#Im not confident enough in my drafting ability to make one myself.
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i just got done with my third chiro appointment, and like. I've noticed a significant improvement in terms of how much pain I'm in but I'm also noticing i can't like. stay sitting up. I can sit, which isn't always the case, but the muscles in my back are so loosey goosey/ not responding/ spasming that I keep curling forward until my head is almost pressed to the bed in front of me while I'm sitting cross legged. Don't know what that's about but it's affecting productivity something awful.
#like#i have shockingly good muscle tone considering how little i can move so this isnt a strength issue.#Ish. Like. the thing with eds is that if you have it severe enough your muscles have to pick up the slack for your ligaments#which results in you building way more muscle than you would expect#I cant lift more than 25lbs in like a bag or something without dislocating my elbows/shoulders#but i can bench 180~ and barbell squat my own weight#its just a matter of not pulling on anything#Tbh i think this is just the level of Nonsense that happens when my muscles arnt constantly tense.#my ligament structure isnt sturdy enough to work without that extra reinforcement#Anyways ive needed a back brace since i was 12 but insurance wont pay for it and like fuck am i able to shell out the 20k myself.#Ive looked into corsets but my proportions are so weird that id need a custom pattern#which is Pricey to get from a reputable company. like 2-3k which is better than 20. but still out of reach.#Im not confident enough in my drafting ability to make one myself.#seeing ms.banner. a real and skilled seamstress who knows what shes doing. lay herself out with a bad corset pattern is kinda#a good sign that maybe i an idiot whos sewing experience is stuffed animals and quilts. should not fuck around with my spinal health#I think id be more comfortable doing it myself if there were more mens corset patterns and more examples of how non#lingerie mens corsets are like. meant to work#i dont exactly need bust support. and most women's corsets dont have the shoulder support mens do. and thats like.#the area im most scared about fucking up bc its already a nightmare#tbh when i get the sg shop open im putting all the profits into a savings account and just working hard to get the budget to pay#for a proper corset.
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update
So,,,,hi. IM SORRY for the extreme disappearance, I’m finally free and back to do more writing for myself and others. I hadn’t expected life to get so busy and chaotic, and it’s only now that I’m finally stable, ready, and confident to come back to doing what I love! Writing cute and spicy things for fictional characters…., yay!
So I’ve already got some drafts started up, I’m gonna post a part three to the Valorant Discord imagine fairly soon, and a few others as well. I’m also going to be trying to sort my posts into a taglist soon, for easier navigation as well, so stay tuned for that! However this time, I just don’t have the ability to accept requests, and for that, I’m extremely sorry. Instead, I’ll have some writing commissions open if anyone wants a custom piece and I’ll be extremely grateful for anyone who supports me and my writing! Of course, I'm still gonna post my own ideas and writing and such, it's just custom content and suggestions I cannot accept for free for the sake of avoiding burning out. Hopefully, that makes sense, and like I said there are other options if you're truly interested.
If you’re still here on Tumblr and sorta remember me then goddamn ur a real one and I’m always extremely thankful. I hope my new posts and writing will be good enough for everyone to enjoy, and thanks again!
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THE MUN.
✦┊ for starters, thank you kindly for stopping by! you may know me in the past as mishka, or cryptid, but lately i go by grass. i am 32 years old and typically refer to myself as he/they pronouns. ✧┊ i have been roleplaying off and on for well over 14 years. i give up trying to keep track of how long with each year that passes. i also do a lot of world building and drawing as well and both will most certainly play a big part on my blogs. ✧┊ i am an extremely slow roleplayer. it has taken me over a month to reply to some threads/asks. it has nothing to do with anyone. it’s just how i write. i am sorry if this is annoying to people, but roleplaying is my HOBBY. i let my muse/s take the reins more often than not and if they are not feeling it then i’m not going to force them, nor will i force myself. ✦┊ if it’s been over a week since i replied to something and you want to know if i saw it and/or curious if i am still interested in doing anything with it, then by all means ask!! i lose track of things, lose it in my notifications, don’t see it at all, or i forget to draft it. ✧┊ i have decided to become more of a minimalist roleplayer. i will probably not use icons anymore and will hardly format my posts. the most that will happen is small font and an on-post tag to my partner. that’s really it. ✦┊ i read everyone’s rules when i decide to follow them. that doesn’t mean i will remember every detail because let’s face it, there are many people that come and go with many different rules and sometimes shit gets mixed up. it happens! if i accidentally break a rule, or cross a line do let me know! i’ll do my best not to do it again. i’m also not big on passwords, so if i follow and don��t like. send in your password, then please don’t take it the wrong way! i’m just nervous and makes me feel weird? idk lmfao
INTERACTING // CONTENT.
✧┊ this is a multi-ship/multi-fandom/multi-verse roleplay blog for various fandoms && muses. this is my only blog now because i’m tired™ of dealing with multiple blogs, so now all of my trash is in one place :D ✦┊ i am very much an adult™ that enjoys writing a lot of adult themes. there are also many fandoms present with said adult themes. there will no doubt be triggers here. whenever they do, {{whether it be dubcon/noncon, bestiality, gore, torture, etc}} they will be tagged with the following; ‘tw: (name of content)’ you are more than welcome to pop into my ims/asks and let me know if you need something tagged that already isn’t tagged! ✧┊ majority of the headcanons and writing found on this blog belongs to me. i have spent many years developng these characters by myself and with various partners along the way. while i don’t mind you using some things, i would kindly ask that you do not steal, nor take credit for these things. this extends to any graphics/edits/art i end up making at any given time unless you have explicit permission from myself to use them. ✧┊ while i may be mutuals only, that’s kind of a lose term with me. i don’t mind writing with you if we have not followed eachother! this also applies to interacting ooc with one another. just do it!! ✦┊ i may prefer writing multi-para threads, but i am totally fine with writing smaller things! this goes for sentences, single para, and everything in between. third person is where it’s at, though i do not mind what style you write in. i’m also totally open to art based roleplays! all ya gotta do is ask. ✧┊ i will do aus, though some crossovers might be turned down if i am a.) not to confident in my abilities to work with that crossover, or b.) not part or do not know enough of a certain fandom. that goes for any muses you’d like to request of me. i’m comfy enough to try writing a muse that isn’t present on my blog/s. ✦┊ i would prefer to keep ims strictly for ooc and plotting purposes, but if you’d like to rp somewhere else then i am open to writing on discord! all ya gotta do is ask and we can work something out. i’m also completely ok with any sort of asks! like even if you just wanna chat with me ooc and shit then please come talk with me! i am always down for some chill time to get to know my rp partners any time!
last, but not least do have fun!! this is a roleplay/ask blog. it’s meant to be a fun experience. it is a hobby and i am going to treat it as such.
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hullo there sleepyowl! if u would be so kind may i have some advice?
how do you get confident to share ur writing? for me im worried to share not until it's finished and perfect. however i want to share in google docs for anyone to read but its still drafting stage. what do you think? should i finish first? since things will change. but also i want to share it but i think its not good enough
Well, if you take me as an example,you should absolutely share something in a gd that is still in its drafting stage and unfinished. I'm very direct about it. "This is a draft zero, there is stuff in here that is already non-canon, and the characters aren't consistent yet. I do not have an updating schedule and would never commit to one. But you can read it if you want!"
That might not be for you. Maybe it is.
As to how I got so confident, well.
I WORKED FOR IT.
Truly. When I was a baby writer, I had so much confidence because I didn't know I was bad - talented, yes, but still unskilled - and so I would share things without fear. And then as I i progressed I passed through the dreaded stage of being-very-aware-of-the-good-but-also-the-bad and it psyched me out a bit. A lot a bit. But I love writing and I couldn't stay away forever so when I came back, I decided to just go for it.
Now, at this point, I had gone from being a massive introvert with a lot of insecurities to still an introvert but with a solid base of self-esteem, some life experiences that changed me forever, different priorities and goals, a set of skills and knowledge, and the ability to understand that putting myself out there was just what everybody did all the time, and I could do it to. What was the worst that could happen? Somebody doesn't like what I write? I don't like what everybody else writes, so it's only fair.
I approach my art the same way I approach myself: I'm a work in progress, but I have made tremendous amounts of progress and I'm interested to see where I'll go next. I don't have to feel embarrassed that I was once a child making childish mistakes, or feel guilty for enjoying certain things, or for not always finishing projects. I am being the person I want to be, and I'll be the writer I want to be. Being a person is also not optional, but writing is, so I get to be so much more relaxed about it.
It took me years to get here, but I've also been here for years now. You just have to start. Believe in yourself, believe in your writing. Love yourself, love your writing. Enjoy yourself, enjoy your writing. Develop your self-confidence over time, develop your writing confidence over time.
A lot of my current confidence comes from the fact that I know I'm a good writer. But I got here because I believed I could be one and then worked for it. It's homegrown confidence, and nobody can take it away from me because I earned it by myself, for myself.
And I'm a conflicting person. I have fantastic self-esteem but sometimes low self-confidence, and I find that comes from one main factor. I'm confident in myself because I know myself. I'm less confident around others because they often do not. That's the chance you have to take. Pull from the confidence you have from yourself when allowing others to view your work in progress (either you or your art).
