#yes they are smart but also. so so stupid

[relax-and-read-on]

Rhaaaaa the URGE to write a deep fantasy au!!! Where every primarch is a faction/race and the monarch of their faction!!!

Here is the primarch list pls take it and write it I don't need more WIP

Primarch, in a Fantasy AU

Mortarion: Fairy. But im the slightly mean, might steal your bones and eat your eyeballs way. Very close to nature and secretive, hard to see and talk too. Soft moth wings that can produce a dust that either heal or poison you.

Vulkan: Dragonborn from the montains! Very noble and adventurous, quite likely to go around and visit his friends. Less of a king and more of a "designated leader because he's so nice (and big)". Imvulnerable to fire damage.

Fulgrim: here me out- Drow. A beautiful dark elf, who helped save his world from starvation and ruin, and is slowly pushing to open up his kingdom to trades and diplomacy.

Ferrus: Orc! They qoek by a clan syathem, byt are actually skilled engineer, as rhey are nomadic and try to get all the info/knowledge they can before moving on. Some of the obly marksmen of the setting. Surprisingly friendly, they know they are strong and that messing with them would be UNBELEIVABLY stupid.

Magnus: spirit/energy being. King of Prospero, a desert city where everyone kinda became lowkey immortal, in a metapgysical way. People have shed their flesh body a long time ago and now mostly either wander the city around as spirits, kr by possesing objects like armours. Genies legend were based on them due to magical power, but no, they are NOT forced the grant wishes.

Leman: I mean. Wolfperson. He literally keep changing into a wolf half the time. Nomadic in nature, him and his people are the best hunters of the land, and often employed as mercenary.

Horus: Human. Just... regular ass human. Normal as hell. King of them, and very good at making alliance, very stable and prosperous Kingdom. Also very cosmopolitan, with all the races and factions bwing welcomed to walk through.

Sanguinius: I mean........... Vampire. In the noble, aristocratic way. He has a very impressive and spooky castle that people get invited too for fancy bit vaguely spooky dinner. Very polite, doesn't hide his nature here, but is constantly trying to maintain a tight control on his vampires subordinate.

Lion: He is TOTALLY a Normal Human of a Normal Human Kingdom. Not a Changeling from the magical forest at all. What's that? Watchers? Totally normal people too, not at all gnomes and kobolt and korrigan who also consider him their king...

Roboute: Prince of a human kingdom... But he's actually an adopted half elf!! Constantly at war in his soul between the two part of his being. His kingdom is the largest human kingdom, but constantly has to deal with difficult political intrigue and threat of invasion.

Lorgar: Naga. His tattoo are actually gold scales glittering all across his body in an hypnotic patern. His people are semi nomadic, they have multiple rock city across the desert that they migrate between every 10 to 20 years.

Jaghatai: ....... Centaur. Like. I just couldn't. Nomadic step people, smart, amazing archer, they often also run huge trade carravan between the various kingdom and are, honnestly, filthy rich. Having a centaur offer you to ride on his back to a non-centaur person is basically a marriage proposal.

Rogal: Dwarf! But from nordic, snowy montains. Very good craftsman and engineer, very used to nordic winter with 3 months long night. Best friend with Roboute, travel in giant steam ship.

Angron: Elves! But he was captured as a child and almost turned into... Something else. However, he led a rebellion, and went back to his kingdom. They are very warry of outsiders, and his kingdom is composed of a notable portion of those "changed elves". Yes, I mean Uruk-Hai

Konrad: Vampire but in like. The creepy way. They are kimda more goulish, cannibalistic, who live in creepy osolated town and scare away travelers. Terrible assassins hired by other kingdoms In reality, while him and his people ARE some kind of creepy blood sucker, they just want to live their isolayed life.

Corvus: the BIRDY people. Probably a race that get a variety of avian features, some have bird heads, some wings, some feets, some are fully antro... Corvus can fully shift between giant murder raven and human.

Alpharius and Omegon: Shapeshifter. Less of a tribe/kingdom than a secret society of shapeshifter who infiltrated more or less succesfully all the other kingdoms. They have a good time of it.

Perturabo: Minotaur of a distant montainous kingdom. His Kingdom is actually a mix between minotaur and humans, living in a tense mixed society. He rule with his sister/totally not wife Calliphone, who is a human. Yes, he is gigantic at her side. Yes, she is smug about it.

[burnt-by-marigolds]

“What are we to you?”

