#no longer human inside
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okay, just talking. just talking
need to write it down
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she sat on the floor of the hallway. right by her shared room. other people sat near their's as well, some in the doorway of the room however. they scratched at their skin, feeling it come off, layer by layer. ripped into tiny bits. yelling came into her ears. it wanted to plug them, it couldn't. "you girls make my life miserable, you are all so damn selfish, worthless, pathetic!" ms. [CENSORED] yelled, a [CENSORED] hid his face, he didn't like that. she stared off, [censored] was angry, someone had hid paintbrushes in their room. it scratched at the skin more, fading away from the hallway. she was still there, somewhat, but they were floating, the pain and yelling staying on the ground. "SHUT UP! YOU GIRLS HAVE NO RIGHT TO EVEN SPEAK! DISOBEYING ME CONSTANTLY!" ms. [CENSORED] screamed. it flinched. the burn on their hand started screeching at her, it covered it's hand, hiding it from prying adult eyes. "I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU! I'M A LEADER, NOT A FOLLOWER! NOBODY SHOULD LISTEN TO YOU!" [CENSORED] roared, her face was infuriated. they grimaced, [CENSORED] made it worse, it noticed tears. she had started crying? she didn't remember that, she just felt fuzzy. the yelling got louder, they scratched more, their knuckles were now bleeding. "are you okay?" a person whispered from across the hall. it stared. not moving her lips. to afraid. too afraid. she wasn't even 14 yet. it was once a child. could they be called a child now? she wondered that night, covered in a blanket. they weren't human, humans were filthy and selfish. it wasn't like that, it was different than humans. it thought, dehumanizing itself was easier. accepting this cruel reality was hard. she couldn't hurt if she couldn't feel the emotion. she let go. it became apathetic. nobody truly did matter. just another nuisance. they wanted to go home. they cared, no they didn't. it would stay until allowed to leave. humans were in charge. not her. sleepyness was normal as she just kept floating away. it decided soon after, they were not human. she decided after that she keep on a lovely facade, become the peace in the room. all while it raged inside of the husk.
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themindofmine · 1 year ago
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I wonder if I have actually been happy. People have told me, really more times than I can remember, ever since I was a small boy, how lucky I was, but I have always felt as if I were suffering in hell. It has seemed to me in fact that those who called me lucky were incomparably more fortunate than I.
-No Longer Human, Osamu Dazai
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merakiui · 10 months ago
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it’s been some time, but i’m thinking about the apocalypse au again……. i’ve written about the gender inequality and the bride/husband selections and expectations shouldered in order to restore the population! but i also need to write more about the overblot virus itself and what it does to those who are infected. >:) because a certain few (compound leaders) may just be infected hehehe. <3
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fisheito · 1 year ago
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i wonder if yakumos grandparents gave him so much soup bc it's something that can safely be swallowed whole by a small child who doesn't have the full chewing instinct...... don't have to break out the crowbar to wrench the entire chicken out of your babys mouth when you have liquefied the chicken
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Gasp... brilliant... not only is soup an expedited form of warm... it is also (generally) choke free
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cutter-kirby · 1 year ago
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i'm surprised i haven't seen anyone point this out yet, but.... belos isn't dead. like. sure he got stomped on. but also a few months earlier he crashed into a wall with more than enough force to crack it, shattering his entire physical form, and came back from a few drops that hit hunter's shoulder. he possessed the titan with the smallest sliver of slime that escaped raine's magic. that fucker's not dead. and before you say he got melted... the rain stopped. king said some was on his claw. we've seen belos regenerate from less. he's not dead. and i don't think he'll be dying anytime soon. not if he has anything to say about it. just a thought.
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tinylilvalery · 11 months ago
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Can ya'll please let women be dirty, or unkempt, or fuckn idk, not overly sexualised and feminised? Can ya'll let women have their natural bodies without objectifying them? I'm fucking begging you to stop sanitising the appearance of your female characters.
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poisonandpages · 3 months ago
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It's wild how I always forget that via my grandmother's side of the family I'm genetically predisposed to migraines until one hits me.
Something I fucking hate about one disability begetting another is it makes it so hard to figure out the source of a problem before it hits and sometimes during.
Like when I have a bad day with headaches I have to spend a while going "Is this because of migraine disorder? Fibro? Anxiety? Muscle tension? Autistic over-stimulation? Have I developed a whole new fucking condition while dealing with all the other shit?" Or if it's a bad pain day elsewhere "Is it fibro? Hypermobility? Have I stressed myself into literal physical hurt? Has one of my joints slipped out of place in my sleep? Did I just straight up get hit by something and not notice because I was dissociating at the time?"