And, like anything in life, this requires practice. But you knew that. It just always does.
But like, anybody can practice this! You don't need special skills to start out with. You develop them along the way. You can be a good writer - and maybe you already are - if you just go for it.
It comes down to practice, and it comes down to love. Practice this thing because you love it.
One more small note: how can you determine if a thing is perfect? You can finish it, but how can you know that it's reached its perfect form? I'm not sure we can ever tell. In that case, share it while it might be "bad" or wait until it's some stage of polished, but either way, share it because you love it regardless of perceived quality. After all, you are allowed to love your art in every stage, in all its forms. And you should.
And people can tell. You can tell when a writer loves their work and it can transcend the perceived quality. Maybe it's a zero draft. But I am having so much fun writing it, and I want my friends to he in on the fun with me.
All that to say that: you should love your writing, and work at it, and share it because it brings you joy, and you will get better at writing, and better at sharing, because this is art and life, and you have to practice. It's really fun to practice, though.
Thanks for stopping by!
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hi, jade, first time talking to you.
i still can't believe you got me reading about a child and i'm actually liking it 🗣️🗣️🗣️ lmao, nothing against babies, i just don't particularly like to read stuff about them (meaning i avoid books centered around them), but here we are.
i really like your writing, i guess it might be because (besides being good) you seem to have fun with it, and as someone who truly loves the idea of writing but has a hard time finishing their work, i must ask: how do you do it?
like, honestly. i get the motivation that comes from simply wanting to do something and then doing it. but do you plot or just write at random? do you write shitty first drafts and then go around rewriting? do you also feel like you're a phony sometimes or you always feel like you know what you're doing? idk, i'm a little stuck rn and i guess i just wanna hear read something that helps me finish something i decide to write.
sorry for bombarding you with this 🫠
hi baby
I do have fun! It's all embarrassing guilty wish fulfilment disguised as proper writing I promise you. And please don't be sorry, I'm really okay to answer I don't mind one bit.
Do I plot? Not usually! For most of my bigger fits, it usually comes from my desire to write a scene that I've thought of and making it into something with like a theme or a mood. For example with Day of the Dead, I knew I wanted to write the first scene where reader is sitting on Eddie's front porch, and I knew I wanted to write the scene at the end where they kiss in Steve's car. So that was all about bridging the gap, and just telling that story where the reader was insecure and Steve literally liked her for all the things she was insecure about. I was writing it as I went along. So there is some plot there but not a lot, because I find it very hard to write dialogue if I already know how the scene is ending — the fun for me is in actually writing and planning out the scene as I go!
Do I write shitty first drafts? Kind of! If I'm really struggling with something then I use the ideas but start a new draft. Mostly though, I write (and edit as I go, after a couple of paragraphs I'll reread and fix mistakes) and then at the end of the draft I do go through and read it a couple of times to fix things I'm not happy with (like overuse of commas, bad wording, not enough description) so YES, absolutely there is rewriting!! I'm sorry I don't have a more precise method to share with you, but it's usually just like that :D
Do I feel like a phony sometimes? I'm gonna say no. I don't feel like I don't know what I'm doing as myself as a writer, but in comparison to other writers then yes? I know that doesn't make much sense. I personally don't see my writing as anything that special (which I know ur not supposed to say). Like when people compliment me I I just think like thanks so much but what are you talking about. So actually maybe I do feel like a phony? Im confident in my ability to tell stories I enjoy, but I think I feel a big disconnect between that and other people enjoying them too. It's an insane privilege to be read by others! Insane! TLDR : I wouldn't necessarily say I don't know what I'm doing, but it is surprising to me that people enjoy the finished product, because on a technical level I don't think I have the skill or ability that others do.
I really like writing (shocker) and I'm in this amazing position where I can share it with others, so though I don't always know what I'm doing I suppose it doesn't actually matter once you find 'your' audience
I hope these answers can give u some clarity but if they don't or you have something else to ask, please ask!
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the perfect date! chapter one
masterlist | next
a series in which enhypen’s 02s competitive side shines through when trying to get your attention. the only solution to end this tiring rivalry? three dates with each of them in the course of three weeks.
paring: 02s x gn!reader
word count: 3k
genre: fluff, angst, high school!au, someone’s gonna end up heartbroken
warnings: swearing, violence is mentioned
ask to be on taglist, updates are irregular
a/n i literally had to dig this out of my drafts so i don’t even know myself what i’ve written PLSSS
taglist: @dchannie17 @simluvbot @jaeyuni @neocrush
falling in love at the age of twelve wasn’t what you were expecting while learning basic algebra. being heartbroken at the age of thirteen while reciting shakespeare was also not as expected. the cause of both of these unforgettable moments? park jongseong, or otherwise known as jay to almost everyone around you. your first love was something that stuck with you, even in the present. he was your seat mate in three of your classes and the person you would ask for the homework right before it’s due date. it was a one sided crush, it was quite obvious to you. he was popular, sporty and incredibly talkative, you were one out of maybe twenty people that had a huge bulging crush on him. 
at age fourteen you vowed to forget about him, the previous year he had moved to america to improve his english abilities which had put you in a miserable mood for almost all of your middle school life. who else was supposed to give you the math homework? how were you supposed to feel excited to go to school when jay wasn’t going to be there? your barely-a-teen mindset made you think you were never going to get over him.
flashing forward to freshmen year of high school, new school, new class and a clean slate to basically pretend you were a completely different person. no more being dependent on other people! no more trying to do anything to get friends! no more—
“hi, my name’s jake” oh boy.
and that’s how jake sim entered your life. it was his australian accent peaking through his words as he flashed you an energetic smile that pulled you in. you could of fallen for him at that instance, well you could of fallen for him throughout your years of friendship but the returning thought of your first love entirely stopped that process. jake sim was like a breath of fresh air, he was everywhere you went and had your back for everything.
you were his best friend and you thought of him like one too, you two were practically glued to one another. of course you had side comments, gossip that the two of you were dating or one of you two had an one sided crush (the latter part of that sentence we aren’t going to get that much into) but it didn’t make you two feel awkward or anything like that. with jake you almost forgot about jay (algebra and shakespeare being the things that stimulates the memory of him). although it wasn’t like jake was a rebound, you think yourself you’ve felt happier when you were around jake. i mean jake’s definitely popular, rivalling jay’s popularity in middle school even. if you asked anyone in your school who they’ve had a crush on, jake sim is number one on that list. he had some type of air around him, always being incredibly positive, he quite literally radiated the colour yellow. maybe you had a type when it came to people you associated with.
the close second on that list was maybe the complete opposite to jake in terms of their public image to the school. park sunghoon was the class president in your class. academically gifted, popular with the female population in your school, a talented figure skater, a stereotypical cold and distant beauty, there were a lot of layers to sunghoon. you personally had never really talked to him, the only time being when he had dropped papers on the ground in the hallways, maybe a few months ago. you helped him pick them up before carrying them with him to the teacher’s staff room. even then, you two had barely shared any words during that whole incident besides a “thank you”.
still, you could say you respected sunghoon. i mean who could have the energy to do his whole schedule besides him? you definitely could not. plus the way he was one of the most popular bachelors added to his busy schedule. the most recent valentine’s day was the proof as well as it was record breaking in your terms of your classes history with the day. having jake and sunghoon meant there were a lot of people trying to confess their feelings entering your classroom. last year, jake was stopped twenty three times the whole day, beating out sunghoon’s twenty sudden confessions. this year, there a sudden decline in jake’s confessions, a whopping three people only expressing their feelings desperately to him as he politely declined. sunghoon’s number rose by about ten people, expected but still a little shocking.
it wasn’t like the two of them cared about it, the only thing they did care about though was being polite when rejecting people. you couldn’t really sympathise with jake or sunghoon whenever they had to prepare yet another rejection, the only confession you’ve received being from yoon hyunsuk that was quite awkward considering he was a family friend and you saw him almost every week after you had rejected him.
anyways, returning to present time where you were doing your regular daily routine for a weekday. it always went waking up way too early, under eating breakfast in hopes to get the bus on time, meeting jake on the bus, walking to class with him and trying to not fall asleep in the middle of math class. it started off completely normal, maybe a little too normal.
“did you hear?” jake whispered in your ear. the two of you were supposed to individually practice questions but the chattery side of jake honestly got the best of him at moments like these.
“what is it?” you reply back quietly.
“a transfer student is coming in after lunch ends, one from america” now that really got your attention. you turn to him with your eyes wide in surprise, curiosity taking over you completely as you ignore the difficult question in front of you.
“did you see them?” jake couldn’t help but feel the sudden heat rush to his face as your sparkling eyes met his. “how do you even know this?”.
“ryujin told me plus, i saw a bit of him at the principal’s office” you looked behind him, trying to get a glimpse of the mentioned girl. the concentrated look on her face as she tried to solve the maths problem was evidence to you that she hadn’t heard her name being mentioned by jake. “said something about bleached hair that was definitely going to get the teachers mad”.
“now you got me excited” your small smile only sending butterflies to his stomach. you turn your head back down to face the still blank piece of paper, deciding that it was about time you started on that question.
“y’know he kinda looked familiar” the questioning tone in jake’s voice caught your attention, turning back to him in confusion.