“Nothing special, of course. You're only the first person who I truly care for.”

While this is not that perfectly quotable bon mot you can slap on a t-shirt, so far it's my personal favourite when it comes to spawn Astarion dialogues. (Still a few quests away from finishing the game, but slowly getting there!)

If the player hoped that after hours of hearing I don't know. But isn't it nice not to know? (which I also adore) they'll get something more definite and old-school romantic, they were wrong. (Well, maybe not wrong; the cemetery scene is still there, both touching and heartwrenching.)

What do we get instead? Astarion’s trademark sarcasm. A dramatic sigh followed by an annoyed Nothing special, of course. As in: Tav, do you really need to ask such stupid questions? Do you really need me to spell it out for you?

And I mean, casually calling your loved one ‘nothing special’ right into their face? If you can allow yourself a joke like this and you both laugh, you know you're in a place of comfort.

You're only the first person who I truly care for – yet, a confession follows, and again, I appreciate the just right mixture of quip, candour and informality. No lofty professions of undying love, thank the gods. Astarion’s body language is delicious, too. That motion as if he’s playfully tapping Tav on the arm? But I especially love the cheeky smile as he glances to the side. He’s such an adorable rascal during this dialogue.

The whole line is punctuated by Astarion clearing his throat. I’ve seen someone write it’s a telltale sign of him being genuine. Perhaps there's a tiny hint of self-consciousness, too, because he’s so much more used to all those fake, turgid pick-up lines.

No worries, Astarion, you're doing great. Please don't ever lose that smart mouth of yours.

Have I just written a small wall of text about a single line of dialogue? Quite possibly, yes.

[kiththecat]

hello tumblr user kiththecat with oshawott pfp do you,, do you have opinions on pokemon teams/partners for clownzy,,

im so sorry i took this way further than you probably thought i would but to be fair pokemon is like my oldest, biggest special little interest so this quickly went from a silly little thing to oh i guess i have an au now. say goodbye to ajwiaap this is all im thinking about now

i think the beautiful thing when it comes to assigning characters pokemon is that every single pokemon could make it. every single pokemon has their own unique personality. so this isn’t “this fits their vibes” as much as it is “woops i accidentally made up team dynamics and personalities for these pokemon and now im attached” 

hfdjskhfdkfdhs maybe these choices are all atrocious but here we go

my thoughts for branzy is that he’s a researcher of a kind, probably deeply fascinated with some more morally dubious sciences, probably ends up getting hired by evil groups but he’s funded so what does he care

also these are all listed in no particular order

Slowking

i just think it’d be funny. entry says that slowking is ultra intelligent but no one understands it so now i'm imagining branzy with a slowking just nodding and going “yes, this absolutely makes sense” but it just doesn’t. and because its extremely intelligent and composed it kinda sees branzy as its little guy

Metagross

same as with slowking. an intelligent and extremely powerful pokemon has adopted this kinda unlucky but eccentric researcher. it’s not interested in fighting it just wants branzy to Not Fall Into A Cave when researching or something. it’s always ready to psychically carry him away from danger like an unruly child. metagross would dislike clown at first but would warm up to him because they’re both protective of branzy. and clown would be like “HOW do you have an untrained metagross???” because this is one of the hardest pokemon to capture and keep because of how smart they are so it’s like. extremely impressive. and branzy’s like “we’re besties!” but that’s his babysitter

Tinkaton

innocent looking queen with a destructive nature. horrible attitude. just a violent little freak and if she ever inconveniences anyone branzy is like “what no that doesn’t sound like my tinkaton must’ve been something else” and the crime in question has a big hammer-sized hole in it. if left alone these two would probably cause more harm than good. best battler of the team

Porygon-Z

cute but something went wrong in its design very branzycraft to me. everyone would be like “hey, so there’s something terrible wrong with this pokemon” and branzy would be like “no! look how cute it is :D”. it gets very distressed if its away from him

Lampent

OKAY LISTEN. this would just be really funny. like one pokedex entry says “It hangs around hospitals waiting for people to pass on.” and “Once it finds someone whose death is near, it will trail quietly after them.” so my idea is that there’s this lampent who’s been following branzy around literally his entire life because it looks like he’s going to die in a stupid accident but he just. keeps. living. and branzy never realises that it has any ill intentions he thinks they’re best friends and finds lampents light very helpful when exploring in the dark. at some point branzy almost actually dies and its like so distressed about it because its gotten attached

that’s all i got for him... for now.

clown would be a very very strong trainer, a champion most likely. he has a reputation for being absolutely ruthless in battle and he had no trouble winning whatever league he won. he does work that’s kinda morally grey, but in the way where he’ll rather kill a poacher than imprison them.

