#that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else

[corpsentry]

pick your battles

[ghelgheli]

Afab people can also develop a gendered subjectivity in response to transmisogyny, whether they've been victims of it or not, just as amab people can develop it as a result of misogyny. So, if transfemininity is also defined by this characteristic, afab transfem also fit into it. Your objection to this fact is just a bias based, at best, on ignorance.

-

It's is a bioessentialist prescription because you're adopting a conception of transfemininity that dictates that to be transfeminine, you have to fulfil to expectation of being male assignment at birth. this is no different from someone who uses the bioessentialist conception of womanhood which require female assignement at birth. Both are form bioessentialism that we should not perpetuate at our level, but rather we should re-thinking these gender categories in a way that doesn't align with bioessetialist conceptions

whoops! you caught me out aha. I forgot that afab trans people have subjectivities shaped by transmisogyny. I also forgot that cis womanhood is defined in large part thru transmisogyny: the fear of being clocky, constant affirmation by distancing from the tranny-object except when it's hot to have a bit of a jawline now, palatability as opposition to the monstrosity of being the shemale. I guess cis women are transfeminine too!

let's remember, while we're at it, that transmisogyny is the spectre that haunts the subject of the cis man. the gendered border policing lest one take a step too close to sissification, the prohibition on behaviour that could threaten to make him a girl—oh! cis men are transfeminine too!

in fact, we're all transfeminine! transmisogyny, as the recognition and attempted correction of the tranny-glitch that undoes the threads of gender, asserts itself against all of us. it is impossible to be a gendered subject without having contours shaped by the domineering pressures of transmisogyny, because that is what demands we all fall in line to the gendered nightmare. oops! all transfem!

but wait. a certain group, deprived now of unique identification, has just lost the ability to describe its gendered situation. it has been swallowed up by the seas of inclusive thinking or whatever. I guess that's okay :) I guess we'll drop our complaints :) we were a nuisance in the first place, weren't we? sorry. so sorry for existing this way.

listen to me. listen to me not as your fucking ephemeral gender oracle telling you what you want to hear before being thrown away, not as your bullshit mouthpiece granting you entrance to this mystical domain you want to claim for yourself, but as a god damn person for once—an impossible thing to ask of the transmisogynistic tranny wannabe, I know, but try!

you cannot escape hegemonic gender and its violent devices with flaccid platitudes about "re-thinking these gender categories" as though by changing the names of things you can change the things themselves. transmisogyny is the bioessentialism, and transmisogyny is why I am a failed man—the faggot embodied—something less than both man and woman—a gender traitor specifically against my assignment itself. and if you cannot recognize the unique ways that transmisogyny is deployed unrelentingly and irrevocably against the ones who will never be able to resort to birth assignment as a defense—against the ones who cannot throw their hands up and say, "I was never supposed to be a man in the first place!"—you have not understood the first thing about the root source of transmisogyny, and it is no surprise to me that you have no sense of transfemininity as a political category, a(n un)gendered class.

[can-you-stomach-it]

I am a bitter transmasc and I am HAPPY to see Somerton being called out as the shit person he is. But I am also MAD. Trans content creators called out his plagiarism YEARS ago and nobody cared! But now that a cis person points it out, they believe.

Edit: I do not hold any ill feelings toward Hbomb. I have enjoyed his channel for years, and I think his video was well researched and he used his platform excellently to adress something very unjust.

What I meant with this post is just what I wrote. I am mad that whenever Somerton's fans were told about the plagiarism, they responded by ignoring or ranting about how it was all a misunderstanding. Even when evidence was provided.

Not saying this was the one and only reaction. But I personally had people be incredibly rude to me when I politely tried to explain why I didn't like Somerton and cited cases where he had stolen from trans people.

Yes, it's true that the reason why he was able to get away with this was that he stole from people with much smaller platforms. But I also believe that the credibility and good faith given to him is RARELY afforded to people in the LGBT community who are not like him.

Let me be bitter about the fact that cis white men can get thousands of dollars by ripping off the work of more vulnerable folks.

[edenfenixblogs]

okay this is a bit of a random question, and please feel free to ignore it for whatever reason! and please forgive any clumsy wording, i promise i'm asking just from curiosity and without any malice.

i know in jewish culture the mother is the one who sort of 'transfers jewishness' to the children, so i was wondering what would happen if a jewish trans man had a baby? would the kids be considered jewish or, because he's a father, would it be different?

lastly, i just wanted to thank you for all of your posts. i learn so much from you, and it always makes me smile when i see one of your art or tree posts!

What a great ask!!!! Thank you so much for your kind words!!!! It makes the stressful parts worth it. 😊🩵🩵

So, first off, I’m no rabbi or even a religious scholar. I’m just a Jew who likes being a Jew.

But here is my take that other Jews are free to add onto or provide sources on.

But there is no Jewish High Authority. There’s no, like, Jewish pope to sit around and let Jews know they’ve Done Jewish Wrong. Judaism is a cultural of mutual acceptance based on the totality of shared cultural wisdom and understanding.

So, a person cannot just decide “I’m Jewish now” and be Jewish. Jews as a community must accept them into our tribe after they’ve demonstrated an understanding of and commitment to our broad understanding of life. Jews also don’t have sects. We have different branches or streams of belief ranging from humanist to ultraorthadox, but we are all equally Jewish. We don’t even all believe in G-d. Our core values revolve around how we treat one another and are nuanced, which is why becoming a Jew is a process.

With that in mind, with the exception of a few very strictly outlier cases, matrilineal passage of religion is more of a guideline than a hard and fast rule.

I could be wrong as it’s been awhile since I learned this and may have some details mixed up, but I believe that the matrilineal passage of culture was partially instituted due to the frequent rape of Jewish women. As a community, we consider a child born to a Jewish woman to be as much a part of our community as any other member of our community, regardless of who fathered that child. Likewise, we take communal responsibility and cultural claim to that child. Someone cannot rape a Jewish woman and the take her child from her to be raised as non-Jewish that is an affront to us.

Other reasons I’ve heard for why Jews pass religion through mothers is due to equality. Matrilineal passage of culture is only one part of passing Judaism across generations. Jews get the religion from their mother and their tribe from their father. There used to be 12 tribes named after all of Jacob’s sons. But those were mostly scattered/lost over persecution and diaspora. Now there are only three (depending on how you break it down. It gets complicated LOL): Yisrael, Levi, and Cohen. Most Jews are tribe of Yisrael. I am tribe of Yisrael because my father is tribe of Yisrael. When you convert to Judaism you also become tribe of Yisrael. My mother is a Levite (tribe of Levi) because her father was a Levite. Historically, Levites played an important role in the Old Temple in Jerusalem as well as other culturally distinct duties ranging from everything from maintaining the temple itself, education of the Jewish community, singing in the old temple, serving as judges, and serving as guards of the temple. In diaspora and in times of strife in the biblical era, Levites also helped keep Jewish communities together and safe.