“what do you mean?” a pout formed on your face. more confusion took over your face when you realised jake looked away from you quite fast, his ears turning a slight shade of pink.
“i— i don’t know” he silently cursed himself for letting himself fall deeper into his one sided crush from only small moments. his sudden black mind caused him to forget what he was meant to say to you, only leaving you puzzled by his words.
jake sitting opposite to you as you ate your unsettlingly warm sandwich, was really the only thing really going on during lunch that say. although weirdly enough, park sunghoon’s glances and staring was a new addition to your lunch time. even without directly looking at him, you could feel his eyes as they dug into the back of your head.
“you know you can relax, sunghoon’s not gonna bite you” jake commented on your stiffness. you bit your lip anxiously when you realised how loud he was being, not wanting sunghoon to know he was currently the topic of conversation between the two of you.
“if you speak any louder he might hear you” you angrily whispered to his face as you rolled your eyes. the boy chuckled before placing a small ball of rice into his mouth.
“he won’t idiot” jake tells you with maybe little too much confidence. you noticed that sunghoon had looked away from you abruptly, his cheeks visibly reddening as he faced his desk. “oh”.
“why are you like this?” you expressed you concerns. jake shrugged his shoulders, not understanding where you were coming from. “i should be excited for the new student, not trying to tame you from embarrassing our class president!”, your voice lowering at the last few words.
“i think he wants to tell you something”
“i think i want you to shut up” you muttered and you took another bite from your sandwich, wincing at the warm tomato and soggy lettuce that came into contact with your mouth.
jake was about to fire back but was only stopped by your phone violently vibrating on the table. your eyes widen in embarrassment as you frantically tried to get to it. you turn your phone to look at the screen, a notification telling you someone was calling you. jake tried to take a peek at your phone, only abandoning the plan when he saw you glare at him.
“hey yeojin” a small smile forming on your lips when reciting your middle school friend’s name. im yeojin was your best friend up until high school when her parents made her go to an all girls boarding school instead of your co-ed high school. she hated it so much when it was initially brought up by them but from the looks of it now, she’s actually enjoying herself. yeojin was the only person, excluding jake, that ever knew about your crush on jay. jake found out when the two of you were looking through old middle school pictures, you pointed at jay in a class photo and that’s the story on how jake knows about jay’s existence. “what’s up?”.
“i’m not supposed to be on my phone” her voice was frantic. you knew from her many, many letters that her school was strict when it came to personal phones. she was only allowed it everyday for thirty minutes during lunch on the weekdays, three hours on the weekends. “but, i have some exciting news for you”.
“what is it?” jake could see your eyes glisten in curiosity. he chuckled to himself as he placed his chin in his palm, his full attention being placed onto you.
“guess”
“i can’t believe you’re doing this right now” you squinted in annoyance at her playfully attitude.
“i was kidding” yeojin’s contagious laugh caught up to you, making it look like you forgot about her joke on you. “but you know how you’re old instagram account got deleted because of—”
“don’t say it” you interrupted through gritted teeth. jake laughed loudly at your reaction, catching the attention of sunghoon yet again.
“anyways, and you basically lost all of our middle school classes handles?”
“yes, i remember it all a little too well” embarrassment laced through your words as you remembered the never-to-be-mentioned-again memory.
“anyways so jay...” your eyes lit up at the mention of his name, an unsettling feeling in jake’s stomach appearing due to your expression. “he’s back!”.
“he’s back?” you stood up from your seat in surprise. your class looked at you in concern before you apologised as you embarrassing lowered yourself down to your seat. “you’re not kidding me right?”.
“why would i lie?” you could feel yeojin’s eyes rolling through the phone. “oh shit, patrol’s back. gotta go, i’ll send a letter soon—”
jake watched as you ended the call staying seated with your eyes widened, unable to process what had happen. you couldn’t pinpoint any of the emotions you were feeling, were you happy? anxious? scared? you had no clue. you bite your lip, hoping the action can help your blank mind.
“so—”
“is this 3-A?” a loud voice entering the class interrupted jake, causing the boy to sigh out of frustration.
you turned your head in the direction. you felt yourself shake in more shock when you realised who the person at the entrance was, and from the way they looked back at you, he realised who you were to. you abruptly looked away, facing the window on your left with your face burning up as you held up a hand to cover your face.
jake’s puzzled expression took over his face before putting the pieces together. his heart was beating at such a fast rate that he felt breathless, he didn’t think he was at all ready to see his crush’s first love entering their own classroom.
he watched as sunghoon did his usual mannerly class president thing, standing up from his seat all professional and kind before making his way to jay with an open hand for him to shake.
“hello, you’re earlier than expected” sunghoon smiled, unsure if it was genuine or not due to the fact the boy in front of him didn’t even acknowledge his presence. he dropped his hand before letting out a quiet irritated sigh, trying to figure out what he had his eyes on.
even with sunghoon’s growing annoyed expression, jay’s eyes were still trained on you. it was like you were frozen, no muscle in your body allowed you to move as you blankly stared outside the window. the only thing moving was your eyes shutting completely as you felt footsteps coming your way, instantly knowing who it belonged to.
“y/n” a cheery voice made it’s way to jay’s words.
sunghoon raised an eyebrow at the two of you, not entirely following this whole situation. how did he know you? why did you seem so embarrassed? bashful even? and why was jake staring at jay like he just killed his family?
“j-jay hey, y-you’re back” you finally turned your head, however still unable to look at him in the eyes. jay chuckled at the way you tripped over your words, memories of the two of you from middle school playing in his head. he glanced down beside you, the empty seat almost begging him to sit there.
you almost feel yourself jump into your seat when you noticed jay was pulling back the chair beside you as he prepared himself to sit down. at this point jake’s face was visibly red, glaring at jay for reasons that cannot be exactly explained and sunghoon’s feet had even brought him all the way to your desk meaning he had a full view of this whole mess. you four had the whole classes attention, even with some whispering to each other about you. 
“it’s been a while” jay smiled through his words as he sat down, his position facing you as you struggled to make eye contact. you could feel yourself sweating from the unbearable heat coming from your cheeks, your head still blank unable to think properly.
“you two know each other?” sunghoon asked curiously as he placed his hand on his hip. you don’t know why but you cursed sunghoon silently in your head for asking that question, the thought of jay telling him you were only his friend pained you.
“yeah, middle school classmates” jay finally acknowledged the boy’s presence. sunghoon nodded in reply as he scanned your expression, unable to understand how you were feeling. “i had— i can’t say it it’s too embarrassing actually” jay rubbed his neck embarrassingly before turning away in embarrassment, only for his eyes to meet jakes.
“no, carry on” jake’s few words came out as a little passive aggressive but didn’t particularly offend jay in any way. it was quite obvious to everyone but you that jake was being a little jealous, possessive maybe from the way he glared at jay and sunghoon, who frankly didn’t really do anything up until this point.
“oh okay...” jay didn’t know why he felt nervous. maybe it was cause jake couldn’t keep his glare off of him or he was about to regret his next few words. “i had the biggest crush on y/n”.
now that got your attention. with wide eyes your eyes made contact with his at last, his cheeks were tinted pink and he had a bashful smile spread across his lips. you could even see jake in the corner of your eyes closing his mouth as he tried to recover from the shock. while sunghoon, who was right behind jay, looked like he wasn’t completely over the shocking revelation.
“i—” you felt speechless. this was the first time you’ve heard anything about this, you didn’t even think you were ever going to hear those words. you once again tried to open your mouth in an attempt to reply but was just met with nothing.
“they didn’t like me back though” jay continued. you looked at him like he was crazy, your eyebrows raised with confusion taking over your face.
“but i—”
“y/n can we talk....” jake’s voice interrupting your soon to be confession as he stared at you with a serious expression. you turned to him, once again not fully processing this whole situation. “...outside the classroom?”.
you glanced back to jay who looked visibly irritated, rolling his eyes as he ran his fingers through his hair. sunghoon just stood behind him, staring at jake with what looked to be some sort of fear. letting out a sigh, you stood up from your seat as you looked jake in the eyes.
“let’s go outside jake” you were slightly thankful for his sudden request due to you not wanting to be stuck in that suffocating environment. you watched as he stood up from his seat, his expression changing into quite an anxious one.
the curiosity didn’t leave you as you followed jake out of the classroom, you even heard your classmates whisper to each other as you passed them. you didn’t even want to look back to see the face of jay, you had ended your long awaited reunion short just to go talk to your best friend by the staircase. jake glanced around the area to make sure nobody was there to listen to what he had to say.
“thanks for getting me out of there—”
“i like you” those three words almost made you faint on the spot.
was it time to wake up now?
#enhypen scenarios#enhypen imagines#enhypen fluff#enhypen x reader#enhypen headcanons#enhypen timestamps#enhypen drabbles#enhypen fanfiction#kpop imagines#kpop scenarios#kpop fluff
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Do you have any advice for a first time writer? I’ve never made a fic before but I plan on writing one when I have the time. I know you’re a great writer so I thought I’d ask! Thanks and have a good day :)
Hi and of course, I’d be happy to help! Also /)///(\ (❁´◡`❁) I’m so very honored that you like my writing 💕
I don’t think there’s really a wrong way to write (grammar and spelling aside), but here are some of my beliefs and my own advice!
