#you also use the words masculine/feminine/androgynous/non binary. etc.

[snekdood]

i Do sometimes feel like ppl get mad at white english speaking ppl for using the only gendered terms we know to reference to certain things :| like im sorry theres not better words out here like your society has who’s term has been around for like hundreds of years. tf you want from me here dawg.

[caintooth]

From a transmasc who loves transfems more than I hate transmisogyny: If you are AFAB you should not be calling yourself transfem, a transwoman, or a transgirl.

Let me start this by saying that I agree, obviously, that our society needs to stop caring about AGAB. Ideally, we should not be assigned AFAB or AMAB to begin with, and we should all be able to use the language we feel suits us best. If you are both trans and a woman, it does seem like it makes sense to call yourself a transwoman, doesn’t it? Even if you were AFAB?

But let’s have nuance, please. Let’s start by acknowledging this: a world in which our AGABs have no impact on our social roles / perceptions / interactions is NOT a world we live in yet. No matter how badly we may want to simply be feminine and masculine and androgynous and outside of connection to a binary system and AGABs entirely, we have NOT achieved that sort of liberation. To pretend we have- to act as if your AGAB has no impact on the way you are perceived and treated- is an extremely privileged game of imagination.

The most common argument I have seen from AFABs using transfem / transwoman language for themselves is that they are someone who is both, by all definitions, transgender and a woman. This may be because they previously transitioned into manhood or transmasculinity, and did not identify as a woman or as feminine at all during that time, but now, for whatever reason, have started identifying as a woman / feminine again. Or they may be a person who identifies with any variation of non-binary woman, bigender, genderfluid, genderqueer, demigirl, etc. Any identity which is either “I used to not be a woman, but am a woman now,” or “I am a woman, and another gender or lack thereof, too.”

I understand. In whatever version of this scenario, they are both transgender or have transitioned at some point, and are currently feminine or a woman. It does really sound like transfem or transwoman should be the correct language to use in this scenario!

I am non-binary, transmasc, and was indeed AFAB. I get it. I am transgender. I am not a woman, but I am also, sometimes, a woman. I am transgender and I am a woman. And I spent years of my life fighting against femininity, only to find that finally being allowed to be openly masculine has helped me embrace femininity again. It seems this is not an uncommon experience. But I am not now, and never will be, a transwoman.

Because the word transwoman has very, very specific meaning. “Meanings can change,” and “words have more than one meaning,” you say? Yes, that is true! And it should be! Change and embracing of nuance is so important to our community. And nobody should be policing the language anybody else uses.

But that being said, please. Embrace this nuance, if you are so passionate about words having it. People who were AMAB and are women have extremely different experiences than people who were AFAB and are still / are again, in whatever form for whatever reason, women or feminine.

Being a woman who was AMAB has unique culture, intersectionality, and vulnerability. Countless transwomen have asked people who were AFAB not to use the language of actual transfemininity, because it is such a different experience than being trans and feminine separately. Let me make this clear.

People who were AFAB are expected to be and rewarded for being women. If we perform womanhood in an unpalatable way, yes, we do experience misogyny. If we are also transgender, yes, we do experience transphobia. But neither of these things, even when experienced at the same time, are the same as transmisogyny, which can only be experienced by people who were AMAB.

This is because of the patriarchy. Gender Issues 101. Manhood and masculinity are seen as the ultimate power. Womanhood and femininity, as less. So, yeah, I get your confusion here. People who were AFAB, especially if they are also trans or are women or feminine in the “wrong” way, will indeed always be seen as lesser than men, for the fact of being AFAB alone! Absolutely nobody is saying that misogyny and transphobia against AFAB people are not massively violent forces in this world. Nobody is saying people who were AFAB have it “easy!”

But again, again again- people who were AMAB and are women experience a form of violence and hate very different from the kind we as AFAB people do. You know as well as I do that the patriarchy does not view women who were AMAB as actual women. It instead views them as failed men. And to those indoctrinated, that is a crime worse than womanhood. It is the ultimate insult: “They are not women. They are clearly not men, either. They are third. Other.”

AFAB people who are trans or perceived as “failed women,” no matter our actual or internal connection with femininity or womanhood, are viewed by society negatively, yes, but not as third or Other. Because, despite the wording, “failed women” are still actually viewed as women. This is because the patriarchy views people who were AFAB as inherently flawed by mere circumstance of birth. We are inherently capable of failure, because we have already failed by not being born cis men… And cis men, on the other hand, are viewed as ideal, perfect, god-like, and thus not capable of failure at all.

Let me reiterate. Due to transphobia and the rigid structure of gender within the patriarchy, when people who were AMAB declare “I am a not a man,” they are denied the status of woman. But, due to misogyny and the position of men as supreme, flawless beings within the patriarchy, when people who were AMAB respond by saying “I am a woman,” they are also denied the status of man. It is this also which is so significant. They are viewed by the patriarchy as Other in a way that people who were AFAB never will be, because we will always just be viewed as women, which is at least human.

The fact that people who are AFAB will only ever be viewed as woman is a separate issue, with separate conversation around it. Because I understand, as one of them, that we may identify with a concept of thirdness and of Otherness. We, like women who were AMAB, are not men! We feel a kinship there!

But I think I have explained well why our experience of Otherness is not the same as Otherness experienced by transwomen who were AMAB. No matter how deeply we feel third, Other, different, strange, weird? Even if this is, from the depth our soul and core of our being, not how we want to be treated? Society is still willing to view us, at the very least, no matter how much we hate it, as women. Which, like I said, is at least one way to be seen as human.

Women who were AMAB, however, are only ever treated as Other. Not even as human beings. Do you see how this is different? Do you see how this is worse?

The two questions we are trying to answer in this post are, first, why is it wrong that some people who were AFAB want to call themselves trans women or trans feminine? Which leads us to, second, why would they want to in the first place?

Transwomen who were coercively assigned male at birth are, in fact, women. They are not Other. They are not third. They are human beings and the patriarchy is wrong. I know this. The wider queer community claims to know this, too.

But we must not let our desire to affirm transwomen in their womanhood cloud our eyes to the fact that the vast majority of the world still holds extremely violent and dangerous mentality towards them.

When people who were AFAB use the language of transwoman, transfem, and transgirl for themselves, they are equating their experiences to that of AMAB people. They are, in a way, fetishizing transwomanhood. They are saying, “I have seen those called transwomen also called weird, and strange, and third, and Other. I feel that way myself, sometimes. Words like ‘genderqueer’ and ‘genderfluid’ and ‘bigender’ and ‘demigirl’ and etc., though perfectly established and expressive of my gender, do not express to others the quality of inhumanity which I feel I am a victim of. They do not express my uniqueness. But transwomen are seen as inhuman, and unique in their suffering. I am going to associate my feeling of inhumanity with their word, too. I am going to make sure this association continues, so that my pain is acknowledged, too.”

It is a violent co-opting of language. It is self-victimization. It is denial of differing axises of oppression. You are allowed to hurt, to feel Other, and denied of your humanity. But what reason do you have to equate your experience of hurt with a more marginalized group’s oppression, besides selfishness? Especially when you have been asked, repeatedly, to stop.

This behavior creates an unsafe environment for actual transwomen, who deserve community with people who acknowledge the unique experience of transfemininity! Who should be able to comfortably find other actually transfeminine people to make friends with and confide in! Who should be allowed to have their own spaces, communities, and safety nets!

Transfeminine people deserve security. Sorry for the word play, but I literally cannot imagine anything more insecure than stealing language from transwomen.

[forwomenbiwomen]

Hi!! Do you know anything about how the ideas of sex and gender became sperated?

To me, they've always been synonyms. It's just that "sex" was a scientific term (bio and med) and that "gender" was the everyday term. Just like how "menstruation" is a scientific term but people would generally say "period" instead, unless you're in a health class or at the doctor's.I know obviously trans people say they see sex and gender as different (although they really don't always act like they do.....I'm thinking specifically of trans people who want to change their sex marker on driver's liscenses and birth certificates but I'm sure there are other examples.) And I still have no clue what they actually mean by gender.

Anyway! I started looking into gender critical because the phrase made me think GCs were critical of gender roles and stereotypes. But it sounds like GCs also consider gender to be different than sex and I don't quite understand it. I've seen GCs say they're for gender abolition. So when you say "gender" are you using it as a stand-in for stereotypes? Or does it mean something else?

(P.S. I'm sending this ask to a few other GC tumblr accounts to hear different opinions/explanations)

Hello! 👋👋👋 💞💞

Yes, gender and sex are different. One is socially constructed and oppressive, and the other is biology. It did used to mean pretty much the same thing (bcs gender roles were absolutely rigid in the past) but with second wave feminism it began to take on a separate meaning, emphasising the way that socially constructed behaviours are expected from and leveraged to harm women.

Gender then basically means feminine or masculine behaviours and presentation, with no inherently corresponding sex.

Where radfems are critical of it is in the way women are expected to conform to these behaviours and presentations otherwise they are derided and ostracised by society.

Conservatives think

Female = Woman = Feminine

Male = Man = Masculine

Which leaves no room for GNC people and is biased against women (if you don't know, femininity is inherently passive and decorative)

Libfems/TRAs think (or at least their actions indicate)

Woman = Feminine

Man = Masculine

And ignores sex. This again leaves no room for GNC people. This can be seen in the countless times they claim a masculine woman to be an 'egg', or a feminine man to be an 'egg'.

