covering her bloody face. Before you can take a step, Milluki rages and charges at Killua. The young boy bounces back and proceeds to plunge the knife into his older brother. Milluki curses and grabs his wound.

On impulse, your hand is already equipped with a knife and you’re ready to protect yourself as well as mother Killua.

Killua mistakes your movements as an attack and strikes his own knife across your arm. A long gash appears on your skin, the blood seeping out moments later. You take in the pain as punishment. Punishment for letting it get this far and failing.

You’re a failure.Failure.Failure.Failure.Failure.Failure.Failure.Failure.Failure.

Taking the chance to escape, he kicks his skateboard up and runs out.

And you were helpless to stop him.

*

It’s been a while since Illumi has been back home on Kukuroo mountain, his previous mission requiring him to travel across multiple locations. The target was a cautious person so they moved from place to place, leaving lousy decoys. That did not impede Illumi at all, it was simply an inconvenience at worst.

After all, nervous-wrecks are the ones who put their emotions out on display. They are the first to slip up due to the fact that they care about others.

Which is concerning because Killua is at a stage where he is showing his rebellious streak more often. It is crucial that he can snuff it out before his dear brother falls further down the slope of idiotic fantasies . In which case, it is a slight relief that (Y/n) is here. She tries to keep Killua in check in a subtle way instead of hanging over his shoulder or perpetuating his moody behaviour.

Though the last time he visited there were hints of her growing soft and losing her devotion of raising Killua to be the next head of the family. He is ashamed to confess that it irked him to some degree. It’s expected of her to put her desires down for what he wants. And he wants Killua to be the next head.

Even so, he thought that he dealt with this the last time.

However, imagine the surprise he felt when his mother came wailing to him, begging him to follow her little Kil to the Hunter’s Exam. To think that instead of a joyful family reunion, the news of his stray younger brother reached his ears before anything else.

That won’t do.

Currently, it’s close to midnight which is the time (Y/n) comes to his room to say goodnight. Why she even bothers is beyond him. The effort of keeping up with formalities could be used for better activities. It’s already indisputable that they are arranged to marry in the future at the request of his parents, so there is no reason to be close together in any romantic sense.

In fact, Killua will succeed as the head which is why there is no point in thinking about his own future.

A sigh leaves his mouth.

There is only one positive outcome that came out of this whole arrangement. He has an extra set of eyes and he’s sure that she will listen to him without question. All he has to do is play into these formalities and she’s wrapped around his finger.

An affectionate hug here, a tiny smile there...Normally he’d be concerned that a future Zoldyck , even if not by blood, would be so easy to deceive. However, since every carefully planned step is coming from him he’s not surprised in the slightest.

It’s expected of (Y/n) to be loyal, just as much as it’s expected for Killua to take over the family business.

The wooden clock hanging opposite his bed strikes 12 but there is no sign of (Y/n). She never runs late.

The fact that she hadn’t even greeted him when he came back is also unusual. Normally she’d be pacing in front of the entrance door but today his mother took over that role. He heard that she got injured by Killua but (Y/n) has experienced worse so what’s the fuss?

It’s not his problem, he’ll just take a bath before bed. She’ll come running eventually.

~

Illumi’s right arm is beginning to grow numb. He hasn’t moved from the water in over an hour. Not because he needed a break to relax, taking time off for yourself is inefficient. No, he hasn’t moved because he’s been waiting for the familiar steps and hesitant knock to come from outside his room.

Discerning who someone is from the sound of their footsteps and how they carry themselves is second nature to any professional assassin. For instance, Milluki hovers in one spot when walking while Kalluto creates soft patters with his toes.

On the other hand, (Y/n) always shuffles her feet forward just before his door. It takes her approximately 2 seconds to knock when she’s unsure, 1 second when she’s in a normal mood and 0.5 whenever she has news deemed worthy enough for him to hear. Reading the mood of someone before they see you face to face is important.

Coming to terms with the fact that today she won’t pay him a visit, he steps out of the bathtub, water dripping down his naked body. He throws on a plain black bathrobe and leaves the bathroom. Giving his bed a quick-over, he walks out the door.

Guess it’s time for him to pay a visit instead.

If he actually bothers and gives it some thought, it’s not a mystery as to why he hasn’t even seen her shadow today. She’s ashamed. Ashamed of being a failure for letting Killua go.

Her scrambled mind is most likely trying to piece together what she should say. How she should ask for forgiveness and repent.

He wonders if she’s starving herself or if she’s contemplating about going to the self-confinement room.

Normally he’d push her into whatever she makes up but a stick approach by itself won’t be enough. There needs to be a push and pull factor involved if he wants her to listen to him unconditionally.

And what better way than to appear before her, disheveled and still wet in his robe? She’ll jump to conclusions.

Further guilt will set in, how she unnecessarily worried him by skipping the usual goodnight. His state will continue feeding her imagination, connecting unrelated dots to make her believe that he cares for her.

Truly, a puppet and its real master.

Soaking footprints follow behind him on the floor, the dim candlelight making them difficult to notice. He knocks once before letting himself in and shutting the door, back turned to the only other person inside.

A small gasp penetrates the silence and a rush of steps follow suit, stopping just behind him.

“Illumi, welcome back,” (Y/n) is the first to speak. He stays silent.

A nervous shuffle. “Is..everything okay?”.

The voice quietens downs the more she speaks. That should be enough for now.

He turns around and looks down at her concerned face, with no emotion of his own. Her eyes widen a fraction after registering his condition. Before she can open her mouth to question him further, Illumi crinkles his eyes and smiles.

“It’s nothing. I was just worried since I didn’t see you today,” he gazes away, giving her enough time to fix her expression. It’ll be harder for him to get her to open up if she thinks that he sees through her lack of control.

“I missed you too-,”

Presumptuous to think that he missed her.

“-and I’m sorry for not saying anything. I just…,” she stops right before confessing her shortcoming.

He doesn’t provide her with any more time to compose herself, a full day is already generous. Grabbing the door handle he gives it a slight tug but her hand shuts it and pulls his sleeve. That’s new. (Y/n) rarely takes the initiative.

He allows her to drag him over to the bed, slightly curious about her next move. Is she trying to entertain him as an apology or simply trying to put distance between him and the door?

Both tactics aren’t half bad when it comes to simple targets.

He sits down on the covers and analyses her.

A long white nightdress, face ready for bed, barefoot, and a long knife wound going up her arm.

A shred of pride for Killua’s work passes through his head but he doesn’t showcase this. If by any chance she spotted the look, it would demolish the picture he wants to paint.

(Y/n) kneels down in front of him and takes his hand into hers. It’s warm, though not as soft as it used to be. Her breasts rest atop his knees.

His attention migrates from the sudden action to her face, looking for answers. He made sure that she will only expect affection coming from him, not the other way around. It would be too tiring to keep up a loving demeanour- no, scratch that. It wouldn’t be tiring but the expectations would eventually rise and it would result in less time spent on bringing up Killua.

Oh, he zoned out.

(Y/n)’s eyes are full of regret and desperation, the hand holding his trembling just enough to tell him that today’s event is eating at her. Is she waiting for him to say something?

Finally after what feels like an unprecedented amount of time, the scene unfolds.

Her smaller hand pulls his to her face and rests it against her cheek. The second his skin touches hers, he detects slight heat radiating. She must have not treated the cut. The knife was probably dirty too, Killua slacks off in that regard.

“I’m sorry for being a failure, I’m very sorry Illumi. I have no excuse,” the apology flows out of her mouth, bottom lip quivering. The pain of looking at someone she disappointed forces her eyes to shut close. Her free hand latches onto his thigh and she digs in before continuing.

“You can slash my other arm as punishment. Or hang me upside down in the self-containment room,” she throws out. “But please, please don’t give up on me. I can do better Illumi”.

And as if to prove how determined she is, her eyes open up again, staring deeply into his own. Unwavering. Confident.

Though the thumb that he has under her jaw gave the hammering pulse away.

1,2,3. 1,2. 1,2,3.

He stretched out the silence, pretending to ponder over his answer. The unsettling emotions influencing her thoughts will prove beneficial when he flips her assumption around.

He removes his hand from her cheek and moves the one on his thigh to her side. (Y/n) adopts a look of relief, believing that he agreed to her conditions of punishment. What he’s about to do is infinitely more cruel though.

She catches her breath when he follows her example and kneels in front of her. He pulls up the sleeve of her nightdress that’s slipping down before grabbing her shoulders, gently.

“How can I not give up on you when you give up on yourself,” he lectures her, peeking down at her wound. Make the target question their actions.

An expression of remorse adorns her face, a downward tug of the mouth.

He pulls her in, arms encircling and resting on her lower back. The material of the nightdress is light enough for him to make out the feeling of skin.

“Though I won’t give up on you.” Affirmation and a moment of reassurance.

One of his hands travels deliberately slowly up to her neck. It rests on the back of her head, fingers entangled in her hair. Illumi locates the present that he left her the last time he visited and pushes it back into her head. It has moved slightly out.

This prompts (Y/n) to hug him in response, her previously hanging arms now resting comfortably around him. Good, as for the finishing line.

“Though your failure is a disappointment, I know that you will not repeat the same mistake, because you

love me, right?”.

Her head moves to rest between the crook of his neck, nodding in agreement. She doesn’t ask him if he loves her.

It’s expected of her not to.

[a-edgar-allan-hoe]

The Last Chthonian

Bucky x Reader, Sam x Reader, Zemo x Reader

Part 12

A/N: Here is Chapter 12 lovelies! Let me know if you would like to get added to the tag list! 🖤🔮🖤

Summary: Imagine being Hekate, the Greek goddess of magic and witchcraft, the night and the moon, doorways and crossroads, creatures of the night, and ghosts and necromancy. You stumbled upon Earth many centuries ago and since then have resided on the foreign planet. During the recent years you created an alias for yourself to hide your true identity, and after the war against Thanos you chose to live out your days in the Scottish countryside, until a certain trio appear at your doorstep one day.

Warnings: language, scars

“Logan?” You stared at him wide eyed and as he turned around to face you, you rushed in for a hug like a child, wrapping your arms around his frame as he returned the gesture, rubbing your back.

It had been so long since you had seen him. Logan had always been like a father figure to you, the father you never had, even though you surpassed him by thousands of years. He always had a paternal aura about him despite his rough appearance, and he was the one person you always turned to and shared all your secrets with. You had first met him back in 1861 during the Civil War when you disguised yourself as a young man so that you could join the Union. But he had seen right through your act when you refused to change or use the restroom in front of the men, always coming up with excuses that all the soldiers fell for, well except for him. You two still liked to laugh about the story till this day. And since the day you first met him, you two had formed an inseparable bond.

“Good to see you too kid.” Logan chuckled at your reaction to seeing him.

You pulled back from the hug, looking up at him with a scowl on your face before punching him in the arm.

“Ow. The hell was that for?”

“What the hell are you doing here? And why did you have to man handle me like that? You made me drop my phone.” You snapped at him, going over to pick your phone off the floor, glancing around to make sure no one was near before going back into the hallway.

“I’m here on business. Got some punk who’s ass I gotta catch.” Logan answered your question. “And if you ask me, you seemed to be the one doing most of the man handling.”

“Only because you had to grab me like some kind of creep.” You remarked. “So what, you’re following me now?”

“Like I said, I’m huntin down this criminal, or a couple criminals you could say. Just like you got your ring of demons huntin down human traffickers and the worst of mankind, I got my work too. So, what do I see when I’m about to slice up some punk? I see your ass here, running down the middle of the streets in a stupid dress and getting shot at by bounty hunters and criminals. The hell are you doing in a place like this? It’s dangerous.” Logan lectured you before pulling out his cigar.

“No shit Sherlock. I know it’s dangerous.”

“Hey, watch your attitude.”

“Says the one who taught me that attitude in the first place.” You put your arms across your chest in a defensive stance as you argued with him. “And you’re not the only one here on a mission, alright? I’m helping out a friend.”

“Yeah? Your friend drag you into this?”

“No, I came here on my choice.”

“I thought you were laying low but fair enough.” He nodded as he lit up his cigar. “How’s Athena?”

“Oh she’s doing great. She does miss you though, won’t stop talking about how she wants to see gramps.”

“Heh, she’s a good kid, you raised her well.”

“I did the best I could as a mother.” You sighed before punching him the arm again, this time lighter. “I’m starving and you delayed me from getting my pizza by the way, you remember that and you remember it well. Let the guilt haunt you for the remainder of your days.”

“Yeah yeah, I didn’t know you were on one of those psycho food missions. C’mon, I know a spot.” Logan ruffled your hair as you followed him out of the building, walking down the night lit street as you two caught up on recent events. You noticed that you had become more comfortable with the scar on your face. You stopped turning your face away in conversations and now even looked the person you were speaking with in the eye, allowing them to get a full view. And though you still received many looks, it didn’t bother you as much as it used too and you were now less ashamed of it. After putting in effort to hide your scars for so long because you couldn’t stand the sight of them, here you were putting them on display. After all, scars told stories. But part of you wondered if it had anything to do with what Zemo had told you. The way he looked right at you when he suggested you keep them visible because he thought it suited you.

“How’s everyone at the school?” You asked Logan.

“They miss you, the students as well, especially Rogue. They’ve been begging Charles to try to convince you to come back and teach Mythology and Classic Literature again.”

“I do miss the place.” You sighed as you walked the streets with your hands in the pockets of your jacket. “But I need some time. I promise I’ll be back soon though.”

“Hey, take your time. Just don’t take a hundred years.” Logan teased.

“I won’t.”

“Hey, this is the pizza place I was talking about.” Logan patted your back before gesturing to the little pizza shop. It was a little mom-and-pop place but the aroma that came through the doors made you salivate and your stomach let out a loud growl that sounded like a monster was trapped in there.

“Finally. I’m starving.” You groaned as you went up to the counter and ordered three boxes of pizzas.

“Geez, you gonna eat all that?” Logan looked at you after the wait as you went up to the counter to pick up your three boxes of cheese pizzas.

“Nah. One of them is for me. The rest is for you and the guys.”

“What guys? The ones who were running behind you when you were getting shot at?”

“Ya.”

“You need help with those?”

“Nah I got it.” You shook your head as you stepped out of the shop, you couldn’t wait to go back to the gallery and scarf down the whole pizza by yourself. You were hoping tonight you would pass out from a food coma so you could get a decent night’s sleep.

“Y/n?” You saw Sam step out of the entrance of the building once he saw you approach. “Where have you been? You said you were making a call. And what are you doing with those pizzas?”

“Yeah well I got hungry.”

“Who’s this?” Sam asked you as he eyed Logan.

“A friend.”

“What kind of friend?”

“A good friend Sam.” You replied as you walked back in to the building, the loud music and flashing lights filling your senses annoyingly once more.

Sam carefully watched the mysterious new man you had just brought in, following behind you as you went over to where Bucky was standing by the bar, dropping the pizzas down on the counter. “Pizza time!”

“What’s this?” Bucky looked at you, questioning why you had just brought in three full boxes of pizzas.

“This is Pizza. Don’t tell me you’ve never had pizza Barnes.” You remarked as you opened up the box you brought for yourself, pulling it up in front of you as you sat down on the barstool.

“I’ve had pizza before. I’m not that uncultured.” Bucky sighed at your statement. Why did everyone assume he didn’t have a clue about most things in the world.

“I’m kidding Bucky. You’re the one who asked the question ‘what’s this?’. Those two boxes are for you guys by the way.” You nodded as you took a large bite of the warm cheesy pizza, your mouth watering from finally having what you craved and not being able to resist the satisfied moan that came out of your mouth. “Wow. You were right Logan. This shit is good.”

“Told you so.” Logan smirked as he took a slice for himself, Sam and Bucky watching with caution at who this burly man with the leather jacket was that set his cigar down on the ashtray. “Hey slow down kid, keep eating that fast and you’ll choke.”

“Fucks sake Logan. Let me enjoy my food.”

“Yeah well don’t scarf it down. And watch your mouth.”

“You watch yours old man.” You laughed.

“Old? Look who’s talking artifact.”

Sam and Bucky stood in silence as they watched the two of you bickering amongst each other. Who was this and how were you so comfortable around him? They had never seen you this much at ease and it was as if you two were close for a very long time.

Logan caught them staring at him, glowering as he got up from his seat. “Got a problem bub?”

“Who the hell are you supposed to be?” Bucky questioned as took a step towards him, he didn’t like the aura this man had about him. He looked like an asshole.

“Why do you need to know?” Logan stared him down with a scowl as he stood inches apart from him.

You watched the confrontation between Bucky and Logan and nearly choked on your pizza as you saw Logan’s admantium claws come out of his knuckles, forcing you to jump between them. Bucky and Sam noticed this and raised their brows in surprise at him. They were trying to figure out what the hell it was that just came out of his knuckles.

“Woah woah woah! Enough of the testosterone. This is just Logan you two, I’ve known him for a really long time and he’s like a father to me so you can quit the glaring. Bucky, I said quit staring. Logan, this is Sam and Bucky.”

“Hang on.” Sam realized once he recognized Logan. “You’re that one guy, Wolverine right? From the X-Men?”

“Yeah.” Logan grumbled as he sat back down to finish his slice, not wanting to converse any more though you were always an exception for him.

“Hey where’s Zemo by the way?” You brought up as you noticed he wasn’t there and you couldn’t find sight of him.

“He’s dancing.” Bucky answered your question with a look that meant unbelievable as he nodded towards the dance floor.

And as you looked, there you saw none other than Zemo himself, in the middle of the dance floor, paying no mind to others and grooving along to the bass music with movements of his hands.

“No fucking way.” You gaped with your mouth open, your pizza slice hovering inches from your lips since you were too engrossed in the scene before you. Since when did he dance? You couldn’t believe your eyes at what you saw, here was this criminal, in the middle of the dance floor pumping his fists to the beat.

“I know right.” Sam scoffed as he watched with you. “I had to look twice to make sure of what I was seeing.”

“Did he? Did he just do a finger twirl?” You squinted your eyes and scrunched your nose in disbelief.

“Yup. Yes he did.” Sam confirmed.

“Wow.” You shook your head. “Unbelievable. I could never do that.”

“I thought you were a ballerina.” Bucky asked.

“I was. But that’s different. Anyways, I’m going to retire for the night. I think I’ve seen enough.” You got up from your seat, crushing up your empty pizza box and tossing it away. You bid the men goodnight and told them to leave a few slices for Zemo if he wanted any, adding how you didn’t care if he wanted them or not, it didn’t matter to you. You bid Logan a teary farewell and hugged him, he had to head back to his place and had some matters to attend to. You were heartbroken to see him leave so soon but hoped to see him again.

After conversing a little with Sharon, you went upstairs to one of the rooms she had reserved for the four of you. It was a comfortably spacious bedroom with a modern touch, matching Sharon’s personality perfectly. You closed the door behind you and took out your bag, setting it on the table that was in the corner as you slipped out of your current clothes and into your silk nightgown. After you were done cleaning up in the bathroom, you sat down on the bed under the covers and pulled out your phone, dialing Maze’s number.

“Hey Hekate. What’s up?” You heard her voice on the other line.

“Hey Maze. How’s everything going?”

“Everything is great. Nothing bad happened today and Athena and I did finger paintings. It was so much fun.”

“That’s great! I’m happy you guys are spending quality time together.”

“Yeah, I’m happy too. How are you doing? You sound exhausted.”

“Yeah, I’m ready to knock out.” You chuckled. “Everything is running smoothly so far though.” You thought about telling her the incident involving your powers from earlier but decided against it. You didn’t need her to start worrying about you. “Hey is Athena awake?”

“I was just about done getting her ready for bed. I’ll hand her the phone.” You heard Maze say before there was the sound of rustling.

“Hi Mommy!” You heard your daughter’s voice.

“Hi sweetie! How are you?” You smiled upon hearing her voice, which was something that had always lifted your spirits.

“I’m fine mommy! Maze and I did paintings today!”

“I heard! That’s wonderful! You’ll have to show them to me when I come back. I just wanted to talk to you and make sure you were okay. I’ll let you go to sleep now. Goodnight koukouvágia, I love you.”

“I love you too mommy!” You heard Athena hand over the phone to Maze.

“Thanks again for all this Maze.” You smiled.

“Anytime girl. No need to thank me.”

“Alright.” You had let out a yawn, tears of exhaustion forming at the ends of your eyes as your lids started to get heavy while you tried to keep them open, causing your vision to get blurry in the process. “I’m going to let you sleep and I should do the same.”

“Yeah. You definitely sound like you need it. Goodnight Hekate.”

“Goodnight Maze.” You hung up the phone and set it on the nightstand. Pulling up the soft covers, you laid down on the bed with one of your arms tucked under the pillow while the other was rested on top of your stomach. You had left the curtains open to allow the bit of moonlight in the room. You stared up at the ceiling, feeling your body become numb from fatigue and it’s desperate need for sleep. You don’t remember being this tired.

