#without making extra work for myself
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Thinking about how Astarion insisted on staying up to keep watch in the beginning of the game
Yeah, it could be because he needs to go hunt at night without anyone noticing, or because he's keeping an eye out for Cazador/his minions. But... It could also be because he's scared of sleeping/trancing in general?
He's got severe C-PTSD. I have that too. And one of the things I experience from it is a fear of falling asleep.
Sleeping is vulnerability. You're completely defenseless. It's terrifying to fall asleep when you're used to danger! And some abusers will purposefully do things to you when you sleep. I wouldn't put it past Cazador to have done something like that.
It's especially terrifying when you're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, or as out and open as a forest. With strangers.
Add in the elvish reverie (if we assume Astarion still experiences it as he would if he were alive at his current age)... and he might even be reliving horrible memories every time he tries to rest.
(If you're unfamiliar with elvish trancing/dreaming, I made a post about it and some ways it might affect Astarion as a vampire spawn a while ago)
One of the reasons I think this could be the case is actually the other spawn, specifically what I noticed when we first meet Dalyria and Petras. At first I thought Astarion's eye bags were just a product of being undead. But... Petras, the very human looking spawn, doesn't have that. Dalyria is an elf as well, and like Astarion, she's got some of that tired sleep-deprived purple under and around her eyes.
So all this considered... I think it's very possible that Astarion has a fear of sleeping too. Or at the very least, trouble resting. Him and the other elvish spawn.
It also makes me wonder if he sleeps any better later on in the game. By Act 3 he probably feels more comfortable with you and the group. Sleeping near familiar people (especially people you're very comfortable with, but that's very dependant on your own choices in your game), and having established night time routines can make sleeping feel a little safer.
Plus by that point he's made many new memories he can visit in his reverie. Maybe instead of remembering the terrible things, sometimes he dreams of sun bathing, the first time he bit you or that bear, or any other happy memory he's created since being tadpoled.
Maybe for the first time in centuries, sleeping isn't such a terrible prospect.
#bg3#astarion#text post#its just something thats been on my mind#my fear of sleep is bad enough that i usually cant fall asleep without pushing myself to the point of passing out#or sometimes i need to take a sedative just to manage it#so i wonder how bad it is for him given that he doesnt have the option of sedation#it makes for some interesting headcanons/ideas though#pretty sure a druidic Tav can offer to put together an herbal tea to help him sleep#what if that sort of thing worked and it became a nightly routine?#i assume he can drink tea given that he can drink alcohol#or if you've romanced him#would sleeping near Tav help?#i know sometimes its easier for me to sleep when im around someone im comfortable with#though sometimes it has the opposite effect and it makes it harder to sleep because i feel like i need to be extra alert to protect them#trauma really does a number on you#act 3 spoilers#bg3 act 3 spoilers#astarion spoilers#bg3 spoilers#q
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ghostwriter (their grandma would tell them she'd lose half her soul)
#or smth smth. having a lot of Thoughts. anyways here's the piece i've been working on and sometimes u have to just say Done#there's a lot of thinks but i am maybe a bit tired and so tmr i'll come in and add all the Tags that i'd personally want to get from myself#maybe i'll reblog the extras tmr too. this is an incredibly self indulgent piece + it probably deserves a tag ramble essay or smth#ig for now we see how it stands for itself + in the meantime:#adamandi#beatrix valeria campbell#hello!! i'm back with belated tags yippee!! alright so for funsies i'm going to make it sound like i'm going bonkers over this :3#the eye shine... the glowy eye... it's like phaethon shine but also smth about eyes to windows to the soul and like#there's two beatrixes here! half the soul. lost part doing things specific to the phaethon and here it's portrayed as tearing off her name#because that's really; truly; when it all starts!! also notable for the ghostly beatrix is i did it more painterly and cloaked in shadow and#fading into the bg. i think i was super duper specificish about where the glow comes from! front lighting back lighting beloved!!! like help#let's put it this way- beatrix face always glowy. important parts