Radfems think

Female = Woman

Male = Man

This doesn't presuppose anything about the person's behaviour or presentation. It is the only one to ignore gender completely, therefore only describing adult females as women and adult males as men. GNC people are thereby entirely free to present however they wish, while still acknowledging their sex, which is unchangeable and neutral.

Without culturally pressured gender roles (gender abolition) radfems believe that women's oppression under gender will fade away. It means doing away with feminine clothes making you "girly" and masculine clothes making you "manly". It means being confident as a woman isn't bitchy and being confident as a man is heroic; both are simply confident.

When TRA's claim to subvert gender roles, it is only true in that they are overwhelmingly GNC. However, they are working within the patriarchal framework; they believe that your behaviour and presentation (gender) is indicative of your inner, spiritual sex, and that GNC means you were born in the wrong body, because men don't act like that, or women dont act like that. Just look at all the stories of "I played with dolls and was effeminate, that means I'm actually a woman inside!!" etc.

By changing their presentation, they believe this identifies them with something other than their own sex. There is nothing else to tether them to this nebulous idea of sex escapism. In non-binary cases, this androgynous presentation is believed to separate you from being a woman and a man, despite those words only describing adult humans. It is the species-specific word for adult of that sex. (side note: this is the same linguistic pattern used for other animals, such as a adult female elephant being a cow and an adult male elephant being a bull. They are species-specific and indicate nothing about personality.)

It is sometimes backed up with pseudo-science such as brain sex, which has been debunked in several notable studies. Along with dysphoria, they are touted as 'proof' that they're a "man trapped in a woman's body" or vice versa. This claim is impossible if you don't believe there is consistent, verifiable dimorphism between the brains of men and women (brain sex) or that trans people somehow possess the soul of another sex. When they say that sex and gender are different, what they really mean is that they are only different on the outside.

It is far, far more likely that dysphoric individuals simply do not identify with the socially constructed gender pushed onto their sex. This does not make them another sex, this makes them GNC individuals.

[mymarifae]

And to add a little more, Kris is definitely not meant to be up to the player's interpretation, but Chara and Frisk seem debatable to me. First of all, you can literally NAME Chara whatever you want and they just roll with it. I'm more than fine with using They/Them pronouns for C and F but it's very debatable considering Chara's name and etc. “"Chara" is likely short for "Character," as all internal references of either Frisk (mainchara) or Chara (truechara) use "chara."The official Japanese translation of the game translates Chara's name as "キャラ Kyara". This matches the katakana for the English word "character".” Not to mention Toby's tweet where someone asked him what to name the the first human (Chara) he said “Your own name if you can't think of anything else.” (Again, also on Chara's official wiki).

Not to mention there's literally a Canon sprite model with NORMAL darker skin for Chara, but for some reason, it never made it into the game. (You can check that out on Chara's official wiki and yes all of everything I listed have real sources and aren't just some words written on a wiki).

As for Frisk, a concept for them that was dropped in a Undertale/Earthbound joke thread (by Toby) showing the old (not a joke) Undertale file, Frisk was said to be (by Toby) an androgynous child. Androgynous as in (from what I know) “has the characteristics of both female and male” or “being neither distinguishably masculine nor feminine, as in dress, appearance, or behavior” which feels kinda distinctively “it's up to you” kinda choice to me. (You can find that thread out on Frisk's official wiki they have a real source there too) so from this viewpoint we can't entirely say Frisk is non-binary, considering Toby hasn't done confirmed anything like that for Frisk ever since.

For Kris, is it blatantly obvious that their gender/look is not up to player interpretation. Like it's stupidly obvious. For Frisk and Chara it's very confusing and I'd say up to debate. The only thing that's not confusing or debatable about all three of them is that they're kids.

anyway has everyone heard vivid bad squad's cover of YY. it's very cute and very fun. check it out

my kids my kids they are having so much fun they are so cute. do you guys like my kids

[marbleheavy]

I know that I’ve talked about this a lot lately but non-binary Nico di Angelo who uses any pronouns is… 💞😌

So here are some headcanons (I used they/them for Nico in this just for consistency):

Nico genuinely doesn’t care what pronouns people use and really likes when people switch it up

(Although I feel like normally Nico leans towards they/he but has specific days where she just feels really nice and the occasional times when someone uses neopronouns, oh boy that makes their heart just burst)

(Also, also, especially if Nico is looking particularly masculine that day, I feel like they would introduce themselves as they/she to new people because they don’t want people to assume it’s okay to only use he/him because they perceive Nico as a boy)

They’re pretty androgynous looking already and they keep their hair usually just above their shoulders so it’s very difficult to assume their gender right off the bat (which is exactly what Nico is going for)

Nico would go through a lot of different phases with their style but would eventually settle on the same darker colors they started with but also some occasional patterns and textures (like plaid or a particularly fuzzy sweater)

Will calls Nico a while range of different titles (is that the word???) like significant other, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend (when he uses that one Nico wants to kiss him senseless), etc. but (and I’ve said this before and I’ll say it a million more times) Nico’s absolute favorite is when Will says “this is my love” and then Nico just melts on the spot

Definitively experiments with makeup!! However their favorite ends up being lipstick and eyeliner (very into the cat-eye look with the wing and the sharpened inner corner but also likes smokey eyeliner) (LOVES dark lipstick, very vampy shades, like dark reds and maroons, even a purple here and there)

They love to kiss Will on the cheek while wearing lipstick so it leaves a kiss mark on his skin

They wear skirts while sparring because they twirl when they spins around and also they hide secret knives they have strapped to their thighs

Nico likes skirts especially because of how they can keep secret weapons hidden easier

Nico’s ideal outfit: combat boots (to keep knives in), tights bc they get chilly, skirt (because of the aforementioned knives), and a sweater (because of the chilliness)

However, they’re also a big fan of skinny jeans

(Rachel one time says Nico is cheugy because they still wear skinny jeans and Nico becomes absolutely outraged and says “First of all, cheugy is a stupid word that I don’t respect, second of all, don’t you dare compare to a millennial. I have never once used the world adulting, ironically or not. And third, we both know skinny jeans make my legs look good”)

Nico adores compliments and praise (even if they won’t admit it) and Will knows this and also wants to make sure he gives Nico a range of compliments that aren’t just masculine/feminine so he showers Nico with them and calls them pretty, wonderful, smart, amazing, handsome, etc. and it makes Nico blush and then Will coos (and when they’ve been dating for a while, Nico will bury their face in Will’s shoulder and Will runs his hand through their hair while he whispers quiet praise. the whole thing is terribly cute and endearing)

Obviously they’re nervous about coming out to people and only tell a few people at first (Will, Reyna, Jason, Rachel, maybe Annabeth) but eventually decides they don’t have to come out to anybody. They can exist how they what and if people have questions, Nico can choose whether or not to answer them (Of course, they still struggle and are afraid but they’re working on it and getting better and it helps to have people who wholeheartedly support them)

This feels like a weird place to end it but I only have angsty headcanons left and I didn’t want this to be an angst post. If you have any thoughts, please share!! I adore hearing what other people thing!

[the-delta-quadrant]

i still love this term a lot, although i don't use presentation terms much anymore. i usually just describe my presentation as maverique, as i am a maverique and i'm presenting as myself. "maverine" never really felt like home because i just don't know what a "maverique-like" quality is. i just know what maverique itself is. i don't find it personally useful to call myself both maverique and maverine, because to me, my maveriquehood is all-encompassing: my gender itself, but also my presentation, my body etc. they're all maverique. and especially because maveriques still lack visibility, we're still carving out space for what a maverine/maverique-like presentation even means. it feels impossible to imagine it because the main categories that are known are masculine, feminine, androgynous and neutral. in terms of presentation, i could not tell you the difference between a maverine presentation or a neutral or androgynous presentation, so to me the term "maverine" kind of lacks meaning. this is not to say that other people can't find meaning in the term! i am simply speaking for myself here.

basically, extrinity is to masculinity and femininity what nonbinary is to male and female. extrinity is vague and inclusive. extrinity includes neutrality, androgyny, xeninity, agenrinity, aporinity, maverinity, outherinity etc, but it also includes people who are partially masculine or feminine, or people who are both. as stated in the above post, the opposite of extrine is intrine, which describes people who are strictly masculine OR feminine (regardless of gender). i know i could have also called these binarine and nonbinarine, but i coined them at a time where i did not vibe with the term nonbinary, and tbh, i still like extrine more. so, like, masculinity and femininity are not inherently intrine in the same way that manhood and womanhood aren't inherently binary, but strict masculinity or femininity can be called intrine masculinity or intrine femininity, like specifying binary manhood or womanhood. i created those terms to a) have an identifier for myself that is vague and b) address the issue where intrine people are centred even in nonbinary spaces, due to their proximity to the binary.

extrine can also be used as a trans- term, i.e. transextrine, once again describing people who aren't strictly transmasc or transfem. transneutrality falls under transextrine, but so does transmascfem.