As you slowly shifted to unconsciousness, your thoughts drifted off to what was to happen tomorrow before shifting to what had happened earlier between you and Zemo at the bar. The way Zemo’s gloved fingers danced patterns on your bare back and thigh still somehow managed to leave goosebumps and chills on your skin, and you felt ashamed to feel that way. Part of you pondered on whether he could have felt the scars lining your back, and you prayed he didn’t. You didn’t want to have to explain to him the story behind the scars that still haunted you till this day. As these thoughts ran through your mind, your eyes slowly fluttered closed and your body finally succumbed to what would have been the power of Hypnos, sleep.

Tag List: @girl-obsessed-with-things @aerynchromie @sunshinepower17 @viviace @kakimakiloh @thebivirgin @gambitsqueen @spookycereal-s @lulu-yuming @mochminnie @Gabitanaka47 @s00nhi @vanteguccir @tomhollandsslilslut @dracoxxyoflam @suchababie @uhhhcrypticbastard @on-my-way-to-erebor @thewinterrbucky @mylifeispainandiloveit @fillechatoyante @padmoonyfeorge @montypythonsholysnail @pollynx @aziraslowlylosestheirshit @roundbrownlover @awesomeowlbook @bookloverfilmoholic

[lizzie-tempest]

How would it be if Yandere! Sans (Underlust, SwapLust, FellLust and HorrorLust) fell in love with a person who ignores his existence? As if she didn't like him (Sans) romantically...

This will be the first time I’m writing about any of these guys, so I admit I kinda struggled with this one. I couldn’t find much about SwapLust, FellLust and HorrorLust so I hope that I did a good job and kept it true to their nature? >_>

UnderLust

Usually Lust doesn’t mind the numerous people (human and monster) who desperately try and get his attention in some way.  He thinks it’s funny, and is more than happy to spend a little time with any who entertain him in some way.  

And then he sees you.

He can tell that you’re not like the others straight away.  You’re not trying to get his attention, you don’t dress provocatively to try and entice him.  The few times you DO talk to him, you’re polite and civil and keep straight to the point.

It’s refreshing.  And he wants to be more.

He doesn’t quite know what to do when you let him down gently after he confesses his feelings to you.  You feel terrible that you don’t feel the same way and he can tell you’re being genuine.  He let’s you know that it’s okay, telling a joke to make you laugh and you become fast friends.

One day he hears about the harrassment you’ve been getting from some of his more extreme admirers and he’s furious.  You beg him not to do anything and he reluctantly promises that he won’t.  Of course, he’s lying but you don’t need to know that.

He takes matters into his own hands.  He kidnaps the ones harrassing you and takes out his anger and frustration about not having you romantically on them.  He beats the hell out of them, inflicts on them what he’d LOVE to do to you, and then he kills them.  He sets up alibis so no one ever suspects him.

When the bodies of the bullies are found, there’s nothing linking him to the terrible crime that’s been committed.  

He’s grinning like the Cheshire Cat when he pulls you close, to calm you down from such a terrible thing happening so close to home.

It’s weird how the same thing always seems to happen to your partners after you introduce them to Lust...

SwapLust

It’s love at first sight when Charm first sees you.  And like his namesake, he turns up the charm when he gets the chance to talk to you.  He’s certain that you’ll be head over heels for him in no time.

Except that’s not what happens.

Charm is kind of disappointed when you don’t seem to react to his flirting and compliments.  He’s known to be one of the greatest lovers ever!  How could you not love him?

Although he accepts your tentative offer of friendship, it isn’t long before he’s wanting more.  

He tries again to get you to accept him as a mate.  Maybe now that you’ve spent some time together and know more about each other, you’ll be more open to the idea? 

You reject him again and hesitantly tell him about the person you’ve been going on dates with.

And.  He.  Is.  Furious.

At the end of the day, Charm is still a Swap Sans.  And one thing more dangerous than a yandere Swap Sans is a JEALOUS yandere Swap Sans.

The way he sees it, if he gets rid of the competition then he can prove that he’s the better choice.  So he does just that.  

Unfortunately, he happens to make you watch.  So that he can prove that he’s good enough.  Once the deed is done, you’re too busy sobbing and wracked with grief that you’re unable to stop Charm from pouring some kind of potion down your throat.

Once he does so, you start to think that what he did was...okay?  It meant he loved you, right?  You cling to him and beg him to take you home, you want to prove that you can be a good mate too!

Charm grins back at you.  You two are going to be so happy together.

FellLust

Eros is a bigger flirt than all of these Sanses and he doesn’t like taking no for an answer.  

He’ll start by buying you drinks at the bar, getting friendly with you, shooting compliments and pick up lines at you faster than you can respond.  You’re redder than a tomato by the time you can get a word in, which he considers a job well done.  He’s more than ready to take you back to his room.  He tells you a crude sex joke and offers to give you the best night of your life.

Imagine his shock when you slap him and tell him no.

This is the first time that anyone has done that to him.  Eros can’t help but laugh as you storm out.

The next time you’re out drinking, it’s only a matter of time before Eros sidles up to you.  You roll your eyes at his jokes and shoot him down before he can even ask and then leave.

At this point, he’s getting pretty annoyed.  Do you think you’re better than him or something?  

It starts to become an obsession with Eros.  He uses every trick in the book, pulls out all the stops.  You reject him every time.  It’s only when he finds himself buying flowers and chocolates that he realizes that he may actually be in love with you.

He’s hoping that this softer approach will bring you around.  Maybe he can wipe the slate clean and start again with you?  Yeah, that would be good.

But when he finds you, you’re kissing some guy he’s never seen before and from how you’re holding hands and looking at each other, you must’ve known each other a while.

Something in his soul breaks at that.  He throws away the presents that he got you and slips away in the shadows.  He’s got some planning to do and he can’t be distracted.  

Hopefully, if things go his way, he’ll have you in his dungeon by the end of the week.

HorrorLust

Sin is infatuated with you when he first meets you.  Of course, when he first meets you it’s at a strip club.  You’d been invited to some bachelorette party and ended up at Grillby’s club.  Naturally, now that food was no longer an issue and with their magic levels pretty much back to normal, the monsters reverted back to the way they were before the famine.  Living in a permanent state of heat.

Although Sin had been a performer at Grillby’s for a while, it didn’t give him the same enjoyment that it used to.  It was just another job now.  Besides, it’s not like many humans wanted to be with him for the night anyway, not with the gaping hole in his skull.

So when he’s called over to your table, he can’t help but feel wary.  However, when sitting down with you and your friends, he’s pleasantly surprised at how friendly you all are.  And you!  Oh, you are a delight to talk to.  He doesn’t know why, but there’s something about you that makes him feel like he did before monsters began starving and he got this horrible crack in his skull.

You make him feel like he’s not even in heat anymore.  Is this what love is?

He tentatively makes an offer towards you, your friends grinning and cheering and encouraging you to take him up on it.  You’re blushing furiously, but you refuse.  He’s disappointed but he understands.  Why would you want to have sex with him when he looks like this?

You seem to know what he’s thinking (or maybe you just looked at how heartbroken he was) and you desperately backpedal, offering up friendship instead.  It’s not what he was hoping for, but it’s better than nothing.  He’ll take you up on that offer.

You don’t expect him to be so...possessive.

He thwarts any attempt to talk to you when a guy wanders over when you’re hanging out, he growls aggressively if a monster so much as looks at you.  

It...unsettles you.  Especially when you see the adoring way he looks at you.  

When you tell him how uncomfortable you are and how you want him to stop, he laughs.  And laughs.  And laughs until he sounds insane.  

“oh, pumpkin.  you’re so cute.  i can’t stop.  i need to make sure that everyone knows you’re mine.” 

He grabs you and teleports away, your screams fading away into the nothingness of the void.

[justletmeplayminecraft]

ex finds a stowaway. what happens next may surprise you.

set in @martuzzio‘s space outlaw au, as ever. this was one of the fics i wanted to write early on and i’m super chuffed i’ve finished it. a faster pace to my previous few, but still 5.5k. 

featuring: ex goes on a journey of character growth feat. someone who definitely isn’t zedaph, ex actually learns to use the word ‘friend’, some tense brotherly discussions, emotions, ex basically holds zedaph up like ‘whose child is this???’, also try not to think of zedaph as a pack creature on his own for that long with only his shawl for comfort cause that hurts a lot.

warnings: tbh if you’ve read my other fics then you’ll be fine, this is tame. very brief shoot-out. emotions. that’s all i can think of.

In all of Ex's (too many) years alive, it's never taken him this long to notice a stowaway before. He's had them, of course. It's usually kids sneaking onto ships that don't know better. They're looking for adventure. Though, they stop looking once they see him. Dropping them off to their parents or kicking them off his ship is easy enough. When it's more serious... Well, he figures it out. He's not Xisuma, but he's not heartless either. Up until now, he's always found them before he took off, or a few hours into flight.

He finds the blond in the middle of deep space.

It's not like he's hidden well, either. He's curled up tightly in the storage hold, tucked in the corner behind some boxes. His arm acts a pillow, a woollen shawl draped over his shoulders. There's only a small rucksack tucked close to torn robes. From the slow rise and fall of his chest, he's sound asleep. Ex sighs, unsure how to proceed from here. It's too late to turn back and drop him off. He doesn't look very threatening, at least. Ex nudges the guy with his toe, watching him rock back and forth. The guy whines.

"Hey. Get up." Ex gets a frown, blue eyes blinking open. He looks ahead of him tiredly, reaching to rub his face before freezing, bolting upright.

"Wh- oh. Um." Ex reaches for the gun on his hip, twirling it before pointing it at the ground. The blond's mouth falls open. "Oh, that's not good."

"Who are you?" Ex asks, keeping his sentences short. This guy looks flighty as anything, shoulders drawn in so he can lean away.

"Woo- William. My name's William." Ex narrows his eyes, tilting the gun closer to him. The guy squeaks.

"I don't believe you." Ex stares him down.

"That's it, that's my name, I'm not lying. Why would I lie to the scary man with a gun?" He swallows, tacking on, "Please don't kill me." Ex keeps his expression neutral and harsh.

"The hell are you doing on my ship?" He demands. Hopefully he'll be smart enough not to lie about that. The guy twists his hands in front of him.

"I just needed safe passage! That's all. There's some people that don't particularly like me and I just- I had to get away!"

"And what's stopping me from giving you to them?" The look of fear that enters those blue eyes would be enough on its own. The blond, Ex might as well call him William, looks devastated. His whole expression crumbles.

"You-" His eyes dart around the hold. Ex can see his arms tense, ready to push himself up.

"There's nowhere to run. We're in the middle of deep space." William doesn't even look at him anymore. He tugs the shawl tighter around his shoulders, beginning to look very small. His breathing has turned into small puffs. Ex sighs, slotting his gun back in its sheath. "What have you been having to eat? To drink?" He asks. William blinks in confusion, glancing up to him. He doesn't quite make eye contact.

"Um, there's some food in one of the crates. Biscuits. I'm really sorry- I was hungry." Ex sighs, making a decision he's pretty sure he's going to regret. He holds his hand out.

"Come on. Get up." William pulls his shawl closer, eyeing him with apprehension. "I'm taking you to the kitchen, idiot. Unless you want to fade away down here."

"Oh." William quietly releases his shawl, hand hovering. "Can I take my bag?" Ex can't imagine anything dangerous being in a bag like that, but he's no fool.

"Give it here."

"Do I have to?" Ex scowls at him. William visibly pales. He gathers up his bag, pushing it into Ex's awaiting hand.

"You can have it back after you eat. And I make sure there's nothing dangerous in it." Ex slings the bag onto his shoulder, taking some care with the contents.

"Okay. That sounds fair." Ex avoids commenting, offering his hand again. William takes it this time. He's as light as Ex expecting, falling into his front with a panicked, "Sorry!" Ex shakes his head, pushing William in front of him. As harmless as he seems, Ex knows better than to take unnecessary chances.

-

He was right that William looked starved. He's tall but tiny, barely any weight on him. The robe hangs off his frame shapeless, a sash wrapped into a belt keeping it on. William tells him in a quiet voice that he's vegetarian, and then eats the food Ex cooks like he hasn't eaten in a week. And if he's been in the hold only eating biscuits, maybe that's accurate.

"Thank you so much," William pushes the plate away, dropping his hands into his lap. Ex nods, only halfway through his own plate. "I- um. Can't actually remember the last time I had a cooked meal. That was really nice." Ex raises his eyebrows. He's not even going to ask. He has a feeling he won't get a straight answer.

"Did you have a destination in mind?"

William shrugs, "Wouldn't have gotten on a random ship if I did."

"Good. Because I'm not going off course for you." William laughs very gently, pressing back against the chair.

"That's- that's okay. I'll probably just find another ship. That's what I've been doing." He can see William tug at his robe. It shows how thin the fabric is. Ex furrows his brow.

"How long have you been running?" He asks. William looks surprised at the question. He tugs the robe tighter, shifting his shawl from its position. He resets it quickly.

"I don't remember." William's voice is incredibly small. Ex silently curses. He swore to himself a long time ago he wouldn't get attached to humans. He's never understood Xisuma and his ever-changing entourage. Their lives are so short. Blink and you miss it. But, here, this one, sat across from him. Ex knows how exhausting running is.

He's growing attached. Damn it.

-

He's proved right when Ex shows him to his room. He gives William's bag back. There was barely anything in it anyway. A spare robe, empty water bottle, a broken thread bracelet, a notepad (detailing his travels, Ex thinks), a de-tangling brush and a tiny amount of change. He's pretty confident this guy isn't a threat to him. He'll keep the bedroom door locked anyway.

"Um." William pauses at the door, cradling his bag. Ex crosses his arms. "Thank you. Again," he says, "You've been really nice to me. I appreciate that."

"It's a few weeks until the next port," Ex tells him. William nods.

"I can help out where I can?" He suggests. "I can... Clean or cook, maybe? I'm not very good at it but-" Ex holds his hand up and the rambling trails off.

"Tomorrow. I'll find something." William's shoulders relax.

"Thank you."

-

True to his word, Ex finds him something to do. Sure, it's dusting, but it's an easy way to keep an eye on him. Ex is no idiot. He's thought things through. He doesn't need to let William near any dangerous chemicals, he can steer him from important machinery and he's not going to do much to Ex with a duster.

He doesn't think he'd be able to do much anyway with that little muscle.

Ex tries to remember what he's learnt about humans. It's not like he's unfamiliar with them, the damn things are everywhere. Fragile yet resilient, they find their way into everything. Ex did his best to avoid them. Now, he has no idea what to do with this one on his ship.

He's pretty sure this is an adult human, at least. The children are usually smaller and talk in higher voices. Far more annoying, too. William listens to him. He stays out of Ex's way, always on the edges. Ex feels slightly reassured he's not accidentally kidnapping a child. That's the last thing he needs. His bounty is high enough. Sure it isn't kidnapping if he came onto the ship himself, but like the authorities care.

Two days after Ex found William, the blond approaches him.

"Um." He's holding the front of his shawl, tugging it tighter around him. He's not changed clothes yet. Though, what would he change into? "I was just thinking I- uh. I don't know what to call you." William shifts from foot to foot. "You don't have to tell me, of course! That's fair! But I keep calling you scaryblueishman in my head which is kind of rude." Ex raises his eyebrows, staring down at the human.

"Ex." Blue eyes narrow.

"Ex?" William sounds confused. "That's just a letter."

"E-X," he spells out, with a dead stare. William still looks skeptical but he nods, mouthing the name before he speaks again.

"Okay. Ex." He nods again, a bit more confident. "It's nice to meet you properly." Ex grunts, turning away to focus on directions. William doesn't leave, his shadow moving awkwardly in Ex's peripherals. Ex finally glances to him.

"What else?"

William takes a deep breath, "Is there a way I could clean my robe? I mean, I'm happy to just do it in a sink with water, but I wanted to check first." Ex wrinkles his nose.

"Please do." William shrinks in, tugging his shawl tight. He focuses on the ground.

"Sorry, yeah. I'll- I'll do that." William skitters away quickly and Ex is left with the feeling he said the wrong thing. He frowns, before deciding it isn't his problem. If William has an issue, he can deal with it.

-

At dinner that night, William is dressed in his other robe, and his hair is heavy with water. With his face clean, he has a pleasant glow to his cheeks. Ex is surprised how much healthier it makes him look. He sits at the counter with him, in the routine they've silently established.

"I'll wash this one tomorrow," William tells him. "But I needed something to wear whilst the other one dried soooo...." It's the first time Ex has seen him without the shawl on. Part of him wants to ask where it is.

"Didn't you use the dryer?" Ex asks instead, pointing to his hair. William pats it, face opening up as he remembers it's wet.

"It's wool. I have to let it air dry or it shrinks." He pretends to shiver. "That's never fun, do not recommend." Ex's thoughts come to a crashing halt. He was fairly certain humans didn't have wool for hair. He knits with wool. Is this some kind of genetic tampering again? Humans always seem to do that.

"Wool?" He questions, seeing an opportunity to prod into William's past either way. William nods, pulling out a strand of hair. It reveals the tight waves in it. Then he seems to realise what Ex is asking and blanches.

"Oh- uh." The hands withdraw back, pressing into his lap now he has no shawl to fiddle with. "You thought I was human, didn't you?"

"You're not," Ex replies, keeping a blank tone. William shakes his head, hair swishing as he does.

"Most people think I am but- well, you're already doing me a big favour by not killing me." His eyes dart to him and back to his plate. "So, uh, I guess I'm related to humans? I'm mostly human. But I'm like... Also related to sheep."

"Sheep," Ex checks, "Those big fluffy things that humans used to farm?"

"Yes! Those!" William bounces in his seat. "I look human so usually I just pretend I am. Makes life easier. But, kinda slipped up here." He fiddles with his robe. Ex can understand that. He's often thought his life would be far easier if he was just a human. But his life would be far easier if a lot of things were different. Being a more common species is a star in the galaxy against his problems.

"Does this mean I get to know your name?" Ex asks. He's surprised how pleased he is when William laughs at his teasing. There’s not a hint of nervousness in it this time.

"You're still stuck on that, aren't you?" William leans forward on the table. "I'm gonna keep it secret. Give you a reason to keep me around."

"So you admit it's not your name."

"Ah." William looks to the side. "You got me there." Ex smirks, continuing to eat. He can't remember the last time he made someone properly laugh. Probably Xisuma. William, whatever his name is, he's... He's not bad.

-

He finds himself trusting William as more time passes. He's given him no reason not to. William follows him into the engine room to figure out why a light keeps flashing. He sits in the navigation bay as Ex redirects around a police stop. He watches and he learns. He talks, too. Ex is amazed someone can chatter so much.

The first few times he trails off once he realises he's doing it. So Ex tries to encourage the conversation. He grunts, nods, tries all those things you usually do. Things he's never cared for before. He likes listening to William speak. The way his brain jumps from topic to topic. He's surprisingly sharp for someone stowing away on an outlaw’s ship. Ex would never admit it, but he prefers it to the silence.

"You might be able to move that wire," William points out. The damn targeting system has stopped working this time. He should’ve known better than to take the cheap junk. "Connect it directly into the power source. Seems like the surge detector is malfunctioning." William rests his hand on his chin. "Actually, test the surge detector with something else first. In case it's a problem with the power source." Ex nods, before looking at William with suspicion.

"When did you become a technician?" William laughs quietly, scratching the back of his hair.

"Um, picked it up over time," he replies. "My friends used to be really good at it so I got the basics from them. Then I kinda needed to know to survive." There's something tight in William's voice when he mentions his friends, how he skips over it quickly and continues explaining what they should do. Ex doesn't comment on it any further. It's hardly like William will be sticking around.

-

Until they reach the next port. William quietly asks where he's going next. Ex tells him. He doesn't bring attention to the relief in William's eyes.

-

They become travelling partners after that. William is there with excited comments and a bounce in his step. He has a surprising range of technical know-how, with unconventional but surprisingly effective solutions. Ex finds himself enjoying the company. He thought he'd mind more. Silence is something he's used to. Something he could retreat into for safety. William never pressures him. He doesn't expect replies. He fills a space Ex didn't know needed filling.

And Ex learns things. William speaks fondly of his family, but he hasn't seen them for a long time. He has a wide knowledge of ships, various organisations and federations. He has a sharp wit, he enjoys watching comedies, he likes napping where Ex is nearby. It's been a long time since Ex has tried to learn about another person. He writes down each small fact so he doesn't forget.

He does ask one day, "You are an adult, right?" William looks up, his smile full of cheek.

"On paper!" So, he gives up on that enquiry. He'll just assume he is.

But William never brings up his friends again. If it weren't for the brief mentions of family, Ex would assume he didn't have a life before meeting him.

That changes, one night.

Ex stopped locking William's bedroom a long time ago. It's so rare he leaves his room anyway. Ex trusts him with far worse around the ship. He wakes up too easily for William to sneak up on him. Or doesn't sleep at all. Like tonight, Ex wanders the ship aimlessly.

