#womens role within the patriarchy

[coldbrewpup]

have you noticed how there is no acceptable thing for a trans lesbian to be, even within queer and feminist spaces? everything that is applauded as progressive, subversive, and powerful for tme queers to do, transfems are hated for.

you can't be a strong, aggressive woman, you can't speak your mind and be openly feminist, you certainly can't be angry, or the same queers who will praise outspoken tme women will turn around and call you a dangerous man. and god forbid you be a man-hating feminist dyke while butch, any touch of masculinity in your presentation will be further snatched up as proof that you're really a man trying to invade women's spaces.

you can't be sexual, you can't be proud of your body, you can't enjoy women's bodies, you can't be a lesbian who likes being a lesbian, or else the otherwise "sex positive" tme queers will accuse you of fetishizing womanhood, of being a predator, a straight man in disguise. and don't you dare commit the cardinal sin of actually liking having a penis, because everyone knows that penis is the ontologically evil weapon of the enemy!

but then, you can't be femme either. you can't enjoy feminine presentation, you can't want to be small and cutesy, you can't like makeup and spinny skirts, otherwise you're accused of reinforcing patriarchy and gender roles, of making a mockery of women, of wearing stereotypes like a costume. these accusations will all be thrown at you by tme queers who tag transmisogynistic caricatures as "gender goals", and who applaud the "femboy" but only before she comes out, only so long as they can say she's just a progressive role-smashing cis boy.

of course it goes without saying that the conservatives, the cishet men who want us to be their dirty little secrets, their lifeless sex toy, an object of desire and target for violence, of course they hate us. but it's not just the conservatives. no matter how you act, how you present yourself, how you feel and express your relationship to womanhood, to femininity, no matter how meek or outspoken you are, tme queers will criticize and ostracize and attack you for doing the very things they praise each other for.

there is no way to earn a way into their good graces, no way to be progressive or subversive in the "right" way, so long as they view the inherent fact of our transfemininity as too subversive, too perverse, to exist the first place.

[busket]

there's a discussion on Twitter about lesbian love being somehow different than the way that straight men love women but sooo many of these people are just parroting terf and radfem talking points and being quietly transphobic. either by implying that men or amab people are just biologically incapable of love on a deeper level either because of their minds or hormones (transphobic) or by saying it's just the way men are "socialized" in a patriarchal society and it's more about shared experiences (transphobic)

the following statements can be true at once:

there is no real difference between the way men and women love, because men and women are human beings and we are all capable of love and complexity. love as an emotion or experience is not ingrained or influenced by our sex or gender. love between women is beautiful and pure, and it can be abusive too. love between men and women is also beautiful and pure and it can also be abusive. it is sexist to say that women are less prone to committing abuse or violence, even if it seems like a positive stereotype.

the way that patriarchy puts men in a higher social position than women does lead to a higher rate of abuse from men towards women. many men are raised to believe they are innately better than women and this is a mindset that needs real work to unlearn. solving this requires building a society that raises sons to be compassionate and respectful, not to seek dominance over women.

when you insist that abusive or unloving behavior is ingrained within men or it is part of the male experience, what you do is reinforce the patriarchal expectation of men as inherently domineering and violent beings. gender roles are made up, and do not hold truth to what we really are in the genders we associate with. it is a self fulfilling prophecy. if you tell a boy that he's incapable of truly loving a woman without owning her, he will grow into a man that believes you, and become a man that believes control is how you show love

[genderkoolaid]

tbh my opinion isnt so much that trans men cannot have male privilege. its that the way we understand male privilege is based in cis women, specifically otherwise privileged (esp. otherwise-gendered privilege, i.e gender-conforming/straight/perisex) cis women's understanding of gender as something static and inherent to who you are, rather than something fluid which is, in part, constructed by society and placed onto you separately in every moment.

can a trans man experience (cis) male privilege? yes. can a trans woman? yes. and so can a cis woman! hell, a femme perisex cis woman with a gender neutral name could if she's assumed to be a cis man on a resume. male privilege is not an on/off switch. the idea that it is stems from cissexist understandings of male/female as entirely separate and static categories which everyone can and must be understood through. trans people in feminism are expected to constantly defend and deflect accusations of being Privileged Male Oppressors by promising cis perisex women that our experiences are just like theirs! we don't have any scary opinions that don't align with their worldview! we swear we won't ever make them have to reflect on how being cis+perisex has biased them and potentially made their analysis of gender at all inaccurate! trans experiences are only considered valuable to cisfeminism to the extent that they reaffirm what cisfeminists already hold true. thats why they only ever want to talk about a very simplistic narrative around wages pre/post-transition. its extremely unthreatening to cis people because it presents transness in patriarchy as just going from one cis role to another; it doesn't ask cis feminists to expand their paradigm to include the ways in which trans people are treated as a class and their own complicity in transphobic oppression.

which is why trans men have been getting fucked over by trans-affirmng cisfeminism. because by virtue of having our gender acknowledged, we are expected to forfeit our place in the feminist movement and adopt the role of outsider along cis men*. and its also why trans women and MTX people get fucked over the minute they cannot or refuse to describe their experiences through the one or two approved narratives. cisfeminism cannot tolerate transness-as-transness. it has to be compressed and reduced and diluted into something that fits within a cis-centric framework. we aren't allowed to have nuanced and intersectional conversations about trans men & other trans folks relationship with male privilege, the things we have to sacrifice to there, how fleeting it can be, the fact that for some of us being read as "biologically male" is actively more dangerous than being read as female... if it isn't familiar to cis women, then it means you aren't really oppressed.

*cis men should not be outsiders in feminism either btw but thats another post

[punksocks]

Lilith & His Femme Fatale (18+ Only)

**I tried to make this general but it’s about seduction, I couldn’t pull it lol (fr minors dni!)

*Just based on my observations, only take what resonates

Often Lilith in a man’s birth chart gives less information on him and more information on the type of woman that’s his femme fatale. The type of femme that gives this complex dynamic to the relationship. I would say, similarly to Plutonian influences, this sort of connection charged with such intensity tends to elicit the extreme reaction of either repelling him or making him at least a bit obsessed with finding a way to “obtain” the Lilith person in the relationship.

I think this is always related to Lilith’s folklore of being the untamable wife. He loves her because he can’t control her. But he still wants to try (not always but often imo). Not being able to control her and her seeming so wild and free is one of the many reasons the Lilith person usually brings out the shadow side of the masc person in their connection.

(I think everyone, men/women/enbys/etc, all tend to act out of feminine and masculine energies. The energies of giving and receiving. Action and reaction. Lilith usually throws some upheaval into this because as an untraditional feminine she embodies it all. She dominates whilst not taking any action. Lilith’s sort of chaotic energy throws a wrench in the binary imo. She’s feminine but the effect she has on and within others often puts her outside of the spectrum. I’m speaking about the effect on masculine folks because I believe Lilith pushes them into a power struggle mindset due to her effects and due to our society -and Lilith’s origins- being very patriarchal. With traditional feminine energies there is also a power struggle effect but it’s more like rooted in the feminine power. Like women usually have a default role of using subservience to their advantage- as much as they can- under patriarchy. So the tension with people embodying Lilith manifests in this tension of trying to make the Lilith people conform or outcasting them. There can be underlying s*xual dynamics to this but it usually works out differently/less directly than it does with masc folks.)

Anyway that’s why I believe men/masc people react in such a charged/obsessed way to Lilith energy and why I think it tends to result in this sort of femme fatale dynamic. Now let’s get into it !

-Lilith in Aries: For Lilith in Aries, he’d love an unstoppable woman. Like I noted before (in credit to @zeldasnotes ) this is a strong indicator of a man being a feminist (we love to see it). So this could also indicate a strong attraction to someone that’s in their power, that holds their own, and that is very independent and strong in their own right. He may find himself pushing back on this type of femme, but being impressed and compelled by her when she does take the lead (his mars could show how this dynamic would play out). (You may find yourselves vying for dominance in the connection)

-Lilith in Taurus: A hyperfeminine woman. Obviously, femininity looks different across cultures, but some traits that could show up here would be: a woman with curves, a killer hourglass figure that turns heads; a woman that seems luxurious and well dressed; a woman that feels soft and smells great. Essentially being a Venusian sign, Taurus in Lilith would be absolutely smitten by a beautiful woman that embodied all that soft feminine energy (and took his money lol) (speaking of which, could be a s*x worker or trophy wife type- someone that needs a lot of money/luxury to keep around)

-Lilith in Gemini: A thinker, a woman that outwits you. Someone that keeps you mentally stimulated by challenged your knowledge. Someone that will always make you guess. Very book smart, may be curious about the taboo. Someone that gets their kicks from debating you and testing your textbook knowledge. May also be smitten by dirty talk, talking about the taboo in their intimate time together.

-Lilith in Cancer: A nostalgic nurturer that makes you feel at ease. May embody the bad traits that make you feel especially vulnerable (like familiar toxic behavior). Lilith’ archetype is often an antithesis of cancer’s traditional influence of being the emotional nurturer, so we’d have to assume a bit of corruption here. Just as easily as you could be fueling toxic behavior I’d assume you’d just as easily receive it. So mascs can project onto you and desire to leech off of your nurturing energy.