I think when it comes down to writing, especially for fanfiction, it’s important to remember that it’s a labor of love and you should write what you love and enjoy! If you’re not having fun while doing it and aren’t writing what you want, then why do it?
You took the time and energy to create something that’s uniquely yours. It doesn’t matter if it’s any other AU that is considered “popular” among your fandom, this take is uniquely your own. And take pride in your work!
that’s not to say steal from other writers that’s plagiarism and i trust you know already not to do that but because this is the internet, i feel like this caveat has to be made
Also, I do encourage you to tag properly. In many fandoms, there are just too many fics to go through and tagging really helps the reader in finding your work! It also prevents people who may not be into the type of work you’re making from reading it and causing issues down the line.
So have fun, and again I’m so glad to hear that you want to write! There’s never too many ideas, never too many stories c: Once it’s done, please link me! I’d be more than happy to read~
this is rly long im sry but here’s more
aight here’s some things that I do that personally helps me when I’m writing:
0. FEEL FREE TO DISREGARD ANY OF THE BELOW. Honestly, the way I write may not jive with you and that’s totally fine. This is just what I do. You’ll find your own rhythm or discover it along the way, but these are just some suggestions.
1. Free write.
-It sounds like you’re busy and might not have time throughout the day to just sit down and write for hours on end and if this is the case, sometimes just putting something down on paper/typing it up is small progress that gradually builds. It’s okay if it looks disjointed or a bit wonky at first-- you can smooth things over later.
2. conversely, Write your rough drafts as a story skeleton. I’m a particular sorta creature, so if you have the time, I can recommend
It kinda looks like a play. Example: dead dove do not eat btw
-C locks the door-
C "What are you going to tell the police, angel? That a billionaire is obsessively in love with you, a Soho bookseller, “ -A flinches as C approaches closer- “And kidnapped you all the way to his country villa and forged a completely new life for you?"
-commotion outside from the storm-
A, pouting as he’s backing up against the wall "...well, you don't have to put it that way."
it can read fine just the way I wrote it lol but the point is-- having the scene already laid out in front of you helps with building the rest of the story and makes filling in details a lot smoother.
I also recommend using this method if you’d like your dialogue to run smoother.
3. Read things out loud.
-It really helps. especially with dialogue. Think “is this something C/A/an actual human being would say in this manner?” it also helps with sentence structures. If you can read your paragraphs out loud without getting lost or winded, then the reader can too.
4. Don’t make chunky paragraphs.
-I need to take this advice lol Our eyes get tired as we read big blocks of letters strung together. Make them digestible. If you’re enjoying the spacing and it looks good to your eyes, chances are, they’re good for the reader too.
5. Don’t apologize for being a first-time fic writer or antagonize your own writing especially in the summary.
-I see this a lot where the writer says “sorry if summary sucks” or “Sorry, first time writing!” and I think it sends a bad message to the reader. It tells the reader that you’re not confident in your writing skills. If you’re not confident, then the reader isn’t confident in your abilities.
6. Don’t be afraid to share it!
-Tumblr, ao3, Wattpad, you name it. Be proud of your work! I can honestly say that I love my own writing and that’s the primary drive to why I write in the first place-- I have an idea that no one else is gonna write for me (because I can’t afford commissions no siree), so if what I got is what I got, then I’m gonna make it good for myself.
And I’m my own worst critic. If I like it, then I think it’s def gonna be good enough to share with other people so we can enjoy the same thing!
7. It’s not worth getting upset over feedback.
-Whether it’s getting criticism or if there aren’t a lot of notes, comments, or kudos, it’s okay. Every writer has been there.
-For negative feedback, remember that unless this person is harassing you or just putting down the fic without anything constructive at all, delete it and move on with your day. If they had no ill intent behind it, it may be worth considering their comment, but in the end, the choice is yours.
-If there’s not enough feedback, then remind yourself of the reason why you made this fic: was it to gain traction as a writer? To polish your writing skills that you will eventually use to make your own original works or make more fics? If so, then go back to step 6. Promote it, share it, tell your friends and followers about it and there’s absolutely no shame in that.
-And if you wrote primarily for the fun of it, because this was an idea in your head that you wanted to see, then that’s okay. You made a work you’re proud of and if you’re happy with that work, then don’t let this be a numbers game that will make you sad or upset. Your work is good enough when you’re happy with it; you only need to please yourself for it to have been a success.
Hope this helps~
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the original post Did actually make it into my drafts but not fast enough for me to not assume that tumblr just like imploded from me uploading a video with rebellious internet. anyways i had a fun idea for that redraw to make up for the fact that i have basically no context for it but its now delayed for. who even knows honestly BUT! with what i've learned if/when it does happen maybe itll slap severely. perchance. but also i predicted myself perfectly i Do just want to do the funky shading in general. my idea was that ss4 and ssg(ss) would have more intense and kind of "off" shading bc i think the like. godliness of god ki could be more than just that one time vegeta seemingly turned into a flashbang? i didnt watch super but i did see That*. and the reason its ss4 and ssg Specifically is bc with context that basically derives from noticing similarities and getting lost on the wiki and then doing some like bmx extreme sports-level thinking i arrived at the headcanon that they derive from a similar power** expressed in different ways and channeled through different means. i want them to both feel a little otherworldly, for lack of a better word, to really emphasize a sort of divinity to both of their natures. i like connections. unlike my router.
*to clarify im not like dissing the visuals i just mean i straight up dont know what they do bc im not there yet (but i think the auras get like fuckhuge? and again vegeta gaining the ability to turn any screen he's on into a flashlight apparently) and with just the designs to look at i want to find a way to make the forms feel Really grand in my art in a way that doesnt call almost exclusively on skills i just kinda dont have in confidence yet
**i think shallot has something to do with it but i dont know if hes like. canon. but the ssg thing with the ritual is a like union of "pure-hearted saiyans" or something along those lines, and i know goku gets ss4 basically through love and resolve to protect everyone he cares about overcoming the raging oozaru like... instincts? its 1am the words are not coming. red fur. gogeta's red hair. am i making any sense
#generic original post tag#i am exaggerating a bit ill admit but im more annoyed about it than usual bc i dont know Why exactly the internet is crawling for me rn#not me with the footnotes 💀#long post#maybe. not sure but just out of courtesy bc the already questionable flow of this post would have like fallen apart with a readmore
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organizations and people
suresh kumar
yashas shetty
whofeedsblr
rewilding
5) suresh kumar farm - re-wilding - indian english garden, chakota, etc. //
experience ((the wild garden ))
today, i've been thinking about the internet and all its knowledge systems - there is much that the internet doesn't contain. it does not contain so many stories, the ability to generate respect and mindfulness for one's surroundings, to help one better be in touch with reality -- but at the same time it can connect one to others trying to do the same.
The raintree - I never knew how dividied people were about it.
those blogspot blogs - so many people had/have one. and the articles still pop up now when you look for hyper niche information - particularly during this project, when i look for information on places - flora and fauna - and general nature, food, and life related information on bangalore! a blog that someone started out of their own interest to share a part of their lives - carve out their own space on the internet. and it differs from instagram, or facebook - it really does. while super useful for sharing what youre up to - you dont really get to sit and share long form content about your life. and i wonder if that has reduced ones capacity to then read about these happenings in someone elses life. it's only now, when so much of the information i am looking for (related to experiencing places in and around bangalore - treks, markets, spaces of nature, etc. + food + flora and fauna, lakes, edible weeds + bangalore nostalgia) happens to be on blogs. an unofficial networked document of the city that is coming together with google searches. the way we gather information on the internet, so disparate yet all coming together - which is why a resource bank for the project is important.
we learn on the internet by gathering all this information from all over - sources from youtube videos to blogs to even comments (which can be very useful!) to forums and niche old websites.. and they become a psychogeography of place on the internet. we then synthesize it together to create our own understanding which we can then share, i think. and it all has such a personality...
i think this research combined with actively going out of my way to engage with people in the real world is really building a sort of image in my head. i think what i am trying to do is express that image in a project, and using all these tools from people abroad etc etc to express it in a very bioregional local way - a sort of 'back to the land' for the internet. it's astounding to see the amount of videos for things like making henna or flower garlanding or gardening -- anything you want to learn, and there is a video. it wasnt always this way wasnt it? i remember that there were so many western videos you had to shuffle through. at any rate, one part of the project is documenting my creations and what im learning in a bioregional way -- by creating a sort of alter ego and making an internet personality/blogger type.
what kind of personality can i give my alter ego? she'll be allowed to say and do a lot more than i can, i think. but she still lives in my body and experiences what i experience. she is a curious scientist of the world - she is the child forever in me. she picks up things and runs with them. she is playful and mindful.
speaking of mindful, i am back in bellandur and i havent been doing much sense mapping. i havent done much sense mapping at all. im not sure what im scared of... well, im going to hear the birds and smell the dust and feel the dust and hear the construction and taste the rose apple see the kind of boxy room i live in, in an apartment .. where all the noises echo louder and loom off further into the distance.. as well as make their way here. what is the difference from yelahanka, with the trees? covering me with their canopies? what about suresh's farm - further from the hubbubububub.