and i love the vagueness of extrine. like nonbinary, you can say you're extrine and it can mean so many things. when i call myself extrine, i'm saying "none of the main two", analogous to what i mean when i call myself nonbinary. technically, when i call myself extrine, i am specifically saying "not masc or fem or anything derived from it, but distinctly gendered in a non-neutral way", which is also what i mean when i call myself nonbinary, except switching the terms masc and fem to male and female. so technically, by that definition, maverine would totally work but for the above reasons it just doesn't work for me at the moment. aporine would work for this too, but tbh i just don't really like how the word sounds or looks. abinarine could also work.

i love the term transextrine because masculinity and femininity are especially centred in trans- terms. it's a nice shorthand to say "trans but not in those two ways", especially since once again there's no, like... template for what a maverique transition looks like. i mean transmascs and transfems can also do whatever they want forever, but look at it this way: the transmasculine and transfeminine paths have been walked on so many times that they're now very visible in the grass, but a transmaverine path? i have not found one. there's just some vague paths that look similar and i don't know which is "mine".

if there was a term like otherine/transotherine i'd totally use it because i've kind of been reclaiming otherness for my gender, as it feels gendered but not in the main two ways and i guess people usually understand what it means. but it looks too similar to outherine, which is not really a term i identify with.

extrine

a term for gender qualities and presentations that are not fully either masculine or feminine. examples include: androgyny, outherinity, xeninity, agenrinity, aporinity and many more.

etymology: extra ("outside of") + ine.

maybe masculine and feminine could be called intrine, as in intra (inside of [the masculine-feminine dichotomy]) as it's so long to say "masculine and feminine" all the time.

thanks @debinarinator for encouraging so much thought about this stuff!

[aggressive-positivity-network]

So I (A white cisgender heterosexual woman who likes pumpkin spice lattes and Animal Crossing, so yeah) grew up in a very, VERY LGBTQ+-phobic household, and that translated into me having basically no knowledge on the LGBTQ+ community. Could you do me a massive favor and just lay out straight the words and phrases and generally help a dumbass out?

Oooh, no problem! And believe me, you aren’t a dumbass. I knew next to nothing for a while, and I grew up in a very supportive household. I just didn’t have the means to learn about it.

Here’s a phrasebook for some common phrases you might hear:

TERF: Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist; they believe that trans women should not be included in their fight for gender equality, and that because trans woman “used to be men” they shouldn’t be allowed in women safe spaces because they might rape someone. Sooo yeah. Keep away from them. They are pretty nasty and misguided. Also known as radfems.

Pansexual: Attracted sexually to anyone of any gender identity.

Panromantic: Attracted romantically to anyone of any gender identity

Bisexual: Attracted sexually to two or more genders.

Biromantic: Attracted romantically to two or more genders

Pan/Bi Discourse: Some people think pansexual and bisexual should become one or the other because they’re very similar to each other, but whether you identify as either of them is a personal choice, and you shouldn’t let anyone dictate your identity - ever. You can even be both at the same time, if you choose to identify that way! Honestly, it isn’t that big of a deal which one you choose, as long as you feel comfortable between them!

Demisexual/Demiromantic: Needs to form a strong emotional bond with someone before pursuing a romantic or sexual relationship. They probably wouldn’t enjoy speed-dating or sleeping with someone they just met. They might not experience sexual attraction for someone unless they knew the person very well.

Asexual: Does not feel sexual attraction for anyone; however, they still might like to have sex, may be neutral about sex, or might even be repulsed by it. Most people confuse this with chastity (not choosing to have sex, usually for religious reasons) or abstinence (choosing not to have sex until married). However, they still might get horny, or want to pleasure themselves. The usual difference is having it with another person. If they see a hot guy, for example, the immediate thought may be, “Wow they’re attractive,” rather than, “Have my babies.”

Aromantic: Does not feel romantic attraction for anyone; this may mean that usual romantic relationships don’t appeal to the person, or that shows of romance (flowers, dates, etc.) doesn’t appeal to them. However, they can still have very strong platonic relationships, and still do enjoy sex, but might not develop crushes or want to go on a date with someone. They might marry platonically, or marry romantically on certain terms.

Grey/Graysexual: Anyone who is in that “gray” space between being asexual and being sexual. They might like the idea of sex, but hate the product. They might have fantasies they’d like to live out in the bedroom, but not actual sex. They might like sex, but under certain conditions. People have their own names for the different facets of graysexuality, but are all under this umbrella.

Grey/Grayromantic: Anyone in that “gray” space between romantic and aromantic. They might like huge shows of romance in novels, but wouldn’t be a fan of it happening to them. They might have a crush on a person, but would never be in a relationship with them, even if asked. Graysexuality also has different names for different facets, but it’s still all under this umbrella.

Queer: Usually used as a temporary or even permanent label for when someone is still trying to figure things out. They know that there is something inside of them that’s different - but they’re not quite sure yet.

Non-binary: People who are neither male nor female, and are outside the gender spectrum. A few have androgynous (gender-neutral) styles or body types, but no matter what they wear or what they look like, they are still non-binary!

Trans: Someone who was born gender, but knows in their heart that they are another. Someone may be born a boy, but always feel like a girl, vice versa, or both genders may change to non-binary, bigender, genderqueer, or genderfluid. Being trans simply means you are making the physical and/or mental transition from one gender or another.

Transmasc: A trans person that presents as masculine, with both clothes and manner.

Transfemme: A trans person that presents as feminine, with both clothes and gender.

Bigender: Someone who identifies as male sometimes and female sometimes.

Genderfluid: Someone who drifts from one end of the binary spectrum (male on one side, female on the other) and may have several sets of pronouns. They may feel more feminine one day, more masculine another, and somewhere in between later that week.

AMAB: Assigned Male At Birth; this has no bearing on current gender identity, but it’s medically useful and can help trans people talk about themselves before they transition.

AFAB: Assigned Female At Birth; this has no bearing on current gender identity, but it’s medically useful and can help trans people talk about themselves before they transition.

Two-Spirit: A Native American who identifies as the traditional third gender, with both a masculine and a feminine spirit inside of them. It’s a pretty new term, and not all Indigenous people choose to label themselves or others that way.

Femme: A woman who dresses and acts in a traditionally feminine way.

Butch: A woman who dresses and acts in a traditionally masculine way.

Beard: Describes a partner in a relationship that exists for the purpose of keeping someone’s true sexual attraction status a secret. A gay man might have a relationship with a woman, who would be considered his beard.

Queerplatonic Relationship: A relationship that is a mixture of the traditional platonic relationship and the traditional romantic relationship. People included in this relationship can raise children and own a house together, but most likely won’t participate in sexual and/or romantic activities.

Polyamorous Relationship: A relationship that includes three or more people at any given time. This may look like a couple having an open relationship, where they can date others as they please, or it may be a set few people that stay together. Two people can be attracted to one other person, three people can all be attracted to each other, two couples can have sexual or romantic relations with each other’s partner - there are infinite combinations, and, as long as it’s healthy, they’re all valid!

I hope this helps! This is not an exhaustive list, but these are pretty much the basics and a little bit more. If you have any specific term you’d like me to define, I’d be more than happy to! Also, if I got any wrong, please feel free to correct me, and I’ll edit the post as soon as I can!

Also, who’s your favorite Animal Crossing character? I like Blathers a lot! Nerds and professors have my entire heart.

[xclusivetism]

Debunking ‘gender identity’ by gender ≠ sex.

Having gender identity may seem noble divergence from our gender rigid society, the solution to stop such and embrace self-expression.

However after examining it through, ‘gender identity’ the way the ideology says doesn’t really exist and actually still perpetuates gender conformity.

And no, there’s no need for “there’s only two sexes” or any science  argument at all to disprove gender identity. Gender ideology so f l a w e d that it can do it perfectly itself out of any of above the fastest just by Gender ≠ sex.

You probably read many things that try to disprove gender and thought it was wrong or outdated that scientist have discover there’s people with XXXY.

But after reading this, If it doesn’t peak you or at least make you question gender, then i honestly really don’t know what will other than to call you deluded.

What is Gender

Gender ≠ sex is the essential foundation of gender.

To order to know the difference, we need to know what individually each are.

Gender is a social construct

Gender Identity

Gender expression

That means.

Sex is a physical construct

Sex

Sexual orientation

The first thing that instantly break Gender ≠ sex

“Sex is not binary, Sex is a spectrum or intersex exist”

That already outed you as a hypocrite especially when responding to “there’s only two sexes” saying that they’re conflating sex and gender.

Why should sex being binary or not be relevant to gender identity?

LGB and T are antithetical.

Since Gender ≠ Sex, LGB and T shouldn’t be consider one.

Sexuality is a Sexual orientation not a gender orientation, to suggest it means gender too is conflation.

For a trans-woman to say they’re lesbian or a trans-man to say they’re gay is incorrect & impossible because they’re straight. Gender identity doesn’t shift sexuality status because they’re separate things and to suggest so is homophobic. For a trans to say that invalidates their identity is another conflation of gender and sex.

LGB is a sex-based group while T is a gender-based group. One’s based on sexual attraction and the other is based on changing gender, they are absolutely nothing alike.

‘Cis’ is enough entitlement to be trans exclusive.