He finds William on the bridge. The systems are powered down for the night. It's a piece of junk, but the windows still tower over them. William is sat against one, a shadowed silhouette against the stars. His shawl is slipping off his shoulder. There's something sad in his eyes, the stars reflected in the blue. Ex's footsteps are silent. He sits across from William and blue eyes turn to him.

"Sorry," William's voice is so quiet in the open space. "Did I keep you up?"

"I didn't know you were here," Ex replies. William smiles, resting against the window again. He looks small against the stars.

His next words are quieter, "It feels so lonely, sometimes." Ex watches William tug his shawl tighter, pull his legs a bit closer. "All of this space."

"I've been alone for a long time," Ex tells him. "I'm used to it." William looks at him closely and Ex feels more examined than he has in a long time.

"I'm not sure if I pity you or I'm jealous."

"I'm not sure if I should be insulted." William smiles. It doesn't reach his eyes.

"I wish I could just not care." He breathes out, shaking slightly. "I miss them so much. It's been years." Years aren't very long to Ex, but he doesn't mention that.

"Your family?"

"No-" William turns back to the stars "-My friends."

"Can't you see them?" William's laugh is more of a sob.

"I'm pretty sure they're dead." He stands, pulling his shawl tight. With the light on his face, Ex can make out the shine of tears. "I'm going to sleep. I'm sorry."

By the time Ex can find the words to reply, William is already gone.

-

The next day, whilst they sit together in the common room, William speaks for the first time since that conversation.

"My name's Zedaph." Ex turns to him quickly. "My real name."

"That sounds less real than William," Ex replies, furrowing his brows. William, well, Zedaph, now, gasps in mock surprise.

"Says the person with a letter!" He cries, prodding his finger forward. He can’t reach. Ex smirks. He'll write that down later. Zedaph.

-

Zedaph only gets more bubbly now he's revealed his name. It occurs to Ex he could use it to look him up. He could unwrap this mystery of a person. Yet he... Doesn't. Zedaph is- Ex doesn't want to betray his trust. Zedaph has brought something new to his miserable life. He's precious. Ex doesn't want to break what they have.

Except he messes up.

Zedaph doesn't even have armour as the authorities unload on them. Ex shoves him forward, putting up a shield behind them so they can run. Zedaph stumbles as a shot bounces off the shield. He grabs a table from outside the cafe, dragging it over onto the pavement. Ceramic shatters across paved streets, water spilling into cobbles. People are standing, with loud gasps and shouts. Zedaph looks to Ex, nodding before sprinting alongside him. Ex grabs his wrist, using his free hand to fire shots back at the authorities in the hopes of keeping them away.

They turn a corner and Ex doesn't hesitate to pull Zedaph down another side alley. He refuses to let either of them drop the pace, keeping Zedaph firmly beside him. It takes several more twists and turns until Ex is certain they've lost their pursuers. He still keeps a brisk pace, determined to get back to the ship before they're spotted. Zedaph is puffing beside him.

"I knew this was a mistake," Ex mutters. He still has his hand digging tightly around Zedaph's wrist.

"What?" Zedaph asks. His feet are dragging as he tries his best to keep up. Ex huffs, glaring at him.

"You," he spits. "You've got no armour, you could've died if they shot you. I should’ve left you at that port. This is my damn fault." Zedaph's eyes narrow into a returning glare. He tries to snatch his arm back from Ex but Ex holds fast.

"No, that's not fair," he protests. "To start with, they were after us because of me." Ex holds his arm still between them, halting them both. There's barely room to breathe in the tight alley. He hates these small towns.

"Why would they be after you?" He demands. Zedaph doesn't back down.

"They found me in their record room. I ran but they must've recognised me." Ex stares the blond down, watching as he breathes heavily. He finally yanks his arm, setting a quick pace.

"We're talking about this on the ship," he tells him, voice firm.

"Of course we will," Zedaph mutters. Ex doesn't dignify him with a reply.

-

"Why would you do something so stupid?" He never realised how tall Zedaph is until he's glaring back at him, hands bunched in his shawl. His bag has been thrown on the ground.

"I do it at every planet," Zedaph replies, voice raised but not shouting. "This is just the first time you've noticed."

"And you didn't think to tell me this?"

"I told you there were people after me," Zedaph retorts. Ex rolls his eyes.

"You didn't say that was the police."

"Well, they're one of them. Happy now?"

"What did you even need to be in the stupid record room for?" Ex can barely keep still for his frustration. This stupid, fragile idiot. "What's worth risking your life for?" Zedaph stalks to his bag, picking it up and clutching it in his arms.

"I have to try, okay!" Zedaph doesn't meet his eyes. He's curled around his bag protectively, twisted away from Ex. "For my friends! My best friends-" His voice breaks. Zedaph buries his face into the bag, shoulders shaking and oh god- he's crying. He's crying and this is all Ex's fault.

He barely gets his arms around Zedaph in an attempt at a hug for him to fall against Ex. The bag is squashed between them, and Ex does the best to rub his trembling back, unsure what to do or say.

"There there?" He attempts, thinking to parents and their children. A laugh bubbles out of Zedaph. He steps away but there's still tears in his eyes. He rubs at them with the back of his arm.

"You don't- you don't have to do that." Zedaph smiles at him, his cheeks still shining. "This is kinda stupid, isn't it? Oh my word, I feel like a kid all over again. Crying over things I can't change." Ex pretends that sentiment doesn't hurt.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks. Zedaph hesitates. He actually thinks before he replies.

"Sure-" he shrugs "-at this point, why not? "

He keeps his bag with him as they settle in the common room. He wraps his legs around it, pulling out the small book that Ex remembers. Ex sits on another chair entirely, crossing his legs.

"I should start at the start, right?" Zedaph asks, peering at Ex under damp eyelashes.

"That might help," Ex agrees. Zedaph nods, resting his head on his bag.

"I used to have a really close herd," he begins, speaking softly. "One of them I think is okay. Skizz. But I've not been able to find him." He rubs circles onto his knee. "The other two are- were called Tango and Impulse." Something pings in Ex's head. He tries to place why. "We were a team, you know? And then just- they were gone and dead and I didn't want to believe it. I don't want to believe it."

Zedaph holds his book out. Ex takes it, opening the pages and flicking through.

"Every time I reach a port, I try to see if someone matching their descriptions has gone through." He shrugs, simply looking sad. "They never have. But I can't break the habit."

"These are the two that taught you tech?" Ex asks, pieces coming together in his head.

"Yeah!" Zedaph brightens up slightly. "The two of them were incredible. They came up with such amazing designs. For everything. The three of us could fly any ship we wanted to." He squeezes his knee. "I was never really as good as them. I can't even fill their shoes."

Ex frowns, "Don't you see how impressive you are?" Zedaph blinks at him, blue eyes wide.

"Um? No?" Ex closes the book, giving it back to Zedaph. Zedaph strokes the cover before slotting it away safely. "I can't design massive machines. Or work engines. I'm just- I'm me."

Ex raises his eyebrows, "You've successfully evaded police and however many other groups. You've kept detailed records of where you visited. You're able to make things work I'd given up on. You’re funny. Don't you see that?"

"You don't know them."

"No." Ex doesn't change tone. "But I know you." Zedaph squeezes his shawl.

"I'm not going to change your mind, am I?"

"You could always tell me more about them." Zedaph smiles very slightly, sinking into the seat.

"Yeah," he agrees. "It's been... Too long. I'd like to keep their memory alive somehow."

Ex listens closely to every word that Zedaph says. He talks into the early hours of the morning, stories upon stories. Of Impulse and how he tried to keep them together but was really just as chaotic most of the time. Tango and his fire hair, it's really amazing and his crazy ideas he somehow made work. The farms they’d come up with together, pouring over schematics into the early hours of the morning.

And Ex has all the pieces.

He needs to contact Xisuma. Damn it.

-

Ex doesn't want to be selfish. The thought crosses his mind. He could keep Zedaph all to himself and he'd be none the wiser. Ex would have company. They'd both be happy.

But.

How long can he keep Zedaph safe? It would be his fault if those blue eyes no longer shone as he laughs. The people after Ex are far worse than those after Zedaph. And Ex, as much as it pains him, doesn't want to be selfish. He doesn't want to be the reason Zedaph never sees his friends again.

He types out the message in silence that night.

[Ex] ive got somebody for your crew.

-

"And you're sure I can't come with you?" Zedaph asks, for possibly the fifteenth time that morning. Ex nods, keeping his eye on the coordinates of Xisuma's ship. It's been a long time since he's landed in there.

"You don't even have armour," Ex replies. Zedaph scoffs, spinning around in the co-pilot seat.

"I don't have to leave the ship," he suggests. "I could just sit here and look pretty."

"It'll be safer," Ex repeats, for what also must be around the tenth time. "It's a much bigger ship too. More people than just me. You’ll have space to spread out." Zedaph sighs, sliding down in the seat until he's nearly lying down.

"But what if they don't like me?" He exclaims. "At least you do."

"For now." Zed sits up at that with a noise of protest.

"Don't you start being mean," he complains. "I just don't get it. We've been fine, this works. Then we get in one firefight and you freak out!" Ex sighs, checking as they get closer.

"I've not done anything dangerous around you," Ex tells him. "And I am a dangerous man."

"You literally let me sleep on you because you're too afraid to move me," Zed points out. "You're hardly- oh, that is a really big ship." Ex looks up as Xisuma's ship comes into view in all her glory. Zedaph stares, open-mouthed at the sight. "You're putting me on that?" He asks, his face a picture of shock.

"She's a good ship, with a good crew. You'll fit in well." Zed pulls his shawl tight.

"Do you think so?" He asks.

"I know so," Ex replies. He mentally prepares himself. "You're a good friend, Zed. They'll love you." The smile on Zedaph's face is brighter than any star Ex has seen.

"Will you see me on board?" Ex sighs, before shaking his head. He doesn't want to deal with the emotions. Seeing Zedaph reunite with his proper friends. Leaving Ex behind.

"My brother will look after you," Ex tells him instead. Brother is easier than clone. There's parts of his history Zedaph simply doesn't need to know.

"I trust you."

Has anyone ever trusted Ex before?

-

Ex is there as Xisuma enters the ship. Zedaph looks between the two of them, eyes squinted.

"You really do look alike, huh." Xisuma shoots Ex a look. Ex shakes his head very slightly. He knows X will get the message.

"You must be Zedaph." Xisuma holds his hand out, offering a friendly smile. "Ex has told me about you." Zedaph smiles, accepting the handshake.

"You must be Xisuma." Zedaph nods. "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir." Ex snorts at the panicked look on Xisuma's face. His brother waves his hands quickly.

"Nope, none of that. Calling me sir makes me feel far too old."

"You are far too old." Ex throws his arm around Xisuma's shoulders, purposefully knocking him off balance. "You take care of the squirt, got it?"

"Hey!" Zedaph places his hands on his hips. "I'll call you a squirt if you're not careful." Xisuma laughs, shaking his head at the two's antics.

"Of course, of course. They're all excited to meet you. Are you ready?" Zedaph gives Ex a long look. He holds up a finger.

"One minute." He jumps forward, wrapping his arms around Ex and trapping him in a hug. He's gone from a twig to nearly dislodging Ex's footing. Impressive. He raises his arms, awkwardly settling into the hug. Zedaph's grip is tight enough to squeeze his lungs.

"You know I'm gonna miss you, right?" Zedaph steps back. He pokes a finger into Ex's chest. "You better stay safe out there. I want you to visit me."

"Yeah," Ex agrees, trying to hide the uncertainty in his words. "I will." He doesn't know which one he's agreeing to. Zedaph gives him a final smile. He turns to Xisuma with all of that boundless energy.

"Okay! Let's go." Xisuma nods, letting Zedaph take the lead. He pauses at the door.

"I promise to keep him safe," he tells Ex.

"You better."

It's barely two minutes until the feeling hits him. The ship feels so much emptier now.

-

"Why didn't you see him off?" Ex turns to find Xisuma standing beside him with his arms crossed. He stares into the distance, looking like a trademark wise old man. Ex scoffs at the sight, resisting the urge to cross his own arms.

"He won't have any trouble getting used to your ship," he replies. Xisuma looks at him, purple eyes trying to see into Ex's soul. Ex won't let him.

"That wasn't what I asked." Ex sighs, frustrating boiling over.

"How do you do it?" He demands, turning to Xisuma with clenched fists. Xisuma hardly reacts, his expression gentle as ever. "You let these people in your life knowing you're going to lose them. Again and again." It's with those words that Xisuma looks away in thought. Ex releases his fists, realising for once, he's asked something X doesn't have an immediate answer to.

"You want the honest answer?" Purple eyes lock with purple eyes.

"Why?" Ex sneers. "Are you planning to lie to me again?" For not even a second, Ex can see Xisuma flinch. It's such a minute shift in expression that the ordinary person wouldn't notice. Shame that Ex is looking at his own face.

Xisuma pities him. Even now.

"No." Xisuma bows his head. "Because you won't like it." Ex scowls at him. He gestures his hand out for Xisuma to continue. With that same gentle expression, Xisuma sighs. He takes Ex's hand into his own and lowers it between them. "I do it with great difficulty, Ex. Is that the answer you want?" Ex freezes, unable to reply as Xisuma looks directly at him with sad eyes.

Someone shouts for Xisuma inside the landing bay. The stupid admin glances in that direction, calling out a response. He squeezes Ex's hand as he faces him. Ex snatches it away.

"I'm going to send you his number," Xisuma tells him. He gives no room for Ex to argue. "It's your choice if you stay in contact."

"Why should I?"

"Having a friend isn't going to kill you, Ex." He doesn't appreciate Xisuma's dry tone. "Consider it." Ex huffs, a stray white strand flying from his face.

"Fine."

-

[Xisuma forwarded a contact: Zedaph]

[Xisuma] He speaks highly of you, you know?

[Ex] is this your way to convince me

[Xisuma] Maybe.

[Xisuma] And it's nice to hear that somebody else cares about you.

...

[Ex] shut up

-

[Ex] sup loser

[Ex] heard you missed me

[Zedaph] Ex!!!!!!!

[Zedaph] You absolutely knew, didn’t you? I hate you so much. 

[Zedaph] Oh, I have so much to catch you up on.

Ex rolls onto his side on the bed, content to watch the messages roll in.

[vtforpedro]

medical update and stuff. trigger warnings in tags I’m extremely frustrated. it’s been 15 months of frustration lol so so so sick of doctors, so sick of living through this. I am tired and getting no relief you might remember, but I was given a ‘possible’ IIH diagnosis in October. we’ve been treating it like it is IIH, which means everything has always been real etc etc and the treatment is weight loss. started my ‘better eating habits’ on nov 1st. then I immediately had the thing with my chemo pill packing on a ton of excess fluid, worsening my head to the point of ER and calling my neurosurgeon, getting taken off my chemo pill, and it wasn’t until mid-december that I actually started to see any fucking weight loss cause of that my pcp told me 5lbs a month. so I’ve been right on track with that despite wishing I could lose 10 a month but that’d be starving myself so lol I’ve lost 15lbs but now something exciting is happening again!! I am retaining fluid and I have NO idea why. which means my head is now as bad as it was last summer when everything was at its worse. constant all day long, pills barely doing anything for me, vision issues, pain issues. it feels like something broke in the base of my skull/neck because I get the scariest sensations there. it’s horrible. no human being should have to live this way and I do it every single day, numerous times a day anyway I had to go to the ER last thursday A G A I N because a doctor sent me. my pupils were noticeably two different sizes. I’d noticed three days beforehand and convinced myself I was imagining it cause it wasn’t a huge difference. finally took a picture and no, def not the same size and my eye looked like it was going inward? anyway, called my pcp, they had me come in that day, he saw it from a foot and a half away, sat back, and said I need you to go to the ER, you need your brain looked at. so again, I’ve been seeing this for three days while my head has been 10/10 extreme due to pressure in it. I get there and have to wait a while but less than two hours later when they finally looked at me? gone. pupils back to normal. doctor talking down to me like I was just an anxious mess and not that another dr sent me cause he saw what I did lol and his notes were in my chart. so, wasted visit and they put a covid patient 15ft from me and intubated them, so get to remember what that sounds like forever and ever (covid patients are supposed to be separated from other ER patients). now I’m doing a 10 day quarantine while I am so severely disabled I cannot bend over to take care of my cats food/litter/etc and it’s why my mom half lives with me but she can’t right now :) getting a covid test in three hours and it’s been eight days with nothing but head issues + fluid retention so hoping it’s negative the fluid retention I had before was a side effect of my chemo pill. I don’t know why this is happening. I should be 17lbs down now and I’ve actually gained weight despite being on the same diet that lost me the 15. I’m back to 13lbs down. this makes me feel like I might be carrying 4lbs of water weight. let me break this down because yesterday a PA told me my symptoms were too ‘ambiguous’ to say if fluid retention is happening or not - fluid retention from the chemo pill was ALL felt in my stomach. it was distended and bloated like I’d eaten at a buffet every single day - head got massively worse, enough to go to the er, doc and I agreed the fluid retention causing me to fluctuate between 15lbs was making the IIH worse - not urinating often despite drinking a normal amount - got on a diuretic, seven days later the weight was gone, head was better, started losing weight this is what I’m experiencing now - fluid retention that is causing my stomach to feel very bloated and look/feel distended - head has gotten massively worse, enough to send me to the ER - should be losing weight, have actually gained weight on a low fat, low calorie diet - the only difference this time is that I am dehydrating myself (yes I know, bad, but it is literally saving my life) because I experimented one day with half my water intake and my head was miles better. still experiencing a terrible head episode once or twice a day but it’s not 10/10 constantly - and the second difference is despite not drinking enough water, I am actually urinating more often and it’s a lot more clear than it should be, the color I expect when I’m hydrating well I consider this ^^^^^ to be a good case of why I think I have fluid retention but being told my symptoms were ‘ambiguous’ and throwing me to my neurosurgeon instead is HNNNNG (esp because diuretics are known to help IIH symptoms FOR THIS EXACT REASON) I have VERY recently had my sugars checked a few times, glucose is normal. VERY recently had an abdominal CT, also normal. it’s not diabetes, it’s not something happening in my abdomen. they hear abdomen vs legs swelling and think it’s GI because doctors never fucking listen and actively put their patients in danger but o h w e l l, I guess anyway as it’s been for 15 months, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I go this way and experience agony, I go that way and experience agony I need extra hydration for weight loss, leukemia, being obese. I need less hydration because it worsens IIH to the point of 10/10 I want to die (which makes me heavily and actively suicidal. doctors see I take anti-depressants and assume idk I’m being dramatic but no, it’s really this fucking bad. I would rather die that moment than keep feeling what’s happening in my head) there’s like no middle ground and my body and these doctors are making it impossible to figure this shit out. my mom had to come over at 1:45 AM last night (hasn’t had to rush here since april 2020 cause that’s just how bad it is) because I lost my balance twice and was lucky I had something to catch onto or I would’ve been on the ground (neuro symptoms which could be IIH, could be chiari, could be stroke) and my speech got SUPER bad almost immediately. scared the hell out of me, I have never in my life lost balance that badly before things are going downhill and I would’ve thought losing weight they’d start improving but when has my body ever made this easy lol meeting a new neurologist on monday who works in the same building with my neurosurgeon. I’ve been avoiding them cause every single one of them told me I was just anxious despite specific physical movements causing an episode lmao but hopefully this guy is better and he has access to all of my neurosurgeon’s notes and stuff. I can’t keep dehydrating myself but at the same time I can’t let my head get so bad I make a farewell note for my mom, you know? it’s just been really bad and I don’t know how to get people to listen to me. I have a 99% diagnosis and they still don’t take me as seriously as they should. this has ruined my quality of life and they would have you believe that doctors take that seriously but they do not neurosurgeon wants me to see an ophthalmologist again cause of my vision issues and to check for specific things that relate to IIH. he wants another MRI done in early may cause it’s been a year since my last one by then (actually a month later, my last one was in april, but I’m curious if the neurologist will order one sooner) to check to see if anything has worsened so yeah living in absolute hell again and don’t know if I can just get a simple one week diuretic to get this fluid out of my body. what the FUCK else can it be when I’ve experienced this exact thing twice!! before. it happened to a much, much lesser degree the first time I got on the chemo pill. but the same shit :) hanging on by the thinnest thread guys and 15 months of feeling like I’m going to die almost every single day through that has destroyed my psyche. destroyed me as a person. I don’t know what to do anymore sorry this is all a lot of Bad™ but it’s been a lot of bad for 15 months. if I can keep going, I hope one day to be able to give an update of improvement love you all

[marshmallow-phd]

Catching Rain

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Wolf!AU

Pairing: Minseok x Reader

Summary: You were more than satisfied with your life. You attended a nice college, had nice friends, a nice boyfriend. That’s what your life was: nice. You weren’t looking for anything more, so what were you to do when this seemingly harmless boy walked into your life and turned your nice little world into one much more dangerous?