of paper also glowy. it's just that different elements are turned away#from the viewer by each beatrix!! also also. let's talk about the very gently implied blood and red etcetera#like the red string is canonical and i love personally the whole red strings of fate thing even though it's not Here Applicable exactly but#that definitely was an influence! and also the blood in the bg... i'm starting to think this is a recurring trend. but anyway shadowy bea#the other strings hang while the red string loops!! so like that one string feels almost alive. it's a sort of whimsical i put on the same#as metaphorical glowy eye!! also also the eye is lowkey influenced by the whole idea of Eyes and Spotlights within the show and also glow#as in power as in heyyy you ever think about writing as a visual medium huh#speaking of writing!! there is no beatrix thingy complete in my head without text sorrry but the black text overlays are always so >>> to me#and in the sense of art styles and overlays shoutout to all the black crosshatching outline thingys because For Some Reason in my mind#of all the characters beatrix feels like the bnw ink printed illustrations you get in books idk#fun fact! i spent so long rendering this and that was fine i liked it! but then trying to figure out text to go on the papers was a Thing#i tried to do. but then gave up on! sometimes i have to pick my battles and graphic design is indubitably Not my passion bc Fonts#fun facts about this is i Actually did start with a quick sketch in mind and there's been so many changed elements. in the og the front#paper for instance had 'ardess murders' written on it and the back one said phaethon interviews.. i like the nominee list better it feels#more narrative-esque and less passive than her just holding her writing.! other elements that got discontinued were that#front beatrix was supposed to blur into the other ghostly beatrix but i couldn't do it without sacrificing clarity so... no... no blurry#oh and the red string morphing at the ends to smth more abstract was always there from the start!! og had more floating papers#and also a silhouette of vincent and a scalpel bc 'one who pulls the strings' but that (pun intended)! got cut (hahahahahahaha) (sorry)#used also to be a lot of print room clutter but that got cut to bc compositionally i made beatrix larger (learned lesson from last art)
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Ogh!! I'm so sorry to hear that your work schedule was such poop regarding the update! If it makes you feel better, I would watch your stream regardless if I looked at the update already or not! Wouldn't say any spoilers, but I love how you perceive things regarding WH and I would no doubt love to see your reaction live regardless!
aw <3 thank you <3 i Deeply appreciate that!!
#if enough people are in your boat i'll still stream it ahaha#because i Want To!!! i don't want to enjoy this alone!#man now im just worried bc like... if it's day three into my four day work week...#do i wait an entire extra day OR do i do it That Night?#bc if i do it That Night more people might be willing#but also i want to have Time to be thorough and talk & enjoy Without being exhausted at work the next day#but then its also like... lmao what if i waited until sunday. my first day off yk#i could do the stream Early (like. in the morning. 10 or something)#and not be exhausted after a 9 hour shift...#AH SORRY IM RAMBLING!!!!#rambles from the bog#again this is all spec. a miracle may happen. it almost certainly Wont tho#man... i wanna make this happen so bad... but i dont wanna force myself to go through it while tired#BUT OH MAN I DO NOT WANNA WAIT#but i also do. i wanna have my brain cobbled together for it
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havin the weirdest crisis of my life
#this is like. did related so im gonna sound completely uh#what’s the word. odd and shit for a sec okay? okay#so I’ve been here. hi im cheri silver yknow me for about 20 years total but jay used to front for years when we were in middle school#im not the. original host I guess but I’ve been around since#we were in the early single digits and never left#so im the host right? I existed to go thru the Trauma#but. it’s been my life for so long. my parents don’t know Her#they’ve only known me#but like. we’re finally starting to let go of that trauma#errr not let go but make peace with it. and we’ve been holding onto it for so long. I’ve been holding on to it for so long#but.. who am I without it? like yes that’s my trauma but also. is my purpose over?? is that why we haven’t been able to draw?#I’ve been the host for 20 years this is my life#my friends my gf my life my hobbies it’s mine not anyone else’s#I let others take the wheel when I can’t (or they forcibly do it for me) and jays been gone for like 3 years he only came back because I’ve#been being traumatized everyday recently. but like. will I have to go too??