#but now she wants extra food in thd morning and snacks during the day and extra food at night | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cuntwrap--supreme · 4 days ago

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Dog has a swollen lymph node. Just one for now. Which means her cancer is getting worse already. The longer this goes on, the more detached I feel from reality.

#I've been barely eating for over a week now and don't feel it #all the money i have is going towards her. i have enough body fat to survive without eating properly for a while.#but I'm just not hungry because nothing feels real right now #she's been breathing with more difficulty the past couple days too so i know the tumor on her tongue is getting larger #she's been whining so much too. like way more than she ever has.#and the prednisone has increased her appetite by so much that she's eating almost double what she normally would #she's skipped eating in the morning almost her whole life. don't know why. she's just a picky bitch like that.#but now she wants extra food in thd morning and snacks during the day and extra food at night #i was worried her food would go to waste after she died but goddamn #it definitely will be eaten plus some at this rate #she seems so normal. but i know she's getting worse every day and probably just doesn't want to bother me.#that's the worst thing about dogs. they don't want to bother you.#she's so opinionated when it comes to things she wants to eat or play with. but she's never let me know when she was in pain.#the only times she has are emergency vet visit times #like when my ex broke her tail and she kept putting her butt in my face to tell me shit was fucked up #or another time when her gut bacteria somehow got out of whack and she shat bright red blood all over my house #or when she broke a claw so bad it damaged the bone underneath #anything minor and i have to find it on my own #she's extra spoiled right now #i never tell her to stop unless she's doing something potentially dangerous #like yeah. let's sniff that same spot on the same bush you smell 8x a day for ten minutes girl.#you look hungry. have some peanuts or freetos or cotton candy.#you want snacks even though you just had snacks? bitch. have some more.#you want to sleep in my spot on the bed? thats ok. I'll go to the othef sidd where i don't have my cpap. get comfy.#i feel bad denying her anything when i know she only has a set amount of experiences left #there's a finite amount of sniffs she can snorf or food to be fed and i know it's pretty limited.#and then i get days like today where i don't even really start working until the time I'd normally be getting home #and that enrages me like little else can do because it's taking away from time with the only living thing that's real to me #except the longer i have knowing she's dying the less 'here' i feel. which makes her seem less real.#and i hate it. but i deny myself pain by pretending shit isn't real until it isn't. and then there's no more pain.

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