Gengar (Mega)

the grin. also literally every pokedex entry is so clown. also he’d have a mega stone for it and it’s generally the scariest thing in the world. has most likely killed a lot of people but clown is like “wouldn’t hurt a fly ^-^” also gengar would absolutely love branzy (it recognises him as a devious and harmful soul) it’d be like “this is my guy now” and clown would feel so betrayed.

Hydreigon

cannot be clown without a scary strong pokemon. and okay so every single entry for this one says that it thinks only of destruction. so my idea is that clown has a hydreigon but but that he’s raised and/or trained it well and it respects him so they have like this mutual need for destruction but it’s so calm and controlled that it’s even scarier. also if we all just collectively pretend that the purple-ish colour on hydreigon is red, they have a similar colour scheme:) this and gengar are clowns most well known pokemon and he could probably win a league using only them

Zorua

enjoying the thought of this zorua being an extremely powerful shapeshifter who almost always is in another form. like to the point where most people aren’t even aware that clown has a zorua. it’s not the best battler but it’s amazing at stealth missions. its one of the older pokemon of the team but it hasn’t evolved because it likes sitting on top of clowns head or his shoulders. it revealed its true form to branzy very quickly and while branzy didn’t think anything big of it, probably just going “oh my gosh that’s amazing!” clown had an internal crisis about it

Furfrou

OKAY HEAR ME OUT HERE. a shiny furfrou. his dramatic ass WOULD have one. and it’d have a special trim that matches him. im thinking something like the dandy trim but instead of green additions to the fur it’s red. this furfrou would be the biggest diva in the world. clown saved it from poachers and it took long for trust to be formed but after it did it was ride or die. what if it was kinda lazy too, like it just wanted to chill but its trainer is clown so its strong because he trains them well but when battling it looks so disinterested that it comes across as weak but when it locks in, it’s deadly. if anything happens to its trim, it’s over for the perpetrator. clown grooms it personally and very softly but this is a rare sight.

Lilligant

i love the thought of him having a weak looking pokemon but it’s the secret ace of the team. people who don’t know clown would be like “that’s it lmao?” if he brought it out in battle but everyone who’s battled him will be like “well, it was fun while it lasted” like this one lilligant is known for taking down the most powerful of pokemon. also continuing the theme of having a pokemon that actually requires high maintenance to be happy, lilligant has many entries that say the flower on their head will wilt if not cared for properly. i think it’d be pretty neat if everyone had this idea that clown was ruthless as a trainer, but that something as subtle as his lilligant having a beautiful flower actually shows how kind he is to his team

Mr. Rime

DOES ANYONE SEE MY VISION. it’d be the weird grandpa of the team. kinda the same situation as lilligant where it doesn’t fit clown’s scary vibes but it’s a terrifying opponent anyway. the pokedex describes it’s tap dancing as “graceful” and i can think of another person who looks like a thing that’s associated with fun but is actually quite deadly so

that’s it… for now. rest assured i’ll probably be thinking about this a lot. also there are so many pokemon i thought about. this was hours of reading pokedex entries and repeatedly scrolling through the pokedex😭😭😭😭i literally blinked and two hours had passed

bonus notes ? ideas ?

wild pokemon really like branzy. he’s very creature and he has a good-hearted demeanour that makes everyone let their guards down (literally just canon).

wild pokemon respect clown. his presence, though not comforting, makes them steer clear of him. in a way they see him as one of their own more than a human.

if i were to attach a mythical or legendary to each of them. mew for branzy and meloetta for clown. HEAR ME OUT.

branzy has a lot of random pokemon just following him around when he’s on expeditions, so he doesn’t notice that there’s actually a mew shapeshifting into wild pokemon and following him around all over. it just likes his vibe.

as for meloetta. more of a stretch but just with clown’s tendency to getting attached to a certain type of people, like ros and branzy, then i think meloetta could embody the same things as they do. and now im just straight up making up characterisation on meloetta that’s dubiously based on the anime but i imagine that meloetta loves to battle, hence why it has a literal battleform, but that it has had no opportunity to fight in the modern way or feel that connection with a trainer, so every so often it will join clown in whatever he’s doing and be like “battle with me” and he’ll be like “aight”

