#word dissasociation

[twoplayer-game]

LEMONTOBER DAY 11: DAMN SKIPPY (word dissasociation)

hey um i decided to start doing this halfway through the month here you go (original photo under cut)

[thatkoiboi]

//WARNING: meltdown, dissociation, spiraling//

I'm proud of you and all your accomplishments! Everything will be okay <3

[rupertbbare]

[smallerthantherain]

Passenger

I’ve died again

Feel myself

crumbling within

I don’t know who that is

looking back at me in the bathroom

They’re a stranger

that acts like me

sounds like me

looks like me

but I don’t know who they are

When did that person

take over my body

I’m looking down at my hands

and it feels like I am lost in a dream

Watching someone else

walk inside my skin,

trapped behind my eyes

and wondering when

I’ll live again

[fentanyl-rabbits]

Sick head

[overstimulated-autism-creature]

[myinnerhumandreams]

They say that those who have gone through the most are the strongest of people, yet they fail to realize that the strength comes from the disassociation from reality.

[sanguivorouscorvid]

I love it when an artist makes a song with meaningless lyrics it’s genuinely one of my favorite things

[happy-yellow-flower-children]

okay, just talking. just talking

need to write it down

she sat on the floor of the hallway. right by her shared room. other people sat near their's as well, some in the doorway of the room however. they scratched at their skin, feeling it come off, layer by layer. ripped into tiny bits. yelling came into her ears. it wanted to plug them, it couldn't. "you girls make my life miserable, you are all so damn selfish, worthless, pathetic!" ms. [CENSORED] yelled, a [CENSORED] hid his face, he didn't like that. she stared off, [censored] was angry, someone had hid paintbrushes in their room. it scratched at the skin more, fading away from the hallway. she was still there, somewhat, but they were floating, the pain and yelling staying on the ground. "SHUT UP! YOU GIRLS HAVE NO RIGHT TO EVEN SPEAK! DISOBEYING ME CONSTANTLY!" ms. [CENSORED] screamed. it flinched. the burn on their hand started screeching at her, it covered it's hand, hiding it from prying adult eyes. "I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU! I'M A LEADER, NOT A FOLLOWER! NOBODY SHOULD LISTEN TO YOU!" [CENSORED] roared, her face was infuriated. they grimaced, [CENSORED] made it worse, it noticed tears. she had started crying? she didn't remember that, she just felt fuzzy. the yelling got louder, they scratched more, their knuckles were now bleeding. "are you okay?" a person whispered from across the hall. it stared. not moving her lips. to afraid. too afraid. she wasn't even 14 yet. it was once a child. could they be called a child now? she wondered that night, covered in a blanket. they weren't human, humans were filthy and selfish. it wasn't like that, it was different than humans. it thought, dehumanizing itself was easier. accepting this cruel reality was hard. she couldn't hurt if she couldn't feel the emotion. she let go. it became apathetic. nobody truly did matter. just another nuisance. they wanted to go home. they cared, no they didn't. it would stay until allowed to leave. humans were in charge. not her. sleepyness was normal as she just kept floating away. it decided soon after, they were not human. she decided after that she keep on a lovely facade, become the peace in the room. all while it raged inside of the husk.

[killahmaria]

i am a parody of a person. i tremble from door to door trying to find what i once lost. fill the emptiness within my soul. my unachievable goal.

[hollowfairybabybat]

wasnt there one wanting you to put an apple in your mouth? acting like you were dinner? maybe vore and the cannibal thing are the same

ah fuck u could b right but i have literally no memory besides what i said lmao

[altered-diaries]

To me, it's like thinking you're in a dream but at the same time sort of knowing you aren't asleep. It feels a bit like liminal space. When people begin to seem like mannequins or NPCs. Your home feels like a giant dollhouse, and all the familiar things look off.

Also when I derealize that much, I see everything in a sort of sepia-shade. Which makes it even harder to be convinced that everything is real.

Can we talk how frightening is to derealize?

You start dissociating for one or another reason, and in the moment you less expected the dissociaton gets that hard that you enter in a derealization state

Derealization can feel and present in many ways, once you enter in that state everything starts to lose sense... The world around you starts to feel unreal, this can be in many ways

Feeling that's just a dream

Feeling that it's fake

Feeling like every things is distorted

Feeling that's too fantastical

Feeling like it's too bright or dull

You can't even describe in a correct way how it feels and it's scary, because it feels unreal

Maybe my things aren't real, maybe my envirioment isn't real, maybe the people around me aren't real, maybe I am not real, who knows? Definetly not me

It feels so fuzzy, strange and terriffying, but at the same time can bring a calm sensation of anything being real or important, a calm that scares me

Derealization is a very frightening experiences, and I can't quite describe the whole dissociative experience this states brings me

[untiltheshadowscease]

accidentally mentioned i had been dissociating when talking to my mother and got to be lectured on why i shouldnt use terms like that because i clearly don't understand the ~implications~

...like ma'am I dissociate all the fucking time. idk what implications youre worried about but if they arent bullshit then theyre probably actually applicable lmao

[fentanyl-rabbits]

I want to live in the unreal (my head is my home)

[astronicht]

I love the very subtle but important presences of bez and pecco in tavullia radio!! and also everything else about it obviously. would love to know if you had any more thoughts about like what they're doing thinking seeing feeling! the image of pecco running into freshly fucked and sucked marc at the espresso machine he can't use and making him a tiny coffee enchants and delights me. in my mind he is suffering horrors. thank you for such a perfect fic!!