-Lilith in Leo: A diva. The one that’s in the spotlight without trying at all. Like a burlesque dancer, beautiful and radiant and practically untouchable. Speaking of which they may be smitten with a femme known for her s*x appeal. Whether that’s from having a lot of past partners or being a model or being in s*x work depends on the situation. The Leo person would likely want exclusive access to you after they get their hands on you though (fixed placements can be very possessive, it’s a whole thing)

-Lilith in Virgo: someone with their life together. (I said what I said 👀). A sort of that girl as the kids say :0. She has a meal plan and a routine and a 5 year plan. I’d also wager that this placement is the most likely to have a thing for someone that has their shit so together that it makes the native feel less than. Someone that could shame them and make them feel flawed and insignificant at the drop of a hat (a hat? The hat? Ok). Also likely to be someone that is really subtle but quietly freaky. A good candidate for workplace affairs 🤷🏾‍♀️

-Lilith in Libra: a bombshell babe, a true beauty. Someone who embodies very classy energy. A popular girl, one that you sort of have to work to get the attention of. (A gorgeous femme that distracts others with how beautiful and effortless she is. Pinup material and just as untouchable. Trophy wife vibes but not as intense as Lilith in Taurus (unless this is a 2nd house placement 👀). Also someone that brings a lot of balance and beauty to their surroundings. (She may attract envy due to her looks as well)

-Lilith in Scorpio: S*x personified. Someone with that intense vibe (one of the most likely placements to attract Lilith heavy femmes). Someone that has a presence that holds a lot of power. And a lot of intimate experience or at least a fearless attitude about those taboos. Someone that makes him want to explore those fantasies as a knee jerk reaction (within reason ofc). Someone that can see right through him. Someone that they struggle to gain power over. (Also pretty likely to have a power imbalance or some sort of taboo attached to the dynamic)

-Lilith in Sagittarius: A traveler, a girl struck with wanderlust. Someone you get attached to even though she’s always out of reach. Someone who loves debating and adventure. A philosopher that never stops learning and daring you to broaden your horizons. May be someone from outside of your culture as well. Or someone with a religious background you find socially taboo.

-Lilith in Capricorn: Boss babe all the way. Someone that intimidates others easily and that works very hard. A social climber. A person that knows exactly what they’re after, in that go getter sort of way. Someone mature. Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets. Another possibly of meeting at work, or at least after some sort of public interaction. Another connection where both people are likely vying for dominance. Likely to have themes of restriction show up as well.

-Lilith in Aquarius: manic👏🏾 pixie 👏🏾dream👏🏾 girl👏🏾 (I’m dead*ss). The quirky girl that stands out from the crowd. One of kind in a rebellious way. The other side of fae energy, which is to say that she would be a detached trickster of sorts. Hard to predict, philosophically outside of your comfort zone, impossible to pin down, etc. Someone that forces you to think outside of the box- whether you like it or not. Could bring out the k*nkier side of you. Also pretty likely to bring out the nerdier side of you, for some reason. (Aquarius intelligence ??)

-Lilith in Pisces: fae bae, full stop. A girl like a daydream. Esoteric and ethereal. A person that may be a bit spacey but they’re off floating in space somewhere. Someone creative and subconsciously addictive. Someone that tends to appear in their dreams and tends to be on their minds a lot.

Further Notes:

-Air is most impressed upon by intelligence and uniqueness; water by an emotionally immersive and passionate connection; fire by passion and being dazzled by the person; earth by their material luxury, ambition, and physicality

-water and fire tend to become obsessive over s*xual connections the fastest imo, but it can really mentally affect air and earth placements (it’s that I’m not obsessed but they’re thinking about them all the time and doing god knows what about that 👀)

-fixed Lilith placements can make a masc person a bit more obsessive and possessive over the Lilith energy (especially if they have a fixed Venus/mars)

-Cardinal Lilith placements tend to like to be challenged over taking the lead/dominance in the connection, if underdeveloped they can be rather controlling to their partners as well

-When Lilith is close to a masc’s personal planets I’d say that he may have some sort of archetype/karmic lesson around Lilith heavy femmes (just a significant impact on his life and attitude)

-Houses can show how these energies connect (I wrote this up but the draft deleted itself and I just couldn’t lol 🙃)

[cactus-cuddler]

𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒍𝒚 ✭ 𝑨𝒕𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ Pairing: dom!Bucky Barnes x Sub! virgin female reader

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ Plot: There is no specific plot. Bucky and the reader like tease and are both dangerously attracted to each other

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ Warnings: explicit sex, use of nicknames as "good girl", "slut" and "whore". Daddy kink and dirty talk. I don't think there are any other warnings.

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ Word count: 4.5k (sorry)

-------- ≪ °✾° ≫ Author's note: sorry for any mistakes that may be there, English is not my first language! And sorry if the scenes may be badly written, it's been a long time since I wrote a smut between a woman and a man.

I write this ff because today I turn 18 (Happy Birthday to me!!) and I want so sign it. From today I can interact with all the "minor DNI" posts!!

I don't care if you are minors, read it if you want <3 ------------------------------------------------------------------------

James Buchanan Barnes. The very mention of this name can make your heart race, recalling his powerful presence, his toned physique, and the intense gaze he fixes on you whenever your paths cross. Your thoughts often wander to him, an obsession that fills your mind in the quietest hours of the night.

Yet, despite the thoughts that consume you, you're still a virgin. You’ve never found someone you were willing to give your heart to, let alone something more intimate. You've had relationships, but each time, you’ve held back, refusing to let things go beyond harmless flirtation. The thought of being vulnerable like that has always kept you at a distance. But with him, it’s different. There’s something about Bucky that makes you reconsider everything.

Your relationship with Bucky is hard to define. Sometimes you get along well, but other times, you find yourself wishing he would just disappear. And then there are moments when you wish he’d stop arguing with you altogether, using his frustration in ways that words can’t express. Is that too much to ask?

You’re curled up on your couch with a cup of hot chocolate in hand and a blanket to ward off the winter chill. As you flip through the channels, trying to find something to watch, your phone buzzes with incoming messages. Seeing his name on the screen sends a pang through your chest.

Teasing him has always been your favorite game. You start a random movie, not really caring about the plot, as you wait for him to arrive. The distant sound of a motorcycle engine signals that you're in trouble now.

When the doorbell rings, you open it, quickly masking your excitement. He’s standing there in his pajamas, and you can’t help but giggle. His pants have a childish space motif, and the matching sweatshirt does nothing to diminish his appeal. You’re wrapped in a blanket, so you're not much better off in his eyes.

"Popcorn?" he asks, and you invite him in. As he sees the movie already playing, he reminds you of his earlier request. You shrug and sit on the couch, munching on the popcorn he brought.

“You’re a bad girl,” he says, taking the remote to choose something else to watch.

“Just the way you like them,” you reply with a smirk.

You and Bucky work together in the same company, nothing out of the ordinary. You handle the computers and accounting, while Bucky works with metal. His vibranium arm would be perfect for his job, but he rarely uses it. "Oops, I’m right-handed, I do it without thinking," he says when someone asks why he doesn’t use his more powerful arm. You’ve seen how he looks at women, and it stirs something within you—a mix of jealousy and curiosity.

You first started talking after you accidentally spilled coffee on his white shirt a few months ago. To make amends, you offered to clean it, using a trick you’d read in a 1950s magazine titled "How to Be the Perfect Housewife." Not that you’re aiming for that role; you detest the idea of being confined by outdated gender roles. Patriarchy is disgusting! You would never want to marry a man in your life who confines you to a house with four children, a dog, three cats and a cactus to take care of alone.

Your conversations started off innocent enough, but things took a turn when you began texting late into the night. You both started teasing each other, pushing boundaries just to see how far the other would go. It became a game, one where neither of you wanted to lose face, even as feelings began to creep in.

So, how did he end up at your place tonight? You’re not sure, and it worries you. He’s never been to your house before. Sure, he’s given you rides home after work, a habit that started after the coffee incident. It became a routine, all because you playfully challenged his chivalry. “You? A gentleman? Don’t make me laugh,” you had texted him one morning. That very day, he was waiting outside your building, opening the car door for you. "It doesn’t mean anything," you had said to him in thanks. But tonight feels different.

The movie he picks is just awful. It’s filled with scenes of sex without sense.

“Is this too much for you? Should I change it?” he asks each time, and you just shake your head. In your life you see, read and write stuff more scandalous.

“How boring, if done like this even sex becomes boring," Bucky complains about another sex scene with the missionary position.

“You talk big, but I bet you couldn’t do any better,” you say, challenging him, not realizing what you’ve just started.

“With just one touch, I could make you scream my name,” he says, his voice low and intense. You can feel the heat rise to your cheeks, but you’re not backing down.

“I’d like to see you try,” you whisper, the challenge clear in your voice.

He looks at you, his gaze lingering, but then he sighs and turns back to the movie. “I’m a gentleman,” he says softly. “I wouldn’t take advantage of you like that.”

You feel a wave of frustration, mixed with a sense of longing that you can’t quite shake. You don’t want him to be a gentleman; you want him to see you as more. You’re a ruthless woman, you won’t give up easily. If you are not satisfied with him, well you will do it yourself. In front of his eyes.

You take off your blanket and lift your shirt up to your hips and pull your panties off throwing them on the floor. You lie down on your back and put your feet on his knees. You put two fingers in your mouth and suck them in front of him. ‘He provoked me’. You repeat yourself so you don’t feel guilty about what you’re about to do.

You do small circular movements on your clit and slowly start to sigh for the pleasure you are causing yourself.

“Bucky..." you say between moaning as you start to penetrate your little cunt with two fingers. Bucky is doing everything he can to hold himself back. His erection thills in his boxer asking to be released and enjoy for you and your warmth however he does not want to give up. It will not look but has solid moral principles and not taking your virginity is one of those.

“Bucky… please fuck me with your cock,” you say clenching your couch with fingers to hold back your spasms. This provocation has hit the mark, his erection is now painful and not releasing it could drive him crazy. Reach out to your face, sweat drops are playing on your forehead. He orders you to sit down and you perform. You are sitting one next to the other and you have your leg over his to allow him free access to your pussy.

"I won’t take your virginity," he announces by passing his thumb along your big lips. An unsatisfied grunt comes out of your lips, you want more. Much more than that.

“Why not?" you complain "I want you Bucky, I want to shout your name" add grumbling.

"It would be a nice show, believe me sweetheart but I can’t deprive you of your first time with someone you love," he says. In a flash all the previous excitement fades away as if in a spell. You close your legs and ask him to leave. "You can’t decide what’s right or wrong for me" you told him by pulling out your voice. He’s made his choice, and for tonight, that will have to be enough.