When you don't know the cause that can be so much harder to treat and plan for. I don't know if I need to stock up on medicine or just grab some hot compresses and hope for the best. I don't know how long my daily schedule is going to be interrupted for, from attending appointments to doing basic housework tasks. I don't know if I'm likely to feel ill for an hour or a week.
I'm trying really hard to be positive because I'm going back to college to get the qualifications for a job that'll make me happy but if I can't keep up with the physically demanding aspects of that job then there's no point. And there are so many things I still want to do in life that I don't want to believe I've got no chance because my various disabilities will limit me too severely to let me try new things. And just generally I don't want to be miserable and bitter. That's not the kind of person I choose to be. But fuck me it is hard sometimes not to be resentful of my genetics and all the ways they make everything just that little bit trickier to endure. I'm so tired.
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ikolit · 5 months ago
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that strange new worlds had the episode premise of having Spock temporarily turned fully human and then managed to miss in every aspect of his characterization and how that would affect his relationship with the rest of the crew is truly amazing
#Somehow worse than fanfiction the wasted potential alone#I do appreciate how insane they make amanda and that is the only reason I'm making an effort of watching this awful awful episode#But the way it makes me want to pull up a word document and just rewrite the entire thing#Why does no one in the crew actually like Spock#That they choose to go ooh he's like an hormonal teenager because he is experiencing emotions for the first time in his life ?? What????#Amanda's I'm going to teach you about your human side being strictly about lying to his future in laws#when she had the same conversation with Michael and gave her a through the looking glass book instead#She and sarek really are doubling up into making the most insane children in the galaxy psychology majors across the enterprise must dream#Of studying those two as a couple#Like what are you on ??? I love you queen you deserve the world#I feel like each new kid they got they decided to go a completely different route for the bit sarek got dibs on Michael so Amanda was like#I'll handle spock's whole personality by making him think that everything outside of the Vulcan norms is a human trait so I can get away#With commiting high treason and just pass it as a quirky human thing#They missed such a huge opportunity with both just have Spock continue acting the exact same but being perceived differently just on accou#Of no longer being othered by the crew#and also of just having him go Vulcans don't lie to Amanda's bit and both of them knowing that is an inside joke to their family#I don't even go into this show I just saw that Amanda showed up for this episode and I wanted to check and boy do I regret it
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aeons-domain · 1 year ago
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Now I'm curious about something 🤔 Reblog this and put in the tags or comments what ideas or concepts did you scrap for your OC's lore/backstory.
I know an OC's background isn't always going to be consistent or concrete and that's fine! But do you ever have ideas that you either A) didn't have time to work on, B) found too complex to incorporate into their lore, or C) feel like it just didn't fit in based on the standards of whatever universe (canon or original) your OC is in? Or perhaps a secret fourth option, I dunno!
#Hehe I'll start ofc beware the tags are lengthy and plenty hehehe#But as far as I remember I had a bunch of convoluted ideas for Madison's background#The most notable one being that she was an android who had a human soul trapped inside her and was such when she came into the events of SDC#Died at a very young age from an accident that had her in the hospital but her father managed to somehow scrounge up the core of her soul#Said soul was then booted up into an empty android which then became sentient#BUT limited in its physical features since it was the 70-80s and that her father worked in some hidden department in the government#Her father brought 'her' home and her mother grew suspicious of how different her daughter has been acting-#-Unaware that her body is actually gone and all that is left of her is her soul and memories#I was also going to incorporate some concept of a time loop but like a long loop if it makes sense?#Like a week loop of how the 'android' Madison is brought home and her mother and brother are suspicious#Said mother and brother are horrified knowing that she is no longer who she was because all that she *is* left is her soul...#am i making sense SJDKKSKDKS probably not but the huge inspiration for this idea comes from the indie game Mothered which i LOVED#you should defo try watching an LP of it!!#The plot revolves around the MC's soul and her family and the terrible but sad fate that the mother has to go through-#-to keep seeing her daughter be forced into the vessel of an android and live with them#even when they know that their daughter will never be the same again#I still kept the aspect of angst within the family but translated it through a more digestible concept#(at least I hope it is when I share more of it with posts in the future ( ´Д`)=3)#I also wanted to use aspects of amnesia where Madison gets complacent into living with her mother as an android-#-bc as soon as she finds out that she is no longer who she is the system inside the android tries to erase said memories#And that she'll only regain them when she finds that her biological name isn't Madison but is actually Rhonda#NDKDKSKD LIKE THATS A WEIRD EXPLANATION where I got more of that inspo from a song by The Scary Jokes but eh!!#The amnesia and soul explanation plot just doesn't work for me!#ALSO i got inspired by the jojo fangame 7SU and wanted to incorporate the concept of the time loop too-#-with how in one universe we get the canon ending and in another universe after pucci resets the world#so Madison have more knowledge on what's going to happen to the crusaders#and manages to save all or most of them#Too convoluted and honestly not as fun to think about if anything it stays as a fun scrapped idea#Luckily i figured out a way to make it somewhat easier to achieve that 'everyone lives-no one dies' scenario in my lore now wahoo 🕺💃#sorry for the typos and grammar errors just correct them in your head lolol