Terfs don’t like being called ‘Cis’

But let’s say they drop the belief that “transwomen aren’t real women” and say “transwomen aren’t ciswomen” and want spaces of their own

They put the ‘Cis’ prefix 

Cis woman schools

Cis woman attracted

Cis woman bathroom

Cis woman sports

Cis woman locker rooms

Cis woman administrator 

Cis woman health

Cis women history

etc.

Instead of saying “only women can breastfeed” they use “only AFAB can breastfeed”.

According to TRA logic, all that would be valid.

To for one to say that’s segregation, you would also have to believe separation of men and women or other types groups is segregation as well. A Cis person doesn’t have the trans experience and that goes the other way around.

‘Transwo/man’ is transphobic itself.

Gender ≠ Sex physical transitioning would be a conflation.

If it’s not a conflation, that would imply that physical features are social constructs which includes reproduction, sexuality etc.

Gender is a social construct, all you need to be a gender is identify.

Gender dysphoria is only a social dysphoria, if it’s about the physical then it’s really sex dysphoria. To say it isn’t is conflation.

But even identifying as a ‘wo/man’ itself also is transphobic because the meaning behind it is sex base.

the definition of wo/man.

Adult human fe/male being

What does fe/male mean?

(Female) of or denoting the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs, distinguished biologically by the production of gametes (ova) which can be fertilized by male gametes.

(Male) of or denoting the sex that produces small, typically motile gametes, especially spermatozoa, with which a female may be fertilized or inseminated to produce offspring.

One can go down in the definition to point that it also means this.

Relating to wo/men or the fe/male gender.

To say wo/man in the definition also refer to gender, isn’t that a conflation and breaking Gender ≠ Sex? My oh my so many usage of the word conflation.

Gender identity.

Non-binary is not a gender, nothing of it say it’s a gender. It’s just non-binary of something which is usually assumed of not being man or woman. But not being a man or woman doesn’t say of what it is only of what it is not. If the binary part is something else that mean a person who identifies as a woman or man (including cis) can be considered non-binary. Non-binary is really just a slot. 

So far the solid identifies are

Man

Woman

Neutrois

Queer

Agender 

Androgyne is both man and woman. Genderqueer wo/man is both of queer and wo/man. Pangender is all.

Everything else is either a flux, degree, combination of the above or based on a different concept. Things like such as bigender are umbrella because it doesn’t specify if it’s man or woman or something else.

That being said, the only one that’s truly gender non-conformist is agender. Queer is still gender conforming just not to man or woman.

What are the distinctive qualities of each identity?

It’s said that gender expression is different than identity and that someone who identifies as a boy can be very feminine still.

So we’re not gonna use association of masculinity, femininity etc. to define it then.

So what identity mean is it’s usually answered as someone’s ‘personal sense.’

If it’s a personal sense that mean it would be mean it’s a personal construct.

Personal or social construct regardless, it doesn’t say the characteristics. If you can’t point out what to define the labels become hallow. 

There’s many things that aren’t concrete that can show one it’s existence.

An abstract thing like 1, can present it’s existence.

A thing we cannot fully see of like the 4D can present it’s existence.

Even pseudo scientific like zodiacs signs have specific qualities to describe, personality types and even religion has something to define.

In the means of gender, all the identities really sums down to meaningless labels. In the means of sex, the word woman or man are names for physical characteristics that is observed at birth. 

Problem with “assigned gender identity at birth”

No one was “assigned” at birth, “cis” people don’t match what their doctors assign. Assign word implies duty and a job. Assign is often a thing that doesn’t always taking what the subject is to account, for example you being assigned to a seat is sometimes random and not based your rowdiness or attentiveness. 

The doctor characterised people a ‘wo/man’ based on observing them. Woman and Man are distinguisher (just like fruits and veggies) of physical characteristics.

People are assigned a gender expression at life.

Gender identity doesn’t exist other than being a label, gender identity is based on sex hence that label. What’s assigned is actually gender expression.

What Society does

(Biology) Sex → gender identity ↓ ←gender expression (Society)

↓ Gender identity → gender roles

What TRAs think to solve it

gender identity ←gender expression (society)

Gender identity → gender roles

Sex ← gender identity (society)

Sex Ⓧ gender identity (society)

Sex → gender identity (different)

↓ gender identity (different) → sex → society → expression = gender roles

What Gender critical think to solve it

Sex → gender identity → gender expression→ society = gender roles

Putting it to perspective

Whenever GC say this:

Sex → gender identity

This is how TRAs view it:

gender identity ←gender expression (society)

Gender identity → gender roles

Sex ← gender identity (society)

↓ 

Sex → gender identity = gender roles

and thus GC = society pushing gender norm

and the TRA misses this:

→ gender expression→ society = gender roles

Gender ideology pushes gender conformity, just in backwards.

Society enforces femininity on women and masculinity on men to maintain a heteronormative hierarchy aka patriarchy. 

Gender ideology is a patriarchal chest play to keep people from actually breaking such status quo by putting the gender role but backwards.

Societal gender roles

Women must be feminine

Men must be masculine

Gender ideology

Feminine is woman

Masculine is man

Neither is non-binary

Anything else it’s a new gender

‘Cis’ means comfortable of the societal gender role

‘Trans’ means not comfortable of societal gender role

GRA say expression is different from identity to hide the fact that it in a way still pushes gender conformity. They confuse the names for physical characteristics ‘wo/man’ as entire gender construct and expression. 

Here’s the damage Gender ideology does.

So far GRA activist blur what sex and gender is, despite their gender ≠ sex.

Blurring gender and sex create problems for the LGB and women, by making anyone able to appropriates them by identification and transing so long as they feel it, remember these two groups are on the oppressed side. There isn’t even a qualification (not even dyphoria) to be considered trans. Growing kids & teen are getting into this as well ruining their bodies, ask yourselves how are they old enough to block puberty but not drink alcohol?

People’s motivation for why they want to of certain gender is not look thorough enough. 

People in general again who again don’t fit with gender norms

Women with internal misogyny/trauma

Gay/Lesbian with internal homophobia/trauma

Men who want more access to women for misogynistic reasons.

You cannot ever feel something you cannot comprehend.

And you cannot ever comprehend not feeling it.

One’s thought of feeling or not like a boy/girl comes were form by the brain cells of XX or XY chromosome or whatever.

Here’s a color analogy i have to show case the difference between one who feels like wo/man vs someone who actually is.

Identifying as one.

Actually being one.

The gender dysphoric pandemic

The correct word for what people mean by gender dysphoria would be sex dysphoria people who are dysphoric of their physical sex body.

Sometimes transsexual need mechanical intervention to relief their sex dysphoria.

Most people who are ‘trans’ aren’t transsexual as that is rare and projecting the gender dysphoria to their bodies instead should be towards society. There’s some types of transwomen who have autogynephilia (reverse heterosexuality, which is nothing wrong in of itself but alot of them are doing bad with it) are motivated by sexuality and is projecting that thing of wanting to become the opposite sex.

Gender dysphoria

A lot of people in the world have gender dysphoria some in more degree than others. 

Many movement where brought out because of gender dyshoria 

LGB because gender roles often link to heteronormative.

Feminism/Women’s rights including the ‘Terfs’ is a inherently gender dysphoric movement.

Gender criticals are inherently gender dysphoric.

What trans movement doing is conflating gender dysphoria with sex dysphoria but they are actually perpetuating gender norms.

The only gender construct that matters is identity which is woman or man because that exist to distinguish people of certain biological characteristics. “Masculinity” and “Femininity” isn’t real, they’re just many expressions boxed into one or the other enforce to people into gender roles which are by large hierarchy called patriarchy. If there is natural patterns that’s sex behavior.

Most people in the trans community aren’t bad, they’re being exploited by the people who are bad. The people who are bad are motivated to destroy children, LGB and women’s rights, depressedly under all this is essentially a men’s right movement but left wing. We need to take those men (and few women) with evil intent to account now.

Right leaning and traditional etc. people role in this whole thing. 

Conservative/traditionalist/religious people who claim to be gender critical, are most of times far from it and are in fact gender rights activist but trans critical that’s the only different between them and the bad trans people above. The trans movement is mostly a side-effect and these people are kinda the reason for it. Gender roles are toxic considering that people especially have to resort in changing their bodies for not fitting in and the gender ideology is a outlet. 

So it’s pure insanity conservative/traditionalist/religious people to keep insisting that be men masculine and women be feminine and that’s it’s all fine and fail to acknowledge, comprehend or disregard people who are gender dysphoric to those roles (feminism being the biggest example) making them seem pathological abnormalities when complaining about them. 

There’s truly a lot of people who are non-conformist but were too scared to be themselves because people like them and it has been rampant for thousand of years. They use not seeing alot of them as prove to enforce their patriarchal rhetoric.

Conclusion

What people need to talk about is their gender dysphoria (but not ideology kind) but of the roles in society. Let transsexuals be their own group without the gender nonsense in peace. We need start embracing gender non-conformity without needing to change our biological identity.