symbols.. hmm.. the home garden tulsi. a tincture or tonic water. a weed popping out of a pavement. two birds playing. construction sounds. far off construction red light. dust. colours... faded blue, grey, white, green, red. crushing. the act of it. the sound. the sound of simmering. the sound of ticking and an oven. chopping. plucking. leaves rustling. crushing in your fingers and smelling.
scent of tulsi and basil as i rub it and it makes me less anxious and less nauseous and very calm and minty. henna and its bittery herbal smell. the tonic waters.. sweet basil, a bit anise like. and lemon, no citrus just sweet lime leaf. malabar spinach and a stain like blood. royal purple blood. the sweet pannir of a rose apple,, a delicate. treat. what if i added rose petal? rose water? a gingery affair, spicy.. floating suspended in water. a bug. i like how they call it that. how long till it comes alive? lemon and fenugreek and black tea in henna - the goopy mixture, ready to go on my hair. soapy - the leaves. clay like - the powder. visually.. the leaves go sop and lose their green on so much boiling. on pounding. the malabar spinach goes POP. there are greens and a pumpkin. visually, i feel satisfied by the rainbow today. purple malabar. indigo.. uh.. i suppose the malabar satisfiesx that. green.. the tulsi, the aloe, thee lemongrass, the basil, the ajwain, the betel leaf.. the spinach greens.. the henna. wow. a lot of green. taste.. well all of it tasted nice. chewing a tulsi and betel leaf. yum. yellow.. lemon and panir. orange hmm. papaya? carrot. red.. hibiscus. a curry leaf.
well, anyway. i got a lot out of my head today. i shall have to spend some time organziing and planning tomorrow. i am a in a little bit of a 'do mode' flow. tomorrow morning, i will wake up by 7.. meditate. hear birds. sense check in. go for a walk to soul kere lake. sense map/check. come back. drink herbal tea. plan - covid test, things to buy and do today, places nearby to go (if any) - make a trip outside (wrap up by 12 hopefully)
lab work today -- hopefully 12-4 and later at night, with time for research (new media, blogs, projects related to tools, etc.) and some checkin in - sense journaling, symbolism, relfection, artistic expression. evening. we henna.
documentation of research for these recipes! going through comments, that only comment from soemwhere who has the same question as yours.. bringing that back to my regional level and answering it here.
at an experience leve.. suresh kumar. i am astounded by someone like him, and i wonder if i can ever be someone like that. i feel like such a privileged city girl around him, in awe of everything, dumb and stupid. but this is not true right? idk. he is a very cool man and i love how friendly he is which is required to work at such a community level. how can i imbibe that level of community gathering and effort? it is by dedication to your work but also a level of genuine respect for everyone around you. i wager that i dont have that respect? for myself? maybe? i dont know. no, and for others either. because there is competition - what is it he said. i gained my confidence through my work. there is no other way. holy shit. there is no other way. i must gain my confidence through my work. just do a lot of it. and be as open and genuine as i can to others. work on EneErgIes. no? somewhere, i know there is something that drives me to do things. and even if it might be 'shit'.. i think i have a vision, perhaps.
there are things to plan.. tomorrow, i will spend an hour just 'starting'. i suppose. blog posts be damned. i suppose as the idea comes, make a tumblr draft and let it sit with a quick note and memory. tomorrow is also a making day. so is saturday. saturday evening i plan the next week, and finish what i 'started'. and sunday i make teasers with whatever content i have right now. no time to build new content. just enough for swati and co to get a gist of what im about. and dont share everything. keep a few teases.
think i really want to do a clay texture map tomorrow. and also work on the animation. and childhood. and topography. Oh! spring equinox celebration meal as well. and chill climate weather bengal oo roo. and nostalgia mapping. def some mapping. animist... POV.. herbalism and energy and nature of plants. the ability to stain. to scent. to taste. my experience of the plant.. and what is the plant experience of me? to crush and chew and nibble. but my reality isnt a plants reality. i dont know if it 'hurts'. it exists differently. it exists. i exist.
i want some jasmine flowers definitely to make some jasmine hydrosol..
need to read some diance ackerman, and some animism / that camden art festival thing before i sleep. some
todays kitchen mapped out
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Ironman Barcelona
Ironman Barcelona Race Report
When I finally allowed myself the reality that I wanted to undertake the challenge of my first full Ironman in fall of 2017 I started by looking at the race schedule. I had already signed up for London Marathon in April 2018 and wanted to run well there and knew that effort would both need a decent amount of recovery as well as take a bit away from cycling and swimming during the build up. I also knew that having just qualified for South Africa for 70.3 WC’s I wanted to perform well there and that build could work nicely with building to a full race a few weeks/months beyond. Additionally, and being a bit ahead of myself (or just wishful thinking) I knew that there was no way we would be able to swing a trip to Kona in the same summer so finding a race in late September/October really seemed to be the best option to give myself another year to focus on Kona if I should qualify. This quickly narrowed the race options down and on final review IM Barcelona seemed to be the winner. I approached the race with the idea that I wanted to limit the ‘complications’ as much a possible, travel, course difficulty, etc etc. Barcelona was a single, relatively inexpensive and limited air time travel race from London, winner for travel. The course is very fast, (usually) calm seas, flat, smooth, simple bike course and a flat, smooth and simple run. It wasn’t that I wanted an ‘easy’ race, but I’ve never competed in a race of this distance or time and adding in a huge amount of elevation gain at my first go seemed like a unnecessary complication. It also helped that it was Barcelona, so a few days on the beach afterward seemed like a fantastic way to end the season!
This brought back some bad memories….
The first two races I had on the calendar in 2018 were the IAAF Half Marathon Championships and London Marathon. This gave me a solid run focus through the spring and through April. I purchased a Tacx Neo smart last year which has been a great tool for training and has allowed for consistent bike training during the variable London weather. It also allowed me to make efficient use of my ‘other’ training time during the run block and retain some quality on the bike. Given that (at the time) I couldn’t mount the Dimond to the trainer had had an old roadie bike that I set up with the same gearing and fit to replicate my race setup. I was also using my daily bike commute (about 10k each way) to pad my weekly miles or use as a cool down for the mornings workouts.
By virtue of the 70.3 WC’s and Barcelona my season was very much focused on getting to September/October fit and healthy. Generally my weeks were in the 10-12 hour range with a few pushing up beyond that mark. As a note, I never counted my commuting time/mileage, it was always just ‘extra’. There were a few larger weeks built into the schedule with one 100 mile ride (done outdoors) and one 5 hour ride (on the turbo). Otherwise my longest ride was no more than 4 hours. My longest week was around 15-16 hours, before adding another 5 of commuting. I wanted to do well at the WC’s but my primary focus had always been Barcelona, so I was very happy to have take away a 9th in my Age Group performance at the race with about four weeks to go before the big race (I’ll write a separate post about that race).
Skipping a bit to Barcelona
Blending in.
Travel always means packing the Hen House. I’ve actually had the travel bag longer than I’ve had my Dimond and I used the bag to travel to Milwaukee and Chicago when I was living in the states for USAT National Champs and ITU worlds. I’ve always loved the ability to have the bike with me, and (knock on wood) never paid a bike/baggage fee. Since moving to London I’ve used the bag to travel to Australia, South Africa and Barcelona for races all without fees or hassle. With the Dimond I use the carrat case and have self reinforced the bag with custom cut lexan sides. I love that the bag is light enough to pick up and huff off from baggage claim without much fuss and allows us to rent whatever car we want as the bags aren’t bulky (another cost saver)!
Snug as a bug.
As mentioned, Barcelona caught my eye because it was flat and fast. After arriving at the race I was quick to set up my bike and see the course with my own eyes. The race is actually set a bit further north in the city of Calella. The transition area is right on the beach (they take over an astroturfed soccer pitch) so the transition zone is concise. However, that means that you need to get through the old part of the city to get out to the main road where the majority of the bike is held. This means no aero bars for the first 3k. However, once out on the main highway they road is smooth, clean and fast. There are a few slow rolling hills as you arrive or leave the small villages you ride through but primarily the course along the ocean is flat. Perhaps, in an effort to break up drafting, they updated the course with a small out and back about 1/3 of the way into the loop which went uphill and away from the sea. Looking at the course map it looked like the great pyramid of Giza but once you realized that it was only in comparison to the pancake flat remainder of the course it wasn’t bad at all.
Important race prep happening.
Pre-race jitters.
The majority of the few days leading up to the race were filled with the typical pre race shenanigans. Obsessing over your gear, obsessing over what you eat, significant other telling you to get a grip… you know the drill. However I do always enjoy bike racking. To me, it is really the first time to size up the race and who you might be racing against. Its always a great time to meet some new friends and chat about what brought you to whatever race you happen to be at. Living and racing in London and Europe I’ve only ever seen one other Dimond at a race. Combined with my American accent I do find myself the focus of some attention when racking the bike. Barcelona was no different in that I didn’t see any other Dimond’s but a few interested onlookers. Typically I find myself talking about how easy it is to travel with the bike. As I’ve not had a wealth of racing experience at the half or full distance before the bike I’m not one to say that its made me ‘’xx minutes faster’’. I’m more of one to talk about the bike as something that gets me excited to get out there and ride, to me it’s a part of a well rounded approach to racing, its not some magic bullet that will suddenly transform someone from an enthusiast to a champion.