The remaining tribe is Kohanim. This group is believed to be directly descended from Aaron, Moses’s brother and therefore descended from all the priests of the temple in the biblical era.

It is possible that the Levites and Kohanim were able to maintain their tribal lineage patrilineally due to their status as leaders in early diaspora and therefore being able to maintain their roles in diasporic Jewish communities longer. I simply don’t know. But I do know that the culture is what mothers traditionally pass down and the duties and history of the tribe is passed down via the fathers. When both parents are Jewish, what matters is that each parent passes an important aspect of cultural identity on to their children.

But none of this is compulsory or set in stone.

And I will again say that my understanding of it all may be fundamentally flawed in some way, because of how unimportant it is to me personally. I mean, I think it’s cool that my mom can trace our lineage back so far. And even some DNA tests done several years ago have confirmed that my mom is descended from an actual Talmudic scholar which is fun to know. I think it’s cool that my ancestors were biblical nerds and judges and that my grandfather was a lawyer and that my skill that benefits the Jewish community during times of strife in diaspora seems to be education and outreach. I like that I personally seem to excel at issues related to judgment and education and community cohesion, because it is so in line with the history of my ancestors as determined by cultural norms as well as DNA. It also makes me sad that diaspora has taken away some of that cultural heritage from other Jewish tribes.

But it doesn’t actually have anything to do with how Jewish we are OR how important or valid we are to or within the Jewish community. These are rules/guidelines that were developed with the goal of maintaining identity and culture despite immense hardship. These are rules/guidelines meant to strengthen our community. But they were never (as far as I understand it all) meant to EXCLUDE anyone.

And here’s the thing: a slang way Jews have of referring to one another is as “members of the tribe.” Because beyond Yisrael or Levi or Kohen, we are all JEWS. We are all a member of the same tribe, and that tribe is Judaism.

Is the trans man Jewish? Have he and his partner (if he chooses to have a partner) agreed to raise their child Jewish? Then congratulations to them and their Jewish baby!!!

If one parent is a Levite or a Kohen and the other is another tribe, I’ll let them and rabbi decide how to sort that out. But even then it wouldn’t likely be viewed as a matter of contention but more as a fun Talmudic riddle to explore.

TL;DR: Patrilineal Jews are just as Jewish as any other Jew. And trans men are men. Beyond that, everything else is Talmudic nuanced debate.

[cerastes]

as far as my circle of mutuals goes, i think you're the only cishet guy around these days

We held a tournament, Highlander style, where we beheaded each other after climatic sword duels and absorbed the fallen's power. I am the Last Cishet who absorbed all of their power, known only by my title: Son Boy Allowed.

No but jest aside, that post did make me think of the times it's been brought up that I Am This in spaces where that's not the norm, and, well, each friend group or community has its own story, and in my case, it happened to be that the majority of people in my friend group & adjacent community, over the years, came out as trans mainly plus a few other identities, and while I did not understand it at all initially (even considered it could be catfishing, because I am from ye olde internet where catfishing was rampant and an olympic sport), my logic was "ok I love this person, they are asking me if I can refer to them as the other gender now, and that that's what they really are. There's not anything wrong at all with that, nor do I think this person I consider my friend could have nefarious intents with this, like catfishing, because I know them, so sure thing, let's go with that" and with time, I learned more and more about these topics, either by my own initiative (because I wanted to understand more) and when committing faux passes, because my friends would correct me or pull me to the side (send an IM) going "hey uh Drimo, you reblogged something pretty bad just now, are you aware?" "oh fuck no why" and I'd always get a helpful explanation.

Which brings me to the point: As a cishet dude, it REALLY helped me a LOT to understand these topics to have not only loving friends that live those lives, but to have said loving friends that live those lives and are willing to assume that my fuck ups and oopsies were born from ignorance and good faith, not from a hateful and discriminatory hill, and who then kindly informed me of X and Y.

So I have to agree with that post! At the risk of sounding self-aggrandizing, I do think being able to tolerate the misteps of a well-intentioned cishet guy who might not know all the 1s and 2s of the dance does in fact directly correlate to healthy, cool friend groups and communities. Over the years, the majority of my net friends have come out as trans, and a few others as non-binary and genderfluid, and I've never really had a situation where someone blasted me for my misteps, instead explaining What Happened instead. I've learned a lot over the years, and in fact, as a therapist, I've helped trans kids come out and have explained the whole shebang to their parents, but as a cishet guy, again, initially this was all very arcane to me, so I am always thankful for the people that took time and care so we could remain friends and so that I could grow to be a more worldly and open minded person.

[arvandus]

If you don't mine writing Dabi with a S/O that's a trans man and on their period.

Oh anon, I'm so sorry it took me so long to finally write this. It took some time for me to build the confidence, as I am not trans. However, I hope that I was able to empathize and understand in a way that resonates for you. Hopefully you're still around to be able to read this and I hope it is to your liking!

Between a Rock and a Hard Place (Dabi x trans male Reader)

CW: A bit of angst; hurt/comfort; established relationship; Dabi learning to be soft.

WC: 1,704

Nothing forced you into the bone-aching, skin-itching discomfort of gender dysphoria like getting your period.

It didn’t matter how you dressed, or the chest binders that you wore, or the name that you picked for yourself that resonated within your soul in a way your dead name never did.  Each month, the flawed imperfection of nature reminded you exactly how ill-suited your body was to your spirit.

You did your best to ignore it, to handle what needed to be handled with barely a glance.  But no amount of pain relievers could rid you of it entirely, the pain sometimes so severe that it felt like divine punishment.

This was how Dabi found you. 

He’d snuck through your window – the one you kept unlocked just for him – to find you curled up and miserable beneath your blankets as you lay on your couch, the pale blue light of the TV illuminating your face. You barely looked at him when he entered, and that alone was enough to set off the warning bells in his mind.  Usually, you were happy to see him. Usually, you were scolding him about his unusual entry, even as a grin tugged at your lips and your hands pulled him close by his coat collar.

But not this time.

This time, you were anything but welcoming.

“Go away,” was all you muttered, you voice muffled beneath your blankets.

You didn’t really want him to go, but you also didn’t feel like yourself in this very moment.  You didn’t want to be perceived, and you most definitely didn’t want to be touched.

And Dabi always loved touching.