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I Epilogue

**

The sound of your pencil tapping lightly against your notebook must have been annoying those around you, but you were too focused on the digital clock hanging above the professor’s head to care. Bright red numbers stole your attention; each time it changed you sat up a still straighter, scooted closer to the edge of your seat. The darkness of the room didn’t help. Even with the projector shining the notes you were supposed to be absorbing did nothing to block out the beacon. You were starving.

Okay, maybe not literally, but you were definitely ravenous. Breakfast had been the last thing on your mind this morning and now you were paying for it severely. A headache brewed right under the surface and your stomach gurgled and bubbled from the emptiness. The thought of leaving early did cross your mind, but that would have been rude, not to mention highly inconvenient since you were seated near the middle of the small lecture hall. It was best to avoid the dirty looks and low curses from those that you have to crawl over to get the stairs on the edge.

“And that ends the lesson for today.” The professor walked over to the side and flipped on the light. The sudden brightness made you squint, but it was worth the relief you felt. He’d ended the lesson a whole ten minutes early. You packed your belongs as quietly as possible while still keeping a listening ear. “Please look over chapter six, sections one and two before next class, there will be a two question quiz over the passages.” You scribbled a reminder down in the corner of your notebook and hopped up out of your seat. You weren’t the only one who had called it quits for the day even though the professor was still talking. “Don’t forget the first outline of your project is due next class as well, if it’s not turned in then it’s an automatic twenty percent deduction.”

Standing in line to shuffle out from the row of desks, you made a mental note to go over your outline one more time. You were already on the third stage of the project – gathering the necessary sources for the paper – but it was still a good idea to count your ducks and make sure they were lined up nicely.

You hurried to the cafeteria. The moment you were inside you hopped in the first line you saw, not bothering to take the time to consider your options. The line you were in was for the salads and sandwiches; boring food it was. Your stomach didn’t care if your taste buds weren’t going to be blown away today, it only needed sustenance. With your tray full, you moved over to the cash register and paid for your meal before finding a free table.

“Hungry much?”

Willa slid into the chair across from you, her own tray holding the spaghetti special. The buttery garlic smell drifted over to you and made your mouth water. You chewed slowly on your bland sandwich. Maybe later you could stop by for an afternoon snack….

“Already started without me, I see.” Eric dropped his bag in the half booth beside you and kissed the top of your head.

You smiled up at him. “Early bird gets the worm.”

“But the second mouse gets the cheese,” he countered as he pushed his glasses up his nose.

You leaned around him and stared at the long lines forming across the way. “I don’t think that second half applies here. You better get going before all the good stuff is gone.”

Erik followed your gaze. “Oh, crap. You’re right. Be right back!”

After swallowing a mouthful of noodles, Willa sighed. “You two are so cute.”

You snickered under your breath, but didn’t reply. Erik and you had met in World Music Appreciation your freshman year. In class, he was the slightly loud, slightly obnoxious kid who sat behind you with his friends. Somehow – and to this day you still weren’t sure the steps that led to it – you ended up in their study group for the final exam. You found that the boy who sat behind you was indeed funny, but also intelligent, generally entertaining to be around. After passing the exam that was much harder than any introductory music class should have been, you found yourself going out for celebratory pizza with him that morphed into your first date. The two of you had settled into a comfortableness with each other and you were happy.

As if trying to contradict you, Minseok’s face made an appearance in your mind. You shook the image of his smile away. That… that wasn’t good.

“Not hungry anymore?” Finally through the line, Erik sat down beside you and cracked open the can of pop he’d purchased. You looked down at the half-eaten sandwich in your hand. You hadn’t realized you’d stopped eating. The grumbling of your stomach hadn’t completely subsided, however, the bread and meat combination was no longer remotely appealing. Was this your “grass is always greener” moment?

To wave away the thoughts, you became playful again, reaching over and plucking a lob of cheese off the fresh slice of pizza on Erik’s plate and tossed in your mouth. “No, I just decided that your food looks better.”

“Well, then here.” Erik picked up your plate, took the sandwich out of your hand and slid his tray over to your side. “I’ll eat this.”

“No, Erik, give it back.”

“Seriously, (y/n), it’s fine.”

“Holy crap.”

Willa’s soft outburst stopped the playful argument in its tracks. “What is it?” Erik asked after taking a bite of your sandwich. Giving in, you nibbled on the pizza as you waited for the answer. Your taste buds cheered in victory. This was much better.

“A couple campers were attacked last night in the woods.” Willa’s eyes were trained on her phone, scanning the article that fed her the information. Whatever words she was reading, they must have been bad. Normally, Willa was the more upbeat, nothing-gets-her-down type. It must have been bad.

You leaned forward on the table. Your happy mood at the better-tasting meal as disappeared, replaced by worry. “What was it? Does it say?”

Willa swallowed thickly. “The one that was still awake said it was a wolf. A really big wolf.”

“The one that was still awake?”

“Yeah. I guess there were three of them. One died and one’s in the ICU. The third was only sort of injured when the park rangers found them.”

“Maybe he did it,” Erik said skeptically.

“I thought the same thing, but the police say the scene was consistent with an animal attack.” She clicked the lock button on the side of her phone and put it down. Her eyes flickered to you then back down at her food. It didn’t take a telepath to figure out where her mind had gone.

Erik threw an arm around your shoulders. “See why I don’t like the idea of you going out there by yourself?”

Guilt sunk your stomach. Now you really didn’t feel like eating. To try and hide it, you smiled up at him. “I’ve always understood, but you’re right, that’s a scary thing happen and it could happen to anyone.”

Satisfied, Erik removed his arm and turned his focus back to eating. You continued to pick at the cheese in order to throw off any suspicion. While the guilt of lying was still there, that wasn’t at the most forefront of your thoughts. As plausible as it was, you hoped that it wasn’t your wolf that attacked those people. Well, the wolf didn’t belong to you, but you couldn’t image such a creature killing a human being. He’d seemed to gentle and sweet to be able to do such a thing.

It was an animal, you reminded yourself. They ran on pure instinct. Besides, you didn’t know the whole story. Perhaps, if it was the same one you met in the clearing, he was provoked. Idiots were always teasing animals, whether at the zoo or the park. It was quite possible that the campers brought it upon themselves.

No. You shouldn’t think like that. A person died. Sighing, you pushed the tray away from you.

“Full?” Erik asked. You nodded and he picked up the remains of the pizza, devouring it in only a few short bites. You giggled at the grease stain left in the corner of his mouth. With the napkin, you wiped it away and started to feel somewhat at ease again.

**

Minseok was devastated. There was no other word for it. This- this was not a possibility he had imagined. How could fate be so cruel?

As he stood near the entrance of the cafeteria, he’d been overjoyed at spotting you, sitting alone at one of the hybrid tables near the middle of the large crowded room, devouring the food in front of you like Chanyeol at his favorite burger place. For a moment, he’d considered walking over and saying hi, but thought better of it since he wasn’t alone. Jongdae was chatting about his classes, laughing merrily with Jongin and Yixing beside him. All the noise was a simple hum in Minseok’s ears. His fellow students were nothing but blurs his peripheral; only you were in focus. One foot started your way despite his previous hesitation, but then another girl sat down across from you. He took that as a sign to slow down. Then a guy joined you, placing his bag down as if he owned that space beside you, and kissed your head. You beamed up at him.

The ground shook beneath his feet, vibrating his whole body. An elbow connected with his stomach and made him flinch. “Hey, you okay?” Jongdae asked.

“Yeah,” Minseok lied as he turned away from the sight that caused his blood to boil. The wolf had never been so hard to fight before. Human. He had to be completely human here. “But I think I’m going to take my food back to the lounge.”

“What? Why?”

“Is everything alright?” Yixing tilted his head in that way he always did when he was trying to read through the expressions on their faces. It was irritating at times, especially when they didn’t want to talk about whatever was bothering them. He meant well, but he wasn’t learning to become that kind of doctor.

“Yeah, yeah.” Shoving his hands in his pockets, Minseok forced himself to turn away before he stormed across the cafeteria. The sure fire way of having you reject him would be to slam your boyfriend against the wall. Jongdae opened his mouth to counter, but Minseok was already moving into the line, grabbing a faded red tray still wet from the washer and sliding it across the three metal bars that kept the herd of college students at bay. He swiped up a plate with a lukewarm slice of pizza and kept going. Bypassing everything else, the last thing he grabbed was a can of flavored coffee from the open fridge before going to the register.

Jongdae pouted as Minseok waved goodbye and walked out of the building. His grip on the tray was strained, knuckles pale and tendons popping out from under the skin on the back of his hands. This complicated things well beyond the obstacles he already had in his way. And here he had the fairytale in his head, thinking he would simply meet you, continue to “coincidentally” run into you and get to know you until the two of you naturally fell in love and then… well, he didn’t exactly have a plan after that, but now that would really have to be put off while he figured out how to get past step one.

Arriving at the mathematics college where he spent most of his time, he made his way through the halls until he found the lounge reserved for the GTAs. There were tables where they studied and put together lesson plans as well as couches where more naps occurred than other types of casual reclining. Against one wall was a stereo equipped with Bluetooth while a TV and game console sat across the way. It was a room where they could relax and bounce ideas off each other. The place was empty at the moment, most of the usual occupants either in class or eating lunch with their friends.

Minseok sat down at one of the tables. He aggressively chewed on the pizza as he tried not to think about what he saw a few minutes ago. And here he thought eventually telling you that he was a wolf was going to be the hard part. A large group came in then, happily talking amongst themselves. Spotting Minseok, they joined him. Sungkyu took the seat to Minseok’s right and dropped a heavy binder on the table.

“Sometimes I wonder why I took this job,” Sungkyu grumbled.

So much for peace and quiet. Oh, well, hopefully this would serve as a nice distraction. Minseok could go back to planning his next step later, once he’d calmed down a bit.

“Having fun with the freshman?” Minseok teased. As GTAs, that was the main group they taught. Not all classes were bad, but it usually took a while for some of them to realize that college was much more serious than high school.

“Actually, it’s not a freshman.” Opening the binder, Sungkyu pulled out a few papers stapled together. A sticky note covered the name written at the top, but the red ink that dictated the score was out for the world to see. “She’s close to our age, a senior, but she put this class off until the last minute. And I’m starting to see why. I don’t want to fail her, but….”

“Just give her an extra credit project,” Varya suggested between sips of her peach tea.

“Like what?”

Changmin was the first to have an idea. “Have her put together a project that applies the math to whatever her major is.”

Sungkyu wrinkled his nose at the idea. “That sounds complicated. She’s an arts major.”

“Get someone to help her with it.”

“Are you volunteering?” Varya snorted. Changmin was… charming and used it quite well, to put it mildly. “Who is it? Maybe I’ll help.”

Sungkyu peeled back the sticky note. “(y/n) (l/n).”

Minseok nearly choked on his food. Was this fate giving him a Get Out of Jail free card?

Varya shrugged. “Never heard of her.”

“I’ll do it!” The word were out before Minseok could figure out how to say them without sounding overeager. Everyone at the table was staring at him, confused. He wasn’t the kind to volunteer for these sort of things. He wasn’t the kind to add additional interactions to his schedule; he was too much of an introvert for it.

“You hate any sort of tutoring,” Sungkyu pointed out.

“I need it… for my resume.” He didn’t even have a resume. At least not a serious one. The last time he’d put together the paper bragging about himself was for a class three years ago. The file was probably somewhere on his laptop, but he doubted he would ever actually add something like this to it.

While Changmin and Varya still eyed him curiously, Sungkyu simply shrugged. “Whatever. This is only if she agrees to do it, anyway.”

“If she wants to graduate, she’ll do it.” Standing up, Varya threw out the remaining ice in her reusable cup and slipped her bag over her shoulder. “I’ll see you guys later. I’ve got a research paper that’s not going to write itself.”

In an overdramatic fashion, Changmin placed his hand over his heart and looked to the ceiling. “If only they did. My school career would be so much easier.”

Sungkyu rolled his eyes. “And yet completely negate the purpose of it all.” Changmin wasn’t bothered by the comment at all, pulling out his phone and scrolling through his social media as he leaned back in his chair. Sungkyu replaced the sadly scored paper and closed his binder. “Are you free tomorrow a little after four?” he asked Minseok. “I want to try and catch her after class. I’m sure she’ll agree to do the extra credit, but maybe having you right there to say you’ll help will nudge her if she’s on the fence about it.”

“Absolutely.” There was no way Minseok was going let this opportunity go. Maybe this was the better way to go about it. The two of you would be spending time together while he helped you with this project; endless time just you and him. He could get to know you, learn about what you liked and disliked, where you saw yourself going and where you’d already been. Then he could properly fight for your heart, win his mate over the right way. The excitement of what awaited him was almost too much. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.

**

You wanted to disintegrate there in your seat.

Right on the front of the homework you just received back was a sticky note asking you to stay back after class. Never had you want a period to not end, to go on and on in a cycle of torture. You knew it was about it your recent grades. It wasn’t as if you weren’t trying. But this subject had never been your strong suit and recently it had been harder to grasp the concepts. You were an arts student, a photographer. When were you ever really going to need to know how to find the function of x after this?

Unfortunately, the end came and you stayed seated while the younger students happily skipped out of the classroom. When it was only the two of you left, you got up and walked over to the desk.

“That bad, uh?” you said in an attempt to lighten your own mood.

Sungkyu, at least, seemed a little sympathetic. “I’ve seen worse.”

“Well, not everyone can be a math genius.”

“No. That’s why I’m going to give you a chance to make up the points.”

You perked up. This was… somewhat good, given your mind had wondered if he was going to suggest you drop the class for now and try again later, under a different teacher. “Really?” You couldn’t help but feel like a rabbit jumping for a carrot hanging in the air. “Whatever it is, I’ll do it.”

“Good.” Sungkyu reached behind him and plucked up a sheet of paper before leaning back against the desk. “I’ve got an outline here that’ll explain the project in detail.” He handed it over to you before continuing. “The basics, though, are pretty much just write a paper of how the subject relates to your major.”

You’ve got to be kidding me. Clearing your throat, you said, “O-okay. I think I can do that. Except….”

“You don’t know where to start?” Sungkyu guessed. You nodded. “That’s alright. I’m not going to make you do it alone. I’ve enlisted some help for you. Minseok?”

In from the hallway strolled in the very same Minseok you’d run into the day before. There was no way…. You nearly laughed out loud. This couldn’t possibly be a coincidence, could it? But the manner in which he shyly waved at you and fidgeted from foot to foot told you that it might be.

“Minseok will help you with the research and come with ideas. He’ll also help you with the examples that way you get all the points. Is that alright?”

Your stomach did a backflip. This meant the two of you would be spending time together – alone. Which wasn’t anything unusual; you’d had project partners of the opposite sex before, but none of them sent your heart leaping either. Perhaps it would be best to keep this on a need-to-know basis for the time being. Smiling, you looked at the expectant GTA.

“Peachy.”

[trustsalvatorewriting]

remember me || cesar diaz - chapter one

Summary: In which Cesar decides to have a summer fling

Word Count: 2,256

-

❝ why would you ever kiss me? i'm not even half as pretty ❞

The first time Cesar truly felt fear was the night he saw a lost teenage girl on La Luna, just outside a bodega, at nine o'clock at night. He'd gone out for a walk after an argument with his tío. Thought he would take some time to cool off before he found himself on the wrong end of a pair of brass knuckles. He made a mental note never to buy a pair.

    It was a warm summer night, and he found himself wearing a simple black t-shirt and blue jeans - he would have to trade them in eventually, especially if Oscar was getting out soon. If Andrés was right, he would have to join the Santos by the end of summer, and all hope of feeling like a regular teenager would go out the window in an instant.

    He had just made it into Sanctuary when he saw her. She was standing on the corner of La Luna, a block away from the abandoned train station and across the street from a crappy bodega that paid taxes to the Santos every month. She turned her head, looking both ways, clearly trying to figure out where she was.

    Normally, he would have let her figure it out. A person that was willing to stay out past curfew on gang territory was a person confident enough to defend themselves. Cesar shoved his hands into his pockets as he waited for her to pull out a phone and call for help, the eerie silence on the street starting to eat away at him. It was when three Santos drunkenly stumbled out of the bodega that he sped up his pace.

    "What'd I tell you?" One of the members grinned, waving the pile of cash in his hand. "I ain't even have to say 'tax time.' Them Prophets are bitches."

    "You better get that shit to Andrés in the morning," another one warned. "Puta doesn't like having his money missing."

    "Que se joda!" The one with the money threw the money at him, cackling as it rained down.

    Cesar swerved off the sidewalk, attempting to pass by the drunkards without getting their attention. He kept his eyes trained on the concrete, occasionally glancing up at the girl to ensure she was still there.

    "Yo!" A hand clamped down on Cesar's shoulder, spinning his around. It was the guy who had thrown the money. Beneath his jaw, the name 'Malakai' was tattooed in cursive. "Oh, shit! It's Lil Spooky."

    'Shit,' He thought to himself. 'Think fast, asshole.'

    "Aye, Lil Spooky!" The second one exclaimed. He took a sip from the bottle in his brown bottle in his hand. "I ain't seen you since you was a little chico. Cuantos años tienes, eh?"

    "Tengo quince. Listen, I can't stay. I got my hyna waiting for me, and I can't keep her waiting," He lied smoothly.

   "Quince? Damn. I remember when Andrés had to carry your ass inside 'cause the music was too fuckin' loud. What you think now, Lil Spooky?" He swung the end of his bottle against an open door. It shattered, leaving bits of broken glass on the end as he held it up to Cesar's neck. "Things getting too loud for you?"

    Maybe there was one good thing that came with finally joining the Santos: he wouldn't have to deal with assholes like this.

    Ever since Oscar was put away, some of the Santos were getting hard to control. Andrés did his best, but he didn't have a reputation -- at least, not the way Oscar did. He was soft on his punishments but strong on his legislation. It had made in-fighting inevitable. Cesar was his nephew. He supposed he should have expected people to turn against him, too.

    "Watch your tone." Cesar lowered his voice, not breaking eye contact with the bastard in front of him. "Spooky's getting out in a couple days. What's he gonna say when he finds out some bitches were fucking with his little brother?"

    He was bluffing. Anyone that knew Cesar, knew that he could've gone another three years without speaking to his brother and he wouldn't have even blinked; but he didn't even recognize the guys in front of him. If it weren't for the white tank tops and crosses around their necks, he would've just as easily believed they were Prophets. If they didn't believe him, both he and the girl on La Luna would be fucked.

    The guy shoved him off, tossing the bottle onto the street. "Maricón. Let me know when Spooky's out. He's got a debt he needs to pay off."

    Without another word, he popped a cigarette into his mouth, lighting it. Cesar nodded and turned on his heel, only to see the girl walking in the direction of the train station. He winced, only turning when 'Malakai' called out for him once more. "Oh, and tell your tío we'll bring him his taxes in the morning."

    'Do not engage,' Cesar thought to himself. He jogged across the empty street, stopping a few paces before the girl before cupping his hands around his mouth. "Hey! You really shouldn't be out here, alone at night. Freeridge isn't that type of hood."

    The girl turned around, a look of fear crossing her face before it fell into relief. "Shit. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get to my friend's house. His name is Judas Medina. Do you know him?"

    She spoke softly, speaking with her hands and with rapid movements. Cesar couldn't help but grin. "No, I don't know him, sorry. If you have his address, I could help you, though."

    "Uh..." She looked around, scratching the back of her head awkwardly.

    Cesar nodded, pulling out his phone and tossing it to her. She caught it with ease. "The password's two-six-seven-three. You can dial the police if you really think you're in danger, but let me walk you to this Judas guy. I don't wanna risk you getting hurt."

   The girl unlocked his phone, going into his contacts and hitting the keypad. She bit her lip, locking eyes with the stranger in front of her. He looked a bit younger than her, with his hair covered in an absurd amount of gel and a pleading look on his face. After a moment, she nodded, and typed in Judas' address in his Maps app.

    "You are thirty minutes from your destination. You should arrive at your destination by 9:35PM."

    "I'm Maya." She nodded, keeping the phone in her left hand as she reached out to shake the boy's hand.

    He smiled then, shaking her hand. "Cesar."

    The two followed the phone's signals, walking side-by-side as Cesar scanned the perimeter for any threats. They walked in silence for all of three minutes before Maya started talking. "So, it's pretty obvious I'm not from around here, huh?"

    "Just a little," Cesar chuckled, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "Where are you from, anyway?"

    "San Diego. I live there with my dad and his girlfriend during the school year. Every summer, I come here and spend time with my mom," Maya explained. "We were supposed to have dinner tonight; but she fell asleep, and I didn't feel like waking her."

    "Right. So you're going to this Judas guy to steal all his food and then run?"

    "Would that be so bad?" She winked, running a hand through her honey-blonde hair. "What about you?"

    Cesar grimaced. "I've always lived in Freeridge. Can't really imagine a life outside of it."