Full race race setup.
Get some.
Finally race day was upon me. My general race plan was to survive the swim, pace myself into a good position on the bike and go for it on the run. I knew the marathon would be my strength so my goal was to put myself in a position to run into a Kona slot. The weather had been sunny and warm for the preceding days but come race day it was cool and raining. The sea, which had been calm, was in full swell. Generally the specific race conditions don’t put me in a better or worst mindset, being from New England I consider my a ‘tough’ guy and tend to power through most conditions. I always try and remember I’m racing with the same situation as everyone else so I try not to get concerned. However, not the strongest swimmer to begin with I was concerned that swimming in these rough conditions might hamper my race plan. But by that point, there was no turning back and after the normal pre race screwing around with the bike and double checking transition bags we were off.
fak.
I’m seriously reconsidering the race at this point.
But I don’t wanna!!!
I had lined up in the 1:00 area thinking that was going to be my goal time, however, soon some staff ushered me down to the AWA starting wave. I think it’s a bit odd to have a specific AWA wave, there is nothing saying that I’m going to be faster (or slower) just because I’m AWA. It seemed odd to cater a starting wave to the group. However, I knew that if it put me that much further in front of the ‘crowd’ I’d be setting myself up for a quieter bike. The swim was easily the roughest I’ve ever done. I felt like I drank a gallon of water by the time it was over and sighting was a complete nightmare. I had to time sighting with the top of the swells or you’d never see the next buoy. When you did look up to sight I’d see swimmers going straight up the next wave. This was a race!! Making the primary turn I glanced at my watch and saw 30:00 and was pleasantly surprised. I knew that the second half was going to be into the swell but to have paced right to where I want to be gave me confidence. Powering through the second part of the swim I exited the water at just over one hour and was very, very, pleased to have had that swim behind me!
Holy shit! I’m alive!!
Jumping on the bike I knew this was where the work (for me) really began, I had a target wattage (230-235) and worked out a good nutrition plan. The goal was to take down a half of a honey stinger waffle every 30 minutes and supplement with a mix of Precision Hydration and Honey Stinger gels. The idea was that as I worked through the pre mix hydration I would take course water and cycle that into my routine. Starting the bike you always get a few guys that seem to go out like they’re going to win the race in the first five miles. I resisted the temptation and stuck to my plan. My average power seemed to be tracking a bit lower than where I wanted but I was moving along at a good pace and this being my first race I didn’t want to overextend myself now. I stuck to my plan for fuel and hydration and covered the first lap without issue. By the end of the first lap I had found myself largely riding alone and had been able to put in a few blocks of consistent power. However, as I began the second lap I could sense riders behind me and was starting to encounter last of the riders that exited the water late. On the out and back hill I could see my that while there weren’t main people in front of me but I was definitely the start of the chase. By the end of the second lap between passing those still on their first lap and the people behind me putting on good pressure I had been caught. My power suffered drastically and its definitely one of those times that I should have put down a good effort to get some separation, but I played it safe and stuck to my plan of not burning matches on the bike. In retrospect I really feel this was a poor decision and really wished i had put down some watts. I don’t think my run would have suffered all that much in comparison to putting some solid time into my competition on the bike.
Still coughing up water at this point. Current aero situation: -10
I had a retul fit done over the winter in preparation for this race which had moved me a bit lower and longer which yielded great results. I’m sure I could fuss about with the fit more and find either some additional aero advantage or power output but it would be starting to split hairs. Overall I felt very comfortable and relaxed on the bike, no areas of unreasonable pain or discomfort. I think this speaks of both a quality fit as well as a comfortable and stable bike under saddle. For the race itself I used Continental Force and Attack tires with Latex tubes and Stans sealant wrapped around HED Jet 9 and Disc wheels. The only other modification I’ve made to the bike outside of the factory ‘race’ set-up is the SLF oversized pulley wheels. I use a Stages power meter as I find that to be the easiest meter to swap between my training and racing bike. I currently have the Gen 1 Left only meter but just upgraded to the gen 3 L/R meter, so looking forward to that. I use a profile design refillable BTA bottle and amount a second cage to my stem (TriRig Sigma). Additionally, I have my tube and repair kit behind the saddle with another bottle. This set up works well for 70.3 races as it allows me to not stop at aid stations and easily take on course water but have my own mix for the full distance. I’ve made a reasonable effort to clean up my front end with the Sigma stem but there are definitely some gains that I could make by reviewing my setup.
Race nutrition.
Its on.
Werk.
However, with all that said about my ride clear differentiator for my bike is the color scheme. As a graduate of Virginia Tech the Orange and Maroon paint scheme was a given. My time there in was formative and provided me with the tools that have allowed me practice architecture all around the world. When I’m running up to my bike in transition I can hear the Metallica’s Enter Sandman playing at Lane stadium and sixty-eight thousand fans jumping up and down. The bike and the paint scheme signify the work that has been done, and the work that needs to be done, this is my time, my effort. I always jump on that bike ready to rock.
After two laps along the scenic Barcelona coast it was back into Calella, through the old town and back to transition. A quick shoe change (and socks on for this race) later it was out on the run. Coming off the bike I felt energized, I had made it through the bike without a crash, technical issue or any penalties. At this point I knew, no matter how I might do it, I was going to finish the race, even if I had to crawl across that line.
Well frick… its time to run.
The first mile or two of the run felt amazing, being back on my feet, stretching my back a bit and opening the legs up was fantastic. It was also now I could hear Carly cheering which was a really nice pick up. We had run through a bit of what i’d like her to do in terms of split information so I was looking forward to getting an idea of where I stood in the race. From a pace perspective my goal was to run a 2:55, I felt I had that in me and was a good target to set. I started off at a brisk 6:40 pace and was holding it well for the first 3-4 miles before I saw Carly for the first time. She yelled something about 8th, or 8 minutes down… or something… I wasn’t really sure. Oh well, it is only a few miles in, I really need to run a bit and let the race settle to get a feel for the work I need to do.
The run course at Barcelona is three big loops with the finish at one end. Carly had positioned herself at basically the halfway point so I was able to see her both heading out and coming back of each loop. After the initial split where I didn’t really get where I was she had some solid information that I was sitting in 3rd and running the same pace as first but well above 2nd or anyone else around me. This was great news! Outside of finishing my goal was 3rd in my AG, I figured that would be a ‘safe’ position in my AG to secure a slot for Kona. Knowing I was running strong compared to others also gave me some confidence that if i slipped a bit I might have a bit of a buffer.
Your mind goes to some dark places.
I continued pushing and ended up running with a few groups during the first half or so. At one point I ran with who would turn out to be the second place female professional and grouped up a few times with some other runners. I went through the 21k mark at 1:27:33, pretty much perfectly on pace for a 2:55.
Carly continued to offer updates and I seemed to making ground on second but wasn’t past him just yet, no mention of where 4th was so I kept on grinding. However, shortly after the turn around on loop two I hit the wall. Mentally perhaps I had gotten too comfortable, and physically perhaps I had gone out a bit too fast. Either way, mile 15-19 were pretty rough. I had been taking water and coke regularly throughout the race and added in some gels and red bull. I’m not sure if it was the added fuel or the fact that I started what would be my last lap and knew that was it, 9 more miles, one more lap. I checked myself back in the game and really tried to push myself with what I had left. I knew second had to be super close to second and if I put in a solid effort here I might be able to pick him off. However, as by now people were pouring on to the run course from the bike I had little to no idea who was who and if someone was on the first lap or third.
Just trying to maintain.
I honestly can’t recall the last information Carly gave me, but I’m pretty sure I asked her how far off and she said something like 4 minutes down on first, 4 minutes back to third… I had made it into second!!! I knew I wouldn’t see Carly again till the finish so it was up to me to close this out. I was terrified that at any moment my body would just say ‘nope’ and start to shut down so my goal was to get across that finish line as quickly as humanly possible. I told myself to suck it up and you’ve only got 4….. 3……2…..1… miles to go. Running back towards town I knew that once I passed back by the transition tent I’d have only a mile to go and I had made that my last ‘carrot’ before the finish. As I was closing in on the transition I passed by one racer, he looked over at me and asked ”second or third?”. Not really thinking/having any idea what he was asking about I told him ‘I have no idea’ and kept on cranking.
Passing through the transition tent with only a mile to go it started to feel real to me, that I’d actually finish this race and be an Ironman. I started to skip the aid stations and just push towards the finish. The course tightens up a bit near the end and a couple of times I found myself wedging myself through some slower moving runners.
You know the difference between me and you? I make this look good.