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andromeda3116 · 2 years ago
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it makes me feel something raw and aching when i see the monuments left behind by ancient cultures, the pillars and the carvings and the steps rising to the sky and the temples and the pictograms, like for thousands and thousands of years humans have stood in awe of the universe and poured their energy into building places to worship the gods they imagined made all of this, the way their wonder and their belief have lasted well beyond even their culture's lifetimes
for us to still see these places and feel the memory of their hands and their heartbeats carved into the stone, for us to know, thousands of years later, that they were there and they were amazed at what they saw
idk, in this sanitized world saturated with advertisements and cold steel and corporations squeezing the life out of the planet for another quick buck, it's gut-wrenching to look at the stones of gobekli tepi and feel shadows of the awe we once beheld the world with
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neobisexual · 6 months ago
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had a very intense semi lucid dream last night where i was the daughter/acolyte of an insane cult leader/my dad who performed non consenual surgery on me and molested and raped me. it inspired me to start writing a lil sci fi novella but also to clean out my closet and find my vibrator cuz i was desperate for it after waking up lmfao
#he had like. grown me & a few other and inserted more and more mechanical parts into us through our lives#so we were mostly machine inside. but human-looking outside#and i tried to run away and got the shit kicked out of me by my sister/fellow cult member#she patched me up most of the way but for the complicated stuff dad had to help#one of my arms had been broken so he just cut the whole thing open to fuck with the wires and stuff. it felt so awful guhhhhh#and after that he started trying to finger me and asking questions about wether id slept with anyone while i had been away#and told me he knew id been touching myself and that made me disgusting and corrupt and that was why id tried to leave. and he had to fix#my mind too.#there was blood on his fingers when he pulled them out of me and he got so so pissed#i was crying and trying to explain i was on my period but he said that was a lie and id been trying to hide more injuries from him so he#couldnt finish fixing me#and he spent a solid twenty minutes beating me for it while groping me & continuing to finger me#he had a metal arm n that was the one he was using too so i kept getting cut and bleeding more and hed yell and hit me more and he just#wouldnt stop 😵‍💫😵‍💫#i was tied down by my wrists laying on my tummy but he forced me to roll over so he could punch my stomach a lot too ;-;#toward the end he got on top of me and started grinding against me#talking to me nice again and saying i was his girl and he just wanted to make me better and i only had to cooperate#i was sobbing and panicking still but he was just petting me#he tried to push his cock in me but he like. couldnt fit.#he could only get a couple inches in and he stayed sweet for a little longer but then he started getting frustrated#yelling at me to stop fighting him and slapping my face#and i was trying so so hard to relax and let him in so it could be over but i was just too small#he gave up after awhile and finished cleaning me up without saying anything then left me alone down there. still tied down and crying.#that was only one part of the dream there was a whole plotline where i had made contact with 2 people (a brother and sister) on the outside#who were trying to save me. and i was trying to talk my sister into leaving with me because i was so terrified of losing her#eventually i did get out and ended up living with the brother and sister and it was super cute and sweet#parts of the dream were from her pov too. she made us all matching hats :]
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nandorisms · 1 year ago
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My eternal sunshine of the spotless mind Nandermo fic lives rent-free in my head.
Would love to write it someday.
Would love to feel the urge to write again someday 😩
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lesbiankordian · 2 years ago
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BSD!Geto is so interesting tbh
what would his views on non ability users be? would he be an antifyodor in a way, since fyodor wants to get rid of abilities and geto of non sorcerers? their ideals are definitely similar (abilities / how ppl treat sorcerers are bad) but they have different ideas how to resolve the issues (which they're both. really passionate about). would he become more like fukuchi? or maybe would he not change at all? maybe the bsd world wouldn't bring him this type of misery?