As he leaves, you find yourself wondering what it would take to bridge the gap between you. Because despite everything, one thing is clear: you want more from him, and you’re not sure how much longer you can wait.

The next morning, you wake up hoping that the night with Bucky was just a bad dream—a nightmare you could shake off with a shiver. But as you lie there, staring at the ceiling, you realize that it was all too real. The memory comes rushing back: you, vulnerable and exposed, touching yourself in front of him, moaning his name, only to be met with rejection. Your cheeks flush with a mix of shame and frustration. How could I have let myself go like that?

But there’s another thought that creeps in, unbidden. Despite everything, a part of you finds it almost sweet that Bucky doesn’t want to take your virginity unless it’s something more than just lust. He wants you to save it for someone you truly love. But the truth is, you do want it. You want him. The image of his lips on yours, his hands exploring every inch of your body, flashes through your mind, and you feel a pang of desire so intense it nearly takes your breath away. You’ve fantasized about him for so long—wondered if he could fulfill the dark, desperate needs you’ve kept buried. You’re sure you wouldn’t regret giving him your first time, so why should he?

‘Maybe he doesn’t want me,’ you think suddenly, the possibility of hitting you like a bucket of cold water. ‘Maybe I’m just a game to him, someone he can tease and torment without ever really wanting.’ The thought is unbearable, twisting in your gut like a knife.

You force yourself out of bed, deciding that you won’t let these thoughts ruin your day. Before work, you brew a hot cup of coffee, hoping the caffeine will give you the energy you need to push through. You can’t face Bucky today—not after last night. Instead, you opt for your favorite mode of transport, the one so many dismiss as the “poor man’s commute.” But you’ve always found the train comforting, a place where you can disappear into your thoughts without the pressure of small talk or the need to keep up appearances.

The ride is uneventful, the rhythmic clatter of the train soothing your nerves somewhat. When you arrive at your stop, your office is just a short walk away. You’re early—too early, really—so you take your time, letting your mind wander as you stroll. The morning air is crisp, and the world feels strangely peaceful. ‘Why can’t my mind be this calm?’ you wonder, but of course, it’s not that simple. Last night’s events linger, casting a shadow over everything.

Just as you’re about to step inside, your phone rings, the sound jolting you out of your thoughts. His name flashes on the screen, and your heart skips a beat. What does he want now?

"Y/N, come down now or we'll be late!" Bucky's voice snaps through the line, sharp with irritation. You can almost see the frown on his face, the way his brows would knit together. But with a calmness that surprises even you, you tell him you're already at the office, having taken the train.

"I hope you're joking," he growls, his voice low and husky, sending a familiar shiver down your spine. Even when he's angry, it's a voice that could melt you.

"Sorry, I should have warned you," you reply, hanging up before he can say more. The truth is, you didn't want to face him this morning, not after last night. The thought of seeing his cold blue eyes, remembering how they watched you with a mix of desire and restraint, makes your chest tighten.

You greet your colleagues warmly, slipping on your glasses as you sit at your desk, but your mind is elsewhere. The memory of Bucky's gaze, the way his hand almost trembled before he pulled away from you, keeps playing on a loop.

Hours pass in a blur of work until lunchtime, when Bucky suddenly appears at your usual spot in the break room. The moment you see him, your heart skips a beat. His presence fills the space, commanding and intense. You watch as he approaches, your colleagues' chatter fading into the background.

"I need to talk to you, Y/N," he says, his voice a mix of urgency and something deeper-something almost vulnerable. His eyes, however, are still guarded, a wall you've never been able to fully break through.

Your colleagues exchange knowing glances, smirking, and you can feel the heat rising to your cheeks. Without a word, you follow Bucky out of the room, conscious of the curious eyes behind you.

He leads you to the women's bathroom, and as soon as the door closes, he turns to you, his expression unreadable. "I'm sorry," he begins, but the words seem empty, as if even he doesn't believe them.

"For what?" you ask, your voice barely above a whisper. Your heart is pounding now, and you don't know if it's from anger, confusion, or the mere proximity to him.

"For last night. I have no right to tell you who should take your virginity," he says, but you quickly cover his mouth with your hand, the heat of embarrassment rushing to your face.

"Don't say that out loud!" you hiss, glancing around as if someone might be listening. The idea that anyone might hear about your inexperience makes you cringe.

His lips curl into a smirk beneath your hand, and he gently removes it, his fingers brushing your skin in a way that sends a jolt of electricity through you. "Do you still want it?" he whispers, leaning in close enough that you can feel his breath on your neck. His voice is dark, teasing, but there's something else there too-a hint of uncertainty, as if he's afraid of your answer.

Your breath catches as he presses his knee between your legs, his hands firm on your hips. God, why does he have to be so confusing? You need him, but his mixed signals are driving you insane.

"You have to understand, I don't want you to regret anything you do with me," he murmurs against your lips, finally adjusting his knee just where you need it. Your body responds instantly, a wave of heat pooling between your legs.

His words are laced with concern, but also with a promise of something darker. "Even though it may not seem like it, I really care about you," he continues, his thumb tracing circles on your cheek, a gesture so tender it makes your chest ache. You feel small under his gaze, like a puzzle he's trying to figure out. And yet, in this position, you're certain you could unravel completely in his hands.

"The day I fuck you, I want to hear words like 'I love you, Daddy' coming out of your mouth. I don't want it to be a simple one-night stand, okay?" he finishes, pulling back just as quickly as he came, leaving you breathless and reeling.

As the door closes behind him, you're left with the echo of his words, your thoughts spiraling. 'How can he have this much control over me?' you wonder, struggling to steady your breath. Your heart is racing, your body still humming with the desire he left behind. Until yesterday, you were convinced your relationship with Bucky was built on mutual dislike and a twisted game of dominance. But now, you're not so sure. There's something deeper-a need, an almost primal urge to possess and be possessed.

The day you finally give in to him won't be gentle. You can feel it in the way your bodies clash, in the intensity of his gaze. It will be raw, fierce, and everything you've secretly craved. And when it happens, you'll be ready to let him see every part of you-the parts you've never shown anyone else, not even yourself.

After work Bucky takes you home, you decide to let go of what happened because now you know that he wants you as much as you do. He wants to be there for you and give you everything you can give.

"I've been thinking about what you said all day," you admit, adjusting Bucky's seatbelt. It feels tighter than it should and you think it's the reason you're short of breath when in reality it's the man in the driver's seat who's gripping the wheel in a way that's too erotic for your tastes.

"What conclusion have you come to?" he asks without taking his eyes off the road. The way his jaw clenched when he spoke and the hint of a neat beard on his cheeks spark some very perverse thoughts in you.

"I want you Bucky, so much. It wouldn't be a one night stand, I know I'd be addicted to your body pressing against mine," you admit bravely and a smile lights up his face.

“Show me how much you want me,” he taunts you.

You decide to please him without using your sharp tongue and you reach out to the crotch of his pants to feel what you have dreamed of so much. Under your fingers you feel him slowly swelling and as you feel it you bite your lip to hold back the excitement that is growing inside you.

You unzip his pants while he is still driving, you notice that he has slowed down and on his face you notice the desire he has for you. As soon as you free his cock you notice that your fantasies did not do him justice. It is definitely bigger and thicker than the one you imagined you rode every night. You wet your hand with saliva - as you have seen done in many pornos - and you start to touch it enjoying the heat on your hand.

You make small movements with the palm of your hand and the idea that someone could see you does nothing but excite you more. You are not an expert, you do not know what he might like more but despite this the movements of your hand are decisive.

"I knew you were a good girl," Bucky says from behind the wheel. Seeing how he's reacting to your touch excites you even more. His breathing is no longer regular, you see his expression satisfied by your touch and when you notice that there are only a few meters left to your house you almost feel sorry.

You start to pump faster, you have decided to challenge yourself and you want to make him come before you get to your house. As your hand increases the speed his sighs become faster and faster and when you see from his look that he is close to that point you take off your belt and lower yourself towards his big cock and take his tip between your lips until your mouth is filled.

"Such a good girl," he says to you while parking the car and you look into his eyes smiling, swallowing all his seed and licking your lips to show him that you liked it.

He fixes his cock in his jeans and then follows you into your home. He intends to return the favor you have done him and will really make you scream as he always threatened while he was teasing you. Once the door is closed behind you, you begin to kiss with desire. Your tongues touch and search for each other and feeling your taste mixed with his cum gives him another throbbing erection despite the orgasm of a few minutes ago.

“I knew there was a whore inside you looking for my cock," he tells you in a hoarse voice. Your body is on fire, you need him to give you more. He makes you lie down on the same couch where he rejected you less than twenty-four hours ago and begins to undress you hastily without paying attention to your clothes. He scatters everything around the room and when you are finally naked in front of his gaze he admires you in amazement.

You are perfect. Your body is perfect in his eyes. Every little imperfection that you see in it are things that he loves. You are a Greek goddess in his eyes and every part of you belongs to him and you both know it. From the day you stained his white shirt with coffee you already knew it would end like this.

He starts taking your breasts with his big hands, only his mind knows how many times he has wanted to touch them, bite them and suck them and now everything is possible. With his metallic hand he holds one of your nipples tightly, the cold touch of his hand makes you arch your back with pleasure and in the meantime he sucks and bites the other nipple making you want even more. Your gasps are music to his ears, your body is like an instrument in his hands and with every touch he is able to let out those little sounds he loves.

“Bucky, please I want more,” you beg with the help of your needy gaze.

"What a needy whore, isn't you?" he sneers and you nod to agree with him. You want to be his whore for tonight and for all the nights to come. He leaves a trail of kisses all over your body and then lingers on your pussy. The place where you need him to focus.