#reintergration is not really our goal. never has been but like#if we do. will I be here or will She come back? we’ve had false alarms before but it’s mostly been decided that it’s my front my life#maybe im just triggered all the time and that’s why I feel extra out of it#less myself#New Traumas are happening to us everyday#but yeah. I dont talk abt this aspect of my life much but it’s so scary to think about#I’ll talk to Chevy when they get off of work tomorrow abt it if it’s still like. freaking me out#I am me. we are a bunch of niggas but I am me.#did niggas when the identity disorder makes them dissociate smh#😫
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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practicing gratitude about this past year tonight and it IS actually helping?? a lot????????? unbelievable
#things im really grateful for: moved out and away! to the other side of the country! for a new job (first job!!!!!) which was terrifying but#it's been FIVE months and ive genuinely never felt prouder of myself for making it through!!!!!#and even though there HAS been some really really Bad Brain Days this job has allowed me to meet so many interesting people#and it also has allowed me to have a better view of my future; to understand what i really want to do; and given me the boost i needed to#work extra hard to get into my masters program (asylum and immigration law!!!)#ive also became less of a people pleaser and learned to stood up for myself more; get more accomodations and opportunities without stopping#myself to get them bc i didnt deserve them or whatever#i did SO many scary things that felt like pulling my own teeth out but 95% of these things worked out okay in the end#i even got a new job opportunity!!!! i was OFFERED a job????!?!?!?!???! can you believe it????!?!?#GOT MY AUTISM DIAGNOSIS#came out to my therapist! said a lot of scary things to scary people but i did it SCARED. AND IT WORKED OUT#ive accomplished so many things this year and grown up and healed a lot. sure there were bad days but - overall?#im so grateful im alive. im so grateful i got to meet so many wonderful & lovely people#(if youve read all of this please know that i love YOU and also i hope hope HOPE you had a wonderful year; or if you didnt then that the#upcoming year will be nothing but kind and supportive to you! 🌱🎀💫)
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okay can we have a new rule that if you're my friend and know I struggle with rsd from adhd + you're planning on hanging out with mutual friends but specifically aren't inviting me for whatever reason. Maybe Don't Tell Me About It
#id just rather not know man. even if I cant go or dont particularly want to im going to get stung by it and it rly sucks#its a TON of extra effort i have to put in to emotionally navigate that information without overreacting and making it an issue#wait actually maybe i do need to sit down with her and explain this more explicitly. bc she probably doesnt rly know abt it#even tho ive mentioned it shes rly terrible at reading ppl and i probably dont let on much abt it anyway bc im used to dealing w it#ugh. but also its rly embarrassing to talk abt and ill have to tread so carefully to make sure it doesnt get misinterpreted. hmm#but itd be worth it if she stopped so. ill give it some thought#it makes me feel so unreal sometimes bc i cant always tell if im justifiably upset or if im 'just overreacting' so i assume the latter-#most of the time to give myself space to work thru the emotion and minimise the damage i might cause if i AM just overreacting#but then sometimes later on i realise that it was justified but its too late to bring it back up and anyway ive worked through it#and idk. theres smth self disrespectful abt it all im tired of making space all the time and never taking any up myself#im not THAT upset rn like this is a v minor thing but still. might be time to start nipping this stuff in the bud#aaanyway#im procrastinating eating bc i cooked a nice meal but now im not in the mood to eat it 😭😭 but i gotta fuel up.....#ill find smth to watch hopefully thatll do the trick#yawns so loud bye for now#.diaries
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It seems you're mixing the dub audio with remastered footage which I was planning on doing but are you actually gonna upload full episodes anywhere?
I don't share much information about the project on Tumblr, but I talk about it more on Discord!
My workbench in the DCMK Fanworks Server (join link here) has the most comprehensive and up-to-date info, but I also post updates in the Detective Conan EN Community (join link here). As of right now, I've mixed Episodes 1-71, 76-78, and 118.