[our-androgyne-experience]

I think I found the post you're talking about:

- The colonial binary is man/woman/other with man & woman being understood as two distinct and opposite genders - Behaviors & gender are also identified and split into two main binary categories: masculine & feminine and they are associated with men and women respectively - Man & Woman are are the basis and frame of reference for understanding gender as a whole - Other being used as a catch-all for anything that isn’t defined by Man and/or Woman ex: non-binary, androgynous, neo-genders etc. - The level of belief to which you subscribe to the binary helps others determine your validity & value within the binary - Additionally, deviating from this binary or disagreeing with this binary increases your proximity to Other and reduces your proximity to Man and Woman - Conforming to the binary is rewarded by increasing your proximity to your gender of choice within the binary system. None of that works for me. Most of what I do is neither feminine nor masculine. I’m just…existing. And that’s what I want to do. I do not believe that just existing in a way that doesn’t fit into the binary of masc/feminine should mean that I don’t deserve the language to describe the gender I Do experience. I’m not “other” I’m two spirit and that should have equal recognition, visibility, respect paid to it as Man & Woman do. It’s why I don’t really like using the word non-binary in fact! It literally just means “other” as far as I’m concerned.

Is it weird that I kinda hate that androgyne is considered nonbinary (at least most of the time)? I’m a man that has a mix of gender traits because im trans, androgyne is the term I use to portray that…but im not nonbinary.

My manhood and being born a woman don’t cancel each other out, they work together. Im two binary genders, they don’t cancel out into nonbinary personally

not weird at all! of course many people do identify as "nonbinary" as well as androgyne, but I too am not a fan of the term "nonbinary" being applied to myself or my gender identity by default by people who can't be bothered to use the specific terms I've listed. not sure how in the minority we are, but it feels like along with the push to get well-meaning people to stop thinking of "they/them" as a one-size-fits-all pronoun set, there are also more people speaking up about how "nonbinary" isn't a one-size-fits-all identity. it would be an interesting idea for a poll to see how many people feel the same way. should I do it chat

[andyinmiddleearth]

Not to be cisphobic but like... you know what screw it, I hate cis people. And by that I don’t mean that I hate every single individual cis person that exists, I actually have several cis friends and family members that I am close to and love. I mean that I hate cis people as my oppressors, that I hate cis people as a class that oppresses gender-non-conforming, intersex, trans, and non-binary people. Here’s some examples of the systems of oppression cis people as a class have placed that still hurt us to this day:

I hate gender-reveals parties. I hate the fact that a baby’s interests, decorations, hell even their entire personality, is determined just by simply looking at the fetus’ outward genitalia. Not to mention how inaccurate it can be cause sex is a spectrum (meaning it’s much more than just genitalia, it includes hormones, chromosomes, etc, and these can be super diverse and I myself, an AFAB person, don’t naturally produce estrogen) which is why some intersex people don’t even know they’re intersex until they get checked out by a specialist in their late teens or twenties.

I hate cis people assuming pronouns, ESPECIALLY when it comes to people like me that are visibly queer. I hate going to a doctor’s office and having to listen to nurses and even doctors call me sis, girl, ma’am, lady, she, her, when over here I’m standing with a ‘men’s’ haircut and wearing entirely ‘men’s’ clothes. But as a whole, I just hate assuming people’s pronouns in general because gender is so much more than gender expression. Men can be feminine, women can be masculine, non-binary people can be as femme or masc as they want. Our bodies and our clothes don’t determine our gender. We do.

I also hate cis people not respecting pronouns on purpose, like that time at Einstein Bagels where I was wearing my he/him pin and the cashier kept repeatedly calling me ‘ma’am’ despite me wearing this 2.25 inch long button WITH MY PRONOUNS ON IT. I hate how I have family members that purposefully misgender me every single fucking day despite me being out as trans to them for YEARS because they just think ‘being transgender is a choice, like being vegan.’ I hate how one of these said family members does everything they fucking can to trigger my dysphoria and constant remind me that they see me as a woman.

I hate cissexism. I hate words like ‘lady parts’ and ‘boy parts’ and ‘girl parts.’ Boys and girls (and all genders) can have whatever private parts they have and still be their gender AND IT’S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, and frankly very creepy to want to know what’s in someone’s pants. I hate how instead of using terms like afab or amab it’s just ‘male parts’ and ‘female parts,’ ‘male body,’ ‘female body,’ which also blatantly erases intersex people that may have both, or something else entirely different.

I hate how cis people have made this concept about the ‘the perfect trans person’ that people in the trans community (yes, I’m talking about transmeds) will shit on our non-binary and non-dysphoric trans siblings because ‘they make us look like a joke.’ Spoiler alert, cis people as a class hate trans people because they’re transphobic, period, not because some random non-binary sixteen year old uses ze/hir pronouns and is non-dysphoric. I hate how I was harassed on this platform FOR YEARS and sent hate on and off anon by transmeds simply because I, a dysphoric trans guy, think you don’t need dysphoria to be trans. Because I think being trans is so much more about being uncomfortable in your body, because I think you can have gender euphoria and not gender dysphoria. And I hate how the transmeds that bullied me also called me all kinds of slurs (both referring to my ethnicity as a Latino and also just homophobic ones like the f-slur) and perpetuated exactly the behavior they see white cishet men perform because they think that way maybe they will accept them. Spoiler alert; they won’t.

I hate how intersex babies are mutilated every day around the world simply because of how they are born while trans children and young adults are still being denied access to LIFE-SAVING resources like hormone blockers, HRT, surgery, etc. I hate how long the waitlists are for trans people in places like the UK and Canada are to transition, and I hate how monetarily expensive it can be even with insurance in the USA, since this is the main reason why I can’t start T right now (that and the fact that I live with family members that wouldn’t support me transitioning).

I hate how anything can be a ‘girl’ or ‘boy’ thing. Things as simple as drinks for fuck’s sake. Why is a beer a ‘man’s drink’ and a fruity cocktail a ‘lady’s drink?’ Same goes for everything... clothing, movies, certain games, even basic chores like cooking and cleaning. Hell, even interests can be a ‘girl or boy’ thing. One time I was reading a thick book and this cis man (he knew I’m AFAB cause my parents misgendered me to him obviously) went ‘oh yeah us guys don’t read that much.’ EXCUSE ME SIR BUT I AM A GUY, AND I DO NOT WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH YOU!

I hate how when a trans person comes out as a child they are ‘too young to know,’ and when a trans person comes out as a teen they are ‘just going through a phase/copying trends,’ and when a trans person comes out as an adult then ‘they can’t really be trans because they never shoWeD thE siGns.’ There’s no age to realize you’re trans, everyone accepts their identity at different rates and that’s valid. And there’s no age to transition either.

I hate how when you come out as trans cis people magically expect you to suddenly not look trans anymore. How they expect trans men after coming out to have perfectly flat chests and no curves, how they expect trans women to suddenly grow boobs and look feminine af, and how they expect non-binary people to look as androgynous as possible. All kinds of bodies are trans, and you don’t need to medically transition to be trans. Some trans folks don’t have surgery or HRT or anything at all for whatever reason, and they’re still valid.

I hate how some cis people will misgender us trans people no matter how well we pass the minute they find out we’re trans. A trans man can have a flat chest, a full grown beard and a deep voice and the minute someone finds out he’s trans he’s suddenly ‘really a woman.’ I hate how this misgendering of trans people is one of the reasons why so many of us (41%) have attempted suicide, myself included. And I hate how badly cis people deteriorate our mental health just by refusing to use our pronouns and real name instead of our deadnames.

I hate all of these things, and there are so many more... but yeah, that’s what I mean when I say I hate cis people. I don’t hate cis people individually, I hate cis people because as a class they are complicit in my oppression and the way they keep upholding society contributes to our extremely high rates of mental illness, depression, and suicide. I’ve tried to kill myself too many times to count exactly because of all of these things. So yeah, call me a cisphobe if you want. I’m just a trans person that’s fed up with the transphobia, cisnormativity and cissexism that is shoved down my throat every day.

[androgynousblackbox]

That post about being owed androgyny bothers me honestly because yes we are expected to be androgynous and yes we are punished if we aren't. The fact that we're still punished either way is just the regular old catch 22 part of oppression, see also women and femininity, esp. trans women. That being a feminine trans woman is also hated and punishable doesn't mean there isn't the expectation that she has to be, especially in the trans community. "Where in society are we expected to be androgynous" looks super dumb from the perspective of anyone who's been in trans spaces, on socmed, ever had anyone irl say "then why do you dress like a boy/girl?", etc, and the shit androgynous ppl go through doesn't disprove that, it just proves that there isn't a right way to be queer.

Idk it just rubs me the wrong way, I feel like there was a different way to word "androgynous nb people are not free from harassment" than to pretend there isn't this quite prevalent expectation nb people like me can't escape.

The reblog I shared I personally thought it was very poignant when they said stuff like this: "When you say things like "I'm misgendered and told I'm not really nonbinary because my body isn't androgynous enough", I do hear the pain, not just of being misgendered and invalidated, but of having to accept that this will never go away.

It's not true, though. It's not because your body isn't androgynous enough. It's because forcible binarization is how society treats nonbinary people. [...] At other times, forcible binarization of nonbinary people takes the form of disingenuous promises that if you were just a bit more androgynous, a little more masculine, a little more feminine, a little less this or a bit more that, then surely they'd respect your gender then.

But that's a binarist lie.