    "Come on, that's bullshit." She rolled her eyes. "There's a whole world out there, with different countries, cultures, people -- and you're telling me you can't imagine a world outside of Southside L.A.?"

    He shrugged. "What's the point if I can't see it?"

    Maya huffed, muttering the word "tarado" beneath her breath. Cesar only grinned, somewhat pleased that he'd managed to get on her nerves considering they'd met only a little while ago. He moved to walk in front of her. She scrunched her nose in annoyance, glaring at him through her eyelashes.

    "So, how old are you? Like, seventeen?"

    "I just turned sixteen," she replied, hand still gripping the GPS in her left hand.

    "And your parents are letting you travel alone? That's weird. I would'a thought San Diego kids were spoiled."

    "I would'a thought you weren't a Santo," she shrugged half-heartedly. "And it's not a big deal. My dad works late, so he couldn't bring me to the train station, and my mom passed out as soon as we got to the house."

    "How'd you know I was a Santo?"

    "Seriously?" Maya snorted. She took a step closer to him, wrapping her finger around the chain on Cesar's neck. He looked down, only to see a silver cross hanging above his chest. "Check the ice, ese. Either you're a Santo, or you're religious."

    "I'm affiliated," Cesar muttered, tucking the pendant into his t-shirt. "Why? Does that bother you?"

    "I'm letting you walk me to my best friend's house in the dark, in a neighborhood I'm unfamiliar with." She turned the corner, only to be met with a street lined with houses. "You being gang-affiliated is the least of my problems."

    They reached the third house in silence. It was nice -- luxurious, even -- compared to the other places Cesar had seen. This Judas guy must be really classy. As Maya went to ring the doorbell, he turned and asked, "So what's this guy like?"

    Before she could respond, the door swung open, revealing a short, pale boy with messy dark hair and sweatpants. "Maya! Fuck, I wasn't expecting you until the morning. My folks are in the living room, but we can hang in my room." His eyes drifted to Cesar, and they immediately filled with shock. "No shit. You're Lil Spooky! Maya, you're fucking with gang members now? I don't blame you. He looks better than A-A-Ron."

    "You put the 'ass' in 'class,' Judas. Let us in. I'm starving." She pushed the door open, walking past him with ease.

    "I'll leave, if you want," Cesar told Judas. He would understand if he did. There would be a target on his back if people knew he was associated with Cesar, even if he was just 'affiliated.' "She didn't have a phone. I just wanted to make sure she got here safe."

    Judas furrowed his eyebrows. "You walked her all the way here?" When Cesar nodded, he continued, "From where?"

    "La Luna Drive," He answered, the cross around his neck suddenly feeling hot against his skin. "There were guys coming outta the bodega. they were drunk, and aggressive. Looked like they were gonna cause trouble."

    "Do you think I'm gonna let you in just because you pretended to be el salvador for half an hour?" He sneered.

    "No, I didn't mean it like that--"

    'Boyfriend,' Cesar thought to himself. 'Got it.'

    The cold look in his eyes shifted, turning to amusement. Judas grinned happily, opening the door wide in an effort to invite him in. "I'm just fucking with you, Lil Spooky. Come on in."

    "Actually, it's fine. I should get back. My tío is probably worried sick," Cesar started, suddenly uncomfortable.

   "No seas marica, asshole. Maya's still gonna need help getting home." Judas turned on his heel, heading deeper into the house. After a few seconds, he yelled, "Are you coming or not?"

    'What the fuck?' Cesar thought to himself, before taking a few steps, walking into the house and shutting the door behind him. He was met with a dark room, lit up only by the TV on one end of the living room and a kitchen light to his left. In tbe kitchen, Maya was raiding the fridge, a box of Cheeze-Itz in one hand and a pack of Mountain Dew in the other.

    She glanced up at him and grinned. "You want something?"

    "Uh, water's good." He followed behind Maya and Judas as they grabbed several snacks, laughing and catching up like old friends.

    Judas pulled a few bottles of water out of the fridge before heading out and turning into a hallway. "So, how is A-A-Ron these days?"

    "Still in love with Alivia," Maya sighed, her hand tightening around a bag of potato chips. "They've been going strong for, like, two years. I don't know why you bother asking anymore."

    "Fuck him. What kind of name is Aaron anyway? Un nombre de puta, I'll tell you that." Judas' room was at the end of the hall. He set his snacks down on a wooden desk before motioning for Maya to do the same. Cesar went to sit on a surprisingly neat bed, though the headboard looked worn in for a reason he didn't want to ask about.

    Maya threw a water bottle at Cesar, eyes still trained on the bags of junk food in front of her. It landed at the end of the bed, nearly tumbling off the edge. He chortled as he went to pick it up. As he began to take a sip, Judas threw himself on the worn-out computer chair in front of him.

    "All right. I have one fucking question for you and you better answer it honestly," Judas stated.

    Cesar nodded stiffly. Confrontations like this felt all too personal. He fought the instinct to stand up and leave.

    The Colombian boy leaned in, his face painted in curiosity. "Are you scared of ghosts?"

[arckook]

around and around - four

pairing: cho seungyoun x reader, kim wooseok x reader

au: idolverse

warnings: none

wordcount: 6.5k

description: you’ve had a one-sided crush on your close friend seungyoun for who knows how long, but things don’t stay so black and white when he introduces you to his new groupmate kim wooseok.

next

You think you’re going crazy.

The song starts over again- it’s on automatic repeat.

“Ay boy, whatcha say, boy? You tryna play coy, like a gameboy?”

Resisting the urge to chuck something at the speakers, you get up from where you’d been sitting on the floor of the dance studio, and with an unnerving level of calmness, turn the music off.

Your hands are shaking, you notice, as you watch your fingers still set on the spacebar of the computer where the music was hooked up to.

You turn over your shoulder, looking at the mirror. Your face is sullen, especially since you have no makeup on. You can see the dark circles under your eyes from here, all the way across the room. 

You sit down on the couch by the computer this time, staring into your own eyes through the mirror. 

You’ve been here alone for twelve hours. 

Now, twelve hours doesn’t seem that long to be alone. Tons of people live like that, almost every day. Maybe they work from home, or when they go to work or school they don’t socialize, and they stay in their room when they’re in their house.

But at least those people choose to pass their time that way.

You can feel a scream building in your chest, the pent up frustration you’d been trying to rid for the past few hours by practicing the Gayo Daejun routine over and over threatening to spill out. 

When your manager Dowoon had showed up at your music studio while Seungyoun was over a few days ago, you didn’t think he’d actually punish you. Sungjoon had never done stuff like that- he was strict about your schedules, and your diets, and your behavior on TV, but he never restricted your freedom the way that Dowoon does. 

Dowoon hadn’t yelled or anything like that. You’d opened the door, expecting him to tell you something important- you’d thought that maybe Haeyoung-ssaem had decided to call you all to dance practice and she’d let your manager know first instead of texting you. Instead, Dowoon told you he was coming to check up on you since the secretary at the desk told him you’d come upstairs with a guy. 

He’d kicked out Seungyoun, who was pretty obviously confused and surprised by the whole thing, in just a few short words. And then, that was when Dowoon starting yelling. 

After he was done lecturing you about being irresponsible, that you knew you weren’t supposed to be dating (ignoring you when you tried to insist that Seungyoun was just a friend), that he couldn’t believe you’d brought a boy into your studio… after all of that, you thought it was over. You’d gotten yelled at like a kid who made trouble in school, and for how embarrassing and upsetting it was, you thought that was it.

But then, Kim Dowoon said that you would work from morning to night for the next week. No phone while away from the dorm, and only ever seeing the members and the managers, when necessary. 

You really think you’re going crazy.

Knock.

The sound of someone’s fist rapping against the wood of the studio door surprises you enough that you jump a little, but you settle back into the couch, thinking that you imagined it. Who knocks just once, anyway?

Knock.

Your eyes snap to the door, looking through the mirror. There’s a window in the door, but Dowoon taped a piece of black paper over it so you wouldn’t be able to see if it was him coming or not.

Yeah, you have a great head manager.

You get up with a sigh, figuring that it probably is him, and he’s going to yell at you for not practicing. You grasp the door handle and pull, finding it unbelievably hard to open.

“Look, I took a break because I’ve been dancing for 3 hours-” you start, trying to justify why there wasn’t music playing. And then you look up, shutting your mouth abruptly, and then opening it again in shock. “What the hell?!”

Kim Wooseok is standing in front of you, in a black coat, face empty of glasses and head empty of a hat, but hands not-empty.

“I brought food,” he says, holding up two bags of some kind of takeout. 

Still in awe, your mouth hangs open, staring at him like he’s some kind of angel. Well, with that face, and the fact that he has food, angel is not far off from accurate.

“Get in here quickly,” you say, snapping to your senses when you hear footsteps in the hallway. Wooseok gets the memo and slides past you into the studio, you shutting the door and locking it behind him. You told Dowoon you’d lock it, so it wouldn’t be out of place. 

Wooseok is looking around the room when you turn around, nodding to himself. “Nice studio. Smells like sweat, though.”

“I wonder why,” you respond sarcastically, setting the fan higher to get the air moving. 

He looks over at you, a slight frown drawing his brows together. “Have you really been in here by yourself the whole day?”

That in turn makes you frown, realizing that for Wooseok to have shown up here, he must have known your situation. “How’d you know that?”

Wooseok sighs, setting down the bags of takeout on the floor and starting to take off his coat. “Seungyoun told us a couple days ago that your manager showed up while the two of you were hanging out together in your music studio, and he got suddenly kicked out. I tried texting you the past few days but you never answered. Earlier, I saw Yoon Eunmi in our company building, so I asked her where you were. She explained and I thought it was pretty pitiful, and that I ought to bring you some food.”

You actually laugh at the fact that he called you pitiful, which momentarily amazes you, because you did not think you had enough energy left in you to laugh at something. You shake your head to get back to your senses. “Well, I appreciate you showing up. Like, a lot. I’m losing my fucking mind.”

“So you have been in here all day alone,” Wooseok says, draping his coat over the couch. He gives you a somewhat judgy look. “I’m guessing that’s why you look like… that?”

Suddenly feeling a little self-conscious about your sweaty hair, sweaty skin, and sweaty clothes, you turn slightly away, tugging your hair out of it’s ponytail so it might dry out quicker. “Yep. Twelve hours. Straight dancing.”

“Did you eat lunch?” Wooseok sits down on the floor, which surprises you, considering how hesitant he was to sit on the step by the river. He starts undoing the plastic wrapping around the takeout, and despite your shyness, you peek by looking at the mirror. 

Your stomach immediately rumbles when you see the bowls of jajangmyeon- and some bulgogi on the side? Unusual, but you’re not complaining. “Do you really think that the guy who locked me in a dance studio the whole day was going to tell me to have a hearty meal halfway through?” 

In response, the man on the floor just gives you an unimpressed look. “Then come eat.”

“Don’t gotta tell me twice,” you mumble, sitting and scooting over so that you’re across from Wooseok. You crack apart some chopsticks and take one of the bowls of noodles for yourself, hoping he doesn’t mind that you’re about to dig in like you’ve been starved for months. You can’t help the fact that you have an appetite.

Both of you eat in silence for a while. You’re practically inhaling the meal, while Wooseok eats more quietly and calmly, but he doesn’t give you any more judgemental looks. You think he actually does feel bad for you, and is trying to hide it with his prickly personality.

“By the way, Wooseok-ssi-” you start, but stop when said person waves his hand.

“Let’s drop the formalities,” he says. “This is the third time we’ve met up together, and you send me enough random pictures that I feel weird calling you ‘ssi’ still.”

“Those are memes, not just pictures,” you say under your breath, ignoring his glare. “Okay, fine by me. What should I call you, then? Sunbae?”

Wooseok’s nose scrunches a little. “That’s barely an improvement.”

Feeling energized enough to be annoying (thanks to the food), a sly smile slips onto your lips as you twirl the chopsticks around in your fingers. “Really? What else is there, then?”

He really glares this time. “I don’t understand why you have to make everything uncomfortable.”

“Uncomfortable?” you repeat, eyes wide. “Hm. I wasn’t feeling that way. I think it’s just you.”

“I’m older than you and I’ve unfortunately seen a lot of you the past two months,” Wooseok says, then glances away as he mutters the last part. “...So just call me oppa.”

You can’t help but internally cringe-laugh a little bit, because honestly, you tend to call as few people by that as possible, but you can tell that this will be an easy way to tease Wooseok, so you’re going to go with it. 

You shrug. “Whatever, that works for me. You seem like the type to be into girls calling you that,  so I figured you’d ask eventually.”

“What?” he exclaims, pointing a chopstick at you dangerously. “Don’t make it sound weird.”

“It’s not weird, tons of guys are like that,” you say, trying to hold back laughter. 

“Yah,” Wooseok jabs the chopstick in your direction. “L/N Y/N.”

“Don’t you mean Y/N-ah?” you smile sweetly. “Oppa?”

He sighs deeply, shaking his head. “I forgot what you’re like. I can already feel a headache coming on.”

“Can you pass the meat?” you ask, ignoring his shady comment.

Wooseok wordlessly hands it over, taking off the lid for you. You mumble a thanks and keep eating, finally starting to feel full after finishing up the jajangmyeon and splitting half of the bulgogi with Wooseok.

You set down your chopsticks across the bowl and let out a “phew!”, pressing your hands to your stomach. “That was so good. You’re my savior.”

Although you spoke in a lighthearted manner, Wooseok doesn’t laugh (which isn’t surprising), but when you meet his eyes, he doesn’t even look the slightest bit amused.

“What?” you question, frowning.

“It’s not right that you got locked up in here and you didn’t even get to eat,” he says, looking down and pushing around what’s left in his bowl. “I think you should talk to your CEO about finding a new manager.”

You laugh sharply. “Fat chance. Dowoon-oppa got picked specifically by the CEO because he’s managed other girl groups in the past and kept them out of scandals. I guess this is how.”

“I’m guessing this isn’t the first shitty thing he’s done to you?” Wooseok says, a displeased expression taking over his face. 

You shift uncomfortably. In terms of bad managers, you’ve heard a lot of horror stories, especially from your female seniors, that make you feel like Dowoon isn’t that bad. You don’t want to aimlessly complain about things that aren’t that uncommon in the industry.

“Y/N-ah,” Wooseok says, catching you off guard. You meet his gaze, and it’s probably the softest you’ve ever seen him look at you. He seems a little bit awkward at the same time, like he’s not used to this kind of situation, but he clears his throat nonetheless and goes on. “Just tell me.”

You sigh, leaning back on your hands. “It’s not like it’s that bad, it’s just really different from before… I mean, we already finished promoting ages ago but because of the year-end shows he said that if he catches us gaining any weight at all he’s sending a supervisor with us anywhere we go to make sure we don’t eat too much. He’s been making us get on the scale when we get back from somewhere when he wasn’t with us. Our schedule has gotten so much tighter since he started… we used to get days off every once in a while, or at least not work the whole day, but he doesn’t care. He just schedules as many things as possible.”

You run your hands through your hair, letting out a noise of frustration. “And not to mention the fact that even though I’m the one who got in trouble for hanging out with Seungyoun, he shut down my members’ plans for their free time because he “can’t trust us”. So now they’re also getting punished even though they didn’t do anything, and it’s not like I even did something this bad…”

You risk a glance at Wooseok, and he’s frowning. He takes a deep breath, and then sighs deeply too. 

“...It’s hard, right?” he says, and you think he’s planning to go on, but something about that phrase tugs at your heartstrings, and you suddenly feel tears welling up in your eyes. 

Wooseok is quiet again, and you hate that, because now you’re trying really hard to blink your tears back into your eyeballs, but you keep sniffling, and it’s definitely obvious that you’re about to cry-

Without saying anything, Wooseok scoots over to you, lightly and cautiously wrapping his left arm around your shoulders. You can feel that he still has that awkward air about him, but you don’t really care, because you appreciate that he’s at least trying to comfort you when he doesn’t have to.

“Just let it out,” Wooseok says quietly, patting your shoulder. “You’ll feel better.”

So you do.

You’re laying in your bed that night, Soohyun cuddling with you despite the fact that you both barely fit. 

“Unnie, get off your phone,” she mumbles, her face on your chest. “I wanna hug you.”

“You big baby,” you playfully shove her away. “I’m busy.”

“Busy doing what?” before you have time to protect yourself and your phone, Soohyun snatches it out of your hand and rolls to the other end of the bed, laughing maniacally as stands up and holds your phone out of your reach. Curse that child for being taller than you. 

“Whatever,” you grumble, sitting back down on the bed. “Look at it all you want.”

Soohyun gasps in an almost theatrical way, dropping down from her standing position. “I thought it’d be about Cho Seungyoun, but what is this? A new challenger? For Y/N-unnie’s heart?”

You shove her again. “It is not like that. This man saved my life today.”

“Huh?” Soohyun raises her brows. “Did you have a secret visitor at the dance studio?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that,” you hum, shrugging. “He brought me food and stuff.”

“He brought you food?” Soohyun exclaims. “Then why did you act like you were starving and beg Eunmi-unnie to make something when you got home?”

“I did not beg!” astounded, you point your finger in Soohyun’s face. “She totally offered first! Did you expect me to turn down a meal?”

She settles down, crossing her arms. “I guess not.”

After a few seconds, you decide to try taking back your phone, sneakily reaching over to hopefully pull it out of Soohyun’s hand before she notices your intentions. Unfortunately, your plan is foiled when she seems to remember that she has it and starts scrolling through your messages with Wooseok again.

“Dang, you send him so much stuff and he barely replies,” Soohyun says, then gives you a sympathetic look. “But I know you have no shame, so that’s not really surprising.”

“You’re such a brat,” you tell her, but without malice. She shrugs, smiling, and keeps scrolling.

“So who is this? He looks super familiar.”

“It’s Seungyoun’s groupmate Kim Wooseok,” you explain, adjusting your spot and leaning on her shoulder so you can see as she looks through your texts with Wooseok. “I met him at a dinner that Seungyoun brought him to like three months ago.”

Soohyun laughs out loud when she sees that you’ve sent selfies. “Unnie, are you serious? Why would you already send him a selfie only three weeks after he first ever texted you? Do you actually like him or something?”

“No way,” you say, internally cringing at yourself. Why did you send him that? You look so tired, even with makeup on. 

Well, you guess he saw you today with no makeup and also sweat pouring down your face, and also when you were awkwardly crying, so… whatever?

“He’s handsome,” Soohyun comments, tapping on the contact icon. She giggles again. “Why’d you set a fansign picture as his image?”

“Because he looks good there,” you shrug. “Oh!” you take your phone from her, ignoring the whining coming from your right.

You tap edit and then delete ‘Kim Wooseok-ssi’ from the contact name bar, typing in ‘Wooseok-oppa’ instead. 

From your right, you hear a teasing “ooooooooo” sound, and look over to see Soohyun smirking, wiggling her brows. “Oppa?”

“He told me to call him that, so I’m gonna,” you respond, sticking your tongue out at her.

“Hm.” she looks just as smug still. “I think this is perfect. I give you my blessing to keep seeing him so you can get over Cho Seungyoun.”

“I told you I don’t like Wooseok like that,” you grumble, moving away from her to get back under the covers and lie down. Soohyun follows you, tucking herself in and wrapping her arms around your waist again. 

“Maybe not, but he might like you, and then you could grow to like him back, and it will be the most beautiful love story that will inspire our best album yet-”

“Huh?” you cut her off, giving her a weird look. “Why would you think Wooseok likes me?”

“Why else does someone sneak into another company’s building after coincidentally hearing that a girl they know has been locked up by her demon-manager, with food in tow?”

“Uh, because they’re a good person,” you say like it’s obvious. “Not everything is about romance.”

“But I want it to be,” Soohyun whines, looking up at you with puppy-dog eyes. “It would be so cute.”

Ding!

You both look at your phone (well, Soohyun tries, but she’s put herself in a position where it’s hard to see your hands) as soon as the message pops up on your home screen.

Y/N-ah. Cheer up. Let’s eat something nicer next time.

You can’t help the smile that spreads over your lips, not really hearing Soohyun complain about not being able to see who texted you.

Your choice!

You send, and then snicker to yourself as you continue.

...Oppa ;)

You can already imagine Wooseok shaking his head in exasperation.

“Unnie!” Soohyun tugs on your arm. “Let me see!”

“Nope,” you tell her, reaching over to put your phone on your nightstand, and switching off the light. “It’s bedtime.”

By the next time you’re able to meet up with your friends, most of award season has passed, meaning everyone’s schedules have cleared out more. In your case, your manager Dowoon has finally relaxed a little- for the past couple of weeks he’s been letting you and your members do what you want during your free time (which you’re also slowly getting more of) and isn’t being as strict on your weights and diets. 

So when Jimin calls you asking if you want to meet up and have a drink at her place, you’re quick to agree.

You get to her apartment at around seven in the evening, having spent the earlier part of your day at the dance studio (by choice this time). You feel full of energy and your mood is high after having just messed around at the studio, dancing to whatever songs you felt like since you have no choreography to stress about right now. 