With his thumb he begins to touch your clit and in the meantime his gaze is fixed on your face dominated by pleasure from that insignificant touch. While with his thumb he continues his work with his middle finger he begins to penetrate your cunt going deep to feel how wet you are just for him.

"What a wet pussy we have," he compliments and then licks your juices from his fingers and satisfied he licks his lips.

He makes you sit with your back to the backrest and positions himself between your legs, placing your legs on his shoulders. As he enters you with two fingers, he begins to lick your clit while your hands are firmly on his head. You push him closer to you while desperate cries escape from your lips. Before that, you had never felt anything more pleasurable. His tongue moves expertly on your tight pussy sucking the right spots and alternating with licking.

“Bucky… I’m about to come,” you tell him between sighs of pleasure.

"Good girls only come when they are told, you are a good girl aren't you?" he tells you after taking his tongue off the place he was devouring with pleasure. He puts his fingers in your mouth and you impulsively suck his fingers taking all your flavor away from him. Your pussy is sweet and the taste and smell make Bucky ecstatic. He starts to undress too, letting his erection come out, now it seems even bigger than before and you don't know if you'll be able to take it all. But you know you'll make it, you want to show Bucky that you're a good girl. Good girls can take all the cock.

Before filling your pussy Bucky positions himself between your breasts and you squeeze them around his hard and veiny member. He starts moving with restrained rhythms while you stick out your tongue to lick the tip when you have the chance.

"You have no idea how much I've dreamed of being between these tits," he tells you between thrusts. Your hot tits around his throbbing cock are an incredible sight. Then Bucky takes a condom from his jeans pocket and orders you to put it on him.

You tear it off with your fingers and place it on the tip of Bucky's cock and then with your lips you cover that member with the condom.

“You're my good girl," he says, caressing your cheek. Then with a brusque gesture he turns you around and you find yourself doggy style on the couch with your legs wide open. He spits on his fingers and lubricates your pussy and then he enters you. Slowly and trying to get you used to it, it's still your first time.

His thrusts are slow but firm. It's not enough for you, you want more.

"Bucky..." you say between sighs.

"I know, baby... let your pussy get at ease to my big cock," he replies, putting his hand around your neck and then touching your breasts with the nipples still hard and stained by him. As soon as he notices that you no longer feel any pain, he increases his speed. He fills you up completely, making you scream with pleasure, he doesn't give you time to make you understand that he's sending your mind into a spin.

"Bucky... I'm going to..." you can't finish your sentence because he slaps you on the right butt. The slap sends you into paradise.

"You can only come when daddy tells you to," he replies, slapping you again, this time on your left ass cheek making you scream in pleasure.

After many deep and fast thrusts you feel the orgasm inside you, holding it back is fucking hard but you don't want to disobey Bucky, or rather, your daddy. He has taken away all your sharp responses with his cock turning you into a perfect whore for him. Like you always dreamed.

"Come for daddy, doll," he orders you, he's almost ready to come too but he wants to do it to you. On top of your body. You don't have to be told twice and you come on his big cock and as soon as he comes out of you he takes off the condom and orders you to get on your knees in front of him.

He starts touching himself in front of you and explodes in an orgasm on your beautiful face throwing away every single ounce of purity you had left. You lick your lips hoping to be able to take some of his cum and be able to taste it again like in the car. He grabs your neck and kisses you with fury. Your mouths both taste like the sex you shared and you can't be happier.

“You did really well,” he tells you and you bite your lip at the compliment. “I'm proud of you," he adds, giving you another long, longing kiss.

You go to take a shower to wash your sweaty bodies but "by mistake" Bucky's cock enters your pussy again and fucks you in your shower again giving you the second orgasm of the day and again by mistake his cock ends up in your mouth and Bucky teaches you how to give a blowjob that satisfies him. As soon as you finish the shower you slip into your bed, he wants to be with you after what you have shared and once in bed you fall asleep hugging each other.

The next morning, thankfully a Sunday, you devour everything you have to eat. You were so into sex that you didn't have dinner last night and your arguments resume but end with you rolling around in bed.

This new perspective excites you more than it should, every argument now corresponds to a perfect fuck and now to shut you up Bucky will put his cock in your mouth. "What a beautiful whore you are when you suck it," and these dirty words help you get an orgasm. Bucky says good girls like to be called whores and you are one.

"You're all mine," he tells you while you're sitting at the kitchen table where you've just finished eating, he said he wanted dessert so you you decide to propose yourself as a meal. You took off your panties and without being asked he was between your legs sucking and licking his sweet dessert.

"I love you daddy," you say closer to your orgasm, those are Bucky's favorite words. They make him understand that everything about you is his, your heart, your perfect cunt, your mouth and the rest of your body.

[smilepilled]

i cannot believe this has to be said over and over again, but please stop coming to the liomogai community and related circles if you are an exclusionist or you think you have the right to determine who can or cannot use a label within their own related experiences.. policing labels and usage of terms is never gonna be helpful, and youre hurting your own community for petty things when many are losin their rights & losing their lives.

the liom community focuses on taboo and niche labels without the support for abuse or self harm, or the promotion of such. the mogai community focuses on MARGINALIZED orientations, genders/alignments and intersex folks.

if you cannot accept goodfaith / authentic self identification that doesnt comply to patriarqueer ideals ("all gay men are strictly men", "all lesbians are women", "all trans people have a certain sex"), then you are not welcome in the liomogai/tumblr coining community. it really is that simple.

to add on, please stop linking certain sex characteristics to transness. one does not need a penis and scrotum to be transfem, one does not need a vulva and breatss to be transmasc- even perisex people can choose to identify as these things if they have their own reasons for it. transness should never be linked to biological sex, trans and intersex people have been begging you to stop this.

gender is impacted by many other things aside biological sex; race, ethnicity, culture, disabilities, neurodivergence, mental illness, and much more. the way some of you limit gender to genitals and chromossomes is glaringly (inter-)sexist. ive heard from many folks that their race or culture made them feel disconnected from gender despite having the ""right sex"" for it; that, too, is a perfectly plausible and undeniable cause for transness. ive heard mentally ill l, disabled and neurodivergent folks with similar issues- it is simply not anyone's place to dictate who can or can't be trans. the period comes here, no "if"s or "but"s.

please. for the love of god. stop policing how people identify. stop saying that you must have XYZ elements in your existence to use labels. labels are meant to help those who use them, not those who perceive someone from outside. labels are meant to fit you, not the other way around- lest we reinvent and continue the cycle of enforcing roles like patriarchy does.

thank you for your attention, and please stop with these things. youre helping no one by having queer people with certain labels in your DNI, youre only furthering the barriers between the community. we stand united or die separately. love your strange queer fellows and stop being cops, for cod's sake. 🐟

[serpentface]

Here's what typical vestment for The Odomache looks like.

The pelt of the lion that was originally sacrificed and worn raw for her incarnation is retained throughout the years of service, preserved and fashioned into a headdress and cape (obscuring a helmet). This can get dreadfully hot in the summer but no one ever said that being a hollowed out pathway for God's spirit was easy.

The body is always obscured near completely, barring the hands, feet, and parts of the face (philosophically, these are the body's least vulnerable parts as its modes of Action, though this is in large part a practicality). This is partially a matter of psychological enforcement that this person is not Just a human, and partly a matter of protecting the part of God's living spirit that's in a wholly human body. Conceptually, the Odomache Enables tremendous power rather than being intrinsically powerful in of herself, so all manners of protecting the metaphysically vulnerable human body are of tantamount importance in her case.

The complete obscuring of any identifiable feminine form is also notably important to the underlying philosophies and biases involved. It is necessary that she is female, a condition ascribed a unique malleability to change and transformation (for good or harm), but the act of female/non-male sex and gender assignment also serves to uphold an underclass in a patriarchy that she By Necessity must be distanced from. This extends beyond the masculinized social and dress performance of Odonii to a masculinized social performance with dress that utterly obscures any part of the body that could be gendered, and dress that is not gendered in of itself (women do wear less revealing clothing than men and skirts of similar length, but the act of Fully covering the body in this form exists outside of the bounds of gendered dress).

[[It should be noted that on a historical level, this role is largely a descendant of a variety of 'celibate and/or masculinized female religious authority' figures in pre/proto-Wardi societies stretching back centuries, rather than an emergent property of contemporary religion and philosophy. This is an adaptation of older roles and worldviews to securely fit the contemporary zeitgeist, and that's part of why many aspects of this role Superficially clashes with said zeitgeist.]]

The relatively undecorated white cloak and robes in comparison to culturally favored displays of color and opulence further emphasizes a sense of the Odomache's separation from humanity. The Wardi image of God is not a human lord, but rather the world itself and the functions of the world distilled into the forms of animals. Human hierarchies exist Within God rather than God having a place within human hierarchies, so in this philosophy it's natural for this particular person of high authority to not closely resemble a Human Authority.

This is still ultimately a human body existing at the top end of a human hierarchy (and in the dimension of religious thought, it a human body holding aspects of God most specifically concerned with maintaining concepts of 'right' civilization and hierarchy), so public-facing garb like this will still include a few mundane trappings of lordship such as this fancy gold khattanocuy displaying an image of an enemy being trampled by the Face Odomache as the guardian lion. Purely ceremonial garb for the Odomache hides the body in its entirety beneath the white cloak and forgoes all decoration save for the obligatory weaponry.

A sword and dagger is worn at all times as a matter of being the ultimate physical bastion of her society's military might, and she is always accompanied by a retinue of 'lieutenants' (Extremely elite servants/squires) who carry whatever other elements of her perpetual armament are not currently in use. These weapons are Completely ceremonial in nature (to the point that they're made or plated with gold rather than anything like, durable) and there is absolutely zero expectation that the Odomache will ever directly engage in combat (the times this has happened historically have been when things have gone horribly wrong).