That said: I would be very happy if anyone else would like to take over! I am very slow 😅
#replies#anonymous#i so wish it would be done officially#i'd buy it in a heartbeat#but until then i'll do it myself 😅 or let someone else do it if anyone would like to take over!#i said i'd get back to it after i finished my last amv but i've been in such a weird funk lately#would love to get it done this year though#it'll be faster when i'm not ocr'ing dub subs anymore and i only have a few eps with that left#i'm so sorry but i don't think i'll be making dub subs for any eps that didn't include them originally#maybe that's why i'm hesitating on continuing... i feel so terrible about that#i really want to include them but without them already in place that's adding a lot of extra time to an already time-consuming process#(it often takes two hours per episode at the very very least--and that's not including render/compression time)#it's a lot of work but it is really something i want to get done (or have done by someone else! haha)#the remastered footage really makes such a difference#and it's helpful with my amvs lol i had to fake a clip for 'messed up' and it would have been soo much easier to just have it already mixed#but in any case i'm glad i'm not the only one who wants this! love seeing funi dub love <3
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#i’ve been working through some stuff in my head#and I’ve realised that so much of my life I’ve occupied the spaces in-between#like I acheived certain things in my life because I was literally the only one who stepped up#but it was also like. I wasn’t the first choice for something I was always just what was available#or I tried to carve out something for myself and it ended up either being taken away from me or getting ruined somehow#like when I was in the pipe band I became drum major because I was literally the only drummer (not that anyone really liked me…#i was just. the only choice there was until someone else came along).#or when I moved up the ladder at the tutoring service it was during Covid and I had to work so much harder because#we just didn’t have a full team.#or when I had to do my undergraduate thesis by myself because also covid#and now having to do my research project basically 100% by myself because my advisor ‘‘can’t’’ advise me#(except he can apparently write me some exam questions next semester)#idk I just feel like the extra frozen water on the side of the ice cube tray of life#and now I’m in Canada and I’m trying to make a place for myself#I want this to work out. I want to be able to solidify the life that I want without having to live on the fucking edge#I’m tired of staying in my ‘lane’ when my ‘lane’ has always been ‘standing on the side to let others pass’#Listen up queers I am allowed to take up space and I am occupying this part of the lane#if you don’t like it then you can make your own fucking lane#I’m just trying to make a life in this ridiculous precarious world I don’t want to have to play it safe anymore#I want to get into a PhD programme and study what I want to study#I want to meet someone I can trust with myself when I’m fragile and someone who trusts me with themself when they’re fragile#I want to live in a house I don’t have to worry about losing and make enough money to live comfortably#I want to stop merely surviving and start *living*#and I’m going to do everything in my power to achieve that
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i just got done with my third chiro appointment, and like. I've noticed a significant improvement in terms of how much pain I'm in but I'm also noticing i can't like. stay sitting up. I can sit, which isn't always the case, but the muscles in my back are so loosey goosey/ not responding/ spasming that I keep curling forward until my head is almost pressed to the bed in front of me while I'm sitting cross legged. Don't know what that's about but it's affecting productivity something awful.
#like#i have shockingly good muscle tone considering how little i can move so this isnt a strength issue.#Ish. Like. the thing with eds is that if you have it severe enough your muscles have to pick up the slack for your ligaments#which results in you building way more muscle than you would expect#I cant lift more than 25lbs in like a bag or something without dislocating my elbows/shoulders#but i can bench 180~ and barbell squat my own weight#its just a matter of not pulling on anything#Tbh i think this is just the level of Nonsense that happens when my muscles arnt constantly tense.#my ligament structure isnt sturdy enough to work without that extra reinforcement#Anyways ive needed a back brace since i was 12 but insurance wont pay for it and like fuck am i able to shell out the 20k myself.#Ive looked into corsets but my proportions are so weird that id need a custom pattern#which is Pricey to get from a reputable company. like 2-3k which is better than 20. but still out of reach.#Im not confident enough in my drafting ability to make one myself.#seeing ms.banner. a real and skilled seamstress who knows what shes doing. lay herself out with a bad corset pattern is kinda#a good sign that maybe i an idiot whos sewing experience is stuffed animals and quilts. should not fuck around with my spinal health#I think id be more comfortable doing it myself if there were more mens corset patterns and more examples of how non#lingerie mens corsets are like. meant to work#i dont exactly need bust support. and most women's corsets dont have the shoulder support mens do. and thats like.#the area im most scared about fucking up bc its already a nightmare#tbh when i get the sg shop open im putting all the profits into a savings account and just working hard to get the budget to pay#for a proper corset.