You knock on Jimin’s door as soon as you walk up to it- she had to let you into the building anyway so she knows it’s you.

“Y/N!” she exclaims, grinning when she opens the door.

“Hey!” you laugh as you hug, Jimin then standing to the side to let you in. You take off your shoes and padded jacket, leaving it on the hook by the door, and start walking to the kitchen, her following.

“You look comfy,” she comments, so you do a little twirl, showing off your big pink sweater and oversized sweatpants. 

“It’s a fit, right?” you ask, flipping your hair and posing like you’re at a photoshoot. “It gets better though.”

“Oooo,” Jimin holds up a finger as you sit down on one of the stools at her breakfast bar, setting your bag down. “Let me guess: sock message?”

You hold up your feet in response. Jimin laughs when she reads what the bottoms say, which is “If you can read this” on the right one and “bring me a drink” on the left. 

“I’ll get to it then,” she says, heading over to the fridge, from which she pulls a few bottles of soju and a case of beer. 

“Don’t let me do any shots tonight,” you tell her, reaching over to the edge of the counter to grab the stack of delivery places’ leaflets and ads. “What should we order?”

“Oh, Seungyoun’s bringing food,” Jimin says as she cracks open a beer bottle. Your jaw drops, smacking the flyers you were holding down on the counter. 

“What?” you exclaim, apparently surprising your friend, who gives you a questioning look. “You did not tell me Seungyoun was coming.”

“Oh,” Jimin says, her lips forming the same shape. “Well, I invited everyone but only you, Seungyoun, and Vernon could come. I think the two of them are coming together in like half an hour.”

Groaning, you drop your head into your hands. “I thought it was gonna be a girls’ night. Do you see how I look right now? This is a girls’ night outfit!”

“Who cares?” Jimin says, shrugging. “It’s just Seungyoun and Vernon. I’m sure they’ve seen you in a sweater before.”

She might think she’s right, but you always dress nicer when you know Seungyoun is going to be somewhere. He’s definitely seen you on facetime or in pictures looking like garbage, but not in person. You’re basically in pajamas right now, with unstyled, messy hair and no makeup on at all. 

Goddamnit.

“Do you have any makeup I can put on? They’re gonna judge my bare face,” you whine, making sure to include Vernon in the judging too so Jimin doesn’t get suspicious.

“They are so not,” is all she says, handing you a glass with the somaek she just mixed. “Drink this and relax.”

You sigh, accepting your fate, and take the drink, downing half of it in one go. You weren’t allowed to drink during your diet for all of December, so you’re craving the feeling of being a little tipsy.

Lo and behold, by the time there’s knocking on the door around twenty minutes later, you’re already on your second drink, despite knowing you should slow down. For some reason, you’re feeling very anxious about seeing Seungyoun again for the first time after he got kicked out of your music studio. That was over a month ago, and you’ve thought it over a million times since then. He’d never texted you. Maybe he wasn’t sure if you had your phone or not, and didn’t want to get you in trouble if you didn’t.

Or maybe he just didn’t care to.

That thought makes you feel sick enough to take another long swig of you drink as Jimin gets up to open the door. 

“We brought chicken!” Seungyoun’s voice rings out into the apartment, drawing your attention immediately. You stand from where you’d been sitting on the floor by the couch and walk over to the entrance, eyes widening in surprise when you see who’s actually here.

“Sahee!” Jimin exclaims, hugging the girl that’s behind Seungyoun and Vernon. “It’s been forever!”

“I know, right,” said girl, Sahee, replies with a grin. She turns to you, noticing you before the others do. “You must be Y/N! I’ve been dying to meet you.”

“Hello,” you say, bowing your head politely since you can’t tell if she’s older than you. Shocking you enough that you almost drop your drink, the girl embraces you suddenly, then pulls back with her hands gripping your shoulders. 

“I’ve heard so much about you from Seungyoun, I think we’ll totally be friends! You’re so much prettier in real life, too. I always see your face when I go shopping!”

You laugh, somewhat awkwardly because not only are you confused, you’re a little uncomfortable. “Oh, thank you.”

You’re not sure why, but part of your disappointment at Seungyoun bringing a girl along with him is that he didn’t bring Wooseok. You think you ought to text him later and ask why he didn’t come.

“Everyone come sit down,” Jimin says as Sahee lets you go. You avoid Seungyoun’s gaze as you all start walking back over to where you’d been before, instead greeting Vernon and helping him carry one of the boxes of chicken.

You sit down between Jimin and Vernon, Seungyoun and Sahee ending up across from you. Immediately, you finish what was left in your drink. 

“Soooo,” Sahee starts, opening up one of the boxes and putting a few pieces of chicken on all of the plates you set out before. “We should celebrate Seungyoun, Vernon, and Y/N’s awards from this season with a toast!”

Everyone cheers, and you cheer along, clapping your hands as Jimin pours the drinks. Your group hadn’t won a lot of awards by any means- the competition is fierce among girl groups. Despite that, standing up on stage and accepting what you did win is a memory you’ll never forget.

You all clink glasses and then drink- but since you’re attempting to be sensible and not pass out, you just take a sip.

“Oh- by the way, Y/N,” Jimin says once everyone sets their glasses down. You glance over, having picked up a chicken leg and prepared yourself to eat it. “Sahee is an old friend of ours, she’s a composer.”

She’s a friend.

You almost sigh in relief, but instead just smile at Sahee. “It’s nice to meet you, sunbaenim.”

She waves her hand. “Just call me Sahee-unnie. I’m not big on formalities.”

You nod, biting into your food.

The conversation goes on from there, and you find Sahee a lot nicer and more interesting than you had expected. Or maybe you just didn’t want to like her off the bat because she showed up with Seungyoun and you were afraid they were dating. Either way, you manage to avoid talking directly with Seungyoun because everyone else fills up the conversation so well.

After about an hour, you excuse yourself to the bathroom. 

When you come back out, Sahee is standing in front of the door, leaning against the wall like she was waiting.

“Oh, sorry,” you tell her with a sheepish smile. “I took a minute to fix my hair.”

“No worries!” she says. “I wasn’t waiting for the bathroom, I was waiting for you.”

You raise your brows, surprised. “Oh, really?”

Sahee nods, smiling. “Can you come out onto the balcony with me?”

You nod slowly. “Uh, sure.”

You follow Sahee out through Jimin’s bedroom and onto her balcony, a little confused as the girl beside you casually leans on the railing. She smiles over at you, brushing her hair behind her ear.

“Sorry if this is weird,” she says. “I just don’t want anyone else to hear.”

“Oh, okay,” you respond, quietly. You tug at your fingers, feeling nervous for some reason. You shuffle your feet, but kind of lose your balance. Sahee reaches out and stabilizes you, chuckling. 

“You’re pretty tipsy, huh?” she pats your arm. “I can’t get drunk around Seungyoun. I’m scared that if I do, I’ll accidentally tell him how I feel.”

It takes a moment for her words to register in your head.

“How you… feel?” you repeat, frowning.

Sahee laughs under her breath, shaking her head. “I know this sounds ridiculous, but I needed to meet you. I know Seungyoun trusts you, he adores you like you’re his real little sister. I’ve loved him for years. I just need someone to… someone to figure out how he feels about me. Someone to make me look good. I can’t handle it being one-sided anymore.” she looks at you, eyes full of hope. “Would you do that for me?”

Your head spins.

“...Huh?” is all you manage to say, cold from shock. “You want me to… what?”

“Y/N-ah,” Sahee says, taking both of your hands in hers and standing face to face with you. She clutches them, her grip tight, her long nails digging into your skin. “Please. Please do this for me.”

You stare at her, your mouth hanging slightly open. “I don’t… I don’t know if that’s fair of me… shouldn’t you just…” you swallow, hating yourself as you say the words. “Shouldn’t you just tell him yourself?”

Hypocrite.

That’s what you are.

“Please, Y/N,” Sahee practically begs, tugging at your hands. “I’m asking you girl-to-girl. I’m sure you’ve felt this way before. Please.”

Your stomach turns, and you lurch away from her, pressing your hands over your mouth. You vaguely hear Sahee gasp and ask if you’re okay. Your hands shake and you squeeze your eyes shut, trying to mutter something about being fine. Sahee’s hand wraps around your wrist and you feel her try to pull you back into the apartment, but you pull back, letting go of your mouth.

“I just need some air,” you tell her, shaking your head. “I’m sorry. Just give me a minute. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, don’t be sorry,” she says, but you start tuning her out, clutching the rail so tightly that your knuckles turn white, and dipping your head down so that your forehead rests on it between them.

Sahee leaves when you don’t lift your head back up for a few minutes. She probably went to tell them that you’re feeling sick and wanted a minute alone outside.

Hands shaking, you finally let go of the rail, and take your phone out of your pocket. You open your messages, searching for Kim Wooseok.

i need to talk to you. are you busy tonight?

You send it without thinking much, taking deep breaths to try and calm yourself. He answers right away.

What’s wrong? 

Your fingers are trembling so hard that you mess up and have to retype your message over and over again.

i just have to ask you something. it’s urgent. i need to get out of here

Once again, he replies instantly.

Where are you? I’ll come get you. 

You sigh in relief, sending him Jimin’s address.

I can be there in twenty minutes, is that too long?

no, i’ll be outside the building

You send, and then after a moment’s hesitation, continue.

thank you

Wooseok doesn’t respond to that one.

You sigh again, shoving your phone back in your pocket after looking at the time. You run your hands through your hair, and shake them around, trying to stop the trembling. 

You figure that you’ll kill some time by just staying out here, the thought of going back into the living room with both Sahee and Seungyoun present making your stomach flip again. You feel a little dizzy, so you sit down against the wall, looking out over the city. 

You tip your head back against the wall, shutting your eyes.

You open them again, because all you see is Sahee’s face in front of you. 

What did she say? That he adores you like you’re his real little sister. That she’s loved him for years. She’s known him for years. Probably much longer than you. What if he loves her back? 

He adores you like a little sister.

You want to scream. You don’t know if it’s the alcohol that’s making you feel like shit or those words. 

You pull your phone out and check the time, but only three minutes have passed since Wooseok last texted you.

“Y/N-ah?”

Your head snaps to the side, eyes wide when you find Seungyoun standing in the doorway, looking down at you with concern.

“Are you okay?” he asks, sitting down beside you as soon as you catch his eye. You turn off your phone hurriedly. 

“I’m fine,” you say, looking away. “Just felt sick all of a sudden. It’s probably because I haven’t eaten that stuff in a while.”

Seungyoun’s hand lands on your head. He smooths it over your hair, presumably trying to comfort you. “Do you want me to take you home? You drank a lot.”

You shake your head quickly. “No, no! I’m gonna take a taxi, I’m gonna leave in a few, so…”

“Why don’t I just take you?” he asks again, sounding more insistent. “That way I’ll know for sure that you got home safe. You never text me when you get home after you take a taxi.”

“I’ll be fine,” you say, glancing over and trying your best to give him a reassuring smile. “I’m gonna go now.” you stand, his hand slipping away from you.

Seungyoun stands too, frowning. “...Fine. Let me walk you downstairs then.”

“You don’t need to,” you tell him, shaking your head again. “I’m not drunk, I promise.”

“I know you had three drinks, Y/N,” he says, frown deepening. “There’s no way that you’re sober.”

“My tolerance is high, you know that,” you try to smile again. “I’m gonna go now. I’ll see you soon.”

“Y/N,” Seungyoun says, sounding more serious. 

He grabs your wrist when you try to move past him. You avoid looking him in the eye.

“...Is there something wrong?” he asks, his voice sounding a little strained. “We haven’t talked since your manager showed up at your studio, and I can tell that you’ve been avoiding talking to me the whole night. Are you okay? Did your manager tell you not to talk to me or something?”

You hesitate to answer, considering telling him yes. Maybe if you say that, he’ll just leave you alone…

“No,” you say, unable to lie to his face like this. “I’m not avoiding you.”

“Yes you are,” Seungyoun’s hand slips from your wrist to your hand and squeezes it. “Tell me if there’s something wrong. If you don’t tell me I can’t fix it.”

You can feel your hands start to shake again, hating for the first time the way his skin feels against yours.

There are so many things wrong, you say in your head.

There are so many things you wish you could tell him. Or maybe it’s just one. 

You feel like your chest is going to explode. You think you might start crying or screaming if you stay here. 

“I’m not, I promise,” you say, out of breath, unable to look at him. Your breath starts quickening, and you feel a panic attack coming on. “I really need to go now.”

“Let me take you-” he starts, but you pull your hand away fiercely.

“I don’t want you to,” you manage to force out. “I’m sorry.”

You catch Seungyoun’s eye as you push past him.

He looks hurt.

It hurts you.

In the living room, you bow your head to your friends, and talk quickly. “I’m so sorry but I’m going to go home, I don’t feel well.”

“Are you sure?” Jimin stands, her brows furrowed in concern. “You can sleep in my bed if you want, Y/N.”

“No, I already called a taxi,” you tell her. “Thank you, though.”

“...Alright,” she says. “Have a safe ride. Text when you get back.”

“Sure,” you say, and turn to Vernon and Sahee. “Bye. It was nice meeting you, Sahee-unnie.”

“You too,” she says, but barely glances at you when she says it. 

After hurriedly putting on your shoes, you grab your bag and coat and with a wave, leave the apartment, rushing to the elevator.

You let out a heavy sigh of relief as soon as you step outside the apartment building, feeling half the pressure in your chest alleviate right away. You flip the hood of your jacket over your head, zipping it up as you’d been in such a rush that you forgot before.

You take your phone out, checking how long it’s been since your conversation with Wooseok. Only ten minutes.

You sigh, and look around for a bench to sit on. There isn’t one, but across the street is a convenience store with some tables in front. Your vision is a little blurry from the stress and the three drinks, but you willfully ignore the fact that it’s dangerous, and cross the street.

Since you luckily weren’t hit by a car in your mildly disoriented state, you sit down at one of the tables and go on your phone, opening and closing various social media apps. You even open your email, although there’s not much in there you care to see right now. 

Where are you?

The text banner appears at the top of your screen. You tap it instantly. 

convenience store table across the street

You’re expecting to see Wooseok walking up to you. You’re not expecting a car window to roll down a few feet away and see half of his face poking out about a minute later.

He wordlessly gestures with his head for you to get in, so you walk around to the other side of the car and get into the passenger seat, sighing as soon as you sit down. You put your seatbelt on and lean back, letting your eyes fall shut.

You feel a little calmer, in this enclosed, quiet space with him.

Wooseok doesn’t say anything. He just starts driving.

You think it’s probably at least ten minutes later when he finally parks somewhere. You open your eyes and turn towards him, undoing your seatbelt so you can be more comfortable.

Wooseok is looking at you with a vague expression. “Why’d you want to talk?” he asks, straight to the point.

Your teeth latch onto your lower lip, and you start tugging on your fingers. “I…” you take a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “...Don’t update me about Seungyoun anymore.”

Wooseok frowns. “Why not? Did you get over him or something?”

You shake your head, looking down at your hands. “It’s not that. I just… I just don’t want that anymore. I don’t… I don’t think it’s right to do that. Or to ask that of you. I just don’t want it anymore.”

“...Okay,” Wooseok says. When you glance back up at him, he looks a little apprehensive. “Did something happen?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” you mutter, watching your hands again. “I just wanted to talk to you. You make me feel better.”

“What do you want to talk about then?” he asks, being more patient than you expected. 

“Tell me about yourself.” you answer. “I’m sorry if it’s selfish, but I could use a distraction.”

“...It’s okay to be selfish, sometimes.” he says, but it almost sounds like he’s saying it to himself. “Fine. I’ll talk about myself. But don’t just sit there and not say anything.”

You smile over at him. “Thanks, Wooseok-oppa.”

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Hi me again ok so have you seen the netflix series October faction? If not please watch the trailer on YouTube what if dabi and his s/o hunted supernatural beings like the parents in that show? Lol I wanted to ask for kai but lord knows he'd scream into the void if his s/o is doing anything remotely dangerous let alone getting close to demons vampires etc

"Hey man." The elder lifted his hands up with a smirk while Dabi merely lifted his eyebrow up "You don't have to kill me."

"Actually I do."

"No you don't. Think about it, hurting a elder on the middle of a street would be pretty bad to your figurine wouldn't it?"

"Right. But I am a villain-" he lifted his hands up and blue fire was already comming out "So imagine can go fuck themselves."

The lord's sympathetic smile immediately disappeared and his face contorted into an abominable figure, eyes turning completely black, and his mouth was transformed into hideous fangs.

His growl was stopped when he was suddenly shotted as Dabi half smirked in amusement.

"Nice conversation there." You said while loading your gun and getting close to the corpse.

"Wasn't in the mood anyway." He crouched down along with you and looked in total boredoom at the dead man monster in front of him and his lover "What's the type of the fucker?"

"Have no idea." You sighed and looked at the new type of fangs of the man in curiosity "Probably a mixture of two kinds... but I don't put my hand on the fire like you do sometimes burnt nuggy." You got up amd picked your notebook to scribble on before you noticed Dabi's deadpan face looking at you "... that pun wasn't intended. I swear."

"Sure." He chuckled dryly and got up with a grunt, sneaking a look at your notes before you could even notice his curious turquoise eyes.

He would always tease and complain that your notes weren't even a bit necessary for you guys hunting, but when he came down and almost got his ass beat by an Nachzehrer, a fucked up mixture of a vampire and zombie he thinks, he shut his mouth about the issue when he remembered at the last moment of one of your notes and killed the atrocity.

And you, as a good lover and doll, laughed at his face while patching him up while he complained and grumbled about it.

"Right. Should we still walk for the night or...?"

"We don't have much choice, unless you want to sleep on the street." He chuckled at your hearted scoff and walked with his hands on his pockets close to you.

"I'm starving..." you whined as he one arm around you, keep you away from the cold.

"Hm. I can hack Enji's credit card to get us some food." He said nonchantly as you chuckled.

"Really? No, one day you're gonna get caught with that."

"Oh wow. So scared here that I thought I was going to shit my pants. I deal with shithead monsters almost twice a day and will have fear of cops." He said in sarcasm while you and him shared simple small talk.

Until you both got some silenty footsteps.

You two shared a look before Dabi and you got on guard, the raven haired man preparing the heating of his quirk as you already had your hands on your gun.

"It seems to be following us." You whisper and Dabi nodded, faking that he got off from his guard and grabbed on your hand.

"Let's just go." He urged you, you getting his plan and following his plan "There's some grub that we can have and-" he stopped his talking to abruptly turn and send a wave of heated blue flames, getting whoever it was the bastards out of his spot as you aimed your gun at the guy's head.

"Who?" You said coldly as the man let out a laugh.

"Man you two have guts, holy shit." Dabi made still had his arm on fire as you only tighten your grip on your gun, both never broking the glare you were giving at the man.

"Answer the question, unless you want to burn to ashes."

Middle-aged man of moderate height and slight build. He had short gray hair worn parted to his right with side bangs hanging above his eyes, along with a small mustache and a goatee on his chin, and to complete his lok he had those glasses on.

He patted his clothing with a laugh, his smile showing that one of his teeth was missing before he looked at you and Dabi.

"It does matter? My name might or not be Giran. But I would like if you call me that anyway."

"We don't care about what you like or not." You said firmly "Why were you following us just a few minutes ago?"

"Saw the couple killing one monster just half an hour ago. I've been searching for you two for a while to be honest."

"Creppy as fuck stalker you are, eh old man?" Dabi muttered while Giran shrugged uncaringly.

"I might be. But I noticed that both of you have too much talent to be wasted like mere thugs on the street, whose even worry about if they're going to eat or not, risking their own lifes to kill those things that hides on our society."

"This seems like you're trying to convince us of something?" You smirked sarcastically as you lowered your gun just a bit from his head to his chest, while Dabi stopped with his own quirk before his skin got much damaged.

"More like a propose dear friends."

"We're not your friends." Dabi muttered nonchantly as Giran came closer and handed you a card.

"There's people out there who does the same thing. Believes on the same things that at least one of you do." He looked at Dabi for a moment "Heroes only care about taking villains to jail... and only becaus ethey want fame, isn't that right pal?"

You looked at Dabi and he had the same uncaring look, but you knew that after all of his following on the Hero killer, Giran was actually making his mind.

"We don't actually work for others dipshit." Dabi muttered as he picked the card from your hand to look himself on it.

"And league of villains is a pretty fucked up and shitty name to be honest." You said and smiled a bit at Dabi's dry chuckles.

"The name sucks maybe. But will give you both not only more chances to kill monsters and fight heroes, but to also gain some money some food and a place to sleep as a bonus."

You looked at Dabi and he seemed almost convinced just like you were.

"Only follow me and I will show the couple who you have to listen to. Besides-" he looked at both of you with a smirk before returning to walking "Taking down the hero's faked society and monsters is a good thing, isn't that right pals?"