Lots and lots of touching.

Dabi didn’t go. Instead, he stared down at you with sharp, blue eyes, his hands buried in his pockets.  He stayed silent, brooding almost, as he walked past you and into your kitchen.  You sighed heavily as you heard the fridge open, heard the pop of a beer can being opened.

When he returned, he didn’t try to worm his way close to you, didn’t invade your personal space like he usually enjoyed doing.  Instead, he sat on the arm of the couch and stared at the show you were watching.

Silence hovered between you, and the longer he lingered, the guiltier you felt.  He came here for you, to find comfort in you.  You were his safe place, his home.  Even though he never said it, you knew it, could feel it each time in the way that he kissed you, held you...

But it felt like that person wasn’t here right now.  That version of you that he found solace in wasn’t home, instead replaced by someone broken and confused.

Tears started to sting the corners of your eyes, and close behind came the tingling sensation of nasal congestion, the harbingers of open crying.  You sniffed, wiped at your eyes before the tears could fall, hoping to keep the actions subtle.

But Dabi was far too perceptive for that.

“What’s wrong?” he finally asked.

“Nothing,” you lied.  “I just don’t feel good.”

“You sick?”

“...yeah.”

“Move over.”

You curled your legs tighter against yourself, allowing him room at your feet.  He sat next to you and placed his hand over your covered calf.  You recoiled from his touch, afraid of what it meant, of what it could possibly lead to. Dabi stared at you, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips pulled into a frown.

“You mad at me or something?”

“No.”

That much was the truth, at least, and it felt good to be able to say something that felt honest for once.

“Then why won’t you let me touch you?”

His question made you feel cornered, trapped.  He didn’t believe you.  Why should he, you realized.  It wasn’t as if you’d made him feel welcome since the moment he stepped foot into your apartment.

“Because I don’t want to be touched,” you replied.

Dabi didn’t understand, and you could see the confusion and frustration written in the angles of his mouth, in the tight pull of his staples.

“Why--”

You snapped.  “Because I can’t fuck you tonight, okay??”

Dabi froze, his blue eyes wide, mouth slightly parted.  You froze too, your breath caught in your throat, tears burning at your eyes and you hoped they would blind you, keep you from seeing how much you hurt him.

You expected him to snap at you, to get pissed.  You weren’t sure why you expected that... it wasn’t as though the two of you ever fought.  Oddly enough, your relationship with Dabi was rather...mellow.  Maybe it was because both of you had seen enough of what unhealthy relationships were to know what to avoid.

But he didn’t get mad.  Instead, his expression gentled.  Not into something entirely soft, of course... Dabi wasn’t a soft person. But it calmed into neutrality, and he stared at you for the first time that night as if he saw you... truly saw you.

“It’s that time, isn’t it?” he finally asked.

You were surprised he figured it out so quickly.  After all, he’d never been around you before when it was your time of the month.  It was a combination of circumstance and carefully delivered text messages that managed to keep him away from you when you were struggling the most.  The fear of his reputation as a wanted criminal leading a trail of breadcrumbs to your doorstep made his visits woefully infrequent.  And the other times, times when you’d planned to meet up, were occasionally canceled with excuses on your part.  The need to work late, stuck in a social engagement, having the flu, etc.

Your tears spilled over finally, and you nodded, half-covering yourself against his piercing gaze. You stared at the TV in an attempt to put distance between yourself and your emotions.

Dabi let out a sigh and took a sip of his beer as he stared at the TV.  “Well that explains a lot...” he muttered.

And you knew in that moment that your excuses would never work again.  It left a strange vulnerability within you that you weren’t prepared for, but were forced to accept just the same.

You waited to see if he would do anything.  Get up to leave or get mad at you.  But he didn’t.  Instead he sat there, waiting.

Waiting for you.

“Sorry,” you finally whispered.  “I should have told you.”

“’S fine,” he replied. He finished his beer and set it on the coffee table in front of him. “it’s not a big deal, y’know.”

“Yeah, it is,” you muttered.

Dabi gave you a look of reproach, as if you offended him.

“Trust me,” he said, “it’s not.”

“That’s not what I meant,” you replied. “What I mean is that it’s a big deal to me.”

You forced yourself to sit up with a wince, the blankets still wrapped around you and covering your head as you sat cross-legged next to him. You were close enough now for your shoulder to touch his and your knee to rest over his thigh, and you took comfort in his warmth, in the firmness of his body. It was grounding in a way.

“I hate feeling like this,” you muttered.  “Like I’m stuck in a body that isn’t mine. I wish I could rip it out of me, like a puzzle piece that doesn’t fit.”

You felt Dabi’s arm drape over your shoulder, and this time you didn’t recoil. Instead, you leaned into it, allowing your weight to rest against his side.  You inhaled the scent of him, rich and comforting.

“Does it hurt?” he asked, his voice reverberating where his chin rested against your head.

“Yeah.”

“Did you take anything for it?”

“Yeah, but it didn’t work. I still feel like my insides are being scraped out with a knife.”

Dabi let a long breath out of his nose.

“Open up your blanket,” he said.

Your body stiffened again, and he noticed.

“Relax, I’m not gonna try anything.”

You unfurled from your cocoon and Dabi took the blanket.

“Lay down,” he ordered.

You did, resting your head in his lap. He put the blanket back over you, and tucked his arm beneath it until it was wrapped around your torso, his palm and fingers resting against the cotton of your shirt over your belly.  A moment later, a soothing warmth began to emanate from his touch.  Your heart fluttered in your chest and tears welled in your eyes.

“Dabi....” you started.

“Shut up and lemme take care of you,” he muttered.

So you did, falling into silence as you both continued to watch TV.  It wasn’t long before you felt his other hand on your head, his rough, calloused fingers gently petting you along your hairline and along the curve of your ears. 

Your breath caught in your throat at his gentle care.  He’d never done this before.  To be quite honest, you weren’t entirely sure he was capable of such affection.  It wasn’t that he didn’t care about you, but his way of expressing his feelings was either more heated and needy, or more... clumsy, all awkward pats and even more awkward words.

But now, right now, he was learning, adapting.  And you couldn’t deny that you needed it.  You needed this.  You needed to be touched, not out of desire, but out of love.  To be a person first and foremost, all other aspects of yourself set aside because they were secondary to what truly made you ‘you.’  One minute became two, two became three.  As the minutes stretched, your body began to relax.

Finally, Dabi spoke, his voice deep and laced with a tangled web of hurt and something akin to love.  “I don’t come here just for the sex, you know...” he muttered.  “I come here because it’s the one place where I feel happy.”