#now I'm thinking of jjk bsd au 👁️👁️#character wise yuuji would be at atsushi's place#junpei kyouka with a. difference to his plot. SHOKO YOSANO!!!! and then utahime kouyou hehe. nanami kunikida obv#okay hear me out sukuna as arahabaki with the exception that he actually has a mind and isn't lab made. so basically an actual god. omg#how would gojo's strongestness (ik there's no such word but I had to show what exactly do I mean) be shown?#bc I don't think it'd be something like no longer human or natsume's ability#not anything to do with the Book either#since it's reality changing. probably sth like rashomon or corruption#just stronger. (now I'm thinking of an au where gojo has arahabaki!sukuna inside of him 👀)#sskk and stsg white and black haired boyfriends ❤️#(to the au i talked about 2 tags before - skk!stsg where geto is in dazai's place. and he leaves. leaving arahabaki gojo behind omg omg)#(OR GOJO AS FUKUCHI???!!!!!!!! with the exception that still it's geto who changes but bc he didn't wanna do what sorcerers told him omg)#bsd#bungou stray dogs#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#geto suguru#gojo satoru#satosugu#soukoku#what's also similar is people 'born' from the Book and the cursed wombs. or those who were being experimented on in a lab#bsd fyodor#bsd!jjk#bsd!geto#hehehe#ill be thinking abt these aus#I've been listening to darkness my sorrow for an hour#also to the tag about Fukichi!gojo - I also wrote one about Fukichi!geto but it didn't send 🤔. but yeah geto changes bc of non sorcerers#and Fukuchi bc of the war
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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the good thing about asperger's no longer being a diagnosis is that it's just called level 1 autism spectrum disorder now. i know i probably shouldn't be poking around in the mental health of strangers online, but as an autistic person myself, your struggles resonated with me. ever since i've been able to accept, understand, and begin to provide myself accommodations for my autism, my mental health has improved tremendously. autism is also co-morbid with oodles of other conditions, so it is definitely possible to have autism and other conditions that may have overlapping symptoms
It's funny, I was diagnosed, accepted it, over analyzed and rejected it, subsequently forgot about it entirely, then when the only helpful counselor I ever had brought up the idea I was like: Oh yeah! That makes sense. And went through the same process over again. I will say, having someone point out that something might be inhibiting my ability to interact with people was extremely helpful. Because I just thought I was really bad at it and processed it as a point of failure (which was intolerable). At one point she said "You don't have to do things you don't want to just because you feel like you should" and I think about that a lot. That should have been obvious but it was like she slapped me with a fish
#i used to pretend to be a person a lot more. now im just like im too fucking tired to not be anything but myself#ill wear whatever weird patterns i want. ill avoid all eye contact and say whatevers in my head. bc usually its nothing#harmful. perhaps a bit blunt but usually in a way thst makes ppl laugh. with me or at me idk but whatever#ill be as weird as i want. i wear fucking white moon boots around everywhere lol. ay now im just being defensive bc#these r the things my sister would make fun of me for lol. point is im probably autistic and overthinking it#but in the past few yeas when the obsessive compulsive behavior started to become a more and more obvious problem i was like hm maybe its#something else and my brain restricts even the words i use in the context i use them so i became no longer allowed to say oh yea im#autistic. which is annoying. thr malignant force that is my obsessive compulsive tendencies. which again im not allowed to name bc its not#allowed without an official diagnosis bc thats how my brain work 👍#level 1 autism sounds Hilarious tho. the teired heavens of autism. ive only ascended to level 1. allegedly.#god. my brain. y do i have to plausible deniability myself. its like im waiting for someone to collect evidance and make an arrest bc of#messy liguistics. ay ay ay. there r 2 wolfs inside me. one is trying to drown the other lol#unrelated#me when i have to b around ppl: actually im an insect person. an alien studying humans. watch them go#but no no im not one of them. im simply an observer
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jonny-b-meowborn · 1 year ago
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Just read Dead Inside by Chandler Morrison, absolutely wild book, honestly loved it, surprisingly funny for what it's about. It's pretty short, I read it in one sitting in just a couple hours, and there's a lot put into it. I really liked how the author characterized the main duo, they're really just wild asshole people. I loved how much of a dick the narrator is, genuinely awful person, but still very entertaining with his annoying observations. Also the cover art is really beautiful, I love it. Generally great book, wouldn't recommend
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angorwhosebabyisthis · 2 years ago
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having a lot of feelings about the vatborn in this chili's tonight, lads
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