However, as soon as I got to the last corner it was a sharp turn off and down on to the red carpet and I found myself running alone. It was down a quick hill and to the left with the finish chute all to myself. It all happened quite fast, I’m naturally one to race all the way through the line so in retrospect I do now get why people say to relax and enjoy the finish experience. I however, cruised through the line and promptly collapsed. It took me a few minutes to compose myself, I was totally drained…
A slow walk to the recovery area where I took my time to have a bit of food and drink. Looking around I saw a few male pro’s, one or two female pro’s and a few age groupers. It seemed like a pretty small group, but I really couldn’t tell. I hadn’t run one watch throughout the so I didn’t have an actual race time but I could piece it together knowing each of the disciplines and figured I was near 9:00, which had typically been where my age group’s third place finished. That, coupled with Carly’s encouragement, left me feeling good that I had secured a solid place.
After a bit of food and drink and chatting with a few of the other AG finishers and going around to congratulate everyone who had finished thus far I made my way out from the finish area to find Carly, she had been anxiously waiting for me and gave me a great big hug exclaiming ‘You won!!!’ I told her ‘No, you said I was second , but still I had a good day!” She replied, ”No, you caught first, you wont your age group!!’ Wow….. I made up four minutes in the final half of the last lap on first… I couldn’t believe it!!!
Still in a physical and emotional state of shock she handed over my gear and we slowly made our way back to the apartment. After some confirming glances at the Ironman tracker I finally did realize that yes, in fact I had won my age group, and in fact been the 6th Amateur across the line!! The next few hours were filled with a well deserved shower and a lot of food and drink. We went down to the finish line around 10:30 to cheer on those still working their way through the marathon. It was really exciting to see how jazzed everyone was to finish the race. Despite the fact that it was now pouring out there was a great crowd out cheering the last competitors across the line. It was really quite fun to watch everyone finish.
Monday’s award ceremony was certainly an experience. I had laid out some lofty goals for my first race, but to have placed first in my age group and 6th overall was really something I wasn’t expecting. I was really happy with my overall race plan and management and while I took a lot away from this race as learning experiences I feel like I put it all out there for my first race. I’m looking forward to racing Roth Germany next July which I hear is another fast course and then Kona in October!!!
It goes without saying but none of this would be possible without the unwavering support of Carly. Her ability to encourage me along this journey and be great partner is without measure. She is the reason I push myself to be better. Plus she’s pretty cute.
Ironman Barcelona was originally published on Rogers Racing
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Starship Unstoppable freestyle story by Stella Carrier
My psychic abilities, intuition, creativity,and resilience are increasing each day.
I am in the process of learning to create heaven on earth and grow my powerful imagination.
Starship Unstoppable freestyle story by Stella Carrier
Inspired by the song title of Nothings Gonna Stop Us Now by Starship from Amazon’s Fantasy Draft Music playlist
Damon Albee is fortunately making a successful living as a copywriter after taking some courses in copywriting from the udemy.com and Lynda.com websites. Damon Albee has even garnered modeling assignments on the side because he looks like the lead singer Damon Albarn from the group Blur and known for such songs as Song 2 and Girls and Boys. He has a baby girl on the way with a popular public affairs officer stationed on the USS Eisenhower who looks like Katy Perry of the song Roar fame. However, Damon is undecided as he lives in a paid for 40,000 dollar house in Norfolk Virginia that he shares with a platonic friend named Destiny who is in a long distance marriage with an amazing husband she loves very much in the Washington D.C. Area. No, Destiny and Damon have not had sex with each other. Rather they are business partners who have helped each other make 200,000 dollars after taxes each year with the various restaurant and military businesses that they work for in the area.
Damon helped Destiny get a temporary housekeeper job at the Navy Lodge in Norfolk Virginia after she helped clean his house for a month while living at a deeply discounted rate in one of the bedrooms. Destiny agreed to become his business partner after Damon noticed the money she was making in connection with her copywriting work pertaining to a sex scandal and a maid at another hotel as well as a made for soap opera sex scandal involving the USS Eisenhower. What is going on rather is that Damon is in love both with the Katy Perry lookalike who is a public affairs officer and a female supply officer who is also on the USS Eisenhower and looks like Rihanna.
The Rihanna lookalike has opened both Damon and Destiny up to an exciting musical world and a lucrative world of investing. Through the Rihanna’s musical connections, Damon, Destiny, Destiny’s husband, and even the Katy Perry lookalike has been to various music concerts featuring T.I., Sia, DJ Khaleed, Lil Wayne, the White Stripes, One Republic, Nicki Minaj, David Guetta, and many other artists featured on Amazon’s Fantasy Music Playlist. All four of them are so popular with concert promoters in the Norfolk Virginia area, that they have been assigned a personal hotel concierge who is an Eric Dane lookalike from the Last Ship tv show who has multiple friends of his own. Anyhow, Destiny has learned how to invest in the stock market to help provide for herself and her amazing husband via such methods as looking through listings of popular fast food chains and grocery chains.
Next week, Destiny, Damon, Damon’s two girlfriends, and Destiny’s husband are going to go on a Disneyland trip as part of one of their copywriting assignments. Damon and Destiny spotted the trip idea in Robb Report magazine and fortunately got in touch with a military mwr (morale welfare recreation)specialist who helped them plan a trip to California’s Disneyland at a deep discount. Additionally, Destiny has over twenty five thousand dollars after taxes saved in her account as she has been able to generate a money profit from Amazon from some of the short stories she has self published through some of the kindle stories ideas from some of the kindlebooks that she bought on Amazon.
This time I used my names from some artists and groups from the Amazon Music Playlist of Fantasy Draft Party
How to Start Your Very First Business (Warren Buffett's Secret Millionaires Club)
The Creators of Warren Buffett's Secret Millionaires Club
What All Kids (and adults too) Should Know About . . . Savings and Investing
Rob Pivnick
Gems from Warren Buffett - Wit and Wisdom from 34 Years of Letters to Shareholders
Mark Gavagan, Warren Buffett
Understanding The Law Of Attraction: How To Create Your Own Reality
Bob Jones
Ford aircraft carrier leaves Norfolk for Navy's round of sea trials
http://pilotonline.com/news/military/local/ford-aircraft-carrier-leaves-norfolk-for-navy-s-round-of/article_5bef4ed6-a520-5d80-9eac-60ba27ee983a.html
25 Things You Didn't Know About Your Favorite Fast Food Chains
https://www.thedailymeal.com/eat/25-things-you-didnt-know-about-your-favorite-fast-food-chains
Around the World by Daft Punk
Waterfall Stargate feat. Pink and Sia
Light My Body Up by David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne
Firework by Katy Perry
S&M by Rihanna
T.I. Bring Em Out
Animals by Maroon 5
I Got You by Bebe Rexha
One Republic Counting Stars
14 books
Do not worry about being liked, care more about being true to myself while making sure my actions are harm-free to others and in alignment with my logic, intuition, creativity, and self-confidence.
Be a little more private about your challenges
643 (Love's On Fire) (Radio Edit)
Tiësto Featuring Suzanne Palmer
For a list
Im in the mood Robert plant
Something Just Like This
The Chainsmokers & Coldplay
I know what I want and where I want to be. I connect with my higher self and intuition to work out how to get it or what road to take.
Gems from Warren Buffett - Wit and Wisdom from 34 Years of Letters to Shareholders
Mark Gavagan, Warren Buffett
Understanding The Law Of Attraction: How To Create Your Own Reality
Bob Jones
The Smart Cookies' Guide to Making More Dough and Getting Out of Debt: How Five Young Women Got Smart, Formed a Money Group, and Took Control of Their Finances
The Smart Cookies, Jennifer Barrett
The Easy Way to Write Short Stories That Sell
Rob Parnell
How to Start Your Very First Business (Warren Buffett's Secret Millionaires Club)
The Creators of Warren Buffett's Secret Millionaires Club
Articles
5 Interesting Facts About Ocean View
Wednesday, May 17, 2017 12:00 PM
https://www.visitnorfolk.com/articles/post/5-interesting-facts-about-ocean-view/
The Last Ship season 4 premiere date, details reportedly revealed
https://spoilertoday.com/2017/05/23/the-last-ship-season-4-premiere-date-details-reportedly-revealed/
http://robbreport.com/automobiles/aviation/this-boeing-777-was-built-for-crystal-aircruises-around-the-world-trips-2712538/
Robb Report Exclusive: New Private-Dining Experience in Secret Disney Location
http://robbreport.com/food-drink/dining/robb-report-exclusive-new-private-dining-experience-secret-disney-location-265158/
That is tough what happened to the maid (in relation to the Mayflower hotel in Washington D.C.)and what is tricky about this situation is that he could easily say that he (John Joseph Boswell) did something else and could be believed. I do not excuse his behavior but I think the maid might have reminded him of someone else he was allowed to have free reign over touching wise in the past and he might have stereotyped and thought that the maid he "touched" in his own way would like it too and keep it secret. I also know this from experience before my current job,as I had someone just come up and massage me on my shoulders before in front of other people which put me in a spotlight that I was not ready for. I am aware that the person doing this only meant to be friendly but it was unexpected for me because they did this only after the second time I had met them in person and did it in public in front of multiple people to where some people stopped to watch. For obvious reasons, this comment is only going on my googleplus but my main point is that I do not care how popular you are with even the most beautiful of ladies, it should not be assumed that you can touch another woman in any old way, especially in her abdomen area if you did not ask andor especially if you have only known her a brief time (less than a few weeks). Even then, this goes for women too, if you know that the way that you touch a person might cross the line then refrain from doing so until andor unless your are sure that they would let you andor if you are in doubt only touch them in a way that you would touch a family member/platonic friend, especially if there are multiple people around in public.