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#trying to stay grounded in the present and experience where I’m at vs. desperately wishing for fall to be over: FIGHT#more than halfway through the quarter and realizing I haven’t been not-tired for like. any of it#I usually love fall and all the sensory things that come with the season and honestly it’s usually when I’m most grounded#and connected to my friends and the things and people i care about#and so it makes me so sad to realize I haven’t really let myself be here for any of it#in theory I like all the things/projects I’m doing rn but oh my god#i want this job to be over#I want that extra fifteen hours back in my week so bad#I want to Be Here when I am here!#I feel like I’m not even doing my work to my fullest potential#but also. I want to be able to stay late eating cake at my friends’ apartment. I want to hang out on the dnd call for hours after we’re#actually done just to chat. I want to be able to sit down and watch a movie with my friend without having to rain check the second half to#another day. I want to read a book for fun. I want to get myself to eat three meals a day.#i want to not have to cancel on my friends#i want to feel awake when my eyes are open etc etc#sola said
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i miss my little dog so much but i'm being so brave about it. i'm so brave and normal and not in the brink of tears at any given moment. i'm going to lecture i am i am i am i'm gonna make it to class and not cry during. might have to wear the same clothes as yesterday to do it though
#nowe talks#cw negative#cw vent#cw animal death mention#wildly oscilliating between being sad but also accepting the fact that it was her time to go and missing her so much i could scream#i know it's not unfair. in fact it's the fairest thing i could have done to her. but why does it feel so unfair#i wouldnt go to class in this state but i feel like getting out the house and occupying myself with something might actually help#also the lecturer only allows for one unaccounted for abscence without having to do extra work to make up for it
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Finally after two months I got rid of the massive box of girls tees 😭
I had 2 rows out in October but then we got something else in and I needed to condense so I took a massive empty box and just threw everything into it and for the past 2 months I've been sifting through this messy ass box
But FINALLY I have room to have 2 rows again! Theres still 2 piles of shirts left but those are in the box they're supposed to be in
#it feels so stupidly good to get rid of that mess bc i was dreading someone other than me opening it to restock and being like#wtf is this???? bc thats how i would react if i hadnt done it myself but i refolded the extra shirts all nice and neat and stacked them#i mean Childrens looks like shit today anyway bc we were dropped no joke 17 pallets this morning so i had to help do that#and i just did the shirts and refolded/condensed jeans to make room but ugh#im not looking forward to Sunday bc ill be working solo for the first time#like ive worked without [relative coworker] being there before but i still had one other coworker in the dept#and we cleared the pallets real quick together and ive worked alone bc they pulled my coworkers away hut this is my first time with no help#thankfully the other two days im alone NetflixCoworker should be there to tell 8am shift what to do but 😰 im the only one#from 4-12 on sunday and im only there til 8 but hey i didnt make the schedule so fuck em four and out baybeeee#marquilla#work talk
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#tag talk#vent#wow okay so turns out my psychiatrist didn't ghost me she just put in the med refills without telling me#so I was waiting for her to message me back like a fucking idiot because expecting professional communication is apparently too much#I genuinely think I might cry I'm so fucking... not even mad. just incredibly let down#the autistic realization that you do in fact have to do everything yourself because you can't trust anyone to give you the support you need#you have to put in the extra work constantly just to survive because the environment is so incredibly hostile without even meaning to be#I didn't know I needed to check my prescriptions again. I didn't realize she would just add a refill without telling me.#the thought never crossed my mind. so I accepted my fate and experienced three weeks of hell#and I'm such a fucking doormat that the strongest word I could use to describe it to her was “interesting”.