And yes, it's a lie that gets told by queer people, liberals, leftists, people who'll swear up and down they have nothing against nonbinary people, because it's a lie that people are telling themselves. But it's something we have to let go of to fight forcible binarization." I do think this is something we tend to forget when our queer spaces are reduced to socmeds. No shame if that is the only queer space many people have access to, I know that is not something people necesarily chose to happen, but we concentrate on certain things on such a way we start missing the forest for the trees. Like, as non binary people, as trans people, we are all fucked already, even in our communities, because our communities are part of this society and this society fucking hate us already. Our communities are not this separate entity with rules completely devoid of any connection with what happens on the rest of the world, but statements where we look the expectation of androgyny RATHER than the forced binarization of non binary people as a whole doesn't... really do much? Because then we start arguing between each other ("people who want to be androgynous ARE valid!", "people who don't want to be androgynous are valid!", "being androgynous doesn't make you stereotype!", etc) instead to pointing to the actual source of this shit. Following your example, femenine trans women/femme enbies are fucked, not because of them being femenine or not being femenine, but because society is build in transmisogyny/misogyny/colonialistic ideas of gender as it is and we, as a community, are absolutely capable of absorbing and repeating those ideas without examining our own biases. Just look at the way trans femme black and other MOC are treated. It's fucking horrid and we are not desconstructing anything by saying "non binary people don't owe you androgyny" because yeah, we don't, but the focus can and should be first in how our genders deserves to be aknowledged and respected regardless of any fucking presentation, because that is part of what respecting our human dignity fucking means. I don't know, maybe I am doing a shit job explaining it and I don't want to invalidate anyone's struggles or feelings regarding their own experiences, but to me personally feels like a message I needed to be reminded too because I don't like to think that if I were more this or less that or whatever then my gender would be respected. Because that is bullshit and I know is bullshit because I literally tried almost everything anyone could try, and it didn't worked and it wasn't my fault, and everything wouldn't have worked either even if I magically could turn myself into this ideal that exist only on my head. I would just be facing a different set of troubles, not less. It's all part of the exact same shit coin, both consequences of a single shitter. "it just proves that there isn't a right way to be queer." Fucking exactly. So why we act as if there is by implying that things would be better if we were androgynous, if we were more femme, if we were more masc, and any issue we face is because we failed to be any of those things, when the truth is we are all hurting because of the same rules we are all breaking and it fucking sucks?

[brynwrites]

How to Write Non-binary Characters: Part II

Visit PART ONE: the basics first!

PART TWO: the nitty gritty.

Non-binary in relation to Presentation.

What are we talking about here when we say presentation?

Presentation in relation to gender is how a person chooses to look, dress, and act in relation to their culture's gender norms. A person who wears dresses and makeup, speaks in a higher pitch, and daintily crosses their ankles is presenting in a feminine manner in most Western cultures because these are traits labeled as feminine in these particular cultures.

As mentioned in part I, non-binary people may choose to present themselves in many different ways.

Androgynous. The androgynous presentation (i.e. a presentation that is between masculine and feminine, presenting with traits ascribed to both) is commonly associated with non-binary people. Some non-binary people present as androgynous because it feels most natural to them, while others present as androgynous because it helps to inform the rest of the world of their gender.

Masculine or Feminine. Many non-binary people present as masculine or feminine despite being non-binary. They may present this way because they enjoy it and it feels natural, or because they grew up presenting that way and don’t have the time or means or desire to adjust, or because their best efforts would not allow them to present as androgynous without extreme measures they don’t feel the desire to undergo. But whatever the case, non-binary people who present as masculine or feminine are just as non-binary as those who present as androgynous!

A mix of presentations. Some non-binary people will mix up their presentation, either based on their mood, or on how they feel about their gender at that moment, or to keep their presentation similar around a specific group of people (such as work vs friends). This can mean presenting as masculine sometimes and feminine other times, or as androgynous sometimes and masculine or feminine others, or a mix of all three. This switch may happen in relatively even amounts, or the person may wish to usually present one way and on rare occasions another, or anything in between.

A word on gender dysphoria: non-binary people may or may not experience gender dysphoria (i.e. a feeling of unease or distress because their body does not match their gender identity). For non-binary people, this generally takes the form of wanting to be more androgynous. Whether or not a non-binary person experiences any dysphoria does not make them “more” or “less” non-binary. It is not in any way a qualification of non-binary-ness.

A word on gender nonconformity: Just because someone is gender nonconforming does not necissarily mean they are non-binary. Many binary queer people choose to present in ways that don’t conform to gender norms, and they have every right to do so. Sometimes gender nonconforming people are trying to decide whether they are truly binary or not. Whether they decide that they are binary, or non-binary, or trans, or make no decision at all, this is a perfectly respectable way to explore one’s gender.   

Non-binary in relation to Pronouns.

Pronouns are often used as a linguistic form of gender presentation and designation. Most people relate singular they/them pronouns to non-binary people—and often non-binary people do use they/them exclusively—but there are many combinations and ranges of pronouns non-binary people choose. Let's go over some common options:

They/them, exclusively. They/them have been used as singular pronouns since the 14th century, and are already a popular way to refer to a person of unknown gender. They/them is often used by agender and bigender people, but as with all pronouns, may be claimed my anyone of any gender, including binary people who feel they/them if the best portrayal of their gender identity.

He sometimes, she other times. Transitioning between two or more different pronouns based on how someone is living their gender in the moment is very common for gender-fluid people. Just like with presentation, this exchange may be equal or it may be weighted heavily to one pronoun over another, or anything in between.

Binary pronouns, exclusively. Some non-binary people never feel the need to switch from the pronouns they were asigned at birth, while others feel they fit the binary pronoun opposite the one asigned them at birth. Some also choose to keep their original pronouns in order to avoid coming out to transphobic people. This is no way makes these people less non-binary than non-binary people who choose any other set of pronouns!

Multiple pronouns. People from all non-binary identities will commonly choose to go by multiple pronouns simultaneously. This can be because they feel close to all those sets of pronouns, because they have no desire to choose a specific set, or because they don't feel the need to give up the pronouns they were assigned at birth in order to take on new pronouns.

Note that this is the one situation in which people might have preferred pronouns. (If someone chooses a single set of pronouns, those are their pronouns! It's not a preference—it's a part of who they are.) But people who have chosen to go by multiple pronoun sets might have one they prefer to be called, especially in a particular setting. For example, a non-binary person might say "I prefer to go by they pronouns at work, but I also identify with and accept she pronouns, so I won't be offended if customers routinely use those for me."

New pronouns. Now that the non-binary community in western culture is finally coming together, there are new sets of pronouns being created specifically for non-binary people to use. There are infinite options here, one of the most popular being xe/xir, but they're still the least claimed pronouns due to most of society not being familiar with them.

It/its pronouns. While some people have claimed it/its pronouns and there are situations where it/its pronouns might accurately fit a character, its best to leave those stories to non-binary and trans writers, due to the long history of it/its being used to dehumanize trans people.

A word on gendered terms: the non-binary community interacts with gendered termanology (such as Mrs., brother, dude, gal, queen, gentlemen, sir, etc) in the same way as they do pronouns. Many non-binary people have certain gendered terms they accept, while some accept all and others accept only genderless terms. These accepted terms may match with their pronouns (e.g. someone who uses he pronouns also using masculine terminology, like mister, sir, brother, dude, etc) or may not.

Now that we have all these cool pronouns, how do we relay this information in our writing?

There are a few common techniques to help relay character pronouns in writing:

The Mind Reader's Way. Let your point of view characters just happily know what everyone else's correct pronouns are all the time so you can move on with the story and not have to sit down for awkward conversations. It may be unrealistic, but should not break suspension of disbelief for anyone who genuinely wants to read about characters from non-binary genders going on fun adventures. Keep in mind that this works best in societies where characters only use one pronoun set.

The Introduction Path. Have it be customary for characters to introduce themselves by stating their pronouns, and call all characters by they/them pronouns until they do so. This lets the story move forward quickly, but can be awkward if you have primary characters (such as villains) who never introduce themselves to the point of view character.

The Everyone's Friends Route. Have there conveniently always be someone else who knows that character's pronouns and can slip them into conversation.

The Pronoun Pin Road. Much like pronoun pins, include a piece of world building into your setting that culturally requires people to wear something particular relaying their pronouns. This works best either in a modern or futuristic setting where characters can wear actual pins/shirts/etc, or a secondary world where you can control all aspects of the culture.

The Coming Out Highway. The most awkward but most realistic option is to force your characters to explain their pronouns if they don't fit society's strict gender norms. This can be as simple as one character asking "sorry, I don't mean to bug you, but what pronouns do you go by?" or another character arriving to the second day of class in masculine clothes and announcing "I go by he/him pronouns today."

Whatever route you choose, make sure to be consistent throughout the story. 

Part Three: Common Pitfalls and Easy Fixes.

[supernowa-art]

i got angry. and when i get angry, i rant. and when i rant, i need to share the rant with the void of social media, just to have an outlet.

if you don't agree with me, i don't care. not looking for discourse.

i watched this video, for context. literally no one cares but idk

https://youtu.be/5uaJ1XyRwrU

Ok this is about to be long so bear with me.

To begin with, why are we still gatekeeping? It's 2020. Queers should stick together instead of debating who's identity is "valid" or not. Let people be who they want to be.