ALSO DOES ANYONE REMEMBER TOBIAS? THE GUY WHO RANDOMLY HAD A DARKRAI IN THE ANIME. he gives clown vibes to me. almost gave clown a darkrai. almost gave him many ultra strong pokemon but i thought it’d be funnier to go a bit weird with it

also there are SO many rumours about clown. most of them being that he has signed a deal with darkrai, giratina, or yveltal. maybe he has. who knows.

im so sorry this is straight up insanity😔😔 ill see myself out

[mads-hemmo]

imagine you sent in a bedroom for one of schlatts bedroom videos and schlatt is quite literally cheesing because you’re his girlfriend and he knows exactly what your room looks like

Masterlist

You have watched your boyfriend react to his viewer’s room tour multiple times now. When he announced that he was going to be reacting to rooms again, you decided to submit a tour of your own. You even messaged his mods to make sure your room made it in.

You watch Schlatt’s stream from your couch, anxiously awaiting for your room to come onto the stream. “Okay this one is from (Y/N),” Schlatt says. You can see him do a slight double take when he reads your name off. He lets it go as he presses play.

“Hello Jschlatt. Let me show you my room,” your pre-recorded voice says. The chat is going crazy saying, “woman” as the video plays. You’re not showing your face, but Schlatt obviously knows it’s you by your voice.

“Calm down chat. Yes, it's a woman. Let’s see their room,” Schlatt says to the chat.

You turn to your bookshelf full of books. “Here are all my books because I’m a nerd and very intelligent.”

“Don’t look up any of those books, chat. You may be scarred.”

You laugh at the screen. Schlatt knows your taste in literature is romance with some smut sprinkled in. “Here are my rammies, youtooz, and gamer supps.” You show your small Schlatt shrine which makes you look like a parasocial weirdo, but Schlatt is just smiling the entire time. “This is my gaming setup.”

“Wow, it's very pink. Are we sure this isn’t some vtuber?” Schlatt comments.

You continue to show your room which shows blurred pictures. “These are of my boyfriend and I, but we are very private. He does not like people to see his face. He’s very insecure.”

Schlatt subtly rolls his eyes and smiles at his screen. “She is smart. Protecting her privacy. I’m sure her boyfriend is very hot and not insecure,” Schlatt comments. Chat is going crazy sending question marks and gay emotes.

“This is where all the magic happens,” you joke as you show your bed.

Schlatt lets out a small laugh at your comment. The truth is most of the “magic” happens on his bed not yours. He also has small heart eyes when he sees the Rammie you sleep with when you aren’t together. “I know it’s small and boring, but that’s my room. You have made my day by watching this. Thank you Schlatt! I’m a huge fan,” you say, ending the video.

“What a weirdo. Mods, who let that one get by?” Schlatt asks with a stupid grin still plastered on his face. Some of chat seems to get the hint about who’s bedroom it is, but others are completely oblivious.

Schlatt keeps going, showing a disgusting hellhole with street signs. A little while after, Schlatt ends the stream. As soon as the stream ends, you see that you are getting a FaceTime call from him.

“That damn girl was obsessed with you,” you comment with a laugh. “Maybe I should be jealous.”

“Yeah she’s a weirdo. Can’t believe my mods let her through,” he laughs with you.

“She may have sent some messages encouraging them to let her room through so she could see how flustered her boyfriend gets.”

Schlatt rolls his eyes at you. “Thank you for blurring everything.”

“I may like messing with you, but I’m not evil. I still want our relationship to be for us, not your fans.”

He smiles at you. “I love you,” he says with a wide grin on his face. “Also the cats miss you. They think you should come over and stay the night.”

“Only the cats miss me?” You ask with an eyebrow raise.

“Maybe I miss you too.”

“Hmm if that’s the case, I guess I can come by.” Once you hang up the phone, you drive to his apartment so you don’t have to spend the night cuddling your Rammie.

A/N: such a cute idea!! I need him to stream again! I am almost through all of my reqs, so send more if you want to! Hoping to keep writing while I’m on break!

[cthulhum]

does anyone realize how crazy it is to have the actor of a mostly headcanoned queer ship say the fans were never crazy and they were right all along after 10+ years of everyone just absolutely going nuts over the said queerbaited ship

[dukeofthomas]

I find the fact that the confrontation at the end of UTRH is often summarized as Jason asking Bruce to kill the Joker for him fascinating.