#I laughed and brushed it off like it was nothing because I was too afraid to say “I went through hell and you're responsible”#and I know my best option is to just suck it up and go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared to#I'm so fucking scared of going back on. getting it in my system. and then somehow getting cut off again#scared of relying on anything but myself because I know it'll just let me down again#I genuinely felt the worst I've ever felt. not just physically. my brain was on fire.#my brain was burning and all I knew to do was endure the pain without saying anything.#because I didn't know that I should follow up. I didn't know how to navigate the system. and I suffered for it.#self advocacy is so necessary but it's so fucking difficult and scary#and I laugh and joke and pretend to be this confident easy-going careless persona when I'm really not#I'm fucking terrified of bothering people or upsetting them.#I had a whole grand speech in my head about how I would hold her accountable for this mistake#and then the moment came and all I could do was laugh it off out of fear.#and all I can do is cry about it and feel like a fucking failure#I know I should go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared I don't want to feel like that ever again#I lost who I was. I lost my sense of self. my body stopped working in any of the ways it's supposed to#I've only just now come out of emergency power mode and I'm terrified of it happening to me again#I've been sleeping a ton recently. I'll wake up really early in the morning and then work on going back to sleep#my body is a machine and I've learned the proper input codes to make myself go to sleep#but I'm back to depression napping for 12-16 hours. entering recovery mode and trying to fix the damage I've experienced#I keep having really bad nightmares though. I know I need the sleep so I put up with it but it sucks so fucking much
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whenever im looking for USTs for song covers i wanna do quick i've come to find three types
has all the words in the right places, untuned blank slate that (imo) did all the hard stuff for you and now you get to have fun tuning it yourself
an intricately tuned file that's pretty much plug-and-play (unless i feel like modifying it to be in english)
the most inexplicable and user-unfriendly setup ever that modifying it to be singable for your voicebank and language is a challenge to do on its own
#mayor talk#idk if i am making sense but this is what ive observed#im doing a cover of propaganda! by crusher and downloaded the first ust i found#it has all the right tracks but the way the lyrics are written is so bizarre that my english banks cant sing them#[best i can explain it is that they wrote the phonemes out but without the brackets to signal it's a phonetic hint#so now the voice bank pronounces it as literally as possible if at all so it literally sounds jumbled.... grrr]#i meeean... i prefer an excuse to do extra work over a pretuned ust ngl#i have a backwards mindset where i feel like i cant claim any art ive made if i didnt suffer enough for it#i wanted to cover tengaku and downloaded the first ust i could find and it was REALLY well tuned#and i didnt wanna change it but at the same time i felt bad when i was done cuz it feels like that doesnt count#my 'aliens i love you' and 'luka luka night fever' covers were cool since those usts just had the lyrics in the right order with no bullshi#with either no or minimal tuning that left room for me to do my thing ya know#i mean i could always reset the pitchbends and expressions of a pre-tuned ust but i'd feel like im comparing myself to the original constan#ly. and i would be throwing out a bunch of work just to start from scratch
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My device died before I could finish isatttt it is unfixable. Despair all around
(honestly what was I doing running a game like that on such an old device it literally looked broken inside when my dad popped this lid thing off Allah knows what is called in English. Why did he give me this thing to use. I want a laptoppp)
#Issok#I can make do without one#One day#I will buy my own laptop#When I'm old enough in my parents eyes#And am allowed to make expense for myself#I feel like I learnt more about how to be financially responsible by seeing the stupid ass decisions they make than I would have by being#allowed to manage my own mini finances from an early age#Like ya allah why are you buying this expensive machine it is the end of the month we gotta save this for FOOD and BILLS and#AC AND REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMENT not THIS#WE DONT NEED THIS EXTRA FAN#WE HAVE ONE ALREADY#IT WORKS FINE#>:(#chatterbox
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