Dabi looked at you when your stomach growled and you flushed red. He patted your head with a scoff before wrapping his arm around your shoulders and whispering in your ear.

"Maybe is a good deal?"

"Maybe. If we at least have food and a place to sleep is fine." You looked at your gun with a frow as you both walked "I need to change my munition and take care of your scars as well."

"Ah?" He got close to your face as you smirked at him as well "Worried about me sweetcheeks?"

"Not even a bit." You lushed him shortly before continue to follow the man.

[originalhybridloverfics]

I Can’t Let Her Die Ch7

A/N: I’m trying my hand at shorter chapters in the hopes I’ll be able to post more frequently. 

Felicity was relieved when she finally got off work.

She hated working at Tech Village but never more so than today.

Having had Roy bodyguarding her all day Felicity just wanted to go home and forget everything else.

But she couldn’t. She had to into the foundry. There was work to be done if they were going to catch her killer.

She needed that. She needed her life to go back to the way it was. Before she had an ax hanging over her head.

And not only that Oliver, future Oliver needed to get back home but he could only do that once they saved her and she wanted to help him.

He was affected by her death more than she thought possible and if she could take away his pain she would do anything she could.

Oliver has been through so much already, she didn’t want more pain, more loss for him.

She wanted him happy. Was that too much to ask?

All she wanted was for him to have one happy story and if he believed that her being in his life, having his girl Wednesday at his side than who was she to argue. She loved being the one he relied on.

And honestly, it would be great not to have to make up stupid excuses about why she needed a bodyguard shadowing her every move.

Felicity bounded down the steps of the foundry tuning out Roy’s complaints about her car being too small.

“Don’t be a baby, Scarecrow. Stretch and roll those muscles and you’ll be fine. I’m sure, it’s nothing more than a bad kink.”

“You’re too short, you wouldn’t understand. That car was meant for tiny people like yourself.”  Roy retorted.

“She’s perfect just the way she is.” Future Oliver’s voice sounded.

Felicity looked up to see him approaching with her Oliver and John. All three men were covered in sweat, shirtless as they walked off the training mats.

Felicity thought it almost strange how she could immediately notice the difference between the two, even in their voices.

Future Oliver, when he talks to her, there was nothing but vulnerability and hope in his voice. Just looking at them, she could tell them apart. Her Oliver held himself at a distance while the future Oliver seemed like he couldn’t get close enough.

They were the same man, same looks, same voice yet she could tell them apart in an instant.

“How was work?” her Oliver asked.

“It was soul-sucking, is what it was.” She continued, setting her purse down and moving toward her computers.

“Were there any attacks?” Oliver continued.

“I would have called if there had been,” Roy told him.

Felicity deflated, looking at present Oliver. “I thought you were asking about my day.”

Future Oliver set his hand on her shoulder. “You can tell me about your day.”

Felicity looked up into his eyes and the intensity she found had her breath catching in her throat. She reached up with her hand and squeezed his in thanks.

Present Oliver’s eyes shot to their hands and his eyes narrowed. He placed his hand on her lower back and urged her to sit in her chair. “You should check on your searches make sure they're still running.”

Oliver wanted to get Felicity away from his future self, he didn’t like the way he looked at her or the way she stared at him with the softest of looks. Why didn’t she look at him like that? They were basically the same person.

“Of course, my searches or still running unless someone went messing with my babies when they should keep far away from them.” Felicity sat down in her chair, her fingers moving over the keys.

“Have your searches located are target yet?” John asked, moving behind her.

“No,” Felicity shook her head. “Not yet but once we find him, you guys do your thing and we’ll turn him into SCPD.” Felicity’s brow furrowed though. “Though they’ll need a reason to keep him detained indefinitely.”

There was a quietness behind her that she wasn’t used to.

She turned and saw John staring at her his arms crossed, Roy had a dark expression and the two Oliver’s seemed to be sharing a silent conversation as they stared at one another coming to some sort of silent agreement.

“Am I missing something?” Felicity asked, looking between the two Olivers’s.

“Felicity, we need to find your killer before he kills you,” John told her.

“I know that John,”

“You don’t understand,” Roy interjected. “We’re not going to give him the chance to kill you.”

“I know which is why we will be putting him behind bars.”

“Felicity, we’re not handing him over to the police.” Her Oliver told her slowly.

“What are you talking about?” Felicity knew what her team was saying but she couldn’t believe they were all willing to cross that line for her.

“He has to die, Felicity.” Future Oliver’s eyes were hard, his lips curved into a grim line. “I won’t take the chance that he’ll get to you. The only way to eliminate the threat to your life is to end his first.”

Felicity stood up. “We don’t kill,” She took a step toward both Oliver’s, her left hand took her Oliver’s hand in hers and her right hand took future Oliver’s hand in hers. “You made a vow, a promise to Tommy, to honor his memory that you wouldn’t kill. And it’s not who either of you are. You’re not a killer. I don’t want you to break it for me. Not again.”

John and Roy silently excused themselves, giving them some space.

“Too late.” Future Oliver said, eyes dark.

“What?” Felicity's hand fell away from both of theirs as future Oliver sent his future self a look.

Her Oliver looked back at her a moment. “It’s not a choice when it comes to your life.”

Felicity shook her head. “You only kill when necessary.” she looked at future Oliver. “You didn’t have a choice right?”

“I did and I chose to kill him and I still would have made the same choice.” Future Oliver said.

Felicity turned away, needing a moment.

Oliver killed for her again. He killed for her when the Count held her hostage and now he did again.

He always made it a point to honor Tommy by not killing but when it came to her it was like none of that mattered.

She was quickly finding a pattern.

For Oliver, she was a line that could not be crossed, or else Oliver got Arrow happy.

It wasn’t a good thing.

He couldn’t kill every time she was in danger. Not in their line of work because if he did there would be a string of bodies all over Starling city with the amount of trouble she tended to find.

When she turned back around, her Oliver had wandered over to Roy and Digg leaving her alone with his future self.

“When did you... was it right before you came here?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Oliver reply was abrupt.

Felicity felt like he was closing a part of himself from her off and it hurt. “Okay,”

Oliver stepped forward, his hand coming to rest on the side of her neck. “I don’t want to talk about it here. I’ll answer any questions you have when we’re alone but I rather not talk about the worst time in my life with an audience.

The worst time of his life? He couldn’t possibly be including his time on the island.

There was no way her death could compare to the torture he went through on Lian Yu. It just wasn’t possible and yet. Future Oliver had never looked more haunted then when he talked about losing her.

“Okay,” she said finally. “We’ll talk later then.”

Later when she had time to be alone with him and be able to process what he told her without being on constant watch by her team.

“Alright,” she turned away from him addressing the rest of the team as they discreetly watch her from the training mats. “Who wants food from Big Belly Burger?”

“I do,” Roy said, picking up a bow, intending to get some practice in. “I’m starving!”

“Great, I’ll go get everyone some food while my searches run.” Felicity scooped her purse back up.

“You can’t go alone,” her Oliver interjected stepping forward.

“I’ll go with her,” future Oliver was already pulling on his shirt and looked at his younger self. “You stay here and train with Digg.”

“I can go,” Oliver interjected, bristling as being told what to do even by his future self. Especially by his future self.

“There can’t be two Oliver Queen’s out in public.” Future Oliver argued, his hand moving to hover at Felicity’s lower back.

“He’s right,” said John. “Besides, he’s the only one who has dealt with our enemy. He’s the best person to be looking out for her.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got Felicity.” Future Oliver said.

That’s what worried present Oliver. He could see the way Felicity was looking at his future self and hurt to see her looking at someone like that.

Someone that wasn’t him.

Felicity didn’t like being discussed like she wasn’t there but she did enjoy Oliver’s protectiveness. It made her feel special and like she mattered to him in a way she didn’t believe was possible until now.

She smiled at future Oliver and allowed him to usher her up the steps of the foundry, a soft look in her luminous blue eyes.

Oliver watches them go, his stomach tearing up in knots with a familiar emotion that he was starting to associate with Felicity.

The same feeling he got when he saw her with Barry, the same emotion he felt every time he saw his future self with her.

Her smiles had always been for him, that soft adoring look in her eyes pointed his way was a light in the dark recess of his mind and now he wasn’t the one receiving that look.

It sent his emotions reeling to see her looking at someone who wasn’t him.

Barry was nothing, his jealousy then was more petty than anything else.

That wasn’t the case when it came to his future self.

This time it was serious, he felt like his future self was slowly stealing her away and it was tangling him up inside.

He needed it to stop. He wasn’t sure how much he could take.

A possessiveness unlike anything he ever felt before was building up inside him and he wasn’t sure how much more he could stomach seeing them together.

He was looking at everything he ever wanted but was standing on the outside looking in.

It was harder than he imagined it would be to see Felicity with someone who was not him and he hated it.

A/N: You can also find this story on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18196577/chapters/63832900

Tags: @erika-amber @msbeccieboo @faegal04 @eloiselili @jendiaz69 @omglovechrissie @icannotbelieveiamhere @hope-for-olicity @keabbs  @lageniuswannabe @it-was-a-red-heeler @aguschaer @memcjo @mariestark @alwayssawyou

[dopposhusband]

I know I say it all the time, but I wanted to tell you directly for once: I think the stuff you write is genuinely great! Whether it be a few headcanons, a fic or a description of one of your AUs, I really love them! They're well written and always interesting to read, so thank you for posting your stuff! I'll always be looking forward to more! Once again, I have another question about your boys! Do you have some friendship HCs? Either between them or in general? ^^

@yokairu​ Youre the absolute sweetest!! It means the world to read that, I owe you so much, thank you! I wrote a whole thing about Doppo having friends once at three in the morning and its been sitting in my drafts for a few weeks so I thought the ideas I had there would be interesting here! I also put a lil hc what I think being friends with them would be like too!

Doppo doesn’t really have any friends outside of Jakurai and Hifumi which is a huge shame because I think he could get along with everyone! He really deserves more people to care about him!

💼 Dice inviting Doppo to try a more adventurist life for a night, have the two go gambling and drinking together. I just want Doppo to be able to loosen up and have some fun and I also want Dice to understand just how much of Doppos apology loops come from such an abusive work life. They’re complete opposites and they could learn something from each other!!!

💼 Doppo being a big brother figure for Ichiro, Doppo is literally the walking definition of exhaustion and having to take care of two baby brothers must’ve been tough on Ichiro. So Doppo can understand having to hide more negative emotions from his years hiding them from co-workers, managers, customers, and maybe even his own younger brother. Doppo might not be able to help carry the burden Ichiro has but let him give him like a nice lil head pat, tell him hes doing a great job!!!

💼 Also speaking of buster bros, Jiro and Saburo??? Like imagine Doppo teaching Saburo how to use Microsoft Excel!! Jiro catching Doppo on his lunch break and begging him to buy him lunch too, then Doppo complaining about how much his job sucks and Jiro giving him some of the worst career advice ever.

💼 Rio teaching him how to make all kinds of drinks and foods he can eat to relieve his stress and tension. Just Doppo out in the woods to clear his mind from the bustle of the city, taking in fresh air and just relaxing. Having someone like Rio who isn’t too talkative but is always willing to let him vent then after hes let it all out he can just lie back and look at the stars!!

💼 Even though Ramuda and Matenrou are on very tense terms but having him make clothes for Doppo. It could just be something small like a nicely designed tie but it’d be enough because itd liven him up knowing that this is something no one else in the world has!! And just having him model for Ramuda at all, it would be such a good boost to his self esteem and hed get to wear all kinds of pretty outfits!!

💼 DOPPO BOOK CLUB!!! DOPPO BOOK CLUB!!! On Doppos days off he host a book club with Gentaro and Rosho! They all talk about books they’ve read, Doppo usually only talks about chapters rather than full books because he rarely has time to read. Gentaro constantly lying about the ending of a book to goof on Rosho and Doppo but always feeling a little bad when Doppo takes it seriously and gets all bummed that it was taking him too long to finish.

💼 Sasara the funny clown man trying his damnedest to make Doppo laugh at one of his jokes!! The salaryman is sad too much he deserves a good laugh too and sometimes Sasaras funny so its perfect!!

👔 Being friends with Doppo changes the longer you know him, at first he’ll be very nervous and overly considerate, but after a long while he’ll eventually relax. He worries a lot about being a burden or about you thinking being friends with him is an obligation so you’ll have to be the one to initiate conversation with him at the beginning. Once he feels confidant that you really care about him then comes the second hurdle of him feeling terrible about never having any time. Time is an issue for Doppo but he tries his hardest to always answer whatever texts you send him and he always extends an invitation to you whenever he can! Slowly, he’ll also be more open about his emotions, not like he isn’t already but he’ll be less worried about expressing them. He’ll be less indecisive on vocalizing his annoyance if you do something that bothers him or if you’re doing something stupid alongside Hifumi. He’ll still be apologetic but less so when it comes to him keeping his ground because you guys are close enough for him not to worry about bending over backwards. Its all a long process but if you do make it to the end you have a very loving friend who is just glad to have you around!

Ichiro needs more people to hang out with, people he can de-stress with when he’s away from his brothers. MC BIG BRO DESERVES A BREAK!

🎧 I know I ship with IchiDice but the two would make great boyfriends and regular friends! Ichiro tends to avoid things that he’s too young so he can’t go gambling instead he gets Dice addicted to a gatcha games. Dice isnt huge on the anime stuff but he sure loves hitting those SSRs! The two are always talking about their pulls, bragging about the good and complaining about the bad almost 24/7. On the other side though when a day gets too stressful Dice is more than okay to listen to Ichiro vent a little, although it is rare and its not like Dice gives good advice but its nice to have an outlet. In return Ichiro always lets Dice crash at his place whenever he hits a massive losing streak.

🎧 Ramuda constantly complains about Ichiro and his brothers clothes so he has an excuse to make them new ones. He also loves texting Ichiro just to chat, always using stickers and litters his texts with emoticons.  。.:☆*:･'(*⌒―⌒*))) °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) ヽ(￣ω￣(。。 )ゝ

🎧 Okay, now hear me out, Rio and Ichiro. It’s the strangest combination but Rio is just such a sweetheart, after the DRB he came over to the Yamada household to check up on them and bring them food. After a little while of gaining his trust Ichiro would slowly warm up to him, I mean he helped with chores and cooked for them. (Even tho the food is a little suspicious being made literally anything) It must be hard to take care of two kids when you’re still a kid too so Rio wants to try and help a little.

🎧 I think there isn’t enough of a focus on him being on good terms with Jakurai and the two being friends. Like Rio, Jakurai worries about Ichiro and how much of his childhood was taken away from him so whenever the two are together he tries to take up the responsibility of paying or driving so he can relax. He takes him and his brothers out fishing occasionally, how much they catch depends on how much Jiro and Saburo argue though.

🔴 Ichiro is an absolutely amazing friend to have! Although his brotherly instincts can make him a little overbearing sometimes, always inviting you over for dinner or reprimanding you if you do something a bit more reckless. He loves involving people in his interests so if you even hint about anime or hip hop he’s on you in a second to drop everything he knows about the subjects, he has whole list of series, artists, and light novels he can’t wait to share! Of course he loves to hear about whatever you’re interested in at the time too and tries to get into it too! Day offs or slow days are anime days so be prepared to get hit with a spam of messages from Ichiro to watch that anime he kept talking about!

Dice travels literally all over the place, he deserves to know pretty much everyone, honestly.

🎲 Jiro and him are some rowdy boys, they get into all kinds of trouble! Whenever Jiro goes tagging sometimes Dice will tag along if he’s too broke to be gambling. If Jiro has any extra cash on him he’ll take Dice to get something cheap to eat since he can’t have him starving himself. Honestly, Dice is like having another older brother except he’s more embarrassing than Ichiro could ever dream to be.

🎲 He usually ends up seeing Samatoki at some of the casinos around Yokohama and like the true idiot he immediately begs for money, not the smartest thing to do to a yakuza but this is Dice. After being yelled a firm no, he’ll usually bum a smoke off him and the two will chat for a little. Sometimes if Samatoki is feeling friendly he’ll tell Dice about any gambling rings happening and if hes being even friendlier he’ll warn him about the dangers too.

🎲 Jyuto and him have run into each other a couple times although it was mainly him having to be escorted off private property. Every time Jyuto gets a call about about someone trespassing he gets so exhausted the moment he shows up and its just Dice again. After being pretend arrested Dice always ends up begging Jyuto to drive him to Rios camp.

🎲 Hifumi has found Dice in the alleyways he takes to the train station, the two usually chat on the way back to his apartment because Dice can’t say no to Hifumi’s cooking. After eating everything Hifumi would make him he’d usually either beg for gambling money or just enough to get back home. Although, on winning days he’ll visit the club, request Hifumi and a champagne call as thanks for feeding him with an extra bonus of downing a whole bottle of champagne. 

🎰 Congratulations you have gotten your very own stray cat! Dice is constantly coming and going so don’t be surprised to wake up and find him sleeping on your doorstep or couch if you gave him a key. He’ll be looking to you for food and the occasional pity 10,000 bills because he swears THE NEXT ONE IS THE WIN PLEASE. You never have to worry about telling him no though, his ability to go from groveling to standing on his feet to just chat is at a record speed. He usually spends his time gambling but if you can’t then he’s more than fine just talking a walk through the town pointing out places where he won or places he lost everything and had to hide while he waited for Gentaro. Past all the begging he’s a funky boy here for a good time and when he hits that 777 you are definitely one of the first people he goes to when its time to celebrate! 

[lavenderhyrdrangea]

Blind

Hey! This is a chapter from my fallout 3 long fic.  If you prefer to read it over on Ao3 click here.  If not then enjoy!

 At the age of twelve, Viola was convinced  that the concept of The Vault was irony personified..bunkerfied? From the point of design the vault was sterile and colorless—meant  to prioritize  order--but it cradled thousands in its womb, away from the dangers of the outside world. Her father joked that they needed  the rigid structure  since it served as a  proper protection. Had it been made of  hay or sticks they would’ve crumbled. Plus, he pointed out that she was at the cusp between childhood and adolescence where everything safe seemed plain and boring. At least she  had the vault baseball games every Friday if she  ever felt starved for excitement. Now those were a welcome bursts of color. Nothing could beat two co-op teams running, sliding and shouting across the field, claiming bases.Not even that one freaky Friday when an imposter snatched up and replaced Amata could.

They waited in the girl’s locker room, preparing for the game. Viola tested the swing of  the steel bat between her palms.

“Wood’s better,” she murmured to herself.

Even a total newbie would’ve rolled their eyes at that bright observation but the quiet had to be filled somehow. Between swats, She snuck sidelong glances towards Amata who sat on a bench, baseball clutched in hand and eyes peering at it.

Finally Viola cracked, “You’re suppose to throw it.”

Reluctantly, Amata let go of her fascination with the ball. The room with all its rickety, gray lockers suddenly existed and she’d been  plopped there.

“It would help if I had a target. Any suggestions?” She asked behind a paper-thin smile.

With her bat now slung over her shoulder and leg stretched to  rest  her foot on the bench, Viola pointed.

“Good question! The right question actually. Follow me. Let me know if you get lost.” She cleared her throat. “ One hour into the future. We’re in uniform and the doors to both locker rooms are open. Mr. Botch is standing in the center of the atrium. You know putting the teams together and pouring out  rules and stuff then he asks the BIG question. Who  pitches and who bats? Who does it first anyway. Some greasy  moron with a dumb little accent goes, ‘Yo teach I think I can handle the throwing.’ You grip the ball harder and think, Oh yeah? And-”

Her bat dropped with thunk as she sprang into a  windup position.

She raised her leg, using her knee to lead the way, drove into a turn and sent the imaginary ball flying.  Adrenaline switched on, she dashed crosswise to fill the role of the ‘victim’. She pressed her fingers together and tapped them to her lips and spread them with an obnoxious pop.

“How’s that for right in the kisser?”

Amata flashed a genuine smirk now. Elation eased its way into the room. She seemed to take a step away from her previous contemplations. “You know he’ll just tear after us. Or try. Mr. Botch is fast.” She crossed her eyes and shook her head side to side. “ ‘You’re done for, Nosebleed.’ ”

“Oh, that’ll be great. He’ll run his mouth something fierce like he always does.”Viola said, settling onto the floor. “How do you think Paul deals with it?”

“ Are you kidding? He gobbles up everything that bully says. He’s not bothered.  Now if we’re talking about Wally...”

Viola was ready to list the many reasons why she felt not one iota of sorrow for Wally when an unbidden yet hilarious thought crossed her mind.

“Imagine if the world hated us and Butch was our friend?”

This earned her a nose crinkle.

“Not funny,” Amata groaned.

Viola, puffed chest and squared shoulders, drawled in Butch fashion, “ ‘What’s the matter with you? Daddy’s making you play ball like everyone else? Or can’t you take one of my jokes? You big baby.’ “

Amata shook her head. “I can’t believe he calls what he does jokes.”

