the-chosen-half-of-one

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

Hey man I’m just happy to be in this dark and scary woods with you

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

If I can’t be weird with you then wtf

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

what if we all just stopped whatever we were doing , and frolicked through a meadow

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

ok time to lock the fuck in *opens discord* ok time to lock the fuck in *opens tumblr* ok time to lock the fuck in *opens gmail* ok time to lock the fuck in *opens youtube* ok time to lock the fuck in *opens an unstable vortex in time and space* ok time to lock the fuck in *opens ao3* ok time to lock the fuck in *opens discord* ok time to lock the fuck in *opens tumblr*

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

"tumblr's the only social media without algorithms!" "you can still be anonymous on tumblr!" "tumblr's so nice because you don't have to show your face!" WRONG tumblr is special because you can have 3000 followers and still get an average of seven likes a post. i'm doing stand up comedy at a packed venue and one person is laughing

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

I... DONT... LIKE... CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [MY TELEKINESIS THROWS EVERYTHING ACROSS THE ROOM] [I SEE MY ITEMS STREWN ABOUT THE ROOM AND GET EVEN MORE UPSET]

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

Dog

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

One guard lies. One guard tells the truth. One guard thinks he's telling the truth but operates from deeply unsound epistemological principles that were inculcated by his elders to steer him to specific predefined conclusions, he's not lying but nothing he says is as actionable as he thinks it is. One guard is honest but he's got that thing where he keeps confusing your left and right with his left and right, and even when it's just him he's always got to stop and think for a second to remember which is which, and long story short he's never once said the correct door on the first try. One guard says whatever the first guard to speak says because he's afraid of being left out. One guard claims the opposite of whoever was first to speak because he's a contrarian. One guard does that fuckass postmodern "what is truth" song and dance because he doesn't actually know which door is the correct one, he lost the briefing packet and for obvious reasons he can't pick a door to check in person. Defeats the whole point if you can come back

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

what will it be, boss? the comfort of misery or the pain of change?

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

we share a warriors bond (we were both in the same fandom at the same time and now neither of us are in that fandom anymore but we’re still beloved mutuals)

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

I'm like if a sweetie pie and a hater were one person

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

the issue with 2:15 is thats already 4 pm

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

Here are some ducks I drew. Yeah, I’m a duck collector.

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

i am nooooot locked the fuck in. im locked the fuck out. call the locksmith

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

i think it should be illegal to not have paper menus. and it should be illegal to only accept digital payments and not accept cash

generally making anything accessible only with a phone sould be illegal. like genuinely regulated by the govt and forbidden. IMO