Guilt dug a hole deep into your heart.  You were supposed to be his rock, his safe space, and yet... here you were, neither of those things.

Tears stung your eyes again as your vision blurred.

“Even now?” you asked.

Dabi gave a dry huff. “Yeah, dumbass. Even now.”

And for the first time, you realized Dabi could be your rock too.

[leezlelatch]

There seems to be some discourse lately about content, the kind of content, and the community as a whole. Now, the last thing I want to do is stir up anything, but I had some thoughts that I'd like to type out, and I appreciate whomever decides to read it.

The purpose of this band is to make us happy. You've heard it time and time again, as long as we go home at the end of that show feeling just a little better, then TF is satisfied. And it seems like lately that happiness is hard to achieve here, on twitter, or wherever else one is active.

On Headcanon

Were you sitting at work today? Home? And suddenly that thought popped into your head, a little scene playing out about Copia, or Terzo, or Secondo, or Primo. A thought that filled you with excitement, butterflies dancing in your belly, which had you smiling because yes, in the world that makes you happy, that is what they are like. That is what they do. That is what they say. It's an amazing thing and it's good and okay, and you should be excited about it. Because you just added another chapter to the amazing story in your head. And you decide to post about it, but...someone left you an anon. Someone left you a comment. Someone vague posted. And it hurt.

This is happening far too often across tumblr, and it needs to come to a close. I understand that we all have vastly different ideas of who the Papas are and how the Ministry works, but that does not give a single one of you an excuse to say anything untoward or foul to anyone else on this platform. And this isn't talking about any particular group because more often than not, posts like this are used to justify the actions of others. You do not have permission to use this to further your agenda. Be kind. Choose to ignore that fic. Choose to stay off that person's blog. Stop making posts at the expense of others just because you don't like a particular aspect of their world.

I promise you'll still be able to sleep at night.

On F! Reader and x Reader Fic

I have seen many posts since I joined tumblr to write for the Ghost fandom that express a dislike toward reader fics, and in particular f! reader fics. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'd like to just reflect on my own thoughts on the matter, and once again, I appreciate the time taken to read and perhaps understand where I'm coming from, and know that it is a place of care.

I am a woman. When I write fic, I am writing it to satisfy my own little world in my head. So naturally, I am going to make the reader female, because the universal you is not only the friends I share it with or those kind enough to read, but the you is me. Every sweet word whispered, or gentle touch from a Papa is something I wish would happen to me.

I do not have the right to invade someone else's perspective. I do not understand what it is to be a gay man. I do not understand what a trans person experiences every day, and therefore, I do not feel like it is my place to write these perspectives in an x reader fic, or more so than that, in smut. And otherwise, I'm just not comfortable in doing so. I know my experience, and isn't the first step of writing, writing what you know?

I want there to be inclusivity in writing, but that doesn't start with attacking other authors for writing from their own perspective. It doesn't start with making hostile posts about reader fics, because what's the outcome? You just end up with some people very hurt and unwilling to post their stories because they think it's unwanted.

If you feel comfortable exploring these topics, talk to your mutuals. Say hey, what can I do to gain a better understanding of the content that I'm writing? What can I do to ensure that I'm not fetishizing due to my lack of knowledge? Be a community, and help each other out.

On Notes and Reblogs

A note is not the value of your writing. Whether you receive just a few or hundreds, you have impacted someone. Someone loved your story. Someone is thinking about your story all day. Someone was able to make it through because that one thing line you wrote spoke volumes to them.

We put so much of our energy into worrying about notes that the reason we started writing in the first place is lost. It becomes a chore. There are a hundred WIPs sitting in our folders because it becomes so goddamn painful just to work on one.

No one owes you a reblog. No one owes you a like. And even though it's nice, and it's gratifying to see nice comments on something you worked hard on, notes cannot be used as a currency between followers or mutuals. It just becomes a poison. Your entire tumblr experience is going to be marred by the constant worry that you aren't good enough just based on a number.

Learn to appreciate the ones who do read. Allow your story to make you feel good because there it is! That thing you've been thinking about. It's written down. You brought it to life. That is far more valuable than a tumblr note.

If you've reached this point, thank you. Everything you're feeling is good, and okay, and we're gonna get through. Because even now? When it feels like things are more hostile than happy? You still have Ghost. And you still have everything.

[queermasculine]

I've identified as a trans man most of my life, but recently the butch label has been calling to me, not to replace my identity as a trans man, but in addition to it. I think, sometimes, I still feel like a woman in some way and that woman is butch. lurking on blogs like yours has helped me work through these feelings. thank you

love that! that's how i feel about being nonbinary and butch. nonbinary came first for me. i knew early on that neither "man" nor "woman" were ever going to be comfortable categories for me to exist in, and that i would always feel safest around people who rejected them

but no matter how alienated i've felt from womanhood, i've never really been able to let it go. the tension between the person i am and the woman i'm expected to be has shaped too much of me to ignore. womanhood is a part of me, if only in the same roundabout way the absence of something can also be its presence. and that's the context in which my butchhood and my lesbianism exist

[dykeulous]

Your blog is a breath of fresh air. I don’t agree with you on some things (you’ve said in the past that you think intersex people can be sorted into women/men categories but I feel like that homogenizes and overlooks intersex specific experiences that you, someone I assume is perisex, cannot speak on) but it’s great to see a radfem not hostile towards trans people. I’m trans and have always lurked on radfem blogs because I care about misogyny but too often I’d run into a slew of horribly mean spirited, cruel posts about trans people and just feel so disappointed.

Something I’ve been stewing about lately is how the agency and complexity of the internal lives of females have been historically overlooked/repressed across cultures if that makes any sense? Like, many (not all, but many) culturally recognized groups of homosexual/gnc people have been male dominated and modern western dialogues around trans people centre around trans women. Tras position trans women as being more oppressed than trans men since trans women are disparaged more in the media, but I think this is just another example of how females are ignored and are not given the agency to be seen as trans/etc?? When males fall out of line, they are recognized as aberrations and seen as a threat. When females fall out of line, they are stupid women who need to be beaten into submission and ignored.

Does this make any sense? Is this something?

hello! first of all, thank you for sending me this lovely ask :). i 💗 interacting with all kinds of feminists, and i love having meaningful discussion with people who see my blog. my blog’s purpose is mainly to help people see that radical feminism isn’t this Big Scary Ideology™, and that it’s actually beneficiary for all of humanity ultimately.