Her face is usually masked in public, though this is not a strict necessity of the role and is forgone for some ceremonial purposes. On these occasion, it's standard to paint the face red to still partly obscure human features in the same fashion of battlefield Odonii. As the color of blood, it positively evokes bodily vitality and strength, the living spirit of the world itself and the mode of connection to God (and will also be reminiscent of the rite of incarnation during which she is Actually covered in blood)

[vriskarlmarx]

The couple functions as both the problem and its solution. If not this one, she just needs another boyfriend, one that will treat her better. A woman may feel the nausea of ambivalence, of being caught between obsession with phallic power and revulsion from it. She does not know which is greater, the melancholia of the couple or the melancholia of denouncing it as a social form. Most opt for the sadness of the couple over the alienation of being cut loose from its grasp. Capital lends a shoulder at every turn, suggesting you watch a rom com with your girlfriends when heartbroken or providing endless ways to personalize your wedding dress. Similar to the framework of electoral politics that limits the scope of critique to the wrong people being in office, the couple-form attributes women’s problems to dating the wrong man rather than to the couple itself. As long as she stays invested in the idea of romantic love as salvation, as the guiding principle against isolation and towards fulfillment, she remains tied to the couple-form.

As another facet of the couple-as-solution, the discourses surrounding austerity measures and neoliberal restructuring frame the couple as a remedy for poverty. One reads tales of young people shifting between poverty and prison as a result of single parenting, especially absent fathers, as if the restitution of the couple could remedy the poverty and structural racism produced by capitalism. State bureaucrats tell women that the couple and the family that it anchors have replaced social assistance programs: you don’t need help with childcare or food stamps; you need a man! The surest way out of poverty is to get married! While many women might never have access to employment, those who do work for a wage face a gendered discrepancy in earnings, likely forcing them to rely on male wages to support their children. These economic mechanisms preserve the vehemence of the couple-form as a trap for women within capitalism, which masks unwaged labor as acts of love and care.

[...]

The logic of the couple penetrates queer relationships as well as straight ones. Homonormativity and gay assimilation have fashioned queer relationships in the shape of straight coupledom. Rather than a subversion of heterosexual social relations, assimilationist, liberal homosexuals have fought for the right to fit into the logic of the couple — to get married, to wear a wedding dress, to create familial nuclei able to protect property relations. Homosexuals perpetuate heterosexual norms and phallocracy through categorizations and role-play, which further codify desires and constitute sex within the logic of phallic centrality and authority. Same sex couples do not escape either the territoriality imposed on desire or the couple’s reinforcement and faithfulness to repressive social relations.

Dismantling the logic of the couple does not indicate distaste for love, but rather a critique of directing love towards a specific object. One must contextualize the couple-form within patriarchy, as so-called ‘love’ arrives to us through the apparatus of gender. Denouncing the couple does not mean shunning giddiness, love letters written in tiny cursive with quill pens, or the feeling of the sidewalk being a trampoline. Rather, critiquing the couple involves an analysis of the way that patriarchy has recuperated women’s desire for solidarity, for intimacy, for excitement, for negation, for the event into a consolidation of phallic power and the accumulation of capital.

Who would not arrive at this conclusion: patriarchy and capitalism thwart any possibility to love in a way that liberates oneself from the logic of the couple or from one’s own oppression. To liberate love necessarily involves the abolition of patriarchy and capitalism. One cannot opt in or out of these structural relations, and the struggle against them will be a collective, historical project.

In this pathetic, stillborn world, we do have feelings. Sometimes we look at someone and think we are in love with them. We must crush the illusion that romance is or will be an avenue for liberation.

Against the Couple Form, Clémence X Clementine and Associates from the Infinite Venom Girl Gang

[drdemonprince]

ok fine cis men aren't the bad gender it's all men and we're all exactly like that anon who admitted to having abused women even if we don't know it. are you fucking happy now? is this the solidarity you want us to feel with cis men, that we're all just as mich rapists and murderers of women as they are? you have some fucking nerve to be throwing vague jabs while calling an admitted abuser "brave"

Normally I don't platform asks like these, but I'm moved by the genuineness of your emotional reaction here. I think you're hurting, and you've been hurt, and that the belief that abuse and violence are located within one gendered group (to which you don't belong) has felt like a way of organizing your world that has helped you make sense of things, and given you guidelines for how to act and whom to trust that have helped keep you safe. I think a lot of assault survivors feel that way when they're not cis men and their attackers were cis men.

As someone who has experienced a ton of sexual predation at the hands of cis women, cis men, and even other trans people, I don't feel the same way. There is no "bad gender" I can chalk up my abuse to. I find there are no easy means of categorizing entire people as abuser or as victim either -- I have known so, so many people who have occupied both roles depending upon the power they wielded and the social context of the moment. Hell, one cis lesbian that I knew who was infamous in her community for raping trans men would always tell her victims that her acts were those of "trauma recovery," of her "reclaiming" her power after men had stolen it away.

Even she, I don't think, is irredeemable or ontologically evil.

I'm an abolitionist. That's a core value through which a lot of my political action and beliefs flow. If you're not on board with the project of abolitionism, you'll find much to object to here, and most of your objections are things I will refuse to entertain, because I do not believe human beings are disposable no matter what they do, and I don't believe that anyone should have the authority to deem another human being as disposable.

An abolitionist politics is incompatible with the idea that some people or some groups are inherently bad. It's incompatible with the belief that abuse and violence comes from evil. It's a worldview that holds that people do harm because of social structures and networks of power that must be destroyed -- systems like the patriarchy, cissexism, anti-Blackness, ableism, capitalism, and more. And I think one of the ways that we conquer such oppressive systems is by raising the consciousness of all the people trapped under it -- so that we can topple it together. I want trans men and cis men alike to realize they have some skin in the game.

You don't have to associate with the men you don't want to associate with. If, because of repeated abuses at the hands of men, you can't ever trust them, well, those are your feelings, that's your life, that is your business. But when your personal feelings of safety are used as a justification for developing and promoting a worldview with transphobic, transmisogynistic implications, I'm gonna talk shit about that on my stupid little blog. And I'm gonna continue conducting my life in the way I feel I should.

And for me, that means forging common ground between trans men and cis men, and pushing both groups to take women's concerns seriously (especially trans women's concerns) and to stop centering themselves in feminist dialogue. There's a place for both trans men and cis men in the gender revolution, but we gotta do a lot of work on ourselves to stop getting in the way. It's work I'm emotionally equipped to do and find rewarding, and it's fine if you don't. There are lots of other people who need support that you can focus your energies on -- other survivors of abuse and assault that you perhaps find it easier to relate to. That's important work too, and I wish you well in doing it. Just make sure you're not excluding trans women in that work or I'll continue to be annoying about it on my stupid little blog.

[bunnynoise]

Wait… How is it a critique of Christianity and the patriarchy? I got the other things it’s critical of, but not those two.

The critique of Christianity is mostly confined to Episode 3 as of yet. In the flashback where the Graves kids visit their grandparents, there are crosses over the beds the kids are instructed to sleep in, the TV shows evangelical broadcasts (I think it's mentioned that Leyley gets some of her more colorful language and ideas about women from them), and the grandfather talks about giving his life savings to the church after he dies. Grandpa Graves is a vile person. He makes derogatory statements about his wife and children, he's definitely beaten Andy and probably beaten Leyley as well, and he urges Douglas and Renee to beat Leyley and send her to boarding school. To justify his cruelty, he references tenets of his faith.

As for the critique of patriarchy, the worst characters in the game are mostly misogynists. Grandpa Graves is verbally and physically abusive to every woman within reach, and the Surgeon refuses to acknowledge Renee in their conversation and tells Douglas to "calm his woman." Andrew abused Julia and pressured her into sex, and in the worst endings, he becomes a wifebeating rapist.

The only characters who have a somewhat happy relationship are Douglas and Renee, whose characterization defies traditional gender roles, apart from Douglas being the primary provider for the family. Renee makes most of the decisions in their lives. Renee is more outspoken, and Douglas is more quiet, except when he's telling other men off for condescending to his wife. And they do femdom stuff in bed. They're awful people like almost everyone else in TCOAAL, but their relationship seems to be genuinely healthy and loving.

[star-anise]

The thing about "parents' rights" and "protect the children [from hearing that other ways of life than ours are possible and okay]" is that it is literally, in the purest sense of the word, patriarchy.

The word literally means "rule by the fathers". We're generally used to hearing it describe how adult women can be dominated by adult men. However, that's not where patriarchy ends; feminists have been less eager to address how within that system, women can exercise power and domination of their own through the traditional gender roles of motherhood. Their maternal rights to power and dominance may have traditionally been lesser than paternal ones, but they were never less than their minor children's. Even single-mother or female-only families can be, in this sense, patriarchal.

Patriarchal families are a complex system that grants parents complete legal and practical control over nearly every aspect of their children's lives. The patriarchal family controls where the child lives, who takes care of them, what rules they have to follow, how they are educated, who they associate with, what healthcare they receive, what religion they practice, and whether they can work or control any money they earn or that is given to or for them.

Normally discussions of patriarchy are a lot more abstract. But right now it's very concrete and real: we are fighting to limit the family's control over children on issues where we can observe that families sometimes tend to make decisions that are bad for the children's welfare or that disrespect their human rights.

Whether a minor child can get an abortion. Whether they can receive gender-affirming care. Whether it's okay to lie or coerce your child to ensure they follow your religion. Whether they deserve to be educated about factual histories or scientific theories that are necessary to understanding the world around them. Whether they deserve to learn accurate, age-appropriate information about consent, setting boundaries, how their bodies and the bodies of other people work, what a normal range of gender and sexual identities look like, what healthy or unhealthy relationships look like, and what sex is, how it works, what its positives and negatives are, and how they might navigate the world, whether or not they ever want to have it.

Hell, on some levels we're still arguing about whether it's okay to hit your kids, or whether children have the right, similar to the rights adults have, not to be assaulted or abused.

Because there are a LOT of people who say: No. Parents should have 100% control over any or all of those issues. If the parent says no, the child is not allowed to do or have any of those things, and nobody else should be allowed to interfere and provide them to the child without their parents' consent.