A millionaire, a hotel maid and a rare arrest in sexual assault case by Michael E. Miller
http://pilotonline.com/news/nation-world/national/a-millionaire-a-hotel-maid-and-a-rare-arrest-in/article_dfdd2615-d130-5198-9f03-808e581e53cd.html
I want to avoid passing judgement or commenting on this story related to the USS Eisenhower a great aircraft carrier that I use to be stationed on. However, when you mix extremely long working hours with days where a sailor has to stay on the ship because they have to section duty and mix it with being around enough people of the opposite gender who they do spend time with, then this is what you are going to get. To complicate matters, I have personally seen some of the strongest men turn very lustful when they are expected to work more hours on the ship than be allowed off time. Yes, there are people who get away with forbidden affairs but they are usually not as high profile as the CMC in the story was. I wonder if one of the CMC's professional rivals targeted him, which led to this story. I say this from experience because I personally had a chance to report two people who were carrying on interactions that were better left occurring discreetly. At the advice of someone else, I let it go for karmic reasons but I could have easily thrown them in a challenging spotlight even if I wanted to but changed my mind for karmic reasons. This is why I wonder if the CMC may have unintentionally made a professional rival andor subordinate extremely angry that may not have cared andor been aware of karma.
Carrier Ike's top enlisted sailor fired for 'unduly familiar relationship'
By: David B. Larter, May 24, 2017 (Photo Credit: MC3 Cole Keller)
https://www.navytimes.com/articles/carrier-ikes-top-enlisted-sailor-fired-for-unduly-familiar-relationship
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Found this in my drafts. Some interesting stuff here.
So, I’ve been getting a load of flak for how depressed i’ve been lately. well, I’m going to explain here...This is going to be long so get comfy.
I’m always being told to just “Relax” or do it for the “Fun” and not the fame.
See now normally ythis would be amazing advice to someone with a more normal background then mine. See why this is bad advice to me is because i didn’t get into Music cause it is fun. I did this solely for therapeutic reasons. Now comes the part why it was therapy. I have really bad social issues, like o was afraid to talk to anyone cause i was an extremely slow learner. I didn’t understand the world or why people were the way they were. Not to mention i have alopecia totalis. So i lost my hair when i was in middle school 6th grade. And losing your hair in patches tends to kick down your self esteem and worth. I hated who i was, I hated that for some reason i had to deal with all of this myself. Granted i made a few friends that became life long during this time, But, That was cause the common interest of FF7. Back to the hair loss, As you probably already figured out, I was bullied and made fun of a lot at school.Not just a little bullied im talking people used to fight me cause i looked sick and i was near them. the friends that i said i made started taking my side and helping me out with all these assholes. They were bigger than the bullys and they weren’t afraid to throw in a hit or ten. Now see this happened pretty much all the time, It was a daily regiment to get bullied and teased. this happened until like 8th grade. I had to repeat 7th grade so i ended up being a year behoind all of my friends. Now in this year behind i met some more life long friends. great people.
Now that you have that part here is my home life...
My father wasn’t much of a father to me, He used to be someone i looked up to until my niece was born. Now im gonna throw this out so you dont get it twisted. I love my niece and i dont hold any sort of resentment towards er at all. I’m very proud of my niece. But back to the subject.when my niece was born my father basically forgot i existed as his son. Ihe would only talk to me if to dicipline me or have me get him water. I tried to get his aproval on so many levels. But that didnt really happen. I was 11 when she was born, Cue in the stress and depression. Since i was just getting into middle school and all that i couldv’e really used my dads help to get me through all of this bullying and teasing. I didn’t get any respect at school and at home i felt like only my mother loved me and wanted me around. since he wasnt there i had to figure out what a man was all about. how to handle my self, protect myself and how to build my mind up enough to notice things. basically do what my dad was supposed to do. just prepare me for things i know he knew would happen.
There is both home and school life.... Now here is where music was introduced to me...
8th grade i took up band class i played the tenor saxophone. Now at first i was annoyed that i was in a class where i was constantly judged about how i was playing. But i was wrong, Well atleast for middle school i was. i played in band for 6 months and then was advanced to advanced band. I took to it rather fast and i learned how to play the sax withing those 6 months. now this was a replacement for being social. I didnt have to make friends through talking to them and getting to know them. I made friends by playing music with others. This was an unspoken language tthat to me made more sense then any words that could be spoken.Harmony in the room as all of the band played these songs. Me being afraid to talk to people led people to talk to me, Now i can talk to people just fine as long as i dont have to start the conversation. and i made a few more friends like this.
So here is an intermission break down
I was bullied and my father wasnt there. I lost my hair do to stress and depression and i was scared to talk to anyone. Music made me feel like i knew a new language to communicate with the people around me.
Now here is where Raves came into my life. during the summer before high school i went to my first rave called “lucid dreams”, I was terrified cause there were so many people there. I loved the music cause i was already listening to it for a few years already. But this scene had something different to it that i liked immediately. everyone didnt care how i was or why i was. They would just smile at me and be friendly without me saying a single word.it was then ithat i found that the dj basically made the moodand was essentially the god of socialness. it was the first time i really felt at home and welcome in a very long time. After i started raving My hair started to grow back and i started to feel alive again. now just before i went to high school i went to one other rave that impacted me. It was called “Defcon 3″
This rave is what introduced me to the thought of being a dj. I remember me and my friends were stanfding outside and talking to this really awesome guy who always had a backpack on (Trajikk). Now we didn’t know who he was until he got on the stage that night and played some amazing hard house.Just seeing the attention he got when he spun his hour set i was in pure awe. i was talking to this man outside and he was completely coo. rhwn after his set i remember everyone going to him and saying how amazing his set was. This interested me causehe went up and showed off his abilities and was getting attention after. People were thanking him and saying how he made their night so much better. i seen this as he just helped these people have a better night. i mean he helped me that night. From that night i was inspired to become a dj, I went out and bought some turntables and a few records and started to play them. i had no idea what i was doing at all. Then after about 6 or so months i found a website with a forum called “DJTrajikk.com” it was beatfrekz before. but it was the DJ i was talking to outside of the show! so i joined the forum and was like 5th place in posts. I remember putting up a post saying i bought some decks and was wondering if anyone could help me out.
Guess who answered, 2 guys from floorbangrs (Might have been beatfrekz still i am not sure) The first was DJ XLR8, He helped me learn how to count the beats and how to adjust. he disnt show me a whole lot but he let me mix and he would explain how things worked and why it didnt work. That day was amazing. I learned so much that day. Now the second reply was from my idol “Trajikk” he invited me over to his house and he tought me a lot more. I was taught how to count the beats and swith the beats up. Identify and cueing. song structure, how to read a vinyle by the density of the grooves and howhen to mix and how to mix. These two djs taught me everything i needed to get started. a few months later trajikk gave me my first show called “Winter freeze” on December 18 2004. I was so happy that i was shaking. i played and of coarse iu was not so great because i was just starting, I played my set and stepped down. and the people that were there came up to me and started talking with me. They liked the music that i playd and and thanked me.
To me this was heaven on earth, I loved being able to get off the stage and have people come to me to talk to me. I wasn’t scared of people anymore. it encouraged me to get really good at the art. i was beyond myself with how much music connected me back to the world of the living.
lets end this with why im so depressed...
Im so depressed because i’ve lost my hair, Lost my girl of 5 years, my father passed away and i have a lot of resentment still, I cant spin with these new kids anymore because its not to them like it was to me. It was my way of connecting to the world and now i lost my key to get back in the door. back in the day people would literally go to hear the music the dj played and stay for all the djs sets cause it was amazing mussic. now it’s a bunch of these new kids dressing like little hoes and douch bags. they only listen to one DJ and leave to go to a after party to get drunk and do drugs. and if they do stay they stay out in the smoking section the whole time. the music i play isnt what they like, My music isnt ‘Hard” enough for them.
Now lets go to the competition night...
This is the end, I was pumped and ready to go and play the set of my life. I get there and i see so many people there already who were ready to support me. I was happy but i was terrified again. i had no connection to this scene anymore how would i dj? i was always confident in my abilities as a dj but this night i was scared more then ever. I drank a few and then played my set. I see in the crowd as i am Spinning the girl i cherish, My friends and my brother and his wife. My nephew and his friend all in the crowd. I freeze... then i press play on my track that was already playing and shut it off, i freaked out and just replayed it from the start. oh well. But with soo much pressure on me that i have never felt before i played a terrible set. They said it was a great set but to me....I felt like i let all these people that never come to see me down. I raised my normally high standard of my self to way higher than i could ever. I couldnt hear the music even though it was sooo loud. I couldn’t think, I couldnt do anything but hope. The crowd stayed moving the whole time, and cheered me on. .. I felt like i wasted all these peoples time by playing a mediocre set. I let them down cause i didnt bring it like i wanted to. I wanted to impress the girl that i cherish... I put so much pressure on my self that i collapsed. I shut down and got drunk and hated my self....
Well i hope this clears things up a bit. You read this and tell me is im just being a dumb ass....
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