1. i would like to disclose our disagreement around intersex people (i’m not trying to change yours/and or anyone’s mind!); everyone has a biological sex. everyone is either female or male, and i feel that claiming intersex people are this magical third thing does more harm to intersex people than it does good (yes, i am perisex, and i’m not trying to reduce intersex people to this or that, they all have their own unique experiences; however i’ve seen a lot of intersex people speak up about how it’s harmful to spread the narrative that they don’t have a concrete sex). as for whether they can be categorized as woman or man– the categories of woman and man are distinct gender classes ascribed to one’s sex. as gender abolition is my special interest, i spend a lot of time discussing at length on this blog about how our society would be rehabilitated & redeemed if we left these harmful, limiting, reductive & totalitarian categories behind– completely. however, as we are still very far away from abolishing gender, it’s natural that we will be inflicted & effected by it (which is why i don’t bash those who have social dysphoria– i myself also have it along with sex dysphoria, but unlike my sex dysphoria which is innate, my social dysphoria was a byproduct of misogyny– or in other words, it was a reaction to the patriarchy in a way), and intersex people most of the times are still, unfortunately, able to be sorted into one of the two harmful & classist categories.

to deny that they are is to claim that intersex people can escape socialization. this is simply untrue. intersex women cannot escape a misogynistic childhood, and intersex women & intersex men alike cannot escape gender being vigorously pushed on them; and on top of it, they face their own & unique struggles that perisex people do not. women with swyer syndrome cannot opt out of oppression just because they were born with a y chromosome. many intersex women have spoken at lengths about how rigidly they experience misogyny in their everyday lives. that doesn’t end just because they aren’t perisex. and, in some extremely rare cases– these gender class distinctions don’t even match biosex. an intersex person (as far as i know, please correct me if i’m wrong!!) can have a condition that causes them to be assigned male, however due to their appearance & literally everything else, they still get treated like a girl/woman and thus still experience female socialization & misogyny– sorting them into the “woman” gender class. if we deny the fact that intersex people can & are sorted into their gender class accordingly, we are risking situations like the recent one with imane khelif occuring. we do not want that to be a reoccurring theme. intersex women are women. intersex men are men.

2. i cannot explain the amount of happiness i feel whenever a trans person starts getting interested in radfeminism. i’m happy you can explore radfem blogs with a critical eye, and i know we have a really bad side to radblr– not only are there radfems who genuinely promote true neurosexism & hate dysphoric people, a lot of radfems on here are very racist & pro-capitalist; all of which completely strays from radfem theory & praxis. i hope you stay & i hope you keep viewing my posts :)!! as a trans person myself, i feel very welcome with my own circle of radfem friends & mutuals, and i hope you will feel the same way if you ever choose to personally align yourself with our movement. wishing you a warm welcome nevertheless!!!

3. radfems generally point this issue out. this modern “queer” community is really androcentric. tras believe that trans women are oppressed more than trans men, push the narrative that trans men have the power to oppress trans women & generally ignore & excuse all the abuse & degradation trans men have endured at the hands of trans women. tras have a heavy issue with realizing material reality, they think the world is based around a metaphysical belief system; in short, they are very idealist. they think trans women are oppressed more than trans men because they identify as women + they’re trans so they have to be more oppressed. they fail to recognize the male privilege trans women wield & they fear to point it out even when they do recognize it. they keep on telling trans men we need to make sure the women in our lives are comfortable, that we need to cater to the women around us, and they have this very unrealistic idea of us having male privilege & making women feel unsafe. the male privilege (and only a small portion of trans men even has this!!!) some of us have is very, very conditional. they never tell trans women they still have to make sure the women in their lives are comfortable around them, because being dysphoric doesn’t cancel out their male privilege.

trans women, if transitioned + on hormones (and especially so if they have lived as women for years, some trans women even lived as women longer than they haven’t) experience transmisogyny & their own unique form of regular misogyny (not all radfems are going to agree with this & i don’t think it would be fair to label them all as inherently transphobic for disagreeing, btw!!!), which is also conditional, as conditional as trans men’s male privilege is. i will never stress enough about how important it is to think critically & not write off all trans women as inherently this, and all trans men as inherently that. both radfems & tras have a large problem regarding this. some genuinely hateful radfems will even go out of their way to spew racist rhetoric because of their hatred for dysphoric people, and on the other end of the coin– tras will go out of their way to spew racist rhetoric to defend trans women, and, in this process, tear down black women’s agency.

a trans man might, through transition & living as a man for 10+ years, gain various forms of male privilege. he might gain access to a lot of things he didn’t have prior to transition. similarly, a trans woman, through transition & living as a woman, might lose various aspects of male privilege. however, the difference here is that while the trans woman in question will probably gain a special space in feminist circles, the trans man doesn’t suddenly lose his. he will forever be welcome by feminists. because female people share their own unique axis of oppression, and even though he does live as a man now & has male privilege to a degree, he still knows how debilitating misogyny is– and he, at some point, experienced it. the trans woman did not, but now she does, and they both can be included in feminist activism. the trans woman will still never have to experience some of the painful things only female people do, and she never experienced female socialization in the first place– so it is completely reasonable that she cannot be included in *every* aspect of feminism. we all have unique experiences & they are all equally valuable.

4. i also can see the conservative transphobes going “trans women are a threat!” & “trans men are just confused little girls”, but i don’t think genuine radfems do this. those who do are usually just using the term to dunk on trans people. either way, yes– female agency is very often stripped off, and female people are ignored wherever we go. female trans people especially so. this is why i hope transmascs & female dysphoric people in general realize that radfeminism holds their special interests at heart, and even though there are hateful people, our movement isn’t based on them. it’s based on female class solidarity. we have to love female people more than we hate male people.

[echo]

this is a response to @anarcho-yorpism's tag for me in this post. i'm not directly rbing bc that post is long and it has a lot going on in the notes.

anyway please note all of my responses here are my own, and not representative of Staff or tumblr. i am not T&S and have zero power to make any moderation decisions here.

with that disclaimer:

Predstrogen received a message from Tumblr saying she was banned for "sexual content". If she was not, why was she told this, why were her transition photos removed, and why has she still not been told the actual reason? (I understand not making it public, but it is your policy to tell the user) If she was, what was this sexual content, if not her transition timeline?

i can't really directly answer this for few reasons. firstly, i feel that staff shouldn't talk about her anymore bc i feel this continued controversy will only attract more harassment for her on other platforms.

secondly, as a low-level staffer talking about moderation decisions can get me, y'know, fired. i'd prefer not to do that.

also just like... i want to avoid getting into a narrative of "well she did bad things so she deserves it" or whatever. idc if she broke the rules or not, she didn't deserve what happened.

i know this isn't terribly satisfying to hear, but i'd like to be honest about why i'm not saying more at least.