Viola watched how Amata alternated from pressing her palms  together to wringing her hands. Her sanguine nature  was beginning to fade, acquiescing  to  her hidden thoughts.

Viola covered one of Amata’s wrist with a reassuring hand. “I mean it, you know? A busted lip is the least he deserves.”

“Sometimes I wish I could solve all my problems by just hitting them.” She shifted uncomfortably under Viola’s questioning eye. “Sorry, for sounding like freaking lunkhead.”

“Who or whatever this problem is must be wearing you thin.”

On the spot, she peeped, “ You peek at the  things your dad has on his private terminal every once in a while, right?”

“Whatever isn’t behind an administrator’s password.” Viola couldn’t begin to go over the number of times she goofed  around with some of her dad’s files.  Most of them were the Vault residents’ boring and if she was being honest, invasive, medical information. “Why?” Then it hit her. She rolled her eyes. “So you went to your dad’s super secret room and went through his stuff. Seriously, Amata? It happens to the best of us.”

“That not it.” Amata took a deep breath, bracing herself. Even still she faltered when she said, “ I found baseball scores.” Before Viola could cudgel her way through the rest of the conversation with her trusty club, Sarcasm, Amata  babbled on. “I thought they were the normal ones from our games but these were... copies? Duplicates? No, that’s not right. The first time I looked at them they were the same and the second--Amata sighed. “Ms. Armstrong. Her thing with cards: cups, swords, and moons or whatever. You remember, don’t you?”

Amata’s explanation for what the heck that had to do with anything was delivered on shaky breath. The way she told it these scoreboard duplicates—shadowboards she aptly called them—elaborated on the usual stats to form estimations of  people’s personalities. Amata noted  that they followed Ms. Armstrong’s tarot model.  She’d draw up a number of cards, place them side by side, and read them to read you. She’d see  a cup card  and a sword card say it meant all you’ve ever fought would go pouring down a drain.  In the same way a stat like multiple home runs would be taken into consideration alongside a players day to day antics, so the conclusion that, perhaps, they enjoyed  taking things head on or that they were one and done type of person or that they were overachievers could be made.  

Much of  what she said seemed to be hastily patched together hodgepodge but it  meshed just enough to  take off running in Viola’s mind.

“What’s it all for exactly? Ms. Armstrong does it because she wants to ‘get’ people.”

“That’s the problem. I don’t know.”

Amata became scarce the following weeks. Whatever  spaces  in-between where they would talk  was often obscured by her aloof attitude. All their conversations made Viola felt like they were speaking to each other through a tiny hole in the wall. To add to everything,  her own newfound  curiosity about what was on that terminal lead her down paths made out of paranoia. She’d go back and forth with herself. In one minute she didn’t care if the Overseer kept tabs on them. It wasn’t any different than a manager watching over an employee. Dad made sure Jonas was doing his due diligence all the time. Then, in the next, the objections would spring out. Jonas to some extent knew what dad was doing.  Amata’s uneasiness made the situation out like the Overseer’s “notes” were supposed to be a secret. Secrets weren’t always bad. An Overseer’s kept secrets however spelled trouble.

“Hey.” A grating voice called, causing her to snap to attention.”Nosebleed. I’m talking here.”

Right. Deloria. Cafeteria. Trying to pilfer her food.

“Gimme your mash,” he demanded.

“Get your own instead of trying to mooch off me.”

“Don’t give me lip. Fork them over.”

Viola sighed and shoved the bowl his way.  She couldn’t muster the appetite to finish the by then cold meal anyway or the tic for tac energy to deal with his antics.

He gave the surrendered food a suspicious look over.  “I swear if you spat in this I’m going to sock you one good.”

“I would’ve done it in front of you. What’s with the funny talk?”

“A loser like you wouldn’t understand.” He shoveled  spoonfuls of mash down his gullet. “Where’s your girlfriend?” he sneered, white chunks clinging to the corner of this mouth.

“More like where’s yours. Having another fight I see. Tell me, who started it? You or Wally?”

He gritted his teeth.  No doubt he thought that would make her flinch back in fear but with his cheeks  full and puffed up with food, he looked like a baby throwing a tantrum. Fitting. “ You're lucky the rest of the outfit isn’t here. We’d clobber you.”

“Awwwww, you guys made up then?” She smirked.

For a split second, Butch’s fist clenched then slackened.

“Nothing but trouble and not the good kind either. You and that stick in the mud. Can’t believe I got to apologize or whatever.”

“Apologize?” Viola narrowed his eyes. “What did you do this time? And got to? Tell me who’s making you apologize so I can give them a hug.”

“Who do you think?” He angled his head towards the cafeteria doorway where Officer Gomez and Officer  Hannon stood. “Dogs ma calls ‘em. The Overseer has them stuck to me over some prank. I saw Amata hanging out with out  with Old Lady Palmer. I figured since he likes hanging with old people that she’d want to fit in. Two Words: Flour bomb.”

How did he get his hands on flour to do that?

Butch grumbled on about how she went and got her father. The Overseer was livid. Butch’s punishment was to apologize to Amata everyday for two weeks and  work under Grandma Palmer for the same amount of time.

He whispered. “I still win though. Your little friend dropped something.”

Suspicion needled away at her nerves.  She glanced at security.  This was either another prank that would land them both in trouble or something that would make her want to kick his teeth in.

He grinned, all teeth, as he yanked something out from  inside his vault suit pocket.  It left her dumbfounded when  she spotted a jagged piece of paper with scribbles in his palm.  Officer Gomez seemed to watch them intently now. Butch nudged  at her shoulder with his  open hand. She  shook it.

“So, I guess you’re apologizing to me too, huh? Probably just doing it because you’re in trouble.” She said in a level tone.

Butch mumbled under his breath at the notion of an  apology to her as Viola ‘wiped her eyes’.     In the tiniest  and most familiar scribbles the paper read, “Deathclaw.”

“Password?” She mouthed.

His helpful shrug prompted her  to believe  that this wasn’t the best way to communicate. There were napkins around to write on but no pen or pencil. What to do?  The ketchup packets in the condiment bin called to her.  Better than nothing. In poor, tomatoey scrawl she made another attempt.

Password?

Idk. Maybe important.

You know, how?

Butch ripped five napkins from the dispenser.

Secret codes are always important.

Amata’s writing.

Hah! I’m right. It’s important.

As much as she didn’t want to admit it, he was right. Amata was messing around with the Overseer’s terminal and she might not have been sharing the entire truth with her. The Shadowboards had more to them, something pivotal. She needed the info. So she bargained him for it-- His codes for her mash.

Bad deal.

Will get you out of trouble.

Who? You? Amata? No you won’t.

Officer Hannon threw a sweat inducing glare their way. Definitely wasn’t a fan of them using up vault supplies. Propping her arm up like they were arm wrestling, she leaned in for clearer conversation and less waste.  

“Come on, You’re no good with computers.” She whispered.

He gripped her hand.

“Oh, like you are?”

“Better than you.”

Arm already shaking with the force, she tried shoving his hand down.

“I’ll bet.”

“What’s stopping me from running off with this code right now? I’m trying to be nice even though you don’t deserve it.  Repay the favor.”

“I’m nothing but nice so long as I get what I want, Nosebleed.”

He overtook her but  as  what little patience she had sifted between her fingers she regained  strength, bringing them to a  stalemate.

“Just let me have it.” She hissed.

“You think that I’m just some radroach that takes off running when you stomp your feet but you’ll wake up  eventually.  The Butchman is the toughest in the vault.  Either I help or no dice.”

He didn’t sound the same as  he  had seconds prior.  His voice had grown deep and edged with annoyance  and a wisenheimer touch. Familiar and foreign.

“Fine.”

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

Imagine finding out Peter’s secret

commission for @lexinthelibraryofdreams

The elevator door pinged opened to the correct flood, the box of Chinese take-out filling your nostrils and making your stomach growl in anticipation. Stepping out of the elevator, you walked over to the Parker’s apartment door and knocked as best as you could without dropping the box.

“I’m coming!” Smiling, you grinned when May opened the door. Her glasses were rested on her head and she had a glass of wine in hand. “Oh good! I’m starving, come in, sweetie.”

Following her into the apartment, she closed the door and instructed you into the kitchen. You laughed when she began to search for plates and utensils, her mouth going a mile a minute about how she’s been having a hankering for Chinese.

“Oh, god, look at me going on and on,” she laughed, placing the plates down on the counter. “You are so nice picking up dinner, how did Peter and I get so lucky?”

You laughed and shrugged. “Should we say a little prayer for AP Bio?”

May snorted and shook her head, pointing to the hall. “Can you go get Peter? He’s been awfully quiet, I’m sure he’d be happy to know his cute girlfriend is here.”

“MAY,” you groaned, holding back a smile as you left down to Peter’s bedroom.

You loved spending time at the Parker’s home, May had been wonderful from the day Peter brought you over to study for the first time – bringing snacks and giving Peter the thumbs up, when she thought you hadn’t noticed. After that, Peter and you had gotten closer, eventually he asked you to winter formal and then he asked you to be his girlfriend.

It had been six months since you said yes and the two of you were as thick as thieves, minus the moments when he’d have to go at random times when you were out. Other than that, Peter was a perfect boyfriend and friend, so when you knocked on his door and he hadn’t answered, you slowly crept it open.

“Peter?”

You strolled into his room, but he wasn’t there. Walking further, you noticed that the window was open. Peeking out, all you saw was the city but before you could pull your head back in, thinking Peter was in the bathroom, something red and blue catch the corner of you eye. Head shifting to the right, your eyes widen in disbelief when you saw Spider-Man, hanging from a web that was attached to the window up a floor.

“Spider-man?”

He didn’t say anything but waved and that’s when it hit you. Peter’s habit of always having to leave without a moment notice and never really having a believable answer to where he had gone, it all made sense now.

“Peter?”

His name came out in a whisper and for a moment, he didn’t do anything until he slowly peeled off his mask. It was your boyfriend, the one that liked to walk you to class even if it meant he’d be late to his, who invited you to build the Death Star with Ned (who was totally excited to have another person to help), and whose family was like your own.

And now apparently, he was Spider-man too.

“Hey, babe,” he smiled wearily, his eyes fixated on yours waiting for a reaction.

It was a lot to take in, but in that moment, his safety was a concern, which seemed absurd considering.

“Can you maybe get off the wall and come inside?”

Peter laughed and said yes, asking politely if you’d move. Doing so, you backed up and watched as he climbed back inside, clearing his throat when he came eye to eye with you.

“I’m sorry I haven’t told you,” he apologized, taking a deep breath. “I just – I just didn’t want to put you in any danger. Ned knows, thinks it’s pretty awesome…”

“Of course, he does, he probably gets to be the guy in the chair.”

Peter chuckled. “Yeah, he does. I…I’m sorry for lying to you.”

Understanding where he was coming from, you thought of Tony Stark – he was Iron-Man and was getting married to CEO Pepper Potts, if it could work for them…

“I don’t care, Pete. I don’t care if you’re Spider-man,” you confessed, gently grabbing the mask from his hand. “I love you.”

His face lit up in excitement and he grinned. “I love you too.”

“Good,” you laughed, leaning forward to kiss him gently on the lips. “I have a lot of questions though.”

“I’ll answer them all,” he promised, and you nodded, tossing the mask back to him.

“But right now, we better go eat dinner with May, I don’t want her thinking we’re having adult relations.”

Peter’s eyes widen a bit and he smiled. “Are we having adult rela – “

Cutting him off you laughed. “I just found out you’re Spider-Man, one step at a time, yeah?”

Laughing, he agreed and started toward the door, but you grabbed a hold of his elbow, pointing out that he had to change into normal clothes. Peter shrugged and before you could stop him, he opened the door.

“Hey Aunt May, Y/N just found out I’m Spider-man!”

You stared at him in disbelief as he smiled and held out a hand to you.

“THAT’S GREAT! BUT THE CHINESE FOOD IS GETTING COLD!”

A wild laugh left your throat as the two of you were being called to the kitchen and Peter wiggled his fingers at you, asking if you were ready to eat. Stepping to him, you took his hand and grinned.

“Yeah, Peter, I’m ready.”

[kitten1618x]

GoT Afterthoughts ep. 08x01 ‘Winterfell’(Part 3)

Annnnd I’m back again! So where were we? Oh yes, back in Cersei’s boudoir...

~

The first thing I noticed is Cersei is drinking wine again. I’m still not 100% sure she was pregnant to begin with, guys. They were very secretive and ambiguous about the whole thing if you think back on it — and those leaks about her miscarrying turned out to be a wash.

~

Cersei is still salty about those damn elephants.

Same girl, saaaaame.

~

Euron wants to know how he compares to her past lovers. She strokes his massive ego a bit until he brings up Jaime—still a tender wound, she warns him to tread lightly, then simultaneously insults and compliments him as he lays a possessive hand on her stomach and declares he’s going to put a prince in her belly. She promptly dismisses him.

~

What’s striking here is that Cersei appears to be fighting off tears. Clearly, she didn’t want to sleep with Euron, but did so to keep him loyal to her. Love her or hate her, it’s sad to see her at such a desperate and low point where she’s basically whoring herself to keep an ally. Especially when Euron is such a wildcard, and now that he basically got exactly what he wanted—who’s to say he’ll stick around?

~

But, if you believe in political!jon, this is quite the parallel to Jon essentially doing the same to hold onto a wildcard ally in Dany.

~

I’m still not sold on a Cersei pregnancy/miscarriage guys...

~

While Euron is distracted, Theon and what remains of the Iron Born loyal to them, free Yara. She promptly headbutts him for leaving her ass, then helps him up. Now they’re even. 10/10 realistic sibling behavior. lol

~

Yara wants to head back to the Iron Islands, but senses Theon’s need to make amends to the Starks. She sends him to Winterfell with her blessing. I truly love these two as a strong family unit!! Gahhhhhh

~

We drop back into Winterfell where Lord Royce greets Alys Karstark and her people. And why this is necessary got me like 👀. Almost as much as why Alys was cast as a tall, red-headed girl... perhaps to fake a death scene of another important tall red-headed girl with the battle of Winterfell right around the corner?

~

Davos schools Tyrion and Varys on Northern stubbornness and loyalty. Then he proposes a marriage alliance between Jon and Dany if the world should survive. And fucken gag me, Dadvos... I expected better of you! lol I believe the words he uses are “a just woman and an honorable man.” And I’m sorry, it’s just hard for me to reconcile this statement with the same Davos who was extremely skeptical of the things Missandei was saying about Dany last season. Or the same Davos who looked extremely uncomfortable with Dany’s tantrum on the beach when she accused her hand Tyrion, of not wanting to murder his family... but, I digress.

~

We end this scene on Varys’ ominous words, sure to leave a bitter taste in your mouth: NOTHING LASTS. Drop those truth bombs, Varys.

~

A marriage alliance between a truly just woman and an honorable man is probably still in the cards... just sayin’.

~

We drop down from the battlements where Dany and Jon are strolling amongst the battle preparations. Of all the things they could be talking about: the wall falling, the issue of food shortages, etc. Dany brings up Sansa, of course. (no love triangle brewing here folks, none at all).

~

Dany licks her lips and looks around coyly, as if annoyed. “Your sister doesn’t like me.” — well neither did Bran really, or any of the northern lords, but it’s only Sansa’s name on Dany’s tongue—how curious. (Not really).

~

Jon’s eyes shift nervously before he turns to face her and sighs (because I’m telling you, he knew this was coming and it’s no coincidence that he’s kept his mouth shut and stayed out of the conflict). “She doesn’t know you.” Truth. He attempts a joke at how Sansa didn’t like him much either when they were growing up, but Dany isn’t amused.

~

“She doesn’t have to be my friend, but I am her queen. If she can’t respect me…” Dany leaves the threat and it’s implications hang in the air between them, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

~

Dark!dany is here, y’all.

~

I’m sure Dany stans and the jonerii are twisting themselves into pretzels to explain this away.

I mean, it’s not like Emilia herself didn’t warn us all that her character would be doing some ‘weird shit’ and we’d know when we saw it...

~

But Jon’s face here is strikingly similar to these various scenes...

And...

And...

Same. Ass. Energy. You do the math friends, but he’s certainly not looking upon her lovingly.

~

Luckily for Sansa and Jon, the Dothraki steal Dany’s attention to inform her of the livestock count of the dragons’ current dinner menu: 18 goats and 11 sheep. Dany looks alarmed—the dragons are barely eating. Barely. Do you have any idea how many people that amount of livestock could feed?

~

That’s why it’s really hard for me to not be critical of Dany’s character here. I realize she loves her dragons and they are her ‘children’, but in this moment she shows more empathy for the dragons lack of food (who truly can fly off and hunt) than that of the actual people who quite possibly could starve—and was irritated with Sansa for bringing it up.

~

And I will show this fucken gif as many times as I want because it’s so important!!

Food is so important. Don’t let the antis try and tell you otherwise.

~

Jon and Dany go to check on the dragons, and we have the scene we were treated to from the early released stills.

Jon asks what’s wrong with the dragons and Dany replies “they don’t like the North.” — and there is definitely a double meaning behind her words, as I don’t think Dany much likes the North, either. She climbs atop Drogon while Rhaegal expresses a curious interest in Jon.

~

“Go on.” Dany encourages Jon. Not the brightest move to give your bf of 10 minutes the keys to one of your WMD’s, and especially since there are surely much more important things to be done since being made aware that the wall is down and your other child is now a flying ice demon, but hey, joy ride time you crazy Targ kids!

~

So this must be the comedic scene the D’s talked about. I know everyone had mixed feelings about Jon riding a dragon, but I must say, I rather enjoyed this scene—except for the music, which for awhile seemed like a very jarring variation of the Truth theme. The music is very important in this show, so I’ll be curious to know when this pops up again, and where. Perhaps a dragon face off in another dance of dragons? Hmmm?

~

Drogon takes the lead, and Dany seems rather amused at scaring the pants off of Jon when she nose dives Drogon into a ravine and Rhaegal follows. Oh, but what’s this? Jon has realized he can control Rhaegal on his own, and brings the dragon in for a landing. Dany—a bit surprised at this—follows suit. Girl, you should be worried.

~

But she’s not, of course—at least not for long, because she’s busy being ‘twitterpated’ a’la a typical Disney flick, at the impressive place Jon chose to land—right beside an amazing waterfall. Props to loverboy, this is 10/10 primo scenery on the romance scale.

~

I would like to take a moment here to be petty af and point out that it is Daenerys that says the “we could stay here a thousand years” line—not Jon. And who could forget his super-romantic and witty come-back; complete in his Northern drawl: “we’d be pretty old.”

and Dany’s expression says everything! lol This from Mr. ‘I’d like to see you in a silk dress so I can tear it off you’. Pretty weak, Jon. You’re losing romance points for that!

~

Okay, but all joking aside, because I know a lot of my fellow Jonsas were probably a little put off by this scene; let’s break it down. After Jon’s crappy comeback, Dany moves closer to him, and he says something kind of flirtatious and sweet: “It’s cold up here for a southern girl.”

~

This is actually a very Jon-like thing to say, and I could even see this kind of banter between him and Ygritte. It’s also a very ‘equal’ thing to say—here, where no one is around, and formalities aren’t necessary. After all, had he said, “it’s cold up here for a southern queen,” it wouldn’t have had the same punch, now would it?

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However, Dany has no interest in being Jon’s equal — even here, alone, her first instinct is to remind Jon she’s the queen: “then keep your queen warm” — not, “then this northern boy better keep her warm”, or “then keep your southern girl warm.” Perhaps I’m reading too much into it, but that’s what hopped out at me.

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Now the kiss. Sigh. Yes, I’m not gonna lie, it definitely looks like Jon’s into it. But my darling Jonsas, before you’re ready to throw Jon under the bus (as I imagine quite a few of you did while I took an entire week to write up my recap) the parent reveal hasn’t happened yet! Simmer down and find your zen, Jon is not a northern fool!

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And for you antis lurking around: NO. This doesn’t negate political!jon. Not even a little bit. If political!jon is true, then he’s doing exactly what he committed to do—keeping Dany happy and keeping her North. The unfortunate trade-off is, she’s now their queen.

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But what do we have here? Drogon seems a little restless, and Jon immediately breaks the kiss, and casts nervous eyes in the dragons direction. (Gods yes, this is so romantic). Dany laughs it off and tells Jon not to be afraid, pulling him back into the kiss. But while she’s all oblivious and lost in the kiss, Jon leans her body sideways and opens his eyes to eyeball Drogon, who’s giving him a look like ‘bitch, I know who you are, and I know what you’re doing. Watch your back.’

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Is it a wonder why every single Jonerys love scene has been interrupted by weirdness? Bloody birth flashbacks, creepy brother voice-overs, no first kiss, growling stink-eyed Drogon... it’s almost like they’re trying to tell us that this isn’t really a romance.

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And this is where I leave you, for now. The last part will follow shortly, and NO, I won’t break my future recaps into parts. I only did it this way because myself and half my house are sick.