Pointing this out often results in parents saying, "Oh, so you want just ANYONE to be able to go up and talk sex with kids? You want kids to be able to decide to jump off cliffs with nobody stopping them???" As though parents are the single protective force in the universe, the only thing standing between their child and the ravages of absolute chaos.

On the contrary: most of the time the argument is for children to receive care and guidance from adults who are monitored to ensure they treat children in safe and appropriate ways, who have spent many years studying the best and most rigorously tested of our collective understanding of how to prepare children for happy, healthy lives.

And we are arguing against people who believe that the only important qualification needed to refuse children that kind of care is to be ranked above them in their family hierarchy.

In conclusion...

Fuck the patriarchy. Children have human rights too.

[drizne]

Excerpt from the speech "Remembering the Witches", from Andrea Dworkin's "Our Blood"

"Men tell us that they too are "oppressed". They tell us that they are often in their individual lives victimized by women -- by mothers, wives and "girlfriends". They tell us that women provoke acts of violence through our carnality, or malice, or avarice, or vanity, or stupidity. They tell us that their violence originates in us and that we are responsible for it. They tell us that their lives are full of pain, and that we are its source. They tell us that as mothers we injure them irreparably, as wives we castrate them, as lovers we steal from them semen, youth and manhood -- and never, never, as mothers, wives, or lovers do we ever give them enough.

And what are we to think? Because if we being to piece together all of the instances of violence -- the rapes, the assaults, the cripplings, the killings, the mass slaughters; if we read their novels, poems, political and philosophical tracts and see that they think of us today what the Inquisitors thought of us yesterday; if we realize that historically gynocide is not some mistake, some accidental excess, some dreadful fluke, but is instead the logical consequence of what they believe to be our god-given or biological natures; then we must finally understand that under patriarchy gynocide is the ongoing reality of life lived by women. And then we must look to each other -- for the courage to bear it and for the courage to change it.

The struggle of women, the feminist struggle, is not a struggle for more money per hour, or for equal rights under male law, or for more women legislators who will operate within the confines of male law. These are all emergency measures, designed to safe women's lives, as many as possible, now, today. But these reforms will not stem the tide of gynocide; these reforms will not end the relentless violence perpetrated by the gender class men against the gender class women. These reforms will not stop the increasing rape epidemic in this country, or the wife-beating epidemic in England. They will not stop the sterilizations of black and poor white women who are the victims of male doctors who hate female carnality. These reforms will not empty mental institutions of women put into them by male relatives who hate them for rebelling against the limits of the female role, or against the conditions of female servitude. They will not empty prisons filled with women who, in order to survive, whored; or who, after being raped, killed the rapist; or who, while being beaten, killed the man who was killing them. These reforms will not stop men from living off exploited female domestic labor, nor will these reforms stop men from reinforcing male identity by psychologically victimizing women in so-called "love" relationships.

And no personal accommodation within the system of patriarchy will stop this relentless gynocide. Under patriarchy, no woman is safe to live her life, or to love, or to mother children. Under patriarchy, every woman is a victim, past, present, and future. Under patriarchy, every woman's daughter is a victim, past, present, and future. Under patriarchy, every woman's son is her potential betrayer and also the inevitable rapist or exploiter of another woman.

Before we can live and love, we will have to hone ourselves into a revolutionary sisterhood. That means that we must stop supporting the men who oppress us; that we must refuse to feed and clothe and clean up after them; that we must refuse to let them take their sustenance from our lives. That means that we will have to divest ourselves of the identity we have been trained to as females -- that we will have to divest ourselves of all traces of the masochism we have been told is synonymous with being female. That means that we will have to attack and destroy every institution, law, philosophy, religion, custom, and habit of this patriarchy that feeds on our "dirty" blood, that is build on our "trivial" labor."

[thatfeyboy]

I'm just so tired of holding up the concept of patriarchy. I'm so sick of pretending it is the focus of my problems. Yes some ancestor of mine or yours lived in and upheld this particular iteration of patriarchy. Yes some of our modern beliefs are part of or reactionary to that patriarchal ideal. Yet I have never lived in one. The vitriol and pain I have experienced is more generic, and also more personal, than "patriarchy" can describe. I am so so tired of having to include it in every conversation about gender, or when I read of it. The word is rarely used as it was made to be used, and more to describe the supposed role of men in a sexist world. The point of feminism, I thought, was to destroy such a concept. You have power as women, or as men(not to speak of nb people at the moment). Your ability to destroy and to be oppressed has pretty much equalized in a generic sense, or at least enough that a substantial amount of the population is in flux. Act like it. Wield that power and responsibility. I beg you. Androphobia regardless of the specific group is perpetuated by men AND women and does not always center around patriarchal ideals

(this is about the US, if you live elsewhere I am not claiming I know what type of system you live under. Even in the US, if you are actively living within a religious group that individual group is likely patriarchal)

[a-polite-melody]

“FTM MRAs are entire clowns”

Y’know.

I know that people keep saying that speaking on transandrophobia/transmisandry/whatever you want to call it is equivalent to MRA rhetoric…

But like. We’ve all seen how much disclaiming transmascs have been doing about how our discussions do not posit systemic oppression directed at men by-way-of women, that our discussions align with intersectionality and that our oppression hinges on systemic misogyny, and that these discussions are meant to exist alongside and in tandem with discussions on transmisogyny and exorsexism.

We all know, at this point, this “you’re all MRAs” shit is a deflection in order to not listen to what we’re actually saying, which does not align at all with MRA ideology and would have us actively harmed if we were to try to bring these discussions to MRAs because our discussions actively acknowledge misogyny as an oppressive force, and posit that harm of men within the system is not the fault of women, but another feature of the system of patriarchy putting everyone into designated roles.

[alpaca-clouds]

TERFs: Patriarchy's Hench(wo)men

So, over the last three days I went into the anthropology of the patriarchy, given that it is not natural, but a fairly recent cultural development. I went into the definition of the term, the development of the modern patriarchal hegemony through colonialism, and into the reason why our modern patriarchy seeks to suppress queerness.

To sum it up once more: from all we can say anthropoligically (so from the study of humanity) is that patriarchy as we know it is a fairly recent development, that has not been around for longer than 10 000 years - at least in any form that we would recognize. It developed probably alongside agriculture in some regions, though it developed multiple times. It is highly likely that before it humans lived either egalitarian or under matriarchy, with the main reason for the prevalence of patriarchy today being colonialism and the simple fact that matriarchy is a low control way of organizing a society, while patriarchy tends to be high control. Hence, matriarchies might be converted into patriarchies, but it is near impossible to archive the same in the opposite direction. Through some means (possibily schismogenesis) the version of patriarchy we live under today developed very strict gender roles that are defined in opposition to both each other and the gender roles of some societies that western colonialism suppressed. Because people with any sexuality outside of alloheterosexuality did necessarily break those gender roles, those sexualities became suppressed.

However, today we will talk about transgender people - and about the simple fact that TERFs (who are not really feminist, and most certainly lack a base understanding of what the patriarchy even is, as we can also see in their need to point out that the issue is "men", not the patriarchy) are enforcing the patriarchy.

Do I believe this will be read by TERFs? No. If anything they will probably reblog this after reading the first three lines, without reading any of the text below, let alone the linked sources.

For everyone else, though: I did my best to provide a lotta sources, for the next time you encounter some of these bullshit claims in the wild.

TERFs Sure Love NeoNazis

Technically speaking, this should be a no-brainer, of course, given how often we see the loudest of TERFs align themselves with open neo nazis. Be it Posy Parker allowing outright neo nazis to speak at her ralley in Australia, or be it the fact that Elon Musk - someone who by now used the Hitler Salute multiple times in the open - so often agreed with JK Rowling, something she never pushed back against. And if I know one thing about neo nazis it is that they are pretty much the opposite of feminists. And before some TERF somehow starts to argue the countrary, might I remind you, that it has been shown again and again, that right-wing ideology leads to not only a higher risk of intimate partner violence, but also a willingness to defend IPV.

I know that talking to TERFs is basically like the fight of Don Quixote against his windmills, given that their base understanding of suppression of women is already wrong. The patriarchal hegemony is not something that men do upon women, but a cultural system that is upheld by a majority of the people within it, while also - and this has been proofen again and again - harming the majority of people under it. The patriarchy is upheld by cis women, as much as it is by men. Mothers telling their daughters to not dress skimpy, as this would invite SV, are upholding the patriarchy, as are mothers, who push for their children to be married. Female HR managers (and keep in mind, HR is a majority female field), who will hire a man over a woman are upholding the patriarchy. Same goes for female teachers, telling their female students a short skirt supposedly distracts the male students, or allowing boys to harass girls to a certain degree on the basis of "boys will be boys".

Patriarchy is not "men suppress women", but "a system suppresses everyone". (And because of this, radical feminism is a BS theory beginning to end, as it is centrally build on the "men suppress women" angle.)

So, based on this, let us talk about how TERFs uphold the patriarchy.

TERFs are Intersexist

I want to start with the one thing that does not get acknowledged often enough: TERFs are inherently intersexist. They will again and again claim there are only two sexes. But there aren't. There are many. Intersex people exist, are highly likely to suffer medical abuse, and are way more likely to develop an identity not congruent with their assigned sex, if they get assigned a certain sex at birth.

I say it again: If I, someone with Swyer Syndrome (meaning: I have XY chromosomes, a "vagina" and uterus, and no working gametes), ask different TERFs what sex I am, I will get very different answers. Some will claim I am male, because I have XY chromosomes. Others will claim I am female, because I happen to be born with a hole between my legs.

I was assgined female - due to that hole - but I identify as male.

But the TERFs' attitude already shows the main issue with the ideology: TERFs do the exact thing that caused patriarchy to develop to begin with. They reduce people to their genitalia, and specifically reduce women to the ability to give birth.