Also, I don't know what your views on trans people are (think you've made videos with trans folk so I'm guessing you're not intentionally being transphobic), but the preferred pronoun law is actually meant to PROTECT trans people. Which is fucking needed. In 2020 alone there have been at least 36 people killed in the US for being trans. There are probably a lot more, considering murdered trans people often get misgendered by the cops and the statistics don't include them. World wide, more than 3000 trans folk have been murdered for being trans in the last 11 years. And again, there's surely a lot more we don't know about.

The preferred pronoun law that you mock is life saving. It keeps trans people from being outed where it would be dangerous to be outed. Most trans people are killed by someone they know. Yes, the law is there to provide an encitement to use trans folk's correct pronouns because it can induce extreme dysphoria to be misgendered, but more importantly, it's there so a trans person's coworker or boss is less likely to mis-gender them and out them.

And the part where you said you can get a fine for misgendering when you make an honest mistake; no, you can't. At least, that's not what the law is for. The law is for repeated misgendering, demanding license or medical proof that you are biologically the gender you identify as, etc.

As you may have already guessed by my passion for this topic, I am myself trans. Non-binary, to be precise.

Now, I know that we as humans love to label things. I love to label things. I love labeling myself! I like knowing other people's labels! When someone identifies as merely "queer", I get this itchy feeling of: "yeah, but what ARE you?"

I get wanting to label things. What I do NOT get is aggresively stating that someone's identity is invalid. Identifying as simply "queer" is fine! If that's what you resonate with, go for it! Does it irk me that I don't know what that means exactly for you? Yes. Does my inherent need to categorise people start shouting for attention? Absolutely. But it's their identity, and that's cool! It is really none of my business, as long as I know what pronouns to use.

Now, I understand the confusion and anger around this. Before I came out as or even knew I was non-binary, I identified as a lesbian. Love being a lesbian! It's great! I really identified with that term, and I still do.

But then I realised I was trans, and thought hey, I'm not a woman, can I still label myself as a lesbian? Should I just say I identify as "attracted to women"? Say I'm gynosexual and confuse everyone including myself?

I went with just calling myself a lesbian, because that is the term I've used about myself for years. When you said that this word is very important to some people, you were right. Where you were wrong, however, was when you implied that it isn't hugely important to us, too.

Because here's the thing: gender and sex are not the same thing, and more importantly, gender and what pronouns you prefer are not always directly correlated. I know this might confuse you. That's totally fine! I'm confused about everything almost all the time, I feel you! But it is how many trans people feel. I get this tingly awesome feeling when someone refers to me as he/him, because I want to be percieved as masculine. I don't feel like a man, but I want to be seen as masculine or androgynous. I use they/them pronouns, because it's easier than explaining that sometimes I want to be called him, but sometimes not, and basically explain my entire gender to someone.

I understand this feels threatening. It feels like someone is taking away your identity that means so much to you, and that you might have endured a lot of hardship for having.

But remember, us trans people have gone through shit, too. I don't mean to in any way compare the two struggles. I don't want to sit here and say "we have it worse", because really, it doesn't really matter. What matters is this: I get misgendered every day. When you're a binary trans, you can pass for being cis and automatically be called what you want. That will never happen for me. Unless someone asks me my pronouns (which is the best, try it), they are going to assume I'm a female. And I don't blame them! I see boobs, I think girl, too.

Now, imagine you have struggled with figuring out yourself for a long time, and you finally, finally find what you are. What you identify with. And then someone says that you can't identify as that, because you don't fit the mould. News flash, I never fit the mould anywhere, ever! The one place I have always felt safe and happy is within the queer community. And that's why gatekeeping fucks me up so much. Because people like me, who have been the weirdo all their life, hating their body and not knowing why, being confused and scared, not daring to come out, not wanting to draw attention to myself, finally find a place to belong. And then you get shut down. It feels awful.

Explaining that gender and pronouns don't have a direct correlation is hard. Because you can't really explain it. It's just a statement. Like: gender and sex aren't the same thing, but even harder, since it's based on experiences and not the fact that is: trans people excist.

Now, I know that this might have been focused more on cis women who use the pronouns he/him. And yes, like you said, pronouns do indeed give a big indication on what gender identity someone has. But it doesn't HAVE to. They might have a weird or bad relationship with their femininity for various reasons, or they might just feel like a woman but not identify with the female pronouns.

For example, I have a gender I know what my feels like. But I can't explain it for the life of me. Try explaining your gender in detail! It's a lot harder than you think, and it gets even harder to explain when the words aren't even invented.

A he/him lesbian is not a man trying to make fun of your identity, I promise. It's someone who either doesn't have any other word to use (like me), feels a strong connection to the word and associated identity (also me), or a woman who doesn't want to be labeled as she/her for various reasons, but who is attracted to other women. We are not here to shit on your identity! Please don't shi on ours!

I know that probably no one will read this absolute monster of a comment, and that's ok. I got so upset I actually teared up a little bit, so I felt like I had to express myself or I would be thinking about it indefinitely.

Please, if anyone's reading: be respectful. Understand that understanding others is hella difficult, but we have to try, and that both gender and sexuality is very fluid and complicated.

I tried to be as respectful as possible, please have the same courtesy if you intend to commt on my comment, so to speak.

Sad but hopeful lesbian signing off!

[rai-jin-andro-jin]

Non-Binary Week 2020

Day 2 + 3 because I missed yesterday:

Day 2 (July 13): Coming to terms

This day is for coming out stories and how you realised you were nonbinary.

Like a lot of people, I grew up with the belief that sex and gender were the same thing; there were two genders, and because I was born with female parts, I was completely and undeniably female. And what it meant to be female was just as rigid: gender roles up to the ears determined what I wore, whether I cut my hair, what I said, what I didn’t say, who I hung out with, who my enemies were, who I could trust, what careers I could have, who I could be attracted to, and what I could think about.

When I entered college, I was away from a lot of these forces that policed my life. For the first time, I was asked on a daily basis to think for myself: and I couldn’t just point to another adult, or the Bible, or to anyone else to explain why I lived the way I did. I had to be able to support myself and my stance and my beliefs. When I was asked to do so, I realized I didn’t even agree with half of the beliefs I held; the other half I discovered were rooted in lies and misinformation about other people, specifically minority groups.

So, over my three-year college career, I grew and changed. I came into contact with different ideologies and was allowed to choose for myself what I wanted to believe and why. I shed traditional femininity both slowly & quickly -- I got an undercut in my hair, stopped shaving my body hair, and wore more comfortable/practical clothes (which ended up leaning toward “masculine” in my case). I still identified as female though -- it was my way of defying traditional gender stereotypes and screaming “I’m breaking the rules and I’m still a female -- respect me or step out of my way!”

During my final year of college, I shaved off all of my hair. Also during this time, I started to discover that I was not straight, but in fact attracted to more than one gender. I first identified as bisexual, but over the next couple years came to embrace the label “pansexual” as well, as I found it less limiting and more inclusive from a linguistic perspective (though I myself consider bisexuality and pansexuality to be basically synonymous in my case). Past college, I started to recognize how the world saw me. Not only did I sometimes tread in the butch lesbian sphere, but I also was misgendered as male quite often, especially after my haircut -- an occurance that didn’t bother me, and instead entertained and intrigued me. I wasn’t trying to pass as male, nor was I interested in transition. I didn’t identify with male pronouns, but they didn’t bother me either. I thought these instances were fun and proved that gender was more fluid than most people realized. It gave me a window with which to play with my own gender.

In the next year or two after college, I found more comfort in dressing androgynously. I didn’t try to present as purely masculine or feminine, nor did I try to lean either way. Instead, I strove to view myself as neither. I identified for a while as androgynous, as it felt detached from both sexes and genders. I enjoyed finding clothing that made my gender appear questionable, and I loved to blur the lines of my presentation. I did it because I could, because it felt the most authentic. I felt like I was showing the world who I truly wanted to be, and how I wanted to be treated. I wanted to be free of the confines of what society deemed was male or female, masculine or feminine. I believed and still believe that no one should ever be gendered at all unless they ask to be. I believe that everyone should be able to define who they are to others, and should be fully respected for it. So often, so many of us are given only a few options, if any at all, and told to make do. We are told that if we stray from these norms, we are unattractive, unwanted, and just doing it for attention. But in reality, we just want to be seen and loved for who we are, for who we choose to be.

Non-binaryness seemed foreign to me for a while. Informed by my upbringing and lack of information, I saw the non-binary identity as something I didn’t fit into. I didn’t meet all the requirements in my head -- non-binary people were other people I knew, other people who’s lives and experiences were different and thus more legitimate than mine. Because of that, I hesitated to identify as non-binary for a long time. But then, as I did more research, read more personal accounts and stories, and connected with friends in real life who were queer and non-binary, I felt like I belonged. I realized I was allowed into that unattainable “non-binary club” that I had built up in my head because it actually wasn’t unattainable at all. It was a community full of people with a wide array of experiences. And mine was not an unfamiliar or unwelcome one. I looked upon the word non-binary, and I realized, with utter joy and happiness:

“That’s me!”

Shortly thereafter, I came out to my friends on social media, and then to some of my family. I went from she/her to they/them, and I wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed, for the first time ever. I felt supported and validated by my friends, more than I ever thought was possible. It was the greatest feeling to finally find a piece of myself.