If you can't answerblegal questions, ignore this question: The NYCLU settlement agreed that Tumblr would fix its moderation so it targeted transfem users less. Why has there been no comment on the settlement and actions taken since? There could genuinely be a large legal case against Tumblr after this, and I love this site and don't want that to happen. Also, wasn't it illegal under GDPR to release her usernames?

i'm not able to answer legal questions. i don't know the exact text of the agreement, but it mostly boiled down to some training and stuff from my personal experience there.

however not as a staffer but as NYC trans human: i would not put a ton of faith in the NYCCHR. they have some noble goals but they are a chronically underfunded city agency that in practice does very little to curb real-world violence against marginalized people. i tried to use them myself when my landlord was kicking me out right after i had surgery and they didn't even get back to me until months after everything resolved. nobody i know in the community out here has been helped by them off the top of my head.

i have sincere doubts in relying on the state to help people here.

A lot of transfem users don't like vague language like "prioritize", especially given point 2 and Matt's statement that improving moderation was not on the agenda. I understand you can't reveal company secrets in an already risky post, but we would like to see the specific actions taken after this, given a lot of broken trust by what @\photomatt has said. Are any of the trans women banned recently for "sexual content" going to have their accounts restored?

i don't know. i'm pushing internally for at least a review of everyone suspended to see if the less egregious stuff can be reversed. but like i said, i don't have a ton of power as i'm not in charge of anything.

and yeah, "prioritize" is vague corpo-speak. i know some stuff is shifting internally and what we said does match what is happening inside. but also... i've been disappointed before.

i can say i'm tentatively optimistic. people are responding seriously, and being asked our opinions for once is pretty nice. but also, systemic stuff is hard. i trust in my fellow workers and i'll continue to fight until i can't anymore.

so... yeah. i genuinely wish i can be more informative here, but what we wrote (and i want to emphasize we here, it was not just me by any stretch!!) is what we can say in an official capacity.

i'm just frustrated, tired, angry, depressed... and also weirdly hopeful?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I The Asshole for letting my mental issues tear a friendship apart? Pretty sure ITA but I wanna make sure I guess.

I (Agender Masculine, 16) had been close friends with someone (Trans Male, 16) who we'll call A, for a few months. I have clinical anxiety, autism, ADD, and a bit of a savior complex as well as just overall being a very overprotective person, while A is from an abusive household where he's undergone prolonged emotional and sometimes physical abuse and used to undergo sexual abuse as well. A used to trauma dump on me, and quickly learnt of my savior complex as I... well I genuinely suggested murdering his family, who had all taken part in abusing him at some point or another, as a solution, which at first he tolerated but later on at times was one of the only people that would actually have stopped me from doing it. Along with that, we had been fluctuating immensely between the friendzone and the grey area that lead to relationships for a few weeks, which increased my libido for a rather long time. Those two mixed together were rather unsettling to him in the long run, as all my disorders together making it difficult for me to really read him, and thus I could be a bit annoying and sometimes straight up agitating, as I'm a very touchy, emotional person that loves sharing stuff with people, while he's been going through problems and at times needed space, which I couldn't tell. Another thing is that due to my anxiety, violence and combat have long been forms of a strange comfort to me, and I would infodump about that to him, which also made him uncomfortable.

Another problem is that I have had a crush on him since I met him, and for a few weeks he believed he might have as well (why we fluctuated to the grey area leading to relationships). A's polyamerous, but his boyfriend, who I'll call B, is not and is not ok with sharing, so they broke up temporarily because of it, which caused A to grow a bit of resentment towards me.

Along with that, my crush is the main reason for most of my problems in the first paragraph, since normally I would have filtered those behaviors away, but since A had shown reception to my crush for a while and been ok with them for a while as far as I had been able to tell, I did not, and when I did start to realize the behaviors were problematic, it was already too late, and he declared us no longer friends.

Basically, AITA for driving a good friend away with problems caused by my ignorance and my mental problems?

What are these acronyms?

[terra-feminarum]

I bet the next big thing after gender identity is identification into a non-mainstream culture.

It's already happening in my country. Right after I had abandoned trans stuff I neary jumped into another identity train but then I realized it's trans all over again.

I factually do belong to that group when it comes to my heritage but the way activists are talking about it is weird. It's oppression olympics. It's claiming victimhood when our generation were never the victims. It's "You're X if you feel you're X." It's placing the blame on an entity that's easy to blame and doesn't retaliate, while ignoring the very entity which actually caused most harm, pretty much like trans people blame feminist women and ignore transphobic men.

Go ahead, learn the language, keep the culture alive, I'm all for it, I really am. But there has to be another way. I can see the appeal of being a special and oppressed person without actually having to experience the oppression in your daily life, but we need to be able to appreciate other things than victimhood. This is a complicated matter and I don't always disagree with the activists but it seems obvious this is another identity project which is supposed to make you special.

Anything like this happening elsewhere? Obviously things like these might differ very much in different contexts and it's a sensitive subject. It's very legitimate to connect with your ancestry and I highly recommend it to everyone, but what maybe rubs me the wrong way is the idea that some part of my ancestry is boring and another part could be a cool costume that makes me special.

I believe a part of this is the wish to reject the americanized consumerism that's now the culture of all western nations. But that's not the ancestral culture of anyone. Not you, not me. I know why people want to reject it and find identity elsewhere but the rejection can be found in all of humanity.

Once again, this is all very contextual and by no means I claim this applies to all matters around national and ethnic identities.

Anyway. I predict in the next five to ten years there will be more opting out of your boring mainstream ethnicity if the local circumstances offer an opportunity.

[edenfenixblogs]

What are you doing to help black people?

Several things! (A Note on My Personal Limitations: I am not black. I am unable to protest for health reasons. I do not have much money at all)

I elevate black voices whenever I can

I joined an anti-racism book club where I can learn how to be a better ally and unlearn as much systemic prejudice as I can

I do not tolerate anti-black racism from anyone in my life for any reason. I call it out every time, publicly.

I donate (when financially possible) to several causes devoted to both long term and immediate aid to to black people including: various bail funds in my current state and my home state, the southern poverty law center, the Homeless Black Trans Women gofundme, the ACLU, and others.

I consistently educate people in my life about the goals of BLM — including defunding the police — in order to reduce their knee jerk reactions and foster better understanding.

I shut the eff up unless I can help. I’m no savior; I know this. I don’t break into conversations that don’t involve me. I just listen. Most of my public advocacy is amplifying black voices on issues that affect the black community without adding my irrelevant opinions as white-passing person.