Because that's not what happened.

Jason holds a gun up to Joker's head, gives Bruce another, and tells him that if Bruce doesn't do something (shoot Jason), he will kill Joker.

Jason doesn't give the gun to Bruce so that he would shoot Joker. He isn't expecting Bruce to pull the trigger on the clown. He's asking Bruce to do nothing. To be inactive. Because that will still be a choice, and despite having done nothing, everybody clearly agrees that Bruce would still, at least in part, be responsible for Joker's death.

...And to me, this moment is a kind of- microcosm, of the rest of Jason's point. Because after being captured and carted off to Arkham, the villain will escape again, and will kill more people. The only way to truly prevent that from happening would be to kill them; Bruce refuses to do so, and I respect his right to choose such a thing for himself, but it is still a choice, and if we agree that Bruce's inaction during the confrontation would leave him at least partly responsible for the Joker's death, then we must also agree that his inaction in permanently preventing the Rogues from killing more people means he is also, partly, responsible for all of those deaths.

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

Is it really your favourite show if you’re not constantly warning your friends every second episode, “Okay, now this one’s kinda bad but—”

[lastofthe20thcenturygirls]

(ln8 spoilers) jinshi thinking except for my godly looks i am just average and then his smartass goes and kills around five birds with just one brand. someone whose status is so high that even his name can't be said by anyone except the emperor jinshi branded himself with the crest of the empress vowing loyalty to her assuring her he doesn't wants to take the place of her son. one-upping his "bro" with this who refuses to let him leave the line of succession wouldn't let him become a commoner doesn't wants to let him become a servant to the royal family. only slaves get branded and if this ever got out there will be chaos in the court. gyokuyou tho considers jinshi like a brother and he did swear loyalty to her but if she ever tried to cross his family her clan's brand on his body would be enough to prove her as an adultress which would be bad for her and her clan.

and jinshi did this in front of these two people and maomao so now she is the only one who can see him naked and the emperor cannot order him to marry anyone which was something that was definitely gonna happen had he not done what he did. as a bonus he gets to spend more time with maomao after a long time and he did all this while saying the exact words: empress gyokuyou, your enemy i shall never be in front of maomao reassuring her because she once muttered i don't want to be an enemy to empress gyokuyou and he had heard her but before he could tell her that he had no intention of doing that either he couldn't because of the lishu incident. one of the major reasons maomao hadn't accepted her own feelings for jinshi one of the obstacles he promised to remove for her. even though he doesn't even know that maomao's concerns about her becoming gyokuyou's enemy had to do with his birth secret his true status. that no matter what he is the rightful successor. something jinshi himself isn't even aware of and yet without knowing that he did this to deal with it all in a single way most preferable to him: masochism

[bl00dalchemist]

The way I be treating my blorbos makes people think I hate them.

[sweetestflow3rs]

i’ve like done lil tidbits about kyle ( vani’s mom ) but i don’t think i’ve ever really gone into tidbit talkin’ about jamie ( vani’s dad ) except for the fact that he killed kyle & is currently in prison ( & that porn comic i did of him & bailey that has his old adult design ). which. my bad guys.

like unlike kyle who was able to endear herself to a lot of the people she met, jamie was… not that. man made enemies on first introductions, it’s surprising he had friends. like to best describe jamie, imagine whitney, but instead of whitney having the small grace of secretly being a fucking dweeb with a slight moral conscious that they know they are doing fucked up things, jamie is aware of his fucked up shenanigans and he has no remorse for it LMAO

he harasses, degrades and beats the shit out of people for shits & giggles, it’s why he had such a thriving career as an underground fighter before he got arrested. like a moral consciousness that is constantly beat out by his own selfish need for dopamine and adrenaline. the only thing that holds him back is bailey ( & used to be kyle ) cause he knew that he’d be chewed out by them after, which is worse to him than having to deal with past orphanage director’s weird punishments. just… the definition a wild fight dog kept on a leash

[venomouslilith]

.

[drbtinglecannon]

It's actually so sexy of SxF that the neurotic intelligent one is the husband and the clueless powerhouse is the wife

[lesbiansanemi]

Currently trying not to vomit over the fact that I essentially just lost almost a thousand dollars brb

[chericos]

watch me post a dr stone fic before i even start working on pt 2 of the scara smau …

[radipede]

WE ARE SO BACK (finally downgraded my tumblr app)