Now, nobody doubtst that this ability to give bith is what caused the patriarchal system to develop (as I explained: patrilnear inheritance can only be ensured if a woman is restricted to only have sex with one male partner), however, it has been a long time since it was the main concern of the oppressive system we live under.

This system instead is very much defined by forcing women and men into strict gender roles, which they have to adhere to. The system expects this strict adherence from both women and men, not just one group, and will punish non-adherence in some ways or forms, though the non-adherence is punished differently depending on who is breaking it. A variety of factors, including (assumed) sex, race, age and social status will play into how "disruptive" the system will consider any non-conforming behavior.

TERFs Spread Misinformation on Gender

For the rare chance that an actual TERF is still reading to this point, I might also point out: no, gender roles are not the same as gender. Gender role is the specific set of behaviors that is expected of everyone of a certain gender to perform - and the normative assumption (that TERFs agree with) is that the gender can be assumed from either the chromosomes, or the genitalia in question. This is however not the case.

The truth is, that as of right now, science does not really understand how gender works on a neurological level. But science knows that it is happening on a neurological level. Mainly due to the harsh transphobia, that leads not only to open public violence against us, but also to again and again legal discrimination of us (like the ruling in the UK), a lot of neuro-scientists, and people working in psychology, psychiatry and genetics are very hesitant to further delve into this question. And I as a trans person absolutely get it. I personally hate the pathologization of trans-ness. But this does not change the fact, that being trans is somehow routed in our neurology and psychology. (Which is to remind you: psychology is also a medical field - when you have mental health issues like a depression, there is something physically wrong with your body, that very likely has created a hormonal imbalance in your brain.)

A very simple explanation here: Most of you will be aware that people who have lost a limb due to illness or injury experience phantom pain or phantom sensation. Basically, their brain does perceive that the limb is still there, as the surgery did not remove all neural pathways. We have seen in the past that also some people who never had had a certain limb because of birth defects will at times experience similar sensations. Which does imply that the human brain somehow has a map of "how the body should be". Which brings me to trans people.

Studies have shown that trans women, who went through bottom surgery (so having their penis and ballsack removed, most commonly with then having a neo vagina of some sort created) experience phantom pain/sensations of the phallus way, way less commonly than cis men who had the phallus removed either for medical reasons or through an act of violence. More recently, there also have been multiple studies that showed, that meanwhile quite a significant number of trans men meanwhile do absolutely experience those phantom sensations and at times even phantom pain of the phallus they were not born with. Now, mind you, the experience of bodily dysphoria (which this is linked to) differs massively between different trans people. I personally have massive dysphoria about my breast tissue, but little to no dysphoria about my crotch.

Sadly so far there is little to no studies about phantom sensations in regards to breasts in either trans men post top-surgery, or in trans women pre-HRT and eventual top-surgery. We know that cis women who had mastectomy have at times phantom sensations related to this, but as I said: there is little to no data in regards to trans people, but the data we have on the "phantom phallus" would make me assume it will be similar. Meaning: quite a few trans women might have it before getting breasts, while trans men will probably not have it post top-surgery.

And before someone comes in here with the BS theory of "autogynophilia", two things: a) trans men and non-binary people are real. b) "Autogynophilia" has been disproven again, and again.

And before someone brings up long outdated studies that seemingly proof "autogynophilia", be aware that homosexuality was similarly pathologized for the longest time - often being grouped with exhebitionism and stuff like pedophilia, and somehow we can all agree that that is bullshit, right?

TERFs Agree with the Biggest Misogynists

So, let's get back to the issue of the patriarchy once more.

The patriarchy is build on the idea to assume a) a sex and gender binary that allows them to build an easy hierarchy, b) assume gender and sex being parallel to one another - which again allows the hierarchy to remain simple, and c) then assign gender roles accordingly. A and B are a needed basis for C to even be applied, and are a basis of the hierarchical structure that patriarchy has been constructed around. And guess what TERFs (and a lot of radfems in general) tend to do? They defend A and B, and let's face it, despite being so outspoken about shaving and make-up, it is quite noticable that not only do most prominent TERFs present quite femme, but often enough also defend heteronormativity.

Which also reminds me of another talking-point beloved by TERFs: the idea of sex-based oppression.

Now, I am not going to doubt that in some countries where the patriarchy is enforced in stronger legal forms than it is in the western hegemony, sex-based oppression is a thing. However, I would also ask you to consider that those tend to be the countries, that not only not recognize transgender people at all, but also at times punish trans "behavior" (so dressing or presenting not aligning with one's assigned sex) with imprisonment or even the death penalty. So, once more I got to ask TERFs: why is it your politics align with the most misogynist countries of the world? The ones that actually enforced sex-based oppression.

TERFs Misrepresent Crime Statistics

Because here is th thing: generally speaking within the Western world, where presenting not in allignment with ones sex is generally legal (even though the UK most certainly wants to change this), sex-based oppression happens, but usually happens in medical contexts. Anti-abortion laws undoubtedly are sex-based oppression. As is the fact that women are underrepresented in clinical research, which leads to misdiagnosis and underdiagnosis in women.

But here is the thing: the fact is, that indeed most people "cannot always tell". This goes doubly so if we also consider intersex people, who often grow up not even knowing themselves what their actual sex is. Hence most oppression against women is directed at anyone perceived as a woman. Trans people who pass will be treated as such. Trans men will be treated as men, trans women as women, as long as you do not force them to basically announce all the time they are trans. (In the latter case, trans women will be treated worse than cis women, mind you. No cis man who is misogyn will go: "Oh, so you actually are a guy! Let's go grab a beer." Chances are, they are more likely to turn violent then - especially given that 30 states of the US still allow "trans panic" as a viable legal defense for violence and even murder.) Intersex and non-binary people will also always just be treated based on the assumed gender.

This is while trans people are a lot more likely to be the target of violence than cis people, especially sexual violence. And while trans men are more likely to be the victim of both general physical violence or sexual violence than the average cis woman (though I will once more point out: indigenous cis women are in fact more likely to experience violence than white trans men), trans women are far more likely to be the target of this violence than trans men. This shows especially in regards to the murder statistics. Most trans people murdered are trans women of color.

This I point out, because TERFs - who clearly have never heard of google - love to tout that actually trans men are way more victimized than trans woman, because of their "sex-based oppression". But yeah, all research very clearly shows the opposite.

Now, again, to also push against that other talking point: trans men still are more likely to face discrimination of various kinds than cis women, so please just leave out the dumb "women only transition to male identity to escape the patriarchy" bs hanging. Just as trans people, men, women, and non-binary, are a lot more likely than cis people in every country to be homeless.

I also would love to show you some scientific data on how rare it is for trans people to be perpetrators of crime, but there is an issue: they are so unlikely to be perpetrators, that there is too little data to have proper stastics on this.

As those statistics all show: if you are trans, you are a lot more likely to experience violence, poverty, and homelessness, than if you are cis, even than if you are a cis woman. This likelihood is even bigger if you are non-white.

Because, again: the patriarchy is constructed on enforcing a clear hierarchy with clear roles. It is the punishment of those who break those roles, that is the main oppressive factor of the patriarchy. I will absolutely agree with women who say that the standard role of the woman is one subjected to violence. Being reduced to a "thing" absolutely is violence. And due to a lot of women not wanting to conform to that role anymore they will experience a lot of subtle "punishment" for it. But the patriarchy punishes those who go against the system more strongly with harsher punishments, so queer people of all colors, and especially trans people, as they break with those assigned roles in the strongest way. As such TERFs are doing the work of the patriarchy by enforcing the gender binary and cis-normativity.

TERFs Spread a Wrong Narrative Around Rape

Then let me talk about another, related bullshit point, that proofs very much how much TERFs actually want to support men who suppress women: the entire "bathroom rape" narrative. Though I am willing to give a bit of understanding towards this one, as women are taught the base narrative this is based on everywhere at least. So while the story is made up bullshit based on something that never happened, this is based on a narrative that is very common in our society: the story of the "public space rape".

Even outside of transphobia narratives connected to this are often spouted - especially in white feminist spaces. You know the one: "As a woman I never feel safe when walking home alone/being alone at night at a parking lot/being alone at night at [insert public space]." I am in no way doubting that women do not feel that threat, because it is the most common story we hear about rape: rape is something that is done to women out of nowhere in a lonely, but public space by a stranger. Quite often this goes along with narratives against minorities. Be it the "gang of Black men raping a white woman" or the "psychopathic guy waiting in a lonely park" or now the "man dressing as a woman going into a public bathroom". Those stories have something in common: the perpetrator is a stranger, the victim is a woman, and there is some reasoning behind it, allowing for a "prevention" narrative. Be it "we need to control [racial minority]", be it "we need to criminalize [mental disorder]", be it "women should not go out alone at night", or the oldie but goodie "women should not wear short skirts".

However: This is not how rape happens in the real world, and those people who actually are feminist do their most to fight against those stereotypes. We know that the vast majority of sexual assaults do not get perpetrated by strangers, but by friends, partners, and family members, or at least someone the victim typically interacts with. They do not tend to happen in a public space, but often in private rooms or offices. The majority of cases does not get reported (often because the perpetrator is a friend), does not get followed up on, and do not lead to a conviction (that mostly because of the patriarchy). We also know that about a third of all women tend to have experienced some sort of SA, though the likelihood is higher if the woman is BI_POC, disabled, or queer (including trans women). As stated above: in the US at least the group statistically most likely to be targeted are indigenous women. They are also the one group that is fairly likely to experience the typical narrative "stranger in an open space", due to the legal issues regarding law enforcement on the reservations.

Ironically, though, we do not even have proper statistics on how often cis men experience SA, or on how common lesbian SA is, as most studies focused on male on female SA. There is some evidence that points to the fact that actually men might have been victimized in this way about 27% - so actually close to the statistic of women (32-35% of all women, depending on the statistic). But we have a lack of data.