Privately, I have and continue to reach out to the several black people in my life to let them know I support them and that I am listening. I listen to them vent to me about their pain and suffering. I let them tell me if I’ve fucked up somehow without getting defensive. Then I apologize sincerely and onboard the new information and don’t do whatever the offending action was again. I have not had anyone tell me I’ve fucked up in that way in over a decade, though. I did, however, realize (during my continuing journey of learning how to be anti-racist) that I’d held problematic opinions as a teenager (nothing crazy. Just ignorant teen bullshit borne from growing up as a liberal in a red state and thinking I was more progressive than I actually was at the time) and proactively reached out to the black friend I’ve known since my teenage years to say that I know I was an idiot back then and I’ve learned a lot since then and I will continue to learn and to apologize.

My work involves public communications. In my role, I continually advocate for anti-racist, black-affirming language in our company guidelines and publicly disseminated materials, even when that means confronting my boss—who is a white man.

I vote in every election in which I am able, researching every politician and bill thoroughly from multiple sources and voting as leftist as possible and educating people in my life about these bills details and the politicians platforms and records.

I am not perfect and don’t claim to be. I only claim to try my best to continually improve.

I don’t make a habit of sharing private communique and am only doing so now because this post asks for receipts. Here are some excerpts from conversations had during 2020 when tensions were a little higher. I decline to share receipts from more recently, as those conversations include more private and more identifying information. The pictured conversations involve friends I’ve had since pre-school, high school, and college. Again, this is not something I would normally share, because saying “I have black friends” is tacky and gross. But I am trying to respect your request for my commitment to the black community, which does of course include my friends. It feels wrong not to mention them in this context, even though I feel awkward saying it at all. Im also sharing only the start of longer conversations, as my friends’ pain and concerns are not for public consumption.

Idk if replying to your question alerts you, so tagging you just in case. @phantomdiebe

[bengiyo]

Don't Care for an Old Man's Underwear! Ep 4 Stray Thoughts

Thanks to @isaksbestpillow for making this watch possible.

Last time, Makoto went on a friend date with Daichi to find an appropriate gift for his closeted boyfriend's father. They eventually found a massager that felt appropriate. Meanwhile, Kakeru has taken some steps to exit the house more, but he's taking care to avoid kids his own age because he never feels like he can connect with them. We got additional insight into Daichi, learning that he's suffered excruciating homophobia, and every day he chooses to be brave enough to be kind. We also met Daichi's mom, and I appreciate that he probably learned his considerate approach to people from her. Daichi and Makoto had an amazing conversation about what to do if Kakeru is trans, and also in the public bath. It felt like Makoto made a genuine breakthrough last episode.

I like how gentle the mom is being with Kakeru about this situation. Even though she's so happy to see him in person, she's not making it feel overly special that he's out and talking, and she led with check ins.

It's really important to me that Mika is making the choice about Kakeru's future one he gets to decide.

I don't know how they were before Makoto decided to update himself, but their teamwork feels familiar. I think he at least trusted his wife's instincts when it comes to their kids.

I love that we're seeing Daichi with his boyfriend away from the Okita family. We should know what his own life looks like. I'm also enjoying the vibe between him and his huge boyfriend. I love that they're both veterinary students.

Man, Daichi overwhelms me with feelings every time. He's so good about framing a challenge or difficulty in a way that's manageable.

I liked Makoto getting a glass out for Mika to have a beer with him. It felt like it was something they do sometimes. I do wish he'd tell Kakeru this story, too. I think he'd appreciate knowing that his dad became this macho type because of bullying.

I'm gonna cry again about this conversation in the car. Really Kakeru just needed to know that his dad had his back. Gender is not so simple, and I like that Kakeru clarified that he doesn't dislike being a man, but he doesn't want to present as coarse or 'manly,' and wants to be cute.

"No one is more ignorant and obstinate than me. You've got immunity," ended up being way more heartfelt than it might have a few episodes ago.

"Let me think about it," has been hitting so hard from the Japanese shows since 2021. I don't know the specifics of what Madoka has been through, but I like that his immediate thought after catching himself was to thank Daichi for the regard he showed his parents.

So relieved that these girls weren't immediately mean to Kakeru.

Don't blow this for us, Makoto. Just be patient and let Kakeru show you the way.

Well well well, the girls want our boy's advice.

Crying again about the mom's note.

I like this woman on their team. I think she's Shimura. She does not take workplace abuse in stride and holds her ground.

I remain obsessed with Apple.

These girls let him opt out of karaoke. There is hope.

Wait, but this overachiever seems pissed that he's crushing her hustle.

I do love that Moe came running for her brother.

Aw, Makoto didn't get the "keep it normal" memo and overdid it.

Hey, Moe is bringing the dad in on the situation now! That feels earned from episode 2!

I, too, hope Kakeru finds his B-suke-kun.

Mmm, familiar kids from Madoka.

This show is so rewarding. The relationship developments from previous episodes continually pay off. Daichi's influence is helping both Okita men make it through their troubles, and now Makoto is able to coordinate with Mika and Moe about Kakeru. Everything isn't suddenly fixed, but you can see the effort beginning to pay off. I'm going to be thinking about that car conversation for a long time. I am glad we're seeing an independent Daichi plot, but I am worried it won't end happily.

[vintage-bentley]

Gender isn't an ideology anymore than being gay is. Me being trans isn't more of an ideology than me being bi. They're just parts of who I am. Stop being so fucking hateful. It's not a conspiracy, it's just part of humanity.

This is one of the major issues with the trans community and its allies: you refuse to admit that your view of gender is in fact an ideology. You treat it like it’s cold hard fact that everyone must believe in, instead of accepting that not everyone even believes in the concept of gender in the first place.

I think part of the issue is that you’re applying negative connotations to the word “ideology”, when really it’s just a neutral word to describe a set of ideas. Here’s the definition from Google:

That second definition especially describes why people say “gender ideology”. Because the trans community and allies do have “ideas and manner of thinking” that are characteristic of them as a group.

Most notably, the belief that one can be “born in the wrong body”, where their gender is mismatched with their sex. This usually requires the belief in some form of a soul, because it describes a “you” that is outside of your physical being. A “you” that existed before you were born, and was placed into the body of the opposite sex. This is an example of mind-body dualism, the belief that the mind and body are separate and distinct from one another.

I don’t believe in any form of souls. I don’t believe that there is a “me” detached from my physical being. I believe that I am my body, and my body is all there is to me. And I believe this about everyone else. This is one of the main reasons I don’t believe in the concept of gender. Because to believe in it, I’d have to also, to some degree, believe in the existence of a disembodied soul. At best, I’d have to believe in mind-body dualism, which I do not.