thank you Leah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 So in my head etc Pecco and Marc are already technically or already have been teammates. I was thinking as I wrote it "is this next month? or is this december after the 2025 season?" haha. Either way Pecco is like. In a phase of life where he has decided that he is professionally obligated to have some form of rapport with Marc. And if they've been working together for a bit, they awkwardly kind of already DO, just not. NOT in this setting. Always on neutral Ducati ground. THIS scenario (freshly fucked and sucked marc at vale's ranch, in pecco's friendly ranch kitchen, where he was NOT expecting visitors) is NOT part of this carefully polite professional rapport. Unlike the rest of the guys Pecco can't just grunt and shuffle past (he totally could have; Marc did not want to talk to anyone). He's forcing himself to try to be normal and thus extending everyone's suffering lol. They don't even dislike each other. This somehow makes it all worse.

Pecco made Marc a Turkish coffee instead of just getting out one of the 3-5 mokas kicking around because he has gotten into foodie youtube and Turkish coffee came up, and he carefully bought the correct little cup to boil it in and the correct finely ground coffee and he has like, watched videos on how to get the foam right. Very much your friend who gets really into foodie youtube and is suddenly making what you think of as simple staple dishes with all the right utensils and the correct dipping sauce that no one in ur family ever bothered with. He actually had come in to make a coffee for himself before practice (i think he's considering doing a little mentoring? which never interested him much. Marc appears in moments of Pecco identity or professional crisis, in this universe) so you have to picture Pecco out there somewhere with a little cup of Turkish coffee and haunted eyes, wondering if he can drink it.

Marc actually wanted tea, or to have the balls to wander around the ranch in boxer briefs and a t-shirt smelling violently like sex, but he saw the giant fuck-off luxury espresso machine and was like. the look of it annoyed him so he was definitely going to force it to work or just break it. a little bit his instinct to push at vale a little, to try to figure out where the lines are, or to know for sure that vale isn't going to snap over something normal again.

So that was the mood and then pecco came in and was like oh god. oh god he's going to touch the espresso machine and we'll have to have it repaired again. oh god we won't be able to tell vale that marc did it and we'll have to blame celestino again. Just polite Pecco voice being sooo normal like Hi Marc Would You Like A Coffee :) [intense suffering]. He is overcompensating and being as normal as possible bc marc looks fucked ouuuuut and also is doing the terrifying dead fish eyes and slight grin he does when in extreme physical pain and forced to converse, bc he's dissasociating and also does not care enough to make nice expressions for pecco. (Vale used to fuck himself to sleep despite insomnia -- like he just did -- all the time when Marc was 22 and the memory is a bit much.)

Bez meanwhile is having a total gay... crisis isn't the right word. ring of keys dot mp3. the particular egg-cracking feeling of seeing something you didn't know you desperately wanted until you want it violently and think you're gonna cry for no reason. seeing it is both horrifying (for the same reasons pecco is horrified; marc is fucking motorcycle dad) and makes him want so much it fills his mouth with spit, and that scale of desire is weird and confusing and almost a high. but also he LIKES having a grudge against Marc. It's comforting. It's so awful to be jealous of him, while also realizing he's not jealous that Marc is fucking Vale, because in the end Bez is also being forced to realize that he doesn't exactly want to fuck Vale (well, it's complex, but he doesn't want to fuck Vale like Marc wants to fuck Vale and thus Marc even managed to get a win over Bez by being gay in the way Bez would've liked to have been gay).

Anyway!! Bez got wronged in this fic, I don't want to assign him "italian son with sisters who never learned to make coffee". But i did do that. Also he feels twitchy and guilty about the falsely attributed coffee thing for days. Probably vents to Celestino, who is like "why are you talking about coffee bez i am at the club. did i break the espresso machine again bez?? i can't hear u maybe there's better signal on the roof [call dropped as cele's phone dies and isnt' charged for 3 days]"

[the-amazing-animated-circus]

2 Questions

1: What Are The Gang Like When There Drunk

2: How’s The Tv Show Production Going?

2. Not a tv show, but I posted about that

1. Ragatha: Smily and goofy, a lot "looser" so to speak, and she moves even more like an actual Ragdoll. Until she crashes, that is. Then she has to drink more to numb the wave of depression. But, you know, the effects don't last forever, so she drinks more, but she's drank so much that it doesn't work as well. So she drinks more, which numbs her a little, but of course, it doesn't last forever.

Pomni: Cries. Pomni refuses to speak much in general, let alone about her feelings, but get her drunk and it all comes out. Too bad it also makes her nigh incomprehensible.

That girl stutters every other word. It's even worse the next day when she's hungover, but at that point she's back to being quiet. Might even use a notepad to avoid talking.

Jax: All of his pent up emotions burst out in rage. Mostly at the humans, but he can be pretty scary to the others too. They know he wouldn't dare lay a finger on them, but he can get pretty close. He steers clear of any of the girls for that reason.

Tangle: Her thoughts can get really dark. Gangle keeps her away from that stuff at all costs

Gangle: Avoids alcohol so as to not tempt her sister, but if she were to get drunk, she might be a bit bolder. Wouldn't be afraid to tell Jax to shove it.

Zooble: Severe dissasociation. Their mind isn't quite in tune with their body. In fact, it's floating away.

Kinger: He used to be quite the alcoholic himself before he kept forgetting where he stashed it every two minutes. I suppose if he drank in his current state it would only make his psychological issues worse.