#wtf is quot

[rudegizmo]

I'm proud 🫡 even if you hoped to do more

Thank you!!

My brain is melting, but there's a post I wanna get up before I quit for the night -- sighhh editing My Beloathed

[endyfwend]

Just found a Batman quote, and it sounds like an “incorrect quotes” sorta thing. It’s not. Batman, THE Batman, has actually said “Ya basic”

… I’m crying

[morganbritton132]

One of the perks of living in Gotham is that occasionally you’ll walk past a Wayne having the most batshit insane conversation anybody has ever had.

Walk past Dick Grayson on the street and hear him say into his phone, “I don’t think he’s anti-vax, but Superman is definitely not vaccinated.”

Stand outside of the downtown WE building and see Tim Drake walk out with his tall friend only to pause and say, “Hold on, I just got the mental image of Lex Luthor pregnant. Thanks for that.”

A lucky few who ride the same subway line as the newest Wayne edition, overheard Duke tell Stephanie that living in Wayne Manor is, “Alright, but when I moved in Jason and Damian gave me a knife and said I had to kill Tim. Said it was tradition.”

“It kinda is. Did you do it?”

“No!” Duke says, to the relief of the overhearers. “Get this…he stabbed himself.”

“…yeah, I should’ve guessed that.”

The downside to living in Gotham is literally everything else.

[lilislegacy]

percabeth daughter, to her friend: so this is my house. make yourself at home. luckily my older brothers aren’t home, so it’s actually peaceful for once

friend: that’s goo- oh my god! there are two people in your backyard trying to kill each other!

percabeth daughter: huh? oh, no those are my parents. they’re just sparring, don’t worry

friend: sparring? with… a giant knife and… a sword?

percabeth daughter: well they practice hand to hand combat too, but weapons practice is important

friend:

percabeth daughter: come on! let me show you my room

friend: alr- oh my god, is that a horse in your brother’s room?

percabeth daughter, rolling her eyes: ugh mom and dad told him to keep his window closed!

friend: wait, horses just… come into your house? through the second story window?

percabeth daughter: crazy right? they don’t even ask first. like, at least have some manners!

friend:

[fantasticgothicpeachsludge]

Bernard: i lied. i don’t like sex. put your clothes back on babe and watch my power point presentation about What The Fuck Is Going On Between Batman And Twoface

Tim: …

[jojo-the-bird]

I think I’m depriving myself of the life I could have to the life I make myself believe I’m bound to.

[wtffacts]

Everybody has gone through something that has changed them in a way that they could never go back to the person they once were.

[steor-ra]

(Neglectful batfam au)

Pre-yan!Damian: you are not my sibling nor anything related to me. You are a mistake, a bastards child. You will never be a wayne

Y/n: oh okay. *gives other kids some siblings love that were supposed to be Damian's*

Post-yan!Damian: no take it back–

[rad-batson]

*Damian and Tim fighting bad guys at a park*

Damian: Duck!

Tim: *ducks head* Thanks, but I got it!

Damian: No! Duck!

Tim: Seriously, do you think I need instructions—

*Goose charges at Tim and bites his ankle*

Damian: My bad! I meant Goose!

[muchmossymess]

Merlin: uh oh looks like I can't manipulate mansplain manservant my way out of this one

Merlin: manslaughter it is

Arthur: meRLIN NO!

[ventresses]

Star Wars + Text Posts & Headlines

Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022), pt. 2

[mamaspidershit]

Peter: Hey Ms. Nat! I got this knife for you :) Natasha: Oh, thanks, kid. Peter: it's a real nice one- extra fresh! Natasha: ...How can a knife be fresh? Peter: I just pulled it out my leg about a half hour ago. Natasha: *drops knife*

[louisferrignojr]

the old guard + john mulaney quotes [extended edition]

[tendafoot]

power couple

[theredrenard]

Incorrect 9-1-1 + text posts (part 16/??) prev || next

[minimarvelh]

Tony: hey Peter, can you please get us table for the evening? I’m already late for the meeting and don’t have time for that.

Peter: why do we need table, mr. Stark?

Tony:

Tony: to eat?

Peter: are you sure you want me to get us a table?

Tony: yeah, I just said that. okay, underoos, I will be here in an hour. please don’t break any bone.

*one hour later*

Tony and Pepper waking into the living room: okay, kiddo, go get ready, we are leaving in f-

*two police officers standing next to Peter while Peter tries to make himself comfortable on the couch while being in handcuffs*

Peter: Mr. Stark, I really tried to explain to them that you asked me to get us a table.

Policeman: mr.Stark, are you aware that your son stole a table from “Momofuku Ko”?

glamorous table from the above-mentioned restaurant:

Pepper:

Tony:

Pepper: what the f-