In other words, just the most basic reasoning for why trans identity exists is a belief, not a fact. And that’s okay! It’s okay to have beliefs about things. It’s pretty much impossible not to. What’s not okay, is insisting that your belief isn’t even a belief, but is real and everyone must agree with it.

Now that we have that foundation of “born in the wrong body” aka the belief in some form of a soul, we can look at other beliefs that the trans community and allies usually hold (thus, ideology):

Gender must be prioritised over sex. Therefore, males must be allowed into female-only spaces if they feel like they are women.

“Woman” and “man” must be defined by gender, not sex. Therefore, women can need to get checked for prostate cancer, and men can get periods. We must change the way we discuss these topics to reflect this (“uterus-havers”, “people with penises”, etc).

Sexual orientations are based on gender, not sex. Therefore, homosexuals can be attracted to the opposite sex as long as the person’s gender identity matches their own (and many say it is immoral to claim otherwise)

These are just the first ones that come to mind, but I’m sure that there’s others I could list if I took my time.

The above list might be obvious and unquestionable to you, because they fit your belief system (ideology). But they do not fit mine.

I believe that sex must be prioritised over gender, because it is real and tangible and is what has the most impact on the way we move through the world (male vs female socialisation, strength, etc). It is also the basis on which women are oppressed globally, and this should not be ignored or denied by prioritising gender.

I believe that “woman” and “man” are synonymous with “female” and “male”, and are the words we use in English to differentiate between a female or male human, and a female and male of another species (mare/stallion, cow/bull, ewe/ram, bucks/does, etc. are examples how we specify other species)

I believe that sexual orientation is based on sex, not gender. A homosexual is physically incapable of attraction to the opposite sex. A lesbian will never be able to be attracted to a male, even if he identifies as female.

I wouldn’t call any of these beliefs “hateful”. They’re just beliefs that are different than yours.

It’s important to note that we even have a different definition of gender itself. I do not believe in gender. I believe that gender is simply the roles and expectations placed upon us based on sex, which have no basis in reality. I believe that these roles and expectations were made up, largely to subjugate the female sex. To me, gender is not a good thing: it’s oppressive. I want to do away with it and just leave us with sex (which would be a neutral descriptor that does not define us, just like hair colour. Because the roles and expectations attached to sex—gender—would be done away with).

This is different from conservatives, who do believe in and value gender. They just believe that gender always matches one’s sex.

The best descriptor I’ve seen for describing the difference between trans, gender critical, and conservative beliefs regarding gender is this:

Conservative: there are only two boxes, you are born in one and can never leave.

Trans: there are many boxes, and you can choose which one you fit into best.

Gender critical: we need to free ourselves from the confines of boxes. There should be no boxes.

(Boxes referring to gender, aka gendered roles and expectations)

What I want you to take away from this, is that:

Belief in trans identity and belief in gender itself is a belief that others do not share.

There are many shared beliefs within the trans community and allies, which form an ideology.

“Ideology” is not inherently negative, it is just an easy way to describe sets of beliefs like the ones that the trans community and allies hold.

And most importantly, it is okay to follow a certain ideology. It is not okay to expect that others also follow that ideology.

If you truly believe that you are the opposite sex, or no sex at all, that’s none of my business. You can believe that, and you can surround yourself with others who also believe it.

But you cannot demand that I believe the same. You cannot deny that your ideology is in fact an ideology, and you cannot demand that everyone accept it as the one and only truth.

[intersex-support]

i am https://www.tumblr.com/intersex-support/756014826153771008/i-knew-i-was-intersex-based-on-medical-care-i-got?source=share this anon what was done to me seems to be the kind where they tuck the phallic tissue into the public bone like this (warning medical diagrams of genital surgery): https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Surgical-techniques-of-clitoroplasty-A-recession-clitoroplasty-without-reduction-of_fig1_355550660 at least it was not completely amputated, i guess prior to even knowing this, i had complained to sexual partners after feeling frustrated/unsatisfied many times, that it "feels like my dick is buried in my flesh and i cant get to it, and i have to masturbate in a really weird way for it to work, you have to press spots that arent intuitive" now i'm finding out that is literally what is happening, and its feels crazy in some way i'm interested in if theres any way to undo that too. i want my fuckin dick back and accessible. some people have mentioned there's surgical stuff to undo it, but i don't know where to begin researching, and i don't know specifically what was done to me in order to account for every detail; it seems near impossible in some way.

content note: continued discussion of genitalia, surgery, and sex

Hi anon.

That must have felt absolutely surreal to have described your genitalia in that way to your partners and then to find out that literally was exactly what had happened, and that your intuition and description had been right. Like holy shit, you literally basically described what happened before you even knew what happened.

It's so fucking hard to come to terms with what doctors do to us and how that can affect the rest of our lives and how it can influence things like intimacy, relationships, sex. It never should have happened to you and more than anything I wish there was a way to undo it and get it back.

From what I know about surgery to try to undo it, a lot of it is very dependent on the individual and on what surgical techniques were used, what kind of scar tissue you have, and things like that. Some things are not reversible, because there might have been tissue that they removed that doesn't grow back. But sometimes, there are surgical options that might help with function or sensation. I've really struggled to find resources about this because from what I've seen, it just all is so dependent on individual situations. I have one friend who ended up getting a surgical consult with a surgeon who does gender affirming surgery for trans people who was able to give them an idea for what their particular options would be, and there was a few options in their particular case. But I know that a lot of us just feel like fuck no, we don't want to go to another surgeon and don't even want to explore that as an option which is SO reasonable.

If this isn't helpful for you definitely feel free to ignore, but I think something that helped me come to terms with some of the impacts of medical abuse and navigating intimacy as an intersex person was reading just a bunch of stuff from other intersex people talking about sex. I'll link a few articles here in case that's helpful for you or any other followers. Content note for in depth discussion of genitalia and sex in all the articles, as well as mentions of surgery.

What intersex people want you to know about sex from Teen Vogue

I'm Intersex. Here's how that affects my sex life by Mark Hay.

Honestly I wish I had more resource suggestions for how to figure out how to cope after surgery, possibilities for undoing, how to actually figure out exactly what was done to you. I feel like that can be honestly another layer of injustice that there isn't this information, that we don't have these resources. Coping with medical abuse has definitely felt like a grieving process for me at times, because it is just so, so hard to come to terms with what was done to me, what was irreversible, and how it changed my life. I wish i had better advice or suggestions to give to you, but know that you aren't alone + that I share your anger + that I hope you're able to figure out a way to cope/process/heal in whatever way makes sense to you.

sending so much solidarity and support 💜💜💜