Even now as I explore the plethora of non-binary identities, I’m still discovering myself. Non-binary describes me just fine! But if we’re getting specific, I don’t have any ties with gender at all, and I’m actively trying to unlearn my gender conditioning to be the best person I can be. That is why I also identify as agender.

It’s a crazy thing to wrap my head around, even as I’m still overjoyed to have a label that explains me and my existence. But the overwhelming feelings that course through my body are ones of happiness. I have a place in this world, whether I know my name/labels or not. I always have had a place, and I always will. And now more than ever, I fight for my place and protection, as well as others’ whose identities are shunned, their protections & rights denied. I want everyone to experience the joy of belonging, not because they fit a mold, but because they’re happy with their own choices and identity. I hope everyone can experience that fully, in all the ways it can possibly occur, for all identities imagineable.

Day 3 (July 14/International Nonbinary People's Day): Nonbinary Joy

Share all things positive about being nonbinary!

I think these can really apply to any gender, sex, orientation, etc., but these are just catered to my personal experience! I think if I had to name this phenomenon, I would call it “Gender Liberation.” So here’s what it feels like to be liberated from gender and gender expectations:

You can wear whatever the hell you want and watch people get real confused.

You get to use they/them pronouns, or whatever pronouns you want; language no longer ties you down!

You get to call yourself whatever you want! You get to choose your name.

All those horrible expectations that make you uncomfortable? Gone.

You get to connect with other non-binary people and hear about their beautiful experiences.

You get to interact with the queer community, which is a beautiful, accepting, and loving collection of people who defy cultural norms and exist exactly as who they are, unapologetically. They are a wonderful group of people to look up to. Anyone who lives and loves to the fullest without shame is one to look up to.

You get to wear your hair however you want and nobody can tell you otherwise.

You get to think about the world without the shades of a binary lens! Turns out the world is so much more colorful!

You get to have awesome flag colors.

You get to have awesome discussions about gender.

You get to be unapologetically complicated, because everyone is way more complicated than their gender, but now, you actually know that and are allowed to exist that way.

I mean, look at the word “non-binary” and tell me that isn’t just the most freeing thing you’ve ever read. Look at the word “agender” and tell me you didn’t just breathe a sigh of relief. No more fucking stupid-ass rules!

Did I mention that you’re allowed to be fully authentic without judgment? Did I also mention that you can finally unlearn all that self-judgment and internalized gender roles?

Gender is fully opt-in.

Now that you’re liberated from all those awful rules and head-spaces, you can think about more important things, like for example: cute people, your favorite books/shows/movies, yummy food, plants, cats, simple joys, arts and crafts, making friends, falling in love, nature, doggos, the whole earth.

Also, now that you’re liberated, you can help to liberate other people by fighting for their rights, because you know that people like you (and people not like you) are being denied basic human rights every day around the world; now you know about it and you know they deserve better, so you can use your voice to help educate and inspire solidarity and community.

Wow, there’s like so many things you can do and be, and no one can tell you not to anymore. Looks like you’re truly confident and happy with yourself! :) That sounds like autonomy at its best!

What *isn’t* awesome about being non-binary?? Absolutely nothing.

[debajanfeministuniverse-blog]

Neutral Factor

Yes, I am non-binary. No, I don't get offended when people use femme gendered exclamations at me in a sentence, such as: "girl", "sis", "my woman" etc.

I think this is partly because I don't get upset when people say masculine gendered exclamations at me either, such as: bro, my man, brudduh, etc.

I am both and neither, so I'm not bothered by either. Ha.

I recognize them as linguistic tools to show emphasis. Plus there is a Caribbean cultural significance and joy found in using language this way. Saying "Sis, you are hilarious!" Doesn't necessarily sound to me like you are saying "You are a girl, you are hilarious!" It's more like "Family, you are hilarious!"

Additionally, I've also been kicking around how we accept masculinity with androgyny with ease but have a much harder time recognizing feminine things with androgyny. A woman with a hard jaw and a suit is easily penned as androgynous, but it takes a lot more devotion to be an androgynous man. Could this possibly be because we consider the male to be the default? Hmm.

Therefore in my active rejection of masculinity as default, I won't get upset when you offer a feminine noun at me. I like femininity and I like my femininity.

Linguistically we expect that women and femme presenting people won't get offended when we lump them in defaulted masculine collectives such as "Okay, guys" or "Vise dis men". At what level is this justification and acceptance informed by our language reflecting how feminine is considered to be inferior? Basically when you say "guys/men" you "raise the status" of women/femme to that of men when they are in a group, instead of degrading the men to call them women/femme.

So in an attempt to level the playing field of what words can be seen and accepted as androgynous or gender neutral, I accept the feminized words. I consider both "sis" and "bro" to be neutralized when they are referring to me. Because as I said above, I am both and neither. I am the neutralizing factor.

In order to avoid these compromise gymnastics it is just easier to call me "family" - but as explained I won't be upset if because of linguistic conditioning you don't.

This may be a little confusing for some or it may not be confusing at all, depending on how steadfastly you grip to gender. But, to be honest, as long as you use my preferred pronouns (which are they/them) I'm happy.

Of course my individual feelings on this are not indicative of a whole community. Some non-binary and gender queer people really get upset by gendered exclamations and that's okay. Adjust accordingly. I'm just not one of those people and this has been me discussing why.

[mixter-lma-blog]

Non-Binary Tag

As my first post I decided to do @ashtondaniel nonbinary tag to introduce myself. Plus I'm bored.

Let's do the basics- what's your gender and what're your pronouns? (Tell us all your gender labels!!)

I am an androgynous genderqueer. And my pronouns are they/them

2. Do you consider yourself under the trans umbrella?

Yes and not just because technically all nonbinary people are. I plan on fully socially transitioning and going on HRT. Plus it was through learning more about the trans community that I discovered I was an enby. So being transgender means a lot to me.

3. How do you feel about word enby? Do you use it?

Yes! Being called a girl makes me want to implode from cringe. No one has ever called me a boy. Though my mother often said I acted like one. However boy feels just as wrong. I try not use enby to address non-binary people in general. Some peeps are non-binary boys/ girls and I imagine being called enby is strange.

4. What song is your gender?

I'm going to cheat and pick two mash-up remixes by Quentin Mashups. Love Song To Me by Korn & Melanie Martinez. And also Cookies Undone by the same pairing. Those mixes represent my masculinity and femininity getting married under the sweet androgynous lord's name.

5. Do you experience gender euphoria? And what causes it?

Yep. For right now it's my body hair, using male deorandent/cologne and wearing men's underwear that triggers it. Especially when I'm in a dress, my briefs are my little fuck you to gender roles.

6. What question are you tired being asked?

Why do I wear xy and z? Honesty you be surpised how nosey people are. Clothes are clothes. I wear what makes me comfortable and happy.

7. What presentations do you feel the most comfortable with? And is it connected to your gender.

Androgyny. I feel the most euphoric when I dress that way. I should note, when I say androgynous I mean an mixture of feminine and masculine presentation. Or an ambiguous presentation.

In recent years I feel like androgynous became a synonym for soft masculinity. Another conversation for an another time.

8. Have you identified as a different gender?

I use to identify as bigender. But that label no longer resonates with me.

9. Are there any gendered phrases you like/dislike?

Likes: Dude, Bro/Brother, Sis/Sister, Aunt, Mixter, Enby, Zaddy (don't shame me)

Dislike: Girl, Lady, Boy, Sir, Miss, Ma'am

10. What compliments suit you gender best?

Any compliments as long as it not followed by girl, lady, etc.

11. Favorite gender-neutral alternatives.

Mixter, Enby, Thude (a dude that uses they/them pronouns)

12. Do you like the non-binary flag of yourself or do you use others.

I don't mind the non-binary flag. But I tend to use the trans one more often tho.

13. Are medical and/or physical transition important to you?

Medical transition is very important to me for disphoria reasons. However I don't experience disphoria when it comes to my body shape so surgeries are pointless.

14. Are there any non-binary people you look up to?

Yes. Heemblack and MilesJai are two Non-binary people of color. Seeing them be their unapologetic themselves helps me feel encouraged. Another one would be ThoughtSlime. I recommand his videos to any lefty.

15. How do you write nonbinary?

See questions 1 through 14.

16. If you were to be someone's significant other, how would you like to be referred to as?

Partner is fine by me.

17. Are you out in your day to day life?

I got outed to most of my family as pansexual and now dealing with their homophobic beliefs. They have no idea I'm an enby. In fact only two friends know my gender. But if one was to ask about my gender, I would say I'm genderqueer or non-binary.

I'm out on platforms where my family don't see. For now at least. I live with my family so I plan to be fully out when I have my own place and maybe change my phone number.

18. Are there any silly stereotypes that you embrace?

I love having flags and accessories with prides flags on them. I love having jewerly with they/them pronouns on them. I also love rambling about gender theory and trans rights. I'm a big cat person. And I'm not afriad to be called a transtrender. So suck an egg my dude if that bothers you.

19. Does the word queer fit you?

Yes. Yes. And yes.

20. If you could go to any band's concert, who would see?

I grew up in the early 2000s so there is only one correct answer, My Chemical Romance

I paraphrase a lot of the questions so I recommand going to Ashton Daniel's youtube channel for the full list. Watch and like the video of course.