On the opposite end however, the aforementioned issue strikes: while I have no doubt that there have been a handful of cases where trans people (no matter whether trans men or trans women) have perpetrated sexual violence, there are so few of them that we have absolutely no significant studies on this.

But the fact remains: no, a rapist is probably not going to wait for you in a public bathroom. Chances are they are not going to wait for you in a public park or in some lonely alley at night either. You are far more likely to be raped in your own bedroom or living room, than anywhere else. If this happens to you, the perpetrator will most likely be a friend, a family member, or even someone you are dating, if not even your married partner.

And even though I know this is dumb, and insignificant "got'cha": why would a man, who is highly likely to get away with raping a woman, go not only through the effort of so much as buying a dress and putting on make-up, let alone actually try to transition with HRT, surgeries, a lot of bureaucracy and so on, highly increasing "his" own likelihood to experience violence in turn?

I am sorry, but nobody can sincerely claim this!

And yes, this is another perspective in which TERFs help the patriarchy. Because the patriarchy loves the narrative of the "stranger rapist in a public place", as it keeps the fault pinned on minorities and the women themselves, rather than dealing with the rape culture that indeed is a thing that exists - just not the way it is described in so many contexts. It is the belief that certain people - mainly cis, influential men - should have sexual access to other people, men and women, they desire.

And before I move on to the last point: The same as with the bullshit claim about bathrooms, goes for domestic violence programs. While this area is not studies very well, we know that trans people are much more likely than cis people to experience domestic violence, both in terms of IPV, and parental/familar violence. This is the reason that trans people make up such a large percentage of homeless people (as mentioned above), and why among homeless youth trans kids are among the biggest groups. Because of this it is essential that crisis centers are open for trans people. Because we otherwise will not survive - and we statistically speaking are in fact less likely than cis people to be violent towards other people there.

TERFs Think Men Are Better Than Women

So, let me get to the last big point: the entire sports narrative.

You know, whenever a non-white, a bit more masculine woman, who might in some cases also be intersex - but not always is - wins in a competition, TERFs will go to the trenches of twitter to proclaim that this woman is actually a trans woman, which in TERF logic is a man.

This, ironically, is probably the clearest example of TERFs screaming: "We love the patriarchy! Please, men, oppress us more!" Because history shows, that the gender-segregation of sports mainly exists to preserve one thing: the male ego, and the patriarchal narrative of men being physically supperior to women. The most recent example of this is the shooting event. This event was usually not segregated at the olympics. After all: why would it be? That was until Zhang Shan won Gold at the Olympics. The event first banned women, before being segregated. And history does show that this has happened several times before. A lot of sports only got segregated once the women started winning. So, no, this never was about equal chances. A lot of athletes know this. And in fact, past sex testing in sport was often opposed by the athletes - partly because it was demeaning, and partly because it often caused sexual violence against the female athletes. But we all know that TERFs clearly prefer adult cis men to look into the panties of primary school kids, to even so much as a pre-pubescent child being "subjected" to the horror of having to do sports with a trans kid. /hj

This obviously is all bullshit either way, given that studies so far show, that after 3 to 5 years of HRT the performance of athletes normalizes to the one typically associated with their gender, often faster for trans men. And this is while there is actual proper scientific doubt towards the common narrative, that the main predictor of sport performance is testosterone.

In Conclusion

TERFs and anyone who wants to uphold the gender binary and pushes for the narrative that helps to uphold the patriarchy. They are in fact the staunches defenders of both the patriarchy and the so claimed rape culture, by further spreading the same narratives that help to uphold those. Most noteably TERFs most strongly align in their believes about sex and gender with far-right groups - groups that generally are well known for their suppression of women. This does show, too, in the political allies that TERFs tend to choose: religious, conservative, if not outright nazi-aligned groups.

Do I think this wall of text is going to change anyone's personal beliefs? No. Because bigots tend to be immune to facts, science and statistics. Otherwise they would not be bigots to begin with. But at the very least I hope that maybe I have provided a handy list of sources for the next time any of you see some bullshit TERF talking points.

[gabriel-seths-pr-assistant]

I do see some of the point about the tradewife talk... But I also think that we are kinda forgetting a pretty important part of the situation here: those tradwife fantasy are literally just classic romance novel scenario.

We have to remember that Harlequin romance novel, and similar things, are the vast, VAST majority of things that afab people read. And it has been the case for literally generation. The Astarte being a big scary dude that take care of the woman and impregnate her is really no different than a "viking kidnap you and make you his wife" or a "vampire trick and seduce you". Those fantasy coexist with the fact that noncon is the most common "kink" for afab: it's exploring all the fear and anxiety of rape culture and patriarchie. Some people do so with writing power fantasy, while other write it about them being happy in that systhem, being happy about having the choice of pregnancy and sex being taken away from them. All of that is about control, about being able to stop by simply not reading anymore.

So yeah, while it is not for us (the queer and marginalised, and I AM putting myself into that category, I don't even like reader insert!), I will absolutely defend their right to create that stuff. It literally is just a different kind of enjoying the franchise, no different that when cishet dude write 200k epic bolter porn power fantasy, wich there are a LOT MORE than any queer warhammer fanfic. We cannot gatekeep fandom, we cannot act like we queer have the one and only true way of creating fancontent. I always advocate for understanding and kindness in fandom, and this trend of shitting on other people (and sometime it *is* shitting on them, it's not just polite talk) in the warhammer fandom is very disapointing.

I disagree with your premise that tradwife fantasies are identical to classic romance novel scenarios. If anything, romance and bodice-ripper heroines align more closely with Mary Sues.

Classic romance novels typically center a heroine who starts out powerless or disadvantaged in terms of her class, wealth, or social status. Her narrative arc revolves around gaining personal empowerment through love: finding a partner who recognises her true worth and asserting her own desires. Even when the fantasy involves ravishment or protection (the "strong alpha male" trope), the heroine is often the transformative force in the relationship, reshaping the hero or the dynamics between them. She is a character in motion — physically (being abducted by pirates, moving to a widowed duke's castle to serve as governess, running away from the arranged marriage her father intends for her) and thematically, moving towards agency, voice, and choice, even if her journey is framed within a romantic story. Her victory is the relationship itself, achieved on her terms.

Tradwife fantasies, by contrast, focus on giving up personal agency in exchange for security, love, and approval. As I mentioned in a previous post, tradwife characters often start out powerful (Yvraine being one example) and then choose (or "choose") to settle into a predefined submissive role where domesticity, nurturing, and submission are the ends, not just the means. The tradwife fantasy valorises passivity and dependency as virtues — the tradwife character is admired because she is static: she stays home, serves her husband, raises children, and submits. Unlike romance heroines, who usually end their stories in a better social position or with greater personal empowerment, tradwife characters often end out worse (from a contemporary feminist perspective).

But the most telling difference between romance/bodice-ripper fantasies and tradwife fantasies lies in their detractors.

Romance and bodice-ripper stories have long been dismissed and mocked by cishet men as fantasies written by "unfulfilled women," just like Mary Sues are written by "silly fangirls."

Tradwife archetypes are, to a significant extent, embraced by cishet men. The meme of Yvraine being Guilliman's "Eldar waifu" started in male-dominated fan spaces on platforms like 4chan and Reddit.

It's easy to see the difference. Romance and bodice-ripper heroines typically stand in opposition to patriarchal ideals, disobeying societal and parental restrictions to pursue "forbidden" relationships or giving in to passion, especially at a time when "good girls" were taught to suppress sexual or ambitious desires. Tradwife heroines, on the other hand, uphold patriarchal ideals. These two things are not the same.

A few other points I'd like to address:

Some people [explore "all the fear and anxiety of rape culture and patriarchie"] with writing power fantasy, while other write it about them being happy in that systhem, being happy about having the choice of pregnancy and sex being taken away from them.

No one should EVER have the choice of pregnancy and sex taken away from them for any reason. ANY reason. Even if it "makes them happy" (does it really make them happy or are they just conditioned and expected to believe it does?).

It's entirely possible to write power-exchange/noncon/rape culture fantasies that are not tradwifey, or which examine the tradwife trope in light of the broader political and cultural context.

I will absolutely defend their right to create that stuff.

As I have stated in previous posts, I'm fundamentally opposed to censorship in fandom myself. People are free to create whatever they want.

However, that doesn't mean we can't talk about contemporary fandom trends and how they either support or challenge dominant heteronormative culture.

It literally is just a different kind of enjoying the franchise, no different that when cishet dude write 200k epic bolter porn power fantasy

To quote myself again, the issue is that tradwife content actively alienates (some) marginalised fans. Tradwife narratives can feel like microaggressions — they are conservative heteronormative gender roles in a new hat, presenting female passivity, domesticity, and loss of agency as aspirational.

Once tradwife content gains ground in a fandom space, it crowds out other forms of self-expression. Have you heard the saying, "if you invite both wolves and sheep, you will only get wolves"? I have seen fandom spaces welcome tradwife content in the spirit of being open to all shipping and all voices — and marginalised fans started trickling away. Not dramatically, not slamming the door, just quietly losing interest and eventually disengaging.

Bolter porn has not, in my experience, had the same effect.

We cannot gatekeep fandom

No one is gatekeeping fandom. Gatekeeping is when someone won't let others into the house. Tradwife content creators are already in the house — on AO3, on discord, on tumblr. No gate is being kept from them. On the contrary, other people are leaving the party because they no longer feel comfortable with the vibe.

What's happening right now is that some of us are having conversations about our experiences and examining the tradwife character archetype from feminist and literary analysis perspectives to articulate why the trope rubs us the wrong way.

I understand that this kind of academic discourse can feel like a vivisection to those fans who do find comfort and empowerment in depictions of traditional gender roles.

But this kind of meta-discourse is necessary to keep a fandom healthy and viable — and I welcome tradwife content creators to share why they enjoy this trope as well, to get the full picture. ❤